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I cant believe they actually gave me a medical license, the absolute madmen
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may God have mercy on your heathen souls
this is so sad alexa can you make me some spaghetti carbonara?
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It’s 2:30 AM and I’m in the men’s bathroom and someone was in another stall and I starting blaring the Thomas The Tank Engine theme and I literally heard them stop peeing out of fear
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/eb400e880969511e7951cd35b0a5181a/tumblr_pb2m4sbNeB1weogq3o1_540.jpg)
ALL 👏 CAPITALIST 👏 EXPLOITATION 👏 IS 👏 VALIDT
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reasons that i was going 9 mph over the speed limit today: the lumberjack in the big red chevy truck behind me on this double-lined road was in a hurry and also was using a slightly more powerful bluetooth radio to play his music, but he was using the same frequency that i use, and he was just playing Party In The Usa on repeat, so every time he caught up to me my music started fading out and “i pUT MY HANDS UP THEY’RE PLAYIN MY SONG” started blaring from my speakers and i was justly running for my fucking life
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