#but to make myself feel better i was like.... it was all worth it tho even if its a mistake bc i met ..... you know JDJDJDKKZKZKZMZMZMZMZMZ
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orcelito · 28 days ago
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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bangcakes · 7 months ago
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thecherrygod · 9 months ago
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#my posts#you know how this usually goes#i make an amount of tags so that if you read this its bc you've clicked and its not bc i am just posting it like whatever lmao#... unsure if i should even post it tho but what else do i do just leave it in my brain? idk maybe its the same maybe its better#maybe its worse? .... why have i been feeling kind of like this and at this kind of intensity for like about 2 weeks or more#2 weeks is how long ive been properly aware so i think its more but like. man.#like maybe its been like a month and i just havent been keeping track of time bc january is way too long to even try lmao#. but. idk. i just wish i could be kinda.. stable. like i cant feel good lmao#like it truly doesn't matter nothing is good enough in general#what i do isnt good enough#what goes on around me doesnt help trying to ignore the constant.. dread?#and like all things considered i should be doing good currently#or at least not this bad#but here i am constantly trying to not let myself feel too bad until im alone bc man.#so... yeah it just doesnt feel like anything is truly worth it not me as a person nor the things i do nor the things i experience lmao#also lately ive been just feeling more..... disconnected to others... like i dont understand them and they dont understand me#but like.. more than usual#and i guess its me? that it's kind of a me problem#idk I'm just tired. i need to sleep. i want to let face down on some sort of big water body or do something that will make my life worse#or they i will regret lmao#i. wont do any of those#also when i mean face down in some sort of bldy of water or whatever i dont necessarily mean like die#not against it but its not the only option#just lay there and float..... also not against it#i just want something that i cant have i guess bc im not sure what it is#like i just know what i want is to not constantly feel like this but idk how lmao#... u would sleep if i can bc man also I'm so tired#.... adding tags its a bit worse than I assumed lmao im also thinking about wether i deserve stuff or not lmao#like it got windy and cooler and i was like 'a blanket by my legs would be nice' only to be like 'no you don't deserve that ' like ah yeah#its kinda worse than i thought lmao
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loumauve · 1 year ago
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#running face first straight into every single rejection sensitive wall atm and it's so frustrating#like. can we just not do this rn brain? I'm too tired to deal with this on top of everything else#all it does is make me alienate myself from people I care about and make me feel like shit afterwards#and it doesn't fix any of the underlying issues either. (like. I've been upset about ppl not doing what I do)#(as in read all of my fic like I try to read all my friends' fic usually. but like.. not everyone can and not everyone wants to)#(but it's one of those irrational things of 'if they cared about me wouldn't they also try' even tho that's not a fair ask)#(and like.. most people don't read random fic for fandoms they're not even in so this is entirely stupid to be upset about)#(but here we are anyway)#just.. me. raw to the very nerve and too tired to fix anything that might help alleviate it#I just want to feel normal again. and like I have control over my emotional state#but between 'dude fucked up bc of his borderline being triggered by grief and letting out all his frustrations on me for weeks'#and 'other dude grieving but not processing and not even taking a break to figure out where he's at emotionally..#..therefore dropping all of his unprocessed baggage and his part of the group work right on top of me' I'm just having a heck of a month#and idk. it would have been nice to talk to sb about my fic even if it's older now and not the best perhaps#(doesn't help when everybody you know writes really great fic and you're just outside the door scribbling some ideas into the sand)#idk. usually I do better in disconnecting self-worth and accomplishments and stop myself before the comparisons with others start#but rn it's all too much and I'm drained and exhausted and nothing feels good or helps much at all.#anyway.#it is what is I guess. and what it is is fucked and I doubt it's gonna change anytime soon.#that's not me being unrealistic or depression talking. it's based on how things have progressed thus far#there's another year and a half of this kind of stress which will likely get worse when our group grows from 18 to 31 in October#and then I'd have to start working proper again which I haven't in over two years bc of all the rehabilitation I've been going through#and it's terrifying and I'm already exhausted and worn down and worn out and I just don't know how normal is ever gonna be my life again
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 years ago
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I applied to volunteer at my local animal shelter, and the orientation is on April 1st, and I'm gonna get to work with DOGS and I have never been more delighted in my life
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re-pave · 1 month ago
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Thinking about how people fall in love.
I’ve often wondered how people could dismiss me. I’ve thought about how if someone just “knew” me they would have to fall in love with me. “I’m deep. Look at these sad quotes and listen to this song I just posted. I’m different.” This has proven so many times to be false. Most people don’t care that much. At least initially (and if they are “struck” initially then major milestone already passed. Doesn’t really happen though beyond just a vague interest).
The biggest problem is I don’t make a lot of people feel comfortable when I’m with them (inhibition). I’m guarded. Afraid to drink. Sure I smile a lot but it comes off as nervous (I want to keep smiling, just not nervously). I’m too afraid they don’t like me and too conscious of trying to say the right thing. Too skittish of physical touch. And it has to show.
People can’t fall in love unless their walls come down. If it feels strained it’s doomed. Nothing else matters if that basic element isn’t met. Once it is met, then the other stuff definitely matters. But it’s a big hurdle. Obviously there are going to be people who just don’t like you, but odds are they’re going to be open to connecting if they agree to meet. A strong connection, that includes lost inhibitions overcomes so so much. Nothing else matters without it (and everything grows from it, including good sex). The importance of feeling comfortable together can’t be over-stated when trying to get connect deeply. I think I’ve developed some horrendous habits that are hurting me, most importantly feeling that being “comfortable” with someone, or uninhibited, takes time. I’m starting to realize the feeling NEEDS to start immediately. Sure it can grow. But there needs to be some sort of an uninhibited feeling, or feeling of being able to be fully yourself. At least some walls down. Comfortably being able to physically touch without sexually and not without it being uncomfortable. And it’s interesting how much less your body matters when you’re connected with someone (within reason obv).
I want “my person” to be someone who’s been through it. Someone who’s been into the depths of their minds and soul. And I really don’t know want to settle for less. Someone who really thinks. But first and foremost: establishing a relationship without inhibition. That’s the only way a relationship can find its depth (with friendships too).
Thinking you’re too good for people = you being alone. Be more accepting and interested in “differences” or of things you don’t think are interesting. Good chance they become interesting once you can become uninhibited.
Any conversation (trivial or not) can be unihibited!
Focus on VALUES for romantic compatibility.
The good news is = being better and being uninhibited allows you to build relationships EVERYWHERE. Including the places you actually want to be! It’s a skill that can be taken anywhere. Definitely more motivating to build relationships in a place that inspires me and I can see a future in.
There are going to also be people who it just doesn’t work with. Even with being loose. Try your hardest to make sure it’s not because you were holding back. A million possible reasons, none of them matter. Some people are just simply not a match. Not deep. Nonetheless, I’m currently doing something wrong. It shouldn’t be this hard. It isn’t for most people. I’m not an exception that has “bad luck”.
Balance. Not an overhaul. Things to think about, knowing I’m always going to be me. There’s a never changing core (soul). And I like that. I will always be me.
——————I need to learn how to have fun again——————
It’s ok to fuck a day up!!! It’s ok to have fun!!! Do something a little wild sometimes!!! It adds color and is sometimes very necessary. No more guilt.
Think about it: the people that you want to spend the most time with are the people you can be most yourself with. Uninhibited. Give some to get some.
Thoughts on how it extends to other parts of life:
Anxiety with answering the phone? I’m boring? Don’t have much to say? NOT THAT SERIOUS. A 2 minute call can be just as good as a 50 minute one. No one is going to be disappointed if you lead with love. Express it! Even if it’s exaggerated (within reason). Being excited is good and showing love is good. Focus on that. Natural to think more about how someone made you feel. Doesn’t take much effort. Uninhibited! Back to being young (12?) and caring way less.
TLDR: to feel connected: drink alcohol (etc) or use the mindset to loosen up. It’s not that deep. You need to feel uninhibited to connect with people. You need to feel like you can be your true self. Be light, excited, don’t overthink, be curious (questions, anything goes) and interested.
Most simply : ALL OF THIS IS SIMPLY ABOUT THINKING LESS, NOT MORE.
Cont…Certain people just naturally make you feel more uninhibited when you’re around them. This is probably more about you (they’re uninhibited themselves (drinking etc) or you just care less about what they think). Practice being more uninhibited, regardless of who you’re with. Be uninhibited about everything - trivial and deep. Key: don’t be afraid to talk about or bring up anything. Nothing is embarrassing. Literally pretend to be drunk. Ask stupid questions. Helpful mindset: “I want to know everything about you” Being uninhibited about physical touch is also important and makes everything else more comfortable.
Being fully uninhibited doesn’t have to happen right away, some people are willing to work towards it and others aren’t. Don’t be discouraged by people who just aren’t a match and it’s too difficult to connect. This happens, but you can still be uninhibited with them. Connections that aren’t life-long partners are good too and shouldn’t be a “loss”. There doesn’t have to be an end goal!!! It’s ok to have fun, practice being uninhibited and try to connect!!! No connection is a wasted one. It’s healthy.
None of this applies to texting.
It’s ok to be broken. I will mess up. I might never be able to “fix” myself. And that’s ok. Because I’m capable of love, and that’s all that really matters. If I’m nothing but love, so be it. It will always be there and that’s a big deal. But also, I’m not that unique -no one has everything figured out. My love will reach who it will need to reach. I have an undying faith in that.
I liked the person I used to be when I was (much younger). It’s super comforting knowing I’m still that person and I have the capability to get back to that. How lucky am I! Makes me happy to think about “becoming myself again”. Doesn’t matter how long it takes. Just knowing it’s possible all I need. I’m really excited to feel like myself again.
Ok I’m done.
#Julian “are you always like this?” There’s more to you and I’m willing to find out. Throwing out deep conversation.#Jeremey lawyer in the east village “I just didn’t really like we connected” I was extremely inhibited.#even silliness is connecting when you’re uninhibited together#symptom of being too in your head (inhibition)#pretend to be drunk etc#there’s a good chance I’m bored with people because I’m inhibited and not connected#not because of them#doing anything literally anything tv traveling couch with someone you’re uninhibited with is worth it#the more uninhibited the better#help to lower inhibitions is ok#esp at first#not an over night fix and it’s ok stumble and feel disconnected#but now I know#ton of different factors for why something doesn’t work don’t like inhibition be one of them#remember the feeling of being unafraid to touch someone#and how freeing that was#don’t blame myself too much. rare to feel so uninhibited#not applicable to texting / online#being ok with not feeling connected with someone but not letting inhibition being one of them#I’m also not unique in needing help to lower inhibitions (alcohol is universal)#continue working on not needing help tho#I need to tap into the mindset more i almost don’t even know how to mimic it#watching people fall in love and wondering what’s wrong with me. it’s out there! it’s achievable!#I don’t ‘need’ help but it’s good to know it’s an option#relaxing how far behind I am though. so little romantic experience shows itself with situations like julian#love is all. love is the priority.#love makes everything worth it. everything.#remember when I was like 12 and now unafraid I was to tell people I love them. I miss them. even causally. without weight. I want him
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iceunhie · 8 months ago
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voicelines about you: as their lover ! (part 2)
featuring: sunday, aventurine, blade (+ black swan, acheron) [ part 1: dan heng, jing yuan, gepard, kafka, jingliu. ]
notes: well. the long awaited part 2 is here! (i took absolutely wayyy too long to finish this but a lovely anon requested the penacony cast so i just waited until now haha) stay tuned for either a future aventurine fic or a sunday fic tho; reblogs are appreciated! main masterlist.
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Sunday
About [Name]: Ah, you speak of my beloved. [Name] has managed to strike your interest as well? Heh, I'm joking. You aren't that type of person, no? ….But yes, my lover truly is quite stellar, if not incomparable. I doubt I'd find anyone in the universe as lovely as I do them.
About [Name]: Smitten Robin often jokes about how my eyes change whenever I see them. ‘Softens like the smitten man you are,’ she says. Well, my sister is hardly wrong about matters of the heart, and to be fair, her words are indeed correct. While I cannot be with them every second of the day, despite my only wish to do so…. I suppose this much is fine. At the very least, this bewitched version of myself shall ward any that dare take [Name] away from me.
About [Name]: Preparation. …My mansion has everything [Name] shall ever desire. As for I, what I only desire is them alone, and for them to be right by my side. When the time is right, what's mine shall also be theirs, and none shall ever separate the two of us again. Should anyone attempt it, well, there's a reason my mansion is built the way it is.
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Aventurine
About [Name]: [Name], [Name], [Name].... I see that you too have an eye for priceless treasures. Unfortunately for you, this particular one is already mine to behold. Mm, I wonder how my lover must be faring right now…. Missing them is truly, horribly debilitating.
About [Name]: Unworthy Whenever I think of [Name] being with me, of all people… Sometimes, the thought is unbearable. To think they would care for someone like me…. How truly lucky I am. Or maybe it's the other way around? Hehe, take a guess.
About Topaz: Contradictory Topaz and [Name] get along fairly well, despite her rather obvious dislike for me. Nonetheless, I suppose I can understand why. My lover is irresistibly charming~ Now, does this make me jealous, I wonder…. How about we bet on that?
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Blade
About [Name]: Though this sword may be battered and broken, if you harbor any intention of harm towards them, I will not hesitate to brandish this blade.
About [Name]: Mara Infliction When afflicted with mara, the senses are ravaged ceaselessly, muddying the mind—being unable to distinguish ally from foe. This is my path. And yet their face is clear, pure amidst the carnage, alleviating the haze for but a moment. My mind may be overridden with hatred, but I will never forget that feeling of salvation.
(BONUS: Kafka’s Voiceline about [Name] !) About [Name]: Truly A Shame Bladie’s little darling, hm? Definitely a wonder, that one, taming him so easily. Those two are definitely an interesting case, that's for sure. Scary, marastruck Blade and them…. truly a shame. Even I know just how the ending of that particular script will end.
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Acheron
About [Name]: …They are my lover, yes. Hm? Tell you more about them? Heh, I think you'd have better luck asking [Name] instead of me. I probably wouldn't even know where to begin.
About [Name]: Keeping Memories Despite the fact of my memories being in less than the best condition, [Name] always tells me about all the exciting things they've come across, whether it be delicious food from various planets, or even the most mundane things like the sound of the rushing water, the sight of fireflies in the night. They truly make everything worth remembering.
(BONUS: Black Swan’s Voiceline about [Name] !) About [Name]: Eye Of The Storm Ah, you speak of that Galaxy Ranger's companion…. The abyss that is her consciousness seems to only become calm in the face of them, akin to the eye of the storm. A shining light in the middle of nothingness—that is something that even she cannot let go of. No wonder Miss Acheron is quite taken with them.
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Black Swan
About [Name]: The memories of Memokeepers are sorted into various categories by their importance. As my lover, my memories of them hold the greatest value of all. Such memories…. even if the Remembrance wishes for me to hand them over, I doubt I will ever allow it.
About [Name]: Dancing My proficiency in the act of dancing is all thanks to my continued practice with [Name] on our shared time together. Fufu, ‘dates,’ if you will. Every moment I spend in their arms, swaying to the beat of the music at every turn… those are the memories I wish to forever retain.
About Acheron: Indebted One time, Miss Acheron managed to get lost in the middle of the Reverie Hotel’s halls... as usual. [Name] came across her then, and proceeded to have a lovely chat with her. I owe her a debt for keeping my lover company as I was preoccupied with some matters the Garden of Recollection entrusted to me to relay to the family. Next time, perhaps I should invite her over for some dinner with [Name]....
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end notes thanks for sticking around the part 2 (for the ogs who read pt 1) and do look forward to more HSR content in the future! also did i say i love aventurine
© 𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐈𝐄 : do not repost, copy, or plagiarize my work.
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sknolls · 1 year ago
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Maybe you'll find this helpful? But I think the concept of intelligence sort of dissipates as you get older. Because everyone works by their own metrics and specialties. Like, I couldn't tell you the first think about biology, that doesn't make me less intelligent than a dedicated biologist. Just means they specialize in something that I don't. And applies to shit that I'm good with too. It's all just experience. Even within the same profession, you wouldn't look at two brilliant artists and go "yep that one's smarter," without coming across as extremely reductionist. It's sort of hard to have a good relationship with a false concept.
I think the main thing that made me dismissive of the concept is that I couldn't define a coherent metric for it. Even as an abstract concept. Is Intelligence a measurement of the amount of information someone knows? One's propensity to learn and accept new information? Is it a collection of general knowledge or is it specialized knowledge? What information constitutes one's intellect? Is it a static variable or one that's in constant flux? Like, I've generally been above average at math in elementary school, but then I hit a brick wall upon reaching higher levels of it, which involved invoking a different set of skills. So, what does that say about my intelligence on the matter? Another potential metric for the concept is one's propensity to think. But the act of thinking, itself, isn't a measurable concept either. Like, it's the closest approximation to how I'll use the words "smart" and "dumb." Basically as ways of saying "you gave me a lot to think about" or "I don't think you've put in enough thought." But there's a more accurate set of words for that: thoughtfulness, nuance, etc. For the sake of comparison, I'd argue that wisdom is an abstract concept, but still a real one. It's the measurement of one's life-experience. It is abstract because it cannot be objectively measured, but its components are commonly understood.
Also, when I coin the term false concept, I'm just saying it's a concept people invoke and attach meaning to despite the concept itself being rather meaningless. When I say an abstract concept, I mean it's a concept that lacks quantifiability and yet still holds meaning.
I personally find talking about concepts and philosophies to be rather annoying because language is fundamentally imprecise. I dont think thats a fault of English specifically. I think it's more that language is how a person translates their thoughts into a format understood by their peers, and I think my autism just gives me a heightened sense of awareness to its function as a translator. Every word carries a degree of nuance and air for interpretation that makes communicating ideals, especially with non-autistic ppl, tedious. That's also why I end up using a lot of big words and coining a lot of terms; feels more precise.
I want to be smart and be seen as smart by others, its one of the only things I latched onto as a pup that could make me feel like I had something that neurotypical people didn't. It's at best a silly fantasy, but since I'm white I don't really know if I can have a productive relationship with "intelligence" in the first place. Much to think about.
#not sure if thats helpful but i think my relationship with the concept improved upon rejecting it#since i get what you mean about wanting to feel special and stuff and being called smart a lot#tho i definitely have a different relationship with the concept than you#im also autistic and got called smart a lot as a kid#but i feel like whenever im called smart its like ''oh youre smart enough to do X if only you didnt have symptom of mental illness#it would be so easy for you'' which definitely makes the concept unpalitable to me#plus i had a tendancy to venerate people i viewed as smarter than me which was very unhealthy#especially when i had low self esteem and was practically looking for reasons to put myself down#but yeah i think the concept of intelligence is just a lie given to kids to make them feel better about grinding school#and should be expired as an adult especially one with tangible accomplishments#and that take's really ignoring the massive number of kids who never fit into the school system and adults that dont accomplish much#but i think those ppl dont need to hear this because theyve been disillusioned to the concept before reading any of this#and the point im getting at here is that i dont think intelligence is something worth your mental energy when it isnt even real#and the concept itself feels quite manipulative whenever i put any serious concsideration to it#like even if im mistaken and it is a valid concept i dont see a practical use for it beyond gatekeeping#so if the concept of intelligence stresses you out so much perhaps you could try rejecting it all together?#im not really saying this because i know you or am trying to impress you or anything a lot of these thoughts#are conclusions i came to a long time ago and arent particularly novel to me im more laying this out#because i think this mindset has a chance of being helpful or providing insight and I value being helpful
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mrfoox · 2 years ago
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i wish i trusted my own feelings more but here i am?
#me: i feel this way (: someone i like: um... are you sure? i think you feel more that way#me: oh shit... maybe i do? binch i gotta think this one through now..........#i dont think my answer will change but its uh... worth another look#oliver said a while ago he thinks i'm in love with fabian.. and immidetly i said very confidently apperantly that i dont#and now ive been thinking about it and im like....... ok but am i?#told oliver again and he was like 'what i thought you said you werent? you sounded very sure about it'#yeah i mean...... at one hand i am but also...... i think my brain can do a lot of shit to keep me away from things that will probably end#badly. and genuinly i do not think me and fabian would have any chanse even if somehow he would be into me too#i'd never feel good enough for him. so i may just have gone into the whole thought of#its never going to happen so you obviously just like him in a friendly way. the end. idk#as usual romantic feelings for me is a mess. i dont divide love in that way naturally. for me love is love. if i love you i love you#i'd do anything for you and anything you'd want with me i'd be down for unless we are very unlike character wise#i just can see myself liking almost#all my friends in a romantic way? i can imagine it from my pov but its theirs i cant#not something i actively think about tho its just.... something i have and i know?#maybe this actually isnt how i think but theres another explanation (like oliver said 'being afraid of others leaving so youre willing to do#anything they want to keep them aorund) but until i learn otherwise this is what i keep thinking.  i feel like a freak tho bc i dont think#anyone can really... understand it unless they feel soething similar ? or are super open or such. the friends ive told i think got a bit#scared. makes sense... but i cant make it sound better or more normal like yeah. everyone is safe from me romantically but also#almost everyone is welcome to hmu if they wanna try dating i guess. i speak big but i do have some exceptions#mainly bc of character meshing :'))#miranda talking shit
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harmoonix · 1 year ago
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👑 E M P I R E 👑
• Astrology Observations •
𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻
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𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻
👑 - "I'm too classy for this world, forever I'm that girl" - Leo/Capricorn/Libra and Scorpio placements
👑 - Leo in your birth chart rules over where you are the most devoted/loyal/passionate about
Leo in the 4th house = your family
Leo in your 7th house = your relationships
Leo in your 10th house = your career
Leo in your 1st house = yourself
👑 - Fire Venus - Fire Moon is such a hot combo to have your birth chart, so passionate and so intense. You may have this "fierce" presence in others people's lives
👑 - Fire Venus - Air Moon is another great combo because it shows interest in everything they do. Also natives with such combos are great at flirting and talking dirty
👑 - Water Venus - Earth Moon is a very powerful combo to have in your birth chart because it shows you have strong desires in life and ambition to achieve them
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👑 - Cancer Placements hate being rude/mean towards others so they try their best to be the nicest as possible with everyone.
👑 - Eros/Psyche in Libra/Taurus/Pisces/Sagittarius are so sensual. Literally they can be so romantic and full of love. They tend to be an hopeless romantic most times tho (Eros 433 - Psyche - 16)
👑 - Psyche in the 2nd house/Psyche in Taurus > Their worth > everything else. People with these placements value themselves a lot and they have all the rights to do that
👑 - Ascendant - Sun aspects > Their aura is insane, they radiate "celebrity" vibes. They legit light the room when they come in
👑 - Jupiter/Neptune in 12th house > Guardian Angels, they are so protected and so gifted with spirituality, knowledge and wisdom.
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👑 - Asteroid Lucifer [1930] in Air Signs can be so attracted to music, literally angels of music stereotype. Music can help them and make them better in the same way
👑 - Ascendant - Mercury aspects have a nice voice (all aspects applying) they're voice either might be the cutest either the most different voice you ever heard
👑 - Moon in the 9th house and their expanding nature > These people are growing so much and learn from every experience, also their love for belfies/traditions/cultures is everything
👑 - Gemini in the 5th house/Mercury in the 5th are the type or people you like at the first sight, they are so inteligent so easily attract people
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👑 - Sagittarius Venus/Venus in the 9th house mystery is underrated > These placements can often give the vibe they are from another planet, they're so smart and charismatic especially since Jupiter helps them a lot. You're so luckyyy
👑 - Venus in Aquarius Degrees (11°, 23°) can be known for their beauty in online/medial/socials these are also fame degrees
👑 - Lilith (h12) opposite Sun > I have only word to describe them and that is W I L D, with them you literally can do the craziest things ever (I say this from experience 😭✋🏼) Oh also they are hot AF
👑 - Venus and Jupiter aspects make a person to be so likeable by others, especially because of their vibe and personality
👑 - Mars in Aries/Mars in the 1st house > Damn is so hot in here ✋🏼, Mars is at home in this sign 😍, breaking bed sessions be so intense
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👑 - People who lack water placements/water Element in their chart tend to say that they're emotional and more sensitive which is right but make sure to check your draconic/sidereal chart because they are the chart of your soul
👑 - If you have Pluto/Saturn/Mars in your 4th house, you can quite feel some intensity between your family members, sometimes chaos, sometimes an overwhelming feeling
👑 - Neptune trine/sextile/conjunct Moon is so serene, they're very peaceful and have this pure energy around them like you can feel so attached to them and so safe
👑 - I have my Moon conjunct my south node and honestly I often find myself thinking/looking over the past and how much the past changed me, honestly these aspects make you think in the past sometimes or just to get lost in memories
👑 - Chiron in Aries/Chiron in the 1st house > They can be a bit shy when it comes to their appearance and they will do everything to not get in people's eyes and to get attention, but you are so so so pretty is shame you dont want to attract people
👑 - Moon in the 10th house gets pretty overwhelmed around lots of people, they feel like they exposed themselves to an extend and don't want to feel or do that, they can read people based on how they feel
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👑 - Venus in the 12th house/Pisces has a hard time thinking about finding the right person for them. Some of these natives can fall over the "nice but posesive/controlling boyfriend" trap
👑 - Libra Placements esp (Sun/Moon/Rising) have a very good looking 🍑 and is not always about its size. It's about that is looking good in every shape
👑 - Asteroid Born [13954] can show things you were born for, for example I have mine in the 11th house and I always ended up having a very close connection with my friends, in conclusion born to make a bound with people
In the 7th house it can show you were born for a good relationship/marriage
In the 10th house it can show you were born to be successful especially in your career/job
In the 8th house it can show you were born to make money or to get marry rich and at some point to go through a rebirth
In the 1st house it can show you were born to be yourself. This has the definition of "be yourself"
If you have your asteroid born in other house check this photo:
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👑 - As you can see the 5th house can also indicate "affairs" and that can happen if someone has Mars/Pluto there because these planets indicate a lot of lust, that doesn't mean everyone with those placements has affairs, it can just be an indicator (Also if you have Aphrodite 1388 in this house)
👑 - Natives with Sun/Moon in the 12th house can possibly live their last earthly life, by that I mean they wont have to reincarnate again in the future lives because in this present life they will end something that needs to be ended
𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻
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𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻´`✻.𓃮𓃮.✻
👑 - So let me tell y'all I loved making this post so much because of these wonderful aesthetics for me, the aesthetics and the way a POST looks matter a lot, because i need everything to look pretty/shiny and something eye striking too 👑
👑 My aesthetic eye does no wrong and is never missing 👑
👑 I have hope you all who read my posts have a wonderful day, make sure to spend it with someone dear to you and to surround yourself with beauty everyday 👑
All posts are made by me @harmoonix
👑 H a r m o o n i x 👑
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azure-cherie · 11 months ago
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𝐏𝐀𝐂 : 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅.𝐒.
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Hello love's for this reading i channel a love letter from your future spouse , i really have a lack of fs readings and ik I don't do that enough but here's it because I feel so called to do this todayyy. Take what resonates and leave the rest , you can choose multiple . I hope you guys like this and feedbacks are always always appreciated !!!!!
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Pile 1 :
Mon Amour ,
The sweet river of my life, the reason I live , the reason I thrive , I've been seeing you in my dreams since past lives and I can't fathom the beauty in your eyes . Ever since we've been together and the day i met you my life has been absolutely the one I dream of . Thank you for always being the shoulder I can learn on thank you i think i don't say it enough, you deserve the world and I'm trying everyday to bring in the world for you . I love the way you make art and love the way you make me your muse if I had the talent you had i probably would sing for you . I love your sweet kisses like candy and i hate every moment i argue so I'm happy to be sorry first kidding I know you're always right kinda bad on my part right , I wanna give you the world and there's so much to be done yet , so much to achieve , so much to heal but i know with you by my side i will heal. So i steal the thunder from heaven to make a souvenir of my love even when i am dead the way i tell you about my love won't be enough.
- yours completely
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Pile 2 :
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Dear love ,
In my darkest days you're the light I turn to , my heart is so full even when my brain is in shambles because I have you . I'm so in love that I can barely eat so I soak up your sunshine and I'm all fine and better under your holy light . We are a pair and we will make history and all these people that think we're too young too naive will be left in misery, they don't see you like i do, we both see each other . They say love is a big thing but I'd like laundry and taxes with you . Plain bread with you tastes like heaven , even tho I'm a heathen i pray the heavens for you may the paradise we make last forever, may i always keep jewellery in your altar , may things never be forbidden in our diary and in all of the things that are may I know one thing for sure that I don't wanna spend a moment away from you anymore . I burn for you I'm human for you .
- your lover
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Pile 3 :
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Hey Miss,
Springtime your time my time I look at you my beautiful flower fuller than poppies , more abundant than a lotus , like a burning rose with desire , you set me on fire , yet you cool me like running water how do you do , how do you put me in this state . I wanna love you don't you think it's getting late for even a while to wait , meet me at the garden gate . I don't know much but I know I came into earth to be with you i could be a tree but I'm a human to love you like humans do . How could you know me so well i almost lose myself when I'm with you and that's what I want when I'm with you to be free like a child . I wanna devote all my evenings to make coffee for you and i wanna spend all my breaths being high because I love you so much my thoughts spin out , you're moon herself you grant wishes so please grant mine goddess divine .
- always yours
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Pile 4 :
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Hey sweetheart,
I've been on a quest to find you , since I was young I've always felt that I was meant for more than just I saw what other couples around me had I knew I needed to be drowned and insane when i like someone , but the way you lift me up gave me all of it together , you're all the bright colours at once , yet you're a mystery , I love that i figure out something beautiful about you each day I know life with you can never be boring, it's always fun always worth living , thank you for holding me when the world discarded me , I know angels are real because i have seen you . Sorry for the times i mess things up , i never want that . we need to be together to explore this world without this bond this earth is mere ground with fire at the core , I wanna love you more . How do I explain this love where do I put all my love for you you're growing into me with each day I place your name in my heart like a sweet melody , i live to love you , I love to love you.
- only yours forever
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Thank you so much for reading, have a great day/night ❤️
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olivianyx · 4 months ago
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A FEW UPDATES ON MY JOURNEY 🎀
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Sooooo there's still more I've manifested!
🎀 money, money, money, must be funny in a rich mans world~ lmaoo just more and more money everyday!
🎀 I stopped listening to subliminals for a while and I saw major results like my hair growing over an inch, my lashes getting longer and prettier, my weight going down, and I grew an inch again y'all 😭 I'm 173cm rn 😩 I wanna be tall as my boyfriend gojo hehe 🦋🦋 but not exactly tall as him but a lil shorter lol then I can't wear heels 😭 or my boy be looking like my son instead of my bf lmaoo
🎀 minimalist skincare products!
🎀 my skin tone lightening up a bit 🍃 like I didn't notice it until my family members and peers complimented me.
🎀 my grades going high again!
🎀 okay this one's a bit personal, but lemme get this straight. I mentioned in my last success story post that I got closer to crush... When in fact I wasn't even in love with her 😭 that was just admiration, not love. I realised my worth, and I stopped putting efforts, now the ship has sunk. She isn't bothered anymore, and me too since I was the only one obsessed. No offence but she wasn't worth my time. So I decided to spend it on satoru instead 🎀🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
🎀 my parents becoming more lenient nowadays 🙌
🎀 I've been getting more free foods and snacks! People love to hang out more with me! 🤍
🎀 my singing skills improving! I wanted to sound like lana, it's not exactly like hers but I'm getting there!
🎀 there's still more I'm just lazy to type lol
MY RESPAWN JOURNEY
So I haven't yet respawned yet since I'm too attached to this reality. I'm still scripting a custom dr that I wanna respawn and also my jjk dr too. So when I finish (idk myself when I'm gonna finish lol) I will surely respawn.
But don't worry! This account will be run by another consciousness that I replace. I know I manifested stuffs here, I enjoy and all, but deep deep down I realised that I never wanna be here. I belong to the lands somewhere far away, not in this city 😭 I'm just too attached to this reality that's making me feel guilty to leave.
I'm working on it tho. I mean I deserve everything, why would I feel guilty for having what I want, right? I've encountered the worst traumas and situations here, yet something inside me is telling me not to leave this reality, while also feeling that I don't deserve to be here, and somewhere better where I have everything I want.
I remember bawling my eyes out cus I don't wanna be here anymore, yet feeling guilty to leave. Everyone has a journey, so do I. I know this ain't gonna be longer and ik it's already done, I'll respawn once my script is done. Keeping this in my mind, I'm spending my last few days here being happy and I'm doing everything I want so I don't feel something irrelevant while I leave. I wanna leave this place in peace.
With that being said, y'all deserve everything too! Don't hold yourself back, sometimes the ego holds us back, but don't let it take control and keep going! You're the God of your reality. So why not take that chance and stop being lazy? I mean it's the life of your dreams and some of y'all aren't even putting 0.000000001% effort? It's not the physical effort but the mental work, everything is the mental work and you don't even need to lift a finger. I mean it's not that hard focusing on your 4d. I agree for some people that have mental health issues like adhd, aphantasia, anxiety, and all. Even I had them too! I had avpd, anxiety, low self esteem, depression, maladaptive daydreaming, and ptsd, but still I did it while staying with a toxic narcissistic family that cares only about themselves! They who were constantly nagging me every 5 mins, now are quiet and unbothered. Why? Because I changed the version of me who was thinking that they were toxic, and I assumed they were lenient, and now they are. Honey, it's not hard at all. You're making it hard for yourself. So just stop with the bullshit and go live your dream life!
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- Olivia 🎀
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quietzap · 21 days ago
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how do you navigate your feelings towards ziam and cheryl/bear/kate/maya on top of this immense grief? i don't mean to be insensitive but i haven't found an answer for myself yet, i can't believe we'll never get answers now
(To anyone seeing this, read until the end before saying anything thank you.) Well. I'm gonna ramble a bit but bear with me. Spotify played Let Me and Common on shuffle the other day and I cried a bit. It's unfair. It should've never ended this way. But I had already accepted ages ago that we might never know the truth. I still have my beliefs. That Zayn and Liam were together. Maybe they had broken up who knows but if they did then I still truly believe their bond was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I've gone through so many emotions this past week. But seeing the posts of cheryl etcetc or people mentioning bear (Zayn was the only one who didn't fwiw), it didn't make me feel anything. Maybe bc I had already accepted we couldn't do anything about the stunts, and/or maybe bc it's still difficult for me to accept he's really gone or bc it doesn't matter to me at this moment. Or bc I haven't actually sat down to think about what it means that he's gone. I've just been thinking of the pain all of Liam's loved ones are in right now and will be in for the foreseeable future. And I include Zayn in this. I also don't really want to think about it bc I think I might get angry. We've all seen Liam's video on snapchat from last month, where he said he was stunting and forced to do things he didn't want to do and to send help. I often used to say that I didn't understand why the boys accepted this situation instead of just getting out, consequences be damned. Ofc it's easier said than done. But I thought maybe they thought it was worth it in some way. But then, Louis got out. Zayn got out. (In some way, I mean they have privacy and a real career, like Niall and Harry). I guess I will never understand why Liam was still the only one so stuck in this shitty situation. Why couldn't he live his life in peace like Zayn and only appear when he released music? Why couldn't he find a better team or why did he even accept to go along for so long? Why did people let him? Why?! That's what I want to know. Fucking why. And I want Liam's image/reputation to be redeemed. Anyway I digressed I'm sorry.
I just sincerely hope Zayn will be ok. Jaymi who was in Union J lost his soon-to-be-husband a couple months ago (Olly was buried the day they were supposed to get married last month). They'd been together for 14 years. And Olly died in similar circumstances (a fall from the 3rd floor of a hotel). And as incredibly awful as this is, knowing that other people are going through similar grief helps a bit, and I hope it will help Zayn and Liam's loved ones know they're not alone.
Idek if I've answered your question. I guess basically the stunts don't cross my mind coz it's not important to me. These past few years when Liam was alive it wasn't important (tho I hated it) bc I accepted the boys made their own choices. And now it's not important bc it won't bring Liam back and bc his loved ones matter more to me. Now, if I'm actually wrong about my beliefs then it is what it is and I feel for his exes/gf/child, and if the maya thing is true I still think addiction made him act that way and that if he'd got a chance to really get better this wouldn't have happened again. If I'm not wrong tho, I truly feel for Zayn who doesn't get to grieve the way he deserves to. Tho I'm glad he has loved ones who know the truth and who can support him the right way.
I hope this helps. Feel free to tell me if you want to discuss this further or anything ❤️
(Link to the videos of Liam from snapchat: x)
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bitchlessdino · 9 months ago
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Would you like a receipt? Pt. 1
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In Valentines collaboration with @svthub hosted by my wifey @wongyuseokie, pt 2 out now! Pairing: Childhood bf!junhui x working class gn!reader Genre: fluff, slight angst, slice of life Word count: 2.9k tags: second chances, exes to ???, childhood friend/boyfriend!junhui, spontaneous dates, misunderstandings, smut in part 2!!! Summary: Coming across a grade school ex-boyfriend while you worked a shitty seasonal job around Valentines was not in your 2024 bingo card. author note: to sweet mio at @skyechild i apologize in advance for making you wait for the second half. I promise it'll be worth the wait. but yes! i am your one and only cupid. I hope you enjoy what i have so far. And to answer your ask, idk if i have a favorite thing about myself? Maybe it's the constant desire to look for new things to improve on or my attitude in trying new things? What i look for other people is pretty simple tho. That would be ease. I'd like if someone felt comfortable with me and vice versa. if i can make someone's day by making them laugh or just existing then that would be great. happy valentines day mio! From yours Truly, Cupid💘
Tag: @shiningstar-byulxx @misssugarlips @tommolex @hoeforhao @dkakapizzaboy @junhui-recs @svtup @buffhoshi @meowmeowminnie @caratochan @lovebot4han @camisun93 @emmmui @toruro @jeonride @novalpha @nvmrljk @feat-sun @tinkerbell460 @aaniag @tacosandbitch @cottoncheol @embrace-themagic
Valentine's Day has always been a bit of a hit or miss for you. The last time you remember eagerly anticipating the holiday was back in high school. Since then, the allure of celebrating love and romance seemed to fade away, as you realized that not everything in the world is adorned in shades of pink and red. Valentine's Day became a luxury, a whimsical indulgence that felt distant and impractical for someone navigating a world that often left little room for such extravagances. Life, for you, was a series of tasks, responsibilities, and the constant juggling act of making ends meet.
From the time you were in high school, you entered the realm of adulthood, where dreams sometimes took a backseat to the more immediate needs of providing for your family. The dreams you put on hold lingered in the recesses of your mind, awaiting their turn to be fulfilled. Working tirelessly, you made sacrifices, dedicating yourself to a job that demanded your energy and time. Despite the challenges, you pressed on, ensuring the well-being of your family, who toiled alongside you, if not even harder.
Now, as an adult working a part-time job that offers a slightly better paycheck than your previous one, you’ve grown used to the matter. While the financial gains may not be monumental, every improvement counts, especially when compared to the downfalls of your previous workplace.
Amidst the whirlwind of your daily hustle, Valentine's Day transforms into a distant echo of the past–a time when celebrations were carefree and seemingly attainable. However, for you, navigating the world feels akin to maneuvering on an almost empty tank. In this moment, mere existence becomes a means to sustain yourself.
“Is this a gift? If so, would you like it to be gift-wrapped for you?”
The middle-aged man raises an eyebrow, smacking that mint gum that doesn’t seem to mask his nicotine-coated breath. “Is it extra?”
“It’s two dollars extra.”
Usually, you’d really sell the idea that the highest premium quality wrapping paper would be used to then be topped off with a satin ribbon that truly pulls it all together, but for such a customer, you know you’d be wasting your breath.
He scoffs, snatching the bag off the counter. “Are you trying to scam me? Fuck that shit.”
You let a sigh of relief slip past your lips the moment he made his way out the sliding door, muttering to yourself about the smell. You reach down for your Powerade hidden on a bottom shelf of the counter you stand behind, hoping this supposed ‘power’ would relinquish itself to you for another long shift.
It’s the day before Valentine's Day, which means the rush has become a regular occurrence since about a week ago. The store is bursting with vibrant displays of flowers, stuffed animals clutching oversized lollipops, and decadent heart-shaped boxes of chocolates. Not such a bad gig if you look at it.
However, the true predicament lies in the presence of aggressive customers, drawn to discounts like magnets. They're all about grabbing anything and everything that's on sale, making things more complicated than they need to be. It's like they're trying to see how far they can push things and make your day even crazier. Dealing with them adds an extra layer of chaos to the already busy scene as if you haven’t lost faith in humanity enough.
“I bought this yesterday and it’s DIGUSTING! I want a full refund and extra compensation for my time and taste buds being wasted on this disgusting excuse of a candy.”
Popping open the box revealed a sorry sight–almost half the candies were missing as if they'd gone on a little taste adventure without an invite. The poor box looked like it had been through a candy apocalypse, so messed up that I couldn't even be sure if it originally belonged to our store.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry you're dissatisfied with our products. However, because the box is so damaged and half of the contents have been consumed we cannot accept this return,” you respond in your most polite service voice.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Where the hell is your manager? The customer is always right!”
At last, a wave of relief crashes over you like a superhero arriving just in the nick of time during closing hours. The once bustling crowd has dwindled, allowing you to begin the task of rearranging items and securing the cash register, signaling the imminent conclusion of yet another busy day.
Just when you're on the verge of clocking out and calling it a day, a sudden interruption unfolds at the entrance. A lone figure materializes outside, softly tapping on the glass as if pleading to be granted entry.
"Please," his voice is all muffled through the glass, "I know you're about to close, but pretty please! I just need to grab something real quick. I already know exactly what I need!"
It’s not every day you see a man of his looks and caliber beg to be given access to a candy store as if he were a determined child. There's this undeniable air of urgency about him–as if he’d die if we didn’t get what he needed–but it doesn't overshadow his perfectly proportioned features that illuminate under the evening street lights. Ultimately, you decide to approach the door, swiftly undoing the top lock of the door and allowing him inside.
He expresses his gratitude with a grateful clasp of his hands, swiftly navigating through the inventory to grab what he urgently needs. Returning to the counter, you initiate the process of unraveling the closing procedures, all the while fervently hoping that no one else decides to join the stranger in last minute browsing.
"Sorry," he apologizes as he drops his items on the counter: several heart-shaped boxes and a bear clutching a mini Mylar balloon that shouts 'I love you,' with a small box of chocolates in its other paw. A classic and popular choice.
“That’s a lot of chocolate. Big family?”
He shakes his head, "Nah, these are for a company thing. I've been busting my butt for weeks, and the one simple task I get, I can't even manage it until the last minute."
"Got it. And the bear? Picking up a last-minute surprise for your girlfriend too?"
A slightly offended look crosses his face. "Oh, if I had a girlfriend, I’d do way more than make up my tardiness with a teddy bear.” He holds the fluffy creature in his hand, “This is just for my mom. So, if you ever spot a lady with my face and long hair, please, keep it on the down-low."
You chuckle softly, bagging up his purchases. "I'll remember that. Cash or credit?"
He extends his hand, revealing his credit card with his full name on display. As you sound out the name in your head, it strikes you as unique yet oddly familiar. You run the card through the machine, unaware that the customer is squinting at you, also trying to place where he might know you from.
"Hey, have we met before? You seem really familiar," he questions.
"Uh, not sure, but your name does ring a bell," you reply as you hand the card back. "Haven't come across too many Wen Junhuis."
"Wait, how do you know my name?" he questions.
"Well, it's on your credit card, sir," You respond with straightforward precision.
"True, but no one has picked it up as quickly and accurately as you did. Maybe we do know each other."
You shrug. "Maybe so. I think the last time I heard a name like that was back in elementary school. A classmate maybe."
"Hold on, you couldn't be Y/n, right?" he questions, his eyes widening with realization.
You take a brief pause to grasp the implication, acknowledging it with a nod. "Been a long time coming, hasn't it?"
His smile widened across his cheeks, evoking memories of a similar grin on a boy more than half his age. "Yeah. Well, I be damned. I'm surprised you remember my name."
"It's pretty distinctive; I'm surprised you remember mine."
He scoffs. "You are a core memory, thank you very much. One of the nicest and coolest people in our grade. God, remember our first Valentines?"
"Yes," you softly chuckle, the memories of childhood innocence flooding back. "I begged my mom to get these really nice scented Valentine cards to give to the class."
"And you gave me the lemon one because I love lemons, and I gave you one of the hologram cards of a cat that smiles when you flip it on its side."
"I was so excited to show my sister, and I just know she was so jealous."
"Yeah, where did the time go?" he sighs, his smile turning wistful on his lips.
You shake your head, still smiling from the unexpected trip down memory lane, and finally, hand off his gifts back to him. "Would you like a receipt?"
"No, I'm good. So,” He leans over the counter curiously, “What are you doing this Valentine's?"
"Working the day. I'll probably just grab takeout for dinner and head home. You?"
"It's a workday,” he says proceeding to grab his things. “So most of the day is spent in the office. But, I'm free the rest of the evening…would it be weird if I asked you out for Valentine's Day?" he nervously proposes.
You raise an eyebrow, slightly taken aback but intrigued. "You want me to be your Valentine?"
"Couldn't hurt," he nonchalantly shrugged, a wry grin playing on his lips. Then, as if a light bulb flickered to life above his head, an idea dawned on him, sparking mischief in his eyes.
"Unless you've got a 200-pound, all-muscle boyfriend ready to beat my ass," he quips, his tone laced with a hint of sarcasm. The words linger in the air, forming a playful challenge and a subtle admission that, just maybe, he wasn't entirely impervious to consequences.
It harks back to a past altercation, one of those rare 'couple quarrels' you had. The promise was made in jest—that you'd leave him if he ever pulled on your hair again, and he'd have to face a burly 200-pound muscle man. Though uttered in humor with no evidence of said muscle man, it struck a chord of genuine concern in his little boy heart, and he kept that promise until the end of your relationship. The memory lingered, manifesting now in an unmistakable charm, a blend of audacity, bravado, and humor that fills the air with laughter and unadulterated ease.
You chuckle. “Lucikly, I don’t, but I don’t know you. Who knows what kind of person you, or I, have become in the last fifteen or so years? Maybe I'm a bitch.”
"Well, as long as there’s no one else in the picture, I see no problem. Bitch all you want to me." he grins.
Your expression shifts into a playful contemplation, "Why me? I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people out there dying for a dinner date with you. I mean, the last thing we shared was a juice box."
"Maybe I'm hoping to reignite an old spark. If I recall our MASH game correctly, we were supposed to be living in a shack with 20 kids, a dog, and daily commutes on a scooter," Junhui retorts.
"Thank goodness that scenario never played out, but, um, I'm not sure dinner is a good idea."
As the banter unfolds, you realize it's been an eternity since you've experienced the thrill of a proper date. The mere thought of dressing up, the nervous excitement before meeting someone, and the shared laughter over a romantic meal become fragments of a distant past, like pages in a cherished novel stored away on a forgotten shelf.
“We never know unless we try, right?” He says, a teasing glint in his eyes.
“You always hit on exes that you stumble upon on a random Tuesday?”
“Only the pretty ones.” Junhui grins, swiftly extracting a candy box from the bag. With a quick scribble on the side, he hands it to you. “If you change your mind. Happy Valentine's Day.”
You roll your eyes playfully, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips as you accept the candy. “Happy Valentine's Day to you too, Jun.”
You depart with a box of candy in hand when your shift ends, Junhui's number hastily scribbled on the top, the ink still fresh as that abrupt encounter. As you make your way home, the city lights shimmering in the distance, you find your thoughts circling back to his audacious proposition.
The weight of the candy box seems to mirror the gravity of the decision before you. The city streets, now quieter in the late evening, echo with dilemma of pursuing his offer. You can't deny the charm that lingers in the air—a mix of confusion, nostalgia, and an unexpected connection. The mere act of considering his offer adds a layer of excitement to the night, anticipation for plans that have been yet set in motion.
As you unlock the door to your apartment, the scent of familiarity welcomes you warmly for once, likely due to the refreshing end of your night. You set the candy aside–already having memorized Junhui's number–and with a decisive tap, you enter his number into your phone. The screen lights up with his name, a digital beacon inviting you to venture into uncharted territory. As you send a quick message, the city outside continues its gentle hum, and you can't help but feel giddy. You’re eleven all over again.
The memory of Junhui's charismatic grin lingers in your mind, a subtle tug at the edges of your thoughts the moment you hit send, and you throw the phone aside, letting yourself get rid of the electrifying nerves running through your body. When you hear the notification going off–Junhui’s name on display–you realize there’s no going back.
The following day, you’re excited about living for once. Delighted to have something to look forward to after work, you board today's bus with a genuine smile on your face, a subtle change that doesn't escape the notice of the bus drivers, who have grown accustomed to your early presence by now.
As the bus carries you through the familiar townscape, you can't help but revel in the subtle shift in the air. The usual humdrum of daily life seems to have given way to a vibrant undercurrent of anticipation for the holiday. The ordinary scenes outside the window take on a slightly pink hue, and you find yourself savoring the details that often go unnoticed illuminated with festive decor.
Work hours also pass with a newfound energy, and the anticipation for the evening grows with each passing minute, even with the rambunctious customers buying more gifts just in the nick of time. The mundane tasks of the day become a mere backdrop to the vibrant scene that awaits you once the clock strikes the end of the workday.
Today, the world outside the candy store seems to radiate brighter than any other day has. The street lights gradually flickering on, usually just a backdrop to your daily grind, now beckon with a promise of surprises. As the day unfolds, you find yourself counting down the hours until your appointment time arrives and you quickly change into your Valentine's date attire, anticipating Junhui's reappearance.
Time moves forward—one hour, two hours, three hours. Doubts begin to creep in. Were you merely indulging in wishful thinking at this point?
The rose-tinted glasses, which once painted the day with a hopeful hue, must have started to expire. Now, a subtle gray takes over, bringing you back to the stark reality of the passing moments. The initial excitement begins to wane, replaced by a tinge of disappointment and a hint of uncertainty.
As the clock ticks away, doubts and questions swirl in your mind like a gathering storm. The vibrant anticipation that once filled the air begins to dissipate, leaving behind a quiet unease.
You glance at your reflection in the mirror, the Valentine's date attire now carrying a touch of wistfulness. The city outside, once alive with the promise of a special evening, now takes on a different tone. The street lights, initially beacons of excitement, cast shadows that dance with anxiety and unease. The imminent arrival of buses amplifies a fleeting thought–maybe, just maybe, you can still catch it if you run.
Taking a leap of faith, you hastily gather your belongings and make your way to the bus station, adhering to your initial plan—opting for takeout in the solitude of home, if restaurants are still an option at this hour. Amidst the uncertainty, your phone succumbs to the lack of power, its screen plunged into darkness, mirroring the tone of your night.
The familiarity of home brings no comfort, only disheartenment. You set aside the dinner you had envisioned for tonight, plugging in your phone to replenish its drained battery, intentionally avoiding any further interaction with the outside world for the remainder of the night.
When your phone finally regains its power, messages burst to life in an instant, one particular message standing out, beckoning attention. That is, of course, if you were still around to witness it.
Junhui: I’m so sorry! You will not believe the day I had. My office was bombarding me all day with extra work and i only left now. Please tell me its not too late.
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P.S. and here's that valentine i wanted to give to you <3 i hope you like it as much as this fic so far
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frozenmoonshine · 11 months ago
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Headcanon - Hanma Shuuji as your boyfriend
Ok, I hate myself for writing this, 'cause I hate this bitch just as much as Pissaki, but I've been fighting my intrusive fluffy thoughts about him and they won, sooo here they are:
Beware of insinuated hetero relationship, f!reader, and common terms of endearment.
He's a flirt, definitely. He knows he gets lots of attention from the fairer sex simply for being tall and good looking, but he also loves the fact that he's a smooth talker and can get pretty much any girl to fall for him. And he's not better than doing just that, simply because he needs some amusement in his life. Talk about being a piece of shit, going around breaking hearts for fun.
‌However, if he genuinely falls for someone, he basically does a 180⁰ turn and is the most loyal lover you could get! He will, most definitely and undeniably, try to make his SO jealous by casually flirting left and right, just because he can, and he enjoys seeing your frustrated, annoyed, jealous face. However, if you get jealous or hurt for real, he will genuinely freak out, and will try his best to reassure you that he loves you and that he was just messing with you. You are the only one for him, after all, his safe haven and his light! If he realizes that he stepped overboard with his "jokes", he will change his behaviour immediately. Idk why, but he just gives me the vibe of someone who perfectly understands boundaries, and he will choose to honor his commitments.
‌He himself is not jealous at all, and no matter what you may do, he wouldn't get jealous. The bastard is just so cocky and aware of his desirability (even tho he overestimates himself quite a lot), it's unnerving! But unless he straight up catches you "red handed" with another guy, he won't be jealous in the slightest. And if that happens, if you do cheat on him, then he might just beat your side piece to a pulp, and walk out on you like you never even existed. He will be heartbroken about it for a long time, tho.
‌Don't do him dirty, even as annoying and flawed as he is, he is still worth it! He can be super loving and affectionate in private, and he will be your no. 1 cheerleader, in whatever you're aspiring to achieve. Tell him all about your adventures tho, he loves a good story!
‌He gets too easily bored, so he would fall head over heels for someone who can engage him in deep and interesting conversations, and be a bit of a tease as well, just enough to always keep him on the edge of his seat, but not to overdo it. After all, he is the tease one in the relationship, and he doesn't like the idea of giving up that title.
‌Speaking of him being a tease... yes, he's absolutely insufferable! In every sense. (Yes, that too!)
‌Dates with him are always so random and spontaneous, like, he'd take you on a bike ride to the beach at 3 AM, and you'd make sand castles in the dead of the night, just because. It's totally not because he's secretly a hopeless romantic and wanted to watch the sunrise with you, btw. Or he might get you out of your school/work just to take you to the rooftop of the highest building in his neighborhood, where you guys can throw water baloons on the passers-by down there, and photograph their reactions. Or you two would be in a middle of a rollercoaster ride and he'd scream into your ear: "Babe, let's go have a picnic in the woods, this ride is boring!" The worst best part - his idea of a "picnic" is pranking hikers by making weird noises. At least one thing is for sure with him - there is never a single dull moment!
‌But even as the chaos elemental that he is, he is actually looking for (inner) peace. He would want to feel safe and taken care of in a relationship, and I can picture him falling for his childhood friend. If not that, then he'd definitely go for the cozy, domestic, girl-next-door type. Despite what he shows to the outer world, he just craves familiarity and warmth.
‌His friend-turned-girlfriend definitely calls him Shuu-chan. He pretends it annoys him, but there's nothing he loves hearing more. And I will die on that hill if need be!
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suryp · 2 months ago
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Date: unknown
Year: inconsequential
Region: central Tartyryn straight
The snow crunches beneath our feet, the wind howls like the devil, and while we all show fear, I've reason to think my brothers know not that we walk over a frozen sea, more than 30 metres deep with fish heavier than our entire platoon. I doubt my commander knows, either, but that suits our real mission just fine.
The mission. Ha. Everyone knows the only safe spots for a town are off shore, we've already done the math, there's nothing out here worth finding.
Good thing Commander Reijean is such a greedy fuck, then.
"HALT!"
Thats him right there. Most would say he just wants to prove himself, but I know better. All humans hide their worst traits, tone 'em down for the public. We're all worse than we seem on the outside.
"..."
"whats out their c-"
"shut your trap private, I won't have my skill split be-"
*Crack*
"Mission complete, I suppose"
In an instant, Clark pulled out the rifle on his back. it was cheap shit, like all the gear for this trip was, but He's among the best "weapons guys" I've ever met.
Fortunately, the gun jams, and he vanishes into the blizzard.
"Clark? Buddy? Clark? Clark!"
"Circular formation, weapons up, we are-"
"...Commander?"
Just a few more to go. Our platoon used to be larger, but wandering for days on end through an empty void of ice and snow will take its toll. Just a few weeks ago, we might've won this fight.
Good thing banshees are smart, then.
"SpLit up!"
"Commander?"
"Split Up!"
"h- He's right. we're no more than a larger target like this."
"Just gotta find the right time for it."
Sabotage wasn't the plan, and it leaves a bad taste, but there's nothing for it.
"Now."
"..."
"..."
*Cr'Ack*
"..."
*Crunch*
"..."
And finally, a blood curdling scream cut short, by a few extra holes in the lungs.
I stand up, spread my arms wide, and make myself the most clear and easy target I can."
-...-
Two hours later
The blizzard dies, I see my siblings dead in the snow. Three have a mulch of bone and Metal shards, alongside frozen blood, in place of their heads. Commander has a crushed neck. Charlie's kevlar is punched through, frozen blood all along his chest.
There's a sixth carcass, some ornitherian, I think, though it's hard to tell considering how much was eaten. The ribs are gone, and only Two and a half legs remain.
I begin to walk off. A meal, even the frozen remains of a hippogriff corpse, is the last thing I d-
*crunch*
"..."
"you not fight me. why?"
"..."
"all humans try to kill us. take sea from us. take tyk'yk from us."
"...take egg from us."
"..."
"you not fight. why?"
-
alright thats a wrap! The official intro to Fisher and the Flame and the world of... well, I suppose she doesn't have a real name yet but hey, we can make this work.
for a bit of context regarding appearances, if you need that, "Ornithere" and "Hippogriff" refer to pterosaurian animals, most similar to (and heavily based on) Trollman's "Cuvier's Isle" a small spec one-shot. It does not refer to the serinean animals of the same name.
Banshee are a bit easier to describe, being a rough combination of Utahraptor osstramaysi and a Leopard Seal, very similar to @tales-of-kaimere's *Updated* xuul design, along with the Adzakoordu and the White Cockatrice, as well as the Tamakai.
The narrator, Jake Fisher, is getting a drawing, by someone who appreciates men far more than I.
now go read about kaimere on Keenan Taylors twitter, bluesky, deviantart, and youtube channel, along with trollman's various sickass works on the same websites.
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edits: minor word changes, removal of unneeded dashes, and Commander is now cishet, because killing the first queer confirmed in story feels a bit too rude.
Reijean is still his name tho, since there has to some reason this unit was sent out.
also added a new tag. sorry y'all.
(im just gonna use the most extreme and broad tags that, since im exceedingly apathetic but do want to tag things correctly)
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