#I need to tap into the mindset more i almost don’t even know how to mimic it
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re-pave · 1 month ago
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Thinking about how people fall in love.
I’ve often wondered how people could dismiss me. I’ve thought about how if someone just “knew” me they would have to fall in love with me. “I’m deep. Look at these sad quotes and listen to this song I just posted. I’m different.” This has proven so many times to be false. Most people don’t care that much. At least initially (and if they are “struck” initially then major milestone already passed. Doesn’t really happen though beyond just a vague interest).
The biggest problem is I don’t make a lot of people feel comfortable when I’m with them (inhibition). I’m guarded. Afraid to drink. Sure I smile a lot but it comes off as nervous (I want to keep smiling, just not nervously). I’m too afraid they don’t like me and too conscious of trying to say the right thing. Too skittish of physical touch. And it has to show.
People can’t fall in love unless their walls come down. If it feels strained it’s doomed. Nothing else matters if that basic element isn’t met. Once it is met, then the other stuff definitely matters. But it’s a big hurdle. Obviously there are going to be people who just don’t like you, but odds are they’re going to be open to connecting if they agree to meet. A strong connection, that includes lost inhibitions overcomes so so much. Nothing else matters without it (and everything grows from it, including good sex). The importance of feeling comfortable together can’t be over-stated when trying to get connect deeply. I think I’ve developed some horrendous habits that are hurting me, most importantly feeling that being “comfortable” with someone, or uninhibited, takes time. I’m starting to realize the feeling NEEDS to start immediately. Sure it can grow. But there needs to be some sort of an uninhibited feeling, or feeling of being able to be fully yourself. At least some walls down. Comfortably being able to physically touch without sexually and not without it being uncomfortable. And it’s interesting how much less your body matters when you’re connected with someone (within reason obv).
I want “my person” to be someone who’s been through it. Someone who’s been into the depths of their minds and soul. And I really don’t know want to settle for less. Someone who really thinks. But first and foremost: establishing a relationship without inhibition. That’s the only way a relationship can find its depth (with friendships too).
Thinking you’re too good for people = you being alone. Be more accepting and interested in “differences” or of things you don’t think are interesting. Good chance they become interesting once you can become uninhibited.
Any conversation (trivial or not) can be unihibited!
Focus on VALUES for romantic compatibility.
The good news is = being better and being uninhibited allows you to build relationships EVERYWHERE. Including the places you actually want to be! It’s a skill that can be taken anywhere. Definitely more motivating to build relationships in a place that inspires me and I can see a future in.
There are going to also be people who it just doesn’t work with. Even with being loose. Try your hardest to make sure it’s not because you were holding back. A million possible reasons, none of them matter. Some people are just simply not a match. Not deep. Nonetheless, I’m currently doing something wrong. It shouldn’t be this hard. It isn’t for most people. I’m not an exception that has “bad luck”.
Balance. Not an overhaul. Things to think about, knowing I’m always going to be me. There’s a never changing core (soul). And I like that. I will always be me.
——————I need to learn how to have fun again——————
It’s ok to fuck a day up!!! It’s ok to have fun!!! Do something a little wild sometimes!!! It adds color and is sometimes very necessary. No more guilt.
Think about it: the people that you want to spend the most time with are the people you can be most yourself with. Uninhibited. Give some to get some.
Thoughts on how it extends to other parts of life:
Anxiety with answering the phone? I’m boring? Don’t have much to say? NOT THAT SERIOUS. A 2 minute call can be just as good as a 50 minute one. No one is going to be disappointed if you lead with love. Express it! Even if it’s exaggerated (within reason). Being excited is good and showing love is good. Focus on that. Natural to think more about how someone made you feel. Doesn’t take much effort. Uninhibited! Back to being young (12?) and caring way less.
TLDR: to feel connected: drink alcohol (etc) or use the mindset to loosen up. It’s not that deep. You need to feel uninhibited to connect with people. You need to feel like you can be your true self. Be light, excited, don’t overthink, be curious (questions, anything goes) and interested.
Most simply : ALL OF THIS IS SIMPLY ABOUT THINKING LESS, NOT MORE.
Cont…Certain people just naturally make you feel more uninhibited when you’re around them. This is probably more about you (they’re uninhibited themselves (drinking etc) or you just care less about what they think). Practice being more uninhibited, regardless of who you’re with. Be uninhibited about everything - trivial and deep. Key: don’t be afraid to talk about or bring up anything. Nothing is embarrassing. Literally pretend to be drunk. Ask stupid questions. Helpful mindset: “I want to know everything about you” Being uninhibited about physical touch is also important and makes everything else more comfortable.
Being fully uninhibited doesn’t have to happen right away, some people are willing to work towards it and others aren’t. Don’t be discouraged by people who just aren’t a match and it’s too difficult to connect. This happens, but you can still be uninhibited with them. Connections that aren’t life-long partners are good too and shouldn’t be a “loss”. There doesn’t have to be an end goal!!! It’s ok to have fun, practice being uninhibited and try to connect!!! No connection is a wasted one. It’s healthy.
None of this applies to texting.
It’s ok to be broken. I will mess up. I might never be able to “fix” myself. And that’s ok. Because I’m capable of love, and that’s all that really matters. If I’m nothing but love, so be it. It will always be there and that’s a big deal. But also, I’m not that unique -no one has everything figured out. My love will reach who it will need to reach. I have an undying faith in that.
I liked the person I used to be when I was (much younger). It’s super comforting knowing I’m still that person and I have the capability to get back to that. How lucky am I! Makes me happy to think about “becoming myself again”. Doesn’t matter how long it takes. Just knowing it’s possible all I need. I’m really excited to feel like myself again.
Ok I’m done.
#Julian “are you always like this?” There’s more to you and I’m willing to find out. Throwing out deep conversation.#Jeremey lawyer in the east village “I just didn’t really like we connected” I was extremely inhibited.#even silliness is connecting when you’re uninhibited together#symptom of being too in your head (inhibition)#pretend to be drunk etc#there’s a good chance I’m bored with people because I’m inhibited and not connected#not because of them#doing anything literally anything tv traveling couch with someone you’re uninhibited with is worth it#the more uninhibited the better#help to lower inhibitions is ok#esp at first#not an over night fix and it’s ok stumble and feel disconnected#but now I know#ton of different factors for why something doesn’t work don’t like inhibition be one of them#remember the feeling of being unafraid to touch someone#and how freeing that was#don’t blame myself too much. rare to feel so uninhibited#not applicable to texting / online#being ok with not feeling connected with someone but not letting inhibition being one of them#I’m also not unique in needing help to lower inhibitions (alcohol is universal)#continue working on not needing help tho#I need to tap into the mindset more i almost don’t even know how to mimic it#watching people fall in love and wondering what’s wrong with me. it’s out there! it’s achievable!#I don’t ‘need’ help but it’s good to know it’s an option#relaxing how far behind I am though. so little romantic experience shows itself with situations like julian#love is all. love is the priority.#love makes everything worth it. everything.#remember when I was like 12 and now unafraid I was to tell people I love them. I miss them. even causally. without weight. I want him
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charmedreincarnation · 2 years ago
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Hyy , I need some urgent help with the void. I really just want to tap in and live happily.
DO READ AND HELP, PLEASE !
So I have thins feeling that my subconscious mind is stopping me from tapping in to protect me. I want to break free from a pattern that I have seen in my LoA journey. I know about it since almost 4 years , however for all desires I have had I have failed to get them , no I am not saying I did everything and still nothing worked. I tried to do some things but would always find a way to not manifest it. For instance , I wanted weight loss and I started affirming for it. And started having doubts such as I should'nt manifest it because that would mean I don't love my body , or I started thinking my weight loss would manifest in a negative way/something negative would happen for my weight loss. So now I started seeing my weight loss in bad light. I really want it at the same time am scared to get it too. Its just one instance , the same has happened for everything else, like exam scores , sp , manifesting beauty etc.
Now when I came to know about the void, I was more than happy and relieved that I could have it all. But the same things happened , I started seeing void in negative light. If I tap in the void and master it I can have whatever I want in life and later on I might want things that scare me now, or what if I would feel "empty" if I have it all, I am just so comfortable living in misery that the thought of having what I want feels so out of reach. I badly want it but cant seem to have it, I know we can have anything and all things are possible but no matter how much I try to let that sink in it doesn't. I just feel this feeling that my subconscious is trying to protect me from tapping in and getting my desires because for so long that is what has happened, I have found a way to think negatively about having my desires why would I tap in the void now and have it all. I hate this pattern , I hate when I have the "hope" of having all I want but then I fall back because I find a way to think negatively about what I want.
I am trying my best to not sound desparate and miserable but the truth is I am. Despite knowing about the law and the void and how easy it is I have thos gloomy and hazy feeling always envelope me when it comes to having my desires.
First of all, it's important to acknowledge that it's perfectly normal to feel scared or unsure when it comes to manifesting your desires. Change can be scary, even if it's a change you really want.
One thing that might be helpful is to examine the underlying beliefs you have around your desires. For example, you say you have a belief that weight loss means you don't love your body,but why shouldn’t you have the desire you have, butIt’s the opposite lol. you’re doing what you think is best for yourself and mindset, and there’s nothing negative about change. You’re still the same person so don’t reduce yourself to your body, your face, or any of your desires tbh. Take some time to identify any limiting beliefs you might have, and work on shifting them.
Another helpful approach is to focus on the feelings you want to experience, rather than the specific outcomes you want to manifest. So instead of focusing on weight loss or a specific exam score, focus on feeling healthy, confident, and successful. This can help you detach from the specific outcome and allow the universe to bring you what you need to experience those feelings.
When it comes to tapping into the void, remember that the void is simply a space of unlimited potential. There's no need to feel scared or overwhelmed by it. You can start by setting small intentions and manifesting smaller desires, and build up to bigger desires as you feel more comfortable.
But babe, just remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself. it's okay to have doubts and fears along the way. Keep working on shifting your beliefs and focusing on the feelings you want to experience, and trust that the universe is working to bring you what you need, because it is, and you deserve it.
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chooseyourownavenger · 2 years ago
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[START] [ABOUT AND WARNINGS] [FAQ]
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IRONHAWK/ I’d like to be pregnant
“I would love to at least try to get pregnant.  Are you sure you’ll be okay with not knowing which of you it is?  I don’t want jealousy over that being the reason we break up,” you say.
“Whoever you have the baby with, it will be both our baby,” Tony assures you.  “I just really love the idea of experiencing the pregnancy.  You know - ultrasounds, feeling them kick - all that kind of thing.”
“I want to do the trying bit,” Clint teases.
“I need to get my birth control taken out,” you say.   “Maybe a check-up - make sure everything is working?”
“Well, we can practice until then,” Clint says.  “Right?”
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You book in to see your doctor about taking out your birth control straight away.  You’re told it can take between three and eight months after you have the implant taken out to get pregnant, so for three months, the three of you have to try and relax and tell yourselves not to expect a positive pregnancy test immediately after you have sex.
To help keep yourselves in the mindset, you just call all sex; practice.  Even if it’s the kind of sex that had absolutely no way of making a baby.  In those instances, one of you always jokes that you definitely need to keep practicing because of how bad you are at it.
It helps keep things light and saves any kind of a disappointment because you aren’t pregnant yet.
When the three months are up, something shifts in the three of you.  That night there’s almost apprehension about what may happen.  You take off your clothes and turn away from them like you’re shy about them seeing you.  Clint comes up behind you and kisses your neck.  “What are you doing?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” you say.  “Tonight just feels important.”
He tilts your head back to look at him.  “It’s not practicing anymore.  We’re actually trying.”
You take a breath and kiss him, your tongue flicking out to meet his.  You turn in his arms and he starts backing up to the bed, pulling you along with him as he sheds his clothes.  Tony comes up behind you, already naked.  He kisses your neck and you break the kiss with Clint and lean back to kiss Tony.
Tony kissed you hungrily.  One of his hands goes to your breast while the other presses between your legs and toys with your clit.
You moan and rut against his hand as Clint sits down in front of you.  You move forward, straddling Clint’s lap.  The archer’s calloused hands run up your side and he leans forward and pulls one of your nipples into his mouth.  You moan and sit, in his lap, your hands tangling in his hair as you let your head fall back against Tony’s chest.
Your skin prickles like there’s an electric current running just under the surface.  You rolled your hips so Clint’s shaft slides up and down the lips of your pussy.  Your slick coats his shaft and he groans into your skin.
“Fuck,” you gasp.  “I want you both.  I want both of you to come inside me.”
  Tony pulls away and grabs the lube as you push Clint onto his back.  Clint wraps his hand around his cock and taps it on your clit twice before guiding it into your sopping cunt.
You moan, arching your back as you push down on his cock more.  Tony moves up behind you and starts rubbing lube along the place where you and Clint are joined.  His finger pushes inside you.  You mewl at the stretch and clench around them both.  They both still as you adjust and Clint pulls you down into a kiss.
Tony keeps moving his finger in and out of you and adds another as Clint continues to kiss you and moves his hips in shallow thrusts.  You break the kiss with Clint and throw your head back with a loud moan.  “Please, Tony,” you beg.  “Please, just fuck me.”
He takes his fingers away and lubes up his cock.  There is a burn at your entrance as he presses the head against Clint’s shaft and starts to penetrate you.  You mewl and grit your teeth and he slowly eases in.
When he’s in as deep as he can go and you feel completely stretched and full, both men start to thrust.  Heat blooms in your core and spreads out through you like treacle.  Your edges feel soft and you have trouble keeping your eyes open.  Tony’s hand pushes into your hair and he pulls it, as one of Clint’s hands slips between your body and he starts to rub your clit.  It’s too much, your body seizes up all at once as your orgasm tears through you and you cry out.
“Fuck,” Tony grunts. “Gonna break our dicks.”
Clint laughs breathlessly and even as your body shudders with your orgasm you can’t help the laughter that bubbles up inside you.  They keep fucking you, their hips snapping in tandem.  Their thrusts become erratic and their moans become louder.  You feel another orgasm building and when Clint pinches your clit, it crashes down on you again.  The clenching of your cunt pulls Clint over with you and he thrusts up hard as he releases inside you.  You moan and let your head fall onto his shoulder, squeezing your cunt like you’re trying to milk them both.  “Come, Tony.  I want it.  I want both of you mixing inside me.”
“Yeah, baby.  Gonna get you pregnant,” Tony growls.
That sends you over again, your body shudders as it washes over you and brings Tony along with it, his come mixing with Clint’s.
They hold themselves inside you until their cocks still and then carefully slip out of you and collapse on the bed beside you.  You curl up in a little pile and they both put their hands on your stomach.
“It won’t have happened yet,” you giggle.
“We know,” Clint says.
“But we’ve started trying,” Tony adds.  “And that’s enough for now.”
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It takes another few months to get pregnant.  In the first month, everyone is relaxed about it, but by the third, Tony is freaking out.  When you finally get that positive line on a pregnancy test the three of you are delighted.
Tony becomes ultra protective of you, researching all the do’s and don’t of pregnancy.  If you even thought about touching a piece of brie he’d start freaking out.  Clint, on the other hand, is super excited.  He can’t help telling everyone he came in contact with the new news about the pregnancy.  If he went out alone for any reason - even the one time he went out on a mission - he always came home with a present for you and something for the baby.
Each new thing you learned about the life growing inside you, makes you feel more connected to it.  At twenty weeks you find out you’re having a girl.  At thirty weeks the team throws you a huge baby shower.  It’s exciting and yet at the same time, you feel as normal as you’ve felt since you’ve gone down this path with Clint and Tony.  The press hasn’t caught wind of any of it, so it’s just the three of you, making your lives feel so completely normal, despite the fact they aren’t normal at all.
You wake up early a few days before the due date with a wet patch on the bed and leaking fluid.
“Tony,” you say as you shake Clint awake.  Clint sits up suddenly in a defensive position and looks around confused.
“What’s going on?” Tony asks as Clint seems to relax and goes to grab his hearing aids.
“Either I just wet the bed or my water broke,” you said.
“You’re water broke?” Clint says, jumping out of bed.  “What?  We gotta go!”
“Just chill would you?” you say.  “I’ll call the hospital and find out what to do, can you change the sheets?”
A call to the hospital and a shower later you are back in bed while Clint and Tony continue to freak out.  You’re told to stay put until your labor starts but to call back in six hours if it hasn’t.
What follows is a day of sitting around trying to rest as much as you can while absolutely nothing happens, and then four extremely painful hours where your labor progresses so quickly that by the time you make it to the hospital there isn’t even time to consider drugs before you have to push.
Thirty minutes later your daughter is in your arms and two men look so in love beside you gazing down at her.
“Look at that little bean,” Clint whispers.  “She’s perfect.”
“You did it, honey,” Tony says.  “I’m so proud of you.”
You’re exhausted and elated and so in love and ready to start the next chapter of your life to start with your family.
~ END ~
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yandere-daydreams · 4 years ago
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Title: Desperate Measures.
Pairing: Yandere!Kaeya/Reader (Genshin Impact).
Word Count: 2.2k.
TW: Kidnapping, Emotional Manipulation, Implied Stalking, and Delusional Mindsets.
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Kaeya was a man, distracted.
Distracted. Divided. Not inattentive, but pulled away from his responsibilities by a force he couldn’t name and couldn’t say he cared for, either. He wasn’t a stranger to romantic inclinations — fantasies, sudden flings, slow-burning inclinations that died the moment his attention was called elsewhere. Predictably, the few relationships he allowed himself were short-lived, at best distasterous at worst, but he didn’t have a problem with that. If anything, Kaeya appreciated it. He’d always thought of company as optional, and what little loneliness he was still capable of feeling could be drowned with a generous glass of wine. He wasn’t one to linger. He tried not to overstay his welcome. He’d been sentimental, once, too emotional for his own good, and he’d learned his lesson. He didn’t intend to change.
He didn’t want to change.
And yet, here he was.
Distracted.
He couldn’t think. He couldn’t focus. It was all he could do to look like he might’ve been trying to read the most recent document left on his desk – this one from Jean, a directive for the younger knights or legislation she needed him to review or another vague, important report that he probably would’ve dealt with weeks ago, if he’d been able to concentrate.
He made a half-hearted effort to straighten his back as the door to his office began to open, but Kaeya dropped the act quickly, abandoning it completely by the time he heard the sound of heeled boots against hollow tile, caught a glimpse of a familiar (albeit, rarely used) catalyst, searched for eyes and found the cover of a thin book, instead, your face still buried in your newest novel as you stepped through the threshold, not bothering to knock. It was you. He should’ve known it would be. Who else did he deserve?
You, Lisa’s new assistant. You, the latest addition to the Knights of Favonius. You, his current, infuriating, unshakable fixation.
You, the new recruit who hadn’t paid him so much as a passing glance since your arrival, much to Kaeya’s frustration.
You didn’t look at him. You rarely ever did, but it hurt more than it usually did, today, as you dropped another form onto his desk, letting it replace the greeting you’d forgotten to offer. “Lisa needs you to sign this,” You started, laying out your priorities clearly, a skill Kaeya was beginning to resent. “It’s just next year’s budget. If you don’t want to read it, I think I’ll be able to look the other way.”
He glanced over the rows of numbers, the messy hand-writing, the columns of meaningless gibberish that blended together into a mess of ink and digits, and took your suggestion, scrawling his name across the only blank line. It was a lost cause, especially with you in the room. Especially with your unoccupied hand resting on his desk, your fingertips idly tapping an unsteady rhythm into the wood, and all he could think about was who he’d be willing to kill to feel that hand pressed against his cheek.
He considered asking you, for a moment, giving you an order and hoping you'd absent-mindedly obey. He thought about touching you, or running his fingers through your hair, or pulling you into his lap and mumbling sweet-nothings into your ear until someone else dragged you away.
He thought about a lot of things. Then, he said, “I take it your silence comes at a price?”
“Do I seem that selfish to you?” You were selfish. You had to be selfish. If you weren’t, then surely you would’ve been kind enough to put him out of his misery months ago. “I like helping people. Just remember this when I need a favor from you.”
“I’m sure we could work something more immediate out,” He went on, but you were already starting towards the door, calling the conversation to a close before Kaeya could begin to finish. In the back of his mind, something flared, the urge to catch your wrist, to go after you, to put himself between you and the only exit and refuse to move until you looked at him, but he forced it down, swallowing the temptation before it could eclipse his common sense. He couldn’t be impulsive. He couldn’t make rash decisions. He wasn’t prepared to deal with how difficult that would make things, not now.
Not yet.
“Join me for a drink?” He tried, again, attempting to sound unbothered. Nonchalant, casual, normal. Like he wasn’t itching to burn every book you’d touched. “I know you don’t have anything better to--”
“Another night, Captain.”
And just like that, you were gone, leaving Kaeya’s muttered response to echo through his empty office.
“Of course.”
~
Kaeya was a man, desperate.
Like a starving dog. Like a traveler who hadn’t seen water in thirty days. Like a distraught, distressed, disturbed knight, wandering through a maze of a library, cursing the existence of every shelf that separated him from you. He knew where you'd be. You were a creature of habit, and he’d already had more than enough time to memorize your routine. He’d had enough time to memorize everything about you, as ashamed as he was to admit it. It was a testament to his devotion, to how much time he’d spent trying and failing to win your favor.
It was evidence of how pathetic he’d gotten, over the course of his one-sided pursuit.
You were in your usual spot – tucked into the far corner of the library, perched on the edge of a windowsill, your attention monopolized by the tattered scroll spread across your lap. You were still pouring over it by the time he reached you, slumping against the nearest wall, taking in how brilliantly the muted sunlight looked as it danced across your skin. He didn’t try to hide the way he stared, anymore. He was long past worrying that you’d care enough to notice. Your hair was unkempt, proof that’d you slept in the archives again, if you’d slept at all. Your lips were bleeding, too, the lower one chewed raw and split down the middle, but it might’ve been stranger if they weren’t. It must’ve been a nervous tick, but Kaeya found it cute. Kaeya found it endearing. Kaeya found everything about you endearing, and to the archons, he wanted to see those lips wrapped around his co--
And he hated it. He found everything about you endearing, and he hated it. That was all.
He sighed, the sound airy, exhausted. You didn’t look up, but that was fine. It would’ve only hurt him further if someone as simple as that drew out your concern. “I’m in love with you.”
There was a hum, soft and contemplative. A rather generous response, by your standards. “I’ve noticed.”
“You’re all I think about.” It was an awkward confession, one he’d already used a hundred different times. He didn’t care. He’d use it a hundred more, if he had to. “I’m a wreck. I can barely remember my own name, and some days I can’t even do that. I can’t fight, I can’t eat, I can hardly breathe. Every morning, I wonder what it would be like to wake up to your smile, and every night, I stare at my ceiling and loath myself because I’m not holding you in my arms. For fuck’s sake, just yesterday, I almost kissed Albedo because the chemicals he was working with reminded me of the way your favorite kind of flower smells, and I’m just so fucking desperate, I convinced myself that was the closest I’d ever come to kissing you.”
He was rambling, by the end, panting, yelling, but you only blinked when he was done, once, then twice. Your dull nails bit into the edges of your scroll, but you didn’t seem to mind, nor did you move to roll it up as you finally turned to face him, the confusion written clearly across your expression. “You kissed Albedo?”
“You don’t get it,” He said, and you nodded in agreement. “You don’t fucking get it.”
“I think I do,” You admitted, more earnestly. Your gaze dropped back to the ground, and instantly, Kaeya deflated. “I just… I just don’t think it’d work out, if I’m being honest. I’m still new. I still have to give everyone else a reason to trust me, and I don’t think it’s in my best interest to start a relationship with one of my superiors so early on.” You paused, laughing to yourself, and something in Kaeya’s chest tightened. It was the happiest he’d been since he met you, and he still felt like you’d pushed a sword through his heart and twisted. “But, you don’t really want a relationship, do you? You’re just bored, and you need something to fixate on. I’m the most available option, so...” You trailed off, finishing your sentence with a vague, stilted sweeping gesture. “It’ll be easier for both of us, this way. I like you, Captain, but I don’t like you enough to put myself through that.”
It was all he could do to remember how to open his mouth. Once he did, the words came stumbling out on their own.
“Of course.”
~
Kaeya was a man, determined.
Determined might’ve been the wrong word for it. Too soft, too suggestive, the impression too positive and the meaning too vague. ‘Depraved’ might’ve suited him better, but that was too harsh, too primitive, and he’d like to think he’d been as gentle as anyone could expect him to be, given your stubbornness. He’d tried to be gentle. He’d wanted to be gentle. If he was going to do this to you, he could at least do it gently. You deserved that much, at least.
Or, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you didn’t deserve any of this.
He couldn’t really make up his mind, about that.
“Lisa?”
And he was gentle, more so than he had to be. Sure, you were on the floor, bare stone already beginning to chafe at your skin, but the shackles around your wrists were padded, and he’d given you enough slack to sit down, to ball yourself up, to act like it’d never crossed your mind that he’d resort to something so… easily misinterpreted. The blindfold was, similarly, an act of mercy. You’d panic if you woke up like this, chained to a wall in someone else’s cellar, and Kaeya didn’t want that. You needed time, and he could give you that. He would give you that. Even if it pained him to stay at arm’s length.
“Amber?”
He wanted to touch you. It’d be easy, now, easier than it’d ever been before. You wouldn’t be able to push him away, and even if you tried to, he could always overpower you. Take you by the neck, pin you against the floor, leave you shaking and trembling and begging, pleading with a captor you couldn’t see. He’d find a way to make it up to you, later on. He’d find a way to lie, to smile, to make it better, even if he’d failed to time and time again, out there. But, this would be different. You wouldn’t be able to cling to your excuses, and he’d be able to show you how much he cared, how much he wanted this, how much he loved you. This would be better.
“Kaeya?”
See? You were already coming around.
Your voice was already soft, hesitant, a sliver of a whisper that was constantly on the verge of dying out completely. You were trying not to make noise, trying not to seem as terrified as you really were, but he could hear the way your breath hitched as he took a step forward, your restraints rattling as you curled into yourself. You couldn’t hide from him, but you wanted to. That much was obvious. You didn’t want this.
But, he did. More than you could ever want to run away from it.
He wanted to touch you, but he held himself back. Instead, he only kneeled in front of you, letting himself linger for a moment before he spoke. “I’m here, love.”
“Where are we?” You were afraid, too scared to put the pieces together. Not while you could still hope there was another explanation. Not while you could still deny the apparent. “My head hurts, and I can’t--”
“I know, and I’ll make it up to you.” This time, he let himself reach out, cupping your cheek and chuckling as you tried to shy away. The two of you could work on that, later on. He could live with the guilt if he let himself enjoy it, now. “Just give me a moment, alright? Just a second, then I’ll take care of you.”
You opened your mouth, then you closed it again. Kaeya wondered if you’d be bold enough to refuse if he did try to kiss you, or hold you, or go further than the fleeting touches he’d swore would keep him satisfied, at first, at least. He wondered if he’d care, when you did. “Are… are you going to hurt me?”
He wanted to reassure you. He wanted to promise he’d be patient, that he’d understand if you lashed out, that violence wasn’t an option he was willing to consider, but he couldn’t, like this, could he? He didn’t want to hurt you, but he’d never wanted to kidnap you, either, not until you made it obvious he didn’t have another choice. He didn’t want to stoop so low, he didn’t want you to hate him, but…
But, he was lying again, wasn’t he?
To tell the truth, he couldn’t remember the last time he genuinely cared whether or not you loved him back.
You stifled a scream as his hand dropped to your jaw, his grip tightening as he jerked you forward, just close enough to wrap his arm around your waist, to bury his face in the side of your neck, to get a taste of what you’d deprived him of. It wasn’t enough, he doubted it’d ever be enough, but he had you. He had you, he was close to you, and he had you. That had to be enough, for now.
“We’ll see.”
1K notes · View notes
jkstompers · 4 years ago
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passing notes | jjk
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pairing: jeon jungkook x female reader
summary: a year of crushing and jungkook’s finally asked you out on a proper date. 
genre: classmates to lovers??!, established friendship, they go on a date <3, jk is so stressed out, !fancy restaurant warning!, jk is A GENTLEMAN!! but wbk, oc is a nerd but is BOLD AF!!
warnings: mature!! (18+!!), SMUT,...they make out, LOTS of built up tension is let out tonite!, fingering, praise kink, handjob, backseat action, semi-public sex?? very strong language, jk overuses the nickname ‘baby’
word count: 9k
author’s note: pt. 3 of seatmate!jk. WE’VE GOT SOME FILTH TODAY PPL!!!!!!! this is my first time releasing a piece of writing that has smut in it so pls!! let me know what u think!!! i’m open to criticism but i cry easily so… pls pls be nice (T▽T) LMAO!! i also completely made up the program for ocean scientists that oc talks about LMAO i just needed her to ramble for a bit hahahah
additional note: also pls imagine jungkook looking like this in class and then wearing this for their date. also if ur curious, this is what i imagined oc’s dress to look like :)
okay enjoy!! thank u ( ˘ ³˘)
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it was the end of the semester and of course, the only time jungkook would be running late to class was when he was finally going to ask you out on a date. so far, everything seems to be going against the idea. his alarm didn’t go off on time, the shower took way too long to warm up, and his car was low on gas. now he’s speed walking, almost running, to lecture to make sure that his seat next to you isn’t taken. 
he wants to make sure this goes perfectly. he spent the past two weeks stressing over the plans. asking for recommendations for nice restaurants in the city in almost every group chat he was in. his friend (the one with parents as ceo’s, eunwoo), helped him and got him a reservation at this one five star restaurant that jungkook’s never been to. eunwoo told him that it was the prettiest place he’s ever been to, said it would be perfect for a first date. 
jungkook specifically remembers you telling him that you’ve never gone on an actual dinner date. ice cream dates, movie theater dates, and amusement park dates were what you were used to. there was nothing wrong with that, it’s just that you’ve never experienced a candlelit dinner at a restaurant, that’s it. jungkook just wanted to be the first one to experience it with you. 
so when his morning starts off this shitty, he wonders if his plans are falling apart. he tries to keep a good, positive mindset, but he’s already so nervous and the universe seems to be telling him: don’t do it, she’ll reject you, you’re gonna look stupid in front of her. 
meanwhile, you’re early this lecture. it was the last class of the semester and you were hoping that you could get a nice conversation with jungkook in before it started. the two of you have gotten a lot closer since you last hung out. the chain of events starting with you apologizing for being so embarrassing, 
[12:44 pm] you: jungkook!!! oh my god i am so sorry for last night 😭
[12:45 pm] you: i don’t take alcohol very well 😖
[12:50 pm] jungkook: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
[12:50 pm] jungkook: no need to apologize! are u feeling sick? hungover? 
[12:52 pm] you: omg no not really
[12:52 pm] you: ur a great drinking buddy, i owe u one 🥺
[12:53 pm] jungkook: it’s alright cutie
[12:54 pm] jungkook: just happy ur feeling okay :) 
[12:56 pm] you: let me make it up to u 😭 i’ll buy us lunch one of these days? 
[12:57 pm] jungkook: ah no can do cutie 
[12:57 pm] jungkook: have to buy u dinner first 
the thought of the conversation makes you smile. that one conversation starting the domino effect of the two of you talking almost everyday for the past two weeks. you couldn’t help but expect jungkook to at least be here, but if he didn’t wanna come, then he didn’t have to. 
you sat in your seat, patiently waiting for the one next to you to be filled by him. the hall was starting to fill now and class was about to start. you look around one last time to see that jungkook is still nowhere to be seen, and that a familiar brown-haired guy was beginning to walk up to you. 
“hello, ___! is this seat taken?” taehyung smiles brightly, you look down at the seat next to you. your bag saving the spot for jungkook. maybe he skipped this lecture, since it was practically for nothing anyway, you’ve already taken the final and there was no other material to learn, it was more so to wrap things up and see if anyone still needed to understand something. 
your brain comes to a conclusion. you remove your bag and say, “no, go ahead,” to taehyung with a small smile on your face, one that hides the disappointment riddling your mind. 
it’s about five minutes after the professor starts talking when jungkook finally walks in. he looks up to try and find you as he walks up the steps of the auditorium. his eyes land on you and taehyung, chatting amongst yourselves. he can’t help but feel a slight twinge of jealousy, that’s his seat. even though there were no assigned seats, the place next to you was always his, that’s just how it was, and seeing someone else sitting there, especially taehyung, makes jungkook’s green monster pop out. 
you feel a presence step behind you while you were talking to taehyung, and before you know it, jungkook is sitting in the seat next to taehyung. “oh! good morning, jungkook!” you’re smiling to him. he doesn’t grant you one of his regular vocal responses, rather he gives you a tight-lipped grin before he leans back into his chair and focuses on whatever the professor was saying. 
maybe he was jealous. witnessing you and taehyung having a wonderful conversation, one that makes you smile and laugh like he does. you didn’t even notice him when he came up the stairs, only greeting him when he sat down. no, he was definitely jealous. 
you’re stealing glances his way, pretending to be interested in whatever taehyung is talking about. he’s wearing the most boyfriend-est outfit in the world. a white long sleeve with grey sweatpants, his long hair tied up in a ponytail. you’re unconsciously biting your lip as you stare at him, he’s just so cool. he’s not even doing much other than looking straight forward. but this angle lets you see his sharp jawline and his side profile perfectly. 
you felt bad, one hundred percent. you should have told taehyung that the seat was taken, because now he was talking your ear off and you didn’t mind it, but you wanted someone else to be talking your ear off and it was the guy sitting next to him. 
when taehyung changes his focus to your professor talking about a summer he had in paris. you steal another glance at jungkook. you catch him staring at you, your eyes meet. he doesn’t keep the connection, cutting it off by moving his head and looking straight ahead. his jaw clenches, arms coming over and across his chest. he seems angry, you pick up on the energy now. an idea pops in your head to try and make him feel better. reaching into your bag to find one of your index cards, writing a message on it. 
feeling okay? 
you scoot your chair back a bit, pretending to stretch as you tap jungkook’s shoulder. he turns his head to you, eyebrows raised. you hand him the paper. he stares at first, eyes flickering between you and the paper. reluctantly, he takes it, unfolding his crossed arms to receive the note. you scoot back into your seat and lean into the table, lowering your chin onto the desk. 
jungkook tries to hide his smile as he reads your little note. how could he ever stay mad at you? it wasn’t your fault he was late. so he replies, his black ink has a stark contrast against your green highlighter. he can already feel his bad mood brightening. 
yeah, didn’t save me a seat? :( 
this time he folds the note, handing it to taehyung and telling him to pass it to you. “really? you’re passing notes? we’re in college, jeon.” taehyung snickers as he slides the paper towards you. 
you let a small laugh, reading the note. taehyung’s scolding continues as you write your response on the index card. you changed your green highlighter out with a blue pen. 
i came super early :( waited 20 mins for u </3 but i didn’t think u were coming so i let taehyung sit here 
you send it back and watch jungkook’s somewhat straight face contort into a smile. there it is, the smile that you know and love. 
jungkook on the other hand could cry. you came early. you waited for him. god, had he royally fucked this up. he makes his mind up now. 
i’m sorry :( let me make it up to u? can i take you out on a date tonight? 
check: ◯  yes ◯ no 
jungkook keeps the paper for a good minute, reading the note over and over again, thinking about how childish this way of asking is. but at the same time, jungkook knows that if he talks to you about it after class, he’ll gloss over the words and never ask you. letting the reservation and plans he made weeks ago render themselves useless. it was now or never. 
so he fully sends it, tapping your shoulder and giving it to you directly. you open the note and scan the words, sending him the sweetest look he’s ever received in his life. he thinks that would be a yes. he hopes. you write something onto the card and pass it back to him, your hand grazing his for a second. 
⚫ yes :) ♡ ◯ no 
the rest of the class passes pretty quickly. not that you were paying any attention. jungkook had emailed you a link to a game that the two of you could play, a weird version of snakes. jungkook kept cheating, you swore it, but in all honesty, you knew you couldn’t compete when it came to jungkook and his computer games. a clap from the professor breaks your attention from your screen, “alright, that was the last class of anatomy 101!” he then goes on a two minute long speech thanking the entire class for their great work this past year. he ends his ment with, “good luck and make good decisions! have a fun summer!” 
you take your time packing your things, a little too long for someone that just has a laptop to put into their bag. taehyung says goodbye to the both of you and leaves first, the seat in between you both empty. now it was just the two of you. a small blush creeps onto your cheeks. you were well past your high school crush phase, but jungkook makes you feel so shy again. 
you try to hide it by speaking first, “so, a date?” 
he sends you that award winning smile that makes you swoon. “yeah, did you change your mind?” 
you shake your head. “is it casual? fancy? want me to wear a dress again?” you tease, finally pushing your computer into your bag and standing. 
jungkook gulps. you looked so pretty that night in a dress. “fancy,” he answers, “you can wear a dress if you want, pantsuits are cool too— whatever you want.” he finishes packing as well, standing next to you as you both begin to walk down the stairs. 
“okay then,” you smile. “what time should i be ready?” 
“i’ll come and pick you up at seven, is that okay?” he replies, hand in his pockets. you both make your way out of the room and start to move towards the parking lot. 
“sounds good,” you nod, approaching your car. jungkook walks you to your door, his eyes focused on your sweet smile and your eyes. if jungkook didn’t know any better, he would have thought you were leaning closer towards him. a small laugh leaves your throat. “see you later, kookie.” 
he sends you a smile, the nickname tugging at his heartstrings. the realization hits him after you’ve already driven away and he’s sitting in the driver seat of his car. an embarrassing blush covers his face, he takes a deep breath and laughs to himself. finally. a year of crushing and he’s finally asked you on a proper date. 
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jungkook is quite frankly, freaking the fuck out. he isn’t sure what to wear and his hair isn’t working with him. the long strands seemingly out to make his life a living hell when he tries to style it. one strand always looks out of place, or the way that it parts doesn’t sit right. he’s pacing his bathroom, debating if he should just shower again and take all the stupid fucking product out of his hair. 
he gives in after ten minutes of deliberation. a quick shower removing all the wax and gel from his hair. the ends of his hair dripping when he goes to check his phone, the time reading: 6:45. he was gonna be late to pick you up. now he’s full on panicking. he has no other choice then to skip the hair product all together and just let his hair dry and part on it’s own. he slides on his all black fancy outfit he had planned out just in case the first one didn’t work out. he steps out of his apartment after grabbing his car keys, wallet, and the flowers he bought earlier in the day for you. 
a friend of his works in a flower shop. jungkook remembers you saying  that you like all flowers and that you couldn’t choose if you had to. so his friend asked what you were like, trying to figure out a way to style the bouquet without knowing your favorites. jungkook said the general things; you’re sweet like an apple, probably sweeter, like candy. you’re so pretty, it’s blessing that he’s able to lay his eyes upon you. you’re smart, too smart for him to flirt stupidly like he always does, ‘cause you outsmart him and flirt with him back in a wittier way. you’re— that was enough information, his friend told him he was babbling again. jungkook only had to wait ten minutes for his friend to finish fixing up a beautiful bouquet for you. 
the bouquet is placed on the passenger seat as he starts his car, texting you when he realizes it’s almost five minutes until 7. 
[6:54 pm] jungkook: fuck 
[6:54 pm] jungkook: i’m gonna be a little late
[6:55 pm] jungkook: i swear i’m not standing u up
[6:55 pm] jungkook: ok i’m putting my phone down to drive to u now, sorry cutie!! 
[6:57 pm] you: ah okay! 
[6:57 pm] you: i was getting a little worried haha
[6:58 pm] you: see u in a bit <3
jungkook drives safely, but efficiently to your apartment. the drive only taking about five minutes because the stop lights were gracing him with green lights his entire way to you. he parks right in front, grabbing the flowers and hopping out of the car. when he knocks on your door, he starts to feel his nerves work against him. the adrenaline from rushing here gave him enough energy to hype himself up, but now as he’s standing here at your door, waiting for you to answer, his throat starts to dry and his hands start to sweat. 
the metal door slides open, revealing you. in your silk dress, draping over your body in the most flattering way. the neckline deliciously hangs down to reveal your cleavage ever so slightly and the slit on the dress, displaying your thigh teasingly. jungkook is speechless at his first glance at you. his eyebrows raise and his mouth drops open, catching himself drooling once you step out from your apartment. 
“h— hi, you look— wow,” he stumbles over his words, taking a step back to admire you once again. “you’re fucking stunning.”  
you brush your hair back behind your ear, your hand covering the blush covering your cheeks. “thank you, you look very handsome, jungkook.” you reach out and play with his black tie. he looks down when you do, remembering that he was holding a bouquet of flowers for you. 
he holds them out, “these are for you.” like a kid giving his crush a dandelion he picked from the grass. 
“these are gorgeous, jungkook! thank you.” you look up to him with your signature sweet eyes, the ones that never fail to make him melt. “just give me one sec, i’ll put these down and then we can go?” you ask, holding onto the bouquet and waiting for him to respond. a quick nod is all you need to open your door and place them in the fridge. you come out a few seconds later, locking your door and standing by jungkook again. 
“that was fast,” he comments. he holds his arm out for you to hold, which you gratefully take. 
“i just put them in the fridge, my grandma showed me the trick, it helps them live a little longer,” you explain. the two of you walking out to his parked car. he never lets your hand touch the handle, always opening the door for you. 
“when they die, i’ll just buy you new ones.” closing the door for you and making his way to the drivers seat. 
you scrunch your nose. when he comes back and joins you in the car, you voice your worry. “it’s kind of a waste, don’t you think?” 
he shakes his head, “if it’s for you, nothing’s a waste.” 
jungkook was a professional with his words. always rendering you speechless. 
with that he starts the car and begins driving into the busier part of seoul. he makes his way into the restaurants parking garage, the building looks to be about five stories. the architecture itself looks expensive, you wonder where jungkook is taking you tonight. he parks the car, turning off the engine, and moving to open the door for you. he takes your hand and you hold onto your dress, fixing it once you get out of the car. god, you’re so pretty. he was so nervous. 
“ready, my lady?” he smiles, his arm out for you to hold. 
it makes you laugh, a snort almost. “i’ve never seen you so proper, mr. jeon.” 
“only for you,” he winks. your heels click against the concrete floor as he leads the two of you into the building. the high ceilings and multiple chandeliers are what greet you first, the brightness of the place giving the sun something to rival. jungkook brings you over to the waiting area, telling you to wait for a minute as he checks you guys in. 
this was crazy to say the least. the last time you went on a date, it was to the movie theaters. you’ve never been in a place like this; a doorman greeting every guest as they walk in, checking in to eat, multi-story, etc. the more you look around, the cooler it is. “let’s go?” jungkook’s voice makes you turn your head. you stand, taking his hand. 
the two of you follow a man wearing a black and white suit, with a long tail jacket. he brings you to the elevators, holding the doors open for you both. you step in and he presses the fifth button, which was the top floor. you squeeze jungkook’s hand. he repeats the action, looking to you and silently asking if you were okay with the look in his eyes and the raise of his eyebrows. you nod, a smile on your face. 
with that the elevator doors open, the metal doors sliding apart to reveal a private terrace. only a couple tables on the entire floor. a few people sitting down and enjoying their dinners. beautiful greenery surrounding the perimeter, the night sky only making it prettier. your mouth is left agape, you’re stuck in the elevator, speechless. jungkook gently tugs you forward, following the suit man to the table. 
jungkook pulls your chair out for you. you could cry at the chivalry. you sit and he pushes the chair in, jungkook follows soon, sitting in the chair across from you. the man hands the two of you the menu and moves away from the table, standing back near to the elevator, waiting until you are both ready to order. 
“this is fucking crazy,” you whisper-shout. the terrace was lit by these bright fairy lights that were hidden in the plants and were above the tables as well. it looked like little fairies and fire flies were in the air, roaming around. 
“i know right!” jungkook looked as surprised as you were. “i asked my friends for some help and holy shit!” 
“they know you’re on a date with me right now?” you ask, raising your eyebrows. 
to this he furrows his eyebrows, “of course they do, i talk about you all the time—”but he stops himself from exposing himself any further. you can’t help but giggle. “i mean, i asked them to help me make this special, and here we are.” 
you swoon. he’s so sweet for planning all of this out and wanting to make you feel special. the two of you look through the menu, jungkook warns you not to look at the prices, telling you to get whatever you want because the price doesn’t matter. but of course, your eyes stray to the numbers, the meals costing a pretty penny for a simple spaghetti plate, the cheapest thing on there. you were craving pasta anyway, you didn’t mind. the two of you order and wait for the food to arrive. 
the city of seoul was just below you, not too high but high enough to turn people into smaller figures of themselves. the night lights look gorgeous from up here. the warm summer night only complimenting the gorgeous atmosphere. 
“the view is so pretty,” you gaze out into the city. the pretty colors from all the lights of the different stores and restaurants complementing each other so beautifully. 
jungkook was in awe, he knows that the city below you is gorgeous, but he can’t seem to get his eyes off of you. your chin resting in the palm of your hand as your eyes search through the streets. “yeah…” he agrees, “very beautiful.” he smiles, only looking at you. 
the food comes and you both dig in. the two of you enjoy some conversation with each other as you eat. the topic of growing up comes up, both of you explaining the occupations you wanted, and you said something that sparked curiosity in jungkook. “your childhood dream was to live in california?” he smiles, chewing on his steak. most of the time kids dream about going to the moon or finding atlantis, but you wanted to go to america? 
you nod, “sounds funny right? when i was a teen, i watched a lot of 90210.” 
“is that all though? you only wanted to go because of a tv show?” he asks. there’s something you’re hiding, and jungkook can see it in the way that you hide your smile. 
at first, you hesitate, but you open your mouth to speak, “well— there is— no, it’s embarrassing.” you shake your head, changing your mind and reverting your eyes down. staring at the plate of pasta in front of you. guys you talked to didn’t wanna hear about it, they thought what you were into was boring, embarrassing almost. a part of you feared that jungkook would feel the same. 
you feel his hand on your chin, tilting your head up. “i wanna hear about it.” his face telling you the truth, the sincerity in his eyes as he patiently waits for you to explain. 
“there’s this science program in california, they explore new ideas for researching the ocean, like trying to see what lurks in the deep blue, helping fix the rising oceans, everything-- oh my god, and they like go on field trips to different countries to see the coastlines and historical sites—” you cut yourself off when you realize that you’re talking at the speed of light. “i’m rambling.” you were terrified to see his reaction. 
but when your eyes finally meet jungkook’s, they’re full of light. and his smile is so big. “dude, that’s so dope!” he grins, “i didn’t know you were so into the ocean!” 
it was the bare minimum, being nice, but that was hard to find when it came to the majority of the male species. obviously, jungkook is above average, he only proves that the more time you spend with him. 
“oh, i love it! my parents would bring me to the beach and i would cry every time we would have to leave, aquariums too, and the fish section in the pet stores.” you gush, leaning into the table to tell jungkook more. he leans into his hand, resting his cheek against his fist as he listens to you spill your knowledge and love. 
he notes that the next date should be at the beach or an aquarium. it was a great time for him to learn this, especially since it was summer. the weather in favor of the cold ocean waves. jungkook swears he can listen to you talk until the end of time. your sweet voice can be the narration to his life, he’d never get sick of it. 
the food on both of your plates had been cleared, the conversation sizzling into a comfortable silence before the man came back to give you the bill. jungkook doesn’t let you see it, instead just sticking his card in the black folder thing, and giving it back to the fancy suit man. it wasn’t long before he came back, handing jungkook back his card and giving the both of you a lollipop with gold flakes encased inside. 
you gasp at the piece of candy, now that was ridiculous. you weren’t one to reject a lollipop though, gratefully taking the candy and popping it into your mouth. jungkook does the same. it tastes of blueberry. at this point he stands up, moving in front of you and holding his hand out to you. “let’s look around? i heard they have a cool museum on the second floor.” 
you take his hand, “i love museums!” the two of you make your way to the elevator, the man (he never told you his name) kept the door open for you both. he presses the second floor button when jungkook asks him for the museum. the elevator landing on the second floor, the doors slide open to show a completely empty art hall. this place shocking you every chance it gets. you didn’t think it could get better, but it did. 
when the two of you exit the elevator, the man leaves you to it, taking the elevator down and leaving you alone. your eyes scan the place, huge paintings on the walls, small paintings in collages, some sculptures on the floor, it felt like a pop-up museum. you both make your way down the enormous hallway, both sides of the room’s wall displaying works of art. you stop at one specific painting, the familiar work has you spewing random facts. “these are the lovers! i had to analyze this once,” you speak. the art displaying a couple kissing, both of their heads covered by a white sheet. “the real one is in australia, i think.” you laugh, tapping the lollipop against your lips. 
jungkook listens intently, but he doesn’t pay attention to the painting on the wall. everytime he does, his eyes always revert to you. the art doesn’t stand a chance against you in his book. you, yourself, were a piece of art, one that was rare in this world, one of a kind. 
he can’t seem to resist. taking your hand and raising it over your head, the way that they do in ballroom dancing. if a twirl was what he wanted, then so he got it. “beautiful,” he compliments, pulling you in close for a hug. the two of you swaying in the middle of the hall of this stupidly expensive restaurant. 
you look up to him, making full eye contact as the two of you lean on one foot to the other. probably looking like a lovesick couple, getting lost in the moment. which, you were. your eyes flicker from his eyes down to his lips, he seems to do the same thing. his hand moves to caress your face, the swaying ceased. now the two of you are centimeters apart, noses brushing against each other. if jungkook doesn’t kiss you now, he thinks he’ll combust. so when he feels you pushing forward, he does the same, meeting you in the middle. your lips connect. the kiss almost identical to the painting in front of you. 
jungkook swears he felt himself levitating. your lips are sweet, the blueberry flavor of the lollipop lingering on them. he’s had his fair share of kisses in his life. makeouts, pecks, cheek kisses, all types of kisses. but something about this one tells him that he’s in for it. he’ll never be able to get enough now that he’s gotten a taste. 
neither of you want to take it too far; swallowing each other's faces in a distinguished, five star restaurant’s museum didn’t seem very proper. so the two of you make your way out of the building, thanking everyone at the front desk, especially the man that helped you out today, and walking into the parking garage where jungkook’s car was. 
when you get to his car, he moves to open the passenger door for you but you stop him with a hand on his arm. you reach to open the back door handle and his eyes almost bulge out. everyone knows what happens in the backseat, and jungkook did not prepare himself for something like this. 
you look up at him with the most innocent eyes, but there’s something devious hidden in your smile when you ask, “do you wanna talk for a bit longer? in the backseat? it’s more comfortable than sitting in the front.” 
jungkook never took you for someone this bold. it’s either you didn’t know the meaning of the backseat (which was totally fine) or you knew very well, and had plans to devour jungkook (which was also totally fine).
he chickens out, his hands starting to sweat. “do you want to just go for a little walk or something?” it’s not like jungkook didn’t want anything to happen, it’s that he did. if he starts, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever recover from it. he walks a tightrope around you when it comes to his self control. one wrong move, and he’s terrified that he’ll fuck everything up. 
“oh, it’s just my feet kinda hurt from these heels.” you pout, lifting you foot up to show him the almost stiletto heel. 
his eyes widen. why didn’t he think of that? “oh— oh shit, i didn’t even— yeah, let’s sit.” he tugs on the door, letting you slide into the back seat. he follows, leaving a good amount of space between you both to make sure that there was nothing too suspicious going on. you hope your bold moves hide your nervousness, despite your confidence, jungkook’s unsure looks make you want to curl up into a ball. did he not want this? 
the air was different now. in the restaurant the two of you had been so carefree, slow dancing in the museum, and landing a sweet kiss on each other’s lips. but now, an uncomfortable silence tears at the two of you. your hesitance makes you speak, trying to see if a conversation would ease the tension in the air. “i had a lot of fun tonight, kookie, thank you.” 
it seems to comfort jungkook, he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. with a small smile on his face he replies, “me too, i was really nervous you wouldn’t like the food.” 
“oh it was good! i’ll eat anything really, it’s just—“
“you didn’t like the place? was it too much—“
“no, jungkook, oh my god— i loved it, it was just really expensive, i still feel really bad about you paying for all of it,” you look to him seriously. “let me give you at least my half?” 
he shakes his head, “i asked you out on this date, it means i pay, don’t worry about the price.” 
you roll your eyes playfully, “big spender huh?”
a pretty laugh escapes his lips. “hard worker too.” 
to this you smile, you stare at his impossibly-perfect face, noticing a stray eyelash on his cheek. you see a chance to strike and you take it immediately. you lean forward to swipe it off. jungkook almost leans into your touch. he’s so terrified that he’ll embarrass himself right now, so he’s been holding back tremendously. but the way you pick the eyelash off and place it on your thumb with a smile on your face, it eases most of the tension in his chest. 
“make a wish!” you hold your thumb up to his lips. his eyes cross to look at the piece of hair on your finger, but nevertheless he obliged. shutting his eyes tight, making a wish, and blowing the eyelash off of your thumb. 
you let out a small cheer before you ask him, “what’d you wish for?” 
“if i told you then my wish wouldn’t come true, right?” he boops your nose. suddenly, jungkook doesn’t feel so nervous. his nerves calming at the feeling of your soft hands against his face. you make him so nervous, but at the same time you make him so comfortable and make him want to be himself. it seems as though the two of you were staring at each other for a while. jungkook was thinking about how much he likes you, the same ideas run through your mind. the thoughts make you wish for something more. 
“can i kiss you again, kookie?” 
he stares at you, weighing his options. if he kisses you now, then he has to strategically only give you a few kisses, he absolutely cannot make out with you, or else, jungkook will succumb to his desires.
but he takes a little too long to respond. the both of you overthinking the fuck out of the situation. it makes you draw back. “it’s okay if you don’t want—“ 
“no, no, please, kiss me,” he brings you back, moving closer to you. licking his lips in anticipation as you slowly push forward, closing the gap between you both. the kiss is so sweet, like the one in the museum. jungkook can still taste the blueberry lingering on your lips. he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of kissing you. 
you pull away first. your eyes scanning his face to see any expression of regret. there’s none. his hand moves to the side of your face, caressing your face and bringing you to him once again to meet your lips. he can’t get enough. “tell me what you wished for, please,” you speak against his lips. 
he smiles into the kiss. he wasn’t going to tell you, but since you were asking so nicely, he gives you a kiss on the cheek when he answers, “i wished for a second date.” 
“oh, didn’t you know?” you kiss both of his cheeks before speaking again, “i grant wishes,” with wink.
“fuck, you’re so cute,” he thinks out loud, it makes you blush. pink cheeks out for show and jungkook thinks you look even cuter. he dives in for one more kiss, telling himself this will be the last one, but when you make sweet noises against his lips, it has him wanting more. hands moving down to your waist, pulling you in and letting you climb onto his lap. he pulls away first, trying to get a hold of himself. “i uh— actually, didn’t plan for this to happen,“ he mumbles against your skin, tripping over his words. 
you look down, arms wrapped around his neck. “hm? what did you plan?” 
“we were supposed to kiss on the next date i take you on and i didn’t think— we’re just ahead of schedule, that’s all.” jungkook tries to explain that he didn’t want to rush it, god no. he wanted to take his time, make sure that you didn’t feel pressured to do anything. but now, it seems like you’re taking the wheel and jungkook doesn’t mind it one bit.
“oh so you had like a real plan? like times and everything?” the thought of it makes you laugh, and the way that jungkook flushes makes you want to pinch his cheeks. 
he pouts when you giggle, “don’t laugh, i just really, really wanted to do it right, you’re just so amazing and i didn’t wanna fuck it up.”
you smile at his concern. the fact that you have the uni heartthrob planning dates in his head down to the details and wanting to be sure he does it right makes your head spin. you hope jungkook doesn’t notice the way that your heart is beating three times the normal rate when you go to kiss him again. the only sounds in the car are labored breaths and your lips smacking together. it doesn’t take long before you’re grinding into him. his growing bulge rubbing against your soaking core. a groan leaving him when you grind particularly harder, his hands moving to your ass to grip it. you melt in his arms, small whimpers leaving your throat as jungkook drinks them up
you pull away from his lips, giving his cheeks attention then leaving a trail of kisses as you make your way to his ear. one final kiss is planted below his earlobe before you whisper, “am i ruining your plans, kookie?” 
jungkook tries his best to conceal his groan, tries his best to ignore his incredibly hard dick in his jeans, but you’re so pretty and you’re on top of him, kissing him. it feels like a dream to jungkook. it is quite literally a dream come true. 
he was already playing with fire, your body a flame in the cold, he moves closer and closer until he burns. “fuck plans,” he breathes. a hand comes back to caress your face once again. filthy thoughts flooding his brain. he wonders what being in between your legs is like, what you sound like when you cum. he wants to make you cry and beg for his cock. but he holds himself back, knowing that you’ll have time to try everything out, if you wanted of course. he leans the both of you forward, his large hands splayed on your back to secure you on his lap. your lips find each other once more. “can i touch you?” he asks so sweetly, a hidden poison weaving through that you can slightly hear through the deep rumble of his voice. 
you’ve never wanted anything more. “please,” you nod. your lips chasing his when he pulls further away. 
jungkook smiles at the action. “lay on my lap, baby.” he instructs, tapping your thigh. the nickname rolling off his tongue, his voice seemingly dropping an entire octave. you raise your leg and move it over to sit on his lap, sideways. your back against the car door and his right hand rubbing your thighs ever so gently. 
“like this?” you ask, looking to him for reassurance. he looks to you with eyes that you’ve never seen, lusted and dark. 
“mhm, perfect,” he nods. “good girl.” the praise goes straight to your belly, your panties flooding from how much you want him. his hands move slowly down your inner thighs as he goes in to kiss you again. 
you’re absentmindedly spreading your legs, making room for him. he smirks against your lips when he realizes. he knows what you want, so his fingers move to your panties, lightly putting pressure over your clothed bud. you whimper at the feeling, biting his lip in the process. he moans in response, putting a little more pressure against your bundle of nerves. 
“jungkook,” you whine, pulling away from his lips, “please.” 
“please what, baby?” he kisses your cheek, “tell me what you want.”  
“please touch me, please.” you beg, making eye contact with him. jungkook’s dick twitches at the sound of your begging. he wanted to string you along a little longer, but you’re being so good. 
“since you asked so nicely, baby,” he obliges. bunching your dress up around your waist and noticing the pretty black lace underwear you were wearing, “for me?” he asks. you nod, your teeth taking in your bottom lip. he groans at the thought, you getting ready and picking out these cute, risque panties out just for him. it’s just too bad they’re gonna be on the floor on his car. he’s gonna need to ask for a rain check on admiring you and your cute underwear later.  
you lift your hips to help him, underwear coming off to reveal your soaking pussy. “oh, fuck,” jungkook murmurs at the sight of it. “you’re so wet baby.” he almost starts drooling, he can’t wait to taste you, but he’s still hesitant, only wanting to do what you want to. next time, he can eat you out. right now, he’ll admire the delicious sight and make you cum on his fingers. 
your eyes travel to the window directly in front of you, suddenly feeling insecure. thighs closing, thinking about how someone could look in and see. “what about the windows—“ 
“they’re tinted, no one can see from the outside in, i promise.” he reassures, giving you another sweet kiss on the cheek before asking, “do you still want to do this? we can stop now.” he’s so lovely, his concern and change in demeanor only making you want it more, knowing that he wouldn’t want to push you to do something you were uncomfortable with. sweet was sexy on jungkook. you never thought there would be a day that jeon jungkook fingers you in a parking lot of a five star restaurant, but here you are. and you wouldn’t have it any other way. 
so you shake your head, taking his hand, and placing it back in between your legs. “please.” 
“anything for you.” he whispers in your ear before running his middle finger up your slit, collecting your wetness, and spreading it around your clit. he continues making tight circles on your clit, the sensation drives you crazy. you lean your head back against the window, moaning out. it was almost humiliating how reactive you were, you hadn’t indulged in this kind of intimacy in a while, almost a year to be specific. 
it wasn’t helping that jungkook was a fucking pro. the right amount of pressure and the placement of his digits against you has you dripping onto his nice, dress pants. you hoped nobody else was in the parking garage, else they would hear your cries of jungkook’s name. “more, kookie, more— fuck.” 
“more baby?” he questions, the sound of your moans going straight to his already hard dick. he thinks he could cum just to the sound of your voice. he’s one hundred percent fucked when it comes to you. he dips his middle finger into your hole, you gasp in reaction. “like that? hmm? ” 
jungkook knew was he was doing, he had you spread wide in the backseat of his car, already on the verge on an orgasm. he had a few years of experience on his belt, a ‘retired fuck boy’ he was, but he’s never wanted to please somebody more than he does right now with you. you just looked so pretty like this, so eager and begging for more. 
he adds his ring finger now, his thumb against your clit. “oh, god—“ you mutter, the feeling of his fingers and his thumb on your clit is too good. his fingers fucking you better than anyone else’s dick ever has. you found yourself bucking your hips against his fingers. “kookie, kiss me, please,” you look up to him with the eyes he can never fucking deny. so he kisses you, drinking up your moans as you fuck yourself up onto his fingers. 
“i didn’t know you were such a dirty girl,” he murmurs against your lips. your walls clenching around him, “letting me touch you like this in the backseat of my car?” his usual sweet demeanor now contorting into this cocky guy with an ego. it makes you even wetter. the squelch of your pussy every time his fingers push in is loud, the sound is music to jungkook’s ears. 
“only— only for you, jungkook,” you whimper.  you feel a familiar knot in your stomach tighten. he looked so hot like this. eager to please. his bottom lip caught in his teeth and a strand of his long hair dangling in front of his eyes. 
“good girl, all mine,” he kisses your neck. it may seem just like something you say during sex, but jungkook wanted it to be true. wanted you and only you. all to himself. he makes his way to a sweet spot, the feeling makes you tilt your head, giving him more access to kiss and suck along the sensitive skin. the discomfort of your back against the hard door was the last of your worries. your orgasm creeping closer and closer, juices leaking all overs his fingers. “so wet baby,” he growls, “i know i could just slide in, fuck you so good.” 
“p-please, i want it.” the thought of jungkook fucking you senseless, oh, you’d go crazy. begging wasn’t something you did when it came to sex, most of the time it was quiet, moans and breaths were the only things that you’d hear, no dirty words or praises. it was a good change, you never thought that you’d be so into being talked through it. 
he smiles at your eagerness, “patience baby, gotta take you on another date, yeah?” kissing your pursed lips. always so sweet and lovely. 
you feel his fingers push a little deeper, curling to find that sweet spot inside of you. your reaction does something to him, makes him hit the exact same spot, over and over again, in a slow, torturous beat just so he can draw those delicious gasps and moans out of you. jungkook feels close. he’s never felt like this before, so wound up. he ignores it, pushing it to the back of his head to focus on helping you reach your climax. 
lucky for jungkook, he didn’t have to wait very long. his fingers were longer and a thicker than yours, his efforts making you get there faster than you ever could. the consistent deep strokes of his fingers make the warning signals go off in your head. you speak a verbal warning before, “fuck, i’m gonna cum,” your voice pitches a little higher than usual. 
“gonna cum all over my fingers, baby?” he gives you one last sloppy kiss before you’re moaning out and coming onto his fingers, eyes screwed shut as your walls convulse rapidly as his fingers fuck you through your orgasm. “fuck, you’re so hot, ___.” 
you feel a smile break on your face. “you’re not so bad yourself,” you wink, still trying to catch your breath. a laugh slips from his mouth, small smirk on his mouth to match. he slips his fingers out, your body twitching at the over stimulation. 
 “i’m sorry, baby,” he apologizes. inspecting his fingers, your pale almost-white cum coating the digits. he brings them to his mouth, sucking on your sweet sap. you’ve never seen anything hotter in your life. “sweet, just like you,” he smirks. you shrink in his stare, hiding your blush. like you totally didn’t just cum on his fingers. 
you’re distracted by the feeling of something hard resting under your thigh, it’s then that you realize, “what about—“ you start but jungkook cuts you off quick. 
“no, no, it’s okay, it’ll go away soon.” he shakes his head, but you furrow your eyebrows. 
you pull on his black tie, making him lean forward and make eye contact with you “can i?” you ask, so sweetly. 
he stares at you with the most sexed eyes you’ve ever witnessed. “you’re driving me crazy.” 
“you’re always so sweet to me, jungkook,” you kiss his cheek. readjusting yourself in his lap, straddling him once more. “took me on this amazing dinner, always treating me like a princess.” your lips travel down from his cheeks to his jawline, then to his neck. he shudders at the feeling of your lips against his sensitive skin. your hands move from around his neck to travel further down, to the latch of his belt. his breath hitches. “let me return the favor, kookie.”
“i—“ he laughs, the embarrassment evident in the pink tint on his face. “i won’t last very long.” 
you didn’t mind, just assuring him with a sweet kiss on the cheek before you start removing his belt. jungkook leans his head back on the headrest, his neck exposed for you to kiss and suck. you unbutton and unzip, pulling his pants and his boxers down at the same time. his size makes your eyes bulge. he was huge. your mouth waters at the sight. 
“you’re so big, kook.” you egg him on, fueling his ego because he just looked so hot. your hand moves to hold him at the base, he lets out a shaky breath when your soft skin meets his. jungkook’s head is in the clouds, he could cum right now if he let go, but he’s holds himself back, not wanting to look like a fool in front of you. your hand moves up his dick, your thumb collecting the precum dripping from his hole, your thumb running over his slit as he groans. 
his hips buck up, “shit, baby.” he just sounds so good. you could just lick him up. you collect some saliva in your mouth, letting it drip from your mouth onto his dick to lube your hand. he groans at the sight, “you’re so filthy, baby, holy shit.” 
you smirk at the admission, the spit making it so easy for your hand to glide against his cock. the feeling makes him throw his head back again. his chest rising and falling.  the picture of him with his eyes screwed shut in pleasure and his mouth agape makes your lower belly light up once more, you clench around nothing. leaning in as you pump his cock to whisper in his ear, “wanna fuck me so bad? have me crying on your cock? you want that, don’t you, kookie?” 
jungkook twitches at your words. that’s exactly what he wants. was he that easy to read? was that what you wanted too? the thought of it makes him want to explode, “oh— god, ffuck— fuck,” he sputters. his hand coming up to hover above his head, your hand still pumping as the spurts of his cum shoot out. you smile at the action, knowing he didn’t wanna fuck up your dress. instead just making a mess of him and his hand. he takes deep breaths before speaking, “there’s a little box of tissues in the center console, could you hand it to me, baby?” 
you lean back, opening the console and reaching for the small box that sits in the center. before you give it to him, your eyes flicker to the sticky mess all over jungkook’s hand and groin. a sudden urge to lick takes you over, holding jungkook’s hand and bringing it up to your mouth. you lick the dripping cum from the palm of his hand as he watches, maintaining eye contact the entire time. 
jungkook shivers, a smile creeping on his face, “you— you’re evil.” the remark makes you laugh. 
“sorry, just wanted to help clean up.” you smile, swallowing the cum you collected on your tongue. 
“yeah, yeah, you’re not the sweet girl i thought you were,” jungkook quirks a brow. 
you roll your eyes playfully, “you don’t like it?” 
“nope, i love it, you’re perfect.” jungkook wipes off the remaining mess from his lap and his hand. you help him clean up tissues and he picks up your panties that were discarded on the floor. the two of you fix yourselves before stepping out of the back seat, jungkook opens the passenger door for you before he goes to a trashcan and throws away the soiled tissues. 
he joins you back in the car, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot. you were rambling about how happy you were that no one was around and how there were no security cameras in the parking garage. jungkook blabbers too, telling you about how embarrassed he is that he barely lasted a few minutes. before the two of you knew it, his car parked in front of your apartment complex. 
he stands outside of your front door, leaning against the doorframe. all dreamy and not like he just made you cum in the backseat of his car. “text me before you sleep?” he smiles. 
you nod, “of course,” reflecting the same smile. you wave before closing your door. the date being more than you ever expected. there was no way jungkook was real. he had to be a figment of your imagination, he was the absolute dream guy. 
you lay in bed, staring at the stars on your ceiling. a blush creeping up to your cheeks once more when you think about the events that took place tonight. 
[11:02 pm] you: thank you for tonight, jungkook 
[11:02 pm] you: it was magical <3 
[11:03 pm] jungkook: no problem cutie, i had an amazing time with you
[11:04 pm] jungkook: feeling okay? 
[11:06 pm] you: i’m great!!! more than okay
[11:07 pm] jungkook: 😂
[11:07 pm] jungkook: i’m glad cutie
[11:08 pm] you: lunch on me next time? now that you’ve taken me for dinner :) 
[11:08 pm] jungkook: sure, i’m down :) 
[11:09 pm] you: i’m rlly tired kookie 
[11:10 pm] you: gonna head to sleep now 
[11:10 pm] jungkook: alright cutie 
[11:11 pm] jungkook: sweet dreams! 
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。゚(゚^O^゚)゚。 tag list: @giadalin @ggukkieland
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thefanficmonster · 3 years ago
Text
Casual
Ranboo x Reader (Female)
Warnings: None, unless talking about the future counts
Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)
Summary: Following the arrival of the dreadful invitation to his cousin’s wedding Ranboo turns to the only cover-up he can think of to keep his still-single status hidden from his family.
Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! I’m so glad you sent your idea to me and I’m so glad you were my first official Ranboo request. I’m really sorry it’s taken me so long to write it but I still hope you’ll come across it and read it! Love, Vy ❤
“Heyyy, so Y/N, I have a favor to ask you...um yeah, call me back, it’s awkward sending it via voicemail. Bye“
Huh - that’s the first thought that goes through my head when I listen to the voicemail left after a missed call from my best friend Ranboo. The favors he usually asks for consist of requesting assistance for his videos in which I also appear with a mask and sunglasses to keep the brand running. I genuinely have nothing against my face being shown but when I think about it, I’m honestly a bit glad people can’t identify me.
Anyways, back to the favors, Ranboo is no stranger to asking me for them but they’ve never been considered too awkward for a voicemail which is why I’m no slightly concerned. I’ve been swamped with work for school and studies for the graduation finals for the past two weeks and it seems like I’ll never get on top of it and I know Ranboo’s been in a similar situation too, so maybe he needs help with that? He’s not used to asking help for school stuff, he sometimes even has a hard time accepting it when I openly offer it to him.
I eventually sigh, decide that playing this guessing game will not get me anywhere and settle on giving him a call as I make my way home from the gym with my legs barely putting up with the task of carrying me around.
He picks up on the second ring.
“Hey! Wh-...“
“Would you pretend to be my girlfriend for my cousin’s wedding next weekend?!“
My legs take that opportunity to stop moving in the middle of the sidewalk which is luckily void of any people at the moment. It’s not my fault my body’s first reaction was to freeze up at the question that came flying at me like an out-of-control jet, almost as though he’s been dying to say it and get it over with.
“Um...run that by me again please, I think I misunderstood.“ I say, blinking blankly as though awoken from a fever dream. No, actually as though I’m IN a fever dream right now.
“Ok, now that the cat’s out of the bag, wanna grab some coffee and talk about it face-to-face. I need to see your facial expressions to gauge what response to expect.“ He says, the previous nervousness gone and his voice calm as regularly once again.
I’m this close to face-palming but I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and bring myself to utter a reply, “Our usual spot. Be there in ten minutes.”
                                                             *  *  *
“No freaking way.“ I shake my head, folding my arms over my chest as I lean back in my seat in the booth we picked when we arrived. Good thing I got an iced coffee cause even a hot one would’ve gone cold by now considering I haven’t yet taken the time to have even a sip of it. I’ve been too busy listening to the long and short of the explanation and begging speech Ranboo probably made last night to try and convince me to agree to this nonsense. “Dude, we’ve been friends since middle school-...“
“Exactly! Who else was I gonna ask?“ He cuts me off, pleading gaze meeting my unimpressed one.
I huff before continuing my previous statement, “We’ve been friends since middle school so you know my opinion on weddings.” I put extra emphasis on the word ‘opinion’, giving him the clear hint at the distaste I’ve expressed on the topic multiple times before.
“And you know we’re on the same page there but there’s no way I can avoid going unless someone kidnaps me.“ He too now gets in the same stance as me, his coffee forgotten too.
I can’t help but snort out a little laugh, “I’d be more than happy to kidnap you considering the other option is far less appealing to me.“
He, of course, rolls his eyes at me as though he didn’t offer to do the same thing so I could avoid an exam but anyways. “So you’re gonna choose to fake a kidnapping that has the potential of landing you in jail over coming to eat some great food and maybe even have some fun at a wedding with your best friend? I’m hurt.“ He says, frowning to cover up the smile that’s fighting its way onto his face.
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes, “I’d be kidnapping you, dummy...” I cut myself off to let out a long sigh and calm down before I go off at him. His smirk isn’t helping me much with the task either. I’ve known Ranboo long enough to know he’ll eventually convince me and he’s known me long enough to know how to do that exactly. With that in mind, there’s really no point in getting so worked up and wasting my energy. And so, despite my own rationality, I cave. “Fine, but I’m not staying the whole wedding.“
His eyes immediately light up and almost makes me feel the compromise was worth it. Almost. I mean, when you’ve been best friends with someone for so long, seeing them happy is worth more to you than your own comfort sometimes.
And he knows it too. Which is exactly why he outstretches his hand for me to shake and says: “Just one dance and you’re free to go. Deal?”
I take his hand without hesitations. That’s a better offer than I could’ve ever imagined. “Damn straight it’s a deal.“
                                                            *  *  *
“How long until you kick the heels off?“ Ranboo asks, bringing me a non-alcoholic cocktail and sitting down next to me.
I take a sip and giggle, “You kidding? I already kicked them off and replaced them with flats. I need mobility if we dance. They also lower the risk of me severing off a toe of yours if I step on you on accident.”
He laughs, clinking his glass against mine before he gets a bit more serious, “By the way, thanks for handling my family’s attack so well. I know it might’ve been a bit much but you handled it like a pro. Still, I’m sorry on their behalf.”
I shake my head and wave my hand dismissively, “Don’t mention it. I’d probably react the same way if my brother or cousin brought a date to an important family event like this.” I instinctively turn to look in the direction of where the majority of his family has gathered around, chatting with guests, smiling brightly. It’s hard not to immediately take a liking towards these people. They’ve been a second family to me ever since Ranboo and I started hanging out so I completely understand why they were so shocked to see me in the role of his ‘girlfriend’.
“I’ll tell my parents the truth later, our extended family is the ones I wanted to fool to be perfectly honest.“ He looks around as do I and we catch more than a few pairs of eyes fixated on us that turn away when they realize they’ve been spotted, “Mission accomplished by the looks of it.“
I chuckle. I’ve never felt so comfortable at a wedding before. I don’t feel stressed nor anxious despite knowing that there’s quite the number of eyes on me and there are whispers going around about my ‘relationship’ with Ranboo. It’s oddly calming and relaxing to be surrounded by some familiar and some unfamiliar faces. This cocktail is pretty great too.
Speaking of which, if it had any alcohol in it I’d blame it for the decision I’m about to make but this one’s entirely on me: I tap Ranboo with one hand while taking out my phone with the other. “If we’re already the talk of the wedding, let’s give them something to talk about.“ I say as I put up my phone, pretending to be taking a selfie leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek.
When I pull away I can clearly see that he’s still processing what just happened. I can’t help but burst out in a fit of laughter as I reach out to wipe the lipstick stain I left on his cheek. He looks like a lost, clueless puppy with the question: ‘what on Earth just happened???’ replaying in his head and it’s so freaking cute!
Wait....what was that? Since when do I use the adjective cute to describe Ranboo? Didn’t I think he looks handsome in a suit earlier too? The hell is with me today?
Then it hits me - the feeling isn’t foreign. Like, I know I’ve felt it before but I never analyzed it or even bothered to acknowledge it. But now that I do, I’m afraid of what it might be.
“There!“ I say, desperately trying to push the thoughts away along with this little firework show in my stomach, “Now you have pinker cheeks. Well, cheek, singular.“
As if snapping out of his state of confusion, he returns to Earth with a smirk, “Kiss the other to even it?”
Alright, his blush might not be even but mine now is and it’s ten times as intense and very much apparent but I don’t let the feeling shine through anything else as I proceed to actually kiss his other cheek too, wiping the lipstick stain.
“Thanks. You’re the best.” And just like that, as though it’s no big deal, he kisses my forehead.
See, that’s the thing, it shouldn’t be a big deal! It’s never been! This is far from the first time I’ve kissed him on the cheek or the first time he’s given me a forehead kiss. These are regular occurrences after years of this lovely friendship we have. Why do they feel so different now?
Then, much to my relief, the music starts and the lights turn off leaving only one spotlight for the groom and bride to have their first dance. They look absolutely astonishing and I can certainly say I’ve never before stopped to think that about any newly weds of the weddings I’ve preciously been to. I don’t know if it has something to do with the company I have for this particular wedding or it’s maybe the fact that my mindset’s changed over the years without me realizing.
Then I automatically look at Ranboo who just so happens to be looking at me too and all I can say is: my mindset hasn’t changed.
A loud applause takes over when the couple finish their dance, officially opening the dancefloor for any other pairs who’d like to occupy it and I’m happy to see how many people are eager to rush up with their partner.
 Ranboo gets up, putting the glass down and offers me his hand, “So, wanna dance? Don’t take this as a sign to leave though, we said one dance and you CAN leave, not SHOULD.” He says, giving me a warning look.
I roll my eyes and am about to give him some sass right back but he takes my hand and picks me up from my seat, leading me to the dancefloor.  And I gotta admit maybe it’s a good thing he did. If he left it to me I would’ve probably said no to the dance and ran the hell away. Why? - Cause I’m freaking terrified of this new mindset and point of view and these intense emotions I never used to pay any mind to before in regards to my best friend.
Friends don’t feel that way about friends. Friends don’t look at friends that way. What’s happening to me?
When I gotta look him in the eyes like this, not for the first time might I add, I can finally understand how the friends-to-lovers trope works: it’s all meaningless until it starts to mean so much to you. It’s all platonic until it reminds you of a romantic movie moment. It ‘best friends’ until it’s ‘I wish we were more than that’. It’s all casual, until it’s not.
And, unfortunately, it’s irreversible.
Damn do I wish I ran away now...
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spaceskam · 3 years ago
Text
3x09 Coda
"I sort of hate your house."
"Well, thank you so much, Guerin. I didn't exactly major in decor, but I didn't think it was that much of an eye sore."
Michael rolled his eyes, running his thumb down the length of Alex's index finger. Soft, champagne colored sheets draped over them like some sort of renaissance painting, their legs tangled beneath them in a way that felt too good to be true. This whole thing was too good to be true.
Minus the bullshit with his dad being Max's clone and said clone-dad trying to maximize chaos in all aspects, obviously.
"I don't mean it looks bad–though it sure as hell doesn't look like you live here–but," Michael paused, his eyes drifting to their hands. He ran his thumb over the back of his hand before grasping it and pulling it up to place a kiss in the center of his palm. "Two separate times I've come here to find you MIA. Twice."
Alex's eyes flickered around, his light expression changing into something a little darker. Michael pressed a few sloppy kisses to his palm in an attempt to lessen that. Alex breathed a laugh from his nose.
"I'm sorry."
"Not your fault. I'm just saying that I don't have the best memories of this place," Michael admitted. Alex hummed, scooting closer. They were almost nose to nose. On purpose. Without arguing.
"I have to stay here another year to make it financially worth it, but after that we can go wherever you want," Alex said. Michael's stomach clenched with anticipation. "This isn't the only Deep Sky base in the world. This isn't the only place to do research."
"You wanna travel the world with me doing research?" Michael asked. Alex grinned and rolled his eyes.
"That is literally all I want."
Michael leaned forward to kiss his lips, the action welcome and even wanted.
"What about the Lockhart machine?" Michael asked against his lips, moving to his jaw and then his neck. Because he could. Because they were in bed together–a big one with 6 pillows and they could fit without being pressed together and Alex still wanted to be pressed together anyway.
"Yeah, we're obviously working on that first. That and Jones. Which I think it'll help with the Jones situation once we get it to work like it's supposed to," Alex said, tilting his head back, "You know, minus the hallucination-inducing part."
Michael paused for a moment and raised his head to meet his eyes.
"What'd you hallucinate by the way? I didn't wanna pry in the moment because it obviously put you in a shitty mindset, but... What was it?" Michael asked. Alex sighed and avoided eye contact, shifting to try to sit up. Michael regretted it almost instantly. "Wait, sorry. You don't have to tell me. Just–is it something I need to worry about?"
Alex licked his lips, hesitating before he sat up anyway. Michael followed him and tried not to get too panicked that he was ruining shit already. Old habits die hard, after all.
"it was your mom," Alex said softly, like he was sparing Michael's feelings as if he was the one who literally got talked to the ledge by alien-induced hallucinations.
"My mom," Michael repeated. Alex nodded. "So. My mom talked you to a ledge."
"No, I knew it was a hallucination," Alex said, reaching for his hand, "I knew it was just my thoughts, my doubts and fears and everything personified. I can't say why it was her for sure, either because I was thinking about her because it's her machine or to make it hurt more. I don't want to be the guy to fuck up the image you have of your mom in your head. It was just my brain fucking me over."
"You don't have to explain yourself, I know you didn't have control over it," Michael said, though he was admittedly a little put off by the entire thing. Not for any other reason than knowing Alex will always think of that when he sees pictures of her face or hears her name.
Maybe it's a good thing he doesn't have any to hang up.
"But you're upset."
"Not with you," Michael insisted, grabbing his hand again, "Upset that you had to go through that."
"I did it to myself," Alex said. Michael rolled his eyes and leaned forward to kiss him, to make sure he knew this didn't change anything. Even if it did add an extra layer of fucked between them.
"Just, you're okay, aren't you? Up here?" Michael asked, reaching up to tap the side of Alex's head as he tested their foreheads together. He wanted to just grab him and pull him to lay down again but he was decided that was Alex's call. He didn't want to push.
"Yeah," Alex breathed, "Well, I mean, no, but nothing out of the ordinary."
Michael snorted a laugh, "Can't judge that, can I?"
"No, you can't," Alex said, amusement leaking back into his tone as his hand slid up Michael's arm and to his neck. Michael smiled effortlessly at the contact.
He couldn't get enough of how unabashedly tactile Alex was this time around. It was a dream come true.
"Just, you know, tell me if it ever gets too much again," Michael said, "What the point of having an all powerful alien if you don't let me help?"
"Oh, you're all powerful now?" Alex asked, his hand moving to Michael's chest and slowly pushing him back down into the mattress. His head hit the pillows that smelled like Alex, a smirk finding his face as Alex slowly lowered towards him.
"Oh yeah, didn't you hear?" Michael said, somehow not vibrating off the bed in excitement as Alex's body heat engulfed him, "Got an alien upgrade."
"Like what?" Alex breathed, ducking to press hot, open mouthed kisses to his collar bone.
Michael was euphoric.
"I, uh, found out I was basically born to be an arsonist, so that's something."
Alex laughed, resting his head against Michael's chest, all bare and beautiful and warm. And Michael really felt the difference between the bliss now and the bliss from all of the times before. The looming dread of an end was gone.
For the first time, when it came to Alex, he was weightless.
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shiftingshiftingshifting · 2 years ago
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I guess I need reassurance this isn't fake. I did everything right, I had the perfect mindset, I manifested ect ect and I was so confident and then I woke up in my CR AGAIN I just need reassurance from another shifter that ill actually shift some day. It's been 2 years and I'm so unmotivated after waking up here again
well there’s no way for me to *prove* it to you, you’ll just have to trust me when i say it’s 100% real. i, myself, have minishifted multiple times. the first, i didn’t open my eyes, but i heard the faint yelling of my then dr brother, and felt rough grass beneath me as i laid down. the second, i was doing a guided meditation and had the urge to open my eyes, so i did. i was faced with a moonlit chamber(bedroom) at the castle my party and i were using as a hotel basically. the third i woke up in my bed in my dr, in probably the most gaudy and extravagant room i’ve ever been in. it was just like gold everything. my walls had gold leaf my dresser had golden handles to match the hardwood, the posts and canopy tassels on the bed itself was also gold. my maids were preparing a beautiful deep blue gown. but i had simply woken up tired, and gone right back to sleep. the fourth was to a completely unexpected reality, it was very close to my life here, but in chicago(irrc), i remember a guy friend i had, he had long ginger hair that always covered his face, but his nose was large enough not to be hidden. he played the electric guitar, and left an amp in my room at all times so he didn’t have to lug one over when he wanted to play. we went to a party, i remember all of the stains and tack holes on the walls, the hosts had taken everything down for the party, probably so people wouldn’t steal. i remember he liked vodka and i like wine, he poured himself two cups of smirnoff vodka(i don’t drink anything other than wine here, so i really only remember what the bottle looked like, but i remember the brand was smirnoff) and i nursed one cup of red wine(from a juice dispenser thingy, yk the things they have the tiny tap and it’s like a pitcher). i remember we went on to a balcony to meet our other friends, and by god she was the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen. she looked kind of like alice pagani, and i remember she was wearing the sweatshirt she always wore, it was grey and had tattered sleeve end thingys. i don’t remember much from the shift, just various mental images really, because that’s how my memory works even here. and this was months ago. i do have one other memory, when i shifted back here, me, my guy friend, and the girl were sitting on turned over plastic moving crates and cinder blocks(made into a makeshift “couch” thing without the back, but like we and a bunch of other people, maybe 7 or 8 total were all sitting there) and we were talking and hanging out, but i didn’t say much, i was just taking in the beauty of the moment. it was sunset, and i remember golden hour looked so beautiful on the girl i was friends with face(unfortunately i don’t remember her or anyone else’s name). that was the moment that i decided to shift back, as i felt my time there was enough, and i was happy with what i had experienced. it didn’t really fully sink in that i had shifted until i came back here and sat up straight almost immediately in my bed. oh! also one more thing, i did know i had shifted while i was there, i thought it was a dream at first but then i walked out of my room to pour myself a glass of water or something and i remember the tile was cold on my feet. so i did know, and was obviously excited, it just didn’t sink in until later. i estimate that i was there for about a day and a half.
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sugawaraxo · 4 years ago
Text
“are you sure?”
warnings: smut
characters: koshi sugawara, keiji akaashi
request: Hiii! I just found your blog and I just want to say that I love it so much!! I thinking maybe you could write some headcanons of sugawara and akaashi w/ a shy and very inexperienced s/o (nsfw please, if you’re comfortable with writing that!!) Thank you so much! (//∇//)
a/n: i may have went a lil overboard with suga but i’m sorry, i just love him ok lmao
sugawara
- suga is your first everything
- your first boyfriend. your first kiss. your first love. and now, your first time
- it’s something you and him have been silently anticipating for awhile
- but he wanted to wait until you were fully comfortable and ready for it, and you did too
- but as you are currently straddling his lap on the couch, his lips glued to yours in a messy kiss while his hands find their way under your shirt, lightly grazing your sides
- you know you’re finally ready
“suga.” you say, pulling away from the kiss.
“hm?” he hums, his eyes meeting yours as he patiently waits for you to continue.
“i-i want you. i’m ready.” you say almost too softly for him to even process what you just said. but he does process it and his eyebrows raise in shock.
“are you sure?” he questions and you nod in response. he looks at you for a moment before giving you a quick kiss as he picks you up. your legs wrap tightly around his torso and your arms losely around his neck, then he takes you into his bedroom. 
he doesn’t want you losing your most precious gift on a dingy old couch, and would much rather do it in the comfort of his bed, hence him taking you there. he lays you gently on your back, you just looking up at him nervously. you don’t want to be nervous, but you can’t help it. you’ve heard so many varying stories of how losing your virginity could go terribly wrong, or beautifully right and you are truly hoping for the latter. suga notices your worried expression and frowns.
“are you sure you want to do this y/n? there’s no pressure, really.” he says softly.
“no i want to, trust me i do. i’m just nervous. i mean, you’ve done this before. plenty of times. what if i’m just not as good? what if i can’t satisfy you?” you admit.
“what? y/n, no. please don’t think like that. it doesn’t matter how much experience i’ve had, nor how much you’ve had. what matters is how much i care about you, which is enough to make this better than anything i’ve ever done.” suga reassures you and you smile. the boy always has such a way with his words.
“you’re right. i’m just in my head too much and i think the anticipation of waiting is making it worse so can we just...” you trail off and suga knows exactly what you were going to say.
“right, sorry.” he chuckles before leaning in to kiss you again. your back is on the bed, with suga hovering above you. he kisses you gently, making sure not to be too rough so that you feel safe, and it works. his body is placed in between your legs and you can feel yourself get hotter as you feel suga growing harder, lightly and subconsciously jutting his hips against you. 
you find yourself accidentally moaning into the kiss and you swear you feel suga smirk, which makes you slightly embarrassed. but at this point you don’t care. you want to be moaning for him. you want to be a moaning mess for him and only him. he slowly breaks the kiss away from your lips, moving it down your jaw, then to your neck. you knew your neck was sensitive but once suga’s lips were against it, you realized the severity of that sensitivity. a soft moan of suga’s name leaves your lips and his whole body goes stiff before he pulls away to look at you.
“you sound so pretty.” he says sweetly and you can’t help but shy away at his words, hiding your face with your hands.
“hey, nuh uh. let me see your face.” he chuckles and you comply with his orders. “much better.” he mumbles before reattaching his lips to your neck. he works there for awhile, sucking and nipping at the skin. surely leaving a bruise that you would have to figure out how to cover up the next day. then he pulls away and begins taking your shirt off. within seconds the thin piece of clothing is off your body and on the floor, and suga is back to sucking marks onto your skin. this time on the exposed parts of your chest, and the whimpers you’re providing him are giving him quite the satisfaction. he skillfully reaches behind your back and unclaspes your bra, then tosses the article to the side just as he did your shirt. you’re amazed at the lack of effort in this trick of his, but not given the time to bring attention to it before suga’s mouth is sucking softly on your nipple. you hum at the new sensation, and smile at how peaceful suga looks as he does his work.
“you’re so cute.” you say and suga just looks up at you and smiles, your nipple still in his mouth which makes you laugh. even while pleasuring you suga doesn’t fail to put a smile on your face and you love that. a few more seconds of nipple sucking and soft moaning goes on before suga moves on and starts kissing his way down your body.
your whole body tingles as he gets closer to the area between your legs, your eyes watching him closely. he slides down the shorts you’re wearing with ease, you helping him get them off your ankles. he then looks up at you, the expression on his face looking as though he’s asking for permission. with your permission, he takes your underwear off aswell, instantly fully erect at the sight of your bare core.
“fuck” he mumbles under his breath, wasting no time in getting a taste of you. his tongue is warm and soft against your sensitive area, and it feels good. so good. you moan out suga’s name and grip onto his hair, a little too hard at the sudden sensation. “shit, sorry.” you groan, feeling your face get hot. “don’t be, i liked it.” suga smirks and you roll your eyes, forgetting that your boyfriend has quite a kinky side that you haven’t gotten to tap into yet. but that’s quickly forgotten as he continues to lick your sweet spot. tongue fucking you for a little, then sucking on your clit. a nice little rotation that was driving you insane and just when you thought it couldn’t get better, he sticks a finger inside of you.
“holy shit.” you gasp, and again you swear you can feel suga smirking against you but you don’t care, he’s earned his right to smirk. you find yourself grinding your hips against suga’s tongue and fingers, desperate to reach your high and suga clearly notices. he helps you out by adding a second finger and focusing his mouth just on your clit, which makes the most obscene noise leave your mouth.
“hm, you’re close aren’t you?” suga asks, pulling his fingers out of you slowly. you groan at the sudden lack of contact.
“well i was.” you say shortly, somewhat annoyed that you were just robbed of your release.
“don’t be mad bunny. i just want you to cum with my dick inside of you, not my fingers.” suga grins and your stomach churns. the way he had just said something so dirty with the most wholesome smile on his face did something to you, and you’re sure that was his intention. he pulls off his pants and boxers, his hard member slapping softly against his stomach. this isn’t the first time you’ve seen it but it still takes you by surprise as you watch him put on a condom and the urge to feel it inside of you takes over.
“please suga, i need it. now.” you beg, desperate to feel something again after the tease that suga just gave you.
“hm, what a good girl. begging for me and i didn’t even ask you to.” he smiles before slowly inserting himself into you. you both moan at the wave of pleasure that rushes over you while he slides himself all the way in. suga places one hand on the headboard to steady himself and uses the other to rub your clit with his thumb. his thrusts are slow enough for you to get used to his size without hurting you, but deep enough to make you moan desperately.
“mm, suga. you feel so good.” you sigh, your eyes shut in pleasure, head thrown back against the pillow and your mouth agape letting out more moans. this image alone makes it nearly impossible for suga not to bust right then and there but he holds back, wanting to make you climax first. he continues to rub your clit while simultaneously beginning to speed up his thrusts, earning positive feedback with your noises. he does this for another minute or two while also alternating between kissing you and your neck. before you know it, you’re gripping the sheets and arching your back off the bed, the most intense wave of pleasure coming over you as you quickly reach your orgasm. you’ve made yourself orgasm plenty of times before, but never like this.
“fuck suga, oh my god.” you breathe out, attempting to regain your composure while suga is beginning to lose his.
“that was so hot, you’re so hot.” his voice shakes and you can tell he’s close by how sloppy his thrusts are getting. he gets a few more pumps in before pulling out, yanking the condom off, and cumming all over your stomach with a deep moan of your name. his fingers grip onto your waist as he releases, and you watch the pretty face he makes as he begins to come back down.
suga collapses down beside you. “sheesh, i don’t think i’ve cum that hard ever.” he chuckles, wiping the sweat from his forehead.
“yeah, me either.” you giggle, your mind still hazy from your own orgasm.
“hm, i’m glad. i hope i was able to make your first time meet your expectations.” suga says sweetly.
“oh baby, you exceeded them.”
akaashi
- you and akaashi have done sexual things before
- but you just haven’t been ready to fully go all the way yet, and akaashi is completely ok with that
- he’s patient and respects that you need time despite secretly wanting to just fully let go whenever you guys do anything sexual
- but he knows you’re a virgin and is aware that you’re a bit shy in regards to that
- so he doesn’t pressure you, not in the slightest which you appreciate deeply
- but one day your mindset completely changes and you’re just about ready to risk it all
you’re watching akaashi closely on the court. he’s doing amazing in today’s game. all of his sets are landing perfectly, helping the team earn some powerful spikes and rack up points. although you swore you were paying attention to the whole team, the truth is your eyes were glued to akaashi the whole time. something was hitting different about him today. maybe the way he was glowing with sweat from going all out? the way he was exuding confidence on the court after his team kept making points? you don’t know, but what you do know is that you want him and you want him now.
but unfortunately that can’t happen, so you patiently wait for the game to finish before you meet up with your exhausted yet triumphant boyfriend.
“great job today babe.” you say embracing the boy in a big hug, wrapping your arms around his neck while he gently rests his around your waist.
“haha thank you y/n, i’m drenched in sweat though. you never hug me when i’m sweaty like this.” he says with a raised eyebrow, wondering why the sudden change.
“honestly just needed to touch you.” you admit more to yourself than you do to him.
“oh?” he says noticing the look in your eyes. he’s seen that look before. the look you give because you’re too shy to say ‘fuck me.’
“so you really enjoyed watching me out there today huh?” he smiles, now knowing exactly what you want without you having to say a word.
“mhmm.” you hum, waiting for him to take the initiative as he usually does.
“i’ll take care of you when we get home.” he whispers into your ear and a shiver runs down your spine, you couldn’t wait.
the ride home seems antagonizingly long, but finally you arrive to yours and akaashi’s shared apartment. as soon as you’re within the doors of your home, the two of you are all over each other. lips attaching messily, tongue involved in no time. hands. hands everywhere. both of you feeling each other up, eager to feel the other’s touch. somehow you make it safely to the bedroom with no trips or stumbles, never disconnecting the kiss until you plop yourself down onto the bed, akaashi doing the same next to you.
“so what do you want? the usual? you want me to eat you out?” akaashi asks breathlessly.
“um, actually akaashi...” you trail off, a bit nervous to tell him what you want.
“what is it babe?” he asks, concern spreading over his face.
“i want to go all the way this time. i want you to take my virginity.” you say bluntly. akaashi’s mouth gapes open slightly at your words. he has been waiting for this day for who knows how long, and now that it’s here? he has no clue what to do with himself.
“are you sure?” is all he mutters.
“i’m one hundred percent positive.” you assure him.
he smiles at you cutely before kissing you again. slowing down the tempo now that he knows this will be a bit more of a serious ordeal. you like the slowness of the kiss though, feeling his lips pressing gently against yours while his hands rest on your hips. it gives you butterflies.
akaashi temporarily stops the kiss to move you farther up onto the bed so now your head is resting on the pillows. he wants you to be as comfortable as possible and figures this will help.
“comfortable?” he asks, just to make sure and you nod. he then takes off his shirt and you follow his lead, removing yours too. then goes your pants, and your underwear, and the two of you are left completely naked.
you blush at the sight of your boyfriend. you realize you’ve never seen him fully naked. you’ve either seen him with his shirt off, or with his pants off while you gave him head. but never at the same time. and he’s never seen you fully naked either. either with your shirt off, or your bottoms off. never both. so you both just take a moment to soak in the sights in front of you.
“you’re so stunning.”
“you’re so handsome.”
the two of you speak in unison and laugh at the coincidence.
“no seriously though y/n, you’re insanely beautiful.” akaashi says, scanning over your body.
“hm, thank you baby.” you hum and a huge grin takes over your face, and akaashi’s as well.
he then starts kissing your neck. leaving soft small pecks all over the exposed skin. that was his favorite thing to do because it tickles so you always giggle a little bit. half giggle, half moan, and he thinks it’s the cutest thing ever.
“i know foreplay is important, but if i don’t fuck you now i’m not gonna make it.” akaashi admits agaist your neck, still placing kisses.
“that’s ok.” you laugh, “i’m already wet enough anyway.” you confess.
“shit, you are.” akaashi groans as he pulls away to peak at your pussy, which was currently glistening with your wetness. “that’s hot.” he mumbles more to himself than to you but you still smile anyway.
“are you sure you’re ready?” he asks again.
“i told you, i’m positive.” you reassure him.
with that, he positions himself at your entrance. his eyes are locked on your face, wanting to see your reaction as it goes in. he pushes himself in at a slow pace. a pace that would have been irritating to anyone with more experience, but for you it was perfect because the stretch you feel is very new. it hurts a little, but watching akaashi’s face and hearing his soft moan as he thrusts himself into you makes it all worth it.
“shit.” he groans once he’s all the way inside and you moan too, him hitting a spot that made your whole body tingle.
“right there, do that again akaashi.” you say and he does exactly that, earning another rich moan from your lips. he smiles at your noise, secretly trying to hold himself back from cumming just from that.
he continues to slowly thrust into you, purposely aiming to hit the spot that you like so much just so he can keep hearing your moans. he then watches you as you place your fingers on your clit, rubbing it expertly. his cock twitches at the view in front of him. you with your legs wide open with him deep inside you as you desperately rub yourself, looking up at him innocently. a complete contradiction to what the two of you are currently doing. and just as he thinks you can’t make it any harder for him not to cum you moan,
“akaashi, please go faster.” and he nearly passes out.
though he does not, and gives you exactly what you asked for. his thrusts increase in speed but he maintains his deep aim into your g spot and you feel yourself begin to tremble. he just watches in awe, knowing that you’re getting close to your limit.
“i-i’m close.” you moan, legs beginning to tighten around akaashi’s waist where you currently had them wrapped.
“cum for me y/n, please cum for me.” he says, partly wanting you to cum for your own pleasure and partly because he’s quite literally about to explode.
he can tell you’re there by the way your trembling gets slightly more aggressive and your moans get quite a bit louder and more consistent, and this brings him over the edge too. he quickly pulls out of you and cums on the bedsheets next to your body, the two of you panting as you come down from your highs.
“my god akaashi, if i would have known it’d be that good i would’ve asked you to take my virginity forever ago” you say and he laughs before showering your face in kisses.
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whatifyoulivelikethat · 4 years ago
Text
calculated, m | jjk
pairing(s): jungkook x reader
summary: Some people would call you far too serious. Some would call you stuck-up. And some would call you a bitch. But to freshman Jeon Jungkook, you’re the head Calculus I TA noona  – and he’s determined to fuck you.
warnings: rated M (18+) for language; intense smut (fem reader, semi-public sex, pussy spanking, fingering, m-receiving oral, doggy, dirty talk); non-idol!AU - university!AU; dom!Jungkook x sub!noona!reader, ft instigator Jimin lol
--
part i | part ii | part iii | part iv
-
"I think Jungkook likes you."
The lead of your mechanical pencil snapped suddenly. Stupid soft graphite. You glared at it, annoyed, and brushed the broken piece away to complete the equation. 
"Who?"
"I think he's taking the afternoon class."
You double-checked the last question and handed him his homework back. "Jimin, you used the wrong equation, here and here."
Park Jimin frowned, face falling when he saw all your corrections. Being one of your parents' friends' kids, your parents and his parents naturally asked you to help him out when he entered the same university as you. You pretty much figured the likelihood of Jimin speaking to you was zero, since he was a dance major and you were a graphics design major. You shrugged and agreed.
Except you forgot you were also the head Calculus I TA and Calculus I was a required course for all students. And, turns out, Jimin wasn't that great at math. That's why you were sitting on cushions at your coffee table in your apartment with Park Jimin, watching a music program as you checked his homework.
"Oh."
Jimin began to look over your arrows and circles. You never actually gave him the answer. He usually ended up forgetting a step in the middle and thus fucked the answer. Usually he caught on easily once you pointed it out. 
You stared at the television screen, listening to the latest hit. Not bad. Catchy. 
"I think I should tell you because he's kind of reckless," Jimin was saying.
You placed a hand under your head and took a sip of your tea, distracted by the cute MC with the blue hair. He had a cute smile. It reminded you of a bunny.
"Who?"
"Jeon Jungkook," Jimin snapped impatiently.
You raised an eyebrow and faced Jimin. "Oi. I'm correcting your homework here. I could just correct it tomorrow and hand it back to you with red marks instead," you threatened.
He pouted at you, his full lower lip sticking out. "Sorry, noona."
You sighed. "Don't call me that. Makes me feel ancient." You turned your body so you faced him as he scowled at his homework. "Okay, okay, I'm listening now. What did you want to say?"
Jimin put his pencil down immediately and began to chat like an excited gossiping auntie. Round brown eyes getting rounder, glad for a break from his math homework. You didn't want to get him started, but he was going to nag you incessantly until you let him talk.
"I think he sits in the back?" Jimin pondered. "Dark longish hair, wears a lot of black. Looks scary when he's thinking because his eyes go really wide and he furrows his brows."
You twisted your mouth to the side and thought. You only attended the class when they had quizzes or exams because during lectures the professor didn't need your help. Mostly you remembered people by their personal scores or their handwriting, because you graded everything as the head TA. Looking at people's faces wasn't really necessary, unless you were looking for cheating. 
"Can't recall. I remember his handwriting though. Not bad," you said, shrugging. "I think he's pretty highly ranked at the moment."
"I think he likes you."
You scoffed. "How did you come to that consensus?"
Jimin tapped his temple sagely. "Intuition."
"If only you used that intuition on Calculus."
He frowned at you, pouting again. You let out a puff of air, conceding.
"What do you want me to do about it?"
Jimin scratched the back of his head. "Well, er... I'm just warning you."
"... Is he a serial killer or something?"
"No, no, no!" Jimin waved his hands on the air hurriedly. "He's really nice. But he can be kind of, uh... forward."
"How old is he?" you asked, glancing at the television for a moment as you took another long sip of your tea.
"Two years younger than me."
You choked. 
"What?" you squeaked between coughs. Jimin hurried over and patted your back as you struggled, becoming pink in the face. "The fuck? Tell him to find someone his own age."
"I did!" Jimin whined. "But he's stubborn."
You rolled your eyes. "You're warning me that I have to break a poor freshman's heart?"
"Kind of."
You rubbed your throat. "Hmph. Darn whippersnappers these days."
Jimin smacked your arm, laughing. "I thought you weren't ancient?"
"I am now knowing some kid is fantasizing about their fucking Calculus TA."
You had said your comment sarcastically. You fully expected Jimin to make some joke, but he froze up a little. You looked over to him. He looked somewhat guilty, like a lost puppy who got caught stealing food. You sighed and patted his back.
"Don't worry, I won't chew your friend's heart out. Finish your homework, so I don't drop you off too late. You have practice in the morning, yeah?"
"Y-yeah, thanks."
-
Forward, huh?
An understatement. 
You were sitting in one of the math department offices, laptop open, your drawing tablet in your lap, thinking. The conversation with Jimin happened about two days ago. In that time, you hadn't attended either morning or afternoon class yet, since it was only lectures. Not that it mattered, because lecture halls were massive. If this Jungkook kid sat in the back, then you probably wouldn't be able to see him anyway. At the moment, however, you were preoccupied with your assignment, to design a logo. Logo designing was difficult, especially since a school assignment didn't exactly have a real client attached to it to ask questions. 
Technically these were Calculus I office hours, but who attended office hours? Nobody.
Who attended any type of calculus office hours?
Yeah, exactly. 
You spent the time doing homework with the door open. You were the only TA that actually showed up for the office hours. Every other TA said it was a waste of time. It was. You still came through; in the off chance some poor kid decided her grade mattered. You felt bad since the actual professor wasn't very patient when people needed extra help. Also, technically you were the head TA, so you did have a bit more responsibility than the others.
Your black boots were perched on the desk as you sat back in your office chair, sketching a few ideas. If a member of the math department saw you, you would probably get in trouble. Thankfully, the math department was usually deserted. Math wasn't exactly the most social subject. 
You took a sip of your tea from your thermos, tapping your tablet pen on your black jean-covered thigh. 
"You look even better close-up, noona."
A clear, silvery, male voice cut through the silence. The voice came from the doorframe right in front of the desk. You frowned, slowly lifting your head from your tablet. How had you not heard him? Were you really that focused on your assignment?
Chucky black sneakers. Black cargo pants, slim fit. Distressed black sweater, hands casually in his pockets. Broad shoulders. Lightly tanned skin. Sharp jawline. A tiny mole under a mischievous smile. Your eyes narrowed as you made eye contact with those sparkling dark brown orbs. Long hair slicked back, with only a few wispy strands on his forehead. 
"Calculus I question?" was your response. 
His smile quirked a little higher. The young man didn't have a backpack with him. Didn't even have a piece of paper stuck under his arm. Wasn't even trying to pretend that he needed help.
"I have questions."
He didn't elaborate. You lowered your legs, placing your tablet on your laptop. 
"This is Calculus I office hours. For calculus questions only."
His eyes flickered to your laptop and tablet. Back to you. 
"Is this what the TAs should be doing during office hours?"
Suddenly, you could feel your pulse in your ears. Point taken.
"What do you want?"
He slid into the chair across from the desk, hands still in his pockets. Watching you carefully, still smiling thoughtfully. It should have been unnerving, but there was no malice in that smile. Maybe you were imagining it though, so you kept your guard up. 
"I'm Jeon Jungkook."
Yeah, I guessed, you thought wryly. "And my name is on the syllabus. What do you want?"
He tilted his head at you, studying your face. 
"How do you know Jimin-ssi?"
Isn't Jimin older than you, punk? "Our parents are friends."
He nodded slowly. He looked around the windowless office, at the three papers tacked to the wall – outdated notices – to the still open door, to the desk with your laptop, tablet, and backpack. Then to you, sitting back in the black office chair, eyebrow raised, hands half-in the sleeves of your gray flannel, cropped black sweater underneath. 
"I think you're beautiful, noona."
Your brain winced at the compliment and your hormones looked up from the abyss. Your brain scolded them to go back to their hidey-hole. You clicked your tongue. 
"I'm too old for you."
There was an ever-so-slight tick of his head. His eyes shifted downward and then flicked back up to you, almost shyly, if it wasn't for the small smirk dancing on his lips. 
"We both know such a mindset is outdated."
You felt your breath catch in your throat. The fuck? Your hormones peeked out again. Your brain was too distracted with trying to find a comeback to tell them to fuck off. You figured you better cut this off right now before it went too far. 
"This whole conversation is inappropriate," you said evenly, standing up from the chair and rolling it back. You walked around the desk and stood in front of it, balancing your ass against it. You crossed your arms over your breasts. "You should leave."
He slowly, slowly gazed up at you. Why did he look so satisfied? Your heart did a little three beat skip. Stop it. Keep it together. Jungkook got to his feet, hands still in his pockets. Then he pulled them out and pushed his sleeves up.
Oh?
Tattoos ran up his right arm, the beginnings of a sleeve. Ink black against light tan, flexed muscle. He was not a skinny pretty boy. You were so busy staring at his arms that you barely registered him placing them casually on either side of you, face right next to yours. Now you were staring down at his broad chest, at his black distressed sweater.
"Excuse me?" you snapped testily, lifting your head to look into his smug eyes. 
"I won't touch you," Jungkook murmured quietly. "Unless you ask me to."
This punk ass bitch.
You narrowed your eyes. "What makes you think I would?"
That small teasing smile came back. 
"Well, for one, you haven't actually told me you have absolutely no interest yet."
Your hormones prodded you excitedly. Your brain told them to shut up. Your eyes moved to the open door behind his head, looking into the empty hall, trying to keep a balanced, even tone. It came out a little sharper than you intended.
"Door's wide open."
"Embarrassed to be seen with me?" Jungkook purred, breath on your cheek. 
You tried not to react even though your hormones were fucking losing it. "What about you?" you shot back sharply. 
You heard Jungkook chuckle. "Fuck no I'm not." Your heart jerked heading the crude word come out so daintily and casually from his lips. "I want to be seen with you. All the time. In every position." 
You finally tore your eyes from the open door to give him the side-eye. "Real big words there."
Jungkook smirked. "I'm giving you a chance to tell me no. It's taking everything in me not to bend you over this desk right now and fuck your brains out."
You sucked in a breath. Accidentally. Not on purpose. There's absolutely no way Jungkook would have noticed unless he was literally right next to you. Which he was. Shit. He leaned in closer, still not actually touching you. 
"You like that idea?" he breathed, the lust evident in his voice, not even trying to hide it. 
"I am not some easy bitch at the club, Jungkook. This is the fucking math department," you scolded, eye-level to the base of his neck, wanting very badly to make out with it.
Now it was his turn to inhale sharply. He pulled his head back, and now you were face-to-face with those dark, dark eyes, falling, falling, your body screaming at you to do more. And still you didn’t, torn between reason and instinct.
"I'm so pissed," he growled, breath against your lips. "That the first time I hear you say my name, I wasn't watching your pretty lips form it."
Those few strands brushed against his exposed forehead, framing his furrowed brow and those intense dark brown eyes, making you breathless, telling you that you should, even though the last shreds of reason were telling you, do not, do not, do not give in to Jeon Jungkook. 
"It's the middle of the damn day," you murmured.
"And you make me horny every second of every day," he groaned, so close now that his nose almost touched yours. "With your stem stare, your assertive stride, your well-spoken words, and your beautiful body that demands to be kissed, loved, fucked." He panted, shoulders shaking. "God, I want you under me so bad. You have no idea, noona."
Resolve? Hello, where are you?
You raised an eyebrow. "You think you're enough for me?"
His dark eyes gleamed. 
"I know I am."
Your eyes flickered to the open door, the vacant hall, feeling Jungkook's body heat hovering so close, so close to you, and then you shifted your eyes back to him. Your brain was screaming at you and your hormones bonked your brain silent. The words at the tip of your tongue came tumbling out, nothing to hold them back anymore. 
"Let's see."
And then you kissed him.
Jungkook’s reaction was immediate, his large hands leaving the desk, grabbing your waist, ramming his crotch into you. You gasped against his soft lips and he slid his tongue inside, playing with yours, moaning, kissing you hungrily. His fingers pressed into you through your clothes, strong, tight, unforgiving. Your eyes flew open, surprised at his eagerness. He retreated his tongue and nipped at your lower lip, sucking on it lightly. You shivered, feeling him lift you onto the desk, pushing your legs open with his hips, grinding against you. He kissed down your chin, lifting your head impatiently, moaning against your skin. Every gentle kiss a jolt to your system, contrasting with his rough hands kneading your waist, pulling you close against his firm body, the fucking desk cutting into your thighs, eyelids fluttering.
There was movement at the door.
You froze.
Jungkook’s lips latched onto your neck, sucking sharply. You choked back a wanton moan, seeing a familiar face. A familiar, plump smile with cute, lovely eyes. He waved a small hand at you and reached for the doorknob, locking it from the inside before winking at you and closing the door silently.
Park fucking Jimin.
That bas–
Your thought was sharply cut off by Jungkook nipping at your throat, hissing as he rolled his hips into your thigh, a distinct bulge pressing into you. He yanked down the front of your sweater, sucking on the space right between your collarbones. You whimpered and shuddered, wrapping a leg around his waist and hooking him towards you, hands finally leaving your chest and grabbing his, fingers getting caught in the holes of his sweater.
“Fuck,” he growled. “I’m so fucking hard already because you’re so fucking hot.”
You caught yourself against the desk, elbow slamming onto the wood. You winced. “I haven’t done shit,” you said, surprised to feel your lips slightly swollen.
Jungkook grinned. “You don’t have to. Just you below me is enough.”
You glared at him and he bent over the desk, grabbing the back of your head, pushing your face to his, kissing you again, stealing your breath. It was the perfect mix of force and desperation, leaving you yielding, back arching as he sucked on your tongue, bobbing his head up and down slightly to pull on it. You tried not to make noise – everything was already too noisy anyway – only crying out softly when he let you go. Now you were on your elbows with Jungkook towering over you, licking his lips, the spare strands now stuck to his exposed forehead. His eyes roamed over your body before landing back on your face. You gave him your best questioning look.
He chuckled darkly. “I want to rip all your clothes off, but something tells me you will be upset with me.”
You narrowed your eyes. “Because this is still the middle of the math department, let me remind you, Jungkook.” You huffed. “I don’t live here. Don’t get crazy.”
He grinned, leaning forward. “Say my name again, noona. God, let me watch your delicious lips speak my fucking name.”
You raised your eyebrows. Then you felt his hands on your jeans, undoing the button, making you jump. The zipper going down, down. He yanked at the seam, digging it into your already wet pussy, shoving your panties into your slit.
“A-ah, Jungkook…”
Oh fuck. That sounded kind of pathetic.
He bit his lower lip, and yanked again.
“J-Jungkook, ah…” Your eyelids fluttered, trying to keep your strict demeanor.
“Fuck,” he hissed, firmly gripping the waistband of your jeans and pulling them down your ass, half-dragging your panties down. “You like that, noona? Do you want me to be rough with you?”
You prayed to the higher power that he would just take the damn hint and not make you say it. But Jungkook was dragging your panties back up, the thin black fabric being sucked into your folds and ass as he pulled them far too high. You gasped, trying not to look down, trying not to look at his face. But he grabbed your chin, dragging you back to him, making you open your glazed eyes, making you see his excited expression.
“Look at me, noona.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Jungkook held the front of your panties and pulled, hard. You had to choke back a moan, the fabric nearly ripping, rubbing harshly against your clit. You felt the squelch of you getting wetter, hearing it clearly as he yanked at it, stimulating your clit.
“Tell me you don’t like it, noona,” Jungkook whispered hotly, letting go of your chin. “Tell me and I’ll stop.”
You spread your legs involuntarily, trying very hard not to make a fucking sound, but it was already obvious by your fists clenched against the desk, your widespread legs, and your pussy lips practically sucking your panties in, so much so that they nearly disappeared into you.
Jungkook snuck a glance down, gasping softly at your glistening pussy being tortured by your panties. He dropped to his knees and you had only one second to be confused before Jungkook’s tongue licked up your slit. You had to slap a hand over your mouth to avoid crying out, leaving your sounds limited to muffled whimpers as he lapped at your juices, groaning into you. Your entire lower body vibrated as he teased your covered clit, smushing the fabric into your deeper, rougher. Your hips strained, trying to hump his face but only digging your panties into you harder.
You removed your hand from your face, biting on your tongue to regain some semblance of thought so you fucking talk.
“T-take it off…” you gasped. You looked down, seeing his mischievous eyes above your quivering mound, licking his lips slowly, pink tongue tracing the contours of his mouth.
Jungkook raised his hand.
Smack!
This time you had to actually shove to knuckles into your mouth and mute your squeal as pain radiated through you, your pussy stinging. He slapped you again, right on your clit, hard, making your throw your head back and nearly hit the desk, hips raising to meet him. Oh, God. He pressed his finger against your aching clit, rubbing hard, standing up to bend over you, an impossibly strong presence as he pleasured you.
“Say it, noona,” he breathed. “Tell me you like getting your pussy spanked.”
He was rubbing your clit so hard that you felt your hips raise into it, eyes rolling back into your head.
“Say it or I’ll stop,” he warned menacingly, voice so low it ripped through you.
You tore your knuckles out of your mouth. “Don’t stop, please, fuck, Jungkook, I love it when you spank my clit, fuck, please, fuck.” The words came jumbling out in a rushed, half-panicked whisper, cut off by your sharp gasp as your orgasm clawed into you. You felt Jungkook slap his free hand over your mouth, shutting off your wail as your throbbed into his hand, turning into helpless whines as he spanked your clit hard and fast, accentuating your high with waves of sudden, aching pain. You pushed his hand away, pressing your head against the desk, gasping.
“Harder, please, Jungkook, harder.”
He was staring at your fucked-out face, massaging your throbbing pussy with his palm, coating his fingers with your cum. Your voice a thin moan, hips rutting into him.
“Believe me, I want to,” he snarled. “I want to so fucking bad, noona, but we’re already loud enough and you’re making a fucking mess.”
He pulled your panties down, nearly useless at this point and roughly shoved two fingers into you. You gasped, tongue lolling out and he took the chance to put two fingers of his free hand into your mouth, rubbing your wet tongue. You could feel every joint, the calluses of his fingertips as he thrust them into you, slopping, wet sounds accompanying his movements.
“Fuck, look at you, noona, sucking in my fingers, letting me fuck your mouth,” Jungkook murmured, centimeters away from your face. “I haven’t even fucked you with my cock yet and you’re already taking me so well.”
If you could think, you probably would have a snappy response, but Jungkook was stuffing his fingers into your mouth and scissoring the others inside your pussy, driving you insane. You made eye contact with Jungkook, him and his blown-out pupils, his lips trembling as he rammed his fingers into your holes faster, harder, sliding you up the wooden desk. Something inside you snapped and you squeezed your eyes shut, your body shaking as you came again, trying to yell, but unable to because Jungkook shoved his fingers into your throat, making you almost choke if it wasn’t for your own expertise. An embarrassing amount of liquid poured down his hand and wrist, dripping down your thighs. You clamped your legs shut, burying his hand, hips jerking as the aftershocks rippled through you.
You heard Jungkook swallow loudly, jaw tight. He slowly pulled his fingers out of both holes, strings of bodily fluid following him as he did so. Your shaking knees were barely holding your lower body up, jeans constricting your calves and your upper body way too fucking hot.
You laid back on the wood, trying to catch your breath. Was it a fucking cliché? Probably. You felt Jungkook lift himself off the desk and you closed your eyes, chest heaving. Of course. He was just going to leave you like this, tearing your secret out of you and then leaving to boast about how he turned the head Calculus I TA into a helpless, submissive puddle of goo without even actually fucking you. Why did you even bother–
You suddenly felt the desk creak and snapped your eyes open to Jungkook climbing onto it, straddling your chest, unzipping his pants right in front of your face. His slicked hair was becoming unfurled now, more and more dark strands falling down around his ears. His brow furrowed, eyes so wide and focused you weren’t even sure he was actually looking at you.
“Uh–”
He reached in his black boxer briefs impatiently and pulled out his thick, leaking cock. Your eyes widened and his found yours, glittering with arousal. A smear of pre-cum grazed your cheek as he adjusted his position to push the red, bulbous tip against your lips.
“I want to fuck you, noona, but you have to clean me up,” Jungkook breathed, gently asking you but also trying to greedily push his dick into your mouth.
You could say something, but somehow you concluded you were going to be muffled anyway, so you opened your mouth, tongue snaking out and licking the head. Flat, wide, and all over, coating your tongue with his pre-cum, moaning at his taste. Jungkook sunk his teeth into his lower lip, hissing softly as he spread his legs even more, lowering himself slowly into your mouth. You licked around his cock before closing your lips and sucking, growing wet as he thrust his hips into your mouth, slow and steady, eyes closed. You reached up to hold onto his thighs, whimpering as you felt his muscular quads through his pants. He opened his eyes and looked down at you, sliding his cock in a little deeper, hitting the back of your throat.
“Fuck, noona, so fucking sexy, taking my cock like that,” he groaned, reaching down and pushing your hair out of your eyes. His dark hair hung down, framing his face in shadow, making your pussy throb at the image. “Makes me want to fill all your holes up, makes me want to coat you with my cum and see you covered in it, messy and dirty with me.”
You couldn’t say anything so you just whined, nails digging into his covered thighs.
“You want that?” His voice dropped several octaves again. Your skin prickled hotly with every word. “You want me to jack off all over you and leave you a mess covered with my cum?”
You squeezed your thighs together, desperate for friction, now moving your head to suck harder, rubbing the tip fiercely against the back of your throat.
“F-fuck,” he gritted out. He tapped your hand hurriedly, eyelids fluttering. “S-stop, stop.” You whimpered, sadly looking up at him. He chuckled, rubbing your knuckles soothingly.
Look here you little shit, you can’t say all that dirty stuff and not expect me to be horny, your eyes were telling him.
“I know, I know,” he purred. “But I want to fuck your pussy and office hours are almost over…”
You glowered at him, but reluctantly unhinged your jaw, opening your lips. He slid out, gasping, hitting you in the chin and getting the front of your sweater wet.
“You’re a jerk,” you muttered as he climbed off you.
Jungkook chuckled. “Sorry, noona.”
You shook your hair and reached into your backpack, pulling out a condom, only to turn around and see Jungkook pulling one out of his back pocket.
“Oh.” You blinked at him. “You’re prepared.”
Jungkook wiggled his eyebrows. “I knew what I was coming for.”
A muscle in your brow twitched as he tucked his tongue in his cheek, grinning widely at you as he ripped it open and slid it on slowly, rolling it down his thick cock. His voice changed, dipping raspy and low.
“Turn around.”
Part of you wanted to fight, but then you spied the time. You rolled onto your stomach, sighing exaggeratedly as your legs tangled a bit in your jeans. You felt Jungkook’s presence behind you as he bent over your back, hand sliding over your lips and covering your mouth.
“Sigh all you want, noona,” he growled, chuckling as you shivered. “Just don’t scream when I’m fucking you.”
Your eyes widened as you felt the head press against your puffy pussy lips, pushing in forcefully, expanding your tight little hole as his cock entered you, his moan against your ear, your name dripping with lust. Both of you still mostly clothed, but his cock sliding deep, deep inside you, his teeth on your earlobe. Your walls throbbed around him, squeezing him. He gasped, jutting his hips experimentally into you. A stifled moan sneaked past his fingers, your tongue licking them lightly.
“That’s it,” he breathed. “Nice and tight for me, bent over this desk.” He nipped at your ear, whispering softly as he began to fuck you. “What if someone hears you, whimpering for my cock, begging to be fucked?”
Your hands clenched into fists, eyes fluttering shut, feeling him pound you into the wood, deep and slow and far too perfect.
“Noona, what if someone sees you?” His voice like smoke, invading all your thoughts, threatening your dreams, cursing you with the feeling of his lips on your ear and his hips pounding your ass. “Proper, harsh, strict noona turning into a slut for this cock, bent over this desk and humping my hips so you can get this dick deeper inside you?”
You squeezed your eyes shut and wiggled your ass against his cock. He thrust his hips harder into you, jerking you forcefully upwards, your thighs smacking against the desk. Light flickered in front of your closed eyelids and you opened them, seeing your phone screen glaring at you. A message from Jimin. Finish already! You struggled to say his name and Jungkook lifted his hand for a moment to hear your shaking breath.
“Jungkook,” you panted. “Time.”
He covered your mouth again. “You’re right,” he grunted, rolling his hips into you, biting back his moans as you clenched around him. The wet, slapping sounds became louder as he changed his angle, fucking you roughly into the table. It pushed your hips up and you clung onto the edge of the desk, moaning around his hand, tongue pressed flat against his palm as he fucked you with reckless abandon, beating a damn indent of the edge of the desk into your thighs. The dull ache was going to lead to a bruise, but you didn’t care, pushing your hips back to meet him. A choked wail vibrated in your throat as you came again, whole body lurching as he sunk his teeth into your clothed shoulder, groaning as he came inside you, cock twitching and throbbing against your walls. You felt the condom expand, matched with Jungkook’s hiss as he pumped into you. You pulsed your pussy around him and he detached his mouth, whispering your name against your ear.
“You’re dirty, noona,” he rasped, the words so breathless they made you shiver. “I love it.”
You shakily reached up and peeled his hand from your mouth, gasping as he straightened to hold the condom and pull out of you. Fuck. Oh fuck. You scrambled for your phone, seeing Jimin’s text.
You better rush outta there, noona.
You heard the wet, peeling sound of Jungkook pulling the used condom off gingerly. You turned around, hissing at Jungkook before he threw it in the trash.
“Are you crazy?” you muttered, snatching it from him. “Someone will see.”
Jungkook blinked at you. “What else do I do with it?”
You glared at him and tied it up, grabbing some tissues and wrapping it inside. Then you shoved it in your backpack, along with your laptop, your tablet, the spare condom, and reaching over the desk to unplug your laptop’s AC adaptor so you could shove that in your bag too.
“Fuck, your ass is so sexy,” Jungkook marveled behind you.
“Jungkook, we have to get the fuck out of here, so pack your damn dick,” you ordered, yanking your jeans up. Squelch. You sucked in your lower lip in at the cold, uncomfortable sensation of your soaked panties. You zipped your bag and checked around the desk to make sure you took everything. You grabbed your phone and shoved it in your back pocket, turning around to see Jungkook rezipping his pants. Thank God. You might have been tempted if he hadn’t listened to you. Then you remembered the two bits of condom wrapping on the floor and picked those up too, shoving them in your other pocket.
Jungkook smirked at you. “So thorough, noona.”
You scowled at him. Maybe he hadn’t been in this situation before, but you sure as hell have.
“Stay here for twenty seconds and then leave.”
Jungkook pouted at you. You felt your heart skip a beat.
“But I don’t even have your number.”
You rolled your eyes. “Ask Jimin. You two are in cahoots anyway.” You popped your head out, looking around. No one. You popped your head back in. “Also, you owe me new panties the next time I see your smug little face, you punk,” you added, tone irate.
He smirked at you; his long dark hair wispy around his playful eyes.
You gave him one last look before you tore your eyes away, rushing through every back stairway to get the hell out of there before someone could realize you just fucked a freshman during office hours, your slopping, torn-up panties reminding you with every step that you really needed Jeon Jungkook to fuck you again.
-
part ii
--
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littlemisslipbalm · 4 years ago
Text
“Similar Tastes”
An enemies to lovers classic. You and Harry are too similar for you to ever get along...maybe
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Hi hi! This is for @majorharry’s 20k celebration writing !!! Hope you all enjoy, I always love to hear from you :)))
The prompts I used: “How about you get off my dick” and “Sorry, I didn’t know”
This gif bc Harry “oh god that’s TEQUILA” Styles is king
Fluff? Smut? But definitely angst? Idk how to describe it bahaha a little bit of everything
Word Count: 4.0k | Warnings: language (there are actually two slurs in this - they’re bisexual slurs and they’re said by the bad guy so just take that into consideration), mature content (not quite smut but y’know), alcohol consumption, girl kissing girl at one point
Pt. 2 is up!
-
Saturday night. It was finally time to go out with your group of friends and you couldn’t be happier. Well, you could, but what would make you that happy wasn’t possible. If one of the people in your friend group wasn’t there. That would make you the happiest.
Almost everyone has that one person in your friend group who you can’t stand. Like, at first you don’t really know them and then as you get to know them more you just can’t stand them.
For you that was Harry.
While neither of you would admit why you hated each other, it was obviously about how everyone would always compare the two of you. You had practically identical personalities, and had similar fashion taste. At first, everyone else thought you would end up together because it seemed like you were perfectly matched. But the first time someone said, “Oh, Harry, your jacket looks just like the one Y/N wore last week.” Both of you had seethed in complete dissatisfaction. 
Naturally, Harry took his jacket off early in that evening and you never wore yours again. You hated being compared to Harry, being told he had made a similar joke or said the same thing about something made you want to reevaluate your entire value system. Maybe it was because you both had such an individualistic mindset, but neither of you enjoyed being compared to anyone and that’s what made it all the worse when people chose to compare you to each other. It boiled down to both of you wanting to be the best at everything - the most unique, rather - that made you dislike the other so much.
So, tonight at the bar, as your group rattled in from the street, you stuck close to your pals at the front while Harry was chatting with someone near the back of the pack. Your eyes had met briefly when you’d seen each other’s outfits. Harry’s a half unbuttoned Gucci cream dress shirt, that was rolled to his elbows, tucked into high waisted navy trousers finished with cream boots and yours a navy bra top with a faux collar and a deep cut to show your cleavage paired with cream high waisted pleated pants and navy loafers. Not exactly the same, but if you had stood next to one another it would have looked planned. You rolled your eyes at him as he narrowed his towards you. You couldn’t wait to order a few drinks and let loose after a hard week at work.
As you all approached a booth, somehow the group shifted and Harry and you were suddenly side by side as everyone was getting in the booth. Then, you were sitting and Harry was right beside you. He tried to cover his groan of annoyance when he realized he’d have to be sitting next to you, once again regarding your outfit with disdain. Your only response was glaring at him. The friend who you had been talking to, Marie, placed her hand over your ring-clad one, that was now gripping the side of the table out of annoyance. “Play nice,” she said. You relaxed at her touch trying to refocus on the purpose of the night, fun.
Soon, a waitress made it to your table and smiled sweetly at all your bright faces. Harry and you were located to her left, and her eyes reached you last.
“Oh! You two are too cute! I love when couples coordinate their outfits!”
Harry’s eyes bulged out of his head and you gave a tight-lipped smile as you tried to keep yourself from having a blood vessel pop in your eye right then.
“We’re not” you began, Harry cut you off, “together, love.”
His expression changed as he smirked up at the waitress, trying to make it clear that he was very much single.
“Oh! My apologies...So what can I get everyone?”
As she began to take the orders, you shoved your elbow into Harry’s rib. You did it for two reasons, for him cutting you off when you were talking and for being so on top of you in the booth.
He turned to you, “The fuck was that for?”
“For being an asshole.”
“Excuse me?”
As you’re about to go off on him about being rude, Marie taps your hand and you realize it's your turn to order.
You clear your throat, trying to shake off your angry tone, “Tequila on the rocks, please.”
The waitress nods and then turns to smile at Harry, he gives you side eyes of disdain, “What’s your most expensive tequila?”
Her smile grew, “We’ve got Don Julio Real and Gran Patron for top shelf.”
“Don Julio on the rocks, please.” He winked.
She nods, scribbling something on her notepad, “Oh! Would you like Don Julio as well?” she returns to you.
You shook your head, “No. Jose Cuervo works just fine,” and glared at Harry once more.
Of course he would ask for top shelf, you thought. Harry couldn't have gotten through saying the exact same order as you, especially after the waitress had already pointed out the similarity in your clothes.
“You just couldn’t help yourself, could you?”
Being in such close proximity to Harry made you incapable of leaving the bickering alone. Everyone else always ignored when the two of you really got into it, because it honestly wasn’t that interesting. Like an old married couple, though none of them would ever dare say it.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Y/N?”
You scoffed as he turned in his seat to look at you. “Oh, please, you just couldn’t handle ordering the same thing as me. You had to flex that you could order Don Julio!”
“You’re just upset because you can’t.”
“Come off it! I could, but I don’t feel the need to boost my ego by showing off to the waitress that I can afford the expensive stuff.” You laughed at his attempt at snubbing you about what you can and can’t afford.
His eyes darkened and flashed at you and you could see it even in the dim lighting off the bar. “I wasn’t trying to show off, it’s not my fault you don’t care to drink the good stuff.”
“Okay, Harry,” you say sarcastically, waving him off.
He huffed, annoyed that you were the only person he was sitting next to. He had to call across the table if he wanted to speak to anyone that wouldn’t involve you being completely in the way. As he was about to call out to Mitch who was directly across from him, the waitress returned with everyone’s drinks.
“Jose Cuervo on the rocks! And Don Julio on the rocks!” She beamed at the group after finishing handing them out.
Everyone thanked her and she disappeared. You and Harry simultaneously took sips of your drinks.
You wrinkled your nose, “This isn’t Jose Cuervo…”
Harry placed his drink on his coaster and swallowed, licking his lips he said, “I think mine is, tastes cheap.”
“You’re really an ass,” you say as you shove your misgiven drink to him and snatch his from the table instead.
Harry growing tired of your arguing already, “Whatever you say, sweetheart,” he rolled his eyes and took a larger sip of the correct drink.
You take a sip of your own drink and sigh again, “This isn’t even tequila, what the fuck?”
“Ah, no wonder it tasted like shit. What do you think it is?”
“Well, considering there’s only, like, a handful of clear hard liquors besides silver tequila, probably vodka, idiot,” you breathed the last word under your breath, still Harry stared at you with daggers in his eyes. You weren’t actually sure how many other liquors it could be, but you were so pissed off by the whole situation you just wanted to make him shut up.
“Well that’s a bummer, kid. Maybe next time, order a better tequila and she’ll get it right.”
You shoved him, not wanting to wait for the waitress to come back to fix her mistake, “How about you get off my dick and then I can go get something worth drinking?”
Harry huffed as he slowly moved his body up from his seat, yet he stayed so close to the opening of the booth you were practically chest to chest when you slipped out. Due to that, and maybe a little bit on purpose, you knocked your drink forward to get a small amount on him. Not enough for him to be drenched, but enough to bug him for the rest of the night.
“Oops?” you tilted your head and held a sickeningly sweet smile on your face as you looked at his taken aback look. His prominent jaw had dropped as the cold liquid had pooled over his left breast pocket, some of his tattoos now much more visible. You quickly turned on your heel and bounced off to the bar. Harry grumbled and sat back down, Marie leaned over with a napkin, trying to dry him off a bit.
With a fresh drink in hand you weaved back to the table, all your friends were laughing together at something Harry had seemingly said. When you arrived everyone beamed up at you, far more jovial after a few sips of their drinks. Only Harry’s face was sour, but you chose to ignore it and smile at your friends, waiting for Harry to get up to let you into your seat that he had occupied in your absence. When he didn’t, your face began to fall from its smile.
“Are you going to get up?”
“No, just take that seat,” he waves his hand beside him, trying to go back to the conversation he was engaging in before you had arrived.
“But, you’re in my seat,” you pushed.
“You’re the one who decided to get up and leave it.”
“You cannot be serious, Harry.”
“As a heart attack,” he said flatly, and then turned his head to Sarah who was next to Marie.
You looked around the table for help, Mitch gave a slight sad smile like he felt bad, but everyone knew there was no changing Harry’s mind. You knew you didn’t have the strength to yank his large, muscled body out of the booth, so you resigned and took his old seat. There, you kicked Harry’s leg harshly and took a long sip of your alcohol, just wanting to get drunk enough to want to dance and then not be near Harry.
After a second round of drinks, this time the waitress getting your order right, you were feeling better. Harry and you were largely ignoring each other and laughing along with the rest of your friends to some story. Every so often his leg would open up and bump into yours and you’d hit back at it harder, his eyes sliding to your face for a moment and then looking away. He made you so hot with anger and the closeness of bodies in that bar already had the temperature way too high. You gulped at your drink, trying to cool down, but it only had the opposite effect, the alcohol mixing with your blood, heating up your insides, as well.
Then, once the third round of drinks were served, Marie suggested it was time to dance, commenting that some random song that was currently playing was ‘her favorite’. It wasn’t, but whenever she got drunk, every song was ‘her favorite’. However, you were all happy to oblige, feeling restless as the alcohol was buzzing in your systems.
Out on the dance floor, some of the couples in your friend group paired off to dance on each other while the rest of you spread out. You spotted a woman in the crowd wearing a sequin dress that looked absolutely gorgeous on her, her blonde hair reminding you of some rocker chick in the 70’s. While making your way towards her, Harry tried to get in front of you, obviously making his way to her as well.
Another thing Harry and you had in common, the people you typically went for - men and women. Shaking him off with a hand on his chest and a glare, you reached her first and she smiled at you as you complimented her outfit and began to dance with her. Harry resigned to staying with some of your other friend’s when he saw how the woman threw her head back at something you said to her. Soon, she was grinding herself against your front, your lips attached to her neck, hands on her hips.
Feeling particularly happy with yourself, your gaze flitted around the crowded dance floor. Eyes scanning those around you, you soon made eye contact with Harry, who actually wasn’t that far off. His eyes looked a more dull green in the light and he rolled them when he saw you looking up from your place against the beautiful woman. While he still looked on at your languid figures pressed together, you teased your tongue up her neck a bit, causing the woman to keen into your touch. As Harry was about to look away, shaking his head at your antics, he caught sight of a guy approaching you and the other woman.
He said something to the pair of you, but you couldn’t hear him. The woman had opened her eyes to look at the guy and you had removed your lips from her, shaking your head that you didn’t catch what he said.
He repeated himself, yelling this time, “Fauxbians out here trying to catch a real man! How ‘bout we make you total lugs!”
He was loud enough for your friends to hear, including Harry who had been watching the whole scene play out. He pushed through the crowd to get to your side, he might not like you, but he couldn’t stand someone who was homophobic, or biphobic, in this case. You pushed the woman off of you and to the side, she was clearly upset and you weren’t going to let what the guy said slide.
“What the fuck, man? You think it’s okay to say shit like that to people? What year are you living in, like for real?”
As you were about to start really ripping into him, you felt Harry’s presence beside you. You looked over and he looked angry, like really angry, not annoyed or exasperated as he usually did with you. Angry like he was about to grab this guy by the shirt and start pummeling him. Even with all the alcohol in your system, you knew that wouldn’t actually help the situation, even if you did want someone to wipe the smug look off this guy’s face, which had only grown worse since you’d started yelling at him. It was like this stranger was getting off on making these two women in front of him uncomfortable and upset.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Harry spat at the guy.
“Harry,” you turned your body towards him and put your hand on his chest, placing yourself between him and the rude guy, “I’m not letting you get into a fight over what he said. It’s not worth it.”
He had pushed himself almost against this guy, Harry easily hovering over him. Harry looked down at you and then back to the guy, who was chuckling to himself, stepping back from the scene.
He seethed, “You disgust me,” he looked at the man. “Just crawl back into whatever hole your sorry ass came out of.”
The guy just laughed and walked off. Harry looked down at you, his eyes softening instantly. You couldn’t exactly distinguish the look he gave you, you just knew it was something you’d never seen directed at you.
Your brow remained furrowed as you looked at him, then he said, “Let’s get some air.”
You looked around the room for your sequined dress woman, but she was nowhere to be found. So you let Harry take you by the hand out the side exit, to the bar’s alleyway.  
Outside, you immediately brought your hands to rub over your exposed arms, the tiny sleeves of your shirt not being enough to brave the brisk night air. The altercation had shaken you up quite a bit and immediately sobered you. Harry stepped closer to you out of instinct, seeing you were shivering, but having nothing to offer warmth except himself. The two of you leaned against the bar’s outer wall and took a few deep breaths.
“Are you alright?” Harry asked, voice slightly hoarse from yelling in the loud bar.
“Fine. You?”
Why was he being so nice, you were surprised he had stepped in at all, but now he was checking in on you past that, it was confusing.
“Of course. You didn’t even let me get a single swing in.”
You scrunched your face at his comment regarding violence. “Why did you even come over? I can handle myself,” you asked, suddenly feeling the normalcy of bickering settle between the two of you.
Harry rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. His pectoral muscles slightly shifted and pushed around his cross pendant in the center of his chest.
“Because he was a dick,” he started, then sighed, “And because I can’t just let some homophobe say a bunch of slurs to my friend.”
Your eyes grew wide and shown in the street lamp, as they looked up into Harry’s green ones. He was slightly sweaty from the bar, but it was quickly drying and leaving a slight sparkle on his skin. His jaw was tensed, as he tried to maintain eye contact with you. You remained silent, unaware how to respond to his statement that he did, despite much evidence saying otherwise, care about you.
Harry decided to continue, “You might piss me off, like all the time, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for a random asshole to say that kind of shit to you.”
“I’m your friend?” you circled back to what he had said earlier. Your voice was small and also hoarse from yelling in the bar.
“Of course, Y/N, what the fuck?”
“I thought...I guess I never saw it that way.”
“Harsh.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know competing all the time and being annoyed with each other was friendship.” You shifted closer to Harry, your words dripping in sarcasm. Even now, as the two of you checked in on each other and talked about your friendship, you managed to fight.
“That’s just because you’re constantly infuriating me and getting us into fights,” Harry smirked, tapping a finger on your cold nose.
“I think you’ve got it backwards, there, Har,” you winked.
“No, I don’t think so,” he shrugged and pressed closer to you.
Neither of you were very clear on what your bodies were doing, slowly moving so that you had your back against the wall and Harry’s hips were pressed up against yours.
“It’s not my fault you’re always jealous of me,” you breathe, his face inches from yours.
Harry snorted a laugh out of his nose, his eyes slowly blinking and looking away from you, before staring directly at you. “Oh, please, now who has it backwards?” His right arm went up beside your head and his hand rested on the cold stone next to you. His breath, from his laughter and words, fanning over your face, made you close your eyes at the warmth.
You moved both of your hands up to his chest, and he looked down at the movement. One moved up to grip his shoulder and the other fiddled with the cross that had caught your attention when he had folded his arms.
After a beat, Harry said your name, barely above a whisper. Your head tilted up, looking up at him questioningly. You didn’t really understand the position the two of you had shifted yourselves into. “Can I kiss you?” Harry asked.
“Do you want to?”
“Kind of…” He ran a finger over your cheekbone.
Your eyes danced with mischief “Why?”
“Are you serious?” Harry asked in slight disbelief.
“As a heart attack,” you said gravely, throwing the words he had used earlier back at him. He sighed a slight laugh.
“Like I said, infuriating…”
Just as he was about to pull away, you reached up and connected your lips with his. Your hand cupped his strong jaw and brought him closer to you. His warm, wet lips pushed against yours with vigor. There was passion in the kiss. A constant push and pull for who got to be in control. You sucked on his lower lip, trying to get him to open up his mouth, but he declined.
He pressed you further onto the wall, while cradling your head to keep it from knocking against the concrete. His teeth nipped at your lip after a few more moments of fervent open mouth kisses without tongue. You resigned to not getting your way and let his tongue lick into you. Your tongue pressed against his as the two of you continued kissing. While his mouth was harsh, the rest of his touch was mostly soft. The hand that didn’t cradle your head was rubbing up and down your side, only venturing down to your bottom occasionally and squeezing quickly.
Finally, he pulled back, gasping slightly for air. He then rested his forehead against yours and you looked at him from beneath your lashes. One of your hands was now twisted in his curls, while the other was gripping his shirt, over the dried vodka spill from earlier. You smiled as you exhaled a big breath. Harry chuckled giddily.
“That was hot,” you said.
“Y’know, having similar tastes...might not be such a bad thing after all.”
“Knowing us we probably like all the same things…” you trailed off, blushing at the suggestion.
“Why don’t we find out sometime,” Harry winked before brushing his lips against yours once more.
Pecks weren’t possible for either of you though, both of you furiously pressing back together, hungry for more of the heat that came from you kissing.
“That’d be nice,” you whimpered against his lips.
“I think it’d be more than nice…” Harry brought his head down to suck on a part of your exposed cleavage, one of his legs pressed between yours, pushing slightly up into your heat. A strangled moan left your lips as you tried to stifle it. Harry chuckled, his face moved up to right beside your ear, “You’d probably love to have me take you right here, huh?”
His leg pressed up into you and your body automatically grinded down on the pressure. The alcohol and sexual grinding from earlier had gotten you horny and the making out with Harry had definitely heightened your desire.
“But we both know you can’t,” you gained your strength and pressed a little on his shoulders.
As much as you desired Harry right now and he seemed to desire you, as well, he was right. You two were extremely similar and would never actually have sex in a bar alleyway, as much as you might want to in the moment. You both laughed, releasing the sexual tension that was surrounding you.
“I know, but it’s fun to pretend we could...How about we go to my place and see what other fantasies we share?” Harry twisted a strand of your hair in his large hand.
“For once, I’m happy to be on the same page as you, Harry,” you grinned. He picked you up and spun you around, making you shriek in laughter, before heading back into the bar to gather your stuff.
You were quick to scurry out of the bar after telling your friends you were both leaving, tired from everything that had happened. Everyone simply nodded, but the minute you were far enough away they all snickered about the lipstick smeared on the corners of Harry’s lips and your terribly mused hair. Mitch even placed a twenty in the palm of Sarah’s open hand, shaking his head in defeat.
-
Tag list: @cronias13 @theresthingsthatwellneverknow @harrxier @harrys-cherrry @sltwins @awesomebooklover17 @harrys-stan
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mrpenguinpants · 4 years ago
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Childe/Tartaglia: Fiancé HCs
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Aww, I give major points to anyone that actually reads my tags because it’s a whole lot of word vomit and brainworms. THIS IS MY FINAL OFFERING TO CHILDE SO BUDDY  👏 COME 👏 HOME 👏 This will probably be my last fic this week since I’m going to be busy with term tests and 1.1. Can you tell how slow I am with these asks?
I need to stop tagging so much because tumblr keeps making me repost...
This isn’t necessarily a part 2 from my other Childe fic [ “Enemies” to “Lovers” ] but you can go ahead and read it that way. Not sure if this counts for tags but it doesn’t hurt. To be honest, I was planning for this to be the direct part 2 but then his character story dropped and I got slapped in the face with inspiration.
 [taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.
@youaskedfurret​ @diaxfeliz​ @wintergreen-aix​ @dandelily​ @thegayrubberducky​ @lovelykittycatmeow​ @yuunoagivesmelife​  @dokidokisama @hanniejji​  @mikeysbike​ @unionwitch​ @musekala​ @twistedsunnshiii​ @stanzastic​ @akaasea​
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Childe/Tartaglia: Fiancé HCs
Your relationship with Tartaglia is unorthodox to say the least. Usually, the average length of an engagement is 13 to 18 months but you didn’t need a calendar to tell you it’s been far longer than that. You probably spent more time with your fiancé’s sister than with the man himself but that was okay with you. Tonia was a really sweet girl and you knew what you were getting into when you accepted and returned his feelings when you two first started going out.
Before he became a Harbinger you were friend’s with him and Tonia. Almost everyone in Snezhnaya was part of the Fatui, working in factories, or a devote follower of Tsaritsa. So it was a breath of fresh air to meet two people that didn’t align themselves to that mindset or become a slave to work. You slowly became closer to the two siblings until the day a stuttering and pink Tartaglia confessed his feelings to you. You think back on that moment fondly since that was probably the first and last time you’ve seen him act in such a shy manner.
The day he proposed to you was the night right before he became a Harbinger. It wasn’t anything grand and you were pretty sure he hadn’t even told Tonia he was planning on proposing that very night. He said that he was waiting for the right moment and somehow felt the right moment was when you were in-between consciousness. When you couldn’t even give him a proper answer since he popped the question right as you fell asleep, but for all intensive purposes, that was probably on purpose. You had to chase him down in freezing cold weather, coat not even properly tied, as you yelled he was a piece of shit and that if he never came back you would hunt him down and kill him yourself.
He just grinned innocently and waved back to you as the ship departed. When asked by a curious merchant who wasn’t native to Snezhnaya asked if he had some...family issues he simply waved it off and said you were his beloved fiancé. The merchant was left very confused on Snezhnaya’s customs and traditions on marriage.
You both made an agreement that only he would write to you. He said that it was because trying to get in contact with him would be impossible, considering how often he moves, plus the different names he goes under. But in actuality, it’s because he want’s to keep the people closest to him as private as possible. The Fatui know of his sister already and most likely know of your existence but as long as he remains a Harbinger they can’t do anything. He won’t let them. But the Fatui have many enemies and while he hates denying your existence, if it’s to make sure you live a peaceful life with his sister, he’ll continue to pretend he’s never heard of your name before.
While he writes to his sister that he’s taking care of trivial matters when he’s on his assignment, he writes a bit more honestly and detailed in his hidden letters to you. You make sure to keep them in a box hidden away from Tonia so she never discovers them but you have an inkling she knows what her brother is up to. She watches the way your face pinches, that your fingers clutch the paper a little tighter, and how you seem to tap the page two times in sequence.
Despite the raging winter storms that swirl around Snezhnaya, you are always warm. He thinks you’re secretly a pyro vision user waiting for the right moment to make good on your word and burn him alive. Whenever his travel’s run late into the night and he arrives home tired and cold, he seeks Tonia’s room to make sure she’s sleeping peacefully. Then to you to do the same. Sometimes when you’re lucky and you wake up early, you’re greeted to Tartaglia clinging onto you refusing to move because you’re warm. Even going through daily routine’s he always has an arm around you or some part of his body against yours. You feel that his habits is rubbing off on his sister because slow morning’s like these see’s you as the human heater. With Tonia hugging you from the front, arms wrapped around your waist, while Tartaglia support’s from behind, arms around the both of you. Your hands laced with his as you both act as a shield for little Tonia.  
Tartaglia’s hands are always numb. He could be in Natlan where it never snows or facing the harsh winters of Snezhnaya, they are always numb. As if the skin of his fingertips were scalded off. Touching anything gives him an uncomfortable sensation so he wears gloves all the time except for two occasions. When he need’s to replace his gloves with a new pair or to lace your hand into his. He can vaguely feel the heat from your hand, see that you don’t have the same callouses that he has from wielding weapons, and can feel the same tingling sensation that would usually have him wrenching his bare hand away if it had been anything or anyone else, besides his sister of course. Instead he holds on as if you’re his last lifeline in the middle of the ocean, commits to memory the feeling of your hand in his, and the pins and needles that prick his fingertips fade away.
He grows restless when life is ordinary and boring so he’s always off fighting or doing something completely dangerous. He was the same before he became a Harbinger which leads to some fights between the two of you. You both handle fight’s pretty badly due to the upbringing of Snezhnaya and it makes Tonia sad when she sees her family argue. So instead you convey your inner worries through taps. One is for annoyance. Two is for worry. Three is for anger.  Likewise, Tartaglia has his own system.
On one rare occasion, Zhongli managed to catch the sight of a flicker of light on Tartaglia’s clothing. It confuses him since aren’t ring’s meant to be worn on the hand? The only response he get’s from Childe when he asks why is a vague answer filled with mirth. He say’s that he’s holding onto it for someone. Zhongli doesn’t quite understand since wouldn’t it be better to keep the ring in a box if it were meant for someone else? Childe wears a ring on his pinky already but it might be a Snezhnaya tradition to wear one ring on the hand, while the other is close to the heart.
He keeps his cheerful attitude on even when it feels as if the world is crushing him. That might be why he names himself Childe. But when it’s just the two of you he takes the mask off, the armor slips off, and let’s himself relax. Time’s like this he just wants to hold you and as he puts it, recharge.
For all his confident nature in fighting he knows that a committed relationship with him is hard. That if you ever want to walk away and find someone new he won’t stop you, but that you never contact him or his family. He won’t open his heart for another person for a long while or ever. He would still give you your ring and whatever you choose to do with it is up to you.
Tartaglia’s goals won’t change. He still has his family to take care of and even if you decide to leave, that doesn’t change the fact he still sees you as apart of his family.
You don’t mind if his goal takes him away from Snezhnaya for years and years. Or if the letter’s he writes become fewer and fewer.  As long as he comes home you don’t mind waiting.
It’s the middle of the night and he’s still awake. He just returned from his last assignment and Tsaritsa is already sending him across Teyvat for “business” related reasons. He just finished checking up on Tonia to see her sleeping soundly. She’s growing up really fast, he smiles slightly at the thought. She can already sleep on her own. He gently opens the door to your room, well really it’s both of yours but he hasn’t been doing a lot of sleeping there, and cringes slightly at the creek the doors give.
He takes a small minute to lean on the doorway and relaxes. He won’t have enough time to bask in your presence if he’s too make it on time. The winter storm continues outside, as if Tsaritsa herself is yelling at him to start moving. He doesn’t think there’s ever been an instance when they’ve been silent.
“I care about three things in this world. My sister, you, and my home,” Tartalia says softly as he walks over and kneels down beside your laying form, resting his hand beside yours as he places a soft kiss on temple. “When those three things are safe I can rest.”
You tap him two times. Your hand has laced around his in a loose grip to which he tightens. You both sit in silence as he wait’s for the pins and needles to stop spreading across his arm before speaking again.
“I know I already proposed but let’s elope somewhere. My next assignment is taking me to Liyue. I heard it’s quite a beautiful place. I’m thinking a spring wedding perhaps?”
One more tap but he’s learned to take your annoyance as you jesting or being flustered.
“Promise me you’ll be safe,” you ask.
“I can try but I can’t guarantee everyone else will be,” he laughs.  
You tap him three times. If you weren’t half asleep you would have probably thrown your pillow at him. He gives one last chuckle as his finger’s rubs patterns into your hand.
“I promise,” he swears.
He hears you hum happily as you begin to relax back into slumber. Slowly letting the feeling of his heartbeat lull you to sleep until your grip loosens around his wrist. Even as the winter winds howl outside you can sleep so peacefully. Unlike him where in the back of his mind are restless thoughts. Tsaritsa is asking something huge of him, another test of his loyalty and strength. He silently stands up as to not wake you again, gives you one last squeeze of the hand, one last fond look, before he leaves. Closing the door as quietly as he can, he steels himself to go back out into the cold.
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plethora-of-imagines · 3 years ago
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Alphabet
AN: Time to murder the Thirsting for Thirteen server. =)
Word Count: 1736
Warnings: smut/lemon, face sitting
Description: DW Kinktober Day 4; Prompt: Face sitting
The Doctor encourages you to try something new that you always wanted to try.
Tag List: @c-s-stars @queerconfusionthings @how-masterful @truthbehindthemysteries
 "I've always wanted to try the alphabet thing," the Doctor rambled as you entered your newly shared bedroom.
Well, it was mainly your bedroom with how little the Doctor tended to sleep. Still, there were signs that she lived there with you. Bits of broken machinery scattered around on end tables and the desk the TARDIS had added to the room to keep her pilot's tinkering from tripping you. Honestly, most of the Doctor's additions to the room were hazards to navigate around.
"What alphabet thing, Doctor?"
"The one where you say the alphabet against your partner's clit to make them cum! I've always wondered if it is actually effective?"
You smiled at her as her voice trailed off into thoughts that passed so rapidly she couldn't verbalize them. Lips slightly twitching every few moments as if she was about to say something but the thought  was replaced too soon.
"Knowing you Doctor," you waited for her focus on her surroundings to return before continuing. "You'll make your way through more than one alphabet!"
She took your teasing for the lighthearted words that they were.
"Oh, I have enough alphabets in my head to make sure you've cum hard enough -and often enough- to struggle walking when I'm done."
You couldn't help but giggle at the seductive face she was making. She was wiggling her eyebrows purposely to get a laugh out of you. Already you were a lot less intimidated. The Doctor had tried to tell you multiple times that sex should be fun. An expression of love and silly affection, it didn’t always have to be serious and sensual. Yet, you were still often trapped in the mindset of needing everything to be perfect during sex. Of it being a performance on your part where you needed to be the perfect picture of loveliness. It was taking forever to unlearn it, but the Doctor had said she would wait forever for you to be comfortable. You were slowly making progress, the other week you had taken the initiative to ambush the Doctor with fuzzy handcuffs which made her breathless with laughter. You had enjoyed that.
Face sitting, however- was going to be hard to let go and enjoy. You were terrified of “doing it wrong” even if there was no real wrong way. Mind racing with fears of what could go wrong. What if you somehow killed the Doctor? Regeneration due to suffocation during sex would be humiliating to explain. Even just to know it had happened would make you run away for the next hundred years! But you were determined to at least give it a try. You had always wanted to experience it, to know what it felt like.
The Doctor had already thrown off her jacket while you were caught in your own head. She wasted no time in starting to help you strip out of your clothes. Giving kisses to every millimeter of skin exposed. Once your shirt was off she lavished her affection to the crook of your neck, as her hands fiddled with your bra hooks. Kissing, nipping and sucking the sensitive skin. The cold air of the room- and the noise your bra made as the Doctor flung it into the wall once she got it off- was your only sign that your bra had been removed. The Doctor continued to focus on your neck, not even taking a finger to tease your nipples. 
Holding you close, arms wrapped around your waist the Doctor began to unbutton your pants. Hands sliding between the fabric of your pants and underwear to start to play with you. To further relax you with a gentle arousal. You more than approved and told her so with a small moan.
“It’s a delicate maneuver, pleasing a woman. Lucky for you I’m very dexterous and experienced.”
“Oh? Bragging about pleasuring other women while we get intimate, Doctor? Should I be worried I’m dating a playboy in a beautiful woman’s form?”
“Well, you know, all of time and space. I’ve been around,” the Doctor froze as she realized what she said. “Wait- no! I mean I’ve had partners before, you know I’ve had partners before- I never hid that from you. I didn’t mean to imply I was unfaithful when dating- or that I considered any of my partners to be just tally marks on a list. And I- I should really stop talking now, shouldn’t I?”
Laughing, you leaned against the Doctor.
“I was just teasing! I didn’t mean to make you panic so much about hurting my feelings. With how old you are compared to me I’d be more worried if you wanted to have sex and hadn’t yet, old lady.”
“Oi! I’m still considered middle-aged for a Time Lady! I think? I honestly don’t think anyone really kept track back home... we didn’t have birthdays or anything.”
As the peaceful, relaxed vibes returned the Doctor slowly returned her attention to both undressing you and turning you on. Sliding your pants down your legs until they were around your ankles. Kicking them off the rest of the way was just convenient. You weren’t acting eager at all. No ma'am that's how anyone would remove their pants, kicking them off. It took you a while to realize that you were very undressed compared to the Doctor who was still almost her full outfit.
“I know that seeing you without the jacket is almost like seeing you naked in your mind, Doctor but there is a difference.”
The Doctor released her grip on your waist, “well you’ll just have to change that won’t you...”
Smirking you yanked her suspenders off her shoulders in one fluid motion, “oh, I intend to.”
The Doctor helped you to remove her clothes in a rapid hurricane of excitement. Tripping out of her own pants as she fell onto the bed bouncing with a small oomph at the unexpected landing. You laughed as you fell down after her- hands tangled together. Crawling up the bed to get to the pillows the Doctor gave you a face full of ass. Giggling as she spread out her limbs like a starfish as she settled into a comfortable position with her head resting on the pillows.
Your giggles twisted into a nervous tick as you pulled off your underwear. This was going to happen. Shifting onto your knees to hover above her stomach before awkwardly trying to shuffle further up. Kneeling over her face. Would you be able to keep yourself lifted up enough? What happens if you got tired? Or fell when you came?
Hands reassuringly caressed the back of your thighs.
“It’s going to be fine. Trust me.”
You lowered yourself down so that the Doctor’s tongue could reach you. The first little lick she gave startled you. Rushing to pull away, hands gripping the headboard for security before you slowly lowered yourself back down again. It felt nice. Well, it would probably feel more than just nice if you could manage to relax enough to focus on the sensations. Your head was racing with thoughts about how you had to stay up, to not suffocate her.
“Relax,” the Doctor murmured. “I have a respiratory bypass, I don’t need to breathe. So let go of the headboard - good girl- and let me make you feel good.”
Letting go of the headboard you let the Doctor’s hands guide you down onto her face. Your pussy resting against her lips.
“I, just tap if you need me to get up?”
Stretching her hand to reach around your body so that you would see her thumbs up, the Doctor reassured you that she would tell you if you needed to move for her. Fond smile growing on your face you let yourself fully relax. It felt good, strange at times as she really was trying out the alphabet, but good. Subconsciously you found yourself grinding down against her soft lips to get further stimulation. When you noticed you didn’t even try to stop yourself this time. She hadn’t given the signal, and the sounds of encouragement she was making made you feel better about what your body was naturally doing.
You had no idea how many “alphabets” the Doctor had gotten through, there was no way that there were this many letters in yours. Little flicks of her tongue mixed with long lasting licks, the sensations varied with no real rhythm. It made it hard to predict what would happen next. The Doctor never seemed to use the same motion twice. Then you felt her make a pattern with her tongue that was just sinful. Had she moved onto words?
“Oh! Oh, that one Doctor! That feels so good,” you head fell back as she repeated the motions.
Now the Doctor seemed to be focused on using patterns with all of the tongue movements that had made you gasp or moan. It was heaven. Grinding down roughly against her mouth and that glorious tongue. You needed more, you needed to cum. You absent mindedly twitched and rutted as you rode out your pleasure on the Doctor’s tongue. Why had you ever been hesitant or worried that she wouldn’t enjoy this as much as you? You could feel her smile, her satisfaction. It was glorious. 
The moment your body allowed you control again you flopped over. Off of the Doctor’s face and into the spot next to her in your bed. Laying still for a while to enjoy the afterglow. You felt content and satisfied. Next time you would have to have her sit on your face. If the sounds she made meant anything it would be very enjoyable. Without a respiratory bypass, however, the two of you would need to actually be a little bit careful.
Your contemplation on when you could plan to try this out for yourself was interrupted by the Doctor rolling over to cuddle you. Enjoying the comfortable silence until the Doctor softly spoke. Breaking the silence with a sleepy voice.
“It was adorable,” she nuzzled in closer. Her wet, arousal covered lips resting in your hair. You would need a bath later, “ your favorite sensation was me calling you the equivalent of darling angel in Gallifreyan.”
You were too relaxed and sleepy to be embarrassed by that new information. You would examine what that meant later.
“Mhm, love you, Doctor.”
She yawed while answering, “love you too, forever.”
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goliath-de-senfina-sango · 3 years ago
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I’m on mobile, so ya know, but for @five-rivers @floralflowerpower and I just checked, lemme amend to @uwuplasmiusuwu
This is Fathering a Phantom
It was a bright summer day in Amity Park, Danny Fenton was in the grove - no one wanted to say “Amity Park Park” - doing a handstand while braced against a tree. “See? I told you I could do it.”
“You’re not using your powers to float into that position, are you?”
“Sam, I am offended that you would imply that I, of all people, would cheat at things with levitation.” Danny laughed, flopping down onto his belly in the grass. “Appalled, really, how dare you?”
Laughing, Tucker ripped up a handful of grass from his side and sprinkled it down into Danny’s bird’s nest of hair. “No of course, you are the most noble in character there is. As we have seen, you are a superhero through and through. Complete with bedsheet cape.”
Danny groaned while the three of them laughed and shook his head. “Alright, listen.”
“You, wearing black and white alone, looked at me and asked if I was willing to wear bright primary colors, Danny.” Sam patted his shoulder blade and Danny rolled his eyes. “A ghost asked a goth to wear bright colors. You shall never live that down.”
“There are pastel goths,” Danny countered with a pout. “I checked, there are goths who wear bright colors. It’s a mindset, not a fashion statement.” Tucker draped yet more grass on Danny, who turned to stare at his best friend and deadpanned, “Dude that’s kinda gay.”
Tucker snorted and laughed himself back into the tree they were sitting in front of. “H-how exactly is that gay?”
“Grass, in flower language, represents homosexual love,” Sam supplied.
Tucker covered his heart with a hand and gasped loudly. “Oh goodness me, I, a bisexual nerd, cannot be gay good sir and madam, that is simply unacceptable. Truly, this is the end of my world.”
“I will write you a gorgeous eulogy seasoned with memes,” Danny said, patting Tucker’s thigh as the latter flopped over, putting on his best ‘dying’ act. Then a chill completely at odds with the summer sun shining down on them went up his spine and out of his mouth as a cloud of icy mist. “Shit.” Danny braced for impact, a dome of green light erecting itself over the teens just in time for five missiles to strike it and explode.
When the smoke cleared and Danny transformed in a flash of light – pale skin tan, snow white hair, glowing green eyes, black and white jumpsuit, all the staples of half dead teendom – Danny locked on to his attacker. A large, mechanized man with flaming green mohawk was grinning down at him like a predator baring teeth to prey. “You’ll have to survive to his funeral first, whelp, and I assure you that’s not happening. I’ve gotten a few upgrades since last we fought, and The Hunt is on.”
While Skulker popped out a new cannon, Danny turned to check on his friends, both of whom were pulling out their own Fenton ecto-pistols. When he turned back there was an explosion of golden light and the screeching of tearing metal, and Skulker was missing half of his mech before Danny could even quip at him. Danny dropped his shield, turning to stare at the source of light with everyone else, and found his jaw had dropped very literally to the ground.
Something that could be a bear mixed with a goat, an electric eel, and at least three kinds of birds was aiming a bow at Skulker, an arrow made of golden light already knocked and shining brighter with every second. Each feather was a different color, oscillating in intensity, but overall, it was both hard to look at and impossible to look away from. “Hi there,” the ghost said with a voice that could have been a thousand people speaking in tandem. “You are going to leave in the next five seconds, or I am going to traumatize these children by showing them just how one Ends a ghost. Four. Three.”
Danny had never seen Skulker fly away so fast, especially with only one turbine to boost himself. He couldn’t even blame him, not with the burning fountain of energy beating their kaleidoscopic wings in front of him, aiming at Skulker until buildings were in the way. Danny charged up an ectoblast of his own even as the arrow dissipated. “Well, ever since all this ghost stuff I didn’t believe in guardian angels. Get lost in the Zone?” Much to Danny’s pleasant surprise, the angelic ghost laughed.
“Gods, your aura is screaming ‘fight me,’ did you know that?” The ghost turned to Danny and all the animal features melted into each other until Danny was looking at what could almost pass for a regular human being. Blond hair, brown eyes, some weird old-timey robes, and a single pair of feathery wings that reflected the light catching them like crystal glass. In the next moment, Danny was being dragged into a tight embrace, cut off from the world by arms and feathers alike, and he blinked several times, tense as a bowstring.
“I’m gonna need you to back up before I zap you,” Danny said with his hands up and a buzz traveling from his chest toward his fingertips. The ghost backed up, hands held up where everyone could see them, and wings half folded around him like a cloak.
“Apologies, my response to seeing kids almost getting hurt is to hug them. I should’ve asked first.”
“That’s very true,” Sam said with narrowed eyes. “Who are you, exactly?”
“Yeah, we don’t get many new ghosts around here who know how to speak English,” Tucker said. “Or any who help us.”
The strangely human looking ghost took a deep breath, eyes glowing from brown to golden-orange and clasped their hands together in front of their face. “Well, that explains a few things I’ve observed of you in the past two minutes. Right, so, first thing’s first; hi, I’m Tobias Lumano, you kids can call me Toby. He/him and all that.”
Danny shook the hand extended to him, ignoring the fact that a hand was held out to all three of them. “Danny, Phantom currently.”
“Tucker Foley.”
“Sam Manson. What exactly did you observe of us?” Sam still held her pistol, ready for a fight. Toby chuckled and shook his head.
“Well, Danny here is screaming ‘fight me,’ with his body language and if all you’ve ever met are hostile adult ghosts then that makes sense. You’ve got that Still Warm feel to you, like you’re only recently dead. Which makes the rumors about you impossible, of course, cause I’m pretty sure none of you are even close to being adult humans unless people look a lot younger per quarter of their life in this Realm.” Toby settled with his wings crossed over his chest, relaxed but not quite limp, and Danny cocked his head to the side.
“How do you even see with those glowing in your face all the time?”
“What about Danny screams ‘fight me,’ exactly? He’s totally chill right now.” Tucker gestured at all of Danny, bobbing idly up and down on some kind of current that he had yet to identify.
“Oh, my dear summer child, ghosts communicate in ways that non-psychic humans cannot perceive fully. You see this?” Toby brushed a feather against Danny’s glow and the teen made a face, drifting away from the odd sensation. The glow stretched with his movement before Toby backed off. “That’s your aura, little man, and it’s currently positioned in a way that’s sort of giving the finger to everyone around you. How long have you been liminal if you don’t know about your aura?”
“How long have I been what now?”
“I think he’s talking about you being half ghost,” Tucker said, whipping out his PDA and tapping away at the screen. “We’ve never actually heard a term for it before other than Sidney Poindexter calling Danny a halfa. No offense to Poindexter but that’s a really dumb name.”
Toby laughed, covering his face with a hand, and shaking his head. “Right, ok, you’ve got a lot to learn, but I think I can help with that.”
“We should probably take this discussion somewhere a bit more private than the open park,” Sam hissed. “This is supposed to be a secret, remember Danny?”
Danny rolled his eyes and turned his head around 360 degrees. “There’s no one here right now, Sam.”
“Well, if you’re keeping this a secret then yeah, you should probably find somewhere secure to talk about this at.” Toby rolled his eyes and became translucent, spreading his wings and circling around the three of them. “Here, you take this feather and just break it when you feel ready to talk with me. I’ve got some things to figure out around here.” One such feather fell into Sam’s hand, taking on the hue of several leaves in a gradient, and Toby winked at Danny before vanishing entirely from view.
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nesswritings · 3 years ago
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Mine, Forever
Oikawa clears his throat, breaking the silence. “I’ve been thinking, and I finally have a task for you. You know Ushiwaka, correct? Since you failed to take me out, I’m hoping you can take him out.”
a/n: My piece for @inarizahki's mafia collab. Thanks Sunny for the slight peer pressure to do this, it reminded me how much I love writing and mafia au's. Sending my love to you <3 <3 <3 word count: 2.2k
Warnings: stockholm syndrome, dub-con, general mafia topics (violence, guns, blood, etc.), death mentions, slight yandere oikawa, alcohol and drugs mentions, nsfw content at end
Shit. The bullet missed, hitting the man’s shoulder instead of going clean through his head. Below there already was a commotion, curses and directions being shouted out by someone. Time was limited, and you had to get back before you got caught. Karasuno was expecting you back safely, though the assassination was a failed mission. Survive, get back, and recover from this shock, then you could try again. Stairs in the back, the gun left behind so you could leave quickly.
But arms caught you as you emerged from the door at the bottom, your instincts already kicking in. The grip was too tight, and there were others there. Outnumbered, and stuck in this position. Your eyes rested on the muscular man you had attempted to take out, his slumped form against an alleyway wall as another man pressed a blue handkerchief against the wound. But that sight was short lived, your chin forced up to take in a new man, a man who didn’t seem to belong with the rest of Seijoh.
“You hurt Iwa-chan, sweetheart,” he cooed, ignoring the flinch from the nickname. Oh, that wouldn’t do, his eyes tracing over your outfit. It was easy to catch the small snag of the patch, pulling at the collar to truly take it in. A smirk set on his face, lithe fingers tearing the patch off the fabric before it was handed off. “Ah, so cute and clueless you’ve been involved. Don’t worry, they’ll pay in a different way. But you. You’re mine, princess, and don’t you ever forget that.” Dark words from a pretty man, words that only made him smile as he caught you off guard. But the rest understood, a murmur coming from Mattsun. “Don’t worry, I won’t let your pretty head hit the ground. So just relax.”
You sit up in the bed, your breath racing and your heart pounding in your chest. Only a dream, it was only a dream. No, it was a dream of the night you had been caught, the night Karasuno had been raided and the bloody massacre on the base. Oikawa had promised you’d pay in a different way, but you weren’t sure how that would happen. You weren’t used for sex, you weren’t on the streets trafficking drugs. No, you were stuck in this small room daily, with meals delivered and the blinking red light of the camera being a reminder that someone was always watching.
How long has it been? Days passed slowly and blended together. You would see Oikawa most days, though you refused to talk about Karasuno and who you were. But, despite the challenge, the company was nice. At least a week of being here, you knew that much, but the world would be different if you ever left.
The knock interrupts your thoughts, sitting up as you see the aforementioned man walk in. Two trays instead of one, the suit sharp with the light blue accents. Meant to seem less intimidating, and to show that they had a sense of style, Oikawa had once told you. A useless fact that stuck with you, the tapping against your cheek snapping you out of your thoughts for good.
“Eat up, princess.” Oikawa left little room for debate, settling at the desk with his eyes pointed at you. His gaze drops to his phone, glancing over the latest update. Iwaizumi would heal with time, though a nasty scar from the bullet would remain. Oikawa clears his throat, breaking the silence. “I’ve been thinking, and I finally have a task for you. You know Ushiwaka, correct? Since you failed to take me out, I’m hoping you can take him out.”
Ushijima, a man you knew simply by name. Larger than Seijoh, far more terrifying, and a beast of a man to mess with. Rumors always spread about that man, whether it was about how he tortured someone or his latest acquisition. Someone like him was far beyond your paygrade, your fork dropping onto the plate as you processed the request. “I can’t.”
“Oh, you can. And you will.” Oikawa didn’t bother with finishing his food, leaving the half-touched plate on the desk. “I’ll send someone for you soon. Until then, be good.”
Another typical day, outside of that small taste of freedom. Even if you weren’t to be trusted, your hands bound with rope, you were out of that room. A small taste of fresh air, finally able to see where you were. The Seijoh headquarters, luxurious and full of their distinguishing light blue accents. You follow behind closely, almost in shock at being led into Oikawa’s office. A meeting in progress with his closest men and an invite from the leader. His lap, with little choice.
Boring, dreadfully boring, but the interaction was nice. Though they continued on as though you weren’t there, it gave your mind a break from thinking over your mistakes. No, your focus was on the warmth of Oikawa, the gentle swirl of his fingers on your thighs. The touch was enough to distract you, your head resting against Oikawa’s shoulder. Far more gentle than that night, almost as if he cared. Maybe he did. It was a bad mindset to let yourself fall into, but if he cared, there was no reason to let your guard down a little.
“You’re dismissed for the day. Iwa, make sure to get some rest.” Oikawa accepts the grunt from him, waving off the men without a care in the world. His focus was on you, his new pawn to use as he needed. “You’re staying, sweetheart.” His hands move to keep a tight grasp on your waist, leaning forward to let his cheek rub against yours. There was so much he could do, so much he wanted to do, but trust was a little more important. Establish that trust, then he would be able to have his way with you. “You’ve been kept in that room for far too long, haven’t you? You can spend your days by me, if you’d like. All you have to do is listen. Deal?”
He wanted you to be on board with the Ushijima plan. Maybe he thought you were dumb, but you weren’t, your eyes locking on the map on the wall. Pins marked where various fights had been, a giant red X over where Karasuno had once been. Your home was gone, and there was no return to those you considered family. “It’s a deal.”
You had freedom, though in an unconventional way. Oikawa was glued to you, or you were at his side. Like a master and a dog, though you were granted alone time once you were brought back to your room in the evenings. The freedom helped you to keep track of the dates, to keep track of time, and to learn more about Seijoh. Members, the history, what their plans involved. Oikawa trusted you, or you would meet your end after you completed what he needed you for.
The plan was in place, and the night quickly approached. Everyone was counting down the hours until the fall of Shiratorizawa, until Seijoh would be the ones in charge of the entire region.
“Your dress, your highness.” Makki’s teasing voice was the only one in the small room, your eyes looking at the bag. Oikawa had mentioned a party, but dressing up? You stand from the bed, the dress revealed. Black and silky, bound to be tight and short on you. And, of course, jewelry with blue accents, as if being with Oikawa wouldn’t expose you. “Thanks, Makki.” Your fingers run over the material, looking at the mafia man who didn’t budge. He was going to help you get ready. This was beyond embarrassing, a groan leaving your lips. “Make it quick.”
Tight enough to show off your figure, yet loose enough for Makki to strap the pistol to your side and give it a teasing pat. Everything was almost too good, letting him escort you out to the main entrance. Seijoh was gathered, and more than ready to go.
“Thanks, Makki.” Oikawa offers his arm out for you, his plan for the night set in place. Keep you next to him, entertain you, and have you take out his enemy during the deal. “Come along, princess, we don’t have all night.”
The drive was nearly silent, sandwiched between Oikawa and Iwaizumi. You were his precious gem, his special girl, his hidden tool, compliments he had showered you with in the past days. When the car stopped outside the venue, you could feel warm fingers intertwining with your own, a squeeze following. “Just wait for my cue, cutie, then a bullet to the head. Do a good job for me, and we’ll get you out of that stuffy room.”
Heart beating fast in your chest, you allow him to help you out, knowing how the evening would progress. Mingling, staying glued to his side, looking pretty. Inside and outside of Seijoh were bound to be the same, and the least you could do was behave. If Oikawa was playing nice, you would as well. Being led around while nursing various drinks and small appetizers was relaxing, only required to give a smile and accept the occasional kiss or dip of fingers underneath the dress slit from Oikawa. A tease, but no one noticed, or they didn’t dare to say anything to him. Fear and tension were in the air, but for unspoken reasons.
By the time Ushijima shows up, you were escorted away, as Oikawa claimed that their talks weren’t suited for ladies like you. Iwaizumi stands next to you, his presence both comforting and terrifying as you steady the shot. Your finger itches to pull the trigger, adrenaline already coursing through your body. So long without an assassination, without a task to complete, and it was coming to backfire. As Oikawa’s hand rises in the air, your finger moves to hover over the trigger, pulling as soon as his fist closes.
Bang. The smell of gunpowder and commotion follows the noise, your brain already guiding you through your old process. Wipe the gun down and get the hell out of there. Iwaizumi stops you before you could run, cocking his head towards the back. Even if you had shot him, the resentment must have passed by now. One of his hands rests firmly on your back, the other grabbing the gun, leading you away from the chaos and out into the fresh air.
You scramble to sit up on his bed as Oikawa finally arrives, blood spatters on his white shirt and a streak across his forehead. A smile graces your lips as he presses closer, the smell of blood strong as your lips meet. Sweet, gentle, until Oikawa got hungry, your hair spread along his sheets in an instant and his teeth nipping lightly at your lip.
“Good fucking girl, aren’t you?” The words make your heart flutter, the streak of blood in your vision for a moment as his lips move to suck on your exposed collarbone. Your head was heavy between the pleasure and the alcohol from before, soaking in the praise from Oikawa. “Took care of Ushiwaka for me. You’ll be mine forever, won’t you?”
You feel the fabric of the dress being bunched around your waist, a moan slipping from your lips as his fingertips tease your clit. “Yeah, yours forever.” You were too occupied in how his fingers danced over your clit, unable to see the smirk that graced his lips. Panties were pushed aside, fingers finally entering your wet cunt. Your hips bucked as his fingers thrusted brutally into your sweet spot, back arching and pussy tightening around them. “There, please Tooru, there!”
“Patience.” Oikawa would spend his entire night ruining you, learning every inch of your body, marking what belonged to him. You were of Seijoh now, and he had no intentions of ever giving you up. But he could give into your demands, feeling you were worthy of a reward. You did what he asked, his thumb rubbing your clit as his fingers continued to hit the spot that made your toes curl. He hums softly as you tighten around his fingers, slowing his pace to a gentle pumping and glancing at your fucked out face. “Not yet, darling.”
His hand is gentle over yours like always, guiding it to his clothed cock. You bite your lip, looking up at him with wide eyes. Expected, yes, but your thighs were still shaking and it was hard to focus when those fingers continued to work your cunt open.
“I love you, cutie. You’ll do it for me, won’t you?” Oikawa leans closer, letting his fingers curl up and his lips press against yours. He soaks up the cry that leaves your mouth, only pulling away when you begin to nod frantically.
Your hands undid his slacks, pushing them down enough. Maybe not a large cock, but intimidating enough in the tight underwear. “I’ll do it, Tooru. Anything for you.”
“That’s a good girl.” His fingers pull out of your cunt slowly, dragging along the dress to clean them. It was time to take matters into his own hand, fishing his cock out. “Don’t be a brat. We have forever together, cutie, you and me.”
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wkemeup · 4 years ago
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Honey and Chamomile
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summary: Four cups of tea, four distinct moments in time, and each pulls you in closer beyond the walls surrounding Bucky’s heart pairing: bucky x reader word count: 5.8k warnings: lots of fluff, but also nightmares, and lots of tea because im a fanatic a/n: this was written for @coffee-with-bucky​​‘s 2k writing challenge and it’s a thousand years late, but I hope you enjoy it! My prompt was 🌟 tea 🌟
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It starts late in the evening as the thunder rolls in, low breaks amongst the clouds in the distance, a flicker of lightening touching the night sky and illuminating the shadows cast by the city. Painted raindrops slide against on the windowsill, racing one another to the edge of the pane. It’s soothing as you close your eyes and lose yourself in the soft tap-tap-tap to the walls of the tower and the hums of thunder miles beyond the city. It’s better than the silence, anyway.
The whistle of a kettle sings by the stove and it pulls you gently from your stance at the window. Mug in hand, you grab a bag of peppermint tea from the small box to the right of the kettle; paintings of sunsets and starry nights along the wooden frame. You close the lid and tug the string of the bag so it lays over the lip of the mug. Hot water finds its home at the center and the air around you fills of candy canes and memories of nights wrapped in blankets by the fireplace.
You hear footsteps behind you as you set the kettle back on the stovetop, careful of the bright red rings of the burner, and slowly wrap your hands around the mug. There’s a shuffle at the edge of the kitchen as the warmth of the mug touches your palms, soothes right up into your arms, the liquid too hot to drink but the steam of it is comforting against your cheeks. Crisp and cool amongst burning heat.
“Didn’t think you were home,” you say quietly, back turned to the figure who takes in a sharp breath in response.
The team was out on a mission, one Cap insisted you stay clear of after your near fatal gunshot wound in Bratislava last month. You fought it tooth and nail, but what Cap says goes, and well, you didn’t.
“Steve says I need more time,” Bucky replies, voice barely a whisper and you can practically picture the way he digs his hands into the pockets of his plaid pajama pants, scrunching at the fabric from the inside as a way to ground himself.
“Steve’s a little overprotective, don’t you think?” you chuckle lightly, turning from the window where the raindrops cast down along the glass in full, sweeping lines to find Bucky standing just beyond the plane of the kitchen. Just close enough to make his presence known, far enough to escape. Always one foot in, one foot at the exit. Self-preservation is a hell of a drug to kick.
“He’s right, though. Hard to trust a teammate who doesn’t trust his own mind,” Bucky mumbles slowly, scratching at the nape of his neck.
The shine of silver catches your eye under the dim overhead lighting and he notices it almost instantly, the way your gaze draws to solid metal, how you study the lines and bolts in his joints, and he drops his arm. He holds it then behind his back, tries to play it off casually, but you see how he hides it from view, like he’s been caught with something he shouldn’t have. A weapon.
You sigh, setting the mug down on the counter, the whisper of peppermint on your lips. He sells himself short, gets locked up in the mindset of what Hydra conditioned him to be, struggles to come back to himself and trust that he can control his own mind again. You know how often he wonders when he’ll lose it again, when he’ll break to someone else’s will and be forced to commit terrible acts again. It’s never a matter of ‘if’, but ‘when.’
He wonders when he’ll hurt Steve, or Sam, or Nat, or you. He wonders when the final straw will break and the floor will be ripped out from under him, when he’ll take a life he can’t give back. He wonders when enough will be enough and you’ll decide he’s not worth the trouble.
“I trust you,” you say, and you do mean it, but Bucky only shrugs, eyes downcast.
He shuffles he feet again. It’s uncomfortable for him to hear, you realize. It's foreign in his body and he barely recognizes the kindness in it when he feels it, the certainty of it, because it has been so long since he knew anything but cruelty and manipulation.
So, you pull a second mug from the cabinet; the one behind the Captain America logo painted on the side and Tony’s Disney themed mug that reads ‘Greatest Place on Earth 2003’ down the handle. You grab onto the edge of the mug tucked far into the back; light blue in color, soft undertones along the bottom. It’s painted like the waves of the ocean. It reminds you of him.
Bucky doesn’t say anything as you grab a second teabag from your wooden box and drop it in the mug, or as you fill the cup with the steaming water. You set it at the edge of the counter, eyeing him carefully as he remains still in his stance. One foot in, one foot at the exit.
“There’s sugar and milk if you want some,” you offer but Bucky shakes his head.
“No, no, this is just fine,” he says, voice a little uneven, almost as if he’s surprised by the gesture.
He steps forward, out of the shadows of the hallway and lets the soft lights of the lamp at the couch’s end touch his skin. They illuminate over messy hair, a few strands out of place, creases in his cheeks from pillow cases, the way he sways side to side in his stance. Nervous energy for a man with precision behind a barrel unlike anyone you’d ever seen.
He takes the mug, testing the heat of the surface, before he pulls it between his hands. You busy yourself with your own tea, taking a sip as you watch him bring it the mug to his lips. He pauses, smelling the hot water and you’re almost certain you see his cheek twitch. Ever so slightly, gone in an instant, but a remnant of a smile remains.
“I’ll be at the gym by nine tomorrow morning if you want to join me,” you say as you head towards the hallway. “I’ve seen your left hook and I could use some help on my stance.”
Bucky swallows back scalding hot tea like it’s nothing, his shoulders pushing up by his ears, startled by your request and it makes you laugh a bit. He chokes out a short nod, flustered perhaps judging by the pink in his cheeks. 
You smile back at him, pausing at the doorframe to look at him one last time as he leans against the kitchen sink.
The smell of peppermint lingers in your wake.
***
You sit on the couch in the living room with your feet kicked up on the ottoman, book resting in your lap and a warm cup of tea nestled in your right hand. Its leans onto your chest as the steam of a sweet, woody scent of green tea filters through the air. 
Fresh off of a month-long surveillance mission in Chechnya, your body is sore from long nights in cramped cars and your mind a little disengaged from hours staring out at a single window through the short end of binoculars.
Natasha sits quietly at the kitchen table behind you, flipping through the files spread out amongst the surface in organized chaos. The soft hum of a playlist on the overhead speakers drown out the grunts of Steve and Sam sparring down the hall in the training room.
You smile as you hear the shuffle of footsteps at the edge of the room, feet dragging purposefully along the tile. You don’t have to look up to know who is it, but you do wonder when Bucky decided to start dragging his feet to alert you to his presence.
He used to be impossibly quiet in his steps, like he was hunting prey even with his defenses down as much as he would allow them. He's snuck up on you a few times before without meaning to, his voice in greeting startling you enough to drop a mug of scalding tea from your hands and onto your exposed thighs and the tile below. If you think hard enough about it, you’d realize it was that moment, as he scrambled to dry your skin of the hot water, frantic apologies under his breath, as he knelt into the broken shards of your mug, that his steps became louder when he approached.
He hasn’t been able to sneak up on you since.
“Hey,” he says quietly from the edge of the room.
You smile to yourself, eyes still on the lines of the novel though you haven’t looked up at him yet. “Hey.”
“Smells good.”
You nod, taking in a heavy whiff of the steeping tea. “Wanna try?”
Bucky sits down on the couch beside you, a full cushion as a barrier between, but you don’t mind. He’s slow to warm up, cautious with even the people he trusts most, and you have no interest in pushing him beyond his boundaries. He sits rigid on the couch, stiff, though you can tell he’s trying to relax. He's fighting with his muscles and arguing with his mind.
“Here,” you offer, extending the mug to him.
He stares at you, blue eyes flickering from the tea and back to your face suspiciously.
“I haven’t poisoned it, Bucky,” you tease, pulling it back to your lips and taking a sip in proof. You sigh as it passed down your chest, warming you from the inside. It doesn’t slip your notice that Bucky’s eyes linger on your lips long after you’ve extended the mug back to him.
“If it’s a germ thing, I can make you a fresh cup,” you offer, laughing a bit under your breath.
“No, uh, thank you,” Bucky musters out and slowly takes the mug from your hands.
You nod and quickly return to your book, though you keep an eye on him in the reflection of the television screen. He studies the mug for a moment, looking over the slightly uneven edges of the ceramic, the speckles of golden flakes mixed amongst the brush strokes.
“Did you make this?”
“Steeped it myself,” you chuckle. “Strenuous work.”
Bucky laughs at that, though it’s muffled a bit, restricted, but it’s still there, still light and airy and incredibly beautiful.
“The mug,” he clarifies as he holds it up. “Did you make the mug?”
“Hey, even an Avenger need a hobby, right?” you shrug, albeit a little embarrassed. The walls of the mug are uneven, the painting done under dim lighting after hours as the little ceramics shop would have been swarmed with fans if not for the kindness of the owner who let you stay late into the evening. “I know it’s not very good--”
“I like it.”
Bucky smiles softly as he nods at you, examining the mug further. He traces over the handle that’s slightly too small for his grip, the edges that sway up and down like waves, the dot of red paint at the bottom that accidentally made its way onto the surface.
He takes a sip and you watch as his whole body seems to sigh in response. Muscles easing, tension leaving him. It’s a respite.
When he hands the mug back to you, you expect him to leave. He doesn’t. Instead, he stays quietly with you, sitting contently as he picks up a newspaper from the end table and you resume your place in your book. Perfectly quiet. Comfortable.
***
“Will you just take the medicine... please?”
“I’m an Avenger, Bucky, I can fight off the common cold.”
“You can barely breathe on your own. I might call for an ambulance. It's starting to look dire. Life or death kind of situation.”
“Oh, shut up,” you laugh, swatting his hands away as you quickly move to cover your mouth as another coughing fit takes over. It burns deep into your lungs, aches hard in your chest, makes it quite hard to catch your breath again, but you feel a soft touch on your back; gentle, soothing circles of a flat hand pressed to your spine, and you manage to find air again.
You wipe your lips as he pulls back. “Thanks.”
“It’s nothing,” he says with a soft smile, waving you off.
“I could get you sick. You should’ve had me quarantined like everyone else.”
“Aren’t you dramatic today?” he chuckles, shaking his head. “I can't get sick with this serum running in my veins, you know that. Besides, no one’s quarantining you. They’re just--”
“--avoiding me like the plague?”
Bucky grimaces. “Yeah, maybe.”
You smile tiredly at him, heat a little fuzzy, vision a little tunneled, but you enjoy the way he smiles back at you. He has such a nice smile, pretty, to the point where it’s almost unfair. It curves up into his cheeks, creating lines around and under his eyes, bright and cheery and you almost forget he’s also a ghost story of an assassin with the sharpshooting range more precise than a drone.
Before you can realize what you’re doing, under the haze of a clouded mind, your hand reaches out and touches his cheek. He freezes under your touch, surprised more than anything else, and he watches with wide eyes as you dreamily trace the lines in his face, the curve of his jaw and the tip of his nose. Your head feels a little fuzzy and your eye lids flutter heavily, just as Bucky begins to smile again.
“Take the meds, doll,” Bucky asks again sweetly. He slowly pries your hand from his face and sets two red pills in your left hand, a glass of water in your right. He guides your hand with the medication up towards your mouth. “Please? I miss my training partner. Can’t spare with someone who’s half dead in the living room from a stuffy nose and I refuse to go back to Wilson.”
“Okay, okay,” you grumble playfully, quickly swallowing the medication and chasing it with the water.
The couch dips slightly as Bucky gets up, jogging over to the kitchen. The whistle of the kettle is muffled in your ears, like it’s distant and behind several walls and closed doors. You stretch your jaw, trying to pop away the barrier, but it’s of no use.
You watch silently as Bucky scrambles around the kitchen, a little flustered for his frame, and you can’t help the smile that pushes at your cheeks.
“Top right,” you tell him, pointing to the cabinet over his shoulder.
He sighs, shakes his head, and sure enough, the mugs are in the cabinet on his right. He pulls down two from the shelf. For you, the one with the tiny cartoon dinosaur on the front dressed in an Iron Man suit, and for himself, he grabs the one you made months prior, with the uneven edges and the red paint stain on the side.
Then, he starts in search of the wooden box and you give him a minute of pulling open every drawer he can find until you tell him, “behind the bread bin on the counter.”
"Oh, of course. Makes perfect sense,” Bucky teases and flips through the packets inside.
He purses his lips, narrowing his eyes, clearly in search of something specific. His whole face lights up as he grabs what he’s in search of and quickly rips open the packets and sets them inside the mugs. He pours the hot water and carefully blows on the surface of the mugs, the steam pushing out in front of him as he sighs.
“Careful, it’s hot,” he says as he makes his way back to you, setting the mug on the arm rest of the couch to give you enough leverage to grab the handle. You smile up at him appreciatively as he takes his seat next to you.
Bringing the mug to your lips, you take in a deep breath – or, as much as you able to give the swarm of congestion in your head.
Spiced and warm. Peppery sharp. Lemon and ginger.
“Bucky Barnes, did you use google for me?”
He chuckles nervously as his hand rakes through his hair, pushing it from his eyes only for it to fall back to place again. “It, uh, it said ginger tea is supposed to be good for you when you’re sick, so I thought, uh, it thought it would help.”
You struggle to contain your grin, hiding it behind the mug as you take a sip. You can already feel your sinuses beginning to clear.
“That’s very sweet of you. Thanks, Buck.”
He nods a little sheepishly, fluster burning warm in his cheeks, but he meets your eyes; the perfect wave of blues and greys, a gentle ocean amongst a sweeping current.
***
When you wake with a harsh gasp in your throat, a sharp yank of reality away from your dreams, the piercing sound of screams echoing down the hall, it’s not the first time.
You know the routine well by now, know that Steve will meet you in the hallway by Bucky's door where the screams only seem to get louder with every passing second and he’ll ask you gently to go back to your room, remind you that he’s got this and Bucky will be alright. He always is, Steve tells you, but it doesn’t lessen the heartbreak of hearing the cracks in Bucky’s voice, the sudden whimpers, the shattering silence that follows as he wakes.
The two of you will skirt around things in the morning as you always do. Bucky will stumble out of his room with dark circles under his eyes, a drag in his feet, shoulders slumped as he slides into a chair by the kitchen. He’ll sit silently as you pour him an herbal tea from your box, never something with caffeine because he’s got enough energy in his veins as they come out in tremors in his hand and bouncing in his knee. Sometimes you give him raspberry, sometimes apple caramel, sometimes peach, and he’ll nod without looking at you, pull the mug close to his face and hold the steam to his lips until it goes cold.
Those mornings frighten you because it takes him back to Bucky you knew in the beginning, before he’d learned to smile and laugh again, before he became a permanent fixture in your life, one you were unwilling to live without.
So as your feet carry you down the hall, skirting around the corner and chasing after the screams, you realize Steve won’t be there waiting. He’s out on a mission with Sam in Ukraine for the next few days. There’s no one else on this floor. It’s just you.
You, Bucky, and the monsters in his dreams.
You freeze at the edge of his door, hand gripped tight to the handle, but you can’t move. 
You’re made of marble and stone because even though you and Bucky had come miles since he first came to the tower, you’ve never seen him like this; scared, begging to invisible forces, voice breaking, crying. You haven’t seen him at his lowest and you don’t know if he’ll resent you opening this door, if he’ll be angry with you for breaking that wall of trust, for intruding on something so vulnerable he doesn’t share with anyone but Steve.
But when a scream leaves his lips again, one so broken and distorted it jars itself straight through to your heart like the serrated edge of a blade, you shove your way inside, pushing consequences to the morning.
Bucky lays amongst a mess of sheets, damp with sweat as his hands curl into the fabric, teeth gritted, chest heavy with labored breaths. His eyes are closed shut, painfully so, and you try to ignore the drip of sweat down his exposed chest, how it falls along the lines of his muscles, because he’s thrashing in his sleep like something is holding him down, chocking him, and there’s tears in your eyes as you rush forward.
“Bucky,” you call far too gently. “Bucky, wake up.”
You don’t know what to do. Steve is the one who usually wakes him and you don’t have the kind of strength he does. You don’t know what laying a hand to Bucky’s shoulder will do, if the touch will ground him or shock him to a dream like state, pull him from his nightmares or throw him back to the clutches of the soldier.
But you have to try.
You can’t listen to him beg through bated breaths, “stop, stop please-- don’t! Please, someone help--”
“I’ve got you,” you say a little louder. “You’re okay, Buck. You’re not alone. You’re safe, alright? But you’ve gotta wake up now. Please, Bucky. Wake up.”
You set a hand on his forearm and he jolts up in an instant. You stumble back a few paces in shock, heart beating like thunder in your chest as you hit the sharp edge of his dress to your spine. Hands clutched tight to your chest, afraid you might have to fight him to bring him back, but Bucky remains still. He’s panting, chest heaving as hair falls down into his eyes.
You decide to test the waters.
“Bucky?”
He flinches violently, a sharp intake of breath, though he doesn’t turn to look at you. His hands dig deeper into the sheets in search of a respite he will not find and it nearly breaks your heart in two.
“I’m sorry,” he chokes out, voice rough and used. He can’t bear to look at you. “I thought it was under control. I—I told Steve it was okay for him to go. You shouldn’t-- You shouldn’t have to--”
“Do you want some tea?”
The words tumble out faster than you can process them. It feels like the wrong thing to say, especially with that look on his face, the guilt and shame seeping through beautifully soft and kind features, but you know his heart is racing a hundred miles a minute. Judging by the tension in his back, he’s stiff as a board, too.
You step forward as he slowly turns to look at you. There's confusion mixed in with the undeserving shame, but it’s a start at least, you think. A couple cautious more steps closer to the bed and you’re standing right next to him, hovering above him as he bends his legs and wipes his brow of sweat with the edge of the sheet.
“It usually helps me calm down at night,” you offer slowly, as gently as you can manage. “I, uh, I get nightmares, too, sometimes. Not quite as loud as yours but...”
Bucky nods in understanding. He’s heard you pacing in your room in the dead of night when sleep evades him as it often does. He’s seen when you trudge out from your room in the early hours of the morning with the kind of look in your eye that reminds him too much of himself.
“It’ll only take a second,” you say, nodding to yourself as you try to calculate the time it would take to boil the water and ready the mugs. “I’ll be right back.”
You move to take a step back but there’s a tug on your wrist. You pause, glancing down to find Bucky’s hand circling at your arm, holding you steady, though his stare remains glued to the sheets.
“Don’t go.” 
It comes out in a whimper, a low break in his voice, and your heart plummets down to your stomach.
“I’ll come right back. I promise,” you ease him, stepping closer again, though you notice he doesn’t release your hand. It’s not painful, but it’s firm. He’s holding on for dear life.
“Please,” he whispers and this time, as he looks up with you, you’re met with tears in the blue of his eyes. It cracks your resolve in an instant.
“Okay. Will you come with me?”
Bucky swallows thickly, holding your gaze for a moment before he eventually nods. The sheets are thrown from his legs and you realize he sleeps only in his boxers. The realization seems to hit him just as quick.
“S-sorry,” he mumbles, “just, um, just let me--”
You step back as he releases your hand and slowly stands at the edge of the bed. He grabs his pajama pants from the floor and quickly step into them with a heated blush on his cheeks. It makes you painfully aware of the mess of an old, ratted t-shirt and shorts you sleep in, though you push it aside quickly because Bucky’s eyes have fallen to the ground and you don’t want him to retreat within himself. Not again.
“Come on.”
You extend your hand for him, waiting patiently as he stares at it for a moment. It’s an intimate gesture, more contact than you’ve had with him, but you know despite his aversion to touch, he craves it unlike anything else. He’s vulnerable right now and you hope he’ll take the anchor as you throw it to him.
When his hand does mold to yours, it fits perfectly, exactly where he’s supposed to be and you can’t help but wonder if he’ll ever let you do this again. You squeeze his hand softly as he finds an even pace at your side and you lead him to the kitchen.
He lets go of your hand to give you enough space to prepare the water, but he’s never far from reach. When you glance back at him, you find a strange mixture of fear and something you can't quite place in his eyes. It isn’t until you catch him surveying the room, the adjoining hallways, the flinches at the slightest settling of the tower, that you realize he’s on guard. It’s like he’s protecting you.
“Take a seat, Buck,” you ask of him gently, nodding to the chair at the kitchen table. “Try and relax for me. Deep breaths, okay?”
He follows your gaze, hesitantly glancing over the area, always on alert, before he turns back to you. There’s a resistance in his movement as he takes his first steps away from you, but he holds your gaze, holds the softness of your smile as long as he can, while he slumps down into the chair. It’s too far away from you, but he manages.
The kettle boils quickly and you slip two bags of tea into the mugs. Hot water in next, you drizzle an ounce of thick amber on top, swirling it around with the heal of a spoon. The smell of earthy apples and sweet nectar.
Honey and chamomile.
When you make your way over to the table to join him, Bucky is slouched down in his seat, dark circles heavy under his eyes, though he forces out a strained smile as you slide in next to him. You drag a chair up as close to his as you can, your shoulders bumping somewhat as you set the mug in front of him.
“Drink,” you tell him. “It will help you fall back asleep.”
“I can’t go back to sleep after that. I never do after... you know,” he mumbles, shaking his head, though he does take in a heavy inhale of the sweet aroma of steam.
“You’re telling me my teas won’t cure all of life’s problems?” you scoff playfully. “Blasphemy.”
It steals a smile from his lips, curving up ever so slightly into his cheeks though you can see his body fighting against it. You set a hand on his forearm, one that comes in comfort by stark contrast of the way he used to flinch out of your touch. With a slight squeeze, you draw his attention back to you, the blue of his eyes overcast into deep navy, lids falling heavy with sleep despite the race of his heart.
“You don’t have to tell me what happened,” you say slowly. “You don’t have to say a thing. Just let me help you, alright? Drink the tea, Bucky. I’m not going anywhere until you do.”
He nods, a slight ghost of a laugh in his exhale. “Okay.”
You smile triumphantly as you pull your own mug to your hands, warmth spreading into your palms and you take a sip. It stings on your tongue a bit, too hot, but it feels nice as it travels down into your chest, warms you from the inside out.
The two of you sit in silence for a while, the only sounds between you coming from the muffled purr of the furnace and the contented sighs as the tea touches your lips. Bucky’s shoulders start to relax as he his mug nears empty, his body swaying in his seat and you can practically see the exhaustion nestled in his bones.
You swig back the last sip in your own mug and set it on the table, a task you’ll deal with in the morning as you slowly push Bucky’s mug out of his reach.
“Come on, Buck. Let’s get you back to bed.”
He comes easily as you offer your hand, guiding him away from the sanctuary of the kitchen and back to the room that holds his monsters. The grip on your hand tightens with every step and you rub your free hand down his forearm soothingly, trying to pull the tension away. You can feel the anxiety rushing through his veins, the panic reemerging back to the surface as you cross the threshold into his room.
You know he won’t ask. He won’t dare because he can so often get wrapped up in his own mind, the chamber of burden and isolation, of guilt and shame, and he often forgets how much of yourself you’re willing to give to him.
So, you don’t say a word as you lead him slowly to the bed, releasing his hand as he slides back under the covers. His body is rigid as ice and you can feel his eyes on you, trying to memorize your face for when the darkness takes over and he prepares for you to leave.
It surprises him when your hand slips over his forehead, brushes up into his hair, and you lean down to kiss his temple. The gasp that it pulls from him is muffled, impossibly sweet, and you linger there a moment longer before you pull away.
Bucky stays silent though you can see the question burning behind the blue of his eyes.
Stay. Stay. Stay.
There isn’t an ounce of hesitancy as you slowly make your way around to the other side of the bed and pull back the covers. The mattress is firmer on this side in its lack of use as your knee dips onto the surface. Bucky is watching you cautiously, stunned, but his muscles start to relax as you settle in next to him.
“This okay?” you ask, just to be sure.
He nods quickly. “Y-yes.”
“Try to get some sleep, alright? I’ll be right here.”
He doesn't say anything, but there’s relief slipping through the tension in his body, pushing out the stones with the gentle flow of a calming stream. You smile at him as you turn onto your side, one hand gently resting on his shoulder, grounding him to the earth, to you.
You close your eyes and hope that he will feel safe enough to follow.
***
“Y/n?”
“Yeah?” Your voice is muffled by the pillow and you turn to find stars still littering the night sky. You don’t know how much time has passed, how long he’s been lying there in the prolonged silence, churning thoughts racing through his mind, so you turn onto your stomach, prop yourself up on your elbows to get a better look at him.
“You wanna go to the tea shop in Brooklyn with me tomorrow?”
You narrow your eyes, confused why he’s asking you near – you check the clock by his bedside – three in the morning. His stare is trained up at the ceiling for a moment before he turns to look at you, ocean blue littered with nerves, a new kind of vulnerability you haven’t seen in him before.
“Of course, Buck. Whatever you--”
“As a date, I mean.”
It catches you off guard, wakes you quickly. Tongue tied and throat dry.
Bucky swallows nervously and you can tell that he’s been working himself up to asking you in the hour or so that he’s been lying here awake as you curled up next to him. There are dozens of excuses brewing in the back of his mind, ways to play this off as a joke or anything but what he wants it to be in a way to preserve the friendship between you, but before he can start the waterfall of backtracking, a smile curves up along your lips.
“That sounds really nice.”
He smiles back at you. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Okay, good.” He nods to himself, settling back into the mattress with the widest grin you’d seen on him in ages. It wrinkles up into his eyes, brightens across his face bright and cheery, sits in startling contrast to the way you’d found him just hours before. You like seeing him this happy. You like being the cause of it even more.
“Will you go to sleep now?” you tease him, nudging at his shoulder enough to pull a laugh from his chest.
“Yeah, I can do that.”
“Good. Don’t want you half asleep on our date.” It twists pleasantly in your stomach as you say it, butterflies and goosebumps and you bite back the smile pushing high up into your cheeks.
“Can’t have that,” he replies, chuckling to himself and it doesn’t slip your notice how his smile seems to widen as you say the word, too. Date.
You slide back down onto the mattress, trying to find your comfortable position again when Bucky extends his arm. There’s a short pause as he waits, staring up at the ceiling, and you realize what he’s offering. Without a second thought, like you’re coming home, you scoot your body closer to him, rest your head on his shoulder as his arm curls around your back, holding you securely against him.
The soft thumping of his heart beats gently under your ear, your hand resting against his ribs, tracing lines that leave shivers in their wake. He traces patterns onto your back, his eyes slowly fluttering shut until the movement stops and he falls into the warm embrace of sleep.
You sigh, content in his even breaths, the slow pace of his heart, the muffles snores. Hugging him close, holding him in your arms where he’s always belonged. You fall asleep wrapped in the scent of honey and chamomile.
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