#plus i had a tendancy to venerate people i viewed as smarter than me which was very unhealthy
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Maybe you'll find this helpful? But I think the concept of intelligence sort of dissipates as you get older. Because everyone works by their own metrics and specialties. Like, I couldn't tell you the first think about biology, that doesn't make me less intelligent than a dedicated biologist. Just means they specialize in something that I don't. And applies to shit that I'm good with too. It's all just experience. Even within the same profession, you wouldn't look at two brilliant artists and go "yep that one's smarter," without coming across as extremely reductionist. It's sort of hard to have a good relationship with a false concept.
I think the main thing that made me dismissive of the concept is that I couldn't define a coherent metric for it. Even as an abstract concept. Is Intelligence a measurement of the amount of information someone knows? One's propensity to learn and accept new information? Is it a collection of general knowledge or is it specialized knowledge? What information constitutes one's intellect? Is it a static variable or one that's in constant flux? Like, I've generally been above average at math in elementary school, but then I hit a brick wall upon reaching higher levels of it, which involved invoking a different set of skills. So, what does that say about my intelligence on the matter? Another potential metric for the concept is one's propensity to think. But the act of thinking, itself, isn't a measurable concept either. Like, it's the closest approximation to how I'll use the words "smart" and "dumb." Basically as ways of saying "you gave me a lot to think about" or "I don't think you've put in enough thought." But there's a more accurate set of words for that: thoughtfulness, nuance, etc. For the sake of comparison, I'd argue that wisdom is an abstract concept, but still a real one. It's the measurement of one's life-experience. It is abstract because it cannot be objectively measured, but its components are commonly understood.
Also, when I coin the term false concept, I'm just saying it's a concept people invoke and attach meaning to despite the concept itself being rather meaningless. When I say an abstract concept, I mean it's a concept that lacks quantifiability and yet still holds meaning.
I personally find talking about concepts and philosophies to be rather annoying because language is fundamentally imprecise. I dont think thats a fault of English specifically. I think it's more that language is how a person translates their thoughts into a format understood by their peers, and I think my autism just gives me a heightened sense of awareness to its function as a translator. Every word carries a degree of nuance and air for interpretation that makes communicating ideals, especially with non-autistic ppl, tedious. That's also why I end up using a lot of big words and coining a lot of terms; feels more precise.
I want to be smart and be seen as smart by others, its one of the only things I latched onto as a pup that could make me feel like I had something that neurotypical people didn't. It's at best a silly fantasy, but since I'm white I don't really know if I can have a productive relationship with "intelligence" in the first place. Much to think about.
#not sure if thats helpful but i think my relationship with the concept improved upon rejecting it#since i get what you mean about wanting to feel special and stuff and being called smart a lot#tho i definitely have a different relationship with the concept than you#im also autistic and got called smart a lot as a kid#but i feel like whenever im called smart its like ''oh youre smart enough to do X if only you didnt have symptom of mental illness#it would be so easy for you'' which definitely makes the concept unpalitable to me#plus i had a tendancy to venerate people i viewed as smarter than me which was very unhealthy#especially when i had low self esteem and was practically looking for reasons to put myself down#but yeah i think the concept of intelligence is just a lie given to kids to make them feel better about grinding school#and should be expired as an adult especially one with tangible accomplishments#and that take's really ignoring the massive number of kids who never fit into the school system and adults that dont accomplish much#but i think those ppl dont need to hear this because theyve been disillusioned to the concept before reading any of this#and the point im getting at here is that i dont think intelligence is something worth your mental energy when it isnt even real#and the concept itself feels quite manipulative whenever i put any serious concsideration to it#like even if im mistaken and it is a valid concept i dont see a practical use for it beyond gatekeeping#so if the concept of intelligence stresses you out so much perhaps you could try rejecting it all together?#im not really saying this because i know you or am trying to impress you or anything a lot of these thoughts#are conclusions i came to a long time ago and arent particularly novel to me im more laying this out#because i think this mindset has a chance of being helpful or providing insight and I value being helpful
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