#but this is all i could remember and write today

[livelaughlovesubs]

hello! do you write for ratio? if yes, I would like to request for Ratio + the beg prompt from the event.

Thank you in advance, have a nice day.

Ratio and begging? That’d be such a treat hehe.

Dom!reader x sub!Ratio

Warning: teasing, degradation (a little only), begging, flustered veritas~

Anniversary event

Dr. Veritas Ratio was a smart man. In fact, he’s borderline a genius. At least that’s how he’s known to the outside world, and how he’s described in various papers. When you two were alone, you’d always call him—

You leaned back against your work desk, hands flat on the wooden surface as you held yourself up. The room wasn’t special in any sense, the only eye catching thing had to your visitor, who was currently disturbing your work. Veritas groaned in annoyance, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, crossing his arms before his chest. He shoot a rather serious glare at you, before squeezing the bridge of his nose and mumbling, “listen, I won’t repeat myself, I just-”

“I don’t think you can give me that attitude when you barged into my office.” You scoffed, tapping the table with your index finger impatiently. “Now try again.” The male frowned a little, then sighed, “I want to know when you get off work today..” he trailed off, gaze fixating on the decoration around the room, as if he didn’t want to meet your eyes.

Such a weird person, he’s intentions are so easy to read, yet his actions don’t match up. Does he himself doesn’t know what he wants? “Why do you want to know?” He blinked, staring back at you now. With some dreadfully obvious hesitation, he answered, “if you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine.”

Yes, he knew he was acting like a fool, and that his reasonings didn’t make any sense. It was so different from his usual self. Can’t you take some pity on him and stop looking at him with these judging eyes? “Why don’t you make up your mind first before coming here, doctor.” You said, getting up from the furniture and taking a few steps forward, until you were inches away from him. There, you leaned forward, and he instinctively back up as you basically insulted him, “after all, only an idiot speaks before thinking.”

“I did make up my mind.” he snarled, the blush on his cheeks deepening at the closeness. Yet the expression on his face was more like a grimace, as if he’d seen a bug. “So? What do you want, doc?” You wondered, even though you knew the answer, and he knew that you’ve seen right through him as well. “I want us to meet later—”

“no.” You cut him off suddenly, reaching one hand out to tug his hair behind his ear, cupping his cheek. “Not that. What you want us to do once we meet. Gosh, I thought you could read between the lines.” The words you uttered were clearly mocking, but he wasn’t offended, all he did was furrow his brows as a bead of sweat rolled down his forehead. All this was ridiculous, he blamed it all on that swaying, stubborn heart of his. The reason why he’s here in the first place.

Veritas clasped one hand over yours, as if worried you might pull away and leave, and he whispered, “I want you to… do that to me, again.” You hummed, teasing him, “what is it again? I don’t remember~” in response to your playful comment, he squeezed your hand, glaring at you with gritted teeth and a flushed face. Was that too much for his poor pride? Right, he was a sensitive man, you had to take it slow with him.

“Fine, I won’t tease. But if you want something, veritas, shouldn’t you ask nicely?” You tried to not smirk at him, though you weren’t sure if your body cooperated. He didn’t reply for a while, his free hand clenched into a fist before he tried again, “will you do that with me again? Err.. please?” Definitely nicer than he usually is. This boy really has such a foul mouth. “I’m not sure I have time today.” You acted as if you were deep in thought, thinking hard about it.

At least this time, he knew the implications behind it, you weren’t satisfied with him. This time, he was the one who closed the distance between you two, your noses almost touched as he asked with an expression anyone else would mistake as anger, “can you please, uhm.. please hold me like last time?” He was almost shaking with humiliation and embarrassment, why did he have to be this unsightly whenever he was in your presence?

You smiled, still not agreeing to his request. “I beg of you…?” Ratio pondered if these words would work, he wasn’t used to asking others for favours in this manner. One because he never thought it’d work, and two, most of the time he only did business transactions where both sides would get mutual benefits. When he sah the corners of your lips twitch, he was sure of it, this shameful display actually worked.

“See? It wasn’t that hard.” You stroked his hair, eating up that delicious expression spread across his features. It’s not everyday you get to see him like this. “You could have saved so much time if only you did this from the beginning.” He opened his mouth, probably about to argue. Now that he got you to agree, you can’t take it back anymore anyway, so he didn’t have to act all pliant anymore.

But you beat him to it, grabbing his collar and yanking on it, whispering with pure amusement, “—such a dumb little puppy.”

[lemonlyman-dotcom]

FAVORITE FANDOM MEMORIES

I was tagged by approximately ten million people, thank you all I am queuing your posts for today through the weekend as to not completely flood the dash lmao 😂

⭐️ ATX Trip With Anne For S5 Premiere

This was soo much fun!!! I’ve wanted to go to Austin for a long time, as a lifelong Spoon fan and general music nerd this is the Mecca and I’m glad I was able to go with Anne so we could nerd out about Lone Star! We ate amazing food, got to walk all over the whole city, checked out landmarks from the show, built new headcanons like what touristy things TK, Marjan and Paul did when they first got to town in s1. And we got to see my beloved Omar Apollo 😍

⭐️ Season 4-5 Hiatus Rewatch

I made soo many new friends including ANNE, we hadn’t ever really talked before but she slid into my DMs early in the rewatch and asked if she could help and then we have basically talked every day since 🤭 And all the really amazing pals I made during the weekly group watches, my unhinged polls, just generally chatting with folks about the weekly episodes and going deeper with headcanons and stuff. This event really helped me feel accepted into the fandom and I think it did for a lot of others!

⭐️ Rabbit Holes and General Shenanigans With @carlos-in-glasses

We are the goofiest. There was the time she wrote Owen sleeping in a vest and no pants I was like…? The time I thought a dressing gown was an old Victorian nightgown… THE ALAMO …The time she thought somebody had SIX FINGERS

⭐️ Wearing @chicgeekgirl89 Down Until She Finally Let Me Be Her Friend

I remember the first time I posted a fic and getting a comment from you and being like 🤯🫨 hehehe And then when you posted Saturday Night’s Alright I was losing my shit so much I dm’ed you my live reactions. And then HARASSING the hell out of you every week for Thirsty Thursday!!! It’s so much fun!!! AND THEN YOU TRICKED ME WITH MY SECRET SANTA FIC!!!! Omg you guys she played me LIKE A FIDDLE!!! An elaborate ruse!! She pretended like she got some rando who provided a bunch of dud prompts, had me pick one and then proceeded to WRITE A FAKE FIC to throw me off her track lmaoooo

⭐️ My Silly Fandom Edits

I *think* this started out as me terrorizing @guardian-angle22. And then I randomly decided to make that first snack post before 5x01 and people really liked my weird edits so I kept doing it heheheheeeee!!! I’ve had so much fun with Ranger Baby Seal with @literateowl and @laelipoo and also just generally (affectionately) making fun of Rafa. He’s such a goober, I adore him, and I really need him to wear this hat.

⭐️ All of the Art by @whatsintheboxmh

I have been so incredibly blessed by May!! She’s made some truly beautiful art for some of my fics, some absolutely unhinged art for my fics and polls and metas. It’s always an absolute delight logging in and seeing a notification that she’s made a piece of art for some goofy ass thing I said or a silly poll I made. Here are just a few:

⭐️ All The Friends!!!!!!

Everyone who I’ve talked to, be it about fic or headcanons or discussing our interpretations of an episode or a scene, or anything!! If I’ve talked to you a few times or on a daily basis, know I cherish you!! This is my first fandom experience and I’ve really been enriched by all the different folks I’ve met and interacted with!! And I’m continuously blown away by all the talent! Watching season five live with everyone is such a serotonin boost every week!!! Also shout out to my discord girlies!! I’m so glad we randomly decided to start a discord for people who love OG but hate ****** 🤭

⭐️ When @ladytessa74 Had My Fic Bound 😭

Tessa had this beautiful copy of my fic bound and she was so sneaky and surprised me with it!! 🥰

⭐️ Writing Fic

I remember how scared I was to post my first fic!! But people were so lovely and supportive, and I’ve had such an incredible experience uncapping this creative well inside of myself that I never knew was in there!! I feel like I’ve grown sooo much since I posted that first fic in June of 2023!

ETA: THE DAY I WON THE BASEBALL SO WE COULD ALL WATCH 5x05!!!! OH MY GOD THAT NIGHT WAS THE MOST FUN I’VE EVER HAD ON HERE!!!!

Thanks for the tags: @thisbuildinghasfeelings @annoyingcloudearthquake @everlastingday @welcometololaland @she-walked-away @carlossreaders @nisbanisba @tellmegoodbye @heartstringsduet @freneticfloetry @firstprince-history-huh @carlos-in-glasses @bonheur-cafe @goldenskykaysani @chicgeekgirl89 @herefortarlos

Tagging: @messymindofmine @toomanycupsoftea @hereghostslive @just-inside-her @laelipoo @literateowl @reyesstrand @reasonandfaithinharmony @guardian-angle22 @alrightbuckaroo @basilsunrise @carlos-tk @doublel27 @fitzherbertssmolder @irispurpurea @noxsoulmate @reeeallygood @shes-an-oddbird @tailoredshirt @ladytessa74

[haunted-carousel-productions]

Lessons for first-time Audiodrama creators I learned making Lavender Evening Fog

Today marks the four year anniversary of the first full episode of @lavender-evening-fog-podcast. If you want to make audiodrama, here are some lessons that I learned along the way, that will make it easier for you. We went into it loving the audiodrama artform but not knowing a lot about it, so please learn from the experience we gained making the show over four seasons.

Cut the volume you plan to put out in half. And then maybe cut that in half. There are a few ways you can do this-- for example if you are planning on every other week, put out monthly episodes instead. Or maybe rather than doing a 12-episode season, you do a 6-episode season. Or maybe rather than doing 12 half hour episodes, do 12 fifteen minute episodes. One of these ways of reducing may make more sense for your story than the others, but the takeaway is the same--producing an audio drama is a lot of work, and if you have never done it before, it is likely more work than you expect. You can still tell your story, it might just take more time. "But Victoria," you say, "I am already being very pragmatic about this!" I believe you dear reader. When we started LEF we intentionally made the episodes monthly because we knew more frequently would be difficult. Yet the plan was to have two 12-episode seasons that would involve dropping an episode every month for two years without break. About six episodes in we realized that we would burn out if we did it that way. Fortunately, because of how we mapped the story, it was very easy to convert that to four six-episode seasons. This allowed us to take breaks while still having consistency in our release cadence, because that consistency is incredibly important, and it is easiest to sustain over time if you have a handle on the work.

Have as much as possible done before you develop a release schedule. This may be the exception to #1--if you have everything done, by all means, go forward with whatever schedule you like. But it is easier to have a season done and drop episodes than to be working on it up to your release day.

If you can't have everything done before you start thinking about a release schedule, at least have the writing done and polished. Sometimes, you will need to revise pretty heavily. Especially at the beginning when you are getting the voice right. Because writing and getting feedback can take awhile, you want to give time to think about it, try to have your scripts done if nothing else.

If you find yourself relying on some part of your story too heavily, try writing a scenario without it. At the end of Season 1, we introduced the idea of Nick voicing Billy, and by the Season 2 premiere, we felt comfortable recording more interactions (remember, this project started during peak Covid). I was so excited to write for more than just myself, so I wrote a bunch of Billy scenes that didn't move anything forward. Once it was pointed out that this was a problem, I decided to send Billy to a conference. That gave me an opportunity to reframe rather than relying on a narrative crutch. This resulted in the Anna-Georgina is sick episode, which I still think is one of my favorites.

Create frameworks that make writing easier. For example, we wrote the show in little fragments of Anna-Georgina's audiodairies. That made it so much easier to plan (we know we need 8-12ish segments per ep), to write (again, if I wasn't feeling like tacking a particular big of the plot, I could work on another), and to record (The Lucy letters and the long pieces of exposition were always recorded last)

Figure out your tech before you record your first episode. We didn't fully and I'm still kind of embarrassed. Like I'm proud of what we produced starting out, but I wish we (mostly me, Nick always knew what he was doing) had figured it out earlier.

[city-of-ladies]

Abbess, composer, poet, philosopher: Kassia (c.810–c.865) was a multi-talented woman and one of the most prominent female voices in the Byzantine world.

The outspoken candidate

Kassia was born into an aristocratic family; her father, a military official (Kandidatos) at the imperial court, ensured she received an exceptional education. In a society where women had a relatively high literacy rate, Kassia’s intellect and skills stood out. As a teenager, she earned praise from Theodore the Studite, who wrote:

"While you have not surpassed those of old, of whose wisdom and education we in this generation, both men and women, fall far short—and immeasurably so—you have done so with regard to those of the present, since the fair form of your discourse has far more beauty than a mere specious prettiness"

From a young age, Kassia demonstrated her piety and strong personality. She supported a monk imprisoned by the Iconoclast authorities and likely began contemplating a monastic life early on.

She participated in a bride show at the palace, where the young Emperor Theophilos sought to choose his empress. Theophilos reportedly remarked to her, "From woman come evils," referencing Eve’s sin. Kassia, undeterred, replied, "But from woman sprang many blessings," alluding to the Virgin Mary.

Kassia was not chosen. Her poem On Stupidity may reflect her thoughts on the encounter:

It is terrible for a stupid person to possess some knowledge; 

and if he has an opinion, it’s even worse; 

but if a stupid man is young and in a position of power,

alas and woe and what a disaster.

Woe, O Lord, if a stupid person attempts to be clever;

where does one flee, where does one turn, how does one endure?

The abbess

After this experience, Kassia was reportedly delighted to pursue her true calling as a nun. She founded her own monastery in Constantinople, where she served as abbess.

Life in a women’s monastery offered significant opportunities. Nuns held all key offices within the monastery, and the abbess wielded complete authority. She carried a staff like her male counterparts, sat on a throne during church services, and could even preach. In some cases, abbesses were respected as spiritual authorities for men as well as women.

Kassia’s writings during this time reveal a vivid personality. She was outspoken and direct, with little tolerance for hypocrisy or falsehood. At times, she came across as impatient or acerbic, but her works also show a sensitive, compassionate side and an emphasis on genuine friendships.

The artist

Kassia dedicated her days to “philosophizing,” writing epigrams and composing gnomic poetry. However, she is best remembered for her liturgical hymns. As one of the few female hymnographers in Byzantine history (alongside contemporaries like Theodosia and Thekla), Kassia is the only woman whose works were incorporated into the official Byzantine hymnals, which remain in use today. The 14th-century writer Nikephoros Kallistos Xanthopoulos ranked her eleventh on his list of the most influential composers.

Kassia’s writings often highlighted the contributions and courage of women. She rejected stereotypes of female weakness and submission, as reflected in this poem:

I hate silence, when it is a time for speaking.

I hate the one who conforms to all ways.

She even hinted at the idea of female superiority in her poem Woman:

Esdras is witness that women

Together with truth prevail over all.

Today, Kassia is venerated as a saint in the Eastern Orthodox Church, with her likeness depicted in icons. Her feast day is celebrated on September 7, and her most famous hymn is still chanted during the liturgy for Holy Wednesday each year.

Enjoyed this post? You can support me on Ko-fi!

Further reading: 

Herrin Judith, “Changing functions of monasteries for women during Byzantine iconoclasm”, in: Garland Lynda (ed.),  Byzantine Women, Varieties of Experience 800-1200

Sherry Kurt, Kassia the Nun in context: The Religious Thought of a Ninth-Century Byzantine Monastic

[bwat5-blog]

Continuing The Cycle

**Spoilers For Arcane**

Let me say to begin with, that nothing in this post is to downplay or brush off Piltover's oppression of Zaun. There will be some who read that and still scream at me, that's okay. I just want to be clear.

Many people on here more insightful and intelligent than I have spoken on this already, but it has been sticking with me lately so I wanted to get my thoughts out.

I have been quite free with dismantling some of the inane attempts at criticism of Arcane in this space. But, I promise I do actually understand everyone is entitled to their opinion. After all, how we connect with and understand art on an individual level is one of the things that make it so special. I have never, and will never come for someone who is simply stating their honest opinion based on the actual content in a respectful manner.

Where my issues come in, have to do with these wide-spread critiques/takes/stances that so directly undermine the meaning of the narrative they are best ignorant and at worst malicious. And more often than not rely on omission of details that negates their stance, or fabrication of details to support them. To that end, what I am discussing today is the black and white thinking that has permeated the fandom, poisoning understanding and appreciation of all corners of that narrative.

LET'S JUST GET IT OUT OF THE WAY:

*Before we get into the Arcane content, we need to discuss where a lot of this is coming from. I am just gonna get this out here right now, and there are some people who are gonna keel over reading it but if you are one of those folks I might as well not waste your time*

Arcane is not the Israeli–Palestinian conflict.

It could not be more clear that this is where a lot of this is coming from. Let me be explicitly clear, this is NOT a deep-dive or analysis of this conflict. This thing is immensely complicated . If you comment here with a "IT IS NOT COMPLICATED ITS" sort of comment I'm sorry to tell you but you are wrong. The modern phase of this has origins as far back as the late nineteenth century and there is more going back even further. I don't care if its a straight fucking line. Something going back that far has more to it than the average nerd like me is qualified to speak on. Now, that being said, I do understand to a degree why this is happening. Not like this conflict has ever really been settled but in the last few years especially things have really been active and generating a degree of media content I don't remember seeing this level of in my short 32 years. So in a world where everyone (myself included) is so plugged in and enveloped by social media, a lot of us are getting a more direct look at this than we really ever have. And we analyze and connect with art through the lens of the world around us to a point. But we CANNOT do so exclusively. Trying to force a narrative into a one-to-one comparison robs it of a tremendous amount of meaning. Because no matter how complex and intricate this story actually can be. IT IS NOT REALITY. I'm not getting into it here, that would be pages and pages of writing and I'm here to talk about Arcane. But I'm going to say this because it applies to real life and the show both and will take us into my actual point today.

The idea that anyone on one side must always be good and justified simply because they are the oppressed, while the other must always be evil, is juvenile, naïve, and fails to grasp even a fraction of the complexity of human nature

Some of you are going to have an absolute seizure reading me say that that statement applies to real life as well. I don't care. It takes time, maturity, and meeting people from all walks of life to understand things are not so simple.

BACK TO ARCANE:

But, that being said time to get back to business. How does this all apply to Arcane?

"The show should have ended with a civil war between Zaun and Piltover!"

"When Zaun arrived during the last battle Jinx should have unloaded on the Enforcers and the Noxians both!"

"They ruined Jinx's character! WTF do you mean she apologized for killing Caitlyn's mother? Her mom was part of the oppressive system that ruined Jinx's life and brought it on herself!"

"Silco did bad things but it was all to gain power to protect Zaun!"

"Poor little rich girl lost her mom and acts like it's a reason to punish an entire city with warcrimes. The people of Zaun have been suffering worse for their entire history"

"Rebel Vi I miss you! How dare they make you care about people in Piltover!"

"The coward show runners made Zaunites into boot-lickers fighting for Piltover wearing Enforcer armor at the end!"

You get the idea. I have seen variations of these and many more time and time again. Zaun should have let Piltover fall or even attacked themselves. Caitlyn deserved everything done to her because she's of the Piltovan elite. Every terrible thing Jinx or Silco did was totally and completely justified because of Piltovan oppression.

Now there are many angles I could come at this from. My usual one is simply addressing the astounding lack of logic in most of these sorts of arguments. For example, I can rope all of the people saying Zaun should have let Piltover fall into one category. People who forgot about this guy:

Like he was just gonna "evolve" Piltover than call it a day and zoot off into space with his new buddies. Obviously not and the idea that he wouldn't immediately take Zaun as well then keep moving is completely laughable. But this sort of thing isn't my issue today. My issue is that those so zealously insisting the the show should have continued on a path of hate, death and destruction are completely missing the point.

I titled this continuing the cycle for a reason. So much of this show, revolves around this concept of the cycle of violence. Those who keep it going, those who suffer from it, and those who break it. And the issue I'm finding is that a tremendous amount of people have seemingly decided that anything people from Zaun do is justified, and anything people from Piltover do is not. When in fact, where they are born is irrelevant in this context. Because each and everyone of them has the choice to further the cycle, or to walk away.

Silco & Vander:

Vander continued the cycle when instead of forgiving Silco for his part (whatever it may have been, we never really get the whole story) in Felicia's death he tried to kill him. And Silco did the same when he took his revenge instead of walking away ending not only the life of the man who wronged him, but causing the deaths of two teenage boys, trying to have Vi killed and causing her imprisonment altering her life forever, and taking Powder as his own after obliterating her second family altering her life and the lives of all those she would hurt through her actions as well.

Caitlyn:

In Caitlyn we see all three. She was an admittedly naïve but well-meaning young woman who was victimized terribly by cycle of violence around all for thinking she could help. We then watch her heart-breaking transformation into being a part of it allowing her hate and pain to warp her into someone dark and vengeful. Then finally we see her laying down the hate for her mothers killer in favor of her love for the woman who means everything to her. Stepping outside of it and turning her back on that violence.

There are of course other examples. Jinx walking away, Ambessa choosing to continue the bloodshed even with her last child begging her to stop. the list goes on. My point in discussing this is that it doesn't matter where they come from. Characters from all over this story play a part both good and bad in the events that occur. And to properly appreciate and understand this tale and what it is saying we MUST recognize that.

Yes Silco was a Zaunite. No Silco was not justified in unleashing Shimmer on his own people. He was a revolutionary once, but he lost his way. In the end he died a violent drug lord who exploited his people for his own gain. He was not a hero.

Yes Jinx is a Zaunite. No, Jinx attacking the council was not a noble strike for her people against oppression. She was a terrified, mentally ill, grieving and angry young woman who lashed out in a moment of awful pain. And in doing guaranteed Piltovan oppression against her people. .

Yes, Heimerdinger was the father of Piltover and his neglect caused terrible problems for everyone. He also gave his life for a Zaunite rebel commander to help get him home. (I understand in the lore he's probably alive but we haven't seen that yet and they have for sure diverged so it isn't a guarantee)

Yes, Caitlyn Kiramman is the daughter of one of the high houses of Piltover, and played a part of the people of Zaun suffering under Ambessa's manipulations and cruelty. She also gave the leader of the Firelights the gemstone she was so determined to return, stood side-by-side with Vi and told the council to their faces they failed Zaun, and put her own body on the line to make things right against Ambessa.

And that isn't to say that any of those characters were all good or all bad. It's to say that they all are capable of both. Just like every character. To slap a Zaun sticker on Silco and a Piltover (or cop as so many of you are fond of) sticker on Caitlyn and give them a pass or not for everything they do based on that is simplistic and ignorant. These characters have so much to them that to reduce them to these easily digestible bite-sized pieces is to deprive yourself of that true weight of this story.

All that said, lets take another look at a few items from that list from earlier:

"The show should have ended with a civil war between Zaun and Piltover!"// At the moment where all of humanity was at stake, people came together and fought side by side to quite literally save the world

"They ruined Jinx's character! WTF do you mean she apologized for killing Caitlyn's mother? Her mom was part of the oppressive system that ruined Jinx's life and brought it on herself!"// In a moment of pain and clarity Jinx found herself speaking to someone she realized she horribly wronged. Someone who had been twisted into something dark and violent by pain and grief, a feeling Jinx knew all too well. So she said the most she could, it isn't a direct apology. But her remorse is clear. "

"When Zaun arrived during the last battle Jinx should have unloaded on the Enforcers and the Noxians both!"// Jinx went from someone hated and feared, who felt like she had nothing to offer anyone, who felt like she had failed or killed everyone who loved her, to riding into battle leading her people and bearing symbols of her loved ones into the war for all mankind. And although I and most agree she's alive, the last act we know she for sure that she took was to save the life of the older sister who loved her so much in her most dire moment. If she did die, Jinx died a hero.

CLOSING WORDS:

Arcane is many things. But it's humanity is its heart. I've said it many times and many ways, but good stories... in this case great stories matter. They stick with us. Because long after the giant battles, the wolf monsters, and shiny blue magic rocks have faded, its the humanity you remember. The sisters fighting desperately to hold on to each-other in a world determined to rip them apart. The lovers from different worlds finding hope in each-others arms. Brothers betraying one another, a daughter having to take her mothers life, the list goes on. But when we rob these characters and this story of all of that, when the flash is gone, what's left?

I haven't done a long one in a bit and I feel like this is a bit rambling so I apologize. To those who take time out of their day to read anything I have to say I appreciate you more than you know. Feel free to share your thoughts! I love discussing this show. And in closing will leave you with one of my favorite quotes.

“It's like the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad has happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines, it'll shine out the clearer. I know now folks in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something. That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for"

- JRR Tolkien

[aliceinborderlandsquidgame]

Bloody Letters | Banda Sunato x GN!Reader

Summary: Banda is in prision, you the only survivor of his killing are still being haunted by him in a simple way. Letters.

Warnings: Banda is a warning himself  - Toxic!Relationship - Traumatic!Reader - Obsessive!Banda - Mentions of Gore and Mutilation - Mentions of sex - Reader gets called Bird - MDNI - +18 -

 

The first one came after he was arrested. It was only one week and yet he seemed to be missing you.

"Hello my Bird, each day in here its a torture I cant endure without you. Do you remember that week when I could not go out because the police was near our home? We had such a great time. I dont remember a place where I did not fuck you nice and full. The house never smelled better, sex and blood...the memory of it makes me hard while I write this. Why dont you send me some of these pics I took during that time? It would help me so much.

With devotion, your Banda"

You had pucked after it, wishing that by ignoring him he would let you alone. But you knew better.

At court you were called to testify against him. And you did, the horrors you had survived were showed to you once more.  But you stood your ground. The most sickering thing was him. He looked proud of himslef after each relate of how he killed and dismemberment a victim was told, and when he looked at you. It was a look so confused, his eyes like an abyss of pure evil and possession.

You had to stay in your parents home after that day.

"My Dear Bird, you looked so stunning at court today. Are you eating well? I see you having lose some weight. But thats fine, we can work that up once im out of here.

I must say, I was quiet sad that you did not testify on my side. Didnt you say you loved me ? That we would be together till death ?

Maybe you forgot your place. Maybe your wings are growing again.

See you soon my bird"

"Bird.

Why are you not responding ? Do you know how hard its to get these letters out ?

Do you think you can go back to normal and escape me ? Im in your life now, I left part of me inside you multiple times. You cant just ignore that, or what ? Did you get a new partner? Bird no one would ever care for you like I did. We bathed together in the blood of that woman!! Do you remember ? You were crying so much and it was such a good thing to see..."

Each day you waited that they will stop coming. That whoever was allowing these letters out would have some compassion for you.

You could not sleep or eat. Each sound made you remember him and his tortures. The dark was once again your biggest fear, each shadow made you think it was him.

"My Dear Bird, sorry my last letters were too violent, I now see my mistake.

The therapist  here says I should learn to control my impulses, how would he react if I told him i already imagined him dead by my knife ? Do you think he would react at all ?

You know I havent see it in so long. I miss it. Remember who I used it to ambush you that night ? I accidentally cut you, that was a real accident. I did not get to enjoy the moment. All the other ones....oh I did. The moments we shared are engraved in my mind forever now. Much like how my name its on your skin.

You havent remove it have you? I put so much effort on it...it would be a shame if you removed it.

Well I guess i will have to do it again then. We can do it as a part of our reunion.

With care, Banda"

The wait for his sentence was long. One more time, you had to see him one more time and then he would be gone of your life forever.

"My Bird.

Can you believe we will be seeing each other again ? We will soon reunite!!

I hope you smile more this time. You know I always loved that smile of yours....

You can cry too. It did things to me when you cried.

Have I mention how I keep dreaming of you? Its a shame I can shove my dick inside you like I used to. You made the most delicious noises, specially when you were not fully awake and then when you did notice what whats happening...

Im getting hard just by thinking of it..."

"For the crimes the accused Banda Sunato has commitmet he is sentenced to death penalty with no chance for a appeal" The judge said and you felt like the world was off from you. You fell on the court's chair your family and Friends crying and hugging you. The family of the dead victims crying too.

But him. He was not crying. He was smiling that sick smile of his. His eyes pointed at you like a predator seeing his prey. For the first time you held his gaze and you saw how he did a move to try and come to you but was soon stopped by some guards.

"My Little Bird...

You were so beautiful at court today as well. And with your family no less, I have wanted to meet them for sometime now. What does they think of our relationship? Does they like me ? Does your father aprove of me ? I hope your mom cocks just as well as you used to. I cant wait to sit all together and tell them all the fantastic times we had together.

Where should I start ? The first night? The first time I took you ? When you saw me murder another person ? Maybe when you cocked their flesh ?-"

"Stop stop" You said covering your ears as your father read the letter with more and more ferocity.

"I will kill him myself" He said almost throwing the letter when a part catched his eyes. He went pale as he read it.

"What is it?" Your mom asked as she hugged you.

"I- I dont think-"

"Please Dad...what is it?" You begged now

"Dear Bird, do you know they grant a final wish for these whos sentence is death ? Besides a meal we get one final wish. And my wish was to see you once more, just you and me alone in a room. I hope the  judge sees my love for you and gives me that final wish....I cant wait to smell you again-"

"No!!" Your mother screamed taking the letter from your father then throwing it. "He cant ask for it! I wont let them go, the judge wont- the judge wont aprove it" Your mother said between sobs.

But justice failed you and did grant Babda his final wish and even demanded that you must be present or pay a big amount of money.

The light blue room and too bright light was making your skin crawl back as you waited. You knew there were officers and your own parents behind the glass but that still did not ease your nerves.

Finally he came guided by another officer, he was chained, feet and hands. Once sat in front of you the guard made sure he could not move or reach you before leaving.

Banda smiled at you "Hello my Bird, did you get my letters ? You never wrote back" He asked a slight mocking tone on his side.

"I burned them. You are never going to hurt me again. You are dead Banda, after this you will be nothing" You said back trying to keep your voice steady and calm even if your fingers were thighten the edges of the chair.

This caused Banda' smile to slowly dissapear. His posture now tense, he was studying you. Like many times before.

"Do you really think this is the end? That I wont ever be part of you again? My Bird...we are mean to be together till the end. If its not by my hand then i can assure you. Fate will bring us together"

"You can go to hell Banda, and take that fate with you too. We are done" You got up giving him one last look before walking out of the room. Once outside you collapsed on your parents arms, the start of a panic attack coming.

"Its over Dear, its over"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

Shibuya was always packed with people and while you were not really feeling that much need to go out, you knew you needed to take your life back.

The lights changed and you started to cross, lost in the music from your phone you failed to notice something from the sky...

Next thing you knew you were in the middle of the city but...it was empy. No noise, no cars, nothing. Fear went over your body as you checked your phone. Dead, no signal.

What...was this another episode ?

"Well, seems like fate does wants us together my Bird" The voice who owned your nightmares spooke from behind.

You turned and there he was, his smile back and blood dripping from his hand where now a knife stood.

"Oh dont look at me like that...you know I cant contain myself if you do" Banda said twisting the knife with expertise "five minutes, thats your head start"

Your heart fell as your legs started to tremble but you could not move. This was not possible. How could he be here...and where were the people ?

"Run little Bird, becuase once I catch you. You wont be moving for a long time..."

And so you ran knowing he never said these things without meaning them.

[the-fabled-void]

What’s your opinion on Lust Sans? How do you think the creator could have handled hypersexuality better? Because honestly I don’t think it was handled very well -as a hypersexual anon myself.

What’s your opinion on Lust Sans? How do you think the creator could have handled hypersexuality better? Because honestly I don’t think it was handled very well -as a hypersexual anon myself.

I can't really say much about hypersexuality as i have no experience with it, and it's been a while since I read the Underlust comic.

One thing I have to say, I don't think NSFWShamecave probably didn't intent to portray SPECIFICALLY hypersexuality? From my understanding at least it doesn't seem like it.

Despite the way monsters behave being similar to hypersexuality, I believe the creator was trying to portray something that they believed was fictional. (The lore reason being the fact that everyone's injected with an aphrodisiac.)

And that's where a lot of the issues come from.

I will have to say, it was a genuine attempt by someone to make something with serious lore out of an AU with origins that are hard to take seriously. I would blame it on age, but I'm just gonna go on a limb and say someone with the username NSFWShamecave was at least 18 back then.

Regardless, it's not a story that's easy to tell. Even with genuine intentions, their story- you can tell it wasn't made by someone who knows their stuff.

Additionally, it seems like a kind of AU where the creator thought 'designs first, lore after'.

Which isn't a bad thing on it's own! It's interesting to already have a point in the story that the characters are at and think "okay, how did they reach it". But the creator didn't execute it well.

There's also the 'love fixes everything' vibes I remember getting with Papyton with what happened to Mettaton.

The AU itself feels kinda puritan, with Frisk needing to show the monsters true love as if they've never had it before. It feels extremely reminiscent of the internet's culture at the time, especially the Undertale fandom. I remember being very active on Wattpad at the time, and I remember on there... It was treated jokingly, but we did call anything sexual 'sin' and shamed people for being into it (12 year olds like I was SHOULDN'T be into it, but still...)

Not to mention... Chara. Obviously the character who was the fandom's genocide scapegoat, who was seem as evil back then, is gonna be made weirdly lustful. Good thing they aged them up, I'm glad this creator didn't try to dive into child hypersexuality (while it does exist, someone with those views on sexuality would not have handled that very well, and they would have received more scrutiny), but giving them the soul trait of Lust? That was probably not the best way of explaining why everyone is horny.

In short:

The main issues are that the creator was portraying a real issue bad because they didn't know it was real, and that the creator wasn't all that experienced in writing stories (and designed most characters other than Mettaton and Frisk without a story for them in mind).

As for Lust Sans himself, I didn't really answer that question specifically very well, did I?

Firstly, he suffers from what most characters in the story do.

Additionally, as a Sans, I'm gonna have to think about him in the context of the multiverse.

His portrayal is what happens when an already not too well executed idea is brought towards a bunch of kids.

Of course there were older people in the fandom, but I say the majority of us were not the intended demographic for the AU.

And kids, especially in today's day and age, are notorious for wanting to seem mature and therefore portray stuff for adults, but at the end of the day, we weren't and we couldn't.

So Lust, in especially the early fandom's eyes, was reduced to "non-consensual flirt bordering on rapist".

-

I do have my own version of the AU, slightly altered. So far it's just lore from the AU itself instead of individual characters or story. I wasn't really planning on doing much with it, and I made it before voicing my own criticism, so it doesn't really address more than the Chara sexualization. Feel free to read it if you're curious though!

[andarans]

a love letter to dragon age.

i’ve been trying to cope with the news that all the dragon age devs have been laid off or reassigned these past two days, and i just…. it’s hard. it might sound silly to say but i’ve barely been able to do anything because i feel as if i’ve lost a family member. took today to have a good cry. dragon age was such a formative series for me. i joke all the time i got into it for the romances and stayed for the lore but really everything about it i love, dearly. i love that each companion and side character had stories that moved me and made me cry, stories i could relate to even in a world with magic and dragons. i love how the lore is presented, including the brilliance that is the codex—that you’re never quite sure who to believe, that discovering the truth requires you to be an archaeologist. i love how my choices always mattered, that decision i made in origins affected my playthrough in inquisition. i loved the message dragon age as a series sent, about corruption, about power, about propaganda. dragon age influenced so much of my fantasy tastes and own writing and art. it left such a huge mark on my artistic inspirations and work. hell, my first ever dnd character was a tiefling that pretty much looks like a qunari with having a backstory that affected the world she was in, reminiscent of the depiction of elves in dragon age (still one of my favorite and nuanced takes on elves in fantasy, btw). even with the dnd campaign and world i’m writing now, i see dragon age in nooks and crannies. i wrote so much fanfic and drew so much fanart and made so many theories and anxiously followed every bit of news for the development cycle of veilguard. i’d watch the game awards every year with my friend hoping for dragon age news. speaking of friends, god i made so many friends because of dragon age. that common interest sparked so many fun conversations and ideas. i even was a writer for an anders focused dragon age charity zine.

above all i loved the community around dragon age. sure, fandoms all have its moments and toxicity, but by and large my experience with the DA community was wonderful. i love getting to see people’s OCs and world states because i also obsess over my DA OCs and world states. i love getting to see people write theses about dragon age’s themes and masters worthy character studies. the communal love for this world and its characters is so, so profoundly inspiring.

i’ve spent so much time moping but i do want to highlight what i loved about each game and my favorite characters.

DAO: my first intro to the series. by god the gameplay was so slow but the story and characters and lore and writing made it SO worth it. made me appreciate CRPGs too. alistair ended up becoming my favorite character, i remember actually gasping and blushing at the rose moment in his romance. the landsmeet is still one of my favorite quests, i love fantasy political intrigue. morrigan also was my best friend, when she called my warden a sister i cried.

DA2: one of the most underrated games by far. i loved the smaller scale, i loved how personal hawke’s story felt, i loved every single companion and this found family. fenris was my first romance and one of my favorites, he is so complex and misunderstood and secretly has the best sense of humor. i think anders ended up becoming my favorite though—god, anders. i could speak about him for hours but i appreciate the DA devs for what they did for him and letting us romance him. anders made me appreciate his character archetype so much; he is such a tragic man transformed by bitterness and vengeance and rage. “ten years from now, a hundred years from now, someone like me will love someone like you, and there will be no templars to tear them apart.” i love you anders.

DAI: i love the inquisitor. i love how tragic of a character the inquisitor is, ripped from their life and forced to become an idol for a movement they might not even believe in. a lot of people criticize DAI for being “the chosen one” cliché, but it’s not. it’s a critique of that very trope and how it destroys a person. the inquisitor is forced to become an idea, and it does not matter who they actually are; they have all autonomy taken from them, and that is horrifying. cullen ended up ruining my life for a good amount of time, his romance is my favorite in all the series and god he got such a good redemption and ending. (i even bought cullen themed soap from a local convention, lol. i’m telling you i was obsessed). and in my replay solas’ romance absolutely destroyed me, turning him from my dearly detested to my dearly beloved. god trick weekes i will miss you so much, thank you for writing solas.

DAV: i know how contentious veilguard is. believe me i have many of my own criticisms. but i still love it anyway. i love the companions, all of them, i love how act 3 absolutely fucking gutted me and made me cry twice. i loved the amazing visuals and character creator and ost and environments. i love the QOL improvements. i loved seeing the cameos and my inquisitor again. there’s so much to love in veilguard and i’d rather talk about how much i love it than what i didn’t. lucanis was my first romance and while there wasn’t as much content as i was hoping for, i sincerely appreciate what we did get. i love how ride or die he is, how his love language is acts of service, how he’s afraid to hurt rook. i love his facial animations in his romance, i love zach mendez’s performance. i’m hoping to play emmrich and davrin’s next, and i’m sure i’ll love them too.

it’s hard to accept the fact that dragon age is probably over. it makes me sad knowing we’ll never find out about certain lore questions or know what DA5 could’ve looked like. and i’m still so angry for the developers and how they’re so callously treated and thrown away by EA/bioware. sometimes i wonder if the same thing would’ve happened if veilguard sold more. but it’s not helpful to dwell on these what-ifs, because we’ve seen how the industry treats both successful games and what they deem as failures: layoffs and no remorse. i hope the team finds work soon. i hope they realize how loved their work is. i hope someday the game industry is completely, wholly unionized. i’m glad at least we got veilguard to answer the biggest questions we’ve had.

thank you, DA devs, for everything. thank you for answering our silly questions about your characters favorite coffee flavors and perfect date nights. thank you for bringing them to life. i won’t stop playing the games or making art or fic. i won’t stop being inspired. dragon age lives on in my creations, in my dnd characters, in everything. i hope to be back in thedas soon, one day. dareth shiral.

[jazziejax]

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 - Franklin Saint x Black!Reader

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 - How, over time, Franklin Saint knew he was line love with one of his best friends.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 - cursing, drugs, suggestive comments, jealousy…I’m not to sure about anything else.

𝐉𝐚𝐳𝐳𝐢𝐞’𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 - This snowfall rewatch has been in a chokehold. I want to write more about him but I fear it’s going to turn into a series and I just can’t commit to that right now. UNEDITED, sorry for any grammar issues and spelling errors.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 - 4,886+

Franklin never thought he’d ever feel the way he did right now. He never thought that he would feel this way for her. The way everything seemed to slow down around him, and everyone else blurred as his eyes trained themselves on her. The way his heart seemed to pump loud within the confines of his chest, each beat resounding in his ears. He could hear the sound of his breathing as well, could almost count every intake as he analyzed her figure.

He could remember the first time he felt the way his heart jumped at her, and how confused his own feelings made him.

He first began to take notice to how she was always there.

It was supposed to be just another drop, another routine in their increasingly dangerous lives. Franklin, Leon, and Kevin had been doing it for weeks—moving product through the projects, blending in with the locals, staying low. They’d all grown used to the hustle, to the tension in the air, but there was something about that day that felt different. Maybe it was the way the street corner was unusually quiet, or the way the shadows seemed deeper than normal, but Franklin couldn't shake the feeling that they were being watched. He wasn’t wrong.

She was there, as she always was when they made these trips. But today, it felt more intense. While Leon and Kevin played it chill and simple, talking to a few of the local fiends to solidify their arrangement of ‘I supply, you buy’, Franklin couldn't help but notice the way Juanita lingered a few feet behind him, her body positioned slightly off to the side so she could keep an eye on everything around them. Her posture was stiff, alert, and he could see the way her fingers twitched near her waistband, ready to pull out her gun at a moment's notice.

That’s something he always noticed about her.

She was always watching. Always ready, not matter how many people thought she was an easy target because of the Walkman she was always listening too. Her movements were fluid, practiced, and Franklin noticed how her eyes scanned every face that passed by, how she didn’t let herself relax, even for a second as she anticipated anyone’s next move.

Leon and Kevin were always there too, but it was Juanita's presence that stuck out to him. She wasn’t just part of the crew; she was always aware, always protecting them in a way he couldn’t quite put into words. He hadn’t realized how much he relied on that quiet vigilance until he noticed the way she instinctively moved closer to him as the deal went down. Even if she wasn’t directly involved, she was always just a few steps away, like an invisible shield around him, her eyes never straying from her surroundings.

It wasn’t like he’d never seen her before—he had. But today, there was something different. She wasn’t just standing there out of obligation; she was standing there because, somehow, she cared. Franklin didn’t know why it took him this long to notice, but as they made their way back to the car after the drop, he realized that, more than anyone else, he liked the way she cared for him. Not in a loud, obvious way, but in the way she positioned herself so that no one could touch him without her noticing.

It was subtle, but Franklin couldn’t ignore the way she made him feel safe, even in the heart of the projects, surrounded by dangers they both knew too well. Even if it was sort of odd, him being the man and all. The one that’s supposed to be protecting her. And it wasn’t like he didn’t, he just felt his heart skip a little at the thought that she was willing to go the extra mile for him. She was always there—always ready—and something about that made Franklin realize just how much he depended on her presence.

The second time was at the arcade.

The place was packed, the usual buzz of clinking tokens and flashing lights filling the air, but Franklin’s mind was elsewhere. He was busy watching the guys—Leon and Kevin were hustling in the corner, trying their luck at the shooting game, while Juanita hung back, tapping her fingers to the rhythm of the music in her headphones as she played PacMan. Franklin could see her, even with the boisterous noise around them. She always stood a little apart, a little too distant from the others, but he’d grown used to that. It wasn’t like she had a problem with them—it was just the way she was. She liked doing her own thing while being around them, even if she never said it.

Her form standing near the machine gave shit to her figure. Sine it was summer, she where nothing but a pair of regular denim shorts that cuffed at the ends, ending mere inches under her cup of her bottom. Paired with a simple red shirt, with white sleeves and collar. Her brown legs were long and alluring as they leveraged her body against the machine while she played. She was focused, music playing in her ears while tried not to die from the pink ghost.

Franklin guessed his constant checking on her over his shoulder drew the attention of the boys who finished their game. They looked over as well, watching as curly haired girl trained her gaze in the game, while Franklin stood to play a round at the space invader game in front of him.

Then Kevin spoke.

"Man, you know if she just stopped looking so angry all the time, she could get a lot more attention around here." His voice was casual as he looked his friend up and down from afar, but the way he said it made Franklin’s stomach turn. “I’d gladly like to have those legs wrapped around me.” He smirked, nudging Leon.

It wasn’t a compliment—it was a meant to be a joke, but ended up being the kind of joke that wasn’t really funny at all. Kevin was trying to make light of her while being at our nasty about someone he considered a friend, something Franklin had never been okay with.

Franklin's fingers tightened around the joystick in his hand, the irritation rising in his chest like a burning tide. He could feel his breath quicken, his mind going from calm to heated in the blink of an eye. This wasn’t the first time Kevin had said something off-color about her, but today... today, it just hit a nerve. Franklin didn’t know why it bothered him so much, but there was something about the way Kevin dismissed her, about the way he joked at her expense, that made Franklin scowl.

He didn’t think. He just reacted.

"Watch your mouth, Kev," Franklin snapped, his voice cutting through the noise of the arcade like a blade. It wasn’t loud, but it was sharp, and it made Kevin pause mid-sentence.

Kevin blinked, clearly surprised by the quick retort. "Come on, man, it was just a joke."

"Doesn’t matter, nigga." Franklin said, his tone firm. “Show some respect to someone we both consider a friend.”His eyes were locked on Kevin, and he could see the confusion flicker in his friend’s eyes at his sudden attitude, but it didn’t matter.

Kevin didn’t get it. Franklin could feel his jaw clenching, a part of him wanting to explain, wanting to make Kevin understand why the comment had bothered him so much, but he didn’t have the words for it. He didn’t know why the comment he’s heard about her from multiple guys, bothered him now. He just knew that if anyone was going to talk about her, it sure as hell wasn’t going to be Kevin, and damn sure not like that.

Kevin raised his hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright, my bad, Frank. I didn’t mean anything by it."

Franklin didn’t let it go, though. He didn’t let the tension slip. He gave Kevin one last hard look, and then turned to her, who had no notice of the conversation. In fact, she was smiling at the fact that she won, clapping her hands for herself as she waited on the scoreboard to show her rank. Now privy to the rest of the arcade, she looked over at the place her friends last were, catching eyes with Franklin. He was taken back by her grin, the girl excitedly pointed to the machine that was now spewing out the tickets she won.

He blinked, nodding his head at her before he watched her bend down to getter the tickets. His mind still lingering over the conversation that ended seconds ago.

He didn’t realize it until later, but it was in that moment that something inside him shifted. The way he defended her, the way he couldn't stand anyone talking about her like that, made him realize just how much she mattered to him. She wasn’t just someone he grew up with. She was someone he cared for deeply, and anyone who tried to discredit her, even in passing, would have to answer to him.

The third time, oddly enough, was doing business.

The cookhouse smelled like chemicals, sweat, and the faint trace of something that reminded Franklin of home. The air was thick, the heat rising from the makeshift stove as the chemicals bubbled in the corner of the room, where the process was taking place. It was just him and her. The two of them putting in work in shifts, and Franklin just finished his.

There were no distractions, just the sound of sizzling and the occasional scrape of metal on glass as they worked. It was a quiet night—no loud music, no chatter—just the task at hand. And Franklin couldn't stop watching her.

She moved with precision, her focus sharp, eyes darting from the process to the ingredients. She measured everything with care, just like she always did, making sure nothing went wrong. There was something oddly captivating about the way she worked. She was calm, confident, even in this chaotic environment, and Franklin found himself watching her more than he intended. His gaze lingered on the way her hands worked, the steady rhythm of her motions as she mixed the ingredients.

She noticed. He didn’t have to say anything for her to feel his eyes on her. She didn’t acknowledge it at first, but he caught the slight smirk on her lips as she continued. The faintest laugh bubbled from her chest, though she didn’t turn her head to look at him.

Then, without warning, she spoke up, her voice light with playful sarcasm. “What are you staring at, Gumby?”

Franklin blinked. "Gumby?" He repeated, furrowing his brows at the sound of the old name as he snapped out of his staring.

She shrugged, not breaking from her work. "Yeah, that’s what I used to call you back in the day, remember?” She said, glancing over at him. “Long limbs, awkward as hell. You’d be tripping over your own feet half the time."

A chuckle escaped Franklin’s lips before he could stop it. He’d almost forgotten about that nickname. It had been years since anyone had called him that. She had started it after being picked on by him for her stutter. It stuck for a while, especially with Kevin and Leon.

“You still remember that?”His voice was soft as he looked at her back. She looked over at him for the first time, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “How could I forget? You were all legs and no coordination, always running into shit. No one else was telling you how much of a loser you really were, so I had to step in.” She snickered.

Franklin grinned, though he didn’t say much. There was something oddly comforting in the way she could tease him like this. It’s was sort of the only way they communicated, though slight jabs and jests. She wasn’t afraid to bring up the past, to remind him of the awkward kid he used to be. It was like the world hadn’t changed between them even though they were risking their lives daily. Like they could slip back into the old rhythm of childhood without thinking twice.

She shifted the dope in the bowl, making sure the mix was perfect, before adding a bit more of the chemical. “You’ve changed, though.” She added nonchalantly. “Don’t think I didn’t notice how quiet you’ve been tonight.”

Franklin didn’t respond immediately, the words catching in his throat. He didn’t know why he’d been so quiet, why his attention kept straying to her. But he didn’t mind. There was something about being with her in these moments, just the two of them, that felt... different. And it was hard to explain.

As she continued working, her back turned to him again, he couldn’t help but feel an odd shift in the air. He wasn’t just watching her out of habit or because it was a natural thing to do; something about her presence, the way she carried herself, was starting to pull him in. She’d been part of his world for so long, and yet, in this moment, she felt like she was the only thing in it.

The fourth time, it was when he could have sworn he saw jealousy on her features.

It had been a few weeks since Franklin started hanging around Melody more. They were all part of the same circle, but Melody’s presence around him seemed to shift something. He noticed it at first—the way his attention lingered on her or how they started spending more time together. He’d always had a thing for Melody, most guys did. The only difference with him is, Melody liked him back and she didn’t really hide it.

When they started getting more flirty, he kept things only the low. One, so that her dad wouldn’t kill him, and two because he didn’t really want people in his business, especially Kevin and Leon. But the long glances and the teasing smiles were there from the both of them. It was subtle, at least to him. But it wasn’t lost her.

She wasn’t a fool. She also wasn’t the type to show her emotions easily. But when she noticed how much time Franklin spent talking to Melody, laughing at her jokes, and slipping into that comfortable camaraderie they always had, something inside her tightened. Her stomach felt like it bubbled with acid, ready to rise and slew out of her throat. It wasn’t the jealousy she was used to feeling—this was different. It was a gnawing, irritating feeling that crept up her throat when she saw him smile that way with someone else.

That smile she noticed he only had for something fond. Something that made him temper better times. A smile he wore when he was in his head, thinking of possible memories to make together.

The jealousy she felt wasn't about Melody, really. Though, she couldn’t help but feel a little insecure at the fact that Mel was everything she wasn’t. Shorter, thinner, and lighter. But Melody was her friend, the only girl friends she had and she wanted to see her happy, like she was now.

The jealousy she felt was mainly about Franklin and how he'd begun to treat her differently. In the past, he'd always been teasing, picking at her, but now… it was like he was holding back. He didn’t call her "Dee Dee" anymore, didn’t talk to her like he used to, didn’t share his half-thoughts and jokes like they were still just two kids growing up in the same neighborhood. It stung a little.

One evening, they were all at the skating rink, as they often went when the crew was looking for a way to blow off steam and the arcade was closed. The air was heavy with the sounds of clinking wheels against wood and the buzz of people’s joy and nice music. Kevin was goofing off at the pool table, doing an sorts of maneuvers that weren’t doing anything to better his shot, while Melody leaned against the table, casually flipping through some random magazine that was available at one of the food tables.

Franklin stood next to her, his arm brushing hers as they talked about something that made him laugh, his grip around a pool stick.

His laugh was soft , the kind that made her stomach knot.She was over by the air hockey table, pretending to study the game she and Leon were in, but her eyes kept flicking to them. She noticed how Franklin was acting around Melody, how easily they slipped into their own world. They hadn’t had a conversation like that in weeks. And he didn’t even notice her watching them.

Leon must’ve noticed too, because he looked over at her with a smirk on his face and then looked over to Franklin. He raised his hand, doing a small flick to catch his friend’s attention. Franklin glanced up when he caught the movement, excusing himself before making his way over to the pair. Leon smirked."Yo, I see you over here looking all cozy with Mel. Don’t tell me you’re finally together?"

Franklin snorted, brushing it off. "Nah, we’re just chillin’. You know how it is." He smirked.

But that didn’t stop Leon, who glanced his eyes over at her when she pushed the disk over to his side. "I mean, she’s got the looks, and the sweet little attitude. Pretty cute, too. You two would make a nice couple."

Her hands tightened around the air hockey puck, her gaze narrowing as she glanced at Leon, then back at Franklin, waiting for what he had to say. A twinge of something hot and sour bubbled up in her chest. It wasn’t jealousy, not really. But there was an odd, uncomfortable feeling that washed over her, one she didn’t know how to deal with. She hated this.

Franklin didn’t seem to notice. He just shook his head at Leon’s teasing, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Nah, man.”

But she wasn’t going to let it go that easily. As she took her next shot, she shot Leon a look. “You keep talking about her like that, I might have to put you in your place.” She said, her voice sharp but playful. Franklin’s looked over at her when she spoke, his eyes subconsciously flicking over her figure. One of her hands was on her hip, the other sitting on top of the table hockey disk as she waited for Leonard to keep playing. She didn’t catch his eyes like she usually did, which made his brows with a little but he was grateful, or else he’d been seen chancing her out.

Kevin laughed her off. “Oh, you’re just mad ‘cause Franklin’s getting all the attention.” He teased.

She stiffened, her mouth pressing into a thin line. “I’m not mad.” She snapped back, though her tone was steady and she could feel the heat rising to her face. “Just don’t talk about her like that. She’s my friend and she’s not some prize to win.” She stated.

Leon threw up his hands, clearly amused. “Alright, alright. Chill, girl. I’m just playing.”

She wasn’t sure what stung more—the fact that Leon was making light of it, or the fact that Franklin seemingly barely even noticed. To her, not once had he picked up on the way she’d always looked out for him, always had his back, even when he didn’t ask for it.

Later that night, as they all headed back to the car, Franklin walked with Melody a few steps ahead of her, still wrapped up in whatever inside joke they shared. Franking would glance back every now and then, checking in on the file that walked with her headphones on and her hands in her pockets. He felt a connection with Melody, he really did, but his mind would always drift back to the girl that lingered. He would wonder if she would find the things he said to Melody funny, what would she would say in place of the girl next to him. And he questioned himself on if he liked Melody or was he just avoid the strong pull she had on him.

When they made it to his block, he turned to speak to her, telling her that he was gonna walk her to her doorstep, even though she just stayed across the street, but he saw the back of her curly ponytail walking away from him as Mel walked to her doorstep. His words got caught in his throat as he watched her into her home without a word to him, her door closing at the same time as Melody’s, though he didn’t turn his head to see hers. He sighed before making his way into his home.

She kept her distance, pretending to not care, but something in her twisted inside. It wasn’t about Franklin laughing with Melody or the way he treated her—it was about the way she was starting to feel invisible. The way things had changed, and she couldn’t figure out why it hurt so much. But it did.

That night, they both laid in their separates bed within their separate home, staring at the ceiling, replaying everything over and over in their heads. It wasn’t jealousy. It couldn’t be, they both thought. It was something else—something that was starting to feel too much like something neither didn’t want to admit.

When he knew he needed her, and that he loved her.

The day after Franklin tried to make a drop on his own, things hadn’t gone according to plan. It wasn’t a disaster, but the tension that followed left him on edge. He’d just been trying to do things his way—trying to show he was capable of really doing this drug shit, that he didn’t always need someone—her, there to watch his back and do the hard shit for him.

He’d treated the situation like how he did with Mel—the soft, naive approach—but he didn’t realize that she wasn’t the type of girl who needed coddling and now he had a problem on his hands.

The problem was that she’d caught wind of the mishap before he had a chance to explain it or even tell her what he did, the words coming to her from Leon. And that was when she showed up. She was always the one to confront him directly, no pretense or beating around the bush. While Franklin had changed since entering the game, bringing ham shell of his old self and more demanding and fearful, she never cared. She would always talk to him like she did when they were children and he was a little shy at first. She’d speak her mind and demand answers, and they both knew she would continue to no matter how much he changed.

So here he was now. He was at a corner booth in a diner when she slid into the seat across from him, her eyes sharp but not yet laced with anger. “You trying to shut me out?” Her voice was steady and clipped, but there was an undertone of something else—something deeper. Franklin could tell she wasn’t just talking about the drop. And after their encounter during the rink, things have been a little stiff.

He didn’t have a response right away. His eyes drifted to the side, gazing out at the busy street, avoiding her eyes. He didn’t want to say anything wrong, but he didn’t know how to explain it. He wasn’t sure why he had tried to handle it alone, knowing that she knew more about this than he did. Knowing that she’s the one that’s been with him every step of the way, never talking home down like everyone else.

“I wasn’t trying to shut you out.” He shrugged, but even he could tell how weak it sounded. “I just—I thought you didn’t need to be involved. You’ve got enough on your plate with your family.”

Her lips curled in a slight, disbelieving smirk before she scoffed. “You don’t get it, do you?” She leaned forward, elbows on the table. Her stare pierced him, and Franklin was tempted to look away, but he held his ground. He held her eyes as her pissed grinned disappeared from her face, replaced with her cold one again. And he couldn’t help but still feel his heart skip and admire her as she looked at him. “I do this shit to take care of my family.” She said. “I do this because providing for them is how I show them I care. I look after the shit you do, because that’s how I show how I care.” She spat ay him, never once breaking eye contact. Franklins jaw clenched as they started at one another, just sitting there and listening to her shaker tone that hit him again and again.

“You think I’d just stand by and let you make a mess of things? Some shit I put work into?” She hissed, harshly jabbing her finger into his chest across the table. Franking looked down at the pressure she applied, his face morphing into a frown of anger at her reaction but also at himself at the underlining pain he could hear in her voice. “Nah, I’m not gonna let you do that. Not when you don’t even know what the fuck you’re walking into.”

Franklin’s throat went dry, and he found himself scrambling for words. “I thought—I thought maybe that I could protect you from this. This shit is crazier than selling dime bags on campus at UCLA to a bunch of white people. This shit is life or death.” He stated firmly. “You know—like… I was just trying to look out for you—”

She shook her head before he could finish his sentence. “Franklin.” Her voice was softer now, almost sad, but there was an edge to it. “You’re not doing me a favor. I don’t need you to treat me like I’m weak, like I don’t know what I’m doing.”

He swallowed hard, and his gaze dropped to his hands. “And I need you to start trusting me and what I can do first so this whole thing can work out.” Franklin just blinked, his gaze moving up from his hands.

“I just didn’t want you to get hurt, DD. I’ve seen shit. I—”

“Look, you’re trying to be a good guy.” She interrupted, her tone more understanding now, but still firm. “And you are, you really are.” The way she spoke to him was the softest tone he had ever heard her use. It was light and full of emotion, and her large eyes gazing into his dark brown orbs didn’t make it any less easier for his beating heart. “And I appreciate you and what you do, Frankie. But you have enough shit on your plate and if I needed the space, I would’ve told you. Just keep me in the loop, alright? I’ve got your back just like I always have. Don’t shut me out, Franklin. That’s the last thing I need from you.” She explained to her, her voice bearing into a waver near the end, which was the only thing casing her to stop outing her heart out to the man.

She clamped her lips shut, suddenly feeling naked under his gaze after all the information she’s shared. Expressing her feelings wasn’t something she did often. It wasn’t something she ever really had to. And her doing it know, practically begging one of her friends she’s known her entire life, to not leave made her want to confess the feelings she’s been hiding deep down.

Franklin’s chest tightened as her words sank in, and for the first time, he realized just how much he had underestimated her—how much he’d been treating her like someone she wasn’t. Someone who couldn’t handle the weight of everything she’d already taken on. He just didn’t want her to take on that weight anymore. He wanted to be there for her.

Franklin finally met her gaze, his eyes full of unspoken apology. He wasn’t sure if he could say the words that needed to be said. But in that moment, she knew. That’s how things were between them. Neither of them had to outwardly speak to understand the other. She knew that he hadn’t meant to hurt her. That’s when he realized: he had to stop trying to hide what he felt for her. He wanted her in his life. He needed her to stand with him, side by side, like they always had. In the game or out, he needed to have her by his side because when she was t, things didn’t seem the same.

And for the first time, Franklin knew it wasn’t just about caring for her—it was love. He was in love with her. And her reaching across the table to cup her hands under his, looking down at the slightly sticky plywood as she rubbed her thumbs over the top of his hands, only helped him more with his conclusion. His heart skipped when she looked up and into his eyes, sharing a silent understanding.

I’m not sure if anyone is going to read this at all but I’m gonna post it anyways. I’m also going to continue to write about Damson Idris because he doesn’t have anything on here. Did he do some shady shit that I don’t know about? Or are y’all just not feeling him? Let a sista know.

[sweetcarrotsandroses97]

~ Loud Silence | 1 | JJK

Pairing: Doctor! Jungkook x Assistant! Fem! Reader

Summary: Your life was grey. Just like his thoughts, like his emotions, like his memories. And you ignored it all, the pain, the sadness, the unbearable silence... All because your heart told you to stay when your mind screamed at you to get away from the drowning force of Jungkook's obsession.

Warnings: ANGST, employer x employee, patients in a coma, medical terms, detachment, low self-esteem, diseases, symptoms, death, Jungkook is married, fluff?, yearning, child neglect? (let me know if I missed anything!)

Word Count: 2.6k words

A/N: Chapter 1 is here, darlings! I am so excited for this story and I hope you will like it as well. I'll do my best to keep updates as fast as I can but please be patient with me.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments, darlings! I'd love to hear from you!

☕Caffeinate me so I can keep on writing! ☕

“Remember you have your fencing practice after your chinese lessons today. They were all moved an hour as Mr. Min had an impromptu. Then you’ll have your piano lessons at five instead of four sharp.”

Your words were met with a boring sigh and an acknowledged hum. Ji-hoon was busy with today's study material you had given him that morning. He sat at his desk, hunched over the textbook while a YouTube tutorial of the math problem he was solving was paused on the large screen of his computer. 

“Thanks, (y/n)”

His reply was dry, monotonous. Your heart clenched but you kept your straight face. Adjusting your posture, you lowered your tablet with Ji-hoon’s updated schedule and looked around his big room. The bed was made to perfection, the books on the large shelves were cleaned and organised and the curtains that often covered the ceiling-tall windows were open and the view of the gardens could be appreciated if only the boy would turn around and admire nature. 

You turned around, ready to leave Ji-hoon to his studies. The sound of your heels on the white polished floors filled your ears. It was a sound that was too loud, or maybe the room was too quiet. Instead of Ji-hoon’s animated storytelling of his day, he sat in silence contemplating his assignments, instead of the big screen in his room playing some sport as background noise, the smart TV was off. You didn’t remember the last time he had even turned it on. 

“(y/n)?”

You stopped. It had been the first time in days, maybe even weeks or perhaps months, since Ji-hoon had called your name with emotion. With the lace of doubt and vulnerability in his words. 

You turned around and watched as he leaned back on his chair but looked at you with doubtful eyes. His hands fidgeted with the pen more than usual and your heart sank at how nervous he looked. 

You tilted your head to the right, a subtle movement that seemed to bring him out of the lake that drowned his thoughts in doubts. Ji-hoon took a deep breath and you waited until he spoke. You didn’t pressure him. You never did. You already knew how much pressure the boy had, the weight he carried on his shoulders was one no fourteen year old child should carry. 

“Did you ask him? What did my father say?”

You blinked. Staring at Ji-hoon with the same monotonous gaze he already got used to when looking into your eyes. 

“You already have everything you need here. Your father doesn’t believe that you going to school would benefit you in any way.”

Ji-hoon turned back to his desk, his eyes downwards. The grip on his pen loosened and it pained you how soft his voice sounded when he spoke again. 

“Of course he doesn’t.”

His mumbled words pierced your heart. You wished there was something you could do to help him. To ease his loneliness that stood rooted in his heart. But that choice was not yours to be made. And so, you tilted your chin up, your grip tightening on the tablet in your hands. 

“Your father knows what is best for you, Ji-hoon.”

But the boy just scoffed at your words. For he was not sure whether to feel sad or disappointed or angry or frustrated. For he felt it all at once. You didn’t linger. Your steps echoed once more on the polished floor as you left the room that was too big for a teenage boy alone. 

Once in the hallway, you leaned back against the closed door. It pained you to see Ji-hoon so helpless when it came to decisions that concerned his life, his experiences, his memories. But it pained you more, that it had not always been like this. 

There had been a time where he had smiled, where he had laughed. 

The household had been happier. And yet, now all it was left of that happiness was the shadow of laughter in the wind. 

You walked down the large hallway, the lights hanging on the walls illuminated your features, your steps were calculated; monotonous. The house was big but silent. Your heart was lonely yet it still yearned. The sunlight streamed through the tall windows and as you turned left to descend down the large staircase, you paused. 

Looking over your shoulder, you looked at the portrait of Ji-hoon and his father, renowned doctor and scientist, Jeon Jungkook. And yet the boy was the spitting image of his mother. With a sigh, you turned away and continued your journey down the stairs. The ground floor was just as silent as Ji-hoon’s room and with quiet professionalism, you walked to your right, going into Jungkook’s study. 

You didn’t look at Jungkook’s piling paperwork on the desk, you didn’t pay attention to the already filled bin by the chair that was mostly empty. You didn’t dare look at the portrait of her. Jungkook’s wife. It was a painting he had commissioned after they had gotten married. A piece of art that now hung over the dry fireplace.

Seo-yun. 

A name that was once a blessing of the household was now a curse. You didn’t look at her portrait. You didn’t have to. That painting that looked like a mosaic was engraved into your heart due to Jungkook’s melancholy when he gazed upon it. 

Instead, you walked to the very back of the room and into the door Ji-hoon was forbidden from ever entering.

The warmth of the empty house, the soft colours of the walls and the faint smell of books vanished when you crossed that door. The lights were white, blinding in their nature. The smell of chloride and antiseptic reached your senses. Your heels announced your presence as you entered Dr. Jeon’s private lab. 

He was aware of you before you uttered a word. Jungkook sat on one of the stools, his posture rigid as he looked into the microscope once more. 

“Sir, the conference this Friday has been cancelled. Doctor Kim called, his flight was delayed and he will not make it so the board decided to postpone the event.”

Jungkook looked up at you, his gaze met yours. Calculating and monotonous. The lab was in pristine condition. A sea of exams and samples were on the table, all labeled accordingly. And yet the whiteboard that hung over one of the walls was filled with loose handwriting. Notes, thoughts, symptoms, hypothesis… Jungkook’s mind was plastered on that board. An organised chaos. The eye of the storm of his subconscious. And the contrast was big. Between his wild mind and blank stare, it almost felt like falling down a rabbit hole of confusion where nothing was clear and nothing was known. 

“Very well. Is there anything else I need to know?”

You straightened, letting your hands fall to your sides holding the tablet with your right hand. His stare was intense, dark compared to his pale skin. It had been some time since he went outside and allowed the sun to kiss his skin. 

“No, sir. Everything’s on schedule.”

He hummed. It was a deep sound that reverberated through your spine and tingled your nerves. Jungkook went back to look down at the microscope with the same indifference he lived his daily life. His hands were firm when he adjusted the lenses, his jaw was tense while he scribbled away notes and observations on a notebook at his right. 

You wanted to speak, to ask him so many things. But you didn’t know how to start. You never knew if it was wise enough to start speaking with him. He was so volatile, so silently unpredictable. Your perfect, rigid posture sagged a bit as you let out an inaudible breath. The lab was quiet, too quiet. Just like Ji-hoon’s room. 

You hated it. 

You hated that silence that strangely calmed your mind as well. 

Jungkook changed the sample he was observing, his movements mechanical. The latex of his white gloves stretched as he flexed his fingers and he spoke without looking at you. 

“If you have something else to say, (y/n), do it and go. I have work to do.”

You swallowed, remembering all the times he had spoken softly to you, all the times he asked if you could assist him in any of his experiments. All the times you had felt seen by him. Jungkook may be your employer, your boss and perhaps you were just his assistant, his secretary and Ji-hoon’s caretaker. But you missed the times when you had been more; or at least when he had made you feel more than that. 

“Ji-hoon asked again, sir. He… keeps insisting on the idea of going to school.”

The doctor let out a deep sigh, almost in annoyance, in exasperation. It hurt to think that he saw his son like that. 

“He asked me to tell you to reconsider it. He is lonely, sir.”

Jungkook let go of his pen, the sound as it hit the notebook was dry and it almost echoed in the silent laboratory. He leaned back slightly, his eyes bored; nonchalant. But it took you a second, a single heartbeat for you to see the vulnerability behind his icy glare. 

“What should I do, (y/n)? Must I throw him into the world carelessly? If I do not make it, Ji-hoon will be the only remaining part of Seo-yun.”

Your gaze softened for right now, he was not the famous and brilliant doctor, he was a man whose heart had been broken by his own passion, by the hands of science. He was a father scared to lose his one and only son.

You took a step forward, intending on consoling him, advising him. But that single step brought him back from the dark pit that were his thoughts, his doubts. His walls rose, his eyes hardened and he straightened once more. And before he pushed you out completely, you spoke again. With that same professional voice, that delicate tone you always used when addressing him. 

“You are a man who would do anything for his family, I have witnessed it more than once. You are taking into account his safety, I’ll just ask you to consider his happiness as well, that’s all.”

Your eyes flickered to the glass wall. The only wall that separated the lab from the confinement area where Seo-yun lay. She was on oxygen, her slender frame as pale as ever. She lay still, unmoving. Barely breathing. Kept alive by the sleep Jungkook drowned her in. 

You didn’t linger. You couldn’t. So you turned away, not once looking back and missing Jungkook’s soft eyes as he watched your retreating form. You left him thinking, and that was something few had ever achieved.

The smell of cooked ricotta lasagna filled the spacious and minimalist kitchen. The warmth of the oven radiated towards you as you washed the used dishes. It didn’t take long for Ji-hoon to paddle into the kitchen, guided by the delicious smell of homemade food. 

“What are you making, (y/n)?”

He asked out of politeness, already knowing the answer. He sat down on one of the stools on the counter and you felt his eyes on your form while you gave your back to him. Putting away the last of the spoons you had used to make dinner. 

“Ricotta lasagna, I know you like it.”

You dried your hands, missing the way Ji-hoon smiled at your words. Though it was a fleeting reaction, it didn’t not reach his eyes. The timer on your phone went off and you silenced it, grabbing the oven mittens, you took the refractory out, the glass warm against your covered hands. 

You placed it on the counter and took the mittens off. The smell was delicious and this time, you didn’t miss Ji-hoon’s delighted smile at the thought of the homemade dinner he liked so much.

“You should call your father.”

Your voice was soft as you spoke while grabbing a knife and cutting the lasagna into neat portions. The golden cheese stretched slightly as you pulled the first piece free, steam curling into the air. 

Ji-hoon pursed his lips, the smile vanishing from his youthful yet handsome features. His shoulders stiffened as he rested his elbows on the counter. His eyes dulled once more and his demeanour returned to that loneliness that cfept into his heart like poissouns ivy. 

“He won’t come.”

The boy murmured. You looked up, frowning gently at the sad acceptance in his voice. 

“Did you ask him?”

“There’s no need. He’s always busy.”

His tone was light, almost indifferent, but you knew better. You placed a plate in front of him, offering a small smile and hoping the food would content him, if only for a short moment. 

“Eat first. I’ll take him a plate, maybe he’ll come next time.”

Ji-hoon didn’t argue. His silence pained you. He simply looked at you with doubt and hope in his eyes at the same time before he picked his fork and began eating his lasagna. Without another word, you plated another portion and covered it with foil to keep it warm. Grabbing a tray, you added a glass of water and arranged the covered dinner before your feet carried you out of the kitchen. 

You passed the big dinning area, the table too big by the solitude that ruled over the house. The walked past the grand staircase, the yellow light from the big chandelier illuminating your features. 

You entered Jungkook’s office, once more ignoring the staring and gentle portraits of his broke family as you went directly into the lab. The sweet aroma of freshly made food was left behind when you entered the lab for it faded into the crisp sterility of his workspace. 

Jungkook was exactly where you expected—standing by his microscope, brow furrowed in concentration. He barely acknowledged your entrance.

“Sir, dinner.”

You placed the tray on the nearest table, making sure it wouldn’t get in his way. But the sound of the tray hitting the steel counter made him speak in that cold and monotonous voice of his. 

“I’m not hungry.”

You didn’t move, only blinking at him as you studied him with an unreadable gaze that guarded the secrets of your heart. 

“Ji-hoon was waiting for you.”

Silence. 

For a moment, you thought he’d ignore you entirely. Then, with a sigh, he straightened, removing his gloves before finally looking at you. His gaze flickered toward the tray, lingering for only a second before shifting back to you.

“I have work to do.”

You swallowed the words you wanted to say. The ones about how Ji-hoon had barely touched his food after you left, how the boy’s excitement had dimmed the moment he realized his father wouldn’t come. But Jungkook knew. He had to know.

“I’ll leave it here. At least it eat before it gets cold.”

Jungkook said nothing, he turned his gaze away from you. His dark eyes were fixed once more on the chamber where Seo-yun slept. His jaw clenched, his thoughts were a myriad of emotions he hadn’t been able to decipher since that day when his life turned dark and his hopes died like embers. 

But even in the silence, you noticed. You saw his pain, his obssession, his dedication, his melancholy. You saw it all. Even when the house, when his work, when your heart drowned in this loud silence that cursed your existence.  

And so, you left. Leaving Jungkook alone with his thoughts. Alone with his doubts and guilt. He noticed when the warmth of your precedence left his lab, he noticed when he could no longer smell the floral aroma of your perfume. He noticed how your steps faded into the house, away from his and his grey emotions. 

And yet, later that night as you passed by his lab again, you noticed the tray was empty and Jungkook stood in front of the glass that separated him from Seo-yun. Drowning in the loud silence of his thoughts. 

February/01/2025

Current Taglist: @toosweetforyall @jksusawife @ttipa @mageprincess7 @chxiosworld @babyitscoldoutside want to be tagged? Let me know!

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Panty Sniffer Part Two (Homelander)

Description: Y/N snoops around Homelander’s room and finds some disturbing things

Word Count:519

Request:Hey! Just read that other anon’s request for the panty fic and it was so good! Could you write a part 2 with either his sneaking again and finding the “home banger” 💀 or her sneaking around HIS apartment while he’s on patrol and she either finds the red tighty widies or the mass amount off milk in his fridge or something like that?

Part One:

She had forgiven Homelander but she had not forgotten. As she entered his room while he was at a meeting with the seven she figured that he would be back soon but couldn’t help but think back to that very moment when she caught him sniffing her panties.

It was laughable now. She remembers the pathetic phone calls and messages he left her begging for another chance. If only the world could see how pathetic their “hero” truly was. She walked into the bedroom that he typically slept in when he wasn’t at her house. It was exactly how she pictured it. So patriotic, she laughed.

She ran her fingers over his bedspread as she thought of what crazy things she would find in here. She almost wondered if it was worth it. She shrugged off that thought and started snooping. Things looked normal or normal for him just by looks. But she wanted to go deeper. She saw a drawer that was similar to the one in her room that he went through but smaller.

She opened the drawer and gasped at what she saw. It was a jar but it looked like hair was inside? She stared at it, too afraid to touch it. She couldn’t understand why he would have a jar of hair? Maybe it was his hair? That was the only answer that she could think of. But he wasn’t balding… She got a lot closer to the jar and realized that it wasn’t hair on the head.

She gasped as it clicked in her head, this was pubic hair. “Ew.” She whispered. Why would he keep his pubic hair in a jar? She shook her head and closed the drawer. She saw a mini fridge and was curious what he kept in it. She opened it and her eyes widened. She knew he liked milk but this much and some were in baby bottles? She already regretted doing this. He was a weirdo.

“So I snoop and you decide to do it too? You probably aren’t a fan of what you found.” No she wasn’t and as she turned to face him she wore a look of disgust. “You keep your pubes in a jar?” The question was of judgement. He hated the look on her face. Before he could answer her the questions continued, “You drink milk out of a baby bottle?” He rolled his eyes, he wasn’t judgemental while snooping. “We all have our weird quirks.”

“Weird? This is more than that. This is bizarre.” “You’re being overdramatic.” He tells her but No she wasn’t. She felt uncomfortable being in the room with him after what she saw today. She shook her head and went to leave the room but he stopped her, “Unlike you I won’t kick you out for snooping I am going to punish you.” He growls and before she could think he threw her on the bed.

She looked up at him, shocked. Unfortunately, her body betrayed her when he spoke. “You need to be reminded that there is no escape and that you are mine. Forever.”              

[athousandbyeol]

keep up the thamepo [episode 2]

this episode, to me, is hopeful. i like the contrast of tone and mood from episode one. episode was indeed very sombre, melancholic and sad. but episode two, at least from how I perceive it, is hopeful.

there are some scenes that scratched my brain and made me giggle because we're seeing po experiencing this 'feeling' he couldn't describe yet. but I'm so happy that it's here, and we're seeing it happening now. i think they set the pace quite well, allowing us to experience po and thame's emotional growth and acceptance this early.

1. Mr. A and Mr. B

it's so cute that po has a best friend he could rely on. I'm so glad he has baifern to listen to his random rants and thoughts. i always feel like po doesn't have someone he could be transparent with.

baifern is really a great listener, and I'm glad she's somewhat realistic while po is idealistic—she gives po the reality check he needs—since in my opinion, po is such a dreamer (he seems like an F to me).

although po denied his crush on Mr. B (thame), I think, without realising, he's actually taking an interest in thame? one of the reasons might be because 1) thame left but he was hurt (po wanted to know why and how he could feel hurt even though he wanted to leave thame) and 2) thame is mysterious but isn't entirely cold either. he assures po a lot in this episode even though there's still this respectable distance between them. it's not yet a romantic crush, but more of wonderment and curiosity.

so... when po shared this Mr. A and Mr. B analogy, I think everyone knew he was talking about himself and thame ;) it's honestly so cute! i know he's just curious—he thinks about people's feelings and ideas a lot—some call him a people pleaser. he definitely felt a bit icky after saying this to thame:

i think it's quite interesting how thame's understanding of po's words was he would drop the sasaeng allegation on po, while po thought that thame misunderstood his words by thinking it was 'romantic'.

i assume thame actually knew what po meant, (and I might be preaching) but I guess their feeling is already mutual? both of them are interested in each other. honestly, I'm unsure who fell first because it could be both in different situations. thame might think po was interesting and 'different' when he first saw him during the event. po might fall during this—

2. po wears his heart on his sleeves (yet again)

everything about this moment is so tender... and romantic. i can't really explain but the air shifts between them at this time and forward. but it's somewhat bittersweet.

although it's cute, i feel like po kind of resents himself? when he looked at his hands, he was shaking his head, hoping to discard those feelings bubbling inside him. it's so sad because the fear of placing himself in this situation again—to bear his heart and soul for someone—to love again—still haunts him. i like how we still see him subtly drowning in his past. it shows that emotional trauma can't be discarded or healed overnight. it's a process.

but i also like how thame was watching po all the time... his eyes are always on po (although some shots of thame are blurred), it's obvious he's attentive to po, yet po didn't realise it yet.

3. the gifts and scripts — po becomes an opener to thame's deepest feelings

the whole set-up of the gifts and everything is so... eerie. although I'm sure there's still sincerity left in this world, it's the truth (to an extent). the entertainment industry is a stage play—everything is constructed to look perfect. it's kind of heartbreaking to witness this bitter truth; not everything we perceived on screen is true.

but i'm glad thame actually brought his own gifts—gifts that really mattered to his friends. he's attentive and sensitive. some might say because of his role as the leader, but I feel like thame is inherently kind and big-hearted. no one loves MARS—the members—more than thame.

and when po found it, i felt relieved. ah. po. of course, he would notice. of course, he would know.

i had a conversation with lia (@treasurebook) about this, and she said that thamepo becomes each other's map. when they meet, their life's trajectory shifts from what the company and po's past relationship wanted them to do to this—fixing and healing each other's wounds.

po and thame share the same grief but for different reasons. both of them seek answers and solutions. po wants closure, and thame want a starting point. both of them are giving that to each other, a mutual exchange.

clearly, thame and his friends didn't get to sit down and talk about this. it was a decision made by thame solely from the pressure and responsibility. i guess this could be considered as thame's 'mistake' because he thought he could handle this by himself. his decision would definitely help the group.

it's thame's selflessness and strong sense of responsibility that urged him to carry the group's burden alone. he didn't want his members to go through anything painful or unpleasant. he promised he would grant everyone's wish.

but this is the price he has to pay in the end; the conflict. the broken friendship. the mistrust.

i believe this is a message that is clear to us: communication is key, especially if we're leading a group or in any form of relationship. i think it's appropriate for thame to discuss the offer of releasing a solo song with mars, 1) as a sign of respect, 2) to avoid future conflict, and 3) to receive input from the members. yet, it is what it is. thame didn't. and I don't want to say that he's entirely at fault. it's something that could be done but didn't.

additionally, the idea of thame abiding by the script to the t is haunting. becoming mars, becoming a leader, becoming the company's money maker, he lost his voice. he lost his stance. he lost everything. he became the company's puppet. his feelings don't matter.

his initial intention was so pure, to the extent of naivety. he did everything for the sake of mars. he thought he was helping mars to reach stardom, to be in a better position. but absent-mindedly, all these solo projects and opportunities led him astray from the group. and when he wanted to do a song with mars again, khun pemika said it was no longer necessary.

clearly, the company (especially khun pemika) manipulated and gas-lighted thame into believing he was the reason behind mars's downfall and their friendship.

it hurts because thame truly believed he was the cause, and he couldn't fix it. he should just run with this narrative since his friends hated him too, right? and the media often painted him negatively too.

but not until po. not until po assured him that he should try and work things out. he should at least be sincere with his feelings for once before he left everything behind—before his solo debut in Korea.

when thame admitted he couldn't say anything but I'm sorry, I think, for this moment, it's more than enough. it takes a lot to accept and acknowledge our mistakes, and even more so to apologise. it's so brave of thame to finally come to terms with the truth that has been haunting him all this time.

4. "i fixed this suit" — a foreshadowing of a budding friendship/companionship

this whole sequence drives me insane because so many things are happening!

i honestly didn't expect po to admit that he had an ex to thame this early. i wonder if it was a slip of his tongue because the silence afterwards was heavy with tension. it's like thame was analysing everything about what po said and how he behaved around him, was it because of his ex?

and po... he was surprised with his response, too! sometimes I think po didn't want to show that vulnerable side of his, but it came out unexpectedly... maybe he was getting comfortable with thame?

po looked like he wanted to run away (he did) and um... if I were thame... i think I might fall for him right there and then (sorry for this).

it's so cute! po is just... adorable. and he's so loveable. he's so honest with his feelings and I think thame really loves that about po. po's directness pushes thame to be frank with his feelings too.

(shoutout to est and william for turning every scene romantic and intimate when it was intended. i can't imagine how I'll react once they start feeling more than just friends... I'll pass out for sure.)

this! thame was looking at the suit po fixed—and he would ask for po's help to reunite the group! genius! this is an amazing shot and direction, really. I'm obsessed (p'mui, I adore you T_T).

and this freaking sandwich! i can't believe po no longer has to feel uneasy or guilty about taking two sandwiches because he finally has someone to share it with! cheers to po and his new-found (future) love! it's also a sign of mutuality and acceptance to help each other out. what a sweet ending to the episode!

i can't wait for the next episode. jun is going to be in it and I love how they're setting up a possible conflict; thame trusting jun but jun going against him. it's either jun is really plotting something devious, or it was just his plan to 'distract' khun pemika/the company from discovering their true agenda. i hope it's the latter because I can't handle one mars member being the antagonist :'( it'll hurt so bad...

[varilien]

pine barrens by jakey THEEE existential personhood horrors song ever.... applies to the stans uncomfortably well tbh (╥﹏╥)

Palestine: Funds | Action | eSims | Info Sudan Resources | Congo Resources | Lebanese Red Cross

[huellitaa]

the world is yours, literally 💭🎀🧁

so if you've been on this side of tumblr or any girly self improvement etc. side of social media, there's a high chance you've discovered the statement "you are the creator of your own reality" or "the world is yours" or something along those lines at some point. it sounds so far fetched when you first hear it, without any thought going into its true meaning, but the reason this is used so much is because it is true.

we are our lives. you are the world around you. everything in our lives is intrinsically entwined in ways we can't explain and the biggest connection out of all of them is us and life. it sounds obvious and self explanatory, sure, but when you think of it on a deeper level and dig into the complexity of the notion, like most things, you'll find it holds a lot stronger of a stance in your life.

have you ever noticed how so many metaphors for your life and bettering yourself reference and relate to nature and the world? "treat urself like garbage and the flies will come”, “water your own garden before anyone else’s”, “the darker the night, the brighter the stars”, “needing good roots to grow", they all relate to the sun and the sky and the sea and the world and the ground we stand on. they all relate to earth.

have you ever noticed how when people free themselves from bad situations, their reality and their world around them seems to get better too? how it seems to shift along with them?

because we are our world. every building we've built, every concept we've invented, every life we've created and every life we've lost, everything on this earth down to the last blade of grass was once nothing, but once we began to discover and create and flourish and bloom (see, the analogy still stands even there), the world grew along with us, and still is every day.

in truth, the world is in no set way, shape or form. it is not a singular entity. that's why your life can be remade and reshaped so easily within the blink of an eye (but that's for another time) because the world you know is solely your reality. that's the reason everybody has a different perception of you just as you do them, the reason why we have separate interests, conflicting outlooks, the list goes on.

the more we grow, so does our world, and our reality. you've seen how many people have changed and grown and gotten happier and healthier and only kept on going when they finally began to step up and better themselves, how their world changed along with them. because us and the world are one and the same.

the most important thing i'd like you to ask yourself is how do you treat the world? how do you view the world? and how do you treat and view yourself? are there any particular differences? similarities? anything that stands out? what is the world to you?

all my love... 💬🎀🫶🏻💗

[anna-scribbles]

anyone else up listening to robin by ts on repeat while thinking about how no one who loved adrien agreste ever told him the truth 🤨⁉️ just me?

[front-facing-pokemon]