#po pawat

[athousandbyeol]

0620317745.

[tobeornottotc]

BL Tag: Get to know me

I was tagged by @sunsetknowsaboutyou  and @gunsatthaphan thank you very much I love tags and I enjoyed struggling with these. The nostalgia though!! 🥰

1. your all time favorite bl and why 

 Like I don't have it's such a hard question to answer I can't give you one and it would take essays to explain why I love these shows so here we go really fast some 

TharnType: Still misunderstood till this day but the depth and the subtext of this show incredible? Plus the chemistry as always breathtaking at times. The plot twists and structure of the narrative excellent

FighterTutor (Why R U), same as TharnType, deep, layered, but fun and so so good for chemistry I go through the feels with these two it's an addiction

Untamed: No words masterpiece for writing, for characterisation, for love, for everything I have nothing else to say about this show that's not already been said it would take essays

Word of Honor: Same as Untamed but the script writer is incredible, it has  incredible actors and just so much so much love, excitement, narrative, plot twists, it just makes me happy

Theory of Love: No list would be complete without this show for me, about self discovery, love, characterisation, and an ode to love of media and films it's just so great. Plus a second lead couple that I love too

WeBestLove: Just amazing, it just is. Its incredible. Go watch it, go see the acting, understand the tears I cried for this show, the depth of the narrative, the representation? Oof it's just so amazing

2. that one bl that scarred you for life 

Make our Days count still unforgivable to this day for narrative. But I can also say The Shipper just because, and I can say effect though I tend to switch of when it comes to discussing the show. Literal panic from discussing it. Also A frozen flower korean movie that will break your heart if you understand the show

3. is there any bl that made you feel very single? 

Yes all of them but mostly FighterTutor man.... Like why? But also in front of my salad? I also adore Word of Honor, and Untamed and We Best Love but every BL if done well will make you feel so alone.... and so envious 

4. if you could change one thing from a bl, which one would it be?

 There's so much I would change, the ending of MODC, the whole the shipper ending, the censorship in Advanced Bravely but not as much as the novel (I prefer the show version of the story just wanted them to be more romantic and be allowed to tell each other I love you :( that’s all we want china) etc so many things to edit and change. 

5. that one bl you detest (don’t hold back

) Um goanna ruffle some feathers but it's 2gether sorry, but also I do not like MODC either. 

6. your top five: Already answered 

7. that trashy bl that you lowkey like 

Addicted has issues so it's trash but it's a wild time

History Obsessed is like the most rushed confusing and problematic narrative but my soul loves it, and is into it

History 4 another one that my soul cherishes but like my morals were very much pushed and questioned a lot during this

Y destiny! 

8. your favorite korean bl (it’s important we know)

 Simple Night Flight and Antique all the time baby! the obsession, the pain, the excellence, the open ending? The tears. No choice between these two like masterpieces that's the truth.

9. season 2? which one? 

The shipper please a bl followup for Kimway I actually detest sequels so don't really have  any others I'd like stories in same universes as other shows like History Trapped, or Untamed etc

10. a bunch of dramas will air soon. which ones are you the most excited

It's crazy how we're half way through the year and there's been already so much amazing Bls and also some dissapointing surprises that are still better than what we normally have in the genre. It's wild to think that most of my awe worthy bls still haven't yet shown up, like we still have a year of shocking and crazy content from different countries. First of all we have KinnPorsche because why not, has everything i want in a BL but the cast omg the cast is just incredible plus with all the effort they put into it it's so exciting. We have Cutie Pie with ZEE! We have Bad Buddy still processing this till this day but with Nanon and Ohm Pawat the power? We have Baker Boys and if it isn't obvious Antique is my all time obsession and it's not even full BL, but Bakerboys just makes me so excited to see if there could be a BL alternative to Antique that's even more paced well and given time to grow. It just sounds so amazing. We have Not Me, Between Us, Love Mechanics 2, Don’t say No (LEOFIAT), BlueMing, Peach of Time and BedFriend  there's just too many to think about and then most of all we have China with Immortality and Sha Po Lang? What??? Brb just breaking down from all the excitement of Bl this year. Hopefully these stay great till their conclusions! 

11. tag them!

Anyone is free to do this but I will just tag a few 

@badprophetvx

@idio-cies

@negrowhat

@piningbisexuals

@acequinz

[athousandbyeol]

keep up the thamepo [episode 3]

this episode is deliciously insane. so many things happened and there are so many things I want to say. but in this post, I think I want to focus on some little details about thame and po/thame and jun the most.

at this point, i shouldn't be surprised at how good thamepo is at switching the narratives, allowing us to perceive the story from both ends. but I'm still pleasantly blown away by every watch. I'm really happy that thamepo is courageous to show the story from two sides. i think it gives us (the audience) the liberty to choose or relate to the side we favour more. maybe it doesn't work that way for others, but I love how these multiple perspectives allow me to weigh the characters from both sides and not only one, somewhat giving me the chance to either 1) be biased of one side or 2) be open to both. i just think it's very well-executed and thought out. kudos to p'mui and her team for thamepo's wonderful structural premise.

it's such a treat that we're introduced to the friend arc in thamepo. it's about time we entered the minds of the members, while still laying out thame and po's thoughts and traits in the open. maybe it's just me (or how I actually write my stories) but I'm so amazed at p'mui's storybuilding and characterbuilding. i find it so fascinating because nothing feels rushed or uncertain. every choice she and her team made was perfect for the past three episodes. I'm in awe, really.

but the thing that surprises me the most in this episode is how the story is mainly focused on jun and thame, but with the lingering presence of po as the 'healer' or 'fixer'. he exists as a binder that glues thame with his members. and it's fascinating to see how po somehow camouflages himself to every member's personality and need, offering a different approach (with thame's guidance). po and thame made such a great team. i understand now how and why they'll fall (heels over head) in love with each other in the future.

1. after thame, jun loves mars the most

i was a bit scared last week because I never foresaw someone from mars to betray thame. it was never in my head. so when I saw last week's teaser, I believed jun wouldn't be the person some might assumed he would be. but thamepo has always been a surprise and very good at twists and turns, so I tried to be more open about it.

so… jun's a bit like a diva to me? he's kind of… a lot (at least to someone like me, jun intimidates me beyond my comfort zone). throughout this very awkward exchange between thame and jun, one thing I realised after I watched the episode again was they were actually covering up each other.

thame was trying to send jun a signal. jun received it. but he didn't think it would be a smart choice to talk about it in front of the reporters. so that's why he steered the conversation to (presumably) thame's benefit, in hopes the media wouldn't doubt him (because at this point the news of thame going on a hiatus was already released by the company). i think it's more of jun trying to save thame from further damage than breaking their friendship apart even more.

it's very smart of p'mui and the team to 'paint' jun as the bad guy initially because he did seem like a person that might stab someone's back for his benefit. i think it's the typical stereotyping of characters that appear aloof or unbothered—this coldness that jun exuded—many might assume jun would definitely go against thame.

but he didn't.

and it's an exceptional twist! (for me, it really is!)

thamepo is breaking the norms i see in many dramas of the past and like I mentioned, it's so refreshing to look at the story from multiple lenses all at once, but it was unveiled at the right pacing and time. very, very well done!

another thing that i find very interesting is when po carried out the interview with jun, even though it was mentioned that this was scripted, I believe this is everything jun wanted to say to thame.

again, they're switching the perspective here. in the previous episode, we knew that thame followed the script he was given because he lost his voice. his words no longer hold importance in the company. everything thame said to po for the interview was what the company wanted him to say. we (the audience) are aware that those were lies.

but here, i believe this is what jun wanted thame to know. he might never get a chance to say it to thame in this manner (because I see that jun is the kind of best friend who would say he hates thame when in fact, he loves him the most). it's 'PR' friendly but it holds this sincerity; everything that jun silently wishes for thame (when he embarks on a new journey in Korea).

it's amazing how they give us two things to ponder about the significance of these scripts: 1) a forced responsibility for thame, and 2) jun's inner voice that he couldn't express aloud (perhaps because jun doesn't want to sound/look sappy in front of thame [very very best friend behaviour right there hahaha]).

it's so heartwarming to me that thame isn't alone, after all. like baifern to po, jun is thame's best friend, someone he can confide in. I'm glad jun saw everything that thame tried to hide from the members. I'm glad jun really saw him.

and i have to say, this scene made me smile because thame is so leader-coded through and through. he took the blame for jun because he didn't want khun pemika to 'punish' jun (and take away jun's chance at debuting). thame's selflessness goes beyond everything I have in mind. I'm so excited to see to what extent thame helped the other members in the past because that would be one of the reasons for them to reunite—they just love thame as much as thame loves them.

along the way, thame might think he lost jun, but that's not the case. i guess both of them just needed something (or someone) to break the (very fragile) wall separating them. these two have so much love in their big hearts, but they aren't the best at communicating. so this is when po plays an important role as their messenger.

po is so crucial to mars because he advocates communication and peace. honestly, it would save po from a world of heartbreaks if he just minded his own business and got the documentary over with. but he is just selfless and has too much love and is too kind for the world—so he definitely would want to help his nongs. the bond they'll share is going to be so beautiful and heart-wrenching. God knows what will happen to po and mars (and us) once the company forces another separation between them (I'm ready to jump and cry my eyes out).

i can't help but think maybe some of mars's fans ship them (and I can see why xD). but these two are better off being the best frienemies. (but maybe in an alternate universe… who knows… they might be a thing…) [slaps myself] [drags myself away from the mic] ok that's enough delusional talk for today…

2. thame and po; "i find comfort in you"

when messages from the company buzzed into thame's phone endlessly, thame was visibly restless. he knew what he did was causing more damage to the company. but damage to the company equates to chances for his friendship to mend. so, thame took every chance he had to seize it, despite the circumstances.

in this scene, po addressed that thame should at least give a call or do something to clear the air. but I think thame has better judgement and control over the issue, that's why he ignored it and turned off his phone. clearly, thame was searching for a distraction. he didn't want to think about this problem now. he just wanted peace. and being with po gave him peace.

so they did this activity together; thame threading the thread into the needle while po was doing another fixing. it's a therapeutic activity for thame, and we can see how he immediately relaxes once po stops pushing the idea of confronting the problem right now. it's so thoughtful of po, and I'm happy that thame noticed it too.

all the while, his eyes were always at po. he was looking. studying. understanding. i think thame found so much comfort just in po's presence because of po's quietness. he's such a grounding figure, and I think it helps thame both grasp the essence of reality while also indulging in this dream-like sensation whenever they're together.

the stares… thame's smile. oh. by now I know, thame's feelings for po are certain. but how about po? i don't know about others, but to me, po's still struggling. still healing. still scared. but he's slowly opening up again towards the end of this episode. it's so bittersweet.

it's also very heartbreaking how po quickly apologised because he thought he caused another trouble for thame—and thame did the same, insisting he was another damage po needed to fix. these two deserve each other because they'll help each other realise just how important love and sincerity are. these will be their strongest suits when they're in a relationship, but also be a double-edged sword if they don't overcome their weakness: communication.

some words don't have to be spoken to be understood. this is when thame and po are speaking the language of love and affection. but they tend to keep everything to themselves whenever danger arrives. i hope they can deal with this together because if they don't, it'll be another gut-wrenching heartbreak for them.

i don't know if thame is aware of how po's world has turned downside up whenever he offers a promise of sincerity and comfort. i also don't know if po is aware of how thame's world has turned upside down whenever he offers a promise of peace and assurance. i hope they do. someday.

3. messages po didn't send — "i see you in ways I didn't before"

early on in episode one, we were informed that po was a clingy lover. it might be one of the things that earn despised (I'm just assuming this because they made po being clingy as a negative for his character).

po was restless. he knew thame would handle it well with jun, but he couldn't help but worry. it's clear that thame has become an important figure in his life, but to what extent? i think po's still clueless about it, too.

these messages, he kept typing and deleting. he wanted to send them, but he didn't want to come off as 'clingy' in thame's eyes. he didn't want thame to be annoyed or—hate him—for worrying—for caring.

but i believe, in one way or another, thame will enjoy this attention from po in the future. the messages po will send to thame definitely will help thame emotionally. it's going to be so vital in their upcoming relationship as they have to be secretive about it. these texts will save and heal them. i hope it won't destroy them, though…

throughout the episode, i was a bit frustrated because thame—friend—how can you not save po's phone number? or at least give him a call from po's phone so that you could have his number immediately?

but when i watched this episode again… i realised… perhaps the reason why thame didn't save po's number—not until his friendship with jun was salvaged—was probably because it was at this point that thame was certain of his feelings for po.

thame has always had feelings for po, even from the first event he saw po briefly. but this was the time that thame knew he liked po, romantically. some might say it's too fast, but for someone like thame who might never have a chance for romantic relationships throughout the years of being in mars, meeting someone as incredible as po, how could he not harbour feelings?

when thame said he wanted to remember po's number, it was him wanting to remember po's existence forever—he wanted to keep po in his memory for a lifetime. it was thame accepting that he's in fact… in love with po.

the severity of his emotions is still on the surface, but it's more than enough for thame to act on it—to have po in every way possible. thame wouldn't want to forget his saviour, his future lover.

when he repeated the number after po, it echoed and reverberated not only in thame but also po. maybe at this point, they're almost reaching the same line, but po needs a little more push to come clean with feelings. and I have a feeling next week will be po's trigger in accepting his fond feelings for thame. (the smile on po's face is so precious... :( I hope he has more reasons to smile now because of thame...)

but at what cost?

if i can make speculation, next week's episode will be rough and heartbreaking because thame's going to confront someone who holds a grudge against him—the fire in the group—dylan.

it's either dylan will burn thame to ashes, or thame will let dylan burn him to cinders, or po will tame dylan's fire for thame. it could be all. and I'm so excited about every possibility.

[athousandbyeol]

thame, the person i want to get to know the most...... is you.

[athousandbyeol]

[athousandbyeol]

i don't think you'd remember me. that's because you were different from others.

[athousandbyeol]

[athousandbyeol]

[athousandbyeol]

keep up the thamepo [episode 1]

there are some parts in the first episode that itched my brain and made my toes curl and my eyes hot and just—very very visceral reaction from my whole body. honestly, this episode did make my heart skip a beat (see what i did there hehe)

beforehand, i would like to apologise for the lq of the photos. i watch thamepo on netflix, and i can't take screenshots there so... i tried looking for raw videos and found this one online. i hope it's understandable.

1. blue

there's so much blue in po. and all over him. i think it's used to emphasise his sadness. he clearly hasn't moved on from earn, and that's fine. but when he started oversharing that he had just ended his relationship with the panels, i realised that maybe, po didn't have an outlet for his grief.

we could see him trying to swallow it all. when one of the panels stated he didn't work for three years. when he was talking to the sandwich guy. when he had the conversation with baifern. po was struggling to let it go, but he couldn't because it wasn't easy—loving earn all these years wasn't easy to let go. he kept it all.

in fact, he still has photos with earn, the mug. i guess po had a hard time discarding these because it's so unfair. how could earn move on so quickly, but po was still struggling? was their love that easy to forget?

but in this frame, there is less blue. i feel like po has absorbed the blue, and he became the product of it. the sadness. the heartbrokenness. it was all in him now.

when we compare these two frames, we can see there's blue everywhere. i think it could be a sign of the impending doom of their relationship. and it's so interesting that we usually associate danger with red, but in this case, it's blue.

i guess it fits po's quiet and calm nature, or maybe it's his obliviousness—unknowing that the ship he's in has so many holes in it, and he's the only one trying to fix it.

po was wearing blue too during earnchop's soft-launching. i guess it's always in him, with him. but po didn't realise it yet. not until that night.

2. po looking at thame's picture — taking an interest?

this one makes me so... giddy. i think it's so... sensual? //this is my favourite moment from the episode hehehe// i think it's just me hahahaha.

when baifern asked if there was no one in MARS that caught po's eyes, he was looking at their pictures, and when his eyes landed on thame, there was this flicker. it was so pretty.

he was indifferent at first...

but then......

see the very very very subtle shift in his expression? (EST SUPHA THE ACTOR YOU ARE THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY YOU'RE SOME OF MY FAVOURITES AHHHH—)

i can't praise est enough for portraying this spark of interest in his eyes. it's so evident. it's somewhat... intimate? i don't know how to explain it (i'm actually screaming atm) because it feels like a very delicious foreshadowing of their relationship in the future; how po sees thame, how he consumes him, how he admires thame.

i'm going to share this video evidence because pictures don't do this very fragile and intimate moment justice (i need people to go insane with me).

3. thame and po's first meeting — the tension

i think we were all expecting the elevator scene to be their first meeting. honestly, i forgot about it while i was watching the episode because their first (real) meeting was just as intense!

but this tension is somewhat suffocating? i was actually scared for po... the way thame looked at him was so cold.

i think this was intentional to set the foundation, to let many people assume this is how we're supposed to see thame; cold, heartless, distant, quiet, and hot-tempered.

but maybe this is just a facade. the real thame isn't this.

i wonder if this was thame projecting his disappointment in realising that po was potentially a sasaeng? because later on, we knew that thame remembered po from the event, even though it was brief. because thame said po was different—so i wonder if this was thame feeling disappointed because po wasn't how he perceived? //also because i assume many fans applied for a job at oner with the purpose of stalking them... which makes sense to the thame's hostility and anger at their new staff members?//

and it breaks my heart how po looked like he was about to go through another emotional breakdown here. Lord... he has endured so much to get here, and now, one of the members he was supposed to work with already had assumptions about him?

//me this episode: constantly wiping my laptop screen when po was crying... patting his head when he was sad...//

4. their confrontation — a projection; a closure; a realisation

i think many people have talked about the scene when they were talking, and po projecting his truest feelings while talking to thame—who happens to 'leave' his members when he got a better deal for himself. but we know that's not the case. thame isn't like earn.

and i think it's so interesting how this drama shows these two perspectives, especially from the lens of the doer. we always connect more with the 'victims'. maybe—just maybe—some perpetrators aren't all evil.

i think po saw thame as earn's reflection. he considered everyone who left to be selfish and cruel. but again, the narrative was reflected, and we could observe from both perspectives.

after the conversation they shared, after po poured his heart out, and when thame said the ones who left felt the pain—perhaps as much as the ones who were left behind—the moment of realisation was now reflected on po's face. we could really see his 'oh' moment.

and clearly, we know, thame was in pain.

it's interesting to me that thame didn't let his tears fall here. but—

5. a budding relationship — a moment of vulnerability

thame cried here, when he was looking at his members smiling and happy—the way they initially were, before all of them went astray.

thame immediately wiped his tears away when he saw po. he might not want to show this vulnerable side to anyone because he's the leader, after all.

to people who are familiar with the dynamics of a k-pop group, leaders are usually the strongest. they're given responsibilities not only to represent the group but also their well-being and everything in between. therefore, this is no different.

i guess, thame was used to this—hiding his emotions. it's sad just to think of it—how thame didn't have a shoulder to cry on. //but later we got to see the members comforting thame... but at what price?//

AND THEN! WE KNEW THAT THAME REMEMBERED PO!

and i wonder if it's... love at first sight? because when thame said po was different, he was wearing this expression—

what is this? is it longing? yearning? hoping? i think it's all and nothing...

and poor po because he was genuinely confused when thame said that T_T

and yes, this is the beginning. this is where it'll start making sense.

i can't wait for them to be closer! and i'm so intrigued to see how po approaches the other members because from the trailer, po seems like the bridge that connects everyone, and i'm excited about that! //but i'm scared that the bridge will start falling apart once everyone is connected... and po feels like he's being an 'outcast' again, even though thame said he didn't.//

[athousandbyeol]

the beauty of thamepo.

[athousandbyeol]

"be honest with me. how could you do that? when the opportunity suddenly came, you left those who'd been with you for so many years and got by alone. what about the things others did for you when you had more jobs coming in? aren't they meaningful to you, even a little?" (x)

[athousandbyeol]

keep up the thamepo [episode 2]

this episode, to me, is hopeful. i like the contrast of tone and mood from episode one. episode was indeed very sombre, melancholic and sad. but episode two, at least from how I perceive it, is hopeful.

there are some scenes that scratched my brain and made me giggle because we're seeing po experiencing this 'feeling' he couldn't describe yet. but I'm so happy that it's here, and we're seeing it happening now. i think they set the pace quite well, allowing us to experience po and thame's emotional growth and acceptance this early.

1. Mr. A and Mr. B

it's so cute that po has a best friend he could rely on. I'm so glad he has baifern to listen to his random rants and thoughts. i always feel like po doesn't have someone he could be transparent with.

baifern is really a great listener, and I'm glad she's somewhat realistic while po is idealistic—she gives po the reality check he needs—since in my opinion, po is such a dreamer (he seems like an F to me).

although po denied his crush on Mr. B (thame), I think, without realising, he's actually taking an interest in thame? one of the reasons might be because 1) thame left but he was hurt (po wanted to know why and how he could feel hurt even though he wanted to leave thame) and 2) thame is mysterious but isn't entirely cold either. he assures po a lot in this episode even though there's still this respectable distance between them. it's not yet a romantic crush, but more of wonderment and curiosity.

so... when po shared this Mr. A and Mr. B analogy, I think everyone knew he was talking about himself and thame ;) it's honestly so cute! i know he's just curious—he thinks about people's feelings and ideas a lot—some call him a people pleaser. he definitely felt a bit icky after saying this to thame:

i think it's quite interesting how thame's understanding of po's words was he would drop the sasaeng allegation on po, while po thought that thame misunderstood his words by thinking it was 'romantic'.

i assume thame actually knew what po meant, (and I might be preaching) but I guess their feeling is already mutual? both of them are interested in each other. honestly, I'm unsure who fell first because it could be both in different situations. thame might think po was interesting and 'different' when he first saw him during the event. po might fall during this—

2. po wears his heart on his sleeves (yet again)

everything about this moment is so tender... and romantic. i can't really explain but the air shifts between them at this time and forward. but it's somewhat bittersweet.

although it's cute, i feel like po kind of resents himself? when he looked at his hands, he was shaking his head, hoping to discard those feelings bubbling inside him. it's so sad because the fear of placing himself in this situation again—to bear his heart and soul for someone—to love again—still haunts him. i like how we still see him subtly drowning in his past. it shows that emotional trauma can't be discarded or healed overnight. it's a process.

but i also like how thame was watching po all the time... his eyes are always on po (although some shots of thame are blurred), it's obvious he's attentive to po, yet po didn't realise it yet.

3. the gifts and scripts — po becomes an opener to thame's deepest feelings

the whole set-up of the gifts and everything is so... eerie. although I'm sure there's still sincerity left in this world, it's the truth (to an extent). the entertainment industry is a stage play—everything is constructed to look perfect. it's kind of heartbreaking to witness this bitter truth; not everything we perceived on screen is true.

but i'm glad thame actually brought his own gifts—gifts that really mattered to his friends. he's attentive and sensitive. some might say because of his role as the leader, but I feel like thame is inherently kind and big-hearted. no one loves MARS—the members—more than thame.

and when po found it, i felt relieved. ah. po. of course, he would notice. of course, he would know.

i had a conversation with lia (@treasurebook) about this, and she said that thamepo becomes each other's map. when they meet, their life's trajectory shifts from what the company and po's past relationship wanted them to do to this—fixing and healing each other's wounds.

po and thame share the same grief but for different reasons. both of them seek answers and solutions. po wants closure, and thame want a starting point. both of them are giving that to each other, a mutual exchange.

clearly, thame and his friends didn't get to sit down and talk about this. it was a decision made by thame solely from the pressure and responsibility. i guess this could be considered as thame's 'mistake' because he thought he could handle this by himself. his decision would definitely help the group.

it's thame's selflessness and strong sense of responsibility that urged him to carry the group's burden alone. he didn't want his members to go through anything painful or unpleasant. he promised he would grant everyone's wish.

but this is the price he has to pay in the end; the conflict. the broken friendship. the mistrust.

i believe this is a message that is clear to us: communication is key, especially if we're leading a group or in any form of relationship. i think it's appropriate for thame to discuss the offer of releasing a solo song with mars, 1) as a sign of respect, 2) to avoid future conflict, and 3) to receive input from the members. yet, it is what it is. thame didn't. and I don't want to say that he's entirely at fault. it's something that could be done but didn't.

additionally, the idea of thame abiding by the script to the t is haunting. becoming mars, becoming a leader, becoming the company's money maker, he lost his voice. he lost his stance. he lost everything. he became the company's puppet. his feelings don't matter.

his initial intention was so pure, to the extent of naivety. he did everything for the sake of mars. he thought he was helping mars to reach stardom, to be in a better position. but absent-mindedly, all these solo projects and opportunities led him astray from the group. and when he wanted to do a song with mars again, khun pemika said it was no longer necessary.

clearly, the company (especially khun pemika) manipulated and gas-lighted thame into believing he was the reason behind mars's downfall and their friendship.

it hurts because thame truly believed he was the cause, and he couldn't fix it. he should just run with this narrative since his friends hated him too, right? and the media often painted him negatively too.

but not until po. not until po assured him that he should try and work things out. he should at least be sincere with his feelings for once before he left everything behind—before his solo debut in Korea.

when thame admitted he couldn't say anything but I'm sorry, I think, for this moment, it's more than enough. it takes a lot to accept and acknowledge our mistakes, and even more so to apologise. it's so brave of thame to finally come to terms with the truth that has been haunting him all this time.

4. "i fixed this suit" — a foreshadowing of a budding friendship/companionship

this whole sequence drives me insane because so many things are happening!

i honestly didn't expect po to admit that he had an ex to thame this early. i wonder if it was a slip of his tongue because the silence afterwards was heavy with tension. it's like thame was analysing everything about what po said and how he behaved around him, was it because of his ex?

and po... he was surprised with his response, too! sometimes I think po didn't want to show that vulnerable side of his, but it came out unexpectedly... maybe he was getting comfortable with thame?

po looked like he wanted to run away (he did) and um... if I were thame... i think I might fall for him right there and then (sorry for this).

it's so cute! po is just... adorable. and he's so loveable. he's so honest with his feelings and I think thame really loves that about po. po's directness pushes thame to be frank with his feelings too.

(shoutout to est and william for turning every scene romantic and intimate when it was intended. i can't imagine how I'll react once they start feeling more than just friends... I'll pass out for sure.)

this! thame was looking at the suit po fixed—and he would ask for po's help to reunite the group! genius! this is an amazing shot and direction, really. I'm obsessed (p'mui, I adore you T_T).

and this freaking sandwich! i can't believe po no longer has to feel uneasy or guilty about taking two sandwiches because he finally has someone to share it with! cheers to po and his new-found (future) love! it's also a sign of mutuality and acceptance to help each other out. what a sweet ending to the episode!

i can't wait for the next episode. jun is going to be in it and I love how they're setting up a possible conflict; thame trusting jun but jun going against him. it's either jun is really plotting something devious, or it was just his plan to 'distract' khun pemika/the company from discovering their true agenda. i hope it's the latter because I can't handle one mars member being the antagonist :'( it'll hurt so bad...

[athousandbyeol]

he's my rhyme, and i'm his rhythm.

[athousandbyeol]

thoughts on thamepo (or more like me crying because it's finally here T_T)

honestly. honestly. i'm still having a hard time grasping reality because did gmm just drop the official trailer of thamepo? so from today, i no longer have to rely only on the mock trailer and my outlandish headcanons? good Lord. this still feels too good to be true.

the trailer opens with thame crying. he's looking through (possibly) po's camera and something must've made him sad. probably, at this point, they're already in a relationship, but it was no longer a secret (something or someone might've exposed them). or maybe thame reach the point where he feels that they'll never be more than just friends or brothers or co-workers.

i believe thame will always approach things in a direct manner, but after meeting po, he might be a bit hesitant because po is so quiet and distant and gentle and silent—he can't possibly scare po away with his feelings. yet, he might've liked po too much to contain those feelings anymore, thus, the outburst. (i also believe this might affect his relationship with the members too. thame will always try his best to 'win' his members back—to gain their trust and love again. it's so sad just thinking about it...)

however, i love the change in po's demeanour in this scene, how he tries to convince thame that yes, he's feeling the same and he likes thame too and he's scared but he wants thame as much as thame wants him. and i think it's the most beautiful and selfless thing po can ever do. the hand-grabbing. the stare. the slight quiver in po's voice. the mist in their eyes. thame's eyes scream "are you telling the truth, phi?" and po's eyes speak "i am. i am, thame."

this parallel though...

po coming into thame's life.....

......po sitting on thame's spot, now alone (i'm ready to bawl my heart out)

and it's heartbreaking to me how thame's core is so much genuine love and loneliness. he's so lonely. he has so much love for his members, for po. but some can't see his love yet. some might take his love for granted. some might push it away. but he loves. he loves so deeply. and he's the loneliest because he loves.

and po's core is silent openness and fear. he accepts. he understands. he listens. he's there. he exists for thame, for the members. he's a shadow under everyone's feet, trailing them everywhere, never his own body or soul—just someone's someone. but thame allows him to belong—thame's love allows po to be himself—to finally understand that he's allowed to want and need and desire and crave things for himself—because he's deserving of it.

but their love is from two different universes.

their love is from disparate ends of the world.

can they ever collide?

because loving each other is a price to pay—in this world where they shouldn't belong together.

but why must they think of that world when they can be on their own?

because there's nowhere thame and po should belong but to each other. and that—will always be enough.

[athousandbyeol]

scarlet. [thamepo fanfic]

thame promised that dylan would be one of the best songwriters the world could ever witness, and dylan swore he would create only the best masterpieces for MARS. but promises are always vulnerable to time and space, flammable and unfathomable to distance and rage. they don't stand against them the way thame hoped they would. they withered. they shattered.

or thame navigating through the past while drowning in the present—in po.