#but thinking about going back is so hard because i got the job because i helped her through an illness

[mayakern]

I honestly don’t know how to write this; I have spent all week attempting to figure out what to say.

Last Monday I was informed by our factory that our merchandiser and direct point of contact with the factory passed away unexpectedly two weeks ago. She was someone who I have spent a great deal of time speaking to ever since we switched factories two years ago. She helped us realize designs for new products, sent us samples of garments extremely quickly and kept track of all our orders. She went to bat for us if something went wrong with our print shop or if I was unhappy with how a garment pattern was interpreted by their team. As their first American client and a brand that focuses on size inclusion, something that is not typical of their other clients, she handled a lot of crazy requests from us without blinking and she was dedicated to ensuring that both us and our customers were happy. We talked nearly every day, and though it was work related she was one of the kindest people I have had the pleasure interacting with daily.

She was beyond dedicated to her work and to working with us. Turkey has an 11-hour time difference from me in California, which means when she was emailing me at 2pm in the afternoon it was 1am there. You can sure bet that I extended her the same courtesy and tried my best to answer her emails at night too, even when I would rather just be sleeping.

It was also clear just how much she loved her job, and now much she loved you guys. She had been silently watching our social media since we first started working with them. She got just as excited as we did on launch days and would often email me unprompted about how she was glad people were leaving such positive comments and reviews. She read your feedback when no one ever asked her to do that or even expected it of her. She did it because she really, really cared.

Even though she was miles away and we never met in person, she was like a coworker to me and the loss of her is like losing someone on our team.

The Maya Kern team, as a whole, has been dealing with a lot lately. I personally just moved (which took far longer than we expected) and Maya and Devin are gearing up to move back to Minneapolis pretty soon. With the loss of our merchandizer, it has taken the wind out of my sails a little bit. I was trying to push through, even though I am exhausted, and carry out the photo shoot for our new products this weekend, but it has become clear that my body just can’t handle it. My arthritis has finally told me to stop moving, so unfortunately, we are going to have to reschedule the shoot for later on.

We are doing everything we can to make sure our next product drop on the 21st still happens. But as of right now, due to this sudden loss, the garments haven’t even shipped from the factory yet and I am not optimistic that they will clear customs and get checked into the fulfillment center in time for the launch. This means the drop is likely going to be pushed back to December 5th and instead of a full photo shoot, we will probably have to settle for taking quick photos of everyone at home, and likely with our phones. 

We work really hard to deliver not just garments we believe in, but also pictures of said garments on bodies that our customers can relate to, and unfortunately I just do not think that is possible this time. As always, we really appreciate your patience and understanding during what has been a very difficult time for us.

Ash

Chief Operations Officer

[snapdrag0n]

Everybody saying martin and yes. Yes. Of course I agree. Duh. It's also kind of the curse of being a VERY complex, VERY famous fictional character who also goes through a lot of change during the story and whose character arc includes him being misread and misunderstood by others.

But it's still frustrating because it's so obvious. Tma does a great job at depicting how people's perception of Martin is VERY wrong. People SAY things about him and afterwards, Martin SHOWS you that assumption was completely off - sometimes immediately after! Jon assumes Martin is incapable? Mere episodes later Martin has worked so hard that he got locked in his house for 13 days and still, the first thing he does as he's freed is make a statement. Jon starts recognizing his ability to be "almost cunning" soon after -- he's seeing the real Martin.

In s2-3 Tim is convinced all Martin wants is an idyllic reality where everyone is happy and nothing bad ever happens. Tim assumes Martin wants an escape, when the ENTIRETY of s3 is Martin being nearly the only one to actually face what is happening -- HE's making the statements and researching them on his own, not Tim, as bad as it makes him feel. And when Elias tells him his devotion is to a person who treats him quite badly his answer is "yeah, I know". Because he DOES. People keep assuming Martin doesn't stand up for himself, but it's the opposite -- Martin knows EXACTLY when someone is mistreating him and manipulating him, and he usually uses that. Why else would he have been so strongly considered for the Web? Elias's first idea was to destroy Martin's image of Jon -- but he can't, because Martin ALREADY knows. That's when he hits way closer, to his parents and his mother, the one topic that's actually still a sore subject for him. And yet, after all that, he immediately gets up and gets back to business, his plan having succeeded. He gets back to work. Martin's ability to manipulate a situation to his advantage is CONSISTENTLY shown and NOBODY SEEMS TO SEE IT both in the show and outside of it.

And s4 oh s4. To me it's peak Martin season because everything he's been trying to push against becomes too strong for him -- and still he perseveres and proves everyone wrong. Here, the concept of him knowing he's being manipulated and using it to his benefit is central to his arc and consistent until the end -- everytime you think Peter might have finally gotten him, Martin reminds you he knows EXACTLY who he's working with, and beats him, even when the Lonely has nearly completely got him (then there's Jon pulling him out, and him finally, finally getting back all that love he's given, all that caring. But that's another story. I love jmart)

And s5 has a lot of him, and I could go on and on, but I'll just say this. You probably don't realize just how much Martin manipulates the situations he's in so that what he wants can happen, and it's not obvious in s5, but he's actually doing it with his relationship with Jon -- not in a bad, actually manipulative way, mostly, but in the way you would if you saw your partner go through what Jon went through, become what Jon has become. Martin pushes Jon to get out of his guilty mindset. Martin convinces Jon to get out and try to make it better. If you still don't see it: do you realize that in the finale, despite Jon betraying everything they'd organized, what happens is STILL what Martin wanted?

It might be unfair to call it manipulation: it's not. Martin, at his core, loves immensely, and that's something any fan sees. What many people don't truly understand is HOW Martin loves: he doesn't love carelessly and selflessly (except in the very beginning, maybe). Martin loves very, very carefully. He adores and loves and takes CARE of it. He's stubborn, hard, and resolute in the face of it. He will not sit and take it. He will love actively and he will fight for it.

Worst pain

[mind-intheclouds342]

A new ladder - Reader x Curly

Previous - Part 4 - Next

"I really hope Lin doesn't come to check on you, she'll kill me."

You said, sighing and gently applying cream to Curly's face, neck, and collarbone, as it was red from sun exposure after you had fallen asleep in the meadow until a light drizzle woke you up to return to the house. 

Curly: "I don't think so... She'll understand."

"Pfft, yeah right, I'm going to be horribly scolded by her if she finds out, she was always strict with me." 

Curly: "It seems like we're not talking about the same person."

"Of course we don't, you talk about the one who was your fiancée, I talk about my older sister."

Those words lingered in his mind, unwilling to understand that the woman he had met could be so different with him than with her own family. 

Curly: "...How have she been?"

"Mm... She has two children, Mike and Agatha, aged 20 and 15, they are good kids, she is married to Jake, he isn't home much because of his job, but he earns well, they all seem to be happy. Mike left home at 15 anyway, but he keep in contact" 

It certainly hit him hard to know the age of the eldest son, thinking there was an extraordinary chance.

Curly: "Let's say... Mike, how does it look?"

It piqued your curiosity when he asked that, until you put the pieces together. 

"Mike isn't yours, don't worry, he's an exact copy of Jake, even with the same allergies. Trust me"

Curly: "Then I should have been in cryostasis a bit longer... Isn't that right?"

"Didn't those capsules only last 20 years? They found you before the energy ran out."

Curly: "Maybe there was a miscalculation-"

"Lin said you had 2 months left in that capsule, if they found you later you would be dead." 

Curly: "Maybe someone-!"

You were startled when he suddenly approached you, you could see the nerves and desperation in his eye, along with his agitated breathing.

Curly: "If the boy is 20... That means she..."

"...I'm very sorry that... The person you thought you knew wasn't really as perfect as you thought..." 

You shrugged, looking at the ground, not knowing how to console him upon learning that his fiancée, while he was doing his delivery job, had been cheating on him with someone else, with whom she later married after he didn't return. 

In that instant, Curly realized something: all the effort, everything he had achieved, the ladder that had cost him so much to climb to the top, simply crumbled in a second.

You heard him start to laugh, or maybe sob, it was a strange mix of sounds he was producing. 

Curly: "I have nothing left... I can start over-"

"Okay, you're scaring me— I don't know if you're happy or sad—" 

Curly: "I don't know either!" he said, letting out a laugh. 

"I'll go get your pills and water." 

You got up from your seat to go get that, but you stopped when you heard someone knock on the door. 

You sighed, running your hand over your face. 

"It's like she have an alarm and it knows when I do something..." 

You knew very well that he was waiting behind the door, so you went to open it trying to put on your best face. 

Mike: "Hey, aunty" 

What a surprise you got when you saw your nephew with his mother; the boy took a step forward to give you a hug, which you reciprocated. 

"What are you doing here?"

Mike: "Mom told me you were back in town, so I came to see you, can I come in?"

Linda: "Come on, remember there's someone else here, I have to talk to (Y/n)"

The boy rolled his eyes without looking at his mother, as if to say "I didn't ask you" while he walked into the house. 

Linda: "I hope you're not doing the same thing Dad used to do and giving him his pills with chocolate."

You crossed your arms, looking at her in silence, you weren't going to admit that you almost did it once, but then you retracted and you gave him all his medications with a glass of water and maybe a candy if it felt too bitter in his mouth. 

Linda: "Of course," she ran her hand over her face, "You love giving people placebos, you always do the same thing."

"Just so you know, that's how your children learned to swallow pills without fear." 

Linda: "Don't you think what you're doing is horrible? The medications are wasted in your hands."

"I'm not stupid! I haven't done that in years! Stop treating me like a child!"

Linda: "Stop acting like one then!" 

She took you by the arm to pull you outside so you could continue arguing, closing the door so nothing could be heard from inside. 

Curly: "...I had never heard her scream..."

He mentioned sitting in the dining room with the boy in front of him. 

Mike: "That's how she is, she has a nice personality with people outside, but when it comes to family, she scolds you a lot." 

They both stared at each other for a moment, until the boy rested his face in his hand, smiling at him.

Mike: "So you are the famous Curly, it's a pleasure to meet you." 

Curly: "You must be Mike"

Mike: "The same, my mom used to tell me about you, saying that I was your son, that was a great story until I started having suspicions, and at 15 I found out I was the biological son of the man she is married to."

Curly: "Why would she lie about something like that?"

Mike: "Why? So they don't think she was slut, that she got married because she got pregnant, she lied to everyone saying it was your baby, and they believed her. When I was born and you didn't come back, then she could do and say whatever she wanted." 

The man fell silent, thinking about what kind of person he was going to marry, and how he couldn't see through her and notice her deceit. 

Curly: "I was... Used to seeing the image in general..." 

Mike: "At least you got saved, and I'm glad my aunt is taking care of you, she's great, right?" 

Curly: "She is... extravagant, to say the least." 

Both were startled when they heard the door slam open.

Linda: "Mike! We should leave now, darling." 

"Get out of here already! Don't even think about coming back!"

The difference in voices was very striking, one so calm and the other so agitated.

The boy said goodbye to Curly by waving his hand side to side and got up to leave with his mother, despite not liking the idea. 

Once again, the door slammed shut, and a muffled scream was heard; you had taken a pillow from the couch to scream into it and not make too much noise. 

Curly sat there, not knowing what to do or say about it, until he heard footsteps approaching the kitchen, leaving a glass of water and the pills for that schedule. 

You were standing next to him, your head turned in another direction, wanting to leave but knowing he couldn't take the pills on his own. 

You sighed, taking a seat and helping him take the pills. Then he could see it, the red mark on your cheek. 

"You just need to continue with some medications for a couple more months and then you won't have to keep taking all these horrible things." 

Curly: "When I am self-sufficient... What will happen?"

"I guess I'll leave," you shrugged. 

Curly; "Oh"

It was the only thing he said, he wanted to say many more things but, he couldn't, so he just decided to accept the solitary fate that sheltered him. 

[billybutcherrtrash]

Throne (Part 2)

Link to Pt 1 <-

Warning: MDNI (18+) Oral (f), Smut, Adorable nonsense.

The chair is a paid actor. 🤷🏻‍♀️

(I didn’t proofread and I’m sorry.)

Spencer entered his apartment, dropping his go bag at the door. The case had drained him and he was prepared to crawl in bed to forget about it. He made his way to his bedroom, flipping on the light. He paused seeing the large chair he frequently read in. Only now it was different. Walking closer, he ran his fingers over the soft leather. He’d known what was there since the night you’d made them. The night you dragged your nails over the material, marking it as he claimed you. If he was being honest, he couldn’t stop thinking of it. It was seared into his memory. The way you gasped his name. How it felt when you tugged at his hair with his face buried between your thighs. Spencer’s fingers traced the marks, licking his lips as he recalled every moment of you in this damn chair…

It has been days since you’d left his apartment. A case had come up and he and the team had left short notice so you hadn’t actually seen him in close to a week. You didn’t want to be the first to text so you didn’t. You waited patiently but after a few days he still hadn’t contacted you. It was hard to think of him as a guy who would use you and then ghost you. Finally you just accepted you see him eventually. He had to come back to do his teaching job.

You were curled up in bed reading a book when your phone buzzed on the nightstand. You sighed and set the book aside, lifting your phone.

Spencer: Hey, just got home.

Your heart shouldn’t have started pounding and your breathing shouldn’t have picked up both happened at once. What do you say? Play it casual? Yes, causal is best.

You: Welcome back. Glad you made it home safe.

Simple. Easy. Don’t get your hopes up. But you couldn’t help it. You wanted him to say he missed you because you’d been pining over him since he left.

Buzz

Spencer: I missed you. We should meet up.

You glanced at the clock. 10:45 PM. Where could you possible meet at this hour?

“His house.” You joked out loud to yourself.

You: Right now?

You felt nauseous as soon as you sent the text fearing he’d change his mind if he thought you didn’t want to see him.

Spencer: I know it’s late but I want to see you.

Of course you were going to say yes. What if he thought you were desperate? What if he was actually just using you? No, he wouldn’t. Would he? No. Absolutely not.

You: Where?

You stared at the screen as three little blue dots danced as he typed out his reply.

Spencer: Anywhere.

You: Anywhere?

You knew what you wanted to say. His place. His apartment. His bed. His chair. That fucking chair. You’d thought about it more frequently than you’d like to admit but God…you wanted to be laid across that chair again while he fucked you.

Spencer: Come over.

Before you could process the words in the screen you were up and grabbing your clothes. You pulled in your shoes and jacket before heading out the door. It wasn’t that far to his place. You’d found that out last week when you’d gone home with him. A ten minute drive, tops. Getting into your car, you drive straight there. Your mind was buzzing with thoughts of him. Thoughts of the things you’d done just seven days ago. You pulled up and made your way inside the building, finding yourself at his door. Your heart was racing as you knocked gently. It took a moment before the door opened and Spencer stood there grinning.

“Hey, come in.” He said, stepping aside.

You entered and he closed the door behind you. Part you expected him to close the door and instantly pull you into a bruising kiss, pick you up and carry you to his room and that would be the end of it but that didn’t happen. Instead he gazed at you for a long moment, taking in the fact you actually came. You gave him a nervous smile.

“So…” You said, nervously chewing at your lip.

“So…” He replied, also unsure of what to say.

You both stood awkwardly, unsure of what to say. You watched as he reached for your hand and squeezed it gently.

“This doesn’t have to be awkward. We’ve known each other for a long time…and I like having you around. I like spending time with you. We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I just really wanted to see you. The case was a disaster and I kept thinking of you when things weren’t looking so great.”’

“Why would you think about me?”

“Because you are a beautiful person and people like you make the world seem less dark.” He admitted.

“You’re getting mushy, Spence.” You smiled.

“Too mushy?” He raised eyebrow.

“No, just the right amount of mush.”

He pulled you closer until you were right in front of him. He brushed your hair behind your ear and you stood on your toes to kiss him. He retuned the gesture gently, cradling your face in his hands. Your arms circled his waste, pulling yourself against him. After several long moments you pulled away. Spencer was smiling, clearly pleased and stroking your cheek gently.

“So what now?” You asked.

“I don’t know but I’m glad you’re here.”

You chewed at your lip, eyes causally glancing toward his room. You could see the chair through the doorway. Spencer followed your gaze.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” He asked.

“Did you think about me…in the chair?”

“While I was gone?” His eyebrows raised. “I will admit it did keep me up a few nights.”

“A few? It’s been seven days, Spence.” You smirked.

You could see his cheeks reddening at the admission.

“You said we don’t have to do anything but what if I want to?”

He nodded slowly, “I would happily oblige. What the lady wants, the lady gets.”

With that, you turned and led him to his room. Spencer followed, flipping off his living room light as he did. You laughed softly, reaching to do the same to his bedside lamp. He caught your hand and stopped you.

“If you do that, I can’t see you.” He said

“You’ve already seen everything there is to see.”

“And you think I don’t want to see it again?” Spencer asked, inching closer to you.

“We both know you can have whatever you want ” You licked your lips and took a step back.

He reached around you and pulled you against him, your body pressed him his. “Tell me what you want.”

It was taking every fiber of you not to beg him to just shut up and fuck you.

“What I want right now or…after tonight?” You looked up at him.

“Both.” Spencer replied, giving you a soft smile.

“Well, obviously, tonight…I want you to fuck me.” You shrugged.

Spencer laughed gently, “I can definitely do that. But what about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow? I haven’t thought that far yet.”

“Think about it while I do the first thing you wanted.”

He leaned down and kissed you, arms holding you tightly against him. You were suddenly aware of your body’s reaction to him. You ached for his hands on you,gripping your hips and leaving bruises. Finally he pulled away, his hands sliding under your shirt. You lifted your arms so he could pull it over your head.

“Sit”. He said, glancing at the chair in the corner.

You did as you were told, walking over and sitting on the edge of the chair. Spencer knelt before you, his hands loving to your jeans. He undid them and he slid them down your legs. Spencer kissed your thigh gently, slowly working his way higher.

“Spence…I think I still owe you.” You spoked, your hand moving to his hair.

“You don’t own me anything”. He shook his head as he continued. “I can’t even look at this chair without seeing you coming undone while I lick your clit.”

“Fuck.” You whimpered.

His lips finally reached your panties and you were already panting as his hands slid under them and Spencer pulled them down your legs. You licked your lips and watched as he leaned in, running his tongue over your slick folds. Your nails dug into the arms of the chair as you almost screamed his name. He smiled against you, licking your core. You fought the urge to close your eyes and just enjoy the feeling. You needed to watch every move he made. Spencer swirled his tongue around your clit and slid a finger into you. You clenched around him, one hand moving to tug at his hair. He groaned as he added another finger. There was no way you’d last.

“Spence, fuck. Feels so good…” You whimpered softly.

“You like this?” He grinned up at you. “Licking you like this while I finger you?”

“God, yes! Don’t stop, please!”

He was more than happy to comply, his tongue continuing. He slipped another finger into your soaked core. You almost screamed as he brushed that spot inside you that would easily end you right then.

“Spencer, please fuck me.” You begged.

“Is that what you want? To come on my cock?” He asked.

“Yes!”

He pulled way and slid his fingers out of you. You whined at the loss. You wanted him buried deep in you, claiming you. Spencer sat up and pulled you closer to the edge. Your cheeks were flushed and he could see how desperate you were for him. He kissed you gently and stroked your thighs.

“How do you want it?” He asked between kisses. “Like this?”

You felt his cock brush your entrance making your core clench.

“Or do you want me to fuck you over the side? Or maybe over the back?” He suggested.

You swallowed thinking of how you needed him gripping your hips.

“The back.” You whispered, kissing again.

He continued to kiss you as he stood up, pulling you with him. His hands slid down your hips and he turned you to face away from him. You climbed back into the chair on your knees, turning to look back at him.

“Is this comfortable for you?” He asked, kissing your neck as he stood behind you.

You just nodded, gripping the back of the chair. Spencer pulled your hips back, his cock slipping against you. You ached for him, needing to be completely consumed by him.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N.” He murmured as he pushed into you.

Your nails cut into the leather as you took him in. The way he stretched your walls was pure heaven. You moaned his name so loudly you were sure the neighbors would complain. He held you still, despite your efforts to push back against him. After what seemed like forever he finally moved. You were so glad the chair was against the wall because there was no chance you two would still be upright if it had been anywhere else. At first Spencer was gentle, slowly fucking against the leather, but once he was comfortably sure you were enjoying yourself he sped up his thrusts. You pushed yourself up so your back was against him. He reached an arm around you to hold you close. His lips attacked your neck and shoulders, leaving marks you knew you’d have to cover up.

“Don’t stop, please!” You begged.

“I won’t, don’t worry.”

He loved every sound you made. Every gasp, pant and moan he could elicit from you only made him crave more of you. Every mark you made on the chair would remind him of you every time he saw it. Spencer felt you flutter around him, signaling you were close. He knew when you got quiet your orgasm wasn’t far behind. He slid a hand down between your legs and stroked your clit.

“Spencer, fuck, fuck, fuck…” You gasped as he pushed you over the edge.

You saw white as you came undon, your body collapsing against the back of the chair and your teeth biting into it. Your hips pushed back to meet his as you rode out the high. You could feel him pulse inside you as he quickened his thrusts. Finally he let out a strangled moan as his hips faltered and he came hard in you. Your forehead rested against the leather as you recovered, catching your breath. Finally you felt his lips on your neck, pressing gentle kisses to your skin.

“You okay?” He asked softly.

“Mmhmm…” You nodded, lifting your head to look back at him.

He held you against him, “How was that?”

“I think that is probably the best sex I’ve ever had.” You laughed.

“I’d hope so considering every time I see that bite mark I’m going to think about you.” Spencer laughed.

You looked at the mark almost embarrassed. You hadn’t realized you done that.

“Oh…” You laughed with him. “Oops…”

“Don’t apologize. I like knowing I did that to you.”

You couldn’t help but blush deeply, which made him adore you even more.

Fin.

[m00nl1ghts1vt]

Mama - Chris Sturniolo

Part One - Positive Pairings - babydaddy!Chris x fem!Reader Summary - Chris attends your first ultrasound with you, and when you realize you have to have transvaginal Warnings - established relationship, uncomfortable situation??, a lil fluff, first pregnancy appointment, mentions of pregnancy W/c - 1774 A/n - Serving more babydaddy!Chris content 🫡 I hope everyone likes it. This will be a series 🥰 (Also haven't proofread this all the way so forgive me for mistakes) Masterlist Current Series - City of Love II Top Liked - Pierced II Most Recent - Alright, I Love You

“Arrived,” Siri sounded through the speakers of your car as you pulled into the parking lot of your gynecologist's office. You and Chris were at your first appointment, you know, the one that confirms the pregnancy.

Swearing to secrecy until you got the first sonogram, neither of you had told anyone, not even family. It was hard keeping such a big secret from Matt and Nick, especially since you were at their house all the time, you practically lived there. It was even harder for Chris because he never kept anything from them. He wanted them to be surprised, but he was also more nervous than he had ever been, thinking they’d judge him. I mean, who wouldn’t? You and Chris had only been in a relationship for a little over six months, and six months seemed way too soon to bring a new life into this world. Your relationship being in the public eye was not something you planned this soon either - three months in, you and Chris were spotted out after dinner. A few fans stopped him to take pictures, you thought you did a good job at blending in the background, but you couldn’t be more wrong. The next morning, everyone knew who you were, forcing the two of you to ‘out’ your relationship a few days later. 

After finding a parking spot, you shift your car into park and let out a long sigh. Chris’s eyes shift to you, “it won’t be that bad.” He shoots you a goofy smile, trying to enlighten the mood. “I know,” you scrunch your face, “I’m just nervous.”

Nervous was in understatement. Your gut had been turning ever since you saw the positive pregnancy test, and your nausea didn’t decrease a bit. You watch as Chris brings his hand to yours and interlocks your fingers, bringing your hand up to his mouth to plant a soft kiss on it. Redness creeps to your cheeks and you press your lips together, he always knew how to ease your worries. You were lucky you could rely on him in vulnerable times like this.

“Its gonna be okay,” he tells you in a reassuring tone, “nothing to worry about,” before placing another peck on the back of your hand. Collecting your thoughts for a minute before exiting the car, you enter the building together, heading straight for the elevator. This was your regular gyno, so you knew exactly what floor to go to. You press the button for the fourth floor, watching it light up as your heart pumps at a rapid pace. Knowing you were about to see your baby for the first time gave you an indescribable feeling. You were nervous, excited, and shocked all at the same time. Life felt like a fever dream since you found out. 

Ding!

The elevator chimes, indicating you’re at your chosen floor. You and Chris approach the front desk with the same pace, slow and sluggish. Chris felt more out of place than you did but he told himself he was there to support you every step of the way. He knew bringing a baby into this world was going to be a life changing experience for the both of you, but he still had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact you were actually pregnant with his baby. He worried about so many things - telling his family, telling the world, if he'd be a good dad, if you'd be a good mom. And if he was being completely honest, he feared having a baby would put too much pressure on your relationship. That didn't stop him from stepping up and supporting you every step of the way, though.

Checking in and filling out papers, the nurse calls you back fairly quickly. The two of you get settled in a room, not saying a word to each other, only exchanging a few toothless smiles here and there. Before the nurse steps out she hands you a gown, “you’ll need to change into this before the doctor comes in.”

You quickly change into the hospital gown and sit back down in the bed, “I’m so scared,” you groan, running a hand through your hair. Chris had been rummaging through the cabinets since he entered the room, currently blowing up a glove like it was a balloon. 

“Nothing to be scared of mama,” he coos, taking the glove from his lips, and quickly tying it. Chris knew being a goofball was the quickest way to make you laugh, and as long as he kept you laughing, he knew you weren’t overthinking. You snort at him, “Mama?” making fun of the new nickname. He playfully knits his brows together, “what's wrong with that? I mean, I can call you my baby momma if you want,” he laughs, a smirk stretches across his lips before he flings the hand shaped balloon at you. 

“It’s not funny, Chris! They’re gonna stick something up my coochie,” you groan. He raises his eyebrows, obviously concerned. “Up your cooch-,” he blurts out before getting cut off by a light knock on the door. You quickly bat his glove balloon away and call out, “come in!”

Your gynecologist opens the door and pokes her head in, “Goodmorning!” She had a bright aura about her that made every room warm when she entered it, which was one of the reasons she was your doctor. You knew you were in good hands when it came to her. “So, I see you’re here to confirm your pregnancy,” she beams. Your eyes drift to Chris and back to her, nodding slightly and giving her a polite smile. 

She takes a seat on the stool next to your bed, “well, on your paperwork it says you were about five days late when you tested positive which means we’ll have to do a transvaginal ultrasound.” You watch as she picks up a wand-like probe, your eyes widening at the sight of it, “don’t worry, it’s not as bad as it seems. We only do this when women are early on in their pregnancies, to get a better image of the fetus. Once you're 10 weeks, you'll get the abdominal scan, which is on your belly,” she explains in a cool tone.

“So, she won’t have to do it again?” Chris chimes in, clearly worried for you. Your gyno looks over at him, “you're dad?” Chris nods his head almost immediately, making a smile pull at your lips. It was cute how concerned he was, and it was even cuter how quick he was to take on the role of daddy. “Well, dad, no she won’t have to do this again and it shouldn’t be painful, just a bit uncomfortable,” she reassures the both of you. Chris nods, “okay, good,” mumbling quietly before scooting his chair closer to the bed, "cause that thing look scary."

The doctor gets you prepped, putting your feet in stirrups, spreading lubricant across the device, and pressing a few buttons on the keyboard in front of her.

“Now, you’ll feel a little pressure. Just let me know if it's painful or not,” she tells you before inserting the probe into you slowly. Your face contorts in discomfort, Chris noticing quickly, taking your hand in his, and stroking it with his thumb. “Feeling okay?” the doctor asks from the most awkward position, in between your legs. “Definitely uncomfortable,” you tell her honestly, making her chuckle. “No pain, right?” she questions, making you shake your head, “no. No pain.”

Your response makes your boyfriend lean in to place a comforting kiss on your temple, “doing so good mama.” Chris had always been very attentive, showering you with random compliments, kisses, and gifts. Ever since he found out about your pregnancy, not only was he waiting on you hand and food, but he also became extremely clingy. Something about knowing you were growing a mini version of him made his feelings for you stronger, if he wasn’t in love before, he certainly was now. In his mind, your relationship was pretty fast paced for only being together for six months. Sex was given, but the two of you already shared the first ‘I love you’s, and were practically attached at the hip. He was your best friend and boyfriend all-in-one. Though, your fast paced relationship scared the absolute shit out of him, it wasn't going to make him walk out on you or his baby. 

The room falls to an awkward silence, only the sounds of the doctors tapping away at buttons on her monitor. "Sorry, just trying to get a good picture," she tells you. Your eyes glued to the screen, not wanting to miss the first appearance of your future child in the slightest. Anticipation boils in your stomach and your heart thumps furiously in your chest, knowing you're about to see the new growing being inside of you, the one that had been making you cry and throw up nonstop the last couple weeks. Looking up at Chris, his expression is the same, fixated on the screen. "There we go," the doctor chuckles, "you have a stubborn one. Every time I'd get close, they'd move." You watch as the image of your little, tiny bean pops up on the screen, the fast heartbeat sounding out of the speakers as she turns the volume up and zooms in. Suddenly, all the worries and questions running rampant through your mind disappeared for a moment, and it was the same for Chris.

The inexpressible feeling lays deep in your chest and tear brim your water line. "Awe," Chris coos, "he looks like lil peanut," his eyes filling with lust as he tears his eyes from the screen to look at you. His comment earns a giggle from you, the baby did look like a little peanut, but the fact he was already manifesting a baby boy made your heart flutter. You blink away the tears, and suck in a breath, "looks like you're measuring at a little over seven weeks. Seems pretty accurate to me since you dated your last period, but at your next appointment you'll get confirmation on how far along you are."

Chris nods, watching the doctor print out copies of the sonogram, "is there any way we can get extra copies?" She gets you situated, letting you fix yourself, "Of course, how many?" You watch as Chris holds up his fingers to count, "like ten. If that's okay."

"We don't need that many," you snort, sitting up in the bed. Chris playfully scoffs at you, "yes we do. Our baby is gonna be so loved."

🏷️ - @lvrsturniolo @unknvhx @m11rx @ribread03 @thepubeburgler @loveparqdise @emely9274 (if anyone else wants on my tag list, just let me know!!)

If your tags aren't popping up, please make sure you have them turned on so you will get notified when I post. I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to be rude by not tagging when they asked ☹️

[issa-wasteland]

Upon rewatching Arcane S2- Act 1, there are a few things I wanted to point out that could be up for discussion 💥SPOILERS AHEAD💥

Episode 1

The theory about Mel wearing armor and that’s why she wasn’t hurt or dead

Caitlyn’s dad tone when he asked why was Vi still there. As if she was to blame for the deaths of the counselors and I don’t like how it’s emphasized about how Vi is “one of the good ones” compared to the people of Zaun.

When Mel explained how it had to be someone from the inside who let the chembaron assassins in and there’s a quick cut to Ambessa. Like we all knew she was a warlord who wanted to cover up her crimes, but the fact that she was actually pulling the strings was the kicker.

When Ekko was talking to Caitlyn about how enforcers would hunt people down like animals back in S1, and then Caitlyn was having that dark thought of hunting down Jinx like an animal before Jayce came to see her……

Episode 2

Now that Silco is dead, Zaun has rapidly gone worse to the point it got really dark when you see children getting kidnapped to go do labor or worse. As the henchmen who are trying to grab Isha have numbers on their forehead. I don’t know if it’s easier for them to be identified but they’ve been offed by Jinx.

Smeech pokes fun of Sevika mywife for being a funny-looking rat because she’s not the right-hand who kept things in order and doing dirty work. I honestly think Sevika is fine being that right-hand and getting in the field to fight for her people than to step in and take Silco’s place like some people would expect. She knows how much work it is to be the boss and it’s frustrating when the current chembarons are fighting each other than the oppressor who’s the real enemy and why the people of Zaun are surviving off horrible conditions.

This is actually one of the few times we see Sevika become more vulnerable as she’s was struggling to fix her arm, clean up the mess that Silco left behind, and no plan on what to do next. We see how (valid) she is being hostile to Jinx before they get on a familiar footing about Silco, making them do his dirty work.

Ekko's character is very much alike to Miles Morales as this comparison has been on my mind for a while. They're almost the same person. Especially when it comes to wanting to protect their family and people while taking on hard decisions at a young age.

How was Sevika gonna defend against Smeech and his men if Jinx's gun wasn't kicked out of her hand? Since she followed Jinx and she was clear that she wouldn't sell her out.

I do like how Jinx added the gambling part to Sevika's arm from the little games she made when she was a kid. It's something that they connect to from the little games Jinx created and it being from Sevika's gambling. The new arm is unexpected, and she doesn't know the outcome, yet Sevika starts to grow into the gambling bit.

Episode 3

Salo pointed out that the Kiramman name bewitches people, and Ambessa is putting Caitlyn in power. It is not because she is qualified for the job, but she is easy to manipulate, just like the Kiramman name is easy to persuade other rich families and counselors to follow.

Despite Caitlyn being good with a gun, she wasn't in the right head space to even take the shot. She claimed she wasn't gonna miss, but Isha was trying to protect Jinx and clinging to her tighter, moving around. A small part of that scene, you can see her little head blocking Jinx, so I don't believe she had a clear shot.

The guy who looks similar to Vander left being an enforcer as I'm curious to know what he knows from experience. He knows this isn't gonna end well.

Idk what ya'll think so far?

[margridarnauds]

A few days ago I got a DM about like. Academia and what it's like. And...it's hard when like. Things are so monumentally shitty right now and I'm in the middle of my own dark night of the soul here, but here goes the part that doesn't show up on a thousand advice blog posts to grad students, because it's so variable based on your situation:

Don't ever think that your love for the field will ever be returned.

And I don't mean the job market, because everyone talks about the job market, but rather in terms of the fact that most advice is geared towards when things are running as normally, but don't discuss when things go haywire. And the truth is that academia is not built, in general, for crisis. Something bad happens, and people offer their condolences, but it's supposed to be back to work, because that's what's important, isn't it? Turning out papers.

...nearly every single person who I have depended on in the last six months, in academia, has disappointed me. (And if you're reading this, congratulations, you're one of the lucky ones.) Because like. It's easy to say "anything we can do, we'll be there to help," it's another to help your colleague or your student or your mentee actually have the time they need to grieve, or to be lax with them on deadlines and to send reminders to them because, hey, there are times I barely have enough energy to remember my own first name, let alone a dozen deadlines. And, ironically, the people who have been most understanding and tolerant have been people I barely know from a continent away.Because like. It's easy to be tolerant of grief until it's personally inconvenient, and then they're just a lazy student or colleague who should just know better.

There isn't a particular broader point to this beyond self pity, but like. Yeah. Grieving in a system that puts on a human face but is ultimately powered by ~capitalism~ and a sense of mindlessly producing a product instead of research.

[moody-alcoholic]

These Violent Delights

Chapter 16 - My Dark Disquiet

Summary: Poly 141 x fem!reader, a/b/o alternate universe 8.7k words. Things are getting better slowly.

CW: a/b/o alternative universe, a/b/o dynamics, typical a/b/o universe tropes, hurt with some comfort, depression, mental health, descriptions of weapons, vomit, language, angst, nightmares, talks of death, alcohol, drugging/ sedation, mentions of miscarriage, mentions of past abuse.

Previous - masterlist - next AO3

Enjoy <3

The pain is still there. Every morning that you wake up, you think it will be better. It never is. Dr. Piper is still dead. 

Maybe it was better when you were in the bunker the first time you thought she had died. Professor Hale kept you so busy you didn’t get much time to think. He blamed you for her death. She tried to get you out, but you got caught and then he killed her. At least that’s what he had told you. 

John should have done the swap. Then she would be alive. This is as much your fault as it is his. He said he would save her but really it was your job. 

Your heart aches. It’s a deep throbbing pain that feels like it’s never going away. The pain reminds you you’re alive. Maybe one day you’ll just get used to it.

You slept through the night for the first time last night. You didn’t dream, but you didn’t have nightmares either. Maybe you are healing. You don’t know if you want to heal. Healing means moving on, and you can’t imagine moving on without Dr. Piper.

Johnny comes in with a cup of tea. You sit up in bed making space for him. 

“We’re going to be leaving tomorrow, late tomorrow around 10pm,” he says. Your stomach suddenly turns as you take in the news. You don’t want to leave. You want to keep the only connection with Dr. Piper you know is left. 

“I don’t want to leave,” you say quietly, squeezing your hands round the mug. 

“You’ll like the UK. You’ll love Scotland, and there's so much land. You can spend as much time as you want outside,” he says, nudging you. You sigh. Being outside sounds nice. It’s been too long since you’ve seen greenery. 

When the Professor told you she was dead, you had mourned for months, and you still had to endure his abuse. At least now you have a pack around you. Your pack. Except it doesn’t matter though because it's your pack's fault she's dead. 

You hand your mug back to Johnny. You’re not hungry or thirsty. You don’t want anything, you just want to sleep.

“Do you want any pain killers?” he asks. “You might want some. We’re going to be travelling for a while.” You shake your head looking up at him. He sighs, squeezing your thigh then getting up. 

“Let me know if you change your mind,” he says as he heads for the door.

“Johnny,” you call. He turns looking back at you.

“Can I go for a shower later?” you ask, looking up at him. He smiles back at you.

“There’s a bath here too. Maybe that would be better?” You nod. A long hot bath does sound good. 

John puts the vial on the table. It’s a sedative. He picked it up from the hospital while you were there. It’s a last resort. He thought maybe you would have been feeling better by now, or at least not so deep in your depressive state. 

He’s worried about how you’re going to react to being in an unusual space with unusual people, strangers. Or maybe being in a confined space with him is worse. Travelling for so long is hard on anyone, let alone you right now. 

“What do you think?” John asks as he looks round the room. 

“I don’t think drugging her is going to get you back in her good graces,” Kyle says. 

“It’s 2 flights, almost 12 hours not including another few hours’ drive,” John says. Johnny sighs looking at the others. 

“What would Dr. Montgomery do if she was here?” Johnny asks. 

“We wouldn’t be having this discussion if she was here,” Simon’s voice comes back harshly.  

“Me and Gaz can keep her calm, she seems to be fine around us,” Johnny says. 

“I’m worried about her distressing. We’re going to be in a stuffy cargo plane for hours surrounded by strangers,” John explains. The closest you’d come was when you ran from them in the forest. John looks round them all. He remembers how distressed you were when you woke up in the hospital. Your eyes, blown wide, screaming for him. For your alpha. It only stopped when they sedated you, and it seems you don’t even remember.

There's a collective sigh in the room. They were all there too. They all witnessed it.

“She hasn’t yet, maybe she won’t,” Kyle shrugs.

“One causes more harm than the other,” John says coldly. “Last time was close, too close and there’s no Dr. Montgomery to save her. It would be down to us.” 

“If we decide, how do we get her to take it? She won't even take her pain meds. She’s definitely not going to take a sedative,” Johnny says. 

“There are other options.” John looks round them all. Simon even looks up to meet his eye line. “She doesn’t have to know.” 

Simon tuts shaking his head then walks past John over to the bedrooms. John sighs as he hears the door slam. 

“I guess you both feel the same,” he sighs.

“Well she can't hate you more than she already does,” Johnny says, crossing his arms.

“She doesn't eat, she doesn't sleep. It's almost a day's worth of travel. Maybe it's for the best. Price’s right, if anything happens, we’re stuck in the air,” Kyle says. At least he has Kyle on his side. Johnny lets out a long breath looking over at your room. 

“Let me talk to her. Maybe she'll understand and be more willing to take it?” Johnny suggests. Price nods, picking the vial back up. 

It’s just afternoon when you sulk out of your bedroom to the bathroom. Johnny said he would prepare the bath for you after dinner. You were kind of regretting it now, you would much rather just take a quick shower. When you leave you look into the living room. Kyle and John are on the sofa watching the TV.  You don’t see Simon anywhere. 

You walk into the bathroom and Johnny looks up at you. The tub is still filling up. You walk past him feeling the towels on the shelf. They’re soft and fluffy. You pick one out.

“I can leave if you want?” he asks. You turn to look at him. He’s pouring what looks like salt into the water. The smell of rose hits your nose. You haven’t had much privacy over the last few days, over at least a week. You don’t know how many days you’d been in hospital for. Maybe it’s been longer than you think. 

You don’t really want to be alone. It feels weird, but you can’t describe it. Maybe it’s because they’re betas but you don’t mind Kyle or Johnny being around. You’ve even gotten used to Simon too. He looks less intimidating without his mask.

“Stay,” you say. He nods and you start to pull your clothes off.

You’re used to Johnny seeing you naked by this point. He’s helped you through 2 heats. Still he averts his eyes from you, watching your face as he finishes preparing the bath. It smells good. He keeps pouring products in making the room smell of lavender, rose and other scents you can’t quite place. 

You’re sitting on the toilet watching as he stands back with his hands on his hips. He smiles as you get up walking over to the bath. It’s filled with bubbles. You let the towel drop from your shoulders and dip your hand in feeling the temperature of the water.

“What do you think?” He asks. You nod, stepping into the water. Johnny helps you in as you sit down letting the water rise up above your shoulders. It’s hot but it feels good. You close your eyes for a few seconds letting the water heat through to your bones.

You let out a sigh resting back. You open your eyes looking over at him. He smiles at you.

“That's the smile I love to see,” he says. You didn’t even realise you were smiling. You tip your head to the side letting your hand run over the scar on your neck. The one Dr. Piper left. It’s all you have left from her, the scars she left on your body.

They’ll be healed in a few months, and then you’ll have nothing to remind you, just memories. Right now all the happy memories are tainted. It’s hard to imagine her happy. It's hard to imagine anything other than her suffering. You let out another long sigh watching the bubbles pop on the water. 

“I can wash your hair if you want?” he offers, raising an eyebrow. You nod, smiling at him. You sit up leaning forward in the tub. He kneels down beside you pulling the shower head over and some bottles. 

You let him work. He takes his time wetting your hair through. His movements are gentle as he works his hands up to massage your scalp. It feels good. He opens bottles of shampoo and conditioner. They smell sweet, like you. Strawberries and cream. 

You hug your knees, closing your eyes as Johnny makes sure to get each inch of your hair soapy. It smells good, and it feels good. You hum as his fingers brush through your hair. 

“Johnny, why do people call you Soap?” you ask, opening your eyes and turning to look at him.

“I ate a bar of soap in basic,” he says, chuckling. 

“Really?” you ask, frowning. 

He shakes his head. 

“I’m good at my job, I clear rooms quickly,” he says, bringing up the shower head and washing the soap out of your hair. 

“Like with enemies and stuff?” you ask, turning your head back and resting your chin on your knees. 

“Yeah, or hostages, whatever there is.” 

You close your eyes letting out another sigh as you hear another bottle open. Johnny squirts some in his hands before lathering a thick layer on your hair. You feel sad all of a sudden. 

Dr. Piper used to do this after your heats. You would be locked in a room naked with a hose. She would bring soaps and scrub your body clean, wash your hair then braid it after. You always looked forward to that, a light in the never ending darkness of your heats.

You miss her so much. You squeeze your eyes closed. You don’t want to cry. Your eyes are so raw from tears. You didn’t think it was possible to cry so much. You didn’t think it would be possible to miss someone so much. You loved her.

The water feels good as Johnny washes the conditioner out of your hair, his hands are soft, gentle. He’s taking his time keeping the warm water flowing over you. It’s relaxing. The steam builds up in the room. It's almost lulling you to sleep.

“Johnny, Do you know how to braid hair?” you ask. It’s a long shot. You don’t expect him to know. 

“Yeah,” he replies. You turn to look at him, sniffling. Tears come, but you hope he can’t see them with the water already running down your face. 

“Could you braid my hair?” you ask. 

He nods, smiling. His hand comes up to brush wet hair out your face. He moves round to the back of the tub. He gathers your hair up and starts to braid it.

“How did you learn?” you ask him.

“I have cousins,” he chuckles. You let out a sigh. You don’t have any family anymore. Dr. Piper is dead, the Professor is dead. Your biological parents—who knows where they are or if they’re still alive. You drop your shoulders as Johnny finishes tying the end of the braid off. 

He puts it over your shoulder and you pull it in your hands. He’s done a good job. You run your fingers over it. You feel a chill on the back of your neck. It will be exposed to him. He’ll be able to see John’s mark. Your fingers move around to it. You feel the indents in the skin. 

It will never heal, the skin is too sensitive, or special or something. Dr. Piper explained it better. You always thought you would end up with the Professor's mark. Instead you have John’s mark. You let your hand fall as Johnny stands up walking to the side of the tub. 

“C’mon, you look like you could use a cup of tea.” He holds the towel out. You nod at him, stepping up out of the bath and into the towel he wraps around you. You can’t keep your hands off the braid. It makes you smile. Maybe you’re healing. Johnny and Kyle have been so kind to you. They have been there for you.

“Thank you,” you say, turning to look at Johnny. He kisses your forehead just like John used to, his thumb coming up to rub your cheek. 

“Not a problem.” He smiles. 

It feels like it’s never going to be the same again. Maybe you need a change. Maybe going to the UK is going to be a good thing. You don’t like the thought of being stuck on a plane in close quarters with John. It’s going to be a long trip, to a strange place. 

At least everything Johnny has told you about the house in the highlands seems nice. 

“Did Dr. Montgomery braid your hair for you?” he asks as he opens the door. You nod, tightening the towel around you. When you step out into the main flat goosebumps rise on your body.

John and Kyle are still sat on the sofa as they look over at you. You stare at them for a few seconds. Something inside you burns. You miss John. You miss your alpha. He’s the one who is supposed to be comforting you, telling you everything is going to be okay. 

It’s not going to be okay though and you remember why. The burn gets replaced with anger, sadness and you want nothing to do with him. It’s not healthy for you to be away from your alpha for so long. You need to keep the pack threads tight, and right now you’re barely holding on to John’s. Johnny guides you into your room. 

He closes the door going over to the pile of clothes they bought you. It’s mostly pyjamas, but you don’t mind. You pick some out Johnny comes over helping you dry. You really don’t need the help but you’re too tired to care. 

You change sitting down on the bed as Johnny moves round the room collecting the dirty clothes and towel. 

“After my heat. Professor would lock me in a room. It was this dark concrete room with a one way window and a hose. I always hated that room. It was cold and I was always in pain.” You look up at Johnny who comes over to sit next to you. “Dr. Piper would be there. She would wash me with these soaps that always smelled so good. Then she would braid my hair.” You pull on the braid.  Johnny’s arm wraps round your back, the other resting on your thigh.

“She took good care of you,” he says. You nod, picking at the skin around your fingers. He sighs, placing his hand on yours. You stop picking and look up at him. 

“She loved you, all the way to the end,” he says, his voice low. You feel a lump rising in your chest, and your lip quivers. His hand moves up to your chin, he tips it up so you’re looking directly in his eyes. He has beautiful blue eyes, and a lovely smile. 

“All those good memories you have, the good ones with her. That's what you hold on to. She’ll always be with you,” he says. You sniffle, the tears rolling down your face. 

“John let her die,” you say, the words sounding foreign coming out your mouth. 

“They were both trying to keep you safe. He would never hurt you on purpose.” 

“I miss her,” you sob. 

“I know. It’s okay,” he says, pulling you into his arms. You cry into his chest while he rubs your back, kissing your head. You can smell his calming scent, and you let yourself breathe it in. Maybe this is healing, maybe this is what healing feels like. 

Maybe this is what you need. 

“Johnny, will you stay?” you say pulling your face off his chest. 

“Course love.” Johnny smiles. 

…

Simon sits down next to John on the sofa. He's been avoiding him. Bar following orders, he’s been keeping his distance. He was planning on spending the night in your room again but when he stuck his head in he saw Johnny in your bed. At least you’re not alone. He hates the thought of you being alone.

He’s distracted, going over what happened again and again in his head. John left Piper to die like there was no other way, like they didn’t have a choice. They could have gone back and made another plan to blow the place. They could have dealt with Shadow Company, they could have given Johnny time.

No, John was right during the debrief. Shadow Company were closing in on them, it was the best way to cover their tracks. Piper knew the sacrifice she was making. She would do it every time, she was more like John than she knew. Simon can’t spend his energy worrying about that now. He’s too worried about you. 

There's something about the thought of you being alone that makes his blood run cold. You're safe here. No one other than Laswell knows where they are. John sighs, reaching over and filling the glasses sat on the coffee table with whisky. 

He pushes one towards Simon.

Truce?

Simon reaches over and picks it up.

Yeah.

John smiles and does the same. The news is playing on the TV, anything to drown out the quiet that hangs over the flat. 

“Still mad at me?” he asks before drinking the whole glass. Simon lets out a sigh, taking a sip of the whisky. He doesn’t say anything. He wants to stay mad at John for a long time. He liked Dr. Montgomery, and he doesn’t like seeing you suffer. Who would that help though? No point in causing more rifts in the pack.

He understands the decisions John made, even before the debrief, when they were stuck in the hospital waiting for you to recover and hoping you wouldn’t distress. It was like walking on a knife's edge. John insisted you were kept sedated, at least until your wounds had healed. 

Simon remembers you screaming. It was horrible, like nails down a chalkboard. You were crying out for John like you couldn’t see him, even though he was with you the whole time. Maybe it was the strangers, maybe it was the pain, the miscarriage. It could have been a number of things. It felt like they were losing you. But John always knows when to make the tough decisions. 

For the greater good.

“Hale is dead, the chemical gone. Graves and Shepherd are off our backs.” Simon finishes his drink. “I know why you did it.”

“But I should have done it differently,” John says as a matter of fact. 

Simon sighs. He looks at John. He looks sad. He can see the strain in his face as he pinches the bride of his nose.

“Do you regret it? When you told the omega you should have saved her, did you mean it?” Simon asks as he refills their glasses.

“Yeah, I meant it,” he says. Simon can smell his sincerity in the air. John reaches forward picking up his drink. Simon does the same. 

“How long do you think they’ll stay away?” Simon asks. John lets out a sigh letting the glass rest on his knee. 

“Who knows. We could be arrested when we step off the plane in the UK,” he sighs. 

“That's not going to happen,” Simon scoffs. 

“The last few weeks haven’t exactly gone according to plan,” he sighs. Simon can hear the guilt in his voice. He really does feel bad about this. 

“Not your fault,” Simon sighs. No need for John to spiral further. “You did what you thought was best.”

“Would you have made the same decision?” John asks him. He looks over at John. He liked Dr. Montgomery, he likes you. 

“Yeah I would have,” he admits, looking down. He’s no better than John. “I liked Piper.” 

He finishes his drink, putting the glass down.

“Christ Si. I didn’t know.” 

“Not like that,” Simon tuts, crossing his arms. Something burns in him though. He doesn’t believe the words coming out his mouth. “Would it have changed your decision?” 

“No,” John says, Simon smiles, looking at him. That’s why he’s captain. He made the right choice. Now he’s beating himself up about it. Simon sighs. He shouldn’t push John away; he doesn't deserve it.

For the greater good.

Johnny comes out of your room. Simon looks over before turning back to the TV. He can feel the tension in the air as he moves over to the sofa. He offers him his glass.

Johnny accepts it, Simon can see the gloomy disquiet on his face, not the Johnny Simon is used to seeing.

“I’ll give it to her. You’re her alpha, you're supposed to protect her.” Johnny drinks the whiskey and sits down in one of the chairs putting the glass back down on the coffee table. “If there is any chance of you fixing your relationship with her she needs to trust you again.” 

Simon lets out a sigh looking over at John. He can see the pain in his face. He can smell the guilt in the air. He’s doing the right thing, everything to protect the omega. They’re going to be leaving tomorrow, back to the UK, Scotland, somewhere remote and safe. 

That's where they can fix the relationships. That's where they can repair the damage done to the pack. 

Your scream pierces the silence in the flat. Johnny is on his feet in an instant. John stands up too. The hairs stand up on the back of Simon's neck, his fingers digging into the sofa arm.

Johnny flys through your door with Gaz following behind him, pulling a shirt on. When he sees Johnny’s got you, he closes your door, turning to look at them on the sofa. He smiles. Simon can see the sleep on his face as he heads back to his room.

John sits down letting out a shaky breath rubbing the back of his neck. Simon puts his hand on John's thigh, squeezing it.

“She’ll get better John. She’s got the best people around her. Even Piper knew that.” 

“I let her down, I let the pack down,” he says. 

“You did what you had to do to protect her. Hale is dead, she’s safe,” Simon says. He reaches over, pouring more whisky into the glasses. 

“Soap said we should get something for her,” Gaz says as they get out of the car at the store. Simon hums, locking the car. They’re only supposed to be here for a few things. Things for the flight, things for the next 24 hours.

“Like what?” Simon asks as he pulls the black surgical mask up over his nose. 

“I don’t know, maybe a nice blanket or something she could use on the flight.” 

“She’ll be knocked out,” Simon says, a little harsher than he means. He’s not happy with it. It is going to be a long trip, though. You’re in pain. At least if you’re sleeping you won’t be in pain. 

Simon follows Gaz through the store as he picks up stuff for dinner. Looks like stir fry from what Gaz is putting in the trolley. Simon leaves him in the produce section and heads over to homegoods. He follows the aisle until he comes across pillows and blankets. Simon runs his hands over them. He’s not sure what he’s looking for. The most colourful, fluffiest one. 

He picks out a baby blue one and a fluffy matching pillow. He keeps looking, scanning round for something else. One blanket and one pillow doesn’t feel like enough. Gaz sticks his head round the aisle coming up to Simon. 

“Think she’ll like it?” he asks as Simon places the pillow and blanket in the shopping basket. Simon just hums picking up a thinner cream one and putting it in too. The hairs stand up on the back of his neck. He looks at Gaz who looks past him for a second, eyes focused on something distant before flicking his eyes back to Simon.

Something's wrong. 

“We should get some bottled water,” Gaz says. Simon nods following him out the aisle. “See the man on our 6 with the grey puffer jacket.” 

Ghost turns Gaz down an aisle to his right so he can sneak a look. He doesn’t see anything. Maybe he’s turned down a different aisle.

“Split up, let's see who he follows,” Ghost says as they make it to the end of the aisle. His weapon suddenly feels heavy, tucked in his waistband against his back. Gaz nods, splitting left with the trolly down the main middle aisle. Ghost works his way forward.

He doesn’t need to worry too long though as he turns at the end of the aisle he sees the man out the corner of his eye. Ghost takes a sharp left looping back to the middle aisle. His hairs stand up on the back of his neck again. He is being followed. He spies Gaz and nods at him. He turns left, and Ghost follows him.

He can hear the steps behind him. He's still being followed. There’s a staff-only door at the end of the aisle. Gaz turns to the right out of his view. Ghost speeds up, turning to the left. He spies across to see Gaz waiting there. 

Ghost waits until the stranger is in view before pouncing on him. He grips his wrist pulling his arm up to the top of his back. Before he has time to react Ghost pushes him through the staff only door and up against the wall. Gaz hits the lock on the door coming over to help Ghost wrestling with the man.  

“Fucking hell!” he calls, gritting his teeth as Gaz pats him down. He pulls a pistol off his hip unloading it. 

“You a cop?” Gaz asks. He doesn’t reply, just grunts uncomfortably as Ghost keeps him pressed up against the wall. 

“Concealed carry, pretty illegal. What are you doing following us?” Gaz asks, pocketing the mag. Ghost lets out a sigh. This guy’s not going to talk, or not easily at least. 

“American?” Ghost asks him looking for a reaction on his face. He presses his lips together. 

“Shit, he’s a fucking Shadow,” Gaz says holding a badge up. Ghost sighs. Price had intel from Laswell that Shadows had crossed the border. Price said it wasn’t a problem, Graves would have no idea where the safehouse was, it’s a Canadian special force’s house. At least that was the theory. Guess he was wrong.

“Bit far from home. Did Graves send you up here?” Ghost asks. The man scoffs. Ghost tuts. They don’t need to get anymore info from him. They need to get back to Price and leave. Get out of Canada and up to Scotland where it’s safe. They have clearly outstayed their welcome. 

Gaz goes over to a room labelled maintenance, he comes back out almost as quickly as he disappeared. He holds the black zipties up so Ghost can see. He nods pulling the man off the wall and over to the room. 

It’s a small maintenance cupboard filled with cleaning supplies and various tools. Ghost holds him as Gaz ties his ankles and wrists. 

“You know they’re not after you right?” he says eventually.

“Talking’s not going to get you anywhere,” Ghost says through gritted teeth as he kicks the black of his knees forcing him to yelp in pain and drop to the floor. 

“Didn’t take long for Graves to team up with Shepherd again,” Gaz scoffs under his breath as he ties the guy up to a pipe running up the wall. 

“Match made in heaven,” Ghost says, finally letting go and standing up straight.

“She’s worth more dead than she is alive now that Professor Hale is dead,” he calls as Ghost goes to open the door to leave.

“How’d you figure that?” Gaz asks. Ghost almost wants to turn around and tell him to ignore what he’s saying. He’s most likely just doing this to mess with them, or worse, to stall. They need to leave. 

“That’s what the brief said,” he says.

Shit. There’s a hit out for you, that’s why there’s only one Shadow here.

“What brief?” Gaz asks.

“Gaz, let’s go,” Ghost orders opening the door. Gaz nods, following him, picking up a wet floor sign before closing the door behind him. Ghost leads him out back into the store in silence.

“Clean up in aisle 9?” Gaz chuckles as he puts the sign down in the middle of the aisle.

“Christ you’re worse than Johnny,”  Simon sighs, shaking his head. “C’mon we need to get out of here.” 

You hear commotion in the flat. Something feels wrong, the energy is different. You can hear low murmurs, hushed voices. Hairs stand up on the back of your neck and you sit up in bed. 

Johnny walks through the door. You freeze. He seems tense as he walks over to you. You pull your legs up to your chest as he strides over, sitting down on the bed. He reaches over and turns the light on, but it just makes the expression on his face look darker. 

You can smell his worry in the air. There’s something else too. Fear? Anger? You can’t tell. 

“Hey,” he says, putting something down on the bedside table. It’s a little bottle with clear liquid in it. You don’t know what it is. You look back at him frowning.   

“We’re leaving now,” he says. Panic rises in you. You don’t want to leave. 

“You said we were leaving later tonight.” You’re trying not to get upset, but a lump forms in your throat. It doesn’t go away as tears threaten to spill over. 

“I know but something came up so we’re leaving now,” he says. You blink at him letting the first few drops roll down your cheeks. 

“I don’t want to go,” you let out the cry that’s been stuck in your throat. 

“I know.” 

“It’s like I'm leaving her behind,” you sob, wiping your tears. His hand comes to your chin pulling your head up to look at him. He smiles at you, his head tipped to the side. 

His hand falls down to the centre of your chest and he presses gently. “She’ll always be here with you. The memories you have of her will never go away.” You can smell his sincerity in the air. It’s not helping though. You let out a little smile, sniffling, you look over at the vial on the bedside table.

“What is it?” you ask.

Johnny leans over taking it in his hand. 

“It’s a sedative. We’ve got a long trip. Thought maybe it would be easier. It’s a lot of travelling in confined spaces. I know you’re still in pain,” he says, rolling the vial round in his hand. 

“I don’t want—” You look up at him, the sentence catching in your throat. 

“I know but I think it will help. You won’t have to worry about anything. You just fall asleep and wake up in the UK, skip the whole 11 hour plane ride,” Johnny says. 11 hours on a plane sounds horrible right now. 11 hours on a plane confined in a small space with John sounds even worse. 

Maybe it would be better for all of them if they just leave you behind. 

“Will it hurt?” you ask. You already ache. You’re sick of being in pain. He shakes his head. Maybe a good long nap would be nice. A long nap where you’ll wake up thousands of miles away and still surrounded by people who let you down. 

“Will you be there?” you ask, looking in Johnny’s eyes. He smiles nodding at you pressing his forehead against yours. 

“Every second,” he says. You let out another breath, closing your eyes. 

“What would Dr. Piper do?” you whisper to yourself. Johnny pulls his head back, his hand coming to your face, his thumb rubbing your cheek. You really don’t want to leave, but maybe this way it would be less painful this way. 

Johnny gets up, and the room suddenly feels cold. You can hear more voices now. Simon and Kyle must be back. John’s voice is low, you can hear him giving commands. There’s a knock at the door, and Johnny goes over to take it. You don’t listen to their conversation looking down at your hands and picking at the worn skin.

It’s becoming a bad habit, your fingertips rough with hard and worn skin. You don’t bother listening to who it is. It's probably John. Johnny comes back to the room. It feels like he’s coming to give you the worst news ever. Worse than Dr. Piper being dead. 

Johnny smiles at you, as he comes to sit back down on the bed. You reach over taking Dr. Pipers scarf in your hands. She’d want you to be safe, she would want you to be happy. 

She’d want you to be brave. You have to be brave.

“Where are we going?” you ask, your words slurred as Johnny carries you into the back of a car placing you against Kyle who pulls your seatbelt on. 

“We’re going on holiday,” he says, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, and getting in beside you.

“It’s going to be okay,” Kyle says, pulling your head down onto his shoulder. John closes the door walking over to the front passenger seat. Simon is driving, his focus stuck on the road ahead. John looks back at you as Kyle rubs your thigh. You’re feeling really sleepy, your body heavy as Simon starts to drive. You try to stay awake for as long as you can, but the motion of the car and the smell of beta in the air lulls you to sleep. 

“I think she’s out,” Kyle says a few minutes later. Simon sighs looking over at John. 

“How long will it last?” Johnny asks. 

“A few hours. It should be worn off by the time we land in the UK,” John says. His voice is level as he looks over at Simon. The short drive to the airport goes in silence with John’s eyes constantly looking up in the rearview mirror. You're sleeping up against Kyle. He can smell their scent strongly in the air. Yours too. Strawberries, and mint.

He’s come to associate mint with sadness.  

When they make it to the airport they drive straight through to the waiting military cargo plane. John had to pull an unbelievable amount of strings to get on this transport without anyone asking questions. Not to mention having to bully the commander into leaving early. He was going to owe him big time. 

He managed to get another General in the UK to sign off on their leave for a month at least. The plan was to lay low and see what came out of the investigation in America. Last he had heard from Laswell there wasn’t much they could do since technically the omega doesn’t exist. They were going over the rubble of the ruined mansion. It could take weeks. The DOD have taken a step back not wanting to be affiliated with Professor Hale and the crimes he’s being accused of.  

But now Shadow Company is after you. Laswell managed to find the bounty. As far as they’re aware though, Shepherd knows nothing about it and Hale is dead. Maybe there’s someone new after you, people who want to take over Hale’s work. Dr. Montgomery didn’t round up every person who used to work for him. There are still others out there.

They managed to track them down to Canada, they could easily track them to the UK. Johnny’s house is safe, and they can defend it if they need to. Johnny keeps enough of an arsenal to supply a small army in the basement. They’re going to be fine. Hopefully when they get there he can let his guard down a little, try and relax. 

The car drives up into the back of the plane. There are a few soldiers mulling around, some of whom will be travelling back with them. John doesn’t trust any of them. He barely trusts the commander who chartered the flight in the first place. 

“In the boot there’s some blankets,” John says, turning back to look at you still with your face pressed up against Kyle’s shoulder. Johnny is reaching over into the back pulling them up. Simon and John get out of the car. Simon comes round opening the door for Johnny who scoots out. Kyle moves you into Johnny’s arms and he lifts you up. 

Simon reaches over, taking the blankets and draping them over you. He looks at Johnny as he pulls the blankets right up under your chin. Your head rests against his chest as you’re carried through to the extra jump seats. Johnny lowers you down into the middle seat as Kyle and Simon wrap the blankets around you.  

Johnny gets in first taking the window seat and Kyle sits on the other side of you. You slump against Kyle as Johnny moves over you, re-adjusting the blankets and placing the pillow under your head. John walks through the doors last. He stops in the aisle looking over at you as Johnny attaches your seatbelt. 

It hurts him he had to do this. You look so peaceful leaning against Kyle. He wishes it was different. He has no idea if or when you’ll forgive him but he’ll keep trying. He wants to reach out and hold you, pull you against him and tell you everything is going to be okay.

That's supposed to be his job, to take care of you and the pack. Things are going to be different now. He’s going to step up. Things are going to change.

He can’t stand seeing you like this and knowing that he was the one who hurt you. 

“She’s making progress, Cap, she just needs time. We all do,” Kyle says. John smiles at him. He knows he’s trying to make him feel better. He puts his hand on his shoulder and squeezes it nodding at him. He lets out a sigh going to sit in the adjacent aisle with Simon. 

Simon hands him a tablet. More paperwork, more news from Laswell. Probably nothing good. He can’t help looking back over at you. He can just about see your body pressed up against Kyle as the betas fuss over you. 

The door opens and soldiers funnel in, they take seats, some of them clocking you as they do, muttering under their breath like school boys. It makes John uncomfortable. He closes the tablet down, putting it in the pocket of the seat in front of him. 

“Who's the chick?” John hears one of them chuckle. He ignores it, sighing and attaching his seatbelt. He can’t let them get to him, he closes his eyes. 9 hours couldn’t go any slower.

“Hey!” an unfamiliar American voice calls angrily. 

“Keep yer comments to yourself, yeah?” That’s Soap. 

“MacTavish,” John says, looking over at them. One of the soldiers is looking back over the seats at Soap gripping the chair. 

“He started it, Cap,” Soap protests. 

“I don’t care,” he says, sighing. The other soldier sits back down. You murmur, scooting up closer to Kyle, pulling your legs up onto the chair. John moves his eyes over to you as Kyle moves so you’re more comfortable. 

John sighs, he wants to be with you so badly it hurts, every fibre in his body is screaming for him to be near you. You’re knocked out, you wouldn’t know. He stops himself. He needs to respect your space. He needs to let you come to him when you’re ready. 

From now on he’s going to do a better job at protecting you and taking care of the pack.

“Want me to move her?” Simon asks. John shakes his head. 

“I’m going to take a nap, wake me up if we’re crashing or Soap’s trying to rip someone's head off.” He leans back, pulling his hat over his face. It was going to be a long flight. 

Simon didn’t wake him until they were about to land. You were already starting to stir. You started mumbling and drooling over Kyle as he tried to keep you calm. The scent of both the betas filled up the small space they’re confined in. 

You grumbled as they tried moving you when the plane landed. 

“C’mon lass,” Johnny encouraged you to lean against Kyle so he could rearrange your blankets. John watched them almost fighting with you, your eyes fluttering open now and then. It looks like you’re searching for something. The other soldiers leave first before John stands up heading out to the cargo hold with Simon following behind him.

He needs to clear his head. Simon should have woken him earlier. 

“You good?” Simon asks him as they make it to the car. He nods, getting in the front passenger seat. It’s not long before he sees Kyle coming with you in his arms. You have a sick bag in your hands. It makes him tense as they open the car door. 

“She threw up,” Johnny says as he gets in first. John sighs. This is his fault. Now you’re sick and they still have another flight, plus a few hours drive. You whine as Kyle places you up against Johnny. 

“Alpha?” You whimper, reaching out and gripping onto Johnny. It makes the hairs stand up on the back of John’s neck. You’re crying for him. He grips his seatbelt. 

“Got any water?” Johnny asks. Kyle passes him his canteen. Johnny presses it up to your lips but you moan turning your head away. 

“C’mon love you’ve got to drink something. It will make you feel better,” Johnny says, chasing your lips. You sigh, opening your eyes and taking sips from the canteen. “Good girl, there ya go.” 

“Maybe we should just drive up?” Simon asks as he starts the engine. 

“It’s a 10 hour drive. Even when we land in Edinburgh, it’s another 4 hours on the road,” John sighs. The car backs out of the plane as they make the quick drive to another cargo plane. John looks back at you, your eyes closed again leaning up against Johnny. 

…

You don’t wake again until they’ve landed in Scotland. Even then it's a slur of murmuring and quiet sobs.

Maybe this was a bad idea, John thinks after a stop off at a petrol station where you vomit again. This time it brings tears and shaking. 

“Cold,” you whisper, your lip quivering as Kyle is trying to get you to drink some more water. He gives up in the end, sighing as you sleepily blink up at him. He hums, pulling the fluffy blue blanket up and around you tighter, shushing you.

John gets out of the car looking in the building where Johnny and Simon are paying for the petrol. It’s cold, it's late. He wants nothing more than to just crawl into bed with you in his arms. He breathes in the frigid Scottish air as he sees Johnny and Simon walk over to the car. 

Johnny’s beaming as he walks over with a coffee in his hands. Of course he is; he’s home. He gets in the back as Simon walks over to him. 

“Get some rest, I can drive,” John says. 

“I’m good,” Simon says. John scoffs.

“I know you are but I slept on the plane, let me drive.” 

“It’s not a problem,” Simon says and before John can stop him he’s walking back around the car to the driver's seat. John sighs getting in the car. 

“Half way then we switch,” he says as he puts his seatbelt on. He looks in the back. Your eyes are glossy, your cheeks wet. You meet his eyes. It’s the first time you’ve really looked at him in what feels like forever. A smile tugs on his lips. You’re looking at him with your unfocused gaze. 

You smile at him, a soft smile, the type that makes his heart flutter and goosebumps rise up the back of his neck. It’s bittersweet since you’re still zoned out. Before he knows it your smile is gone and your eyes are drooping closed again. He sighs, turning back to look out down the road, the thick foliage of the Scottish highlands coming into view.

For the greater good. 

You don’t remember much of the drive. Every time you opened your eyes it made your head spin. All you could see was the bright headlights of the car against the trees. It reminded you of trying to run from your pack. 

Kyle’s arm around you is warm, his grip soft as he holds you against him. It feels like you’re driving for hours. Sometimes you try to focus on the conversation between Simon and John but you end up drowning them out. The winding roads sway you to sleep as you dribble over Kyle’s shoulder. He doesn’t seem to mind though.

“Hey, we’re here,” Kyle says as he gently shakes your shoulder. You sit up, stiff as you stretch looking round the car. You’re tired, cold and shivering as Kyle opens the door getting out. You unclip your belt scooting across to the open door. 

“Simon’s going to get the fire started,” he says as he leads you inside. The house is old, but big you walk in looking down the hall that has indoor windows looking through to the dining room. The lights are low. The whole place has a cosy feel to it. You just wish it wasn’t so cold.

You let Kyle lead you through to the living room. There’s a plush sofa, a TV, record player and a book shelf. You see Simon bent down in front of the fire. You don’t see John or Johnny anywhere. The place smells like damp wood, but you can smell the embers of the fire starting as you look round the room. 

“This wood’s wet. It’s not gonna take,” Simon says, standing back up. You look over at smoke coming out into the room.

“It's fine, it's late anyway. I think we could all use a good night's rest,” Kyle says. You nod as he heads out the room back into the hallway. You turn back to look at Simon taking gloves off and throwing them into the pile of logs. You can see John and Johnny in the kitchen. 

“C’mon you can have the first pick of the rooms,” Kyle says, wrapping his arm around you as he leads you upstairs. Upstairs feels warmer but not by much. You stand in the hall looking around. All the doors are cracked open and you walk up to one. There’s two beds inside. You move to the room next to it, the same. 

“What about here?” Kyle asks, smiling pushing a door open. You go over to see what you assume is the master bedroom. It’s beautiful with a four poster bed, a fireplace and a chaise longue. It’s dark but you can see the windows look out towards the woods. You smile stepping inside. It’s lovely. You feel guilt rise in you.

“It’s John’s room,” you say, turning to leave. Kyle shrugs from the doorway.

“It’s no one’s room,” he replies. 

John gets the biggest room because he’s the Captain. Or maybe Johnny will take it, it’s his house after all. You walk over to another door, this room is smaller than the rest only big enough for a single bed and a rocking chair. You go in and look out the window. 

It looks out over the front of the house and you can see Simon and Johnny bringing bags out of the car. The latches on the window look old, brass and heavy as you click it open. Cold air immediately blows into the room. You can open the windows as wide as you want, not like the windows on the base. 

You take in a deep breath and go to sit down on the bed. There's a small bedside table with a lamp but the only light coming in the room right now is from the outdoor lights. 

“Like it?” Kyle asks from the doorway. You look up at him nodding. He moves out the way as you hear commotion in the hall. Johnny walks in the room hitting the main light as he comes in. 

“Hey lass, how are you feeling?” he asks, putting a bag down. 

“Tired,” you say. You’re not really in the mood for a whole conversation. He hums, coming over to run his hand over your head, and you look up at him. 

“It’s been a long day. You should sleep, you'll feel better tomorrow,” he says, his thumb brushing your cheek. You feel bad. You’ve been sleeping the whole way, you don’t understand why you’re so tired. Johnny turns around closing the window. “You can put it on a latch if you want some fresh air,” he says, moving out of the way so you can see. 

“Thank you,” you nod at him. He smiles, leaving the room.

“If you need anything you know where to find us,” Kyle says, pulling the door closed, but not fully. They always leave a gap. You look over at the window, and you can see your reflection. Your braid is almost completely pulled out. You run your hands over it pulling on the hair tie at the bottom letting it fall apart. 

You run your fingers through it pulling it apart before walking over to your bag unzipping it. It’s your clothes, mostly PJ’s. Dr. Piper's scarf is sitting on the top. You take it out, bringing it up to your nose. The scent is fading. It will eventually be gone. Scents don’t last forever. 

You stand up taking the deepest breath you can. You can smell beta, soap, clean sheets straight out of the dryer. It’s a comforting smell, you miss it. You get up rubbing the back of your neck. You turn the light off pulling your clothes off so you’re in your underwear and climb into the bed. 

It’s cold and you find yourself pulling your legs up to your chest. You look out the open window. You hear a door close and the outdoor lights are turned off. You let your eyes adjust to the dark. You look up. You can see the moon. It’s big and full, lighting up the room. You can’t remember the last time you saw the moon, never mind this full. 

You smile bringing her scarf up to your nose. Dr. Piper would love to see this. A star filled sky. Maybe if there is a heaven, she’s there looking down at you. You don’t think you believe in heaven, it makes you think of the house on the hill, with the pies and the lake. The smell of caramelised apples and cinnamon in the air. The summer breeze and the sky burnt orange and red, the whole place surrounded by trees. That's your heaven. That’s where Dr. Piper is waiting for you. 

It’s still your happy place. You can still go there when you need to, and Dr. Piper is there. She’ll always be there.

Dividers by Plum98 & gild-ui Beta reader and editor - rememberwren

[imfoive]

Hana! I absolutely love your fake texts, I got curious as to how we bagged skz as our bfs and thought to ask what your take? Continue doing the amazing job that you are!😊

Hi lovely❣️ Thank you, I also love creating them!

(I’ve been holding off on this but now that we have 10 parts to bf!SKZ texts, I could finally answer)

Okay I got a little too excited coming who with my take so now they’re headcannons to bf!SKZ lmao let’s go!

── Channie

I think that we would’ve met as strangers. Like crossed paths through work or at an event hosted by mutual friends. There was attraction and numbers were exchanged no hesitation. That’s the vibes I channel when creating bf!Chan texts, like we’re keeping him on edge with our unhinged behavior (which he totally loves because he’s got seven other crackhead kids and is used to crazy) sometimes he’s as crazy as us if not even crazier. Channie is a planner so best believe we’ve got our own slot in his schedules (cuddle time with us, movie marathon with us) Allows us to tease and bully him so he has an excuse to punish us *cough cough*🫣 In conclusion: Channie loves us cause we’re funny and always have him giggling and giddy like a school-girl agdgsgsgsh

── Lino

Okay so with him, similar to Chan, we would’ve met as strangers but leaning more towards work encounters. But he is ✨shy✨ and we started out as friends. From there, after everyone’s comfortable and more open with one another, we take the next step. A few dates to gauge if there’s anything there (which of course there is if there wasn’t I would’ve cried) Once we’re his it’s over. Unleashed a new side of bf!Minho who loves to tease us. He is a bully(affectionately) but is also very very supportive and protective. Gets really affectionate randomly that we get whiplash and when he’s feeling extra sassy, teasingly refuses to play along with our shenanigans. (Lots of sarcastic remarks with this one) In conclusion: Lino makes fun of us but if someone else does he’ll fight

── Binnie

I see him meeting us through friends, but WE like him first (obviously like look at that man!!) but bf!Changbin is kind to everyone so we don’t think he likes us back. Maybe something happens and he happened to help us and from there we get closer, like we’ve gotten his attention and he is not looking away anytime soon. I feel like once Binnie falls in love he will fall hard, like simp city is his new home kinda hard. Texting us first thing every morning and last every night, calling and video chatting for hours even when neither of us are really talking. Flirting with us like crazy as if we aren’t already his, always making us giggle and flustered. He loves to take us to his favorite places (the gym is unfortunately one of them, but we’re not complaining since we got an amazing view of Binnie lifiting weights👁️🫦👁️) In conclusion: Binnie looooooves us 🥰

── Hyunnie

We were friends first, that’s definitely the story I see when making bf!Hyunjin texts. He understands our personality and we play along with his dramatic outbursts. Because we were friends first, we know each others quirks and interests well and it’s one of the reasons we clicked and saw a future together. He is a hopeless romantic and never gets comfortable in the relationship (planning cute dates like picnics, paint parties) He loves to brag about us to his friends and LOVES matching couple items. Sending the most random things to make each other smile (like pics of a squirrel eating trash or the clouds looking like an object) is something we do alooot. In conclusion: Hyunnie spoils us with spontaneous dates (the banter is crazy with this one)

── Hannie

Okay, one more that we met as strangers. DEFINITELY at work cause I don’t see bf!Han rizzing anyone up at parties or elsewhere. I think we wouldn’t have clicked in the beginning because he was too busy avoiding eye contact (he gets nervous leave him alone!!) but over some time as we ease into conversations we get along well. Mostly because we’re both unhinged and have similar humor. I think lowkey we fall for him first (he gets into a whole different zone when he’s working and that’s hot) but he confesses first. He is actually very attentive after becoming our boyfriend, like he used to avoid eye contact but now he’s shamelessly checking us out. In conclusion: Hannie the rizzler doesn’t waste any opportunity to drop the cringiest lines (but only reserved to his partner🤚)

── Lixie

Long-term friends. He was a bestie before he was the boyfieee (No HE friend-zoned us😔) I feel like bf!Felix is friendly and extremely nice to everyone (similar to Changbin) so he doesn’t realize we were trying to get his attention and wanted to get him to see us in a romantic light, and then somehow we become his best-friend and it’s been like that for a WHILE. But then we decide to try moving on and and he’s like “HOLD ON WAIT UP, Wymm you got a date with ANOTHER MAN???🤨” he realizes real quick that he doesn’t like to share and that we might be more than just a friend. He is warmest partner, like you thought best-friend!Felix was an angel??? Get ready to cry because of how sweet bf!Felix is. (Although he sometimes gets this surge of crackhead energy which keeps us on our toes) In conclusion: Lixie is a sweetheart but gets jealous (and lowkey possessive) really easily. Watching him sulk is our favorite activity (we’re the bullies in this one😌)

── Minnie

I think most of the younger members had to have been friends first before dating. And bf!Seungmin is another one. Like he’s not that bold to bully and taunt a stranger then ask them out (he was raised right 😤) but his friends?? Free real-estate, catching jabs left and right. And that includes us. I think Minnie does it mostly because he knows he likes us romantically and finds our reactions cute. We also put up with him because we’re in love with him. So really just two idiots who like each other but haven’t confessed. Becoming a couple’s a given since we basically act like one and no one’s surprised that he asked us out (in the most romantic way, might I add☝️) and we said yes. In conclusion: Minnie is the Jerry to our Tom except he’s always getting the last laugh (but he’s actually lowkey obsessed with us)

── Innie

Another one that’s been friends first. But long time friends, maybe from like high school or something and have continued the friendship into adulthood. Bf!Jeongin is our ride or die. He’s there for us when we need him and makes fun of us because he can, although he can’t take what he dishes (what a loser) We kissed before we became a thing and from there we just claimed each other so it made sense to become a couple. Though we don’t act like typical couples because everything between us stays basically the same, he’s really down bad and easily caves into anything and everything we want to do (even if he pretends like it’s against his will) We bicker a lot but also make up really quickly. Also he sends 17374 selfies and OOTD pics to us daily our phone might as well be his photo collection album, we complain but obviously we love it (he takes our pics too cause he’s such a photographer but holds them hostage on his phone) In conclusion: Innie might be a little shit but he’s ours and that’s that 😤(also we’re no better)

Not me being delulu because of these lmao

Which bf!SKZ dynamic is your vibe? 🤔

[all-pacas]

house straight up offers chase his job back in s4ep2, do you think he was just testing him? or was he being sincere in his offer?

Hard to say! I think he meant it in the moment, because, well, Chase knew nothing about the case and still solved it in about thirty seconds and that's impressive. I think if Chase had taken him up on the offer, House would have taken him back on the team no sweat. Why not? Chase proved in S3 that he's really good at this, and he still is.

But that doesn't mean it wasn't also a test, and that it wasn't a test Chase passed by refusing.

It's always been a little ambiguous why Chase got fired, right? House seemed to be doing it mostly to prove a point: Wilson called him out on living in the same apartment for years, playing the same guitar for years, and, well, he's had Chase for four years at this point; he's letting go of things. The trigger "seems" to have been Chase lecturing him about Foreman, but only an episode before Chase did that — hell, earlier in Human Error Chase also did that — and House didn't mind in the least (in The Jerk he was even kind of proud). Ultimately, I think Chase was fired for exactly the reasons House tells him in Human Error: You've been here the longest, you've learned all you can.

Because Chase has. He's making good calls. He's standing up to House and pushing back (on interpersonal matters more than medicine, but still). He has confidence, he's solving cases… and he has no intention of leaving.

There's this thing House says to Foreman in The Jerk:

HOUSE: Look, you got two choices. Engage me in a futile argument then do what I asked, or just do what I asked. [Foreman starts to walk away] HOUSE: You're not ready. There was a third choice. Don't do what I asked. You could've defied me, stuck the kid on antibiotics. But you didn't. Because you still trust my judgment more than your own.

Chase trusts his own judgement. He knows he's right in The Jerk, and tells House so (and is rewarded for it). He knows he's right in Human Error, and argues with House in front of everyone, regardless of how it looks. He's ready to move on, and so House pushes him out of the nest.

So yeah, The Right Stuff is a test. Chase is still very good, he'd still be (and will later resume being) a very good employee. I'm sure House would have taken him back. The question is, does Chase need to come back? Would he rather follow House's lead again, or is he still confident enough to stand on his own? Chase doesn't want to come back, and he doesn't need to. He passed the test.

(I've said it before and I'll say it again: it is not a coincidence that Chase only comes back to Diagnostics after his life completely falls apart. In Post Mortem, he says to Foreman he's felt ready to move on since season six, but he was unwilling/unable to — Foreman suggests it's because Chase felt safe in Diagnostics and he's trying to goad him but yeah, kinda!)

[mirai-e-jump]

Animage December 2024 Issue Kamen Rider Gavv ft. Hino Yusuke Interview (translation below)

Publication: November 9, 2024

Letting his fighting spirit "melt" into his bullets

Even within the Kamen Rider series, which has enjoyed a history spanning over half a century, there are only a few who have been chosen to become a Kamen Rider with as much tragic resolve weighing on their shoulders as Karakida Hanto. Hanto's mother was kidnapped by a Granute when he was a child, and while investigating the Granutes, his mentor, Shioya Soji, loses his life. In order to avenge Shioya's death, he decided to accept the offer to undergo a life threatening remodification surgery from Suga Kenzo, someone who's researching a method to exterminate the Granutes. The result of his suffering is that he obtained the power to transform into Kamen Rider Valen.

Sometimes, he guesses a Granutes true identity based on the slightest bit of evidence, other times, he shows his kindness in order to support a girl who's chasing her dreams, and at other times, he shows his playful side by instinctively posing when the cameras are pointed at him……Being able to calmly consider the situation and remain open to one's emotions like that may be what's needed to confront the "monsters" that prey on people's happiness.

Although allies like Suga are currently present, Hanto's still pursuing information about the Granutes on his own. Will he be able to reach the enemy responsible for taking his mother from him? We hope you'll watch as Kamen Rider Valen's battle intensifies. _

-This also expands the range of Hanto's feeling-

"Since his first transformation in episode 6, Hanto's also been active as a Kamen Rider."

Hino: After the first transformation episode, I received heartfelt messages from tons of people, such as, "I'm looking forward to seeing what Valen will do going forward." I was also impressed by the response to the sequence of events leading up to the transformation, with comments like, "They're depicting a setting similar to a Showa Rider in a Reiwa Rider."

"It was a very unrefined first transformation scene."

Hino: It was my first transformation, and I was just trying to keep up with the flow of the performance, so I acted with conflicting feelings. I think it was because of the way Director Morota Satoshi said, "Let's make it this kind of taste," and created it on the spot that a sense of liveliness was born. This is one of my personal favorite scenes, as since I started this job, I've been working hard and doing my best, and I felt as though it connected me and Hanto.

"The avant garde exchange with Kamen Rider Gavv in episode 7 was also funny. He calls himself Valen, a name he associates with Valentine (laughs)."

Hino: That scene was fun to act out (laughs). I got into it as best as I could imagine, and the "In the end, the concept is still chocolate….." scene was given the OK with just one take. Still, I had a hard time at first deciding on which of the emotions from my previous performances to keep consistent. For everyone watching, a week has passed, but Hanto's just fought his mentor's enemy out of revenge, and he's still physically damaged. However, Sugi-san (Director Sugihara) told me to go all out, and since I myself like comedic scenes, I didn't hold back.

"Is there anything memorable from filming the transformation scene?"

Hino: For the fixed transformation pose from the second time onwards, I couldn't close the lever of the gun (Valen Buster) fully, or the Gochizou would pop out when I swung it downwards too aggressively, so I had to do alot of retakes until I got used to it (laughs). I remember having to work at it until I could make cool gestures and movements like a Kamen Rider. One of the Directors gave me some advice about the transformation, and it really struck me. It was, "It's a privilege for the chosen ones to be able to say "Henshin," and the word transformation must convey how the character is feeling as they fight." So, every time I transform, I'm conscious of how to convey my emotions in that moment.

"Once again, please tell us your impression of Hanto."

Hino: Hanto became lonely after losing his mother, met his mentor when he was acting like a delinquent, became his apprentice, and is looking for monsters in his work as a writer. He's someone who's had many experiences that I haven't had. I was conscious of this past before we started filming, and I thought that he was nothing like me. But as I talked with Screenwriter Komura Junko-san and Sugi-san, it was almost like Hanto came to me. While respecting what was different between me and him, I began to draw from my own clumsiness and roughness in order to become closer to Hanto.

"Considering he has a passionate side, and a serious backbone despite being silly, Hanto seems to have a wide range."

Hino: That's right. Shouma's pure and Sachika's a gyaru, but I think there are situations and relationships that are created by each and every one of Hanto's "faces." I'm challenging myself to widen my range, and not settle for, "This is just how Hanto is."

"You're thinking, "If this isn't Hanto, then this is," right?"

Hino: Yes. If I perform as Hanto, then I become Hanto, or to put it another way, it's my job to create Hanto, and I consider it rewarding.

"In episode 9, the most recent episode, we got a glimpse of Hanto's more mature side in a scene with Kirari."

Hino: I wanted to express Hanto's clumsy yet passionate attitude toward children in the scene where he consults with Kirari-chan in a friendly and helpful manner. In the scene before that, when the safety buzzer is set off, he's mistaken for a suspicious person even though he didn't mean it that way, which is typical of Hanto (laughs). I think it's a funny scene that shows off Hanto's cuteness.

-We hope that Hanto will be rewarded one day-

"What are your impressions of Kaji Kotaro-san, the Suit Actor who plays Valen?"

Hino: I feel that Kaji-san has a passionate kindness within him, and that he's pulling me along. Valen's actions are also broken down into a fighting style that's typical of Hanto, and I realized that we were creating one role together. We sometimes talk over a few drinks, and in a positive way, we have friendly competition, where we can say what we want to say to each other.

"What do you find important when doing post recording?"

Hino: Hanto has a wide range of expressions, but when he transforms into Valen, he's fighting a Granute, so I'm aware that he's in a state of hostility and wanting revenge. I try to avoid feeling strangely calm, I always act with the feeling that I'm risking my life.

"Maybe it's like you're switching over into battle mode."

Hino: That might be it. When I speak as Hanto, I go back to my natural self, so I think that this is fine.

"How's the atmosphere on set?"

Hino: Hide has a strong sense of responsibility as the main character, and thanks to his leadership, we were able to communicate with each other from the very beginning, and as filming progressed, the vibes between Shouma, Sachika, and Hanto were established. Hide and Miyabecchi tease me in a nice way, so I think we've established an equal relationship. In regards to Hide, I've always played younger brother characters, so I was alittle nervous that "the younger generation has appeared" (laughs), but he has a pure, brotherly cuteness to him that naturally makes me want to spoil him.

"Speaking of Hanto, we think the presence of his mentor, Shioya Soji, who was mentioned earlier, is significant."

Hino: Komatsu Toshimasa-san's performance gave me goosebumps…..! It's natural, subtle, convincing, yet very unconstrained. I feel a sense of respect for him and thought that I'd like to do a performance like that in the future. He's someone I truly want to call "mentor," and I think it was thanks to Komatsu-san that I was able to cry real tears in the scenes where Hanto cries thinking about his mentor.

"Now that Shioya's passed away, his interactions with Suga Kenzo at his lab are striking."

Hino: Suga's making a mess out of Hanto's life (laughs), but the scenes with Suga are also interesting to perform. The very beginning of the show is focused on Shouma and Sachika, and Hanto and Suga, but it was a valuable experience for me to be able to perform one on one with Asanuma Shintaro-san, as I learned alot from him. I'd seen some of the anime that Asanuma-san was in, but when I looked up his appearances, I was shocked and thought, "He was in this one too?!" I'm happy that we communicate with each other on set, talking about all sorts of things, from matters relating to personal life and acting.

"He's a reliable senior who's the complete opposite of Suga."

Hino: That's true (laughs). I think the gap between him and his role is interesting. I'm working together with him with alot of respect.

"Do you have a favorite anime?"

Hino: Most recently, I like "The Dangers in My Heart." Once I became an adult, I stopped watching romance series like that out of embarrassment, but when I watched The Dangers in My Heart for the first time in awhile, it made my heart skip a beat! I'd say that it gives off a sense of purity that only a middle school student can have, and injects you with emotions that we can't get in the real world….it's a really good series. I myself used to play soccer, so I watched alot of sports anime and manga such as "Haikyu!!," "Ace of Diamond," "SLAM DUNK," and "Major." Those are what got me addicted to watching real sports like the NBA.

"If you had to pick an anime that you especially like, what would it be?"

Hino: I love Kyoto Animation's "Beyond the Boundary," and not only have I seen the main TV series, but I've also watched the movie more than 10 times! I was in middle school at the time, and I used to imitate Kanbara Akihito, the main character who's obsessed with glasses, and say, "Pretty girls with glasses are nice, huh?" (laughs). I was so absorbed in it, that I even established a glasses research club at school using my authority as the student council president.

"Isn't that an abuse of power? (laughs)."

Hino: Of course, but it was an unofficial club, okay? (laughs). Now, I'll often watch live action movies and TV dramas in order to study acting, but before I became an actor, I was exposed to various works to the extent that I had a modest interest in them.

"In the future, are there any situations you'd like to perform as Hanto?"

Hino: Things like explosions are areas I haven't experienced yet. Falling into water……isn't a challenge I'm actively looking to take on (laughs). Personally, I'm interested in what would happen if Hanto were to experience something like love being directed toward him. Hanto lost his mother, and he's the type to have narrow, but deep relationships with people, so along with friendship and human affection, I think he's hungry for love. What I imagine is that in a peaceful world where he doesn't have to fight against the Granutes, Hanto will most likely develop a longing for family and a desire to overcome the trauma of losing his loved ones.

"Only painful things happen to him, so we hope it all works out for Hanto."

Hino: I really hope so. On the other hand though, there's something appealing about being unrewarded (laughs). While being the spice that enhances the excitement of Kamen Rider Gavv, I hope that Hanto will continue to be loved by everyone, and I too will continue to devote myself to Hanto with love and care every day!

[fuzoshi]

Look, I'm not going to pretend like the class analysis of this show was perfect. I think that element tailed off about halfway through when it segued into being a more serial story from the earlier case of the week episodes, but I'm sorry, most of these points are just factually incorrect or an incredibly ungenerous reading of the show's intent.

We got confirmation that Grandpa was a great guy who built a giant real estate empire purely through grit and hard work and never did anything wrong in his life

We did not get this at all, the show repeatedly says that Grandpa is going to hell, and that the family curse (which was obviously greed) got to him too

Any harm that came to people and communities because of the company was indeed the result of Home’s uniquely evil aunt and uncle who acted without his or his grandpa’s knowledge

They acted without Home’s knowledge because Home was a minor or not in the country for most of it, but I felt it was very clear that even if Grandpa did not himself switch the contracts, he definitely knew about it and didn’t stop it.

The plot culminated in a poor character once again sacrificing himself to save the rich kid

This might just be a semantic issue but Peach didn’t go to the small house to sacrifice himself to save Home, he went there with the intention of rescuing Home, it’s not implied at all that he thinks he’s going to die.

As expected, Peach gave up his dream job to stay for Home even though there was no logical reason they couldn’t do their project in Chiang Mai (he has never been able to hear the ghosts so that attempt to say it was because of dialects was extra sloppy)

I mean he says he doesn’t want to move again, and they have friends in Bangkok so it makes sense he might want to stay - he didn’t apply to the job in Chiang Mai as a specific dream he applied because he was just applying to tons of restaurant jobs and they were the ones who replied. (and like, they could do their project in Chiang Mai, but if their project is "open a restaurant together" then why do they have to?) His dream, as stated several times, is to open a chef’s table restaurant, which is what he does. (and the thing about ghosts speaking in dialect was so obviously something he made up to continue his tsundere act, not sloppy writing)

Instead of actually training properly as a chef again like Peach wanted, he had a chefs table he has in no way earned handed to him by his rich friend, ultimately ending the show with a message that capitalism is benevolent and is what made their happy ending possible

“Training properly as a chef” wasn’t what he was going to be doing in Chiang Mai either, he was going to be working as one, which is what he wanted, and what he is still doing. And like, inexperienced chefs open restaurants all the time (this isn’t even the first gmmtv show this year to have it) People with lots of money invest in restaurants because they like the chef’s vision all the time. And we’ve seen that Home is actively using his money to try and redress specific harms his family has caused (paying Rak’s mother, giving the magician the house, getting Kan’s community their rights back) The show was never going to be about tearing the entire system down.

Speaking of, the only happy ending Kan and Suradech got was the honor of continuing to be Home’s employees. That Home did not even do anything for Kan’s community after everything she suffered is definitely one of the biggest WTFs in this show.

I mean he literally did. He exposed the falsified contract and the terms of the original contract were being honoured. And also, Kan and Suradech both have jobs?? Which they are free to continue with or leave as they personally see fit?? These two points are exact opposites btw, you can’t complain that Peach gets a cushy dream job handed to him thanks to capitalism and then also complain that Kan and Suradech don’t, and also that Home should have done MORE benevolent capitalism.

And on that note--Home got a huge inheritance and appears to have used zero of it to address the harm his family did

The show ends like three days after he nearly gets murdered, give him like, a week off from repeated major head traumas before you go attacking him; it’s also pretty clear from everything he does in the show and the choices he makes about the various ghosts in the first half that he does care about addressing the harm his family did. We also don’t see him use the inheritance HIMSELF for anything other than providing for other people - he doesn’t even buy new clothes over the course of the show, which takes place over at least a couple of months.

A quick summary of how the class disparity themes in Peaceful Property ultimately landed in the finale:

We got confirmation that Grandpa was a great guy who built a giant real estate empire purely through grit and hard work and never did anything wrong in his life

Any harm that came to people and communities because of the company was indeed the result of Home’s uniquely evil aunt and uncle who acted without his or his grandpa’s knowledge

The plot culminated in a poor character once again sacrificing himself to save the rich kid

As expected, Peach gave up his dream job to stay for Home even though there was no logical reason they couldn’t do their project in Chiang Mai (he has never been able to hear the ghosts so that attempt to say it was because of dialects was extra sloppy)

Instead of actually training properly as a chef again like Peach wanted, he had a chefs table he has in no way earned handed to him by his rich friend, ultimately ending the show with a message that capitalism is benevolent and is what made their happy ending possible

Speaking of, the only happy ending Kan and Suradech got was the honor of continuing to be Home’s employees. That Home did not even do anything for Kan’s community after everything she suffered is definitely one of the biggest WTFs in this show.

And on that note--Home got a huge inheritance and appears to have used zero of it to address the harm his family did

The only thing I have to say about it at this point is:

[anghraine]

jenndoesnotcare replied to this post:

Every time LDS kids come to my neighborhood I am so so nice to them. I hope they remember the blue haired lady who was kind, when people try to convince them the outside world is bad and scary. (Also they are always so young! I want to feed them cookies and give them Diana Wynne Jones books or something)

Thank you! Honestly, this sort of kindness can go a really long way, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

LDS children and missionaries (and the majority of the latter are barely of age) are often the people who interact the most with non-Mormons on a daily basis, and thus are kind of the "face" of the Church to non-Mormons a lot of the time. As a result, they're frequently the ones who actually experience the brunt of antagonism towards the Church, which only reinforces the distrust they've already been taught to feel towards the rest of the world.

It's not that the Church doesn't deserve this antagonism, but a lot of people seem to take this enormous pride in showing up Mormon teenagers who have spent most of their lives under intense social pressure, instruction, expectation, and close observation from both their peers and from older authorities in the Church (it largely operates on seniority, so young unmarried people in particular tend to have very little power within its hierarchies). Being "owned" for clout by non-Mormons doesn't prove anything to most of them except that their leaders and parents are right and they can't trust people outside the Church.

The fact that the Church usually does provide a tightly-knit community, a distinct and familiar culture, and a well-developed infrastructure for supporting its members' needs as long as they do [xyz] means that there can be very concrete benefits to staying in the Church, staying closeted, whatever. So if, additionally, a Mormon kid has every reason to think that nobody outside the Church is going to extend compassion or kindness towards them, that the rest of the world really is as hostile and dangerous as they've been told, the stakes for leaving are all the higher, despite the costs of staying.

So people from "outside" who disrupt this narrative of a hostile, threatening world that cannot conceivably understand their experiences or perspectives can be really important. It's important for them to know that there are communities and reliable support systems outside the Church, that leaving the Church does not have to mean being a pariah in every context, that there are concrete resources outside the Church, that compassion and decency in ordinary day-to-day life is not the province of any particular religion or sect and can be found anywhere. This kind of information can be really important evidence for people to have when they are deciding how much they're willing to risk losing.

So yeah, all of this is to say that you're doing a good thing that may well provide a lifeline for very vulnerable people, even if you don't personally see results at the time.

[ferronickel]

Thinking bout the time someone yelled at me because they didn't understand butches.

[creatrixanimi]

Man im just doing. really not good right now. My mom died suddenly last night and everything is bad and i have to figure out all the funeral stuff now and i dont know what im doing at all.

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.