#cw mormonism

[ramshacklefey]

It's amazing to me just how good the Mormon church has been at hiding just how bad they really are from public view. Even the shit that gets spread around is the relatively harmless bullshit. They had a crazy prophet with magic glasses. They believe in god-mandated polygyny. They think everyone who is good enough will get their very own planet after the world ends. They wear magic underpants. Mormon men are all paladins.

Here's one of the ones you hear less often:

See, like many other Christian sects, the Mormons really do believe that the existence of Christ obviates the existence of Judaism. Judaism was just a placeholder until the "real" church could be established by Jesus.

And the Mormons in particular believe, dead ass, that the entire inheritance of Israel has been given to them, because the Jews failed to recognize the Messiah when he was on Earth. They really do. They have this whole system where people are given a "divine revelation" about which of the Tribes of Israel they're a member of (don't worry, they decided that most people belong to the two tribes that are willing to "adopt" people. Only the most specialest boys and girls are members of the original ten).

Let's sum up so far. The Mormons believe that they are the people of Israel, chosen and protected by God. If Jews want to get back in on that party, they can always repent and convert to Mormonism, the one true church to which God gave all the rights and blessings that were originally bestowed on Abraham's house.

But it doesn't stop there!

The Mormons also believe, in all seriousness, that all Indigenous peoples of the Americas are descended from a small group of Jewish people who left just before the fall of Jerusalem (~600 bc iirc). Their entire weird-ass extra bible is a chronicle of those people's history in [unspecific part of America]. At the very beginning of the book, two brothers in the original family turn away from god, so they and all their descendants are cursed with dark skin, so that the good Nephites (who remain "white and delightsome") will always be able to tell themselves apart from the wicked Lamanites.

So, you've got supposedly Jewish people running around the Americas. And the "good" ones are white, and the "bad" ones are brown. Then, ofc, Jesus comes to visit them (I guess supposedly that's part of what he was doing during his dirt nap? Or possibly after he left again, it's not clear), and they all convert to Christianity, which they think is clearly the natural evolution of Judaism. Well, at the end of the book, all of them become wicked, in a kind of weird pseudo-apocalyptic series of events. They are all cursed with dark skin, until such time as they repent for their ancestors sins and return to the gospel.

But of course, Mormons being the good and kind people they are, they want everyone to receive the blessings of God and be brought into the houses of Israel etc etc. And it isn't the fault of those poor little Indigenous children that their distant ancestors turned away from God and became wicked.

So what's the natural answer? Well, Mormons are real big on missionary work, as we all know. But apparently that wasn't enough in this case.

Because the Mormon church has been one of the big players in abducting as many Indigenous children as possible, in order to indoctrinate them into being good Mormons, so that they can turn white again and be blessed. My mother remembers hearing talks about this in the 70s and 80s. The church literally had a "Lamanite Adoption Program," where families in the church were encouraged to get as many Indigenous children as possible away from their families and not let them be reunited until they were fully assimilated and ready to go back and proselytize about how wonderful the church is.

The church leadership literally talked about how wonderful it was to see these children becoming whiter. Actually whiter. Like, saying that when they finally saw them with their families again, it was beautiful how much paler they were.

I'm pretty sure this program has been officially ended, but it doesn't take a genius to speculate about who might be behind the curtains on the movement in the western US to gut the ICWA....

So yeah. Next time someone tries to tell you that the Mormons are just harmless weirdos, please remember that they're an antisemitic cult that advocates for the forced assimilation of Indigenous children to help them escape the cursed brown skin of their ancestors.

[anghraine]

For me, the Neil Gaiman “parasocial relationships are the problem” response reminds me of growing up Catholic. The CSA was always presented as “there are problems in every institution”, which is true but misses the unique problem that the Catholic Church uniquely enabled CSA on a systemic level.

/grim fistbump

I was raised with a really similar line of rhetoric in Mormonism (though less specifically about CSA), and yeah, it's definitely familiar from the Catholic side of my family as well. They're a traditionally police/military/priest family so it can be applied to a wide variety of terrible institutions as well! It's like:

You aren't failed by the institution, it is failed by bad actors who may have harmed you, but failed themselves and the faith/organization/whatever most of all! And have you considered that your expectations of the most basic decency from other human beings is an unrealistic weight to put on these already overburdened people? Don't idealize authority figures, even religious ones allegedly chosen by God—they're just men, after all, and putting people on pedestals doesn't serve anyone. (Etc.)

And I'm just ... sorry, expecting a public figure to not have a secret "serial rapist" life is not putting anyone on a fucking pedestal! People idealizing priests or artists or whomever is not why they're shocked and horrified and scolding them for it achieves absolutely nothing.

[lupinedreaming]

Last night, two M/ormon missionaries stopped by my house and I was struck by how friggin young they were. If you don’t know, any “worthy” M/ormon boy can put in their papers to serve a missions when they’re 18, and missions last two years for boys. Most leave on their missions right after high school, and these two guys definitely looked like they were 18 or 19.

So I just want to remind people: If you decide to talk to M/ormon missionaries, please don’t be mean to them. Yes, they’re legally adults, but they’re barely out of high school, and the mission is a huge shock to their systems. I never served (girls can put in their papers when they’re 19), but from what I’ve read from ex-Mos, missionaries often struggle with their mental health and the mission is a period of even heavier indoctrination. Restrictions on how often you can call your parents have loosened a bit. You can now call them once a week instead of just calling home twice a year, but that’s still … Not Great. Other behaviors are also heavily restricted.

When you’re M/ormon, you’re often taught that the secular world is scary and will persecute you for believing the Truth, so being mean to a missionary is also going to further reinforce that belief.

I get that having M/ormon missionaries knock on your door can be annoying. I was kinda annoyed to when these kids showed up, but I talked to them for a minute or two and just gently said I didn’t think I was interested in hearing their message, and they respected that and we told each other to have a nice night. If you don’t want to talk to them at all, you can totally just not answer the door and ignore them. But yeah. If you do talk to them, just say you’re not interested and be polite about it. If they get aggressive about it, then sure, push back more firmly, but generally just be nice to the M/ormon missionaries. They’re usually teens thrust into an intense indoctrination environment

[maculategiraffe]

somehow found myself rereading orson scott card's ships of earth series, aka the book of mormon in space, and it's cute how osc attempts to add human interest and sympathy to the incredibly boring and generic stories of alma and mosiah and alma's son alma 2.0 by elaborating, unlike the actual book of mormon, on what constitutes righteousness. the book of mormon is like "alma told everybody to obey God and behave righteously, but his son alma 2.0 said he did not feel like obeying God or behaving righteously" and earthborn is like "akma told everybody to stop being vicious racists because God loves all races, but his son akma #2 was like, I love being a vicious racist and I hate God" and like. you just know joseph smith left the original so vague and generic so later he could be like "when alma said be righteous he meant marry as many sixteen year old orphans as you can. and when alma 2.0 said he didn't care what God wanted it was just like when my wife emma said she thought I was an asshole for secretly marrying our sixteen year old maidservant"

[slowly-unspooling]

Let’s talk representation. Why it’s important to see characters like you in media.

I grew up in a religious household. Mormon to be exact. Not the best environment for a queer teen to live in.

Until about 14 all I had heard about lgbtqia+ was that “we love them, but not their sin” and at this time I didn’t have words to describe how I felt. I had scrambled to try to fit the mold of perfect cishet daughter I was meant to fit. (As anyone who knows me can tell you, I wasn’t successful).

But even dating and going to church and filling that role, I knew there was something “wrong” with me. I hated my deadname because it was “too feminine” and didn’t fit (the exact words I was using as early as I can remember). I didn’t encounter my first queer character in media until I was about 14 when my sister and I snuck Rent on in the middle of the night. And finally I had seen someone and realized what I was feeling wasn’t wrong and most importantly, I wasn’t alone.

After that, I began looking for characters that were like me. They were far and few in between unfortunately. But I still found them.

My journey of self realization has taken nearly 10 years to find people who felt like I do, and I could finally put words to it. I finally had found myself.

When I started writing, I decided to write characters I wish I had seen growing up. A deviation from the typical queer characters. Ones who didn’t know who they were. Ones that confused others because it’s harder for them to define what they are.

Then I got my first comments that made me cry, that showed I wasn’t doing this is vain. (And yes I know this is tumblr and y’all will recognize this screenshot. I am not ashamed)

And so began my journey to provide representation that is severely lacking. Of characters who don’t want to find love. Who are best defined by their inability to be defined.

And most importantly, a platonic love letter to all those who have never felt seen or understood. Because I do see you. And I do understand.

-Aspen 💚🖤🤍

[matrivers]

one time when i was maybe like seven my mom and i were looking for a “girly” movie to watch together and we found this movie that initially looked like some step-cousins going to camp and learning to be friends.

and it was, but what we didn’t realize, was that it was a movie about a mormon summer camp.

the movie wasn’t super mormon-y though??

every once in a while i think about this movie and i’m not totally convinced it wasn’t a fever dream, because the most religious it got was a scavenger hunt to find noah’s ark.

i didn’t grow up super religious either and that movie is the only reason i know anything about mormons.

it’s called “once i was a beehive” if you want to look it up?

they flirt with park rangers, they make snowcones with mountain snow, they almost get eaten by a bear, it has a pretty good soundtrack, it’s very early-2010s, idfk man i’m pretty sure it was a fever dream

[lizardho]

I think the worst day I had as a missionary is hard to pin down – for comedy bad day stories, I like to talk about my cute companion who ripped three pairs of pants in one day because his ass was so fat. Literally, two in the morning, we missed 3 appointments in the afternoon because people kept cancelling on us, and we ended up far away from home visiting “Less Actives” in the downtown area. We find a family who says we can come in once their dad get home, and we sit down to wait for the dad to get in and RIIIPPP goes the third pair of slacks this man wore that day. I hand him my suit jacket and he wraps it around his waist like a bashful adolescent who just started his period at an inconvenient time. We catch a ride home on a bus and ended up home an hour early. He cried for like 30 minutes while stitching up his pants, and I got to rest a lot more than expected that day. We ordered a 4-cheese pizza and went to bed early that night, having walked probably 5-6 miles that day knocking doors and getting turned away.

Another bad day was the day the Mexico City Temple was re-opening. It was a funny experience for me because the evening before I was contacted by the Mission President and told that an elder in our district had confessed some serious sins to him and that those sins precluded him from going to the temple. The MP told me that nobody in this elder’s ward could get time off to babysit him so he was begging one of us – I didn’t want to go to the temple, it was a crappy way to spend a P-Day in my opinion, so I told the MP I’d do it. I spent the day eating popsicles and napping with an elder who, in between Bolis and naps, would shakily and tearfully confess that no fewer than half of his companions had secret phones they used to watch porn, hire prostitutes, and buy drugs. This was bewildering to me since I had been Trying So Hard my whole mission and had always felt inadequate, and these elders who were doing better than me and more respected than me were somehow out here fucking, doing drugs, and jorkin’ it.

I was actually in a “Punishment Area” at the time because in my last area one of my life-threateningly attractive companions had gone into the homes of widows to repair their electrical wirings (he was a trained electrician prior to going on a mission.) Being alone in the home of an 80-year-old widow with failing lights was “against the rules” to the extent that me mandaron a la goma, and some handful of guys I’d been told to view as role models were out here breaking actual laws and shit. Of course, I knew in my heart of hearts that I was in this area because of the Deep Evil that Lay Within My Heart (wanting to kiss Elder Electrician on his stupid himbo lips) but my MP could not have known that, just like he didn’t know that the guys he was making Zone Leaders were getting their dicks sucked and snorting cocaine. That honestly felt outrageous to me.

I feel like the stereotypical “worst day” of a mission is the last day – they take you to the airport in a big van, all melancholy and nostalgic. We sang on our drive to the airport – elders and sisters tearfully sang or hummed hymns together. I was deadpan the whole time, it was such a relief to be going home. For me the worst part of the day was the relief – the release of pressure. The pressure to perform, to be “on,” to be at your best, is omnipresent for elders. I was the only person flying to Phoenix, so for the first time in two years I felt a release from that pressure. Nobody was scrutinizing me, I no longer felt that every thought, action, and feeling was being evaluated and judged as a sign of my true character. It was hard to realize, a the pressure let up, that I had been holding all that weight for two years without knowing when it had started. I remember getting confused in Customs and needing someone who spoke Spanish to talk to me because I kept forgetting words in English. I remember getting home and my family waiting for me and feeling like it was all finally done, finally over, I could finally breath. It didn’t feel bad, but it did feel heavy. And it definitely was not the worst day of my mission.

The actual worst day of my mission, though, was about 5 months in. At the 6-month mark I was expected to make a long trip down to an area of town near La Basilica de Guadalupe to submit my visa paperwork, and the mission office had sent me an extra $500 MX to use for transportation costs. When I withdrew the money they had sent for the month, I noticed it was higher than expected. My companion, a senior companion and district leader, had the cell phone. He was talking to another elder while he waited for me to withdraw my monthly deposit. I approached and asked if I could use the cell phone to call the mission office, as I had questions. He said “no,” and ignored me. I waited until the conversation ended and asked again, and again, angrily, he said, “No.” I said “Elder, relax, I just need to call the mission office to see why they sent me more this month than usual.” His face turned red as he realized other elders were watching the exchange occur. He handed me the phone, I called and was told the money was for transportation costs, and laughingly returned the phone to my companion. He took it, told the other elders he needed to tie his shoe but they could head on over to the District Meeting, and waited until they were out of eyesight. Once that was done, he grabbed me hard by the wrist, dragged me into a hidden corner out of earshot from others, and said, “If you ever disrespect me or my authority again I swear to God I will kill you.”

I was actually shocked. This guy had spent the last month and a half being SUPER nice to me, so I thought he was kidding and I was just confused. I laughed and said “Haha, yeah, your authority over the cell phone is sacred,” and tried to walk away but he didn’t let go of my wrist. He pulled me back and said “I will literally slit your throat if you ever talk to me like that again. As senior companion my authority over YOU is sacred, and I will not let God be mocked by you.”

I realized that he was serious. Like, actually threatening-my-life serious. I could see it in his eyes, I could feel it in the way he squeezed tighter on my wrist. In actuality, the idea seems laughable now. The guy was absolutely chickenshit. He cried if his shits were too hard, he couldn’t end a human life, but I still didn’t let myself fall asleep first for the rest of our time together. And I still hid the two knives we had in a different area while he was showering the next morning.

If I’m being honest though, even that wasn’t the worst day of my mission. That was bad, and each subsequent time he told me he was going to cut my throat for minor infractions against his God-Given Authority Over Me (like not wearing a belt for morning scripture study, or not taking the path he thought was best to get to a lesson) was a bad day. Every P-Day where he read my emails over my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t telling my parents about how he was treating me, every day he told me that the ward members would never believe me over him, every day he put me down in front of other elders and they laughed in agreement, every day he was in a bad mood and took it out on me was a bad day. But the worst day was the day I told the mission president about it. I told him about the threats to my life, his temper, his physical abuse, hiss manipulation and rule-breaking, and the mission president told me “The time to tell me this was 6 months ago. The time to forgive him and focus on your own failings is now.”

I don’t think I’ve ever felt as confused or betrayed as I did then. Like, man oh man, that was a rough thing to hear, but as the day went on I kept feeling more and more confused and scared – had I misinterpreted everything? Had I miscommunicated something in telling the story? Had I not been objective enough in recounting the threats against my life? Was it true that a senior companion actually had the authority to hurt me if I went against his authority? Was I wrong the whole time? I had no idea, to be honest, but it was bewildering.

Knowing now what I wish I had known then, I would have done things differently. But in the moment, on a mission, knowing that my biggest reason for going on a mission was the hope that the Spirit of God, which hymns told me burns like fire, would burn the faggot out of my heart. I think I felt like I deserved it. Like somehow that elder knew the evil I was hiding and felt compelled by God’s power to hurt me. I think that’s what made it so hard to defend myself in the moment – I did not have that problem with other elders. The companion who told me we were gonna wrestle to settle an argument lost three consecutive matches and pouted about it for like a week. The elder who threatened to punch me for making a joke at his expense got knocked on his ass just for raising his fist. But this elder got into my head first, and that made it hard to fight against it. Instead of fighting against it, I just silently lived with actual, verifiable, diagnosed, by-the-book, DSM-5-TR Posttraumatic Stress Disorder because I thought I deserved it. It took consistent supervision of my clinical work revealing countertransference with Male LDS clients (I consistently discussed addressing shame in a client’s presentation where no shame or discomfort had been reported), an awkward conversation with @inbabylontheywept after an even more awkward dinner with a cousin who vaguely reminds me of that companion, and a bad acid trip where I had visceral flashbacks to my mission, before I was able to realize that I was living with a pain that was as abnormal as it was unnecessary.

Even once I realized it, even once I got help, it was hard. I remember telling jokes about what happened to my therapist and seeing her jaw just…drop. She said she didn’t know it had been that dangerous for me. The session ended and he sent me the PCL-5 (a good, evidence-based, highly face-valid measure for PTSD) and some other measure for dissociative symptoms and I was like “Girl, I just took this class, I know what you’re trying to measure and this ain’t it.” I reported my symptoms accurately and was fully prepped to confront her the next session. She showed me my scores and the norms used, and I was like “Oh fuck, this looks really bad on paper,” and she was like “Yeah, I can’t imagine living like this” and I just sobbed for most of that session. We ended up doing 9 months of TF-CBT and ACT (largely because I am a terrible and uncooperative patient, realistically I think I could have been done in like 5-6 months if I wasn’t so stubborn) before I was discharged from treatment successfully.

The thing that was so weird about starting therapy for PTSD was that it made things feel worse for a while. I started taking edibles a lot more. I started behaving differently around family members and Mormons. I started being outright hostile to elders I could see. It took about 3 months before I could see the missionaries and not have an actual fight-or-flight response to their presence. I think the way I had made it a far as I did without getting treatment was by repressing the thoughts, feelings, and memories that made it all hurt, and a soon as I let them just be there it was like all the confusing aching hurt came back. The first few months of therapy were just spent expanding the amount of time I could feel that hurt before turning to other means (like dissociation, cannabis, repression, etc.) so I could actually address the experiences without crashing the rest of the day. It was hard. I know I ended several sessions sweating a LOT from the exertion it took to just let the feelings happen. By 6 months, however, I could go into a church building without blacking out from panic. By 9 months I could sit in the same room as elders without sweating and shaking like a chihuahua on Adderall. 3 months after therapy and me and my supervisors noticed that my work with Mormon men had improved substantially. 6 months after therapy and I was able to begin writing anonymous stories online. Now, about two years after completing therapy, I feel like I can talk about it without needing the cloak of anonymity, and that is empowering.

Again, I am not sure why I’m typing these stories out – they’re not fun to write, I don’t love that my family can find these posts, but I guess I just like to remind myself and others that it can always get better. That mind numbing platitude, the old thought-terminating cliché that “it gets better, just power through it” doesn’t give enough credit to how much it hurts to get through it, but it does get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The triggers can go away with time, great effort, significant expense, and a lot of discomfort. The world can feel safe again, the hurt can feel bearable, that nagging worry that I might have deserved this, or that I did something wrong, can eventually go away too. It’s not easy to do it, and I have an incredible respect for the patients of mine who can pull it off, but it is undeniably as doable a it is difficult. If this story resonates with anyone, if it feels close-to-home, if these experiences feel shared, just know that the relief I talked about can feel shared too. Know that it’s worth it to get the help, that you deserve the help, that you deserve to live a life that doesn’t hurt you, that you deserve to be a full person and not a living prison for the pain and memories. Know that healing yourself does not involve extending forgiveness to Them, whoever They are. That the pain you felt will not be made less important by making the pain less potent. Know that taking care of yourself now is, in a way, taking care of yourself then. And Please, with a capital P, take care of yourselves.

Thank you to my family, especially my immediate family (special shout outs to @flowerologists and @inbabylontheywept) for the support and patience with me as I dealt with this.

Thank you to my therapist, Jordin Borques, who I recommend highly to anyone seeking trauma therapy in Arizona.

Thank you to my wife, @cintailed, for being the push that got me into therapy, and for taking care of me at my worst and still being here with me.

Thanks to my mission president for being such a colossal disappointment to Christianity that my departure from the church was inevitable.

And a general thanks to the queers for being so cute and making life worth living, even on bad days.

[would-you-punt-them]

Joseph Smith

[icannotgetoverbirds]

Here's your biannual reminder to check in on your exmo moots and queerstake moots cause general conference is coming up (i believe it's this weekend?). Be extra gentle with them rn, they're probably going through a lot of emotions.

[victoriadallonfan]

I don't agree with a lot of Sanderson's politics - and they aren't, in fact, based in Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints doctrine, but rather Utah culture - but it also makes me pretty uncomfortable to hear you badmouthing the church I'm part of?

I badmouth religious organizations in general, Catholic Church included (in which I was raised) because they tend to be overwhelmingly corrupt and abusive towards their own church members (and especially towards people outside of them)

Mormonism in particular is especially bad for how being part of the church requires “tithings” from paychecks plus their treatment of women, minorities, and even men in ways that are almost so explicitly manipulative and cultish that it feels like it comes out of parody.

(For example, I simply declared, “I am no longer catholic” and that was it. Done. You cannot generally do the same in LDS without incredible backlash and slander by its members)

And it’s very obvious when it shows up in fictional books by a lot of Mormon writers, because it’s so conservative that it’s a step or two behind the times.

It’s not as bad as Westeros Westboro Baptist Church or Scientology, but that’s not a high bar to clear.

If your time in the church was different, I’m happy for you, because it means you likely avoided the worst parts of their abuse.

Still, if you have the time, I’d suggest watching these videos (in no particular order):

Why I Left Mormonism - Video covering the creation of the channel “Cults to Consciousness” and her abusive home life under the church

The BITE Model - Simple PowerPoint explaining the reoccurring factors of cults

Ex-Mormon Cast Reacts to Mormon Debates -Cast of ex-Mormon members react to a Mormon debate and highlight various lies and falsehoods presented, as well talk about teachings/history Mormon Church does not want revealed publicly

How the Mormon Church ‘Help Line’ Hid Child Abuse - Exactly what it says. Survivors speak out and the church has done nothing for them or worse.

If you don’t want to watch these videos, if you can’t stomach the testimonies, ask yourself and others these questions:

- How often are you allowed to preach about Heavenly Mother?

- How often do you see women in power within the church, as in, deciding doctrine and not just playing piano or making food for the men?

- How often do you see minorities in power within the church, as in, deciding doctrine or being treated as a token?

- How often does your church talk about the incredibly high suicide rates for children and how it’s associated with its practices?

- How come when a racist, anti-Semitic, misogynistic etc Prophet speaks its “the word of God” and doctrine, but then another Prophet can simply claim it was mere “policy”. Was ‘God’ lying to the prophets? Were the prophets lying about God? How can you trust what is their words and what is God?

- How come the church hid $30 Billion dollars from the public and even its own lower members?

- How come the founder lied about what was on the Egyptian papyrus, claiming it was a translation from God, but people who can actually read Egyptian pointed out he was lying?

- How come you get treated differently for asking these supposedly easy to answer questions?

I do not go after Brandon or you because you happen to be religious. I think belief in a higher power is one’s own choice and prerogative.

I instead care far more about the religious system that is using well-intended people like pawns for goals that pretty much boil down to money and power.

[anghraine]

jenndoesnotcare replied to this post:

Every time LDS kids come to my neighborhood I am so so nice to them. I hope they remember the blue haired lady who was kind, when people try to convince them the outside world is bad and scary. (Also they are always so young! I want to feed them cookies and give them Diana Wynne Jones books or something)

Thank you! Honestly, this sort of kindness can go a really long way, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

LDS children and missionaries (and the majority of the latter are barely of age) are often the people who interact the most with non-Mormons on a daily basis, and thus are kind of the "face" of the Church to non-Mormons a lot of the time. As a result, they're frequently the ones who actually experience the brunt of antagonism towards the Church, which only reinforces the distrust they've already been taught to feel towards the rest of the world.

It's not that the Church doesn't deserve this antagonism, but a lot of people seem to take this enormous pride in showing up Mormon teenagers who have spent most of their lives under intense social pressure, instruction, expectation, and close observation from both their peers and from older authorities in the Church (it largely operates on seniority, so young unmarried people in particular tend to have very little power within its hierarchies). Being "owned" for clout by non-Mormons doesn't prove anything to most of them except that their leaders and parents are right and they can't trust people outside the Church.

The fact that the Church usually does provide a tightly-knit community, a distinct and familiar culture, and a well-developed infrastructure for supporting its members' needs as long as they do [xyz] means that there can be very concrete benefits to staying in the Church, staying closeted, whatever. So if, additionally, a Mormon kid has every reason to think that nobody outside the Church is going to extend compassion or kindness towards them, that the rest of the world really is as hostile and dangerous as they've been told, the stakes for leaving are all the higher, despite the costs of staying.

So people from "outside" who disrupt this narrative of a hostile, threatening world that cannot conceivably understand their experiences or perspectives can be really important. It's important for them to know that there are communities and reliable support systems outside the Church, that leaving the Church does not have to mean being a pariah in every context, that there are concrete resources outside the Church, that compassion and decency in ordinary day-to-day life is not the province of any particular religion or sect and can be found anywhere. This kind of information can be really important evidence for people to have when they are deciding how much they're willing to risk losing.

So yeah, all of this is to say that you're doing a good thing that may well provide a lifeline for very vulnerable people, even if you don't personally see results at the time.

[lupinedreaming]

I feel like this is sometimes what happens when I explain a Mormon thing that was normal to me when I believed, but it sounds nuts to anyone else who was never a member:

[condemnhim]

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I was legitimately raised in a fucking cult. Baptisms for the dead? Secret rituals done in specially set apart grounds to unite families for eternity? Forcing children to make a decision that will impact the rest of their lives when they're eight years old and indoctrinated? What the fuck even was that?

[mormtastic]

mcpriceley (my obsession)

slay & yasss & twink 💜

[internetgiraffekid1673]

It says in your little thing that your Mormon, are you still Mormon cuz respectfully I've heard a lot of shit about Mormons and how they are very transphobic and homophobic! So not trying to be rude just genuinely wondering if I read that wrong or something.

Hey! Yeah, I am a mormon, but I love all my queer siblings, including/especially my trans people. But it's a complicated religion and I have a complicated relationship with it, so I understand the confusion.

The short answer is that I was raised mormon, continue to find a lot of comfort and truth in SOME of their teachings, and I am perpetually very pissed with a lot of their other teachings, cuz yeah, a lot of them are Not Good. So I'm mormon and mad about it. It's kind of like. . .imagine if you were raised Catholic and only really have good memories of your Catholic community and find a lot of comfort in teachings about God's love, but you absolutely despise the administration of the Catholic church and like, everything they say about queer people. It's like that.

The long answer is this:

A) The mormons get a bad rap on the internet for stuff that isn't actually true. If you ever have a specific question, I am happy to answer to the best of my abilities.

B) Having said that, a lot of the teachings of the mormon church regarding queer people are really really bad and I do not support or encourage this even slightly. I myself am queer, and I have to put up with hearing all kinds of queerphobic shit from the church all the time. And I hate it and I speak against it whenever it is safe for me to do so. It just. All of it goes soooo against the other teachings of the church. I am not the only queer member. There is an entire community of us on tumblr over here. We all work and suffer through it together.

C) I still believe in the stuff that's at the fundamentals of the gospel though. Namely, God exists and he loves all of us unconditionally. He sent us to Earth so that we could learn and grow and become happier through our experiences here. Free agency/the ability to make independent choices is very VERY important to him. He sent Jesus Christ to suffer for our sins so that when we do fuck it up, we don't have to live with that guilt forever. Jesus also suffered for our pain and sorrow so that we didn't have to and can bring us healing. We're supposed to love our neighbors with our whole hearts.

I also believe that Joseph Smith did translate the Book of Mormon, although he was still a human being who made mistakes and I don't believe in a LOT of the stuff he said and did. I doubt you've read the Book of Mormon, but it's really just The Bible Extended Edition. There's a reason it's full name is The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. It covers what the hell was going on in the Americas during the biblical times.

I also believe that God has chosen prophets for our modern day to continue giving us revelation. I also believe those prophets are mostly crusty old men with outdated personal opinions that they mistake for revelation, that they fuck it up a lot, and I wish a lot of them would hurry up and die so I no longer have to listen to their bullshit.

D) Religion and faith are personal. I'm not here to convert anyone, especially other queer people. I continue practicing my religion because I have had literal years and some really amazing people to help me sort out what is good and bad and to figure out what parts of it are best for me as a person. I understand that what's best for some people is literally none of it, and I also understand that while some people could benefit from just doing what I do, that the way the church treats queer people (and also women sometimes) does more harm than the good parts help. So while I talk about my religion sometimes, it's always more about my personal relationship with it and never to try to convert people. I fully support ex-mormons who left the church, because sometimes the environment can be truly toxic and the religious trauma they have experienced is real.

E) The culture of the church and the actual doctrinal teachings of the church are two very different things. Utah mormon culture is also different than regular mormon culture. All of these things have good aspects to them, but church culture and Utah mormon culture also have a lot of really harmful things too, and these don't even have anything to do with the crusty old men being homophobic/transphobic. I am also mad about this, and I also complain about this fairly frequently.

I'm glad you asked because I understand that this stuff can be confusing. I think it's impossible to be any kind of religious queer person and not have a really complicated and deeply personal relationship with your religion.

I hope that answered your question, and I completely understand if this makes my blog feel like an unsafe space for you and you feel like you need to unfollow me. I do, however, tag every church related post I make, both with a religion cw and the tumblr mormon tag. Do what's best for you, and much love.

Also, unrelated, but I really appreciate all the posts you make and every time I see a little notification from you on one of my posts, it makes me so very happy.

[agentearthling]

every time I find myself going back into a Mormon church building (never by choice I may add) I get hit with such an intense wave of uncomfortable deja vu but I also feel like I've lost something? like in a bittersweet nostalgic way. and at first I thought I wanted to go back and couldn't figure out WHY until I realized I just missed being sure of something. obviously now I know I was wrong about all of that but there's comfort in "knowing" your place in the universe even if it's not a place u wanna be. feeling like someone else is looking out for you and you don't have to be in charge. of course it wasn't worth it but I do miss the security and community sometimes. leaving the church is so freeing but it's also fucking terrifying and difficult to figure out how to be your own human