#but there's a difference between loving yourself while recognizing your flaws

[caddeter]

Skimming through the RWDE tag after the Volume 9 final aired reminds me of how the FNDM will defend the show by saying ‘people make mistakes’ and ‘the writers are only human’ because now the show seems to be sending that message.  It also reminded me that I wrote over 1000 words explaining why I think that’s terrible.

‘People make mistakes’ is the absolute worst argument in defense of something that I have every heard. I find it even more insulting than the infamous ‘don’t like, don’t watch,’ because it implies that putting effort into your craft is optional.  What this argument says is that I am in the wrong for expecting anything more than garbage. You are legitimately saying, ‘It could have been better, but you’re wrong for saying so.’  Yes, I realize that nobody is perfect and that they are going to screw up every now and again.  That’s why I’m criticizing it.  I mean, when was the last time you heard people get criticized for doing something right.

This argument of ‘people make mistakes so you can’t complain’ also ignores the moment after, where they look back on what they did wrong and learn from it.  That’s why we make mistakes, so that we can grow as people.   Why should we try to improve ourselves if we’re already ‘good enough.’ ‘People make mistakes,’ is a fact of life, but that does not mean we should throw up our hands and give up all attempts to get better and it certainly doesn’t mean we should accepting bad stories.

But enough about my philosophy on mistakes, let’s talk about this one, specifically how situational it is:

Twilight is recognized across the globe as one of the worst books ever written.  Even ignoring the way it bastardizes the concept of Vampires, it’s a story that reads less like a romance and more like a drug addiction. The lead characters have all the chemistry of a brick and a dead rat.  The relationship it tries to push as beautiful and grand is downright abusive at points.  And this isn’t even getting into all the misogyny and racism and pedophilia in those books.  But people make mistakes, so I guess we shouldn’t hold it against Myers.

Sword Art Online is one of the most infamous anime there is.  Despite its large following, whenever someone looks over it with a critical lens, they come to the conclusion that it’s utter crap.  The plot and worldbuilding are inconsistent. The characters (Kirito especially) exist more to fill out roles in a fantasy than as actual people.  It’s all about making Kirito look good and ensuring he comes out better than when he came in, no matter what.  It goes out of its way to include some kind of sexual assault of the lead female character in a given arc with no respect for the subject matter, to the point where it’s hard to tell if Reki Kawahara thinks rape is the worst crime a man could commit or if he has a fetish for it.  But people make mistakes, so the critics are more in the wrong for making videos on it.

In spite of (Or rather, because of) its troubled production, Sonic 06 is one of the worst video games in existence.  It’s so glitchy, it borders on unplayable.  The story is bland at best, flat out terrible at worst.  The new characters it introduced were all unlikable for one reason or another.  Level design was horrendous and boring.  People have made numerous videos and blogposts explaining why it is one of Sonic’s worst games, if not one of the worst games period.  But people make mistakes, so we should stop complaining.

Post season 4, Spongebob Squarepants took a downward dive.  Characters became little more than one unlikable trait.  It crossed the line from mischief to malice, so good characters suffered while the bad ones triumphed.  It was extremely evident that they had already run out of ideas, because they kept rehashing the same episode plot over and over again and needed to pad out some episodes.  But people make mistakes, so they should never have tried to fix this.

Lucy is the most boring movie I ever sat through.  It’s just ‘This girl gains reality altering powers, be amazed at how easy everything is for her.’ There is never any point where she is in any sort of real danger or anything actually threatens her.  She loses all empathy for her fellow man and has no problem throwing them away like broken toys (In an Asian country when our main character is white, mind you), yet it expects you to see her as the good guy throughout. Instead of being terrified by her rampage, it expects you to be amazed.  And maybe that would have worked if it used said reality altering powers in more creative ways.  But people make mistakes, so I guess it’s a good movie.

I could go on for ages and never run out of examples for any given form of media.  And this is all ignoring examples that are actively malicious, like stories that are intentionally sexist, racist, or homophobic.

And then there’s that other group of people this argument conveniently doesn’t apply to:  The critics.  If people make mistakes and you think we should just ignore that, then you can’t challenge the critics on any ground, because they made a mistake by talking about the writer’s mistakes.  If we are not allowed to judge your writer, then why are you allowed to judge ours?

Not to mention how this logic is almost self-refuting. When you say this, what you are saying is that the only thing wrong with the criticism is that it is criticism.

Furthermore, this argument also somewhat undermines the effort other artists and writers will put into their craft in order to make something as best as they possibly could. If we should all just accept when someone fails to make something good, then why should we recognize how Fictional Games ensured that Amnesia The Dark Descent had an atmosphere which on its own could leave you terrified rather than relying on cheap jumpscares?  Why should we praise Tatsuya Endo’s writing for blending heartfelt, humorous, and action-packed when he wrote SpyXFamily? Why should we celebrate Avatar the Last Airbender not just for its amazing story of multiple cultures coming together and strengthening one another, but also for its fully realized and fantastical world?

By saying that we should accept mistakes and that it’s wrong to criticize bad writing, you wind up saying that all of their effort was pointless.  Why bother trying to make something as best you can when people will accept anything?  If we’re not going to pay attention to what a story or writer did wrong, why should we pay attention to what a story or writer did right?

‘People make mistakes,’ means just that, that people make mistakes.  So how about we treat those mistakes as mistakes and hold people accountable for them, rather than act like everyone and everything is perfect and infallible?

[maxdibert]

Hey, I’ve been reading your posts, and while I appreciate your analysis of the characters, I don’t fully agree with your interpretation of Lily and the Marauders. It feels like you're projecting your personal experiences with privileged figures onto them, which leads to fundamentally misunderstanding them at their core. These characters are all human and layered, just like Snape, and reducing them to a single aspect is oversimplifying them.

I also feel like your view of Lily is influenced by your dislike of James. Marrying someone wealthy doesn’t automatically make her a “social climber.” Especially not when she is actually consistently acting on her morals and values throughout the few memories we see of her. You draw a parallel between Lily and Petunia and assume they have the same “agenda,” but you overlook their vastly different personalities that directly contradict the idea that they had the same goals.

Regarding James; while he certainly had flaws, he was also a decent person with strong values, beyond his arrogant school years and bullying of Snape. James and Lily were in the same house, and it's not far-fetched to assume that she saw a different side to him, one with qualities she admired, which is likely what drew her to him, even if his arrogance initially repulsed her.

Sorry but no. A big NO.

First of all, I analyze things based on how social issues are reflected in group dynamics. And yes, I use personal examples, but just as I’ve met rich people who are complete idiots, I’ve also met wealthy people who are absolutely lovely. That’s not the case with James or Sirius. Following a certain political ideology, no matter how positive or good it may be, doesn’t automatically make you a good person. For example, what’s the point of being anti-racist if, in your day-to-day life, you go to a restaurant and treat the staff poorly? Or what’s the use of proclaiming yourself a feminist if you then display behaviors that perpetuate gender hegemony? Sure, your vote will help implement certain institutional policies that benefit minorities, but that won’t mean much in day-to-day life if you’re incapable of deconstructing your biases, recognizing your privileges, and engaging in social self-criticism about them.

And that’s essentially what happens with James: he talks a big game, but when it comes down to it (and this is undeniable because it happens canonically in the books), on the very first day of school, he took an instant dislike to a boy who was much poorer, much more vulnerable, and lacked even a fraction of the resources he had—and he decided to torment him for seven years. This is indefensible. Minimizing the violence exerted from a position of privilege toward someone in a much weaker position, by appealing to some kind of moral high ground is a dirty tactic. It reeks of internalized classism and an astonishing lack of understanding about social dynamics and power inequities.

The fact that Lily’s morals and values aligned with ending up with a bully isn’t incompatible with her character. That bully was a social justice warrior (when it suited him), and the very causes he claimed to advocate for were those that benefited Lily. He represented a faction of the magical elite that defended people like Lily, so it’s consistent for her to choose someone whose ideology worked in her favor. But the fact that she constantly downplayed the violence the Marauders inflicted on other students, using the excuse that they didn’t use “dark magic,” reveals cognitive dissonance in her moral judgments. Violence in schools is violence, no matter where it comes from. You might find the bigoted, violent ones worse, but that doesn’t mean the others—no matter how good their ideas might be—aren’t also abusers.

Let’s be clear: no one with any sense would see a group of guys deliberately targeting others to the point of stripping someone in public and ever consider dating one of them. If Lily did (and if we accept Rowling’s own claim that she liked James before he “matured”), two conclusions emerge: either she was a complete dick, or James had something beyond his terrible personality that interested her. And in the early stages of a war where people like her were going to be a primary target of one side, it’s clear that “something” was security. And that doesn’t make her a bad person—it just makes her human. It’s human for a working-class teenager who’s suddenly thrust into a world where many people believe she doesn’t belong to feel attracted to the rich, socially powerful guy who’s willing to defend her rights and validate her as a member of that society.

And the fact that she and her sister had very different personalities doesn’t mean anything. Both grew up in a lower-middle-class neighborhood and received the same values from their parents. Just as Sirius shares many traits with his cousin Bellatrix and his own mother, Walburga, Lily shares many traits with her sister (which makes sense given the social context they grew up in). Ignoring this is to ignore how class dynamics and social expectations work, especially in certain European contexts of the 60s and 70s, where societies were still heavily influenced by classism rooted in deeply ingrained monarchical and aristocratic systems.

As for James, I’m sorry, but he didn’t just have “flaws.” James was a bully and an abuser who used his social and economic security—and that of his best friend, Sirius—to attack other people. And instead of targeting pure-blood Slytherins from wealthy, influential families, he conveniently chose a half-blood with no money or connections. That’s not arrogance; that’s violence. Even after promising Lily that he had changed, he continued doing the same thing behind her back.

I think I’ve provided enough arguments and evidence to support my stance, which is more than I can say for you. Your analysis is utterly superficial, and you still see James as a jokester rather than the abusive bully he was. Stripping someone naked in front of the entire school isn’t arrogance—it’s sexual abuse. Full stop.

[mla0]

i think with me, sometimes the reasons why some people hate a character are why i love them in the first place. i love character arcs and just characters with heavy flaws in general, including characters who genuinely do heinous things while still trying to do their best and having good* intentions. i just find that so compelling and realistic. i think vinny and shaun are both in that category for me, but it certainly doesn't only apply to them; i just think their personalities and plotlines were the most interesting for me.

i liked the plot twist with vinny. loved it, actually. made me like vinny as a character way more than i did when i thought he was just some.... well, everyman. it made me see everymanhybrid so much differently than before, it recontexualized huge moments that happened before that i initially didn't even care about, because we only just learned that those were actually huge character moments and we just didn't know it yet. it added a whole new, flawed layer to the series that i adore. vinny seemed to be such an average, good-guy character who sometimes did stupid shit. then you find out that much of it wasn't accidental at all, but instead a desperate attempt to save himself and whoever else he was capable of saving, at the cost of others, and his own dignity. the lengths he went were extreme and unjustifiable to many, but that's what i liked. it showed that vinny is a human, for better and for worse. what lengths would you go to in order to survive?

i like that shaun can be a huge dick sometimes- she can be intentionally blind to the bigger situation, in denial to protect herself from something terrifying even though it hurt her family, and you can see her struggle with that. doing something like that hurts and feels terrible, but is still something she chose because she was afraid. she sided with a close friend over her family because of the comfort of familiarity, of what "makes sense." it's coping with something that is fundamentally terrifying to come to terms with. it's fucked up in the viewers eyes, but to someone in that situation you can understand why it happened. you can hate it, but still see yourself in it. then you also see moments of kindness, including between the two siblings, and you get a more full picture of her as a whole. she's chalk full of conflicting messages and i adore that. she cut off michael in one of the last few videos, but then refused to give up his location even when facing death. she gets angry, she fucks up, but she's still unwilling to doom those she seemed to hate even when it could've saved her life, even when being lied to about all that happened. getting the mix of her flaws and virtues (along with the same for the other characters) was probably my favorite part of this series.

anyways, you see multiple facets of their characters, some loveable and some hateable, but even when they do horrible things, it only makes me find them more interesting. it's not quite like a villain in how they're "evil" or have bad intentions despite sometimes being complex themselves (HABIT, for example), because they're regular people, but you watch them fuck up over and over again while still understanding where they're coming from, and recognizing that many would fall into the same trap, because nobody is without their vices, their selfishness, and their blind-spots. so many people, including ones who think they'd be better in that situation, wouldn't be if put to the test. they'd fuck up, they'd do awful things either to save themselves or for their perception of the greater good, and i love that. i like to see how people can break down and degrade in such horrible situations, while their humanity and ultimate "goodness" still exists at the same time, creating a conflict between how they're still a good person at heart but willing to do bad things if they feel it's justified. it gives a glimpse into your average person's breaking point and general morality, which is rarely strictly good or justifiable, nor purely evil or irredeemable.

also, it opens the doors for me to write compelling redemption arcs, which i've also always loved. i love seeing bad people get better, and good people get worse. like i said before, what would you be willing to do to keep yourself alive?

[fromthepinnacle2thepit]

“ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛʏ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜱᴄᴀʀᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ” Cardinal Copia x Reader

Chapter 1: The First Day Of Light Was In Motion

The world has always been a dramatic mix of things. Good, bad, tolerable, and everything in between. Each day, there is suffering, yet there is also joy. There’s laughter and crying. And, there’s Jesus and Lucifer. Your unholy father, the being who had transformed your life and given it more meaning than you’d imagined possible. The abbey celebrated those, brought good and bad, and the roughest most brutally human parts of the world to light and celebrated it. They celebrated sin, they celebrated darkness, and they celebrated good too. Unlike the other typical churches of the world, they saw good in being human, and acting as such. They taught you to know that you need only draw power from yourself and that you need not beg any deity in order to complete your goals. That you can give yourself forgiveness. That as a human, a beautiful, flawed, human, you can thrive. You made your own kind of grace, much different from the one your unholy father had fallen from.

Speaking of a fall from grace, you stared at the gorgeous mix of glassy colors that depicted that exact thing. Lucifer, falling towards earth, away from the heavens above. The “glorious” light shone from the higher air as he plummeted like a beautiful burning comet towards the world which you and your siblings now thanked him for. The chapel was a safe place for you, you spent much time there, looking at the beautiful stained-glass windows. The collage of colors coming together was beautiful, you always were entranced by it, and you loved it. The abbey had become such a home to you, ever since you joined at a young age, you had flourished. Your past was now just a blur, obviously, you remembered it, but you knew you didn’t have to deal with that part of your life anymore. You were here, in the now. And you were very happy. You had made friends with the other Siblings of Sin, you were even sometimes friendly with the current Papa, Papa III.

You sat there for a while, drifting in your thoughts until a noise shook you out of them. It was the sound of a door opening, of quiet muttering, and footsteps coming down the aisle between the pews. You hadn't heard that voice before. It was new. You didn't recognize the footsteps either. You turned to see who the person was, and it was at that moment, a quiet wonder began to sprout in your mind. The person was a man you had never seen before. He was carrying a binder of papers, which was currently open as he hurriedly walked down the aisle towards the center of the room, the alter, the place where sermons were said by the higher-ups of the abbey. The man was dressed in a red cassock and a matching biretta was on his head, and he didn’t seem to notice you in the slighest. He sounded nervous, the way he was muttering, now approaching the alter. He seemed like he was reading from a scripture perhaps? Or maybe some kind of sermon? You watched as he now stood before the alter, placing the thick binder on it. His hands were twisting together nervously, leather gloves rubbing against each other. You noticed the face makeup and the chain on his front with the grucifix. 

Who is he?

You continued to watch as be flicked the binder until he reached a certain page, and he seemed satisfied with the one he landed on. His eyes scanned the page, as he murmured words under his breath. He had a nervous, awkward air around him. But that didn’t push away your interest-filled gaze. No, if anything it drew you in more. Along with the mystery of who he was. Suddenly, he cleared his throat. You snapped back out of your thoughts to look at him, thinking possibly he had noticed you. But he didn’t. He began to read. It was a sermon, one you had never heard before. You listened intently. You admired the way the light from the stain-glass fell on him from the windows, decorating him in a veil of color. You liked his voice. It was calm and clear and deep. Not like the nervous one you had heard not a minute ago. He continued on as you listened, interested by his words. He spoke of Lucifer, of sin, of how the church celebrates this, and why. You thought he described it quite well. After a few minutes, he seemed to be getting more into it. Stuttering from time to time, but that didn’t matter to you. You were curious. The air in the room was broken as the door to the chapel creaked open. Your head shot in the direction of the sound, annoyed that someone had interrupted your quiet moment, and your observation of this new man. 

“Sister!” called your friend, “Come quick!” 

Hearing the tone in your voice, you quickly rose from your seat and ran towards the door. As you went you noticed the man at the alter had stopped speaking, and was now stuttering something in confusion and surprise. You reached the door and your friend pulled you through. As you turned the corner you got a last glimpse of the man. You knew your place was among the unholy, but you were sure that holy was the only word that described how he looked in that light. Then, he was gone. You didn’t know why you felt this new interest for him, this new strange curiosity. He was interesting. But who was he? Your friend’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts, you now were able to process that she had rushed you along and you were now standing in a long hallway, and you were alone. 

“Y/n? Are you ok?” she asked. “Oh! Guess what?”

This was Ava, short for Avarice. She had been raised in the ministry. Her mom came here as a attempt to find a home and a safe place to raise her child, and she had found it. Ava was born here, and had been here for all your time here. She had first showed you around, comforting you, teaching you about life here and the beliefs. She had always been here for you when you needed it, but why did she have to be there when you were so curious as to who that new guy was?? 

“What is it?” you asked her.

“There’s a new Cardinal! He arrived just around noon. People are saying he’s just about the most awkward person they���ve met. So, what do you think of him?” she rushed her words out, all excitedly. 

“I haven’t met him yet, I didn’t even know we were getting a new cardinal. Have you met him?” you replied, very confused. Wait. Unless, oh. 

“You were in there with him when I came to get you, weren’t you? You didn’t talk to him at all?” she asked you. “Really?” 

“He didn’t even notice I was there. I had no idea that’s who he was. Oh for satan’s sake, why is that the first impression I had to make?” you said, now worried about whatever he would think of you. He probably thought you were creepy, or weird, or something like that. You tried to shake it from your mind. 

It was only another cardinal. It can’t be that important, can it? 

What you didn’t know, was that now the Cardinal was confused. He never got a good look at you. And now it was his turn to wonder who this new person was. He felt embarrassed he hadn’t noticed you. But who were you?

A/N: Hello! Thank you so much for reading this first chapter! I might change how they meet, but this works for now. I hope you guys liked it! If you have any suggestions or requests for headcanons or anything like that, my inbox is always open! I hope you’re having a good day! Remember to drink water and get some food. Thank you! 

Hail Satan 𖤐

[lightofraye]

Oh hello Cynifer!

You're back.

You did not stay away as long as I'd hope. I actually recognized you. Damn.

But you and your anons are clearly lacking wits, but I guess that makes sense, given you're a Cockles and Heller fanatic. I guess they don't check for critical thinking or reading comprehension during enrollment into those subsections of the fandom.

Or you'd actually be able to tell the difference between my writing and my daughter's. She's real, by the way. That cutesy little thing your anon quoted from her bio was because people actually thought I made her up--and she took that concept and ran away with it. Why shouldn't she? It's hilarious how people--namely folks like you, AAs and anyone who dislike me for pointing out facts--couldn't tell our writing styles apart.

Secondly, if none of you--again, you--can't see the pain in Jensen's eyes, the way he reacted to that fan's unnecessarily cruel remark about "get back to work!", the way he barely really smiled at SDCC, then I can't help you. Because I know I'm not "delulu". Others have seen it, and we're not making it up--not like you Hellers and Cockles fanatics.

But y'know, for someone who advised to "block and ignore" your anons or yourself don't seem to listen. I only know you wrote this complete nonsense was because a follower let me know. I don't use a sock to visit blocked Tumblrs. My life is too short for that nonsense.

I mean... to call us creepy? My daughter for coming to the defense of her mother? Really? And me for... what? Seeing Jensen as he is, as opposed to the beautiful trophy you and your followers see? To see Jensen as flawed, as human? As someone who, while having some lovely success to his career, clearly isn't happy?

Oh right.

You stan Danneel.

And you say I'm delulu.

Go ahead, live with your self-insert in Danneel's very empty, very pitiful life.

I know what matters. It's not the money. It's not the fame. It's not the 30 room McMansion in Connecticut.

It's the symphony I hear that you and your anons are in denial about.

[aheathen-conceivably]

Hello! Merry Christmas and good luck in the new year! I have a question, I don’t know if it’s been asked already, but I’m interested to know which of your characters is closest to you in spirit? What traits do you have in common with him? And vice versa. Which character is the most difficult for you to write, which you do not always understand: his actions, words and motivation, because you are a real writer and are probably good at the psychology of heroes (I really apologize for the distorted sentences, because I am a foreign subscriber and use a translator)

Absolutely no need to apologize, Nonny! Everything looks great and thank you so much for taking the time to send these thoughtful questions 💕

Y’all already know the rambler in me is getting all excited, so prepare y’all selves! Though I must say, it’s quite hard to pinpoint an answer, mostly because there’s at least a small bit of myself in each of the characters and who’s easiest to write is not always who is the most like me? So naturally, let’s go below the cut, and I’ll split this into sections to make it easier for us to read 😘

1. My spirit characters:

Honesty time. I think that it’s easier for me to put my “negative” qualities into characters and thus also easier to recognize them in hindsight. This is probably because it’s simply often easier to see what needs to be improved in yourself than vice versa, but also probably because I’m a dramatic broad who likes giving her characters flaws.

So although I could probably find a bit of myself in most characters, I would say those who are most like me are Rosella, Zelda, and Violette. Just down to sims traits, Rosella and my simself actually both have the self-absorbed trait (oops). I think this manifests in different ways, but at its core I’m just as likely to follow my wants and cut ties as she is. I also have a ~rather strong~ proclivity for the aesthetic and vain, enjoying beautiful things for their own sake often to the point of distraction. However, I like to think that this is tertiary to me, and my pursuit of them is not as detrimental as it was for her.

Which brings us to, of course, Zelda. Zelda shares this love of the beautiful with her sister, although for her it can extend into the ephemeral and artistic rather than simply the mundane. I would say I share that tendency toward internal existentialism with her, as well as the proclivity to separate from my immediate surroundings rather than live in the present moment. I, like her, can thus often seem “out of it” but in reality we’re just interpreting our surroundings through a distorted, if not tinted lens. However, I’m by no means as artistically talented or reserved as Zelda, which brings us to….

Our little heiress, Violette. Now I’ll try not to get too deep into spoilers here, but Little Lottie and I definitely share some core tendencies. I, like her, despise being told what to do, and will usually become more stubborn or do the opposite simply because of what someone said (whether it’s well intentioned or not). I can also be gregarious, dramatic, and loud when I want to be, and enjoy being the center of attention. However, I think the Zelda in me tempers that so that I need to retreat back into my cave after a while, while Violette thrives on it. I was also raised an only child, so a lot of Lottie’s experience with loneliness and not knowing how to relate to other children is coming from my own childhood.

2. The easiest to write:

So oddly, I don’t think there’s a clear connection between the characters who are most like me and those I find easiest to write. Rather I think that comes from the historical situation that is currently inspiring me, which character fits into that inspiration the best, and how clear of a grasp I have on that character’s personality. This often comes in the form of scenes just appearing in my head, and as I write it’s like the sentences already exist? So there’s this natural understanding between the character and me, where I don’t really have to sort through thought rubble or force their perspective quite as much?

This answer is highly dependent on what part of the story we are currently in. As in, there have been times I have found a character easy to write, and then it will suddenly switch. Zelda is absolutely one of those characters, as her perspective came very naturally to me in parts of the 1910s and then again after motherhood. Now, I find it easier to write the characters surrounding her, and I’m sure it will switch again at some point in the future.

Currently? I find Josephine easiest to write (although she is not very similar to me at all, and her deep fear of commitment is something that I don’t share in the slightest), with Antoine coming in as a close second. Violette’s perspective in the 1940s has also kind of begun presenting itself to me, although at various points I would say that Adelia, Virginia, and Florence have all also been the easiest characters to write for, and those who’s voices have inspired me to come up with new scenes and plotlines.

3. Who even is she?

Now for the characters who are least like me? That one has gotta probably gotta go to Florence, Virginia, and Antoine. As much as I may want to be like Florence, I’m gunna be honest with y’all and say that is not the case. Starting with the fact that I strongly dislike the great outdoors. Farming? Nah. Camping? Absolutely not. Living of the land? What a pleasant dream. What can I say, I am absolutely a Rosella; I enjoy being fancy and comfortable, and Florence in some ways is the antithesis of this. She also embodies selfless generosity and a sort of steady love, which are not things that I would say I really relate to (I once again point you to answer 1 😅).

Now Virginia is a strange one. I was actually very concerned with writing her, because I share none of the righteousness or quickness to action that define her. Likewise, I don’t think that I am able to remain as steady and surefire in tragedy and trauma as she does. So when I first conceived her character I thought I would have great difficulty writing her, but as I mentioned above, despite the fact that she is probably the least similar to me of all the Darlingtons, I found her easy and almost natural to write once we began her storyline.

Which brings us to my baby boy. Sigh. I say this next because Antoine has easily been one of the most natural characters for me to write. I think this is because I had such a clear vision of him from the start that has really been able to grow through the story. So he’s remained who he is through it all, and why I still find him so easy to write.

Despite this, there is very little to none of me in his character, despite the fact that I maybe sorta have a thing for the broken artist stereotype (hello, hubs, I know you’re out there 😙). So there may be some ways in which I wrote my partner into his character’s talent and approach to the world around him, but he is heavily inspired by these ideas of “old fashioned masculinity”, of self-imposed stoicism and protection and fatherhood. These are feelings that I have to imagine rather than pull from experience, but somehow the more I write him the more real they become to me as well.

4. The ~struggle~

Hands down the hardest characters for me to write have been Oliver and Isaiah. I think that Oliver really suffered from the fact that he was my first gen heir, so I was at a place in the story and my writing process where I wasn’t as sure in what I was doing or as good at honing into what I wanted to do. Then by the time this became more clear to me, I had really begun to lean into writing Florence’s character and then his children. So he kind of became less of a focus, and the less I focused on him the harder it was for me to define his voice, which then became a cycle.

I think if I could go back, I would lean more into the connection that I see between him and the romantic poets, really kind of exploring that juxtaposition between idealized nature and reality. I also think his position as a pseudo-wealthy aristocratic and failed businessman had a lot of potential, but alas, you live and you learn.

Now onto the Forgotten Child. Y’all (and I) call him that for a reason, and I think next to his sisters it’s no secret that Isaiah received much less focus (I even have a post about him realizing this 😂). Part of this is just that he’s the youngest, so I really didn’t get much time to explore his adult life or even his teenage years. It’s also because trying to juggle six perspectives all at once means that some are going to suffer more than others.

Now that being said, I am happy with his storylines. However, they often felt more like I was exploring plots I had come up with rather than really viewing things through his perspective. I think this is the biggest challenge to me when having trouble writing a character: it’s that their voice is just for whatever reason not really clear in my mind. Even in the subsequent decades, our English Darlington updates are mostly going to come from Summer, because I still have never really gotten my finger on exactly who Isaiah is. For that reason, my poor forgotten baby boy is probably the most difficult character for me to write.

—

ALSO if you made it this far please know that turning your delightful questions into a multi-paragraph rant about myself is a very self absorbed and very Rosella/Violette thing to do so in the end…I think you have all the answer you need right there 🤣

[c7thetumbler]

Quick Game Reviews March 2024

3 month combo hell yeah

I'm reusing last months banner because I got super lazy

Image taken from my switch. We fist bumped.

Splatoon 3 [Revisited] (Switch)

I previously "reviewed" this in 2022, and here were my thoughts on that:

While it doesn't break much ground in comparison to the previous game, it's definitely worth a go if you've enjoyed the first 2 entries.

Now that the DLC and a number of updates are out, I went ahead and revisited this for about a whole months worth of eveneings just to see how far it's come.

And it's doing pretty well! I"m still utter trash at pvp, but that's not stopped me from enjoying it. Additionally all of the new Salmon Run content, including Big Run, is really fun to continue grinding away at for hours on end. The level of customization the game has is great as well, and the badges being hidden is a solid way of doing achievements. Again, It's a very solid Splatoon experience and I'd recommend it to anyone interested in it, though you've probably gotten it already if you are.

That being said, it + the expansion pack are a little pricey for what you're getting, at least so far. Nintendo hasn't announced a 3rd wave of DLC, but the 1st wave consisted of just some more cosmetics and an optional hub world, which wasn't a whole lot to go off of, and the 2nd, Side Order (reviewed last month) is great but not $30 great. The game seems to be getting gameplay and Splatfest updates still at least, so I'll probably be sticking with it for a while cuz it's just a fun romp while listening to podcasts and chillin with the cat in the lap.

Image from the B3313 fandom wiki

B3313 (N64 Rom hack)

B3313 is a Mario 64 Rom Hack that thrives off of your previous experiences with SM64 and SM64DS and twists it with dream-like surreal changes and a vast degree of inception-like complexity. It is near impossible to map out its worlds, and around every corner, death, door, or even successful star you will often find yourself thrown into a completely new, slightly twisted version of somewhere you may recognize.

I had a really good time at first divng straight into it and navigating my way through the worlds, trying to maker cohesive sense of it, and managed to get ~40 stars before I got bored of it. I know there's a whole lot more there, but its fatal flaw is when you get this complex, your levels really have to be engaging or interesting in and of themselves, and most of the time they just aren't. You'll spend a lot of time running around big, empty levels looking for a silver star or red coinv, or in a lot of cases replaying the same start of a level to get to a sub area within a sub area that your previously died at only to get thrown off by the game's camera and miss a jump and then thrown back out into Peach's castle as imagine by MC Escher.

It's a fun romhack, and a lot of love was thrown into it, but as a "game" or for-fun experience it doesn't really hold up there. I would more recommend it just to see if it's something you enjoy, but prepare for some frustration and backtracking.

Image from Dreamsweeper's steam page

Dreamsweeper (Steam Demo)

I saw GirlDM (wholesome catgirl vtuber) playing this on my feed once and decided to give it a go. It's basically like if Crypt of the Necrodancer replace the music mechanics with Minesweeper instead, which I'm down for.

The core loop is good; I had a lot of fun applying Minesweeper logic in a new way, as well as the aesthetics really bringing out the comfy, lofi dream look they were really going for, so that's a huge plus. That being said, it's still got some growing to do. I'm a little confused as to how you would expand this into a full game, and sometimes the generation can just make it impossible to logic out some areas. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing; the difference between Minesweeper and a logic complete puzzle game like Sudoku is occasionally you do run into guesses. It's like dealing with real mines!

Additionally, the combat is a bit out of place. That's not to say the DDR-esque (or like Undyne from Undertale) minigame isn't good, but it doesn't really fit with the minesweeper or even dream look in and of itself, and just serves to take you out of it rather than add to it. I would've preferred something like a logic puzzle, or even another variation or callback to a different old windows pc minigame everyone had just to kinda keep it cohesive.

That being said, I enjoyed my time time with and am looking forward to seeing how they expand on it in the future!

Image from the steam page

Megaman X Dive Offline (Steam)

You get mad props in my book for turning your mobile game from a F2P gacha game to a cohesive, single-purchase experience. Even more so, when you take the servers down you release that as its own offline game so that it's accessible to anyone who may have missed out.

This was an impulse purchase alongside the Battle Network Legacy collections, and honestly? Kind of regret it. Not because the game is bad exactly, but because I realized that I don't actually like Mega Man X that much to begin with so me getting the whole deal didn't make a lot of sense. The levels are fine and the gameplay is too, however I can already tell that because of how the Gacha works it's a grindfest to get any character up to par, and there's as a result a bunch of inventory management between levels to ensure your stuff remains good. I'm glad they did it, but it exemplifies why adding mechanics that meld with microtransactions inherently makes the core experience worse and the game's not for me.

Image taken from the Sonic Triple Trouble 16 bit website

Sonic Triple Trouble 16-bit (Fan game)

I saw an article that the Noah Copeland was hopping off of the Sonic Drift 16-bit project to make his own game with his own characters. His reasoning was he had two goals: Make a Sonic fan game and make his own games, and now that he had done the former with Sonic Triple Trouble 16-bit, he wanted to start on the latter. That's completely fair and understandable, and I wish him the best and hope the Sonic Drift 16-bit project continues with the current devs because it looks really good!

I'd be lying if my initial reaction wasn't actually me being like "Wait, there's a really good remake of Sonic Triple Trouble?" Though.

And it is really good! It remakes Sonic Triple Trouble into a "modern" classic Sonic game w3hile adding new levels, playable characters, and layouts and expanding on the story to make it cohesive and fun. Sonic's drop dash returns from Mania, and again it really brings his moveset together and makes him the most fun character to play in my opinion. Tails is also playable at the same time as Sonic, and you can swap to him on the fly with a single button press, which is a welcome change over just having him be around. In Free play mode you can unlock 3 more characters as well, which is always fun.

Overall this is, like Mania, peak classic Sonic gameplay. This is what Sonic Superstars should've been, and its quality is higher than a lot of official Sonic releases as of late (looking at you, Origins and Forces). If you're a fan of Classic Sonic, this is a well designed and excellent experience you need to give a try! And it won't cost you a cent!

Image taken from the steam store page

Insaniquarium Deluxe (Steam)

This was a fun revisit. I Hadn't played this since way back in the day when they had the original, much more pixelated version and it was nice to revisit.

Just some quick notes on this one: PvZ definitely aged a lot better. While I appreciate that large amount of modes and variety in levels, the gameplay itself is very one note. It's addictive fore sure, but as soon as you get into the habit of it there really isn't much variety between the different tanks other than figuring out how to ramp up production.

Additionally the game has you clicking a lot, and the speed at which you can click is very much ingrained into its core mechanics. If this were made today, that would not go well given how utterly painful play sessions can get. I opted to use a mouse clicker, because I wanted to have fun and also be able to work tomorrow without dying.

All that being said, it's still a fantastic game in its own right! Sure, it's not the deepest gameplay you've ever seen, but not all games have to have deep, complex interweaving mechanics to be a grand old time. It's a great time to play for an hour or so while you're listening to a video or podcast, and honestly I recommend it for just being a fun, nostalgic clicker game. But wait for a sale.

And it's more enjoyable than cookie clicker, imo

Image from my switch

Princess Peach: Showtime!

As of the time of this writing I haven't beaten it yet, so my story & gameplay assessment may change by that time. If that does, I'll update this in my reviews next month, but I think I'm still pretty on point.

I'll go into this saying I had pretty high hopes for this one. Nintendo has a great track record when it comes to making spin-offs based off of other Mario characters; Yoshi games offer a different but still engaging platforming experience to the basic Mario platformers. Wario Land games are for the most part all great, ranging from platformers that test your wits and abilities to the iconic WL4/Shake it gameplay that would give rise to Pizza Tower. Luigi's mansion took a character whose only feature was being Green Mario and made it into a successful franchise with completely unique gameplay.

And sure, Peach has had a platformer before with Super Princess Peach. I haven't played it, but I heard it was fun. But when this game was announced I will say I was excited to see another Mario spin-off but with Peach as the leading lady.

And it's definitely not bad! I want to make sure that's clear; I don't dislike the game. It's difficult to describe the gameplay in a way that encompasses everything though. The best comparison would be a puzzle platformer but with a large amount of minigames interspersed, along with hidden collectibles all throughout the levels. To go with probably the worst possible game mashup I can think of, It's like Wario: Master of Disguise mixed with Luigi's Mansion 2 and a Spin-off Kirby game.

I will also say that I'm not the target audience for it, for sure, so I'm keeping that in mind when I say this. It's just, I'm kind of disappointed in it myself. It's not challenging, kinda like how Yoshi's Crafted World and most modern Kirby's aren't, but the gameplay isn't really engaging me enough to want to progress that frequently. Additionally most of the challenge seems to be from collecting the green sparkles scattered throughout the level, and for the most part it's not so much a skill challenge as a "Oh did you find the right part of the screen to stand on and pose" sort of thing.

The setting and story kind of irks me as well. The theatre aesthetic isn't foreign to Mario games, with Paper Mario and SMB3 even embracing it, but it feels inconsistent here. Peach is put through a variety of different plays where she assumes the main role in order to complete the stage and overcome the main antagonist: Grape and the Sour Bunch, and bring order back to the play. But it feels like they couldn't decide whether the game was trying to be like "Hey this is you actually helping people in need" and "This is all an act for your amusement", and bouncing back between those constantly and clumsily does it a disservice.

Performance wise the game's not doing so hot either. I know it's on switch, but with how smooth Mario Kart 8 DX and Splatoon 3 run, the game doesn't really have an excuse to be dropping frames. Most of the game is a fixed perspective with models made to look like theater props, but I find it's actually pretty common to see things operating at a lower framerate or stuttering. They also didn't even stick 100% with the theater aesthetic, with a lot of transitions looking almost voxel and digital in nature rather than actively moving set pieces like a performance, which is a shame because if they went all in on it it would've been cool to see them nail it like modern Paper Mario hits the paper aesthetic really well.

All in all, I'd say this a fairly decent game that has some issues finding what it's supposed to be. There's definitely fun to have here, but the variety of costumes and performances which for the most part don't mix together make the game feel like a mini-game collection more than a cohesive experience. So, it's alright, but in my opinion I'd wait for a big sale before picking it up. If you're looking for a challenge, consider this to be like a Kirby game before you buy

[hellishvxbes]

Being a good person doesn’t meant taking shit laying down btw.

Like I think just in general, people think staying quiet about how they’ve been treated to avoid ‘drama’ is the best solution and I’m telling you it’s not.

Absolutely be loud about it. Point it out. Confront them. How they react is out of your control but at least you said what you needed to say.

I’ve been shushed before. Someone who I thought was a friend really hurt me, betrayed me. It was like a slap in the face, and all because I was going through my own shit and didn’t have time to be there 100%.

And it sucked, how I kind of had to swallow my hurt. How a lot of my ‘friends’ knew it was shitty of them but because they didn’t wanna cause drama they didn’t say anything. No one did a god damn thing and it’s really something when you see an abuser get love and praise and be treated like they are this wonderful person when they aren’t.

And true, you can’t make everyone see it. I know they will eventually, and it’s not my job to point it out for everyone. And I won’t. But at that time? It absolutely hurt me, and I started to look at things differently. Look at people differently. And it left me shambles for a good while.

I would rant about it and people would ask me to stop. Or to tag it. Because they didn’t wanna see it. And that’s valid? But also? Why is it you can only accept me when I’m showing my good side? The side of me that’s put together and makes you laugh and keeps you entertained but when I’m hurting you want me to take it elsewhere.

Started making me look at ppl on here who only look at you like a number. I know we all are going through our own shit. I don’t expect ppl to drop everything and help me, I don’t expect ppl to care. If I vent it’s usually just for myself to let off steam and it helps . But yet, somehow there’s always someone that makes it about them.

Therapy has helped me a lot with creating boundaries. I realized a lot of the things that happened where my own fault due to, seeing the issues but not saying anything about them. And also how I make myself to readily available for people. I was there for that person for so much, even bought them food when they were hungry and couldn’t for themselves. I don’t regret it, I don’t regret caring or having a good heart. No natter what I never want to lose that side of me that gives a damn about people.

I do the things I do because I’ve been there. I offer a safe space , a fun space for you to be yourself . Because I know what it’s like to have to hide. Show ppl how to love themselves because I had to learn on my own. I am an empath, I feel everything and I sometimes go overboard because I don’t have the proper boundaries set up. But I’m much more aware now. Learning and trying to be more effective in my communication.

But it makes me sad when you do call out bad behavior and instead of people looking at themselves and saying ‘you know I’m sorry I did screw up, I’m going to do better’ they deny. They gaslight you. They bring up everything YOUVE done wrong to them instead of acknowledging what you’re bringing to their attention. Suddenly they are the victim and you’re the bully being aggressive because they can’t tell the difference between an aggressive tone and an assertive one.

And it sucks that you’ll deal with people who can’t see anything past their own pain. Cuz there is no dealing with that, that’s shit they gotta work on and unfortunately they gotta be willing to look at themselves in the mirror and start seeing the truth.

We all got flaws. I had to look myself in the mirror, and see a lot of things I didn’t like either. Things that needed changing. That’s maturing. Recognizing you’re not perfect, that you do fuck up, and being willing to accept and change it.

But a lot of ppl on here not ready for that. And the moment I’ve started my healing journey I’ve lost a lot of people who aren’t built like me. Whether it’s because I make them see things in themselves that they don’t like, or think they can’t ever be or what it’s not really my problem anymore.

I’ve been stagnant for so long, I want things out of my life and for the first time in my life despite setback after setback I feel like I finally start getting them. I can respect people who aren’t ready to heal, but I can’t stay in those situations anymore. I wish you luck on your own path, but I’m done putting myself on hold for others all the time.

You’re not wrong for wanting to hold people accountable. There are always limits of course. Say your piece and be done, don’t keep adding fuel to it. How they react remember is out of your hands but you did what you needed to do. People say closure is pointless and I say you obviously learned to just not act on your discomfort and just bottle it up and to me that’s sad.

Because we shouldn’t have to do that for the sake of someone’s comfort who had no regard for ours.

And I am confrontational. I’m a nice person but I will come to you with an issue if there is one. And there’s nothing wrong with that, one mistake doesn’t make you horrible. Makes you human. Changed behavior means you’re growing and learning. It’s not a bad thing and I wish tumblr would stop viewing this stuff as bad. Because it’s so important to be able to grow and it’s why so many people suck because no one is really trying to do that.

[livisunfair]

In Defense of Lady Bird Six Years Later; Just Some Thoughts

Last night I watched Lady Bird for the first time since I was fifteen, and what I gleaned from it made me love the film even more and in a whole new way. While the surface-level message of this film is important, it’s what the film doesn’t say that makes it special to me. I think there are two different ways to view it, how they differ is why there are such strong opinions on this film. One, is Lady Bird is an ungrateful, whiny brat who doesn’t deserve anything and who uses growing up as an excuse for her behavior, and is selfish at the expense of others. The second way to watch, is to see how Lady Bird is lost, growing up, and this is a journey of self-discovery. The best way to watch, is a blend of the two. 

Viewing Lady Bird as an echo of yourself, is how we relate to her. We see the similarities between us and her, as at some point, we acted ungrateful toward our parents, even if we didn’t intend to be. We all wanted to go where the 'culture is' and escape the small town we've been pigeon-holed in. In a sense, Lady Bird serves as a dramatized character who represents our biggest flaws and aspirations as teenagers. Gerwig herself said, "nothing in the movie literally happened in my life, but it has a core of truth that resonates with what I know"--this 'core of truth' being that echo. To me, this film marks itself as a love letter to a younger self, yet a bit critical and satirical of how you behaved back then. You can tell it’s written from a mature perspective. It takes itself seriously, but isn’t afraid to poke some fun, as shown through the humor throughout the film. Growing up and being able to laugh at yourself, but still recognizing what you went through was important at the time and taking it seriously for the sake of your past self—this is what I love about Gerwig! The ability to reflect is so crucial to how we change and grow as people.

You can recognize and sympathize with Lady Bird's struggles and mistakes–But you can also grit your teeth at her actions from a grown point of view that Lady Bird is on the journey to understanding herself. This isn’t a film that tells the story of a girl being ungrateful and then regretful of her decisions and redeems herself at the end.–No, rather it tells a larger story. To me, this film focuses on the bigger picture of growth in her life, instead of just what is presented in the film, highlighting the fact that growth nonlinear. Her arc is not in the film, but it ends with the beginning of it. This film is just a snapshot of her life. It can be frustrating to see how Lady Bird’s insecurities make her hang with the wrong crowd, watching her hook up with asshole Kyle and a man at college, being ashamed of her house and status, and betraying Julie– but that’s how human growth is. We fuck up again and again before we realize it and then really try to change. This change manifests itself at the end through her hit to rock bottom. When she wakes up and realizes it’s time to shed her teenage skin become an adult. this can be seen when she starts to go by christine, and call Marion. She got what she physically wanted by going to college, but inside she’s unfulfilled. Nothing is quite how she thought it would be. Thinking she didn’t get ‘punished’ for her behavior and actions because she got everything she wanted, but in reality, her punishment serves itself on a bittersweet plate. She may have been able to go to her dream school, but at what cost to those around her? Her relationships? Herself? but the ending is the start of recognizing her faults. Lady Bird’s character speaks on the twisted irony of life; we’re never happy with what we have. And what’s more relatable than that, to a teenager? 

I love all the different themes this film highlights as well. It’s not just about growing up, but there is another theme at play; how much our parents did for us. It’s impossible to watch this film without understanding where each character’s heart lies. At minimal, Lady Bird is frustrated nobody takes her seriously, Marion is a hardworking mother who feels under appreciated and grapples with an ungrateful daughter, Larry is the mediator and wants what’s best for Lady Bird but is fighting his own battles as well. Larry and Marion are prime examples of perhaps the selflessness we should all strive for, seen when they tirelessly try to support Lady Bird, and when Larry roots for Miguel going for the same job as him. It’s the type of selflessness you can only gain when you become a parent. If finishing this film doesn’t make you feel like you need to hug your mom or reflect on your own interactions growing up, I’m not sure what will. Lady Bird’s relationship with Marion is one every daughter and mother has experienced to some degree. It’s complex, both are flawed, but ultimately love each other, they’re just not sure how to say it or show it in a way each other will understand. They are constantly missing each other. Lady Bird is headstrong, yet unsure of who she is. She behaves unfavorably but still wants her mom to like her–as we all do, or did as teenagers. While Marion has an idea of who Lady Bird should be and is grappling with Lady Bird’s differences, while tirelessly working and making ends meet for her children. But Marion is trying to understand her, an example is seen when she starts to embrace calling her ‘Lady Bird’ instead of criticizing it. At the end of the film when Lady Bird calls Marion, thanking her, we see a glimpse of who she’s starting to become. And we see Marion trying to communicate with her through the letters. It’s a start. Marion and Lady Bird are finally meeting in the middle, instead of passing each other. 

At the same time as all of this, I think this film is an excellent example of an ‘unlikeable’ and ‘difficult’ girl who should be allowed to tell her own story as well. You don’t have to condone a character's actions and behaviors to understand them. And not to sound too modern-white-feminist here, but her 'unlikeableness' comes from real flawed aspects that all women experience, and while we consume stories about unlikeable men all the time, what makes her different? She has a strong personality and it’s an unapologetic story that deserves to be told. And to the people who feel ‘So what, why should I care? What makes her special?’ after watching, that’s fine. I get where the criticism comes from. But it all just clicks for me. You aren’t supposed to walk out of this film necessarily liking Lady Bird, but understanding her. Understanding the thesis of her character; wanting to be not just loved but liked. Teenage girls man, they’re complicated and I am one. Idk I know I’d get made fun of for thinking this movie is so ‘deep’ and whatever but I just love studying the aspects of these films! Every scene exists for a reason, with no filler. Gerwig incorporates the intricacies of girlhood instead of the surface problems–in all her work too. I just had to get this all out somewhere after rewatching it again for so long. Love you forever Greta & Saoirse!

[that-ineffable-devil]

Rainbow in the Dark | Prologue & Chapter 1

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Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

Author's Note: I haven't written creatively in over 10 years and I was a different person then, so I hope this isn't completely terrible. Chapters will alternate between characters' POVs, but will stick mostly with Eddie and Steve. There will be smut, but it'll be a while--I'll be sure to leave a note on those particular chapters...for science. All readers, likes, comments, and shares are deeply appreciated!

Fic Summary: An exploration into our favorite disaster-dorks, what makes them tick, why they are who they are, and how they fall head over heels for each other. We'll dive into their early parental relationships and then likely skip to S4 to add some "missing scenes" and motivations. There will be angst, but there will be a happy ending, because our boys deserve happy and soft and smutty things.

Prologue

Every child’s first lesson is in what not to do. Don’t touch the stove when it’s hot. Don’t run into the street. Don’t hold your cup that way. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. Most of these lessons are given with love, with the safety of the child in mind. Touching a hot stove burns you; a car may run into you on the street; you may spill your drink on yourself if you mishandle your cup.

But not all lessons are taught out of love. Some come from a darker, less kind place.

Chapter One: The Punching Bag

Eddie’s first lesson was simple: “Don’t be yourself.”

Don’t fidget—even if your body feels like it will combust if you don’t move. Don’t speak—unless an adult asks you a direct question. Don’t make noise—even if it brings you solace. Don’t exist unless we want you to, and only how we want you to.

Eddie’s father was his first teacher, and he never let Eddie forget that there was something fundamentally flawed in him. Deficient. Unworthy. He truly tried to follow his father’s instruction, but he struggled to identify when behaviors were good or bad—especially when it could depend on specific circumstances.

For example, speaking to his father without being asked a question was bad behavior, and resulted in punishment. But if his father asked a question he didn’t actually want Eddie to answer, and he did—more punishment. It could even be a question he’d asked and wanted an answer to before. It wasn’t until he started school that he learned there was more to language than the words people spoke.

Social cues and body language were a mystery to him, though he eventually started picking it up out of self-preservation. And then he was expected to decode the tone of voice a person was using. Why couldn’t people just say what they meant, instead of expecting him to recognize and interpret this secret code no one had ever taught him? It was hard enough for him to process words as they were spoken, why did he have to devote so much energy into picking up things said without words? Most people—including his father—were fluent in these coded messages. When Eddie asked his father to help him understand them, he learned another lesson—do not, under any circumstances, ask that man for help.

Another of his father’s lessons was that “children should be seen and not heard;” he said it often when Eddie was being punished for speaking out of turn. Through experience, he learned that sometimes he shouldn’t even be seen—even if his father specifically called his name. But if his father expected him to be somewhere and he wasn’t—also unacceptable. Eddie often wondered how anyone could do anything while navigating this absolute minefield of expectations. It seemed unfair—impossible, even.

Eddie’s mother taught him something as well—people leave. Even the ones that are supposed to love you. He didn’t have any real memories of her—just flashes of dark curly hair and warm smiles—but his father often acted as though it were Eddie’s fault she had gone. Eddie couldn’t even defend himself since he didn’t even remember her leaving—only her absence in his life.

So, Eddie reasoned, it must be his fault. She had been with his father until he came along, so he must have driven her away somehow. He would cry late at night, remembering every mistake he’d ever made, trying to tally up all the reasons his mother couldn’t love him enough to stay.

But crying, it turned out, was yet another bad behavior. Tears resulted in harsh punishment, and the more he cried, the longer it lasted. His father told him that it was the only way to “fix” him—that he wouldn’t have a “queer” in his house. In an act that Eddie could only describe as desperate stupidity, he once asked once what he meant by “queer.” The resulting punishment convinced him he didn’t need to know. Eventually, Eddie stopped crying altogether.

School wasn’t much better than home for Eddie. He often felt that everyone else had met and become friends before he came along, making him the unwelcome outsider. He was wary and reserved—unable to hide the unnervingly haunted look behind his brown eyes. He couldn’t understand how all the other kids got away with being so loud and disrespectful, how the teachers would give only a mild tut when notes passed hands and giggles went unstifled. This world was alien to him, and he was alien to it.

Though he was typically quiet, his teachers often reprimanded him for his “lack of focus,” and removed points from his grades if he doodled in the margins of his papers. He’d tried to explain that the doodles helped him listen, but no one believed him. After one too many altercations with his father over his poor grades, he stopped doodling, but then he found it too difficult to pay attention with still hands.

He started drumming his fingers to the beat of whatever song came to mind during class, which somehow helped sharpen his focus, but his teachers found that disruptive as well. He was sent to the principal’s office for “class misconduct” and “distracting behavior.”

Eddie nodded along with the principal; his eyes unfocused with the effort of preventing the tears threatening to well up. Why was everything so difficult for him? What was wrong with him? What would his father do when he found out he’d been sent to the principal? Well, he knew the answer to that one.

Eventually, he withdrew into himself during class, wrapping his arms around his torso to prevent any inadvertent movement from drawing a teacher’s ire. Forcing his eyes to follow the teachers as they lectured, he would play music in his head until given an assignment to complete. It seemed to work, since he was no longer sent out of class and his teachers left him alone, but it left him vulnerable when called on unexpectedly. It was the best he could muster.

The other students weren’t any kinder. Though he tried to ignore it, he knew they whispered about him behind his back. They snickered at his ill-fitting clothing, his beat-up backpack, his nearly-bald buzzcut performed at home by unskilled hands. His father wouldn’t shell out his hard-earned money for Eddie to get “some girly-boy haircut” by a professional. Eddie just thought if the kids would take a moment to get to know him, maybe they’d stop talking about him and talk to him instead. Maybe they’d even become friends.

But making friends didn’t come easy to Eddie. Any time he tried, the girls would either ignore him or talk loudly about him as if he weren’t there, and the boys hurled words so sharp and pointed, they felt like stinging barbs hooking into his flesh. Sometimes, they’d trip him on the playground or throw rocks at him from afar. But he kept trying, hoping someone would see him, and not the stories everyone told about him.

One fateful day, he approached a group of boys from the school’s peewee football league as they stood in a loose circle beside the main building. They weren’t wearing their uniforms, but Eddie recognized their ringleader—taller and bulkier than the rest, as though he grew twice as fast. Eddie tried to join in as they burst into laughter at something one of them said, but the laughter died as suddenly as it had erupted—the group staring blankly at him.

“Hey freak, who invited a fag like you to the conversation?” the ringleader asked.

“Oh…uh,” Eddie spluttered, “n…no one invited me, I just…I thought that was a funny joke…a…and…”

“Oh, you did, huh?”

The boy’s toothy grin was so sharp, Eddie imagined his teeth as tiny daggers preparing to shred him to ribbons.

“Want to see something else funny?”

Eddie’s ears burned as he felt the air grow hot, the tension rising rapidly among the group. Several of them flicked their eyes at each other, all adopting the same sharp grin, while two glanced furtively outside the group, looking for any watchful adults. There were none.

Eddie hesitated, slowly lifting his heel as he prepared to back away. “N…” he started, but before he could finish the word, one of them had kicked his legs out from under him, sending him face first into the hard cement.

Without hesitation, the entire pack dove in to claim their pound of flesh. Though every instinct in him told him to cry out, only a few grunts escaped him as a dozen fists and feet slammed into his stomach and back, already flowered with unseen purple and blue bruising from home. He tried to keep his face covered, knowing that he’d face far worse at home if his father found out he’d lost a fight. Not that this is a fight, he thought. It’s an execution.

He didn’t know how long he'd been on the ground when he heard something big crack heavily into bone before one of his tormentors joined him on the ground with a loud thud. He slowly realized the attacks against him had stopped, too. Eyes bleary with unshed tears and his breath hitched and pained, Eddie dared to uncover his face to look at the scene above.

Another group of boys had seemingly come to his rescue, menacingly brandishing wooden bats, switchblades, and what Eddie thought looked like a tire iron. His tormentors fled, leaving their fallen comrade to his fate. No loyalty amongst jocks, he thought idly as he watched them run. The boy with the tire iron bent over Eddie, his amber eyes alive with concern.

“Are you all right? Can you get up?” the boy said quietly while holding out his hand.

Eddie’s eyes traced down the boy’s arm to his open hand, blinking slowly.

“B…both good questions,” he murmured, holding one hand to his aching head and wincing when his sides screamed as he started to sit up. “But I think the answer to both is yes,” he continued before grasping the hand of the other boy.

“I’m Luke,” the boy said.

His long, dark hair hung like a curtain over the left side of his face, a kind smile warming his otherwise pale features. He gently pulled Eddie to his feet.

“I’m…Eddie,” he replied, staring stoically at the ground, still fighting the threat of tears and not wanting to appear even weaker in front of the other boys. “I…thank you…but…why?”

Luke chuckled a bit, causing Eddie to look up at his now bittersweet smile—like the sun on a cloudy day.

“Us freaks have got to stick together, right?”

Eddie huffed a small laugh and nodded—immediately regretting it as his head rang with the movement. After that day, Eddie was never completely alone. The boys were inseparable—if you spotted one, it was likely at least two more were somewhere nearby. These were his people, his freaks, and he’d never been more thankful for a beatdown in his life.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

Post Notes: Poor Eddie--he deserves so much better. It'll get better before it gets worse, then better again. This is Eddie we're talking about--dude is on an unending rollercoaster he didn't volunteer for but ended up riding anyway.

I know this Eddie seems far too reserved and quiet for our boy, but give him a chance to experience his first taste of freedom in Hawkins--where, for once, someone just lets him be.

Chapter 2 Preview: The "picture-perfect" Harringtons are anything but, with a father who sees his son as a means to an end, a mother who has long forgotten what it's like to give comfort or be comforted, and a son who just wants his parents to love him. Despite his best efforts, Steve Harrington can't seem to live up to his father's exceedingly high standards. He struggles with his schoolwork and reading, but at least he has sports--and his best friend, Tommy Hagan.

But when Steve needs help with a literature assignment, he finds help in the unlikeliest of people.

Thank you to all readers who have made it this far! Likes, comments, and shares are deeply appreciated! I, like Steve, am heavily motivated by praise.

Credits

Bat dividers courtesy of StrayWords.

Fic title courtesy of Rainbow in the Dark by Dio.

[banghwa]

i wonder how you feel about namjoon? i find what he's doing in chapter 2 really interesting. he literally said 'fuck the trendsetter'. 🥲 wildflower might be the best song he's ever written (lbr if taylor swift released a song with such lyricism, we'd be hearing about it for years lol), and once again it has this theme of the rift between ideals and reality, of trying to hold onto yourself and your values when the world pushes back and breaks your heart. indigo was about choosing to be a human being, to create art beyond trends and limitations, to stand tall as an artist on his own terms. he chose to perform in like. a 200 max capacity venue bc that was his dream as a teenager before everything happened. he befriended the entire k-indie scene lol. it's amazing how he's overcoming the pressure of bts' crown. he's doing exactly what fans demand of their faves (authenticity & artistry), but then indigo is probably one of the least supported/commercially successful solo releases. 👀

he's also the only member i think that's kind of ambivalent about the future of bts. i think he's distanced himself from the Brand as much as possible for his own health, but i find his uncertainty about what bts are gonna do and what they will say in the future intriguing. he was definitely right in last year's festa when he said that bts have ran out of messages to give to the world.

anyway sorry for ranting sm about namjoon in your askbox, i just think it's amazing how much he's giving his all to be a true Artist in the most corporate era of kpop ever lol.

ohhhh I won’t let myself get too sappy about it but. i really do love namjoon so much. i dont think I can put it into words. hes such a brilliant lyricist. you’re so right if it was a white woman who wrote wildflower people would be screaming about it being the sadgirl song of the decade. he’s also just. really inspirational to me, i look up to him in a lot of ways. when i was first getting into bts, he was my first “official” bias i guess until hope world came out and changed everything lol. but he continues to have such an important space in my heart. i love the way he thinks, i love how genuine he tries to be, how he knows he’s very flawed and doesnt see it necessarily as a compromising thing. he means a lot to me :’)

ithink you’re right too like. things are probably very complicated for him around bts “the brand”, rm the artist, kim namjoon the person, which are things he explores to beautifully in indigo. i think he’s probably the member whose ties to bts as a “brand” are probably the tightest and not as easily severed bcs he’s the leader and the face and all of his mistakes now represents the group. and i think you’re so right, while indigo seemed to do well (then again, im so out of the loop that i dont rly know what doing well or not means in kpop anymore lol) or at least be very well received, it definitely is not being recognized for what it is by armys themselves…..its weird i feel like namjoon is sorta in this paradox where he can’t separate himself from bts but he is also too different from/too real and flawed for the bts brand that ppl dont rly pay attention to him…..but he’s also really respected by other people who are just really and genuinely into music. idk where im going with this all this to say i love him a lot i genuinely plan to get everythingoes tattooed and if he ever releases his own book I would be first in line to buy it

[relationshipreboot]

Every relationship experiences ups and downs; it’s part of the journey of love. However, sometimes those dips can point to deeper issues that require your attention. You might find yourself questioning your partner’s behavior or feeling uncomfortable in certain situations. Recognizing 10 warning signs: types & symptoms you can't ignore is crucial to maintaining a healthy emotional connection. In this article, we will delve into these signs, explore their implications, and provide practical advice that can help you navigate your relationship with greater insight and understanding. Understanding the Core Issue The Importance of Awareness Awareness is the first step to addressing relationship challenges. Just as physical symptoms like a persistent cough or unexplained fatigue can signal a health issue, certain behaviors in a relationship can indicate that something is not quite right. It’s essential to discern between temporary disagreements and lingering red flags that might threaten your bond. Breakdown of the Warning Signs While every relationship can look different, there are universal signs that often manifest during challenging times. Let’s explore 10 warning signs: types & symptoms you can't ignore: Constant Criticism: When constructive feedback turns into relentless criticism, it begins to erode trust and intimacy. If your partner frequently highlights your flaws rather than your strengths, it can create an unhealthy dynamic. Lack of Communication: Healthy relationships thrive on open communication. If you’re finding it hard to talk about your emotions or concerns—or if your partner consistently shuts down these conversations—it’s a warning sign. Emotional Distance: When one or both partners start to pull away emotionally, it can lead to feelings of neglect. This may manifest through reduced affection, lack of interest in shared activities, or one partner feeling like they are constantly chasing the other’s warmth. Controlling Behavior: If your partner tries to control what you wear, who you spend time with, or how you spend your money, it’s a red flag. A healthy relationship should encourage personal autonomy and mutual respect. Indifference: Apathy in a relationship can be just as damaging as active conflict. If your partner seems uninterested in your feelings or fails to engage in shared responsibilities, this lack of investment can be concerning. Frequent Jealousy: A little jealousy can be natural but constant jealousy can lead to codependency and mistrust. If your partner exhibits possessive behaviors or tries to manipulate you through guilt, it might be time for serious reflection. Disrespect: All relationships deserve respect, and disrespect can take many forms, including sarcasm, belittling, and dismissive comments. If you feel more like an obligation than a partner, it’s a clear warning sign. Significant Changes in Behavior: If your partner is exhibiting sudden, drastic changes in mood or behavior, it could indicate underlying issues. Listening to your intuition and addressing these shifts is crucial for your emotional well-being. Infrequent Affection: Physical affection is a key component of a healthy relationship. If intimacy dwindles without explanation, it’s worth discussing with your partner. Practical and verbal reassurances are vital. Avoiding Conflict Resolution: Healthy relationships allow for disagreements, resolution, and reconciliations. If one partner consistently avoids conflict or dismisses emotional concerns, deeper issues may be festering beneath the surface. Creating a healthy relationship requires mutual effort, awareness, and commitment to growth. Recognizing these signs early can help you take necessary steps to improve your connection—or to reconsider the relationship if necessary. Practical Tips and Strategies Open Communication is Key The cornerstone of any successful relationship is communication. If you notice any of the warning signs mentioned, consider these practical tips:

Be Proactive: Rather than waiting for issues to escalate, initiate conversations. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without blaming your partner. For example, say, “I feel neglected when we don’t spend time together,” instead of, “You never care about me.” Set Aside Time: Schedule regular check-ins with your partner to discuss your feelings or concerns. This creates a safe space and fosters an environment where both parties feel heard. Seek Professional Help Sometimes, issues are complex and might benefit from the perspective of a professional: Counseling: Relationship therapy can provide you with tools to cope with challenges and improve your communication skills. An objective third party can often see things more clearly. Create Boundaries Establishing boundaries in your relationship can be an essential step toward preserving your emotional health. Know Your Limits: Be clear about what behaviors you’re willing to tolerate and what you aren’t. Discuss these boundaries openly with your partner. Positive Reinforcement Recognizing and celebrating positive behaviors can encourage an environment of support and growth: Appreciate Progress: When you notice your partner making efforts to improve, acknowledge their efforts. Compliments and gratitude can go a long way in fostering emotional closeness. Engage in Self-Reflection Self-awareness is a powerful tool. Take time to ask yourself important questions: What are My Needs?: Make a list of what you need from your partner and your relationship. Reflect on whether those needs are being met. Assess Your Choices: If you're feeling unhappy, question why you're in this relationship. Are you growing together, or has the dynamic changed for the worse? Real-Life Examples Amy and Ryan: Criticism vs. Constructive Feedback Amy always thought constructive criticism was beneficial. However, over time, Ryan’s comments turned from constructive to critical, leading her to feel devalued. After discussing this, Ryan realized he had unknowingly adopted a critical view from his upbringing. By working together through honest conversations and understanding each other’s backgrounds, they were able to set healthier communication patterns and focus on positive reinforcement, which helped them grow stronger as a couple. Claire and James: Emotional Distance Claire noticed that James had begun withdrawing emotionally, often choosing to be on his phone rather than engaging in conversations. This shift left her feeling lonely and confused. After expressing her feelings, Claire learned that James was dealing with stress at work. By providing support and creating a routine for regular engagement, they bridged the emotional gap and rekindled their closeness. Sophia and Mark: Boundaries and Control Sophia felt increasingly stifled when Mark began dictating her social life. Eventually, she confronted him, expressing her need for independence. Mark was initially defensive but learned the importance of trust and autonomy. By setting healthy boundaries together, their relationship improved significantly, fostering respect for each other's individuality. Overcoming Challenges Fears of Confrontation Confrontation can be daunting, especially if fears of escalation loom large. To overcome this, practice: Slow and Steady: Approach discussions in bite-sized pieces. You don’t need to tackle a hundred issues at once. Resistance to Change Change can be uncomfortable for both partners. Accept that it's a personal journey: Embrace Discomfort: Remind yourselves that discomfort often leads to growth. Fostering change takes time and patience. Celebrate small victories and adjustments. Conclusion Recognizing and addressing 10 warning signs: types & symptoms you can't ignore is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. Challenges are inevitable, but with open communication, proactive strategies, and mutual respect, you can navigate them together. Remember, every relationship is a journey that requires work and dedication from both partners.

If you find yourself facing these warning signs, take heart. Change is possible. By fostering honesty, establishing boundaries, and prioritizing your emotional health, you can strengthen your connection or make informed decisions about your next steps. Remember that you are not alone—the journey towards a fulfilling relationship begins with awareness and a commitment to growth. Embrace the process and step toward a healthier, happier partnership.

[critical-skeptic]

Beneath the Halo: Unraveling the Misguided Quest for the Root Causes of Human Behavior

It's a cosmic joke that we humans are so spectacularly bad at diagnosing the root causes of behavior. We’re like amateur mechanics poking under the hood of a car, confident that the strange noise is due to one easily identifiable part. Take, for example, a conversation I overheard between people of two different ethnicities, each complaining about their grandfathers' crassness and bigotry. They recognized that their grandpas had more in common than their distinct ethnic backgrounds would suggest. However, they still couldn't nail down the root cause. Why? Because the glaring variable here is age and generational influence, not ethnicity.

But let's throw another wrench into this cognitive mess—enter the 'halo effect.' Society loves to paint certain groups, like children or the elderly, with broad, forgiving strokes. We attribute virtues to them—innocence to children, wisdom to the elderly—sometimes neglecting the fact that kids can be manipulative and grandparents can be bigots. This psychological phenomenon veers us off course, directing us to look for explanations for their flaws that won't shatter our idyllic perceptions. It's like refusing to accept that the 'check engine' light in your car might mean a serious problem; instead, you convince yourself it's just a faulty sensor.

We love to ignore the complex tapestry of variables that actually shape a person—age, upbringing, socioeconomic background, education, and a host of other factors—because it’s easier to blame or credit the low-hanging fruit like ethnicity or cuteness. It's intellectual laziness wrapped in the illusion of rational thought. Our brains prefer the simplest explanation that keeps our worldview intact, even if it’s spectacularly wrong.

But it's high time to get over this mental hurdle. We need to push past the emotional biases of the 'halo effect' and other such psychological shortcuts to find the real variables—the common denominators—that actually shape character and behavior. Otherwise, we're tilting at windmills, bashing imaginary foes while the real culprits chuckle from the sidelines.

So, before you blindly attribute your cousin's greed or your grandma's passive-aggressiveness to convenient yet superficial variables, take a step back. There's a good chance that you're being guided by a halo effect that masks a more complex reality. The sooner we recognize and confront this irrational bias, the closer we'll get to understanding the root causes that truly shape human behavior. In a world awash with oversimplification and snap judgments, that level of intellectual rigor is not just welcome; it's desperately needed.

[milimima]

Dear You,

Thank you for all the lessons. You were my favorite thus far ngl. Our adventure. Though it wasn’t much on the physical…boy. It didn’t need to be. The intimacy was more than sex for me. It hit my heart a little deeper.

I wish we could pour our hearts with a level of clarity, openness and safety. You show me how I can be that woman. More than I already thought I was. All my life people have tried to point out all my flaws… all my obvious flaws, you seen them 🤣 and you felt my greatness. Whether you wanted to admit to yourself.. the world or not. You truly seen it. Even if you didn’t want to. Your highest self recognized mine. And I couldn’t explain it and you couldn’t believe it but we seen it.

You show’d me a lot of me. A lot of what I looked over about myself. My own power. My greatness. My potential. How I carried ppl A lot of my negative aspects of myself I didn’t pay attention to . Not even meaning to..

but when I heard your heart cry…it was like my heart woke up turned around And I really seen you for the first time. Like I seen you different and I couldn’t unsee more like unfeel you. I couldn’t see shit the same in life.

Even if it’s not me for you… I want you to find happiness fr… I ain’t mad man … I ain’t against you. Even know I know you went against me. Threw me under every bus and see me trynna get up and backed up the bus. I know you talked so my shit about me. On my name. Called me crazy. Lied on me.

I get you. I get you hurt. You’ve been hurt. And everybody’s looked over it. Not that you’d really want ppl to see you hurt but you would want someone to see you. You for you. All all your purity even when you covered in mud. You’ve been in da field for a while. So you’ve became accustomed to being disappointed. To going through the motions. Finding some type of content in that. Focusing on money getting out and eventually getting out just turned into getting money cause the way out just looks further and further … your mom died … she left. Unintentionally but she still left and you can tell you’ve been hurt your whole life but when she left it became okay to be hurt. To be mad. Pissed. And … it’s a lot.

I may not feel your pain but my soul recognizes it. I truly just grew in love with you. Without feeling you. Without sex. God is crazy lol. I think anything is possible. And I think you know that. But you be in between worlds sometimes. I get that. Even though you’ve came against me it never touched me…. And a part of me thinks you meant it that way or God did ofc

I could talk about this love for hours. But I rather express it to you. My thoughts, assumptions lol, feelings, theories. But I’m good off you though. If you good off me it’s cool I was trippin big shoes for a while. Cause I really wanted it to work out. I ain’t ever feel those feelings before. But it’s okay. They haven’t left but I’m more in control. I can let go. Let you go.

I pray it works out. Maybe later down the road. For some reason I got this feeling I’d meet you in any lifetime so hey do ya thang boo. Ima be rooting from da sidelines for u when I get the chance from running my own race.

[akaraboonline]

5 Unsexy Signs You're Ready For Love

There comes a time when you meet your lifelong partner, the person who has the potential to become your life's love. 5 Unsexy Signs You're Ready For Love While you may not be certain that they are right for you, he or she has a lot of potential and there's a good chance that they are the person you've been looking for.

Here are five unsexy signs you're primed to find love:

1. You know how to love yourself This appears to be self-evident, but it is not. You may have high self-esteem and professional success. You may take care of your own needs and claim to love yourself. But that doesn't mean we're actually doing it. It simply means you understand the words. True love is unconditional acceptance of yourself, flaws and all. It entails loving yourself despite your flaws and imperfections, and joyfully embracing the amazing person you share your life with every second of every day. Loving yourself is about liking and unconditionally accepting the quirky, crazy human being you see in the mirror, not about what you do in life. You love others because you recognize yourself in them. You will not succeed if you do not truly love yourself. 2. You have an understanding of true love There are two kinds of feelings: like and love. Far too many people mix the two up. You may believe you love someone when, in fact, you simply admire their qualities. Love is when you connect deeply with your partner's essence, the part of them that was the same when they were 10, 20, and 30 years old and will still be the same when they are 75 or older. This essence transcends fleeting qualities such as appearance, intelligence, skills, professional status, and material possessions. You may like someone who is charming and shares your interests, but these characteristics can change over time and do not guarantee deep connection and true love. 3. You create deep connections When people connect, they form good relationships. Without the spark of a human connection between two people, there is no dating success, and all good relationships require it. This connection was not formed by chance. It stems from openness and vulnerability. Your partner will not connect with you on a deep level if your heart is closed and you are not sharing yourself. If the other person is not open, it is difficult to love and connect with them. Relationships can function without honesty and vulnerability, but they cannot thrive. Making the most of your opportunity necessitates both the risky act of lowering your guard and the delicate act of disarming your partner with safety and acceptance. Learn how to use these tools to connect deeply with others. 4. You accept others completely There is an unbreakable law of relationships that you must acknowledge: What you refuse to accept, your partner will refuse to share. This law can be found all around us. When your parents do not agree with your lifestyle choices or values, you conceal them from them. You avoid discussing sensitive issues in their presence when your judgmental friend is intolerant. When you make an error that your boyfriend or girlfriend may not accept, your first instinct is to remain silent. You may not agree with every decision, but total acceptance of your partner's thoughts and actions is required if you want an honest relationship in which your partner feels fully understood and shares fully. 5. You work at bridging differences Every relationship has understanding and opinion differences. The question is not whether differences exist, but rather how those differences are resolved. Strong relationships resolve disagreements by reaching a common understanding based on what makes the most sense, not on who came up with it first. Both parties share what they know and how they know it, and they work together to sort through the facts and emotions until they reach an agreement. This is in stark contrast to the common but far less effective techniques of fleeing the conflict, allowing one side to prevail through brute force, or compromising for the sake of compromising. When you can bring teamwork and harmony to a disagreement, you are doing more than just avoiding an unnecessary breakup or drama: you are paving the way for a long-term relationship. Read the full article

[ask-sakky-bear]

Listen, my mom loves me as much as she can. I believe that she loves me because i am her child, she always wanted a daughter, she has always wanted to be a mom. She has told me all of these things, right?

Tht does not change the fact that I am fully aware that my mom chose to have me out of a very selfish desire. So while my mother has told me that she loves me, has always wanted a daughter, and has always wanted a mother, she has also told me, in either her (re)actions or direct words, that she does not value my opinions because they do not align with her own upbringing or personal religious beliefs; that she wanted a daighter because she has always wanted a little sister and a daughter was th closest she would ever get; and that being a mother was what she was expected to do and when she was unable to have her "Keeping Up With The Jones's" life, it hit her HARD emotionally and mentally.

I love my mother as much as i can, knowing that she is a flawed human being who had a second child in hopes she could still salvage some of her motherhood dreams, after birthing a child with a develomental disorder that will leave her having to care for him the rest of her life. But there will ALWAYS be that sour spot in my mind, no matter how much I forgive her or understand her motivations and upbringing or recognize that she is a woman worn down by having to care for a child with autism/tourettes and another that did not want to exist under her rules when she started to gain her own personality. I will always hold some bitterness and resentment towards her because I know that she will always, always, ALWAYS undermine my decisions or force her own opinions on to me, while simultaneously not allowing me to voice my own, because I am still a child (i am nearly 30) and don't understand how hard the world is (i have lived through the 00s and 10s and have watched the world get worse with little to no hope of it getting better, especially for the working poor class that i belong to).

Amd while i get that this post isn't for people like me, who grew up with a mom trying her best but still failing in some regards, i think it still rings true. I can love my mom with all that i can safely do, but that still does not change the fact that i am excpected to honor and bow to her beliefs because of some religious expectation, or because she was trying her best.

I put distance between my family and me the second i could and am loathe to move back home because I know that the closer i am, the more i am expected to cave to their beliefs and wants. No amount of "but she's your mother", "she did her best", or "she still loves you!" will change th fact that I cannot be who I want to be for myself if I am near enough to see my family every day. It will not change the fact that i will have to always hide parts of myself in their presence and doing so near constantly is mentally exhausting.

If you need to put that boundary up for yourself, do it, even if it hurts and you wish it were different. "It's not the birthing that makes a mother worth honoring, it's the parenting".

"But she gave birth to you, you owe her!"

My mother wanted to be a mother. It was her dream to be a mother. She poured all her energy into being a Good Christian Mother.

She did not want me. She wanted motherhood. I was a side effect of her dream. Once I was old enough to disagree with her, she hated me. I wasn't making her look like a Good Christian Mother. I was loud, disobedient, needy... almost like a child. Not quiet and pretty and grateful for crumbs.

Yes, she birthed me. For herself and her partner. For the people who were already born. Not for me. As all mothers have for all of time. It's not the birthing that makes a mother worth honoring, it's the parenting.