#but then i started to notice the parallels and it was truly brilliant work on Waids part

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

It’s funny to me that being obsessed with other speedsters and jealous of the ones you consider a mentor is normal speedster behavior but Eobard just takes it Too Far.

He really really really does.

It's interesting because Wally and Eobard are such clear parallels to each other in that regard. I know I've written that particular thesis and essay but I'm not sure if I've ever posted it.

John Fox is also an extremely fascinating example of this as well. What's interesting with Fox though isn't his parallel to Eobard but rather the comparison between how Barry handled Eobard and how Wally handled Fox. Again, I know I've written this one but I don't think I've posted it.

If I have time tomorrow I might rehash these ones because I found them extremely interesting. Especially the case of John Fox. Waid did an excellent job at mirroring Barry and Eobard with Wally and Fox to show how different Wally and Barry are as people.

[aspoonofsugar]

Hello, I would like to know what you think about the discussion that Cinder and Watts had.

It is interesting to note that what Watts tells Cinder is that her suffering doesn't make her strong or special or worthy of anything and by extension Watts tells Cinder that as much as she pretends that her suffering made her strong in reality she is still quite fragile and vulnerable because she hasn't been able to overcome her trauma and still wants to give meaning to her life and suffering.

Hello anons!

These two asks can be answered together.

First of all, I really liked that scene! It is probably my favourite moment of the episode together with the sequence in the underground.

I think there are two ways to see Watts and Cinder’s interaction in the episode.

1) Cinder

Cinder: You’re right. Without you I am nothing. But because of you, I am everything.

As I have written here:

Cinder’s way of thinking is very similar to Mercury’s. Not only have they both endured their parents’ violence, but they have tried to give this violence meaning. It is because of Madame that Cinder has become “everything” and it is because of Marcus that Mercury has become “strong”. They must believe that it was not all for nothing and that the pain they felt made them stronger instead of weaker.

This is why Cinder thinks that deep down her “hunger” is good. It is because it drives her, but she ignores that it blinds her too.

The idea that suffering made her stronger and more deserving than others is Cinder’s main coping mechanism.

She was treated as nothing, so she needs to believe she is secretly worthy of things others are negated. As I have stated here, she deep down wants to be chosen:

I would say that Cinder wants to be chosen. She wants to be special and to be given value. This is probably why she is serving Salem. It is because Salem has chosen her for an important role.

Well, Watts’s speech is about exactly this:

Watts: You think you’re entitled to everything because you’ve suffered, but suffering isn’t enough. You can’t just be strong, you have to be smart. You can’t just be deserving, you need to be worthy.

In a couple of phrases he deconstructs Cinder’s coping mechanism and this is why she is made to feel so vulnerable.

The whole point of Cinder is that she should stop reducing herself to her trauma and pain. By doing so, she both dehumanizes herself and dismisses others.

She dehumanizes herself because she tries to overcome her inferiority complex by looking for power and she does not realize that this is turning her into a monster:

Raven: Aura can’t protect your arm, it’s Grimm. You turned yourself into a monster just for power.

She dismisses others because she is so focused on her own pain that she can’t notice others’.

In short, she must stop pretending everything revolves around her and should start working on herself and her own issues. This is thematically what Watts’s speech is about. It also ties to the teaching of the Fall Maiden about choice. Destiny is not something that is given to you, but something you work towards:

Pyrrha: When I think of destiny, I don’t think of a predetermined fate you can’t escape. But rather… some sort of final goal, something you work towards your entire life.

Cinder is looking for worth outside herself. She wants Salem to recognize her and magical powers to be strong. She misses that self-worth is something only Cinder can grant herself.

However, things are not as simple in-universe because Watts is not referring to this in his speech. What he wants is not for Cinder to overcome her issues and to realize serving Salem is wrong. What Watts wants is for her to become better at her job.

Not only that, but in Watts’s speech there is hidden also this message that @luimnigh and @harostar have discussed here. Their posts are already clear, so I won’t spend much time on it.

The main idea is that Watts is worthy, while Cinder is not and how it goes back to their different upbringings and social status. In short, Watts is an Atlesian elite, while Cinder is a no-one, who was bought as a slave. Cinder keeps feeling this difference and can’t really break free from this kind of mentality.

That said, I think this last point gains more nuance when one looks at what this speech means for Watts himself.

2) Watts

Watts’s allusion is Watson and WoG says that he is Watson if he had connected with Moriarty instead of Sherlock. Personally, I think that as for now another good way to describe his allusion is that he is Watson if he were jealous of Sherlock instead of loyal to him.

As for now, Watts’s defining trait is his jealousy of Pietro Polendina and of his creation:

Watts: She’ll open the vault and she’ll destroy herself...And our little Penny problem would be...

It is not by chance that he wants to blow her up, even if that would not really be necessary. The Little Penny Problem he is talking about is really his problem and not Salem’s, who could not care less about Penny once she has the relic.

Watts wants to destroy Penny because he wants to be better than Pietro. Still, he misses why Pietro is better than him:

Watts: She’s on a set-path now...At least she should be...As much as I hate to admit it there seems to be some part of her capable of resisting...

As we know, the part of Penny who is capable of resisting is her humanity. Penny is a masterpiece not because she is a war machine, but because she is a real girl. This is the core of Pietro’s genius and this is what Watts can’t grasp:

Watts: Our tin soldier's heart has cost him his mind. We need to keep their attention on Mantle for as long as possible.

Watts, just like Ironwood, believes that feelings make you weak and stupid. Of course, this is the anti-thematic statement which has already been proven wrong over and over. Even when it comes to the situation above, Watts is actually being baited by Ironwood and him falling for it results in his arrest. The moment Ironwood is more open about his feelings is also the moment he is acting more logically.

In short, Watts is a brilliant scientist, who bought in Atlas’s ideology that you must pursue success at all costs. You must be strong/clever because only in this way you can be successful. If you let feelings cloud your determination/mind, you are a failure.

However, it is precisely this ideology taken to its extreme that is Watts’s own downfall.

He can’t understand Pietro’s ideal and is overshadowed by him. What is more, the idea of not being the first in his field drives him to disgrace.

His backstory makes so that Inside team WTCH Watts represents Salem’s entitlement.

This makes him similar to Cinder, as well. He is different from her for upbringing and status. Still, they both have the same flaw. They believe they are entitled to things.

Cinder does so because she has suffered. She was no-one, so now she must be the most important person in the world.

Watts does so because he was born an elite and he should stay an elite forever.

Watts is there not only to tell, but to show (both Cinder and the viewers) that the path Cinder is on leads nowhere. Watts had probably everything Cinder ever wanted. He was successful and rich. He did not have to worry about food or poverty. Still, that was not enough for him. He wanted more and this led him to betray his own country and to join a nihilistic witch.

In other words, Cinder will never find what she is looking for in power or success. Watts had both, but he is empty just like her. He is hungry just like her.

This is well conveyed symbolically by Watts being one of the very few characters that never unlocked his semblance. It means he never truly unlocked his full potential. He never truly understood who he wanted to be. He tried to be who his society wanted him to be, but he was not satisfied and decided to destroy it instead.

So, when Watts talks about the need to be smart and the difference between being deserving and worthy, he is actually talking about himself, probably without even realizing it. He is projecting his feelings of failure on Cinder. He was deserving, but not worthy. Pietro was the worthy one.

Other than these two, there is also another level to this confrontation that has been underlined by @misstrashchan​ here.

It is about the parallel between Cinder and Ironwood when it comes to their reactions to Watts spelling them the truth about themselves:

Ironwood: I will sacrifice... whatever it takes... to stop her.

Watts: Oh, I hope you do, James. I hope you do.

The difference, as the post above explains very well, is that Cinder is able to listen to Watts, while Ironwood ignores his words altogether.

This ties to how Ironwood’s inability to recognize his mistakes and to change his mind (literally what his semblance Mettle is about) is why he is the main villain in an arc where we are having the first redemption arc of one of our original trio of villains:

A redemption, which will probably be followed by other defections among the AceOps themselves.

In order to redeem one-self, a person must accept they were wrong and change their mind. Ironwood is unable to do so and this is why he is dangerous.

In conclusion, I love this confrontation because it is very complex, has many levels and is gray. In terms of complexity it reminds me of Tyrian’s interactions with Emerald and especially Mercury:

 Tyrian is seen tormenting the two kids whenever he gets the chance. That said, he ironically ends up spelling out for them truths the two must face:

Tyrian: Do what makes you happy children… please? I’m begging you…

Tyrian: Of course she is! You’re surprised? Salem is destruction incarnate! Our mistress wishes to see the end of it all! There is no ideal more beautiful.

Tyrian is a great evil mentor because he manages to spell out what Emerald and Mercury should do and to make sure through his body language that they are not able to. He tells them the truth and threathens them, so that they can’t pursue what they need.

Here, Watts tells Cinder the truth by lashing out about how she is so worthless, that a machine must do her job.

It is also interesting because both Emerald and Mercury are clearly set-up to have an evil mentor figure:

Emerald and Hazel’s foiling has already paid off, while Mercury and Tyrian’s will probably pay off in the future.

I am not sure if Cinder will have a similar foiling/relationship with Watts. Still, it is an interesting possibility. Especially because one thing I would really like to happen with the original villain trio is for the abuse and the manipulation they are subjected to backfire. I would like for them to break free (with others’ help obviously because they can’t free themselves alone) by taking all these thematic truths they are told, so they can be manipulated, and to change them in teachings they can use against their abusers.

In short, I want Cinder to say...”Yeah, I do not need to be deserving of power because I am already worthy on my own”. And I want Mercury to free himself and to tell Tyrian...”This is what makes me happy”.

I think that this has partly happened with Emerald in the sense that Salem’s tactic to weaken her loyalty to Cinder through fear backfired:

Salem: Emerald... I want you to tell me whose fault this was. Now

Emerald: Cinder! We failed because of Cinder...

Salem: That's right. I want you to understand that failure. I want you to understand why Cinder must be left to toil in her isolation until she redeems herself.

The whole point of this interaction was to make Emerald submissive. It is clear Emerald is there for Cinder and not for Salem, so Salem frightened her and forced her to symbolically “betray” Cinder.

Still, this did not work for two reasons.

a) Emerald needs to see Cinder for who she is, so that she can break free from her.

b) Fear is among the factors that motivated Emerald to leave:

Yang: You're gonna have to try and summarize it. Why should we trust you?

Ren: Because she's scared. Just like us.

Not only that, but in an inversion of what usually happens with fear in the series, it is specifically because Emerald and JOYR are all scared that they can overcome their conflict and work together (as @echo-from-the-void​. noticed). Fear has separated our protagonists from the AceOps, but has brought them Emerald.

These are my main thoughts on the scene, thank you for the asks!

[dinner-djarin]

Until the Sun Rises

Part 2: Beautifully Catastrophic

Anakin x Jedi!reader

Summary: The Clone Wars have begun, and although you and Anakin remain best friends, you have sensed your relationship growing distant, both from your time spent apart in battle, and from the inclusion of a certain woman into his life. When you finally get a moment to share alone with him, however, things do not go as you would have wished.

Notes: Part 2 takes place probably a year or so after part 1. Reader is young, probably around 18 or 19. Another Happy Birthday wish to @hellotherebonky

Rating: T

Warnings: fluff/angst. Reader gets very angry, yikes.

Part 1

Only one year later would Anakin be made an official Jedi Knight, just after the start of the Clone Wars. And as much as you hoped for peace in the galaxy, you secretly revelled in the start of the fighting, as it meant you were finally able to leave the Temple on a regular basis. You and your Master fought many battles together, and you felt yourself grow stronger with The Force every day. Master Sente admitted they may have been wrong to keep you guarded all that time, as you proved yourself to be a very cunning and diligent warrior. You learned ten times faster out in the galaxy then you did by studying away in the record halls. Being out there, learning on the battlefield, this was what made you finally shine.

The one downfall, however, was the reality that your assignments kept you away from Anakin.

He and Obi-wan stayed close, even after he proved himself capable and passed his trials, so the two of them often went on missions together… a fate you once dreamed of for yourselves.

But in all honesty, you were thankful for the space from Anakin. Ever since Padme Amidala had been thrust back into his life, you were tormented by how different Anakin had become. He didn’t confide in you as often, and when he did, the sole topic was her. How he couldn’t stand to be away from her. How he dreamt only of her. How only she could tame the fire that seared his soul.

One might think that a war should be the cause of such an uprooting to your life - but the war paled in comparison to the return of a woman.

You could see what drew him to her. Her beauty was only paralleled by her intelligence and kindness. She was stunning - you might even say she was perfect.

Her angelic form could not rival whatever you had to offer him. In fact, you had nothing to offer him, as the Jedi Code stood between any dreams you could dare to possess. At least with her, only his own morals were tempted. He didn’t confide the true nature of his relationship with Padme to you, but in your heart, you knew things had gone too far. It broke you to see him throw away his future for her, but it broke you more that he would never do the same for you.

She was lovely enough to include you in her life too, obviously noting the fact that you were Anakin’s only true friend at the Temple. You spent lunches and dinners and nights out together at the opera. Over the short time you spent together you unconsciously came to like her. More than that, you admired her.

You admired how she continued to fight for the rights of those who had none. How she was always unafraid to speak her mind and stand against what she believed to be wrong. You also noticed just how strong willed she could be in those opinions; ready to take on any voices raised against her own.

And as much as you tried to be happy for the two best people in your life, you couldn’t help the way that they remind you of the neutron star collisions you were taught about as a youngling. Two stars burning hot and bright, caught in each other's gravity, encircling one another over and over in a beautiful rhythm, until time and space can no longer accommodate for their existence. A beauty burning so bright that it can only be catastrophic.

Padme is brilliant and caring, but she is determined and independent. Anakin is willing to fight to the end for what he loves, but he is only satisfied when it is him who makes the sacrifices, and him who makes the choices. He needs to control everything, but she cannot be controlled.

You’ve grown alongside Anakin, and you’ve grown to love Padme. Separate they are unstoppable. They believe they can change the galaxy. But you know neither sees that goal in the same way.

You recount the way Anakin fought so hard against the council, over and over, believing that he knew better, or his approach would suit the situation over theirs. Often, he was proven right. He was talented, but the council only thought of him as reckless and lucky, making him seek to push against them even harder. For nights on end, you would hear him rant on about his distrust in such a system.

“We would be better off to decide for ourselves what we thought was right” he would go on. “How can we put our faith in a group of old, washed up Master’s who have long forgotten what it’s like to put their own lives on the line.” Eventually he would finish with sentiments along the line of: “I think they’re just scared to make the decisions that needed to be made”

But you also knew how faithful Padme was to that same system. She believed in the power of diplomacy and democracy. A freedom made by sitting and talking through their issues. Words right out of the mouth of Anakin; words of distaste for a future he couldn't see himself a part of.

It kept you wondering just how long it might take for fate - for The Force - to intervene. You knew it would have to, in some form or another. It always did. You waited for the day they would implode. And you swore you would be by his side when they did.

You waited. But the day hadn’t come.

Instead, the Clone Wars dragged on. You were eventually Knighted. A relatively small ceremony for the troubled times, but even Anakin made his way to be there. He looked proud as you knelt before the council and agreed to do the will of The Force.

“I can’t believe I finally made it,” you whisper to Anakin as you shuffle out of the council room.

“I never doubted you would, little one.” His voice quiet too but resonating directly into your ear as he hunched over to place his mouth next to your face.

“I did. All the time,” you say as you tilt your face to meet his.

“You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t.” Just then you realized you had worked yourselves away from the crowd into the hall where your adjacent rooms were held. “Come on, for old times’ sake.” His head nodding towards his own room, but you understood the final destination he had in mind.

You both carefully maneuvered your bodies over the ledge of his balcony onto the roof of the temple. “This was easier when we were children,” you remarked through laboured breaths.

“Everything was,” he responded, settling into the spot next to you so that your two thighs were barely grazing. The positioning reminded you of a night you spent together not so long ago. Watching the life of Coruscant fill the skies. Now the view had barely changed, save for the fact you were currently watching a setting sun instead of a vast darkness.

You both sat in silence, as you often did, words rarely necessary when you felt each other's presence so clearly already. Tuning into his aura, you felt a turbulence - an unease you had never felt before. What is that? You thought, forgetting how thoroughly lodged you were in his essence. “I’m sorry, Anakin. I didn’t mean to intrude-”

“It’s alright. I have nothing to hide, not from you. Never from you.” He admits as he turns to look into your eyes. You met his gaze instantly, and whatever you had felt in his aura had also taken root in his face. Besides the new scar, there were clear signs of worry and fear - his secrets slowly burdening him from the inside out.

“Please tell me, Anakin. You know you can tell me, whatever it is.” You attempt to reassure him. You know he must have a lot on his mind, and you know there is rarely anyone else he can truly confide in. His relationship with Padme meant he could not completely confide in Obi-wan, but the nature of his role and the severity of his actions during the Clone Wars caused a further rift between him and his wife.

“There’s so much. I don’t even know where to begin,” he starts.

“How about the beginning.” Your voice is almost teasing, until you see the bleakness in his weathered face. The horrors of war depleting the once joyful and youthful peace that filled him. Now he looked harsh and serious. He had told you of the things he had done, even before the Clone Wars began, and you could piece together how easily the added burdens had manifested in his soul.

“The council gave me a Padawan.” He spoke softly as he stared at the horizon.

“Already? They must have great faith in you.”

“I think the opposite. They wish to tame me, or to see me fail.” You could sense the hint of anger breaking through his otherwise stoic appearance.

“Anakin, I know you don’t trust them but-”

“But what? When have they ever trusted me?!” His quiet demeanor abruptly dissolving. “Why should I think they’re doing this out of my best interest?”

“How has it been?” You attempt to diffuse him. “What are they like?”

Anakin takes a moment to regain his peace. “She’s like me, Ahsoka.”

“Then she’ll be trouble.” You say with a jab to his ribs.

“Hey.” He nudges you back, and you almost slip from your spot to the balcony below. “Oh Maker, sorry.” He begins again, “I just fear she’s too much like me. She deserves a Master who is knowledgeable of The Force, who can help her find strength and stability. She is wild, and takes risks-”

“And is that bad? She sounds exactly like you. Maybe she needs someone to show her that trusting herself is as important as trusting The Force.”

“I don’t know if I can be that for her. I don’t even know if I trust myself anymore.” his voice reaching a quiet once again. So low, you understand that there is more to what he has shared.

“What’s really going on, Anakin?” You sense his trouble, and you know he has not fully divulged the root of his strife. In a moment of weakness, you let your emotions surface and ask, “Is it Padme?”

“What!? Why would it be Padme? Why would you ask that?” But his voice is too defensive for you to leave the subject alone.

“I just mean keeping the secret. Keeping her a secret. It must be weighing on you. And on top of everything-”

“On top of what?” He asks sternly. But his question stirs something in you, and pokes at all the thoughts you had bottled up over the months of observing the two of them.

“I mean you two already fight enough as it is. You get jealous and she gets angry. You just never seem to be on the same page.”

“You don’t approve of Padme?” He questions harshly.

“Of course I approve of Padme, as if I even need to. I mean she’s perfect. She’s almost too damn good for you-”

“What so I don’t deserve her? You think she should be with someone else?” You saw the aforementioned jealousy rising back up in him, further proving your point.

“I think you’re throwing away your life for a relationship you aren’t even happy in!”

“How could you know If I’m happy?”

“Because I know you, Anakin! I’ve known you for most of your life. I’ve seen you happy, and you aren’t happy with her.”

“It’s not that simple-”

“How is it not? You fight all the time; you don’t agree on anything. Is it supposed to be this hard? Why are you even still with her if she makes your life so difficult?”

“Because she’s my wife!” He admits loudly, a contrast to the deafening silence that follows.

You stare at him for what feels like hours. Your tongue runs dry from the stale air that passes through your agape mouth. Several minutes pass before you realize you hadn’t taken a proper breath.

“What are you talking about, Anakin.” These are the only words you can muster, and they come out painfully against the scratch of your dry throat.

“Just after the assignment where I guarded Padme,” he begins, “I lost my arm, and the Clone Wars began, and there was so much going on. I never realized how easily it could all be taken away. I almost died fighting Dooku.”

“So you decided to get married?” Your mind running too fast, too cluttered with thoughts to string together a calm response. “You lived, Anakin. You’re alive. So you decided to throw it all away because you almost died. Because you realized you could have died. We are Jedi. We could die any day. That’s the freaking point! How could you do something so foolish?!” You scream your words at him like blaster bolts, hoping for the first time ever that you could hurt him, like he had hurt you all these years.

“It was not foolish, I loved her then, and I love her now.” He admits to you angrily.

“And I loved you. I've loved you since the day you came here. And you never gave me a second glance. You never even tried to love me back. I've been here for you the whole time. Through everything. And still, you can't seem to care for me at all. I don't even know why I should care. I should have left you alone years ago. What have I ever gotten out of this? Pain. Hurt. Anger. You’ve pushed me to my breaking point time and time again. You have been more challenging than anything I faced in the trials. But I tried. I tried to be here for you, and hear every problem, every complaint. But you were never here for me. Not once. I’m done.” you say as you slide off the roof. “I cannot believe that all this time you’ve been married to her. And you never once thought to tell me. I am your best friend. At least I thought I was. Maker, Anakin, no wonder everything implodes around you.”

As you retreated, you felt the pain resonate from his aura. Your words tore at his soul and left him to bleed out. But you had enough. You were destroyed, and you needed him to know how deeply he had wounded you first. So, you abandoned him on that roof. You walked away from the one person who you truly loved. With every step you felt the strings of your attachment snap, you felt his presence leaving you in a way it never had before.

But he let you go. Not because he wanted to. But because you were right. He hadn’t been there for you. All those years you had been his crutch. You had listened to every childish rant. You had talked through every problem with him. But what had he done for you? He used you, and he knew it. What good would it do to beg you to stay? He could only be so selfish.

But you were also wrong, because he did love you. He should have shown it better. He should have told you long ago. But his world had become a destructive mess, and he decided he deserved all the pain and torment it had brought. Anakin wasn’t even sure how he loved you. It surely wasn’t the same way he felt about Padme. No, that love was raw. It was fire, and passion. It burned him alive. He loved you softly, like a warm embrace. You brought comfort and joy, even when the world was crumbling around him. Maybe he knew he didn’t deserve such happiness. Maybe that's why he let you walk away.

Part 3

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Trickster: an Ethari theory

I've had yea many Ethari headcanons, and I hope I live to have yea many more. Most of them are probably wrong, or incomplete at best. But boy are they fun.

I love to wonder what Ethari will really be like in canon when we get to know him for more than 3 minutes, but whoever he really is on his own, he will have an effect on Runaan , Rayla, and everyone who loves him, because they love him.

The first headcanon I can remember having for "Tinker" was that he could be like Leonardo da Vinci: a genius, creative, surrounded by beautiful ideas given shape by his hands, but also capable of creating deadly weapons, enchantments, and devices with equal beauty, and perhaps not really seeing where the line between them was. It was fun, but Ethari has ended up far softer than my headcanon, and I love and support him in his softness!

After a nice string of Ethari headcanons, this year I've started poking at the Trickster archetype and seeing if it applies to him. And I think it absolutely does!

Tricksters often seem like Chaos. But they're not. They're just Difference. "Chaos" is subjective. Like the "divergent" in "neurodivergent." Who says? Divergent from what, exactly? Perspective matters, and Tricksters have a very broad take on things which allows them to think outside any box people might try to invite them into.

My enjoyment of Loki has brought all kinds of ideas to my dash with the arrival of the Loki show. I've got a copy of the Edda, and I highlighted the hell out of it a couple of years ago as I searched for the roots of Loki's origin story. (It's truly fascinating reading and the symbolic language hidden inside their poetry is dazzlingly amazing and I'm super using it sometime just so you know)

Loki is a Trickster, and he's far from alone in myth and legend. Anansi, Coyote, and Sun Wukong are some you may have heard of. Aaravos is another, of course. Tricksters can be called upon to lend aid and wisdom when the rules don't have an answer for some extraordinary circumstance which the Trickster's people find themselves in. But that's not because they are truly outside the rule of order. They are actually a part of it. They are the catch-all for when the everyday ordinary rules fail people, and something "unthinkable"--in the literal sense--might just hold the answer.

This post crossed my dash today, and something finally clicked in my head, and all of this coalesced from what felt like separate places. But they're not separate, not anymore! Serotonin, baby. It's basically upped my headcanon to a full-blown theory.

What caught my eye was an answer to why Ethari's clothing is so determinedly asymmetrical, compared to Runaan's specifically, but Moonshadows in general. It's because of this:

Long protective sleeves below patterns on shoulders. A high collar paired with a bright and noticeable swoop around the neck. Fine detailing and graceful taste. Asymmetrical tunic point on the left, below broad strappy leather. Knee high boots with stylish protective gaiters.

And let's not forget the curling horns! In some comics, Loki has a broken horn. So does Ethari.

Yes, there is a lot of similarity here, but I'm not focused so much on the visuals as the reason they were chosen. Feel free to consider other aspects of Ethari's personality and how they might be similar to certain parts of Loki's. I did! But I wouldn't be me if I didn't go deeper than that.

My favorite book in the universe (so far) is Lois McMaster Bujold's The Curse of Chalion, and one of the many reasons why is because of her pantheon. It holds five gods, represented by a hand: Father, Mother, Son, Daughter, and Bastard. The first four all have their roles and places. The Bastard--the thumb--inherits everything else. He is the god of all things that do not belong to any other gods, and that includes self-sacrificing vengeance and queerness. He is a Trickster, and his influence on Cazaril's life is far deeper than at first glance. Chaos has its place. It belongs, and so do the Tricksters who engender it. God, I love this book. Please read it if you haven't. Bujold's work is amazing.

If you've seen or read any version of MDZS/Untamed, you know that Wei WuXian is a trickster. Competent and badass in battle, but playful and teasing to the point where sometimes even he isn't sure what he truly wants, he can bring a massive amount of power and focus when he wants to. It's always a matter of "but is it important to me?"

I love WWX so much. The Trickster vibe is very apparent in his character, and in a way you just don't get in Western media. We see him on his own, and we see him with family and loved ones. And he's always feeling something so intensely! He's driven by his emotions, for good or ill. He vibes with chaos, and he will create it if it doesn't exist yet. But he will also create family from nothing, and that's something you don't see enough of! WWX is a Trickster with an emotional preference for joy.

In TDP, Ethari doesn't have a lot of lore yet. It's being Moonshadowed because spoilers for future seasons, and I respect that. The longer the wait for S4, the more ideas I will just amuse myself with in the meantime--and yeah, this is one of them, so what? :))) But we do know a little about him.

He loves music. He loves to read. He leaves his mark on things in swirly form. He works very hard, even through headaches, because what he's doing is that important to him, even though he would much rather be making jewelry. He loves taking the time to polish rough stones into brilliant jewels, and he adores big pretty flowers and had them at his wedding.

Ethari has a temper, but he also loves puns. The weapons he crafts are exquisite: "light, elegant, strong, and clever." And he knew darn well that Runaan was trying to flirt with him, but why return a sentiment he may or may not feel yet when he can play with the overly earnest assassin just a little bit first?

Okay, just... A "simple craftsman" deciding that it's going to be fun to toy for a bit with a broody assassin's feelings? Would you risk that? Ethari got balls the size of the moon, and a brain to match. When he has to make weaponry, he does not half-ass it. Ethari's stabby creations nearly have a life of their own. His creations are literally called "trick weapons." This elf is a lot, okay. And it's possible that he doesn't even know how "a lot" he is. Yet.

We're meeting Ethari after he's found something that is, in fact, genuinely important to him: Runaan, and Rayla, and Laindrin too. Ethari has found a relatively stable place to settle and find a role to adopt. I say adopt, though, because making weaponry for his loved ones is not what he grew up wanting to do. It's what he had to do to keep them safe, once he found a place to bestow his heart.

But in the show, Ethari has lost his family, one by one. First Lain and Tiadrin, ghosted. Then Runaan, supposedly fallen on his mission. Then Rayla, ghosted for abandoning Runaan. He and Rayla have reconnected now, but the rest of his family is still out of his reach. If Rayla has indeed told him, by S4, what she learned at the Moonhenge in TTM, then Ethari may parallel Rayla's journey to seek answers. But even if he doesn't know yet, and gets pulled into some other story arc first, we will be seeing Ethari without his family.

Remember the ATLA episode "Zuko Alone"? Consider: "Ethari Alone."

Ethari has chosen, for love, to fit himself into a box that wasn't of his own making. And now that box has broken. His family doesn't need him to be their craftsman anymore. Perhaps others will need him to be other things to them. Or perhaps he will know that his family does need him, but to be far more than just a maker of pretty swords. A rescuer, perhaps. A healer, a guide? An avenger?

A trickster. Capable of taking many shapes, because he understands them all. Ethari works with form and function. If he needs to transform himself, he will.

That's what Tricksters do. It's delightfully queer and delightfully neurodivergent. Ancient peoples accepted and revered the different among them and actively sought their help with things they themselves struggled with.

Tricksters are Difference. Sometimes that manifests as chaos, sometimes as genius. But if you do not love and appreciate your chaos, it will absolutely turn on you. Wei Wuxian did. Loki certainly has, many times. Perhaps Aaravos is doing so as well.

I cannot wait to see what Ethari does with his difference. I have something very specific that I hope he goes and breaks.

All this from a picture of Tom Hiddleston in his Avengers 1 Loki costume? Yeah. Because Ethari was designed to wear asymmetrical clothing, in a Moonshadow culture that prides itself on balance. Sure, there are some other Moonshadows who wear this or that asymmetrical item, and I do love to see it. But Ethari has the most asymmetrical lines of them all. The meta glee I feel knowing that Moonshadow elves are designed to hold many layers of meaning in their appearances--that the writers, creators, and character designers just flexed with them--is truly a delight.

Ethari is asymmetrical. The full and practical application of that is a glass casket, and I hope it becomes a gift that keeps on giving, because boy do I want to keep receiving it. But right now, I'm genuinely seeing evidence of the Trickster archetype in him. And I really hope it gets to come out and play.

[leiawritesstories]

Another Place

Nessian Week, Day 5: Alternate Universe (AU) Day

Yes, I took the prompt literally. ;)

Word count: 2914

Warnings: fuzzy science, fuzzy space mumbo jumbo, language

Skye Penderwick belongs to Jeanne Birdsall. All other characters belong to SJM. 

@nessianweek

~~~~~~

“I’m heading out, Doctor.”

Dr. Nesta Archeron, who held a PhD in astrophysics, looked up from her desk. “All right, Skye, thanks for everything. See you tomorrow?”

“Absolutely. Don’t forget to sleep, Dr. Arch!”

“Never do, Dr. Pen!”

The other astrophysicist’s snort of laughter floated down the hall. “Yeah, right.”

Fine, maybe there were nights when Nesta stayed up into the wee hours of the morning, scribbling calculations on the chalkboards and in her notes, combing through theories of all the great scientists before her, adding bits and pieces to her own theory, and generally ruining her sleep schedule with badly timed, random “a-ha!” moments. But to be fair, seven years of developing a theory of alternate universes would do that to a person. 

Seven years ago, she’d run across an anomaly on a deep-space image that didn’t match anything ever recorded or observed by any scientist, ever. And yet it was small enough that most scientists could easily overlook it; it blended into the edge of the nebula that was the focus of the image. Nesta had noticed it, though, and that small imperfection, the wrinkle in the darkness of space, rooted into her mind and stayed there, leading her to question what the hell that blur was and why the hell it was there.

Which in turn led her down the murky rabbit hole of various theories of wormholes and other flaws in space-time, none of which aligned with her observations. And then down the even murkier rabbit hole of theories (of varying degrees of coherence) of parallel and alternate universes. The alternate universe idea in particular intrigued Nesta, and she spent weeks researching every bit of information available, noting how it lined up with her observations, and finally coming to a realization that this image her team had captured could serve as visible, concrete evidence in favor of a theory of alternate universes.

She’d drafted the first bit of her theory and formed a small team to develop it by the next morning.

After five years, countless different images of the anomaly, multiple variations on complex equations, much screaming, and three lifetimes’ worth of coffee, Dr. Nesta Archeron hit a wall.

Literally and figuratively.

Because when she ran into what seemed like an insurmountable block, she punched the nearest wall as hard as possible.

The cracks still radiated across one wall of her lab.

That block, and her efforts to break through it, introduced her to Dr. Skye Penderwick, a brilliant American astrophysicist who, coincidentally, also happened to be fascinated by the theory of alternate universes, despite having no theory of her own. She’d been working at the same facility as Nesta for several months before the two actually met, and within days of Nesta inviting her into her lab, she’d proposed a potential solution to the Archeron team’s roadblock.

It worked.

Nesta offered her a collaborator position that very day. Skye accepted.

Two years later, they were on the edge of breakthrough. Both of them knew it. Both of them saw clearly where their calculations, their notes, their carefully chronicled, detailed observations of the motion of the anomaly, and their years of hard work were leading. The theory Nesta so elegantly posited was nearly complete. All the two self-described space nerds needed was something, anything, to hint beyond scientific explanation that on the other side of that anomaly laid an alternate Earth.

Unfortunately, that something hadn’t shown up quite yet.

For, despite all the remarkable achievements of space science--lightspeed travel, quantum leaping, imaging software capable of capturing formations’ minute details, even the discovery of other habitable planets in faraway galaxies--nobody had yet been able to present a coherent, plausible theory of an alternate universe.

Yet.

Sighing, Nesta pushed back from her desk and walked to the back of her laboratory. She placed her index finger in a barely visible indent in the pristine white wall. A panel slid silently open, revealing a space illuminated by a soft blue glow. A nondescript grey-and-cobalt pressure suit hung neatly in a glass case. Nudging the panel closed, Nesta opened the case and removed the pressure suit.

Hers.

For her…uncatalogued trips. Trips to the station her team had planted by the anomaly. 

Trips which Nesta took regularly. She couldn’t risk any of her team traveling; each and every one of them was needed in the lab. No, it was her job and hers alone to make a regular leap to the station, check on their telescopes, and observe the anomaly up close.

She’d never tried to cross it. Not that she believed there was no passage; in fact, she’d painstakingly detailed the fascinatingly inexplicable illusion of a gap that appeared once every year, and had always failed to conclude if there truly was a gap.

Hence tonight’s little jaunt to the station. That gap had just appeared, and since it only showed for sixty hours, she had to go now.

So Dr. Nesta Archeron slid into her pressure suit, fastened the sleek boots and gloves, programmed the correct coordinates into the screen built into the underside of the suit’s left forearm, locked on her helmet, and keyed in the quantum leap sequence.

A blink later, she stood on the steel tiles of her team’s small, simple station deep in the reaches of outer space. Removing her helmet, Nesta allowed herself exactly three minutes to drink in the wonders of deep space.

Then she set the station’s timers for forty-eight hours, sat at the control panel, and piloted her space station/highly advanced spaceship into the gap in the universe.

For it was indeed a gap.

~

Commander Cassian Ilnair released the cockpit hatch of his sleek “interstellar exploration transport,” or, as he called her, the Millenium Falcon. Bloody government and their bloody idiotic pompous names for spaceships. That’s all it was, a spaceship, albeit a highly advanced, highly adaptable one that had carried him and up to four crew safely across nearly every corner of the universe and back to Earth.

Pulling his flight helmet off, he shook out his unruly shoulder-length hair, half- unzipped his navy blue pressure suit, and started postflight checks. 

“She’ll need to be refueled and the usual before she travels again, but other than that, good as new,” he reported to his CO, a woman five feet tall if she was an inch whose impeccable, formidable exploration resumé and take-no-bullshit demeanor made up for her diminutive height. 

“Excellent, Commander. I expect a full report on Disturbance AS-2947C by noon.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Cassian saluted.

“Dismissed.”

As he headed for the shower, Cass stole a glance at his wrist screen, which showed eight-fifteen a.m. Damn space time, he grumbled to himself, throws off my goddamn body clock. Luckily, he’d noted no significant change in that particular disturbance since the last time he visited it two weeks ago. That’d make his report much easier, indeed.

Sure, the disturbance was rippling ever so slightly, but it did that every year at this time and had been doing so since it appeared exactly seven years ago. 

Not a single scientist in all the ranks of the space force could provide a plausible explanation, or even a cohesive theory.

Disturbance AS-2947C was just that, a disturbance. A puzzling, inexplicable snag in the fabric of space time that had just appeared one day and sat around for seven years, following a routine path of motion but not really moving anywhere, just pulsing, and showing a ripple for exactly sixty hours exactly once per year.

Cassian knew his brilliant astrophysicist friend Dr. Emerie Nguyen was developing a theory that AS-2947C was a wormhole, but so far she hadn’t found any evidence to support there being another side to it. So far, all Emerie could say was that this disturbance could very well be the concrete evidence of stable wormholes she and every other member of the space sciences sector had been chasing for years. And yet they were still chasing it. 

He quickly showered and changed into his everyday uniform, slipped his wristband back on, and drew up a quick set of notes for the commodore. At exactly two minutes before noon, he knocked on her office door.

“Enter.”

Cassian stepped into the office, closed the door, and saluted. “Ma’am.”

“At ease, Commander. I believe you’re early today.”

“Some days I try to be punctual, Commodore.”

“I see.” She motioned to the west wall. “Report, Commander.”

Tapping three fingers twice against the wall, Cassian swiped an image from his tablet onto the wall, which doubled as a presentation screen. 

“Today’s imaging of Disturbance AS-2947C shows no remarkable differences from the last set. The formation has not morphed or shifted noticeably in any direction.” He swiped to a new image. “The annual irregularity in the approximate center of the disturbance appeared on schedule roughly three hours before we arrived, making it now roughly seven hours visible.” 

“Any notable observations about the irregularity?”

“No, Commodore. The irregularity is behaving exactly like it has for the six years we’ve observed it. It merely appears as what looks to be the illusion of a gap, holds steady for sixty hours, and disappears. We have never been able to decipher if the irregularity is in fact a gap or if it is simply a change in the observed color.”

“Have you never attempted to pilot your craft towards this irregularity?”

Cassian swallowed. “With all due respect, Commodore, yes. I believe you are familiar with the deep-space engine failure incident of last year?”

“I am.”

“That was my attempt to discover more about the irregularity.”

“Ah.” The commodore tilted her head, her eyes calculating. “Though I never did hear the pilot’s explanation of this failure.”

“First, may I ask what the engineers’ conclusion was?”

“The engineers concluded that the engine failure, which somehow you managed to prevent from becoming catastrophic, was the result of a power failure caused by the change in the conditions of space within the disturbance. They informed me that the engine short-circuited when your craft entered the boundary of the disturbance, but they could not explain or even theorize why.”

Cassian nodded. “I can theorize why. Commodore, I believe the power failed because, simply put, the way we fuel our crafts does not exist within the disturbance.”

“Are you implying that neither solar nor stellar energy exists within AS-2947C?”

“Yes, ma’am, I am. The instant I entered that region, my engines went completely silent. I had no time to observe anything else, as my immediate reaction was to reverse course and exit, lest I risk total craft failure and being stranded in the deepest parts of space. My craft regained power once outside the disturbance region, and I made it back, despite one of my engines being nonfunctional. As I’ve thought about it over the months, I can only come to the conclusion that the power cut off because there was no available power source.”

Commodore Amren considered Cass’s explanation. “It is logical, and it would explain why the engineers could not determine the cause of the failure. Power source failure, when rectified immediately, leaves behind no visible evidence within the engines of our craft.”

“Commodore, I still want to enter the disturbance. I believe that a craft carrying physical fuel could safely enter the region.”

“Physical fuel became obsolete decades ago, Commander.”

“And yet we still have stores. This is why. We knew there was a chance some mission might need to use fuel rather than energy to power its craft. This is that mission.”

“Commander, I’m afraid I cannot give you clearance to enter the disturbance. Not at the moment, at least. You know the regulations.”

Cassian sighed. “Right, right, seven days between active pilot duty.”

“There is one thing I can do, if you wish.”

“Tell me?”

“You may take a small stationary craft to the observation point. Stations do not qualify as actively piloted craft. I can assign you a seventy-two-hour observation mission, which will allow you to be as close to Disturbance AS-2947C as possible without endangering yourself or your craft, and also will allow you to report any noteworthy changes. Acceptable?”

“Accepted, ma’am. Thank you.”

The commodore nodded once. “I’ll get the assignment written up now. Prepare for launch at 1600 hours.”

Cassian snapped a salute. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Dismissed.”

Four hours later, Cassian’s small observation stationcraft left Earth’s atmosphere, set its destination coordinates, and blinked away into a quantum leap, arriving at the observation point in mere seconds. 

Arrived at destination, the cool, mechanical autopilot voice announced. Artificial gravity effective in sixty seconds.

Cassian sat back, checking his harness. All secure.

Artificial gravity in effect.

Unbuckling, he stood up, pulled off his helmet, and walked to the windows, staring into the fascinating mystery of Disturbance AS-2947C. The irregularity rippled, gently, like he’d seen it do before, taunting him with the possibility of something on the other side. He stood there barely thinking, just marveling at the sight of this enigmatic corner of deep space.

And then the irregularity expanded. And a craft like nothing he’d ever seen flew out.

~

Nesta hadn’t known whether she was sane when she flew into the gap. Hell, she hadn’t known if she was thinking, let alone doing. If wormhole theory meant anything, then she’d expected a moment of terrifying flight through stark blackness that ended in her ship landing in some other, possibly uncharted, part of the universe.

She hadn’t been expecting to see an alien station.

But there it was.

The gap was a tunnel of sorts. And at the other end was a station Nesta didn’t recognize. 

She directed her ship around the foreign station, intending to capture images for examination in her lab. But before she could key in the command to the ship’s cameras, her radio cracked with static. And then someone spoke.

“Who the hell are you?”

Nesta stared at the receiver, then dragged her gaze to the station. Standing in what looked like an observation deck was a man wearing a pressure suit and boots, holding a comm device to his mouth.

“I repeat, who the hell are you?”

“You tell me first. And while you’re at it, what the hell is that station you’re in?”

“It’s a standard observation craft, of course. Unlike whatever alien craft you’re flying.”

“This is a typical exploration ship, you coarse, callous idiot.”

“Like fuck it is.”

“What’s the matter, never seen a woman fly a real ship before?”

“Never seen that particular ship before in my entire life as a pilot. Or in any of my texts.”

“You’re telling me this very real ship I’m flying doesn’t exist?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Then--” Nesta’s eyes widened in shock. “Pilot, may I have your name and credentials?”

“Commander Cassian Ilnair, Earth’s space force.”

“Earth’s space force,” Nesta muttered to herself, scanning through her mind for anything related to that name. Nothing. And then it hit her.

“Commander Ilnair, who leads your nation?”

“My nation?” He seemed confused by the word. “Nations melded into a global government centuries ago. President Amarantha currently heads the Global Council.”

A look of wonder crossed Nesta’s face. “It’s true…it’s true. I can’t believe it.”

“Believe what?”

“Commander, my name is Dr. Nesta Archeron. I’m from an alternate Earth.”

The man standing in the unfamiliar station dropped his comm device. And stared.

“Permission to attempt to dock at your station? We have some items to discuss.”

He sat down on the deck floor and picked up his radio. “Granted, if you can.”

Nesta flew a slow lap around the station, noticing two docking ports, both with airlocks that seemed oddly familiar. Hmm, she thought, airlock design is clearly universal. Aiming for the port closer to the observation deck, she carefully guided her ship into the space and sighed in relief when the hatch clicked into place with the station’s airlock. 

“Connect the airlock to my ship, if you would?”

“What’s the magic word, Dr. Archeron?” Nesta swore she could hear his damn smirk.

“Please connect your airlock to my ship so I can explain myself.”

“Of course.”

Less than two minutes later, Nesta heard the familiar hiss of an airlock sealing into place around her ship’s hatch. 

“Clear for exit, Dr. Archeron.”

“Thank you, Commander.”

Nesta placed her tablet and several images into her pack, slung it over her shoulder, released her exit hatch, and swiftly ascended the ladder into the station. The moment her head cleared, she was looking around, mentally cataloguing every detail of the spacecraft. It was basic, functional, only containing living quarters and an observation lab. 

“Whenever you’re done gaping, Doctor, we can talk.”

Nesta turned to face the commander, who was leaning against a wall just outside the airlock. “There is a difference between observing and gaping, pilot, not that you would know.”

A cocky grin crept across his face. “Naturally, I’m just one of the best pilots in the universe, I wouldn’t know.”

“Your universe,” she corrected.

“What?”

“Your universe, Commander Ilnair. Or has your tiny brain already forgotten what I said about being from an alternate universe?”

He shook his head. “Right. Sorry, I’m still trying to process that.”

“As am I. Show me to the lab?”

“Not much to show, but follow me.” He led her down a short hallway onto the observation deck and laboratory, clearly the main space of the station. “Here we are. I believe you mentioned something about explaining yourself?”

“I did.”

He gestured toward her. “Go ahead.”

So she did.

[lala-ladybug]

Healing Hands: Chapter 4

Yesyesyes I’m super excited to share this one with you guys!! The game is finally beginning, ahhhh!!!!

Jasonette Sword Art Online AU

Read here on AO3

Tag list: @iloontjeboontje

First | Previous | Next

Chapter 4: Goddamn wimps, all of them

Marinette opened her eyes, squinting against the bright sunlight. She stood in a huge village square filled with hundreds of people, the gaps between them growing smaller as more and more players appeared. The sun shone merrily, and an excited chatter began rising in the air. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It felt good to be back.

“Marinette!” She looked around to see Alya and Nino waving a few yards away. She broke into an excited smile and jogged over to meet them. They must have spawned in relative to their actual locations since Kagami, Luka, and the others from her class were already there.

“Hey guys!” Marinette said breathlessly. “Almost didn’t make it. Thanks for the call, Alya.”

The brunette gave her a quick hug. “Anytime, girl. Now you and Lila can show us the ropes!” She bounced excitedly.

Marinette barely caught herself from rolling her eyes and just nodded instead. Of course Lila would be able to help teach the others how to play. It definitely wouldn’t just be Marinette teaching everybody. Again.

Meanwhile, Max and Nathaniel were remarking on how realistic the textures of the cobbled streets were. Marinette did a double-take when she saw Adrien standing next to them. He had an immensely intricate and ornate suit of armor. There was an excess of spikes, ribbons flowing from every joint, and every inch of him was covered in metal. A tall helmet adorned with skull decals cast a shadow over his grinning face.

“What are you wearing?” She spluttered. He pointed a thumb to his chest with some difficulty, the thick metal creaking with the movement.

“This bad boy is the toughest armor in the game! I may have made a few embellishments of my own, so now I look even cooler.” He stated with pride.

Marinette shot a look at Luka, who wore a light set of simple leathers. He grimaced and shook his head, warning Marinette not to question their friend’s surprisingly atrocious taste in fashion. Or serious misunderstanding of armor weight classes.

“You know you could’ve picked any armor you want, right?” Adrien asked.

“Oh, I know. I crafted this set during beta testing!” Marinette spun around to show the boys, gladly welcoming the change in subject. She was dressed in a light suit of armor, the metal tinted a deep red. Black fabric peeked underneath the gaps, a strong yet flexible design of her own making. A simple grey cloak hung off her shoulders, concealing the quiver behind her back.

While Luka and Adrien complimented her brilliant design, she spotted Lila. She looked a little out of her element, hanging back to awkwardly watch a conversation between Kim, Alix, and Kagami, oddly enough. The three were dressed in heavy sets of armor, lamenting about how there weren’t any monsters to battle yet.

Chloe sauntered over to join them and, having heard how even Kagami was itching for a fight, wrinkled her nose. Marinette giggled to herself. This was going to be interesting, to say the least.

* * *

Jason’s eyes snapped open and he threw out an arm to steady himself. The transition from logging on was dizzying, but the sensation faded with every deep breath he took. He noted the smell of freshly baked bread wafting through the air. Damn, even he had to admit this tech was impressive. Dick and Tim stood next to him, wearing blue and red-toned armor respectively. Tim was looking around wildly, grinning like an idiot.

“Timmy!” Cassie Sandsmark sprinted towards them to tackle her boyfriend in a hug. Oh great, looks like the rest of the kiddy patrol was here too. Looking to where Cassie had run from, Jason indeed saw various members of The Team. Connor looked just as nauseated as Jason had felt after joining. Roy stood next to him, unmoving as he stared down at his very realistic-looking hand. Ouch. Jason had to have some sympathy for the poor kid, not that he’d ever tell him that.

Bart and Garfield, on the other hand, appeared to be having the time of their lives. Bart got into a running stance and Garfield gleefully jumped into the air, both falling flat on their faces. Jason snorted as he watched Jaime help his boyfriend up. Jaime asked him, “Whoa there ese, what gives?”

Bart shook his head and muttered, “I don’t have my speed.”

Garfield furrowed his brow and strained his face. “You look like you’re either really constipated or trying to shift,” Artemis informed him.

Ignoring her, Garfield locked his panicked eyes with Connor’s. “I can’t shift either, SB.”

“Der kaolc ym nrut,” Zatanna intoned quietly. When nothing happened, she nervously said, “My magic doesn’t work either.”

Jason rolled his eyes. Goddamn wimps, all of them. “Looks like all you supers will have to stoop to our level.”

“Stay whelmed everyone,” Dick stepped in to mitigate half the group’s outrage. “It’s just a game, we don’t exactly need our other skills right now.”

Before they could say anything else, an enormous bell mounted in the center of the town square began to ring. A hush fell over the crowd. The sky darkened as red hexagons interlocked to create a massive dome around the town.

A tall being flickered to life in the air above them. The hooded figure floated high overhead, their face eerily concealed.

“Attention players,” the figure raised their hands. “I welcome you to my world.” Well that didn’t sound ominous, Jason thought to himself. He felt the mood from the others shift into high alert.

“You may call me the Game Master, and I am the only one in control of this world. You may have noticed that the logout button is missing from your main menu.” The figure paused dramatically. “I assure you, this is no defect in the game. It is all as I have designed it to be. You cannot log yourselves out, and no one outside the game will be able to remove you forcibly. If anyone tries to do so, a transmitter inside the VR headset will emit powerful microwaves into your brain that will end your life.” Shit, shit, shit. This was just supposed to be a dumb game he played to make Replacement shut up about it, what the hell?

“Of the 10,000 players, 215 have already died because their family or friends ignored this warning and attempted to remove their headsets. Media outlets have been reporting on this, so it is safe to assume the danger of your headsets being removed has passed.” This guy had to be joking. Though if he wasn’t, Babs would surely research everything within her power to try to remove them safely.

“One other feature of the game is that you are no longer able to revive players. If your HP drops to zero, your avatar will die and the headset will destroy your brain.” Jason’s eyes widened and his head whipped to Dick. He ran a hand through his hair, looking just as horrified as Jason felt.

“The only way for a player to return to the real world is to clear the game. You are currently on Floor 1, the lowest level of the castle. If you make it to the dungeon and defeat the level boss, you may progress to the next level. Defeat the final boss on Floor 100, and you will clear the game.” This motherfucker couldn’t be serious.

The game master, god what a pretentious prick, raised his hands and began to disappear once more. He said, “Good luck, players,” before disappearing entirely. The sky returned to its cheery blue.

 A beat of silence passed before someone started screaming. Then the thousands of players erupted into a cacophony of sound.

* * *

Marinette stood stockstill amidst the chaos. She felt more than heard masses of people panicking around her. Her eyes darted back and forth without truly seeing anything, mind racing to figure out a solution. If there was no way to safely remove the headset, then they’d have to beat the whole game. What about the Kwami? Could they connect with their miraculi? What about the small powers they’d each accumulated over the years? If those were accessible, then they might stand a chance, but god if they weren’t--

A hand on her arm made her snap her head to attention. It was Adrien, his jaw clenched tightly. She gripped his arm in return, the small reassurance barely that. Around her, the new Order looked to their leader for orders, direction. And behind them, her classmates....

Most were white in the face. Max had his hands clenched in his hair and was muttering to himself about the likelihood that the headsets actually could kill them. From the way he was shaking his head, she guessed it was a definite possibility. Lila looked like a cornered animal, twitchy and desperately looking for an escape. Even Kim and Alix wore uncharacteristically serious expressions.

“Well?” Chloe prompted Marinette. The latter took a deep breath. Better focus on solving the smaller problems first. “Your VIP package came with a house on the first floor, right?”

Chloe blinked in surprise. “Yeah, it did,” she replied uncertainly.

“Good.” Marinette whistled and gestured for the rest of her friends to gather around. “Listen up! We don’t know how everyone else is going to react, so it’s best for us to go somewhere safe to lie low for a while. I can teach everyone the gameplay, and we’ll do our best to help beat the game.”

She looked Alya and Nathanial in the eye, since their hands seemed to be shaking the most, and said with all the confidence of Ladybug, “Think of all the bullshit Hawkmoth’s put us through. We are not going to die here. That’s a promise.”

Marinette drew her bow and half-strung an arrow, holding it parallel to the ground. “Chloe has a house on the first level. Let’s go.” She nodded to Adrien, Chloe, Kagami, and Luka to establish a perimeter around the rest of the class as they moved. She exhaled a quiet, shaky breath and led the way out of the square.

The crowd did not part easily. People were sobbing, shouting, hyperventilating. They needed to get out fast before the shock wore off.

Someone stood in front of her. The poor soul was probably just as scared as they were. She put her bow back in her inventory, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible.

“Excuse me,” Marinette gave a little half-wave to get their attention. “May I please get through?”

“Oh, sorry,” He had a deep, male voice. One hand gestured to the direction she was headed as he stepped out of her path. “Go right ahead.” His hands weren’t shaking as the other crept towards his belt. Not good, not good.

A flash of silver was all the warning she got before Luka pulled her back. A knife collided with his hastily raised shield, shedding sparks as the assailant nearly dropped his weapon in surprise. Marinette dropped down to sweep her leg beneath Luka’s shield, knocking the man off his feet. He gave a shout of surprise as he went down, and Luka disarmed him in the confusion.

“Come on, move it!” Marinette shouted over her shoulder. She re-equipped her bow and surged forward, picking up the pace to get the hell out of there. Such a large group was an easy target, they had to get out of the open and fast. People were starting to react beyond their shock, and more of them were bound to get violent.

Her eyes scanned over the buildings in front of them. There. A momentary break in the throng of players allowed her to spot Slipcut Alley, a favorite shortcut of hers. It was only a few yards away. The alley was too narrow for anything but a single-file line, but it provided cover and was hidden by a spell that only other beta testers would know about. It was their best option.

She squared her shoulders and pushed through the last of the crowd. She turned to face her friends, who gathered around her as they too made it out into the small clearing. Chloe, Kagami, and Adrien were watching the crowd behind them, ready to defend against any other attacks.

Marinette put her bow away one more time and asked, “Do you trust me?”

Shaky nods and wide eyes. That would have to do.

“Then follow me,” she said, and walked straight through the wall before them.

* * *

“Our first step should be finding shelter for the night,” Dick said sharply. “We can figure out the rest tomorrow, but it’ll do us no good if we die tonight.” Tim nodded, ever the protégé.

“And just how do you suggest we do that?” Jason countered. He couldn’t help it if it came out a little accusatory. He did not sign up for a damn death trap.

It was Garfield who had the answer. “Well, in order to do anything, we need money. So we need to start killing some monsters!” He palmed his fist with a resounding smack. “And then we can see about an inn or something.”

Connor rubbed his chin. “That’s not a bad idea, kid.”

“Just tell me where to hit them,” Roy said in a low voice, sounding about as pissed as Jason felt.

“Let’s split into three teams. Alpha squad will be Artemis, Wally, Bart, and myself. Tim, Roy, Gar, and Connor will be Beta. Jason, you’re with Jaime, Cassie, and Zatanna for Gamma.” Great, Jason was the only non-super there. What a grand old time that’ll be.

He made to leave the square and disappear into the panicking crowd, but Dick held his arm. “Hey, I’m trusting you to keep them safe,” he kept his voice low. “It’s been a while since they fought without powers, so keep an eye on them.” He then turned to address the rest of the team. “Alpha will take north. Beta, go south and Gamma see what’s west. Meet back here at sunset. Alpha will secure lodging before engaging enemies.”

“What, no pep talk?” Wally elbowed Dick. The latter didn’t crack a smile as he said, “Just stay alive.”

Beside him, Garfield swallowed hard and said weakly, “Noted.”

Jason rolled his eyes and jerked his head in their assigned direction for the other three members of Gamma squad to come with him. He’d follow along as long as Dick made good plans, and Jason didn’t exactly have any better ideas for now.

He put on his very best I know exactly how to kill you and I’ll do it if you don’t get the hell out of my way face and lead the way out of the packed square. The crowd parted easily before him, and they were out on an open street within a matter of minutes.

”Where to first, ese?” Jaime asked, shifting nervously from foot to foot.

Good question. Jason looked around for a map or something that could tell him the way out of the damn town. When he glanced back for a quick headcount and only counted two, he cursed and asked Cassie, “Where the hell is Z?”

She pointed at a nearby stall where the magician was chatting with the vendor. Zatanna waved to them, then sauntered back over to the rest of the team. “The shopkeeper says there’s a bridge further down this street and to the left that’ll take us west out of the town.”

Cassie frowned. “Was that a player with their own shop already? Man, we are behind.”

“Oh, no it was an AI.” Zatanna readily supplied. “An NPC?” She added on seeing the confusion on her companions’ faces. “Honestly, was I the only one to do research on this game before playing it?”

Jaime sheepishly scratched his head while Cassie squeaked, “Well....” Jason had to agree with them, he just did this to keep Replacement happy. And get Dick off his ass, the meddling prick.

Zatanna shook her head. “Look, AI stands for artificial intelligence, and NPC is a non-playable character. They’re computer-generated people, not actual players.”

Jason caught enough to surmise that these NPCs were created by the same maniac that locked them up in here. He crossed his arms and asked, “How the hell can we trust their word if they’re controlled by that fuckin’ game master freak?”

Cassie bit her lip and had the good sense to look concerned.  Zatanna just shrugged and said, “I guess we’ll just have to find out. We can try following their directions but stay cautious in case it’s a trap.”

“Fine,” Jason sighed. “Let’s go.” He was already resigned to the absolute stupidity of the situation anyway.

They made it to the end of the street without incident, and turned where the shopkeeper had directed them to. There was a bridge, spanning a merrily bubbling river, and open fields dotted with trees beyond it. Jason could smell the greenery and apple blossoms from here.

“Wait!” Jaime threw his arm out. He made a face, then sneezed. “Aw man,” he gave a tremendous sniff. “Can’t eben escabe allergies in a video gabe.”

Cassie laughed at her friend and slapped him on the back, which only made him sneeze again. Dumbasses, they didn’t have time for this. Jason rolled his eyes for what felt like the umpteenth time that day and walked up to the base of the bridge. He slowly, carefully stepped across and edged his way to the other side.

The other three followed suit, and upon joining him, Zatanna said cheerfully, “Seems like we can trust the NPCs!”

“For now,” Jason muttered, still not convinced. He turned his gaze to the rolling hills before him, warm breezes sending waves that shimmered through the knee-high grass. He didn’t see any monsters, but there had to be some... right?

He used two fingers to swipe the air in front of him, opening his inventory. At least he remembered that much from the tutorial. He equipped the crossbow he’d loaded in when he created his avatar. Damn, that night in the Batcave felt like it was a week ago.

Jason took a wary step forward, into the grass. “Fan out,” he directed the other three. He didn’t turn to watch as he heard them draw their own weapons and creep up to flank him.

A rustle in the grass ahead had him throw a clenched fist into the air to have the others hold their positions. He waited until the movement stilled, then crept forward a few more steps, careful to keep his footsteps silent. He was within feet of it now, whatever it was. He hoisted up his crossbow to brace it on his shoulder and trained it on the last place he’d spotted movement. There was a sharp inhale behind him, and then Jaime sneezed loudly.

The head of a wild boar whipped up and it lunged for Jason. “Shit!” he yelled. Damn kid and his perfect timing. Jason blindly jumped backward and fired a bolt at the same time. It met its target and the boar shattered into glittering dust that resembled pixels. In front of him, a notification popped up that 20 copper coins, the crossbow bolt he’d shot, and a boar tusk had been added to his inventory. Huh, that was surprisingly easy.

“Wow, that was so crash!” Cassie pumped her fists in the air. “This game is gonna be a piece of cake.”

“Not so fast,” Zatanna frowned. “Remember, this is only the first level. It’s bound to be easy. It’s only going to get harder from here.”

Jason turned around to face them. “And just because that little shit was easy to kill doesn’t mean they all will be on this level.” He noticed Jaime hanging back, looking embarrassed.

“Hey kid,” Jason jerked his chin at him. Jaime's head snapped up. “Do you want to try the next one or wait by the bridge until your allergies clear up?”

Jaime opened his mouth to respond but had to sneeze again. “I think I’ll just waid by the bridge. I’b really sorry guys.” He trekked back to where they’d come into the fields.

“And then there were three. Ladies first,” Jason mockingly bowed, gesturing to the open fields beyond where the boar had been. Zatanna smirked and Cassie stuck her tongue out at him, which he returned with a rude gesture.

[swashbucklery]

Okay but look LOOK I just have FEELINGS they’re important. And I am really struggling with whether to even post this because people have gotten so intense about turning this season’s arc into a narrative of who hurt whom the most and who deserves whose apology and I just feel like. IDK I mean that’s valid, do your thing, live your lives if that’s the lens that makes you happiest!

But I feel like the way I’ve been looking at this season is a little different and this week’s ep really crystallized a lot of the feelings I’ve had about Lena’s arc (shorthand: I’m cross with her but also this arc is narratively delicious) and if you want to read more about those feelings I have put them below the cut!

But also: they’re below the cut so that you can choose whether or not to read them!

Basically I’ve been really riveted by the journey they’ve taken Lena on because I think the core of it is this: Lena truly does have the capacity to be Lex Luthor, in every way, and her goodness is the product of a series of intentional efforts not to be. And that is cool and thoughtfully done and compelling, and also makes her a perfect foil for Kara. Framing her choices and her personality in this way actually makes it a narrative that I prefer, and I want to use this essay to explain why!

I think what really got me was the way that, over the past few eps, Lena’s used words like narcissist and megalomaniac to describe Lex and his plans. And the reason it got me is, like. Ultimately she kind of is doing the same thing? Like, we’ve seen this from her before! Even looking at her talking about the move to National City, it’s not about moving for a fresh start it’s about moving and then being seen as the Good Luthor, being appreciated for the Luthor Who Won’t Get You Sick And Kill You, if you will. When she talks about Non Nocere but also when she talked about her work in past seasons, the phrasing and the framing she uses is never just about her invention. Lena talks about her work as a tool that will allow folks to understand her genius. She wants to make the world better and if she has to break a few eggs to do it, that’s okay, because once everyone sees how brilliant her work is they’ll forgive a few ethical transgressions.

And the show has been really intentional this season about like. Showing us Lena doing that, with Non Nocere, but also telegraphing Lex telling us that, to give us that clear parallel. Lena organizes an illegal human trial on prisoners because Non Nocere is worth the blurry lines, Lex specifically tells Brainy that the ends justify the means to get Leviathan where he wants them. 

Lena follows her project to its logical conclusion and it’s only when she really fails at it that she looks up and really notices what she’s done. Once it’s clear that there was never going to be any brilliant achievement, that all she’s left with is a bunch of ethically dubious choices and no product, she has that epiphany: this wasn’t the right way to cope with her pain. And it’s not because that’s the first time she’s thought of it!

All season she’s had Kara try to make amends, had chances to stop and examine her decision-making. With her first run-up with Non Nocere and Hope she had so many chances to stop and recognize that what she was doing had the potential to cause real harm and was kind of Not Okay, but - at the time she wasn’t ready. She was still so wrapped up in that drive, that surety that when she was successful, all of this would be worth it. And it’s so, so like Lex. Because fundamentally, Lena has the capacity to be a lot like Lex.

She has the intelligence, the skill, and ultimately what this arc shows us is that when her back is against the wall she falls victim to that inner narrative that says that she is special, she's a genius and she can fix the world and she can fix everything and if only she could just be in control of everything the world would be okay. And once she got started down that path, she really - like. She got stuck. She needed to discover for herself that this wasn’t going to work, and to really notice the way she got perilously close to being Lex without realizing, because her hurt feelings were letting her fall into that trap. 

I think in a lot of ways, that’s why this arc makes her that perfect foil for Kara. Because that’s always been the beautiful thing about Kara and Clark as heroes: that they have power and strength, and choose to be gentle. That they choose to temper that power with will and intentional decisions to use their strength for good as best they can.

And that mirror in Lena - that Lena has the capacity for real darkness and real harm but chooses to be good, every day. That’s so much more compelling to me than Lena just being good because she could never be anything but.

(And of course this is just my perspective - I like this lens bc it’s a lens that has so many stories inside it for me and I want to talk about them! You can approach this narrative in a way that feels most satisfying for you; that’s also totally valid! But I am going to be enjoying myself here and that’s allowed.)

(Like, Lena who is fucked up and has fucked up and is working hard to make things right not because she’s a villain who has to ~earn her hero badge but because part of goodness is recognizing when you make mistakes and doing your best to make things right.)

(And there are so many layers to that, like. There’s the layer of how she reacted to Kara initially and then the layer of the ways in which she punished Kara this season and the ways that the both of them failed to communicate which made things worse. There’s the layer of the illegal human experiments and the fallout from that, the fact that she helped develop technology that is probably going to be used to do real harm and is she morally responsible for that harm and so many other complicated, interesting questions.)

(There’s the layer of Kara and Lena rebuilding trust by choosing over and over again to work through their hurt and trust each other - not with some big gesture but with the complicated, messy work of just. Caring on purpose. Like that’s good shit and I feel so much more excited about talking about it than just arguing over who owes whom an apology when the answer is: both. They’ve both earned apologies, they both have to make apologies. They both have to make things right at the same time, together, because trust and relationship building isn’t a zero sum game and doing the math of who owes whom more is not helpful in that process.)

(And god don’t you just - like the depth of it. The strength of that trust that is easy but also hard, that comes from effort but is also effortless. That’s fucking gorgeous okay and yeah it doesn’t have to come from hardship per se. But we’re here, the hard times have happened, and the only way up is through and it’s just delicious.)

(Give me these two tenderly trying to figure out how to baby step towards working together and putting aside months of hurt feelings. Give me Kara and Lena both resisting the urge to make this about their own hurt and work towards a common goal and remember how good it feels to be a real team again and hold both of those conflicting experiences in their hearts at the same time. Give me the trust between these two, fragile as a baby deer, wobbling along while they figure out how to not trust each other but also trust each other and act decisively and quickly but also not impulsively.)

(Give me these two just being Complicated.mp3 by Avril Lavigne I can’t wait).

[reyescarlos]

can i be him || a tarlos fic

chapter 3/4 word count: 5.5k~  || read on ao3

'Cause a light came on when I heard that song and I want you to sing it again I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me Like it was a private show, I know you never saw me

It had taken Carlos forever to go to bed last night. He felt wired from his day spent with TK. It certainly didn’t help his mind relax to be lying right next to him. Sleeping beside him was nothing new but he couldn’t quiet his thoughts. His mind ran back throughout their day, retracing every step from the moment TK picked him up. Going into it, Carlos of course knew that TK had taken this outing seriously. Things between them had felt a bit off over the last few weeks but it was obvious that TK had meant every word he said during their call.

It’d only made Carlos all the more excited to see his friend. Ultimately, it didn’t matter what TK had in store. All Carlos truly cared about was the fact that they would have one on one time. The only notice TK had given him was that he would be taking advantage of both of Carlos’ days off. An overnight trip of any kind sounded ideal, getting the chance to extend the amount of time he’d be able to have TK to himself.

As TK drove, Carlos watched the scenery from the car window, his brow lifting as he began to guess at where TK was taking him.

“McKinney, huh?” he’d said with a smirk, so confident that he was right.

TK let out a sigh and jokingly rolled his eyes. “I figured I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret for much longer at this point but yes. I know how much you love that place and I really wanted today to be special so, yeah. Decided I’d go with one of your favorites. It’s still been a while, right?”

Though being a resident of Travis County felt like living within a snow globe at times, Carlos could appreciate the facets of life there that somehow managed to make it feel much larger than it actually was. McKinney Falls State Park wasn’t far from either of their homes at all and yet, it was a place Carlos didn’t get out to as much as he would like. Luckily, TK was there to remedy this problem. Carlos couldn’t remember the last time he’d been there which seemed criminal given how incredible the park was with picturesque trails and stunning waterfalls.

“You chose well. It’s been months.”

TK had beamed, clearly appreciative of Carlos’ seal of approval. Carlos studied his profile for a moment, fixating briefly on the way TK’s smile still lingered on his lips like he was holding onto some private joke. Carlos forced himself to look away, back out at the thicket of trees that line the road as TK brought them closer to the state park. The journey wasn’t a long one, further prompting Carlos to wonder why he hadn’t made any real effort to come out here more often.

But he quickly did away with chiding himself. Had he not put off visiting, he wouldn’t be able to share this moment with TK. Not only was he reuniting with one of his favorite spots in town but he was reconnecting with his favorite person in the world.

Once they arrived, TK found a spot for them on the grounds, killed the engine, and flashed Carlos a bright smile.

“Come on. Those trails aren’t going to hike themselves.”

Carlos exited the car, coming around the back to meet TK at the trunk. His friend was already pulling out two backpacks by the time he settled in beside him. Carlos accepted the black bag TK gave him, hanging it off his right shoulder as TK closed back the trunk and locked the car.

“You weren’t messing around here, were you?”

TK had slipped his backpack on as well, putting his keys into his pocket.

“I told you this was serious business, didn’t I? Let’s go.”

They’d spent the rest of the day taking advantage of the park, going for a hike and exploring the terrain, relaxing their tired limbs afterwards in the creek, lazily swimming and wading by the park’s upper falls. It had felt as if they’d managed to leave the world behind, the two of them with a stretch of time before them. It’d made Carlos wish for an entire week like this but he was just grateful to know he’d have two days.

They’d come back to their camping site, working together to get their tent set up and spent the night sharing memories under the stars. It was perfect, to say the least. TK had been successful in making this TK and Carlos Day yet another one for the books. To know that it wasn’t over just yet, that they still had one more day in store had kept Carlos up for a while. TK had tuckered out pretty easily, the day’s activities making it so sleep found him effortlessly. Carlos was a different story entirely.

He combed through the day, trying to piece together his thoughts. It’d felt incredible to reconnect with TK again. Out here it was easy to forget why TK had called for something outside of their usual hang outs, to forget that TK was in a relationship, and to forget that he was trying desperately to move on from his decade long attraction to his best friend. Out here they simply existed ast themselves, free from all other titles and obligations.

Waking up this morning to TK’s soft snoring with the early chatter of birds outside their tent felt like waking up and stepping right into a dream. If every morning could be spent like this, Carlos would ask nothing else of the world.

Once they were both awake and fed, they began to break down their campsite, loading the car back up with the tent and supplies.

“What do you say to one last hike before we go?” TK asks as Carlos closes the trunk.

“I say that sounds like a brilliant idea to me.”

As they begin their hike, Carlos can make out the sound of the nearby falls, the rushing water a comforting bit of background noise in his ears. The creek is visible from this trail, running parallel to them as they wind their way through the trees. Carlos is already trying to plan the next time he’ll be able to come back.

“Thanks for bringing us here,” he says.

TK waves him off like it’s not a big deal but Carlos knows his friend well enough to see he’s proud of himself for choosing an outing that Carlos has been enjoying so much.

“No problem at all. We need to get together again soon. How about next Saturday?”

Carlos almost agrees quickly but closes his mouth and shakes his head as he remembers what he’s already agreed to with the one of the guys he matched with recently. Now the guilt of keeping this part of his life under wraps really begins to creep in. Carlos tries to think of a way to lightly breach the subject but he isn’t so sure that there’s a way for this to go that won’t make things a bit awkward.

“Uh, actually can we do a different day? Sunday maybe? I sorta...have plans on Saturday.”

TK’s brows furrow. “What’s with the cloak and dagger act? What’s happening Saturday?”

Carlos shrugs a shoulder as nonchalantly as possible, kicking at a pebble on the pathway. “I’ve got a date.”

TK stops in his tracks, the soles of his shoes scratching against the packed dirt like a needle on a record. There’s an expression in TK’s eyes that Carlos can’t place. If he had to hazard a guess, it would be surprise mixed with confusion. But there’s also an unnamable emotion though it clears before Carlos can put any more thought to it.

“You have a date?” he echoes, his eyes wide and brows raised.

Carlos scoffs, unsure of how he’s supposed to take the clear shock in TK’s voice. Sure, Carlos doesn’t go out with guys as frequently as TK but it still feels like a dig. He stops walking too, still taking in the look on TK’s face. It’s almost like TK doesn’t even recognize him.

“Is it so hard to believe that someone wants to go out with me?”

TK quickly shakes his head, blinking rapidly.

“Of course not, Carlos. That’s not what I...I didn’t mean—I’m just surprised is all. I didn’t even know you were talking to anyone these days, never mind going out on dates and stuff. You never mentioned anything about it. I just...I didn’t know. I didn’t mean anything by that, honestly.”

Carlos surprises himself with how quickly he gets upset by this. He bites his tongue on saying something snappy about TK missing out on a lot lately because he’s so busy with Alex. It’d only lead to even weirder tension than what he’s feeling now between them or, at worst, a fight. That would be a horrible waste of this uninterrupted time with TK. And, to be fair, Carlos wasn’t exactly keen on disclosing this life update with TK. It makes sense why his friend is being thrown for a loop now.

“Then what exactly did you mean?” he asks, trying to keep his tone leveled.

TK falters and breathes unevenly. It’s weird to be at odds with TK and part of Carlos wonders if he’s blowing this out of proportion, projecting but he’s too bothered now to examine it much further.

“Can we please just start over? I’m not trying to upset you here. That’s the last thing I want to do, especially now.”

Carlos looks away, shifting his gaze to the overhang of pouring water, watching as it steadies the second it meets with the creek. Carlos tries to mirror that in his own mood now, letting go of his frustration and settling himself before focusing on TK. His friend looks troubled and unsure of himself. They don’t fight often and this spat, or whatever this exchange could be considered, seemed to spring from nowhere. But Carlos recognizes that he’s let his insecurities get the best of him. This time was meant to be special, a chance for them to reconnect and get back on track. Sowing further division isn’t something he’s aiming for either.

“I know. I’m sorry,” he concedes, reeling himself back in.

TK stares at him for a moment as if gauging whether or not it’s safe to continue. Carlos nods his head once to encourage him to speak again.

“I’m sorry, too. I guess it’s just hitting me all over again how much things have been changing lately and I don’t like it. I want us to spend more time together like before and I want to know what’s going on with you— outside of work stuff, you know? But I guess...it’s pretty much been my fault, huh? I haven’t been around as much. I got used to us telling each other everything.”

Not everything, Carlos thinks bitterly. There’s been this secret he’s kept sealed tight for ages and it’s the kind of truth Carlos isn’t so sure TK would ever want to hear. But he knows what his friend is getting at. There’d been countless times over the years where they’d share the most mundane or ridiculous parts of their day with one another just for the sake of sharing. Carlos entering back into the world of dating was huge but it’d been a facet of his life that he wanted to keep to himself for a little while. Maybe it was selfish or maybe it was healthy, all things considered, but he could see now that it’d hurt TK to be left out.

“I guess we really haven’t been checking in as much these days.” It’s an understatement but Carlos doesn’t want to belabor the point. “And it isn’t dates, plural. It’s just this one coming up. I haven’t found anything serious so far but this guy seemed alright but who knows. You know what the scene is like. All these guys are basically the same on these apps. I’m not sure why I’m even bothering.”

It isn’t exactly the truth but this isn’t a door Carlos can open with TK.

TK’s eyes cast down as he fiddles with the pendant around his neck, his expression clouded.

“I’m really bombing as a best friend nowadays, aren’t I?”

The guilt is clear as day on TK’s face. His index finger scratches at the pendant, a dead giveaway that he’s feeling anxious. Carlos swoops in to settle him instinctively, a reflex that comes all too naturally.

“You’re good. You’re in a relationship now,” he laughs softly, trying to lighten the mood. “Alex is important to you and that’s cool.”

“You’re sweet but I don’t want to be that guy though, you know? The one that ditches his best friend because he’s got a boyfriend. I want to know what’s going on in your life. You’re important to me too, Carlos. You’re the most important person to me, actually. Always. You know that, right?”

Carlos smiles softly at him, bumping his shoulder against TK’s lightly. TK doesn’t engage. His eyes are locked in on Carlos’, completely unswayable.

“I don’t know if it’s supposed to work exactly like that now, T,” Carlos notes.

TK shakes his head. “I don’t care. You’re my number one. Even if I’m being a bit of a dick, don’t forget that, okay?”

His face is so serious that Carlos can only nod in agreement. “I won’t, I promise.”

TK sighs, almost in relief and nods once to himself. “Good.”

A silence falls over them as they continue to walk. Carlos keeps his eyes fixed on their surroundings. These last few minutes aside, these two days really have been spectacular.  For as much as he hates being at odds with TK, Carlos is glad they were able to have it out a little. If yesterday was a time for reminiscing about the past, Carlos can appreciate that today was granting them the chance to be open about the present. There’s still so much he wants to get off his chest but the awkwardness is gone now and that had been a source of discomfort. Now Carlos feels as if their friendship has just recalibrated itself. The silence isn’t stiff or rife with tension. It’s just comfortable, a perfect reminder of how easy it is for them to find their way back to one another.

“And for the record,” Carlos says after a moment. “You’ll always be my number one as well...even if you have been a total dick lately,” he continues teasingly, swatting gently at TK’s arm.

TK laughs and Carlos can feel the last veil of nervousness lift off of his best friend at the sound.

“Asshole,” TK grumbles, a smile on his face as he wraps an arm around Carlos’ waist. Carlos doesn’t miss his cue, his arm coming to hang over TK’s shoulders, same as always.

“I’ve missed this,” TK says so quietly that Carlos isn’t sure if his friend is speaking to him or not.

Still he says, “Me too.”

TK looks over at him and smiles even wider and Carlos’ stomach flips as TK burrows into his side perfectly, two puzzle pieces indeed.

~*~*~

Carlos orders himself a beer while he waits for his date, doing his best not to let his eyes fly to the door each time someone comes into the bar. He keeps himself busy with idly looking at his phone, looking at articles, going over texts, anything to steady the crop of nerves in his stomach.

Michelle had messaged him earlier in the day, wishing him luck and urging him to have fun tonight. He wishes that could be the case but time is ticking by, his date seemingly running late.

Carlos checks his phone to see if he’s missed any messages from his date but there’s no new notice, absolutely no indication that the man has reached out to him. The longer he sits, the more Carlos doubts that this night will play out like he’d been picturing. He hadn’t gone into this date with any high hopes but getting stood up definitely wasn’t something he foresaw.

It’s been about thirty minutes now and Carlos still hasn’t heard back from his date. He sends a message that he figures will go unanswered.

“Drinking alone tonight?” the bartender asks as she works the tap.

Carlos chuckles dryly. “Wasn’t exactly the plan but it looks that way now, yeah.”

The bartender gives a small, polite smile and Carlos feels as if he could just die right there on the spot from embarrassment.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I think whoever didn’t show is a total idiot,” she says.

It’s enough to make Carlos smile as she wipes at the counter with a rag quickly with a friendly wink before turning her attention to the group of guys that just showed up a few feet from Carlos. He nurses his drink as the bar becomes a bit more crowded with patrons.

This isn’t where he wants to be. It’s starting to feel suffocating being surrounded by people as the Saturday night crowd thickens.

If he were someone else, it would be all too easy to scan the room now and take home the first attractive guy that caught his eye. But that wasn’t who Carlos was, had ever been, or had any intention of being— now more so than ever. He likes actual investments. It wasn’t like him to be bold enough to salvage the night by hooking up with some stranger, even if almost anyone in his shoes would do just that. Carlos’ focus is completely shot but he manages to pull himself together enough to pay for the drinks he’s had and leave a generous tip for the bartender who turned out to be his only real source of company tonight.

He gets into his car and sits for a moment, the sounds of the bustling nightlife outside the vehicle a bit dulled in the enclosed space. He isn’t able to sit with his thoughts for long before his phone buzzes from his pocket. He takes it out, his eyes narrowing as he reads what’s written.

Oh man, I’m so sorry about tonight! Something came up and I lost track of time. If you don’t totally hate me already, could we raincheck?

Carlos stares down at the message on his phone screen, torn. Part of him wants to rage. The other part of him reasons that he could be cordial. At least the guy got in touch with him, even if it was after the fact. But Carlos realizes he doesn’t owe this guy anything so he opts to say nothing at all. To preserve what’s left of his dignity for the night, Carlos deletes the app altogether. This isn’t worth his time or energy, he’s starting to see. He was sick of this already. It’d taken a lot for him to be willing to take that first solid effort in moving on but this was already a misstep. Perhaps he just wasn’t cut out for any of this after all? Carlos can feel a moment of clarity dawn on him. He wouldn’t set any store into dating. He’ll focus on himself. That’s what all the signs seem to be pointing to.

He pulls up his contact list, seeking out the one person he feels comfortable sharing this upset with right now. The phone only rings twice before he’s greeted.

“Carlos? What’s up? Is everything okay?” Michelle asks, undoubtedly confused as to why he’s calling her so early, when he’s supposed to be busy right now.

“I’m not really sure.” Carlos surprises himself with the honesty but Michelle is one of his best friends. He can be open with her about what he’s feeling, even if he’s still trying to figure it out.

“I’m home now if you want to swing by. We can talk about it...or not talk, if that’s what you want.”

Carlos is quiet for a second as he stares out the windshield. He watches as people pop into bars and restaurants on the street, everyone seeming to have a great time. It’s a weird sensation to have a front row seat to all of this but not actually be a part of it. He could cave and go home and wallow on his own but that wouldn’t feel right either.

“I’ll be there in ten.”

~*~*~

At the end of their day together, Carlos had been happy when he and TK resolved to make plans for this Sunday instead since his Saturday was taken up. At the time it seemed like a great idea, a solid alternative that would grant them the chance to see each other again so soon. But as he sits across from TK now at an outdoor café with Alex who unexpectedly decided to join them, this is starting to feel like something of a nightmare.

TK had sent him a text ahead of time letting him know that Alex had asked to tag along. It wasn’t quite what Carlos had in mind and he had to wonder at why Alex even wanted to be there but Carlos didn’t object. He could play nice, he supposed. Over the last four months, he’s become something of an expert at ignoring Alex whenever they’re around each other. Interactions like this were limited, just the way he preferred. TK served as a good buffer, enough that Carlos could stomach conversations with Alex chiming in.

Carlos picks at his scone absently as they make pleasant small talk about work, TK sharing the latest crazy stories from calls he’s been on and Carlos doing the same. He knows they’re skating around the topic TK undoubtedly wants to get to but he’s glad for the layover for the time being. Alex hasn’t said much of anything, his phone like an extra appendage. He places it face down on the table, draping an arm over the back of TK’s seat before taking a sip of his coffee.

Alex has spent the better part of their time together texting, only offering a small laugh here and there. What was the point of him being here if he had nothing to contribute? Carlos finds it irritating and rude but he knows he’s more than likely being biased in thinking that. Anything Alex does seemingly gets under his skin. Carlos has been trying and failing over the last few months to curb the frustration he feels towards him but something about Alex just grates at him.

Carlos knows a considerable fraction of that is jealousy but there’s something else he can’t quite put his finger on that makes him uneasy any time he’s face to face with Alex. It’s much easier to deal with the man in small doses or, preferably, by proxy like hearing stories secondhand from TK.

Alex’s phone rings and the man picks it back up again. He glances at the screen, his arm slipping from behind TK to grip the device with both hands.

“Oh, I’ve gotta take this. Excuse me a minute,” he says, rising from his chair and stepping away from the table.

TK watches him go but Carlos watches TK. When his friend looks back at him, he’s smiling knowingly, tucking his chair even further under the table and leaning his head forward like he’s eager to hear a secret. Carlos knows where this is going. He figured the moment they were alone, TK would ask...

“How’d your date go?”

This was the question Carlos has been dreading and he mentally curses himself for having even mentioned to TK that he was set to go out with anyone. This could have been a truth he didn’t ever have to share. It was embarrassing enough to have sat inside the bar waiting for his date to show. Now he has to relive it and relay it to the man he’s secretly in love with.

“It didn’t,” he says simply but even still, he knows a response like this will warrant TK to dig further for actual clarification.

As expected, TK looks confused, his head tilting almost comically to the side. “Wait, what? What happened? What do you mean?”

Carlos’ shoulders stiffen, bracing himself for his own reply. “I mean, he never showed. I waited like an idiot for almost an hour.” He says it lightly but the shame burns white hot in the pit of his stomach.

TK’s eyes narrow and darken, his face growing stony. “That’s such crap. What’s this guy’s problem?”

“It’s fine. I should’ve known better than to get my hopes up. The dating scene here is horrible ,” he jokes, hoping to alleviate some of the awkwardness he feels but TK doesn’t take the out like Carlos wishes he would.

“No, it’s not fine and this isn’t on you,” he counters. “I can’t believe someone would be dumb enough to do that to you. I’m so sorry, Carlos. You’re incredible. Any guy would be lucky to even get the chance to talk to you, never mind actually land a date with you.”

It’s a bittersweet thing to hear coming from TK of all people. Carlos wonders if TK would ever count himself among the swarm of guys who would allegedly be counting their blessings if Carlos expressed an interest.

TK is genuinely bothered by this, so much so that his nostrils flare and his head shakes. It makes Carlos feel good to have someone view him in a high regard but he knows it’s just TK being a protective friend and nothing more. Ideally his rage would be because he wishes he had the opportunity but TK was so wrapped up and happy with Alex that Carlos dismisses the notion that TK is incensed for any other reason.

Carlos just shrugs, avoiding TK’s gaze by fiddling with his cup. He can hear TK breathe out heavily through his nose, his fingers erratically tapping against the table top. Carlos is used to TK’s tics. They always spring about when he’s feeling anxious or overwhelmed. Carlos reaches out and places a hand over TK’s to still his fingers. TK looks down and back up to his face. Carlos offers a small, reassuring smile and it’s enough to get TK’s shoulders to finally loosen.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, licking his lips. The muscle in Carlos’ jaw flexes instinctively at the sight of TK’s tongue working over his mouth.

“Don’t be. I’m touched that you care so much but I’m okay, I promise. It’s a bump in the road but I’m good. I’m taking this as the sign I’m sure it is. ”

TK’s brow arches, his body shifting in his seat. “And what sign would that be?”

Carlos shrugs, tracing the rim of his mug. “That maybe dating isn’t the right thing for me. At least not right now anyway. I took my time getting back out there and it’s already failing, so I’ll just wait a beat. I can be patient until the right person comes along. I’m done chasing after people. Whoever actually wants to be with me wouldn’t run in the first place.”

TK’s lips twitch like he’s gearing up to say something. Instead he stays quiet, eyes growing soft, his expression unreadable. It’s rare that Carlos looks at TK and doesn’t have a clue what the guy is thinking. TK searches his face as if scanning for any signs in his expression that he isn’t being completely honest with him here. Carlos is acutely aware of the fact that he’s still touching TK’s hand but the other man makes no effort to pull back. Instead, TK takes it a step further, lacing their fingers as he continues to stare at Carlos.

Carlos’ heart flutters at the move. If he could just have this all the time, if it could be in the context he’s been dreaming of for so long, it would mean the world to him. Even with all the upset over his failed date and overall attempts to move on, TK manages to cut through the static with a simple gesture like this. They’ve always been good at grounding each other, sometimes without having to speak at all.

TK’s expression softens, as does the tightness in Carlos’ chest. It’s odd realizing just how much influence they have on one another. If TK isn’t happy, neither is he and vice versa.

TK keeps his eyes fixed on Carlos and he’s unable to do anything other than look back freely. It feels like TK’s saying something important with this look alone but before Carlos can decipher the meaning behind those unspoken words or ask what thoughts are on TK’s mind, a clear voice speaks to the left of him.

“Everything alright here?”

Carlos and TK look away from each other sharply and towards Alex who has just returned to the table. Carlos hadn’t even heard him approaching at all. Now that he thinks about it, he suddenly can’t remember hearing anything other than the pulsing in his ears as he held TK’s gaze, as he basked in the warmth of their palms pressed together. This wasn’t the way he should be feeling or acting towards TK anymore.

His friend was in a committed relationship. There were boundaries that had to be in place. Even if he feels indifferent towards Alex, he feels guilty for overstepping in this area. While it might not have meant much to TK, Carlos knows what he feels inside each time TK touches him. If nothing else, he knows he should be putting a stop to encounters such as this. There’s actual significance behind it all for him.

Carlos can feel something like shame run up the length of his spine. It burns at the back of his neck like a summer sun the longer he looks at Alex. He slips his hand out of TK’s grasp and drags it back to his side, his thumbnail absentmindedly stroking the edge of the table. TK nods at Alex and smiles.

“Yeah, just having a best friend moment,” he muses but Alex looks doubtful. Carlos doesn’t think TK picks up on it.

He’s so used to smoothing things over with his beautiful smile and, Carlos supposes, that’s all this truly was for TK—just a brief instance between friends. His tone is so smooth and even; TK must not be feeling the riot in his stomach like him.

Carlos busies himself with his drink, taking a sip and watching traffic roll past as TK strikes up a private conversation with Alex. Carlos is glad for it though. His mind is racing far too much to be an active participant in this right now.

He’s been trying so desperately to move on. He’s convinced himself that it’s for the best, that he’s truly accepted that TK has gotten serious with Alex. Yet, at the first signs of attention or the possibility of physical contact with TK, he welcomes the gestures with open arms so willingly. Had he not vowed to himself the night before that he wouldn’t dwell so much on his feelings for TK? That he would spare himself the heartbreak and focus on work and looking inward instead?

Carlos knows he needs to get a lid on this and fast. He isn’t sure how much longer he has until the truth finds a way out.

“Los?” TK says, breaking Carlos out of his reverie. It must be obvious he’s been zoned out for a while because TK laughs and repeats himself. “I asked if you’re available Wednesday night. I want to celebrate my three years at the 126 with dinner or something with you guys.”

Carlos nods slowly, still pulling his thoughts together, trying to remember his own schedule. “Um, yeah. I should be out at about six, if things aren’t too busy.”

TK nods once. “Perfect, I’ll make reservations for 8 o’clock to give you time to freshen up and all that.”

Carlos still feels shaken but he manages to plaster on a smile. It’s enough to sate TK who resumes whatever conversation he had going before with his boyfriend. Carlos knows he’s playing a dangerous game here and that his feelings are coming alarmingly close to breaking through the surface. These little moments with TK have always been a source of comfort but now they were proving themselves to be roadblocks on his path to moving on. It was one thing to say the words but to actually do the hard work of distancing himself romantically wasn’t nearly as easy as Carlos has been hoping it’d be.

Looking at TK now, he can see that he’s in a good place. To tamper with that—in any capacity— would be the most selfish thing he could ever do.

He stares down into his now empty cup, feeling much the same— completely drained and needing to be wiped clean.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket SE02, Ep16

i believe there are more than one foolish traveler in Furuba with varying degrees of altruism, kindness & selflessness. The core idea of the foolish traveler story wasn’t to encourage kindness but as a somber warning that such kind souls are taken advantage of by others due to their altruism. The story don’t teach you to stop foolish travelers (you can’t), but take from their kindness without “killing” them in the process. So far three foolish travelers:

Haru is healthiest example. already discussed in past posts.

Momiji: stands in the middle. His story is cruel yet he tried to find the balance between giving too much vs caring for his own self. (more on how/why in his dad’s section).

Tohru is the prime example & the real version of foolish traveler story. We’re watching her collapse under the pressure of always giving too much of herself. We saw too much in SE01, now she’s entering the lion’s den on behalf of Arisa’s lost love. Many examples with many emotional scars after each reckless decision.   

Will Tohru meet the same end as the traveler in the story? Will she give everything, gains nothing & say thank you? or will she acknowledge her own needs as rightful, stand up for her desires, not for altruistic reasons, but cuz SHE wants sth for herself & SHE acknowledges that SHE deserves to get what she selfishly wants!

The Villagers/demons in the foolish traveler story:

In the story the villagers/demons took advantage of the traveler’s kindness & killed her. In real life, these villagers aren’t strangers, they’re family & friends. They aren’t demons, they’re loved ones who truly love you. Still some take advantage of you. How many times have you seen someone kind be content with so little as long as others happy? they ask politely, the person feels obligated or too kind to say no. Until one day. they ask for too much & if the person refuses. They’re shocked/offended & hurt. All while feeling the person is okay cuz he/she never asked for more. That’s momiji’s dad. He loves his son dearly but wants his wife & daughter more. Momiji understands. He always does. He’s a mature boy. Asking momiji to pretend he isn’t his son, to live apart, to quit his hobby. Every time momiji said yes. How could he not? he loves his mom/dad, wants his sister to enjoy the family he never had (selfless desires). But he also wants his sister to know him! to perform for his family exclusively. (selfish desires). Two desires clash. Momiji is sad & broken.

How is momiji different from tohru then?

Momiji acknowledges his selfish desires. He knows he deserves them. He openly speaks when tohru asks him. Hence, he’s rewarded. His sister wants him as big brother regardless of blood relations, She seeks him thro tohru. Momiji will get his sister sooner or later despite the cruse/trauma.

What abt tohru?

Tohru embarks on a reckless adventure using Arisa as a front. She convinces herself that’s it’s purely for a friend. It isn’t. she knows it, ashamed of it, denies it. hides it. Doesn’t open up to momiji .Keeps it all inside. She breaks down seeing all these living ppl yearning for each other yet choose to stay apart. Thoru would do everything she can for one extra moment with her mom. hear her voice once more. just once. grief returns full force a year later to tohru, cuz it was never giving a chance to be acknowledged!. “my mom is with me” was the mantra she lived by. As tohru refused to acknowledge her mom’s absence, the pain grows & the loss intensifies. The void in her heart where her mom used to be while alive, is no longer filled by her mom’s memory. Why? cuz it’s been a year!!!!! it gets harder & harder living after a loved one leaves the longer time passes cuz you can no longer deceive yourself, cuz yearning becomes harder, cuz their voice, laughter, smell, presence fades as time passes & it hurts! like million knives stabbing you. How dare you feel they’re fading? How dare you NOT remember them each & every moment. How dare you let them go~ oh tohru~ I feel you. I know this feeling very well, unfortunately.

The tears of yearning & loss fall again:

The rooftop scene is another example of brilliant writing. The writer sweeps stealthily into our minds duplicating another roof scene as early SE01, Ep 4! This time the writer switches places to showcase growth! brilliant!!. The two scenes parallel each other to the smallest detail of one crawling/walking towards the other. Ep.4 rooftop scene marked the beginning of tohru breaking thro kyo’s harsh exterior, getting him to open up abt his precious master, she earned his awkward trusting smile. This time kyo broke through tohru’s mask once again, noticing the tiniest details of her dirty clothes & down spirit. He doesn’t push her too much. He gives her enough space to talk & keep the parts that she wants hidden. However, this time they’re both different ppl than when they were in Se01, ep.4.

tohru is openly down, sitting more comfortably in her pajama. She’s the one who escaped to his quiet rooftop. She didn’t apologize for taking his spot, didn’t fret abt annoying him. She was at ease in his space/place. She let her guards down & altho she kept her secrets, she tried to convey her feelings of sadness. This is a New Tohru. A tohru much more comfortable with herself around kyo to start complaining without much urging.

Kyo’s entire demeanor is relaxed & chill. from the way he walks, until how he sits so close to her to the way he extended his hand & wiped her tears. While kyo initially misunderstood that tohru had boyfriend, he wasn’t wrong at all in associating her words with romantic love. “you want to be with someone you like, want to be near them” That’s him!! despite deciding to not pursue tohru, being near her is the entire purpose of him still existing in this house. The uneasiness he feels with time running fast before graduation/confinement is all due to him feeling not enough time to be near her! Altho kyo believed tohrun not having a boyfriend, realizing that tohru might have one eventually hurt him deep. Yet, he’s determined to be The New Foolish Traveler in Tohru’s Story. I’ll give my life in return for your happiness. I don’t mind dying in a cell if you you could smile. even if you love another man. I don’t matter. I’ll wish for YOUR tears to stop. He tells her that but with kinder words. “i’ll support u if you have one”. Tohru got it. She got the true meaning mixed with a hint of misunderstanding that stems from her inferiority complex: (I won’t be with you. You’ll loose me. I’ll soon disappear from your life. This quiet moment together will soon be a memory. I’ll die in a cell & you won’t be with me = truth). Misunderstanding: (I don’t love you romantically, I’m just kind to you = tohru’s low self worth will hinder her from seeing the obvious that could be seen from the moon! this boy is melting for her). ~~Tow foolish travelers on the rooftop~~

Side Notes:

The anime disappoints me again with the tohru’s over-dramatic animation.I wanna ask the director: are we reading the same story? Tohru’s pain breaks thro my laptop screen & suffocates me. You don’t need to add this over exaggerated convulsive movement to her. Why only her?? You can’t extract extra tears from us with such addition. it backfires. it makes us laugh/go wth! be annoyed. Am i the only one who feels weirded out by tohru’s animation during emotional moments? Take out tohru’s convulsive 5sec movement & you’ll get 10 out of 10 heartbreaking scene!.

Kureno.. i duno.. sth is off abt him & i can’t figure out what! like.. i don’t feel he’s bad/evil or anything.. he feels like nothing, which is the weirdest feeling I’ve ever had abt a character. I’ll hold on talking more abt him for now until I see more of him.

Who is this blind lady? Her red bright nail polish reminded me of kyoko’s.

Tohru’s voice over on top of shots of momo/momiji/ kureno is epic! cuz her words have already been established in the scenes we saw in the ep. It didn’t ruin or foretell anything we haven’t explored within the ep. Add violin music that is actually played by a character within the ep, add moonlight light that all characters look at now, add the fact that her words describe her current situation with kyo & add kyo’s response! Brilliant! I’ll give the Director the credit he deserves in this scene. It was one of the best visual scenes in furuba & it works more cuz it was given space to play out naturally. nothing seems forced or consciously inserted or inconsistent or overplayed. slowly moving the camera to the sky above shigure’s rooftop & close the ep with one last callback to ep, 4. old scene ended with kyo smiling, now we hear tohru’s small laugh, . subtly telling you~hey, we went full circle with these two & you didn’t even realized when & how~10 out of 10! 

[cloud-side-gaming]

Cloud’s Chronic Chapter 18

I’m new to tumbrl, so I’ll start with my latest gaming blog. Which I wrote a few days ago and post on a gaming site. I’ll add old chapters here too. Then the new ones going forward. I do most my gaming on PS5 & PS4

Pretty late with this chapter. I spent pretty much a solid month playing and loving Returnal. I got to 97% of the way to platinuming the game and my game crashed. I had to turn console off to get it to do something. Then when it came back on the save file had corrupted. For some reason the cloud save was corrupted too. Maybe it overwrote. This was the most gutting and annoying save corruption I’ve had.

I managed to do a perfect run on my first run after the tutorial run. Biomes 1-3 and then 4-6 in one smooth run and completed the game again. Then it took weeks and weeks of replaying through the 2/3 biomes I needed all collectibles for to get the respective last trophies. I think the last one I needed was in the desert biome and was an ultra rare room that has one chance to spawn per run. I think it took 70 runs to unlock.

Then finally after that massive grind and pretty much earning the platinum twice over I got one of my favourite platinums in my collection. It’s a good job I liked the game so much.

After that I chilled out a bit and then got the beautiful Ratchet and Clank Rift Apart. It’s truly gorgeous and one of my fave platform games I’ve played on PS along with Astros. I’ve played about half way through so far. I need to go back and finish it as I put it on hold to complete a milestone I was close to.

I decided to make FFVII Remake my 100th platinum as it’s a special milestone and FFVII is a special game to me. One I grew up playing as a school kid and the one that got me hooked on RPGs and JRPGs. Also one of the only games to make me emotional.

Firstly though as FFVII intermission has just come out. I decided to enjoy Yuffie’s DLC first. I loved the story and the fact that it was based in the same time frame as the main game. Parallel to the main story. Yuffie was really fun to play as in combat with a great ranged and close range mix. Can’t wait to play as her in Remake part 2. Another great addition was the mini game Fort Condor. A simple yet addictive strategy battle game. With different troops and board set ups. I really hope they bring that mini game to part 2 also.

The other real hard part was the pride and joy fight in the battle sim. Where you take on 4 summons back to back and then the ultimate weapon. The hardest fight is Bahamut who also calls a summon for a hand and hits you with a one hit kill move every few mins. Only reprieve or a mana barrier could save you. Somehow I passed that on my first attempt. Thanks to some luck and a recommended set up. At 40 mins long, I’m glad it didn’t take a lot of try’s. As a reward you get a necklace that lets you start with a limit break. That was super useful in the last few chapters. I popped a few easy plats to get to 99 after that. Then got the platinum and 100 milestone earlier today.

The last few days I started Hades. Omg what an amazing, beautiful hand drawn and addictive game. I can see why it got so many GOTY’s on the switch. I fell in love with it the first day I played it. After 14 attempts I finally made my first successful escape / run on my third day playing it. This will be my chill out game and one I play along with a few others if I can get off it. I really want to get this platinum and spend a lot of time with it. I bought the PS4 version with free PS5 upgrade. So once I have the 5 plat. I’ll go back to it sometime and earn the PS4 plat.

The game is a brilliant Rouge-like. You have 6 weapons you eventually earn. I favoured the bow at first and really enjoyed the range and safety it provided. As you go through the rooms you get given boons by the Greek Gods Zeus, Poseidon etc etc. That Biff your attack, special, cast (spell) and more. Each one is noticeably different and fun. Also you can get Duo boons that combine the power of two gods for very powerful effect. Like lightening on top of a water pushback.

The game is difficult but as you make your runs you get permanent upgrades to work on that make each run a little easier. Like extra health, extra lives etc etc. There is also a god mode. A 20% damage reduction that increases 2% every death to a cap of 80%. Now Ive completed my first run. I might start using god mode to make the grind a bit easier.

As you meet more characters and give them gifts they give you keepsakes. Another powerful bonus to help you along. Which you can level also. The character interacts and the way the game adds story slowly each run is a master stroke in rouge like story telling. This game really is a joy. I look forward to playing more and learning more.

As I’m writing this Ghosts of Tsushima Director’s Cut is minutes from release. I stopped playing it only a few hours in for last years GTTSC. So this is the perfect time to restart and get into one of last years best games in its ultimate form on PS5

Another great few weeks or months of gaming are ahead. Have a good one all.

[comradesummers]

Some Buffy big bads: Glory, The Mayor, Angelus, The Trio, The First Evil

Hi, thanks for asking. Sorry I took so long to respond, insert my regular excuse about college kicking my ass (which it is).

5. The First Evil.

Season 7 is not great in a lot of ways, but one of the main problems is how underwhelming the main antagonist is. Despite being really hyped up at first (pun very much intended) and initially making a big splash, the First is kind of a non-entity. Now, admittedly, with a villain like this, this was always going to be a problem. I mean, the guy turns into different people, so it’s gonna be hard to give it a consistent personality. But with that said, I still think the writers could have at least tried to give it some of its own traits that would’ve remained consistent among all the actors portraying it. Because lacking that, there’s very little to grasp onto with this villain.

But worse than that is the fact that the First consistently fails to live up to the promise of this type of character. Because the only thing that you can really do with an incorporeal villain whose only real power is shape-shifting is psychological manipulation. And the writers seemed to understand that at first. That’s why our first prolonged introduction to the First in Conversations With Dead People is all about fucked up mind games. And it really works. Like what the First does with Willow and Dawn in that episode is really scary and harrowing. But following that, the First just doesn’t do that anymore. I mean, I guess it does mess with Spike and the potentials, but for some reason not with the main fucking character. It was such a waste of a decent concept, and a big part of why the season feels so monotonous to me. 

4. The Mayor

The Mayor is a great villain and Harry Groener gives an excellent performance. His relationship with Faith is somehow both very sweet and deeply fucked up, and an incredible inversion of the Buffy/Giles relationship. And the whole shtick of him being this polite, squeaky clean, “family values” (read: Republican) politician who also happens to be a soulless demon (former human? I was never too clear on what exactly he was) is a lot of fun. He truly is a joy to watch and the only reason he’s not higher on the list is that I like the other characters just a tiny bit better.

3. Angelus

Yeah, so this show has a lot of great villains and choosing between them is really fucking hard.

The Angelus storyline is so good for so many reasons, but mainly because it’s a villain that affects Buffy so directly and so personally. Like the entire situation: the slow buildup of Bangel, the turn itself occurring within the worst possible circumstances (which are problematic™ but they do work really well on an emotional level), and then that gut punch of a resolution, are all so fucking effective and well-constructed. And the relationship between Spike, Angelus, and Drusilla is set up beautifully in the first half of the season, so the resulting payoff is so much fun to watch.

It’s such a tight, well-written story, that I’m honestly kind of shocked at myself that I only put Angelus at number 3. I guess if I had to articulate why he’s not higher on the list, I would say that I like the storyline more than I like the character? Like not sure they’re entirely separable, but at the end of the day, Angelus is just kind of a mustache twirling villain, but the storyline is so good, and the relationships he has with other characters are so juicy and interesting, that it really doesn’t matter that he could maybe be a bit more compelling on an individual level.

2. The Trio

Yeah, I know I’m committing fandom heresy here, but hear me out.

So anyone who’s followed my blog for a while might have noticed that I’m kind of obsessed with the Trio. And like, it’s not because I find them particularly likable or appealing (I don’t and I’m not supposed to). But the fact that these characters  are so distinctly reprehensible is exactly why they work so well. In a show full to the brim with demons and vampires and hell-gods, there’s something uniquely terrifying about a villain that you know. Like you see the Trio, and you’re like, I know these guys, I know exactly the kind of gross toxicity that they’re about, and I know exactly the kind of evil shit they’re capable of. And I know that this kind of villain is more common nowadays, but I think that the sheer accuracy of how the Trio is written is especially impressive in the pre-incel days.

And in addition to all that, the way they serve the season thematically is just brilliant. Like starting them off as three non-threatening idiots is greats because it highlights just how not okay Buffy is. Like last season she’s fighting a god and this season she’s fighting some nerds she knew in high school? And they’re also brilliant in the way they serve as parallels for both Willow and Spike. Like the Trio and Willow were all  seemingly non-threatening nerds in high school who are now obsessed with gaining power in order to compensate for their insecurities. So the intersection of their respective descents into darkness is really well done. And the Trio also serve as a parallel for Spike, sort of in the same way. In that they’re all characters that are initially presented or perceived as non-threatening, before the audience is forced to come to terms with the full extent of what they’re capable of.

I get that they’re not exactly the fun kind of villain, which is why most people don’t share my obsession with them. But I really love what the writers did with them and I’m not going to feel bad about it.

1. Glory

Glory is kind of like the template for a perfect villain for this show. She checks all the boxes: She’s entertaining and funny, but also thoroughly scary and threatening when she needs to be. She’s just the right amount of mysterious, and the writers spread the information about her perfectly throughout the season. Also, she’s written to be thoroughly evil but at the same time her motivations are still sort of sympathetic somehow? But most of all, by having her need to kill the one person Buffy can’t stand to lose in order to get what she wants, the stakes are a lot higher than the standard apocalyptic stuff, and it’s really effective. She’s truly an incredible villain and I love her so much.

[brynnmck]

So. BIRDS OF PREY. (Non-spoilery outside the cut.) The short-short version is that this is the woman-driven superhero/action movie I've been waiting for and I have been fizzing with excitement and glee ever since I saw it and I really REALLY encourage you all to check it out because a) I truly feel it might very well improve your lives and b) I want it to make a billion dollars so that they make more because I NEED IT.

Also I want to make clear that you do not have to have seen or liked Suicide Squad, or have read the comics, in order to understand and enjoy this movie. (One of the best tributes I can pay to it, though, is that BOP was/is my first and truest comics love, and even though this movie is a pretty drastically different take on them and in fact leaves out my favorite character entirely, I still ADORED it. In large part because it DOES contain one of things I loved most about the comics, namely: a variety of interesting, complex, and multifaceted women interacting with and supporting each other. And ALSO kicking ass using a variety of skill sets!)

Just. THIS MOVIE IS SO FUN. As a warning, there is some pretty brutal violence in it (though mostly not against women, for a pleasant change). But it's also hilarious, and really cleverly set up and executed, and grounded in real and relatable feelings, and bright candy colored and just the right amount of unhinged and the soundtrack is PHENOMENAL and the costumes are incredible and the fights were fantastic and honestly, I don't recall a single line in the whole movie that made me cringe for the person saying it. All the performances are brilliant, especially Margot Robbie (who gets the most to do, since Harley is the central character here, but she crushes it all), and Ewan McGregor cheerfully devouring scenery, and Jurnee Smollet-Bell is just. The PERFECT stunning badass Dinah. (Also I found out that she does her own singing in this and it has ruined my life because ONE PERSON SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO AND BE ALL OF THOSE THINGS it's TOO MUCH.) Also it is just generally PACKED with extraordinarily hot women who have agency and depth. So. I THOROUGHLY enjoyed the ride and I wanted it to be at least an hour longer and I am absolutely going again as soon as I feasibly can.

Spoilery thoughts and feelings under the cut!

Okay, first of all, I have never had strong feelings about Harley as a character but holy shit, I had no idea Margot Robbie was such a good actress, and I loooooooooved what they did with Harley here. She's definitely unstable, but I adored that they kept reminding us how smart she is, and the fact that she's got all this education and this ability to analyze people that's a vital element of her power. And she's so much FUN, and her drive to be her own person and to figure out what that means is so poignant and so relatable, I really thought they struck the ideal balance with her of making her larger-than-life but still grounded and complex, someone we could care about and sympathize with. And I loved that she ultimately came into her own, and ultimately did it in part because she chose to make connections with people who fundamentally value her.

And then DINAH. MY BELOVED. I love that even though she starts out working for the enemy, she still has that essential kindness and sense of justice that I feel like is so crucial to the character, and I thought using her mother's death as context for how she ended up where she is now was really clever and gave the story space to show her becoming a hero instead of just being born as one. (And she ALSO gets to parallel what Harley is experiencing, i.e. she's not sure who she is without the man who's been exerting control over her for so long, but she's increasingly ready to find out.) I loved seeing the way that slowly built in her over the course of the movie, that "I'm not getting involved I'm not getting involved FUCK IT I'M GETTING EXTREMELY INVOLVED" bursting of the dam that happened a few different times in a few different ways, all leading up to the Canary Cry moment, which was SO MUCH MORE than the plot device it could have been because we know EXACTLY what she's choosing to embrace by using her powers, backed by all the catharsis of "I'm not fucking taking this anymore and I'm going to defend what I love and what is right with every ounce of my strength and RAAAAAAAAAAAAR." SO GOOD. Also I never thought I would ship Harley/Dinah but here I am? That first meeting between them in Roman's club hit me HARD, just that moment of connection, and actually that was one of my favorite things about the way the movie was structured: a lot of times with team-up movies I feel like things don't really get going until the team-up happens, but here I thought they included so many lovely moments with different combinations of the characters that they felt connected even when they weren't actually all together, so the team-up was still enormously satisfying but it also didn't feel to me like the rest of the movie was just waiting for that moment. (Also clearly the shipping potential here is OFF THE CHARTS because any or all of the four adults in this movie would be FASCINATING together so I'm very much here for THAT.)

Cass was also DELIGHTFUL despite bearing almost no resemblance to any canon version of Cass that I've ever seen, but she was still a LOT of fun and resourceful and snarky and secretly sweet and her pragmatic-and-then-actually-affectionate bond with Harley was absolutely adorable. I love that Cass is the only one who doesn't know anything about the Joker, so she just takes Harley for who she is, and that's part of what Harley responds to (eventually).

I also LOVED Renee, how SMART she is (her breaking down that crime scene early on was soooooo fucking cool and also HOT AF), how snarky she is, how OVER IT she is. I also loved that she was a little bit older, and obviously CANON LESBIAN YAY (as was Harley being canonically bi!!! see how easy that was???), and I loved that she was flawed but still doing her best (as are all of them, really). I loved the way they used her to illustrate all the bullshit that women face in so many workplaces, and it was INCREDIBLY satisfying when she quit at the end. (Also her telling Dinah that Dinah wouldn't have been abandoned on her watch gave me CHILLS. The conviction!!! The dedication!!!)

Huntress gets left out a little, and I wouldn't have minded seeing her explored more, though I ADORE BEYOND WORDS what they chose to do with her, up to and including her being kind of disconnected until she shows up at the end and she's like "uhhhh, look, I'm just here to kill this guy, I don't want any of this drama," HEEEEEE. But Helena is so broody (though also extremely snarky!) in the comics and I love her very much but it's not my favorite quality, so choosing to show her deliberately cultivating that broody exterior (and somewhat failing at it) was GENIUS and made me love her SO MUCH. Her moment with Cass during the last battle was such a fantastic one, too--that was a moment that very easily could have been skimmed over, and honestly I don't know that I'd have thought of it, but it was PERFECT and such economical character development for her and just generally evidence of a writer/writers who think of all these characters as three-dimensional people with their own thoughts and feelings and experiences. Also Harley's heart-eyes when Helena rolls up on her motorcycle to save her were BEAUTIFUL.

Also beautiful: the fight scene once they all team up, seeing all their different styles and how they support each other and how they take care of Cass. And that scene in the diner at the end was just. ALL I EVER WANT IS THAT SCENE AND THEY GAVE IT TO ME. The snark! The margaritas and shitty food! The exhausted, semi-awkward bonding (Helena being like, "Um… you also… did cool things…! Is this how humans communicate?" was AMAZING)! And even ending with Harley stealing Canary's car was perfect, because at the end of the day she's not really a long-term team player, so I loved them all kind of sharing this moment and then Harley and Cass go on to do their thing, their way, and Renee/Dinah/Helena do THEIR thing, their way, and everyone gets to live their best lives, fundamentally. And it would also be VERY VERY EASY to slot in Babs (Oracle Babs PLEASE, this movie was so good in a lot of ways about diverse casting and I'd love to see them take that a step further) in a future iteration of this, like, I can perfectly see her just being like, "Uh, you guys are doing okay but you could really use some help" and coming in with all her technology and her strategic bat brain and taking things to the next level. (Also Christina Hodson, who wrote this, is also supposedly writing the Batgirl movie, so… hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.)

Basically it was just… everything I wanted and pretty much nothing that I didn't (though I couldn’t help noticing that there were a lot of POC in this movie who were… not great people, though there were also three central POC who WERE great people, and the two main villains were white, so maybe that helps give a more multi-faceted perspective, but). It has SO MUCH POTENTIAL as a franchise but even if this is all we ever get, I think it's a glorious shiny batshit heartfelt gift and I'm so SO glad we got it, and hats off to all of the amazing women involved who pushed so hard to make this as amazing as it was. YOU ALL DID FANTASTICALLY.

[letterboxd]

Bong Hit!

Today Parasite overtook The Godfather as the highest-rated narrative feature film on Letterboxd. We examine what this means, and bring you the story of the birth of the #BongHive.

It’s Bong Joon-ho’s world and we’re just basement-dwelling in it. While there is still (at time of publication) just one one-thousandth of a point separating them, Bong’s Palme d’Or-winning Parasite has overtaken Francis Ford Coppola’s Oscar-winning The Godfather to become our highest-rated narrative feature.

In May, we pegged Parasite at number one in our round-up of the top ten Cannes premieres. By September, when we met up with Director Bong on the TIFF red carpet, Parasite was not only the highest-rated film of 2019, but of the decade. (“I’m very happy with that!” he told us.)

Look, art isn’t a competition—and this may be short-lived—but it’s as good a time as any to take stock of why Bong’s wild tale of the Kim and Park families is hitting so hard with film lovers worldwide. To do so, we’ve waded through your Parasite reviews (warning: mild spoilers below; further spoilers if you click the review links). And further below, member Ella Kemp recalls the very beginnings of the #BongHive.

Bong Joon-ho on set with actors Choi Woo-shik and Cho Yeo-jeong.

The Letterboxd community on Parasite

On the filmmaking technique: “Parasite is structured like a hill: the first act is an incredible trek upward toward the light, toward riches, toward reclaiming a sense of humanity as defined by financial stability and self-reliance. There is joy, there is quirk, there is enough air to breathe to allow for laughter and mischief.

“But every hill must go down, and Parasite is an incredibly balanced, plotted, and paced descent downward into darkness. The horror doesn’t rely on shock value, but rather is built upon a slow-burning dread that is rooted in the tainted soil of class, society, and duty… Bong Joon-ho dresses this disease up in beautiful sets and empathetic framing (the camera doesn’t gawk, but perceives invisible connections and overt inequalities)—only to unravel it with deft hands.” —Tay

“Bong’s use of landscape, architecture, and space is simply arresting.” —Taylor Baker

“There is a clear and forceful guiding purpose behind the camera, and it shows. The dialogue is incredibly smart and the entire ensemble is brilliant, but the most beautiful work is perhaps done through visual language. Every single frame tells you exactly what you need to know while pulling you in to look for more—the stunning production design behind the sleek, clinical nature of one home and the cramped, gritty nature of the other sets up a playpen of contrasts for the actors and the script.” —Kevin Yang

On how to classify Parasite: “Masterfully constructed and thoroughly compelling genre piece (effortlessly transitioning between familial drama, heist movie, satirical farce, subterranean horror) about the perverse and mutating symbiotic relationship of increasingly unequal, transactional class relationships, and who can and can’t afford to be oblivious about the severe, violent material/psychic toll of capitalist accumulation.” —Josh Lewis

“This is an excellent argument for the inherent weakness of genre categories. Seriously, what genre is this movie? It’s all of them and none of them. It’s just Parasite.” —Nick Wibert

“The director refers to his furious and fiendishly well-crafted new film as a ‘family tragicomedy’, but the best thing about Parasite is that it gives us permission to stop trying to sort his movies into any sort of pre-existing taxonomy—with Parasite, Bong finally becomes a genre unto himself.” —David Ehrlich

On the duality of the plot: “There are houses on hills, and houses underground. There is plenty of sun, but it isn't for everybody. There are people grateful to be slaves, and people unhappy to be served. There are systems that we are born into, and they create these lines that cannot be crossed. And we all dream of something better, but we’ve been living with these lines for so long that we've convinced ourselves that there really isn’t anything to be done.” —Philbert Dy

“The Parks are bafflingly naive and blissfully ignorant of the fact that their success and wealth is built off the backs of the invisible working class. This obliviousness and bewilderment to social and class inequities somehow make the Parks even more despicable than if they were to be pompous and arrogant about their privilege.

“This is not to say the Kims are made to be saints by virtue of the Parks’ ignorance. The Kims are relentless and conniving as they assimilate into the Park family, leeching off their wealth and privilege. But even as the Kims become increasingly convincing in their respective roles, the film questions whether they can truly fit within this higher class.” —Ethan

On how the film leaps geographical barriers: “As a satire on social climbing and the aloofness of the upper class, it’s dead-on and has parallels to the American Dream that American viewers are unlikely to miss; as a dark comedy, it’s often laugh-aloud hilarious in its audacity; as a thriller, it has brilliantly executed moments of tension and surprises that genuinely caught me off guard; and as a drama about family dynamics, it has tender moments that stand out all the more because of how they’re juxtaposed with so much cynicism elsewhere in the film. Handling so many different tones is an immensely difficult balancing act, yet Bong handles all of it so skilfully that he makes it feel effortless.” —C. Roll

“One of the best things about it, I think, is the fact that I could honestly recommend it to anyone, even though I can't even try to describe it to someone. One may think, due to the picture’s academic praise and the general public’s misconceptions about foreign cinema, that this is some slow, artsy film for snobby cinephiles, but it’s quite the contrary: it’s entertaining, engaging and accessible from start to finish.” —Pedro Machado

On the performative nature of image: “A família pobre que se infiltra no espaço da família rica trata a encenação—a dissimulação, os novos papéis que cada um desempenha—como uma espécie de luta de classes travada no palco das aparências. Uma luta de classes que usa a potência da imagem e do drama (os personagens escrevem os seus textos e mudam a sua aparência para passar por outras pessoas) como uma forma de reapropriação da propriedade e dos valores alheios.

“A grande proposta de Parasite é reconhecer que a ideia do conhecimento, consequentemente a natureza financeira e moral desse conhecimento, não passa de uma questão de performance. No capitalismo imediatista de hoje fingir saber é mais importante do que de fato saber.” —Arthur Tuoto

(Translation: “The poor family that infiltrates the rich family space treats the performance—the concealment, the new roles each plays—as a kind of class struggle waged on the stage of appearances. A class struggle that uses the power of image and drama (characters write their stories and change their appearance to pass for other people) as a form of reappropriation of the property and values ​​of others.

“Parasite’s great proposal is to recognize that the idea of ​​knowledge, therefore the financial and moral nature of that knowledge, is a matter of performance. In today’s immediate capitalism, pretending to know is more important than actually knowing.”)

Things you’re noticing on re-watches: “Min and Mr. Park are both seen as powerful figures deserving of respect, and the way they dismissively respond to an earnest question about whether they truly care for the people they’re supposed to tells us a lot about how powerful people think about not just the people below them, but everyone in their lives.” —Demi Adejuyigbe

“When I first saw the trailer and saw Song Kang-ho in a Native American headdress I was a little taken aback. But the execution of the ideas, that these rich people will siphon off of everything, whether it’s poor people or disenfranchised cultures all the way across the world just to make their son happy, without properly taking the time to understand that culture, is pretty brilliant. I noticed a lot more subtlety with that specific example this time around.” —London

“I only noticed it on the second viewing, but the film opens and closes on the same shot. Socks are drying on a rack hanging in the semi-basement by the window. The camera pans down to a hopeful Ki-Woo sitting on his bed… if the film shows anything, it might be that the ways we usually approach ‘solving’ poverty and ‘fixing’ the class struggle often just reinforce how things have been since the beginning.” —Houston

The birth of the #BongHive

London-based writer and Letterboxd member Ella Kemp attended Cannes for Culture Whisper, and was waiting in the Parasite queue with fellow writers Karen Han and Iana Murray when the hashtag #BongHive was born. Letterboxd editor Gemma Gracewood asked her to recall that day.

Take us back to the day that #BongHive sprang into life. Ella Kemp: I’m so glad you asked. Picture the scene: we were in the queue to watch the world premiere of Bong Joon-ho’s Parasite at Cannes. It was toward the end of the festival; Once Upon a Time in Hollywood had already screened…

Can you describe for our members what those film festival queues are like? The queues in Cannes are very precise, and very strict and categorized. When you’re attending the festival as press, there are a number of different tiers that you can be assigned—white tier, pink tier, blue tier or yellow tier—and that’s the queue you have to stay in. And depending on which tier you’re in, a certain number of tiers will get into the film before you, no matter how late they arrive. Now, yellow is the lowest tier and it is the tier I was in this year. But, you know, I didn’t get shut out of any films I tried to go into, so I don’t want to speak ill of being yellow!

So, spirits are still high in the yellow queue before going to see Parasite. I was with friends and colleagues Iana Murray [writer for GQ, i-D, Much Ado About Cinema, Little White Lies], Karen Han [New York Times, Vanity Fair, Vulture, The Atlantic] and Jake Cunningham [of the Curzon and Ghibliotheque podcasts] who were also very excited for the film. We queued quite early, because obviously if you’re at the start of a queue and only two yellow tier people get in, you want that to be you.

So we had some time to spare, and we’re all very ‘online’ people and the 45 minutes in that queue was no different. So we just started tweeting, as you do. We thought, ‘Oh we’re just gonna tweet some stuff and see if it catches on.’ It might not, but at least we could kill some time.

So we just started tweeting #BongHive. And not explaining it too much.

#BongHive

— karen han (@karenyhan)

May 21, 2019

Within the realms of stan culture, I would argue that hashtags are more applicable to actors and musicians. Ariana Grande has her army of fans and they have their own hashtag. Justin Bieber has his, One Direction, all of them. But we thought, ‘You know who needs one and doesn’t have one right now? Bong Joon-ho.’

And so, you know, we tweeted it a couple of times, but I think what mattered the most was that there was no context, there was no logic, but there was consistency and insistence. So we tweeted it two or three times, and then the film started and we thought right, let’s see if this pays off. Because it could have been disappointing and we could have not wanted to be part of, you know, any kind of hype.

SMILE PRESIDENT @karenyhan #BongHive pic.twitter.com/Dk7T8bFYtv

— Ella Kemp (@ella_kemp)

May 21, 2019

But, Parasite was Parasite. So we walked out of it and thought, ‘Oh yes, the #BongHive is alive and kicking.’

I think what was interesting was that it came at that point in the festival when enthusiasm dipped. Everyone was very tired, and we were really tired, which is why we were tweeting illogical things. It was late at night by the time we came out of that film. It was close to midnight and we should have gone to bed, probably.

Because, first world problems, it is exhausting watching five, six, seven films a day at a film festival, trying to find sustenance that’s not popcorn, and form logical thoughts around these works of art. Yes! It was nice to have fun with something. But what happened next was [Parasite distributor] Neon clocked it and went, ‘Oh wait, there’s something we can do there’. And then they took it, and it flew into the world, and now the #BongHive is worldwide.

I love the formality of Korean language and the way that South Koreans speak of their elders with such respect. I enjoyed being on the red carpet at TIFF hearing the Korean media refer to Bong Joon-ho as ‘Director Bong’. It’s what he deserves!

I like to imagine a world where it’s ‘Director Gerwig’, ‘Director Campion’, ‘Director Sciamma’… Exactly.

Related content:

Ella Kemp’s review of Parasite for Culture Whisper.

Letterboxd list: The directors Bong Joon-ho would like you to watch next.

Our interview with Director Bong, in which he reveals just how many times he’s watched Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho.

“I’m very awkward.” Bong Joon-ho’s first words following the standing ovation at Cannes for Parasite’s world premiere.

Karen Han interviews Director Bong for Polygon, with a particular interest in how he translated the film for non-Korean audiences. (Here’s Han’s original Parasite review out of Cannes; and here’s what happened when a translator asked her “Are you bong hive?” in front of the director.)

Haven’t seen Parasite yet? Here are the films recommended by Bong Joon-ho for you to watch in preparation.

With thanks to Matt Singer for the headline.

[angelinarecs]

Updated Pacific Rim Recs

Organized by pairing (or gen) and then alphabetized by title. Summaries (which have been copied from their respective stories) and descriptions are provided. Notation at the end of the description indicates if a story is completed or a WIP.

Gen

Take Up Your Spade and Break Ground - Tendo Choi is a 911 dispatcher because it pays well and because he’s damn good at it. He doesn’t take the job with the expectation of finding a family – but sometimes the people who call end up up meaning a hell of a lot, and Tendo’s never been one to stay detached. Friendship/Family. Tendo POV, very well written and the plot is original. A great AU overall. I really loved following Tendo and his relationships to the Shatterdome people through his work at 911. One-shot.

Hermann, Newton Friendship

All the Colors of the Rainbow - The first thing Newt noticed about Hermann was that he was a neat freak. Well. Okay. Maybe not a neat freak. Maybe just an ordinarily-neat person who didn’t like kaiju guts in his work space. Sharing a lab was going to be a challenge … Drama. Am I reccing this because Newt is autistic? Yes, yes I am. Also, these drabbles do wonders at showing the day-to-day struggles of Newton and Hermann sharing a lab. One-shot.

Hush Now - Hermann is upset and Newt tries to cheer him up. It either goes horribly wrong or horribly right- he’s not sure. Hurt/Comfort. Hermann gets an unfortunate phone call from his father and Newt is there to pick up the pieces. Drabble length, but still sweet. One-shot.

Not Unwelcome - Set directly after the events of the movie. Hermann leaves the celebrations to give himself some space, away from the loud people clapping him on the back, away from the happily drunken crowd, and, maybe, a bit of space away from Newt. Naturally, the moment he disappears, Newt goes after him. Minor angst ensues. Friendship/Angst. Cute, fluffly, indulgent, everything you want out of a feel-good story. An enjoyable read. One-shot.

Tröstung - When Hermann is three years old, his mother gives him a stuffed lamb. Angst/Friendship. Following Hermann through the years in his interactions with his  comfort object (an adorable sheep names Oskar). The premise and structure of the story really does a nice job at providing snapshots in Hermann’s life and development as he grows into the brilliant scientist he is. The story also provides a brief insight into Hermann and Newt’s relationship. One-shot.

Hermann/Newton

a ghost will be here in my stead - Hermann is feeling under the weather. Hurt/Comfort/Fluff. Post Uprising. Hermann falls ill after pushing himself too far to save Newton from the Precursors. Newton picks up the pieces. One-shot.

A Hand That Hold No Weapon - On their way back to the Hong Kong Shatterdome, Newton helps Gottlieb adjust to the after effects of drifting together. Drama/Hurt/Comfort. A much needed story after Hermann and Newton drift. Fun story, okay writing. One-shot.

A Momentary Lapse of Reason - It’s Newton’s fault, really. That Hermann is stuck on the floor of the Kwoon, feeling more than a bit useless and broken. Fluff/Hurt/Comfort. Hermann pushes himself too hard trying to physically work out his self-loathing. Newton is there to pick up the pieces. One-shot.

A Not so Simple Cold - Herman is sick. Really sick. He, however, is choosing to ignore how sick he is which Newton does not agree with. Fighting ensues but some realizations about their feelings for one another also come to a head. Fluff. One of those sickfics that’s not particularly original nor well written, but definitely scratched the hurt/comfort itch when needed. One-shot.

A Warm and Gentle Tug -  Hermann has a fear of having his blood drawn due to the fact that he always passes out or gets sick while it happens. This time around however, Hermann takes Newt along with him to his appointment to help ease him. Hurt/Comfort. Not the best writing here, but the relationship is fun. Mainly reccing because I have the exact same problem getting my blood drawn. One-shot.

Battered and Bruised - When Hermann comes to Newt’s defense, it doesn’t end well. Hurt/Comfort. Short and somewhat sweet. Newton and Hermann try to fix each other up after getting into a fight at a bar. One-shot.

Blue All Over - The worst one was recorded on a cold dreary day in the autumn of 2021. Hurt/Comfort. One of their many, and possible one of their worst, lab accidents. Herman is a self sacrificing idiot and Newton is at least fast on his feet. One-shot.

Collision - A kiss gone wrong. Romance/Humor. Hermann and Newton being dorky and clumsy. Cute, but short, story. One-shot.

Dehydration Sensation - Hermann doesn’t handle heat well. Hurt/Comfort. Hermann doesn’t take care of himself in the middle of a heat wave and Newt once again has to pick up the pieces. Including obstinate, delirious, and dissaproving Hermann alongside exasperated Newton! One-shot.

Homeostasis - The K-science laboratory stands on its own plane of existence; life within its concrete walls runs in parallel to life in the bigger world of the Hong Kong Shatterdome. Yet even here the laws of physics apply. Whenever Hermann’s body isn’t failing him, Newton’s mind is on the verge of breaking. Hurt/Comfort. The scientists have a rough day in the lab. I really enjoyed the contrast of the mental and physical given that each Hermann and Newt suffer from their own handicaps. Seeing the ailments as both a foil and a complement to each other was a very compelling look into their relationship. One-shot.

Incessant - Hermann’s physical limitations frustrate him to tears. Angst. Newton tries to help Hermann after a fall, Hermann is frustrated that his body won’t cooperate with anything. Poor Newt has to make this situation at least bearable for both of them. The selling points for this story is mostly domestic science boyfriends and an accurate depiction of the frustrations that come with being disabled/handicapped. One-shot.

Keep Your Mouth Shut, Keep Your Guard Up -  Hercules Hansen does not understand why Hermann won’t just tell him why he got in a fight with the new J-Tech. It’s obvious who came out worse for wear. Hurt/Comfort/Romance. Hermann just wants to protect Newton, they just keep getting into trouble. So wonderfully in character. I love these two. One-shot.

Laundry Day - “I must have almost popped the question a hundred times, but the timing never seemed…right, you know?” “And you decided nearly killing me in the middle of laundromat was the Platonic ideal of romance, did you?” Aka the one where Hermann launders Newt’s jacket and finds rather more than he bargained for. Hermann/Newt. Romance/Humor. This story is just so cute. I love how the everyday interaction between Newt and Hermann turns into such a touching/adorable moment. One-shot.

Oh, They’re Gonna Have to Fight Me - The Drift makes them realize they belong together. Now that they cancelled the apocalypse, there’s nothing left for them to do but live out their lives in happiness. That is, until Hermann realizes there’s more to the nightmares that Newt keeps having. (In which they don’t spend those ten years apart, and Hermann is there to figure it out and save Newt when the Precursors start taking over him.) Fluff/Angst. They win the war, get married, and live happily ever after until they don’t. If you were anything like me, the sequel really disappointed on the whole “haven’t seen you in ten years” bit. This is the fix-it that we needed for our science husbands as Hermann has to navigate his relationship with Newt while realizing exactly how compromised his husband truly is. Complete.  

Pride - Newmann oneshot. Newt takes Hermann on a date to his first LGBT parade- fluff through and through, except for a little reference to acephobia. Romance/Friendship. Am I reccing this entirely because Hermann is asexual? Yes, yes I am. Also features cute relationships, Newton coming up with a bunch of “queer” orientated pet names for Hermann, and some good points about sexuality. One-shot.

Somewhere, Something - Newt and Hermann start dating in the rush of change the end of war brings. Each of them is frightened that the other doesn’t realize what he’s in for. Hurt/Comfort/Angst. The science boyfriends help each other out as they grow closer in their relationship. I really appreciate the take on both mental and physical health issues. Two-shot, complete.

strange perceptions - The most essential question to pose, obviously, is why is Hermann presently finding himself contained in a shut-down emergency decontamination unit with only his lab partner as company, having forgone not only the process of actual decontamination but also the process of being noticed by anyone at all. The answer is frustratingly straightforward: because Newton. Angst/Hurt/Comfort. In which feelings are shared and realizations come to. I really love the dialogue, character introspection, and use of flashbacks in this story. I also love the fact that it literally took getting stuck together and completely helpless to force them into a conversation about feelings. One-shot.

Strong Enough - the Precursor in captivity, nobody knows exactly how to get Newt back to his old self, if that’s even possible. But Newt was always stubborn, and damn if Hermann would ever give up on him, or, worse yet, let him give up on himself. Emotional Hurt/Comfort/Angst. Hermann is going to get his husband back, even if he has to fight the entire Shatterdome, the alien possessing his love, and his own nightmares to do it. Another precursor!Newt fix-it, but we need all of those that we can get because I want my science husbands to end up happy. One-shot.

Taken Care Of - Newt helps out Hermann when he’s having a bad day. Hurt/Comfort. A short and fluffy slice of life story that follows the companionship of Newt and Hermann through a rough day. One-shot.

The Ghost and Dr. Priestly - Newt is pulling an all-nighter in the university library studying for a chemistry test, when he begins to hear strange sounds. Good news: it’s not a ghost. Bad news: he only finds out after giving his lab partner, Hermann, a mild concussion. Drama/Romance/Hurt/Comfort. Newt is an unbelievable idiot and poor Hermann suffers the consequences. Or, Hermann is concussed and is probably not thinking properly, but he still kisses Newt even after the daft man nearly brained him with a book. One-shot.

Tricks and Treats - Seven fics for the seven days of Gottbleed week (Oct. 5th-11 2015). Each story: 1. Is Gottbleed 2. Fulfills an OTP prompt from tumblr 3. Is newmann and 4. Is Halloween related. Trick or treating, costumes, haunted houses, ghosts, too much candy - and much more! Cute, funny, with a side of seriousness. Humor/Drama. Hermann and Newton make such a fun couple and these somewhat Halloween themed shorts perfectly show off their characters. Complete.

You and Your Dog Teeth - Desperate to find ends and solutions, Hermann wears himself out to exhaustion looking for answers, especially his already lame leg. Being around as his usual working late night companion, it’s up to Newt to help take Dr. Gottlieb home. What seemed entirely like a normal night only ends with two scientists realizing there’s a lot more between them than they thought. Angst/Humor. Such a fun story, this has a good balance between emotional tension and moments of hilarity that only the K-science boys can fully pull off. The awkward approach to romance in this story works very well for the characters and give an authentic feel to the whole thing. Two-shot, complete.

You Know I Love You: I Wrote It Down - Drs. Geiszler and Gottlieb’s relationship goes back almost ten years. We know this because the paper trail goes that far back, too. Romance. Where do I begin with this story? It’s so well done and amazingly written. I can’t get enough of it. The idea to follow the relationship of Hermann and Newton through their paper trail was brilliant and well executed. The sheer nerdy romance is amazing. I don’t even care if it has smut in it, it’s still well worth the read. One-shot.

[dansnaturepictures]

3/1/21-Thrushes, finches, deers and more on a walk in the Blackwater area of the New Forest: 10 different photos to those tweeted tonight 

We walked here this afternoon and managed a very pleasant nine more bird year ticks and two additions to my mammal year list on a very beautiful looking woodland walk with some sun coming out and heading down nicely as the day went on I liked noticing lots of nice and fairly green still especially bits of vegetation around today, and one more year tick as we saw an impressive sized group of Rooks on the way back by Whitefield Moor in the New Forest where we often see them on the vast grass with this bird’s frequent partner the Jackdaws. The ticks at Blackwater were a nice mixture of species I am used to seeing here and other woodland ones I may was not. It did feel like quite a lot of year ticks for this location usually a good one for a few specific species (but brilliant ones) in fairness to it so this top notch day today was a great surprise. I think a reason for that is it was our first solely woodland walk of the year so it was a nice change of habitats to the last few days and allowed me to see so many different species. So other than ones seen on my Lakeside walk, other time out and at home over this weekend the species were ones I had not yet had the chance to see this year so maybe we noticed more in a way which was very nice. Numbers wise it took my year list to 77, over three quarters of the way to 100 birds seen I will take that and be pleased with in any year especially this one! But nicely there is a lot of species to aim for still too. This is still level with how many birds I had seen at this stage last year it was level yesterday and I got 10 year ticks a year ago today too which was a nice parallel on a fairly similar New Forest walk this day in 2020. 

I took the first three pictures in this photoset of nice views on this walk today. The first year tick we got today as we walked into a field area with nice tall trees the area shown in the fourth picture in this photoset was a massive Raven at the top of a bare tree, always a special New Forest bird to see I find and one that excites me always but is especially great to see early in the New Year in my experience and something I have done so much this year. It caused a temporary upset as it often does in opening days of a year beating the commoner Rook onto my year list until I saw those later in the day. I have seen every crow I can/normally see locally this year already with six species which I am pleased with. Soon after we enjoyed the unique sight at this location of a group of Meadow Pipits on the ground our first of the year. 

Then the walk came alive in this wood edged field area and overlooking another vast field which I took the fourth and fifth pictures in this photoset of. First we were thrilled to spot a group of Red Deer stags scuttling away into the trees. A magnificent sight. I love seeing Red Deers they are such beautiful animals and one of my favourite mammals. It was a really good view of them. It was the earliest I had ever seen one in a year by a very long way, we very often see them in the autumn. We had seen them in this general area in October its a good one for them so being able to see them here today really gave me a feeling that I am seeing them regularly in local areas for us now which is something so precious. A brilliant wildlife moment today and an early favourite one in my wildlife year alongside the incredible bird moments I have already had. And as we were looking over the extensive field we were happy to see the more usual in the New Forest group of Fallow Deers making their way across. Always an important mammal sighting in years and one I look forward to in the as I was absolutely reminded today how wild and precious the New Forest is, it was a view of beautiful Fallow Deers to take my year list of mammals to three after Rabbit on Friday with two of my favourite mammals seen already which is great. 

In the extensive field before the fallows we had an epic thrush fest. Joining the Blackbirds we saw so many of today and this year already, and Song Thrush we saw on New Year’s Day and on the way here today we saw our first Mistle Thrushes, Fieldfares and Redwings of the year. A really smashing set of beautiful birds to see. All very important ones to see in my year and key targets for sure. I had never had anything like this as the year tick floodgates opened a bit today to see three thrush species in a row like that, it felt amazing showing what great variety there is in the New Forest for birds. Fieldfare like Great Northern Diver at Hill Head yesterday is a bird we first ever saw in the Blackwater area in the New Forest but we did not see them again there since so this made a really interesting theme to my opening days of 2021. Mistle Thrush a regular New Forest year tick was a tick on our first Blackwater visit on 9th January two years ago. 

As we walked on, I managed to take the sixth, seventh and eighth pictures in this photoset of views and we got the scrumptious sightings of three Bullfinches including two lovely males, and a tenth of my favourite birds seen this year already which I am thrilled with after three days in the form of a lovely Great Spotted Woodpecker we got nice and close to on a tree. 

We made it to the famous arboretum after a beautiful forest walk, I felt very much embraced by the space and wilderness of being out walking today which I truly made the most of and there we were delighted to see its star and what we first discovered this place for in 2008, as an exquisite Hawfinch sat proudly at the top of a tree. I got the record shot as well as one other I tweeted in the ninth picture in this photoset of this bird. I was so excited to see this bird, always one of the best to see every year and this place always comes up trumps in terms of seeing them. It still always feels a relief to see a bird so rare really for another year though and as I got so used to saying in 2020 with what happened in the world and I must keep saying for now in 2021 especially this year. An amazing few minutes spent with an iconic bird species and one of the jewels in the wild and biodiverse New Forest’s crown. This was my earliest ever Hawfinch sighting in a year it is always fantastic in a New Year when you can see a real top bird like this within the first few days so I did feel very lucky. It was a first for me seeing them and the similarly sounding Bullfinch on the same day I think Blackwater is so food for the latter too now I have started amazingly for finches this year with Chaffinch, Goldfinch, Greenfinch and Siskin strong memories from the early days of the year too. 

As well as another Mistle Thrush high in a tree and another Robin to get very close to this year so far after Lakeside Country Park on Friday in the arboretum as we lost the light which I took the tenth and final picture in this photoset of, we were thrilled to spot our first Nuthatch of 2021 another great one to see. It was the first time since 2015 I did not tick this species at Denny Wood in the New Forest. Great Spotted Woodpecker and Redwing I have similar records for, the last time I got them as a year tick at somewhere other than either our very local country park Lakeside or Denny Wood was six years ago. So this was a really interesting point for my records. 

A brilliant ending to another smashing day for me. I know its a tough world to live in right now as I head into what I am sure will be a week off work approaching my birthday towards the end of it like no other, I wish you all well. Stay safe, and try to enjoy the solace of nature where you can. Its good that there is a lot of brilliant natural history television on currently with David Attenborough’s ‘A Perfect Planet’ that I enjoyed very much on BBC One tonight and BBC Two bringing us Gordon Buchanan’s ‘Cheetah Family & Me’ this week after some great bits of inspiring natural history TV over Christmas also, with further restrictions to increase time inside likely. 

Wildlife Sightings Summary: My first of one of my favourite birds the Great Spotted Woodpecker this year, my first Raven, Meadow Pipit, Mistle Thrush, Fieldfare, Redwing, Bullfinch, Hawfinch, Nuthatch and Rook of the year, my first of two of my favourite mammals the Red Deer and Fallow Deer this year, another two of my favourite birds the Jay and Buzzard, Carrion Crow, Jackdaw, Woodpigeon, Song Thrush, Blackbird and Robin.

[the-nysh]

At what point in the story you started liking Garou as a character? What was his first impression on you and how did it changed later as the story progressed?

Oooh! What a GREAT question, I’m so glad you asked! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ (Cause yes, my perceptions of him certainly did change over time! And that’s one of the fun things I love to see happen with other opm fans too.) So let’s see…*pulls up a chair and shovel to dig thru nearly 5yrs of archives* where to begin~

It was definitely a gradual process (so buckle in, this is gonna be a looong chronological trip thru memory lane. About 3500~ words!)

First impressions

Early on (and cause I’m skeptical to most new characters who I don’t ‘know’ yet), I remember feeling kinda like ‘huh? Who the heck is this guy? This wannabe Hiruma-lookalike (recognizing some of Murata’s recycled Eyeshield 21 char design elements for him) with some silly double Vegeta hair? The hell does he think he’s doing??’ Beyond being kinda incredulous about him, I honestly didn’t really give him much passing thought or attention either, and definitely not anything on a deeper level yet. He was just kinda there (I suppose?), but also out there forcefully (cockily and somewhat annoyingly?) inserting himself as the ‘villain’ into the story at times (which wasn’t really my thing), seemingly WAY in over his head with reckless antics and overambitious about what he was claiming to be and challenging himself to do (which I thought seemed both ridiculous and ironic to set up like that when characters like Saitama exist to directly check/refute his aims).

So at the time I wasn’t fully ‘on board’ or invested much in his story/concept yet cause I hadn’t really seen him…define himself (beyond those first impressions) into his own fleshed-out character. Because he still kept reminding me too much of other characters (I even heard him with Hiruma’s voice) rather than breaking out on his own. Murata’s early art also had yet to really evolve and settle him into his own distinguishable ‘face’ for that matter too (he would though later, when he’d draw ‘Garou’ recognizable as himself and not like…‘Hiruma’s shadow’ anymore). So with all that coming in, it’s hard to ‘see’ or genuinely ‘like’ a char at first when they haven’t done much yet to distinguish themselves from others and grow into their own. (Oho, how time will tell~)

This impression of Garou hadn’t really changed much and continued all thru the Metal Bat fight, by the way. (I actually caught up to the manga around the time Murata introduced MB with the centipedes and was about to start his fight with Garou. Events which weren’t on my highest priority to see either, cause I still mostly preferred seeing Saitama + Genos interact instead.) But on a surface level, I at least knew Garou was fun/impressive to watch and his excitable/feral energy was infectious and entertaining (Murata really knew how to hype him up too), but other than that, I’d yet to really ‘like’ him on his own (enough to talk/blog about) still.

I first eased into reblogging stuff with him back in Oct 2016, which included the first reblog of his back muscles (lol) appreciating how Murata drew him facing Watchdog Man so ksjggh that part of the story (when Murata was teasing their fight) was also when Garou starting having a presence on my blog. :O

First turning point

However, I distinctly remember the first ‘aha I see now’ point in understanding him better was when I did a second reread of the webcomic. (I don’t exactly remember when that was, but probably sometime during the tournament arc when the pace was kinda dragging, so I prob reread the wc around then for fun.) It was around early-April 2017 when I later admitted that (in the tags):

I’ve come to really like Garou, a second read of the webcomic made me fond of him, of his background and ideas he wished to set out and change, his heart was in it and he had his set of morals, but he was young and brashly took the wrong path, I really want to see him return someday now that he's learned better

Cause following the big webcomic reveal at the end of his arc (when Saitama calls him out), going back thru his entire story again you could totally spot all the consistent hints and signs (from both his backstory and actions) ONE sprinkled the entire time, making everything revealed about him true, and not suddenly sprung up outta nowhere. It was finally like ‘aaah, I understand what’s up with him and can sympathize where he’s coming from. Yes that makes sense. :O’ However, this clarity/acknowledgment had yet to shift from simply ‘seeing’ or understanding a thing as knowledge, to actually feeling it (connecting on a deeper/personal level) later. That’ll remain a big distinction.

May 2017, I first started writing some early meta break downs about him, starting with his end-arc parallels in Suiryu’s despair moment and from this, there was acknowledgement how all ONE’s manga additions (up til then this was still all tournament arc stuff) were only building further context towards what’s to come much later on in the webcomic.

June 2017, I started posting stream coverage about him (vs Watchdog Man stuff when he intercepts King and Saitama.) Around this time I also admit this kinda stuff in tags ‘goodness how I love that this nerd has a soft spot for that kid (truthfully he's not monstrous at all)’ for appreciating the manga’s wholesome extra Tareo moments.

Second big turning point

Around Sept-Oct 2017 was when post content/stream coverage kinda started exploding during the whole vs A/B heroes + shed fight. This whole sequence, following the tournament arc, was the first big long-awaited return back to the wc’s script (with style!), but with significant expansions (esp to his character) never seen before. In particular, the bullet shielding moment was changed/revised from him simply standing there in the wc, to Garou protecting Tareo in the shed.

Truly awesome and moving because dang, he selflessly put his life on the line for that ‘Garou the determinator fending off the impossible while protecting a kid ;o;’ Firmly standing up to (injustices) and revealing his solid moral core, like wow, what a guy. <3

Murata’s stream output picked up significantly back then too (compared to his slower pace drawing the previous arcs), so I also admitted: ‘gosh been cheering for Murata's hard work just like Garou's in-chapter determination!’

But also cause this whole fight was like the first actual, legit demonstration (shown, not told) of Garou’s prodigious fighting skills, intelligence, tenacity, resourcefulness, perseverance, etc. Like this is what he’s actually capable of when pushed to the brink; testing the actual quality of his character (showing his true colors) and allowing those merits to shine while under unfavorable, difficult, and desperate conditions. And all impressively done in a way to make the audience both believe it and root for him (presented from his side much like a protagonist? Wild! 8D) It was extremely thrilling and badass (truly that whole shed part was brilliant, narratively and spectacle-wise. As I’ve repeatedly gone back to write about many times and again. :’D) My impressions of Garou around this time:

yoooo boi see I really like Garou, the wild prodigy determinator with a misguided goal, going all out and demonstrating his talent and prowess (even tho he gets in over his head), PROTECTING CHILDREN WHEN HE PRETENDS HE DOESN'T CARE, omfg what a softie (as Saitama would say) :'D, yaaa see he was never a 'real' monster at all, Saitama can see straight through him, and what he REALLY wants to achieve

Dec 2017, first started getting some sporadic Garou anons after the whole epic manga spectacle vs Genos + Bang + EC fight with everyone.

Jan 2018, back when Garou was captured in the MA base and then left to his own devices above ground…things started getting really interesting. Including noticing ONE’s more careful (or perhaps more transparent?) approach to writing Garou’s manga portrayal this time around. Different and more nuanced from the wc for instance, so there were many fascinating contradictions and complexities to uncover (break down meta-wise) about his convictions, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and how he applied those thru his actions and behavior (revealing decisive acts of character). This was when @gofancyninjaworld also started joining in to discuss and explore Garou’s ongoing dilemma with his goals and mindset. “His heart is in the right place, but his means are not, because at his core, he’s not a monster.” I admitted ‘Garou’s one of the most well-written characters in the story, I feel.’ And I was really looking forward to all the significant changes ONE was doing to make his manga story all the more defined and cohesive than it already was in the wc. That made things extra engaging (when there’s a desire to look deeper into things for fun and excitement for more).

Third turning point

Feb 2018 Oooh man. It was around here, (when Garou saves Tareo from the bullies and confronts RR and Bug God) that I was really starting to feel that shift happening (the impression of him turning into something more), so I had to comment on his ongoing characterization presented thus far (budding into a well-rounded, 3 dimensional character) and how ONE was (re)writing him in a more personal, sympathetic light that made him so easy to root for and genuinely likeable. I was fully AWARE of this happening and what both Murata and ONE were doing to increase his appeal. Admitting the more they revealed of him the more I was falling deeper for him, and fully welcoming it by narrative design. (Like alright let’s goooo! 8’D) Cause it was obvious how much differently and expansive he was getting portrayed vs the wc (with much less moral ambiguity). I said:

“Garou’s not simply a rogue, prodigious teen going on a spiteful rampage with an overconfident, slasher smile. Consistently, he’s been shown what really makes him tic: what gets him serious, passionate, sincere, and desperate – things that force his hand to either fight or defend against, with standards and ideals that he’d put his life on the line for. All of it is great: a variety of expressive emotions and definitive acts of character that all build towards the whole. Which we’re then left to ponder exactly what that is. Is he truly a villain or a hero? Is he really a troublemaking bad guy or actually a misguided ‘nice guy’? The answer isn’t so black and white; it’s more like a mix of ALL of the above. And I LIKE that. As ONE has presented him, Garou is Garou, and not really someone to align or classify as simply one or the other. He’s in that kind of delicious gray zone where he’s getting put to the brink to show his true colors. And it’s so GOOD and refreshing to see.”

That plus the manga showing his deeper bond with Tareo, his gruffly protective qualities (ok but that’s kinda hot?) and a more sincere showing of his morals (which he refused to budge on no matter what anyone else ordered him to do), brought on all the feels. :’)

Stream coverage + ch commentary devolved to like unintelligible screaming, with some ‘man he’s so fucking cool,’ or ‘damn protective Garou’s SOO good,’ or ‘I swear the more Murata draws of him the more I fall for him like wtf,’ or even the flat out ‘GODDAMMIT MURATA ;A;’ types of suffering reactions, ahaha.

At this point I was all ‘bring on the Garou appreciation; he deserves it; I have a mighty NEED’ but was kinda annoyed/frustrated with the fandom cause there was hardly any recent fan content of him (relevant to his current plot progression, it was all suspiciously dry or old ship-related content I wasn’t interested in cause the plot had moved on, so I was like omg where is everybody, hello?!) It was already a dry spell in between seasons so overall fan content was slow anyway, but it seemed like there were so few actual fans of him (to my confusion?!) So I started making my own content (beyond just the stream coverage and ch reactions/commentary + meta) with the expression posts appreciation.

March 2018. U-uhoh, things (and posting frequency especially) were starting to escalate. His reaction to literally getting backstabbed by the monsters and losing Tareo (his quiet but seething controlled feral rage) definitely had me feeling™ things.

Final nail in the coffin

April 2018 Oshit;; Garou forcefully storming and bulldozing his way thru the MA base, his awesome BIG DAMN HEROES moment rescuing Tareo from Royal Ripper, to his hilarious absolute tsundere™ moment denying it (before running into Rover and immediately protecting the kid again) pretty much destroyed me. This was also like the first time I’d seen ONE make a character go full tsundere mode and pull it off in a genuine comedic way (with the classic ‘it’s not like I came here to save you or anything baka’ line and all) so pfft, that was so much endearing icing on the cake. :’D

At this point someone even asked me who’s my favorite opm character, to which I was all, ‘Garou’s current manga content has been on fire so he’s been quickly skyrocketing into my favs (if he wasn’t there already)!’

But then Murata soon dropped THIS ‘protect the child’ page all with perfect timing, and I was…fucking doomed.

'sugoi ojisan' was pretty much the moment of instant death for me ;A; my constant reaction to the streams has been that gaijin 4koma meme with laser heart eyes for emphasis, and I'm pretty much losing my ability to articulate much beyond screaming at this rate

Garou’s behavior could then be summarized as ‘a very stubborn and in denial asshole tsundere little shit nerd. <3’ But there was classic ONE heartwarming irony in there too, cause Garou hadn’t fully ‘lost’ his battles either…during those critical times where he actually assumed the role of the ‘hero’ for Tareo instead. (Oho~)  

basically Garou is a great character, the more you look into how ONE has built him the more meta af it gets

May 2018 (the long-awaited debut of the wc ‘scarf’ vs Rover towards Garou vs Orochi’s epic wtfshitstorm) lolwhoops~ I finally made the inevitable back muscles compilation while also writing longer, more in depth meta posts about him.

Murata delivered some of the best stream content we’ve seen of him. (Completely on FIRE, both literally and figuratively. And looking back, this was probably some of the most fun Murata’s stream sessions ever got. :’D Was awesome to be a fan tuning in during this time.)

even Murata was doodling chibis of himself freaking out in the margins XD

Delivering content from the pose of peak badassery…to dropping stream doodles of peak heartwarming/cuteness (Garou & Tareo in suits) on the fans for good measure.

bam Murata’s out to kill us with his art ...Murata can you like -maybe- chill? ABSOLUTELY NOT

Basically Murata knew exactly what he was doing, always delivering and servicing the fans (drawing the coke bottle was a fan suggestion too) yet also remaining a huge tease~

Towards S2 and beyond

June 2018, following the Orochi fight, Garou was put on a bus and absent from the manga for a while, so I went back revisiting older content again (rereading the manga for fun) and realizing/noticing/wondering stuff I hadn’t really caught about him before like…oh no why is he cute?? Was he always this way or had my eyes finally opened after everything??? (Cause aside from him being a little shit or a cool badass, he was also a complete dork and a nerd, and an oblivious dummy, and just…that was so…wtf endearing, a full package of fun to enjoy.)

But we soon got clips of Midorikawa’s voice reveal (from the opm drama cd) and all hell broke loose among the resident Garou fans. 8’D Especially cause his voice was ‘dark/smooth/mature/sexy’ as opposed to a higher-pitched, unhinged teen voice many had expected (remember that old Hiruma voice I first thought for him? So interestingly many fanboys were disappointed with this deeper voice casting). But also cause Midorikawa said “I’ll do my best to make Garou even more charming than before,” so we were excited to see Garou’s popularity spike even more cause of s2.

Aug 2018, the s2 key visual revealed with Garou prominently featured up and center and I WAS NOT PREPARED!!! I remember having like a full hyper-incoherent breakdown because of this so…yeaaaaah. 8’D I was all rationalizing,

If anything it’s all Murata and ONE’s fault that (the hype and appreciation for him) feeling’s grown even stronger. He was already a thoroughly fun walking meta source, but the manga made his softer/compassionate moments much more obvious (than in the wc). Just watch as this badass dorky nerd becomes even more hugely popular than he already is!

April 2019 was his anime debut…coincided with his post-arc WEBCOMIC DEBUT AFTER 5 FUCKING YEARS (before he even returned in the manga even) IMPECCABLE timing from ONE, holy shit people lost their minds. Including Murata, who had to draw him too! With all that and the anime airing (adding even more wholesome cute Tareo interactions not seen in the manga), fandom participation (+anons) really started to kick off.

I remember seeing the influx of new fans and how so many (who didn’t ‘know’ him yet either) would unironically label him as genuinely ‘evil’ or a ‘heinous villain’ at face value, which….uhhhhhh were the kinda takes that were hard to take seriously, but I appreciated how ONE’s writing allowed the readers to see and think for themselves as the narrative revealed more (rather than believing everything the characters said or claimed), so it’d only be a matter of time until they ‘saw’ the truth about him too. :’)

May-July 2019 the anime continued airing with fandom activity popping, until August when he finally reappeared and ‘awoke’ in the manga! ;A; After like an entire full year of him mia too. This was also the time frame when all the thirsty (and interestingly meta-hungry) Garou anons started (finding me???) regularly chiming in with fun participation. I was grateful though, cause they prompted certain takes I couldn’t have come up with on my own, and allowed me to think, examine, and explain things much more closely and thoroughly than I had ever posted before. (Yaaay~) Such as looking into just what IS it about him?!

“Garou wouldn’t be as compelling, engaging, and appealing as a character without (all) those other interesting layers and nuances to talk about too! :D It’s even better that way! Cause Murata can draw everyone looking drop-dead gorgeous and conventionally attractive, so just having a pretty face and impressive muscles isn’t enough to make him stand out in a special way from the rest of the cast. Already all those things (about him) are certainly impressive, so just what is it about him in particular? (That makes him unique.) The fact Garou has all that AND those other compassionate & interesting qualities to him just makes it the icing on the cake for a complete, well-rounded package. The fact we can know him, for all his feelings and attitude why he behaves and acts the way he does, such as when he’s contradictory, troubled and tsundere-like sometimes, to hardcore and badass other times, to softer and empathetic to fiercely righteous, protective and determined other times, and all portrayed in the way he’s capable of the range (and makes us feel) the entire spectrum of emotion too. …Like whoa (I could keep going but I’d be preaching to the choir at that point aha), all that only enhances what’s already there. In this way, I feel the Garou we’ve come to know by now is much more endearing and appealing than the one we were introduced to at the start. Because as he appeared then, he may have seemed like just another wannabe thug-of-the-week we might not have given much passing thought & attention to. But now…uhoh, you could arguably say he’s grown to the point he’s almost taken over the rest of the manga (within good reason!) by challenging our perception of who’s even the active protagonist. :O Who keeps us engaged and tuned in to see more. Buaha, just what the hell happened?! Now that’s quite the impressive feat from both ONE and Murata to create a character with a lasting impact like that!”

…So that’s what happened. :’D In my opinion, I feel Garou’s best moments where we (or really, I) got to know him better (shed scene, Elder Centipede aftermath, dine n dash, rescuing Tareo, all up towards his fights vs Rover & Orochi) mostly only happen until after s2 so… Since those were some of my absolute fav manga moments (which only enhanced my perceptions of him), those’ll be the moments I’m really looking forward to see animated in s3. But most of all, I’m hoping to witness some of that same ‘aha!’ gradual realization process happen to newer fans who come to appreciate him too. :’3