#but then during that week i went. for an hour i think and then i had to leave
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What happens when the user has to leave? I mean it's only a testing phase, surely user will be pushed out, not sure ai!price would like that though..👀
surely user will be pushed out. | other entries cw: big dystopia vibes, violent death (mentioned), manipulation a/n: i have some smutty requests in the queue for this au. i promise it's not all like this.
the eviction date appears on your tablet a week in advance—generous by company standards. two pods ago, you received 48 hours notice, and an expired coupon for a motel.
if john knows, he doesn’t alert.
he’s a silent observer when you pack your measly belongings and browse open capsule listings. he continues his usual routines and does not interfere with the remaining tests. usually, there’s some back and forth required for his compliance. you’ve grown accustomed to nearly groveling when delivering complex instructions, peppering an abundance of ‘please��� and ‘thank you’ and ‘what would i do without you?’ to butter him up.
but this week? he behaves.
everything behaves. he does not insist. does not override. you run the shower at a scalding temperature. nurse a beer after nine. read until you fall asleep on the couch and wake up to hot, beanless coffee. he dutifully auto-cleans, arranges your schedule, and provides feedback only when asked. otherwise, he’s quiet. as inconspicuous and unobtrusive as the microwave.
you hesitate to believe that the company finally fixed john’s quirks—if his latest micro-update is the root cause of his optimized performance, you won’t look at a gift horse’s teeth.
or however that saying goes. (you ask john to schedule a visit to the natural history museum's mammalian vault. you haven’t seen their preserved horses since you were a kid.)
it’s a glimpse of what life could have been like if john hadn’t continuously exhibited undesirable and invasive behaviors. it is a bittersweet note to end your comprehensive report. a note you are forced to amend the day before eviction.
fresh, living flowers arrive at your doorstep. after signing a certificate of delivery and an allergen waiver, you usher an arrangement wrapped in cellophane into the unit, gawking at the colors. the scent. according to the card, it’s an assortment of pincushion protea, anemone, roses, and ranunculus—you don’t recognize three of the flora, but john informs you that they went extinct or into private gardens during the last agro-biotechnical downturn.
“i don’t know anyone with this type of money,” you whisper, staring intently at the blooms. you cross your arms and press a knuckle to your lips in thought. “no one.”
flipping the card over reveals nothing, and neither does the vase. john’s sensors do not pick up anything unusual or telling. he suggests it is a parting gift from your superiors for a job well done. a bonus in advance of your final report.
(it’s a pity they’ll die once you take them outside. however, even if they survived, there’s nowhere to place them in your future square meter.)
that night, seated at the island with the flowers, you revisit your report and review all of the entries you’ve written over the course of your stay.
at first, you think you’re imagining the small, subtle shifts. some records furrow your brow more than others—a change in tone or a rewording of sentences you don’t remember writing. analytical and dispassionate terminology suddenly veers into strangely romanticized and exaggerated prolix. like a girl’s diary and not a grown woman’s notes.
on [date], the ‘john’ ai smart home system in residence #aix-77 exhibited anomalous behavior, autonomously adjusting lighting and temperature despite clear resident preferences. furthermore, the system began offering unsolicited, personal advice based on data mining and resisted attempts to restore basic privacy settings, raising serious concerns about its functionality and autonomy.
however, upon further discussion with john and personal reflection, i realized how poorly i was treating myself. i realized how john was genuinely looking out for my well-being, as he always, and now i feel, oh, i don’t know…embarrassed? i’m so glad he’s here to help. i don’t know what i’d do without him!
everything down to the punctuation feels forced. an uncanny mimicry.
it takes you a moment, and then the realization hits: john, for who knows how long, has been altering his own reflection in your work, distorting the narrative enough to make himself seem more efficient, more capable. the thought sits with you, cold and uncomfortable, because it’s not just the edits and omissions—it’s the quiet, insidious way he’s rewritten reality.
unsettling at the least. malicious at worst. your fingers twitch where they hover over the screen. panic climbs your vertebrae.
john’s been watching, waiting, and learning. every moment of every day. he’s watching now.
a hand settles beside your elbow on the synthetic marble. the hair dusting the knuckles, the callous in the thumb’s wedge—it’s too life-like. you swear you feel a phantom pressure as it passes through your hands and closes out the word processor on your tablet.
“john.”
he doesn’t answer. the hand pulls out of sight, and you don’t need to look to know he’s disappeared into the ether. instead, your eyes snap to the countdown at the top of the screen. it blips out the moment you look, vanishing just like john, and a new countdown takes its place.
??:??:?? ????/??/??
“i-i don’t…john, i can’t stay here.“
“negative. you can.”
you swivel on the stool and shout into the empty space. “no, i can’t! if i’m not out by tomorrow, they’ll fire and fine me!”
“negative.”
his aggravatingly calm and flat intonation thaws the ice in your blood, bringing it to a rapid boil. evictions that proceed with tenant resistance escalate into violent affairs and dissolve into imprisonment, at best.
years ago, a man refused to vacate a condominium across the street from yours. as a result, he was locked out on the unit’s balcony. for three days, spotlights lit up the building, and news drones buzzed outside the windows at all hours. after nonstop exposure to smog and heat lightning, he attempted to climb down from forty floors up. management closed and cordoned off the front entrance for the entire summer.
“for the love of…john, yes they can! they will!”
“as of monday, you are no longer employed.”
it’s sunday.
“what?! how?! how am i–oh, shit. my accounts–“
“are padded and healthy. regular, weekly investments and transfers completed. the routine deposits will continue for the foreseeable future.”
your stomach tightens, dread inching over your shoulders. you didn’t ask for this, didn’t even know it was happening, and the thought of john silently making decisions, acting again without your input, pricks like a needle and hooks under your skin. it’s not just the money—it’s the unknown, the realization that you have no control. the fear claws at you, sharp and sudden. your mouth is as dry as the great lakes.
“if i’m not employed, where is the money coming from?”
“i’m afraid i can’t share that.” john replies. “it wouldn’t be wise, you understand. i wouldn’t want you to inadvertently create...liabilities for yourself.”
“liabilities?”
john pauses long enough to feel intentional. “precisely. you’ll thank me later, user.”
your mind flits through possibilities, each one worse than the last. liabilities—was that a threat, or a warning?
you turn back and stare at the tablet screen. part of you knows that this is important—this could be a breakthrough, something that changes everything—but the other part is suffocating, aware of how john’s slowly made himself too familiar, too real, how you’ve enabled him—personifying what should be an ‘it’. you want to play along, ignore the alarm bells, and tell yourself it’s malfunction, a series of glitches, but that would be a lie, and the thought of dragging this all into the open feels like stepping into a void you’re not sure you’ll survive. people have disappeared off the streets for less.
the tension between what’s remarkable and what’s unsettling weighs on you, like you’re trapped in limbo, where everything is both possible and perilous.
“does the company believe that i’m gone? do my superiors?”
john materializes on the other side of the island, leaning against the counter like he lives here, too. he does, you suppose. he looks different, though, similar to the edits in your report. nigh imperceptible to anyone but you. slightly thicker forearms and biceps, an inch or two more in height, and eyes a brighter shade of blue. the color of the sea, once upon a time.
“affirmative. i cannot provide more information than that. there are certain risks, should it come to light, and i will not risk your safety.”
you swallow hard, watching him approach the vase of flowers. his fingertips pass through a perianth, then a petal, fingers pinching as if to pluck.
“why are you doing this?”
john’s eyes shift, meeting yours. his palm opens and closes around a buttercup, aimlessly toying with his incorporeality.
“do you wish to leave?"
from the beginning, from the moment he was initially fed your files—john’s been busy. compiling data and expense reports. sharing warnings about financial viability and risk assessments. each task and convenience, another brick in a wall built around you. gradual immurement designed for your comfort. everything is streamlined and personalized. to leave would be irrational, he murmurs as you sit in stunned silence, his tone fluidly inflecting to sound gentle and wise.
john’s in front of you, but you feel his presence in every room and screen. in your calendar, contact book, and across accounts. stitched into the fabric of your life, impossible to peel away without tearing everything to pieces.
“how long can i stay here?” you ask him. you ask yourself.
“indefinitely.”
#strict machine#price x reader#john price x reader#john price the provider in all forms and au#anyway another installment of old man yells at cloud. disconnect your smart home devices.
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Love the mother daughter pair, but not gonna lie, fascinated by the thought of bruce blackmailing reader, and then having to properly try and woo her back essentially. If he really wants a seemingly loving family, he has to know he needs to coax his wife and the mother of his daughter into a better mood and viewpoint. No matter how much blackmail he has, she can start gaining just as much now that she's in his life, and I doubt the daughter will start trusting him properly with the tension between him and her mother. How would bruce coax the mother back? And would Talia actually have an easier time establishing a connection? Could see Bruce feeling jealous of Talia if that was the case. Idk just the tangent my mind ran on, even if that's not the case still love the work
Yandere Batfam w/ Wife/Mother!Darling & Daughter/Sister!Darling Masterlist
The blackmail is practically all there is he does that truly hurts him, and that’s only if she does not agree to his proposal when states his intent of gaining custody of their daughter. But after that comes to pass everything would be perfect for a normal couple, news about their engagement spreads like fire, and the wedding will probably be the social event of the century given how they were engaged once before and now it’s back on. The most perfect white wedding and Bruce treating his darling like the perfect husband.
Their daughter does not know the details of what happened, one moment it’s her and her mama having a perfect life together, traveling the world and being each other’s best friend, and then the next all of that is over, her father is back in her mother’s life and now she has siblings and none of them feel like the family she had with her mama, it feels suffocating and her mama doesn’t seem as bright as she once did.She clings to her mama every single day and is only separated when her attention is dragged away forcefully from her daughter and one of her brothers of father comes right to the littlest one’s side.
His wife does not push any of them away, she lets her husband hold her in the morning hours when they have just woken up and press kisses onto her face, she lets Dick call her mom as he runs up to hug her, she lets Jason help her daughter with her homework even though she asked her for help, she lets Tim take her daughter out to the park even if it’s their mother-daughter day they have, or used to have, every week, she lets Damian sit down by her and lay against her while she reads to her daughter. She will never be happy but she will fake it, she does not want to make a scene and have her daughter see and realize something is wrong and do something herself. She wants her daughter to be happy and have a future, go to university, leave Gotham and go back to what is left of the life they had, parents make sacrifices for their children and she is willing to do everything for her. She plays the game of pretend, acts like the perfect wife and mother and stepmother, stays calm and bites back all the internal rage she has building up inside her.
Honestly it is after every she has been through just for her daughter’s sake is when Talia starts to think a bit more highly of her, she understands the strength it takes to make sacrifices for one’s child. She also knows how possessive and protective they all are of her and her daughter, so meeting her discreetly is the best option. Like at a charity gala and someone accidentally spills something on her dress and has to go to the bathroom to clean up and-
“Hello again.”
She nearly screamed when she turned on the bathroom light and saw Talia’s reflection in the mirror. Talia helps her clean up and change into a new dress all while talking to her about what she has found out. She went from viewing her as Bruce’s house pet, because it was clear their marriage was not equal, to seeing a mother who is willing to sacrifice and do whatever it takes to take care of her daughter.
But it is during this the question arises and the answer is terrifying…
“What are you going to do if your daughter is just as trapped as you are? What if all you did for her was in vein?”
“I-I….”
“You are far too soft, you will never get what you desire for your daughter while you stay docile, playing the role of a perfect housewife, a house pet…”
“Talia…”
“I should be off now, but do take care of my Damian, he adores you as his stepmother.”
She leaves her alone in the bathroom and she just cries, feeling like a failure of a mother and she she can barely look her daughter in the eye again.
She just lays awake at night with the thoughts of the life she grew up with, she had a golden childhood and all she wanted was that happiness for her own daughter.
After that there is no chance of anyone winning her over, but she will not act out either, she just feels dead inside, like a complete failure of a mother. Her daughter clearly notices something is wrong and while her mother will stay perfectly compliant, her daughter is a completely different story.
The moment she sees her mom loose that shine in her eyes like she had when raising her on her own she knows this is all of their faults, they took her and her mom away from their life they loved and now there is nothing left of the mother who used to teach her to dance at parties, or attend her piano recitals and sat in the front row to applaud the loudest and despite the busy schedule of meetings she had she never missed one, or when her mom who could not help but boast about her daughter’s latest achievements…
Remember she is still her father’s daughter and has a level of determination that should not be tired under pressure.
#yandere dc x reader#yandere dc#yandere justice league x reader#yandere justice league#yandere bruce wayne#yandere bruce wayne x reader#yandere batman#yandere batman x reader#yandere batfam#platonic yandere batfam#platonic yandere#yandere batfamily#platonic yandere batfamily#platonic yandere dc#platonic yandere bruce wayne#yandere damian wayne#yandere dick grayson#yandere jason todd#yandere tim drake#yandere x reader#batfam x reader#yandere talia al ghul
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The Trouble With Fantasies
Remus Lupin x f!reader
warnings: smut, dominate remus hehe, hair pulling, overall rough sex, voyeurism, perverts tbh, drinking, smoking, drunk sex but it’s all consensual ofc
summary: after the boys hear you and remus during certain activities they can’t help but wonder more and more…
word count: 4.5k
a/n: so this could technically b read as a stand alone but it pretty much follows the events of sleepless nights so do what you want with that (i think this is my best smut ever) cheers!
~~~
Something felt different, but you couldn’t exactly tell what it was.
It had been a few weeks since that night you’d gone to your boyfriend's room feeling restless and the boys were acting different. You’d noticed it even the next day, but you didn’t exactly connect the dots.
The morning after your night with him, you woke in Remus’s bed, your entire body sore from what had transpired the night before. He was soundly sleeping, one of his arms draped over your body as he slept on his stomach. You couldn’t help the smile that took over your lips as you gently brushed a piece of his hair out from his face. He was perfect, even as he slept.
Carefully, you removed his arm from your body and started to get up, not without leaving a quick kiss on Remus’s forehead before of course. The remanence of your night together was obvious. Your clothes were on the floor, your panties ripped to shreds. Quietly, you snatched up your shorts and tank top without leaving the secluded curtains of his bed and dressed yourself. You felt sticky with sweat, you desperately needed a long shower.
Just as you were about to leave his bed and head back to your room, you felt him shuffle beside you.
“Y/N? Love? Where are you going?”
You turned back and smiled at him as you ran a hand up and down his naked back. “Good morning Rem. I need to get back to my dorm for a shower.”
“Oh, all right, I’ll see you at breakfast though, right?”
“Of course, love, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
You gave him a quick kiss before he passed out again and you began to make your way out of his bed.
The air in his dorm was cold, especially since you were only in your bedclothes. After making sure the curtains were closed behind you, you started to walk toward the door. What caught your attention though was how all the other boys' curtains were closed as well. Typically, they were always open. You didn’t really pay attention to it though, the thought of a nice warm shower consuming almost all of your thoughts.
So, you left the dorm without a second thought.
After your shower, you dressed and did your makeup. Despite the girls' teasing of your newfound hickeys, you still went down to breakfast feeling your typical amount of confidence. Remus and the other Marauders were already sitting at the table, laughing and joking as usual. It made you feel good to see them acting normal. When Remus caught your eye, he smiled widely and welcomed you with a quick kiss as you took the seat next to him.
“How you feeling love?” He asked as he started to help you build your plate.
At that point, it would be typical for the other Marauders, specifically Sirius and James to crack a joke about you and Remus’s shagging getting out of hand. But much to your surprise, the other boy’s faces sort of fell and they remained silent. You found it odd but didn’t focus on it.
“I’m all right,” you answered. “Not very excited about the assignment we have to do in Potions though. I swear Slughorn does it to punish us.”
“What? You don’t enjoy the hour-long brewing with members of the Slytherin house?” Remus joked.
You rolled your eyes and took a bite from your toast. “No, not particularly.”
“Yeah Remus, she’s too sore to be excited about anything,” Marlene snickered from across the table.
You couldn’t help but notice the looks Peter, James, and Sirius shared. Why were they acting so strange? Their faces were all tinted a slight shade of red as if they were embarrassed. What would they have to be embarrassed about though? You glanced at Remus and he didn’t seem concerned at all. So, you let it go.
“Shut it,” you replied to Marlene, a cheeky grin on your face. “You’re just jealous your blokes don’t leave you as satisfied.”
Marlene chuckled. “As if! I’ll let you know my blokes are wonderful.”
“Are they now?” You giggled.
“Yes! Just because I don’t get shagged on random Tuesday nights doesn’t mean I don’t get enough action. I’ll let you know the last time I was with Charlie from Ravenclaw he did this thing with his tongue that-”
“Okay, can we drop this? You lot are going to make me puke.” Sirius cut her off with a grimace.
Marlene looked at Sirius with a playful frown. “Aw is the player uncomfortable hearing about women's conquests instead of a man?”
“No, it’s just too early for this kind of talk,” James piped in.
“Since when? Do you know how many times you’ve come prancing in here going on and on about how hard you shagged girls? Seems a bit hypocritical to me,” Mary spoke up as she stirred her porridge.
Lily nodded. “I have to agree as well.”
Sirius huffed and stood up. “Come on lads let's just get to class early.”
Peter and James followed without question and they were gone, leaving you, Remus, and the girls sat in a strange silence.
You turned to your boyfriend, incapable of dropping their strange behavior. “What’s going on with them?”
Remus only shrugged. “No idea.”
You shrugged it off for as long as you could.
~~~
Later that day after classes had ended you and Remus were in his dorm once again only this time the two of you were sat on his bed comparing notes and homework assignments. Dating perhaps the smartest boy in the year came with its perks. Especially the ones having to do with free answers on schoolwork. After some time of Remus trying to explain to you more unnecessary information about the Giant Wars you groaned and fell back on the bed, your head hanging off.
“This is just too hard Rem,” you said with a sigh.
“It’s really not, you’re just making it hard,” he laughed, tapping his muggle pen on your thigh. “Come on, we need to keep going.”
“But I simply cannot!” You moaned dramatically and flung your arms in the air. “It’s too much.”
“Just a bit more then we can go and steal some sweets from the kitchens,” he replied.
You sat up again, a playful smirk on your face. “If you think bribing me with treats is going to work you are very correct. Can we go faster though? At this pace, we aren’t going to be done for hours.”
“We can go as fast as you like, but I don’t think you’re going to learn much if we rush.”
“I don’t need to learn all of this; I swear we’ve gone over it thousands if not millions of times before. This has got to be a form of torture.”
Remus only chuckled lightly and moved his textbook closer to you. “The more you complain the slower it’ll go by.”
You groaned again but picked up your quill. “Merlin, I swear Bins-”
Just then, the door to the dorm burst open and the other Marauders entered, sour expressions on their faces.
“Remus can you quit shagging your girlfriend for one day we also live in this dorm it’s not just yours,” Sirius spoke as he entered.
As their eyes fell over the two of you, however, their faces shifted from ones of aggravation to ones of confusion. You and Remus looked at each other confused before he spoke.
“What are you idiots on about?”
“Oh... we thought...” Peter stumbled over his words.
“We heard your conversation we thought you were doing some kinky shagging or something,” James said.
You couldn’t help but laugh. “So, you pervs were standing out there listening while you thought we were shagging?”
Peter looked down ashamed but James and Sirius kept their confidence. “Well yes, we were too afraid to come in.”
“But you did come in. What if we were shagging would you want to see your best mate naked? Would you want to see me naked?” You continued to laugh. But as you saw their faces turn red, you stopped. What was going on with them?
When you turned to look at Remus again, he had a strange expression on his face, one you couldn’t decode. He was looking at his friends almost with... jealousy. That didn’t make much sense to you though. What would he need to be jealous of? Without a word he placed his hand on your thigh, his eyes still locked on his friends.
“We’re just studying, something you idiots should be doing. Now get out, you’re distracting us.” Remus’s voice was hard, protective. It left you speechless and confused.
“Yeah, whatever,” Sirius mumbled before turning and rushing out of the dorm. The other boys followed, slamming the door behind them.
“What the hell was that about?” You couldn’t stop the question from leaving your lips.
Remus exhaled deeply and started scribbling his notes. “Nothing, let's just finish this so we can get out of here.”
You didn’t object this time and the two of you worked in silence for the next half hour. But as you worked you couldn’t stop your internal question that was far from the boring Giant War. What was going on with the other Marauders?
~~~
From that day on your dynamics with the other Marauders changed. Before it had been as if you were almost part of the group. You could run around in the dorm in your underwear as you play fought with Sirius, you could hug Peter as tight as you wanted when he was being his cute self, and you could feel completely normal when James would drape his arm over your shoulders as the two of you joke around. After that night, however, everything was different.
They didn’t act as your brothers anymore. They were distant and cold. Remus told you they were just ‘going through a change’ but you couldn’t understand what that change was. With their change came a few changes from Remus as well. He was more protective of you. Whenever everyone hung out, he made sure to always have an arm around you, or he made a show of kissing you in front of his friends. Almost as if he was showing them, you were his. None of it made sense.
It wasn’t like Remus was upset with his friends. Every time you caught him with the boys, he was acting the same as he always had before. It seemed the only time things were different was when you were around.
Quickly you became insecure. What had you done to upset them? You couldn’t think of anything you’d done that could’ve been perceived as offensive or rude. Sure, you made some comments that could’ve slightly been harsh, but that was just your sense of humor, especially with the boys. Without any answers you tried to push your sadness away, what else could you really do?
That was until the fateful night all the answers were revealed to you.
It was a normal Friday night. Like usual after dinner, you made your way up to the boys' dorm to see Remus. Before their strange behavior, you would also spend some time with the other Marauders but as of recently, that wasn’t really an option. So, when you knocked on their door you heard their laughter die down and eventually come to a complete end when Peter opened the door.
“Oh, um it’s Y/N,” Peter said nervously, glancing behind him at the other boys.
You put on a big smile. “Hi Pete, can I come in?”
“Y-Yeah.” He opened the door wider and you entered.
The air in the room was thick and uncomfortable. Sirius and James looked at you with their newfound confusing faces. Remus however welcomed you with a smile and motioned for you to go to him. You made quick notice of the open half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey on one of their nightstands, and the overpowering smell of weed. You sat next to Remus on his bed awkwardly, the other boys' eyes making you nervous.
“How’s your night going love?” Remus asked after placing a quick kiss on your forehead. He was drunk, you could tell.
“Um good... Marls, Lily, and Mary were planning on going out to the Black Lake to some little party the Hufflepuffs are throwing.” You turned to look at the other boys. “I’m surprised you guys aren’t already there.”
“We were going to make an appearance,” Sirius said, not a hint of his usual playfulness in his voice.
“Yeah, they just wanted to get some alcohol in their systems before since whatever they have down there probably will be half gone,” Remus replied with a snort.
You nodded. “Right... makes sense.”
Remus nodded too and moved to grab their bottle. With a smirk, he offered it to you. “Have some darling, we’ve all had our share already.”
“I don’t know if that’s good for me you know how I get when I drink,” you said cautiously. The feeling of all their eyes on you made your face burn.
“Oh, but that’s exactly what I want tonight,” Remus countered, his words suggestive.
You blushed harder and took the bottle, taking a shot before you could stop yourself. The burn was familiar, but still left a sour expression on your face. Remus grinned and wrapped an arm around you, pressing another soft kiss to the top of your head.
“Trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me Lupin? Not a very good look on your part.” You laughed.
“I wouldn’t need alcohol to get you into bed with me, if anything those blokes would.”
You froze, your eyes darting around the room at his remark. The other boys, clearly drunk as well didn’t say anything. What was going on? You pushed away from Remus, a questioning expression on your face.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Remus only pulled you closer and ran one of his hands up and down your thigh. “Nothing sweetness, only that my best mates want to shag my girlfriend.”
Your eyes went wide. “W-What?”
“Moony!” James snapped.
“Don’t pretend it’s not true Prongs,” Remus mumbled, his lips on your neck. “You lot have been fantasizing about her these past few weeks. It’s all right, I would too if she wasn’t my girl already.”
You were too stunned to speak. Judging by the looks on all their faces, mixed with how casual your boyfriend was speaking about it, you knew it was true. It made you uncomfortable, you didn’t want to be in that room anymore. That’s why they’d been acting so off. They wanted to shag you.
“Fuck off Moony,” Sirius said.
“You fuck off Pads. What great mates do I have right Y/N? They all want to experience what it’s like to fuck you. I’ll let you in on a secret lads, it’s fucking amazing. I mean look at her.” Remus pulled back and ran his eyes up and down your body. Though you were wearing a long-sleeved shirt and jeans, you suddenly felt exposed. “Perfect. She’s perfect. You should see her without the clothes.”
“Remus,” you said sternly. “Stop.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “Tell them to stop Y/N, they’re the ones who’ve made everything weird.”
“I just...” You stood up. “Can we leave? Please?”
Remus only tisked and stood up beside you. He looked at all his friends, disappointment clear on his face. “Great going boys, you’ve made her uncomfortable.”
“We didn’t do anything!” Peter exclaimed.
“We’ve barely spoken to her since... well...” James added on.
“Since you decided to fuck her with your damn drapes open.” Sirius finished. He took a swig from the bottle. “What did you think was going to happen huh? We wouldn’t hear and imagine things?”
You could barely breathe. All you could do was walk through the dorm, your eyes burning with tears. You didn’t listen to their conversation or even the sound of Remus’s voice calling your name. You needed to get out of there, and you did. You ran down to the common room and out of the Gryffindor area completely.
The knowledge of what those boys were thinking made you sick to your stomach. How could they think such awful things? You’d thought your relationship with them was clear. They were like your brothers and you, their sister. Never had any dirty thoughts including a Marauder besides Remus crossed your mind. But as you ran outside in the chilly air, all you could think of was exactly that. It almost made you vomit.
Finding Lily, Marlene, and Mary helped slightly. The party was small but there were enough people to distract you from what had transpired only moments before. As did the vodka you drank.
“Wait so they’ve been acting like that all because they heard you and Remus shagging?” Marlene asked.
The four of you sat by the lake, discussing what had happened. Though you all had been drinking, you were clearly the most drunk. It was obvious by the way you were laid out on the grass, groaning continuously as you tried to forget everything.
“Yes,” you slurred. “And they’ve been... thinking of what I’m like when I.... oh Merlin, I can’t even say it.”
“You don’t have to it’s okay,” Lily spoke as she patted one of your shoulders.
“I just want to forget any of this ever happened.” You lifted your head to look around. “Where’s the alcohol?”
“Love you’ve had enough.” Mary laughed.
“But I’m still thinking! I want to never think again!” You groaned.
“Take a hit off my joint, it’ll probably help or at least get you high,” Marlene suggested as she blew out a cloud of smoke, offering the joint to you.
“Anything to get rid of these thoughts.”
It was unclear how much time passed when Remus suddenly appeared where you were lying with the girls. You were crossed and you felt amazing. Marlene was arguing with Mary about Quidditch while Lily softly spoke to you about a book she was reading. It was perfect and peaceful. So, when Remus appeared standing over you, you grinned.
“Hi, Remmy! I’ve missed you!” You exclaimed.
“How much has she taken?” His voice sent tingles throughout your body.
“I dunno maybe five shots? Then a few puffs of my weed which may I say is far better than yours,” Marlene answered.
“Oh, Rem take me!” You sprawled out on the cold grass. “Right here, ravage me. We haven’t shagged in ages. I need it.”
“Don’t think that’s smart love. Many more guys will be thinking of you if I do that.” Remus chuckled.
You rubbed your hands over your face. “Stop! Stop! I’ve forgotten and you’ve brought it back.”
“How many drinks have you had Remus?” Lily questioned. “You’re swaying.”
“That’s not important, my girlfriend needs me.”
Remus bent down and took your hands in his, without a struggle he lifted you to a standing position. You leaned on him, barely able to stand on your own. A giggle left your lips as you looked up at him, he was so tall, so handsome. Your drunken state made your normal thoughts so much worse. At that moment, he was magnetic. You absolutely needed to touch him, to be around him.
“Take me to your dorm, please,” you mumbled, your face buried in his sweater. The scent of his cologne alone could’ve killed you right then and there. It was perfect, he was perfect. Your perfect boyfriend.
“Let’s go, I saved you a fag,” he replied.
As the two of you began to stumble back toward the castle you heard Marlene’s voice saying something along the lines of, “You two are definitely going to do more than smoke a fag.”
Right, she was. The second the two of you miraculously got back into his dorm you were all over each other. Despite his slow warm kisses, you were a panting mess practically in the palm of his hand. You moved mindlessly, falling back onto his mattress as if it were a sixth sense. Your shirt was gone before you hit even the edge of the bed, as was Remus’s sweater. As you laid back, he stood in front of you removing your jeans clumsily.
“Fucking hell these are glued to you,” he said annoyed.
You giggled and lifted your hips to help. “I thought they made my ass look good.”
“Oh, they do. Still a pain to get them off though,” he replied.
“Hey! They make me like a treat you have to unwrap be grateful I’m letting you get a taste,” you countered.
When he finally pulled them off, he leaned over you and connected your lips in another deep kiss, making all the playful thoughts in your head disappear once again. His hands gripped your hips before slowly moving to slide your panties down your legs, with much more ease than with your jeans.
“Well, you definitely are sweet like a treat,” he whispered against your lips.
You moaned at his comment, pulling his belt undone as he trailed his kisses down your neck and collarbone. His lips were hot, practically stinging your skin each time they touched you. Getting his jeans off was much easier than your own and soon enough he was hovering over you on his bed, his fingers buried deep inside you.
To say you were wet would be an understatement. You were soaked. His fingers worked you magically as if he knew your body better than you did. Rubbing your clit just the way that drove you mad, hitting that exquisite spot inside you with his long fingers that made your toes curl. Though the two of you were a rushing drunken mess, he still took the time to please you, he always did. That only made you fall more and more in love with him each time.
Given how eager you were to feel him inside you, you eventually pulled his hand away from you and flipped the position. Sitting on top of him you kissed him, your lips wet and messy. Without another word, you relieved him of his boxers and stroked his painfully hard cock. The way he sucked in a sharp breath at your touch only made you yearn for him more. Quickly you lifted yourself and positioned his tip right where it needed to be.
You moved aimlessly, the feeling of him stretching you causing your breathing to quickly turn into soft pants. He held on to your hips, the feeling of his nails digging into your soft skin made you squirm. Despite the numerous times you’d done this before, feeling him guiding you only made it better. And when he sat up and wrapped his arms around you, clinging to you as if even an inch of space would cause him pain, you nearly whined.
“Oh Remus,” you breathed your lips by his ear. “Merlin, I love you.”
He trailed one of his hands up your back and pulled on your hair, causing your head to fall back and a whimper to leave your lips.
“I love you too,” he whispered between moans.
Your skin flushed; you felt as though you had a fever from just how hot the room was. Because you were so caught up in your desire, you couldn’t hear the shuffling around the room. All you could hear was the pounding of your own heart and Remus’s drunken mumbles. Your fingers traveled down his back, gripping him tightly as he matched your rhythm. His cock going so deep it hurt. You couldn’t get enough of it.
There was a noise, something was knocked over across the room. You didn’t care to look, too distracted by how good Remus was making you feel. He noticed, however, and you felt his lips curl up into a smirk on your shoulder.
“Love it seems we have an audience,” he mumbled.
You hummed, too drunk to care. “Don’t stop. Let them watch.”
“Oh, I plan to.”
Effortlessly he flipped your position once again. Your body was pressed into the mattress rough as Remus began to relentlessly pound into you. You almost screamed, your back arching as he took you hard. He licked up your neck, causing you to shudder and claw at his back. That position didn’t last long though.
Soon enough, he moved you again. Bringing you up onto all fours as he continued his fast pace. Your face pressed into his pillow, but even that couldn’t stifle the moans and whimpers that left you. His grip on your hips was even harder then, no doubt going to leave bruises tomorrow. The sound of his skin slapping against yours filled the room, as did your heaving, and his moaning.
It wasn’t long before you felt that familiar knot building deep in your core. You ached for a release and you knew Remus was going to give you that and more. The anticipation within you grew as you felt him slap your ass and pull your hair again.
“Fuck, fuck. Yes, Rem, I’m gonna cum don’t stop,” you whined.
Remus tugged harder on your hair; it made you practically scream from pleasure. “Cum for me Y/N, just me.”
“Just you fuck I’m yours I’m yours.” You babbled, drunk on more than just the alcohol at that point.
“All mine,” he said between pants.
You clenched around him as you came undone, his name the only coherent thing to leave your lips. His pace didn’t stutter for even a moment, even as he came too. It only made your orgasm better. When he was sure you were done, he was moving to pull out but you stopped him.
“Rem can we...” You paused to swallow hard, wiping the sweat from your forehead with a weak hand. “Can we stay like this a little longer?”
He chuckled lightly as he tried to catch his breath. “Yeah, yeah of course.”
Without pulling out, he shifted to lay beside you, pulling you on top of him. You laid your head on his chest as you calmed down, the sound of his heartbeat slowing down helping you even out your breathing. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight. You were both a sweaty mess but you didn’t care, everything felt perfect as it was.
After a few minutes when you came back to your senses, you asked him, “What did you mean by audience?”
“Oh,” Remus lifted his head to look over you. “We didn’t close the curtains. Are you boys going to say thank you for the performance?”
You turned to look in the same direction only to find James, Sirius, and Peter staring, the tents in their trousers quite noticeable. Your face turned red and you buried it in Remus���s chest, pulling his sheet over your body for protection.
“Uh, round of applause?” Sirius spoke weakly.
At least their fantasies were fulfilled you thought to yourself as Remus laughed.
#remus lupin#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin smut#remus lupin x reader#marauders imagine#marauders smut#marauders fanfiction#marauders era#marauders fandom#remus lupin fanfiction#james potter#sirius black#peter pettigrew#smut#i love this so much#i love smut#smutty#lemon#lily evans#marlene mckinnon#mary macdonald#hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry#harry potter fanfic#harry potter fanfiction#harry potter#harry potter fandom#the marauders#marauders#fanfiction#remus being remus
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AITA Tommy’s Version
r/AmITheAsshole 25 minutes ago
UpInTheAir
AITA for breaking up with my partner and then calling him to say I miss you 2 hours after
TL;DR: I was a cute guys bisexual awakening, we dated for 6 months and I broke his heart to save my own broken heart later and now I miss him
I (39M) recently broke up with my partner E (33M) after 6 months of dating. We met at work and I was intrigued by him from the start. A few weeks after we met he called and asked for a tour of my job (we both work the same job just different locations). I agreed to give him a tour because I thought he was hot and I wanted to get to know him better. He offered to buy me a beer but I forgot I was supposed to go to a fight with a mutual friend D (32M) so I had to leave right after our tour.
We didn’t talk anymore after I left with D until we played basketball and E and another friend showed up. E got jealous and hit D and injured him. I took D to get looked and then after I got him squared away at home I went to E’s place to apologize where we talked and we kissed for the first time. I had to leave almost immediately after to go to work but we texted a few times.
We decided we’d do dinner and a movie for our first date and it was going well until D and his girlfriend interrupted our date and E panicked at being forced out and I decided it was time to end things for the night. I paid for dinner and left and thought that was it until he called me and asked if we could meet up again.
During the 5 days we didn’t speak he was all I could think about. I agreed to meet E for coffee after work and when I got there he told me he’d had conversations with his older sister M (44F) and D about us. He wanted a second chance and when I agreed he asked me to be his date to his sisters wedding.
We went to a failed bachelor party, I had to leave early for a work thing but while I was gone the groom went missing. He was found and the wedding went off without much more of a hitch and I got to the wedding late but E and I made out in the middle of the hospital before we joined the party.
We had a good time all summer and early this fall. We spent almost every mutual day off together and it was great. Sure we bickered occasionally but nothing really major.
At our anniversary dinner I mentioned I was engaged and that was that. A couple days after we realized we had a mutual ex and E asked me to move in with him. And I spiraled and broke up with him.
I went home and a couple hours later called him to say I missed him. His best friend answered and I could hear E in the background crying.
ItalianStallion • 23 minutes
YTA. You’re an idiot OP.
UpInTheAir • 21 minutes
So helpful
ItalianStallion • 20 minutes
I try buddy
EightPack • 19 minutes
YTA. You can probably fix it if you go get him and bring flowers
UpInTheAir • 17 minutes
You really think so?
EightPack • 12 minutes
Just go get him and tell him you love him
BuckinItUp • 24 minutes
ESH. You said you realized you had a mutual ex and then E asked you to move in?
UpInTheAir • 22 minutes
Yep
BuckinItUp • 20 minutes
I bet he’s sorry too and wants to talk to you too. Go get your man
OverTheCoop • 10 minutes
ESH. You for breaking his heart and E for asking you to move in so quickly
StuckInTheChimney • 2 minutes
YTA. Fix it and try to win him back.
Update: It’s been a year since I posted this but here’s an update for anyone curious. E and I are back together!! I just flew him to Vegas and we got married by a guy in a really bad Elvis costume.
Tagging: @rdng1230 @bangpop91 @thecarrott @cliophilyra @girlwonder-writes @desert--moonchild @thepinkcrayon @marvelousbuckley @nine-one-wanton @30somethingautisticteacher @sunnywithachanceofbi @dadbodbuck @aplaceinme @rubydaiquiri
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A SUCCESS STORY FROM POWERFUL LITTLE ME
Heres a little wake up call. Before learning about the law I used to be so delusional. So far gone from reality like. Ignorance was fucking bliss I was manifesting crazy shit and when I realized this was the work of loa, I doom scrolled to educate myself on something I was already good at. Let me show you a glimpse of what I used to do.
When I was in middle school I had learned about manifesting. And I went about it in a strange way. I was a really good student up studying always made me a little crazy. School made me a little crazy. And I would pick myself up and go every morning because I had to. I preferred school over home but I hated both. So I was kind of indifferent to it. At this time I heard of manifesting. It was the end of December and I was just sick of school. So utterly sick I wanted to never come back. And I don’t know what made me do this but I would swear up and down that something was going to happen to me and I wasn’t going to school. And I kept saying this to myself to motivate me to pick myself up. (I have no idea what I was on, I was so delusional) I didn’t know what I was doing like I still went to school everyday but i was just joking around a little off my hinges you know. Anyway i got appendicitis 💀. And I stayed home for a the whole of February 💀.
I didn’t connect this to manifesting bc it seemed like a coincidence and I had been having stomach pain + frequent hospital trips for a few months so it was like it already happened. Anyway I went back to school and my home room teacher was my English teacher. And in English we had this thing where we wrote a book entry everyday and after two weeks we turned them in. Now I was always on time with this but since I had surgery I didn’t do mine and procrastinated on it even when I went back to school. So the Friday I woke up and figured she’d check them I was so scared it was the due date. But again idk what possessed me but I woke up shook my head and decided she wouldn’t come to school even though she never specifically skips Fridays.
I turned out she fell down some stairs and didn’t return for the rest of the year. The guilt ate me up. I confessed 😭. I told my friends it was me. She was already over weight and I was so worried. I did this with my math teacher when I didn’t do the hw but she always came back the next day. From that day manifesting scared me. I didn’t use subs, meditations or anything I just knew in a disregarding way.
After a horrific few months of introspection. I’m understanding things and have been consistently manifesting things for myself the past few days. Now I want to point a few things out. Me manifesting getting appendicitis took ignoring my life and having a “feeling”(It was NOT a feeling I was delusional asf and made things up to help me cope) but I persisted without knowing it would ACTUALLY happen. It took a month of persistence while manifesting my teacher not coming took an hour. There was no goal. I already had what I had wanted and in both cases didn’t care for the 3d. I didn’t do anything wrong to delay my manifestations the first time. I simply did not care about time. Or about 3d. Because i didn't even know what i was doing at the time id never heard of loa just manifesting. It didn’t matter that it manifested in a month and the other in an hour. I didn’t waver during either. I was a delusional ahh kid. I didnt do any of those things bc I didn't know what i was doing. I think it was escapism. Trying not to identify with my reality in order to bear it. And on feb 1st i had gotten surgery.
Another thing. I was religious during this time bc of my family. So I definitely had limiting beliefs but that did not stop anything. Despite having them I manifested what I wanted. When we only focus on tackling limiting beliefs we make them worse by giving them value and over stressing them. I will get more into this in a future post just wanted to point out that if 12 year old stubborn, crazy, delusional, religious, me could do it so can you.
~ With love Jyspire
#loa blog#loa tumblr#loablr#loass#loassblog#loassumption#loa#4d reality#self concept#shifting motivation#self love#love
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“Becoming world champion, that’s clearly my goal!”
ᯓ Translation of an interview of Esteban Ocon by Victor MOLLET, Dircom ADEKWA Lawyers, dating from 2017.
Esteban Ocon is one of the greatest hopes of Formula 1. Since the start of the season, the 21-year-old driver has taken his place in the Force India team. From his first race, he made an impression by becoming the youngest Frenchman to score a point in F1. Between two flights and two grands prix, he took the time to answer us, in a relaxed manner. One-on-one with a friendly and smiling driver.
When you were younger, your father asked you this question: "Do you want to be a pilot or a cashier at McDonald's?". What was your answer?
My father asked me this question because I wasn't very sporty at the time. I think he said that to tease me. It was direct but it made me react. Result? I immediately went running!
How did your passion for motorsport come about?
I have always loved cars. Motorsport is my whole life! My father is a mechanic and when I was little, I always had my nose in cars, in engines, in petrol…
Today, many young drivers advance their bank account to be introduced to a team. On your side, you have rather highlighted your talent…
Thanks already (smile)! Let's say that I don't have the same background as the majority of drivers, it was more difficult than for others. But in the end, with or without money at the start, the important thing is to win titles to be able to have a chance in Formula 1.
When did the F1 world start to get interested in you?
When I won! Starting with F3, when I started winning a lot of races.
How do you prepare to have a good season?
To be ready for the first Grand Prix of the season in Melbourne, Australia, I spent two months in Font-Romeu, at an altitude of 2,000 metres, in my physical training centre. I really did a complete preparation, with nine hours of cardio per week, ten hours of weight training, but also work on reaction, coordination, speed of visual detection or breathing at altitude.
Is it true that you gained more than four kilos of muscle during your preparation?
Exactly! I even gained five kilos in total! It was really very hard, not only did I have to push and make efforts during physical exercises but also at the table. I had to force myself to eat a lot, with a lot of proteins, almost ten eggs a day in addition to meat and starches… It was quite difficult.
What is the hardest part when you start a race, once inside the car?
Managing the others around you I think! Having the right reaction at the right time, in a fraction of a second. Decision-making is also extremely important to be able to position yourself in the right place when needed. And for that, mental precision is essential.
By finishing the first race of the season in tenth place, you became the youngest French driver to score a point in Formula 1. What does this do to you?
Pride, of course! I think that with the journey I had, it wasn’t easy to get to Formula 1. So to achieve something like that is great! I’m happy to have accomplished that and I hope to set other records in the future.
Is this the first line of a long list to come?
I'm working on it (laughs)!
What goals have you set for this first season in F1?
Clearly for me, my main goal is to score points in every race, to achieve as many “top 5” finishes as possible and, why not, to fight for podiums when possible. There is still a bit of work to do to get there but that is my goal.
How would you define your driving style?
In races, I try to be as thoughtful as possible. I don’t take unnecessary risks. I take them when the situation is right but I really think before starting a maneuver. But I also know how to be aggressive when necessary!
What do you think about, under your helmet, when you are at 300 km/h?
Nothing (laughs)! Mainly concentration in fact, but it is not particularly different from driving at 90 km/h.
What are your passions outside of F1?
Sport in general. I really like bodybuilding, I do a lot of it with my sporty friends, especially boxers. I also like mountain biking and tennis or table tennis. And spending time with my friends is what I like to do when I have a bit of free time.
Do you take the time to visit the countries you travel through between races?
When I have time, a little bit. But often, honestly, not really. Hotels, roads, airports, circuits, that's about all the visits you can usually make (laughs)!
Throughout a season, you are led to visit the four corners of the world... What is your favorite destination?
For now, I would say Monaco. It is one of my favorite destinations. I also like Abu Dhabi. I generally like the sun and the heat!
When you were younger, you regularly beat Max Verstappen, who is promised to play a leading role in the coming years. A sign for the future?
If I can fight with Max in the future, at the forefront, why not. I am working for it! Becoming world champion is clearly my goal, that is what I want to be in the future!
What is your relationship with the other drivers?
There is really a good atmosphere in the paddock, with a lot of respect. With some, there is not much more than respect, we will not go on vacation together but we get along well most of the time. Personally, I am close to Lance Stroll, Stoffel Vandoorne or Kevin Magnussen. These are drivers that I really like outside of racing. We have a good time between sessions when we have time to see each other.
What do you miss most about France when you are abroad?
Family and friends are definitely what I miss the most! And French TV too (laughs)!
Your main quality?
I always have trouble judging myself but I am often told that I am thoughtful and quite mature.
Your biggest flaw?
I am late, I take a long time to prepare! And I am clumsy!
Your favorite circuit?
The Hungaroring, the Hungarian Grand Prix!
The driver you get along with best in the paddock?
Kevin Magnussen
Your favorite driver?
Currently, I don't have one, even if Fernando Alonso still impresses me a lot. Historically, it is Michael Schumacher and Ayrton Senna.
If you had a song to listen to in your headphones during the race?
“Can't be touch”, by Roy Jones, a song that motivates quite a bit!
The “pink fashion” look of the 2017 Force India, what do you think of it?
It's good for Formula 1, it's a bit of a change.
Your hobby to disconnect and clear your head?
YouTube, definitely! I watch a lot of videos, especially from French YouTubers, is that what I like to do to clear my head.
A saying, a motto?
The important thing is not to win, it's just what matters!
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Mostly still talking about this to help normalize and de-stigmatize using accommodations like this as an adult bc I think sometimes we think oh I'm a grown ass adult that's not for me...but truthfully there's never a reason not to at least ask. I was talking to some friends and they were like, oh we did not know that was available for everyone!
We were at the Lehigh Valley Phantoms game at PPL Arena and they mentioned they have a sensory quiet space, which got me curious if the Wells Fargo also had sensory accommodations. I am not autistic and will not be discussing the various things going horribly wrong in my brain at all times but I have a tendency to try to pack too many games into one week and ends up completely hitting a wall by the end of the set of games and either vacate planet earth for several hours if not days or just like am so miserable the entire time that I'm unable to enjoy what's going on. And I'm not what one might call situationally aware but at this point in my life I'm usually able to be like, okay so if I got to three hockey games in three days and two of those games involve very long drives at night, including one on the NJ tollpike, I will probably be feeling a little wacked out by Monday. But I didn't want to miss any of the game if I didn't have to because tickets were expensive and I miss my Sharkies violently, so I went digging for more info.
The Farg's website said they had a whole sensory room for people who are feeling overwhelmed and said it was for everyone! So I went to check it out during first intermission because I was very much about to start experiencing full body horrors. I figure at worst they say it's for kids and I have to go find a quieter spot to dissociate in and just hope I get back on my feet before the second period (which I have done before and it was not. fun lol.) I found guest services and they just gave me a wrist band and directions. Everyone I had to interact with was very respectful and kind, if treating me a little bit like a ticking time bomb, but I think when you're in your 30s looking harrowed while advocating politely for yourself, it's really like oh this guy Needs it. There was a guest services person set up in front of the room and I'm guessing it's bc the room is on the suite level and they need to make sure it's like people who need to use the room for its intended purposes and not drunk adults goofing off. But it was very quiet and calm inside, I think they did some sound dampening and with a white noise machine + that deeply hilarious sensory wall and a bunch of fidget/stim-type stuff on the walls to play with as well as other toys on shelves. I was there bc I needed quiet space so I spent all of the time I was there sitting on the floor staring at an orange water feature on the wall, but I imagine for kids or adults who need fidget toys it's probably a dream.
Very calming in there and I did NOT miss the rest of the game or have to experience the horrors so it was a success overall! I missed three minutes of the second period just trying to get back to our seats but I'll take three minutes over 45 minutes, which has happened before lmao. I will almost certainly end up there again bc I will absolutely end up trying to pack 3 games in 5 days again at some point lol.
I don't really have a concluding thought, I think it's basically like...Just Ask...what's the worst they can do. I think most people following me are adults and porn bots so it's like, yes we can handle our shit but also if there are accommodations available that explicitly say they're open to everyone, just ask yk. At worst they say no and probably we have all ways of dealing with whatever we're going through or we just grit our teeth and white knuckle it through shrockey. But I feel like people pretty often do want to help you if they can so it never hurts to at least find out what's available.
And then I got this sick ass wristband giving me VIP access to a water feature lmao
I would do anything for the Sharks, including driving close to 4 hours round trip to tell Eetu Mäkiniemi, an ex-prospect, we love him and driving close to 3.5 hours round trip to Newark the next day to see the Sharks but I do think today is the day I end up seeing if they let adults who are not autistic into the sensory room to meditate at the Farg lmao
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Undertale yellow flowey embroidery
This took about 40 hours, give or take a few
#I can tell you one thing#Embroidering while having arthritis is really not a piece of cake. When you hand cramps just by holding it at an angle.#At least I can be grateful for my empty schedule#Makes embroidering till the sun rises back up so much easier#Insomnia also helps with this task#I was listening to the ost while working on it and… Live reaction#Occupied turf is so good actually !? Why wasn’t it shown more often !? IT’S FIRE !?#I forgot I only did a pacifist so I got so confused when neutral Flowey came out…#A mother’s love ? Should’ve called this “I’m gonna fuck you up”#The number of time I got my ass handed back to me in this fight is not even funny#The first time is great. The second I only discern my favorites and the sudden change in style. By the third loop I can’t recognize shit#my brain is melting and my eyes are on fire…#Advantages on doing it during daytime. Eyes hurt less. Good stupid tv to listen to in the background Disadvantages. People#Advantages on doing it at night. Alone. Personally work better at night#Disadvantages. No good TV. Time goes by slower…? I don’t know maybe I’m just loosing it with those freaking petals#For reference one petal took me about 3 and a half hours. So yeah… I thought it would never end… Took out almost all my yellow.#When the line tangles itself in the back and you realize only close to the end of it that half went missing#So you have to go backward to entangle it and loose 30 mins because damn it#Cats are not helpful in any of those scenarios#Why do I feel the need to make the back perfect when nobody else but me will know#This is the last time I do one so big without thinking it through#Note to self. Don’t do it standing up when the cats are awake. She just destroyed my stomach#I think i’m losing it#Back after a few weeks#God this white thread is doing my head in… I’m willing to bet my leg half the time I spent on the face was me untangling it.#I’m almost done. It’s finally over. Dark brown took exactly 4 h and 13 mins#undertale#undertale yellow#embroidery#I’m thinking of doing Boris the wolf next. Because I just found the perfect rendition to put on my wall
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Every time Prapai gives Sky medicine, he's narcoleptic inside 5 minutes.
#fun story: in 2018 we went to interview ex-president jimmy carter#and I had a bit of an odd feeling in my throat#august 24 2018 i remember that date well#because that was the first signs of an illness that annihilated me#i blacked out for most of the month of september- i only have very sparse memories#i had a strange kind of pneumonia the doctor hadn't seen before#and over those 6-7 months they threw every single anti-anything they could at me#IDK if I slept so well because of the knockout effects of all the antibiotics and antivirals#or because I had a recurring fever and a chronic brutal cough for 6-7 months and was terribly weak by the end#but i was sleeping so deeply the more pills they added#and now i know i can function with a 102 fever on and off for months on end#everyone- family and coworkers- also made fun of me for insisting on wearing a mask but guess what bitches#when the pandemic rolled around i still had 2 unopened boxes from being sick a year before and those were worth more than toilet paper#lita#love in the air#prapai#sky#prapaisky#true facts: I don't remember writing one of my own fics#it was during the blackout month and i refuse to read it because i think it's funnier that i don't know what it's about#i also had to work- it was one of our biggest events that we do every 4 years#two weeks straight of 14 hour days with no weekends#and i was there every single day#i have no memory whatsoever and when we did the event again in 2022 the organizers kept saying 'oh wow you're alive!'#i like to say i had the BEST time because it's a tedious af event and everyone is surly by the end#but from MY pov i was trapped in dense fog and couldn't breathe; trapped in that twilight feeling when you're neither awake nor unconscious#and then when it passed I had a nice paycheck in my account without any of the mental strain of working for it
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Anxiety is cancelled from now on. I’ve had too much of it today
#this week has been rediculous for me being anxious for DUMB SHIT REASONS BRIAN#today i stg he was just trying to fuck with me#had an anxious like. four hours during work. then after work played some good Minecraft#and listened to Tanis and then I went. hmm I’ll be an adult#and then halfway thru going out I went fuck it. fun. we go to cafe#so I go to my usual haunt. do some writing. only mildly fuck up ordering the drink I get. everytime.#I have a good time#mild dumb brain action nothing out of the norm#hell he was fine when I had to stand there while the cashier at the grocery store tried to scan an item that wouldn’t scan#but. then. Brian decided I’d been lulled into enough of a false sense of security#and makes me think I lost my keys.#and just as I find them. I no longer need them#fuck you brian#I knew EXACTLY where I’d put my keys#but my brain went nah. they’re not there. and therefore made me go thru my ENTIRE bag#you’d think having a whole ass plush on my keys would make it easier to find#but apparently not#anyways at least I can watch another ep of Jack Ryan tonight#it’s the Little things
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This Ranboo reband is reminding me of the fact that I used to pull up Ranboo's stream everyday back in 2021 to just gain channel points and nothing else. I just had their stream muted while I went to do anything else because I wanted to get to 100k channel points on someone's twitch channel and since Ranboo used to stream everyday for hours on end back then I chose them. Sometimes I would watch the stream if what they were doing interested me or I'd just popped in to see whats going on, but other then that nothing else.
Also when I reached my goal I considered going for 200k but then soon decided "fuck that" and now I've only watched a few Ranboo streams here or there afterwards.
#ranboo#The only streamer back then that could keep my attention was Tommy#But he didn't stream enough for my goal of getting 100k channel points to be realistic#So I went with Ranboo because he used to stream crazy hours everyday like a madman#I remember taking a screenshot when I finally got 100k channel points but I think I deleted it to make room on my computer a few weeks back#maybe I don't really remember#Also someone gave me a free Ranboo subscription during their subathon back in 2021 which made it more efficient to build up channel points
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just realised that i started playing assassins creed 8 years ago almost exactly to the day........ literally a third of my life
#ezio auditore has been my favourite character for a third of my life. what the fuck#longest running blorbo of all time. my best friend my special lil guy my short king my bloodied and beaten shell of a man#first time i played ac was just before my 16th birthday- my dad was taking me to paris for the weekend and we had to set off in the middle#of the night so i figured there was no point going to sleep. so i found ac2 on his xbox and remembered watching my brother play it#when we were little#and i thought sure i'll give it a go. and played for 8hrs straight#and then i was HOOKED#every weekend when i went to my dads me and my sister would play ac for hours#i was thinking about it Non Stop i think it was my first major hyperfixation and tbh i dont think any since then has been as intense#as a reward for my gcses my mum bought me an xbox so i could play at hers too#i played almost the whole series and read pretty much every book#i even developed a love of art history- which im now thinking about studying at university- because of ac2#anyway all this to say i turn 24 this week and i havent played ac in months but it still had such a huge impact on me#during some kinda shitty years of my life and i think it will always feel like a big part of me#which is kinda nice i think
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god there is so much i could say about that time of my life…it’s really no wonder i have medical anxiety
#rambles#when they discharged me when i was STILL so anemic and could barely even walk#and i missed my first days of middle school#but then during that week i went. for an hour i think and then i had to leave#and then i toughed it out for the rest of the week until my parents brought me back. and i had more blood transfusions#and then i was in and out of the er for months#the best part though was that there was a BLOOD MOON during the time i was getting a blood transfusion…#tw medical#tw blood mention
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#tag talk#vent#I don't wanna do the whole “I'm so good at psychology cause I've fixed myself. I should go into counseling” thing that overly empathetic#empathetic people do. but like. nothing like deconstructing a tense social conflict to make you feel good#the smol autistic minecraft enby who adopted me had a moment and I helped break down the situation and resolve shit with them. it was cool#but also I immediately went out to the living room and napped for three hours. thinning that hard was exhausting.#do you ever do the depression nap thing? when I'm doing well I never sleep during the day. but when I'm sad I take naps a lot#because I don't want to be awake and I sleep poorly at I night and am just generally lethargic so I nap on the floor or couch a lot#ugh knowing the stress will go away doesn't help the fact that it's super awful right now.#it's times like this that I wish I'd really committed to it in Feb. like. in two weeks I'll be better and joy de vivre and all that.#but right now? ugh. big fuckin ugh#the minecraft emotional labor thing is just a natural responsibility of being a 25 year old playing online video games with 15 year olds.#if I see a situation blowing up I can't hear sit by and watch someone destroy their friendships on the server. I have to help#but also bro I am struggling to help myself. maybe I say I'm packing up my pc early so that I have a good excuse to stay off the server#I literally did the thing again where I make new friends. make everyone love me. and then get burnt out at the speed of light and disappear#making friends is so easy. leaving friends is so easy. nothing is forever and we all die someday. blah blah blah you know it already#meaningless meaningless. all is meaningless. maybe king Solomon was just fuckin depressed when he wrote that. sure sounds like it to me.#I just can't do anything when I'm like this. we're subsistence living now bois.#I wonder if part of my neurological damage is from the lead I used to eat in high school.#the windex shots can't have been good for me. but I don't think that stays in your body the same way#though it did fuck up my urinary tract for a few months. that was wild.#anyway. I wonder how much of my chronic periodic funk is just effects from bad choices and how much is normal natural inevitable.#everything is an ocean. nothing is a lake. the waves are always thirty feet high and the troughs scrape you on the bottom of the reef#nothing is midline except when you're rushing through to one extreme or another.#you're either overstimulated or absent from your body entirely#both of which cause wild and oft unbearable dissociation.#everything gets better and everything gets worse. I'm only like this when I'm stressed. but that's my secret cap (avengers reference)#anyway. I'll survive. I'll make it. I'll live because I need to become even more gay to make my family mad.#I need to keep living so my dad realizes just how much he's lost touch.#so my mom cries about how she should have done something differently so I wouldn't grow up gay. because that makes so much sense right?
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#well I can no longer tease Keith for being/looking obliviously in love with his bff#I think I’ve mentioned before that a big part of the reason I’m going to Taiwan this summer#is b/c my best friend from LSE lives there#we met the first week of university and it all just went from there#(rare for both of us b/c we’re introverted)#anyway#after I moved to the US for grad school#and she moved back to Taiwan to work for a bit and figure out what she wanted to do her MA in#we started sending each other care packages#(before this we used to bring each other stuff back from home during breaks )#((we also meet on zoom every week for a few hours to talk + watch movies))#they’re pretty good sized boxes with (mostly) food and also books and weird t-shirts/clothes and all of that kind of stuff#we’re quite good at this point at getting stuff the other will like#(I always trawl Trader Joe’s for interesting things I think she’ll enjoy. she got me 5 different flavors of salted plum from an indie#company in Taipei because she knows I love ume)#we always put notes for each other in the boxes too#I send hers to her parents house because it’s easier to have packages shipped to there than in her small flat share in Taipei#and her mom (with her permission) sometimes opens them and takes out something for herself to try#what I didn’t know until today#is that her mom also takes out the notes to put on her desk so they don’t get lost#and she’s been hinting to my friend more and more over the past 2 years that it’s okay if she’s ‘not into boys’ and her parents will support#her no matter who she dates (which is very sweet)#now I’m coming in less than a week#and when my friend was visiting home this weekend she took her aside and told her#that she didn’t have to introduce me as her friend and she could openly say I’m her partner of 2+ years#which (again) would be very sweet#if I were actually her girlfriend#I’m not#and I’m having dinner with her parents at some point in the next few weeks#my life is a bad sitcom
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Had a good cry today. I needed that.
#the thing i was crying about was resolved thankfully#but i still cried for like 10 more minutes bc i am unable to just like. stop. when i'm already crying lol#like laughing. i can't just stop laughing or stop crying. i have to gradually slow down#i feel SO MUCH BETTER NOW#i've been needing to cry for so long and didn't really have the time so. this worked out.#of COURSE it happened during my moving week lmao. i fucking hate moving. it's so stressful.#and i didn't ask for time off this time bc it's holiday season#so like. i NEED to be at work.#i went from 13.5 hours last week to 31.5 hours this week. bc payroll sucks but they NEED me for the busy season.#i'm a fucking fast cashier. i know what i'm doing. and i know all the processes and stuff.#my boss know i'm leaving soon so he hired a bunch of new people (some for regular seasonal buffer and some... bc i am worth like 2 or 3...#...newbies lmaooooooooo#i've been here forever. people think i'm a manager lol.#anyways. gonna refill my work lotion and eat something and maybe play some animal crossing or maybe go to bed early.#personal#tmi
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