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transmutationisms · 1 year ago

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hello! im just finishing up my read of structures of scientific revolutions, which has genuinely been very useful and shifted my understanding of science in a way being around people doing scientific research all day really didn't! i don't have a liberal arts education so i would love to get a sense of (a) what else of the philosophy / history of science canon is worth reading in the original (b) standard review papers or introductory textbooks and (c) critiques of the canon. i understand this is a big ask ofc, so feel free to point me to good depts / syllabi from good courses. thanks :)

yessss such a fun question >:) so, the thing that was so great about 'the structure of scientific revolutions', which i'm sure you've picked up on, is that kuhn pushed historians and philosophers of science to challenge the positivist model of science as a linearly progressive search to 'accumulate knowledge'. the idea of a 'paradigm shift' was itself a paradigm shift at the time; it was an early example of a language for talking about radical change in science without giving into the assumption that change necessarily = 'progress' (defined by national interests, mathematisation, and so forth). this is still an approach that's foundational to history and philosophy of science; it's now taken as so axiomatic that few academics even bother to gloss or defend it in monographs (which raises its own issue with public communication, lol).

where kuhn falls apart more (and this was typical for a philosopher of his era, training, and academic milieu) is in the fact that he never developed any kind of rigorous sociological analysis of science (despite alluding to such a thing being necessary) and you probably also noticed that he makes a few major leaps that indicate he's not fully committed to thinking through the relationship between science and politics. so for example, we might ask, can a paradigm shift ever occur for a reason other than a discovered 'anomaly' that the previous paradigm can't account for? for instance, how do political investments in science and scientific theories affect what's accepted as 'normal science' in a kuhnian sense? are there historical or present cases where a paradigm didn't change even though it persistently failed to explain certain empirical observations or data? what about the opposite, where a paradigm did change, but it wasn't necessarily or exclusively because the new paradigm was a 'better' explanation scientifically? how do we determine what makes an explanation 'better', anyway, especially given that kuhn himself was very much invested in moving beyond the naïve realist position? and on the more sociological side, we can raise issues like: say you're a scientist and you legitimately have discovered an 'anomaly'. how do you communicate that to other scientists? what mechanisms of knowledge production and publication enable you to circulate that information and to be taken seriously? what modes of communication must you use and what credentials or interpersonal connections must you have? what factors cause theories and discoveries to be taken more or less seriously, or adopted more or less quickly, besides just their 'scientific utility' (again, assuming we can even define such a thing)?

again, this is not to shit on kuhn, but to point out that both history and philosophy of science have had a lot of avenues to explore since his work. note that there are a few major disciplinary distinctions here, each with many sub-schools of thought. a 'science and technology studies' or STS program tends to be a mix of sociological and philosophical analysis of science, often with an emphasis on 'technoscience' and much less on historical analysis. a philosophy of science department will be anchored more firmly in the philosophical approach, so you'll find a lot of methodological critique, and a lot of scholarship that seeks to tackle current aporias in science using various philosophical frameworks. a history of science program is fundamentally just a sub-discipline of history, and scholarship in this area asks about the development of science over time, how various forms of thinking came into and out of favour, and so forth. often a department will do both history and philosophy of science (HPS). historians of medicine, technology, and mathematics will sometimes (for arcane scholastic reasons varying by field, training, and country) be anchored in departments of medicine / technology / mathematics, rather than with other faculty of histsci / HPS. but, increasingly in the anglosphere you'll see departments that cover history of science, technology, and mathematics (HSTM) together. obviously, all of these distinctions say more about professional qualifications and university bureaucracy than they do about the actual subject matter; in actuality, a good history of science should virtually always include attention to some philosophical and sociological dimensions, and vice versa.

anyway—reading recs:

there are two general reference texts i would recommend here if you just want to get some compilations of major / 'canonical' works in this field. both are edited volumes, so you can skip around in them as much as you want. both are also very limited in focus to, again, a very particular 'western canon' defined largely by trends in anglo academia over the past half-century or so.

philosophy of science: the central issues (1998 [2013], ed. martin curd & j. a. cover). this is an anthology of older readings in philsci. it's a good introduction to many of the methodological questions and problems that the field has grown around; most of these readings have little to no historical grounding and aren't pretending otherwise.

the cambridge history of science (8 vols., 2008–2020, gen. eds. david c. lindberg & ron numbers). no one reads this entire set because it's long as shit. however, each volume has its own temporal / topical focus, and the essays function as a crash-course in historical methodology in addition to whatever value you derive from the case studies in their own right. i like these vols much more than the curd & cover, but if you really want to dig into the philosophical issues and not the histories, curd & cover might be more fun.

besides those, here are some readings in histsci / philsci that i'd recommend if you're interested. for consistency i ordered these by publication date, but bolded a few i would recommend as actual starting points lol. again some of these focus on specific historical cases, but are also useful imo methodologically, regardless of how much you care about the specific topic being discussed.

Robert M. Young. 1969. "Malthus and the Evolutionists: The Common Context of Biological and Social Theory." Past & Present 43: 109–145.

David Bloor. 1976 [1991]. Knowledge and Social Imagery. Chicago: University of Chicago Press (here is a really useful extract that covers the main points of this text).

Ian Hacking. 1983. Representing and Intervening: Introductory Topics in the Philosophy of Natural Science. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Steven Shapin. 1988. “Understanding the Merton Thesis.” Isis 79 (4): 594–605.

Steven Shapin and Simon Schaffer. 1989. Leviathan and the Air-Pump: Hobbes, Boyle, and the Experimental Life. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Mario Biagioli. 1993. Galileo, Courtier: The Practice of Science in the Culture of Absolutism. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

Bruno Latour. 1993. The Pasteurization of France. Translated by Alan Sheridan and John Law. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Margaret W. Rossiter. 1993. “The Matthew Matilda Effect in Science.” Social Studies of Science 23 (2): 325–41.

Andrew Pickering. 1995. The Mangle of Practice. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

Porter, Theodore M. Trust in Numbers: The Pursuit of Objectivity in Science and Public Life. Princeton University Press, 1996.

Peter Galison. 1997. “Trading Zone: Coordinating Action and Belief.” In The Science Studies Reader, edited by Mario Biagioli, 137–60. New York: Routledge.

Crosbie Smith. 1998. The Science of Energy: A Cultural History of Energy Physics in Victorian Britain. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

Chambers, David Wade, and Richard Gillespie. “Locality in the History of Science: Colonial Science, Technoscience, and Indigenous Knowledge.” Osiris 15 (2000): 221–40.

Kuriyama, Shigehisa. The Expressiveness of the Body and the Divergence of Greek and Chinese Medicine. Zone Books, 2002.

Timothy Mitchell. 2002. Rule of Experts: Egypt, Techno-Politics, Modernity. Berkeley: University of California Press.

James A. Secord. 2003. Victorian Sensation: The Extraordinary Publication, Reception, and Secret Authorship of Vestiges of the Natural History of Creation. Chicago: University Of Chicago Press.

Sheila Jasanoff. 2006. “Biotechnology and Empire: The Global Power of Seeds and Science.” Osiris 21 (1): 273–92.

Murphy, Michelle. Sick Building Syndrome and the Problem of Uncertainty: Environmental Politics, Technoscience, and Women Workers. Duke University Press, 2006.

Kapil Raj. 2007. Relocating Modern Science: Circulation and the Construction of Knowledge in South Asia and Europe, 1650–1900. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.

Schiebinger, Londa L. Plants and Empire: Colonial Bioprospecting in the Atlantic World. Harvard University Press, 2007.

Galison, Peter. “Ten Problems in History and Philosophy of Science.” Isis 99, no. 1 (2008): 111–24.

Daston, Lorraine, and Peter Galison. Objectivity. Zone Books, 2010.

Dipesh Chakrabarty. 2011. “The Muddle of Modernity.” American Historical Review 116 (3): 663–75.

Forman, Paul. “On the Historical Forms of Knowledge Production and Curation: Modernity Entailed Disciplinarity, Postmodernity Entails Antidisciplinarity.” Osiris 27, no. 1 (2012): 56–97.

Ashworth, William J. 2014. "The British Industrial Revolution and the the Ideological Revolution: Science, Neoliberalism, and History." History of Science 52 (2): 178–199.

Mavhunga, Clapperton. 2014. Transient Workspaces: Technologies of Everyday Innovation in Zimbabwe. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.

Lynn Nyhart. 2016. “Historiography of the History of Science.” In A Companion to the History of Science, edited by Bernard Lightman, 7–22. Chichester, UK: Wiley Blackwell.

Rana Hogarth. 2017. Medicalizing Blackness: Making Racial Difference in the Atlantic World, 1780–1840. Chapel Hill: University of North Carolina Press.

Suman Seth. 2018. Difference and Disease: Medicine, Race, and the Eighteenth-Century British Empire. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press.

Aro Velmet. 2020. Pasteur's Empire: Bacteriology and Politics in France, its Colonies, and the World. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

i would also say, as a general rule, these books are generally all so well-known that there are very good book reviews and review essays on them, which you can find through jstor / your library's database. these can be invaluable both because your reading list would otherwise just mushroom out forever, and because a good review can help you decide whether you even need / want to sit down with the book itself in the first place. literally zero shame in reading an academic text secondhand via reviews.

#sorry this got long as shit lol #book recs #hps

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jackienautism · 1 year ago

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hi again!! hope you're having a good one. and yeah that is my icon :)

i do play things pretty fast SDKDFLS i've found that if i don't like. race through as fast as possible i'll end up leaving things unfinished for forever. glances at my p5 playthrough and glances away LOL. played practically nonstop, hit okumura's palace, had to leave my pc for a long weekend, and just. never picked the game back up again whoops

YEAHHH eagle among lions is like. my most anticipated fic that i put on the read later list SDJFLKSD i'm saving it for once i finish all the routes to make up for the fact that i won't have any more routes to play hahah. and HMM... i thinkk the fics that i'd most recommend are child of light by riahk, ghosting by greyimperia, homeroom (or, if we're not recruited in 15 minutes, we're legally allowed to leave) by Schistosity, and let the devil in by greyimperia. which are, respectively, a mercedes character study (speaking of mercedes, she has absolutely rocketed up my rankings. i love her), a linhardt character study, byleth recruits everyone possible (barring hilda) on a blue lions run so edelgard, hubert, claude and hilda have homeroom together and develop a friendship, and uh. not super sure how to describe the last one? but i liked it! it's a one-shot about the lords. inspired by we know the devil if you've played that game.

funnily enough none of those are the time travel fics i've read but i can't like. seem to find the best ones i read?? i didn't spend a ton of time looking through my history tho so if i find them later i'll send another ask lol.

yeah i definitely get that :/ haven't experienced that Too much yet with fe3h but i'm sure once i start searching for more specific dynamics barely anything's gonna turn up :(

YEAH. YEAH ON THE INGRID STUFF. idk maybe im overreacting or misremembering stuff but i feel like since we're both saying similar stuff i'm probably not like. seems like the nightmare scenario! idk it also really bothers me that sylvain and ingrid's paired ending is like. mostly about sylvain's political situation and then tacks on at the end "and he couldn't have done it without his wife and they had many kids" (paraphrased) like. okay :| uncomfortable!

and yeah the game sort of plays up the whole. ingrid as the one responsible for sylvain and felix but it's REALLY the fan emphasis on that that i've seen which bothers me. like they reallyyy like to shove her into the mom friend archetype. idk.

yeah berniegard is semi popular!! i definitely have some art of them in my queue sdjfls. i thought their b and c supports were pretty standard and enjoyable, but their a support (which i've now seen lol) was really good. not one of my absolute favorites, but definitely up there! i can see why this pairing is popular.

MAN. YEAH on the marianne supports thing. AND. YEAH about dorothea and marianne..... as soon as i noticed that they both had themselves in their dislikes my mind IMMEDATELY went to their potential dynamic.. i also really like a potential marianne/edelgard dynamic just based off of her dialogue about edelgard in cf??? like i'm gonna be mad forever about their nonexistant support chain. also marianne and mercedes.. those two were always at the cathedral praying you're telling me they couldn't have a conversation about faith? and like. mercedes can Read people and she has a desire to help people.. the supports could've been so good.... similarly i think dorothea and mercedes should've had a support chain. and mercedes and edelgard. maybe i'm just shoving my favorite girls together in different combinations but like. the potential is there who can blame me!! and YEAHH you're absolutely right about marianne and lysithea!! genuinely it feels like the a support is missing for those two :/

and yeah despite having sylvain attack felix i didn't even get their special dialogue :( apparently you can only get that one on CF and not VW? well. there's always next CF run :) and yeah that was where mercedes showed up! the caspar linhardt dialogue is. sad. as is the mercie annette dialogue which i also didn't get? that one, based off the wiki, it seems Can occur at the gronder battle on VW, but maybe because they were fighting i didn't get it?? not sure. but i watched it on youtube and it makes me sooo sad. but truly NOTHING makes me sadder than having dorothea kill ferdie especially considering her monastary dialogue after???? awful. petra and edie have the standard eagle vs edelgard dialogue but i feel like petra's political position makes her landing a hit on edelgard like. extra juicy lol. i would've had dorothea also do it but a) she was too far away and b) i still felt bad for having her kill ferdinand.

YEAH SDJFDLDKJ I WAS. not expecting to s support sylvain LMAO but. well! it's kind of funny i made the decision IMMEDIATELY after waking up from getting my wisdom teeth out??? like i was telling my mom about it in the waiting room they put you in before letting you leave. so i'm gonna say s supporting sylvain was a side effect. i did end up enjoying his s support + paired ending though!

as for silver snow, i thinkk you get to keep your class, barring edelgard and hubert? and YEAH it's that particular bond that i sort of envisioned when i first played cf and got to the branching path (as well as seeing dorothea's character shift post-timeskip) that largely held me back from s supporting her on vw. and YEAH the incentive is for SURE needed. i do notttt want to side against edie :(( and i haven't enjoyed siding with the church!! but i hear you get a lot of insight into byleth on that route and i am interested to see all that for myself.

YEAH ashe and marianne can support and it's very sweet! which makes sense since i mean. it's ashe and marianne. caspar and annette's supports, without going into spoilers, do a good job of showing caspar in a more like... competent/insightful light which i've found tend to be my favorite caspar supports. like yeah he's great for comedy but i like when he's taken seriously. and their dynamic is very sweet as well. and yeah shamir is a former mercenary i think?? yeah a lot of leonie's endings are. not the greatest? without spoiling specifically, either she's with someone i do Not want her to be with, it doesn't seem in-line with where her character would naturally progress, or it's just very bittersweet? but her ending with shamir was super in character and seemed relatively happy so. and YEAH i get that for leonie i wasn't really sold on her until post timeskip really? i think also the fact that i'd seen a lot of hate for her beforehand had me prepared for her to like do something bad or be Super annoying and then when she was like. fine. i was like huh i think im gonna like her more. out of spite.

im honestly a major fan of a lot of the nonromantic paired endings but this one was just.. i really think it was the fact that maya was completely offscreen that bothered me. and the fact that their supports weren't like, majorly about her?

yeah annette's songs are sooo silly i love her sense of whimsy and her dynamic with mercedes is sweet! weirdly enough i like their dynamic outside of their supports more than i like the supports themselves, with just the two of them hanging around the monastery together + their dialogue in azure moon cutscenes and stuff. their supports weren't bad or anything, i just felt like their fight was a little awkwardly pulled off, and i feel like there's probably more substance you can get from a potential support chain for these two considering they're one of a handful of duos who have a close history before the monastery.

and ah i get that and i hope that if you want to play the game more, you get the chance to!

i ended up recruiting ferdinand, bernie, leonie, marianne and raphael. planning to get dorothea as soon as i raise my charm! i'm alsooo raising linhardt to b support and if he asks to join my class i'll let him, but i'm not raising the reason skill to get him lol. i kind of want to recruit him bc i miss him, but i don't want too many recruits, so my compromise is leaving it up to chance.

as for hilda.. yeah her supports with byleth have her mentioning a LOT that she just. doesn't get the concept of dying for someone else. and then if you kill her in cf i think claude says something about how he told her to retreat.... much to think about. i think that may have been my biggest character defining moment for her, but i also loveee all of her supports where people sort of. see through her in a way? so her a support with claude and her b support with sylvain are some of my favorites (and she absolutely reads them right back which. again. i love that). and i'd consider those sort of character defining moments for her as well, if not to the same degree and not quite the same thing.

YEAH LMAO LORENZ... i feel like. i definitely see hints of what could be redeeming qualities in him but like... yeah. eventually i'll go through all of his supports, because it's not like i Like disliking potentially interesting characters but like. the dude does NOT make a good impression.

YEAHHHH THE SUNSET MOMENT WAS SO GOOD.... so was the part of their c support where marianne like. apologized for being a bad conversationalist and ignatz was like. "there's no need to apologize, if we'd been talking we would've missed these flowers!!" like. idk ignatz isn't a standout character to me but he's so sweet.. like that's my friend ignatz!! yeah annette and claude have supports!! featuring more of annette's singing. and claude singing i think! they're fun. YEAH SDJKSD sylvain's supports are pretty interesting across the board. and i def get why he wouldn't be your cup of tea LMAO, like.. based on your blog, he doesn't really line up with the sorts of characters you usually seem to get attached to lol. but yeah his supports usually do a good job of showing a different side of his character than much of his other dialogue, especially in the early game (can't speak for post timeskip am obviously). idk there are maybe three characters i got Really attached to before actually playing their route and he's one of them. the others being marianne, mostly due to her paralogue, and annette honestly just based off of general vibes once i'd recruited her.

YEAH CLAUDE AND MARIANNE'S A SUPPORT.... idk i really love how he goes from pushing her a bit to recognizing her boundaries and instead offering reassurance and understanding without crossing them.... so sweet. and YEAH marianne on the end art makes me soooo happy. yeah leonie and claude's.... b support i want to say?? was the two of them discussing religion and stuff and at the end claude's like "hm some people might call this conversation sacrilegious huh" and leonie's like "yeah probably. good thing i don't care and won't tell anyone though" and i just thought that was fun. MAN YEAH marianne laughing at the end of her and hilda's supports was The highlight of that support chain to me....

thank you i am enjoying the lions route so far!! playing white clouds for the third (kind of the fourth, if you count me watching my brother's playthrough lol) time in like. a month? month and a half? idk how long it's been actually.... ok checked and it's been a few days past a month?wow. anyway. playing it That many times has gotten me moving through it a bit slower, although i did play quite a bit today and i've gotten to chapter seven :) i am enjoying the lions! i could see before that white clouds was lions centric in a lot of ways but. man. it is sooo lion centric. i'm not like, super complaining about it? i mean. sylvain annette and mercedes are all probably in my top 5 characters. i am really liking dedue, ashe is sweet, i have Some complicated feelings surrounding ingrid but she is SO interesting to me (man her relationship with knighthood plus the ways you can view her character thru lenses of gender and sexuality..... what a character). while felix isn't my favorite he's still very well written and interesting. and honestly i'm enjoying dimitri more than i thought i would? idk my initial impression of him was very meh and then due to like. the way a lot of people who hateeee edie like. LOVE him gives me the kneejerk reaction of oh well i'm not gonna like this guy. but i'm enjoying him so far! he's like, middle of the pack of the lions for me, but that's still pretty good all things considered.

and man. side note because if i let myself get into it for real i'll get frustrated but. goddd the takes i've seen about edie just going through her character tag........ awful. i've blocked sooo many people already SDFJSL.

YEAH. i do NOTT enjoy siding with the church. eugh. i'm probably not gonna do another replay soon after i finish this playthrough, my silver snow run, and my second cf run, so either i play cf again first (because i miss edelgard and hubert and i don't like the church) or i play silver snow first so that i don't leave off on like. a silver snow playthrough LMAO. who knows.

anyway! i'm torn this playthrough between s supporting dimitri and mercedes because well. mercedes is self explanatory (i love her), and dimitri has the appeal of being like. central to the story as the lord? the thing is i probably won't replay am for a WHILE after this, if i do at all, so this is like my Shot to s support him? and i like seeing the supports myself rather than watching them on youtube or something. so i'm probably gonna do that, assuming i keep enjoying his character well enough (because like. based off of fanart and uh. the general vibes of my last playthrough, his character shifts post-timeskip). and then i'll probably end up s supporting mercedes on my next cf run :) because other than mercie (and dorothea obviously) i think the only other character i really want to s support is hubert?? and like i love him don't get me wrong but. mercie outranks him. and i will probably replay cf a third time eventually because that's probably gonna be my default route on subsequent replays once i've experienced everything once. still who knows how things will shake out i mean. last time i said i wasn't gonna s support sylvain and then. look what happened. so we'll see.

not too much going on with my playthrough other than that! i mean. it's white clouds a fourth time. not too many things to say about that. mercedes cheerfully supporting church sanctioned executions caught me off guard like. that was funny. i disagree with her on that but i did burst out laughing the delivery was sooo funny for what she was saying. and annette is fun in the lions cutscenes :) and as for supports... I LOVE DEDUE...... his supports with annette are so sweet so far, as are his supports with ashe.. liked the sylvain dedue c support as well! liked annette and dimitri's c support.. OH ingrid and ashe's c support is SOOO good. i got leonie and bernadetta's c support for the first time and it was surprisingly good for a duo i did not expect to have supports. similarly, i got felix and leonie's c support for the first time and liked it. im probably blanking on some of the supports i've gotten but like. idk. these are the ones i remember enjoying!

anyway yeah :) thanks again for talking with me about this game, it's so much fun and i'm loving hearing your thoughts!! i hope you have a good one :)

HIII hope youre having a good one too!!!! as per usual :D and okay ! hope you dont mind that i mentioned it

and AH okay i see, i can def see that! hopefully you still enjoy the thing you're racing through just as much though? im sure you do but! and rip to your p5 playthrough</3 speaking of, the same thing bascially happened to me FKNDKF except i wasnt nearly as far as you. i should get back to it. GOOD LUCK W/ GETTING BACK INTO IT IF YOU EVER DO THOUGH!!!!

YESSS THATS SO VALID..... ITS DEF A HEFTY ONE BUT ITS LIKE???? PLAYING THE GAME AGAIN SO THATS VERY COOL. the descriptions and writing style are simply brilliant and auugh couldnt recommend it enough. it seriously is like going through the game again w/ like. slight variations. it's so neat. and thank you very much for the recommendations ! ill def have to chekc those out at some point. i just recently finally made a ao3 acc (which i assume those are on? hopefully?) so i can finally interact w/ fics more properly :] GLAD THAT MERCIE SKY ROCKETED ON YOUR RANKINGS. I LOVE HER DEARLY.... and the one w/ the homeroom seems very interesting (eyeballs) love to read abt those dynamics

no worries man! i already appreciate you sharing the ones you remember :D its all good if you can't find them / you forget though!

yeah</3 its very unfortunate. bc the potential is there but there's!!!! literallt nothing for them! and its sad. im glad it hasnt happened for you for fe3h yet, and hopefully it never does!!!!! and its not a fun feeling <//3 esp since that means you gotta make your own stuff and dfkndf gthats a lot of WORK

NO FOR REAL. I WONT LIE I FEEL LIK EIM MISREMEMBERING / OVERREACTING AS WELL BUT... AS YOU SAID. SINCE WERE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE I /DOUBT/ WE'RE DOING ANY OF THOSE THINGS. but seriously.....it DOES seem like a nightmare scenario. to be used for a political situation mainly and then on top of that have kids ? like??? thye both hate being used for their crests and yet they have kids ????????? idk if that makes sense. hopefully what /I/ said makes sense though. i just feel it seems very......blegh. for both of them. bc doesnt that just continue the cycle? of crests and shit? idk man. but you're right. that is uncomfortable!\

NO FOR REAL. THEY LOVE TO SHOVE HER INTO THE MOM FRRIEND ARCHETYPE BC THATS ALL THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO W/ FEMALE CHARACTERS😭😭😭😭 AND IT SUUUUUCKS. esp when theres so much to do w/ ingrid..... but nah shes stops the boys from doing dumb shit! ive noticed that this is a trend :///// i hate fandom! anywho. youre right. the fan perception of their dynamic is just. SIGHS. i GET that ingrid and sylvain's supports play into that but just..... theyre both so much more than that

OOOOH NICE NICE.... looking forward to seeing those pieces (eyeballs) cant wait to see their A support now!!!! i mustve gotten their C and possibly B support before but i honestly cant remember its been so long. thank u for hypingg it up for me

DOROTHEA AND MARIANNE'S DYNAMIC WOULD BE SO..... IT WOULD BE SO CUTE I THINK...... esp since dorothea seems to rly enjoy hyping ppl (esp the girls) up... and thats absolutely something marianne needs and deserves. plus dorothea is pretty emotionally aware and has her own experience w/ depression (esp post timeskip) so i feel they can both bond over that......if that makes sense. i just love the m so much. YESSS I FORGET THE SPECIFIC DIALOGUE BUT I REMEMBER MARIANNE MENTIONING SOMETHING ABT EDIE'S STRENGTH OR SOMETHING IN CF?? YOURE SO RIGHT WE WERE ROBBED OF THAT..... ooohh im actually so interested in that now. AND NO YOURE SO RIGHT ABT MARIANNE AND MERCEDES..... THEY ABSOLUTELY COULDVE COMPLEMENTED EACH OTHER NICELY...... esp mercedes potentially helping marianne w/ her burdens and just Understanding that there was something that was always bothering her.... so good. YOURE JUST PAIRING UP ALL MY FAVES TOO 😭😭 i wouldve loved to see dorothea and mercedes.... i dont understand why but i just feel it wouldve been so fun and interesting. YOURE SO RIGHT THOUGH, THE POTENTIAL BETWEEN ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE ABSOLUTELY THERE !!!!! I CAN DEF SEE IT W/ EDIE AND MERCIE TOO.... AND THERES NOTHING WRONG W/ WANTING TO SEE ALL YOUR FAVE GIRLS TOGETHER DFKGNFDG I FEEL THAT SO HARD. also some MAY have come true in three hopes? since they did add new support chains but (shrugs) im not sur ewhich ones they added and which ones they didnt

and oh yeah? i had no idea that it was only on CF.... but i suppose that makes a little sense? hm. sorry you werent able ot get it your VW run though </3 and okay! thank you! ill def have to get those 2 dialogue exchanges at some point... unsure if ill get it myself since ill prob jsut endd up hurting mysself but LOL ill prob search them up and watch them that way. sorry you didnt get annette or mercie's either though :/ and ooooh maybe? but i feel like the game maybe wouldn't have taken that into account but! who knows. OHHH GOSH I THINK IVE SEEN DOROTHEA'S LINE ABT KILLING FERDIE IN THE MONASTERY BEFORE.... ill have to look at it again but ): AND OHH I DIDN TREALIZE THERE WAS A SPECIAL THING FOR AN EAGLE VS EDIE..... i thought what i got was just a standard thing😭 thank u for telling me! but no youre right, petra political standing makes it That much better. and abt dorothea. YEAH FAIR. she can only take so much<///3

YOU CAME TO THE DECISION AFTER GETTING YOUR WISDOM TEETH OUT????? LMAOO THATS SO FUNNY TO ME..... good for you though 😭😭😭😭 AND NOT S SUPPORTING SYLVAIN BEING A SIDE EFFECT OF THE ANESTHESIA LMAO that made me laugh thank you for that. but im glad it worked out well in the end! and that you enjoyed the S support and dtheir ending ofc

AND OH. THATS VERY GOOD TO HEAR THEN. i was afraid that you wouldnt be able to keep the rest of the eagles.... and tbh if that were the case, itd make things tTHAT much angstier for me which i hate but also love yk. and yeah makes sense! i rly enjot that concept w/ byleth and dorothea on silver snow... i love it a lot actually. it makes sense too. yeah ): i feel that, i dont wanna side against edie either. doing VW and AM are already a lot for me lol and yeah man. FUCK the church for real. i guess thats another incentive to play SS which is nice, bc byleth as a protag is sort of ...... eh for me. mainly bc they seem like such a blank slate ):

TRUEEE .marianne and ashe are both super sweet they r very good, so i can only imagine how well they r together. and oooooh yeah? im glad they have some of those moments for caspar then... and that his and annette's supports shine a light on that side of him! def can not wait to watch them myself. of course comedic / comedy characters are needed and deserved and stuff but like...like you said, its nice when theyre taken seriously. esp if their whole Thing is being the "goofy" / "unserious" one yk. yeah shamir being a former mercenary sounds right but i couldnt remember. and oh yeah? i didnt realize that a lot of leonie endings were Bad. ive only looked at her and ignatz's but i cant remember it much. bu tmmm, i see. i dont rly think abt leonie much / im not that attached to her so its interesting to see what you think! sorry that most of her endings fall into 1 of those 3 categories :/ glad that her ending w/ shamir was one of if not th ebest one for her!!! LMAO i didnt realize ppl hated / disliked her? i thought hjer whole thing w/ jeralt towards byleth was a tad annoying pre timeskip but i twasnt enough for me to straight up HATE her yk.... so thats interesting. i didnt know any of that. PLEASE like her more out of spite. i love doing that w/ female characters. esp if the hate they get is overdramatic or undeserved

no yeah i totally get that. it doesnt make sense to throw her in there when there wasnt any sort of ..... establishment of her and ignatz's relationship? like. im pretty sure she was the girl that got ignatz to pursue art since he drew something for her but. thats sort of it right? so youre right, there was absolutely no point in throwing her in there other than to FURTHER not make his and raph's ending romantic

HER SONGS R RLY SILLY !!!! and i lvoe how that was like a focal point of her and felix's supports. they were quite cute actually dkfngdgf and that was like one of my first felix supports ever so my initial impression was that. oh! ok hes not that much of an asshole! i was wrong lmao. hes an interesting character and all and i understand where hes coming from but just. yeah man idk. but all that aside, his supports w/ annette were fun and cute. but no youre absolutely right abt mercie and annette, their fight didnt seem ? realistic whatsoever. like i get it but ????? was that something shed legitimately get upset and say they weren't friends over? and you're right, there was def a lot more that couldve been done considering they met so long ago. i DID however like how annette was like. in their A support. mentioning stuff like "ohh now dont say anything like how you dont deserve good things!" or something along the lines of that and like...i think it gives us a little more insight into mercie's character and why she does what she does

i dont remember what i said but i def want to play more! its just <////3 i wanna enjoy the experience and things havent been as enjoyable for me lately yknow? so im waiting for a time that i DO and CAN enjoy things again. but who knows when that'll be LMAO hopefully after this vacation ill be able to get back into viddy games as a whole :]

ah okay! so the recruits are rather balanced, aside from the black eagles (as it should be)! good luck raising your charm to get dorothea the beloved!!!! and hopefully linhardt randomly chooses to join your class...i enjoy when the characters come to you in the middle of the week to ask. its cute. its a fair compromise, but ill be over here secretly hoping that he does join your class!

AH okay so it was in hildas supports w/ byleth... its been. a LOOOONG time since i watched most of byleth's supports w/ the golden deer, so im not too shocked that i forgot abt that. ANDOOHHH RIGHT I THINK I REMEMBER CLAUDE SAYING THAT ABT HILDA TOO..... that's so ): it rly shows the bond shes created w/ claude fr. and thats real sweet. oooo i didnt realize that sort of seeingf through the mask thing happens w/ sylvain too. but i suppose it makes sense w/ sylvain...considering how he is and all. theyre both actually quite similar huh? theyre both a lot more perceptive than they let people believe. thats real cool. so thats nice that they have supports w/ each other , i didnt know that!

NO HE ABSOLUTELY DOESNT..... i just truly and honestly couldnt give less of a fuck about him. even if he does have potential to be cool and interesting. i just dgaf!!!!! have fun and good luck going through his supports though! maybe you;ll have a change of heart (you truly dont have to) but. eh. yeah

YESSS BOTH OF THOSE MOMENTS ARE SO SWEET.... and youre absolutely right abt ignatz. i didnt necessarily get attached to him but i LOVE what he is and what he is is certainly one of the sweeter characters. and i love that for him. AND OHH GOOD MORE ANNETTE SONGS YIPPEE DFGKNDFG def can not wait to see her and claude's supports then (eyeballs) esp if it features claude's singing too..... i can only imagine how fun the situations are. they definitely are! like. what made me change my mind a bit was absolutely sylvain's supports w/ dedue and his ones w/ annette as well. LMAOOO read me to filth <3 yeah he def isnt one of the characters i find myself getting attached to, so im not too surprised either. i enjoy him for he what he is, but other than that. yeah 😭 but yeah!!!! his supports def do a good job at showing a more ? impressive and intelligent side of him. you're right abt his pre timeskip dialogue though, cant say much abt his post timeskip stuff either. im sure theyre a biiiit better than pre TS but. who knows! marianne<3 my girl marianne.... he and annette are also very good choices though. annette's girlish whimsy is just super appealing

YESSSS.... you rly see a mature side of both claude and marianne and thats so cool.... and also seeing a bit more ? forceful and angrier side of marianne? so good. MARIANNE ON THE VERDANT WIND'S END ART MY BELOVED!!!!! i was so shocked when i first saw it but ouuugh i love it so much. AND AHH RIGHT OKAY... i totally forgot abt that. i just loove claudes overall distrust and shit in the goddess and church and whatnot. its so nice to see tbh. and i vaguely remember his convo w/ leonie being interesting as well! YESSSS MARIANNE DESERVES TO LAUGH AND BE HAPPY.... i just thought that moment was so sweet...i personally dont see their relationship as romantic but god... the besties

glad youre enjoying azure moon so far !!!! :D i know theres only sooo many divergences in plot and gameplay and dialogue and stuff so ! hopefully its not toooo grueling. i know we've already talked abt how quick you play games but GOSH 3/4 times in basically a month huh? good for you! and mmm makes sense that youd be going through it a little slower than usual, it IS your fourth / fifth time playing through so. take as much time as you neeeed yk? but up to chapter 7 already is super awesome! yeaaah white clouds is SUPER blue lions centric. im glad you dont hate it! bc i wont lie it rly pisses me off......esp seeing how LITTLE they gave edelgard and crimson flower. but thats just me! happy its been working for you :] OOOO wwho are your other top 5 characters? is dorothea among them? but anyway. yeah ingrid is jusr That character you know. i understand why ppl wouldn't like her, but her character is SOOO interesting to me. for the reasons that you mentioned pretty much. i find myself relating. and yeah i feel thaht for dimitri. i still dont rly care for him that much tbh. but i do feel bad for him and recognize that hes a cool and neat character (same w/ felix like you said) but i just...... yeah man idk dfkgndg plus as you said, id say the majority of edie haters SUUUCK his dick so its like.... man i jsut dont care enough yk. happy that hes been working for you though :D

YERAH I FEEL THAT LMAO. none of the characters are safe from shitty af takes (esp the girls) just recently went into the dorothea tag and was BOMBARDED by hate from this one loser. sorru that youve seen so many things just by going through her tag :/ i HAAATE wben ppl tag stuff like that w/ the main tag, ESP if its hate. pisses me off. but yeah. attleast theres filtering and blocking. ive just straight up blocked edie critical or fiuicking whatever already. sooo dumb!

NEITHER DO IIIII.... its always so painful for me kdfgfdg atleast most of the time rhea isnt there for when you're paired w/ the church? i understand shes a complex character or whatever but she rly reminds me of a cahracter from resident evil and she PISSES me off so basically i dont like either of them LMAO if it were me i'd probably do silver snow first, just so you end off on a good note yk? or maybe youll enjoy SS more than you think! who knows. but yeah id probably end off on crimson flower so it leaves a slightly better taste in your mouth

oooo very good choices... a ton of ppl certainly enjoy S supporting dimitri so i assume youre in for a treat! i understand wanting to S support the lord though since youre really only to support w/ them. during their route. and as you said, theyre very central to the story and whatnot. so yeah! and i TOOTALLY understand wanting to see the supports for yourself rather than watch them on youtube. im absolutely the same. so hope you enjoy going through w/ it ! AND YEAH LMAO HIS CHARACTER DOES RLY SHIFT POST TIMESKIP. but thats due to Mental Illness yk. he does have a recovery arc from what ive heard (that seems rushedd, just based on what an old friend told me) but yeah! hopefully you'll still go through w/ it post TS bc i do think its a good idea. mercie and hubie and dorothea <3 very good choices for S supports.... have fun w/ replaying and getting those last few S ranks!!!! youre gonna go w/ dorothea on silver snow and then probably mercie on another crimson flower run right? def sounds like a plan !!! CF as the default run makes so much sense to me LOL i absolutely feel the same. but you're right, who knows how things will pan out, do let me know what happens and if anything changes!!!!

yeah yeah! atleast the commentary from the blue lions is something different to look forward to during white clouds. and KFDGNDFG i thinki vaguely remember mercedes doing somethig like that but i cant remember exxaaaactly what she said. shes just so cheerful and shit i lovve her so much. but yeah. supporting the church's executions is a no no. GRRR I FORGET ABT DEDUE AND ANNETTE'S SUPPORTS.... it has something to do w/ cookingg right? and dedue helping her w/ that? DIDNT SOMETHING EXPLODE ON ANNETTE OR SOMETHING IN THEIR C SUPPORT? yesss his supports w/ ashe are very nice... so were his w/ sylvain. thats honestly what made me shift a bit in terms of opinion on sylvain. INGRID AND ASHE'S SUPPORTS ARE SOOO GOOD.... just 2 autistic ppl communicating abt a special interest.... OOOO leonie and bernie and leonie and felix huh? i had no idea they had supports.... and youre right i def wouldnt have expected either of them tbh! YEAAH no worries abt forgetting some, tjheres just sooo many that it makes sense not all of them will stick out in your mind

OF COURSE MAN !!!! THANK U FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS W/ ME. ITS ALWAYS A TREAT TO READ WHAT YOUVE BEEN DOING AND WHATNOT!! and im glad my thoughts dont piss you off 😭 happy to hear that you enjoy hearing my thoughts as well :] bc i of course love hearing yours!!!!! hope you have a good one too!

#mine #text #asks #anon #i enjoy reading over my thoguhts but im lazy rn so sorry if there are mistakes fdkngg #my thoughts #my FE tag #FE #FE3H #long posts

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penumbrialhexandroga · 5 months ago

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Byf. Linktree

This blog is meant for free personal expression. (Mental health focused blog) So im not gonna post one single consistent thing. Just be warned, i have posted calico critter content already but also art content which, its all just meant to be a personal place for me to explore self expression. So im not gonna censor myself and

i prefer adult interaction only

as i dont want to limit myself in the art i post here (im not posting nsfw art it feels like im kinda implying that but thats not what i mean) might be posting about my mental health or just like ramble on here but forewarning ive said a lot of stupid shit. But im also just not interested in talking to minors yknow?

About me

24 he/they transsexual ftm/masc agender (meaning I feel a lot of sex dysphoria, but if I had been born in an amab body I would probably identify as non binary, agender). Ive been on testosterone since I was 16 and have had top surgery, I would like bottom in the future; that's as much as I'm willing to speak on the subject of surgery.

I have non human parts and so I identify as therian because of that. But I prefer to stay kinda non specific about my parts 'v'

I consider myself plural because of how I experience my parts.

Since this is gonna be a mental health focused blog (because im focused on my mental health rn), I'm gonna list what ive been dxed with. But know that diagnoses are not static things and they can change over time; at one point, my therapist thought I had schizophrenia for example, but that's no longer the case. My diagnoses can never capture the complexity nor totality of myself as an individual. But I do think they're relevant and help me define my story. I was first diagnosed with the following at 21:

Autism level 1, level 1, PTSD, ADHD inattentive presentation, OCD, Persistent Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Persistent Motor/vocal Tic Disorder.

(But I really now only get motor tics the vocal tics were happening during my dissociative episode)

Just the other day (at 24) my current therapist I've been seeing for a few years says I have CPTSD.

So that fuckin sucks (*´；ェ；｀*)

This blog is for me to just practice existing and taking up space and expressing myself and being real.

Okay as for like PERSONAL INTERESTS

I'm an artist, ive been drawing since I could hold a crayon. Recently I've been doing watercolor plein air stuff. But my main focus has always been like figure and portrait drawing. I love drawing from life. And I've been loving painting from life too!

I've also been developing an increasing interest in 3d modeling

Ive been listening and reading the Warrior Cats series :) I first picked it up when I was a kiddo, but never got too far even tho I loved it. I'm tryna catch up as fast as I can lol but expect to see that kinda content

I love animals in general, all animals.

I consider myself deeply spiritual (some parts more than others lol) and I like to read tarot sometimes

I love languages! Ive made my own script and would like to develop a conlang but im not that cool yet lol. Im native English speaker, can speak a bit of Japanese (i understand better than I speak), ive also studied some Southern Lushootseed and Arabic in college, but haven't retained those well.

I love anime and Manga, my favorites are inuyasha, oyasumi punpun, Pluto.

I love ancient human history! I love animals! I love thinking on the wonder that it is to be alive and sentient.

I say stupid shit!! I'm a flawed human!! Doing my best

linktree

#byf/dni

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cuartosol · 4 years ago

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bougierthanthou ha respondido a tu set de fotos

“I binged all Code Lyoko seasons and played Quest for Infinity and I’m...”

@hinazinnia what are their lives like in high school? How have they developed post XANA and Lyoko?

IM SO HAPPY YOU ASKED ill try to make this short and if you wanna know more you can always ask me! They are actually in college! Two disclaimers:

(1) im from spain, and my french is limited, i did my best in learning how college works in france, but im sure there are a lot of mistakes! (2) this takes place after the 4th season, ignoring evolution BUT maybe taking some cool ideas from there, even if i had only watched a couple of episodes

YUMI (19)

she went to study history to japan in her first year of uni, but felt disconnected from her peers and missed her life back in france. She returned to france and switched to a translation and interpreting degree, and thats where the story begins

she witnessed something (back in japan) that disturbed her and is related to xana but she refuses to talk to her old group of friends for some reason....

AELITA (17)

shes in her first year of bioinformatics (both her and jeremy skipped a year)

she’s been dating jeremy since highschool and kind of wants to break up with him. she loves him so much, but she is curious about forming a life outside of the same people she’s known since she came back to earth

this desire is also related to her feeling of being stuck in the same place, she’s been trying to discover new things (both realted to lyoko and her past, among other things) but feels she is often more busy with jeremy’s research than her own

she is the only one who had kept in contact with yumi

JEREMY (17)

1st year computer engineering-mathematics (2 degrees in one lmao)

he’s secretly been developing his own virtual world, offline and with his own techonology

he also feels kind of disconnected from his friends (can you see the theme of my story), but unlike aelita, he feels like things should return to “normal”, aka, how they were back in kadic. (i wanna focus his character arc on learning how to adapt to changes)

ODD (18)

1st years of fine arts (but he will change to cinema in the future, he was just to scared to specialize his studies so soon... he needs to learn to value his own work and have more self-esteem

he lives with ulrich (and KIWI!!!) and he is a fucking mess but makes up for it bc he knows how to cook

he is the one who has more friends outside of the group, however he feels like he is just passing by and doesn’t have any deep conections to any of them

ULRICH (19)

1st year business management. he l o a t h e s it but chose it bc he was lost as hell and his father was, as always, pressuring him

he teaches little kids martial arts and thats the only thing keeping him sane

he dated yumi from 15-16 until yumi told him she was leaving to japan and they had one of their fights. (he dated sissi out of spite which was a very bad thing to do... i think the lyoko warriors treat her really badly and id to make them work on that)

AND NOW ONTO THE PLOT,,,, Ulrich stumbles upon yumi on a morning jog and he’s like “what are u doing here i thought u were in japan” and yumi just. stares. and leaves.

so ulrich comes back home and rants to odd and odd says to tell the rest of the group for that night’s celebrations (its jeremy’s bday lmao). aelita tells them that she’s been talking with her but that she’s been ghosting her for the last month and she was acting weird before that.

she then gets a text from yumi telling her that william is in the hospital bc “he’s been getting worse” and odd reads it aloud and of course they go. everything is really awkward and they all have unresolved stuff (mainly that they were too young for al the shit they went through and none of them had found healthy ways to cope with it except ignoring it so being all together again is... yikes).

yumi is left alone with william and he attacks her and the gang help her just like the old times. jeremy is very convinced it was xana’s fault and wants to turn on the supercomputer to check, but they dont all agree (kind of pararell to their feelings towards turning it off in the show) and they part ways.

yumi knows more than she wants to say, beacuse she /knows/ that if she said it, it would make everything go back to square 1 and is it really their mission? is it their responsability?

i dont wanna say what is actually happening bc i had a comic/mini zine planned but that’s the main plot. just an overly complicated fic about changes and old friendships and dumb headcanons and a plot that is in fact an excuse to explore all the trauma that these kids must actually have lmao

if you wanna know more (about this au or just about my headcanons for the show), feel free to ask!

#bougierthanthou #code lyoko

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adrunkgiraffe · 4 years ago

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I have been through this journey before, so I get to be actually frustrated about it.

IUnder a read more because im not subjecting y’all to this. Also: I should caveat I haven’t watched the episode cause I’m waiting till its on Netflix but I have watched way too many other episodes of Supernatural so I have a right to say these things.

TL;DR: I mean you all knew Cas’ confession was fucking bullshit and that SPN is...hm. But I’d like to actually express my genuine frustration, for a moment? I’m going to say things you already know, but I have too much knowledge of this show and too much stupid meta in my brain about a series I haven’t genuinely enjoyed for at least 5 years which makes this not just blandly bad but disgustingly insulting to me not even as a gay just as like. A writer?

Or, even shorter: Cas’ confession is just a Charlie Bradbury Speedrun

So. As some of you may know if, for some reason, you followed me back in 2013 (and till...okay fine 2015), I used to be, uh. Really into SPN. Really, I was into Destiel. Like, as in, I slogged through seasons 1-3 to get to Cas and am also really vulnerable to the Sunk Cost Fallacy and projecting onto characters. (I was in 8th grade in 2013, okay? Get off my back)

Also, because I monopolised use of the TV, I kind of...also got my parents into it? In a “this is silly but fun” kind of way.

Over time, critiques of the show from viewers, learning what queerbaiting is at all, fatigue with how long it was going, and also fatigue from how characters I enjoyed, like Rufus, or Crowley, or Ellen, or Jo, or Kevin, or Charlie, or Cas a few times, kept getting killed off. As time went on, it didn’t escape my notice that, aside from Cas, all of these characters fit one or more of the following criteria:

They were a woman

They were a person of color

Were Queer or Queer-coded in some way (listen Crowley was bad rep but at least Mark Sheppard actually kissed a man on screen)

I also just...generally got tired of the way the show treats women and sidelines people of color.

The final straw really came with Charlie’s death. It got us all excited, because she hadn’t been back in a bit! And it was interesting to see how reuniting with her dark side from Oz had changed her! (yeah remember the fucking Wizard of Oz storyline? The writers sure don’t!) And maybe she’d get developed! Because at this point, Charlie and the fairly good writing of her character was a major upside for the series! Charlie was cool, fun, gay, and morally complex in a way...none of the female characters had been before her, in large part because by definition, her relationship with the boys would always be platonic.

And then. Offscreen. She is violently murdered. For no damn good reason. Like, literally, her being brought back in this episode after fucking off to europe after having returned from fucking off to Oz seems to have filled two purposes in total.

The codex is solved (but Sam doesn’t know till next episode)

Charlie is dead, which means Dean can be angry, specifically at Sam, and kill more people because he’s the big bad this season.

That’s it. Two things. Twooooo whole reasons to do this episode. Whoopee.

But you didn’t come here for this, you came here for me to rip this reveal to shreds. Don’t worry, I’ll get there. What I want in your minds is that Supernatural already had a really good anddynamic queer character. And then they killed her off to make Dean angry. No, it doesn’t matter that they brought her back in season 13 or whatever. They made that decision.

After the rage this incited, I started realizing general flaws in the writing (I had probably already noticed them but now I was angry enough to complain.) Every conflict is born of Sam and Dean not communicating/taking on burdens and Dean being angry at Cas for reasons that ranged from good to ridiculous, but in a way that always went way too fucking long, (which...yes, does make the “you do it for love” gifs fucking hilarious). It didn’t help that seasons 11 and 12 were next, which meant Demon Dean and GOD’S FUCKING SISTER, plus the decision to resurrect Mary, which, while I do like her later scenes, as a season 12 finale it...well I’ll be honest it kinda sucked. It undercut the majority of the Winchester’s’ arcs and their slow and painful journey out of their father’s toxic vengeance quest and knowing Mary as a person when it’s too late to know her was one of the last semi-compelling grounders of the narrative.

By this point it was a hate-watch for my parents and I.

So then, I’m at college, and I’m not watching anymore cause I don’t have the motivation or access to Hulu to continue, and SPN is bad. I watch the Scooby Doo crossover when it comes out and my friend and I make fun of it, and we also continue making jokes about Dean and Cas and queerbaiting because we’re queer, but I don’t keep up. My Dad does though, so when I return, I watch some with the fam and lads. It’s even more tiring without context.

So flash forward to Quarantine, my sister, the only one with taste, has left, and we have run out of netflix to watch. So we return to the well, and seasons 13-14 are. I’m gonna say it. Bad. Really fucking bad. The cycle of bad communication continues, season 14 has like seven antagonists and the way it’s structured makes it so I literally cannot remember the timeline of a season I watched 3 months ago. Oh also, they have a queer coded cannibal snake monster for...well I guess Jack’s snake bud was cool but like. Huh wow it’s almost like these writers don’t handle queers well.

Our one saving grace is Cas, but he’s barely in any episodes, though I did note that his deal with the empty, being happy completely for one moment killing him, that struck me as “this has potential and I know they’re gonna half-ass it somehow.” Also Jack and Mary, but then oh...plot….The most compelling it gets is literally the finale.

But then, 3 days later, the first half of season 15 comes out on Netflix and it’s...actually kind of acceptable. The new character they give Jack’s actor is fun to watch him play until they make him evil. Exploring just how toxic Chuck can be gave the series direction again. The alternate future was genuinely scarring, and Eileen’s return was genuinely moving. Most of all, though, Cas got the opportunity to tell Dean no, that Dean was being unfair to him, had always been unfair to him, and he was sick of it. I had no illusions, I knew Destiel was never gonna happen, and Cas was gonna die, but giving him that bit of agency, letting Cas grow and be self-sufficient, and be angry with Dean not for existential reasons but interpersonal ones, was such a good sign for me, and Dean grew too! Dean fucking apologized for being horrible and Jensen Ackles had a...yknow what, ill give it to him, he had a good acting moment.

But the thing. About. The “I love you.”

Let’s take it in parts.

What was good: I’m gonna admit it, lads, “Wanting what I can’t have” - AS A LINE - is good, and, structurally, there is something to the Empty Deal that could have been an interesting aspect of Cas’ arc when it comes to self actualization and being on even footing with Dean. The problem is, this is Supernatural, and that arc only comes up when I bring it up because character study, even in bad media, is fun for me.

What was bad:

I mean. Like. All of it? All of it.

Okay. Fine. I’ll be specific.

Cas dies immediately when - possibly because- he is revealed as having feelings for Dean. They kill him as they queer him, that’s a Bury Your Gays Speedrun right there.

Like the least they could have done is have him mention it to someone in another scene or something to establish some romantic feelings on the part of canon a full episode beforehand. That would have been the literal bare minimum.

When Cas starts praising Dean, for some reason both the writing and Misha’s acting take a bit of a downswing (from...where it already was). Cas, whose most powerful moment this season was acknowledging that Dean’s anger at him is cruel and unfair, flatly praises him for doing everything out of love and it reads with a misunderstanding of both Dean as a character and Cas’ understanding of Dean. Dean is angry! VERY ANGRY! And it’s a problem he needs to work on and rarely does.

Talking out of my ass, a better speech would have been about how Dean is angry because of his love for Sam, family, and the people around him, how, for better or for worse, he can’t help but be angry on behalf of others, and that his journey of moving that tendency towards the better is what made Cas care so much. Guys this alteration to the metaphor took 2 minutes to write tops I am an Art History student and these are TV WRITERS WITH YEARS OF EXPERIENCE CAN YOU TELL THEYRE NOT TRYING YET?

A better speech would, of course, have come out of a better series. My point: this part was half-assed. Poorly written. Wow it’s almost like the series is also poorly written.

Also, Misha is the better actor of the three(***OF THE THREE), but his choices in that scene are jarringly out of character which. Makes the bad writing worse. It doesn’t help that they cut to the same fucking shot of Dean 3 times. The chemistry in that scene makes it feel so fucking hackneyed. Because it is.

This combines lead me to the point: (wait there was a point to this?)

As someone who does not have the luxury of watching this capsized ship fall into boiling seas from a distance, it is less insulting to me that they did this so last minute and then sent Cas to the Void than it is how they did it. They had ingredients for something that could have been compelling enough to me as a former fan of the show to think that they had put effort into it, that they had decided months, perhaps even years ago to do this, and had crafted a storyline around it. That this was an intentional decision they cared about. It wasn’t. It was barely even pandering, because it’s almost insultingly blatant.

SPN kinda proved to me that it didn’t care about queers when Charlie was killed off. It proved it to me again when Cas, not only died in confessing his love for Dean but did it in the weakest result of what could have been a surprisingly strong story.

#destiel #i don't fucking care im tagging it #bury your gays #queerbaiting #homophobia #also: i should say there are a lot of moments where i refer to aspects of the writing as good #this either means i was 14 when I watched it #or #it's something that i find compelling #that #IN ANOTHER SHOW #OR IN A HYPOTHETICAL WHERE THE WRITING ISNT LADEN WITH HOMOPHOBIA #could be fun to explore #like there are these structural motifs #and themes #which could have made the show good #could have made that confession...passable #but they didn't even write it well by supernatural standards #is my point #My other point is i get to actually be mad about this because I actually watched and put emotional energy towards this show #i shouldnt have but i did #so now I get to write about it #and if you reply we been knew to this post #youre correct #but also #wow do you maybe think I was already aware of that?

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bo0zey · 5 years ago

Note

Pick your favorite questions from the list.

i will do them all for u 0.o

1. Name cianna [see-ah-nah]

2. Nationality mexican irish german romanian hungarian french

3. Age 20

4. Birthday december 17, 1999

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) sun: sagittarius; ascendant: leo; moon: aries

6. Gender female

7. Sexuality uhhhhhhhhhhhh idk but i will willingly kiss either gender

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) /tagged/my-face or u could just google pictures of fat rats

9. What do you/did you study? I’m currently a sophomore nursing major!

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I’m currently a microbiology TA and I love it :) My dream job would be something with animals, like a vet tech or veterinarian

11. Your birth order i’m the oldest!

12. How many siblings do you have? 2 younger brothers

13. Do you have good relations with your family? my mom was my best friend, my dad and i get along better now that i’m in college, my brothers and i get along pretty well & we’re staring to get closer now that they’re getting older n growing up n developing their own personalities lol

14. How many friends do you have? errrr idk this is a hard question. i have a lot of acquaintances but i’d say i have maybe like less than 10 real friends??

15. Your relationship status single :D

16. What do you look for in a SO? funny!!!!!!!!!must be humorous!!!!and sarcastic and a little weird w darker sense of humor so we can laugh n be dumb together!!!!!!! also i would like them to be kind to me and those around them bc mean ppl suck. also they have to like animals. also i would like them to be loyal and trustworthy and 110% in love w me. and for physical stuff idk kinda attractive but NOT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE like i personally don't really like the typically ‘attractive’ person???

17. Do you have a crush? currently in love w the cute chinese boy who lives across from my dorm room even tho i have never even spoken to him n he is totally unaware of my existence!!!!!!!! hahah oops :D

18. When did you have your first kiss? i mean technically 3rd grade i think but that doesn't really count so like maybe 16????

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? i mean in the long term i would definitely like to have a serious relationship but at the moment i’m only into casual stuff bc my heart isn't ready to be broken again sknfkjdbnkjd

20. What are your deal breakers? errrr i’m not sure....cheating is a no no, ppl that are interested in fucking every single person they see is a turn off, DUMB PEOPLE like ppl you can't even have a proper conversation with bc they're so DUMB, and ppl who r mean/judgmental/arrogant

21. How was your day? ok! accidentally slept thru my math class but caught a glimpse of my crush across campus when he was abt to smoke a cig and i got chipotle n i online shopped a ton from shein

22. Favourite food & drink deep dish spinach pizza from giordano’s & orange vitamin water

23. What position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my left side hugging a body pillow

24. What was your last dream about? ate a braid of hair and inside the braid was bacon

25. Your fears not going to make it thru nursing school, not being financially stable as an adult, not having a family of my own, probably more but those r currently top 3

26. Your dreams i don't have any idk....maybe having like a house of my own and having as many animals as i want?? and i would like a loving partner with a daughter of our own

27. Your goals survive nursing school and lose 40 pounds and don't die before my cat

28. Any pets? i have a dog named cherry Cola, a cat named Leto, and a betta fish named Perc

29. What are your hobbies? writing stories about people in love, listening to music

30. Any cool places in your area? in my college town??? NO it sucks. in my hometown??? Not really it’s a small lil village with only restaurants and parks. but at home i’m near downtown chicago so that’s cool i guess

31. What was your last awkward situation? the first thing that comes to mind is my FIRST and so far ONLY encounter with my crush. we live in the same dorm building and i was wearing my nursing scrubs and had no make up on and about to go upstairs to my dorm, and then i heard footsteps and i was like ‘hahaha what if its my crush’ AND THEN HE FUCKIGJNG appeared from down the hallway to go back to HIS DORM [which is RIGHT ACROSS FROM MINE] and i literally STARED at him, then threw open the door and RAN UP THE STAIRS LIKE I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND HE WAS LIKE SO CLOSE BEHIND ME I WAS JUST SO NERVOUS MY FLIGHT OR FIGHT RESPONSE TOOK OVER AND I FUCKING FLED I LITERALLY RAN AWAY FROM HIM I AHTE MYSELF SO MUCH IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!

32. What is your last regret? errrrr idk i regret a lot of dumb things.......

33. Language/s you can speak English n a LITTLE bit of Spanish

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) i’m really into zodiac stuff and i have got to say they are pretty spot on in accuracy idk

35. Have any quirks? ummmm ofc!!i am the quirkiest person i know hajnjfxbkjx like if u asked my roommates/friends they’d probably be better at answering this than me bc i don't see anything abt me as quirky but they always tell me i am quirky and do weird things but idk man I'm just existing

36. Your pet peeves err idk currently its ppl that constantly brag about dumb shit

37. Ideal vacation somewhere warm with me + the ocean + the loml + unlimited alcohol

38. Any scars? yeah :D both emotional AND physical!!!!

39. What does your last text message say? ‘ok thats a more than fair statement’

40. Last 5 things from your search history how many carbs should i eat, chipotle bowl calories, is the grim reaper the angel of death, ceftriaxone adverse effects, red man syndrome

41. What's your [device] background? lockscreen is a peach-theme background i made and home screen is my weight loss goals

42. What do you daydream about? the characters in my stories.................and being skinny

43. Describe your dream home pretty brick house??? flowers outside??? 3 floors--main floor, basement and upstairs??? 3 bedrooms n 3 bathrooms maybe??? master bedroom has its own bathroom!!! and open concept main floor. big kitchen and very homey n warm all around. as for like an apartment i want something cozy and aesthetically pleasing and warm

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion i don't have a religion but if ppl do have a religion then thats not my business

45. Your personality type entj but only bc i got 3% extraverted; i am very closely related to intj tho n i think i fit that one better

46. The most dangerous thing you've done uhhhhhh probably operating a vehicle while high out of my mind. definitely the dumbest thing i ever did 0/10 would recommend anyone ever doing that

47. Are you happy with your current life? its ok but it could probably be better. i want to be done w college and skip to the part where i have a successful career and my own home and i can lay up w the loml every night

48. Some things you've tried in your life alcohol???weed??gummy edibles....

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? sweaters/sweatshirts/leggings

50. Favourite colour to wear? black, maroon, peach, purple, gray, idk

51. How would you describe your style? oh jeez idk i wear whatever i want so like e-girl when i really try and basic white girl when i don't care

52. Are you happy with your current looks? no i hate everything about myself lol

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? more freckles on my face....also be thinner n have longer hair

54. Any tattoos or piercings? my nose and septum are pierced!

55. Do you get complimented often? kinda by my friends but i always yell at them to stop so they don't compliment like as much bc they know i hate it but they still do it sometimes idk

56. Favourite aesthetic? i wanna be an e-girl yo!!!!!!!!!

57. A popular trend that you dislike nobody has a crush on me and i hate it

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with? pied piper by BTS

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like. anything by BTS lol i used to like be embarrassed for how much i like k pop but now i don't really care lol #stanBTS2020

60. Favourite genre? rap/r n b/alternative

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? i listen to every genre except country sooooooo yeah i really like billie eilish, BTS, the weeknd, juicewrld, lil nas x, trippie red, post malone,

62. Hated popular songs/artists? i don't rlly like selena gomez or justin bieber or taylor swift

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 only - RY X i.f.l.y. - Bazzi novacane - frank ocean jungle - drake bang! - trippie redd

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? no and no

65. Do you like karaoke? no but i like to sing along to songs when I'm alone

66. Own any albums? haha noooo i got apple music son

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? errr RARELY i used to listen to r n b stations tho

68. Favourite movie/series? idk donnie darko?? i also just finished tharntype n that was really good. also i liked tokyo ghoul. AND GIVEN IS REALLY GOOD

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc i like horror/scary/paranormal/funny movies and i like love stories in books

70. Your fictional crush/es danny phantom, ken kaneki

71. Which fictional character is you? uhhhh idk...

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so frerard, ryden, taekook, mewgulf

73. Favourite greek god? idk they all kinda suck but maybe hades

74. A legend from where you live that you like i don't really know any:(

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist? i like to look at art! i think van gogh is cool

76. Can you share your other social media? ig: ciannnna venmo: ciannnna

77. Favourite youtubers? i don't really watch youtubers but maybe shane dawson and emma chamberlain

78. Favourite platform? twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much time

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite? i once played GTA5 that was fun!

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) idk i don't really read anymore:/ i was into the hunger games and the twilight series when i was young. now i kinda read online manga and i really liked BJ Alex and killing stalking. and like for online books the unholyverse series, a splitting of the mind, the anatomy of a fall

82. Do you play board/card games? no but i like to play checkers and uno and cards against humanity

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? nopee

84. Favourite holiday halloween is cool also christmas is alright bc gifts

85. Are you into dramas? i’ve been getting into thai boys love dramas lol sue me

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? um YES.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? everyone needs to be a little kinder and have a crush on me

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? absolutely not I'm not physically fit and don't have useful skills

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? vampire duh [or maybe ghost]

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? i want to see my mom

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? idk something cool ... i love the name Daisy

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? idk probably kylie jenner

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo idk the alien? 94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true -im very productive with my time management skills -my favorite color is purple -i don't get nervous when I'm alone in public

95. Cold or hot? cold

96. Be a hero or be a villain? anti-hero

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? sing if i’m good at it but if I'm not good then rhyme

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?immortal

100. ..... or .....? ......?

11 notes · View notes

plantfeed · 5 years ago

Text

ok turns out i am 100% that dumbass bitch who still aint posted my intro on main....... so for reference..... hello! im nora ( she / her ). im a 24 year old creative writing graduate currently residing in sheffield, south yorkshire. when i’m not hunched over a keyboard writing, i enjoy independent cinema, chinese food, and big nights out that i’ll remember only in fleeting snapshots. i currently work as a barmaid and a tutor for a filmmaking project.

without further ado, here is my interpretation on the skeleton ‘ophelia’, a development of a character who’s been brewing at the back of my mind for absolutely AGES now so thank u for giving me the push to actually flesh her out.

ive included a full biography, but please feel free 2 skip to bullet points if TLDR because it is LOOONG..... and im so happy 2 be here.... new home.... chefs kiss.... yes lov u all

IN CHARACTER.

skeleton: ophelia name: theresa rigby. (goes by diminutives tess, tessa, tea or thea. the only time she’s theresa is when she’s in trouble.) age: 21, born july 10 (cancer) faceclaim: diana silvers. gender: cis-female. pronouns: she/her degree: comparative literature & ancient history (joint honours)

INTRO.

trigger warnings.

loss of a parent. missing person / disappearance. drugs and alcohol reliance. death.

BIOGRAPHY.

i. narragansett, rhode island.

1999, an Austrian sunrise, it is the year of the Water Monkey. A water baby, first screams under the surface, the catch of it gargled in your throat. A birth mark the size and shape of a door handle pressed into your pelvis like a lover’s badge. Born like a clenched fist. Annie always wished you’d be more like an open palm. You still carry that tension with you, an unreadable kind of silence when you slink around the edge of a room or perch on an arm rest like a bird about to startle and fly off. Nobody knows a thing about you and you like it that way. Conceived in the winter, some of that coldness still lingers in you.

The only perfect girl is a dead girl. That’s what you learned, last-born runt of the litter growing up in the bedroom of a girl who would be forever cold, young and pretty. In the beginning, they thought you were a blessing — Bet’s soul reincarnate, the same pale face they’d seen as they’d signed her into the pick ‘n’ mix family. You were given her clothes, her room, even her middle name, stripped and rebranded like a toy doll bought after the last one’s head was chewed off by the dog. Four boys, a dead sister, and you who — with your birdlike features and unrelenting eyes — was merely a walking ghost. Tennis skirts, nail varnish, a shag rug, a rotten corsage; these were the staple reminders that you were living in a shrine, the room never quite your own lest you disturb the lingering presence of Bet. Soon, you began to see it as not a room but rather a prison cell caging you in the imprint of a sister you never met.

Your mothers met at an undergraduate socialist meeting when the fall semester fell into winter, Kath in a mustard coloured beret, Annie in a blood-orange duffle coat, a philosophy major and an art historian respectively. Your childhood was a montage of potato printing eels onto the walls of a Rhode Island boarding house next to the sea. Five children — some adopted, some surrogate — a permanent rotation of rooms and always a handful of lodgers to foot the bill. Travelling salesmen, students on gap years and tinkers in search of odd-jobs became a flipbook of faces etched into your memories like fleeting figures in the wings of a theatre; you sketch them into the body of your work. They become the characters to haunt the pages of your notebooks, stashed beneath floorboards lest they fall into too-hungry flour-caked fingers, scones baking in the oven two floors below. A house that seemed to physically inhale every time a new body entered it, tall and thin, too small to house all that weight. The gaps beneath the floorboards are the only spaces that feel like your own, untouched by a girl who’s shadow you were born in. In your diary, you scribble her name until it tears through the pages thinking that if you wish hard enough, you’ll make yourself her. It’s never enough.

At twelve, you lose Annie to a boating accident. You lose a piece of yourself with her and stop wearing yellow. Grief makes a better writer out of you though it sounds selfish to admit it. Kath remarries the following spring, a man named Peter. He is ordinary in all the ways Annie was magical and when he sits in your mother’s chair you feel yourself slip out of your skin and into the body of a raven cawing in the woods, scratching at the dustmites. You try to teach yourself how to be a girl, though you’ve always felt more like a wild thing crouched in the attic window of the lighthouse, screaming at the crash of the waves. You wanted to love the sea as closely as it owned you. In the sea you were rewritten into a tide, into a shell, into the swell of a rockpool around the body of a crab. You wanted to be like the ocean —a tangible, changeling thing —making paper boats and setting them out to sea, wishing you could shrink yourself into one, sail away. For a while, you toy with the idea of starving yourself into something the size and shape of an eel; of growing gills in the night and darting into the ebbing current. They’d think you crazy if you told them.

ii. concord, massachusetts.

You butt heads with Kath on a daily basis. She tells you you resent her for moving on with her life when you seem unable to move on with yours. That maybe a clean break would be best for all the family. A fresh start. A change of scene. You lock yourself in the bathroom and cry for an hour until your mouth feels raw, like running a cheesegrater down the inside of your throat. The following September, they send you to boarding school, two suitcases and an armful of Annie’s jumpers. Kath has decided they don’t compliment her skin tone, and she’s not twenty-five or studying philosophy any more. New England becomes the best decision for you that your family have ever made. You thrive on the independence of living in a dormitory on a corridor of Alison’s and Margaret’s and Ruth’s. From the names on their doors, you paint them into people in your head, red-haired Ruth who collects birth stones and can count to twenty in Mandarin. They turn out to be nothing like the versions of them you’ve spun. You love them anyway, their rough-softness, the scuffed knee thrill of growing up half-wild. There’s a brightness in their girlhood that you try to capture in your words.

Though you never quite find yourself settling into a group, Dr. Franklin becomes the anchor to which you tether yourself to, a little girl leeching onto her Literature professor for a sense of stability in a tempestuous world. The others might think it sad, but she sees something in you — an inner restlessness, a need to analyse and observe and contain everything within poetry and prose — that reminds her of herself at your age. You begin one-to-one sessions after the school day has closed, whisper about Proust and O’Hara over frothed lattes in a campus-run coffee shop, ink blots on the pages of dog-eared copies she’s gifted to you on an indefinite loan. Sometimes, you think you love her. You run your fingers over the buttons of her typewriter, close your eyes, and imagine yourself pulling on her skin like a new coat.

The woods become your saviour. In Narragansett you never knew woods, only harboursides, seafood restaurants, the smell of the ocean breeze and a lighthouse calling you home. You learn to love the smell of the earth after rain. The feeling of soil between your toes. The sense of belonging you feel trailing through the woods in stark white nightgown, twigs catching on the mud-stained hem. Massachusetts becomes a place of revision. You remake yourself as a fawn, elegance in your limbs and hunger in your heart. You learn how to write yourself into being. There’s a violence in your grace — simultaneously glass and the hammer that shatters it — and despite the ethereal way you move it’s the leonine stature of a tigress, claws bared, teeth sharpened into fangs, but a smile like butter wouldn’t melt. Lady Macbeth was always your favourite of Shakespeare’s heroines. There’s something dark in her that resonates with you, the way when a pimple appears you have to squeeze it until it bleeds. You tell yourself that everybody has a morbid fascination.

Each night you take a torch, a book and a bottle of Merlot, and you wile away the hours reading in the woods. At home, sleep never came easy to you. You’d pace the floorboards counting sheep and wake having barely slept a blink. This, on the other hand, seems useful, though when you’re never asleep, you’re never quite awake, floating through the school day like a ghost, part removed, the dark circles pulling your eyes to a close. It’s a tiredness you carry in every aspect of your life, limbs heavier than usual, pen slower when it grazes the page. Soon you start taking tablets each night. Two white ones, no bigger than a baby’s fingernail. For the first time, you begin to dream.

When February rolls around you take your exams. Pass with the grace of a swan in everything except AP Calculus. You say you’ll try again next semester, but you don’t. You apply for Yale, Cambridge, Harvard, Columbia, Ashcroft. You wait. And wait. And wait until it feels like your skin has shed itself since the letters left your hands, before an envelope comes marked Theresa. No one ever calls you that name. Right from the start it’s been Tea, Tess, Thea, common names in your house as fickle as the tide that swallows it. Billy’s never been a William, and Sebastian sounds all wrong. You can scarcely remember what Brodie’s short for. Rejection after rejection until Ashcroft answers the call, a cawing in the dark of a wasteland you’ve not yet walked. You’ll read literature, follow in the footsteps of Ginsberg who you clumsily try to quote as you bid the girls goodbye, a bonfire and the smell of cinnamon whiskey.

iii. ashcroft university, edinburgh.

You’d read of a boy who went missing there. It happened in the woods. Seventy years and all they’d found was an emptied bottle of wine and one shoe. Newspapers claimed involvement in an elite society, perhaps a hazing gone wrong, and you imagine them burrowed in underground tunnels wearing wellington boots and tweed. This is what draws you to Ashcroft ; to Imperium. It’s not so much the mystery of it —you’ve never seen yourself as a Nancy Drew — but more the idea of living in a place where people can disappear. That’s always been an idle fantasy of yours. One day, you wonder if you’ll write yourself out of the world and into the pages of a book, nestled between a title and contents page.

From Concord to Boston, then a ten-hour flight ; for the first time in months, you sleep through the night. A line break cancels your train and you have to take a replacement bus service instead. By the time you reach the school, the open day is almost over. You feel it at the gates, like a tingle on the back of your neck, something crawling down your spine. It only grows as you close in on it. It feels like it knows your own heartbeat. You’ve never known a building to have so much soul. You imagine yourself walking the cobblestones on the quad each day, climbing the steps to a dormitory, sprawled on a library table, scribbling frantically, willing the clock hands backwards. It’s a life you want to lead.

In a matter of months, Ashcroft has become not only your home but your life. You are utterly consumed by it. You meet Lysander at a poetry reading. You recite Shelley. He recites Keats. He compliments you on the steadiness of your voice, clear as a bell. A voice for the stage. You tell him your father had a powerful voice. It’s a lie. You’ve never had a father, but it’s fun to imagine one slouched on the couch, wire-rimmed glasses on the end of his nose. He invites you to dinner the following week. Grilled sea bass and risotto. You don’t have the heart to tell him you’ve become a vegetarian, swallow each mouthful with your pride. You try out for the orchestra, though your hands shake a little too much and you hear more from the inside of your own head than the keys. You leave without waiting on an answer. It’s too contained for you, anyway. You need something more chaotic, like jazz. You wish for chaos, so Imperium opens it jaws and swallows you whole. They like you because of your voice, a voice that speaks scarcely more than a low whisper in life, but when written wins you a Bysshe-Shelley Prize. In poetry, you give that voice to the voiceless ; bring dead girls buried in the woods out of the ground and into being, like soil in your hands. A voice like that is a powerful thing to have in your ranks. It becomes every page in your diary, every catch of your skirt on a tree branch, every rap of your fingertips against the desktop, imperium, imperium, imperium.

You’ve never been able to do things by halves — you always let them consume you. One glass becomes a bottle. One paragraph becomes scrawling until sunrise. Obsession takes its form in Hamlet, strong in all the ways you appear weak. You like the smell of his breath when he tells you to stub out your cigarette. That’ll kill you one day, he says. I know, you reply, and your pretty lips curl upwards. One drunken night, you fall into his bed and imagine stitching yourself into his sheets so you can sleep with him every night. Tongues on your thighs like a voice in your throat. Touch me, touch me, touch me. Never been held like this before. Like you’re not glass, but something material and robust. You like the way his hands feel under your skin. Perhaps you’ll keep him there like a splinter. Tall for your age but thin as a rail, he makes you feel like more than an eel of a girl. You like the way he catches on your spindly elbows where others have snagged leaving trails of cotton. At first, it’s only physical, but you get greedy and want more. You’re not sure when a love of beauty became something more than skin deep. You’re not sure if you even loved him until he’d stopped loving you. In October, you find the body. The day all the clocks stop ticking. The day something inside of you snaps like the branch of an elm.

You become a cocoon, velvet ribbons in your hair and rope around your throat. Or maybe it’s lace, and you’re only imagining it that way. You drink wine, stumble blind-drunk through the woods, lose textbooks to nature and curse when you can’t find them the following morning. Most nights, you appear like a ghost in the wood, a linen nightdress with mud clinging to it’s hem and feet laden in soil. You’re not sure if it’s conscious at this point, or mindless sleepwalking. Everything you do feels like sleepwalking these days. Shadows move in the corners of your eyes at night and you turn to the tarot cards for answers. They tell you only of that which you already know. Death. The Hanged Man. High Priestess. You think of Octavia, of Lysander, and of you pulled like a ragdoll between them, with the intuition that comes from living by the sea but without the evidence to execute it. The pills have stopped working. You wake in sweats, guilt swelling in the pit of your stomach. In a therapist’s waiting room, you watch as a girl scratches the skin off her own arm.

Soon news of your occultist proclivities becomes gossip on everyone’s tongue. Witch becomes a synonym for your name, and one you’ll happily wear like a noose until you’ve stolen Lysander from the drop. Finding the truth becomes the only thing keeping you sane, runes scrawled on the walls of a dormitory where pages of novels are tacked up like wallpaper. And still, you can’t shake the fact that she hasn’t come to you when the others who scarcely believe in such phantomed are rattled by her ghost on a nightly basis. Competing and girlhood go hand in hand, but the longer it gets, the more it feels like she knows your desperation to absolve Lysander isn’t entirely selfless. Perhaps she saw you lingering in doorways, waiting in the wings for him to change his mind and tell you it was you all along. Or maybe the sight of her corpse is making you search for answers in places they don’t exist. You’re hanging on my a single thread, one glimpse away from fleeing to the woods to plant yourself into the earth.

The snow is crisp on the November ground when you learn to love melancholy like a dance you were taught as a child. You think it adds depth to being a writer. How can a person write about pain if they live in a state of blissful oblivion? You tell yourself that all of the best writers were depressed; Plath, Fitzgerald, Dickinson, Rice. If you say their names each morning, followed by your own, perhaps you’ll become one of them.

BULLET POINT SUMMARY.

here is a bullet point summary of theresa, as i understand my writing can get a little dense.

Mother always said that people who grow up near water are different to other people. That there’s something more primal in their bones. A kind of knowing.

In Theresa, the knowing is a kind of silence. She’s always struggled with verbal communication, and it’s rare that she can ever let herself go in a conversation. She’s the one on the outskirts of the group, only speaking up to deliver a poignant metaphor, before fading off again. On a good day she’ll ramble, perhaps, on morbid longings and fascinations, but it’s like she’s always skipping around words she can’t quite pinpoint.

Writing’s different. When she’s writing, she feels like all the dead souls of Emily Bronte and Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath are all rising up from their graves to possess her. It is, perhaps, a rather egotistical thought -- but it makes her feel less alone. Like writing isn’t so much a solitary pursuit as it is a reigniting of what’s been lost, a way of listening to the dead. She’s militant in the way she writes, has been for as long as she can remember -- every night when the clock strikes twelve. Even if she’s rolling on mandy in an abandoned warehouse or dropping acid in a shipyard with her toes in the sand, she’ll start scribbling at twilight, for as long as she can. Back home, there weren’t too many bars that allowed underage kids, and the ones that did would nail your phone to the wall like you’re living in the eighties, so they made their own fun getting high in places long since infested with rats on baggies bought cheap in the back of the dry-cleaners shop.

Theresa’s always felt more able to relate to dead people than to living ones. That might sound depressing, but she doesn’t think so. Death has never been far from her. She grew up in the room of a foster sister who had died the previous winter. She lost her mother to a boating accident at twelve years old. She lost Octavia last year, found her body in the woods, and was thankful that she -- and not someone else -- had seen her crumpled like a fawn. Because even though it clings to her and burrows under her skin, she knows how to drown it out now. In words. In wine. In pills crushed against the veneer of a sink and snorted through a twenty-dollar bill. She’s getting good at losing herself completely. Theresa herself feels like a girl half-dead, like something ghostly, trapped between two planes. Which is why it hurts so much that she still hasn’t seen Octavia’s ghost. She’s supposed to be the special one. The one who’s vision isn’t clouded by idle dogmatism. The one who believes in all that fate, juju, third eye stuff that the others seem to scoff at. It feels like a personal attack. Like somehow, in keeping hidden, she’s blaming Theresa for her death.

Theresa is the month of November. There’s something mysterious about it, something cold. It’s on the cusp of the end of the year, but it doesn’t quite reach it. I feel like that’s what Theresa’s like. Always reaching for the apples that are just out of her grasp, or perhaps, reaching for apples which aren’t even there.

She knows grief like an old friend, but somehow, she still doesn’t trust it. When she was twelve years old she lost one of her mothers. Annie was always the brighter of her parents, and Tessa never really believed that someone so full of life could just disappear. Her soul had to be somewhere. When Kath remarried, Theresa never forgave her. Between grief and anger, their relationship became fractious, and Kath decided to send her to boarding school. She went to a New England college where she learned art, history, literature, english, athletics, the sciences and the classics. Boarding school was probably the best decision for Theresa that Kath had ever made. She became fascinated with the girls around her, so feral and wild in their girlhood. She fell in love with another girl more than once. She fell in love with the freedom of New England, of being in the woods, of a gaggle of girls with bottles of wine sat around a campfire, scared half to death that the matron would find them.

But death’s never far from her. She’s been searching for Annie in the linebreaks between poems, in the chaos of clutter under her bed, under lace and linen in her underwear drawer, but somehow she can never quite find her and never give up. Finding Annie was perhaps the reason she came to Ashcroft at all. She intended to go to Columbia, read Literature, and clumsily follow in the footsteps of Ginsberg. But Annie had spoken of Edinburgh with such a childlike awe.

Lysander was the first of the society she met, at a poetry reading in the autumn of her first semester. He brought her into the club because he saw something in her, an otherworldliness, a still but powerful voice. Her eyes saw more than they let on, always glinting at something more. She thinks her closeness with Lysander is the reason she still hasn’t seen Octavia’s ghost, and now Hamlet’s out of the picture she’s starting to think she might love Lysander. Or maybe she just needs to be loved by someone, and absolving him of blame is the key.

She was never really sure how she felt about Octavia. One moment they were friends, the next they were rivals. It was something like love and hate combined, but perhaps that’s just the curse of being a woman. A fierce sense of competition in everything you do, even if it’s just competing for air.

She likes old French music, European cinema, art that doesn’t come in her mother tongue. She’s always thought English pointless. The French say things so much better.

Her favourite TV show is Twin Peaks. She likes the absurdist truth in it, the style, the colour, the oddness. She likes the mystery of it all. She loved the woods in New England and it reminds her of that. A kind of home away from home. Tea brings a pocked dictaphone out with her, for she’s so often absent-minded that she misses half the day. That way, she can replay conversations, the sound of a bird in flight, the particular inflection in the voice of someone she loves. She’s obsessive when it comes to lovers. She doesn’t want to be loved -- she wants to be respected, understood, devoured. She thinks love is a kind of mutual lying.

She finds truth in the unusual. In tarot cards and horoscopes, in the position of the planets through a thrifted telescope. She’s a night owl, never in bed before 3 or 4 in the morning. She visits the woods each night to write until her fingers ache. Sometimes with wine, sometimes with mushrooms, sometimes with a tab against the flat of her tongue, imagining herself to be Alice in Wonderland. She feels like she’s getting close to the truth, but maybe she’s just closer to losing her mind.

LETTER TO OCTAVIA.

My dearest O,

I wish I could find an adequate way to write you an epitaph. You saw a poet where everyone else saw a foolish dreamer and yet you’re the only one I can’t put into words. But in truth, there is no word large enough to contain you. You were the ellipsis I was always looking to conclude, and it’s so like you to steal even that from me. Some days, I think I could love you.

Please know that death cannot touch girls like us. That you’re more than just skin, teeth and bone. Death itself has you only on a short-term loan. As Thomas puts so eloquently, Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Thank you for filling me with life. I’ll see you in the next one.

Tea.

anything else?

mock blog.

wanted plots.

someone who theresa knows purely from seeing them at the library. recently, she hasn’t been visiting as often. she’s less in the world and more in her head. her schoolwork is suffering. someone who feels this absence like a missing tooth.

unlikely bc ashcroft is in scotland but if they’re from rhode island maybe distant relatives.... ophelia / theresa is adopted so could work regardless of heritage. her family lived in narragansett, but she went to boarding school in vermont. could have met if ur character is new england based??? maybe

give me fellow wanky pretentious art-lovers and poets and historians who will go to museums and galleries with her and listen to the velvet underground on vinyl

people she gets mortally fucked off her tits with at parties bcos this baby is not alright. she drinks at least one glass of wine every night. sometimes a bottle. she’s always a little bit high or a little bit weary with a comedown. she can’t seem to keep her feet on the ground.

theresa was pretty numb after finding the body, as you would be. she stayed in her room listening to enya for three days straight and just eating cereal straight out the box. then thalia broke up with her and that fuckin shook her too, and now she just thinks she’s unlovable. she’s always been pretty bad at sleeping but now she just wanders about in her white nightdress looking for a door with light spilling beneath it so that maybe she can find someone who’ll hold her for the night and make her feel like she’s still alive

she’s currently hooking up with a lot of people. a lot of very detached sex, so if she has any sort of close connection with your character this might not work. could be good for angst or awkwardness though, or she cld get like.... super attached after a one night stand and complicate the shit out of everything. theresa’s kind of obsessive when it comes to her affections, she loves with her whole heart or not at all

people she used to date or unrequitedly likes, but to them it’s just a physical thing, give me all the thirsty angst plots, and maybe some softness too, i need some religion in this girls life jesus

honestly everything just give me all the plots

#stands on the rooftop and screams like a banshee as i fling this into the woods #spectreintro #very late and personally i think that's incredibly sexy of me x

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marianessheridan · 3 years ago

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it's so great to see how my tastes have changed throughout the years. it's amazing to look back and see ho the things I've loved when I was younger have shaped my taste and led me to where I am now.

like, when I was 11 or 12 I'd read every ya romance novel I could encounter and listen to avril lavigne and I had just discovered gilmore girls and had become addicted to that show.

when I was 14 I went though what I like to call my pseudo-emo phase. I dressed like I belonged in an 80s tv show, but listened to every single emo/pop punk band out there. paramore and my chemical romance are still favs of mine I'll never let go of them. also, at this time I started reading a lot more fantasy and contemporary ya, mainly about mental health and family issues, some of those books are still very important to me.

then, at 16, I finally stopped pretending I didn't like taylor swift and became unapologetically in love with her music, I even got concert tickets (the concert was canceled and I never got a refund for that and I will forever be mad about it). also, I went through a poetry phase there and that was also the time my taste in books started shifting from young adult to new adult/adult contemporary fiction. that was also the time I took my first international trip all alone and it was so special, it's probably my favorite memory still to this day. I remember going to book shops and looking for things both in the ya and adult sections and I was a bit confused because the adult books seemed to appeal to me more, but to that point all I had picked up previously had been ya. I remember photographing cool book covers in london bookstores so I could go back later and buy them.

then came a phase in which I started to get really into movies, I made a letterbox account and started logging a lot of films. whenever I could I'd be either starting a book or watching a film. I really had no direction to help me shape my film taste because up to then I had never been truly interested in cinema, so I just started watching everything that seemed interesting and honestly that was probably the best thing I could've done.

i also started to get very interested in alternative music and started making playlists every month and adding new songs that seemed interesting to me.

then I got into university. then I dropped out after one week. then I got in again the next semester. I studied architecture. I discovered lots of artistic movements in my art history class. I listened to a lot more music and read many classic novels and novels about confused women going to university and watched horror movies for the first time. I made friends. I bought books. I listened to A LOT of taylor swift and alt bands. I realized architecture wasn't for me. I dropped out and took another standardized test. I got into uni again, this time to study international relations.

and idk why I just wrote all that. it's just that moving into my own apartment and seeing more contemporary and classic novels and essay collections and trashy romance books take a larger space in my shelf than young adult is like seeing my own tastes evolve right in front of me. and im so grateful for everything. I think without media, I would never have found out who I am. I would never have developed any personality and I might have ended up studying medicine because that's what my parents wanted when I was younger.

idk. its just something I started thinking about today.

#tysm for reading (or not!!!)#this is not a very well thought out post but whatever #i kinda love life #personal

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taekookismylifeline · 7 years ago

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(yoonseok) - trust my heart when it beats for you

ao3: (x)

Summary: Jung Hoseok has had an awkward Thing for Min Yoongi for four years of his school life. He is certain that the only thing that gets in the way of them and everlasting love is the fact that Min Yoongi doesn’t know he exists, but that all changes due to one drunken text message: a pick-up line. Ready to flee to another country under a false identity in mortification, he finds himself ruining their blossoming friendship and confessing when Yoongi asks why Hoseok had tried to flirt with him. However, things take a turn after his confession when Yoongi starts to (awkwardly) flirt back.

Pairings: Yoonseok, Taekook and Namjin

Chapters: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6), (7), (8), (9), (10), (11), (12), (13), (14), (15), (16), (17), (18), (19), (20), (21), (22), (23), (24), (25), (26), (27)

Chapter Twenty-Eight - you’ve done it to my heart again. oh no

“So, which universities are you looking at?” Taehyung muttered to him in Science class on Tuesday morning.

Hoseok was bent over, trying to appear as if he were immersed in his work when he was anything but. He had better things to do, like text-yelling at Seokjin as to why he hadn’t been informed about Seokjin’s and Namjoon’s relationship. It was far more satisfying and rewarding than figuring out formulas for his chemistry work. “Huh?” He looked up from his phone to see Taehyung glowering at him.

“I said,” Taehyung hissed, “what universities are you looking at?”

Hoseok wrinkled his nose in distaste. “I don’t know. I’m looking at the courses more than the actual places to study.”

Taehyung lifted an eyebrow, a knowing smile crawled onto his face. “So, what are the courses you’re looking at?”

Crap. Abort mission. Hoseok looked back to his notes and began elaborating on them. “Oh, you know... This and that.”

“Interesting,” Taehyung commented, flicking his eyes back onto his own work. “In all the courses I’ve looked through, I haven’t ever seen one for ‘this and that’.”

“Oh, please don’t,” Hoseok whined, rolling his eyes. “You sound just like Jin.” Taehyung laughed but quickly ceased when the teacher cast a beady eye over to him. “Speaking of Jin,” Hoseok continued, “you know, he’s been with ‘Joon for almost three months?”

“Lucky,” Taehyung hummed, most of his attention directed on his worksheet.

“That’s three months he didn’t tell us!” Hoseok exclaimed. Someone aimed a piece of paper at his head and he opened it once it rebounded and landed on the table. ‘You’re so loud! Don’t get another detention!’

“Well, maybe he wanted their relationship to be private. You know that Jin’s not really open about that kind of stuff. We didn’t even know that Namjoon had asked him out until Yoongi told you – No!” Hoseok had opened his mouth once Taehyung had mentioned his boyfriend’s name and abruptly shut it at the interruption.

“What?” He questioned, noting Taehyung’s weary glare.

Taehyung dropped his pen and rubbed his temples. “You’re in that honeymoon phase.” Hoseok scrunched his brows into his nose bridge – he was fairly certain he and Yoongi hadn’t gotten married. Taehyung sighed in exasperation. “The honeymoon phase is where your whole world revolves around your significant other, ‘Seok. You won’t stop talking about him, it’s Yoongi this and Yoongi that. It was cute at first, but now... Now I want to suffocate you.”

Hoseok was affronted and let out a winded gasp. “Well, I’ll keep that in mind when you get with Jeongguk!” Taehyung glared at him. “What’s wrong, Tae? You’ve been all... Not so nice lately. I’m sorry if I’ve annoyed you.”

A sigh escaped Taehyung’s lips and he buried his head in his hands. “Sorry, ‘Seok. I’ve just been... A little busy lately.” Hoseok frowned in concern and waited for Taehyung to elaborate, but he didn’t. “And this whole thing with ‘Guk isn’t really helping.”

“Well, you scored a date with him, didn’t you?” Hoseok asked, uncertainty pooling in the pit of his stomach. “And he was the one to ask you, not the other way ‘round.”

He was trying to approach delicately but by Taehyung’s groan he could tell that he wasn’t going about it in the correct way. “Yes, but it’s no real confirmation. I wanted to tell him how I feel in that restaurant, but I couldn’t do it! He was just sitting there, looking so beautiful that I – I freaked out. I don’t know how I’m going to survive this Sunday.”

“Well, you’ll have to survive Saturday first,” Hoseok mused. His mind fixated on what Yoongi was going to wear and how adorable he would look, and how he himself was planning to pay for Yoongi’s food and order him a hot chocolate just so he could see Yoongi with a cream moustache – something his parents always used to do to him.

Hoseok missed Yoongi’s intoxicating presence, missed hearing his enchanting voice. He had last seen Yoongi an hour ago in the courts for fifteen minutes as it was their break, but it wasn’t enough. Fifteen minutes was nowhere near the time that could suffice Hoseok’s hunger for Yoongi. To see him, to hear him, to laugh with him, to smile at him, to touch him, to smell him-

Maybe Taehyung was right about the honeymoon phase. Only Hoseok disagreed with the ‘phase’ part of that term. Whatever he had felt for Yoongi before had only amplified when finally being allowed to hold him, to care for him, to love him. A phase did not last for seven years, that he was adamant about.

“You’re really not helping me here, ‘Seok.” Hoseok was dragged back into reality upon hearing Taehyung’s lament.

“Sorry,” Hoseok replied sheepishly. He decided to move on from Jeongguk, that conversation topic only seemed to be a dark one at this moment in time. He leant in closer, in order for any potential eavesdroppers to be unable to hear him. “What’s going on with Jimin?”

Taehyung tilted his head and bit his lip in contemplation. Hoseok watched, slightly in awe. Taehyung really was a work of art, how had Jeongguk not snatched him up yet? “Well, he’s moved back into his parents’ house.” Hoseok’s eyes grew wide in shock. “He’s agreed to go to the doctors to see if there’s any lasting damage, but he doesn’t think there will be because he didn’t do a lot of the stuff he said he had, and I think he’s thinking about going to relationship counselling along with his parents.”

“Wow,” Hoseok breathed out, impressed and shocked at how rapidly Jimin seemed to be changing for the better. “I’m so glad.”

“So am I,” Taehyung agreed, rubbing out a spelling mistake.

“Now you can jerk off without him being there,” Hoseok quipped as soon as a heavy silence settled over them. Taehyung let out a vague snort and his lips barely quirked into the smile that Hoseok knew and loved. “Did you... Did you sort things out with him?”

Taehyung bit his lip again, kept his eyes on his paper. He shook his head and Hoseok deflated. “I didn’t have time. There’s a lot going on for the both of us.” Hoseok didn’t have time to question as to why Taehyung was suddenly so busy as he had moved on. “But I thought a lot about what you said, as I’ve told you, and that’s why I asked ‘Guk if he wanted to talk. But now I’ve got a date with him and I don’t really know what to do.”

Hoseok watched his best friend with a pained sadness in his heart. He rubbed Taehyung’s arm consolingly. “It’ll work out, Tae. Once you’ve decided something with Jeongguk, you can figure out how to deal with Jimin. It’ll all fall into place. It always does.”

Saturday fast approached and along with amounted to a mountain of messages from the newly formed group chat. By Saturday morning and awaking to Namjoon’s: ‘. Good morn.ing. . .’, Hoseok felt as if he had been lifelong friends with the five boys. It was as if years of distance between him, Namjoon and Jeongguk had been replaced with years of history within a week. It was almost scary how quickly they had bonded and how they all got along, their personalities melding together to create a gold encrusted jigsaw puzzle.

Jimin hadn’t read any of the messages although he had been online. Hoseok blamed the streak of cowardice that ran within him for stopping him reaching out privately to Jimin to invite him to join Hoseok and the others today. Although that they had ended on a positive note the last time they had seen each other, it was tinged with memories of Hoseok’s explosion of repressed frustration. He wanted to apologise but felt it was insincere to do it over the phone. Hoseok tried to find an excuse, Jimin must not want to talk to him because Jimin hadn’t contacted him to inform him about his developments. So, even if Hoseok did reach out, Jimin wouldn’t contact him back.

It didn’t make him feel any better, but he pushed it into the back of his mind. He could dwell on it later, for now he had to get ready.

Hoseok decided on jeans, a turtleneck jumper that Taehyung had recommended and some cologne that was circling the bottom of its packaging. His mum handed him some money and petted his cheek, telling him to have a good time with his friends. He had just clambered onto the train when he received a message from Yoongi. He smiled upon just reading the contact name and opened the private chatroom.

Min Yoongi: hey, are you on your way?

Jung Hoseok: yh im on the train! Ive never been to this restaurant Jung Hoseok: its Italian isnt it? Jung Hoseok: are u on your way??

Min Yoongi: Yeah, it is, do you like Italian food? Min Yoongi: Yeah, I’m on the train as well, I’ll meet you at the station

Jung Hoseok: ive never really tried it Jung Hoseok: okay then!!!! :)

Min Yoongi: Well, we’ll try it together Min Yoongi: Jin told me on private that you’ve written another haiku, is this true? Min Yoongi: He said that if you recite it today, he’ll bring physical copies of Namjoon’s poetry Min Yoongi: You don’t have to if you don’t want to

Jung Hoseok: im going to kill him Jung Hoseok: ur so sweet yoongs Jung Hoseok: I think i remember it, so I’ll give it a shot Jung Hoseok: I wanna see Joon’s poetry!!! Jung Hoseok: tell him it’s on

Min Yoongi: okay, I will Min Yoongi: I hope this poem is better than the ever classic ‘Flower Boy’ Min Yoongi: I hope it’s erotic

Jung Hoseok: OENGKW SAME HERE Jung Hoseok: that made me laugh out loud yoongs i hope youre happy

Min Yoongi: I am :) Min Yoongi: How could I not be happy when you’re mine?

Jung Hoseok: yoongs u know your way to my heart Jung Hoseok: okay the stations coming up, ill see you in a bit :)

Min Yoongi: See you, Seok :)

As soon as he saw Seokjin’s face any intent to kill him rapidly subsided and was replaced with overwhelming joy. “Jin!” Hoseok yelped and leapt into his arms, narrowly avoiding smacking Namjoon in the face.

“Wow – hey there, ‘Seok!” Seokjin greeted and Hoseok slid out of his grasp and stood back, realising now just how tall Seokjin was as he hadn’t noticed Seokjin’s height in the dim lighting of the party a few months back. “How’ve you been?”

“Busy,” Hoseok bluffed. “You?”

“Same here,” Seokjin grinned at him.

“Get a room,” a voice quipped from beside of him. Namjoon was surveying their exchange with a fond smile.

Hoseok laughed at the reference, “it’s nice to see you, too.” He checked the time on his phone before realising that a familiar presence had disappeared from his side. “Where’s Yoongs?” He asked, peering around the corner of the restaurant as if Yoongi was hiding in the alleyway.

“You left him when you ran over to me,” Seokjin replied, laughing when seeing Hoseok’s horrified expression.

“Oh, crap!” Hoseok spotted a familiar head in the distance, quietly approaching them. He excused himself hurriedly and sprinted towards the figure, launching himself onto Yoongi and wrapping his arms around Yoongi’s neck. “I’m sorry, Yoongs, I didn’t mean to leave you, I just saw Jin and got so excited I had to run-”

Yoongi laughed into his neck and pulled away. “It’s fine, ‘Seok, just – we can’t stay here, we’re in the way.”

“Oh,” Hoseok joined Yoongi’s side when realising that many people were swarming around them trying to turn in different directions. The back of his hand brushed against Yoongi’s so he eagerly grasped for the familiar and much loved warmth, interlocking their fingers. His heartbeat hummed loudly when Yoongi applied pressure and squeezed his hand.

Whenever he was with Yoongi like this, allowed to touch such a creature who was the definition of perfection, he almost felt like he were living in a dream and the tips of his toes were barely skimming the floor. Hoseok felt as if he were flying.

Together, they met up with Seokjin and Namjoon outside of the restaurant just as the same time as Jeongguk crossed the street to greet them.

“Well, look at you two,” Seokjin cooed at them and their conjoined hands. Namjoon nudged him to let go of it but seemed to be captivated when Seokjin turned his head to meet his eyes. “Don’t they remind you of us? Young and in love?”

Hoseok froze slightly, the ‘l’ word catching in his ears and resonating around his mind, like someone had struck his brain and the contact had clanged like a gong. He prayed that Yoongi hadn’t noticed and smiled stiffly. “‘Joon’s in the same year as us, Jin. Stop trying to age us to make yourself feel better.”

Namjoon laughed and Seokjin appeared affronted but it all paled in comparison to hear Yoongi’s snort of amusement next to him.

“Good afternoon,” Jeongguk greeted, having lingered on the edge of their exchange. Namjoon smiled at him whilst Seokjin gasped.

“And you must be the youngest! Jeongguk, right?” Jeongguk nodded shyly, Hoseok heard Yoongi scoff from beside him. “Wow, you’re so cute.”

Jeongguk flushed. “Thanks. So are you. Don’t worry, ‘Joon, I’m not trying to steal your guy.” Hoseok howled at the speechless look written on Namjoon’s face and the way that Jeongguk’s features had morphed into a mischievous expression.

“He could never win me over, ‘Joon,” Seokjin agreed, a similar look of innocent mischief forming on his face. “Not with your poetry kept in my heart.”

“And on your person,” Hoseok called out, eyeing the bulge in Seokjin’s coat pocket. “I’m keeping my side of the deal.”

Seokjin grinned whilst Namjoon eyed them warily, and then understood. He clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. “You’re kidding me,” he sighed heavily and Hoseok laughed, leaning into Yoongi who chuckled with him.

“Don’t worry, ‘Joon, it’ll be worth it!” Seokjin got out after laughing extremely loudly causing many passer-by’s to look over in alarm. “We get to hear another one of Hoseok’s amazing haiku’s.”

Hoseok flushed slightly at the praise but also at the haiku in question. There was no way that he could have forgotten any of the lyrics or poems he had once written about Yoongi, they were etched into every inch of his brain, every crevice of his heart. “It’s really not-”

“No,” Yoongi interrupted. “It is. It’s really good.” His voice was soft, not imposing. Hoseok felt himself relax at the comfort laced in Yoongi’s tone.

“As much as I love you guys being cute,” Jeongguk spoke up and smiled at them. Hoseok looked away and at the floor, it was quite embarrassing with everyone peering at them. “I’m quite hungry.”

“Should we go in and get a table and not order until Tae shows up?” Hoseok offered. Everyone seemed keen on the idea so he opened the door of the restaurant and led them inside.

Hoseok was about to ask for a table for six but then with a flash of guilt he remembered Jimin. If there was any chance that Jimin would be joining them, he would like for there to be an opportunity for all of them to sit together rather than Jimin feeling excluded.

They were shown to a table of eight and had their chairs moved out for them. It seemed that Italian restaurants tended to be classy, suddenly Hoseok felt terribly underdressed. Yoongi positioned himself opposite Hoseok and unbuttoned his coat to reveal a thick jumper and snug fitting jeans. He looked adorable and Hoseok felt an urge to order a hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream for Yoongi to try.

“Did Tae text any of you?” Seokjin asked once they were all seated and had explained their situation to the staff.

Hoseok reached into his jacket pocket and checked his phone. The only messages he hadn’t opened were from a Science group chat. He had received nothing from Taehyung. He cast his eyes over to Jeongguk whose tongue was probing his left cheek worriedly as his eyes latched onto his phone. Had Taehyung contacted Jeongguk?

“He hasn’t messaged me or the group chat,” Yoongi responded, tucking his phone back into his coat pocket. He caught Hoseok’s gaze and smiled, his eyes flicking down to the elaborate menu which lay in front of him. Yoongi was nervous. How adorable.

“What about you, ‘Guk?” Namjoon asked, obviously having noticed that Jeongguk was staring at his screen in concern.

Jeongguk blinked up at them. “Oh, Tae? Yeah, he messaged me... He said that he’s sorry that he’s running a little late but he’ll be here soon.” He shot them all a reassuring smile but Hoseok saw the worry lingering in his eyes. What was Jeongguk not telling them? What else had Taehyung said to him?

He didn’t get a chance to ask though as the waiters returned to ask for their drink order and to explain that they would come back to take their friends’ order once he had arrived. Hoseok peered at the menu and ordered a fizzy drink that he had never heard of, it was Italian. It tasted nice. It seemed more authentic than other fruit-flavoured drinks he had tried before.

Hoseok was about to lightly kick Yoongi under the table to gain his attention, to ask if he wanted to order a hot chocolate with him when the door opened. Hoseok craned his neck to see if it was who he was expecting, and he smiled when seeing Taehyung enter. But there was something wrong, he had stopped and turned around to talk to someone... But who?

Taehyung looked over his shoulder at the table and smiled, then he faced the person again and said something. The two approached the group shortly afterwards. Hoseok’s face broke into a grin as relief poured through him. “Jimin!” He cried, jumping out of his seat.

“Easy there, tiger,” Namjoon laughed at him as some of his drink sloshed out of his glass when his knees hit the table. But he didn’t much care, he had only realised just how much he had missed Jimin and how happy he was to see the other.

Jimin smiled at him in the same manner as always, cockily and cheekily, as if he knew something that Hoseok didn’t. Hoseok wouldn’t have it any other way. “Hey, ‘Seok,” Jimin greeted, and then nodded at everyone. “I’m sorry I haven’t been on the group chat. I haven’t used my phone much recently. Tae, here, told me I should come today to see you guys.” Jimin flushed suddenly and dropped his eyes. “I’ve missed you all.”

Taehyung threw an arm around Jimin and squeezed him. Hoseok frowned, something clicking inside his mind. He watched Jeongguk’s reaction instead, saw him watch the scene with narrowed eyes. Uh oh.

“We’ve missed you, too!” Hoseok called, redirecting everyone’s attention to him. “Sit down, sit down!”

“We’ve waited long enough for you, and we’re all hungry,” Seokjin quipped and then proceeded to laugh at his own joke. Namjoon snorted whilst rolling his eyes fondly and then laughed with him. Hoseok’s heart softened seeing this display. He wondered if Namjoon had told Seokjin he was in love with him.

Love. His eyes darted from Namjoon to the seat next to him. It was where Yoongi sat.

Hoseok almost audibly sighed in relief when the waiters returned with enthusiastic beams. He was desperate for a distraction from the stirrings in his heart. The more he thought about it, the more likely he would slip up and he would have to refrain from doing so. He had already made many mistakes with Yoongi, and he was not about to make another one he could easily prevent.

He focussed his attention on the menu instead. What did he want for the main course? Spaghetti, of course, he was in an Italian restaurant. Spaghetti bathed in ripe tomatoes and fresh basil. Remember that old Disney film with those dogs? The spaghetti kiss, one of the most romantic clichés.

Yoongi ordered the same as him. He met Yoongi’s gaze and smiled. His heart clenched when Yoongi smiled back, so soft and serene.

Oh, god. Oh, god. There was no rethinking it, no realising that he had made a mistake and correcting himself, like how he had done when he wrote it carelessly but meaning it with every beat of his heart in the group chat. It was in every breath he took, every smile he saved for the other, every jump his heart made when Yoongi smiled back and in every throb of his pulse when Yoongi touched him.

Hoseok was in love with Yoongi, and he had never been more fucked.

That boy’s an angel, I don’t want him to like me; Angel’s shouldn’t fall.

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todokori-kun · 7 years ago

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Ack

that sounds horrible, getting sick is the worst ;-; get as much rest as you can! I really hope you get better soon<3

(omg the pics are GORGEOUS. Like, Wow. Once I’m done writing this message I’m probably going to go back to stare at them for like an hour and silently scream over how awesome everything looks)

Don’t worry about it, I admit that Stoki is pretty much a crack ship ^^;;

And, well, the redemption fic I mentioned helped me fall deeper into Stoki hell, but I shipped it even before that XD I think part of it is just because I think they could have a really interesting dynamic- they’re just so different, complete opposites. Steve would confuse Loki so much tbh

Also, I just think that Steve (or at least, post-CW Steve) might be one of the avengers most willing to at least try to understand Loki. Partly because Steve’s just a nice guy, and then because of his relationship with Bucky- ‘cause Steve-Bucky and Thor-Loki are really, really similar and I think Steve would realize that.

And then like I said, Steve cares a lot about other people. If Thor ever told him about everything that happened between him and Loki Steve probably wouldn’t have too much difficulty in starting to see Loki as a human(?) being instead of some one-dimensional fairy tale villain.

Lastly, I feel like Steve is just the best person to handle Loki’s issues. He may not be able to personally relate to a lot of it (Tony, Bruce, maybe Natasha would be better for that) but he can take a step back and think rationally about the situation, help convince Loki that just because the rest of the world sees him as a monster, doesn’t mean he has to be one.

Hopefully this made sense? lol)

yeah, that’s pretty much how I felt about it too. It was just so freaking frustrating OTL

(And yes that letter destoyed my feelings too)

btw, can I ask what you think about T'challa? He doesn’t seem to have that many fans yet but I think he’s really cool and possibly one of the more sensible people in the CW movie (once he stops being furious at Bucky). Also the trailer for his new movie is epic and I can’t wait to see his sister…

Hisoillu is bizarre (sadistic murdery Clown with no sense of fashion + sadistic murdery needle guy with dead fish eyes) but also makes a lot of sense at the same time? Like, Hisoka got away with joking about killing Killua in front of Illumi, so…yeah. They’ve got something special LOL

omg imagine.

‘Satisfied but when you fantasize at night it’s Illumi’s eyes’

'Helpless but look into Illumi’s eyes and the sky’s the limit’

'History has its Eyes on you but it’s actually Illumi’

Why do I want these memes to be a thing

With the new revelation about who Touka was visiting at the hospital, I’m beginning to have my doubts about how this will end…maybe they might actually both survive for now???

But I’m a bit miserable rn because if one of them has to die I’d rather keep Juuzou too but it seems much more likely for Touka to survive. She’s like the main female lead, plus she has Kaneki’s baby…

R.I.P Naki, the sweetest cinnamon roll who just wanted to see his big bro again ;-;

(Also: Wow, way to go Kaneki, you finally started acting like an actual leader (in a way)! But can I just say, what absolutely perfect timing)

WTH I had no idea Soul Eater’s art style developed that much???!!! That’s actually pretty amazing! (And yeah, I know that SE has some pretty complex characters and interesting stories in it :D it’s just still a lot lighter and has different themes from the mangas I usually enjoy ^^ I might try it out though!)

Death The Kid seems really cool! (does he really have OCD in canon, though? Like, I’ve seen a lot of Soul Eater fans talking like he does but idk if it’s actually a thing? Maybe I sound weird but it just seems insensitive to say characters like DTK and Levi have 'OCD’ and talking about it jokingly when it’s actually incredibly difficult and stressful for people who actully have OCD, so I’m not sure how to feel about those fans)

Yay! Gotta go and try to find that fight scene now…

Join me in my suffering. I loved L so much ;-;

(But hey, don’t be too sad (what’s this? Is Evans actually COMFORTING Queen Luna for once instead of rubbing salt in the wound?!)! There’s always the book Death Note: Another Note (The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases)- it’s a prequel to the Death Note manga/anime with L chasing a murderer known as Beyond Birthday (…no comment on that alias). It also shows how he met Naomi Misora which is awesome if you like Naomi (I did, and kinda screamed when Light kiled her))

Eh, I think I’m one of the few people who doesn’t mind it being set in America because what’s the point of making an American adaptation if it’s going to be set in Japan anyway? I also don’t really have a problem with 'white-washing’ for this same reason (though I am disappointed because being Japanese-American would have added an interesting layer to Light’s character; despite fighting for justice, in canon, LIght’s never actually been victimized or discriminated against. He’s a handsome, intelligent young man who appears to be cisgender and heterosexual (even if it’s never confirmed) and is Japanese, just like everyone else around him. Japanese-American Light, on the other hand, would have really experienced how the 'rotten’ world could hurt people, so his acts as Kira might have more personal emotion in them)…like, it’s possible to cast a white actor as Light without it being white-washing, and since they changed the entire setting I think it’s fine to change other things too. Just, I’m cool with anything as long as they portrayed Light’s character properly…BUT THEY DIDN’T SO

I’m really just disappointed that they botched the characters and all the themes of the original Death Note story so badly. Sure, change the setting, change the circumstances, change the plot, changehe designs, but why did you have to take Death Note’s philosophy away?

But, because I might have been a bit too mean:

I will say that the movie LOOKS really good. The visuals are great. The soundtrack seems decent too. Also, though Ryuk’s motivations/role also weren’t done very well, Ryuk’s actor did an amazing job…and while I’m not happy with how L was portrayed in this movie, I do think that the actor they cast for him could have been a good L if not for the bad writing.

Well…from what I know, Light Turner ends up in a hospital at the end of the movie with his One True Love Mia(Misa) dead, so nah. The Keikaku failed.

(which just proves that Light Turner really is nothing like Light Yagami, because Light Yagami’s keikakus never fail.

Until the end of the Death note manga/anime, that is.)

Yeah, I know about SU’s terrible fandom, so I’m not going to actively participate in writing fanfic, drawing fan art or making HCs/theories with other people…I’m just gonna watch the show with my sister and look at pretty fanart XD

Tysm tho!

(Question: Which character do you think you are? And what kind of gem do you think you’d be?)

Aww, I’m so happy my awkward rambling actually made you feel better??? Like. Come on. You have no idea how much our convos helped me with anxiety and stress, so I have to thank you for that too <333

(And seriously, Queen Luna is amazing.)

For most people, they start going to elementary at seven (in international age) as far as I know, and then go to middle school at around thirteen. Then high school at…um…sixteen? Maybe? I’ve never really gone to school here so I might not be 100% correct but it’s something like that ^^;;

I really wanna try Mystic Messenger but since my phone is an old flip phone…I like my phone but sometimes this can be inconvenient LOL

(I’m totally fine with messaging here, but are you really ok with it? 'Cause if you’re not, we can try to work something else out!)

hi im luna and i wanna die.

HNNNNNNNNGH have i ever told you how much i hate school? because i freaking hate school from the bottom of my heart i can’t feel my neck anymore from the amount of studying ive been doing that’s depressing.

anyway. heartfelt advice: do not fuck your stomach up in any way, because you will suffer if you do. take it from me, i’ve managed to develop this amazing thing called Gastritis and now i cant eat anything without getting the feeling that im gonna throw it back out which is absolutely wonderful. thankfully, i don’t throw up, but it’s freaking annoying and ive lost waay too much weight already. best part? the whole reason why i have it is apparently purely psychological, too much stress. i got it in the middle of july. HOW my mom is also being INCREDIBLY helpful by basically telling me to ‘get over it’ like i can just snap my fingers and tell myself ‘oh yeah this is only in my head’ and it’ll all pass over. cause that’s how it works. so is my sister by always laughing at me

oook moving on.

yep, school started and i am suffering. ive already gone through 4 tests and a bunch of oral quizzes. yay. thanks teachers for totally not putting horrible pressure on us from the start. i stg, one of my most common thoughts these days is ‘see, this is exactly why i have a psychosomatic sickness.’ they’re sending my to a psychologist to see if i can let everything out and maybe get some advice on how to handle things better. i will laugh my ass off if i get diagnosed with a mental disorder. that’d be absolutely hilarious (I am in no way trying to make fun of people with a mental disorder, I’m just saying I honestly wouldn’t even be surprised if they said something like Burnout Syndrome or Depression (im not even joking when I say that I’ve been sleeping pretty much all afternoon + night these days, cry way too often, feel no motivation for anything, feel worthless, no apetite and also occasional suicidal thoughts which is oh so fun (ok but in my defence, the thoughts are really rare, probably caused by the fact that I feel nauseous like 90% of the time, and I would never ever do it, mostly because some people would miss me (I hope). there are moments when I go ‘wouldn’t it be easier to disappear?’ tho))

sorry about that rant

MOVING ON TO HAPPIER THEMES (and proper writing):

Yeah, Norway was truly gorgeous ^^ I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at peace than then. I fell asleep in the car at one point while watching the scenery outside, and it was one of the best sleeps in my life, despite being in the car. I’m glad you enjoyed them ^^ If you want, I can upload random pics like that every once in a whole.

Aaah, that’s pretty good reasoning! It makes a lot more sense now, thanks for explaining!

Yeah, I kinda see why you’d ship it. Steve is a pretty understanding person and, like you said, would probably understand Loki the best ^^ Recommend me some fics and I might even start shipping it myself ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I LOVE T’CHALLA THANK YOU FOR ASKING YES. I mean, he angery™, but also freaking cool! Not to mention crazily powerful *^* I’m pretty excited for his movie, cause more badassery from him!

Wow those sound like genuine memes. Seriously why can’t i draw XD

Also HIstory has its eyes on you but it’s actually Illumi will give me nightmares.

GODAMNIT I JUST WANT JUUZOU TO BE HAPPY IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?? (apparently yes)

Yep, since I have all the volumes, I like to flip through them sometimes and I’m blown away every time by the development. I also cosplayed the main character a while ago, so it holds a high sentimental value to me. But it is a lot lighter than your usual reads, true...

Well, uh, it’s kinda hard to explain? I mean, DTK is obsessed with symmetry and will go to crazy lengths to preserve it, get mad if someone disturbs it, will jeopardise missions if he’s not sure if he left something perfectly symmetrically at home etc, but it’s not so much as a mental illness as it is a consequence of who he is (part of the Grim Reaper)? Like i said, it’s really had to explain.

Did you manage to find the fight scene?

My reaction to Death Note in general: FUCK YOU LIGHT YAGAMI. oooh, I’ll search that manga up!

Well, I’m not so much upset about the whitewashing, more about the fact that I feel like the japanese general ideology plays a big role in why light decided to start killing bad people? Idk how to explain it...

Oh, Japanese-American Kira would’ve been a really interesting thing to see!

Yay, at least you found some good things? Well, it’s nice that you managed that ^^

Damnit, so it didn’t go according to Keikaku! It’s all because they didn’t include the potato chip scene.

Uuh, i don’t exactly remember much of SU, but I guess I’m most similar to Pearl? I didn’t really sympathise with any characters that much tbh. As for gem. Uuuuuh *quickly googles gem meanings* ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA. I like Zircon because of the colour and alexandrite because it changes colour which is incredibly cool!

Your rambling always makes me feel better tbh. It gives me a looong message from a friend I appreciate incredibly much so, yeah, I always smile when I see a message from you (even though my replies are so slooooooooow)

Aaah, I see! That’s pretty interesting ^^ Quite different from our system.

Ah, shame, you would’ve liked the most recent route, there is so so so much suffering.

Yeah, I am 100% fine!! Don’t worry about it! The reason why I suggested something else is because on sites w an instant messaging system, my replies would probably be a lot quicker,

I AM IN LOVE WITH THE AESTETHICS, ESPECIALLY LIZZY, THAT IS GOALS

and the drawings are adorable ^^ Hide tho ;-;

#evans #submission

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realrhythmskrp · 7 years ago

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DISPATCH, (06/24/17): Kaleidoscope Records has officially released information about main dancer, lead rapper, and maknae, Im Rihwan, on A-TEAM′s official website! Rihwan is a ‘00 liner and has been beloved by fans since his debut in 2015. Find out more about Rihwan below!

I, IM RIHWAN, have read and understand the terms and conditions as my position of MAKNAE and agree to honor the standards that are to be expected of me as an employee of KALEIDOSCOPE RECORDS.

OOC INFORMATION

Preferred name: jemi

Pronouns: she/her

Timezone: gmt+8

Other muses: N/A

IC INFORMATION

Faceclaim: NCT’s lee jeno

Name: im rihwan

Stage name (if applicable): N/A

Idol concept: rihwan is a-team’s “evil maknae” who’s known for being the older members’ favorite to “playfully” smack. with that he’s also considered the “maknae on top,” the youngest who could probably rule the entirety of south korea if he wanted to. rihwan’s playfulness certainly makes him fit for the part, but what most people overlook is his subdued maturity. in the way he speaks, the way he interacts with his members, he always knows he is accountable for whatever he does— that’s probably why he’s settled with his image— and whatever he does to the annoyance of his members he always apologizes for it at the end of the day. he usually uses this concept to his advantage to make the other members do his bidding, but rest assured, only up to a certain level.

Birth date and age: february 1, 2000 (17 years old)

Company name: kaleidoscope records

Group Name: a-team

Group Position: maknae

Strengths: dancing is his main strength, and he is also able to choreograph and teach choreography. he also raps quite a bit in their songs, and is trying to develop that skill as much as he can. having done several commercials as a child, he is also experienced in front of the camera and is capable (and wants to do more) of acting. within the group, he is also capable of cheering the other members on, a role even an “evil” maknae has to possess. with that, he’s also a very good listener and confidant.

Weaknesses: he isn’t much of a singer yet, and is very aware of that. rihwan’s insecure of his singing voice, but he’s able to carry a tune, at least. he also has a bad habit of comparing himself to others, which can make him feel very down about what he lacks. of course, as the youngest of his team he is also quite whiny—this goes for when his members don’t follow him or when he finally gets bossed around—but it isn’t overbearing.

Positive traits: committed, diligent, cunning, dependable

Negative traits: impatient, manipulative, insecure

PERSONAL HISTORY

bright lights and big cameras have stopped fazing him years ago. no stranger to the entertainment world, rihwan has almost never stopped working since he was four years old. people who know him say his mother’s to blame for this, and some other people also say he’s overworked. honestly, rihwan just wants to keep going. rihwan is far from tired, and believes that his real work is only beginning.

despite being a rookie in the idol world, rihwan isn’t an unknown face to many. a lot of people know him as the “angpang boy,” a little boy from that one seoul milk commercial for their kids’ variant called angpang. four-year-old rihwan made his mark as a korean household name, and has since then been working as a commercial actor. he still remembers his first shoot— the director loudly calls out a word he can barely understand as the lights are switched on. scanning the small crowd around him for a familiar face as he squints to adjust to the light, he finds his mother standing off to the side, giving him a reassuring smile and nod while mouthing, “rihwan, good luck.”

at four years old, he isn’t sure if he finds comfort in that. before he could respond to her, someone kneels down in front of him, speaking slowly and simply. instructions are fed to him, he nods, and everyone gets out of his way. when he gets asked if he’s ready, he replies with a loud yes, just like what he was told to do by his mom when she told him he would be on television. the cameras start rolling and he starts waddling with his bedroom slippers across the wooden floor like how they rehearsed at home, recalling hearing his little sister crying for food in the background. it’s honestly easy for him, despite his young age, to follow the script and everyone’s instructions. he knows what to do, but needs a little help on how to do it. multiple takes are spent redoing shots to get the right one, and as soon as they got that shot of him gulping down milk and wiping his lips on his sweater sleeve before showcasing a picture perfect smile, the lights go off as everyone claps and he’s brought back home holding his mother’s hand.

when he gets home he asks his mother if it would always be like this. his mother sets down his dinner plate in front of him as she sits beside him, and she replies with something along the lines of “if you want to.”

at five years old, a year later, he finds himself in a similar situation. in front of a couple cameras, given a few instructions—same old. after his first shoot, the kids at his kindergarten ask if that was him in that one milk commercial on TV. he just replies with, “maybe,” coyly but at the same time obviously flattered. this time it’s a shoot for some sort of food? rice? he doesn’t really know. all he knows was that he needs to whine and cry. he goes through with filming and when it finishes his mother wipes the tears he cried for the shoot away. “you did well today,” she says, and he responds with a nod.

it’s difficult to understand everything happening around you at just five years, and rihwan was feeling that insecurity and detachment from everything around him. for some weird reason, though, he enjoys it. being in the limelight feels right for him.

still, his life in show business wasn’t free of struggle. being the son of a working mother and a father working abroad he had to take care of his siblings growing up as well. this doesn’t mean his mother didn’t take care of all of them well—but he always knew he’s his mother’s favorite, being the firstborn. so he constantly figures he should spend time while he can with his sister who’s two years younger than him and his brother who’s three years younger.

at seven years old, when he isn’t at shoots, young rihwan spends time with his siblings, and the family dog, of course. their time is often spent by the pond at the park near their house, which doubles as a wishing well despite all the agitated koi fish. rihwan firmly believes in the power of his hundred-won wishes, holding his sister’s hand with his left and using his right to throw coins. the year he spent off working has a year of him studying, given, but it was also the year he started to frequent the wishing pond. now back into work, rihwan wishes he could do more cool things on camera to make his family (pet dog included) proud.

at almost ten years old, he realizes he’s gotten more than he bargained for. after seeing his face on so many CFs, entertainment companies have taken notice of his potential as a future idol visual. his second disappearance from commercials was short-lived, and soon he gets plunged into more auditions for more commercials after his mother gets her work life back together and rihwan does well enough in school. initially reluctant to accept offers to take rihwan in from companies, his mother figures it would be better to leave his management to people who, in her opinion, know better than her about managing kids. and so begins rihwan’s journey as a kaleidoscope trainee, the company out of the handful whose name mrs. im has heard about the most.

at eleven years old, he realizes that maybe his hundred won coins were well spent. half a year he has spent so far under kaleidoscope records has been tiring, to say the least, but hey, he’s been learning how to dance and he finds that a lot of fun. he’s still doing commercials, and also, he’s sure to get into that performing arts high school when he gets older. he does miss his family though, and wonders if his siblings are taken care of. living away from home is rough, but he trusts in the people around him enough to carry on. at that age he has started to process how things work in the industry. he realizes he can’t succeed if he doesn’t put in the work. so he works, and he works hard.

at twelve he finds that his passion for dancing has grown. the initial plan of him being a visual was overthrown by his rapid grasp of dance. after being surrounded by people who genuinely think “dance is life” he’s grown to love dance, and even performing in general. he misses filming for commercials, but then he also wants to focus on what his life is hopefully going to lead up to: becoming an idol. it was never in his plans—acting might have been, but never singing and becoming an idol. he finds the serendipity slightly funny. who knew he could actually make it? not his siblings, for sure, the ones who often joked about him ending up like the idols they saw on sunday afternoon music shows when they were young. well, even younger.

however, at fourteen years old, he gets tired. tired of waiting. he knows he’s still too young to debut, but at the same time, his almost three and a half years of training have been all too long for him. he still loves performing, and in fact has been dabbling in different dance styles and trying his hand and creating his own dances. his hunger to debut is strong, although he’s held back by his insecurity in singing. typically he skips intensive vocal training by chatting up his instructors or using dance practice as an excuse, but never does it on purpose. or so he likes to think. he’s secure in his dancing ability, and often resorts to avoiding singing by learning rapping and immersing in hip hop, which is useful in dancing, too. lately he’s been hearing talks of a new boy group being formed, and all his fingers are crossed.

he sends his sister text messages regularly, reminding her to toss at least three coins into the wishing pond for his speedy debut.

at fifteen, he finds himself being selected to debut as one of the members of “a-team,” kaleidoscope’s newest fresh-concept boy band. ecstatic, rihwan sure is, but just as scared. he’s trained with a lot of them before, but now being in a team with all of them is different. as the youngest of the bunch, he has to be taken care of but at the same time he has to be reliable. after all, he can’t be the weakest link. he doesn’t want to be.

seventeen and well into his work, he has settled into his niche in the group as the playful, impish youngest member of the team, but is still cautious about how his members feel. it’s funny how his (and his siblings’) coin tosses has gotten him to where he is now, enjoying a good amount of success as an idol— who would’ve thought? the child who has been working since almost birth is now an older child working even harder. rihwan’s career is only beginning for him, and he plans to take this ride as long as he can.

#rytrihwan #ryt:revampapp #ryt:kal #ryt:ateam #ryt:accepted

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comicteaparty · 6 years ago

Text

February 14th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on February 14th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PST. The chat focused on Earth in a Pocket by Jabbage.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Earth in a Pocket by Jabbage~! (http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

perhaps not a full scene, but im really fond of this page in general http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/comic/2019/01/22 where the socio economic development stuff is broken down. theres just something so elegantly simple about how its shown. not to mention i appreciate the injection of humor, because i think it makes everything really grounded.

Delphina

The badger page is perennially endearing (http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/comic/2018/08/11), but I also like the most recent one where Little One is encouraging Halisi to be proactive and set up some long-term solutions for herself: http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/comic/2019/02/05

RebelVampire

im really curious why she thought of badgers at all. unless she had the badgers badgers mushroom song stuck in her head. XD

Delphina

@Jabbage please make that canon

Jabbage

makes it so

(Hi! I'm going to be here for a little while! :D)

RebelVampire

thanks for coming, Jabbage!

Jabbage

I figure that if you're on a road trip with a small child who is prone to ask a billion questions, eventually you're going to end up talking about badgers

Delphina

I just really appreciate how even after all she's been through, Halisi still has so much love and passion for her studies, and it's what she reaches to when she's looking for ways to console Little One and solutions for herself.

Kabocha

Hmmm, my favorite scene probably was the Witch bottle explanation http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/comic/2018/08/15 It was a good bit of information I hadn't really been aware of :D I also just... enjoy her interactions with the little jellyfish - even though she's in a bad spot, she's still taking time to tell him stories.

RebelVampire

i like the element of logic there is to it too. like she's not panicking, but using what she loves to calm herself down in a way. and i think thats a really great showcase of her character without needing to be told shes like that.

its a characterization via the action versus the telling

mathtans

Here for now, the little one seems extra fussy tonight. Yes, I call my baby daughter the little one. So comic was a bit surreal.

RebelVampire

hi math!

at least your little one isnt old enough to ask yet "are we there yet?"

Kabocha

Right? I mean, she could have just given in, accepted that she might die here... But nah. And she's still kind, even though this entire situation is awful

mathtans

The Witch bottle thing reminds me, I liked the way the art moved through the centuries on that one page, but with people who looked kinda similar. I thought that was clever.

True. Little one could save us some time by specifying what her issues are though. ^.^

RebelVampire

ironically though another of my favorite scenes is the one where halisi sets up the signal and kind of ditches her new jellyfish child to just go despairingly collapse in front of it. i like this brief moment of her giving into despair cause theres something really raw about it. like at first she doesnt say anything even, and i think it makes it really powerful because the silence just adds this immense weight to the sorrow. you know shes super suffering for that moment and feeling the weight of everything finally hit her.

Delphina

Yeah, the comic does a good job of showing a lot of conflicting emotions(edited)

mathtans

Yeah, honestly the very opening was a heck of a kick in the pants. Like, I have no idea what I'd do in that sort of situation. It's very problematic.

RebelVampire

yeah theres def a lot of stressful situations. but i kind of appreciate the lighter moments. like her trying to start a fire but ultimately failing. i mean its kind of scary and sad for her survival, but the way its handled is still pretty funny

also that moment where shes trying to fix the machine at the beginning and it just flat out basically bursts into flames XD

Jabbage

I'm pleased to hear that! I'm always aware that it could be quite a bleak story, but I want it to ultimately feel hopeful and positive, so the silly moments are important for that!

kayotics

I also liked the badger scene, but I think the scene that had the most prominence for me is when she finds out that someone else landed on the planet 80 years ago

i think that scene really set in how dire her situation is

khkddn

the portrayal of emotions really is great. it's really interesting to see someone going through such a crisis and only surrounded by beings who can't relate at all

Delphina

Oh god yeah, and the aliens just going "Something happened to the human we don't know what cause death isn't a thing that happens here???" was scary.

kayotics

"it's hibernating!"

G (Title Unrelated)

I felt something in the scene right after where they tell her dad "we haven't heard from her yet"

Delphina

collective tentacle shrug

kayotics

yeah i really feel for her dad

this isn't a scene, but I appreciate that all of the characters are middle-aged or older

RebelVampire

agreed. but i appreciated the realism of the ppl on the other line being like "meh its probably fine my dude" to the dad. cause that really uses reader knowledge to an advantage to create sympathy for him. because we know its not fine, and that he is right to worry. and that makes it sad hes the only one worried in that moment.

G (Title Unrelated)

Yes I agree

kayotics

Also agreed. It's a good example of dramatic irony

RebelVampire

although i like the most recent page with the followup where hes basically enlisted an army of students to find her. abuse of power, probably. but makes him the sweetest dad? yes.

QUESTION 2. Much of the comic revolves around Halisi telling stories based on things in her pocket. Which of Halisi’s stories impacted you the most and/or taught you something new? What do you think is to be gained from Halisi telling these stories to an alien race with no real connection to humanity? How do you believe the stories and knowledge she has might help contextualize her current situation for her? What, to you, does it mean to have “Earth in a Pocket?” Further, if you were in Halisi’s position, what objects would you pick in 10 seconds to represent the sum of human existence? Lastly, what other cultural or past history aspects do you think Halisi might bring up? How might they be contextualized to add a new viewpoint to Halisi’s situation?

Delphina

I liked the Dancing Plague story a lot http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/comic/2018/08/06

RebelVampire

this is the point where i say the witch bottle scene. I think it was beautifully illustrated, and as a story it was not a cultural thing i was aware of. but i like how suitable and unsuitable it was for the situation. but overall it just made me think about humans are weird and can make fear out of nothing at all if the minds decide it to be so.

unless the plot twist is there really was a witch in that bottle

ive always found the dancing plague fascinating because again, humans be weird. minds play tricks.

khkddn

the witch bottle scene is kind of like a story about the power of storytelling, pretty fitting i think

the idea of a witch meant so much to people, like how halisi's stories mean so much to the jellies

G (Title Unrelated)

so she's got a single seed, too, which is also super symbolic

kayotics

I really like the agriculture story, because, like it was mentioned before, it was very concise, but also it shows a lot about Halsi's personality and what she thinks is important about understanding humans on a basic level

mathtans

Back. Know what you can't do when you have a little one? Have a life sometimes. >.<(edited)

G (Title Unrelated)

I wonder what kind of seed it is

RebelVampire

oh man what if the seed wasnt even food. like she winds up growing a rose bush or something XD

mathtans

I was going to say, one of my fave moments was actually comedy, when Halisi first goes off with the inhabitants, thinking about ditching them, and they're all "we can see the thoughts".

RebelVampire

i appreciate the jellyfish didnt just ditch her at that point. cause i would not be as forgiving as them XD

mathtans

And yeah, the hope and sudden crash of the human who was there before was powerful too.

Delphina

I hope it's like... a nice fruit tree. She seems like she could use a nice fruit tree.

mathtans

The framing of the witch bottle scene was cool too. With the whole "not helping me be less afraid" thing (and asking for that term).

kayotics

i just really like the little jellyfish aliens, because they're written in a way that's much less human-centric. I like aliens that are just kind of weird for being weird and don't follow human conventions.

mathtans

Though props for the "pot-reon" in the agriculture bit too.

RebelVampire

yeah im really appreciating the jellyfish for that reason. theyre a nice blend between humanistic traits while still being super alien. its always nice to see when theres kind of a basic gap of understanding where the way each species thinks is quite different

anyway, for me personally though, while she does literally have some of earth in her pocket, i think earth is more about the stories that have traveled with her. because oral traditions reach immensely far back and is the main platform by which we teach and learn about ourselves as a species. so imo they are more representative of humanity than the objects. thus how she can fit earth in a pocket, even though she doesnt need the pocket.(edited)

G (Title Unrelated)

Yeah, I think you nailed it!

mathtans

Also, random question/thought. Halisi didn't have to dig too deep to get "well" water (I liked that one too)... yet was able to bury a guy? The water must be specific to locations or something?

Agreed on the alien-ness people have been speaking about.

G (Title Unrelated)

I mean it's an alien planet

mathtans

Good point about the traditions, Rebel. She's her own pocket.

It helps that she mostly just has to think things rather than even speak them aloud too.

Jabbage

AHAHA yeah, I realised that after drawing it. It's on a list of things i might tweak one day, although I do also like the idea that it is just an alien planet and it's strange and unpredictable like that. So much of our own planet would seem strange and random if we didn't understand a little bit about it's geology, the water cycle etc.

kayotics

on that note i like the idea of halsi going around trying to find ground that doesn't immediately fill up with well water

"okay let's try this spot. Hm, nope, that filled up. can't bury him here"

G (Title Unrelated)

haha!

RebelVampire

yeah it didnt particularly stick out to me just cause i wrote it off as like a change in elevation or something like that. but basically alien planet does alien things XD

mathtans

Fair point.

Could just drag dirt over from another place too, though I guess it would be raised more then.

kayotics

I think if it needs to be tweaked in the future, Jabbage, you could always just change it to a mound rather than a hole. same concept but it avoids going below the dirt

mathtans

Fixes the w"hole" thing.

G (Title Unrelated)

also digging a hole IS hard work

Jabbage

Yeah, or using rocks

kayotics

digging is a lot of work

mathtans

Also whistling while you use rocks, to get rock music.

I'll stop.

kayotics

if she plants that seed she may have to make a mound for that too, it would probably get too waterlogged otherwise

mathtans

I wonder if the soil has the right nutrients.

RebelVampire

yeah i was thinking that too

that her next challenge is finding a not well spot for that seed

cause unless its a crop that specifically needs to be waterlogged, shes gonna have a bad time

mathtans

The jellyfish said the mushrooms could talk, right? Maybe they know a place.

Does rice have seeds?

G (Title Unrelated)

I think if the planet has breathable air it might have a similar balance of elements and whatnot to earth?

kayotics

i think most rice is planted from splitting an existing plant, but i'm sure there's a seed that starts it all

Delphina

What do the jelly aliens taste like

kayotics

DELPHIE NO

Delphina

MAYBE THEY GROW BACK OR SOMETHING

Jabbage

Whether or not the mushrooms can talk is a fun thing that's not really ever going to get expanded on, but which I had in mind for how the jellies work. I figure that they don't have many ways of getting external sensory information about the world - no eyes, ears, sense of smell etc. They are psychic though, they share thoughts and ideas and information about the world. I figure that the mushrooms have some kind of consciousness and run through the planet, and the jellies can draw from that somehow to orientate themselves and know what's going on

G (Title Unrelated)

that's what I kinda assumed!

I mean, that is basically how forests work on earth. XD

RebelVampire

so basically the mushrooms can function as gps

Jabbage

@Delphina ~ I mean I'm sure Big One has some spare limbs... ~(edited)

mathtans

Oh, wow. Cannibalism-like issue didn't occur to me.

Jabbage

Me neither honestly

mathtans

I think the jelly was a bit broken and said she'd regenerate over time...?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Story wise, the comic deals with Halisi crash landing on an alien planet and all but being stranded. Do you believe Halisi will learn to farm with the little she managed to salvage and find a way to survive? What obstacles might prevent such an excursion on the planet? How will Halisi deal with the obstacles? Further, how do you think Halisi will deal with managing her mysterious illness, and what is she sick with for that matter? How might her actions be hindered or helped by the native alien life? In what ways do you think her actions will change how the alien life lives their own lives? Finally, do you believe that Halisi will be rescued at some point? If so, how will this come about?

mathtans

I like the mushroom consciousness idea.

RebelVampire

i do think the jelly child said as such.

G (Title Unrelated)

Q3: These are... all questions I have, myself. XD

mathtans

That illness thing is probably the immediate concern. Withdrawal itself is an issue, whether the pills were life saving or not

G (Title Unrelated)

I was wondering if they were antidepressants or something

RebelVampire

yeah for all the optimism in this plan, the pills are gonna be problematic. but i did wonder if they were antidepressants

khkddn

the flashback scene after she takes her last pill makes it seem to me like she was waiting for medical test results

kayotics

it's also a future time, so it could be a pill that prevents a life threatening disease from spreading.

mathtans

That's a good thought. The whole not accomplishing anything in her life is pretty bleak. Maybe that's a symptom.

G (Title Unrelated)

oh I didn't realize that scene was about her somehow

kayotics

my hope is that she's rescued well before she even needs to worry about this single plant producing any viable food options, since even if the plant grows, it's not likely going to sustain her

G (Title Unrelated)

yeah exactly

RebelVampire

not to mention depending on what plant it is it could take forever to grow. plant growth really varies a lot from crop to crop

kayotics

as for the pills, it seems like her illness has a vague timeline. Like a degenerative disease or something cancerous.

G (Title Unrelated)

P.s., I want some rainbow space maize.

RebelVampire

yes i second this

rainbow space maize for everyone

mathtans

It's a maize-ing.

khkddn

a few pages after she takes the pill she wonders "why are red pills better stimulants" and the pill she took was red. but then again if it were antidepressants i would expect a flashback that looked more like a therapists office than a doctor with results

Jabbage

Oh gosh I don't want to interrupt all the amazing discussion about Halisi's mysterious malady but I was so pleased to find out that there's actually multicoloured corn like that

I thought I made it up for a gag but it's reaaaaaal

kayotics

i have the link, if you'd like it

khkddn

oh i love the corn page

kayotics

https://www.sciencealert.com/this-rainbow-corn-is-the-coolest-way-to-eat-your-veggies (rainbow corn)

mathtans

It wasn't too corny.

kayotics

Honestly? corn, rice, and wheat would all be things I'd say should be brought to an earth colony.

G (Title Unrelated)

yeassssst. XD

unless there's naturally occurring yeast.

Man, we don't even know what it would be like to visit another living planet

RebelVampire

if we have rainbow corn, clearly were meant to go into space right now.

thats a good catch with the red pill, @khkddn

i actually hadnt paid attention to the pill color

mathtans

As to the question of Halisi being rescued, I foresee two possible outcomes. First, that she's found still alive, and she's learned enough about the planet natives to further space research or something, or second, that she's found dead, but the natives were so taken by her stories that her name will live on forever in the history books of first contact.

G (Title Unrelated)

I didn't associate the pill color musing with her situation but maybe it IS related!

RebelVampire

though i leave it open shes on some sort of mental health related medicine, i do feel its more likely its a degenrative disease of some sort. cause it makes her wanting to go to space make more sense. cause i feel its one of those things where youd be more willing to do it if you knew that you had a shorter time than most to live

math no, that second one is too dark

although not implausible

khkddn

if halisi is not reunited with her dad at some point i'll be so sad

or at least they speak to each other

Delphina

Yeah, I'm just gonna say I don't think Halisi's gonna make it back to Earth. I think we're probably looking at a "she finds peace and purpose with the remaining time she has" situation.

RebelVampire

im gonna believe in the rescue efforts cause her dad seems to be a determined dude. and tbf they probably know her flight path so unless she was super duper off course they can probably guess a reasonable area she might be.

mathtans

I don't know that it's necessarily dark... it's kind of a happy end, just not for Halisi.

Also, maybe the pills help her speak. But that's a thing she won't need with the jellys.

I do think that receiving a message from an 80 year old spacecraft is probably something worth investigating.

RebelVampire

thatd be mighty convenient. tho in some au shed get so used to the psychic stuff shed go back to live among humans and be like "oh shit thats right they cant just see my mind pictures"

mathtans

That's an interesting point, about readapating to civilization.

Crazy theory time: Eating the mushrooms constantly ends up turning her into a jelly-creature. When the humans arrive, they won't recognize her.

RebelVampire

i do think shell have some affect on the jellies though. cause i think at the very least shes gonna teach them the important of oral traditions and theyll start telling their own stories and collectively grow as a species. i think shes really setting the jellies on the path for this.

LOL

i was thinking earlier about what if the mushrooms are semi psychic cause thats what happens to the jellies when they die

they dont die and just come back as the mushrooms

mathtans

Ooooh, that'd be an interesting twist.

Like maybe Halisi gains some psychic powers too.

(Though we may have ended up back at cannibalism...)

G (Title Unrelated)

not to shoot down anyone's fun speculation, but it doesn't seem like that kind of story, tbh. XD

kayotics

haha

we don't even know if the jellies can die i mean, I'd think they would, since they apparently come into existence somehow

mathtans

Also they haven't overrun the world.

kayotics

maybe theyre very slow at growing

or they just become the water

G (Title Unrelated)

slow-growing seems very likely

mathtans

I figure before they die they just kind of stop transmitting. Maybe run off somewhere. So no one is aware.

(Maybe they're like lemmings?)

G (Title Unrelated)

(that is not how lemmings work, sorry. XD)

mathtans

(I would worry if lemmings could read my thoughts.)

G (Title Unrelated)

(the suicidal lemmings myth was created by disney)

mathtans

shakes fist at mouse

G (Title Unrelated)

(or did you mean something else lol)

mathtans

I free associate. I mean what you want me to mean.

RebelVampire

yeah ive been wondering if the jellies are immortal. although ya know what, we have immortal jellyfish on earth so thats not that ridiculous to imagine.

kayotics

man, jellyfish are messed up

mathtans

There can be only one! hands out swords

kayotics

i can only imagine that the Jellies in earth in a pocket feel the same too. I was able to touch the bell of a couple at an aquarium once and man, that was a weird feeling

G (Title Unrelated)

I've been watching PBS Eons on youtube, I wonder if they've done one about the origins of cnidarians yet...

RebelVampire

honestly im putting money on immortal just cause they didnt even know what death was. unless they do die and just dont understand the hibernating jellies are never coming back

QUESTION 4. One topic resounding throughout the comic is humanity connecting to the past while also embracing the future and expanding. In what ways do you think reconnecting with humanity’s origins have changed Halisi on a personal level? How might they continue to change her? Why do you think Halisi so strongly believes in bringing the past to humans as humanity expands into space? In what ways do you think she’ll think it will help humanity as a whole? How might Halisi’s experiences on this new alien planet change the way she thinks about humanity’s past? How might it change how she conveys humanity’s past to other humans? Overall, what do you believe the story has to show us in regards to balancing the past, the future, and why both are needed?

G (Title Unrelated)

immortal jellies make for a good contrast to Halisi's fears of her own mortality

mathtans

They can be injured though, like the one who had a thing fall on it. It'd suck to be immortal that way.

RebelVampire

that is true. and contrasts like that are good.

Jabbage

(imma point out, Little One also notes that they're going to get better one day, although Halisi is a bit incredulous about that)

mathtans

The connecting to the past thing makes me think of that society. Which didn't seem to have a lot of members. Also, it took them, what, ten years to decide on things? (I was amused by "say that to my face" because, um, I think that's what the person is doing.)

Delphina

Totally saying, if I had a bunch of tentacle arms that would grow back and my weird human buddy was dying, I'd let her eat a couple to survive.

G (Title Unrelated)

I assume their tentacles don't have stingers. XD

RebelVampire

for me itd depend on how fast theyd grow back. cause if i had to spend like 500 years waiting for tentacle arms to grow back, that doesnt sound pleasant

mathtans

If so, they must have turned the stingers off to crawl around on her.

RebelVampire

they probably wouldnt have stingers cause their planet seems peaceful. like none of the jellies are like "oh no predators who will destroy us" so theres no need for their evolutionary track to lead to stingers in so far as i can see

kayotics

in response to the question: There's a lot of parallels to humans expanding to other planets and our own planet's history of colonization. There's a lot of cultural pain that comes with leaving your home and leaving your country (whether by force or by choice), and reconnecting to that cultural heritage is something that decedents often go through to feel like they belong in the world. I can see that being a driving point for delivering some of these artifacts to other planets.

G (Title Unrelated)

IRL Jellies mostly use their stings for catching prey?(edited)

Delphina

Do we even know if they feel pain?

mathtans

Wait, do they eat?

khkddn

they seem to have difficulty understanding when a human is unhappy or feels pain

kayotics

they might not need to eat in the same way

they might just kind of absorb what they need

Jabbage

I'm not sure it's going to come up specifically, but I think they probably dont' feel pain like we feel it? Just because i don't think they have the same sensory capabilities. Little One is frustrated that they can't move around as fast as the others, but I don't think they're in pain as such

G (Title Unrelated)

yeah. I was thinking about the Question and I think... it's interesting how it's framed as this thing where they've decided the colonists NEED this, but like, they can't agree on what's actually important

mathtans

Maybe Halisi will make a tiny scooter for Little One.

G (Title Unrelated)

I think it's the stories, not the objects, that are important.

And like... All stories are important???

RebelVampire

i think that is true, that all stories are important. cause stories are subjective and whats personally important to one person isnt important to someone else

kayotics

i think a few cultural trinkets to go with the stories can help, like... like I remember being a kid and my family having a christmas wooden carousel from germany or something, which is where my family emigrated from, so it was like "oh that's my people" I think having something to connect to some of the stories is important.

RebelVampire

thus why its worth preserving them all and no agreeance is needed really. because any single story can have an affect on someone

Jabbage

@kayotics I really like your point about our history of colonization, and it's something that I've tried to be careful with and approach thoughtfully, because I think that IS a driving factor in Halisi wanting to share people's cultural heritage with them. One of the things that sparked this story is thinkign about how current issues with repatriating cultural objects and deciding who has control over them would translate into a world where we don't even all live on the same planet any more

Delphina

The beginning showed that humanity has VR technology to "experience Earth", but it's several very comfortable degrees apart. I like that normally, being so advanced would make the hardships of the very distant past feel less real (just vaguely amusing/educational) But having Halisi have to figure out how humans lived and survived kind of brings that back and grounds her in a way that establishing Cookie Cutter Terraform Colony Number 14792 wouldn't.(edited)

So in that sense, the physicality of it is important

RebelVampire

i do think @kayotics has a point. especially in this story because of that vr scene where they were touring the roman thing. cause its not like they dont already have stories and ways to view historical things. and the actual objects can really tie that together. but i also think the stories are just as important via the scene where theyre shown to be able to print 3d objects. in essence the object means nothing without the story, but the story is made more powerful by the object. its a symbiotic relationship in a way.

kayotics

I'm glad it's something you've thought about!

I can't help but think about how colonization has affected the planets that the humans have landed on, and how it'll effect the planet that Halisi has landed on as well, no matter how small.

G (Title Unrelated)

I was thinking about that, too!

mathtans

Maybe she'll want it purged from the records to preserve it. And since Dad was just using grad students, he can oblige.

Jabbage

I thought long and hard about what race to make my astronaut because when they were a random white academic, the whole thing had a very different feel. Landing on some planet and educating the rather silly native denizens. I also wanted someone who grew up around the earliest archaeology created by anatomically modern humans so it made sense to make her black and from South Africa anyway

but then I'm white and British and so... yeah, I've basically had a lot to think about and juggle on that one

mathtans

Jabbage: Well, damn. I hadn't considered that, but you make a good point.

At least she's not building churches and asking the jellys to worship.

Incidentally, speaking of growing up, I liked the flashback image with her and dad looking youthful.(edited)

RebelVampire

im interested in the idea of who has control over the cultural objects we deem important, especially in regards to technology. because the comic touched on it a bit with the 3d printing and it really starts getting into the ship of Theseus issues of identity for those objects

mathtans

"Fax me your statue. No, I'm not paying you for it, I'll display it on Planet X for the Xposure."

Jabbage

And is seeing a reproduction ever 'the same?;

Even if it's identical in every way?

mathtans

Probably not, which is why they haven't figured out teleporters.

kayotics

if it's identical in every way i feel like maybe it is the same

but... wait maybe not

mathtans

Just to sum, pretty grand scale for this one, and a powerful beginning. Here's to Halisi and the Jellies.

Sounds like a strange band name.

RebelVampire

see its a really interesting philosophical question to explore. is whether cultural significance relies on the exact object or if we can transfer that as humanity spreads into the stars

mathtans

(I wonder if we'll learn more about jelly civilization.)

G (Title Unrelated)

Also, what stories do we remember or forget...

kayotics

I feel like there's something to be said about the energy that we as humans put into things. Like there's something there in the reverence we give something. like when you see a giant statue that's been prayed to vs a huge statue to commemorate someone, those have different feelings.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Jabbage, as well, for making Earth in a Pocket. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Jabbage’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://earthinapocket.spiderforest.com/

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