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i miss will smith hockey

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ashes – day 227

series masterlist

"let's get some shots!"

jack merely laughed from beside you, head shaking as a few of his friends began to hype up the idea. he'd already had enough shots to leave any normal person past drunk – but then again, he wasn't just anyone. he was a tall and muscular hockey player, and he was used to the alcohol, so he wasn't too far gone yet.

one of his childhood friends – someone you couldn't recognize or remember the name of, even though he introduced himself no more than an hour ago – pointed a finger in jack's direction. "since it's your birthday," he started, words slurred and hand unable to hold still, "you get to choose the shots."

"gee, what a lucky guy," jack chuckled, shifting slightly in his seat. the two of you sat tucked into a booth in a private corner of the club, surrounded by his teammates, brothers and closest friends, all eager to celebrate your boy. his arm was draped across your shoulders, fingers drawing little circles onto the bare skin where your dress ended in a way that seemed far too casual for how the two of you had been acting recently.

it was like an unspoken agreement between you; act normal in front of his friends and brothers. don't let them suspect anything.

at first, there had been a certain stiffness in the way he acted around you. when he held your waist, his fingers were a little too tense. he barely met your gaze. his kisses to your temple were too fleeting.

but the further along the night went, the more alcohol he drank, and the more relaxed he grew. he was carefree, soft and loving in a way that didn't feel like he was just acting. he was touchy, almost showing off, and you reciprocated every little thing.

you were good at pretending. you'd been practicing it for years.

"come on, bud," quinn spoke up, nodding off towards the bar. the place was packed – far too packed for a random wednesday – and the music, though good, was probably loud enough to break a couple of eardrums. "go pick out the shots, or t's going to get pissed."

"we're not in a rush, are we?" jack asked his brother, giving your shoulders a squeeze. the oldest hughes's eyes fell to you, rolling his eyes at jack's drunken words, and you merely shrugged with a smile.

it was hard to read quinn, you thought. you hadn't yet really established a relationship with him, which made sense since you'd only first met him a few hours ago, but there was something else about it. you weren't sure how much he knew about you, or about your relationship with jack, or about what your current status was.

your introduction had been brief; once you arrived at the club, jack had taken you around to greet all of his guests, and when it was time to say hi to quinn, you were barely even allowed to look at him before being pulled away to the next person. both you and quinn had said that it was lovely to meet the other, but there had been something specific about the way he looked at you – like he knew something. it frightened you a bit, to be honest. however, you'd only ever heard good things about him from anyone you spoke to, so there was a part of you that really wished you'd get to know him more closely someday.

someone else spoke up then, some teammate of jack's you almost remembered the name of. "get your girl something alcoholic!" he complained, eyes glued to the glass of coke in your hand. "she's too boring like this!"

this wasn't the first time tonight that you'd been teased for that. while most of jack's friends were supportive and understanding of you staying off the alcohol tonight, a few of them had just not accepted it. your excuse that you 'weren't feeling it' wasn't enough, apparently.

however, you were sure that if they'd seen the positive test hidden in your bathroom counter, they'd be much more understanding.

jack, though unaware of your situation, had not made any comments or said anything that would insinuate that he found it strange that you were staying sober. your heart grew warmer when he leaned down to where you were sitting, lips grazing your ear as he whispered to you. "you sure you don't want anything to drink?" he asked. "not even non-alcoholic?"

you shook your head when he leaned back. "i still have some coke left, so i'm all good," you told him, placing your glass on the table.

"okay." he stood still and just took you in for a moment, a smile making its way to his lips. "promise me you'll dance with me when i get back?"

you answered without hesitation. "anything for the birthday boy."

he let out one of those wholehearted laughs that made your stomach flip, one that you hadn't heard in far too long, and his hand reached over to cup your jaw. "aren't you a saint, eh?" he said with a shake of his head, before leaning down to quickly lace his lips with yours. "wish it was my birthday every day."

one kiss turned into two, which turned into three and then four. a simple lip-lock developed into tongues meeting and teeth clashing, and even when all of his friends around you began to cheer and the kiss was suddenly just two smiles pressed together, he stayed close. it wasn't until trevor tugged on his arm that he parted from your lips, shooting you a wink as he was pulled away towards the bar.

just as you thought you'd get a moment to just relax, someone slipped into the seat that had previously belonged to jack. "do we really think he's going to handle another round of shots?" quinn asked, slumping down properly and crossing his arms over his chest.

you chuckled at this, your gaze following the back of jack's head as he dove through the crowds, a few friends stumbling along behind him. "as long as it's not fireball, he might be okay," you said, which drew out an instant cackle from quinn.

"jeez, he should be banned from ever ordering fireball again," he said with a shake of his head. "too many nights ended badly due to that obsession of his." he paused for a beat. "i'm actually a bit surprised you knew that about him."

you turned your head to look up at him. "well, when we first met, it was his go-to whenever we went out. it didn't take long before i found out that he doesn't handle it too well."

"fair," he added, bringing his bottle of beer to his lips and taking a sip.

when he relaxed back in the seat, he looked over at you in a certain way. a way that said something you weren't quite able to interpret. it was strange, really, especially since it was the way luke had been looking at you all evening.

the three brothers had gone out for a birthday dinner prior to coming to the club, and now you were certain jack had let something slip. sure, it was your first time seeing quinn, so maybe this was just his normal way of acting. but luke and you have hung out more than a couple of times by now, and something was definitely off.

quinn cleared his throat before speaking up again. "so… what do you think about tampa?"

you furrowed your brows in confusion at the question. "never been," you started. "seems warm. all of florida is very hot, right?"

"sure," he said with a chuckle. "i was only, like, two years old when we moved out of orlando. but i've been told it was very humid."

"i've seen some pictures of the riverwalk," you added after thinking for a bit. "it looks pretty neat."

"neat enough to move there?"

you took a long sip of your coke, before setting the glass down again and turning your body more properly towards quinn. "never thought about it like that. i mean, there are thousands and thousands of cities in the us..."

his following words slipped from quinn's lips a little too quickly, like he wasn't able to stop them before most had already escaped. "yeah, well, i just assumed you and jack would have discussed-" then, something in his gaze shifted, like something had dawned upon him. he tried not to let it show, but even the slightest widening of his eyes was easy for you to catch on to.

he knows something.

you hadn't just imagined it before; now, he pretty much confirmed it. he was keeping a secret, and you wanted to know.

"sorry," you started, putting on a little smile. "what was that?"

quinn's shoulders tensed visibly, and he shook his head. "nothing. forget i even said anything."

you frowned, trying to think of all of the possible scenarios – but in your mind, you could only see one. "he's... moving away, huh?" you asked, voice quiet yet just loud enough to carry over the music. "is that it? he's going to florida?"

staring right back into his eyes was one of the hardest things you've ever done, but you couldn't back down now. you needed to hear this. "he... it isn't a done deal yet, but there has been an offer. i-" quinn scratched the back of his neck, clearly not finding this conversation easy either. "shit, i'm sorry. you should talk to him about it, not me. i thought you knew already."

he looked sincere enough – eyes pained, cheeks flushed, eyebrows knotted – but that didn't fix the fact that your world had suddenly been turned upside down. your heart was about to beat out of your chest, and yet it felt like it had stopped working altogether since it was smashed into a million little pieces.

nausea rose to the top of your throat then, and you pushed your hands onto the table in front of you, rising from your seat. "i have to use the restroom," you told him with the best smile you could muster, before turning on your heel and storming off. quinn called out your name, but there was no way you were looking back now.

going the exact opposite way of the bathrooms, you made your way out through the front door, only stopping once you were out of sight, a few meters away from the doormen. there, you helplessly dropped to the pavement, pulling your knees up to your chest and burying your face in them.

this situation wasn't comfortable to begin with, and when you realized the similarities to that team party just over a week ago, a shiver rolled down your spine. the memory of the guy who'd approached you last time was nearly enough to make you go back inside again – until you remembered what was waiting in the club.

jack and his secret.

why did he keep this a secret? did he not think you'd be supportive?

even the thought made your head spin. to think that you were the person he didn't feel like he could confide in when it came to this...

who else knew? was there anyone inside that club who didn't know? were you the only one, walking around blissfully unaware of how the birthday boy was going to be moving away? to tampa?

tampa was several hours away by plane. you didn't even know how long it would take to drive, or go by bus, or-

the anxiety clogged your airways then, and you had to force down a couple of deep breaths to make sure you wouldn't just black out. you pressed the heels of your hands to your eyes, you shook your head, you even let out a scream into your knees – anything to stop your mind from buzzing with catastrophic thoughts. what if you can't see him anymore? what if he goes away and never comes back? what will you do when he forgets about you?

you didn't even realize you were crying until the fabric of your dress was soaked, the fabric clinging to your thighs.

you weren't sure what hurt the most; the fact that he had kept it all secret, or that you weren't really surprised. it all made too much sense now – the lack of communication from his side, the half-assed attempts to fix things. the fact that it felt like he had stopped trying completely.

if he was planning to leave, then maybe your body had somehow known before your mind had caught up.

your stomach twisted again. not from the shock, but from the weeks of trying to hold everything in: the fear of losing him, the confusion about where you stood, the pressure to act like everything was just fine so you wouldn't scare him off even further.

you weren't sure how much longer you could take it.

you pressed your face into your knees, trying to breathe through it, but it felt like the night was folding in on you. the darkness took over, everything grew silent-

then came the footsteps. quick and familiar, stopping right by your side. you didn't have to look up to know who it was.

hastily, you wiped your eyes with the back of your hands, before turning your head up towards jack. "hey, birthday boy," you forced out, putting on a weak smile. "you having a good night?"

he let out a humorless chuckle, shrugging his shoulders. "i was," he replied, tapping one shoe against the ground restlessly. "until i realized that my girlfriend is sitting out on the cold sidewalk, crying her heart out, and i have no idea why."

his words felt like a knife to your chest.

you opened your mouth to apologize, but he cut you off with a dismissive noise. "i heard quinn told you about tampa."

your tone wasn't sharp, just tired. "do you have any idea how it felt to hear that from him instead of you?"

jack sighed. "he shouldn't have said anything. it's not... it's nowhere near done. it's all talk so far. a maybe-call from my agent. i didn't want to hand you a maybe and make it a whole problem when we're already..." he broke off, searching your face. "when we're still finding our footing.

"that's the point, i guess. i think..." you hugged your arms around yourself, a shiver rolling through your body. "i think i want to be in the maybe. even if it sucks."

you were sure it must make zero sense to him – it didn't make much sense to you, either. you knew you'd been acting like you weren't fully invested in this relationship, like you were just looking for an out. but now that said opportunity finally presented itself, you were terrified.

jack joined you on the ground then. "i was scared that if i brought it up to you, you'd start pulling away to prepare. like... pre-hurting, so it wouldn't hurt as much later."

a watery huff escaped from you. "i'm trying," you whispered. "i don't know how to stay without bracing for impact."

"i get that." his voice softened. "i didn't want to keep it from you because it doesn't matter. i kept it because i didn't want you spending two months panicking over something that might die in a voicemail."

you let his words sink in. they helped; not entirely, but somewhat. maybe, at least for now, enough.

a moment of silence followed, with you unable to focus on anything other than your pulse thrumming in your throat. jack slipped his jacket off his shoulders, wrapping it around your trembling frame. "are you going?" you asked eventually.

"i don't know," he answered honestly. "but i don't want to go anywhere you're not."

your breath got caught in your throat. "i'm not going to stop you from leaving," you forced out, because it was true and it needed to be said.

"i know." he inhaled a deep breath. "i'm the one stopping myself."

"i can't be your priority," you found yourself saying – automatically, like a familiar reflex.

"but you are," he said, almost smiling now. he leaned in to brush his lips against your forehead. "no matter what you think."

you shook your head, letting out a half laugh/half sob. "you should go. test your wings."

he moved a little closer, arm draping over your shoulders before resting his chin on your head. "i already know how to fly. i'm just trying to learn how to land."

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summer break!will who… ☀️

(boyfriend will smith summer headcanons! hope u enjoy <3)

...who looks even more gorgeous in the summer than usual. his nose and cheeks dusted with just the softest layer of freckles, his skin so gently sun-kissed, his eyes brighter and warmer than usual.

...who needs someone (you) to take proper care of his hair during the summer. it can look so good right after a swim, all tousled and textured and beachy-waved, but you know that the salt water dries out his curls and the uv rays make everything frizzier. he dutifully allows you to play hairdresser a few times per week, letting you untangle his messy strands and massage conditioning masks into his locks.

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…who wakes up early – a habit from the hockey season – and just basks in the silence and serenity of being free. he wakes you up with gentle kisses to your shoulder and whispers, "you hungry?", having no issues with running out to buy you breakfast as you catch another hour of sleep.

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…who insists on going on sunset walks with you. half for the aesthetic; half just to keep moving because he hates sitting still too long.

…who takes the best candid photos of you in the golden light, even though he swears he's bad at taking pictures.

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...who loses at least one pair of sunglasses in the water every summer. it's basically a tradition by now.

…who tricks you into going out on the boat with him, partially just to get some quiet alone time with you, but mostly just because the sight of you in a bathing suit is too good to miss.

…who wraps you in a towel when you climb back on the boat after swimming; his very own subtle way of fussing over you.

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…who feeds you a spoon of his chocolate ice cream, only to 'accidentally' smudge some on your cheek. to make things okay, he wipes it away with his thumb, before mumbling that he missed a bit – yet another lie – and leaning in to kiss at the spot.

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...who wants to spend half the summer playing golf. he doesn't have much time to do it during the season, and he enjoys it much more in the warm summer weather than during the winter. thus, he has a dream of driving around and trying out as many courses as he can before the season kicks off again.

...who is surprised and overjoyed when you mention that you'd be willing to come with him after he complains about none of his friends wanting to play with him one day. he instantly starts planning things out, thinking of how to be the best coach and which clubs you should use.

...who does his best to teach you how to play. he stands behind you with his hands on your hips to guide your body through the movement, before draping his hands over yours on the club and showing you how to swing. for a long time, every attempt just turns into a giggling fit and you losing over ten balls in the tall grass.

...who makes you do celebratory dances after good shots (even if they're just lucky).

...who doesn't mind when you end up bored and decide to be his personal caddie/cart driver; he's just happy to have you around, and you're equally as happy to see him enjoy himself.

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...who can't help but invite his old bc teammates to his family's house on the cape. they make it loud and chaotic, but in the best way. it makes will lose at least a couple of years in maturity, and you adore it.

…who thinks he's a legend at grilling burgers and refuses to take any constructive criticism because he thinks he's got nothing to learn. he grills shirtless in flip-flops, knowing you'd gag if it were anyone other than him, but bribes you with grilled vegetables straight from his spatula.

...who has no issues jumping between his roles of party host and your boyfriend. it comes natural to him; helping gabe fire up the grill while also feeding you bites of the watermelon he's chopping, making fun of ryan's terrible sunburn while keeping his arm slung across your shoulders. he doesn't mind that the boys tease him – not when you're here with him, stealing sips of his beer, sitting with your legs draped over his lap on the porch couch.

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...who bought tickets to that coldplay concert because you once mentioned that you'd kill to see them live. he brought along a few friends too, only because they had nagged him about not inviting them along in the first place, but he did not go one second all evening without touching you in some way. fingers intertwined when ordering drinks, hand on the small of your back when leading you through a crowd, arm around your waist when waiting for the concert to start.

...who wraps his arms around your shoulders from behind and holds you close as you both sing along to 'yellow', even though he's sworn that you'll never get to hear him sing. he's just too caught up in the moment, and in you, to care.

...who kisses your temple when he catches a stray tear rolling down your cheek during 'fix you', and – though he'd deny it if you asked him about it later – can't help but grow slightly tear-eyed along with you.

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...who sits with you in his lap on the porch the last night before he has to go back to san jose. whenever you even insinuate that he should be going to bed to make sure he's energized enough to travel, he just shushes you and says that he needs another five minutes. or another thousand.

...who sneaks his hands under your sweatshirt, trails kisses along your collarbone, looks right into your eyes and speaks straight from his heart.

"you know... i've been coming here ever since i was a little kid. and i've always loved it; it's always felt like a second home to me. i love going out on the water, and the barbecues, and just relaxing here. but right now... my favorite part about being here is getting to be with you."

[httpuckdrop]

hold tight – ws2

will doesn't handle pressure too well. so when he's stressed about the eagles and san jose, as well as his relationship with you… things don't feel too easy.

pairing: will smith x reader

genre: angst, a little fluff maybe. childhood friends!au

word count: 2.6k

warnings: 18+ mentions but very few and light. sad will :(

author's note: okayyy! sad bc!will, idk why i did that to myself!! anyways. set in 2024 around the regional finals/frozen 4 (even tho i knew nothing about hockey back then 😁), oh and pls pretend like the frozen 4 was held in boston! k thanks! (also i proofread this over a week ago but i don't have the energy to do it again rn... so sorry if there are any mistakes 😭)

in the almost twenty years you'd known will, things had never been this tense.

not when he kicked your ass in that volleyball tournament one summer. not when you forgot to attend his most important usntdp game. not even when he made out with your best friend at a high school party only 24 hours after you'd been sitting side-by-side on his parents' couch and he'd told you that you were the most important person in his life.

not once had you looked at will and felt as hopeless as you did now. and not once had he looked over at you in any other way than with eyes filled to the brim with love and affection.

this was not the will you'd grown up with. this was not the will who came by your house with a movie and muffins he baked with his mom when you were feeling ill. this was not the will you spent every summer with since you were five, bathing and tanning on cape cod before falling asleep on the beach together.

it was a classic story, snatched right out of some sappy romance novel, of "family friends turned childhood best friends turned something more". it was nothing either of you ever defined. not after the first time you kissed at thirteen, hidden in the basement of the smith beach house during a thunderstorm. not after the next time you kissed, nor when you made out at that party during sophomore year of high school. not when you lost your virginities to each other the following year. not after your senior prom, when you'd slow danced long after all classmates had left, eyes locked and hearts intertwined.

not even when you both attended boston college; not when you found yourself staying in his bed more often than your own, sharing kisses and secrets until it was far too late for two tired college kids to still be up; not when you wore his eagles hoodies to his every hockey game and waited outside conte forum for him afterwards, always brushing a chaste kiss to his cheek with a mention of how well he'd played.

there was never a label. never anything other than two childhood friends just trying to find their way around life.

you both dated other people over the years, but you always found your way back to each other. it was always easier that way. you'd never had issues like these before.

you could say it started a few hours ago, when you texted him if you could come over to his apartment, and he'd answered with a mere 'gonna have to watch tape to prepare for the regional final, but you can come if you wanna'. no heart emojis, no warmth, no 'i'm a little busy but i want to see you'.

but in reality, it started weeks ago. something had shifted, though you couldn't quite pinpoint the reason behind it. calls had gotten shorter, texts grew less frequent, and his touch wasn't as warm as before. surely you could take some of the blame for not pushing him or taking more initiative; however, it was clear he was actively backing off.

if only he'd said something, anything, to explain his actions. if he didn't want you anymore, or if he'd met someone else, you'd understand. it would hurt damn well, but at least you wouldn't have to make up all kinds of scenarios in your head.

god knows you had. you'd barely been able to sleep, staying up until early mornings to imagine will running off with a more sexy, more beautiful and more perfect woman. usually when your mind ran off like this, will knew exactly how to handle it; even before college, when you and him were still young teens running around on the cape, he would let you sleep on his chest while he brushed his fingers through your hair, as if to keep the demons away.

instead, you had now been spending the nights in your tiny dorm room all alone. you were exhausted and fed up;

you just wanted an answer.

thus, you'd pushed the issue when you arrived at his apartment. not instantly, though; he made you tea, brushed his lips against your forehead and gave your hip a squeeze, before he disappeared into his hockey preparations again. you never wanted to interrupt his hockey – you knew it was his whole life and future – so you waited. two hours later, when the last bus from his neighborhood back to campus had already left, he had finally closed his laptop and turned to you.

you'd both been dead silent. you sat at the foot of his bed, with him still on the floor by your legs dangling off the edge. the few feet between you felt like miles, the tension so thick you'd need a butcher's knife to cut through it. possibly a chainsaw.

then, softly, almost as if scared of his own voice, will whispered, "something's wrong, huh?"

you merely shrugged. "you tell me."

it was strange, really. because will always, always, said what was on his mind. he was unapologetically honest – not to the point where he put his nose in issues he didn't have anything to do with, but when asked for his opinion, he would never lie. and yet, here you were, having no idea whatsoever about what was going on inside that brain of his.

he took a deep breath, before just letting it all out. "i'm leaving. after finals."

of course. there it was, the reason behind everything. "san jose?"

he just nodded.

"i thought you'd be excited to tell me," you said, voice more bitter than you wanted. your eyes squeezed shut instinctively. "sorry."

he shook his head at the apology. "i was excited. over the moon." one of his hands reached for your foot, fingers wrapping gently around the ankle. "but also..."

his thumb ran along the sliver of skin between your sock and tights, and you could practically see the thoughts swirling in his head. you were going through pretty much the same thing.

what does this mean for us?

you knew this was going to happen. he had been the fourth overall draft pick, the sharks were desperate for a youngster like him to bring intensity and curiosity into the team. he was bound to move to the west coast sooner rather than later. you just thought that when the day finally arrived, you'd be... more prepared. less tense. happier.

"i wasn't sure what it would mean for us," will said, letting out a deep exhale. "it's not like i'd expect you to move to california, so..."

"would you want me to?"

his fingers stiffened around your ankle. "i always want you with me," he said after a long moment of silence, his voice contemplative. "i..."

you just sat there, waiting for the words you were assuming would follow that; the ones you were hoping he'd finally tell you. the ones that would make everything okay, the ones that would erase all these years of tiptoeing around labels and hiding from relationships.

however, you weren't surprised when nothing came from his mouth.

will knew early on that it was going to be bad.

his legs were heavy. his stick felt strange in his hands. the puck jumped and flew every time he touched it, like even the black piece of rubber itself could sense that something was wrong.

it was the worst timing possible. of course, the one time he's off his game, it's the frozen four finals.

will got a few shots on goal, even that one breakaway in the first period that he would've scored on any other day, but he just couldn't seem to get the puck into the net. it was especially strange, considering he'd had a beautiful game just two days ago against michigan with his two goals.

but today was a whole other situation. this wasn't a semi final, this was a the championship game. definitely one of the biggest games of his life so far. the pressure was too heavy on his shoulders, the building was too loud, and he'd woken up that morning with something sour sitting in his stomach that hadn't gone away. not after warmups, not after his first missed shot, not even after gabe clapped a glove to his shoulder and muttered, "shake it off, smitty."

he wasn't as quick as normal. his timing was off. denver was relentless – hitting hard, chirping harder – and every shift made him feel like he was skating in mud. it wasn't just him, though. the whole team seemed off; his line with gabe and ryan hadn't gone a single game all season without a point, and now they were being shut out? it was far too surreal.

being the top seed, the eagles had gotten the advantage of the game being played at home at conte forum. it had been sold-out, with bc students packed shoulder to shoulder and chants cutting through every shift. he'd dreamed of nights like this long before he even committed to bc, back when he was a little boy with eyes wide and curious, going to games with his family out of tradition – and now all he wanted was to get off the ice and out of the gear that suddenly felt so tight he thought someone was choking him.

he was the first to shower, not saying much to anyone unless necessary. he tied his shoes with shaking hands, pulled his hoodie on before his messy curls had dried properly, and slipped past the reporters waiting for him without making any eye contact.

will couldn't stand being in the locker room one more minute. not when his teammates seemingly weren't feeling even an ounce of the emotions he was bathing in; the frustration, the resentment, the loneliness that clung to him like a second skin.

the guilt.

he hadn't expected you to be waiting, not after these last few weeks. he wasn't sure if you had even come to the game, and now that he found you outside the main entrance, he had to take a deep breath in order to keep his emotions in check.

the fans had cleared out by now; mostly disappointed bostoners and denver supporters hurrying off to celebrate at some bar nearby. thus, it wasn't hard for him to find you.

you were leaning against a pillar to his left, still in your bc sweatshirt with your arms crossed loosely over your chest and eyes unfocused. he wasn't sure if he could just walk up to you, but he also definitely couldn't not talk to you.

he pulled his hood over his head and adjusted the duffel bag slung across his shoulder before stepping over to you. he could tell how hard you were fighting to put even a slight smile on your lips, and it was tearing him apart to see you like this. the girl who five weeks ago would've thrown herself into his arm the second he walked through the doors, brushed her fingers through his curls and reminded him how good he was despite this loss – where had she gone? you couldn't be further from her.

"sorry you had to watch such a shitshow," he said when reaching you, a humorless laugh slipping from his lips.

"sorry you had to be in it."

his gaze fell away. there were so many things he wanted to say – i'm sorry for being such a dick, for one. i've missed you so much, would also be good. or how about, my life has been miserable these last two weeks because i haven't gotten to hold you in my arms?

"have you been alright?" he asked after a few moments of sorting out his thoughts.

you only shrugged. "have you?"

will felt a prickle of frustration. you always did that when you were in a certain mood; answered questions with questions of your own. it always made him feel as if he was treading out onto thin ice – but tonight, it felt different.

he tried to swallow the tangle of hurt and nerves and guilt in his chest. how many awkward, stilted days had you shared recently? how many times had it felt like you were on different wavelengths? a month ago, he would've pulled you in, wrapped you up, buried his face against your shoulder and held you so tight you'd have protested jokingly. but now, he found himself just standing there, feeling stiff and wrong and uncertain.

he felt like he was going to ask can you just answer one question, please? but instead, he ended up saying something else entirely. "where the hell did i mess everything up? my entire life is fucked."

his eyes flickered back to your frame when you called his name. "you didn't-"

"don't bullshit me," he snapped. "sorry, i just..." both of his hands came up to cover his face, and a deep groan left his lips. "we lost. like a bunch of idiots. and-"

you knew he hated losing.

everyone always expected him to just bounce back; to laugh it off in the locker room, to chirp someone in the group chat later, to show up to some party like it didn't matter.

but it did.

he was supposed to be the one everyone could count on. and yet, tonight, he felt like just another college kid who'd choked on a big stage.

couldn't get the job done when the team needed it the most.

"not only did i screw up with you, but i screwed up my career."

you let out a heavy sigh. "as if san jose care about one college game," you countered, shaking your head. "they've watched you all season. they know what you're capable of. today doesn't change that."

he looked like he was a moment away from disagreeing, but he held his tongue. "still doesn't fix what i broke between us."

at this, you reached out, tugging on his arm gently until he was in front of you. your hand moved up to his chest, fingers curling around the fabric of his hoodie, and you looked up at him. the disappointment and resentment he was expecting wasn't present – just those big, deep eyes that always knew how to cut him right open.

"i still love you, will," you whispered, blinking up at him. "i believe we can work things out. if you want that."

"of course i want that," he answered, the words slipping from his lips before he could even think them through. his arms wrapped around your frame and pulled you into him not even a second later.

you let yourself sink into his chest; not really for yourself, but for him. for him to feel that you meant it, that some part of you still trusted him. his hoodie still smelled like sweat and a hint of his shower gel, and his heartbeat was uneven beneath your cheek.

he exhaled, deep and shaky. "i don't know how to fix all of it," he mumbled.

"you don't have to," you responded. "just show up. just tell me that you mean it."

he didn't answer right away, but you felt his arms tighten around you, just slightly. it didn't fix anything, not really. it didn't undo the past few weeks, or the game, or the silence.

but it was something.

"come on," you said eventually, placing your hand in his. "let's go home."

and for the first time in weeks, will let himself follow someone else's lead instead of setting the pace himself. for the first time, he didn't feel like he was choking on everything he'd lost.

he just felt like maybe, maybe, things could be salvaged.

maybe this wasn't the end of everything after all.

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could i request a smut for will smith hockey?

ooooo! i would love to!! do you have anything specific you want it to be about? 🤭

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if u get a ★ in ur inbox it means ur moot appreciates u, and ur efforts in the community. send this to 10 , to continue the love !!

🫶🏻🫶🏻

🥺🥺🥺 tysm love!!!!! <333

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https://www.instagram.com/reel/DLirsQfuYU0/?igsh=MWd4cjF0NnRqdjhudg== the duality of man my goddess

for reaaallll 😭 its the way like only he looked actually tired? idk what kind of test this was but as a sports trained, id assume he was the only one who actually went all out and did it correctly???? so im v happy

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you mentioned spokane and had to send this photo of my spokane boy saige at avs development camp he’s so silly

https://www.instagram.com/p/DLiaANLxrVE/?img_index=1&igsh=cHR0bW16ZGgzcm9n

pls 😭 i love this 😭😭

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ok this is literally so random bc it’s from like a month ago but your patience will smith fic is like one of my favorite ever. i loveeeee bc will 🥰🥰

AWEEEE :((( sweetheart thank you so so much!! that's so sweet!!!!! i'm super super happy you liked it (maybe mostly because bc will is taking over my thoughts approximately 98% of the time) and so thankful for this message <3<3<3

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a few of my online friends are telling me I should dm this one umich player josh orrico i think is cute but my confidence is 💩 I don’t know what id say we live so far away at least my college is in a vacation town and near miami but ugh one part of brain is like thinking oh he will probably think your weird don’t do that but the other part is you should be more confident do it conflicted but i’ll let you know if i do anything

SORRY FOR BEING SO LATE but oooo!! im very curious to hear abt if anything has evolved with this situation?? bcs when i googled him, i sorta got a vibe of like "yeah he seems like izzy's type" but idk what gave me that thought??

and yeah i get you 100% abt not feeling confident enough for it and so on, but i think that like..... we all gotta take more chances, kinda? idk maybe you do that a lot usually, so im speaking a bit for myself, but it's so so easy to fall into the "what if xxx or what if he thinks xxx". sure, dming him could be awkward or weird, but what's the worst that could happen? he could say "no thanks, have a good day", or he could even block you or whatever – but that wouldn't be the end of the world, would it? if he blocked you, it would make him look worse than you tbh 🤷‍♀️ like we maybe only live once, so why not take every chance we're given ?? 🥰

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mini ekky finallyyyyy <3333

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ashes – day 222

series masterlist

most of the car ride to the restaurant was silent.

jack asked you a few things – how you were doing, how school had been, if you'd done anything special – and you answered in sentences consisting of as few words as possible. once jack decided that he was done with the small talk, he instead turned up the radio, letting some country radio channel fill the air as he drove.

going out to a restaurant with jack was usually one of your favorite types of dates, especially since it was uncommon for you both to go out without him getting noticed by fans. but tonight? you definitely weren't looking forward to it.

nico's girlfriend anna, who was the one to hook you up with jack in the first place, hadn't attended that team party a few days ago. she had been out of town with some girlfriends, and called you up the day after to tell you how upset she was to have missed it. you had insisted that the celebrations weren't that big of a deal, but she said she was more regretting not getting to see you and jack together. and thus, she had suggested that you met up for a double date with her and nico.

in a moment of poor judgment, you'd said that it was a great idea and that you would love to.

jack had been on board, though definitely not overly optimistic or excited. his response over text consisted of exactly four letters – "okay" – and you didn't push him for more of an answer.

since the party, things between you had been… quite tense, to put it lightly.

you had exams to study for, and jack had been busy with something else. how in the world a hockey pro with a shoulder injury could be busy, you had no idea, but that's what he said and you didn't question him over it. therefore, the days easily slipped away and before you could notice, five days had passed without you even hearing his voice.

except, of course you had noticed. of course not an hour went past without you thinking about him. of course there hadn't been a single day or night where you hadn't cried over him. of course you'd been an emotional wreck since the moment you left that party.

you usually weren't like this. you only ever got this emotional when your hormones were all over the place during the first days of your period, but you still couldn't even blame that.

you'd called him yesterday, telling him that it was completely fine if he wanted to cancel. you said that you could make up some illness, so that jack wouldn't have to force himself to sit there with you and pretend like everything was okay. however, jack insisted that you should do it, saying that nico had already been questioning him about the night of the party, so it would be strange if you suddenly cancelled last minute.

besides – although he was far too stubborn to tell you this – he missed you and had been looking forward to seeing you again, maybe especially in a situation where you'd both have to act normal for once. so here you were, sitting opposite nico and anna at a table in what was apparently their favorite restaurant.

the evening has been going... fine, you suppose. polite. a little stilted. conversations drifted from hockey to upcoming vacations, to a story nico told about a weird hotel gym they went to in montreal. jack was contributing, laughing at the right parts, but you could feel how often his hand would twitch under the table like he was about to reach for yours, yet nothing happened.

anna asked about your studies, and you'd tried to explain them, but something about the way she nodded made you feel like you were speaking in a different language no one else at the table understood. jack offered to fill in the gaps for you, but it felt more like he was correcting you than supporting you.

everything was alright, until anna dropped a question you hadn't prepared for. "you're living together now, right?"

what followed this question is exactly what wasn't supposed to happen. you weren't supposed to give anna and nico even the tiniest of hints that something was going on and that the two of you weren't on the same wavelength.

just as you started to shake your head, jack spoke up. "pretty much-" he began, but stopped mid-sentence after turning his head to see you. his eyebrows raised instinctively, and he tried to recover as smoothly as possible. "i mean, not actually. she spends most of her time at my place, though."

"but nothing had been discussed," you said before you could stop yourself, regretting it instantly. "well, no- what i meant is-"

"don't worry about it, darling," anna interrupted, smiling fondly. "took me almost two years to properly move in with nico. i always craved my own space, somewhere to go when we fought and whatnot." she batted her long eyelashes, taking a quick sip of her wine. "but i think that living together, and realizing that you don't need to hide from each other, is essential."

essential. what you thought was essential was actually talking to each other and not just disappearing for five days. guess people have different opinions like that.

"anyways," anna cheered after swallowing a mouthful of spaghetti. she leaned a little closer over the table, eyes flickering between you and jack. "are you two over the whole meeting your parents is scary-phase now? that's another sure tell that a relationship is going somewhere."

this time, it was jack's turn to answer bluntly. "i haven't met hers yet, actually."

in an attempt to save the situation, you jumped in. "i've met his, though," you said. "a few times. they're sweet."

"i'm sure you'll get to know them more closely this summer," nico added with a chuckle. "spending time at the lake house isn't for the weak, you know. but i'm sure you'll fit right in."

"oh, you're going to michigan over the summer?" anna asked.

"of course she is," her boyfriend added with a roll of his eyes. "you know the brothers are there all summer. she has no choice."

jack was suddenly too occupied by his dinner to even acknowledge the conversation, so no answer came from him. your mouth remained shut as well, just listening in to the other couple who had quickly moved on to arguing about their own summer plans.

you had long since abandoned your own pasta, a slow wave of nausea lingering at the top of your throat. the dish was great at first, but about halfway through it, the rich tomato sauce had started to turn your stomach. it wasn't enough to comment on – it probably wasn't the restaurant's fault anyway – but it was enough to stop you from being able to keep eating. you had instead opted to just poke around in your bowl to make it seem like you were still interested in it, which jack saw straight through.

"was it that bad?" he asked, voice low, as his gaze fluttered between your plate and your face. "is there something wrong with it?"

you shook your head. "i wasn't very hungry to begin with," you told him.

jack leaned in slightly and rested a hand on your thigh under the table, his actions unnoticed by anna and nico, who were still chatting loudly. "are you sure? you can have some of mine."

your hand landed on top of his, and the physical touch felt more grounding than ever. there was something strange about it; the way your body responded with ease, while your mind kept circling back to the unspoken tension between you.

you offered him a small smile, not sure if he'd believe it – not sure if you even believed it yourself. he gave your knee a gentle squeeze before turning his attention back to the table, and somehow, it left you feeling colder than before.

soon, your plates were cleared from the table, and everyone else ordered desserts while you insisted that you were still full from a big lunch earlier. nico and anna spent the wait talking about that final playoff game the devils had lost and how mad they were jack missed it. when the waiter eventually returned with the desserts, jack insisted that you had at least a tiny bite of his. and since your nausea had subsided for now, you nodded in agreement, letting him feet you a spoonful of panna cotta.

"now, isn't that adorable," anna squealed. "that sweetness is exactly the type of thing that's going to make you last forever."

"oh, come on," nico groaned – even he had grown tired of his partner's many silly ideas and opinions. "that's such a tiny thing."

"well, love really is about the small things, though. isn't it?" anna said, tilting her face up towards nico. "i mean, that's how i knew you were the one, anyway. the way you took care of me one time when i was sick... the fact that you went with me to the veterinarian when my cat broke her leg..."

nico chuckled from her side. "and buying you soup?"

"god, yes!" she exclaimed, hand coming up to land on his arm as she turned her gaze to you instead. "there was this restaurant with the best french onion soup i've ever had. this one time, i was craving it, and..."

eventually, her words faded into the background. your eyes traveled away from her and instead to your side, meeting jack's eyes, which were already following you. the combination of anna's words and jack's soft gaze made something shift in your chest.

you really did love the little things about jack. the way he had been so determined to make you comfortable when you first slept over at his place; the way he always texted you after his games; the way he kissed your forehead and ran his thumbs along your cheeks as his way to wake you up in the mornings; the way he brought home some kind of souvenir or trinket from every state and major city he visited during away games.

as much as you loved them, you'd been surprised to find yourself missing them as much as you had these days you spent apart. it felt absolutely horrible to think that the sum of those things you loved was smiling down at you from just a feet from you – yet it seemed like all of them were miles away.

eventually, you pushed yourself up to stand from your seat. you were unsure if it was the sudden pressure of the night hitting you, or if it was the smell from the garlic bread and quattro formaggi pizza being served to your neighboring table, but you felt it – the sudden rise of bile in your throat, hot and bitter – and you knew you had to leave.

"sorry, if you'll just excuse me for a moment..." and before anyone could say anything, you had already made your way into the restroom.

you had no idea what you even looked like walking back to the table – hopefully not like someone who'd just vomited in an overly expensive bathroom and then cried from the guilt of it. jack didn't ask any questions, thankfully; he just stood, thanked nico and anna, and followed you outside.

now, in the silent bubble of his car, everything stood still. you didn't feel like you could properly breathe until he finally spoke up. "did tonight feel weird to you, or was it just me?"

"god, yes," you said, and when he chuckled at your response, a weight lifted from your shoulders. your gaze was fixed on something through the windshield, and a heavy sigh fell from your lips. "i felt like i had to... perform. like i was supposed to know exactly what we are, and how to answer every question correctly."

"speaking of which," jack said, shifting in his seat to look at you. "you shook your head when anna asked about living together."

you shrugged. "it was a difficult question."

"not to me."

you tilted your face up, leaning back against the headrest. "we haven't seen each other in five days, so it's not like i've felt very welcome to stay at your place."

"you pushed me away that night," he jumped in. "and tonight, you acted like we're strangers again." when you caught a glimpse of his eyes, your heart sank; he was nearly teary-eyed at this point. "i'm trying, i really am, but i don't know what to do if you keep shutting down."

i'm trying, you wanted to say. i really am trying. but i'm scared of being too much, too exhausting, too needy, too-

"you're so sure of everything," you said instead. "of us. i just... i wish i could be."

your words sat between you for a moment, uncomfortably honest. jack let out a slow breath, his fingers tapping anxiously against the steering wheel. "it's not that i'm sure about everything," he said eventually. "i just know what i want. and i want you. but i don't know how to make you feel safe in that."

part of you wanted to let him in. but another part – the part that always braced for impact – was already thinking ten steps ahead.

you shook your head, eyes flickering down to your fingers twitching in your lap. "i keep thinking that if i pretend that this isn't serious, it won't hurt if something goes wrong."

"but it already is serious, isn't it?" jack countered.

all you could do was shrug, letting a heavy silence fall over the car.

"do you still want this?" he asked eventually, voice barely above a whisper. "even though it's hard?"

you paused for a moment. then, you turned to look into his eyes, and suddenly nothing else seemed important. the only thing you wanted was for this man to feel as loved as he made you feel.

"i do. and that's the scary part."

[httpuckdrop]

ashes – day 217

series masterlist

big functions like there never really were your thing, but in these last few months, you'd come to learn something.

if it's for jack, you'll agree to do almost anything.

the team had thrown a party to mourn their elimination from the playoffs – or, celebrate a good season up until the last game, as jack preferred to say – and though you weren't fully comfortable attending, you'd been persuaded. honestly, saying no to him when he flashed those puppy eyes at you was near impossible.

it was better than you expected, really. seeing jack back with his teammates made your entire chest so warm; he loved them all just like he loved the sport he had the joy of spending his life around. obviously, you knew even before today how big a part of his life hockey was – you'd known him for over seven months, and he's never given you any hints that he'd be anything other than obsessed – but today, it felt different.

it was sweet, how important hockey was to him. but at the same time, something about it was frightening. cue the catastrophic thoughts.

what would happen if he one day got so badly injured that he couldn't play again? what if he got traded to another team across the country – or in another country altogether? what if the season suddenly got much busier, and he didn't have time for you anymore?

what if he woke up one day and lost his confidence? his spark? the part of him that lights up as soon as he laces up his skates? what would he do if he one day decided he was done with hockey?

could you handle an uncertain future such as this one?

you weren't supposed to be left alone long enough to let your mind spiral like this, but unfortunately, that's exactly what had happened. jack had run off to the bar to get you something non-alcoholic – you'd been offered a glass of champagne over two hours ago, though you'd barely even sipped on it, just not feeling the alcohol tonight – but jack had yet to come back.

25 minutes had passed, and while he hadn't disappeared per se, maybe it would've been better if he had disappeared, according to you. because seeing him across the room chatting to some blonde bimbo with far too perfect boobs wasn't even annoying; it was embarrassing, if anything. of course she's the type he would leave you for.

you were just thinking about the best way out when a hand landed on your shoulder. you held back from flinching, staying calm as you turned your head to the side to catch who had joined you.

"you doing good?" asked nico with a little smile. "you looked a little tense, all alone and-" he followed your gaze as it flickered back to jack. "oh."

"i think i'm heading out, actually," you politely smiled up at him, adjusting your grip on your purse. "but it's been good to see everyone again."

"you know that's mercer's girlfriend, right?" a look of confusion made its way to your face, before you realized that he was still looking across the room at jack. "she and jack went to secondary school together, i'm pretty sure."

you couldn't help the "oh" that escaped you at that. suddenly, you felt a little guilty. not that you'd instantly assumed that something was going on between the two of them, but something about seeing him so close to her still was a little painful.

"you know, the two of you truly seem good for each other." nico looked back down at you, hand still resting on your shoulder. "i've never seen him this smitten before, or heard him talk this much about someone. honestly, you could think he'd switch subjects sometime, but..."

you laughed softly, the sound light but not quite genuine. "that's sweet of him," you said, unsure where to look.

you knew it was meant as a compliment. nico was just being nice, offering reassurance. but instead of warming you, the words brought along some heaviness that settled right in your chest.

you should have been happy that jack talks about you; that he's smitten, that people notice. and yet, all you felt was pressure – like you'd been handed a script to follow, a role to play, and now everyone was watching to make sure you got your lines correct. everyone wanted to see if you could follow his lead and perform.

you didn't want to disappoint him. or nico, or his parents, or anyone else. least of all yourself. you didn't quite enjoy the version of yourself you became when put under this pressure; you never were one to assume the worst every time a boyfriend talked to another girl, but with jack, you never knew what you'd be feeling. exciting sometimes, sure, but also completely dreadful at times.

something about the expectations made it harder to breathe.

so you smiled one more time, calm and practiced, before walking off towards the entrance and stepping into the cool night, hoping it might clear your head.

the fresh air, and maybe more importantly the change of scenery, did help. silence always helped you sort your thoughts, and maybe you had been overreacting, to be honest.

however, you didn't get to enjoy this silence for long.

some guy, likely a guest of one of the staff members on the team, had stood a few feet away smoking. when he spotted you leaning against the wall, a little dazed from what had happened inside, he threw his cigarette away and made his way over. he called your name, which made you jump in surprise. "...yes?"

"that's your name, isn't it?" he asked, coming in far too close for someone you'd never met before. "it's a pretty name. i'm charles."

you nodded, taking a step back to extend the gap between you. "okay."

"i've seen you around," he slurred, almost tripping over his own feet as he tried to move closer again. "you're jack's... thing, right?"

thing. well, more accurate than 'girlfriend', maybe. "i guess you could say that."

"you know, you deserve better than that." he leaned against the wall now, arms crossing over his chest. "someone who'll actually treat you right."

"i'm not interested," you said, and you were just about to either run away or call for help, when you suddenly froze. his hand had made its way to your waist.

"i think you are," he drawled, tongue coming out to lick his lips as his gaze flickered up and down your body. "i know you're... special..." none of his words made their way to your mind, though, because you were far too focused on his hand trailing further down your body. as it reached the hem of your dress, you called yourself stupid over and over again for your choice of outfit for the day.

you weren't supposed to wear a dress this short; you'd bought an elegant white dress a few weeks ago because jack had told you to, in preparation for an event like this. not because he thought none of the dresses you already had were sufficient enough, but because he wanted you to treat yourself – with his card, naturally, as if spoiling you was some kind of hobby he'd taken up.

the only issue was that your period then ended up still not arriving a week after it should've, and you did not want to risk it reappearing when you were wearing a white dress.

therefore, you settled for an old black dress, one you'd forgotten how short it was until it was too late to change your mind. and here you are, regretting the choice more than anything.

thankfully, the door to the venue swung open before he could go too far, and someone made their way over.

jack didn't waste even a second before pulling the man away from you, pushing him up to the wall by his collar. "what were you doing with my girl?" he asked through gritted teeth, eyes so rough you wondered if looks could kill after all.

jack had a fair couple of inches on him, both in height and muscular width, and yet the other man didn't even flinch. he shot a sleazy grin up at the hockey player, shrugging his shoulders. "she was asking for it. dressed like tha-"

jack only needed one punch to wipe the smile off his lips. the sound of his knuckles connecting to the man's jaw was nasty enough to give you nightmares for months, but even as he fell to the ground from the sheer momentum of the hit, you didn't feel even a hint of sympathy. "leave."

and leave he did.

once the man had turned around the corner at the end of the block, jack let out a heavy sigh from next to you, before taking your hand and pulling you with him in the other direction. "wait-" you started as you stumbled along, trying to match his long strides with your shorter ones. "my coat is still in there-"

"we'll come back for it tomorrow."

you let him drag you along for a while, before you planted your heels into the ground beneath you and made jack stop with you. he blinked down at you, frustrated – no, furious – as he waited for you to speak. "you-" you shook your head. "you punched him. you said you don't do fights, you said..."

he'd promised that he wasn't one of those. he said he didn't fight on the ice, he said those boxing lessons he took when he was younger were all forgotten. that the anger he needed to let out as a kid was gone by now. how sure could you be that he hadn't lied?

if there was one thing you'd learned from all earlier relationships, and from the movies, and from your friends, it was this.

i can't be with someone who gets physical.

jack took a deep breath. "it was just an impulse," he said, using the last shred of calmness inside him. "i needed to get him to understand-"

finally, you snapped. "i don't need you to save me!"

he blinked down at you, completely dumbfounded, before raising his voice. "are you fucking insane? what the fuck?!" he raked his hands through his hair, pulling on the dark strands. "this guy was out here touching you, and- and you get mad at me? fucking bullshit."

jack had never sworn at you before. he rarely swore at all, to be fair; sometimes a happy 'hell yeah', or a 'fucking shit' when the devils lost that last playoff game. so to have him do it this much, and have the profanities be aimed towards you, stung far more than you'd expected.

"why the fuck are you still acting like you've got a foot out the door when it comes to our relationship?" he asked, hands dropping to his sides. "why are you looking for anything that's slightly imperfect just so you can use it to escape?"

"i'm not."

"you are," he insisted with a loud sigh, head tilting up to the sky. "here's the thing you're missing: things will go up and down. it won't always be perfect – no relationships are. but you have to work through hardships."

your lungs felt deprived of oxygen, like the air around you had grown so thick it was impossible to breathe.

"you're acting like one single misstep is going to make you leave. if i can't trust you to stay, then..."

he dragged a hand down his face, before looking back at you again.

"...then i don't know at all, to be honest."

[httpuckdrop]

ashes – day 190

series masterlist

"i told you we should've taken a cab!"

jack was not in the best of moods – but, to be fair, being cold and soaked all the way down to your bones never was any fun. "how was i supposed to know that it would rain?!" you countered, attempting to hide the amusement in your voice with faux irritation. "you could've checked the weather before you agreed to do this!"

jack got to finally remove his shoulder sling today, and he was now learning what it's like to have a second arm again. he'd only been allowed to remove it for physical therapy a few times per week, but now it was off permanently, and that had to be celebrated. he still hadn't been cleared to drive yet, with the doctors being scared he'd find a way to re-injure his shoulder from it. so today, the two of you went on a walk to the new pasta restaurant in town – and after dinner, while jack had wanted to hurry home and get in bed with you, you'd told him that it would feel nice to walk off the food coma.

it didn't matter to you that the sky was dark gray, or that neither of you had brought an umbrella. it shouldn't have come as a surprise that the sky opened and rain began pouring down at you just minutes into your walk – and still, it did. and of course, it was all your fault.

rushing in the direction of jack's apartment, you were drenched in mere moments. after realizing that you wouldn't be able to outrun the rain, he eventually reached for your hand, before pulling you along to hide under the roof of an empty bus stop. "this is the worst idea you've ever had," he grumbled, though there was a slight smile on his lips that betrayed the tone of his voice.

he shrugged off his jacket before reaching up to drape it across your shoulders. despite the fact that the coat was completely soaked, just like all other parts of you, something warm ignited in your chest at the action. you blinked up at him, meeting his warm gaze. "i'm sorry, i didn't think-"

"don't worry about it," he cut you off instantly. he shook his head, before draping his non-injured arm over your shoulders and pulling you into his body. his other arm hung around your waist, mobility nowhere near back to normal yet, but at least he could hug you with both arms.

this was all insanely cliché, you thought.

two people standing all alone, not a single person anywhere near, arms wrapped around each other, in the pouring rain? what kind of movie was this?

a year ago, even just the thought of this would've made you uncomfortable. having someone see you like this, hair all messed up from the rain, makeup probably running down your face... and yet, somehow, you found yourself leaning into jack, your arms wrapping around his strong frame.

maybe you don't have to analyze it like you want to analyze everything else that happens. maybe you can just allow yourself to belong in this moment – maybe even belong to him, at least one day in the future – without overthinking it. just staying here, instead of running away from the intimacy, would probably be good for you.

the fact that jack peered down at you and still kept you in his embrace, seemingly not caring about your messy appearance, made your heart double in size. you caught a sliver of a smile on his lips, and couldn't help but snicker. "what?"

he shrugged. "just remembered something," he hummed. "mom asked about you the other day."

your breath hitched in your throat. "she did?"

"she wanted to know how you're doing," he answered with a shrug. "wanted to say how glad she was you stayed with me through my surgery, and the fact that you've taken care of me when she couldn't..."

"was i not supposed to help out?"

he chuckled at that. "no- well, i mean, i wouldn't have been surprised," he said, and when he realized how it could've been interpreted, he jumped in to explain himself. "i mean, it takes a lot of time and energy to take care of someone like that. i don't think just anyone would've done that."

you nodded slowly. "i wasn't aware i had a choice. if i had known i could just skip it and go have some time for myself-"

"you're evil," he laughed, and you joined him. after a few quiet moments, jack leaned in a little bit, brushing his nose against yours. "she really likes you, you know."

"did she say that?" you asked.

"yeah." his lips brushed over the corner of your lips. "but i can tell, too. she mentions you sometimes. she said..." he took a deep breath. "she said she's glad you're a part of my life. no matter how big or small."

you weren't surprised to feel your eyes begin to water, but you leaned in to rest the side of your head against the side of his.

"i am, too. you know that, right?"

you nodded, a light sigh slipping past your lips. "me too. happy to be a part of your life, and... to have you be a part of mine."

he didn't say anything else, but you could feel his arms tighten around you. the silence was nowhere near uncomfortable, and it was far too easy to get lost in the moment – just two lovers, limbs intertwined and hearts connected.

"hey," you whispered eventually. "it stopped raining."

"it has?" jack's head lifted from your shoulder and he threw a glance around you, paused for a few moments, before lowering his chin onto you again. "let's stay for a little longer, though."

you had to bite your tongue to hold back the one-word answer your brain gave you.

forever.

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us..this is us they are watching hockey I know it!! will and mack are on the screen and they are so excited!!

that's us!!! literally!!!!!!!!! 🥰

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crying every time I go into your blog and realize there are no new chapters to read 😖😞😪

NO pls :(((( im so sorry skdjfghskd ive been reading a lot recently and not writing.... but im gonna try to focus a bit more on writing for a while!! next ashes part is finished now, just gotta proofread and then i'll post it tomorrow <33333

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hehehe (terribly late) also fab!!!! omg i havent used that word in ages but it feels so good

hi new friend!!! (you don't know it yet but it's about to happen)

HI NEW FRIEND !!!!! maybe i didnt know it but now i do and im welcoming it with open arms 🥹🫶 how are we doing friend!!!