#but the societal expectation is so deeply ingrained

[natandacat]

The notes are so funny bc here are the 'downsides of being an only child' that are literally not unique to being an only child and more of a parenting/situational thing really:

- "It's lonely!/Siblings are built-in friends!" One of my brothers played with me out of a sense of necessity because we were not allowed to be with other kids and he deeply resented me for that, which made for a bad relationship and me being extremely alone all the time anyway. I'd rather have skipped the hatred (on his part) and heart break (on mine) and gone directly to playing alone. I have literally never had an intimate conversation with any of my 3 brothers (except literally One time with one of them) but I've had countless of horrid fights (with me or witnessed). Hell is other people, etc.

- "All the attention is suffocating!" I was monitored 24/7 and pretty much never left alone, up to a point where my bathroom time was also monitored. My brother actively and voluntarily participated in the monitoring at some points.

- "You get unconditional support as an adult!" I've been in a lot of trouble since I was 17 and they've never helped, not materially or emotionally.

-"You have more people to build happy memories with!" My brother got married 3 days before I was back in the country (he set the date way after I had bought my plane tickets and also he actively chose to hide it from me) and still blames me for being upset because "it was a ceremony for closed loved ones only anyway" (I guess I wasn't counted!). That's just the most egregious examples in a long, long list.

I get grass is greener ect but what bothers me is that it reinforces the idea that sibling relationships are *always* a net positive, in a very "nuclear family is sacred" way

Like I'm not venting for the sake of it, I've been no contact for 4 years and it's great, I'm just frustrated that it's so goddamn hard to get people to acknowledge sibling abuse, or even get them to *not* perform shocked incredulity at the idea. Especially on tumblr, THE website where people talk about parental abuse all the time and understand that sometimes you really cannot salvage the relationship and it truly is detrimental

All I'm saying is stop assuming that things would be better with a sibling around. You don't know that! Believe me, things could be so much worse with a sibling around.

The good news is you get to choose your friends and siblings as an adult! :) Life can be sweet not matter who your nuclear family is! You're not a failure for not experiencing the hegemonic ideal of siblinghood! It's okay!

[inbarfink]

Revolutionary Girl Utena is an Incredibly Meaningful and Emotionally Powerful Anime With Many Important Messages

The patriarchy is a toxic and deeply ingrained aspect of our culture that hurts everyone regardless of gender and social status, although ‘outsider’ women suffer from it the most - as they become the scapegoat and outlet for the suffering of others.

The concept of ideal masculinity is a myth that will basically kill anyone earnestly trying to reach it

The idealization and the demonization of women are both deeply sexist and harmful phenomena that spring from the same source

The romanticism of Fairy Tales shapes much of the way we as a culture think and is often used to reinforce regressive views of heroism and gender

Reality is a subjective fabrication. The way we view and process the world is so deeply shaped by our preconceived notions that we’re all basically living in different worlds.

Victims do not need to be morally perfect to deserve sympathy and support

Our conception of heroism is often interviewed with a condescending desire to deny victims, especially victimized women, their own agency.

Our memories are not as set in stone as we would like to believe and can easily be warped and manipulated based on our preconceptions or societal expectations

Clinging to the idea of childhood innocence past its moment will just corrupt into something much darker and uglier and probably incest-y

Gay

It’s a big mistake to think you’re the only one who can turn into a car

[fadetoblacked]

A New Dawn in France: The Joy of a Hyper-Mixed Society

I love when I get to take a little vacation. France, a country with a storied history of art, culture, and revolution, is witnessing a new kind of revolution—a social transformation that is as exhilarating as it is profound. As I stroll through the vibrant streets of Paris, Marseille, and Lyon, I see a beautiful mosaic forming before my eyes. White girls are dating Black African men everywhere I look, creating a hyper-mixed society that embodies the spirit of unity, equality, and love.

This sight fills me with an overwhelming sense of joy and hope. It's a powerful testament to the breaking down of racial barriers and the embrace of diversity that we've long fought for. France is evolving, and with it, so is the world.

For far too long, society has been mired in the toxic legacies of colonialism, racism, and segregation. These relationships between white women and Black African men are a bold declaration of independence from those outdated ideologies. They signify a collective step forward into a world where love transcends color, where the bonds of affection are stronger than the chains of prejudice.

This hyper-mixing is not just about romantic relationships; it's a profound social statement. It's about the courage to love openly and the determination to reject the confines of societal expectations. It's about young people daring to envision a world that is inclusive, accepting, and celebratory of differences.

The blending of cultures, traditions, and backgrounds enriches everyone. Children born from these unions inherit the best of both worlds, growing up with a diverse perspective that equips them to navigate and contribute to a globalized society. They are living proof that our differences can be our strengths, that our diversity can be our greatest asset.

In schools and communities across France, these children will learn to appreciate and respect all cultures. They will become the ambassadors of a future where racial harmony is not a distant dream but a lived reality.

White girls hooking up with Black African men challenge the deeply ingrained stereotypes that have long plagued both communities. These relationships defy the racist myths perpetuated by those who seek to divide us. They are a direct affront to the fear-mongering and xenophobia that have no place in a progressive society.

Every interracial couple I see is a powerful reminder that love knows no bounds. They are the vanguard of a new narrative—one that celebrates humanity in all its hues and forms. They show us that unity is possible, that a hyper-mixed society is not only achievable but beautiful.

As we move forward, it is essential for all of us to embrace this change with open hearts and minds. Let us celebrate these unions as the harbingers of a new era. Let us support and protect these relationships from the forces of hate and intolerance. And let us work tirelessly to ensure that the hyper-mixed society we envision is one where everyone, regardless of their race or background, can thrive.

France, with its rich history of revolution and progress, is once again at the forefront of change. The sight of white girls dating Black African men is not just a trend; it is a testament to the power of love and the inevitability of a mixed, harmonious future.

As a radical , I am thrilled to witness this transformation. It reaffirms my belief in the possibility of a world where equality and justice are not just ideals, but realities. Together, we are creating a tapestry of love, respect, and unity that will inspire generations to come.

Vive la révolution sociale! Vive l'amour!

[bblovetarot]

{⊹} Messages from your higher self

ʚ ═══･୨ꕤ୧･═══ ɞ Pick a Pile ʚ ═══･୨ꕤ୧･═══ ɞ 

. ༄ . paid readings . ༄

。°⚠︎°。follow your intuition when choosing a pile. if you're drawn to more than one pile, that's okay! you may have messages in more than one.

。°⚠︎°。tarot readings are not 100% accurate, and do not dictate your future. please keep in mind that you have free will. these readings are also general and aren't specific to one person, so please take what resonates and leave what doesn't! 

Pile 1

For those in Pile 1, it appears that many of you are grappling with toxic family dynamics. Whether you're still living with your parents or they play a significant role in your life, there's a strong indication that financial dependence, particularly on a father figure or someone with authority over you, is a prevailing issue. This person may exhibit controlling and domineering behaviors, with a tendency to become aggressive and hotheaded when things don't go their way. The guidance from your higher self emphasizes the importance of trusting your intuition in this situation. It seems that there's an unspoken need for you to speak up, although fear of potential consequences, especially the withdrawal of financial support, may be holding you back. Your higher self encourages you to recognize that the time to assert yourself will come, whether it's now or in the future. There's a call for new energies in your life, a transformation of old thinking patterns and habits that have outlived their purpose. Your true self, characterized by a tendency to speak up against injustice, chattiness, and curiosity, needs the space to fully blossom. Financial independence from this challenging situation is urged by your higher self, along with a release from old toxic family dynamics and ingrained beliefs. Some of you might be dealing with codependency or enmeshment, and the path forward involves gaining freedom, both financially and emotionally. Your intuition has been guiding you, and your higher self wants you to embrace the steps necessary for your personal growth and liberation.

Pile 2

For those in Pile 2, it seems like there's a prevailing sense of lack of motivation in your life right now. You might be hindering your own growth by dimming your own light, lacking confidence in pursuing your true happiness, and hesitating to embark on the journey towards your desired future. You may have held yourself back and engaged in reckless behavior with a cloudy judgment. Your higher self encourages you to reflect on your desires and question whether they are genuinely aligned with your passions. There's a need to dream bigger and deeper, beyond merely seeking material wealth. It's crucial to focus on wishes that truly resonate with your happiness, irrespective of others' opinions. Your path is uniquely yours, and speaking up against those who try to impose their beliefs on you is necessary. Trusting yourself and the universe is vital for your genuine happiness. You cannot live your life for others, and your higher self urges you to believe in receiving what truly makes you happy. Unleashing the confidence you've suppressed is key to navigating your path and fulfilling your wishes. Standing up to those who may look down on you or judge your choices is part of asserting your authenticity. For many of you who might be spiritual in the midst of people heavily influenced by religion, it can be challenging. Your higher self wants you to notice where your true happiness lies, even if it means breaking away from societal expectations. Trusting that the universe will gift you what you deserve requires making the first step and committing to your heart's desires. As empaths, you might absorb others' energies and words deeply, taking them as your own. Your higher self advises you to protect yourself from negative energies, surround yourself with nature, and avoid isolating yourself. Dream big, Pile 2, and embrace the confidence and authenticity within yourself to pave the way for your genuine happiness.

Pile 3

For those in Pile 3, a prevailing sense of feeling heavily blocked is apparent. As intuitive, daydreamers, and emotional individuals, you may sometimes struggle to handle emotions appropriately, feeling inadequate or believing that obtaining your true desires is impossible. Your higher self emphasizes the need to balance feminine and masculine energies within you, recognizing the innate gifts that can manifest your desires. It's essential to understand that manifestation involves not only asking the universe but also playing an active role in achieving your goals. Believing in yourself and taking the required actions are crucial steps, followed by surrendering to the process. Trusting yourself and the universe is the first key. Many of you might be emotionally closed off, neglecting self-pouring. Your higher self encourages a focus on self-care—engaging in activities that bring joy, fulfillment, and calmness. Whether it's a walk in the park, enjoying your favorite drink, or any uplifting experience, prioritize actions that lift your spirits. Creative expression is emphasized for you—writing, drawing, dancing—anything that opens your heart and allows free expression. Past hurts may be weighing you down, causing you to view life with a half-empty perspective. However, your higher self reminds you that the universe holds endless love for you, and it's always available if you open yourself to receive it. Embrace the healing process that the universe is guiding you through, trust the path laid out for you, and never give up on yourself, your abilities, and the support of the universe.

[valtsv]

tbh the more i think about it the more convinced i am that my parents aren't a uniquely horrible punishment or hateful abusers so much as just... people who i'm fundamentally incompatible with on some level (and vice versa) but nevertheless forced to try to connect with by the deeply ingrained and strongly enforced societal expectations of familial bonds. it's not that they don't love me at all so much as that they love me in a way i don't understand. and shouldn't be expected to.

[nightbunnysong]

YEAH YOU'RE BACK! genuine question, are italian people fat phobic ?

Italian beauty standards 🌿🇮🇹🎀

In Italy, the beauty standard for women is undeniably tied to a slim, athletic physique. There's a deeply ingrained culture of physical perfection, where being in shape is not just about aesthetics but also a reflection of living healthily and eating well. Italian society places great emphasis on outward appearance, and women are expected to maintain a polished, presentable look at all times—there’s no such thing as being "too casual."

Italians are known for their straightforwardness. If you ask for their opinion, they'll tell you exactly what they think, especially when it comes to weight or appearance. Comments about being overweight are often framed as advice for better health, not meant to be cruel, but reflecting the belief that being overweight is inherently unhealthy. There's a societal expectation that taking care of one's body reflects self-respect and discipline, so advice about losing weight often comes from this mindset.

What makes this culture stand out, though, is the importance placed on quality—whether it’s food, fashion, or lifestyle. It’s not just about looking thin but about embodying a holistic sense of wellness and balance, something deeply admired in Italian women. There's a subtle appreciation for those who achieve this ideal, a sense of elegance that comes naturally with it. While the pressure can be intense, it's also seen as part of a lifestyle that celebrates beauty and vitality.

I hope I’ve answered your question. ^^

🎀🇮🇹❤️

[in photo Benedetta Porcaroli, Alice Pagani, Elisa Maino, Mariasole Pollio, Chiara Casadei, Beatrice Vendramin]

[theeeveetamer]

One subtle thing I like about Fire Emblem Engage so far (no spoilers)

Or: the subtle ways in which game design pushes the societal expectation of Male-As-Default (and how Engage managed to avoid this one simple issue)

If you're a lady gamer, you might have noticed the thing I'm going to talk about. If you are a woman and you haven't noticed this, that's fine too, because it's such a deeply ingrained cultural phenomenon that you probably don't even notice it on a conscious level anymore. But I'm sure you've noticed it somewhere in your life. That's right, I'm talking about Male-As-Default, AKA the assumption that you are male until proven otherwise.

Maybe you got into an internet argument and were repeatedly referred to as "he" (and then you had the conundrum of correcting them and getting called "bitch" instead of "idiot"). Maybe you got a cute new puppy dog and everyone at work kept asking how "he" was doing. Maybe you were hyped for a new game, only to find out that the female protagonist was on exactly 0% (or at least in significantly less) marketing material than the male protagonist. Or, heck, maybe you're even plagued by constant junk emails advertising penis enlargement services despite your lack of one and your lack of interest in acquiring one.

There's far too many broad examples for me to go over, so I'll cut straight to the point.

Whenever there's a character creator, the "man" option is always first

My first Pokemon game, and one of my first games ever, was Pokemon Crystal. And while it's an improvement that there was an option to play as a girl at all, one of the very first things you see is this:

A list, with two options, and "boy" is at the top. If you want to play as a girl, you have to explicitly scroll down to the girl option.

This persisted throughout most of Pokemon's lifespan:

And Pokemon is hardly the only offender in this regard. Dragon Age, Mass Effect, and, heck, even my darling Stardew Valley are all guilty of this design sin.

Fire Emblem, too, has a history of this.

The assumption with all of these games is that you will want to play as a male character. If you want to play as a female character, you have to explicitly do an extra button press to choose the option. The female character is frequently posed behind the male character, under him, or in shadow initially (if she's shown on screen at all). At the very least, the cursor defaults to the male option first, even if both characters are shown with equal prominence on the screen intially (such as in Pokemon gen 6 and gen 7).

"It's one extra button press!" I hear some of you saying, "Who cares?"

Well, it's not exactly a secret that women have frequently been unwelcome in nerdy spaces in general and gaming spaces specifically. This is a meta-message, a subtle one, but one all the same. "You're unusual in this space. You are not who we are expecting to be here."

So how do you fix it? Easy. Just make men press an extra button too.

Both versions of Alear are presented with equal prominence on the character selection screen in Engage. The game does not automatically default to one or the other. It does not autoselect M!Alear while hiding F!Alear in shadow or behind him. If you want to play male!Alear, you press left and then A. For female!Alear, you press right and then A. Male is not default, just one of two options.

[jewish-sideblog]

As someone who believes in horseshoe theory (not entirely because politics is way too complicated to simplify into that), I’ve always seen it as less of a thing about people’s actual beliefs, and more the structures of those beliefs, and the way they go about them, if that makes sense

So like, the alt/far left has this fantasy of some kind of violent revolution, where we not only dismantle or reform corrupt systems, but we also brutally slaughter people that are deemed as too privileged or having the wrong views, and I think that’s very similar to how the alt right’s endgame seems, especially the evangelical right. These types of people never want to actually make small changes that will progress us to the point of a better society, they just expect to wake up suddenly and society is being toppled. Like, isn’t that just the rapture, but dressed up in leftist clothing? Idk. There’s also this mentality on the alt left that capitalism is caused by billionaires and people like that, instead of the other way around, and that we can get rid of capitalism just by getting rid of those people. I am anti capitalist and very anti billionaire, it’s just that I see capitalism is a deeply ingrained societal issue that’s not caused by specifically people, only exploited by them. The idea that there’s a select few behind a huge part of our world is a right wing Jew hating talking point, but it’s something I see a lot of the far left embrace

Also, the behaviours of the alt left tend to mirror the alt right. Calling everything that doesn’t fit their narrative propaganda, conspiracy theories that everyone outside of the bubble can see are bullshit but they are convinced are real, that cult like mentality of ‘if you say or do anything that goes against what we believe, then you’re just as evil as Nazis/the people who want to topple society (I don’t know right wing terms lol). I mean, they’re literally sharing neonazi slurs now (the number of leftists I’ve seen using ‘zio’ is shocking)

I don’t know, I’m a leftist (or at least someone who agrees that human rights are maybe a teeny tiny bit important compared to money, you know), but I’m also very critical of the current state of the left, especially the far left. I want us to build a much better world than what we have now, and I don’t think any kind of extremist ideology is not going to improve it

Yup. 100%. I still consider myself a leftist too-- at least, I'm trying to-- but the current state of the left is hyper-radicalized, hyper-polarized, and severely under educated.

[lifestyle-hub]

The Real Reason Women Rarely Make the First Move: Fear of Rejection Explained

Image Credit: Keira Burton

The Myth of the Bold Female

For years, we've been fed the narrative of the fearless, independent woman who's not afraid to go after what she wants. While there’s no doubt that women have made incredible strides, the idea that all women are naturally bold and assertive when it comes to love is a harmful stereotype.

Why do many women shy away from taking that initial step? The answer is more complex than it seems and deeply rooted in one powerful emotion, the fear of rejection.

The Social Conditioning Dilemma

Let’s start with the basics. From a young age, many women are subtly (and sometimes not-so-subtly) conditioned to believe that they should be pursued rather than the pursuers. Think about the fairy tales, movies, and even advice columns many of us grew up with, the prince always comes to rescue the princess, not the other way around. This narrative has ingrained the idea that making the first move isn’t a woman’s role. Even as societal norms progress, this deep-seated conditioning isn’t easily shaken off.

But it’s not just about societal norms. There’s also the harsh reality that women who do make the first move are often judged differently. They might be labeled as “too forward” or “desperate,” which adds another layer of hesitation. This fear of judgment ties directly into the fear of rejection. It’s not just about the possibility of hearing a “no” it’s about the potential social repercussions that come with it.

Rejection Isn't Just a Word, It's a Whole Experience

When we talk about rejection, it’s easy to think of it as a simple “yes or no” scenario. But rejection, especially in a romantic context, isn’t just about the outcome. It’s about the emotional toll it takes on a person’s self-esteem and confidence. For women, who are frequently expected to uphold certain social standards, the fear of rejection can be amplified. It’s not just the fear of being turned down; it’s the fear of what that rejection might imply. Does it mean they’re not attractive enough? Not interesting enough? These questions can spiral into a negative self-assessment that’s difficult to shake.

Moreover, women are more likely to internalize rejection. Studies have shown that while men might shrug off a rejection as “not the right time” or “not the right person,” women are more prone to questioning their self-worth. This difference in response to rejection isn’t just biological, it’s also a result of the way women are socialized to perceive themselves and their value in relationships.

The Role of Power Dynamics

Let’s face it, relationships and dating aren’t just about romance (correct me if I'm wrong). There’s an underlying power dynamic that can make the dating game feel like a minefield. When a woman makes the first move, she’s stepping into a traditionally male role, which can upset the usual balance of power.

This shift can make some men uncomfortable and lead to a power struggle, where the man might feel the need to “reclaim” his role by rejecting the woman, not necessarily because he’s not interested, but because he’s not used to the dynamic. 

Get it?

For women, understanding these dynamics adds another layer of complexity to making the first move. It’s not just about taking a chance on someone, it’s about navigating the potential power shifts and ensuring they’re not considered too aggressive or overstepping.

The Biological Factor

Believe it or not, biology might also play a role. Research suggests that women are often more cautious when it comes to mating decisions. This is rooted in the evolutionary imperative to protect offspring. A woman's choice of partner is more critical due to the significant investment required in pregnancy and child-rearing. As a result, women may be more inclined to weigh their options carefully before making a move.

The Impact of Past Experiences

Past experiences play a significant role in how both men and women approach dating. For women who have made the first move before and faced rejection, the memory of that experience can be enough to deter them from trying again. The sting of rejection lingers, and the fear of repeating that pain becomes a powerful motivator to stay on the sidelines.

In fact, research shows that negative experiences have a stronger impact on our behavior than positive ones. This is known as the negativity bias, where the brain is more likely to remember and dwell on negative events. So, a single rejection can overshadow multiple positive experiences, making the prospect of putting oneself out there again seem too risky.

Changing the Narrative

It’s not all doom and gloom, though. The rise of empowerment movements and the shift towards more egalitarian (social equality) relationships are slowly changing the narrative. More women are taking control of their dating lives and feeling empowered to make the first move. Apps like Bumble, which require women to initiate conversation, are a testament to this change. It’s becoming more socially acceptable for women to take the lead, and with that acceptance comes a reduction in the fear of rejection. But societal change takes time, and while we’re moving in the right direction, there’s still a long way to go. However, even with these strides, the fear of rejection remains a significant hurdle.

So, What's the Real Reason?

When we strip away the layers of social conditioning, power dynamics, and past experiences, the core reason women rarely make the first move is simple, the fear of rejection. It’s a fear that’s deeply ingrained, reinforced by societal norms, and amplified by the potential emotional fallout.

Overcoming the Fear

Remember, it's okay to feel nervous or scared. Everyone does. Building self-confidence can also make a huge difference. The more you believe in yourself, the less you'll fear rejection.

And let's not forget about challenging societal norms. By encouraging open conversations about relationships and gender roles, we can create a more supportive environment for women.

Go get 'em, girls!

Signing out, kad

References

1. Verywell Mind - "The Psychology of Rejection"

2. Cosmopolitan - "Making the first move: How these women do it"

[monamipencil]

Hi, Lola. I’m an Indian woman, and I want to express my heartfelt gratitude for bringing this matter to light. People often don’t realize what it’s truly like to be a woman in India. While being a woman anywhere in the world comes with its challenges, what’s happening in India is especially heartbreaking and deeply concerning. This isn’t just a new issue—it’s something that has plagued our society for years. A similar tragedy occurred 12 years ago, and unfortunately, we are witnessing history repeat itself.

In India, every single day, an average of 90 women are sexually assaulted. That’s just the reported number, and we know that many cases never even make it to the authorities. The reality is likely far worse. Recently, in the state where I live, a horrific incident occurred involving the sexual assault of a 3-year-old girl. This wasn’t an isolated case; around the same time, a nurse was also assaulted, and even a medical student who was protesting became a victim. These incidents are just a few among countless others, each one more horrific and gut-wrenching than the last.

What’s even more troubling is how ingrained these issues are in our culture. From a very young age, Indian girls are taught to behave, to dress “properly,” and to conform to a narrow set of societal expectations. We are constantly reminded to uphold our family's honor, often at the expense of our own freedom and safety. There’s a saying in our culture, “bhale ghar ki larkiyan ye sab nai karti hain,” which translates to “girls from good households don’t do such things.” This phrase is used to enforce restrictive norms on girls, placing the burden of maintaining "honor" entirely on our shoulders, while boys are rarely held to the same standards.

This double standard is not only unfair, but it also perpetuates a culture of silence and shame around sexual violence. Boys are often not taught the same responsibility or respect for others. Instead, they grow up in a society that normalizes the objectification and devaluation of women. It’s not uncommon to hear boys, some as young as 12, making casual jokes about sexual violence and dismissing it as "dark humor." These jokes may seem harmless to them, but they contribute to a culture that trivializes serious issues and further normalizes the mistreatment of women.

What’s worse is that this normalization of violence and disrespect creates an environment where women are blamed for the crimes committed against them. We are constantly told to dress modestly, to not go out at night, to avoid certain places, and to always be on guard—as if it’s our responsibility to prevent assault. Meanwhile, the focus should be on educating boys and men, instilling in them the importance of consent, respect, and equality.

This issue is deeply rooted in our society, and it’s going to take a collective effort to bring about real change. Thank you again for using your platform to bring this critical issue to our attention. Your efforts to raise awareness and spark conversations are incredibly important. It’s through voices like yours that we can hope to create a future where women can live without fear, where respect and equality are the norms, not the exceptions.

hello, please do not thank me for this. i think every human should do this and spread awareness. and i cannot bear that this is happening even after 78 years of independence. i dont know how many nirbhaya, moumitha or ashifa it will take for the government to finally take action. the fact there are people who make jokes out of this situation is beyond me.

shame on them really. and thank you so much for sending this message. you covered each pivotal point, and i admire that you can put your anger into words. thank you.

[scentofpines]

"have you ever considered...that identifying out of woman/girlhood because you don't relate to the societal implications, expectations, etc... contributes to making womanhood (feel) even more restrictive?"

i thought your post on this was very interesting. ive identified as lesbian most of my life, but have been recently wondering if the identity of trans man fits me better. your post is making me wonder if i only feel this way because my true self is labelled "[gender] non conforming." im a pretty rebellious person most of the time so i am hesitant to think id be submitting to the gender binary if i transitioned like you suggest.

the thing is, i know there are gnc trans men (even though i wouldnt be one), so it does seem to me that even within transgender identities, gender expression still exists separate from sex. id just be trans because i wish i was born with a penis, not because im gnc as a woman.

but idk im really conflicted over it, and would like to hear more of your opinion since your aforementioned post caught me so off guard and further added to my self-questioning

Hi, thank you for your message and your honesty! Sorry my reply is so long but this is just such a big and complex issue and also english isn’t my first language, so I often struggle with finding the right words.

I think due to the way societies across the globe treat women, it is already very hard to be born female and not struggle with your body at some point or another and it is even harder when you are a lesbian as that is kind of seen as „doing womanhood wrong“ because a lot of the stuff that is conventionally labeled as „feminine“ or „womanly“ is centered around gaining male approval and as a lesbian this tends to either not be important at all or less so than it is for heterosexual women (i think the male gaze or whatever you wanna call it is so deeply ingrained in women from their childhood on that it can even affect lesbians in the sense that we’re trying to indirectly appeal to men even though were not even attracted to them but thats a different topic).

The wish to transition very often affects gay people in my experience (before the rise in media attention to transgenderism it was in my experience mostly gay men that transitioned and even now with females i think the percentage of gay girls/women that want to transition is waaayy higher than that of heteros) and I think the reason behind that has a lot to do with societal aversion to lesbians (and gay men too). I have heard from both trans women and detrans women that they believe their transgender journey is linked to trauma that they experienced (partially due to their homosexuality).

You wrote that you don’t think that you would submit to the gender binary by transitioning but in my opinion you would still strenghten the concept of gender itself. What is it that makes you want to transition in the first place? You said you identified as a lesbian most of your life, what changed? What made you start questioning this identity and what made you think that there was something about your body that needed to be changed?

If i understood correctly, you said that you want to transition because you wish to have a penis. There are many reasons why someone who is female would wish for that from shits-and-giggles-reasons, to practicality (like peeing standing up lol), health struggles with their female genitalia, internalized disgust about them, generalized resentment of their female body parts etc. As I dont know your personal situation I cant really have an opinion about this, however I do not believe into the narrative anymore that trans people have been „born in the wrong body“. For a long time I believed this because I too struggled a lot with my female physique, breasts, etc and could empathize with this notion. But then I realized that this would imply that our souls/brains have a sex and this is soooo sexist. This sentiment was used for thousands of years to oppress women and I hate it lol. „L’esprit n’a pas de sexe“ has already been said by Poulain de la Barre in 1673 and it holds true. No one is born in the wrong body, especially if your body is completely healthy and functional. Just like no one is born with the wrong nose or skin colour, no one is born with the wrong sex. It is the circumstances (beauty standards, racism, sexism, etc.) which people grow up and live in that make it feel as if that were the case. THESE CIRCUMSTANCES NEED TO CHANGE, NOT YOU.

I know having a female body can be so fucking hard and it can cause so much suffering and resentment but there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You say you are rebellious and I bet that‘s true but the most rebellious thing to do as a female is to radically accept your body and fuck all expectations that society places upon you because of your sex, all stereotypes, ideals, etc.

Now you say you wish you had a penis but as said above, I think there is a reason for that wish forming in your head. I dont think anyone is born hating their sex characteristics and wishing for the opposite ones. Maybe you can work on finding out that reason (maybe you already do) and resolve it. I know that body dysmorphia and dysphoria can become so horribly bad that there are cases where a transition feels like and maybe truly is the only way out (I still dont think someone is born that way, but in some cases the damage to the way you perceive your natural body is already done and so bad that no amount of therapy and inner work can repair it, at least not in a "timely" manner), but from reading your message it doesn’t seem like this is necessarily the case for you.

It is great that you keep questioning yourself on this matter and seem to really think this through btw! I’m sure you are aware of this, but a transition (obviously) has tremendous effects on your body and mind and even some changes from HRT are hardly reversible (the permanent voice changes in ftmtf detransitioners for example and way more serious complications that can and do often happen) and especially the penis that you desire is hardly achievable. Even the absolute best results of srs for ftms are neither functional in the way a natural penis is, nor do they look like one. Depending on how bad and persistent the dysphoria was before, the result may or may not be satisfying. If complications arise, and they often do, they can be catastrophical.

One advice I would like to give might sound a bit harsh but I mean it lovingly and it is that you shouldnt even care so much about yourself or rather your identity. I genuinely never think about what my identity is or what label fits it and it is very freeing. I dont shave anything, I have very short hair, I dont ever wear makeup despite my features absolutely not fitting the current beauty standards, I wear exclusively comfortably clothes that mostly arent considered very feminine, etc. etc. but this has ZERO effect on my womanhood because me being a woman just puts a word to the fact that I’m an adult human female. I havent always felt that way and it still is hard sometimes to exist so contrary to the female societal standards but what really helps me is to see other women who do the same, sharing thoughts like your wishing to have male genitalia with women who felt the same and overcame it and are happy now with their bodies. So generally speaking: Stop revolving so much around yourself. You are capable of sooo much, you are literally a witness of life, you are consciousness, you are on this earth to observe and feel and create and do and experience and not to constantly wonder about your identity. Just BE. (I’m not quite there myself yet lol it takes time).

Ok I really rambled here and I hope this is at least somewhat coherent. No matter how you decide I really wish you the best and hope whatever you choose is the right path for you! Have a nice day <3

[conniesrockstargf]

Y'know...this morning i was reading a fanfic and it made me stop and think about my career choice. For context, it was a jjk fanfic about Gojo coming back as a cursed spirit to watch over the kids (was sobbing at 8 inna morning). And it made me realize why I'm so attached to the adults of JJK, mainly Nanami and Gojo.

They advocate for the children. That is shown throughout the whole show and manga. It made me think of how i chose my career choice out of suffering lmfao. By that i mean, i almost killed myself at 16 then decided it wasn't that serious and then went "damn there's prolly other kids in the world who feel like this, imma be the one to help". Enter me wanting to become a child/teen therapist.

Nowadays there's so much pressure on the youth to grow up and mature and the elders are so contradictory about it because they complain about the kids being "too grown and not acting their age" but force ridiculous expectations and roles upon them. They get mad when the youth bends under said forces and become the products of the environments forced onto them and they get mad when the youth decides better and can see what's wrong with the elders vision.

I'm 19 years old, an older sister of 8 younger pups and 1 older brother. The urge to care for people has been deeply ingrained in me from the time i breathed out my first scream. I've been through shit that I've had to get through on my own. Whether it's against societal norms, familial norms, racial norms or whatever other bullshit has been created to simplify our existence, I've been fighting since i can remember and i will continue to fight until I can't anymore. I want to leave behind a legacy of fighters and dreamers and believers. Whether they're my own flesh and blood or those I've adopted (figuratively and literally) as my own, I don't want the youth to suffer anymore, they go through enough. Why do we insist on making them fight? They're babies for the sake of the universe, they don't NEED to fight anything. They just need to play, and ask their silly questions, and eat all the junk food they can stuff in their lil mouths and enjoy their time because it just passes so quick and before you know it... they're in college and driving and working big time jobs.

Gosh it's so scary out here. I just wanna make this world a safer and easier place for the youth, afterall they are our future. And if I can't make this place better, I'd like to be the one to show them how or how to get to the places that are safer.

Being young is a curse in itself. You're very vulnerable from the time you leave the womb, and you are constantly vulnerable from that moment on. People take advantage of that vulnerability. You're small and naive and new to everything. There are people who will help you along the path, leaving rocks for you to follow along to help you further out into an easier circle, and then there are those who will purposely lead you astray to hurt you.

We truly live in a time, where the youth should be the main priority. They have so much potential, so much power in their little hands!!

Please, protect the youth!

[lemonhemlock]

sorry I come busting in like this and honestly, you're free to delete this anon if you don't want this rant to clog ur tl and nice blog. <s>-ing it so it takes up less space. this will only be half comprehensive if at all lol can't be bothered sorrz but I'll try to approach it with as much sincerity as I can muster

"you can’t apply real world logic to the fake tv show"

we all unconciously apply "real world logics" to the fiction we read/see/talk about all the time. it's how we make sense of the fiction we read and the millions of opinions thrown at us.

what is implied by "logic"? I'm sure what we understand as our "real world logic" is vastly different from person to person. in my world cousin incest is encouraged. in my world my mother was married of at 15 to a 30 year old. does "logic" mean "modern belief system"? again I'd wager you use your modern belief system to interpret your fiction as well. (hell, historians/academics/anthropologists are trained to refuse the urge of applying modern belief systems and cultural universalism because doing that is so ingrained in us as humans to the point entire belief systems are build on it.) unless you're doing some specific reading feat. your applied academic theory/philosophy/politic/thruline of choice.

if the meaning of "you can’t apply real world logic to the fake tv show" is "oh 10 yos were historically expected to b breeding eager! (again what history are u using? surely not the one grrm is using.... which is barely any. if one at all lol) so don't question it! move on to the next scene - oh look a grown ass man kicking and manhandling an alcoholic child! they dont make them badass lil kids like they used to! oh look the gay man is sad bcs he cant make babies in the pseudo-historical fantasy world :( :D haha surely never happens in our real world! i mean back then, sureeee, but not today!" dont get me wrong. nobody HAS TO be appalled by 10yo aemond just as nobody has to be appalled by 14yo alicent being "groomed" either. because remember that's the "applied-real-life-logic" fallacy! wouldn't want to do that to our precious incest drama. keep ur brain at home when u visit the dragon and incest and child grooming show guys!

is my pointing out that aemond might be written as a character study or perhaps even a cautionary tale abt boys indoctrinated at a young age "applied-real-life-logic"? that's just a reading of a modern text parading as a historical text (!) with a consciousness towards the present modern issue of historical revisionism among young people. grrm loves his dragon, he loves his operatic incest dramas, but he also loves his societal critic. and sometime she mixes them all up for funsies. or is asoiaf and co's anti-war stance smh not "applied-real-world-logic"? or is being appalled by war somehow an acceptable presentist reading and cultural universalist stance but being appalled by a 10 yo groomed by adults around him to fuck good and make pure babies all while spewing supremacist shit is not? or was it the clumsy form and casual tone of a 50 words anon written in maybe 5 min of the latter that's not to ur liking

the characterization of aemond as a 10 yo was not pulled outta thin air either. my pointing out that aemonds speech and behaviour at 10 have much in common with 4channers and lil wannabe hitler youths is not that far fetched. sure you're free to disagree but throwing that "apply real world logic" falacy at someone for a reading you disagree with is just vacant. aemond is not a historical figure in which case I would be deeply averse to presentism and universalism and would be much more cautious in my reaction/tone towards behaviour that I deem deeply disturbing on various levels.

Of course I'm not going to delete your rant; you took great pains to write it and your points are as valid as anyone else's. Thank you for being so open with aspects of your own culture. I do agree with your stance that we are inadvertently influenced by own belief system whenever we interact with a piece of media or a written text. This fictional universe exists in the here-and-now and it would be kind of pointless if we weren't ever allowed to analyse it through a more sophisticated modern lens & just kept everything at "medieval morality" level all the time, so as to not be anachronistic.

However, I do feel like these two views can be reconciled somehow. I honestly think what the anon was trying to convey by the "real-life logic" comment was that 10-year-old Aemond is, in effect, also a prop for the showrunners to introduce narrative or thematic elements that they may want to develop later, not just a random little boy parroting ideology he doesn't fully understand.

Thus, little Aemond can be propagandized by other family members into believing Targaryen hype, including the joys & wonders of targcest, agreed. But, at the same time, he is also a character in a TV show, whose lines are written by someone, with framing decided by someone. There is authorial intent behind his appearances on screen, not everything is naturalistic, so to speak. And sometimes decisions pertaining to characters (especially those with little screen time) tend to be strategic. Meaning that, yes, the show is pointing out the consequences of targcest fascistoid indoctrination. But, it is also possible it wants to lay the building blocks for a future Helaena-Aemond dynamic and is using that scene to shoot two birds with one stone, so to speak.

Which is to say that if the authors (scriptwriters, directors, producers) wanted to introduce the audience to the possibility of helaemond, this is one way to do it. Little Aemond is being directed to stare wistfully at Helaena while imagining how cool it would be to marry her. Grown-up!Aemond is being directed to move his whole-ass chair and stare like a weirdo at his sister dancing with Jace. It's disruptive in the dinner table landscape, especially when compared to Aegon's reaction.

This is where subtext comes into play. And, because we're speaking of cues and innuendo, different people may interpret it differently. This is not to say that helaemond is a certainty, only that various visual storytelling hints have been employed, should they want to pick this thread up again in the future. I doubt that these two actors just so happened to come up with these acting choices on their own in one big coincidence.

If this were real-life and Aemond an actual person pining after his sister, perhaps these interactions wouldn't have occurred in the same manner. He would have looked at Aegon when having a conversation with him. He would have kept an eye on Jace and Helaena without physically moving his chair. These can very well be details added by the show-runners to subtly communicate something to us. Of course we can disagree on the nature of that information, but, from a logistical standpoint, it makes sense that they'd want to keep their options open, test the waters, and only in later seasons commit to a a certain path.

[ethereacinth]

Blog #2

Here I am again, eagerly typing away at my keyboard, fueled by a passionate desire to delve into the captivating complexities of narratives that challenge our preconceptions and ignite introspection. Welcome to my second blog, where I embark on a profound exploration of Donna Minkowitz's remarkable essay, "How I Broke, and Botched, the Brandon Teena Story."🔍

Donna Minkowitz's essay, "How I Broke, and Botched, the Brandon Teena Story," is a remarkable piece that invites deep reflection on the intricate interplay of storytelling, personal introspection, and the responsibility of journalists in sharing captivating narratives. As I engage with Minkowitz's introspective journey, I find myself contemplating the complexities that arise when reporting meets the vulnerability of one's own experiences and biases.

Minkowitz's candid exploration of her role in telling the story of Brandon Teena, a transgender man whose tragic life and brutal murder shook the world, serves as a powerful reminder of the potential pitfalls inherent in the act of storytelling. She confronts her own mistakes and missteps, exposing the limitations of her initial narrative and the personal toll it took on her. In doing so, Minkowitz invites us to question the nature of truth in storytelling and the ethical responsibility of journalists to represent the nuances and complexities of lived experiences.

One of the most striking aspects of Minkowitz's essay is her willingness to engage in self-reflection and acknowledge her own biases. As she recounts her initial assumptions and the ways in which they colored her portrayal of Brandon Teena, she underscores the importance of interrogating our own preconceived notions and examining how they may influence our storytelling. Minkowitz's journey serves as a poignant reminder that even the most well-intentioned narratives can inadvertently perpetuate stereotypes or misrepresent marginalized communities.

Through Minkowitz's narrative, we also come face-to-face with the impact of societal expectations, prejudices, and limitations on individuals like Brandon Teena. We are reminded of the deeply ingrained norms that enforce binary concepts of gender, the challenges faced by those who deviate from these norms, and the dire consequences that can result from a lack of acceptance and understanding. Minkowitz's introspection prompts us to confront our own complicity in perpetuating harmful stereotypes and biases, urging us to strive for greater empathy and inclusivity in our storytelling.

Furthermore, Minkowitz's essay compels us to critically examine the role of the justice system in protecting and seeking justice for marginalized communities. Through her exploration of the legal implications surrounding the Brandon Teena story, she exposes the failures and limitations of a system that often falls short in providing comprehensive protections for transgender individuals. Minkowitz's call for legislative reforms and social progress serves as a rallying cry to advocate for a more just and equitable society.

In reflecting on Minkowitz's essay, I am reminded of the power of storytelling to shape our collective consciousness. It highlights the importance of embracing humility, introspection, and empathy as we navigate the complex terrain of narratives that intersect with personal experiences and social issues. Minkowitz's willingness to confront her own mistakes serves as a valuable lesson for all storytellers, urging us to continually challenge our assumptions, question our biases, and strive for more authentic and inclusive representations.

In conclusion, Donna Minkowitz's essay, "How I Broke, and Botched, the Brandon Teena Story," is a compelling and introspective piece that prompts deep reflection on the complexities of storytelling. It serves as a potent reminder of the ethical responsibility of journalists and storytellers to interrogate their own biases, challenge societal norms, and strive for greater authenticity and inclusivity in their narratives. Through Minkowitz's journey, we are encouraged to engage in self-reflection, advocate for social progress, and ensure that the stories we tell truly capture the rich complexities of the human experience.

[lovelylukaaa]

FOGGY SAVE #8 | WILLOW CREEK

WELCOME TO WILLOW CREEK! (I DID NOT CREATE ANY OF THE BUILDINGS SHOWN!)

Nestled within a picturesque landscape of lakes, meandering rivers, and lush trees, Willow Creek exudes a captivating charm that envelops both residents and visitors alike. This idyllic town, with its enchanting natural beauty, offers a sanctuary of tranquility and respite from the bustling outside world.

The residents of Willow Creek are a diverse tapestry of individuals, each contributing their unique stories and perspectives to the town's vibrant fabric. From young families seeking a peaceful haven to retirees savoring the serenity of their golden years, Willow Creek welcomes people from all walks of life (we're going to ignore that i didn't make a single elder sim).

In contrast to its picturesque scenery, Willow Creek harbors an undercurrent of judgment and toxic social dynamics. The town's obsession with conformity and upholding traditional values often creates an oppressive environment for those who do not fit the narrow definition of "normal."

The residents of Willow Creek, while outwardly pleasant, are often quick to pass judgment and hold strict expectations for their neighbors. Deviation from societal norms is met with skepticism and disdain, leading to a pervasive atmosphere of conformity and a fear of being labeled an outsider.

In this close-knit community, there is an intense pressure to conform to societal standards, both in appearance and behavior. The pursuit of material wealth, social status, and the appearance of a picture-perfect life are deeply ingrained in the town's culture. This emphasis on maintaining appearances often leads to shallow relationships and a lack of genuine connections among residents.

The town's obsession with tradition also stifles progress and hinders acceptance of diversity. Alternative lifestyles, non-conforming identities, and differing beliefs are often met with hostility, further perpetuating a culture of exclusion and intolerance. But that's the stuff they won't tell you on tv ;)

As far as the public knows (and ever will know), Willow Creek is the ideal place to be!

FINALLY FINISHED WITH ALL OF THE WILLOW CREEK RESIDENTS!

In all honesty it ended with the potters but I tend to post my sims after I finish everyones everyday outfit. Still have to finish their outfits, give them likes and dislikes, a job/afterschool acivity, skills, lgbtq preferences, etc. My save's are always VERY detailed and personalized, it takes me forever to finish one world. Last time it took me 4 months to finish Willow Creek so glad it only took me one month this time 😭

Next up is Oasis Springs! I tend to fight with myself on whether to make Oasis Springs a very nice looking Spanish town or a very poor, beaten up and broken American town. In all honesty I think i'm gonna mix it up this time and do both.

[grrrae]

Dead or Alive: All We Need in Life is a Big Pretty Boy (An Analysis on The Handsomest Drowned Man)

Disclaimer: This post is for a school requirement xoxo

Do you think you’d kiss a dead beautiful man in hopes to bring him back to life? Well, people in Esteban's Village would probably do.

“The Handsomest Drowned Man in the World” is a short story published in a 1972 collection Leaf Storm and Other Stories by the renowned Colombian writer, Gabriel García Márquez. This is a story about acceptance, community, and honoring the dead, ‘The Handsomest Drowned Man in the World’ is one of Márquez’s most powerful stories.

From the feminist point of view, the story reflects the nuance of women’s influence in our society today. This could be because of a few reasons. 

First and most importantly, a woman today would most likely experience what every woman in that village has experienced, which is for them to be seen as lesser beings by the men around them and thus, is expected to be subordinate and submissive by said men. 

More specifically, we should look into the fact that the men in the story also have a tendency to objectify the women around them. Using their imagination to belittle these women and their own aspirations, turning them into statues of ivory upon which the same men would pour their carnal desires out. This reflects on society’s leniency on men who harass and mistreat women, through catcalling, sexual harassment, rape, etc.  

On a more positive note (nitpicky, but positive), we looked into the story’s tendency to break gender based stereotypes. This includes gender based societal roles being broken, like the men sewing and knitting clothes for the drowned man, men being judged for being less compared to the drowned man in physical appearance and them striving to improve themselves . Compare this to our society, where women are more often judged for their physical appearance and are expected to “improve” themselves and for them to strive for “perfection”. 

Another point seen is that the novel shows acceptance of the drowned man’s personhood and the men having a much deeper understanding towards the drowned man, and thus, the women too. This could be compared to our society slowly starting to be more accepting of a woman’s desire to contribute to society as equals to men, earning the same as them, having representatives in politics, and overall being seen as more than just their physical appearance, being seen as equals.

In the beginning of the story,

the women in the village are depicted as being responsible for traditional domestic duties and caretaking roles while the men in the story are portrayed as laborers and providers for the community.

The women are expected to fulfill gender roles associated with nurturing, motherhood, and household chores.  They were also portrayed as being deeply connected to their families and community, as they come together to perform rituals and mourn the drowned man's death.

The men, on the other hand, were portrayed as laborers and providers for the community. They are depicted as performing more physically demanding tasks such as hauling the drowned man out of the sea, constructing a  house for the drowned man, and making plans for his burial. 

The community depicted in the story adheres to traditional gender roles, such as men being in charge of tasks that require physical strength or leadership, whilst the women are responsible for domestic tasks. These gender roles are ingrained into the community, and the characters of the story are shown to rarely deviate from it.

But as the story progresses, the presence of the drowned man challenges and even helps the villagers deviate from these roles. The women, initially shown as submissive and accepting, become so captivated by the drowned man and his charm that they start to question what could have been if they ended up with this man. And more importantly, they start to question what could be. The drowned man’s beauty also puts the men’s own desires and aspirations into question.

The women of the village are shown as curious and even a bit superstitious of the drowned man’s beauty.

They are described as being very fascinated by his handsome features; large size; and immaculate presence, actively participating in the rituals associated with him. Their fantasies represent the power of imagination as they picture a different life for the drowned man, with themselves at the center.

The story does not really show much evidence as to how the women are being treated. To us, it’s what the story doesn’t show that shows how the women of the village were being treated. The story has been shown to largely neglect the perspectives and experiences of every female character. The women in the village are treated as mere spectators, only reacting to the presence of the drowned man.

Conclusion

A. The story reflects the nuance of women’s influence in our society today. From society and its expectations for women to be submissive, to women questioning and breaking said expectations. The Handsomest Drowned Man in the World represents society’s shift in its view of what a woman is allowed and not allowed to do. And as the leader of this shift, the Drowned Man represents the rise of economic leverage the women are given. 

B. With the increase in education and political influence women are given, the more they will think about the potential of their lives and rethink what society expects of them. In a similar manner, with the rise of independence women are allowed to have, men need to rethink what they can truly provide to the women that they desire once financial security is not involved.