#but the rest? exhausting to deal with
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noticing in your vents—
is your sister okay too?
We laugh, sure, but we both know we're not ok.
#messyr#vent post#we have separate fams and both of us are the eldest. She mostly stays at mother side and I stay at my father's although dad is never home.#The rest of the members in my father side can put quips here and there to make her feel guilty and she does get guilty mostly about money#I ALSO provide them and HER financial support while also trying to pay for myself. I'm VERY exhausted.#unlike me she's not caged up here- but with a few restrictions still#while im BOUND to my family (father side) and they always target me so that's a pretty neat deal than seeing my sister suffer the same#just thinking of it makes me want to throw up HAHAH#there are times- she does things by action or words that makes me feel like- yknow. she loves me back. that's enough for me
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Would be superb if every day off I didn't become paralyzed with anxiety because there's nothing substantial to distract me from it. Would be really great if that didn't happen cause I still have stuff to actually do but its not as immediately pressing as my actual job.
#ugh#i genuinely miss being unemployed#at least then i had time to do stuff#now i have to deal with this and i have like no time for myswlf#cause the time i do have is spent having major anxiety and then the rest is spent exhausted by said anxiety#granted today is not as bad and could have been avoided#urgh
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i love sabo so much bc he looks like he's smart but he's just as dumb as his brothers. more than them, even. bc sabo actively stops, thinks about the situation, says "this is fucking stupid" and proceeds to do it. no hesitation. no questions asked.
#he's not impulsive he's just a menace to society !!!#entp behavior right there#btw somebody give koala a rest she must be exhausted from dealing with this dude#sabo became my top 3 op character so quickly damn#one piece#sabo#asl
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Silver, Sebek, Yuu and Grim have got to be exhausted after this chapter is over because holy hell are they going through way too much.
#I feel exhausted FOR them#tfw you're technically asleep but you don't feel rested in the slightest because you've been fighting a WAR and dealing with baggage#twst#twst spoilers#twst chapter 7#twst Silver#sebek zigvolt#the MVPs of all time
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im doing something different for commissions this coming time
#i have to cleanup/line/color/ the last of the work I have to do#and then im gonna take a break for a week or two#for the next batch it’s gonna be different I’ve decided#im probably going to make them ko-fi 6 or 8 slots first come first serve#im gonna raise my prices too. im sorry if this an inconvenience#im not going to get too personal but there like rough changes happening in my life and i feel very physically sick rn#i feel very ill and im feeling so intensely ever since being off my meds. I don’t want to make it anyone’s problem#im SO greatful to the people who want art from me. and im so greatful for the commissions i get.#I think I worked myself to the point of misery . im feeing the physical effects of it#im just physically exhausted and I don’t want to burn myself out#I can barely respond to people and I don’t want to have others deal with it#I have no other ways of getting money so I physically depend on these#I don’t want to feel like im only good for making art . i don’t want to make it seem like im lazy when im working everyday#hopefully I finish the rest of my work in the coming week. I appreciate everyone whose supported me and my art#and im sorry for being a bit of a downer. I’ll get back to regular posting 🧡#txt
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exhaustion very accurate word i rly am running on fumes and not a thing else
#fucking. so tired. i could almost cry but i dont have energy#got rid of all my stuff and packed the rest i hate material possessions i hate moving. genuinely so much harder this time than like ever#took literally all the reserves i had. exhaustion. too many compounding stressors past week i could not take this#have to pick my dad up in an hr have to talk like a human have to drive across the country tomorrow then traveling for fun supposedly#then move to a new city and be unemployed i guess so also have to find a job and deal w new doctors new place buy new stuff#:deadsau::ron:#skravler
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conked out for nearly 12 hours which is really nice on a i slept less the past 2 nights combined level but also i was supposed to be up at 7
#i feel so bad i wanted to do stuff in the morning#i also need to work and i lost an hour of free time for that#also semi related and i know this is an asshole thing to say but i'm so tired of suicide watch#why does it have to be my responsibility that my roommate doesn't try to kill themselves again#i'm not a professional i'm not anything. i spent my field trip checking in every 2 hours to make sure they were alive & doing things#i come home and i can't rest because they're my literal roommate and now I have to exist in the same space#without the boundary of the phone#i genuinely can't deal with this and i feel horrible about it because i'm not the person who just nearly committed suicide#but i AM the guy who was traumatised by having to stop them and who's deeply exhausted by the aftermath#idk#everything is a lot rn. and i feel bad about sleeping in on top of all that. yay#veni veni
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May Apollo bless this scorching hot bath and make my knees shut up and put out the buzzing fire in my joints.
#pls help#The level of annoyance my pain creates is the equivalent of having a fly in my ear#It's a type of pain that cannot be ignored#And you cannot think of anything but it#cripple punk#physical disability#CRPS#tw bugs and nasty story ahead#so flash back to when i worked at a kitchen that had so many flies in the back outdoor rest place#that 50 would land on you bc you're covered in food#and no matter how much you shook them off they'd just land on you again#until you give up from extreme exhaustion and just let them crawl on you#thats what the pain is like#i was also dealing with this pain on top of those real flies back then#im happy im too disabled to work at hell holes anymore
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we talk sometimes about how hickey seems to be largely immune to the physical effects of scurvy, i.e. everyone around him is falling apart at the seams and meanwhile he's just sitting there, beatifically glowing. but do we also acknowledge the fact that he chowed down on goodsir's poisoned corpse along with the rest of his rotten lads and it seemed to do precisely NOTH ING to him. everyone else is stumbling around blearily or leaning against the side of the boat for support. poor magnus is going for a gold medal in chundering. and hickey is just like. right. time for a deranged rant, methinks.
#the rest of them are also dealing with exhaustion bc they had to pull the boat#but to put it politely hickey is a LITTLE GUY.#a similar dose of poison is gonna had a larger effect on him than someone like manson or tozer#and yet.
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Time for more eternal gales isat au, this time featuring Sier as Isabeau, creating a sprite I can never use next to Aris’ because despite my best efforts it would make them look tall
#keese draws#eternal gales#oc#oc art#isat#in stars and time#this one didn’t take nearly as long as the aris one but I think I suffered for it more from the clothes alone#siffrin made me forget I suck at drawing clothes rip#this was also harder because of how much trickier it was to try and adapt siers design to feel fitting enough for my standards#they have a very stylized design compared to most of the others#I kind of took the lazy route out by keeping most of their original shapes in tact but it’s fine#sier in this au would serve the needed role of emotionally intelligent bestie who is also too scared to cross boundaries to do much#but despite this I do think they’d actually get the suspicion quest in this au#mostly because mase is a furry artist not a nerd and sier would be more likely to look at aris and go bro. are you in a fucking timeloop.#it also differs in that aris doesn’t yell at sier abt it instead looping before they can finish because she can’t handle hearing them be#right on the money about this thing that she thought she was handling perfectly#she doesn’t want to fail them she doesn’t want them to realize she’s failed them she doesn’t want to be a burden she doesn’t want them to#‘realize’ they’re better off without her#aris is Incredibly resistant to accepting help on most serious issues because shes convinced that it’s her responsibility to deal with it#by herself and that if she can’t then she’s a failure and worse than useless#I mean in canon eternal gales she literally loses her eye and arm because of that#in this au she just lost them how sif lost his eye but she still has. complexes abt all that.#but yeah sier also differs wildly from isa in many Many other ways as does the rest of the cast from their assigned characters#for sier they rly aren’t the jock of the group at all instead being more of the guy who keeps the mood lighthearted at all times lest they#die of stress because the others haven’t said anything in a whole 30 seconds#aka they’re the self assigned peacekeeper who doesn’t actually need to constantly keep the peace because no one’s fighting but they still#feel like they need to so they dance and dance and dance for their friends until they collapse from exhaustion#metaphorically ofc#this is why they’re both terrified to confront aris when she starts acting a bit fucked up but also why they still do sometimes anyways#they talk abt this a lil bit in their friend quest as they talk abt how they want to change but are scared to
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I was in my old blog archives trying to find a pic I swear I drew many years ago just to satisfy a brain worm in my head. My archive pulled up this cropped post I made and I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS image crop
#omw to sleep in a coffin for 30 years to deal with my art block#mood#art block#btw i don't have art block rn but i am very very exhausted so I am resting#just wanted to share funny image#vincent valentine#forever a depression icon for all time
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🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳
#the weather is so lovely today. it’s breezy and cool but the sun is warm so it’s not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i haven’t been sleeping super well#the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if#something wasn’t optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i don’t wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed#and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldn’t care less if i don’t write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldn’t even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me#kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top#of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired#sick and tiredddddd#actually a bit sick too my throat hurts#anyways whatever#it’ll be fine i guess#i don’t want to give up but i don’t have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it#♡ dear diary…
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Go for a walk Walking relaxes your body and mind and allows you to rest that you need. You can also take some nice photos of nature to put yourself in a good mood.
Build a sleep routine When you are burnt out your sleep schedule can be disrupted. Sleep is a very important aspect of health and it depends on your ability to rest, your mood and well-being. If you don’t sleep well, you will feel tired, irritable and frustrated. So this will only make your burnout worse.
Talk to someone you trust If you explain your feelings to someone, you will be more mentally stable because you have identified your problem and let go of your worries. You can also find support.
Exercise Exercise can improve your sleep and lift your mood. You just need to find exercises you enjoy.
Make a work schedule Often, we burnt out because we work too much without breaks and rest. So you need to include this into your work/studying/etc sessions. And you also need a time when you stop working for the day
Cut down on social media Being on social media for a long time can be very draining and can lead to burnout. But if it helps you deal with stress, then go for it.
#self care#self love#self help#burnout#how to deal with burnout#resting#grind culture#work culture#exhaustion#mental illness#mental health#positive mental attitude#no shame#stressed#overworking#overwhelmed#tired
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i've been too exhausted to cook/clean from all the chaos of daily doc appts and lots of work all the time so i've been only eating bread again. my body and heart are not happey. but at least i'm still alive
#lay text#i will catch up on nutrients soon!!!#this is just a very hard week. and next week will prob be hard too. all the wheeling is so exhausting and long bus rides eugh#and sleeping with itchy uncomfy bandages#and dealing w ppl trying to grab my chair w/o consent all the fuckign time (i need to put spikes on my handles i stg)#and having to navigate unhinged men downtown#and having no sense of direction so getting lost 24/7#my body & brain aren't used to being out daily deep in the city like this..... like damn idk how ppl do it all the time#i have to rest 2-3 days after going downtown#but alas that's not allowed for me rn :'(#cuz of my ramen booboo#anyways. it's 11pm i have so much work to do. i wish naruto was there to encourage me. he would know exactly what to say#something stupid and loud and brash#god. can't wait to indulge in spec interests again
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HELP 💀 even my watch knows i'm seeing my dad again for the holidays
#i found this very funny#my dad being here i do not find so funny#i was dreading his arrival#so far its been a day and im already waiting for christmas to be over#kinda sucks bcs my classes have been so demanding and i have some important exams at the end of this year#and im exhausted and just wanna rest#but instead i have to deal with him#anyway currently doing smth i can tell is annoying him bcs he already called me the r slur earlier today#payback ig#alex says shit
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#Ignore me#4 months is quickly coming up... 4 months since Alec died#Every moment of every day I'm at a loss for what to do#And how to behave#Keeping myself busy at work is nice. I have#To be forced to use my brain other ways and do things#But by the end of the day I'm so unbelievably exhausted#I'm just masking as a happy-okay person.#I spend the quiet time at work rotating this new reality#It's exhausting to pretend to be okay#But what else am I supposed to do?#It's not fair to the people around me to constantly be on the brink of crying.#To be sad and quiet and idk. I don't want their pity or sad looks#But sometimes I do just wanna scream#I don't always want to hear about their recent adventures#I want to curl up in a ball because my regrets are eating me from the inside out#I fucked up an important part of my life because I'm a coward and#I was juggling too many trashfires in my life to deal with the messy place#We left our friendship. I thought there was time. There should've been time.#A whole lifetime to figure it out. Make things worse. Make things better.#To be happy#And now he's dead and none of it matters#I'm supposed to live the rest of my life now#I don't know how to do that anymore#Nothing feels right or real#Every atom of my being keeps raging against the truth#He's gone#The sweet boy that would make me laugh... share my love of myth & language...#Carry me bridal style... kiss every inch of my face... kiss the palm of my hand#And then hold it to his chest to fall asleep....
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