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feministfang · 1 day ago
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I am not even anti-billionaire when it comes to rich women. Women deserve to be ultra rich and live however we want; having financial freedom, real independence, enjoying luxury, not owing our time and energy to anybody, and being impossible for men to exploit us cause we don’t need them for anything. I myself am working hard to be rich enough that i don’t have to work hard anymore and so i can enjoy my life while fulfilling my desires that are far beyond my basic needs. If i ever become as rich as Taylor Swift, i'd love to have my own private jet as well and use it to travel everywhere while leaving the carbon emissions on every jealous hater’s face to make them feel suffocated so they can shut their mouths for once!
These low-life, chronically online, judgmental freaks who talk about caring about humanity or the environment only do their judgmental shit talk when they have to target or blame a woman. Meet them irl and you’ll see they are just jobless, miserable nobodies sitting behind their phones all day scrolling and pointing fingers at other women thinking they can bring them down to their level. Sigh!😮‍💨 And they fail every time. You will never find these people actually doing something nice for the world themselves because they think hating and blaming women automatically puts them in the "good people" category and gives them the validation of everyone else pretending to be a good person on the internet! They are so horrible they even defend cyberbullying rich successful women with comments like:
“but she’s a billionaire she deserves backlash”
“oh she’s so rude and obsessed with herself she deserves all the hate”
“oh but she has never donated her money to charity she’s so selfish”
The so called angry liberal activists, including some of the radfems, go in all their way to pass such stupid ridiculous comments; no wonder so many women are leaving feminism because what we want is freedom, rest and to own our lives. We are not here to carry the burden of everything y'all like to put on our shoulders. Feminism is only about our liberation from men and patriarchy so put your focus on that, whatever we do other than that is none of anyone’s damn business. Stop expecting feminists to solve every humanitarian crisis as we are not here for that! Stop asking women to cut off our expenses and make sacrifices for the sake of others. No we won’t do that! Cope and cry! And do it yourself if you care!
And to the women who often get guilt-tripped by these miserable insecure losers for wanting a rich luxurious lifestyle, ignore them all! They are not at your level for you to be wasting your energy on them. You are the only one working hard for yourself to gain these privileges, money, and freedom. You deserve to cherish it however YOU want, and not according to these low-value people who didn’t put an ounce of effort in your life but have the audacity to tell you what to do with your blessings. They all didn’t support Taylor Swift in 2016 when she was cancelled, didn’t care about how she was feeling, refused to acknowledge her existence like cowards to be on the safe side of the internet, and also participated in cyber bullying her all over the internet just for fun. Now when she’s a self-made prospering billionaire, all of a sudden she exists in everyone’s mind as a horrible person because she is not living her life the same miserable way as theirs.
Always keep in mind that they don’t even hate you, they hate themselves, they hate their lives, they hate everything about themselves so what they direct at you is just the projection of their own insecurities and they always do it in the form of gaslighting. If Taylor Swift did it while enduring the entire world hating on her, so can you! Stay evil and selfish while sipping on your fav wine in your private jet and let them cry about it because nobody is important when you’re lost in having fun, let alone their opinions. I am proud of you for choosing to upgrade your life, instead of suffering in the same shit! Cheers! 🥂
i will always be anti-billionaire, but it pisses me off when people talk about Taylor swift likes shes the literal spawn of Satan. sure, she does have a very big impact on the environment, but I see males harassing her about her carbon footprint but don't bat an eye at elon musk or any other male billionaire. if you're going to target a billionaire for their impact on the environment maybe focus on all billionaires, not just a woman lmao. don't claim to be doing this to "help bring awareness for the earth" when you literally only talk about taylor
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thef1diary · 7 hours ago
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How would dirtbag!danny react to you sending him some risqué photos 😏
— that is a dangerous game, nonnie 👀 I’m imagining him miles away, where he can’t come over right away so he’ll have to make do with the photos you sent him, after degrading you on a call that is. 18+ content below
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Your phone buzzed almost immediately after you sent the picture—a few sultry shots of you sprawled on your bed, wearing the tiniest scrap of lingerie you owned. The text was simple, just a playful “Thinking of you ;)”, but you knew exactly what you were doing.
Daniel’s reply came in fast.
Holy shit, sweetheart
Another buzz.
You really wanna do this to me right now?
And then your phone rang. You barely had time to speak before his voice came through the line, low and rough. “You’re playing a dangerous game, sweetheart.”
You smirked, twisting a strand of hair around your finger. “Am I?”
“Oh, you have no idea,” he said, a hint of a laugh in his voice. “Sitting there looking like that, knowing damn well I can’t touch you. You’re cruel, you know that?”
The sound of him shifting—the rustle of fabric—caught your attention, and your breath hitched.
“Bet you’re feeling real proud of yourself, huh?” he drawled, his voice dripping with mockery. “Sending me photos like that and leaving me sitting here hard as a fucking rock. You’re lucky I’m not there, or I’d have you on your knees, choking on my cock until you’re begging for mercy.”
Your smirk deepened as his words poured through the line, every filthy syllable winding you tighter. You shifted on the bed, your thighs clenching instinctively, and you couldn’t help but tease him back.
“Oh, is that right?” you murmured, dragging your fingers along the edge of your lace panties. “All worked up just from a picture? Thought you could handle me better than this, Danny.”
He let out a low, mocking laugh, the sound rough and filled with promise. “Sweetheart, if I was there, you wouldn’t even have time to be a smartass. I’d already have my hand wrapped around that pretty little throat of yours, reminding you exactly who’s in charge.”
You let out a shaky breath, his words igniting something deep inside you. “Big talk for someone miles away. What are you gonna do about it?”
“Oh, you think distance is gonna stop me?” His voice dropped even lower, laced with that dangerous edge that always made your knees weak. “Sweetheart, I don’t need to be there to control you. You’re mine, remember? And you’re gonna do exactly what I say, no questions asked.”
Your breath caught, a mix of anticipation and defiance bubbling in your chest. “And if I don’t?”
“Oh, you will,” he shot back smoothly. “Because you know what happens when you don’t listen. And after these little photos, you’re already in trouble.”
The casual threat sent a shiver down your spine. “Trouble?” you repeated, feigning innocence.
“You think I wouldn’t notice the time? Sending me that when you know damn well I’m busy?” he asked. “That’s gonna cost you. Next time I see you, I’m gonna put you over my knee and spank you until that ass is covered with my fucking handprints. Then, maybe you’ll think twice before teasing me like this.”
You swallowed hard, the image vivid in your mind, and let out a shaky, “Danny…”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he said smugly. “Now, here’s what you’re gonna do. Slide those panties off—slowly. I want you completely bare for me. Then, I want you to touch yourself, but don’t you dare cum. You’re gonna edge yourself for me, sweetheart, keep yourself nice and ready for when I get there.”
You hesitated for a second, the teasing smile on your face faltering. “And if I don’t?”
His laugh was dark, almost amused. “If you don’t? I’ll make you regret it. I’ll tie you up and make you watch me get myself off instead of giving you what you’re begging for.”
The thought sent a rush of heat through you, and you found yourself complying, your fingers sliding under the waistband of your panties. “Happy now?” you murmured, your voice breathless.
“Not yet,” he said, his tone sharp. “I want proof. Send me a video—of those pretty little fingers working. Let me hear you whine for me, say my name like you mean it. But don’t even think about cumming. That’s for me to decide, not you.”
You bit your lip, already feeling the ache building as your fingers brushed over your slick heat. “You’re impossible,” you muttered.
“And you love it,” he shot back. “Now be a good girl and show me exactly how much.”
He ended the call and with a shaky breath, you propped your phone up and hit record, knowing full well that this little game was far from over—and the consequences would be everything he promised and more.
want more dirtbag!danny? send me an ask with your filthiest thoughts and it’ll get answered during one of my dirty drabble days
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anonomano · 8 hours ago
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Connection ~ Carlos Sainz
Part one
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Mafia!Carlos Sainz x Fem,Arranged!Reader
prologue
Synopsis: How will we get Carlos to agree to a marriage he doesn’t want?
Warnings: smut 18+ eventually, violence, toxic!carlos
Carlos was sitting at the breakfast table; notably not at the head spot, where his father use to sit. He was reading paperwork and eating an omelette prepared by his chefs, when his mother walked in.
“I found her!” she stated as she sat across from him. She was no longer wearing her mourning clothing. She was dressed in a mauve dress, amethysts decorated her ears and neck. Purple had always been her color. Her hair was up in a french twist, her signature style. She was back to herself again.
“Found who?” Carlos asked, not looking up from his work again. He had been very busy ever since he took over the business.
“Your wife”
The words stopped Carlos in his tracks. He slowly looked up at his mother. He hadn’t expected it so quickly, or for her to make the decision of who it would be. “What? No, if I must get married, I should be able to at least choose who I will get married to”
“Carlos” she sighed “sweetheart, your taste in women has never been exactly, shall I say, stellar” She grabbed his hand, the absence of her wedding ring becoming apparent “Besides, this girl is a family friend. Shes very sweet and very pretty. Her father is f/n l/n”
“y/n?” Carlos was shocked; he remembered the girl from gatherings early in life. It had been a long time, her father stopped bringing her to such events when she was four years old. Him and y/n used to be close friends. They had played together and even got fake married once. Ironic.
“Yes, I saw her a few years ago at her 16th birthday party. Shes a very nice girl. Perfect for the family. Plus consider it a gesture to her father. Him and Carlos always got along. You haven’t spoken to him since the funeral”
“Mother I respect you I do” she sat back “But, I will not marry this girl” I stood up “ I hardly even know her! If I must marry someone… I and I alone will choose who it will be”
“Its too late Carlos” She stands straightening her dress “I have already discussed this with her father. This marriage will be happening.”
“This is ridiculous! You aren’t in charge of me anymore!” Carlos leaps away from his chair wildly gesticulating at his mother “My father is dead… I am in charge you can’t undermine my authority like that!” he puts his hand to the bridge of his nose “Mother what exactly did you tell her father?”
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“When I was discussing it with Reyes we had couple key things we talked about…” your father stated. You were now in a crowded room with your father at the head of the table; you were seated to his left. “First, you will get married before the end of the year, most likely in December”
“So soon?!” you say, shocked. Everything was happening so fast, it was already August.
“Yes, Darling, soon. Aswell as on the subject of children—“ his voice faded out you started to think about all of the choices being taken from you. This stranger you never met would choose where you live, how many children you have, and how you live your life. Everything would be so different.
“— this whole thing is good for the family; it keeps us involved, which is good. Carlos Jr. and myself never got along as well as his father and I” your father finished out as you regained your awareness of the situation.
“So I have to go live with him? and have his babies?” You question “How are babies even made?” an awkward silence sweeps over the room at the question. You look to your father while he looks away. Then to your brothers who are sharing glances with each other. You look at your mother last, shes looking right at you, pity on her face.
“Y/n, darling, that is something for the two of us to discuss at a later date” you slump into your seat, frustrated at the lack of information.
“Anyway, I will set up a dinner soon for the two of you to meet. Your mother and I, along with Reyes will also be attending” this cause some outrage from yoir brothers; they had always been protective of you and didn’t understand why they couldn’t go.
——————————————————————————
The dinner was not what you expected, neither was Carlos. He was seated at the head of the table, you had to admit he was very handsome; he was dressed in nice clothing, obviously very expensive and tailored to his body. You were seated on the opposite end. Your parents between you.
Despite the silence that plagued the dinner while you were eating, your parents decided to bring a conversation between the three of them to the study. Leaving you and Carlos alone.
“So, what are your hobbies?” You ask, trying to get to know the man that you will soon share your life with.
“I don’t have any, to busy”
“Alright, well, do you like kids?” you try
he sighs “look you don’t have to… we arent gonna…” he pauses briefly standing up “we aren’t getting married”
“What?”
“My mother set this whole thing up… I’m sorry you seem like a nice girl. But, I don’t even know you. I’m sure you don’t want to marry me.”
“Its just business”
He laughs a little “I don’t understand—“
“Thats what my dad said, its just business. We’ll get married, have kids, share responsibilities.”
“Darling, do you even understand what those responsibilities are?”
“Don’t!” You stand up quickly realizing what you did and then sit down “Please, don’t call me that.” you take a deep breath “I may not know everything but I am willing to learn my responsibilities I take that seriously”
“Do you want to marry me?”
“I…need too.”
He looks you, he seems to be contemplating something. “Alright then.”
——————————————————————————
You were sitting in your dinning room waiting for dinner when your parents arrived.
“Darling, I don’t know what you did but I am proud of you!” your father exclaimed as he was seated “He’s going to marry you”
“Really?” You were surprised “He said he didn’t—“
“Well, he changed his mind” your mother interrupted
“He really changed his mind, the wedding has been moves up!”
“Moved up? to when?”
“October, you are getting married in October!”
@formulas-bitch
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sirwadewilsonfromimgur · 1 day ago
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Deadpool and Wolverine: KCAU Christmas Special
[Authors note: it is a Christmas miracle that I got this chapter out today... Merry Christmas! The next chapters will still be Christmas themed well into the new year]
Part 3
The flight was nice, and it was pleasant to not be molested by the TSA and hobble around waiting for them to finish looking at Greg's Cain. Always annoying, what could anyone possibly sneak in a cain that wasn't an already affective weapon other than the cain itself! And don't say a sword because those cheap things can ba spotted a mile away everyone knows your gothy cain with a cobra head handle has a long knife on the end of it we here it clanging every step you take.
Ellie picked them up at the Wheeler airport, excited to see her bother and his friend.
She was right there on the tarmac. The second James was off the plane, she jumped, grabbed him in a hug, and spun him around with a strength one wouldn't suspect from the 6 foot tall women of average looking build.
I've missed you so much! Though you did spoil my fun. I was going to kidnap you myself if you didn't show up! I even had a big bag picked out, I was going to put you in!
I hope it was a nice one. You know how burlap is chaffing.
It was a big red Santa bag... wanted to be festive for dad!
Ellie was always playfully teasing of her brother... typical of most siblings... but in career and personality, she more openly took after their father Wade. Ellie was a premier assassin and jr executive of MFM "the Family business" Ellie was in charge of the black ops devision, doing "wet work" for world governments that want culpable deniability when someone turns up dead. Ellie loved her job, her dad's, and her brother and sister... everyone else should probably live in fear.
Greg looked at her, Ellie was of darker complexion than James. but in the face, you could tell they were related, James had told him that technically, she was his half-sister... but they never regard each other as such. That was his sister full stop, they grew up together and only ever knew Wade and Logan as parents.
In a bubble gum sweet voice, she informed James and Greg that this year was going to be a blowout!
It's going to be great this year, little brother Aunt Vanessa and Dermot, Uncle Colossus, Peter, Jeff, Laura, Warhead, Yukio, Dopender, Father Kurt, and Uncle Morph are all going to be at Christmas eve dinner. Dad is making his famous Lasagna and Papa cought two pheasants with his bare fucking hands for Christmas day dinner it was amazing! Don't worry, Greg. we'll have prime rib for Christmas dinner as well if you find the bird to gamey.
Wait... circle back... Uncle Morph is going to be in town... will he be staying the night?
They got him a room at the Westin Crown Center... why?
You know why!
Oh.... ooohhhh, ha! I guess Dad and Papa really are going to have a Merry Christmas.
What's wrong with having your uncle Morph staying the night? ... and why do half of the people mentioned have weird names? Morph, Warhead, Colossus?
Morph's birth name is Kevin... he just doesn't like to use it... and frankly, dads not a fan it either, so that's what we all call him. Just a preference. As for why it's a concern... I'll tell you later.
Don't be so shy, James. You brought him home for Christmas, so he must be family... its ok if he knows that our parents and uncle Morph fuck nasty any time he's in town.
Jesus christ, Ellie! You know how uncomfortable talking about them like that makes me. *visibly shudders*
I can't help that our parents are possibly the hornie-est men to ever walk the earth! Might as we joke about it.
Well, that totally makes sense about James then.
I don't like where you're going with this House!
What, the offspring of concupiscent old men is clearly bothered by overt sexuality because he, in truth. has had three divorces because he can't keep it in his perverbial pants!
I knew i liked you Greg! *laughs loudly*
I'm not a psychologist, but it sounds like he's got you nailed down, little brother
As she said this, she turned the car into the driveway of the tower they'd both called home. She again let out a chuckle when she saw in the rear view mirror the deep shade of red James was currently blushing.
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One park place hadn't changed much. At least not in a way one could detect. The on-site security was now directly contracted through MFM at very reasonable rates, and every floor had been fitted with bomb resistant glass... at least since "the incident" in 2058... Logan and Wade had paid through the teeth for that little upgrade. But other than that, they were actually at peace with their neighbors. 700 W 31st Street was probably the second most secure building in the city. The only one more secure being the Federal Reserve Bank building down the street. Things were going well until they got to the 19th floor, and Greg triped James coming out of the elevator.
My dad probably saw that! Ass!
Saw what! I don't know what you're talking about. Also, are you gonna run to your daddy all week with your problems?
He's actually probably right... there are security cameras... this is the most secure floor in the building. Just our place and neighbor Dave... you're cute, Greg, but I'd take it easy joshing with your boyfriend... dad wouldn't hesitate to shoot you point blank if he thinks you're a threat to one of his babies.
He's not my boyfriend...
Sure James....
See what I have to deal with Ellie!? He breaks my heart!
They approached the ornate double doors that lead into the condo... Penthouse would be a better description. They were actually new. A veneer of teak wood covering inch thick steel with intricate carvings of bullets, swords, claws, guns, and battle scenes. It looked like it belonged on the front of a temple dedicated to God's of war and violence... Ellie put a key in the door, unlocked it, and opened it.
My babies! ... and some guy? *Sniff* Why do you smell a little like Wade!?
No sooner than they had passed the threshold like a flash Logan was on all fours running at them. Closing the distance, he pounced arms wide open, knocking all three on the ground. Sniffing them and kissing their cheeks, Logan allowed himself to go a little feral and play rough with his kits. It was the holiday season after all... The fact that Gregory was caught in the crossfire knocked on his ass into the dog pile was another problem entirely!
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For the love of god, please get off my leg!
Logan stood up and helped Greg to his feet. James handed him his cain as Greg quickly pulled out a pill bottle from his jacket pocket and dry swallowed three pills.
By this time, Wade had already walked up to them.
Sorry about my husband. He's very excited to see all of you. I hope you're ok... If you're not, I hope Kitten had you sign the traditional family liability release forms...
Is that a thing now?
It's not Kitten. Wade extended a hand to Greg... he'd slipped a hundred dollars in his hand by way of apology... I know who you are! It's nice to finally meet you, James talks an unhealthy amount about you. I always did like a guy named Hugh. He said, winking at us.
*Confused* my name is Gregory House, Mr. Wilson.
Sure, it is sun-shine, also Ick don't call me that... it's Wade, or Deadpool if ya nasty...
Leaving Greg to deal with pleasantries by himself, Jams grabbed his and House's Bags. Turned right and walked down the halway like he'd done thousands of times in the past. He detected the faint smell of cigar smoke as he walked past the office. It triggered a little nostalgia. It smelled like his dad Logan and the bear hugs he'd given him when he was a child. He always fet safe in the man's massive arms... truth be told for all the madness of his father's... James always felt safe at home. They were a danger to themselves and definitely others... but not him. They'd do anything for him. He was always quietly grateful for that aspect of his childhood.
He'd walk all the way down the hall... last door on the left. His room, the room he was born in, as a matter of fact. Apart from being immaculately clean, it was just as he'd left it since he moved out. It was December. The sun was already setting over the horizon... soon, the automatic blackout curtains would come down and block the entire east wall of his room made entirely of floor to ceiling windows.
instagram
Before that though the golden glow reflected off the fresh snow was brilliant. In the distance he could make out the top of the massive tree in the heart of crown center. The view is bitter sweet... he remembers loving christmas as a kid... it was the only time for sure that both his dad's were home and "Santa" never held back... it was always an embarrassment of riches... now... now christmas was exhausting... there was never enough time, and Wade Wilson didn't exactly loose his zeal, he got older and leaned more into to christmas... James knew he was due to get roped into a big family Christmas sooner or later... he skipped the last two Christmases... his dad face timed him so that he was sure to see the tears...
He tossed the bags on the ridiculously large Texas king bed... he'd unpack later, unless Mrs. Mangracina, the ancient cleaning lady who'd been working there since before he was born, decided to do it... not one of her official responsibilities, but she did shit like that anyway... she fancied herself a butler for the family at times. to James, she was more of a second grandma, only Italian flavored... she and his grandma Al were actually pretty close. They'd go to bingo and Mass at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Catholic Church on Broadway. She'd confided in the family that she lost her best friend when Althea passed... James fully expected her to be there at Christmas Eve dinner, not as an employee but as a guest and member of the family. A lot of people were going to be there...
If Luara was going to be here she'd take up the guest room... no one was allowed in Grandma's room since she'd passed away... house was in For a surprise... they'd be sharing a bed this week.
Later that night at dinner, Gregory had pulled all of his usual antics and made himself look like a perfect ass... he'd eaten food off James's plate... to the point of just straight-up switching plates with him. telling embarrassing stories and wildly inappropriate jokes at the table... the only people laughing, being Wade and Ellie. They didn't realize what kind of gasoline they were throwing on the fire by encouraging him... or maybe they did. Agents of chaos the both of them. Logan was stoic in the face of it as usual, while Laura actually popped her claws and announced that's enough when she thought Greg punched James a little too hard when he was punctuating a joke at his expense.
The perfect start to a week that was guaranteed to get more chaotic... shortly after Greg and James retired to his bedroom...
James had already showered and settled in to bed with a book when Greg exited the bathroom in his pajamas.
What the fuck is that!
Pointing on at the grayish blue ball of wrinkles cuddling on the bed...
It's Merry, Greg. Do you need an MRI you saw my dad feeding here when we had dinner...
Sorry, let me rephrase. Why the fuck is that... specifically why is it in the bed... Marry has always slept with me since I was little... you didn't let Hector in the Bed?
I didn't... hold on... how old is that dog?
Well, my parents had her before I was born... so tack on a few years, I'd say 47 give or take.
That's impossible...
She's like my Dad's... I'm not a hundred percent certain she can die. My Aunt Vaness told me that Mary is an alternate universe version of my dad, Wade... that's why she's always been close with me... I'm her puppy.
Kitten... puppy... you got any more weird pet names?
Why... you feeling romantic?
Greg looked at James with disgust and then shot a look at the dog with less disgust and more incredulity. Quickly changing the subject.
Thats cute and all, but I'm going to sleep on the couch. I can't have a dog jumping on me or you kicking me...
*Sigh* Greg, this bed is so big it'd take effort to kick you... but also, I promise you'd be less comfortable out there. Unless you got ear plugs.
Why?
this is the best room for the noise you can't hear anything on this side of the condo... you don't want to be within ear shot of the Master bedroom here in about an hour... even with all the soundproofing... Also, having guests in the house doesn't always stop them from fighting.
They fight, every night?
Like clock work... some nights are worse than others, sometimes they throw things... I'm almost certain they throw each other across the room. But that's not the worst of it... first comes the screams of pain... and then... I can't believe I'm saying this much less thinking about it... the screams of Ecstasy...
They fight as foreplay?
Yes, and I haven't been ok since I was 15 and figured that out... if my Grandma was still alive, she'd go into great detail about how they used to be worse.
Wait, isn't the guest room next to their room?
Laura Went to a bar, she won't be home until their *gags* done.
Fine... you and your rodent mother scoot over.
Careful how you talk to Mary... she's smarter than most people give her credit for...
Noted, I guess since she's your mom, she's in here chaparoning... so hands above the blankets tonight.
He winked at the dog, who shockingly winked back. Greg shook his head as he got into bed using a few extra pillows to build a barricade between his bad leg and Wilson who despite how big the bed was, is a notorious sleep kicker.
We'd better get some sleep... it's going to be a long week.
Wilson turned out the lights and slowly sleep overcame them.
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icefire149 · 5 months ago
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#Ignore me#4 months is quickly coming up... 4 months since Alec died#Every moment of every day I'm at a loss for what to do#And how to behave#Keeping myself busy at work is nice. I have#To be forced to use my brain other ways and do things#But by the end of the day I'm so unbelievably exhausted#I'm just masking as a happy-okay person.#I spend the quiet time at work rotating this new reality#It's exhausting to pretend to be okay#But what else am I supposed to do?#It's not fair to the people around me to constantly be on the brink of crying.#To be sad and quiet and idk. I don't want their pity or sad looks#But sometimes I do just wanna scream#I don't always want to hear about their recent adventures#I want to curl up in a ball because my regrets are eating me from the inside out#I fucked up an important part of my life because I'm a coward and#I was juggling too many trashfires in my life to deal with the messy place#We left our friendship. I thought there was time. There should've been time.#A whole lifetime to figure it out. Make things worse. Make things better.#To be happy#And now he's dead and none of it matters#I'm supposed to live the rest of my life now#I don't know how to do that anymore#Nothing feels right or real#Every atom of my being keeps raging against the truth#He's gone#The sweet boy that would make me laugh... share my love of myth & language...#Carry me bridal style... kiss every inch of my face... kiss the palm of my hand#And then hold it to his chest to fall asleep....
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demigod-of-the-agni · 5 months ago
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Forgive me, forgive me. I ask, I beg, I pray, but it never comes.
You know I find it incredibly bewildering to see just how much kalki reflects myself in him like YEAH Duh of course he does, he’s my little guy it’s like his full time job. But at the same time he is a fully functional facet of my being and he is at the mercy of my whimsies, and whatever he discovers in his arduous journey of self realisation is ultimately a reflection of what I discover in the real world. It’s also incredibly funny because ffxiv lore for dark knights is really baked into the idea of (re)discovering yourself amongst the bloodshed and continuing to live and love and thrive despite the world working against us. who would have thought such a raw message could come from an mmorpg side quest about edgy emo boys of all places
also adamantite armour of fending i would lay down my LIFE for u
variant + phone bg version + ID below the cut
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tch as if you guys are actually going to use artwork of my little guy as your phone background. i know. how dumb. let a girl dream. i should make an alternate version but it's of Fray and Myste
[START ID: A picture with a red background focusing on the character's bust that is placed to the left of the image's centre. He is coloured with a dark blue overlay, contrasting with the red background. He has brown skin, long black hair that falls over his shoulders, and is wearing blue and gold armour and earrings. He is looking at the viewer, right eye dark brown and the left an glowing unnatural red, with an expression that looks determined and angry and yet bitter and forlorn. In the foreground and on the right side of the piece, a miniature version of the character stands coloured in a light blue overlay and wearing the same blue and gold armour, looking as if he is glowing. He is facing towards the left of the piece, or perhaps at the character bust, his expression unreadable. Above the miniature character's head is the symbol representing the FFXIV dark knight, coloured in gold. END ID.]
#the burst of creativity that shot through me is indescribable. i can only hope this is a sign that i am FINALLY out of art block#but OF COURSE my creativity comes back right when gamsat is around the corner. it's always a fucking exam. i fucking hate myself#maybe this piece is supposed to be vent art at how I CANNOT MANAGE MY SHIT AND I AM JUST. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT !!#and i tell myself it's fine but maybe it's NOT fine? i told myself i'd work on it but nothing is getting worked on#nothing productive at all. not even for uni nor for myself. nothing is happening at all. it's just going through the days#waking up. wishing i'd slept more. stare at my laptop for hours. youtube. watch 10mins of lectures. then a nap. then the laptop. then sleep#but i dont and it pisses me off because nothing is working. i'm like if linguini lost his rat and i'm staring at the kitchen catching fire#maybe go to class if it's on for that day. scrambling notes together. pretending i DO have my shit together#i COULD put out the fire. but i'm not. i could and i can but im not. the extinguisher is in my hand. fire's not going out. i'm still here.#maybe. maybe that's why drk resonates with me so much. at the end of the day. maybe i am just a stupid bastard#-who can't get their act together. who actively shoots themselves in the foot and bleeds all over the place trying to make something happen#only this time- this time the perpetrator isn't someone i can point at and demand answers from. it's me hi i'm the problem it's me#and i can- i SHOULD find a way to make this all work. to make this whole Living My Life business work. but the extinguisher's in my hand#wow okay that was really heavy anyway uhhhhh TAGS TAGS TAGS TAGSSSSS#ffxiv#ff14#ffxivwol#ffxiv wol kalki#ffxiv dark knight#artoftheagni#and the fire keeps going#tw eyestrain#cw bright colors#idk the red is really bright and it;s nice for my eyes but idk for anyone else
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spacebubblehomebase · 8 months ago
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What app and what pencil do you use :3?
(I send u big hugs and hav a nice day :D♡)
Hehe. (Hugs back. I like hugs. XD) I believe someone else had a similar question before! I made this art then too to demonstrate how I use, Ibis Paint. The free beginner friendly drawing app! (No I'm not sponsored-) And as for the "pens", I usually go for the default brushes. As in the first basic ones you find on the app! ^v^ I've been promoting this idea for years and I'll never get tired of saying it! While fancier equipment IS nice, skills can ultimately outclass tools any day! =D In fact, sometimes limiting yourself can hone your creativity as it forces you to work with what you have and invent new ways of experimenting with materials that are often overlooked! That's how I learned. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ -Bubbly💙
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tenebriism · 2 months ago
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// ... the day of American reckoning.
Bright side is that my 7 day vacation starts tomorrow. Part of it will be spent at Sonic Expo in Dallas, but majority of it will be spent rotting in my hotel room, gorging on take out. I'm hoping to be very productive here during that time.
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thatone-churro · 5 months ago
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chat. chat i have a question. i know ive always had guilt when it comes to getting things for myself, but like. would it be stupid to drop like $116 on the special editions of two games ive been wanting for a while (now because one of which is on sale)? i mean, ive been saving my money literally all summer to use for myself like i haven’t bought anything i didn’t need and i KNOW im not gonna blow through all of it in school because i don’t go anywhere & dont do shit and i know it’s my money and i can do what i want with it but. idk. it feels stupid. is it stupid or is my brain stupid??
(extra context in tags ig idk)
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spaghett-onaplate · 11 months ago
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sixth day at my new school and i didn't sit alone at lunch today 🥳🥳
#woohoo!!#some girls invited me to sit with them so i did and chatted to them and this other guy#some of them are in my classes!! they were all very nice#honestly i was aiming to just try and fit in with the cishet boys and last week when i heard the rumour i was gay i was kinda freaked out#but i've scoped out the situation and it's not unsafe to be out (as bi. not anyone's business i'm trans)#so i realise it's better to just be open and have better chances of finding the right people than living in fear and squashing myself to--#--fit in with the wrong people. bc if i can't be fully myself around someone then why would i want to be good friends with them??#so yar i'll stick with other queer guys and supportive girls. gay guy/straight girl friendships are stereotypical but it's an ecosystem tha#works in a situation like high school tbh#ooo and i guess he was away today but the guy from a couple of my classes who i think is cute is in that group so added bonus#o and actually unrelated but at recess i went to this queer group thing i was invited to by a teacher last week#(recess is first and lunch is sceond)#i wasn't sure if i was going to go (mostly bc of my 'blend in' mindset) but i'm glad i did!! it was pretty nice#mostly just nice to get an idea of 'safe' people and teachers yaknow#'people and teachers' -- those aren't two mutually exclusive categories of being ajdsgjf but ykwim#and if i didn't go then i probably wouldn't have been in the better mindset for being just myself with everyone at lunch#so wahoo yippee :D#now i just needa keep talking to everyone and putting myself out there a bit more and i'll find the right people :)
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grimmweepers · 2 months ago
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i really do self sabotage when it comes to irl dating 😭💀
#spilling tea like you guys are my irls#first of all i’m chronically single#i dont do dating apps or casual sex (anymore. 2.5 years celibate by choice... which is a whole other story c: )#and second of all anytime anyone shows interest in me i am 🏃‍♀���💨 running away#even if they’re cool#😭😭😭😭😭#i *am* the problem. THAT i know#there’s this person who i’ve known for a very long time and they've been trying to take me out for a year#(very casually not pushy at all)#first time i said yes but my travelling got in the way. eventually we stopped talking but then we started again some time later#and when they asked to do something again - i got scared so told them i was sick (WHICH I WAS BUT HFJGJGJGJ IDK)#and THIS time he mentioned it again#and i umm didn’t respond until after 6 days#i know i know i’m awful#but here’s the thing#IM TRAVELLING AGAIN#FOR A WHOLE MONTH THIS TIME#so if it even happens it’ll be pushed back once more#but like i said we've known each other for a long time so it's always been brought up in a casual way. nothing that really screams DATE#although i can tell the tone of it is a lil more than friendly#i’m just glad he’s super nice and older than me (so he doesn’t rlly care about late replies and all that. usually when i respond late he#replies right away)#and we both keep ourselves busy with work#AND HE LIKES ANIME TOO LMFAO HE DRESSED UP AS SUKUNA ONCE#so like#i need to do better#💀💀💀💀#commitment is scary DATING IS SCARY#i just don’t want to date until i’ve achieved some personal goals but at the same time i don’t want to limit myself you know#HOWEVER i can’t have high expectations for my partner when i don’t have high expectations for myself
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girlivealwaysbean · 4 months ago
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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phagodyke · 4 months ago
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ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....
#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it#i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks#and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance#but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day#and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs#but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it#i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it#which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit#but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space#yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz#.diaries#hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse#very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..
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strikeslip · 1 year ago
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I am generally not an anxious person, because one of the primary ways in which I fail at interacting with human society is by not caring what other people think about me. So for example, I don't worry about failing a social interaction. I might worry about some downstream consequence if there's something specific I want related to the interaction like a promotion at work, but I don't imagine people hating me unless they literally walk up to me and go "I hate you." (This has never happened.) Does this sound great to you, if perhaps you are one of my anxious friends reading this? Well, try reading it again with emphasis on the "not caring" and then think about how many of your relationships are based around caring about people. This isn't something I do willingly, this is a broken link in my brain where I don't reach out and I barely ever think of reaching out and then I promptly go insane when removed from my normal structure because I was dependent on work to provide a bare subsistence amount of social interaction.
This is to say, I am on vacation and I have been reminded why I really hate taking vacation.
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krutomu · 1 year ago
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It’s okay and normal to get pissed off at your friends. It is normal and okay!
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I hate how sleep and fatigue seem like they should correlate and yet they don’t.
I’ve been sleeping more recently (averaging about 90min more than usual) and you might think “oh, that means you’re less fatigued right?” Which would be a false assumption. Because just because I’m sleeping longer doesn’t mean I’m not waking up more during the night (from pain, or nausea, or palpitations or bladder urgency… or all of them at once), or getting more of the good stuff (rem and deep sleep) according to my Fitbit. Today I woke early and haven’t been able to get back to sleep at all. And yet I’m still so fatigued. And like yes I’ve I been diagnosed with mild positional sleep apnoea (which I’m managing) and a slight sleep latency but I was told unequivocally by the sleep doc that the severity and patterning of my fatigue was not explained by these findings. The only night I’ve slept through in the last fortnight or so is the night I took my strong pain meds for intractable TMJ pain. Which makes me think that pain is an element. But probably not the whole picture.
I try to figure out if it’s physical stuff, I try to balance probabilities if it’s depression (it’s been a rough couple of months when I think about it), is something else going wrong with me? Or is this just my normal, a result of all my various conditions.
At some point I think I need to accept that my fatigue is chronic, that I do experience some sort of PEM, and I probably need to pursue me/cfs with my GP again. She was the one who brought it up with me last year, but it fell to the wayside a bit with the hEDS and bladder/bowel stuff that took over last year. But even though I feel like I’ve too much energy to have me/cfs, I do experience the malaise and flu-like symptoms when I overdo it. And overdoing it can look different from week to week. I don’t know.
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