#mentally not vibing right now

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

I hate how sleep and fatigue seem like they should correlate and yet they don’t.

I’ve been sleeping more recently (averaging about 90min more than usual) and you might think “oh, that means you’re less fatigued right?” Which would be a false assumption. Because just because I’m sleeping longer doesn’t mean I’m not waking up more during the night (from pain, or nausea, or palpitations or bladder urgency… or all of them at once), or getting more of the good stuff (rem and deep sleep) according to my Fitbit. Today I woke early and haven’t been able to get back to sleep at all. And yet I’m still so fatigued. And like yes I’ve I been diagnosed with mild positional sleep apnoea (which I’m managing) and a slight sleep latency but I was told unequivocally by the sleep doc that the severity and patterning of my fatigue was not explained by these findings. The only night I’ve slept through in the last fortnight or so is the night I took my strong pain meds for intractable TMJ pain. Which makes me think that pain is an element. But probably not the whole picture.

I try to figure out if it’s physical stuff, I try to balance probabilities if it’s depression (it’s been a rough couple of months when I think about it), is something else going wrong with me? Or is this just my normal, a result of all my various conditions.

At some point I think I need to accept that my fatigue is chronic, that I do experience some sort of PEM, and I probably need to pursue me/cfs with my GP again. She was the one who brought it up with me last year, but it fell to the wayside a bit with the hEDS and bladder/bowel stuff that took over last year. But even though I feel like I’ve too much energy to have me/cfs, I do experience the malaise and flu-like symptoms when I overdo it. And overdoing it can look different from week to week. I don’t know.

[shaadowmilkcookie]

One of Shadow Milk’s many prop replicas of himself, left behind. Even though the eyes are forever staring straight into the distance… Oddly enough, you still feel like you’re being watched.

But surely, though, it won’t hurt to take it home and touch up the colours, right? :)

[merakiui]

SO WHAT IF I LOST MY MIND!!!!! riddle,,,, he's so cute...... 🥺 so excited to have secured the flag that he's JUMPING AROUND IN THE SAND?!?!?!?!?!

[vivsicx]

Happy Birthday Ayn! (★ᴗ★)

I can’t stop thinking about his cn bday sr help

[emma-ofnormandy]

Ya know, simply existing feels utterly exhausting at the moment, so shout out to everyone who decided to exist today. I’m proud of you.

[lokh]

nonbinary people who are on hrt. how do you decide what hormone levels you want to be at

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

bro i cannot let Dan and Phil be on my Spotify wrapped 2024 I am a grown adult

[clownsnake]

OOOH HES YELLING

(Spoilers for Orv in the tags, bc I’m commentating now I guess)

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

Doing a bladder diary for 3 days is almost worse than doing low fodmap and having to do food diary for a full month. Just let me dissociate from my pain and symptoms in peace please 🥺.

[diluc33rpm]

the romance/relationship system in bg3 is genuinely some of the worst designed shit i've ever seen in any game with that feature but at least the memes we get out of it are funny. once saw someone comment something along the lines of 'patch note: waving at gale will no longer cause him to buy a house for the two of you to retire in' and i've never recovered since

[an-error-0ccurred]

Here are some barely holding on eggs! Which one are you!?!?!

(1) A bunch of fricked up little creepy spider babies that are not really in an egg they're in a silk sack but honestly they're vibing and don't really want to leave so they're just eating each other

Itchy, random pains, pains that are faint and disappear only to reappear again, scared of spider georg, tastes like metal, loves ice

(2) blood you are full of blood and it likes to come out a lot

Blood, blood, for some reason your mouth feels like pineapple, blood, guess what more blood

(3) a unfortunate little chick who's got one leg that's shorter than the other and doesn't really have a beak so they're just kind of licking at the inside of the eggshell with their weird bird tongue

Generally tired, unsteady, visibly recognized as disabled, has probably eaten several worms, and will eat more

(4) two worms and one rollie pollie in a dirty plastic Easter egg

Tells people you are living your best life, you are most definitely not living your best life, your joints won't stay in and honestly you've given up on trying, someone should definitely check up on you

(5) acorn

Is not an egg, should not be on this list, has never broken a bone but is definitely a frequent flyer at the ER, might make a good jelly

(6) human pregnant person

Growing a whole ass person, while being a person, badass, quick question does it ever bother you that there's something inside of you that has its own autonomy and therefore moves inside of you but not under your control, eats the best snacks

(7) a gloopy handful of frog eggs freshly scooped from the pond the pond being a algae-filled forgotten bucket behind the shed

Gelatinous, full of sticks, wishing your head would feel either cold or hot to help with your migraines, no appetite, gelatinous, sweaty

(8) already decomposing unfertilized snake egg

Your body is literally melting, you might be on fire, would stab someone unprovoked, would insult when provoked, full of glue, overestimates you're own capabilities

Make enough friends and you can probably collect them all or you could be all of them if you are I'm sorry

[ghostieking]

they should make a me who has a normal brain

[queer-reader-07]

blocking the NG tag for the foreseeable future and choosing peace right now

[dreamswillbeyourwintermeat]

Who else out there is not doing great on this Monday-est of Tuesdays

[dangerpronebuddie]

.

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

Cw bladder stuff, pain, hypothetical catheterising, not super graphic; vent post; poor mental health. I would leave under a read more if I could figure out how to do that on mobile lol.

If you read the 20 million tags under my last post, you would know that my bladder hates me right now and my life revolves around painful trips to the bathroom. I got sent ER for like semi retention and I keep seeming to toe that line- I KNOW I’m not emptying everything. And it’s just agony. And like obviously having done this diagnostic thang before, first with the pcos and my 9 month period, then with my pots, then with my gastroparesis, and throw in my chronic pain the whole time too- I was really hoping 2023 could be a quiet year keeping the few working systems I had intact and avoiding the ER. Alas. Anyway I’m so stressed by all this bladder stuff (which probably doesn’t help) because they’ve gotten me into see the specialist in like 12 days (originally, it’s like 4 to go now) and the GP was throwing around words like cystoscopy and interstitial cystitis and prolapse. Like what do you prefer- holes in your bladder lining or your internal organs falling out of fucking place? I’m so done with my body not working right. I wish wish wish I just had one thing wrong. Or none.

Nothing feels more alienating than being supposedly in the prime of my youth and being referred onto urology for bladder issues, probably diagnostic surgery. I’m already chronically ill, it comes with the gig, but I’m sure I’ll be the youngest in the waiting room, again. I thought I felt different for my chronic illnesses before, but this is so much worse. It’s harder to talk about it. I’m talking about it to everyone I know because it’s consuming my life. I can’t help but fear I’ll end up needing to intermittently catheterise at some point because I’ve basically been in borderline retention for weeks and the pain is getting worse. It’s so stressful but I know that can’t be helping. I just wish I could pee normally again. But the more I think the more I realise this has been an issue for months or longer. Just not this severe, this urgent.

I always saw people with the intermittent catheters, feeding tubes, other lines etc. as severe cases, and while sometimes it was invalidating, often I felt lucky not to need such invasive intervention for my illnesses. But I’m so scared I’m going to need catheterisation at some point soon. The fact EDS is being discussed by my care team now (and we are slowly pursuing that diagnosis in and around my more urgent urology stuff) makes me that much more worried about it. But maybe it will all be fine. I can’t know. It freaks me out so bad.