#thesis-ing is going well

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

I hate how sleep and fatigue seem like they should correlate and yet they don’t.

I’ve been sleeping more recently (averaging about 90min more than usual) and you might think “oh, that means you’re less fatigued right?” Which would be a false assumption. Because just because I’m sleeping longer doesn’t mean I’m not waking up more during the night (from pain, or nausea, or palpitations or bladder urgency… or all of them at once), or getting more of the good stuff (rem and deep sleep) according to my Fitbit. Today I woke early and haven’t been able to get back to sleep at all. And yet I’m still so fatigued. And like yes I’ve I been diagnosed with mild positional sleep apnoea (which I’m managing) and a slight sleep latency but I was told unequivocally by the sleep doc that the severity and patterning of my fatigue was not explained by these findings. The only night I’ve slept through in the last fortnight or so is the night I took my strong pain meds for intractable TMJ pain. Which makes me think that pain is an element. But probably not the whole picture.

I try to figure out if it’s physical stuff, I try to balance probabilities if it’s depression (it’s been a rough couple of months when I think about it), is something else going wrong with me? Or is this just my normal, a result of all my various conditions.

At some point I think I need to accept that my fatigue is chronic, that I do experience some sort of PEM, and I probably need to pursue me/cfs with my GP again. She was the one who brought it up with me last year, but it fell to the wayside a bit with the hEDS and bladder/bowel stuff that took over last year. But even though I feel like I’ve too much energy to have me/cfs, I do experience the malaise and flu-like symptoms when I overdo it. And overdoing it can look different from week to week. I don’t know.

[whoslaurapalmer]

being 30 is just jamming out to meteora and realizing you've been jamming out to this album for seventeen years which is over half your life now, i have lived longer listening to meteora than without listening to meteora, and going 'no. wait. no really what the fuck is that about'

[lesbianaelwen]

i Unfortunately haven't been able to be on here bc i've been so fucking busy but i Have been keeping up with d20 stuff and just. burrow's end is so good for me specifically

[baravaggio]

i'm so ready for people to get sick of spending their time taking in summaries that are posing as criticism like it's got to happen at some point right...people must realize that at the end of the 3 hour long video "analysis" of whatever the fuck, all they've been given is a more long-winded, eloquent summary of everything that's already been said without any introduction of new perspectives or evidence that the compiler has taken the time to form their own opinion on the matter. they must get tired of the grand conclusion to the thesis being "well...it's complicated" or "we need to think about it more," not just because it's unsatisfying intellectual blue balls-ing, but because the reticence to commit is clearly meant to be the path of least resistance, the easy way to appease everyone...like when are we going to admit that a) not everyone's thoughts are best channeled through the vehicle of criticism and b) that criticism is not the only way to engage with issues one is interested in

[sundered-souls]

FFXIVwrite2024 #9

Prompt: Lend an ear

Words: 783 Rating: G Characters: Emhih'a, Inge (WoL) Characters (mentioned): Hanae, Thancred, Griveroix, Foulques Warning: none Reading order: ideally after my previous entries since it's the direct continuation, but it's understandable on its own

"I hope I'm not bothering you. - Not at all! I'm cooking. - Enjoying your retirement?"

Inge snorted.

"Hardly. I'm on a rescue mission."

Well, that hadn't taken long.

"Already? You've just come back from the end of the universe... - Griveroix and Foulques are missing. - Oh. Any idea of what happened? - Not really. The squadron came back a fortnight ago; they were supposed to follow suit after checking on something but no one's heard of them since. But since the squadron talked of an unholy monster they saw flying above the Western part of the Shroud shortly before their return, I imagine they ended up face to face with it."

His blood ran cold. A Blasphemy. Emhih'a perked at the edge of his seat, almost standing up as if to help—needlessly, as Inge was a few thousand malms away from Sharlayan.

"You don't think they... - No. They assured me both of them were in a good state of mind, it'd take more for them to transform nowadays. Besides, with Meteion stopped, it shouldn't happen anymore. - Thanks the Twelve. - Indeed."

Thunder.

Not on his side, though. Emhih'a looked at the sky through his office's window. Cloudy, with just a touch of snow falling gently on the wet cobblestone. Were their friends also facing the same weather as the Viera? He didn't doubt their ability to face off a blasphemy—although they did not often came to help the Warriors of Light, they were both fierce fighters in their own right. But still...

"I'm sure they're fine, the Viera assured him as if reading his mind. In all likelihood, they're lost in some newly discovered ruins and Griveroix will whine about it for years to come once they're back."

The Miqo'te couldn't help but laugh at the remark.

"I doubt you called me to know whether I was on a mission or in my lab, though. What's the matter? - Uh... I... Well, I need your opinion. - I'm all ears. - As you know there are several factions in Garlemald, some less likely than others to work with the Contingent. The leader of one of them, an ex-Imperial soldier turned Sky Pirate, contacted me personally to ask for my help setting up a greenhouse for the survivors. I imagine something more akin to a miniature Labyrinthos, given the cold climate of Garlemald. - I'm not sure I'm seeing the problem here. You seemed to think the Contingent was a good idea. - I did! And I still do. She doesn't, though, and she made her opinion quite clear when Lucia and Maxima sent an ambassador to make an alliance with her. - Hm... - She also requested me specifically. - Well, your thesis does make you a suitable candidate. - She mentioned it, yes. She also insisted on the good work we did together. - Ah. Hostage situation, then? - That's what I'm afraid off. I just can't quite see what she'd want. From what Maxima told me, she's not lacking in resources and seems happy to just ignore them. It just... I don't know, it just rubs me wrong. - Emhih'a Litka has a fan and doesn't know how to deal with it. A first! - Ha ha. Very funny. - I thought so, too! Hey, I heard that! she protested after he swore under his breath. Look, I can ask Thancred to look into the matter if you'd like. - Isn't he busy? - Or I can ask Tataru to put me in contact with some of the Scions, if you'd prefer. I'm sure Riol and Alianne will adore the cold. What's her name? - Hanae Corvus."

Thunder. And a long, long silence.

"Inge? - Do you really want to go?"

He took a handful of seconds to think about it.

"Yeah. They could really use a greenhouse. - Then I'll ask Thancred to look into it. Be careful, you hear me? - Do you know her? - I... Maybe. I'm not sure. If she's the one I'm thinking about... Well, she was just a young teen when we last met and she wore another surname then. Maybe it's nothing. Just... Just promise me to be careful. - I will. And I know how to defend myself, you know that. - I do, I do. My apologies. I wasn't expecting to hear this name after all this time. - Do you want to talk about it? - I'd rather not, no. Can you buy Thancred some time? You haven't answered yet, have you? - Not yet, no. I can tell her I'll be there in a moon. It's not unreasonable, I have work to finish here anyways. - Perfect. I'll tell him to call you when he has anything. If it's bad, well... - Then I won't go. - Thank you." She sighed. "Take care, Emhih'a. - You, too. Oh and let me know when you've found them. - I will."

[weaselbeaselpants]

One of my pointless, made-for-just-myself fandom dissertations is gonna be about "endgame" philosophy and how fans assume creator's are swayed into bad decisions and writing by their fans. To give you a brief preshow of that, my thesis basically amounts to

"ya'll have fan brain; Lily Orchard has legit poisoned the well of media analysis with her bad understanding of production issues"

So many of you cartoon fans, criticals ect need to unlearn the term "creator's pet" as a term for important character in the narrative that you don't like and who's development isn't written well.

You owe it to yourself to STOP looking at ships that were always gonna be a thing and try and steer the conversation into "the show sucked cuz you all cared more about shipping; creators though x-couple was ungame and now it's ruined!!!"

Starco was inevitable since season 2 of SVTFOE made it clear they were going there. No, I don't like that choice either, but that's the choice the writer's had. Fucking cope. That's what fanfiction's for.

"The creator's didn't think of this twist until fan's started theory-ing about it-" NOPE. Fans just guessed the possible twist and different creators found different ways of hiding, denying or changing how their stories were gonna go because of that.

There is real criticism, hang ups, controversy and anger to be had over bad writing and decisions made in shows. You all have to stop complaining when creators do something you don't like vs something they shouldn't have done. I mean it when I say that, for all possible circumstances where creators' did take advantage of fan hype/ideas and then ruined their shows because of it (Supernatural, Game of Thrones, Star Wars) there are hundreds of examples of series just being bad* on their own and I really wish people would stop throwing around those "endgame", "creator pet" and "fan service" around so willy nilly.

And then I remember VivziePop....

[possibly-god]

Hedy Mayer – the Rocket Scientist

(1975 – 27/2000 – 52)

Darleane Mayer met Dell Conagher in college studying theoretical physics – her second Ph.D., his sixth. For that one year they were study buddies, and for the one night of their graduation party they were something else.

The pregnancy was a surprise to Darleane, but not an unwelcome one – she had an interest in being a parent but not so much in being a wife, and with a bit of elbow grease she quickly proved herself unfireable from her new position at Black Mesa.

Baby Hedy was named after Darleane’s favorite inventor and actress Hedy Lamarr, and grew up in the halls of Black Mesa, learning the periodic table alongside the alphabet and designing space shuttles before she could drive a car.

While the sciences came easy to her, the humanities really didn’t – in the same school year she was TA-ing 10th grade trigonometry and repeating 6th grade English.

After high school, she spent a year interning at Black Mesa before her mom insisted that she get a degree – though what really convinced her to go was an ex-classmate’s insinuation that she couldn’t.

There is nothing this woman will not accomplish out of sheer spite – among her life’s greatest ambitions is to launch a teapot into stable orbit to get one over on her second-grade teacher.

Zephaniah Mann University took one look at her application and threw so many scholarships at her she’s practically being paid to attend – as of ‘75 she’s 7 years and 4 Ph.D.s deep (chemistry, astrophysics, aerospace engineering, and the college’s first computer science degree) with no signs of stopping.

It's at ZMU that she met Christoph, her best friend, husband for tax benefits, and partner in mad science.

It was Christoph who made Hedy the drunken bet that would change their lives – at his instigation, she invented the polycyclotron (a.k.a. the Tricycle, the Three-Ring-Circus) and became the first person to synthesize Australium.

It was this act that put her on OHM’s radar – and the rest of the kids, once OHM realized her connection to Team Fortress and began looking for others.

Discovering an adult child was not on Engineer’s bingo card when the team went on that rescue mission, and Hedy threw Dell for quite a few loops, but he did eventually get through to her over their mutual eccentricities (technical talents, music taste, mild god complex, etc.)

While on RED base, she becomes “chemistry buddies” with Demo and Pyro and develops a tenuous relationship with her father-in-law Medic (his skepticism is understandable - his marriage of convenience didn't go too well). She also encourages Kelly’s inventiveness, giving her construction tips.

Once everything with OHM is sorted out, Dell immediately calls Darleane for a long talk.

Meanwhile, Hedy returns to ZMU, presenting the Tricycle as her nuclear physics thesis. She accepts her fifth Ph.D. that June and her Nobel Prize the following December – her acceptance speech is the first in the institution’s history to include the phrase “kiss my ass.”

Hedy’s exit from ZMU heralds a hiring slap fight between NASA and Aperture Science – she picks the latter to start, though she’ll work at both and beyond in the coming years (after the fifth time she gets used as an unwitting test subject, she bids Aperture adieu).

The ’76 Conagher family reunion is one heck of an event – Hedy is quickly overwhelmed by her new grandpa’s, aunt’s, and cousins’ enthusiasm.

As Y2K passes uneventfully (with her help), Hedy accepts a position with Team Fortress Industries and joins her fellow “next-genners” in international mayhem as the Rocket Scientist (or “Rocketeer” for short and/or fun).

Next up - her psycho psychologist partner in life and crime...

TF2K Master Post

[kafkaoftherubble]

然后一个星期后，Atom这电脑终于回来了

Well, it's not like it wasn't busy since last Wednesday. It was Wesak Day! Traveling into the city for the procession—the perfect excuse to ramble in the city, at night, without fear of cars—was sweet. Wanna go again next year! Even if it killed the legs!

Future Lyns, you know where the folder for this particular event is, right? It's in the 2024 folder. "Port to Kyle Hyde."

Previous You had written this travelogue called the Wesak Day Picture Book on Discord for Their Princeliness, so I don't really need to reiterate the process anymore. The memories should already be easy to recall based on the photos alone!

Here are some teases:

Really wondered just how much the Buddha and his Sangha wandered around back then. No wonder the guy could get into shape despite sitting around a lot.

-------------

Mom left by Thursday night for Wawa's wedding on Saturday; Lyi came to stay from Saturday till Sunday. On Friday you walked a pretty long distance too, despite the legs hardly recovering from the procession, to get Atom from the repair guys.

It was a whole marathon of tea, Jujutsu Kaisen, and video games on Saturday night. Then it was karaoke on Sunday afternoon because Lyi slept until noon. Typical.

You actually sang a pretty diverse selection of songs this time! Even Kuch Kuch Hota He! You should practice that more often! And you did plenty well on your usual songs, to be honest. 《夜上海》、 《夜来香》、《春风吻上我的脸》、《打鱼忙》等等。Your A Cruel Angel's Thesis has improved! You should find a famous Korean trot song to learn. Oh, hopefully, a new Hokkien Enka. And Japanese Enka too, if the karaoke room is capable... It was hard to find English 1940s jazz songs, ya know?

Have to start slowly working through the zine applicants.

While Atom was away, you actually started making an art piece (Rigless Prince has a way of brute-forcing their encouragement)! It's for one of the best things you have ever discovered in 2024: The Summer Hikaru Died.

To be honest, I really wanna work on that thing above anything else... even making notes on the zine applicants! I don't even know why; zine stuff is far more pragmatic than that thing.

I also REALLY wanna write a ramble with citations about the latest Jujutsu Kaisen chapter, because seeing only a certain side of commentaries going dominant among readers really annoyed us. I think they misunderstand quite a bit of the narrative—the sort you get when you aren't used to analyzing the story through other valid perspectives aside from your default, broad-brush pop cultural lens.

Jujutsu Kaisen, again, has a lot of Buddhist philosophical influence despite not making it a centerpiece. Understanding the characters and narrative through a Buddhist lens isn't me offering an alternative, but ultimately ornamental, allegorical look that bears lesser significance in your assessment—I'll argue it's actually one of the important angles to look at the narrative. And right now, there are precious few people who are looking beyond their gut reactions and Gege-hate meme-ing to realize that this chapter is one of the better ones Gege has written for a long time.

Sigh. Looks like we have quite some work ahead of us.

[emmalovesfitzloved]

loool, just saw your reblog. No, I don't speak 5 languages, I speak three fluently, and the other 2, one I'm on a A2/B1 level, and the second, I'm at a A2 level. I had ti study and have some notions in them for my MA research thesis. I'm just like you, I speak 3. However, I think, I'll eventually go back to studying them, because I'm definitly going back to school for a second MA or Phd, and continue on my original research. Not now, but probably in the next 5 years. What is the 3rd language that you speak?

Ahhh @imabitchforjemcarstairs you are so so smart!

Which languages do you speak fluently, if I may ask? :D What about your research if I may ask, requires multi-languages?

I speak English (mother tongue), Italian (my parents are from Italy, and we have our family home here and i did middle school here where I learned) and Spanish i learned in school (although that is the most rusty!).

I am currently duolingo-ing my way into trying to learn French which my mum did with Spanish and she than sat her A2 and B2 exams with supplementary Duolingo and did very well on them and passed. So i'm trying to follow along in her footsteps!

A job I am currently interviewing for, requires me to speak a lot of Italian professionally though, and it does make me nervous. Because while the law we will be operating is English law, a lot of clients are from Spain and Italy and my italian is very, like, relaxed. Not super professional. As you know, professionally there is a different way of speaking, which is more formal, uses the conjunctive more often which is NOT MY STRENGTH. So that's a risk they have to take on if they want to take me onboard next :). I'll keep you posted!

[starplusfourletters]

A list of all the historical images in that scene in Enterprise: Storm Front Pt 2

WHAT IS THE THESIS OF THIS COLLECTION I’ve lost sleep over this

Source video at ¼ speed:

So I went frame by frame on that scene in ENT s4e02 where Archer and Daniels are chatting and the timeline is “resetting itself” and this is every image they chose to represent Earth’s approximately 4.5 billion years of history, in order of appearance:

A fish

Lightning

A dividing cell

A dinosaur

A volcano

A cliff face

A cave painting of a horse

Stonehenge

A human fashioning some kind of tool

The pyramids

People carrying spears

Easter Island heads

Someone riding in a chariot

Egyptian art

A DIFFERENT guy riding in a chariot

Capitoline Wolf (the Romulus and Remus statue)

A couple cloaked guys riding horses

A knight jousting on a horse (like seriously you can stop with the horses we get it)

Some people with torches

The Vitruvian Man

A guy with a funny hat and a cross I *think* is Martin Luther

Some Pilgrims

Some kind of clipper ship

A 1800s guy with a quill and idk my heart tells me this is supposed to be Frederick Douglass

A guy at a piano (Beethoven??)

A battlefield I think? Maybe Napoleonic?

Some Black people in 1700s dress? I got nothin on this one

Washington crossing the Delaware

Betsy Ross (assumedly) sewing the goshdang American flag. The first-ever woman. Accurate

Buffalo

Teepees

People in a canoe. I’ve decided all I’m gonna say about these last three is “oof”

A ballroom dance (possibly antebellum)

Lincoln signing something (I assume the Emancipation Proclamation)

Confederate soldiers with a canon

Thomas Edison

An old oil well (like one of the triangular ones)

A train

A Model T car

The Wright brothers’ plane

Teddy Roosevelt

Lenin giving a speech

Woodrow Wilson (?) with troops

Trench warfare

A WWII plane

Winston Churchill

Hitler

FDR

Paratroopers

An atomic bomb

The KKK

A larger military-looking plane

A man watching a TV

JFK and Jackie

A guy with a rifle (Vietnam?)

A civil rights protest sign

The moon landing

An Apollo rocket

A guy at some kind of computer or typewriter

Nixon

From context I want to say Mao but it’s just the back of his head

A peace protest

Jimmy Carter being sworn in

A more modern military jet (first with the horses, now with the planes)

Ruhollah Khomeini / the Iranian hostage crisis (that took a little Wikipedia-ing)

George H. W. Bush being sworn in

A nuclear reactor

Margaret Thatcher

A space shuttle

Tiananmen Square

George H. W. Bush shaking hands with Gorbachev. This one took me an embarrassingly long time because I’d convinced myself a red flag with a hint of yellow at the corner had to be Chinese

Some kind of space or sea exploration coded device? I’m going to call this the Hubble Space Telescope so I can stop googling

Military looking guy? Iran-contra is all I can think of but it’s not Oliver North

Saddam Hussein

Someone with a laptop

Someone putting a CD into a drive

The Clintons

Some kind of space shuttle or boat? This one might be fictional not sure

A guy waving his arm around? This one’s driving me nuts. I’m not even sure if it’s a kid or an adult. Am I supposed to recognize this?? I’m gonna call it the fall of the Berlin wall even though that’s not in the right chronological order

Best guess is George Bush and Tony Blair

9/11. 9 freaking 11. The mad lads put that in there in the year of our Lord 2004.

A Middle Eastern looking guy with a gun

A weird lookin car – I assume it’s electric or something

The ISS

A Mars rover (or some kind of drone thing)

A CGI cityscape

ANOTHER CGI cityscape

The Enterprise at spacedock

The small Xindi weapon destroying Florida

Archer running through the exploding Xindi weapon

The Xindi weapon blowing up

And there ya have it folks that’s the timeline

Like. I don’t even know where to start. This is amazing. I want to meet the summer intern who took a high school world history course and then made this.

For those keeping score that’s three women outside of crowd shots; love that for them. That’s the same number of images of guys named George Bush in this thing. I can’t even begin to question why the TEMPORAL COLD WAR RESET is so Earth centric when it’s spending all its time being AMERICA centric, except for yadda-yaddaing over everything that happened after 2004 – which includes warp drive and at least ONE world war, right? I guess I could believe that this is Archer’s splice cut of the History of the Universe which would honestly explain a lot about him. But WHY DOES THE FISH COME BEFORE MULTICELLULAR LIFE

Apologies if someone already did this but I personally needed to know

[void-lioness]

THE LEGEND OF VOX MACHINA EPISODE 11; Or Little Black Book.

Episode 11 time. Personally, I enjoy the 3 episode drop, makes binging and catching up easier. So let's get into it.

• Yikes, near incest, no.

• Aww, what a relatively sweet flashback that was.

• Oh, Godsdamnit, Scanlan. You don't remember her name?

• Of course there's a list of names.

• Scanlan..... stop throwing out names, you are tied up with a dagger to your neck. Stop.

• Ooh, enchanted blade. What did she burden him with?

• Don't follow the trail of glowing light, Vax.

• 'For animal consumption, only.' Grog, PLS.

• Vax has been summoned.

• Zombies and the spirits of innocent people. Fuuuuun tiiimes. /s

• "She's watching." Weeeell, f**k.

• Huh. A nice little Scanlan and Vax talk.

• Please, burn him, Thordak. Pretty please with gold on top.

• A deal with the devil. But, who's the devil?

• Yes, Pike. It is, essentially, a metaphor.

• Grog has a plan? Oop, wait. Nvm.

• Percy.... I know you're a noble, but stop talking like a noble.

• "Do not go far from me." Oof.

• Enemas? What??

• Cool statue.

• Ohh, that is blood.

• She. Looks. So. Damn. Cool!

• She also reminds me of Madama Butterfly.

• Love the Raven Skull headpiece.

• Yes. Vax is beautiful. Even the MoR agrees.

• The most logical reaction to seeing your twin brother covered head to toe in blood.

• Percy is still giving the thesis for his trap.

• "You....Dig....Here." Thank you, Grog.

• Well, what did you think was gonna happen, Percival??

• And him screaming "Son of a Bitch!" still sounded classy and was enunciated like a noble.

• "He's not very smart, is he?" Not in that particular moment, he ain't.

• Titanstone Knuckles or Blood Axe..... I'd go knuckles.

• Yay! A non-cursed weapon!

• Bye, Kaylie.

• Agh. The lizard can see traps! Damn it!

• He can turn invisible!??? Are you sh****ing me???

• Uh yeah. Did none of y'all mention that he was an ACID DRAGON!?

• Keyleth, NO!

• "I found out I'm the champion of the MoR." "I found out I'm a father." Scanlan wins the 'Something to prove' title.

• Oh no.... Not the other way.

• Nice shot Vex.

• Surprise, Umbrasyl! That actually made me laugh out loud.

• "I didn't actually think this would work." "Eh, it really shouldn't have." But it DID! 🤷🏾‍♀️

• Weeeell, F**K.

So, that was the penultimate episode of TLOVM. Reeeeeally hoped that they would have offed Umbrasyl, but nope! We got one more to go and that'll be the end of season 2. I can't wait to see what happens. See you there! 👋🏾

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

BUBBLES!!! Helloooo 🤍 im currently dying of boredom in literature class (that nice lady added an hour to catch up a class and it is just endless ughhhh) but saw your post and I just have to say that, as someone who prepares argumentation and full on theses to get what I want I applaud you, go get that shelf bestie!! <3 and yeah I do consider myself an expert in “getting what I want” so I can assure you that if your dad is a tiny little bit like my mom, then your plan will be so well planned that he’ll find nothing else to say but “yes, right away dear” (or anything your dad likes to call you)

Anywayyyy how are we doing on this fine fine Tuesday morning? Are we slayyyy and yaaaaas -ing the day? either way ily little bubble <3

-🪷

Oh bestie, don't die on me. Watch Pedrito edits quietly shh... 🤫 What are you studying about? What are they making you read in class?

Yep... girl got what she wanted! The charm of being the only daughter am I right. No, but he can see that I'm running out of places to store the books. And he knows better than to tell me to stash them away somewhere. NOT ALLOWED! So the deal has been made. 🤝

I've been nursing both of my parents to health the past two weeks and I think now I caught the same shittt so today started off with a pounding head. But I actually started writing my thesis. I know insane. Even I can't believe it. So honestly it's been lots of teas and me looking like a rat in an oversized hoodie with messy hair. Definitely serving you realness over here. Doubt we can call it yaass -ing and slaying but... 😶‍🌫️💩

[theopentable]

Waking up to life

An Introduction to the book of Ecclesiastes

I always love the start of the year. December is done. Christmas is done. The year before is done. And now we get a whole new one! And as a measure of generosity, it even seems to start at a much slower pace than the year just past ended.

With the start of a new year comes an opportunity to pause. It is in some ways a trick; what makes the last day of December any different from the first day of January? The sun rises just the same. Your organs and cells and all the rest of you continue the same basic processes. You still need to eat and go the toilet. It’s all more or less the same. But sometimes we need an excuse to look at our lives again. To think about how we live. To make decisions about our lives. It’s entirely easy to continue going through the motions. To live unreflective lives. To take anything and everything for granted.

Let’s say we did that. We can, if we really want to. We can sleepwalk through our lives. And we do. Sometimes for long stretches of our lives. It’s like we’re in the passenger seat of a car that someone else is driving. While they drive we rest our eyes a little. We’re cosy, comfortable. Eventually we drift into our slumber.

Imagine then the sound of screeching tires and then being jolted from your sleep as you lurch forward into your seatbelt unexpectedly. Consciousness! Shocking consciousness! Your rub your face and try and make sense of the situation. Some idiot is standing in front of your car with their arms stretched out before you forcing you to come to a sudden stop. You’re angry and confused. You want to yell at the mad fool before you. But there’s something unsettling about them. An intensity. A wildness. They demand to be taken seriously.

Who is this reckless figure standing before your vehicle? Well, and this will sound strange, but it’s a reasonably unknowable figure that some have called the Teacher. Or the Preacher. Or even the Sage. Some imagine Solomon, but that doesn’t quite fit. The most common name for this mysterious figure is Qohelet. Qohelet is the wild one bringing our car to a screeching halt.

Anyone who has read the book of Ecclesiastes might write Qohelet off as a pessimistic, burnt-out oddball who just hasn’t been able to grasp the bigger picture. His thesis is missing some key elements that offer us the perspective and hope that later revelation offers us: things like the incarnation and resurrection, some clues about life after death, that sort of thing. And so a lot of people bypass Ecclesiastes. In other words, their car might be brought to a halt, temporarily, but they quickly swerve around this strange figure and get on their way, easing back into a nice, comfortable dreamland once again. And so we miss the wisdom of Qohelet. The wisdom of the fool. We miss the surprising opportunity to really wake up to life.

Say what you like about Qohelet but Qohelet is someone who values life. So much so that Qohelet is a passionate critic of how our car ride generally, or eventually, plays out. What Qohelet knows is that our car ride won’t simply go on forever, no matter how much we might wish it were so. The sun and the wind and rivers will continue to go round and around but you and I won’t. We are here today, gone tomorrow. Time and chance comes to us all. What feels like a shocking intrusion of reality is actually a kindness. Qohelet is urging us to take nothing for granted. Qohelet is waking us up, or perhaps more accurately, Qohelet is wake-ing us up. 

What does is mean to live our lives in light of the fact that some day - and who knows when - people will indeed gather around our coffin and farewell us as we shuffle off this mortal coil?

Qohelet is giving us the chance ahead of time to live and love our lives starting now. That’s what real wisdom teachers do. That’s what Ecclesiastes does, albeit in surprising ways.

So, the Teacher is standing before your car. The choice is yours. Swerve if you like and go on your way. Or perhaps invite Qohelet in. You might want to buckle yourself in though. Happy new year.

Practice: 

End of Year Examen

Whether you’re reading this at the end of the old or the start of a brand new year or any time at all, a helpful place to start might be with an exercise to examine your life. You can do this just by prayerfully sitting with some key reflective questions as your review the last year. 

Here is a guided Ignation examen with music and prayerful prompts if you like (click here).

Here are some questions you might ask yourself as you review the last year -

What have been the biggest happenings this year? What memories from this year immediately come to mind as I think about the year?

What has my heart been most attached to and focused on this year? Where did a lot of my best energies and attention go?

What new has come into my life this year? How have I been surprised this year?

How have I grown this year? How am I different because of the things that have taken place this year?

How have I experienced the presence of God this year?

What were some of the bigger themes of the year?

Experiences of Desolation

What have been the places of struggle or great challenge? 

What has made me feel especially stressed, worried or vulnerable?

What have I lost this year? What have I had to let go of?

Welcome divine light into these experiences of desolation.

Experiences of Consolation

What have been the gifts from this year?

What am I most grateful for?

What have been my richest experiences of joy, strength, comfort, hope, meaning, peace and love?

Where have I noticed beauty?

Give thanks for these sources of consolation.

Looking Ahead

What do I want to carry into this year ahead?

What do I want to let go of?

What are my hopes for the year ahead?

You might like to finish your end of year examen by reading this blessing by John O'Donohue:

At the end of the year 

The particular mind of the ocean 

Filling the coastline’s longing 

With such brief harvest 

Of elegant, vanishing waves 

Is like the mind of time 

Opening the shapes of days. 

As this year draws to its end, 

We give thanks for the gifts it brought 

And how they became inlaid within 

Where neither time nor tide can touch them. 

The days when the veil lifted 

And the soul could see delight; 

When a quiver caressed the heart 

In the sheer exuberance of being here. 

Surprises that came awake 

In forgotten corners of old fields 

Where expectation seemed to have quenched. 

The slow, brooding times 

When all was awkward 

And the wave in the mind 

Pierced every sore with salt. 

The darkened days that stopped 

The confidence of the dawn. 

                       * 

Days when beloved faces shone brighter 

With light from beyond themselves; 

And from the granite of some secret sorrow 

A stream of buried tears loosened. 

We bless this year for all we learned, 

For all we loved and lost 

And for the quiet way it brought us 

Nearer to our invisible destination.

(John O'Donohue in Benedictus: A Book Of Blessings)

[itsnothingofinterest]

Okay, so while Deku’s talk with Aoyama is sweet and touching and full of callbacks; I’d like to take a moment to discuss how much of a milestone his is for Deku. Because as it happens; this is looking like it’ll be his first unambiguous success at using diplomacy and talking an adversary down since he vowed to save Shigaraki.

Because, let’s be honest here; his track record to talking to his opponents so far has been...bad. Really bad, actually. And I’m not saying that to knock the guy; because it’s understandable. I mean, how long did it take him to throw a punch without breaking something? Or leave a fight with a villain without severe, usually self-inflicted injuries? And people generally have seemed to think “talk-no-jutsu”-ing his opponents would be the ‘easy way out’: but no, logically it’d be much harder and he’d take to it much slower given his environment. It makes sense he wouldn’t be very good at it. But still, he has not thus far been very good at it. Up until now that is; with his first success on this front.

So let’s take a bit of time to review Deku’s track record with diplomacy so far, to see just how huge him actually connecting with Aoyama really is (and where he still needs to grow).

It is, in hindsight, probably intentional that Muscular was the first opponent of his new philosophy. He was set up as someone Deku wanted to face and see if he could’ve talked down; but then when he sees him, Muscular was like a brick wall he could seemly do nothing but flail feebly at. (Metaphorically, I mean. He was very much able to punch the guy right out.)

A lot of fans came away from that thinking it was to show Deku can’t come to an understanding with everyone, but I’ve long had my doubts about that because A) that sounds too much like the “you can’t save everyone” rhetoric I feel is outright BS, B) the less than stellar track record that followed seemed to imply Deku as the common denominator but we’ll get to all that, and C) his end goal is coming to an understanding with Tomura, who (I say this as someone who loves him and believes in his redemption) is probably the hardest guy for Deku to come to an understanding with.

It feels to me like Muscular was meant to be the diplomatic equivalent to the Sludge villain or 0-point robot. An adversary that gets punched out so it all turns out okay, but that Deku does still fail to properly resolve the way he wants to because his skills just are not there yet. A first failure for him, to show how far he has to go.

Next was Lady Nagant; who, partial marks where they’re due, he did talk to her and try to understand her, he acknowledged her reasons for doing what he was doing, and they ended on good terms. So way am I only awarding partial marks?

Well here’s the thing: Lady Nagant came at Deku with a real problem with the hero society Deku is sided with that are motivating her actions (important experience for Deku if he is to deal with Shigaraki, who is motivated by many real problems, most with the hero society Deku is sided with). And the solution he gave was...to ‘extend a helping hand’, like that’s a solution to government corruption. It comes across like he thinks he can “hero” himself at any problem, “All Might” himself at any problem, and that’s all it would take. And just to spell out the thesis of the Class 1A fight and it’s aftermath: that is not a solution, it’s a time bomb. And it certainly wouldn’t work with Shigaraki, who’s mountain of problems developed when the genuine All Might was still around, meaning doing the same-but more-would not work.

(Note: just because Deku has realized that way of thinking was wrong on at least some level, does not mean he came up with any real solution. That’s still an area he’ll really need to work on to talk down Tomura.)

Next was Overhaul. And to put it simply for a simple interaction; Deku acted way to much like Hawks here. He demanded Overhaul act and feel how Deku wanted, for seemingly no one’s benefit but his own (can’t really say it’s to Eri’s benefit that they risk her meeting Overhaul again just for the chance at an apology). And he even held Pop’s health hostage to do it. That’s not very heroic of you Deku. Big oof right there.

And see, unlike with Muscular, Overhaul represented no danger Deku was obligated to subdue. Nothing was stopping him from coming to as best an understanding as Deku was capable of. But just like with Muscular, when confronted by someone he didn’t agree with and saw as a bad person, he failed to try and understand them and just kinda moved on.

And the ability to understand people you disagree with that he was not showing there at all is crucial if he’s to talk with Tomura; who’s morals and values I can accurately describe as exactly like Deku’s own morals and values if they were put through a negative filter. (Well that’s been less true since the war arc. Since then Deku’s been shown more and more how his enemies are people while Tomura’s been shown more and more how his enemies will go to any lengths to kill him and those he loves. That’s affected the balance a bit.)

Anyway after that he got mad and stopped trying with this whole talking to people thing (enemies or otherwise) up until he met up with his class again.

And then we get the battle against class 1A; where, as mentioned, Deku got a lot of toxic behaviour corrected and reforged his bonds with his classmates, especially Iida and Bakugou.

Still, as healthy as this resolution was for the boy, I do find it interesting how this too was a battle of words, wills, and ideologies that Deku still lost. He argued his point, and he got completely shut down by people who understood this stuff better than him. It turned out for the best for Deku, and there’s probably something to say there about how peaceful resolutions are able to help everyone; but I still think there’s relevance to Deku’s loss in that fight.

Because it means Aoyama was his first real success story at a peaceful resolution. He was the first guy Deku talked too, connected with, offered a solution too, and has seemingly turned to his side.

And sure, Aoyama is kind of easy mode with the lack of real hurdles keeping Deku from working with him; similar values, already friends, his only real problem is AFO. If Muscular was so impossible for Deku as to be compared to chapter 1’s sludge villain, then Aoyama was so easy as to be compared to chapter 6’s baseball. But still, that baseball was the first step for Deku to get where he’s at now with his power. A victory is a victory.

There’s still a lot Deku needs to work on if he’s to reach peaceful resolution with Tomura. He has major trouble with people with viewpoints different from his own, he shuts down conversation to quick on those he deems bad people, we’ve yet to see him directly acknowledged a need for real change or that the heroes are in the wrong about anything, and we’ve seen signs that he’s still considering going solo & not opening up fully to his classmates. A big problem since peaceful resolution is looking to require a group effort. And despite what some of my fellow Shigaraki fans tend to think, Tomura’s got a lot more, much bigger (in his mind) problems than AFO; and I don’t think Deku could ride the waves of gratitude for saving him from AFO past all that.

The boy’s got a long way to go, but it feels like for the first time since he’s started down this road, he’s heading in exactly the right direction.

[goodqueenaly]

Is there really a need for a "culprit" for Ned Stark's execution? Beheading him and calling it a mercy is exactly the sort of thing you'd expect Joffrey to do; the only one who truly accuses Littlefinger is Varys, the man whose main blind spot is children having agency; and I can't really see Petyr trusting Joffrey with an execution that goes against Cersei's plan when Joffrey could easily blurt out "I can't believe even Littlefinger has more guts than you!" or something like this.

Here's the thing about Joffrey, though - he was not a particularly clever, subtle, or strategic sort; the height of Joffrey's cunning, as Tyrion wryly notes in ASOS, was to have sent his catspaw with a dagger very obviously belonging to his father to kill Bran after the royal party left Winterfell. That Ned's execution was clearly a planned-ahead event is evident from the fact that both Janos Slynt and Ilyn Payne were immediately ready to follow Joffrey's orders; these were men clearly, and given the nature of their roles probably separately, approached to make sure they knew what to do on the day in question. To me, that sounds much less like a boy with one, clumsy assassination attempt under his belt and much more like a man who already had a means of control over both of those men.

Littlefinger did not have to trust Joffrey with much of anything to have been behind the execution; all Littlefinger has to do is nudge Joffrey in the right direction and trust that Joffrey's own inherent cruelty will win out over what his mother, Varys, and the rest of the small council (save, of course, Littlefinger himself) had already prepped Joffrey to do. Littlefinger operates well with the subtle suggestion: we see this from his work with the Tyrells (both in "prais[ing] [Joffrey] to the skies ... whilst [his] men spread disturbing tales amongst Lord Tyrell's servants" and in having "men in [his] party supplied grisly tales about how the mob had killed Ser Preston Greenfield and raped the Lady Lollys" while "slipp[ing] a few silvers to Lord Tyrell's army of singers to sing of Ryam Redwyne, Serwyn of the Mirror Shield, and Prince Aemon the Dragonknight") as well as his convincing Joffrey to sanction the jousting dwarfs (by playing on Joffrey's eager cruelty toward his disabled uncle). That same strategy would have served Littlefinger well with Joffrey regarding Ned's execution: remind Joffrey that, say, "a strong king acts boldly, he doesn't just talk", remark, say, how unfortunate it is that treason should go unpunished, and I think Littlefinger would have gotten the ball rolling in Joffrey's head that he could, nay indeed should, have Ned killed.

And in turn, which is the more interesting explanation for the event - an explanation that, unlike those for the murder of Jon Arryn and the attempted murder of Bran (the latter of which was of course explained by Joffrey's own personality), has been left unanswered, I think deliberately so, by the author? (And I say deliberately because the author has specifically brought it up, on multiple occasions, without ever providing an answer, while openly stating who was not behind it.) What does it do for the reader if it turns out that this was Joffrey's plan the whole time, except confirm (as if it needed any more confirming) that Joffrey was a terrible and cruel person? By contrast, what does it do - especially for Sansa's story - if it turns out that this was Littlefinger's plan? For a girl being groomed by Littlefinger himself to embrace his thesis on truth and lies and to forget that she ever had a father named Eddard Stark, the reveal that this would-be father arranged the murder of her true father (combined with the reveal of what he did to Jeyne Poole) will be, I think, the motivation she needs to denounce him and bring him to justice.

I'll add as a final note here that the "Enhanced Edition" of ASOS - which, as all the Enhanced Editions do, includes authorial annotations - adds the following annotation when Littlefinger describes to Sansa how he convinced Joffrey to have the jousting dwarves perform at his wedding:

Littlefinger's secret influence on the king may provide an answer as to who whispered in Joffrey's ear and convinced him to execute Eddard Stark.

[theamityelf]

-I liked the way they conveyed the characters’ backstories; it was for the most part pretty graceful and felt rewarding, as someone who knew these things from the book. The stuff about Miss Hannah was not something I expected to see acknowledged on such a level, and they were able to have Sarah verbally state what happened to her without it feeling unjustified.

-As I mentioned in previous posts on the subject, I disliked most of their adaptation choices for Dana. They took most of her ideas from the book and had other characters verbally feed them to her in the show. I felt like a lot of what I loved about her character wasn't there anymore.

-They adapted Rufus well. He seemed true to his book self, and the scenes between him and Dana were largely lifted from the book. The extra scenes of him that weren't in the book also felt in-character.

-They did Sarah DIRTY, and overall weakened Dana’s relationships with the enslaved characters; in my opinion, this was the biggest flaw of the addition of Olivia to the story and the dulling of Dana’s situational intelligence; in the book, she didn’t have to be told to help out around the cookhouse, and she didn’t have to be told to do what she could for the slaves.

-Except for the ways where I felt she overstayed her welcome and took too much attention from characters and relationships I liked, I thought Olivia was fine. I like that she "poisons" Dana. I like that Olivia felt protective of Alice, and I’m happy that Alice got to have a cat.

-WHY NOT JUST NAME WINNIE TESS?

-I really loved the Carrie fake-out. I fully believed they were going through with it, and the impact it would have on Rufus's friendship with Nigel and how it might parallel Tom's relationship with Luke intrigued me. I was very curious where they'd go with it. Then when that culminated the way it did, I was still intrigued. Also, I really liked Carrie and Nigel.

-I dislike how it tried to spin her concerned neighbors as Karens? Like, I get that you're going through a lot and don't feel like explaining, but you guys have been SCREAMING and you're visibly injured. It's not weird that they're concerned. Like, I understand Dana’s reaction of like “I get it but please leave me alone right now; I do not have the emotional mileage for this conversation,” but Kevin getting actively angry and being so aggro over barely anything was weird and really very stupid.

-I kind of enjoyed the encounter with Temperance; this weird evil child who very much isn’t written as just a little kid who is a product of her time; she isn’t normal with most people and then racist with slaves, she is just a weird evil Bad Seed-esque child, and Dana very mildly no-dice-ing her cruelty was enough to violently shake her worldview, and I found that fun to watch.

-I like that they placed it in the modern day, but I dislike that they made no use of it, really. IF YOU HAVE AN IPHONE THAT CAN TAKE PICTURES, THERE IS NO REASON TO LET ANYONE DOUBT YOUR STORY. Also, show Auntie the ring???

-Margaret was very in character; Tom was a little off. I didn't mind it, but I don't like the way Tom ended things with Kevin; it felt like a change that would threaten future book events, and that worries me.

-I like that they brought chocolate back; I wish they’d played with that idea more. The fact that they made a shopping trip for this is a change from the book that I enjoy, because while it didn’t make too much sense lore-wise, it had the potential to give us some cool moments. I wish the show had indulged in that more. If driving to the store is on the table, I want you guys drawing up some freedom papers for Dana, some old timey money for both Dana and Kevin, etc. You have iPhones? Take pictures. While you’re at the store, buy a multipack of candy for the enslaved children. Maybe you notice the attic is cold and leaky and you come back with putty. The fact that your thesis is that we wouldn’t stand a chance in slavery times doesn’t mean they can’t use the tools available; it means you need to show how those tools are ultimately a band-aid solution for the larger problems, and show us what those problems are! Yes, you’ve made freedom papers, but someone can easily take them from you. Stuff like that. These are things they thought about, in the book, but couldn't accomplish, for various reason. Here, there is no reason given.

-The characters don’t know how to lie, and it’s very frustrating. Like, really frustrating.

-I enjoyed the adaptation and have hope for the future of it, if it does continue. But they did not write Dana well, in my opinion.

Have yall been watching? Im interested to hear from people who have read the book and watched the first season of the show. What worked and didn't work for you?