#thesis-ing is going well

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

I hate how sleep and fatigue seem like they should correlate and yet they don’t.

I’ve been sleeping more recently (averaging about 90min more than usual) and you might think “oh, that means you���re less fatigued right?” Which would be a false assumption. Because just because I’m sleeping longer doesn’t mean I’m not waking up more during the night (from pain, or nausea, or palpitations or bladder urgency… or all of them at once), or getting more of the good stuff (rem and deep sleep) according to my Fitbit. Today I woke early and haven’t been able to get back to sleep at all. And yet I’m still so fatigued. And like yes I’ve I been diagnosed with mild positional sleep apnoea (which I’m managing) and a slight sleep latency but I was told unequivocally by the sleep doc that the severity and patterning of my fatigue was not explained by these findings. The only night I’ve slept through in the last fortnight or so is the night I took my strong pain meds for intractable TMJ pain. Which makes me think that pain is an element. But probably not the whole picture.

I try to figure out if it’s physical stuff, I try to balance probabilities if it’s depression (it’s been a rough couple of months when I think about it), is something else going wrong with me? Or is this just my normal, a result of all my various conditions.

At some point I think I need to accept that my fatigue is chronic, that I do experience some sort of PEM, and I probably need to pursue me/cfs with my GP again. She was the one who brought it up with me last year, but it fell to the wayside a bit with the hEDS and bladder/bowel stuff that took over last year. But even though I feel like I’ve too much energy to have me/cfs, I do experience the malaise and flu-like symptoms when I overdo it. And overdoing it can look different from week to week. I don’t know.

[whoslaurapalmer]

being 30 is just jamming out to meteora and realizing you've been jamming out to this album for seventeen years which is over half your life now, i have lived longer listening to meteora than without listening to meteora, and going 'no. wait. no really what the fuck is that about'

[hollow-lime-green]

hi, anon from "t/b discourse is dumb" ask here 👋 this conversation actually is really interesting and i wanna add a little more if thats okay. (how long is the average anon ask? im not new to fandom but i am relatively new to tumblr and its etiquette... so sorry if this is too long. ive done my best to condense it 😭 there's just too much to say and im a rambler)

i hope i didn't come off as blaming anybody for their response to harassment and such, i don't want to contribute to that. my ire is only pointed toward people who make it their business to hurt others over innocuous fandom happenings, those people who leave dickish comments on fics and send anonhate and mass qrt on twitter. but like i said, expecting those kinds of people to go away any time soon is not really something i have hope for at this point. you put it well: people get so emotionally invested --- and i too Love getting emotionally invested when it comes to fiction --- that logic stops being a factor. people all over the internet also tend to struggle with simply disliking something and leaving it there. you're allowed to dislike/disagree with something without turning it into a moral failure when it's all down to preference and the characters involved are not Real

i just wish more people saw the value in Healthy™ discourse. hell, even if someone's opinion ticks you off, that doesn't mean you can't engage in an open minded discussion with them, if you want to. but people can't do that even outside of niche online fanbases.

i would love to share my own opinions on t/b dynamics for satosugu and to learn why others may feel differently. actually, stsg is the first yaoi ship ive been this invested in, though it's been a while now, and reading fics for them has opened up a Lot of doors of thought for me that i wanna talk to someone about. but there's such hostility around the topic that opening that discussion up to the general fandom public hardly feels worth the risk, as much as i want to. that kinda leaves one floating out at sea here. so i have these conversations where i can, but i'll also block people over simple things. not because i think they're evil or their opinions are invalid, but because i really do just want to have fun, and previous fandom experiences have exhausted me with how much of the same repetitive venom i can personally handle at once

welcome back anon, and feel free to ramble away. honestly this has been a nice side quest for me during the thesis-ing, believe it or not.

if you want to have discussions/share takes on stsg (or fandom meta), then feel free to keep sending them anon, and i am happy to host that discussion in our friendly little corner. i haven't gotten anything nasty in my inbox, and i think everyone commenting and engaging with the posts on my blog is pretty friendly and level headed :)

i think it's possible that some people could get offended by your previous ask? but it's very obvious, to me, anyway, that what you are saying with "t/b discourse is dumb" is "this drama is dumb why are we doing this why can't we just have fun". you can twist the words, but that's the clear sentiment that I think 99% of us are trying to get across here.

and that also does not conflict with empathizing with and supporting people who have been targeted by this harassment. in fact, i would say out of anyone, they are probably most securely in the camp of "this drama is dumb please let's stop".

as @fushiglow pointed out, part of the reason fandom can get so vicious is due to depersonalization. none of these people would be acting so fuckin foolish in person. but across the screen, it is a lot safer and easier to be an absolute asshole than when you have to look someone in the face as you tell them that they are literal scum for your opinions on dick in ass, or something.

over the past few months i have been struggling with this in reverse, actually. one of my gaming group members almost definitely voted for trump (white women... we need to talk). i get so worked up when i think about it, because i hate her for it, especially her reasons for it (she is antichoice). and yet, when I see her in person, when we hang out, it is so easy to remember that she is my friend and she held my hair back when I was puking after my other gamer friends gave me too many free beers (blue moon isn't worth it guys).

one other thing i would like to add, and part of why i'm so happy to post this ask, is that conversations are not sentences. you get to clarify. you get to add. you get to change your mind. real 'discourse' (note: this word has lost all meaning in the year of our lord 2025) or debate is an exchange of ideas, whether it's about dick in ass or how we react socially in the situation of being attacked for dick in ass. keeping the conversation going to clarify these things, like your intent with the last ask, is important and necessary! it's what keeps us from being xitter/bluesky. we don't need to live as zingers and soundbytes on a text-based forum. we have the space to express ourselves fully, as many times as that takes. and i think that helps build back the empathy that is lost with the lack of face-to-face, voice-to-voice communication in online spaces.

so in the words of the great philosophers re: t/b discourse:

any hole's a goal

[baravaggio]

i'm so ready for people to get sick of spending their time taking in summaries that are posing as criticism like it's got to happen at some point right...people must realize that at the end of the 3 hour long video "analysis" of whatever the fuck, all they've been given is a more long-winded, eloquent summary of everything that's already been said without any introduction of new perspectives or evidence that the compiler has taken the time to form their own opinion on the matter. they must get tired of the grand conclusion to the thesis being "well...it's complicated" or "we need to think about it more," not just because it's unsatisfying intellectual blue balls-ing, but because the reticence to commit is clearly meant to be the path of least resistance, the easy way to appease everyone...like when are we going to admit that a) not everyone's thoughts are best channeled through the vehicle of criticism and b) that criticism is not the only way to engage with issues one is interested in

[wayward-travelers]

FFXIVwrite2024 #9

Prompt: Lend an ear

Words: 783 Rating: G Characters: Emhih'a, Inge (WoL) Characters (mentioned): Hanae, Thancred, Griveroix, Foulques Warning: none Reading order: ideally after my previous entries since it's the direct continuation, but it's understandable on its own

"I hope I'm not bothering you. - Not at all! I'm cooking. - Enjoying your retirement?"

Inge snorted.

"Hardly. I'm on a rescue mission."

Well, that hadn't taken long.

"Already? You've just come back from the end of the universe... - Griveroix and Foulques are missing. - Oh. Any idea of what happened? - Not really. The squadron came back a fortnight ago; they were supposed to follow suit after checking on something but no one's heard of them since. But since the squadron talked of an unholy monster they saw flying above the Western part of the Shroud shortly before their return, I imagine they ended up face to face with it."

His blood ran cold. A Blasphemy. Emhih'a perked at the edge of his seat, almost standing up as if to help—needlessly, as Inge was a few thousand malms away from Sharlayan.

"You don't think they... - No. They assured me both of them were in a good state of mind, it'd take more for them to transform nowadays. Besides, with Meteion stopped, it shouldn't happen anymore. - Thanks the Twelve. - Indeed."

Thunder.

Not on his side, though. Emhih'a looked at the sky through his office's window. Cloudy, with just a touch of snow falling gently on the wet cobblestone. Were their friends also facing the same weather as the Viera? He didn't doubt their ability to face off a blasphemy—although they did not often came to help the Warriors of Light, they were both fierce fighters in their own right. But still...

"I'm sure they're fine, the Viera assured him as if reading his mind. In all likelihood, they're lost in some newly discovered ruins and Griveroix will whine about it for years to come once they're back."

The Miqo'te couldn't help but laugh at the remark.

"I doubt you called me to know whether I was on a mission or in my lab, though. What's the matter? - Uh... I... Well, I need your opinion. - I'm all ears. - As you know there are several factions in Garlemald, some less likely than others to work with the Contingent. The leader of one of them, an ex-Imperial soldier turned Sky Pirate, contacted me personally to ask for my help setting up a greenhouse for the survivors. I imagine something more akin to a miniature Labyrinthos, given the cold climate of Garlemald. - I'm not sure I'm seeing the problem here. You seemed to think the Contingent was a good idea. - I did! And I still do. She doesn't, though, and she made her opinion quite clear when Lucia and Maxima sent an ambassador to make an alliance with her. - Hm... - She also requested me specifically. - Well, your thesis does make you a suitable candidate. - She mentioned it, yes. She also insisted on the good work we did together. - Ah. Hostage situation, then? - That's what I'm afraid off. I just can't quite see what she'd want. From what Maxima told me, she's not lacking in resources and seems happy to just ignore them. It just... I don't know, it just rubs me wrong. - Emhih'a Litka has a fan and doesn't know how to deal with it. A first! - Ha ha. Very funny. - I thought so, too! Hey, I heard that! she protested after he swore under his breath. Look, I can ask Thancred to look into the matter if you'd like. - Isn't he busy? - Or I can ask Tataru to put me in contact with some of the Scions, if you'd prefer. I'm sure Riol and Alianne will adore the cold. What's her name? - Hanae Corvus."

Thunder. And a long, long silence.

"Inge? - Do you really want to go?"

He took a handful of seconds to think about it.

"Yeah. They could really use a greenhouse. - Then I'll ask Thancred to look into it. Be careful, you hear me? - Do you know her? - I... Maybe. I'm not sure. If she's the one I'm thinking about... Well, she was just a young teen when we last met and she wore another surname then. Maybe it's nothing. Just... Just promise me to be careful. - I will. And I know how to defend myself, you know that. - I do, I do. My apologies. I wasn't expecting to hear this name after all this time. - Do you want to talk about it? - I'd rather not, no. Can you buy Thancred some time? You haven't answered yet, have you? - Not yet, no. I can tell her I'll be there in a moon. It's not unreasonable, I have work to finish here anyways. - Perfect. I'll tell him to call you when he has anything. If it's bad, well... - Then I won't go. - Thank you." She sighed. "Take care, Emhih'a. - You, too. Oh and let me know when you've found them. - I will."

[weaselbeaselpants]

One of my pointless, made-for-just-myself fandom dissertations is gonna be about "endgame" philosophy and how fans assume creator's are swayed into bad decisions and writing by their fans. To give you a brief preshow of that, my thesis basically amounts to

"ya'll have fan brain; Lily Orchard has legit poisoned the well of media analysis with her bad understanding of production issues"

So many of you cartoon fans, criticals ect need to unlearn the term "creator's pet" as a term for important character in the narrative that you don't like and who's development isn't written well.

You owe it to yourself to STOP looking at ships that were always gonna be a thing and try and steer the conversation into "the show sucked cuz you all cared more about shipping; creators though x-couple was ungame and now it's ruined!!!"

Starco was inevitable since season 2 of SVTFOE made it clear they were going there. No, I don't like that choice either, but that's the choice the writer's had. Fucking cope. That's what fanfiction's for.

"The creator's didn't think of this twist until fan's started theory-ing about it-" NOPE. Fans just guessed the possible twist and different creators found different ways of hiding, denying or changing how their stories were gonna go because of that.

There is real criticism, hang ups, controversy and anger to be had over bad writing and decisions made in shows. You all have to stop complaining when creators do something you don't like vs something they shouldn't have done. I mean it when I say that, for all possible circumstances where creators' did take advantage of fan hype/ideas and then ruined their shows because of it (Supernatural, Game of Thrones, Star Wars) there are hundreds of examples of series just being bad* on their own and I really wish people would stop throwing around those "endgame", "creator pet" and "fan service" around so willy nilly.

And then I remember VivziePop....

[gotwcird]

oop coming to the tags to promote two babies i wanna write with that need 1x1 ships <3 find more info about this blog and the muses under the cut. like if you're interested OR im me here or on my main @/maxmcyfield OR lmk if you prefer discord. thank u friends!!

gotwcird info:

this is a 1x1 sideblog penned by zahra (26, they/them, main is maxmcyfield) - i like writing a lot of celebrity-focused characters, but i enjoy most real life plots and don't mind exploring fantasy and supernatural elements!

i prefer writing stuff that has a good amount of plotting behind it and with partners that i can chat with a little! i enjoy the headcanon-ing part as much as the writing tbh. i also tend to reply quickly unless i have something going on - i'm on my computer a lot for work so! (also long term writing partners is a given in this lmao)

while it may not be the main focus of my writing, i have a heavy interest in smut and enjoy writing it a lot so please be fine with that. basically: smut with a lot of depth behind it! my characters tend to be freaky so 😔😪

the muses:

i'd like mxf (hiro) & nbxf ships (lou) (or femme nb characters) with these muses respectively - even better if they're with muses of colour! i'm more than happy to flesh out a plot as we chat, but what i have written here are just suggestions/ideas to kick things off <3

i'm not picky at all with what fc you use, to be clear. but there are some fc's i'm not keen on, we can discuss it for sure!

louis alon 'lou' racal, 28 (evan mock fc) [TAKEN]

they/them (openly nonbinary, enjoys androgyny mostly). film critic/journalist & part-time film studies phd student. working on their thesis of asian american and 'asian' asian representations in hollywood and how it differs. too soft, tries to see the good in everyone to the point of naivety. raised mostly by their nanny who instilled a lot of the values they hold. surprisingly perceptive and observent, though is terrible at expressing themselves vocally. usually found writing on their laptop or at the independent cinemas around london, trying to get their thesis published out into a book. surprisingly big into gaming as well. trust fund baby running away from a shitty family in america & the philippines, hasn't spoken to their dad in like 6 years. far too romantic to sleep around, and too afraid to date casually. has been with some people but it hasn't worked out long term, so they suffer. a switch with a dom lean, soft albeit teasing and demanding. plots: a hollywood actress that they had an instant connection with when they interviewed her, but neither had the balls to ask each other out at first / another phd student that they met through their university's support group lol / some actor/up and coming director or producer being pissed by their scathing review and meeting each other at an event but oops they have chemistry / going into a movie set as a consultant and coming out as an actor somehow and doing sex scenes with their new coworker

hiro james tanaka, 26 (nico hiraga fc)

he/they (idk he hates gender and all that comes with it, but is generally man-aligned). actor, musician, model, skateboarder - basically has his hand in a bunch of pots. former member of x factor boyband, t1me that disbanded about three years after it was established & he spent most of his late teens doing that (17-21). has now led a pretty successful career as primarily an actor (loves music, but it was never the goal for him). seems like himbo, but is truly very earnest and thoughtful. he means well and has a huge heart and wants to make the people in his life happy, he can just be a little dense and too tunnel-visioned sometimes. life of the party without meaning to be - loves a good time and wants to make sure people are having fun too. a super romantic that fills the void by unfortunately sleeping around, had a very questionable relationship with the ex-manager of t1me that ended... badly. dommy dom who likes it rough and romantic. plot: him being a very vocal fan of a girl group (preferably a new or foreign group) & he meets his fav member, becomes super smitten with her immediately and then proceeds to date her and corrupt her lowkey oops (highkey in love with this idea for him please someone let me do this plot i'm begging. bonus points if you use chaewon/kim sejeong, but i'm not picky & am more than happy to provide suggestions)

[bandhyukoh]

I've been following you for years now and am always amazed at how dedicated you are, Thank you so much for always keeping us updated!!

I've been curious about you if you don't mind sharing! Where are you from, how you discovered Hyukoh for the first time and what made you create this fansite? Do you know korean to some extent to perhaps understand their lyrics on a deeper level, in their original form? Have you ever seen them live?

I feel like I've known you for long but not actually lol. Thank you again!<3

Thank you, thank you! I try my best!

I’m from Denmark and I randomly watched a dance cover of Wi ing Wi ing and liked the song. Afterwards I watched the Panda Bear music video which includes the following lyrics; Being alone makes me feel more comfortable + Don’t ask me what kind of person I am cuz I too myself don’t know who I am – and I remember thinking; "yeah, this band now owns my ass". And then it all just spiraled from there.

I actually did not create this fansite it was created by a now retired admin in may 2015 and in august-ish 2016 I became a co-admin and I’ve been the only admin since late 2017-ish. Initially I was only supposed to post a couple small updates from time to time. But when the former admin withdrew I at some point just decided to completely take over the everyday management step by step. It seemed like a natural thing for me to do because I’m not really the kind of person who does things half-heartedly. It was very much trial and error but I found a way of doing things that worked for me. I applied to become an admin because I just really love their music and thought it would be a fun thing to do. I decided to go all in because it is kind of a way for me to keep up with the band and still get to experience their performances and events while living on the other side of the world. It makes me feel as if I’m not as far away from them as I actually am. I also really like that it’s something that other fans enjoy and appreciate!

When I became an admin I knew a little bit of Korean. It was always my plan to become fluent/better after I completed my education in early/mid 2020. But then in 2019 I sustained a brain injury and basically my entire life got completely fucked up – to put it mildly – and the Korean I knew (literally) got knocked out of my head. I did hand in my master’s thesis earlier this year (wooh!!) while still suffering from the brain injury (NOT wooh!!). But I’m expecting to fully recover sometime early next year – so my life is getting back on track. And I now understand some Korean again, but not on the level as before my brain injury. So, no at the moment I don’t know Korean well enough to understand the lyrics on a deeper level.

I have seen them twice! The first time at a festival in Korea in 2016 and then in concert in 2017. I know this sound sappy but seeing them live just makes me so happy and I always get teary-eyed! I just forget everything else and just gape at them while smiling!

It’s fun with the whole knowing-people-thing. You – the followers – see a side of me that people in my life actually don’t. They know I run this account and they know I’m a passionate person, but they (except very few) do not see it to the extent that you all do. Some also do not understand it – I have been doing this for 8+ years so I have reached an age where people think I’m getting too old to do this. But I do what I want and don’t want to wake up in 10, 15 or 20 years and realize I have no interests/hobbies and sense of self because I abandoned everything I enjoy in order to live up to other people’s boring-ass-expectations.   

As always, I’m rambling – but you people apparently like it when I do that <3

[possibly-god]

Hedy Mayer – the Rocket Scientist

(1975 – 27/2000 – 52)

Darleane Mayer met Dell Conagher in college studying theoretical physics – her second Ph.D., his sixth. For that one year they were study buddies, and for the one night of their graduation party they were something else.

The pregnancy was a surprise to Darleane, but not an unwelcome one – she had an interest in being a parent but not so much in being a wife, and with a bit of elbow grease she quickly proved herself unfireable from her new position at Black Mesa.

Baby Hedy was named after Darleane’s favorite inventor and actress Hedy Lamarr, and grew up in the halls of Black Mesa, learning the periodic table alongside the alphabet and designing space shuttles before she could drive a car.

While the sciences came easy to her, the humanities really didn’t – in the same school year she was TA-ing 10th grade trigonometry and repeating 6th grade English.

After high school, she spent a year interning at Black Mesa before her mom insisted that she get a degree – though what really convinced her to go was an ex-classmate’s insinuation that she couldn’t.

There is nothing this woman will not accomplish out of sheer spite – among her life’s greatest ambitions is to launch a teapot into stable orbit to get one over on her second-grade teacher.

Zephaniah Mann University took one look at her application and threw so many scholarships at her she’s practically being paid to attend – as of ‘75 she’s 7 years and 4 Ph.D.s deep (chemistry, astrophysics, aerospace engineering, and the college’s first computer science degree) with no signs of stopping.

It's at ZMU that she met Christoph, her best friend, husband for tax benefits, and partner in mad science.

It was Christoph who made Hedy the drunken bet that would change their lives – at his instigation, she invented the polycyclotron (a.k.a. the Tricycle, the Three-Ring-Circus) and became the first person to synthesize Australium.

It was this act that put her on OHM’s radar – and the rest of the kids, once OHM realized her connection to Team Fortress and began looking for others.

Discovering an adult child was not on Engineer’s bingo card when the team went on that rescue mission, and Hedy threw Dell for quite a few loops, but he did eventually get through to her over their mutual eccentricities (technical talents, music taste, mild god complex, etc.)

While on RED base, she becomes “chemistry buddies” with Demo and Pyro and develops a tenuous relationship with her father-in-law Medic (his skepticism is understandable - his marriage of convenience didn't go too well). She also encourages Kelly’s inventiveness, giving her construction tips.

Once everything with OHM is sorted out, Dell immediately calls Darleane for a long talk.

Meanwhile, Hedy returns to ZMU, presenting the Tricycle as her nuclear physics thesis. She accepts her fifth Ph.D. that June and her Nobel Prize the following December – her acceptance speech is the first in the institution’s history to include the phrase “kiss my ass.”

Hedy’s exit from ZMU heralds a hiring slap fight between NASA and Aperture Science – she picks the latter to start, though she’ll work at both and beyond in the coming years (after the fifth time she gets used as an unwitting test subject, she bids Aperture adieu).

The ’76 Conagher family reunion is one heck of an event – Hedy is quickly overwhelmed by her new grandpa’s, aunt’s, and cousins’ enthusiasm.

As Y2K passes uneventfully (with her help), Hedy accepts a position with Team Fortress Industries and joins her fellow “next-genners” in international mayhem as the Rocket Scientist (or “Rocketeer” for short and/or fun).

Next up - her psycho psychologist partner in life and crime...

TF2K Master Post

[kafkaoftherubble]

然后一个星期后，Atom这电脑终于回来了

Well, it's not like it wasn't busy since last Wednesday. It was Wesak Day! Traveling into the city for the procession—the perfect excuse to ramble in the city, at night, without fear of cars—was sweet. Wanna go again next year! Even if it killed the legs!

Future Lyns, you know where the folder for this particular event is, right? It's in the 2024 folder. "Port to Kyle Hyde."

Previous You had written this travelogue called the Wesak Day Picture Book on Discord for Their Princeliness, so I don't really need to reiterate the process anymore. The memories should already be easy to recall based on the photos alone!

Here are some teases:

Really wondered just how much the Buddha and his Sangha wandered around back then. No wonder the guy could get into shape despite sitting around a lot.

-------------

Mom left by Thursday night for Wawa's wedding on Saturday; Lyi came to stay from Saturday till Sunday. On Friday you walked a pretty long distance too, despite the legs hardly recovering from the procession, to get Atom from the repair guys.

It was a whole marathon of tea, Jujutsu Kaisen, and video games on Saturday night. Then it was karaoke on Sunday afternoon because Lyi slept until noon. Typical.

You actually sang a pretty diverse selection of songs this time! Even Kuch Kuch Hota He! You should practice that more often! And you did plenty well on your usual songs, to be honest. 《夜上海》、 《夜来香》、《春风吻上我的脸》、《打鱼忙》等等。Your A Cruel Angel's Thesis has improved! You should find a famous Korean trot song to learn. Oh, hopefully, a new Hokkien Enka. And Japanese Enka too, if the karaoke room is capable... It was hard to find English 1940s jazz songs, ya know?

Have to start slowly working through the zine applicants.

While Atom was away, you actually started making an art piece (Rigless Prince has a way of brute-forcing their encouragement)! It's for one of the best things you have ever discovered in 2024: The Summer Hikaru Died.

To be honest, I really wanna work on that thing above anything else... even making notes on the zine applicants! I don't even know why; zine stuff is far more pragmatic than that thing.

I also REALLY wanna write a ramble with citations about the latest Jujutsu Kaisen chapter, because seeing only a certain side of commentaries going dominant among readers really annoyed us. I think they misunderstand quite a bit of the narrative—the sort you get when you aren't used to analyzing the story through other valid perspectives aside from your default, broad-brush pop cultural lens.

Jujutsu Kaisen, again, has a lot of Buddhist philosophical influence despite not making it a centerpiece. Understanding the characters and narrative through a Buddhist lens isn't me offering an alternative, but ultimately ornamental, allegorical look that bears lesser significance in your assessment—I'll argue it's actually one of the important angles to look at the narrative. And right now, there are precious few people who are looking beyond their gut reactions and Gege-hate meme-ing to realize that this chapter is one of the better ones Gege has written for a long time.

Sigh. Looks like we have quite some work ahead of us.

[emmalovesfitzloved]

loool, just saw your reblog. No, I don't speak 5 languages, I speak three fluently, and the other 2, one I'm on a A2/B1 level, and the second, I'm at a A2 level. I had ti study and have some notions in them for my MA research thesis. I'm just like you, I speak 3. However, I think, I'll eventually go back to studying them, because I'm definitly going back to school for a second MA or Phd, and continue on my original research. Not now, but probably in the next 5 years. What is the 3rd language that you speak?

Ahhh @imabitchforjemcarstairs you are so so smart!

Which languages do you speak fluently, if I may ask? :D What about your research if I may ask, requires multi-languages?

I speak English (mother tongue), Italian (my parents are from Italy, and we have our family home here and i did middle school here where I learned) and Spanish i learned in school (although that is the most rusty!).

I am currently duolingo-ing my way into trying to learn French which my mum did with Spanish and she than sat her A2 and B2 exams with supplementary Duolingo and did very well on them and passed. So i'm trying to follow along in her footsteps!

A job I am currently interviewing for, requires me to speak a lot of Italian professionally though, and it does make me nervous. Because while the law we will be operating is English law, a lot of clients are from Spain and Italy and my italian is very, like, relaxed. Not super professional. As you know, professionally there is a different way of speaking, which is more formal, uses the conjunctive more often which is NOT MY STRENGTH. So that's a risk they have to take on if they want to take me onboard next :). I'll keep you posted!

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

BUBBLES!!! Helloooo 🤍 im currently dying of boredom in literature class (that nice lady added an hour to catch up a class and it is just endless ughhhh) but saw your post and I just have to say that, as someone who prepares argumentation and full on theses to get what I want I applaud you, go get that shelf bestie!! <3 and yeah I do consider myself an expert in “getting what I want” so I can assure you that if your dad is a tiny little bit like my mom, then your plan will be so well planned that he’ll find nothing else to say but “yes, right away dear” (or anything your dad likes to call you)

Anywayyyy how are we doing on this fine fine Tuesday morning? Are we slayyyy and yaaaaas -ing the day? either way ily little bubble <3

-🪷

Oh bestie, don't die on me. Watch Pedrito edits quietly shh... 🤫 What are you studying about? What are they making you read in class?

Yep... girl got what she wanted! The charm of being the only daughter am I right. No, but he can see that I'm running out of places to store the books. And he knows better than to tell me to stash them away somewhere. NOT ALLOWED! So the deal has been made. 🤝

I've been nursing both of my parents to health the past two weeks and I think now I caught the same shittt so today started off with a pounding head. But I actually started writing my thesis. I know insane. Even I can't believe it. So honestly it's been lots of teas and me looking like a rat in an oversized hoodie with messy hair. Definitely serving you realness over here. Doubt we can call it yaass -ing and slaying but... 😶‍🌫️💩

[hollow-lime-green]

woooo alright we are officially on vacation!

one way i've been helping myself focus on thesis writing is completely cutting myself off from the rest of the internet/social media during my writing/work hours. unfortunately i regret to inform you that this is extremely effective. boooo. but also, unplugging does wonders for the mind sometimes. but anyways, that's why i've been such a ghost lately. but no longer!

i get so anxious about vacation because i feel like I forget things and lose my flow very quickly in all aspects of life, so before i take a break, i have to thoroughly take notes and essentially create a hard save point so i don't constantly feel like i've left the oven on while i'm on vacation mode. it takes a lot of effort for me to relax lol. but the game is saved, it's time for me to chill for the next 5ish days and be a person again.

the research update, for those who care:

unfortunately i am still in limbo waiting for this last batch of tensile testing (pully aparty how strong is the metal) samples to come in, and either that will happen before I take my 2 weeks off in xmas, and thus my 1 week prior to that will be absolute crunch of heat treating and then pully aparty-ing the samples. or they'll come in too late, and all of my processing and testing is pushed into jan. but it's not the end of the world since I would be defending in jan/feb even if they came in early. but the sooner I have my defense date in sight, the sooner i look for jobs and get to make plans about what the next part of my life looks like.

while i wait for my metal, i've been working on everything else i possibly can, so when i do eventually get those results I can just smush them in and pull the trigger. and that is actually going quite well! thesis is about 50% fully or near-fully complete by volume, and about 80% complete in spirit. paper 1 done and 3rd round revisions, paper 2 in rough draft phase (which is importantly more than the outline phase!!!) there will be lots of revisions, but words are making it onto the doc. :)

[fishbirdfilm]

Captain's Log: 12/28/2024

Hello and long time no update! I'll make something more general about the project's Overall Status at some point but for now I just want to talk about the past two days! Long post incoming; I'm a yapper.

In the wake of taking some time off (sort of by force--I made this crazy schedule for myself for the break where I'd be working 55 hours per week on my various projects, thesis included, and then just Couldn't Adhere To It at all in the slightest) I finally returned to Fish Bird yesterday and sat down with my dreaded animatic.

I had four-ish minutes that I liked from way back at the beginning of fall, and seven minutes of gorgeous scoring to pad it to and rework it to be more artfully cut. I hate making animatics, Storyboard Pro infuriates me, as does my own inability to draw fast and accurate to what's bopping around in my own head. These sorts of tasks usually loom in front of me until the last possible moment, because I'm afraid of starting things that might turn out disappointing (something something RSD etc etc). But I put my big girl pants on and I got to work...

...and I actually made some shit I really like! It is by no means perfect, but it is by every metric the best work of this nature that I've ever done, which speaks volumes to my learning-by-osmosis through grad school. I've cut the whole score and story up into nine sections, ranging in length from 1 minute and 11 seconds at the longest to 19 seconds at the shortest. The sections are pretty arbitrary, it's just where they make sense in my head.

I gave every section a witty little title for my own amusement, and I'm taking them one at a time. I'll pick a section, grab the time stamp and plot points from my notes, and listen to that cut of the music on repeat. I'll make scratchy notes and search for references until I can watch the snippet of the film in my head with the music playing, and then I go in and add/cut/retime my boards until the partition is complete.

So far I've knocked out four of the sections, totalling to about 3 minutes. If I can keep pace and do another 3 minutes tomorrow, and then the final minute plus any transition smoothing on Monday, I'll have a fully functional draft to pass around and get some notes on before the semester starts back up again. This kind of seems like a nothing update but I swear it's a big deal to me. I don't usually enjoy animatic-ing, it's my well-known Least Favorite Part of filmmaking, but (knock on wood) it's really been quite enjoyable to throw my ideas around and pick at the framework I already had in place. Woooo !

[leam1983]

Yuks

Sarah and I are thumbing through the new season for Un gars, une fille - likely known in its English adaptation as A guy and a girl, and rolled our eyes once we realized that most of the episodes tended to focus on the titular Guy and Girl - a Baby Boomer couple resettling in the city after decades spent in the suburbs - and in how they can't parse their own kids' aspirations or the changing social mores.

Two episodes in, once we realized that one of the gags would involve the Guy, of sorts, would try to make sense of how queerness works while simultaneously dealing with a phone call from his gamedev son whose only subject of discussion involves a direct lift of World of Warcraft's Corrupted Blood incident, we opted to tune out.

I mean, I understand that for writers above a certain age, creating the character of a twentysomething gamedev and making him lose his shit over a bug in a game he's merely playing, and not developing, might seem like a funny way to show how out-of-touch with reality younger generations can be - and I do get the show's surrounding thesis in that we all have our foibles - but this is hilariously low-hanging fruit.

The first four or five seasons of that show took place thirty years ago and were genuinely funny. They focused on the antics and occasionally weird shit an average couple from Montreal could go through - but the later crop of episodes feel like Archie Bunker's possessed the two leads and is making them sputter around, motioning for befuddlement and confusion whenever someone calls themselves an Enby.

The one and only gag I actually found funny involved that same gamedev character falling for an Otherkin - as in, a young woman in the same age bracket who openly identifies as an elf. IRL Otherkin, based on the single, one person I know who fits the bill, tend to pocket their ears or tails or fangs in a convenient pocket of their sense of Self when out in public and only really embrace what they identify as when in safe spaces. The idea of a girl attending a house party with new acquaintances in full-on Arwen Undomiel mode while trying to spend the entire evening out-Galadriel-ing Galadriel herself is, well, utterly absurd.

I mean, between well-meaning reactionary crap that makes all parties involved look equally silly and, say, atrocities like Adam Carolla's Mr. Birchum wherein the Conservative proxy is the only sane person onscreen; I'm picking the one where local actors have to pretend that drag queens are shocking while the drag queen character roasts the token man for, well, being a man.

It's stupid, but nobody's seriously hurt.

[itsnothingofinterest]

Okay, so while Deku’s talk with Aoyama is sweet and touching and full of callbacks; I’d like to take a moment to discuss how much of a milestone his is for Deku. Because as it happens; this is looking like it’ll be his first unambiguous success at using diplomacy and talking an adversary down since he vowed to save Shigaraki.

Because, let’s be honest here; his track record to talking to his opponents so far has been...bad. Really bad, actually. And I’m not saying that to knock the guy; because it’s understandable. I mean, how long did it take him to throw a punch without breaking something? Or leave a fight with a villain without severe, usually self-inflicted injuries? And people generally have seemed to think “talk-no-jutsu”-ing his opponents would be the ‘easy way out’: but no, logically it’d be much harder and he’d take to it much slower given his environment. It makes sense he wouldn’t be very good at it. But still, he has not thus far been very good at it. Up until now that is; with his first success on this front.

So let’s take a bit of time to review Deku’s track record with diplomacy so far, to see just how huge him actually connecting with Aoyama really is (and where he still needs to grow).

It is, in hindsight, probably intentional that Muscular was the first opponent of his new philosophy. He was set up as someone Deku wanted to face and see if he could’ve talked down; but then when he sees him, Muscular was like a brick wall he could seemly do nothing but flail feebly at. (Metaphorically, I mean. He was very much able to punch the guy right out.)

A lot of fans came away from that thinking it was to show Deku can’t come to an understanding with everyone, but I’ve long had my doubts about that because A) that sounds too much like the “you can’t save everyone” rhetoric I feel is outright BS, B) the less than stellar track record that followed seemed to imply Deku as the common denominator but we’ll get to all that, and C) his end goal is coming to an understanding with Tomura, who (I say this as someone who loves him and believes in his redemption) is probably the hardest guy for Deku to come to an understanding with.

It feels to me like Muscular was meant to be the diplomatic equivalent to the Sludge villain or 0-point robot. An adversary that gets punched out so it all turns out okay, but that Deku does still fail to properly resolve the way he wants to because his skills just are not there yet. A first failure for him, to show how far he has to go.

Next was Lady Nagant; who, partial marks where they’re due, he did talk to her and try to understand her, he acknowledged her reasons for doing what he was doing, and they ended on good terms. So way am I only awarding partial marks?

Well here’s the thing: Lady Nagant came at Deku with a real problem with the hero society Deku is sided with that are motivating her actions (important experience for Deku if he is to deal with Shigaraki, who is motivated by many real problems, most with the hero society Deku is sided with). And the solution he gave was...to ‘extend a helping hand’, like that’s a solution to government corruption. It comes across like he thinks he can “hero” himself at any problem, “All Might” himself at any problem, and that’s all it would take. And just to spell out the thesis of the Class 1A fight and it’s aftermath: that is not a solution, it’s a time bomb. And it certainly wouldn’t work with Shigaraki, who’s mountain of problems developed when the genuine All Might was still around, meaning doing the same-but more-would not work.

(Note: just because Deku has realized that way of thinking was wrong on at least some level, does not mean he came up with any real solution. That’s still an area he’ll really need to work on to talk down Tomura.)

Next was Overhaul. And to put it simply for a simple interaction; Deku acted way to much like Hawks here. He demanded Overhaul act and feel how Deku wanted, for seemingly no one’s benefit but his own (can’t really say it’s to Eri’s benefit that they risk her meeting Overhaul again just for the chance at an apology). And he even held Pop’s health hostage to do it. That’s not very heroic of you Deku. Big oof right there.

And see, unlike with Muscular, Overhaul represented no danger Deku was obligated to subdue. Nothing was stopping him from coming to as best an understanding as Deku was capable of. But just like with Muscular, when confronted by someone he didn’t agree with and saw as a bad person, he failed to try and understand them and just kinda moved on.

And the ability to understand people you disagree with that he was not showing there at all is crucial if he’s to talk with Tomura; who’s morals and values I can accurately describe as exactly like Deku’s own morals and values if they were put through a negative filter. (Well that’s been less true since the war arc. Since then Deku’s been shown more and more how his enemies are people while Tomura’s been shown more and more how his enemies will go to any lengths to kill him and those he loves. That’s affected the balance a bit.)

Anyway after that he got mad and stopped trying with this whole talking to people thing (enemies or otherwise) up until he met up with his class again.

And then we get the battle against class 1A; where, as mentioned, Deku got a lot of toxic behaviour corrected and reforged his bonds with his classmates, especially Iida and Bakugou.

Still, as healthy as this resolution was for the boy, I do find it interesting how this too was a battle of words, wills, and ideologies that Deku still lost. He argued his point, and he got completely shut down by people who understood this stuff better than him. It turned out for the best for Deku, and there’s probably something to say there about how peaceful resolutions are able to help everyone; but I still think there’s relevance to Deku’s loss in that fight.

Because it means Aoyama was his first real success story at a peaceful resolution. He was the first guy Deku talked too, connected with, offered a solution too, and has seemingly turned to his side.

And sure, Aoyama is kind of easy mode with the lack of real hurdles keeping Deku from working with him; similar values, already friends, his only real problem is AFO. If Muscular was so impossible for Deku as to be compared to chapter 1’s sludge villain, then Aoyama was so easy as to be compared to chapter 6’s baseball. But still, that baseball was the first step for Deku to get where he’s at now with his power. A victory is a victory.

There’s still a lot Deku needs to work on if he’s to reach peaceful resolution with Tomura. He has major trouble with people with viewpoints different from his own, he shuts down conversation to quick on those he deems bad people, we’ve yet to see him directly acknowledged a need for real change or that the heroes are in the wrong about anything, and we’ve seen signs that he’s still considering going solo & not opening up fully to his classmates. A big problem since peaceful resolution is looking to require a group effort. And despite what some of my fellow Shigaraki fans tend to think, Tomura’s got a lot more, much bigger (in his mind) problems than AFO; and I don’t think Deku could ride the waves of gratitude for saving him from AFO past all that.

The boy’s got a long way to go, but it feels like for the first time since he’s started down this road, he’s heading in exactly the right direction.