#gastrointestinal fuckery

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

The club no one wants to be a part of: the 2am nausea club

[arctic-hands]

Y ECZEMA IN SUMMER?? U GO BACK TO WINTER TIME NUISANCE 😡

[hussyknee]

I'm so fucking mad.

Yesterday I took 50mg of Atomoxetine (Strattera) out of sheer frustration instead of my prescribed 30mg which was doing nothing.

And then...I was like "get up" and I would get up. "Go find the electricity bill" and went and found the electricity bill. "Sort through all the mail and organise it" and just. Fucking. Did it. No getting stuck for half an hour and spiralling in anxiety because my executive commands weren't going through.

I went to the hospital and begged those fuckers to increase my dosage and spent half an hour trying to convince them that this is clearly my ADHD symptoms being exacerbated by anxiety that's fucking me up. They refused, said "Oh, but anyone would find it difficult to function in your situation", and increased my Venlafaxine (Effexor) instead, although that fuckin plateaus any further than the dosage I already take. My primary doc knows this, but I have better luck catching Bigfoot than her at NHSL anymore so I keep having to tussle with the junior dipshits.

Granted I seem to have overshot a bit, because I spent a while vibrating into the fifth dimension. Felt like I'd had six cups of coffee and needed to do three things at once. Perhaps I should have attempted 40mg first. But 50mg very much did catapult me out of this neverending rut.

WEEKS OF BEING TRAPPED BY THE STATIC IN MY BRAIN LIKE A ROOMBA ON A RUG. I couldn't get out of bed, eat on time, shower, make my bed, do my laundry, go to bed. The simplest fucking tasks like pushing a boulder uphill with a stick. Sitting on the bed doomscrolling and tearing the soles of my feet into strips so bloody that it hurt to walk. I don't pick at my feet anymore! Didn't even realize I hadn't until the end of yesterday. This is the first time I've stopped in months. I stock up on band-aids and keep them next to my bed because I usually bleed in about three places within a day. And I pick the scabs off the still-healing wounds. All stopped by 20mg more of Strattera!!!

In other medication fuckery, I stopped the anti-inflammatory meds I was taking for my back because 1) the total cost of my meds was getting insane and 2) I haven't been in pain the last two months. I looked up whether there were side effects for long-term use of NSAIDs and found that using any of them with Venlafaxine increases the chance of gastrointestinal bleeding?? The way I've been having all this time?? Was my rheumatologist ever gonna tell me?? I'm just so used to flares, so fogged in my head and so relatively pain-free that I didn't especially note it. Turns out– the only reason I haven't been in pain is because I was taking the fucking anti-inflammatories. Imagine that! So I can either take Venlafaxine (which I cherish like a child regardless of the wrath-of-God withdrawal any time I miss a single dose) or I can take NSAIDs??

*googles anti-inflammatory meds other than NSAIDs*

Internet: "eat pineapple idk. have you tried tumeric?"

I hate my life.

[cuntess-carmilla]

TW: Weight loss, dieting, food restriction.

Ok, so I'm not gonna pretend I'm eating less For My Health, I'm doing it because I almost started crying the other day when I saw my selfies from early 2021 and I was so much thinner, BUT...!

Alright so one of my big chronic illness nightmares is MCAS aka my immune system releases histamine hysterically for no fucking reason all day every day, which leads to things such as:

Chronic fatigue (because the fatigue I get from my brain being chronically deprived of enough oxygen and the fatigue I get from chronic joint pain weren't enough I guess).

Migraines and headaches.

Nausea.

Dizziness.

Poor nutrient absorption.

Either peeing out of my ass for an hour or not taking a singular shit in over a week and a half no matter how much I eat, no in-between.

Breaking out in hives, either with a concrete allergic trigger or just like, if I'm too sad, angry or stressed (HELL ILLNESS).

Hair thinning.

Soft tissue inflammation aka lots of joints getting locked into place which is extra terrible when you're PRONE TO SPONTANEOUS PARTIAL DISLOCATIONS. Also can't sing because tight throat.

Dry eyes.

Clogged nose and difficulty breathing.

Lots of extra gastrointestinal issues.

Fucks with my heart rate and blood pressure as if I don't already have POTS.

Brain fog. Stupid bitch disorder.

Anxiety, irritability and depression, because why not.

FEVERS. THE FUCKING FEVERS.

Anyway, so, the way the body acquires histamine in order to cause me all of the hell I just described is in big part through food, right? Even food that's low on histamine (and all the good foods are HIGH on histamine because of course they are), it still has SOME histamine.

And like, I've noticed for years too that the more fatigue I'm experiencing the more I crave food because my body is both stupid and smart. Smart enough to realize that we're abnormally fatigued and we need to do something about it, but dumb enough to assume it's because I'm not eating enough carbs rather than because I have THREE chronic illnesses.

So, anyway, these past like, four days I've made a lot of effort to reduce what I eat by a lot (not to an unhealthy degree, I'm still feeding myself reasonably) and it was really hard the first couple of days, but it's getting easier.

The thing is since yesterday I've started noticing that my autoimmunity has been down considerably. I'm A LITTLE less fatigued, BUT now I'm shitting like a normal person? It's not diarrhea but I'm also going semi-regularly, AND it's a normal color instead of the blue-green that indicates I'm having autoimmune fuckery going on in my digestive track.

My hair is falling off A LITTLE less, and yesterday was the first day in over a year in which I don't actively wish I was dead every single second I breathe. My skin is starting to calm down a little bit too. Oh, and I had enough brain power to listen to a lot of music yesterday while ACTUALLY processing what I was hearing instead of everything sounding like white noise in my ears.

It sucks because yummy food is Literally one of the very few pleasures I have left in life but if this helps the autoimmunity... I think I'm willing to cut down on that one pleasure significantly.

[dearophelia]

tmi; cw bodily functions

i would just like to state for the record

that nausea and diarrhea and other gastrointestinal pyrotechnics

are fucking lousy side effects

like if i’m meant to have a five-hour medical endeavor every week for eternity, and then come home to wild nausea, tastebud fuckery, and needing to run to the toilet at the drop of a hat lest i shit my pants again that week,

i should have — at the very least — been able to keep my hair

and i very much demand a refund on this whole cancer business

[somecunttookmyurl]

alright tmi but there is an approximately 0% chance of my psychiatrist knowing bc he literally relies on me to tell him what drugs do and google is being quiet on the matter so

i finally got antipsychotics after 14 (count ‘em!) years of actual fucking psychosis but they cause excessive gas/bloating/stomach pain/general gastrointestinal fuckery and because i can literally never catch a FUCKING break i’m now just constantly in the bathroom on top of the neverending list of side effects from all my other meds so

people on quetiapine (seroquel) who ended up with that unfortunate cluster of side effects: DOES IT STOP. PLEASE TELL ME IT STOPS

[kaninchenzero]

@dandelionofthanatos gets me ♡

[ao3feed-tolkien]

The One With Tractability

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2jsNTvD

by epphfervescent

Angband is home to many dark disasters and darker holes to hide them, so many not even Morgoth might know all of them, and if he does, he indulges them in their chaos. Maybe that's why it takes weeks for them to find you.

Words: 2917, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 2 of Angband shorts

Fandoms: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Rape/Non-Con

Categories: Other

Characters: Maedhros | Maitimo, Sauron | Mairon, Orc(s)

Additional Tags: Pheromones, Rape, Unethical Experimentation, Breeding, Torture, Angband, light gore, Tentacles, Come Inflation, Anal Sex, Anal Gaping, Double Anal Penetration, Oral Sex, Oviposition, Eggpreg, Belly Kink, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Pregnancy Kink, Forced Pregnancy, Egg Laying, Oral Oviposition, gastrointestinal fuckery, Trans Character, Bestiality, Mpreg, POV Second Person, Sauron Being an Asshole, i think it's great that that's an established tag, Emetophilia, Vomiting, Past Rape/Non-con, Stuffing, Inflation

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2jsNTvD

[epphfervescent]

Really loving the slime stuff with Sloane and I would love to see a slime go all out with him. Constantly changing size and shape inside him and moving up and down his intestines giving him the worst stomach ache ever.

The slime’s usually crammed in Sloane’s stomach, but sometimes it’ll drip down his gut, meandering him to a full bowel—and other times, it’ll plummet, the swell of it bubbling back and forth as if it’s frotting against his intestines…hell, maybe it is…

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

It sure is something when your bowel movements are so painful and distressing that you have to self soothe by rocking back and forth and making weird noises while doing them. Real fun thanks body.

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

“The labs found something wrong!” 😊😌

“The labs found something wrong!” 😥😔

The two moods when labs actually come back with stuff out of range and clearly not right™️.

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

Things that made my year better, in no particular order:

Getting a lotion wand

Neuro rehab specialist physio

Rediscovering stewed fruit

Rediscovering apple rhubarb crumble

Going back on iron tablets

Starting anti depressants

Being more open about my neurodivergence and EDS

Letting myself be silly goofy (aka unmask a bit) around friends more

Cultivating a little garden

Trying more soup recipes

Travel (I love vaccine technology! Did me an absolute solid)

Having a really good sleep hygiene routine

Hydrotherapy friends

Trying some new hobbies

Making time for the library

Baking more (box mix ftw) and sharing with friends

Making my hair purple (feat. my siblings being good at hair)

It’s not been an easy year by any means. Thesis writing, an intensive, fieldwork. A major health relapse in the middle of the year. Expected and unexpected family losses. Grief. Rough times for friends. But it’s also been a good year. May next year also bring good things.

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

I love semi-regurgitating food I ate 5.5hrs ago. God stomach why?

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

I’m getting sent back to gastro. I’m so frustrated. My iron levels have tanked again and we have no idea why. I got an iron infusion in December and my levels were good in March. Infusions are supposed to hold up at least a year. I got less than 6months. I’m seeing a different gastro to get a second opinion on everything, but I’ve had a clear endoscopy and colonoscopy, and my biopsies are clear. I have the coeliac gene but the biopsies ruled it out (and I was eating gluten right up until my endoscopy- i know cutting it out can give false negatives). I’m not pooping blood and I haven’t had my period in 584 days (yay artificially stopping the hell cycle). I’m not loosing blood, I haven’t suddenly stopped eating meat - although I’ve never really eaten much read meat- and I try to get other things with iron it. Legumes in my soup, tofu, occasionally nuts. Fortified cereals and bread. I’m just so so frustrated. It doesn’t help that I’ve been in the worst fatigue flare of this year right now and my iron levels are probably partially responsible. And now I’m starting to interrogate the GI mini-flares I’ve the past few months that I’ve been attributing to getting my covid booster and to making some slightly not great dietary choices. But maybe it’s something else. This is what I mean when I say I don’t feel like I ever have stability in my health, and that’s so stressful to come up against. Whether something is actively going wrong at the minute or not, I can’t seem to rely on perceived stability. I’m so tired of it sometimes.

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

Tell me you have gastroparesis without telling me you have gastroparesis: I am eating salted lime jelly while cooking my soup of the week. Semi-liquids ftw.

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

I graduated from my bachelor degrees yesterday. It still feels like a bit of a dream.

I’ve got two fancy pieces of paper now, and a fancy hat, and a feeling of pride that I made it through uni, let alone while my health crashed and burned around me, through multiple investigative surgeries and procedures, and so many diagnoses, in the midst of a global pandemic. I, and many of my friends, and my peers, we made it.

But the day took a huge toll on me. Wake up early to get ready. Ready includes the waist-high compression stockings I sometimes don’t have the strength to put on. Struggle with them for a solid while. A beautiful dress, with pockets!! Wear sensible shoes, with a low heel and additional arch support. Worry about tripping or fainting while walking the stage for a good long while. Instead, trip and fall on the way to registration, banging my knee onto carpet covered concrete. Ouch. Sit in the shade, with sunnies on, hoping I don’t develop a migraine while waiting for doors to open for us to be seated in the hall. Walk the stage without any issues, but lean heavily on the bannister as I cautiously take the steps off the stage. Let loose and allow myself a glass of champagne to celebrate after. Roll my ankle again, walking to a photo location after the ceremony. Start to feel exhausted, but know we still have dinner plans. Majorly enjoy dinner, almost forgetting that my stomach will hate me for it later. Still had to take my meds, still had to pay attention to most of my pain and migraine mitigation strategies on this day that’s so special, but cannot be just about me, because it is also about my managing my illnesses and how they are never going away.

So here I am at home, resting, nursing a twice sprained ankle, a sore knee, a gastro intestinal tract that can’t deal with the excitement and nerves and lovely celebration dinner, a flu-like feeling and thermoregulation issues and malaise (so a fatigue flare up basically). But it was worth it.

I did it. And I’m going to keep doing it at my own pace as long as I can. I’ve been accepted for an honours year (or 2- part time) and I hope to do more after that. Disabled and chronically ill people belong in academia. Our voices are important.