#I seem to be in bit of a flare atm

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

Tell me you have gastroparesis without telling me you have gastroparesis: I am eating salted lime jelly while cooking my soup of the week. Semi-liquids ftw.

[cosmicalily]

"pilates princess" a changbin oneshot by @cosmicalily

author's note: i was talking to @thevampywolf this morning about how there's a proper lack of changbin fluff fics on tumblr atm and i decided to make it my mission of the day to change that! i absolutely love binnie, he's the silliest, sweetest guy and i was thinking of how to blend his gym obsession with his adorable personality, and a (very much so in love) pilates princess was born!!

Seo Changbin did not have time for girls.

According to his roommate, Han Jisung, his one and only true love was the gym, where he spent almost every spare second of his day. His diet consisted of protein powder, chicken breasts, green smoothies and instant ramen. He only drank cold brews with absolutely no sugar, because he couldn’t stand sweet things. 

He was pretty quiet and some would say intimidating. Didn’t say a lot, didn’t do a lot.

But now, watching you, he felt something different. He felt strange. He felt soft.

Changbin looked over at you curiously from the bench press, pausing to catch his breath for a moment as you stretched your body like a cat, toes pointed, shoulders straight.

Dressed in a pale pink sports bra with a matching long-sleeved ballet wrap and black leggings, to say you looked a little out of place in a predominantly male gym was an understatement. Your hair was pulled back with a ribbon, a sticker-decorated drink bottle by the side of your mat and an iced milky-green drink beside it.

You breathed slowly, stretching your arms forward and touching your toes before sitting straight, cocking your head at your one-man audience.

“Why are you watching me?” you wrinkled your nose in disgust, self-consciously placing a hand over your chest. “I’m here for the exact same reason as you, it’s not my fault the girls’ dorms don’t have a gym.”

Changbin flushed. “I’m sorry. It probably seemed creepy, fuck, it’s not, I promise. I’m just . . . curious. What were you doing? I’ve never seen anyone exercise like that. Everyone who comes in either beats the shit out of the boxing bag or lifts.”

“Pilates,” you smiled, looking less uncomfortable. “I got my instructing licence a bit ago, but the place I teach at is only open in the mornings. So if I’ve had an early class or lecture and want to work out in the afternoon, I have to come here. Trust me, I wouldn’t be here voluntarily. You guys are gross.”

He pouted. “I’m not. I’m cute.” 

“Yeah, sure you are, princess,” you chuckled, taking a sip from the green drink. You noticed him looking at it. “It’s matcha, do you want some?”

“Fuck no, my friend said that tastes like grass,” Changbin shook his head furiously.

You laughed at him, inching the cup closer to him. “C’mon, try a sip. You’ll like this one, it’s sweet. I always get vanilla in it since I can’t stand bitter drinks.”

He very cautiously leaned forward, looking at you carefully in case you recoiled when he pressed his lips on the straw. You didn’t, seeming less and less shy by the second, watching him eagerly as he swallowed.

“...and the verdict is?” you prompted.

“Where can I get my own?”

Jisung looked around Changbin’s room in shock, eyes comically wide as he took in his surroundings. Sure, it had been a week while he’d been staying with his parents, but surely Changbin’s life hadn’t changed so . . . drastically? Or had he somehow been invaded by some kind of pink fairy?

A pale pink sports bra lay strewn on Changbin’s bed, accompanied by a pair of soft grey flared leggings and a drink bottle. There was a handbag too, with ribbons and cute fluffy keychains, all belongings that most certainly were not his. But there were slightly more permanent looking changes, too. A pink MyMelody sticker on Changbin’s previously pristine laptop. A little beaded bow charm on his duffle bag. Two polaroids pinned above his bed; one of a girl making a kissy face, another of her with Changbin, pinching his cheek as he beamed at her adoringly.

Did Seo Changbin have a girlfriend?

And why wasn’t she a black-donning, gym obsessed weirdo like he was?

“Oh hi, Ji, you’re back!” Changbin smiled wide, something that Jisung swore he had never seen in all his time being his roommate. Or at least, not for a very long time. But Changbin had a whole different air about him; his body, although still buff, didn’t seem as tense as it usually was. His brow wasn’t furrowed and there was colour in his cheeks. And, for the love of God, had he blow dried his hair?

Jisung smiled back. “Hey, Bin. What are you drinking? New protein powder?”

“It’s a vanilla matcha, you should try it,” he handed it to Jisung, who took a tentative sip then stared, open-mouthed in shock.

“That’s . . . sweet.”

“No shit,” Changbin laughed at him, thumping his friend on the back. “It’s good, right? Y/N introduced me to them.”

Jisung handed it back, still suspicious that the real Seo Changbin had been abducted and that the man in front of him was a secret twin. “Oh, nice. Is that her stuff in your room?”

“Sure is,” a sweet voice chuckled from behind Changbin. A petite girl flew through the door, wrapping her arms tight around Changbin’s waist. “I’m Y/N, Jisung. It’s nice to finally meet you! Binnie’s told me so much about you two.”

Jisung raised an eyebrow. “And you’re . . . ?”

“She’s my girlfriend,” Changbin said proudly, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Yeah, but he’s the babygirl. Everyone knows that,” you rolled your eyes playfully. “He’s a pilates princess now, Jisung, I’ve converted him. Surprised he wasn’t doing it earlier; it’s very him, you know.”

Jisung blinked slowly, taking in the sight in front of him.

“Seo Changbin? A princess?” he mumbled.

“Sure I am,” Changbin shrugged, and Jisung promptly fainted in shock.

[blackjackkent]

Further explorations of the Bhaal temple before we head back to camp.

Orin's lackeys are all still hanging around the temple, and I half-expected them to attack when I tried to talk to them, but they're all chill. Rakha basically seems beneath their notice at this point; they're all impressed she managed to kill Orin but disdainful that she rejected the power Bhaal offered. Rakha does not really want to hear about this, but is at least glad it doesn't mean another fight. She feels desperately tired atm.

They also don't try to stop her heading down into the temple's back room, which appears to have been Orin's bedroom.

There's another earthquake as they reach the lower level.

The room itself is carpeted with pools and channels of flowing blood. Dead bodies lie eviscerated in corners, as well as books scribbled with notes in Orin's hand.

Another deeply strange moment. Reading these words, smelling this overpowering scent of blood and viscera in this room... until today it would have sent her feral and wild, violent, desperately struggling not to rip the throat out of the nearest person to hand.

But she feels nothing, except maybe a faint nausea. Her mind is empty. Her thoughts are clear, blank. It should be comforting - but there's a certain terror to it as well. She no longer understands herself.

With a sudden flare of agitation she spins and slams her staff through the wood of a nearby chest, shattering it apart.

Her shoulders sag, staring down at the splintered wood. The violence felt familiar, safe - and yet also foreign.

Who am I now?

There's a book in the chest, another scrawl in Orin's handwriting - addressed to her.

Wyll reads the words over Rakha's shoulder and frowns. "That was why she attacked you, then? She didn't agree with you working with the other Chosen," he says carefully.

"Foolish," Rakha mutters. Her voice is so strangely soft; not angry or resentful, but just terribly, terribly tired. "She didn't... see inside my mind. I had planned to kill them all... when the job was done."

"A good thing she didn't, too," Wyll points out. "If she hadn't attacked you, taken your memories... you wouldn't be here now. With me, with us."

She nods vaguely. A long pause. "Who am I now, though?" she asks, voicing the question out loud this time, hoping he might have a better answer than she does.

He doesn't, though. "You're free," he says after a moment's silence, clearly stepping very carefully. "You can be... whoever you want to be."

"I don't know who that is."

-----

More ramblings from Orin in a document labeled "Manifesto" on a table nearby:

And in a closet nearby, in a hand Rakha doesn't recognize:

Rakha's rapid extrapolation has not abandoned her along with the beast's violence. This is written by Orin's mother, her sister, Sarevok's daughter with which he fathered her. Distaste flits across Rakha's face.

This does, she supposes, provide an identity for the corpse hanging on the wall.

"Abomination," Jaheira mutters grimly. "Cruelty on cruelty. One could almost feel sorry for Orin, were it not for the ocean of blood on her hands."

Rakha tilts her head. "Do you feel sorry for me?" she asks quietly.

A long pause. Jaheira looks at her sidelong. "Yes," she says.

"Then I feel sorry for her as well." A pause. Her lips twitch in a flash of black humor. "Though not enough to wish her alive."

-----

Rakha considers the dessicated corpse for a little while in silence. After a bit, she lifts one hand and prods cautiously at the Weave. Relief, unexpected in its intensity, shoots through her to find it still there, strong and unmarred; the ripping of the beast Urge from her did not take her magic as well.

Green light begins to swirl around her and illuminate her eyes as she draws delicately on the threads, opening the a tunnel through the fabric to a realm beyond, as she first witnessed He Who Was doing in what seems another life.

The dead woman stirs with a writhing motion and a ragged, moaning inhale.

Narrator: The corpse regards you lifelessly.

"Who are you?"

"Helena... Anchev... daughter of... Sarevok... mother... of... Orin..."

"What happened to you?"

"Orin... my daughter... I tried... to kill... her... but she... killed me... first."

"Why did you try to kill your own daughter?"

"I... wanted... to be... Bhaal's... Chosen... Sarevok... told me... she... must be... my... offering... I was... close... my hand... around... her throat... I failed..."

"Did Orin know that Sarevok ordered you to kill her?"

"No... she worshiped... him... loved... him... So... did... I..."

Rakha's hand falls back to her side. The spell fades. The woman's body sags back into immobility.

No true information of use. But she feels more settled - not because of speaking to Helena, but because the touche of the Weave has not left her.

-----

Almost more unnerving than anything else is another book in another chest, this one in another sharp and precise hand that Rakha has seen before. Her own.

Cold brutality. This was who she was before Orin's lobotomy. It's almost as foreign as the animal violence the beast cultivated. She is neither of these people now.

And yet... there are some aspects that are familiar. A loyalty is clear in these words - to the cultists, to their history. Even perhaps to Gortash, should he pass the test she was setting for him.

She is still capable of that loyalty - to Wyll, to Lae'zel, to Jaheira and Minsc and her other companions. She can still think, deduce, ask questions and understand the answers. She can still see the magic on the skin of the world, can still touch it and use it.

Perhaps there are other pieces of herself she might find to hold onto, in time.

[clarenecessities]

if you like shaky pictures of she-ra merchandise then boy do i have the post for you!

was fortunate enough to get it in the original packaging! something very..... something about 'not intended for children' here, especially since they sent them out to like, a bunch of mommy bloggers, but that's fine. that's whatever.

This little card insert came included, along with some contact information that I've redacted because god only knows what one could do with that.

The statuette is in three pieces, the base, the figure, and her arm+sword.

the pose is pretty obviously just a recreation of the illustration on the box--you can see where the translation to three dimensions fell flat (heheheh) in the hair and cape. The cape came out with more volume than the illustration, while the hair is sort of... squashed, I guess?

also. and this may be a me problem. but her limbs are skinnier than in the illustration, and I feel personally attacked by that.

The figure attaches to the base with a basic peg-in-hole situation in her left foot--it's a good fit. I had to wiggle it a little to get it loose & I didn't care for that but I expect most people aren't going to be keeping theirs in the packaging.

please ignore the kitten hair it's kind of impossible to stage anything in this house atm without it

initially I thought they'd left out the details in her crown-wing-things, but no, they're there--the lines are just very shallow. I'd say it would have benefit from some touch-ups in black but...

the details aren't great. like not terrible by any means--the sculpt is flawless, if we accept that She-Ra isn't shredded & her hair is deflating from one of its magic flares. but there's some overspill on the paint--the gold seems to have been plated on over a flesh-colored base, which left the gaps between her fingers untouched but spilled over on the top of her middle and index fingers. The runestone, too, colored outside the lines a bit, but since the etching is so shallow it's only noticeable if you really look.

is it perfect? no. but it's leagues better than the other merch imo :/ huge thank you to @n7punk for accidentally alerting me of this thing's existence in time to buy it! nobody needs to do the math on how much i spent just don't even worry about it

[dxliriumoftheendless]

tagged by @windsweptinred thank you so much for the tag!!

current time: nearly sundown !!

current mood: kinda gross bcus i’m having a flare up but apart from that SUPER EXCITED FOR SANDMAN SEASON TWO THE LEAKS ARE SOOO tho i am scared for lack of barbie ://

current activity: watching one tree hill for the first time because i seem to have seen every crap 00s teen drama apart from that

currently thinking about: barbie… god i hope they include her. this might just be the lesbian talking but a game of you is one of my favourite arcs and i’d be a bit sad if it’s never adapted

current favourite song: probably passion of lovers by bauhaus

currently reading: dune- i’m trying to read the whole series by the time the next film comes out

currently watching: one tree hill, king the land, the witcher… i have very little time for tv atm so i’ve started a few that will take me a moment to finish up

current favourite character: barbie & wanda i’m having an agoy moment

current wips: i want to make some sandman lino prints so ive ordered some stuff for that.. does that count?

tagging- @raspberryjellybrains @despairoftheendless @thesandwomen @endlessthedestiny @two-hands-toward-the-sun

[phefics]

Hey darling! Love how you write the hg boys. I was thinking maybe you could write something comforting with how they would react to a reader with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). I’m diagnosed and lemme tell ya it’s no joke. Your in chronic pain almost all of the time when you eat, turn a certain way, when you use the bathroom, even if you walk around for a bit too long. Almost anything can cause a flare up and when the cysts burst… my god I feel like I’m going into labor and I get full body shake. If you do write it feel free to reach out for more into on the matter. I know from personal experience how tough the condition can be. Sending all the lovins!!! ~Jazz🥰💋❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

hi sweetheart tysm for the ask!! i’m so sorry this is something you’re going through, i know ppl with this disorder and it seems so hard, my heart goes out to you❤️❤️❤️

unfortunately i don’t think i’m well-educated enough on the topic to write this, and i’m also currently trying to take a break from writing the hunger games boys hcs to avoid burnout.

i hope someone else is able to write this for you, i’m so sorry i’m not up to it atm❤️❤️❤️

[agl03]

FANDOM MAMA! I need a nice calm down, its going to be okay, and grief session post from you from Secret Invasion! It came out of no where!

Hi Anon,

Just finished watching myself and yeah there are feelings but per usual my mind is spinning and its time to bust out the cork board. Since this heads into a new fandom where I'm not known for spoilers we are going under the line. Just like the early AOS days, awww.

I don't know how much help i can be. That was definitely a heart wrenching way of kicking off the Season in a big way and show they mean business.

Maria was definitely on my list of not going to make it overall, but I didn't think it would be Episode one. From the previews she seemed like so much more of a player over all and I want to think they'd give her a bigger bang of a send off. Though it has a bit of the Coulson shock value flare to it.

SO

That has my theory addled don't trust freaking anything brain entertaining that might not have been the end of her.

She seemed indeed human. The deaths of the Conspiracy Agent and hers were very similar, same weapon, same lingering shot. In both cases the bodies were left behind. Meaning anyone (cough Skrulls cough) could pick them up. The Skrulls may have the ability to heal them or the weapon was meant to make it look like they died. Meaning she could be used as shell or popped into those fancy pods to get the information and memories. Maria has a dangerous amount of information that is trouble for a lot of people in the hands of the wrong person.

Then I was thinking that in the chaos of everyone running in all directions, explosions, Maria was nabbed in the choas, and a double took the hit. They made a point of showing how fast they changed their looks, it just took a second out of sight. We saw Skrulls will revert to their true form after they die, but they can also take quite a bit of damage, that shot may have been nothing for who was impersonating her so Fury thinks she's dead.

Her returning at a peak moment when we are in the middle of not trusting anyone on the screen would make things ever so complicated. There is no way Fury would trust her, even if it was indeed the real Maria miraculously back because he watched her die.

There are lots of places they could take her with her clearance that could do some serious damage. If Fury doesn't get the word out, Rhodes for example could agree to meet her and walk in a trap. Though he is on the not trust list at the moment too. Basically everyone is currently on the not to trust list ATM.

Plus we don't know where Ross is, is he in one of those fancy pods and his image/knowledge being used. Or is he off hiding elsewhere.

But even if we see her again no matter what it could be the end for her and I have very little hope of her making it through...there is a small bit there though.

For the AOS fans reading this, buckle up we have got Season 4B nightmare situation. At least in 4B we had a finite number of suspects, now its any number of new and old faces that could be in the mix. Heck, the same face might not be safe with one being good and one being a evil Skrull.

The feel I get from this series is someone's story is coming to and end, Maria and Fury are some of the last of the OG's left. So like we've seen in a lot of the recent movies, a torch will be passed one way or another.

For now, hang tight, it will be okay, and know we are in for quite the ride!

[whatisshelties]

My idiot dog just hit his face so hard on a tree stump that he cried. He was trying to get Anza to chase him and had been out maybe 30 seconds.

Atm he's not acting extremely painful or swelling on his face/lower jaw. Gave him some carprofen and tried icing the area a bit. Teeth look ok, which was one concern I had.

I'm more concerned about the muscles he stretched while hitting it in his neck and shoulder and the spine? It was the left side of his face and it would pulled that left side the way he hit it. Which is his chronic issue side with the biceps tendon injury. 🙃

Set up an appointment with the vet. Soonest they could see him was next week, but he's been having a flare up of his weird gi/throat? issue, so whatever. They said hit up the e-vet if it seems like he's worse from the tree stump accident. He's got an appointment for rehab/adjustments on Feb 2, so at least that's booked already.

[live-love-laugh-lesbian]

OMG hiiii dw abt it at all! your answer is long enough and im so sorry :( i hope you feel better now/soon!!

thank youu omg well im in my first year so we do a bit of everything! some coding like coding websites and stuff and some written computer problems as well! (i would explain but it's kinda hard to and i suck at explaining so asdhkjasdhjh) its a bit of everything! programming (practical) and theory!

ahsdjkahsdkj owning two trousers is so real lmao i think i only own one pair ajskldsjad and they are flared so not fit for all weathers ajksdhkjsah they sound sooo cute! if you wouldnt mind sharing them, i'd love to see them! but thats totally up to you! i dont want to make you uncomfortable at all so the choice is yours! im just a lil nosy hehe

omg same when i was a kid i once ate like an entire chocolate egg in a day! the time after that was hell i was sooo sick but its worthh itttttt and yes exactly!! like whenever i was young i had school assemblies and they were all like 'i dont play to draw i play to win' and like yeah so real! as long as no ones too mean and harsh while being competitive then go nuts! i love a little competition!! stardew valley is more of like a relaxing game for me! also animal crossing but like i get so frustrated when i cant catch a fish asjkdhaskj fishing is HELLLLLL in animal crossing alksdjlksj

awww thank youu! your hair sounds beautiful the compliments are most definitely soo valid! my hair never reached that point when i was young tho bc its like SOOOO frizzy and fluffy it almost grows outwards rather than down askjdhkasjh so it was always kinda short and super fluffy ajsdskjh

i think stuff abt the modern day world i really hate is that almost everyones so pretentious nowadays like you see someone and youre like oh theyre nice speaking out abt this and turns out that its all hypocritical and shit but also that feels like its not exactly modern? so ill give another answer and that is INFLATION! everything nowadays is soooo expensive oh my god! and yes governments is so reall

hmm, smth in the next five years... this is sooo not related at all and im totally twisting the meaning of your question but my online friends ajsdhkajsdh okay but serious answer? i wish to see less labour! like yk sites that use fast fashion and stuff that force labour onto people and children and i want that to be addressed and reduced bc like. no. labour is bad how is it acceptable for people to pay such horrible wages to their workers who make them so much money!! that feels so cruel! what about you?

and my question for you: what is something in/from a person that makes them absolutely unacceptable in your eyes? (i dont think that makes sense lmao) basically if you were friends w someone, whats one thing they could do to make you immediately see them as a red flag or like not like them/block them immediately (apart from them saying the r word!)

byee have an awesome day!

-swiftie spring exchange anon!

Hello again! I am doing better atm - I've basically had like, one long bug for three weeks, and like...I'd start feeling better. Go to work. Get worse from the exertion. Have to miss work. Get better slightly, so go to work...yeah XD I do seem to be on the mend now, I've just got a bit of residual pain and cough, and some of my underlying issues are being a bit unpleasant. But I'm taking it XD I had to take almost a week off work last week but I think the prolonged rest helped.

And hey that sounds really cool though!! So guessing you're in uni then? How's that going? Where I am it's starting to come up to exam season, so the people that I know are in uni at the moment are all quite stressed, bless them.

I don't mind showing you them like, privately, but due to my style being quite...unique (by courtsey of making a lot of it) I try to keep it off public tumblr to some extent, just because anyone who knows me would know immediately this was me. Tbh it's not a big deal if they did, but since I work with kids I feel the need to be more careful with social media these days.

And ok but see, I have very straight hair, and I've always wanted frizzy/fluffy hair!! Sometimes I fear we just want what we don't have XD

I think the hypocrisy is related to the modern world however! Social media kinda encourages a very black and white thinking of things, and most things are not so black and white (I mean like, obviously if someone's like. "Haha, I want to murder babies"...that's not a black and white issue. But you get me XD) So you end up with people being like "x is always bad". Then they'll later be like..."this thing that's basically x is fine"?

Inflation is SHIT. Look when I moved into my current place my phone bill was exactly 10 quid a month. It's not like 13 something!! It's not the biggest hike, my energy bill has freaking doubled, but by nature of it starting at a solid 10 I can see the inflation so much easier. It's a 30% increase!!

And see I am very lucky, I have seen a few online friends! My gf and I met through tumblr, and I've got two close friends that by thankful virtue of being in the same country I've been able to meet quite a few times...I met one who I've since lost contact with sadly, but I'm hoping to meet a couple more! OH and one is in a ldr with one of my close friends so I'll see her when she comes here (well I should do) but idk when that would be yet.

And look I have SO many fast fashion complaints. A big reason why I do so much thrifting and sewing is because I just hate fast fashion. I know it's sorta popular in some circles to talk about the shit quality, but it's shit because companies are paying people like a penny a piece for it -.- I refuse to use places like shein and temu...

I think in the next five years...generally I'm wanting to see a shift in climate change. I have a lot of climate anxiety, and I'm hoping that we start getting actual change in how politicians and companies approach the issues?? I want more eco changes. More bikes, cheaper plant based food, less fossil fuels, etc...I also want my government to stop making life harder for no reason. They recently decided people who have visas to work in the care industry over here can't have their kids come from overseas too?? Like there are people who now have their kids in other countries cause of this shit??? If they're working here, they deserve their kids to be here. How is that not the default idea!!

Less generally, I'm hoping to see improvements in my personal life XD I want to see a couple doctors to get some shit sorted out, and I want to improve my art further, and sort out where exactly I'm going with my career.

And nah that makes perfect sense! Honestly I'm a bit of a pushover, I'll take a lot from people. I think mainly the things that will really make me go. Hm. I mean, if you're outright a really terrible person (like if you told me you murder babies for fun, to use my "terrible person" example from above XD) I'm not gonna be interested in talking to you, but that's kinda obvious. But I think the things that make me go "red flag" are usually more personal things based on past experience. For example, I knew someone once who would move my mobility aids away from me, and I'd be like...right well I can't. Move now. Please give them back. And they're one of the few people I've cut contact with. But tbh I feel like I probably need more boundaries, I just get like...what if I'm being too harsh on this person XD

What about you tho??

See you again soon, hope your day has been well when you see this!!

EDIT: I forgot to ask a question back!! D: If you could make one trivial change to the world what would it be? Has to be something small, like...renaming strawberries to be fluffleberries, or making bananas rainbow XD

[surviving-the-semester]

My back is flaring and the pain is intense. But since I started this semester with such low oxygen and dismissing the first class early, I need to manage perpectives/image with students and others. So I need to go to campus today and present as if every movement isn't a ridiculous amount of pain.

I can walk without a cane atm, the issue seems to be flaring up the spine instead of down the spine. So while walking does hurt a bit more than normal, its not as impaired as some past flares have caused. It's more an issue to carry things and moving my neck, shoulders, and arms.

I'm borrowing Trev's rolling backpack. I can probably manage to get things out of it or ask a student to under the guise of helping me distribute stuff. It should be fine and hopefully it stops soon.

[pumbkinrabbit]

christ i guess its gonna be one of those days. huh?

[norree]

update (health + art)

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been around as much lately. Between health issues, art block, and coursework, I haven't been doing art this month. A current hurdle is that I've always used Photoshop for digital art, but as of this month I no longer have it. I had been paying for a student subscription, but that only lasts so long and it turns out the last few months they had been charging for the non student price, and I can't seem to change it back. The normal subscription price is too expensive so...I'm trying to find a photoshop alternative right now. Photoshop is the only digital art program I've used since 2009, so I'm nervous about the situation. :< Hopefully it works out okay. My health is usually a complicated situation, but lately it's been worse. (TW and possibly TMI but I need to rant about this a bit somewhere) Likely due to my PCOS, I am having menorrhagia. I had it in 2019 and had to get emergency medication due to losing too much blood. I hadn't had it since but I'm having it again right now and it's really difficult. I feel like I can't do anything. On top of that it makes my IBS worse, which is already bad to begin with, and these two issues combined are like a domino effect on my health. It makes my anxiety + depression worse, and the demands of IBS + menorrhagia is really overwhelming for me as an autistic person. I feel so defeated and exhausted just from trying to take care of my body. Having chronic health conditions is always difficult, but when they all flare up at once it's indescribable. I feel like I just want to go into hibernation and wake up when it stops. Thankfully I'm still doing remote learning for my university so I don't have to go anywhere atm. The only work I can do right now are commissions, but without a drawing program I feel stuck. >_< Hopefully things will get better soon, thank you everyone for being patient with my art output~

[smilingperformer]

Ok but I need to talk about JN108 a bit more, under the cut!

I am not gonna lie, I had quite a laughing episode after the episode because I just fricking knew that they wouldn't show Satoshi Gekkouga or even hint at the form, they even made sure that a flashback that included ALAN and his MEGA CHARIZARD-X didn't have Satoshi Gekkouga like, wtf sjhfgsfhsgfsf.

Say what you will, that IS a retcon. Indirect one at least. Because the flashback to specific event involving Satoshi Gekkouga doesn't involve it. They specifically avoided even mentioning it. They even had Satoshi do Satoshi-Gekkouga like bond movements WITHOUT the form! THAT NEVER HAPPENED! It always needed the form. Semi-perfect or perfect. A normal Gekkouga was never enough lol. It probably can be explained as their bond being stronger than ever but ajfsljfssfklsf. Nah.

I'm glad that it ended up that way thou, because now Lucario won't have anime-only form to follow up on Gekkouga. Like, phew. It did seem like Satoshi did indeed compare the bond he has with Gekkouga feeling like the bond he currently has with Lucario, so the similarity to aura is somewhat confirmed? Not directly, but strongly suggested. Makes me happy!

But like.... hm. I liked everything that involved Gekkouga. He felt like who he was, and his bond with Satoshi was super nostalgic. But Lucario indeed felt like a jealous puppy who was annoyed at Satoshi having someone who's bond is stronger than his lol. Or that he was weaker than Gekkouga. Really thou, I just kinda flashbacked to Pikachu and Wanpachi asfkjshfsjklsf. JN, stop doing jealousy plots. Please.

Luckily it didn't last long and there was a... weird scene between the two were they just, practiced moving water by an inch. I have no fricking idea what that was. Focusing practice? But like, even if Satoshi's Lucario is my least fav atm (and I hate that y'know), Gekkouga's mentoring with him was kinda nice.

But.... where's Puni-chan. No fricking mention of Puni-chan 😂 Gekkouga is just cutting weeds and never free from that job like, c'mooooooon. My dream episode plot was for Puni-chan and Gekkouga to return together and for this negative weed plot to end but nooo. Not allowed it seems. Fricking hell lol.

But cough. I may sound like I'm critisizing the ep a lot, but I actually enjoyed it still. It was VERY fanservice-y with the flashbacks and Gekkouga moments (except for Satoshi-Gekkouga semi-retcon cough) and I had fun time. I liked how Satoshi chose to go see Gekkouga at the sight of seeing Gou's Keromatsu evolve, like he got nostalgic at seeing Gekkouga again.

Koharu also had the best face, like:

*stare*

How can you not like Koharu when she has the best faces in the whole show ajhsgfhfgsfhgsf.

(Also that's a perfect meme format-)

Anyway. Those are my longer thoughts before subs. Thou I checked with others on stuff like if Satoshi Gekkouga was mentioned at all. And it wasn't. :--D Gosh do I hate being right on that. Even my twitter poll that I did before ending up becoming less active feels sad now:

Oh you sweet dear buffoons~

So yeh.

I don't care about next ep one bit, I don't like how Kibana is depicted to be so serious when he's, really not. Then again, this series did a bad job at showcasing Galar to its full potential so I don't care lol.

PS: even if Gekkouga somehow had another ep later on his Satoshi-Gekkouga form is STILL, as of now, semi-retconned out of existance. Just like JN103-JN104 pretended that Serena didn't exist. That's just bad build-up writing. For real.

Anyway. That's all I gotta say on this ep. Toodles!

Edit: Oh yeh, the ep had tons of callbacks to flare arc somehow, so that was fun!

[auro-ora]

Burning Desires

Bucky Barnes x Reader Word Count: 1,378 Summary: Bucky is your best friend and your crush. Things change when he’s seen making out with a girl in the common room and she doesn’t appear to leave. Warnings: angst, heartache, mentions of sex but nothing explicit. 

Notes: I woke up and this was the kind of mood I was in :c I doubt I’ll write a part 2 to this since I have too many to write atm but we’ll see!

The solid lump in your throat seemed impossible to swallow down. Tears refusing to go away as you looked at the scene in front of you; your crush and best friend Bucky making out with some redhead on the couch in the common room for the whole compound to see. Stuck in place you couldn’t move, your eyes focusing solely on their lips and tongues. Her long fingers raking through his beautiful brown hair, his bearded chin flush against hers. She lets go of his hair and instead runs her hand up and down his thigh, a moan falling from his lips when she runs her fingers over his bulge. 

“Come on Y/N move will- oh that’s fucking gross. Get a room you two!” Sam scoffed, throwing an apple at Bucky’s head. You turned and left before anyone saw the un-shed tears in your eyes. The high pitched laughter that came from the common room made your heart sink. With blurry eyes, you staggered back to your room, alone like you usually were.

The day goes by in a flash. You’ve spent the day cooped up in your room with your thoughts and muddled feelings. When you felt stressed or upset, you would draw in your pad. You wanted to, but the motivation to do just that didn’t come as much as you hoped. So you just sat cross legged on your bed staring out at the world. Thinking about the scenario you saw earlier, thinking you and him doing that. 

It was crazy since he was one of your best friends. The moment you met you instantly clicked to each other like a missing piece of puzzle. His room was just 2 doors down from yours and Steve even arranged you and Bucky to go on missions together since you worked in sync. You’ve known Bucky for five years now, he was single for those five years with the odd girl who came home with him but left the next day. At that time it didn’t bother you, everyone deserves some kind of pleasure in their lives and sex was such a great stress reliever. Unfortunately for you and your loyalty to Bucky, you missed out.

You chose not to bring men home to your room and use them, partially because you were scared about what Bucky would think, what he would say. Though the two of you were the best of friends, he was overbearing and extremely protective of you. Remembering clearly how he broke some guy’s arm from just looking at you like you were a piece of meat. 

A knock on your door interrupts your thoughts. You yell a ‘come in’ and Steve pops his head in with a sandwich and some tea in his hand. “Hey. Thought you might want something to eat since you missed dinner. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Thanks for the sandwich.” you smiled weakly, not having the strength. “Alright, you know where I am if you need anything.” Steve squeezes your shoulder comfortingly, or painfully since he underestimates his strength in his hands. “Thanks Steve.” He nods and leaves and just as you’re about to take a bite, there is another knock on your door and this time Bucky pops his head in.

“Hey doll. Steve told me you were here. I came to ask if you wanted to go to the movie theater and watch that new movie you mentioned?” Your face lit up like a showcase of fireworks. “Just you and I?” You bit your lip and waited anxiously for the next words to come out of his mouth, but now you wished you never asked. “Uh no. I was taking Cassandra out on a date but you’re more than welcome to join us.” Your face dropped to your lap and you picked the bread on the plate. “Oh I think I’ll pass. I’m going this weekend with Nat anyway.” his hopeful smile dropped into a frown but he nodded anyway.

“Okay. That’s fine, just thought I’d ask.” As soon as he turned around to leave, a sob broke out and you broke down. Losing your appetite, you walked into the bathroom and closed the door tightly, turning the shower on to a warm temperature. Removing your clothes and letting your hair fall loose, you curl up on the shower floor crying your heart out.

***

You were tucked up in bed by 11 p.m. and still crying. It was just so difficult to pull yourself together. Those same high pitched laughters echoed through the halls and you sniffed. You thought you heard some footsteps stop outside your door, but you must have been mistaken when you soon heard Bucky’s door slam shut. You sighed and rolled onto your other side, closing your eyes and begging sleep to come soon. 

The next day, things didn’t get better. You saw them together in the kitchen and hid behind the wall, she was wearing just his shirt and his sweatpants were hanging low. They were making out again in the kitchen and you heard him moan. “Fuck that feels good.” you felt sick, only imagining what they were doing. “Come on, let’s go back to bed for another round.” you didn’t move in time and pretended to have only just arrived.

“Oh hey doll.” he smiled and used his girl as a shield to cover his front. Their hands were intertwined. Another lump in your throat prevented you from speaking, you faked a smile and moved around them to the kitchen. “Y/N, are you okay?” Bucky asked from behind you. “I’m fine.” your voice cracked but you busied yourself making coffee. “Okay. You know where I am if you need me.” those words penetrated your heart like a knife wound. You know if you ever did need him, he wouldn’t have any time for you. With a quick nod of your head, you heard them leave and it was only when you were alone again did the tears roll down your cheeks. 

“Y/N?” Steve gently gripped your shoulders and spun you around. You buried your face in his chest and cried, wetting his white tee shirt but neither of you cared. What Steve did care about though was you. He was probably one of the few who knew how much you loved Bucky and he thought Bucky felt the same way. He still believes Bucky does. “It’s okay. I got you.” he cooed with a kiss to your crown. Bucky walked in minutes later since he forgot some bottles of water from the refrigerator. His eyebrows creased and eyes narrowed at you two embracing each other. Bucky was riddled with jealousy though he had no right to be. He slammed the refrigerator door harder than he meant to and both yours heads whipped to your left to see his broody figure.

“What’s this?” Bucky asked pointing to the two of you. Steve smiled sheepishly and pulled away. “She was upset and I comforted her.” Steve shook his head and left you alone with Bucky. You bounced on the balls of your feet, a burning look in his eyes. “Why are you upset?” you shrugged before you answered, “It’s no big deal.” Bucky scoffed and slammed the two bottles of water down on the counter causing you to flinch backwards. “No big deal huh? You’re crying and seeking comfort in my best friend and when I asked you when you first got here you said you were fine? Are we not friends anymore?”

That was a good question and it was the question you didn’t have the answer to. Were you still friends? Did you want to stay friends? 

“I need an answer Y/N.” Bucky demanded, his nostrils flared and eyes wild. You stammered over your words, not knowing what to say. “Alright. Then we’re not friends.” Bucky picked up the two bottles of water and stormed out of the kitchen without looking back. You fell to the ground holding your chest. Fresh new hot tears ran free, you gasped for air as the realization of what your silence just did. What your burning jealousy has done. Realization that your best friend, the one friend you could always rely on, was no longer your friend.

@jobean12-blog​ @marvelgirl7​

[pinkykitten]

truth or dare

- @someoneovertherainboww​ heey i dont know if u tak requests but i loved ur writing and i was wondering if u could make prompts 20 and/or 25 for zuko pls prompt(s):  “i’m not playing truth or dare.” “why don’t you take a picture? it’ll last longer.”

pairing: zuko x female! reader words: 2,210 genre: modern au, high school au, cafe au, fluff, comedy, requested

a/n: tysm!!! yes requests are opened atm! omg while writing this i thought of that thing that dante said at like a con or something where he was ordering at starbucks and the lady was like omg ur zuko!!!😂 art in title isnt mine! hope yall enjoy this ball of cheesiness that cures my acne and enjoy the love that i have for zuko to make me become a disaster for him （＾コ＾）V

Your back ached from the way you hovered over your laptop and sat at your desk. Your mind was focused on learning and getting good grades it didn’t mind the pain. Your eyes burned from the strenuous gaze at your blue screen. Your hands felt as if you churned butter and not to mention the mean girls were extra rude today at school. High school was tough and you needed the rest of the day to be filled with relaxation and peace before you hit the books tomorrow. 

“Where are you going?” Your best friend Sokka asked through the phone.

You hopped off the bus with all your items almost spilling out of your bag. “I’m going to Fire Tea Shop. I read the reviews online and people say its pretty good.”

“No, c’mon Y/N you had your chance. You mean its pretty lit!!!!” Sokka sounded too much like a kid that had eaten edibles. 

“I’m hanging up,” you said deadpanned. “I don’t even know how I’ve kept up this friendship this long. I’m so proud of myself.”

“Its because you love me.” Sokka sang. 

“It might be because I think you need my help. If I wasn’t with you and had your back like where do you think you would be? Probably eating crap off a cave right now and starving.” You walked up and inside the cafe was so cozy. It had an earthy yet red contrast feel to the place. It sure matched with the name Fire. It had some vintage Chinese architect to it. It was stunning and really caught your eye. And it was peaceful. “Do you want anything babes?” You asked as you looked at the menu. “They have cactus juice.” 

“No!” Sokka shouted on the phone. “I tried that, I couldn’t get out of the bathroom the whole day! Plus I thought I saw like mushrooms of some sort.” 

You snickered, “baby, I think you’ve been eating too many mushrooms!”

“I’m good. You enjoy it there.”

You said your goodbyes and hanged up the phone. As you did an old man came up with a long beard to say his welcoming. 

“Hello there, young lady. Might I interest you in trying our newest tea? White Jade tea. It’s very delicious.” He smiled wide. 

You read his name tag. He was such an adorable old man. “Hmmm, Iroh? Actually since this is my first time I want to try your most popular tea. How about-”

“So White Jade?” Iroh was about to punch in your order when you heard a shriek and what seemed to be a pot dropping on the floor. “One moment please. That is probably my angsty, incapable nephew that made a mess. Please look to see what you would like.” Iroh made a hasty get away. 

Out came a teen your age as he rubbed the back of his head. He was so handsome looking. His hair was disheveled and he wore a red apron. His attitude really attracted you. “Good thing I made a distraction, that White Jade tea is not a hit. I’m not that good at making tea also. That’s more my uncle’s job.” His voice was low and had an edge to it. It was so handsome. 

“Oh he’s your uncle. That’s sweet!” You grabbed your wallet out. “I would like a Jasmine tea please.” 

“Good choice. My uncle loves that tea. That will be $4.25.”

You grabbed your money and went to give it to him when you saw the huge scar. It was red and didn’t scare you but you couldn’t look away. The thoughts that went through your mind was how in deep pain this person must of been in to endure and cope through that painful wound. 

“Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer.”

You wanted to hit yourself. You were taught to have manners and here you were staring at this young man. He probably felt self conscious and insecure and you made him feel worse. “Oh my God I am so sorry. I wasn’t meaning it like that. I’m just sorry that you had to go through that.” You read his name tag. “Zuko. Its a beautiful name.”

Zuko’s nose flared up, “yeah, thanks.” He grabbed forcefully at the money and you sat and awaited your order. 

You dug your head in your arms. ‘Why are you like this Y/N? Why did you stare?’

“Here is your tea miss,” Iroh instead brought the tea out. “My nephew felt he didn’t want to scare you away.”

You bit your lip, “I am so sorry. Please forgive me, I didn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable. It was so insensitive for me to do that. Please can we start over.” You felt so bad and guilty. 

Iroh thought about it then pointed to the tea. “I make the tea myself. Taste it and I’ll think about your offer.”

You sipped the warm tea and no lie it was amazing. He definitely knew what he was doing. You weren’t thinking it was fantastic because you wanted to make amends with these folks but it was actually the truth. 

“Honestly?”

Iroh nodded. 

“This is really good and totally what I needed today. Thank you for this and please take this tip.” You gave Iroh the money. “Its a way to say I’m sorry.”

Iroh saw the money and smiled wide, “I can think we can find it in our hearts to forgive you.”

You finished your tea and went to the order counter and rang the bell. Zuko came out thinking you left. 

“Yes?”

“I was thinking. Do you maybe want to go to the park tomorrow and catch some lunch? Its A way for me to apologize for my behavior today.”

Zuko looked around sheepishly, “I don’t know.”

“Please,” you pouted your lips. 

Zuko agreed and the date was set. 

After school the next day you went straight to the cafe. 

You were going to be honest in saying Zuko was really cute. You were nervous and thinking about him the whole day non stop. You even dressed up for the occasion which rarely happens! Even Sokka knew and wouldn’t stop teasing you the whole day. He should of been your hype man but he made you feel like a little girl with a crush!

“You ready Zuko?” 

“Yeah just give me a sec.” Zuko went in the back and came back with a changed look. He wore instead a red bomber jacket. Could he be anymore boyfriend material?

“Love the jacket.” You poked him on his side and he blushed awkwardly. 

The way to the park was more silent and you were considering if this was a bad idea. 

“So do you go to school or are you home schooled?’ You tried to break the ice. 

“Actually, I go to the school not to far from here.” Zuko pointed in the direction your school was at. 

“Wait! I think we go to the same school! Yeah, I’ve seen you before!”

“I’m not that hard to miss.” Zuko, in a way, brought up his scar. 

“No I would remember you from being so handsome.” You smirked. Zuko almost choked. “That school sucks though. Its the same everyday. Work my butt off and then get kicked around like dirt by the schools mean girls. I feel like my life is a movie sometimes.”

“Yeah I get made fun of too.”

“I’m sorry.” You touched his arm. 

“My dad did this to me,” he pointed to his scar. “Didn’t like me as a son and loved my sister more, I guess.”

“It’s a touchy subject. I didn’t realize it, I’m sorry.”

Zuko chuckled which was something new to you and almost shocking, “you can stop saying sorry. I already forgive you. Its not a big deal. I like you though, I think you’re cool.”

“Thanks.”

“And those people that make fun of you, they're crazy. They're probably jealous of you because you're so beautiful.”

You almost died right there! You were like already ready to get married to this man it felt like. Would it be wrong to ask if he was single? You prayed and hoped he was. 

You two sat at the bench. It was such a peaceful, sunny day. You crossed your legs and faced him. “So Zuko, lets play truth or dare!”

“I’m not playing truth or dare.”

“Alright I choose dare to get it started.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. He knew you weren’t going to do this. “I dare you to ask that old lady over there if she knows any place that sells laxatives.” You shot up and Zuko immediately regretted it. “Y/N I was just kidding. Let me do another one.”

“A dares a dare my man.” You fist bumped your chest like the warrior you were. You went up to the old lady like a lost kid. 

Zuko couldn’t help but laugh hard and try to shy away from the world. 

You ran back and fist bumped the air with a skip. “In your face fire prince!” You nicknamed him. “She said around the block they got a drug store. Boom! Now your turn.”

“Okay, truth.”

“Boriiiiiiiing! Oh my God! Fine! What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?”

He groaned, “really? We’re going there? I said a joke, okay, that my uncle said and it came out terrible the punchline left the building and nobody laughed. It was [pretty brutal.”

“I would of loved to see that,” you said in awe. “That’s full on cringe right there sweetie.”

“Okay, you now.”

“Truth.”

“Sissy much?” Zuko raised his brow. 

“Hypocrite! I’m just following your footsteps.”

“Okay, feisty. Have you ever kissed anybody?”

“Totally!” You struggled on that one. It was such LIES!

“You stumbled on that one. I can tell you’re lying.”

“Yes, fine I am. I’ve never kissed anybody in my life okay. Only my pillow. I’ve practiced on that and lets just say its been through a lot.”

“Wow,” Zuko tried to stifle his chuckles, “you’re unbelievable.”

“And what about you? Have you ever kissed anybody?”

“It’s not my turn.”

“Truth or dare?” You were starting to see a different side of Zuko that you really liked. He was fun and made you smile. 

“Truth.”

“Have you ever kissed your girlfriend?” You wanted to see if he was single. 

“I’ve kissed before but I don’t have a girlfriend.”

You legit wanted to party and cry because this could actually happen. “Who’d you kiss?”

“A customer.”

“Oooh, you have to spill the tea on that later. I choose dare!”

“I dare you to try your first kiss with me.” Zuko raised his brow. 

Oh my Lord was he serious? You were sweating profusely and at an alarming rate. “Are you for real?”

Zuko nodded his head, “it is a dare. And you wanted to start this. I told you not to.”

“I’ve never kissed anyone! How do I do it?”

“Just look at me and try it out and I’ll critique it.”

“I’m kinda hating you right now.” You glared at Zuko. “Only 3 seconds okay.”

Zuko surrendered to that and you closened up on him. He smelled of tea leaves that were light and airy and a burning flame of musk. He was really growing on you. You came closer and closer until your lips met. You wanted to keep still but Zuko moved his lips so you followed. You felt the whole shebang. Fireworks, butterflies, everything. You clutched onto his bomber jacket. They seemed so strong and vigorous the kisses but they were tiny pecks to start you off. Your lips moved in sync with his because you got the memo and started getting used to it. You looked down at your watch as saw that it passed the three seconds. Separating from him you wiped your lips, breathless for a puny kiss. It seemed like such a milestone for you and something so big but in reality some kids kiss their posters longer than what you did. 

“How was that?” Zuko looked away blushing. 

“Very invigorating and exciting.” You were speechless. You were such a daredevil is what you thought to kiss this complete handsome stranger. It was like a dream though. You stood on the bench and screamed out the park, “I just had my first kiss everyone!!!”

Zuko pulled you down, “oh my God it wasn’t that amazing. Chill out. I choose truth.”

You evilly smiled, “do you think I’m attractive?”

Zuko’s blush was even redder this time. “Yeah, you’re cute. My type.”

You wiggled your brows, “you’re type? You think I’m cute? He’s think I’m cute! I have finally a guy! Who thinks I’m cute! I have a chance! At not being alone! And being a crazy cat lady!” You sang as you shook your body. “Okay last one, I choose dare again. Yolo. Living on the edge.”

“I dare you to go on another date with me,” Zuko asked as he played with his fingers. 

It was silent and you were surprised on one factor. ‘This was a date?’ You grabbed his hands and smiled at him, “I’d love to go on another date with you! And you said you didn’t want to play truth or dare.”

a/n: IROH IS SUCH A MOOD OMG 😂 and zuko is so sly and cheesy sdkgjfdskgfkgjfdgk omg. i loved this wayyyyy to much as u can tell and like made this like a chapter book bc im extra like that! would u kiss a stranger if he was zuko? i prob would bc im a thirsty nerd fam 🥵

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[brilliantt]

Mouse - part two

Summary: Maggie Shelby isn’t like her brothers or sister, being quiet and studious she often struggles to fit in. When money gets stolen and she is accused will she stick around and continue to be an outcast in her family? 

A/N: thanks so much for the support on the first part! In part two we see Maggie’s relationship with her twin Finn, the two are 17 atm. Also Tommy is being a prick, sorry! :P Let me know what you think!!

-PREVIOUS-

From a young age Finn and Maggie were close. Being a lot younger than their siblings they had no choice but to play together, even if they could never decide on what to play. While Maggie preferred playing with her dolls or marbles, Finn always had the deciding vote- he was of course the older sibling by five minutes! And so, Maggie was coerced time and time again to play Finn’s favourite (and subsequently her worst) game: cops and robbers. Finn was as quick as Maggie was slow. This is why the twins realised Maggie could never be the robber, because Finn could catch her in less than a minute. Maggie never knew why Finn had always insisted on playing the game; it always ended the same. She would spend so long trying to catch him and he would dodge her every time with ease, then Maggie would get annoyed that she couldn't get him, going off in a huff and refusing to play a minute longer. Then, her refusal would cause finn in return to get mad. A quiet dinner with exchanged glares would follow. And finally peace is restored when Finn sneaks into her room with a couple of stolen biscuits because they could never stay mad at each for long. 

It was often they butt heads but that was because they had spent so much time together. It was safe to say they were each other's first best friend. As they got older, however, the more different they became. Finn had always been an outgoing child, something which stayed with him. He enjoyed partying and drinking and smoking. Maggie preferred to keep to herself and rarely went out at night. During the day Finn could be seen becoming more active in the family business whereas Maggie was in school. It was rare that their paths ever crossed. 

It was just by chance therefore that on the Thursday afternoon just before Maggie finished school, that Finn had been sent to collect money from a house just around the corner from the school building. And just by chance that as he had finished up and was about to walk home, he saw his sister surrounded by a bunch of boys her age and being pushed to the ground by one of them.

---

At school Maggie was alone. She found it difficult to talk to anyone other than her brothers, meaning that she couldn't make friends. Not forgetting that no one wanted to befriend her, lest they got caught up in the unfortunate Shelby 'business’. It was easier when Finn went to school but since he left, Maggie was truly alone. She didn't mind too much because it meant that she could focus on her school work without distraction. 

It wasn't until very recently that she was bothered at school. Whilst people left her alone in fear of her brothers, one foolhardy boy, William Kegley, did not heed this warning. From what Maggie could understand, William’s brother had done something bad to the Blinders leading him to get cut. William wasn’t stupid enough to go after her brothers which left him to target the youngest Shelby girl. It had started with harsh stares and hair tugging which turned to spitted whispers telling her to ‘watch her back’ when the teacher wasn't looking. 

Maggie didn't know what to expect, she had never been threatened before. To what extent of revenge did William want? Logically killing her would make everything even - a sibling for a sibling - but Maggie didn't think William had the stomach for that, he was always more gentle than his brother. Maggie knew that she should tell one of her brothers or even Aunt Polly, however, she also knew this would mean William would end up in the same fate as his brother and Maggie never wanted to be the cause of something like that. So she did what she did best: hide. The final bell would ring and Maggie would hide in an empty classroom, peeking out the window where William and a few of his friends hung around smoking. Maggie waited and waited, until they got bored and assumed she had already left. Only after they had disappeared did Maggie leave. For three days this seemed to work. Until Thursday.

Maggie was hiding as usual, watching the boys smoke. Normally she would have to wait another 20 minutes. Today however the classroom door opened to reveal her English teacher who had forgotten his book on the desk. Unfortunately for Maggie she couldn't think of an excuse in time so he escorted her out telling her to go home. With only one exit from the school, she now had no option but to stick it up and wished that William was bluffing. With a deep breath she straightened her back, hoping she looked at least a bit confident. She barely made it halfway.

They formed a circle around her, with her and William in the centre. Every time Maggie edged back, someone would push her back. She kept her gaze down, only looking up when William hit the books from her arms onto the floor. They scattered about onto the grimy pavement. The boys cheered, some leaving boot marks on the papers. Maggie locked eyes with William, the sounds around her blocked out, she tried to keep her breathing even but she could feel her throat closing. William reached forward, too quick for Maggie to even flinch, and gripped her chin. “If it weren’t for you Shelbys, my brother would still be alive.” Everything about William’s face cried anger; his blonde eyebrows were furrowed, his teeth snarling and nostrils flared. His eyes couldn't keep up though, for they expressed a deep hurt, and a compassionate Maggie felt her lips trembling when she looked into them. “I’m sorry,” She whispered, “I.. I didn’t know anything, please.” Two eyes pleaded at each other. Maggie could see turmoil William faced. She didn't know him very well but she knew he never joined in on the playground fights and she had once seen him comfort a tear stained girl when the boys had stolen her doll. He was gentle by nature but he was a Small Heath boy and the jeering from the boys around him filled his mind with anger.  With a shake of his head, he pressed both hands on Maggie's chest and shoved her to the ground. Tears rushed to her eyes as her head smacked the concrete. William hovered over her but his eyes widened when an enraged shout was heard.

Pushing his way through, Finn knelt beside his sister checking if she was alright. It was rare for Finn to get angry so Maggie worried when she saw the look in his eyes. He put himself chest to chest with Willaim, not breaking eye contact with him when he said, “Everyone else better get the fuck away from here.” He pulled his Peaky cap further onto his head as a warning. The cowardly boys scattered, leaving William and Finn in a standoff. As soon as Maggie saw Finn’s hand hovering over his gun, she stood up, ignoring the pain in her head, and gently gripped his arm. “Finn”, he turned towards her, seeing her shake her head. He clenched his jaw and frowned. His gaze stayed on his sister but he spoke to William, “You better piss off now, and stay the fuck away from her.” William looked like he was about to say something but then decided against it and began to walk away, taking one last glance at Maggie, until the twins could no longer see him.

Silence settled between the two as they began picking up the papers and books. Finn being quiet always unsettled Maggie. They stared at each other both holding their share. “How’s your head?” He questioned, remembering the harshness of her fall. He waited for her answer but could tell by the way her eyebrows furrowed that she wasn’t listening to him. 

“Please don’t tell Tommy.” Her eyes were wide as she stared at him. “He’ll send the boys out on him and you know how I feel about that, please Finn.” The request was a long shot and Maggie knew that as she asked it. Finn always reported back to Tommy- seeking his approval. The chances he would listen were slim, especially in a situation where she got hurt, and as he raised his eyebrow, choosing to remain silent, her shoulders slumped.

“Come on.” He said, taking the books she was carrying and adding to his own pile. The two walked home together, with Maggie hoping that Finn would listen to her for once.

---

“Tommy wants to see yeh in his office.” It was Polly who had found her. Maggie had taken to lying on her bed. She had tried to do some schoolwork but the persistent pounding of her head made it futile. Maggie felt dread in her stomach at her Aunt’s words. She just knew Finn would rat her out, the bastard. “I know you’re not sleeping. Don’t want to leave his highness waiting.” 

And so Maggie found herself in front of the door leading to her brother’s office. Taking a deep breath, she knocked twice and peaked her head through the door. “You wanted to see me Tommy?”

“Sit.” Maggie shuffled in and placed herself in the chair opposite Tommy. The man took out a cigarette and began smoking it, leaning back in his chair to stare at the girl. A few minutes passed and Maggie knew Tommy was waiting for her to speak first. They were both as stubborn as each other though, and Maggie had already decided that she wouldn’t speak before him. His gaze was piercing through her but she knew if she didn't look in his eyes, she wouldn't cave. 

Tommy sighed and Maggie watched him press his cigarette into the tray. “I want you,” he pointed at her, “to tell me the name of the boy that pushed you.” 

“What?” Maggie brows rose. 

“Finn said he didn’t know the boy’s name. I want you to tell me it.” Despite still feeling annoyed at her twin, Maggie felt a rush of gratefulness towards him, because Finn definitely did know William’s name.

“No.” the word struggled out of her mouth. She always found speaking up to Tommy difficult. The pair of them were very similar in nature, both quiet, rather serious, observant and more. Polly often said they were the same ducks on different ponds. While Maggie was gentle, Tommy was rough. They rarely argued and respected each other. After the war Tommy never really had much time for her, and now since Grace's death he was more angry and less forgiving. “I don’t want you to do anything. Everything’s fine.”

 He also never seemed to listen.

“No, it’s not fine. What if Finn wasn’t there, eh? What would you have done?”

Maggie fidgeted in her seat, avoiding his eyes. “It’s over now, he won’t do it again.” she muttered. 

“And what about the next time? A different boy shoves you and we’re not here, what will you do?” Her headache was returning and Maggie blamed the tears on her eyes on that.  “We’re targeted in this business Maggie, you especially. You’re the weak link, an easy target. So what will you do hmm?” Her lips wobbled. She knew she was weak; she was timid and did not like confrontation but hearing her older brother tell it to her face made her feel bad. 

Tommy didn't stop, “Say someone pulled a gun on you,” suddenly he pointed his gun at Maggie. “What will you do?” She flinched and whimpered in her seat, her face turning white. Tommy sighed, lowering the gun. His icy glare wanted her,  “you need to get stronger, learn how to fight back.”

“Maybe,” Maggie’s voice wobbled, “maybe you should stop doing things that put us in danger.” She was angry at Tommy and felt embarrassed from his actions. “They were only bothering me because of something you did.” 

Tommy seemed taken aback but once again he never listened. His brain was wracking information on who the blinders had cut recently. “It was the Kegley boy, wasn’t it?” She shot her head up, the reaction telling Tommy his assumption was right. 

“Tommy, I don't think I could ever forgive you if you do something to him.” Her words held strength but her body felt weak. She truly feared what Tommy would do. 

Tommy clenched his jaw and stared. “I can worry about your forgiveness later.” He took out another cigarette and lit it, Maggie’s nose twitching at the smell. “You’ll meet Arthur at the boxing ring after school tomorrow. He’s going to teach you how to defend yourself.” Maggie was about to protest when Tommy slammed his hand on the desk, finalising his decision. He motioned for Maggie to leave and started reading some of his papers. 

“I will only go if you swear you won’t hurt William.” Maggie pleaded. Tommy raised his eyebrows to look at her, a bored expression visible. “Please, Tommy, I never asked you for anything in my life. I'm asking you for this one thing, please!” 

“You will go with Arthur tomorrow.” He repeated, returning to his paperwork. Maggie felt defeated. “I will leave Kegley alone but if he tries anything again you don’t have a say, understand?” A sigh of relief was audible through the room. Maggie nodded and began to leave the room. She reached the door and turned back around to look at her brother working. 

“Tommy?” He huffed and inclined his head for her to continue. “If.. If someone pulled a gun on me” Maggie gulped, “I would die.” she closed the door gently behind her. For the next hour Tommy stared at it deep in thought, his cigarette burnt out in his hand. 

---

Maggie struggled falling asleep that night. Her headache had gone but her head pounded with images of William dead on the floor. Her bedroom door creaked open slowly, the head of her twin peering through. He climbed onto her bed, both of them sitting against the headboard, and handed her some biscuits. They nibbled on them and for the first time, Maggie broke the silence, “Is this really what you want Finn? All this violence and the.. the constant fear of dying?” she stared straight ahead, “There must be something more.”

“People like us don't get more, Maggie.” She turned to look at him, he had already finished his biscuits and was eyeing Maggie’s.  

“People like us?”

“Working class. No parents.” He counted on his fingers, “Gypsies. It’s like there's a ladder and we’re stuck on the first step.” He rubbed his hand against his tired eyes. “And yet we’re the lucky ones because there are people like Isiah who aren't even allowed on that first step.”

Maggie’s face twitched as she thought about what Finn said. “We’re both still at the bottom of the ladder Finn.” She handed him one of her biscuits, “I want more than this.”

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