#but the online server is overwhelmed

[poolsidescientist]

Stress! Stress!!! Stress!!!!!!

[dennistakesamentalhealthday]

hi i finished my degree last week

[rioblitzle]

if twitter ever becomes genuinely unusable forever (which might be right now, or might be years away, we'll see) i apologise in advance for all the sudden talking im going to be doing on here

[anistarrose]

I want to make my posts more accessible, but can't write IDs myself: a guide

[Plain text: "I want to make my posts more accessible, but can't write IDs myself: a guide." End plain text.]

While every image posted online should be accessible in an ideal world, we all know it 1) takes time to learn how to write image descriptions, and 2) is easy to run out of spoons with which to write IDs. And this says nothing of disabilities that make writing them more challenging, if not impossible — especially if you're a person who benefits from IDs yourself.

There are resources for learning how to write them (and if you already know the basics, I'd like to highlight this good advice for avoiding burnout) — but for anyone who cannot write IDs on their original posts at any current or future moment, for any reason, then there are two good options for posting on Tumblr.

1. Crowdsource IDs through the People's Accessibility Discord

[Plain text: "1. Crowdsource IDs through the People's Accessibility Discord". End plain text.]

The People's Accessibility Discord is a community that volunteers description-writing (and transcript-writing, translation, etc) for people who can't do so themselves, or feel overwhelmed trying to do so. Invite link here (please let me know if the link breaks!)

The way it works is simple: if you're planning to make an original post — posting art, for example — and don't know how to describe it, you can share the image there first with a request for a description, and someone will likely be able to volunteer one.

The clear upside here (other than being able to get multiple people's input, which is also nice) is that you can do this before making the Tumblr post. By having the description to include in your post from the start, you can guarantee that no inaccessible version of the post will be circulated.

You can also get opinions on whether a post needs to be tagged for flashing or eyestrain — just be able to spoiler tag the image or gif you're posting, if you think it might be a concern. (Also, refer here for info on how to word those tags.)

The server is very chill and focused on helping/answering questions, but if social anxiety is too much of a barrier to joining, or you can't use Discord for whatever reason, then you can instead do the following:

2. Ask for help on Tumblr, and update the post afterwards

[Plain text: "Ask for help on Tumblr, and update the post afterwards". End description.]

Myself and a lot of other people who describe posts on this site are extra happy to provide a description if OP asks for help with one! This does leave the post inaccessible at first, so to minimize the drawbacks, the best procedure for posting an image you can't fully describe would be as follows:

Create the tumblr post with the most bare-bones description you can manage, no matter how simple (something like "ID: fanart of X character from Y. End ID" or "ID: a watercolor painting. End ID," or literally whatever you can manage)

Use a tool like Google Lens or OCR to extract text if applicable and if you have the energy, even if the text isn't a full image description (ideally also double-check the transcriptions, because they're not always perfect)

Write in the body of the post that you'd appreciate a more detailed description in the notes!

Tag the post as "undescribed" and/or "no id" only if you feel your current, bare-bones description is missing out on a lot of important context

When you post it and someone provides an ID, edit the ID into the original post (don't use read mores, italics, or small text)

Remove the undescribed tag, if applicable. If you're posting original art, you can even replace it with a tag like "accessible art" for visibility!

And congrats! You now have a described post that more people will be able to appreciate, and you should certainly feel free to self-reblog to give a boost to the new version!

[saintverse]

FUNDRAISING 💬 -> @operationladybug

Please do not send inquiries about fundraising to this blog. If possible, please send any messages or inquiries you may have to @operationladybug!

من فضلك لا ترسل استفسارات جمع التبرعات إلى هذه المدونة. إذا أمكن، يرجى إرسال أية رسائل أو استفسارات لديكم إلى الحساب المرتبط أعلاه!

While I almost always read every ask and message that I get, I cannot usually respond. This is because I'm either busy, overwhelmed, or dealing with poor health. I truly and sincerely apologize.

على الرغم من أنني أقرأ دائمًا كل سؤال ورسالة أتلقاها، إلا أنني عادة لا أستطيع الرد. وذلك لأنني إما مشغول أو متوتر أو أتعامل مع حالة صحية سيئة. أنا أعتذر بصدق. الله معك. سأحاول المساعدة بأي طريقة ممكنة. هذه ليست ترجمة مباشرة.

QUICK NOTES BYF UNDER THE CUT:

Hello! This is Ethan, aka ethanscrocs. This account is mostly going to be focused on my OCs and D&D, as well as the occasional unrelated hyperfixation.

I post a lot about The Grishaverse and BBC Merlin. I ❤️ weird fantasy forever!

I try my absolute best to respond to any and all messages regarding fundraising for those in the global south, but please keep in mind I am just one person, and I'm often very unwell. My blog runs on a queue, so just because I'm posting doesn't mean I'm necessarily online.

Feel free to break the mutual and then come back later, I know I can be kind of annoying when my mental health is bad.

I used to use Tumblr in a really unhealthy way because of my OCD. I'm normaler now and you generally won't have any prominent spam reblogging aside from catching up on fundraisers on OLB.

If I follow you and we had drama when I was like 16 or something (and if this makes you uncomfortable), I'm so sorry. If you want me to stop interacting with you, hardblocking is for the best, I don't remember URLs and I might refollow.

Used to post a lot about The Muppets and Ice Age. Previous urls: catboykuwei, arsonkuwei, wywei, shopkin, gonzoguy, gonzobf, translake, gaysid, sidshuffle, jibbit, ethanscrocs, others I don't recall.

I like my own posts for OCD reasons.

bf @grillwizard / wife @sliceofdyke

Follow -> @operationladybug

My Discord Server

My Carrd (Not Required)

[irestuffs]

I'm making a Discord server ✨

It was originally meant to be just a TMNT server, but I think making it more general would be a lot more fun!

I've been a bit busy with moving out, handling some pre-orders, and preparing for a booth event— so I’m not sure when it’ll be open public. Hopefully soon!

I'm so so so so excited but I'm also scared. Idk how people can be social on servers because I definitely can't sdklddsd

My main reason for making the server is mostly because I want a place where I could have some people helping me with archiving some of the behind the scenes stuff from TMNT. Digging through it online is fun, but it is very overwhelming for me to do it alone

But hey, why not make it more than just that??? :)

[hatoheart]

hey so I’ve said before I prefer to keep my blog a drama free place but

Oh well. It’s my blog and I can break my own rules as I see fit lol.

My background with Lily Orchard: I had been a fan since about summer 2019 (20 years old, I was born December 12, 1998) and had heard her talk about the various abuse she claims to have gone through throughout her life. With no reason to believe otherwise, I just accepted this. I bought into everything she said when allegations came out against her because I had already anchored my beliefs to things she’d said. It’s hard to dismantle beliefs that are so ingrained in you.

In June 2024 I made a tumblr post asking for actual evidence, and to be fair, I had plenty of people come to me in good faith. Unfortunately, I was unwilling to believe a lot of what I was sent, parroting the same excuses for them I’d heard Lily use. I like to think of myself as someone who’s objective and looks at things from every side, and yeah, I’ll fully admit I was not doing that at all here. I got dunked on a bit, rightfully so.

I was a member of Lily’s Patreon server from June-September 2024 (I only just joined Patreon itself in June 2024). I started as a $1 Patron before bumping up to a $5 Patron for access to the Patron chat. I wouldn’t say I was especially close to Lily, I certainly wasn’t part of her “inner circle”, and got reprimanded by her a few times for various minor things, but ultimately she trusted me enough to let me into the private “server regulars” chat she implemented a week or so before I left.

The first major crack came when she used me venting in her stream chat about my beef with KP as an excuse to drop her and Sai’s full names. I did not at all endorse that and was actually quite pissed at her for doing that. I value my privacy a lot, and I try to extend that courtesy to everyone else I come across online. I’ve got plenty of good friends online and I couldn’t tell you the real-life names of about 90% of them.

Ultimately, the incest game folder was the major incident that got me thinking. She did her best to debunk it, but it was just… such a flimsy excuse? It seemed like she was desperate to cover it up. I don’t know, I’d bought into plenty of things she’d said in the past, but this seemed… unbelievable. So after spending a few days conflicted, I looked back into the evidence I’d been given months prior. And it was… a lot. I lashed out at some people trying to help me during this time, and blocked someone who’d been very cordial to me in DMs. I was stuck. I didn’t know what to believe. I suppose you could say this was my breaking point.

Ultimately the evidence did prove overwhelming, so on September 13th, 2024, I quietly left Lily’s community. No big statement, no fuss, just quietly retracted my Patreon sub, unfollowed on tumblr, and unsubscribed on YouTube. I’ve been quiet for the past month, give or take.

And man, has hindsight been 20/20.

She frames everything as “my boundaries tho” so that she can excuse being rude to her fans. She consistently denies Tara Callie/Stockholm and other wrongdoings without any proof to back up her claims.

I’ve watched KP and Courtney’s videos. I’ve looked at Britt’s evidence. I’ve privately made amends with all three of them.

I had already planned on watching Joon the King’s video when it released. I was a fan of his prior and figured if he was covering Lily… then there must be something I was ignoring.

Part of the reason it can be so difficult to look into Lily’s past is because the resources aren’t neatly gathered in one place. Joon’s video does just that. An easily digestible resource for people to get the gist of who she is.

And I’m sorry to anyone I may have hurt on her behalf. I am not claiming to be innocent here, I knowingly dug my heels in while claiming to want evidence, and then refused to look at it. I’m sorry for the rancid shit I’ve said and done to people in defense of Lily.

But I’ve opened my eyes. I’ve stopped hiding from the truth.

I’m not going to discuss this further, as I’ve said I prefer to keep my blog a fairly lighthearted place for me to hyperfixate and shitpost. I’m not interested in dunking on Lily or harassing her (please don’t harass her), but just being transparent and letting everyone know where I stand as of right now. This needed to be said eventually.

[sighed-the-snake]

At what age does it become intolerable to participate in online fandom?

At what age do you start telling people they're too old to be in a public fandom space because it skews young?

I have been online since the literal beginning of the internet. I've been in chatrooms in one form or another for my entire life, without issue, without anyone telling me I don't belong there. It has been my primary mode of socialization since I was 14. Some of the most important people in my life are people I met online.

But then I turned 40 and suddenly, my presence in a chatroom is creepy.

It wasn't creepy when I was 35 and I was the admin for a huge Discord server full of mostly teens and 20-somethings. Nobody complained when I was 35. They called me their server mom.

But 40 is apparently the limit. I tried to join a few public Discord servers last year and was politely shooed away each time because I was honest about my age.

The obvious solution would be to find spaces with people my own age, right? Except those don't really exist. If it's a fandom space, the overwhelming majority of people are going to be teens, 20-somethings, and a small population of younger 30-somethings. Those are the people who are talking about the things I also would like to talk about.

Even the people I follow here on Tumblr are mostly in their 20s.

There is not much of an online peer group for older Millennials and Gen X. I found and tried some non-fandom, general servers, and they were desolate and stale. A lot of us grew up without computers at home, barely even had computers at school, so the internet never really became a big part of our lives beyond things like Facebook, or Twitter, or discussion boards. Things you spend a few minutes looking over before bed.

But I don't want those things. Tumblr has been great, the Good Omens fandom has been amazing, but I don't want to check throughout the day if someone has replied to something I said hours or days or weeks ago, I want to talk to people, but those places are populated by an age group who tells me it's not appropriate for me to be there anymore.

It's so damn frustrating and lonely. I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not doing anything wrong. I just got older.

I'm just a married gay woman with a kid in school who wants to giggle over an angel and a demon and how in love and stupid they are. I feel like it shouldn't be this hard.

[d1s1ntegrated]

hiiiii!!

so this feels kind of random and maybe a little ooc but i keep imagining shiggy as like a streamer (playing obviously league of legends but also like valorant, overwatch, fortnite, etc etc)

but could i possibly get some streamer shigaraki hcs pls and thank youu ♡

also i saw your post about emoji anons and id like to formally request that i can claim this emoji; 🧸 thank you for all your amazingly handcrafted beautiful posts!!!

ooouuuu yassss. i also love to hc shiggy as a streamer idc if its ooc!

also yes ofc ! 🧸is all urs bby <3

streamer!shigaraki hcs ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ̀ˋ

[■■■■■■■■■□] 90%

it started as a joke, he didnt think anyone would really watch

but followers and viewers SKYROCKETED so fast, he was kinda overwhelmed at first

mostly streams LoL, but loves switching between diff games throught the stream (OVW, apex, valorant, fortnite)

but for some reason, he hates COD. HATES IT. if chat even mentions it he screams

he gets banned regularly for "random shit" aka trying to beef with the 12 year old's in chat, accidentally smoking on cam, etc

has absolutely no filter, just plays the game the same way he would if he were alone, which gives him one hell of a reputation online

chat goes WILD when he ties his hair back, cause usually its in his face

does a lot of 12-24 hour streams bc he cant sleep

streams at the most random and inconvenient times, like 4pm or 3am.

that being said he has no set schedule. he usually just hops online whenever.

loves bantering with chat, he thinks its so funny

"blueflame says... "this man needs chapstick lolz"

"well fuck you blueflame, you need a loving family and some bitches, but i guess both of us are fucked, hm?"

went through a huge minecraft phase and ended up creating a small cult following from it

which he abhors. like fucking hates it bc of all the drama in the minecraft community-he doesn't like to be associated with them.

calls his fans rats/bugs/etc.

goes on long-ass adhd rambles about random shit a LOT

"chat, chat watch this, gonna get this fucker"

*dies*

"chat. i am going to scream."

this man has 0 social awareness or media etiquette

like he's actually disgusting on stream it can be a hard watch at times. especially if he's eating cause he doesnt gaf about being "polite"

listens to a lot of hyperpop/metal/game osts in the background but has gotten in trouble for copyright lol

does dumbass dances in his chair if he wins a round

when everyone realized he wore gloves to game, he got sent a BUNCH of new ones, with different patterns and materials (he shows them all off) (his fav ones are the creeper-themed ones tho :3)

has "horror nights" where he'll stay up and play shit like fnaf, slender, closing shift, and other indie horror games

he played facade once but immediately removed the game from his pc (very dramatically) after trip denied his request to "kiss it sloppy style".

chat regularly begs him to play roblox but he always ignores it

even though he HAS it downloaded.

"chat what the fuck is skibidi ohio"

always drinking some form of energy drink no matter what time it is

"someone in chat said im cute. go touch grass"

has a discord server that he does in fact own and mod. but only lets certain people join (he does have a tier system after a while)

[■■■■■■■■■] 100%

ugh gamer streamer shiggy is so Real to me...and so cute...i need him viciously

thank u for the request, 🧸!

[ask-spiderpool]

if you don’t mind me asking what is going on with the discord?

Bless you, anon, for asking!

In the simplest terms - it was honestly a server that wasn't intended to last that long anyway - I'd set it up just for the 7th anniversary stream, and it was something I was very nervous and hesitant to do, initially! Because I'm a very nervous sort of person, and I was worried about how overwhelming discord communities can be. After the stream I was intent on closing the server down but – as it was during the covid lockdown, the server turned out to be a wonderful little online community that was buzzing with life and energy and felt a very intimate place for all of us who needed it.

So - the life of the server was prolonged much longer than I'd expected it to! It survived through lockdown, and since then - but, a lot of that community definitely started to dissipate after lockdown, naturally, and after the course of time - naturally, people start getting occupied with a lot of other things, and so the demographic in the server changes, and there are some internal dramas, as any server has - (let any discord server who manages to avoid internal drama cast the first pebble!) and it becomes just too much for the moderating team to handle - not least of all me, who's going through a lot of their own personal stresses and can't really take any more on, at the moment.

The discord was a beautiful place and - really was what I, and a lot of people in the community really needed, at the time - but I feel like this time has passed for most of us. And I - I just don't think I can manage it with the same time and investment that I had before, back when my life depended on it. Discords are overwhelming. And I'm someone who is easily overwhelmed! I knew that going in, but I'm glad I let her survive as long as she did.

I don't think it feels right to appoint new moderators to take over - I don't know anyone closely enough who's invested enough to take over, and - really, it should be something I'm involved in. I feel like it's a natural end for a server that's had her time.

The server was going to close down a while ago - but it kind of nagged at my heart to end it so abruptly. So she'll be running until New Years, which should be enough time for people to set up their lifeboats and get their farewells in. It gives me enough time to work on my health and be of sound mind and body when I kiss her goodbye.

Thanks so much to everyone that made the server a beautiful place! And thank you to everyone who's still using the server - I hope you manage to stay in contact, and set up your own lifeboat servers, to keep the conversation alive!

[damnfandomproblems]

Fandom Problem #5396:

I'm only 28 but I'm already starting to miss forums horribly and hate discord servers. Forums were such amazing spaces for fandoms! Yeah, most fandoms had their own forum you had to sign up for, which was sometimes annoying, whereas for discord servers you only really need to sign up once, for one discord handle, and you can go to pretty much any server. But servers suck.

For starters, there's no real search indexing. Forums had a wealth of information usually readily available for lurkers and anyone who just happened to stumble upon the forum during searches and things, it was all public. But with discord servers, unless you meet the requirements to join and in some cases are pre-vetted, and unless you even know the server exists in the first place, accessing any of the information it provides is really hard. It is not very convenient having to join several channels and servers just to find one guide, if you're a gamer, or get the answer to a quick question. Forums used to index all this information to be easily searched by the web. This is what they were built for. Servers don't show any of their contents during web searches.

Secondly: there's the whole matter of asynchronous communication. Discord is very fast-paced, and it does not necessarily reward quality posts and comments. Instead, you become well-known and liked by posting as much as possible, saturating feeds with your comments. You cannot communicate on your own time like on a forum, and still expect those conversations to be there in a few days or even weeks. You have to lurk all day and hope you get to the discussion within time. You could technically bring up an older conversation, but since discord servers work like real-time conversations, it's often frowned upon and awkward. Furthermore, very useful, important, or otherwise helpful information usually just gets lost among all the one-line comments, and there's no easy way to view past messages to find this useful stuff without getting totally overwhelmed. And since the window for jumping into a certain topic or sub-topic is usually very narrow, someone who would otherwise have very exceptional information suddenly can't share it if they miss that window.

Thirdly, forums could sometimes be cliquey, but discord servers are even more so. There is always an "it" person, or group, who controls the flow and nuance of the conversations. Diversion from these popular groups, just like real life, can lead to alienation, whereas forums had more of an egalitarian vibe. Anyone could contribute pretty equally because everything was slowed down, and there was equal visibility for all posts. Moderators may or may not enable these cliques, which is even more likely if those moderators and the cliques were the first people who arrived at the server. It is awkward to jump into many servers.

Fourth, there's the online dishibition and anonymity. On forums, your content was archived forever, and your presence on the forum was marked more concretely by each post you made due to that visibility. The more "permanent" function of forums and their content encouraged longform and high quality content. Shitposters were generally shunned. On discord, however, people are more willing to bully others because it is much easier to do so, and it's much easier to avoid scrutiny. They simply need to wait a few minutes or hours before knowing their comments will no longer be in plain sight, because a bunch more people will have commented and pushed the comment(s) up, out of sight. Why not call someone a rude name or bully them? No one will see it three hours later, and even if they do, the person can change their name and tag, and repeat again.

I'm not happy.

[rubber-glovs]

I would like to speak up about the hermitcraft situation regarding Iskall.

If anything is wrong, please consult me via dms, I will have it fixed, thank you <3

My heart goes out to the victims of Iskalls manipulation and emotional abuse. I'm so sorry for what has happened to you. Reach out to the other victims or stay anonymous, it is completely your choice.

As to the hermitcraft fans, please do not force any of the hermits for information and do not go to the victims for proof or information. You are not owed it. They are just as stressed as we are. Do not stress them further.

We do not know the full story. Do not assume or speculate about what might've happened. Be grateful for the information we have been given, we are lucky to get this information.

Please do not assume anything about the other hermits in relation to this. Whether it's if they knew or if they have done something similar. This was from ONE HERMIT, ONE PERSON. That is all we know.

Do not make assumptions on why Stress left. We know there are no implications she is involved in the complaints and that False stated she left on her own accord

Hermitcraft is not ending, hermitcraft is not ruined and hermitcraft's community is not unsafe. This was ONE HERMIT, ONE PERSON. There is a difference between the whole server and one hermit.

Believe the victims. It may be hard for you, I can understand that. But with the overwhelming amount of evidence, you simply can not say he hasn't done something wrong. They have been put through a lot by him. It is hard to speak up about something like this, especially with Iskall and his superiority as a popular myct. Listen and hear their voices.

My thoughts and views:

Information and resources:

I feel disgusting and disappointed in Iskall's behaviour. He was trusted, he was loved and he was deemed as a wonderful youtuber. He took this power and his status to his advantage by emotionally abusing and manipulating fans and mods, people who looked up to him.

I also feel betrayed in a way. I never expected something like this to happen in the hermitcraft community but it did. It upsets me. All the people who were hurt had to stay quiet for so long in fear that they wouldn't be listened to. The hermits who are stressed out right now, deleting and removing Iskall from their accounts right now.

I feel terrible for those who were close to Iskall, online or offline. Having someone who you care about so much and seeing him as a close friend/family member and now figuring out what he's done must be hard for them.

I'm sorry for those who loved Iskall's content. I was drawn to him, too, but never got around to watching his videos.

I'm happy the hermits have handled this situation very professionally, allowing the victims to speak up on their own account and not saying much to keep their privacy.

Hermitcraft has become a massive part of my life in the past years. It hurts for me to see something like this. It goes to show that not everything you see online is real. People are different from how they act online.

Stay safe, thank you for reading <3

[ask-caine]

ok ok what’s yours and moons love story. Beginning to end

OOC POST

It's a bit of a crazy story, actually!

We originally met online through TADC, when she messaged all the Caine accounts she could find for a shitpost "wedding" thing. We ended up hitting it off and talking about random things for a while. It started with my random fact about Kentucky marriage laws and how a couple used them to get married by cocaine bear (hence the below picture)

We ended up learning about a shared interest in plague doctors, as well as discussing several very random topics. Anyways, she invited all the Caines to a discord server, and I ended up being the only one who actually showed up. We would end up talking for hours upon hours day after day there. It was genuinely shocking how much we had in common.

At this point, I had been kinda been picking up on some of the flirtatious undertones behind some of the things she was saying, but I wasn't 100% sure about it yet and was still kinda testing the waters. I'd heard the term love at first sight, and looking back on it, that's pretty much what it felt like. I had been developing a crush on her up to this point, and I kept thinking about her as I was getting ready for bed. I had to keep stopping myself from falling head over heels, reminding myself we barely even knew each other and telling myself "no, she's just being nice. Don't be weird, there's nothing behind this, she's just being friendly."

...As it turned out, she wanted to be a little more than friends... Given my feelings up to this point, I was a little overwhelmed when she told me. I had to take a minute to collect my thoughts, to process everything (hence her jokes about me pulling a Caine and running away). But I liked her, too, and was willing to try a long-distance relationship. So, that's what we did.

It was only a few days after we first got together officially that I told her I loved her. It just felt right. Apparently I caught both of us off-guard with it, since she was sure that she'd be the one who would've said it first. ...We both dived in a little too headfirst from there. From my side of things, it was just so exciting and exhilerating to have this feeling I'd been searching for all my life, and I wanted more of it. We took a step back and both agreed to try and take things at a more reasonable pace from here on out.

We ended up learning a lot about each other. It was like we were the same person, split apart and put in two entirely different situations but turning out the same way anyway. ...This similarity became concerning when we realized we both had the same last name, as well as the fact that we both had Scottish ancestry. But, one family search check later, we confirmed that we are not, in fact, related. Just another insane coincidence that further proves that we were made for each other...

We shared a lot with each other. Our interests, hobbies, ideals, feelings on various topics. Our experiences throughout life, good and bad. The darkest parts of us. Every day, we grew closer. There was no denying that there was something special between us.

That isn't to say everything was perfect. We both still had a lot to learn about ourselves and about each other. There were ups and downs. Things were far from easy. There was a lot of avoidable pain both ways. As time went on, we started to become a little more distant...

Eventually, the stress of life and school and worries and everything going on got to be too much, and she called for us to take a break from the relationship. This hurt, of course... But, taking a break and being done are very different things. I was okay with taking a break, since we would still hang out and such sometimes, just not as romantically.

But, that still wasn't enough. Everything continued to be really stressful, and she felt like she wasn't a net positive in my life and was dragging me down (though the truth was exactly the opposite). So, she decided to fully end the relationship. Which... Really hurt me. Badly.

I kind of fell into a depressive state for a while. I had opened myself up like never before, let myself be more vulnerable than at any point in my life. I had finally found love, the one thing I'd truly wanted all my life, the only thing I've ever needed, and then it was just taken right away. The one thing I feared more than anything else in the world had come to pass.

We would still talk occasionally, but not like before. I already hurt so much, and just talking with her without being able to say the love I still felt was torture for me. So, I distanced myself a bit. I dealt with things on my own. I learned a lot about myself as I came to terms with how things had ended up.

Eventually, I started to feel a little more okay. I knew I could never stop loving her, so I decided to try and turn that love from romantic to platonic and still try to be a friend. Because while I may have lost her, she didn't want me out of her life completely. I could make do as just friends.

But, when I started to come back and we started to talk more again, she realized how much she had been missing me while we were apart. She figured out that some of the things she'd been feeling had been more than she'd realized. She learned that she actually was happier when we were together, and that she still really enjoyed being with me.

So, she began to give little hints again, like before. And, again, I picked up on them, but I didn't want to believe them 100% because of how much I'd been hurt last time. I told myself that she was just showing platonic love, the same way I was. Things would never be the same again. They couldn't be. If I was good for her before, she wouldn't have left...

It was actually Randy who got us actually talking again, first on our blogs, and then regarding what we were being sent. This eventually led to us talking just in general, about all sorts of things... Including what had happened between us. It was emotional, but we both came out of it feeling better about things.

That said, it took until this post before I realized she still loved me and that it was okay to love her back, the way I'd been holding in all this time. We had a heartfelt reunion, though we weren't officially dating again just yet. It still took me a while after that to fully accept everything and let down my guard again, after how much I was still hurting from last time...

But I didn't like the feeling of keeping her away. Of having a barrier between us. I desperately craved that deep, personal connection of love with her again. So, I opened my heart up again. And I'm so incredibly grateful that I did.

Soon after that point, Randy showed up and all those shenanigans ensued. But they only managed to get us talking more about things and uniting against it, which actually brought us even closer together. So, I guess if one good thing's come out of that dumpster fire of stress and stupidity, it's that.

Things have been absolutely wonderful since we got back together. We both learned a lot about ourselves in our time apart, and things have been much better between us. The rocky, uncertain road from before the break had smoothed over. And we fell so much deeper in love the second time.

Add in the stress of the past several weeks, with all the Tumblr drama with these blogs and the hiatus and everything (which I'm not getting into because you can see all that for yourself by looking through our blogs), and you're caught up to the present day. Life is still very stressful for us both, but a lot less so than when we first got together. We understand ourselves and each other so much better, which helps us make less mistakes and treat each other more tenderly and personally in the ways that we need most.

As for the future, immediately after finishing school, I plan to find work and save up to visit her in Canada sometime in the summer. After that is a little hazy at the moment, but we'll figure out our lives and put together a plan to find stable jobs and create a good life for ourselves up there.

And that's it, that's our story. From when we met all the way to the present day. You said beginning to end, but I'm afraid there is no end to our love. The story's still being written. Our lives are still being lived. I hope to be able to add to this years into the future, when we're living together and when we start our own family. But it might still take a while to reach that point.

[payblogs]

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[sseulforgii]

Virtual Valentine

Non-idol!Kim Minjeong x Reader

It was just a random discord server, some virtual hangout that you accidentally stumbled upon. Being overwhelmed by the real world, you dipped into the shallows of this hyperspace. Unwittingly wading in too deep for your liking when you met her.

cw: angst

a/n: not proofread; purely word vomit; inspired by Jeremy Zucker's Internet Crush

Your life is uneventful. You sighed for the umpteenth time as you lounge upside down on your sofa, just scrolling through your twitter feed. You came across a retweet from one of your gamer moots about a discord server for the gaming community. Bored out of your mind, you decided to join.

Your life has taken a bit of a turn. You sighed for the umpteenth time as you lost again to your new friend teaching you how to play valorant. Minjeong teases you relentlessly during her stream and you grumble saying it’s no fair ‘cause she’s had years of practice playing the game. Taking pity on you, she proposes you play another game that you’ve played before. Feeling yourself smile, albeit losing, you decided to give in and tell her about your game.

Your life is quite colorful now. You sighed for the umpteenth time as you find yourself smiling as you wait for Minjeong to go online. She’s probably still sleeping since it’s still the middle of the night where she is and it’s already near noon where you are. But you were both up really late, well late for her but early in the morning for you – who are we kidding? You didn’t sleep a wink just to talk to her! And you find yourself enjoying learning new things about her. Heart pounding at the realization, you decided to look for anything to distract you from thoughts of her.

Your life has never been filled with laughter like this. You sighed for the umpteenth time, dreamily, as Minjeong talks to your so passionately about what she’s studying. You’re both nerds like that. Endless stream of discussion about her dreams and thoughts and aspirations. You caught yourself smiling as you type out a reply to her witty remarks. Wanting to know more about her, you decided to do your best to keep her talking.

Your life is now incomplete without her. You sighed for the umpteenth time feeling butterflies erupt in your stomach. You’ve never even seen each other and yet you are drawn to her charms, her wits, her colorful personality. Things are more comfortable between the two of you now and what started as a light banter now has a bit of a flirty undertone. Cheeks heating up at her retorts, you decided to try subtly flirting back.

Your life has taken its turn for the worse. You sighed for the umpteenth time as you re-read your conversation with a smile. Minjeong just fell asleep, and you are basking in the afterglow of your recent conversations. You can feel your cheeks heat up again as you smile at the thought of your flirtatious exchange. But as easily as your giddiness came, it quickly changed into a frown. You had the sudden realization that everything was just friendly banter, that the possibility of her feeling the same way for you is embarrassingly close to zero, that she may just see you as her unnie. With a heavy heart, you decided to stomp over your feelings before it gets worse.

Your life is now empty. You sighed for the umpteenth time while rubbing your eyes. You did this to yourself. You were in too over your head and forgot that the reason you went into that discord server in the first place was because you were bored and might be able to find friends. Catching feelings never even crossed your mind, but there Minjeong was. Her easy-going and charming persona is enough to draw people in. She made so many friends here, you being one of them. Or at least used to be. But because you’re a coward, the first thing that crossed your mind was to run away. So with a shaky breath, you decided to click the “delete account” button on discord. Never even said goodbye. You blinked away your tears and swallowed the lump in your throat as you think to yourself, “she’ll never notice you left anyway.”

[veren-cos]

Bachelors (Sdv) x gn!Anorexic Reader

Tw for anorexia, mentions of purging, poor self image, and weight loss. If you struggle with an eating disorder please reach out for help. Things will be okay, and you can get through it.

Another note, this fic (even tho almost all of mine are) is gender neutral. There is this stereotype that only girls can have eating disorders, but this is not true. Anyone can get an eating disorder and everyone deserves comfort.

This is proofread / sensitivity read (Is that the word?)and requested by @vvnbxz (tysm!!!)

Sam

• If you told Sam you had anorexia he wouldn't know what the hell to do.

• Honestly if you opened up to him about anything to do with mental health he wouldn't know what to do.

• And it isn't that he doesn't try, it's just that he doesn't know. (He is just a clueless guy and that's okay/hj)

• But yeah, when you tell him he is just so worried. He noticed as a general statement you didn't eat a lot, but he thought you just had a low appetite.

• So he never thought too much of it, unless it was the days you didn't eat anything.

• On one of those days, he finally asked about it. When you told him you had anorexia, he just looked. So sad.

• "Babe I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't notice. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. But I will be now. What do you need?"

• If you need comfort, he is there the whole time. Whispering sweet nothings into your ear. "You are beautiful babe. How on earth did ever land someone like you?" (He is still a skater boy haha)

• If you need structure and legitimate help, he will be asking and researching. He asks Harvey how to help someone with Anorexia, and Google became his best friend. Though Google was a tad unreliable, you appreciated the effort.

• Overall, he just wants to be there for you, and will do his damned best to make sure you feel better.

Sebastian

• This is going to sound off topic but it's relevant I promise!!

• Sebastian is online a lot, okay? He almost definitely uses discord. At one point he was in a mental health server because he was really struggling and was just trying to find resources to help himself right?

• Well there was a channel in there about eating disorders, and while he didn't personally have one, he kinda just lurked in the server and read about everything.

• So Sebastian has a really large amount of knowledge in almost any mental health topic! And knows where to look for more info, and has heard personal storied. (Yay context is over with now onto the actual thing-)

• When you tell Sebastian you have anorexia, he is probably the calmest put of all of the Bachelors.

• He saw the signs, but recognized that it was still your business, and you were not in a desperate situation where he would have to step in. So he waited for you to tell him, while keeping an eye to make sure things didn't get any worse.

• Back to when you tell him though, he holds your hand and just pulls you into a hug. He offers to make food more often so you don't have to think about it.

• He tries to make sure it's lighter stuff, and doesn't overwhelm you with anything.

• He watches out for signs of it getting worse, and checks in with you often about how you are doing, and if there is anything more he can do to help.

• He understands that anorexia affects your entire life, but he knows that it is your life. He respects your boundaries, basically. He wants you to he in full control of your recovery, with him just helping you along the way.

• He encourages you to go to therapy. He sets you up with an tele-health therapist, and he gives you a bunch of online resources for when he isn't around.

• Overall, Sebastian is really sweet about it, and just tries to be helpful.

Alex

• He would unknowingly make things worse at first.

• When you get together for sure, but especially when you move in together. He definitely counts calories to make sure he is getting enough for whatever sport thing he is doing, and when he tried to encourage you to join it brings back some old habits.

• After a month or so of living together, Alex notices you've been loosing way too much weight. So he asks about it.

• He thought you were doing an extremely unhealthy diet, so when he did ask you about it he was not expecting this to be a long time issue.

• When you tell him that you have anorexia, he immediately apologizes for asking bluntly.

• "No, no. Alex it's fine. I should have told you."

• He takes a pause because he knows he has to be careful now. "..why didn't you?" It was so quiet.

• "I just couldn't Alex!" That came out louder than you meant it.

• "You are so perfect and really damn.. I dont even know you just.. I'm jealous of you. You have everything under control all the time. And I see how much effort you put into keeping it up that I didn't feel like I could stand next to you! I feel gross, food makes me feel gross. And I didn't want to burden you with this. Nothing in my life is going right right now. And this is the one thing I can make go right. But apparently I can't because I'm screwing this up too!"

• You pulled your hands to your face and broke down sobbing.

• Alex pulled you onto a hug. "Shhh, shhh" he strokes your hair. "Your going to be okay? I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I was making you feel like that."

• You shot up. "No don't apologize! You aren't doing anything wrong, I'm the one who needs to get things together!"

• "But I should have been more considerate! I should have seen!"

• Both of you took a second to calm down.

• After a moment, Alex spoke again, "what can I do to help you?"

• And you didn't know. You didn't know anything.

• "Alex I don't know. I didn't even think this was going to come back again I don't even know how I dealt with it the first time."

• He let out a breath. "Okay. I'm not changing what I'm doing, because I know that will just make you feel guilty. But I won't talk about it okay? I'll move the scale outside somewhere else. And I'm going to check in with you every once in a while. Okay?"

• You nodded.

• "I don't know what I can do to help, but I will not be giving you more to overtime about. You are perfect just the way you are. You don't need to change, your body is perfect. Okay?"

• You nodded again. This time it was you pulling him into a hug.

• "Okay. Okay yeah we can do this. Thank you." The last words came so softly that you just hoped Alex heard.

• "Of course, anything for you."

Harvey

• Harvey had seen the signs well before you confirmed his suspicions.

• He noticed you leaving very shortly after dinner dates, how you avoided mirrors when getting ready.

• He had known you for a long time now and he could see that you had lost weight, and not at a normal rate.

• After you moved in together, things became blaringly obvious.

• One morning he woke up to the sound of you throwing up.

• That's when everything became real.

• He walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "My love? Can I come in?"

• "NO!" You coughed, "no, no I'm fine it's okay."

• "Dear we have to talk about this."

• "No we don't, I'm fine. I just wasn't feeling good."

• You went back and forth on this for a while, but eventually he just came in.

• "My love, we just moved in together. I am very serious about this relationship. This means we have to tell each other when things aren't okay. Okay?"

• You thought for a moment. "Harvey, you're a doctor. You are just going to go on a medical spiel if I talk to you. I already know what's wrong. I'm handling it."

• He sighed, "I don't mean to be blunt, but clearly you aren't. All you have is protein shakes in your fridge, you can't live off of those. And I'm assuming you do this every morning? You can't be drinking those and then throwing them up. It defeats the purpose of drinking in the first place."

• "But I have to! I have to do this Harvey. This is the one thing in my life I have control over I have to do this."

• "No, you don't! Dear, I can help you, you just have to let me! You have full control over your life. Let me be here for you"

• You sat there. Just thinking. Harvey had no idea how what he said would land. Would you get upset? Would you lash out? Cry?

• "Okay." You whispered

• He stared at you.

• "I said okay!" You were nearly shouting. "Help me! I know this isn't okay but I need help!"

• Oh thank yoba you listened. "Thank you. Now, please just listen to me. Please." He waited for a nod of recognition before continuing,

• "I'm making all the food from here on out. And I dont care what you say because you are not burdening anyone. You aren't going to look at any labels, I'll scratch them out if you need me too.

• "I'll make a meal chart for each week, and you don't have to eat all of it, but you need to eat something. Eating something is better than nothing, I don't care what it is."

• This was already making you nervous. It was all too much, but if nothing else you had to try for him.

• "Okay.. okay. Okay yeah... thank you."

• He gave you a big hug.

• "I'm here for you with this. You don't have to do this alone."

Shane

• Shane is not perfect by any means, we all know this.

• But one thing I will stand on is that, if y'all are dating, he will stand with you through any mental health crisis no problems.

• He probably wouldn't notice much of the mental signs, but would notice you loosing weight.

• He tried to ask you about it a few times, but you always brushed it off.

• He let it be until you literally fainted from lack of food intake.

• He rushed you to Harvey's and honestly just hoped you would finally open up to him about what was going on.

• Harvey had already known you had an eating disorder because it was in your file, so when you woke up, he strongly encouraged you to talk to Shane about it.

• Shane was chill enough to at least wait until you had gotten home to talk about it.

• ...

• "So what the hell was that?" He asked.

• "Shane, I'm sorr-"

• "No, don't be sorry that's not what I'm asking for. I'm asking what that was." He stared you down.

• "Shane.." You sighed. You had meant to tell him but everything you tried, something got in the way.

• "Shane, I have anorexia. I'm not going to make it into a big thing. I mean, I guess I already did because I literally fainted. But I want you to know that I am working on it."

• "And you didn't tell me, because.? Babe, we all have our issues we are going through. I want to be there for you but I can't be if you don't tell me."

• "It was hard, That's why. I know you don't care, but I care so much as to what others think of me. About what I think of me. I dont like the way I feel. The way I look. I just always compare myself to others and I don't like it. I'm not asking for help and I certainly don't want it but I think I might need it at this point."

• He sighed, and had both of you sit down. "Okay.. okay, thank you for telling me. Now that the hard part is over, here is the harder part. We are getting you into therapy. It might be uncomfortable. But it will help. I know it helps me. And I know I can't do anything personally, but talk to me if anything is going on. I'm here to listen, okay?"

• He doesn't tend to be one for random physicaly affection, but he pulls you into a tight hug.

• He really meant every word, so from then on you became more dependent on him like he was on you.

Elliott

• Elliott. Oh Elliott.

• He knew something was up right when you started going out.

• You never ate much, never drank much. It looked like you felt food and taking care of yourself was a burden.

• So once you got married and moved in together, he knew he had to confront you about it.

• "My love?" He knocked on the door to your room. You were in your pajamas getting ready for bed.

• "Yes?" You smiled softly at him.

• "We need to talk." Your face dropped. Elliott tended to have a way with words but he became far less eloquent under stress. "Not in a we need to talk, my dear. Apologies." He cleared his throat,

• "I've noticed your. Ehm. Unusual? Eating habits?" And your face dropped more.

• "Oh Ellio-"

• "Hold on." He reached for your hand, cupping it between his. "I'm not upset with you. There is no reason to be. But I think I know what is going on, and I just want you to know. I am here for you. Alright, love? You can talk to me, and I can help. Food can become a stressor for the best of us. So you don't have to talk to me now, but just know I'm here for when you need."

• You met his hands with the one left on the bed. "I'm not sure if what your thinking is entirely accurate? But I suppose I should clarify." You took a deep breath, "I have anorexia. I've been managing it, at least what I thought was, pretty well. I didn't think you would notice, but I guess it was something I should tell you. I just.. I just didn't have control over much in my life when I worked for Joja. So food was a thing I could control! I thought it helped. But it didn't."

• You continued, "When I moved here, things genuinely became better! I have full control over my life. How I run the farm. My time, my pace. But I became so dependent on my food patterns for regulation that it was just a habbit I couldn't give up. So now here we are!" You let out a dry laugh.

• Elliott wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, despite his general dramatics.

• He knew that it was hard for you, but from what you said, you were working so hard on your own to help yourself.

• He reassured you that he would be there if you needed it, and tried to make sure you were eating a good amount of food everyday. But life continued on as normal for you two, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

An* so this was a deep one, I personally do not have anorexia but a lot of this still resonated with me for other reasons. Please reach out to either a doctor, family member, or friend if you think you have an eating disorder. They are serious business.

Also. I tried to make it accurate to anorexia but my knowledge isn't all encompassing, so it might have slipped into general eating disorder territory. So if it doesn't line up perfectly, I'm sorry about that- I also tried to not make it stereotypical but there may be a varying amount of success with that. Please lmk!!

Less serious an* I really wrote so much for Harvey I was not expecting to be able to write this much- Harvey's might as well have been it's own little fic from how long it was.

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