#but the moment i’m alone?
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i was not made for work from home bc i did NOTHING all day i literally just sat here and now it’s 2am and i’m doing my work that due tomorrow at 3 i love adhd i do NOT stay on task if someone isn’t near me
#when people are around i’m like “okay we actually have to look like we’re working so let’s work”#but the moment i’m alone?#i go thrift shopping#i call my grandmother#i take long walks#i cook#i learn how to crochet#i watch frances ha for the 12millionth time#i stand in front of the mirror and sing all the parts of les mis#i play pretend#at least i know im interesting#but alas#i need this job#elle talks
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yeah so this was insane
#i feel like too many people reduce this interaction to jason being like ‘lol same’#but idk :/#this chapter is from jason’s pov#and leading up to it he’s like ‘people keep walking on eggshells around me bc of the the michael varus stab wound’#and he hates it so when he goes on deck to help out with the storm#everyone’s like wtf except for percy#and jason states how much he appreciated percy not treating him like a sick kid#and i feel like it’s echoed in this sentiment where jason could say so many things like#‘you should never feel that way’ ‘im here if you need anything’#but he doesn’t make percy feel alone in his desire to just…. end it all#which ik for some people that doesn’t work but you’re not a character in hoo and percy is dealing with so much guilt#and he can’t tell annabeth bc she’s a main aspect of that guilt#and he doesn’t wanna guilt her more and he feels ashamed and when he describes this he feels weird for feeling it#so having jason this tough guy be like ‘yo i understand it bc i felt the same way#that’s gotta mean a lot to percy#also insane how jason who also struggles to display vulnerability#allows it in one of few times in this moment just so percy this guy he’s supposed to be jealous about#feels comforted and not alone in his guilt and shame#and also it’s just insane how jason’s wanting to kay em ess does not get talked about AT ALL#and just seeing his mom and the pressure of new rome getting to him#like this scene is insane and i’ll never shut up about it#also ignore me i’m just finishing my reread of hoo that took all summer#jason grace#percy jackson#pjo#ashla.txt
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They got me gal. They got me again.
#back when season 1 came out I couldn’t draw men let alone older ones but now I have just enough range for these idiots#I’m rewatching s1 at the moment and there’s a hyper fixation afoot I fear#prepare to be sick of me#anyway#good omens#aziraphale#crowley#ineffible husbands#art#artwork#my art#fanart#digital art#drawing#aziracrow
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I hate to be that one person who’s like when ur so busy ur not consumed by other people or being in a relationship blah blah blah …. But truly when u have ur hands full you could fucking care less and it’s so liberating
#Like the moment you get busy the desperation to be seen by other ppl#Both platonically and romantically#Goes away so fast#I’m very dangerous when I’m in these moods bc it’s easy to push good ppl away when you’re too#Focused on yourself#But also I like not being that anxious about anyone#Like it’s not that deep#It’s its own kind of nice even though ik it’s such a slippery slope#Also the obsession to be in a relationship or the being scared of being alone goes away so fast#It truly sucks that the “have hobbies/goals” advice works so well but it DOES#Not that I’m advocating for anyone to be a hermit like ofc human connection still matters#The desperation is just not there so it’s much less high stakes if it’s not in ur life rn#Like how can you be wasting time if ur getting to know urself better
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[ cw: referenced mind control / parasites / intrusive thoughts (only in the tags) / ]
(This is just a fun “what if” so bear with me-) I know we make mention of the potential for Krang remnants to be stuck with Raph and/or Donnie, but Mikey and Leo also had a moment with the other two where a type of Krang goop was crawling beneath their skin (this being immediately after Raph broke free.)
So I raise you the potential for all four of them to have a bit of that Krang parasite on them…and for that to have unforeseen consequences.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#yeah I remember that moment where the boys were all confined after Raph broke free and I’m shocked it doesn’t get brought up more tbh#maybe I’m remembering it wrong? but I swear they have Krang gunk crawling beneath their skin#it was darker Krang goo than normal so maybe that’s why it didn’t spark as much attention but hey - Krang goo is Krang goo and angst thrive#something in particular that’s been on my mind is the very very scary potential of like#okay so- you know how the Krang have a hivemind?#well…Krang One’s main sworn goal was moved from taking over the earth…to focusing on Leo alone to take his wrath#and…so…#not a fun time for anyone!#intrusive thoughts from every bro whispered by the Krang parasites in their heads#all of them - Leo included - having to refrain from wanting to harm Leo as that’s the last ‘goal�� the Krang had#mAY BE TOO DARK BUT MY MIND SAID HAHHA WHAT IF
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If Dirk were to ever go grimdark than it would force Hal into being the of voice of reason, something he rarely takes seriously.
Anyway do you guys ever think about how our generation’s formative years will always be defined by the fact that everyone is famous and no one is a hero? Or is that just me?
#homestuck#homestuck meme#dirk strider#lil hal#hal strider#autoresponder#grimdark homestuck#grimdark dirk#my Hal doodle did too well and I’m kinda pissed cause I’m STILL not proud of it so here’s an attempted redemption at drawing a strider#I’m working on more grimdark rose stuff and also multiple comics but wow is drawing hard these days#school be catching ya when you’re inspired#and inspiration leaves you the moment you’re alone
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People have been asking me how I could relate to Stolas when Blitzø is the one they are trying to make you relate to throughout the entire series.
It’s just… the need to be always perfect and fit in the image of you others painted, the uncertainty and impossibility of living of your own accord all not to let others down, not knowing if/and/when you are imposing and just questioning each of the people in your life because maybe they feel obligated to be; the incapability of understanding social clues and being always in the corners or in the shadow during parties and social events…
I just… how can you NOT relate to Stolas?!
#is it just me?!#please tell me it’s not just me!#stolas goetia#helluva boss#I was having a nice day with my friends then my friends had to momentarily leave#and told me to wait for them#so now I’m alone and I’ve been for like 10 minutes but the thoughts…#are getting a lot#also the moment I posted that my friend called me to make sure I knew they would have come back#which I know it’s something she wouldn’t have done if I can function as a normal human being#and how could she know I have no clue#but still
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After Draco lied to his family and the snatchers about Harry being Harry - The Malfoy Manor
Lucius: So it was Harry Potter we just let escape…Draco you do realise that we are going to get punished for your stupidity?
Draco: …
Lucius: Why would you lie to us if you clearly knew what Potter looked like? Don’t you want Potter dead and us being alive and back to power?
Draco: …
After Harry risked his, Ron’s and Hermione’s lives to save Draco from FiendFyre in Room of Requirements
Ron: So we almost just bloody died because you decided to save that git - Malfoy?
Hermione: Harry, seriously, what was that about?
Harry: …
Ron: I swear to Merlin if you’re going to make us save his sorry arse once again I’m going to lose it!
Harry: …
#they do be saving each other#Drarry#Draco/harry#two sides of the same coin#deathly hallows#Lucius is like I’m about to lose it#I’m going to get killed#you’re going to get killed Draco#and it’s all because you wouldn’t let Potter die#we knew you were the only human who would be able to tell Potter by any and every small detail#yet you decided to lie to us#I might as well just kms#and Draco is like ❤️ MY HARRY IS SAFE♥️#if I die I die#who cares#what is there to live for anyways#haven’t I been tortured enough#traumatised enough#and then Ron and Hermione are just SO DONE#they had to endure Harry being obsessed with Draco for 7 years straight#in 6th year they basically tuned him out whenever he spoke about Draco#and then they think oh maybe in the moment of danger when it’s between you#us and Malfoy he will obviously leave Malfoy alone and save us and himself#and Harry is like DRACO I’VE GOT YOU HOP ON HOLD TIGHT I LITERALLY CAN’T BARE TO LOSE YOU#they are the least casual thing ever
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Does anyone else think about how the Change God, when taunting Siffrin, took the form of Loop being forced to talk about the dagger? No? Just me? Okay.
#isat#in stars and time#isat loop#isat change god#isat Siffrin#isat spoilers#for me it’s the like. invasion#and how cg calls them a sponsor. what loop calls themselves when discussing roles w Siffrin#bc whether being nasty or civil with each other#there was the comfort of twohats being alone together.#the secrets you could never tell anyone else you could talk w this person#but turns out there was someone listening the whole time#who could help you but refuses because it’s entertaining#like these moments aren’t only yours now#idk. I’m not articulate thsi post was better in my head#mine
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Dean should have been the new new Bobby… I’ll kill myself
#also running at auto shop/junkyard like… the cover is already built in#but I mean he is constantly being shown taking care of kids and clicking with them even if he claims Sam is better at talking..#I think he is way too fucked up to intentionally father a child let alone find someone to want to do that with..#but I do think he would take in kids who have lost people… Hunter next gen… the boys home episode is so fucking sad..#he is The Caretaker even when he tries to avoid it… teaches..#how to drive… how to shoot.. how to play poker and win..#Garth semi retires anyway… though I love Garth…#I’m not even at the finale but getting so mad about it#I get if he didn’t make it to his 80s but at least 50s… maybe… i just want him to know his nephew even for a moment..#again… I don’t think he would father kids but I think they’d be named after Bobby and Charlie if were following Harry Potter rules…#dean winchester#supernatural
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I, for one, believe Neslin should have its moment. 😩🙌
#and by moment I don’t mean another fucking Tamlin related scandal#COME ON GUYS THAT SHIP IS FUN#Two people who probably have been wronged by the IC the most?#who just want to be left alone?#send me some more Neslin fanfics#pro tamlin#I don’t think I should put a tag for Nesta I’m not sure who would enjoy this post#my pro Tamlin people are cool#pro ship
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“i held you when you were a baby” is such a heartbreaking line because it’s such a connective and loving thing to choose to say but it’s also kind of the only thing. it’s their entire relationship to each other. he didn’t get to do anything but hold him for a couple of days. and the things that he did do like talk about him and write about him and dream about him and miss him and keep baby photos, don’t mean shit to jackson. it’s absolutely worthless to this scared teenager who has lost everyone. it’s absolutely worthless to this kid who grew up being tortured like a lab rat and who is in so much pain all the time. but mulder held him when he was born and that means something to mulder. it’s his memory. he delivers that line so softly like it’s almost hopeful, but there’s so much sadness in it.
#i think it matters a lot that even though jackson’s birth parents are really weird and weepy you can’t miss that they really love him#there are so many moments in these super quick interactions or even when he’s hiding and just observing them that it’s crystal clear#they love him#they love each other#it means something to be a scared alone kid and see that. and you can notice it in his reactions#things like leaving clues for them so they’d know he was alive#can’t get up and wash my hair i’m too sad over fox mulder thx for understanding
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I was rewatching mouthwashing, and I ended up thinking of the different reactions that Curly and Jimmy had in doing their tasks. How during the scene of Anya evaluating Jimmy and showing dread towards the idea of doing his evaluation, Curly was the one that offered to take it off her hands. He had no issue with adding more to his plate, because he knew - or well, thought, he knew that Jimmy wasn't going to "bullshit" with him since he's known him for a long time. When Anya hands Curly a note from Swansea, Curly goes to check out what the issue is and he takes care of it without a complaint, the only "complaint" he has is how this incident could have damaged the pods. Which is reasonable, those pods are their only way to be saved if anything tragic happens on the ship. However, in comparison to Jimmy being asked to do things, he's passive-aggressive about it. When Anya asks Jimmy if he could help her out with Curly's painkillers, he tells her that people should be worth their titles, specifically using her title as a nurse when she asked him for help and then when she says forget it, since he made her feel insecure, he still goes "Oh no, I'LL take care of it" as if he was doing a chore, a favor for her. Then, there's that part where he blows up at her for things that she didn't even ask him to do - more so the others asked him about it, like the code scanner, him deciding he needed to find the axe for the foam, and then, there's the medicine part (which when she does ask, and she reconsiders - going to do it herself, he takes that away from her). Jimmy complains about the tasks he has to do and he treats it like a big issue, a "woes me" that he has to do this and that - wanting the praise of the capital without actually doing any work. While Curly doesn't complain about it, in fact, he even mentions that he's aware of how well he is doing at his job as a Captain during that cockpit scene with him and Jimmy. If Jimmy only had to do a small amount of tasks to get irritated and annoyed at being captain, while Curly didn't which I feel like encapsulates their personalities. Curly understands what he's doing is a job, it's a responsibility, why would he complain at any point for doing what he's suppose too? Why would he be upset at people asking him to do tasks? While Jimmy on the other hand, isn't used to it at all and it's different to what he's had before and he's realizing that he doesn't actually like doing the work he has too. I just wanted to ramble about it even if it seemed kind of obvious xd
It’s obvious but it is a thing people miss or understate when trying to find parallels in Curly’s and Jimmy’s relationship/personalities.
Like the way people portray it as neither taking responsibility when it is almost split down the middle of Curly taking responsibilities and faults that shouldn’t be his and making himself unequipped to handle the ones that are while Jimmy refuses to handle the responsibilities he has because he wasn’t expecting the work that comes with them.
Not a lot to say but people forget that another thing the game comments on is prioritization of issues and responsibilities and how the guys fail at it in one way or another in the situation.
#this talk of responsibility is more so about me be very annoyed with people acting like Swansea was the most responsible man on that ship#when he immediately takes a break after his intern in stuck in the foam starts drinking the moment he find out the mouthwash is alcoholic#doesn’t tell anyone about the cryopod or explain himself and did nothing about Jimmy either until it was too late#like I’m sorry but he is also the last guy I’d like to hear about responsibility from cause he did just as bad as Curly post crash like he#wasn’t even nice to Anya outside the one conversation we see he was actually just as rude to her as he was Daisuke when they cracked open#the crates and dismissive before hand like I’m getting more mad at the glorification of one guy vs the woman whose doing the most 4 herself#like I get his speech and the recognition of his faults but he still had them and they still were his downfall in the end and part of the#reason Daisuke listened to Jimmy and it’s not his fault that happened but it’s the same way it’s not Curly’s fault Jimmy is like that#but I digress cause people don’t exactly like when we actually discuss the responsibilities the crew mates should’ve and shouldn’t have had#or what they actually did to help cause idk Anya likely would not feel supported by any of them after the fact if they survived like girl#only ever got attention for her problems when they were literally at the worst that’s not helping or taking responsibility like she had to#kill herself to feel some sort of relief also the irony about Curly’s concern about killing herself only#for it to get to the point she actually did because there was no safety for her they all failed her#Swansea would’ve just told her to tell the captain and he’d watch Jimmy and ultimately it would play out the same cause he’s tries to not#get to involved cause he’s old and been through enough already and she’d feel just as unheard like he was closer to Daisuke#and not once after the crash did he really try to steer him away from liking Jimmy which again he points out himself#like I love Swansea and Daisuke but they were just as complacent in Anya’s suffering and Jimmy’s behavior even if they knew less that should#not make them more viable options or it more excusable like crazy conclusions to comes to ig on my part but yall hate#the idea that maybe a major point is that Anya was alone as a woman and overlooked#mouthwashing#ask#mouthwashing game#anon#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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odds n’ ends
#it’s like.. the b-sides that didn’t fit with anything else and aren’t strong enough alone to warrant me wasting space on anyone else’s dash#these were taken between Sep 23’ and Feb 24’; they’re not sorted chronologically#they’re sorted by temperature. sorta#I can start putting more time into art again soon - easing into it bc I’ve not adjusted to the changes yet#now that the move is over and I don’t have the shitty helljob that had me doing 70 hrs p/week. I made a bank in OT hours tho.#which is good! bc my job fell through on this end and I’m now trying to find new work so I don’t die :)#so my heftier-than-usual savings are keeping me afloat for the moment#ah well! cest la vie; and I’ll be okay!#my art#aesthetic#art#artwork#webcore#internetcore#abstract#artists on tumblr#photography#flash photography#weirdcore#nature photography#mountains
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[ cw: violence mention / death mention / ]
Will never stop thinking about how Leo, all alone in an endless void and being beaten again and again and again by the only other living thing around, still finds comfort in that space. The situation he was in was completely hopeless, and in any other circumstances he would not have escaped, at least not fast enough to save him from permanent (or even fatal) damage, be it physical or mental.
And yet, despite the bleakness of his situation, despite the agony and helplessness, all he needs is one glance at a crumbled photograph, one glance to remember his family, and that’s enough of a reason for him to smile.
Maybe that’s why his powers center around manipulating space - because no matter how much space is between them, no matter how dire his own situation may be, just the thought of his family, alive and okay, is enough to give Leo hope.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#the prison dimension is horrifying on its own#add in a monstrous being that towers over you and has vowed to ensure your suffering?#god I can’t imagine how scary that is#Mikey opening the portal was a miracle because if he hadn’t managed it there#it’s really up in the air what could have become of Leo#personally I subscribe by the theory that you straight up can’t die in the prison dimension#so it’s a prison in all ways#but the thought of a Leo who manages anyway who adapts and continues to have hope despite it all…#Leo saying he’s nothing without his family is a double edged sword really#because the thought of his family alone is all he needs to live. to hope.#to smile#nothing without them…but they’re EVERYTHING to him#and maybe he doesn’t realize it but…the feeling is mutual#one thing too is that hope that comforts Leo so much is not just that#should he think his family needs help - that hope can turn into determination#I’m unwell about this family#actually on my point of their powers - I truly do think the abilities tie in not only to their personalities#but to their relationship to family and love in general#kinda like love languages in a way#Mikey with his chains and time abilities values being around his family the most - he wants them to experience living in the moment togethe#Donnie is someone who is 100% a gift giver to show his love - his constructs are exactly that aren’t they? gifts of his mind#Raph is someone who willingly bears the weight of the shield - he protects his family like the best big brother possible#and Leo - he goes off on his own a lot but his mind is constantly on his family anyway#like a sailor at sea no matter how far he travels the compass always point in one direction - and for him that compass points home#even if he can’t make it back - it’s still there#and that’s enough
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The moment my therapist finally, and fully understood that I’m autistic was halfway into me explaining myself experimenting on my own brain chemistry after reading a report that people with ADHD get dopamine hits from sweet things that can combat some of the ADHD bs, buying a large container of Nutella, and eating a spoonful every afternoon to see if I could overcome the executive dysfunction for several months, then going without to see if there was a difference.
#autustic#ADHD#therapy#science#lol#I literally could see the moment it happened right in his face#the thought was so clear#like ‘oh#they ARE autistic#meanwhile I’m going into how the science seems sound but my body does not need an entire container of Nutella just so my mind will work#and how much of a difference my new adhd med is making#and how many emails and phone calls I made just yesterday alone
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