#but the guilt of his death and his forgiveness (bc he also wanted to do good and leave a positive albeit invisible mark on the world)

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

It occurs to me, that if we had a bottle episode, where Lena has a concussion or near death experience, and hallucinated people from her life that represent aspects of her character, I know who would represent the (perceived) death of her optimism/ turly good intentions. And honestly, I would love to see it, and see how together they could explore that side of her post-finale and maybe find a way to revive it.

It would be Adam.

(And after she wakes up, since its post finale and post crisis, she goes to the coffee shop and bumps into the real and very alive Adam who doesn't even know who she is. And Lena is okay with that.)

[sdeprived]

The Oldest Dream & Kim Dokja's guilt.

Even if 100% kdj could've gone back with the Kimcom after their encounter with OD I highly doubt he would've been able to happily walk out of that train with them as if nothing happened. That kind of development was always impossible, bc kdj himself wouldn't DARE to imagine it after what he discovered when he met Oldest Dream.

He felt so much guilt that he couldn't and wouldn't be able to forgive himself, so that final act of heroism and salvation -stepping up as the OD and staying behind to maintain that world's existence- was also his self imposed punishment, and he needed that more than he needed his own happiness.

That's why the part of him that went back with the Kimcom was the half that didn't remember being OD. He wouldn't be able to look at his companions' faces knowing that all of the tragedies happened bc he dared to read some webnovel to escape his own.

And seeing things from his perspective, his reaction makes so much sense. Imagine you spend all of your time thinking and planning and trying to find a way out of hell for you and your dearest people just to find out you're "responsible" for their misery. That's tough. Even if nobody ever blamed him, it's like 99% impossible that he wouldn't blame himself.

It's commonly said in the fandom that kdj doesn't understand how loved he is, but I think things go a little more deep, bc kdj is no fool (at least the "rational" part of him lmao). He saw his friends sacrifice and fight for him, he heard them say and prove how much they cared for him, and he even felt guilty about how much his repeated deaths affected them, so he's very much aware of the FACT that he is loved and wanted. What I do think is that he refuses to accept all that love bc he thinks he doesn't deserve it after everything he has done.

He thinks he has to suffer and sacrifice himself eternally to atone for his original sin, and also due to his history of trauma, he has engraved in his mindset the thought that he's meant to be alone and separated from the world, that's how it's ought to be, so when the "narrative" had to form the ideal and ultimate torture scenario for him, it was exactly that.

And maybe it's up to interpretation, and this has an explanation inside the fantasy and world building (not up to that part of the Side Story but I've seen some mild spoilers). but that final part in which the Kimcom regressed together and crossed the whole 1865 worldline just for him, while he was reading almost simultaneously what was happening, that they were coming for him, to me personally felt very bittersweet, bc as much as he wanted to go back with them, he also wanted to stay firm in his decision of keeping himself away.

And that's exactly what he did. Him breaking into millions of pieces and scattering through universes to me feels like he -once again- ran away from his happiness. At least metaphorically speaking I believe it was meant to convey that in some way.

Maybe the "magical" consequence has its own explanation, but it also happened bc kdj himself wasn't able to "dream" an ending in which he didn't need to punish and isolate himself anymore.

And that's why the last attempt to bring him back was to reach all of his fragments and show them how he was seen from his companions eyes.

There are so much themes and symbols in orv that I find myself trying to interpret every single event in as much angles as possible. It is genuinely entertaining 'cause there are so many different approaches to this specific topic that could be made.

Btw this whole rant was inspired by this Twitter thread :D go give it a read if you want!

-Sleep🌵

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

some more interview 1994 movie rewatch things that made me insane:

- they live in 90s subtext land, so the narrative swapping of louis having a dead partner and child and gaining a new partner and child in lestat and claudia

- what if there is no hell, what if they don’t want us there!!!!!!

- louis’ moral quandaries next to how he reacts with revulsion when approached for help by one of lestat’s victims. he’s just kind of fucking evil the entire time (obviously) and the way his depression and moral despair leads to utter apathy and cruelty despite his constant abstract sense of guilt— which eventually also leaves him. like he does need that guilt bc otherwise there’s absolutely nothing. and the culmination of his arc is exhausting even his grief and arriving at that nothingness.

- lestat giving claudia a doll every year on her death day :C

- the scene!!!!!!! where claudia pretends to want to make amends with lestat. who is being petty and angry at her, but clearly through the lens of family, wholly unaware that claudia is completely against him now and ready to see him dead.

- that beat when he’s cruel to her, and she’s like “why do you say such things?” he’s just quiet for a moment. and tom cruise’s face really does go on a journey there! acting! and that next to the glimpse of real vulnerability when he asks her “do we forgive each other then?”

- claudia saying “one lesson you taught me, never drink from the dead.” the caged birds in the background! while lestat keeps thinking this is just an increasingly mean prank! it takes so long for him to understand what’s actually happening, even after she admits to poisoning the twins and letting him drink dead blood. him demanding to be put in his coffin because he thinks louis at least would obviously help him

- and then!!!!! the way louis just walks in on all this, completely unaware, because claudia left him out of the planning after he initially rejected her idea of a mutiny. but once he does see what she’s doing, he doesn’t care enough to prevent it. he is only really effected enough to lift caudia so that lestat’s blood doesn’t get on her skirt lmao

- “you missed him.” “he was all I knew” the way this is the OG kill your toxic fatherspouse storyline

- when lestat shows up again!! STILL speaking entirely in a familiar and familial context, and how him attacking claudia is the only thing that rouses louis enough to actually hurt him. also just love the way this story uses a good cleansing fire to signify an upending of a stage of louis’ life

- the way that, reflected in louis’ anguished apathy, the other characters all see whatever they want to see. basically whatever would fill the void in their own empty lives.

- that scene where even claudia and madeleine’s ashes crumble into nothing

- lestat showing up yet again, entirely decrepit. that scene carries so much weight. the way he is still talking about claudia, still thinking about bygones and louis just says “that’s all past.” louis so unfeeling and having withdrawn fully into himself that he can afford to be indulgently amused by lestat’s fears, how he cringes at electric light. how he walks away completely uncaring. he’s just literally beyond everything and anything

[whoblewboobear]

I wonder if Porter views killing Jace differently bc he resurrected him. On the bad days, Jace can’t help reminding Porter that him killing him and taking away his agency for a year was fucked up and it’s something he can’t just /get over/ meanwhile when Porter is in just as bad a mood he throws back that he always intended to bring him back and that Jace is exaggerating.

It’s always the topic that sets them off the most and ends in a screaming match or a full on brawl. Jace never throws spells at Porter that will outright kill him, but he does aim to hurt Porter. And Porter lets him, but he tries to restrain Jace to get him to stop. Either it ends in Porter being downed and Jace leaving for a few days or Porter getting Jace to stop and holding him while he cries.

It’s hard in first few months and honestly the year or two after they’ve both been resurrected and reunited. It’s so goddamn hard but they keep coming back to each other. Eventually it gets drilled into Porter’s head that he murdered Jace and regardless of what came after, Jace still carries the weight of that betrayal and that death. He apologizes and knows it’ll never be enough. Jace forgives him and when the bad days roll around again, they talk it through. They talk and feel whatever emotions come up and they stop letting it come to blows or end in screaming matches.

Jace has fought and kicked and screamed enough, he found his own anger and reclaimed his own rage. He’s just wants to be better. He wants to love Porter without flinching when he pulls out his war hammer.

Porter starts keeping it in the shed, switches to a different weapon for entirely. He doesn’t like seeing Jace scared when he wields his favorite weapon, he’s willing to give it up for Jace’s comfort.

Jace appreciates it, he tells Porter so. He makes sure to tell Porter that he’s glad he’s trying, he doesn’t have to, but he knows the guilt eats his love alive these days. It’s a testament to how far they’ve come, how far Porter has come from telling him his death wasn’t a big deal. Porter also wastes no time to tell Jace how happy he is he’s alive. He likes to document their time together through pictures and videos even if they’re always blurry and so poorly taken. It’s something.

Their home is teeming with pictures now on every walls and every surface. On bigger occasions, Jace makes sure to set up the camera so the shots will come out nice for holiday cards. He stars scrapbooking them as well in secret. When he gifts it to Porter for their five year anniversary, Porter cries. Wrapping Jace up in his arms, absolutely wailing about how much he means to him.

There are still bad days, but they’re few and far between. Outshone by the good, the calm, the blissful. They exist, and sometimes they still do talk about it, trauma comes in waves for Jace. After 10 years they only lap at his feet instead of cresting high above his head like they used to.

Porter sits quietly with his thoughts on the porch of their new home while Jace and their little girl do arts and crafts at the kitchen table. He writes letters to his old self that one day he’ll be kinder, softer, more understanding. Patient. He will get there in time. And Jace will be by his side and one day he’ll feel gratitude instead of immense guilt. He won’t look at Jace and want him to kill him too. An eye for an eye.

They’re dads now, well past the days of hurting each other as a form of therapy. It never worked anyway. Love worked. Talking worked. Waking up every day and choosing each other worked.

There isn’t a day where he doesn’t wake up and choose the life they’ve made together. By the time they’ve adopted their son, it’s been another five years. 15 since they convened in the Aguefort cafeteria. Since they were young and dumb and didn’t know what they were getting into with each other. That years down the line, they’d still be a duo.

Showing up to dance recitals and little league games, going to PTA meetings. A united front, always a duo. Partners in crime, parents, life partners, and lovers. Choosing each other.

[seraphtrevs]

I'm going to go roll the rock away from Nacho's tomb in a minute to see if he's better yet, but before I do, I feel like talking about why we got Nacho Christ in the first place.

Both BrBa and BCS are heavily thematic. They have a point beyond things just happening. BrBa is about toxic masculinity and its life-destroying effects. Walt insists over and over that he turned to crime for the sake of his family, but in the final episode, he confesses to Skyler that he did it for himself. He “protected” and “provided” for his family not for their sake, but in order to feel powerful. That quest for power destroys Walt, his family, Jesse, and a shit-ton of other people, from the addicts he supplied with dangerous drugs to the people he killed (both on purpose and by accident).  Toxic masculinity, says Vince Gilligan, is bad.

So what is BCS trying to say? I don’t think the premise is as explicit as BrBa, partly because I’m pretty sure they didn’t start the series with this intention. But as they found their identity, it slowly started to take shape. BCS is about the folly of vengeance.

BCS 6x09 is in many ways the real finale of BCS—the end of Jimmy’s pre-Saul life. And just like BrBa made its premise explicit in its finale, BCS has the characters reference its theme directly, too. When Mike promises Manuel justice for Nacho, Manuel looks at him in disgust and tells him, “What you talk about is not justice. What you talk of is revenge.” The next scene finds Gus trying to make a human connection before realizing that his quest for revenge endangers anyone close to him, and he will lose them just like he lost Max. His life will always be empty of love and companionship. And Jimmy and Kim have lost each other, their lives and marriage torn apart, all because they wanted to get back at Howard. Revenge, says Peter Gould, is bad.

(courtesy cut for the tl;dr)

There were a lot of things that sent Jimmy down the slippery slope into becoming Saul, but two acts in particular turbo-charged his downfall. Even after Jimmy defeats Chuck’s attempt to kick him out of the law, he’s still angry. Humiliating Chuck at the hearing was a means to an end, but manipulating the insurance agent to hike HHM’s rates was pure vengeance, done solely to hurt Chuck. That action indirectly leads not only to Chuck’s suicide, but also to their final conversation when Chuck advises him to let go of his guilt and accept that he’s a bad person deep down inside and will never be anything else.

Jimmy’s big second act of vengeance is against Howard, which ends with him losing the love of his life. And once Kim leaves, Jimmy embraces the worst parts of himself, which leads to him enabling Walt’s reign of terror. Revenge has poisoned his life.

Mike’s story also illustrates the anti-vengeance theme. Before the show even begins, Mike had taken his revenge by murdering his sons’ killers. It made him feel better temporarily, but ultimately it did not give him peace. Instead, he chases more vengeance, against Hector this time, which ultimately leads to his downfall.

Even Chuck’s story ties in with revenge. Chuck wanted to punish Jimmy—for stealing from their parents, but also for being more loved than him (in his warped perception). This obsession with taking down Jimmy leads to his disgrace and death.

So what does this have to do with Nacho Christ? A lot, because Christ symbolism is often used around themes of forgiveness—the opposite of revenge. But BCS has a more nuanced point of view than turn the other cheek. BCS’s Christ figure dies cursing the people who wronged him. Clearly the point isn’t that Nacho should have forgiven Gus, or Gus should have forgiven Hector, or Mike should have forgiven his son’s murderers.

Instead, BCS says the alternative to revenge is to forgive yourself. But forgiving yourself is not an easy action, because to truly be at peace, you have to make amends where you can. Nacho’s crimes put his father’s life in danger. He made amends by sacrificing his life to save his father. Jimmy makes amends by publicly admitting to his lies and telling the truth at last, which leads to the loss of his freedom.

An important point is that neither Jimmy nor Nacho made their sacrifices just to punish themselves. Self-punishment does not lead to forgiveness, although the price of truly being able to forgive yourself is sometimes steep.

Nacho was backed into a corner. He could have instead gone down the path of revenge by letting Gus kill his dad and then swearing vengeance on Gus. But that would have been pointless and not given him any relief from his guilt. Instead, he chose to sacrifice his life in order to get his dad out of the danger his action put him in. Nacho’s death wasn’t a punishment—it was just the natural outcome of the action he had to take to make amends.

Likewise, Jimmy going to prison wasn’t the point. In order to be an honest person, Jimmy had to start telling the truth, not just to himself but to the rest of the world. A consequence of telling that truth was prison time.

The show goes out of its way to demonstrate that point with Kim’s story. Her Floridian exile is a punishment she concocted for herself, thinking that suffering would make her feel less guilty. But it doesn’t. Inflicting pain on herself does nothing to make up for what she did to Howard.

In order to forgive herself, Kim must make amends. What does finally help is confessing to Cheryl in order to help restore Howard’s reputation. The consequence of her confession is that she’s put herself in legal jeopardy, but that isn’t the point. The point is she's doing what she can to make up for her actions, which allows her space to forgive herself.

At the same time, self-forgiveness doesn’t always involve a high cost. Mike’s path to self-forgiveness was to be a supportive presence in Kaylee and Stacey's lives—to take on the role Matty would have played if he had lived. He didn't need to buy them a house with dirty money. He just needed to be there. But ultimately, facing his demons and taking on the hard work of processing his grief was too painful for Mike. Instead, he took refuge in revenge and became even more lost.

So that's why we needed Nacho Christ. He is the negation of the cycle of vengeance.

[promptthebear]

I'm really sorry to hear about your mum, and your headcold! I hope you start feeling better soon, drink lots of tea! Would it be possible if I could please make a request for #25 “I can’t smile at you, I’m mad.” with Tryion? (also sorry I dont have emojis to send the bunny haha)

Thank you sweet anon! I mentioned a little about this in another post, but we ended up being able to do "Easter" dinner at the end of April so that was nice! I'm starting to get sick again though, so I will take your advice and have lots and lots of tea!

Easter Askbox Event- Tyrion x Reader

CW- Swearing, bc it's Tyrion. F!Reader, Reader is also implied to be a former Bolton or related to them. 2nd person, so reader is referred to as "you". Reader has long hair, but hair colour, eye colour, skin colour and body type are not mentioned.

The song Tyrion sings is this one, it's another old folk song from my choir days even though this is a more modern cover. Enjoy!

Tyrion was in deep shit, and he knew it.

He hadn’t meant to miss dinner again. He’d had every intention of leaving the hand’s office at a reasonable hour, but as always one thing lead to another and suddenly he was sitting in a dark office with the moon peeping through his window and his candles burnt down to stubs.

It wasn’t his fault that Joffery ruled the kingdom with all the skill and tact of a blind, inbred pig that had fallen into a barrel of ale. It also wasn’t his fault that the Small Council expected him to pull miracles out of his shapely arse on a daily basis, but he also knew that after dining alone for what was to be the fifteenth night in a row, you weren’t going to be in a forgiving mood.

When he arrived at your shared chambers,the only thing that greeted Tyrion was a cold fireplace and an eerie, oppressive silence. The dining table had long since been cleared, without even a plate of cold meats or bread waiting for him. He knew this meant you were mere moments away from giving into your Bolton roots and flaying off every bit of his sorry hide to make yourself a dwarven hearth rug.

With all the enthusiasm of a man going to the gallows, Tyrion approached the door to your bedroom. It was shut fast, the carved lions seeming to judge him from their wooden faces. As much as he wanted to turn tail and make for the farthest inn at the edge of the city, he knew prolonging things would only make matters worse. Taking a deep breath, Tyrion gently knocked on the door and prayed to whatever gods were listening that you’d at least make his demise a quick one.

When no answer came, he knocked again, a little louder this time. He knew you were there, and that you were listening. He could see a shadow cutting through the candlelight that shone out from beneath the door.

“Darling?”

Again, he was met with a bitter silence. Somehow, that stung worse than a biting word or scolding ever could. With a sigh, Tyrion reached for the door handle and was surprised to find it stayed stiff in his grasp. Not only were you refusing to speak to him, you’d locked him out.

“Dearest? Please, open the door. I know I’m horribly late, but how am I meant to make it up to you if you’re hiding from me?”

You didn’t want Tyrion to make it up to you. In fact, the only thing you seemed to want was for Tyrion to starve to death in front of this bastard door, as a reminder to your next idiot husband about what would happen if he crossed you.

All too quickly, Tyrion’s guilt gave way to frustration. He was tired. He was hungry, he’d walked up all those fucking stairs on his stunted legs and damn your stubborn hide, this was his tower! He had paid for the bed you were keeping him from and gave you the key for the door you’d shut in his face. If the blasted thing didn’t lock from the inside, he would’ve long since gone in there and made you see sense.

But that wasn’t going to happen, not anymore than the likelihood of Tyrion growing to the size of the Hound and putting his foot through the wood like it was wet paper. No, he was going to remain stuck out here until you had a change of heart or until the Seven Hells froze over, and at this moment the odds certainly seemed better on that second thing.

Cursing, Tyrion struck the door as hard as he could with his fist. It felt good, so he did it again. And again, punctuating each strike with “shit!” or “bugger!” or “fuck” in increasingly creative combinations. If you weren’t going to forgive him, at the very least he could annoy you into submission.

“Tyrion Lannister, you stop that this instant!”

“Let me in and I will!” Gods, did he ever sound petulant, no better than a child throwing a fit. Couldn’t you see what you’d reduced him to?

“Absolutely not. Your sorry arse can sleep in the stables for all I care.”

“If you don’t open this fucking door-” his voice had taken on a shrill whine that was a little too alike to Joffery for his tastes, but he didn’t give a shit. This was your fault.

“What? What exactly are you going to do from out there? Make some more dents? Wonderful, the woodcarvers guild will be so pleased”

“Fuck!”

In a fit of passion, he took off his boot and threw it against the nearest wall. It hit with a hollow thud, before sliding down and landing uselessly on the floor. Tyrion stood, shoulders squared and breathing hard. Then he heard it. A soft sound from behind the door, one that nearly shattered his sorry, shrivelled heart into a thousand pieces.

You were crying.

Immediately, the fight left him. He hobbled over, collected his boot and resumed his post at the door with his head hanging in shame. He had really done it this time, and if the first thing you did tomorrow morning was chuck him off the castle walls, he wouldn’t blame you. A simple apology wasn’t going to be enough tonight. If he had a prayer in Hell of getting back into your good graces, there was only one thing that he could try.

He always felt that his voice wasn’t much when it came to songs, but you loved it. He’d sung to you, the first time you’d met just after your betrothal. It was a song that made you love him then, so perhaps if he was lucky, it would work again.

“The water is wide. I cannot cross o’er. And neither do I have wings to fly. Give me a boat, that will carry two, and both shall row, my love and I”

His voice was shaking slightly, and he knew he was off key, but a poor offering was better than none at all.

“There is a ship and it sails on the sea. Loaded deep as deep can be But not as deep as the love I'm in. I know not if I sink or swim.”

No sooner had he stopped singing the last note, than he heard the sound of tumblers clicking in the lock. He all but sobbed with relief when you opened the door, falling to his knees and ready to beg for all he was worth.

Much to his surprise, you joined him on the floor, throwing your arms about his neck and burying your face into his shoulder. He held you tight, with a hand around your waist and one in your hair. You were crying still, but you were with him now, and that was all that mattered.

When your tears subsided, he pulled back slightly, trying to see your face. You ducked your head to the side, refusing to meet his eye.

“Beloved, look at me, please?”

“No.” your hair was loose and hung around your cheeks like a curtain. Your voice sounded thick and tight from tears, but with none of the anger from before.

“Why?”

“Because if I look at you, I’ll smile. I can’t smile at you, I’m mad.”

Tyrion chuckled softly and shook his head. He was by no means out of trouble yet, but hearing you jest meant he’d be married to you and alive for at least one more day.

“Well, how about this. We can talk about what an idiot I am, and once you’ve had your fill of that, I’ll write a thousand page sonnet about what a wonderful wife you are, and then if you find you’re still upset with me, I’ll kiss you until you’re happy again.”

“…what if it takes a lot of kisses for that to happen?”

Tyrion placed a quick kiss against your temple, then nuzzled his face against your own. Your familiar scent made him feel like he’d finally been let back into paradise.

“Then we better get started, shouldn’t we?”

[angelsdean]

thinking abt this ask some more and well, it also all boils down to dean is not john because dean is not john.

dean is his own person with different life experiences and trauma and morals and agency. yes dean learned and internalized some things from john, and learned to filter most of his emotions into anger bc anger was a safer emotion to express under john's roof than fear or sadness.

but dean literally IS NOT john. he's dean. and crucially he is a victim of john, who was Thee angry man in the house. john is the first person he learned pain and shame and anger and self-hatred from. and dean has not been able to properly unpack or cope with those early experiences or any of the other traumatic events that follow. for nearly 40 years. PLUS 40 years of hell trauma. and still !! still !! dean tries to do better. he apologizes and he expresses his regret for past actions and even his worst actions are rooted in love and a need to protect. he most often acts out of fear, worry, and/or grief. as cas said, the good and the bad, everything he has done has been for love. he fears jack and is angry at jack during widowers arc because he loved cas so much and does not yet know jack is good and can be trusted. his reaction is understandable. we as the audience see and receive more information than the characters. dean has every right to be fearful and wary.

but anyways. back to dean and john. widower's arc IS meant to draw that parallel between them. we're supposed to see dean echoing john. we're supposed to feel john's ghost acting through dean. but we are also meant to see where they diverge. dean does not become obsessed with revenge. he does not go on a quest to get cas back (despite how much he wants him back) and abandon everyone else. he even starts to come around to jack, even before cas gets back.

then, there's john and his own complicated trauma. and i do feel some empathy and sadness for him. but his trauma is notably different from dean's, and that's why dean garners more of my empathy, compassion, and forgiveness.

john felt abandoned after his father's disappearance and then internalizes those abandonment issues and those unresolved feelings fester into anger. then john enlists illegally in the military chasing his father's ghost. in the military he experiences more trauma. but he did choose to go into the military. it's different from dean being forced to be a soldier and weapon for his father from a young age. john was 17 ? when he enlisted and did so of his own free will (as much free will as you can have being one of chuck's blorbos but still, you get what i'm saying), while dean never had a choice, and by the time he had the choice to leave he'd already been guilt tripped into staying by john and also had very few connections outside of the winchester family unit. IF dean were to leave john (after sam left) he'd be largely alone because john never let them forge connections and relationships. john purposely kept them isolated from others, which is a tactic of abuse. finally, john loses mary which exacerbates his preexisting issues, anger, and trauma. losing mary was not the catalyst that turned john "bad" it was just an accelerator added to the fire that had been slow-burning for years.

so yes, both john and dean have abandonment issues regarding their fathers, except john's are based on a perceived abandonment that he lets become a deep anger and propel his actions re: joining the military. whereas dean is literally abandoned and neglected repeatedly and often throughout his childhood which leads to a lot of unresolved fear and anxiety regarding losing people and people leaving him. cas dying during widower's arc and losing mary at the same time too (and crowley!) definitely triggers those deep seated fears and anxieties. dean also just as trauma surrounding death bc of mary. dean, like john, also has trauma surrounding being a soldier and having to kill people. however, john chose that path (and then later chose hunting) while dean had that life thrust upon him. (the first time he's handed a gun he is six years old and his father believes he somehow has a "killer instinct"). finally, dean, like john, loses cas who is yes mary-coded during widower's arc and he is left with a child. however, unlike john, this child is also an extremely powerful being whom dean knows nothing about except the fact that he is the biological son of lucifer. he also believes jack manipulated cas and got him killed. people will parallel jack to sam in this instance but john likely had no idea sam was infected with demon blood until much later after years of research and following azazel's trail. so early on, john's neglect and mistreatment of sam and dean cannot be blamed on john being afraid of sam or something like that. john IS afraid of the world though. he's paranoid as all heck and that fuels a lot of his actions. but dean is not wrong in this case for being wary of jack. he has every right to be afraid, it's just that his fear, coupled with grief, ends up being expressed as anger. the same may be true for john in those early years, but eventually, john lets his anger and need for vengeance consume him and he prioritizes the hunt over his children. as he says in 1x22, "killing this demon comes first. before everything." dean wants cas and mary and crowley back, but he doesn't put it before everything. he doesn't turn away from sam or jack to pursue that quest.

dean is not john because dean is dean. he doesn't see the world as black and white as john did. he still has fears and trauma that when triggered have him reverting to old, ingrained habits, but most often, he wants to do good and help people. he cares about his family and wants them to be safe and alive. sometimes he will go to extremes to make sure that happens. but his actions are always rooted in love and care. cas saw him as a being of love. as more than what john tried to make him. more than a blunt instrument. more than a weapon for heaven and hell. more than chuck's favorite toy. dean is dean. and that's why cas loves him. and that's why *i* love him.

[achaotichuman]

Hiii! I'm Andras Anon, back again! This time for a short time, because I was thinking about Rhysand and Tamlin past, about the death (murder) of their families and... I couldn't remember well the details and since I don't really want to pick up the books to search when they talk about it (I'm not ready to suffer again lol), I was wondering if you remember why didn't Rhysand kill Tamlin? The one who was "responsable" for the death of his mother and sister? Unless there's more to it, bc, If I remember correctly even him doesn't fault Tamlin 100%, it's Feyre who really jumps the gun there lol (and I kind of remember that when Tamlin talked about it he had a different take on the events, another retcon?)

What I remember is -> Rhysand & Tamlin became friends (THE DAGGERS AAA) -> Tamlin tells (?) his father and brothers about the location of Rhys's mothers & sister, they kill them -> Rhysand & Father kill Tamlin's family -> Tamlin becomes HL & kills BatKing, Rhysand becomes HL -> ??? I don't remember anything after this, like blank state ahaha

But, why didn't Rhysand (since he hates Tamlin so much) kill him? Why didn't they kill him before? Because Rhysand knew it wasn't his fault (but still hate/can't forgive him?) / Because he couldn't (if I see another person saying "He is the strongest HL" where? give me proof since he really can't do anything on his own) / other reason that I don't remember?

In my heart I know that SJM is planning for the Friends to Lovers to Enemy to Lovers again, so she really can't kill him, ahahaha

Jokes aside (not really), I wanted to ask your opinion and pov about this? If you like and it's not a bother of course! In the meantime I wish you a good day/night! ♥

Oooooooooohhhh yes yes yes!!! I love this question!!!

Okay so you’re pretty spot on with the series of events. It was Tamlin and Rhysand were bffs - Tamlin supposedly reveals the location of Rhysand’s mother and sister to his brothers and father- They go and kill them and send their heads down the river for Rhysand and his father to find- Rhysand and his father immediately go and kill Tamlin’s father, mother and brothers- Tamlin kills Rhysands father- Suddenly they’re both High lords.

My biggest issue with this series of events is when you look at the spot where Tamlin went and revealed the location of Rhysand’s mother and sister, Rhysand isnt actually there to witness what happened. Then later they find his mother and soster dead because they found the bodies. No one was around to tell them who killed them. I imagine theyre must have been some kind of tell tale sign, like a branded signal, in the same way Thysand branded the faeries head he left in Spring under Amarantha’s reign. Or maybe even a letter stating who did it. In any case Rhysand has no clear way of knowing that it was Tamlin who revealed the location. The only thing he has to go off of is assumption.

Saying Rhysand assumed Tamlin revealed the location is not a long shot given that Rhysand himself and Feyre tend to very very quickly jump to conclusions. And it ties in really nicely if this is the case because it stands to say that Rhysand didnt kill Tamlin because he felt guilty for doing so, as he has no real way of knowing if he was truly involved in the effort or not. Plus Rhysand had said that he “was tired of all the death” so it’s easy to say he couldn't bring himself to kill Tamlin because of guilt.

What also I believe supports my theory is Tamlin’s overall personality and his actions throughout the series. Tamlin slowly became more and more unhinged (I believe due to poor writing on SJM’s part) but one thing is consistent and that he is not a malicious man or a liar. If one thing has to show for Tamlin’s good nature it’s that he always has good intentions.

Plus we know that Tamlin loathed his brothers and father with all of his heart and wanted to be better than them, so it’s unlikely he would hand over any information willingly to them.

All this to say I believe Rhysand just assumed Tamlin told them, but felt that was too rocky a theory at the time he could have killed Tamlin. And throughout his life this ‘truth’ has become even more solidified in his mind which is why he says it with such certainty to Feyre.

Anyway, this is just my two cents, but thank you for the question, I very much enjoy talking about this topic!!!

[drksanctuary]

DUMB TSATS predictions before the book comes out and ruins my fun PART 2!!!

1. Nico dies and either Jason or Will has to do trials of Orpheus to get him back

2. Nico becomes a god, and thats the thing he has to lose or whatever re: the prophecy

3. Alabaster will be in it, whether as a protagonist, antagonist or anti-hero, he will be a PROBLEM (and effectively the third party in the quest for a bit)

4. Lou Ellen Will introduce Alabaster to Will and Nico bc they need to learn to mist travel into the underworld and that unfortunately only Al knows how to do. Even though Lou is head of Hecate kids.

5. When Alabaster sees Will and Nico he says he doesn’t like “the creepy one” and it becomes apparent as he describes him that he is referring to Will. “He smiles too much, looks fake, don’t trust him” . Lou is confused by this.

6. This observation sparks an old fight between Will and Nico and how Will doesn’t understand how people perceive Nico as creepy.

7. Al will watch this interaction with interest because he “doesn’t have a television”. Lou will tell him he needs to gain back some social skills

8. Alabaster will mist travel them in a pinch just as Nico gets the hang of it and it throws them all off.

9. Alabaster, Nico and Will travel through the underworld. Al and Will bicker about things (most notably about whether Lotr or Star Wars is the better trilogy)

10. Al and nico have a conversation about saving dead friends. Al says his “heroes never die” line and Nico retorts with a smirk that “we’re Greek that’s all our heroes do”

11. They meet Ethans ghost. The ghost of Ethan also calls Will Creepy, and Al has a heartfelt moment where Ethan tells him that he needs to forgive himself. Al still stubborn doesn’t listen and insists that Ethan should leave with him as a mistform. Ethan asks Al whether he’d do it all again, knowing now that Ethan had turned at the last moment.

12. Will says something to affect about not being able to stop death bc he has unaddressed survivor guilt he’s projecting.

13. Nico does not like this, because he kinda agrees with Al (doesn’t want to address the fact that he’s been thinking about Jason and whether he could save him)

14. They get attacked before Al can finish his convo with Ethan’s ghost. Alabaster has to fend off the threat to give Will and Nico time to get into Tartarus. He says his silly “heroes never die” line ans charges off. Nico calls after him “We’re Greek! That’s like all heroes do!” (This time crying instead of smirking).

15. Will and Nico get to Tartarus and are captured by whatever that thing is bc they think they’re saving Bob. Nico gets to say a bad word as a treat.

16. Bob actually saves them, and Nico asks why he was calling for help. He reveals it wasn’t him. Nico listens and hears another call. He follows it without checking if Will is with him.

17. Isolated Nico gets barraged by the “Listen” warning and Nico finds that it was Akhlys using a “Jason puppet” to lure Nico to her.

18. It’s not a puppet and when this is somehow revealed and Nico says they have to go save Jason.

19. Some sort of battle or showdown with the actual villain whether it’s Akhlys or if Akhlys is working with/for someone else likely the Other Titans . Bob is injured but gets his old memories back. And has to deal with reconciling his new and old friendships

20. When it seems like everything is lost. And Bob has decided to be on their side even tho they are probably all gonna die down in Tartarus. Alabaster returns with a ghost army of purgatory Titan supporters and save Nico and company (alabaster uses this save as definitive proof that Lotr is the superior trilogy as he has in essence “pulled an Aragorn”)

21. Will let’s him have the win, but adds Al could be a son of Apollo with how dramatic he is.

22. Al comments that that would make them brothers.

23. Will cringes and says “I’d rather die”

24. Jason’s ghost is freed. Nico has to actually deal with the fact that he died as well as the fact that he was ignoring that he had feelings for him. Will hears this part.

24. Alabaster has to see all his Titan army friends going off to Elysium bc it’s revealed he somehow got that deal for them for helping Nico. He doesn’t want them to leave bc he doesn’t want to be the sole survivor again but he has to deal with that.

25. Will can’t heal Bob, who is extremely wounded . Will has to deal with that.

26. Essentially all three of them get to deal with their own special flavor of survivor’s guilt. Nico with the they died bc I wasn’t there/couldn’t help them. Will with the i did everything I could to help them and they died anyway and Alabaster with the “it’s my fault they’re dead”kind the thing that is lost is whatever defense mechanism each was using to deal with those traumas

27. This post will not get as much attention as the other one bc it not as funny or amusing (or brief)

28. I might just write the above as a fanfic

I have been thinking about this all way too much you guys. Sorry not sorry.

[lambergeier]

always thinking abt itscu so dvd commentary "As it all goes gray and thin, he’s beset by the certain knowledge that he fucked this up. He didn’t just fuck this up on the day-to-day level, daily and nightly and every so rightly, he fucked this up big. It’s worse than drinking, than faithlessness, than murdering his brother. He missed something. He’s made a fundamental error." i want to know all your thoughts on executing this moment/play

oooo my pleasure, fellow lover of sylvain's problems 🤝

so, sun comes up is a fic about how sylvain should never have listened to his dad lmao. it is a fic about how listening to his dad ruined sylvain's life! the whole story is a series of moments in which sylvain had the opportunity to choose another path/liberate himself/reach for love/ask for more and does not do so, because he was told that you get what you get and what you've gotten is what you deserve. as he says in the first scene, wanting things is a stupid fucking trick. in my planning for the fic sylvain might have learned this from a couple different places (his mom, rhea) but ultimately it was narrowed down to just his dad, who told his kids there was no forgiveness, and thus killed them both! thanks dad!

the one exception to the aforementioned structure of sylvain is offered/sylvain refuses is ofc the scene in the goddess tower with felix—the single time in his life, until the end, that sylvain doesn't run away from an offered hand. unfortunately, a lifetime of being terrified of his every desire/need does not leave him super well-equipped to deal with the really serious consequences of defection, so we get back to the old pattern soon enough lmao.

so the death scene itself was quick to write--i write in a strict beginning-to-end order, so by the time i got to the death scene all the groundwork had been laid, i knew where i was going, i just had to roll that rock down the hill. the whole fic is sylvain turning towards known hurts to escape the possibility of unknown hurts, and it's only at moment when there is no further possibility of escape, period, that he realizes what he's been doing. he's actually had a chance every day of his life to live differently and he didn't, because he was scared! uh oh! he's been aware at his every waking moment that he's a piece of shit, but turns out he's a stupid one, too!

i had to make sure to include miklan in sylvain's list of his own sins bc this is also a fic where killing miklan haunts sylvain for the rest of his life ofc. it's the same thing as listening to his dad: sylvain killed miklan because they both believed their dad about the nature of the world and themselves, and that guilt kills sylvain as much as anything else. he never figures out a way to live with it, felix tries to help but can't singlehandedly make him a different person, so it goes. rip!

as a little present lol, here's a shitton of my initial planning bullet points from when i started outlining this fic. as you can see, loads of it didn't make it into the fic, or made it in in another fashion entirely, but all of it fed one way or another into that final moment before he finally asks for help!:

So it’s about the fact that sylvain does have a very deep obligation to his people and his lands even if he can’t scrounge it up for the larger structures. And it’s BE route, byleth married edelgard then watched her die, sylvain was offered an out time and time again– you don’t have to run gautier, you don’t have to take over for your father, but he didn’t feel he deserved better and so he never took it. He tried to make felix stay. And felix knew it would have killed them in a good life. In a life where they betrayed Faerghus, all it would ever do is make them hurt. 

The margrave jailed by edelgard for violating a treaty with Sreng, sylvain thrust into the role but still guided by all the people his father employed. He does the right thing, but in the worst possible circumstances because he never changes his circumstances lmao. (realizes he was always somehow waiting for miklan to come back. You live long enough as a second son, you’ll always keep waiting for the first son to return, lance between his ribs and ready to take the march) 

About his relationship with byleth: mom and dad expected an infinite number of things from him. Even when miklan was torturing him he was still expecting better. But byleth only expects him to be good. You don’t even have to be a general. They did the mercenary life, they know killing is brutal and unfair and rightfully hard to stomach–you can just live your life. First time this has ever happened to sylvain. Liberating if he knew what liberation was–just enough to get him to edelgard’s side.

With felix: recognizes before any of them that they can do this, and it’s right that they do this, but it will kill them if they stay. And that they have the choice to leave. Knows Ingrid will resign herself to it, but knows Sylvain has a chance. Asks Sylvain once to come and Sylvain is so terrified of it he shuts him down for the rest of their lives. All following questions: Sylvain asking him to stay, Felix saying only that he’ll go. Knows Sylvain is lost.

Punch line: there’s always a second chance if you’re willing to break the chains. 

if you cannot give it, you do not have an obligation to give it. (edelgard will take over. It won’t be as good, and it won’t give your people what they want, but would you ever have been able to give them what they want?)

choose a life with love. That about trumps just about everrything else.

Talking about his relationship with faith: his parents only gave him the fear. Rhea did too. Ingrid purports that there’s love too, and community, and joy, but he’s never seen it. He’s only seen the desperate grasp towards redepemtion, and thought himself unworthy of it/better than it, for really most of his life.

Trajectory: Sylvain dedicating himself to things that will cause him pain because he feels that’s the only way forward until realizing, at the last, that sometimes you will simply never be the person capable of this. And that was worth it in its own way.

Sylvain post-CF, so unable to ask for what he wants and that he ruins the entire length of his life. Watching Felix get ready to leave and unable to make him stay, bc the trick is you can’t make Felix stay, you can only go with him.

Sylvain being presented again and again with both opportunity and impetus to leave and staying anyways because:

Because he was taught from day 1 that any bad thing that happens to him, he deserved it, and because he deserves it, bad things will happen to him. From his father, his mother, the goddess, miklan–the only way out is through

and this was a kind of final condensed summary of ideas i did before i went through and nailed down the actual plot:

Sylvain is a good person but doesn’t believe it

Conversation with Byleth: you’re a good person though you don’t believe it

Conversation with Edelgard: you’re not as obligated as you think you are, though you don’t belive it

Conversation with Felix: you have other options, though, etc.

Sylvain finally asks for a second chance

I may not deserve it but please god let me say that i finally want it.

[borgialucrezia]

tapping the mic to say 🎤 when do u think the real shift in cesare and juans relationship happened and when did it begin to sour (or the audience could argue there were always notes of sourness and love mixed in together that just developed as time went on to be less fondness and more envy on both sides) bc lowkey ive been thinking the rift began when juan was chosen to go defend rome against king charles's army in s1 and cesare was desperate to don the armour and go and so when juan came back defeated, he was so ashamed with himself but cesare felt petty vindication and in this essay i will...[the audience cuts me off]

"He's not making excuses for what he is anymore, and what he wants to be. He ultimately feels that killing Juan was the right thing for himself. It's something that he focused on and I think he can control his mind into having no second thoughts. And that's the only way you can rule in that era, really." - Francois Arnaud

you're right! it's a mixture of sourness and love because, while cesare resented juan's weakness and naivety, but i think he still cared for him at first because he feels obligated to protect him since he was his family. but mainly, rodrigo's vicious cycle of ambitions tore them apart as he made cesare believe he was inadequate, despite loving, admiring, and relying on him. rodrigo's deliberate self-delusion (he is aware that cesare is the driven and more competent one) and self-loathing prevented him from embracing cesare's true self. appointing juan to a task desired by cesare fueled the hatred and envy as he started thinking juan was rodrigo's favorite. eventually, his frustration towards juan led him to murder him because this is where he becomes the cesare borgia we read about in machiavelli's 'the prince.' and like i said before, juan shaped the rest of cesare's story till the end. he was the one who drove him to finally become what he always meant to be and take the path he was always destined to. it's why juan's death is necessary to him because it was also a way for rodrigo to release him from his position as a cardinal. he claimed to rodrigo that he killed juan because he brought dishonor to the family, but cesare pretty much did contribute to bringing dishonor to the family by not wanting to warn juan about ludovico's army coming his way at forli after machiavelli informed him about it. cesare could have spared his family from another failure but decided not to because his priority was to humiliate juan just to prove a point to rodrigo, that he is the better son. he even gaslit juan about it by telling rodrigo that he wasn't aware of the attack, which makes cesare self-contradicting, just like how he went all "we're borgias, we never forgive" while killing juan because he was well aware juan struggled all his life questioning himself if he was truly rodrigo's son or not and desperately wanted to belong. cesare very decidedly excluded juan because he wanted to even emotionally hurt him in his final moment, then later was begging for "forgiveness" from rodrigo, a borgia, after the murder. also rodrigo feels a great deal of guilt (as he was hallucinating and dreaming of juan in s3) for making juan envied by cesare which led him to the decision to murder him, as that was the only way for cesare to gain his father's attention and the papal army. and when rodrigo finally forgives cesare for his sin of fratricide, rodrigo also forgives himself of the blame he's placed upon himself and the guilt he feels for letting his ambition destroy his family. they finally let go of the past and rodrigo can finally embrace cesare for the person he really is and has always loved deeply.

"he loves his errant son, does he not? More than he loves his dutiful one." - Cesare Borgia

cesare was proven wrong after all the time he was thinking juan was the favorite. he came to the realization that even though rodrigo saw so much of himself in him, he still planned from the beginning to make cesare his true heir. this brought relief and a sense of validation after years of feeling inadequate. rodrigo always intended for cesare to succeed him in the church, which was the only way that truly mattered to him. he made cesare a cardinal, a prince of the church, with the ultimate goal of cesare becoming the future pope and king. when rodrigo shared his dream of creating a papal bloodline to be passed down to cesare and his own son, cesare's perspective shifted. he began to heavily care about the perceptions of others, which not only fueled his power hunger but also led to him becoming classist. he even felt ashamed of his mother when she offered him counsel and to join him in war, rejecting her because of her former occupation as a "whore." it was a chilling development in cesare's character and honestly he became more interesting to me than he was in the first two seasons.

"One thing that I've always said about Juan is that every action that he does is heartfelt and genuine. When it was the war against the French, he was there and he was going to go to war, even though he knew he was going to die. He saw them getting ripped apart, but he was there and he was going to do it. I believe if Lucrezia hadn't come over, he would have led all his troops into death. I don't think there's anything that he's done which was through general cowardice. In terms of his survival, he died how he lived, and that's laudable, in itself." - David Oakes

rodrigo sending juan to war against the troops definitely (and rightfully) triggered cesare because juan has no idea what the hell he is doing and even though juan is incompetent, he never asked for the position he was given, but he tried his best to fulfill his responsibilities. like when he showed bravery by willingly risking his life against the french, even after his troops were torn apart in front of his eyes, insisting to lucrezia that he would never accept defeat and that he will keep fighting because he'll never let king charles of france destroy rome and get rid of their father, but only surrendered because the prospect of him dying would upset lucrezia, and lucrezia told him she already had a plan to prevent this.

"It’s interesting that Juan’s attempt at relieving pain is through closeness and hugging and love. When he forgives Cesare at the end saying how they’re brothers and wants to be together, I think that’s genuine. That’s the first time you realize what he’s always wanted." - David Oakes

juan felt deeply isolated because he never had a peer, and unfortunately, he was too weak and succumbed to his darkness, impulsiveness, and insecurities. he had a deep love for his family, but he lost himself in the pressure of the role and even committed heinous acts to prove himself, unaware that it would make his siblings hate him. all he wanted was to be included in their world. however, he struggled intensely in expressing his feelings, which led to him being shunned. it is tragic because ultimately he longed to feel like a 'true' borgia and have a close relationship with his family, especially with cesare. but the lack of moral guidance and the weight of expectations pushed him to behave inappropriately, resulting in everyone pushing him away and his death going unmourned except by his father, the one's responsible for his failure and feels guilty for it.

byeeee i really went on and on answering this oops sorry zaynab!!! anyway i hope these insights help lol

[jinxpologist]

you asked for religious hcs. personally I am average and sane about catholic quackity and jewish wilbur. yet another reason they are So Fucked Up i think.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD OH MY GOD

cquackity is so catholic like he's so so so catholic he's catholicism core embodied. he gives the vibes of a character who doesn't actually like catholicism and would have never chosen it of his own volition but it's what he was raised with and it sort of ingrained itself in his psyche in some weird way and now he's just. inherently catholic about some things and has a complex about being happy lol. i don't think he practices much besides some traditions that he just can't let go of.

and i am NOT normal about jewish cwilbur oh my god it's one of my favorite headcanons but i'm shy about it bc it's so personal to me ksjdhgksjdf. did you know that he died two days before rosh hashanah 2020 did you know that. something about that drives me insane like he didn't stay to see the sunrise of the new year. he didn't STAY. if only he had stayed. he closed the year out terrified and alone and miserable. was that his way of atoning for the wrongdoings of the year? was that his fucked up way of making teshuvah??? with his death was he begging people to leave him in the past?

and there's a lesson there for cwilbur at least about what teshuvah and forgiveness and repentance actually ARE and it's not about hurting yourself. it's about making the world better, it's about being a better person, it's not about guilt but about moving forward and how you can move forward.

when he was revived it was right before lag b'omer might i fucking ADD. he was alive to see a day, albeit a minor holiday, so built around victory and celebration and FIRE. his fire was reignited. he was alive to see hope in the middle of a period of mourning. I'M GOING CRAZY.

i just cannot stop thinking about jewish cwilbur it drives me crazy he's so. he's SO. i love him so much i never want to shut up about him in my entire life he's everything to me

(also this goes really well with my ctommy catholic headcanon as well because they very obviously care for and love each other but there's very much a Disparity between them and the way they view the world that would be really interesting to explore on a religious level)

(also this would either make wilbur's mom (and/or dad in some communities) jewish or mean he converted. and i love both of those. i'm partial to conversion headcanon tbh particularly <3)

(if no one stops me i will make them all jewish do not test me)

[kramaku]

I've heard people say that Izuku is too naive and annoying with his will to save Shigaraki. Let me tell you he's not. (Manga spoilers)

First, he will never ever try to befriend Shigaraki or even just forgive him for all the atrocities he has done like Izuku did for Lady Nagant. He knows that Shigaraki is a monster that needs to be stopped at all costs, so no he won't use "the power of friendship."

Second, when Izuku says he wants to save Shigaraki, he's talking about his soul, not his body. The heroes have already decided that All for one is such a powerful villain who tortured and killed thousands, probably millions of people, that he needs to be killed. Pulling him in prison like they did last time won't do so you think they'll simply keep Shigaraki, who is stronger than All For One, locked up? No way. Shigaraki needs to be killed too. There's no doubt about that. Now, Izuku saw a crying child (Tenko) in the vestiges and will try to extend him a hand, to save his heart before he dies.

Before talking about what I mean by that, let me analyze Shigaraki- no, Tenko's trauma a little.

Tenko killed his entire family with his quirk. After that, he ended up as a homeless starved sleepless kid who needed help but didn't get any. Until All For One arrived and saved him. Tenko was so traumatized by the events that he even lost his memories, but he did remember one thing: feelings. The anger he felt when he was abused, and that feeling of pleasure and peace he felt when he finally got rid of his dad. All for one being the manipulator that he is, he understood that Tenko's brain voluntarily suppressed his memories not to feel guilty toward himself and told him to direct the anger he had for his dad towards the society of heroes, who is apparently all faked and hypocrite, full or selfish people, people who abandon their families. Tenko here is putting the blame of his trauma on the heroes (like Nana bc she abandoned her son, who abused his own son, Tenko, because he wanted to be a hero) because blaming others is always easier than blaming yourself. Now, All for one also told him to become stronger, encouraged him to kill the people that hurt him, and so AFO fed Tenko's addiction for destruction. Since he's so obsessed with the rage that keeps growing, he never feels any positive emotion which is very self destructive for a brain, so as a coping mechanism, he searches for that satisfaction he felt when he killed his dad (since it was mixed with rage, it's a pleasure that became compatible with his anger), killing again and again: his quirk became his own source of serotonin. (that's also why he often smiles while decaying)

Shigaraki doesnt have plans for the future. He doesn't care what will happen of society or anyone, even himself. He even said the league can just do whatever they want.. he just wants to destroy. He only lives in the present moment for that feeling only.

What he needs is someone (Izuku) to tell him that heroes aren't all "bad" (nana had her reasons so she's not really a bad person :/) but more at the source of the problem, that he didn't deserve any of the abuse and that it's not his fault his family died. The accident wasn't the heroes fault, it wasnt his own fault, it was nobody's fault (okay it was AFO's fault since he actually transferred decay to a quirkless Tenko but the awakening of a violent quirk could've totally happened naturally and Tenko wouldn't have the blame either).

Tenko doesn't have to feel guilty about that accident. He needs to hear that.

Now I dont know how things will go on, and even how Izuku may possibly adress Shigaraki's trauma, but in my opinion the best death Shigaraki could have would be after Izuku managed to save the sad, scared, guilt rotten child in the vestiges, as Shigaraki would finally feel at ease, relaxed, kinda comforted. No anger for a very long time, I imagine his death to be very peaceful. He could even chose to be the one to kill himself actually with decay, the quirk that started it all and would end it all. He would give up on life because he had been so filled with anger for so long that he'd just feel like there's no point in living anymore if he doesn't destroy. He'd just feel like an empty shell. His peaceful death would kinda remind me of a certain demon's towards the end of demon slayer, if you read the manga you know who I'm talking about.

So yeah, I really want Izuku to reach Tenko. I'm sure he will. But he'll definitely put an end to Shigaraki's destruction at the same time.

thanks for reading, I love mha so much

[windupaidoneus]

walks back in with a comfortable chair and snacks. i am having SUCH a good time reading all of these,,, and also i DO want to know abt how hilde feels abt hermes and lahabrea. wait hold on i have an idea for a second ask,

giggles. the hermes one is suchhhhhh a toughie. not to answer but like. ouhhh hilde is feeling some kinds of ways about hermes (& fandaniel subsequently)! oooooh!

goddd hermes. arguably the person who treated him with the most respect among the ancients... or at least the one who treated him with respect the fastest. it felt like there was a genuine understanding there, & especially as hermes opened up on his feelings wrt elpis & life & death & his clear capacity for grief the others seemed to be lacking (which. i mean you know hildegarde. he has been making out with grief sloppy style for so many fucking years. emet & hythlodaeus being so fine with death, even of "lesser creatures" since hilde does not have that concept really of viewing some beings as more or less important, really threw him off. but especially knowing the emet he knew. also known griever.). hermes was the first person on elpis that made him go "wait, maybe i could tell him. maybe if i told him things would go differently." before remembering that that is literally impossible he cannot change his present only his future. Sad! either way though he did feel a connection to hermes, which. is also bc lachesis & hermes were close.

& then hermes fucked it & successfully traumatised hildegarde further 🎉 needless to say he uh. did not feel so positively about him for a while but admittedly he wasn't feeling positively about Anybody during that time probably. likely clung to nero & ardbert for a semblance of stability & nero wasnt even around so ardbert had to go out & seek him out on hildes behalf bc he was too withdrawn & in shock to front.

i think though after everything especially with aitiascope & all that he's just. yknow. he's not a grudge holder... not on those matters anyway. he forgives very easily bc he just. he's very emotional & very easily swayed by other people's emotions. i don't want to say hyperempathetic but honestly i think that might be the case ... very hard for him to stay mad at someone very seriously under most circumstances too. he wasn't even that mad at zenos honestly he just wanted zenos to come off it & would've preferred a peaceful resolution both times. at the end of the day hildegarde feels deep sorrow for hermes the same way he does elidibus among others. above all else he wishes he could've done something before it was too late. hermes was a friend & one of many hilde feels he's failed.

with lahabrea it's... he feels a lot of pity for lahabrea? also respect. he's one of those people he's now met before the final days & the sundering happened & the memory of lahabrea in his mind is just... lahabrea during ancient times. thinking about what ended up becoming of him makes him feel some guilt in the sense that obviously he does not have foresight & couldn't have known he would end up meeting lahabrea in the past, but part of him still blames himself for not knowing because if he had maybe he could've reached out to lahabrea in a meaningful way & he didn't have to die blablabla... the usual. i think he's probably a little intimidated at first but as pandaemonium progresses more of lachesis' dynamic with lahabrea instinctively comes back to him. & he's kinda. just being lahabrea's weird friend. like it still feels more formal than the dynamic lachesis had with laha back then but yeah. eek. yet another tragedy hilde feels responsible for YAHOOOOO

[zombiified]

steve is genuinely one of the most complex characters i have but sometimes i worry people will misinterpret his inconsistencies with bad writing

(long ramble under cut)

he’s inconsistent ON PURPOSE!!!! hes so mentally torn during stray nightmare and he has absolutely no idea on which path to take. some chapters he seems fine with killing and in others he wants nothing to do with it and it’s all because he puts on a front for krakrofis thinking that krak saved him and he knows best so he should listen but his heart is truly against hurting anyone

he knows that the night he made that deal with krakrofis to be his vessel was a mistake, but he blames himself for EVERYTHING that’s happened after that even if it was krakrofis using his body to do terrible shit without him being in any control. he still believes that it’s entirely his fault, delilahs death was his fault, adam getting his life ruined was his fault, and he ruined all the cult kids (although arguably he genuinely did save them, they wouldve turned out much worse if it werent for his intervention but he doesn’t see that) and he continues to isolate himself because he’s so scared of hurting people even though he “knows it’s his duty” (manipulation by krak) to do so

he occasionally does try to make it up to adam (i cant say how bc spoilers) but in the end he knows thatll never take away from what “he” did, and that guilt will always consume him even though adam KNOWS it isnt truly his fault. adam in general is also just a very forgiving person and tries his best to be understanding of other people but he is actually right about it not being steves fault. not that he’s required to forgive anybody but he does anyway because the only person in his life he’s ever held a grudge against is his dad LMFAO sorry side tangent anyways

this honestly isnt even half of steves character and all of his mental workings but he’s very torn between whats right and wrong and finds himself carrying guilt for actions that everybody except him knows isnt his fault

[saviorpilled]

AU QUESTIONS!! if youve already answered this just navigate me to the post...

how does au hetch go about navigating the guilt, because im sure there's a LOT of it. i also just want to hear so much more in general.. rambles.. small ideas.. how each of the living characters feel about hetch after everything, do they forgive him, do they understand? ect.. IM BRAINROTTING BAD

once he gets out of the mall with the cast he sticks close to rgbtrio mostly bc of ranboo, but he keeps his distance from everyone

the cast are very iffy around him, they understand he was just as much as a victim as he was, but it’s still hard for them, freshly out of the mall, to process that he’s not a terrible person that essentially orchestrated their deaths

he isolates a lot. he tries to deal with his guilt and trauma and anger alone. he doesn’t want to load this onto anyone else because he understands they’re dealing with their own things too. he knows he makes it worse but rather put his efforts into making a good reputation with the rest of the group than dealing with all his baggage

he doesn’t really. want to be alone. but when he watches ranboo interact with everyone so casually like they’ve been friends for years, especially sneeg and charlie, he can’t help but ache. he had friends once too but he can’t remember their names or what they looked like. ranboo has friends here. they have people to lean on

all hetch has is ranboo

and it makes it harder considering they’re two sides of the same coin, just cast in a different light