#but that’s a reaction from a removed state….. if I was in a different position and was still dating I’d probably not have even written it

[honkytonk-hangman]

Okay no but the general flow of that argument comes directly from arguments I’ve had with my mother, where rational just doesn’t exist and you find yourself literally without any thing to do or say other than say “you’re being unfair” in a totally

Hopeless and whiny manner because you’re literally desperate for a grasp on reality lmao 🤣

…..just me??

Good In Bed

Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Reader

Summary: Jake has made it crystal clear to you that you're only friends with benefits, so why did he go and delete your dating apps?

Warnings: brief mentions of smut but not smutty, jake kinda being an asshole, reader getting upset and yelling at him, fluff ending all the way baybay

Notes: u have no clue how much i love u @roleycoleyland for literally being the reason this got finished &lt;;3 <;3 <3 title from Good In Bed by Dua Lipa <3

Masterlist

Jake pumps his hips hard into yours one final time, before he at last collapses beside you, chest sweaty and heaving, his eyes closed and his face raised to the ceiling. Your position had shifted from the pure force of your fucking, and somehow your head had fallen off the side of his bed, leaving you hanging slightly as you too try to catch your breath.

“Damn, I’ve missed this,” he says a short time later, shifting himself fully out from between your legs, and tucking his hands behind his head, the afterglow of a good lay lingering on him beautifully. Once upon a time his words might’ve sparked pride or even joy, but now they’re just one more cut that stings painfully before being swallowed up. You note sourly he doesn’t say he’s missed you, despite the fact he’s been gone ten weeks now, and against your better judgement you missed him.

You lay there on his bed in the late evening and regret every moment that led you to this point. You shouldn't have picked up when he called tonight, you shouldn't have come over for drinks, and you definitely shouldn't have had sex with him again.

It’s not that Jake isn't a nice guy, well, he isn’t always, but for the most part he was a mile more decent than most of the guys you’d actually dated in the past. From the start he was straightforward and blunt with you about what this thing between you would be, how much he was offering you, and to his credit, he rarely seemed to step outside of that. And like an idiot, you’d gone and gotten feelings for him anyway.

You should have stopped seeing him long before his most recent deployment, and you shouldn't have been there the night before he left for him to hit you with another straightforward and blunt assertion that you were only fuck buddies, nothing more.

The thing is, you and Jake got on well, so well in fact most people assumed that you were an item, and at this point maybe you were blinded by your feelings, but you couldn’t exactly see why you shouldn't be, aside form the fact that Jake didn’t seem to be interested in any sort of commitment, despite what that offered was basically what you had now, only he didn’t have to go out of his way to break your heart once a week.

After the last time, before he’d left for ten weeks, you’d sworn off him for good. You put his name in your phone as ‘DO NOT CALL’, you downloaded a few dating apps, you’d even been on a few dates… and then Jake had sauntered back into your life, invited you over for the night and just like none of your progress existed in the first place, you’d come at his beck and call.

You lay there feeling pathetic as it sinks in what you’ve done, but swallow back your emotions for now. You were an adult, you chose to do this with him tonight, you knew what it would do. Warm fingers make you jump as they wrap around your wrist, and you glance up to watch as Jake effortlessly tugs you back onto the bed, closer to him, never letting his hand leave your skin as he releases you to skim his fingers up and over your shoulder, drawing you even closer until you’re almost cuddling. You nearly pull away.

Jake wasn’t a post-sex cuddler, not really anyway. Aftercare? No problem, but this wasn’t exactly the sort of session that required aftercare, so you’re more than a little surprised by his continued affections, staying still as he curls himself onto his side to face you, hand dropping to grab at your thigh, which he hikes over his, as if this was something you normally did.

“You may need to give me a few before we go again,” you tell him, realising this position was probably just him gearing up for round two. Jake peeks an eye open at you, and lifts an eyebrow as though what you’ve said is very funny.

“I don’t think I’ve got more to give tonight,” he says, adjusting your leg around him again, pulling you in even more. You refrain from frowning, if only to avoid explaining to him why. Jake closes his eyes again and lets out a contented sigh. His hand stays curled around your leg, though he begins rhythmically smoothing his thumb back and forth over your skin after a few moments, and you begin to wonder at what point he’s going to withdraw from you like he usually does.

Luckily you’re saved from the dreaded wait, your phone buzzing loud and distractingly. You use it as the perfect excuse to extract yourself from him, instead moving to a sitting up cross-legged position as you reach for your phone, and draw the screen closer to your chest when you see who it’s from. Jake seems only a little disgruntled by your movement, though gets over it quickly, replacing his hand almost exactly where it once was around your thigh.

“What's going on?” he asks casually, eyes closed again as you tap out a reply. You spare him half a glance, but don’t feel much point in lying to him about things, seeing as he’d never done so with you.

“Just this guy I met on Tinder a while back.” you tell him lightly, completely missing how his eyes pop open immediately and he stares up at you with an unreadable expression.

“You’re on Tinder?” he asks, voice blank, finally making you look down at him properly. You blink and shrug, before going back to your phone.

“Sure, I mean, I don’t know how else to meet people these days, I kinda don’t get out much when Dagger’s not around,” you inform him, shifting in your place slightly as he withdraws his hand from your thigh to lay over his sternum instead.

Feeling the mood shift, but unsure as to why, you force out a laugh and shrug.

“It’s been sorta nice, trying to get back out there again properly, not just, you know, settling or whatever.” that makes Jake react clearly, frowning at you while pushing himself into an upright position. “Settling?!” he repeats, though it’s not really a question. You stare at him in confusion.

“I don’t know, I guess I’m getting past the point in my life where I wanna be doing this,” you getsure between the two of you. “All the time.”

Jake blinks at you in clear offence, before quickly his entire demeanour seems to change all at once, and his expression falls into a somewhat familiar cocky grin.

“Alright, I get it,” he says, only further confusing you and you’re caught off guard enough that when he reaches out and plucks your phone from your hands, you don’t have time to react.

“Hey! Jake!” you protest, suddenly a little panicked as he very easily plays keep-away from you, using one of his hands to do something on your screen, while the other easily bats away you various attempts to swipe your phone back.

“You don’t need any of this shit, alright?” Jake tells you almost condescendingly.

“Jake!” you warn, your voice growing less calm by the moment.

“There, gone. Deleted.” he says proudly, before at last turning your phone screen around to face you, and letting you take it back off him, which you do hurriedly, snatching it away and standing up from the bed.

“What the fuck?!” you demand, looking agape between your now tinder-less phone, and Jake. The blond looks more relaxed now, and all of a sudden any thought of keeping your brooding and your feelings to yourself goes out the window. Your eyes prickle.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do that?!” you shout. Jake has the smarts to at least drop his smug grin, but now he stares up at you in even more annoying surprise.

“I was just–” he starts, but you don’t even care what he has to say anymore.

“You don’t get to leave for ten weeks after, especially after reminding me that you don’t want me, and then just show up again and ruin my chances at finding someone who actually does!” your raised voice wobbles, and you don’t bother trying to hide your sniffling as you continue to lay into him. “That’s not fair! You’re being unfair!” you cry. “How many girls did you take home while you were away, huh?”

Jake blinks at you, a shade of indignance colouring his features now.

“None.” he tells you, but you can only scoff.

“Right. And how many did you flirt with? How many did you buy drinks for?” he stays silent at those questions, either not wanting to answer or no longer seeing the point in the face of your tirade. You stare at him until your eyesight blurs completely before at last you reel back from him.

Gasping a little at the state you’ve worked yourself into, you turn half away from him and wipe desperately at your eyes.

“Baby–” Jake starts, his fingers brushing your wrist, but you jerk away this time, pulling your hand and your phone to your chest.

“I need to go. I shouldn’t have come,” you tell him, collecting your clothes quickly before escaping into his bathroom.

You can't help but feel a little pathetic as you cry harder once you’re in the relative privacy of his ensuite, a strange but familiar disappointment lancing through you when he doesn't come after you. However upon swinging the door back open once you’re dressed, you find Jake standing in front of his bed, sweatpants now fastened around his hips, and a determined expression on his features.

“I’m not letting you leave like this,” he tells you firmly, as if he has any say in what you do. You scoff at him, but don’t cover up your still dripping eyes. If anything, his resolve seems to strengthen.

“Look, be pissed at me, I deserve it, but I’m not letting you drive home when you’ve been drinking,” his voice leaves little room for argument, and even though in the back of your mind you know he’s actually being the decent version of himself right now, you can’t help but snarl at him in disgust.

“Fine! Then I’ll call an uber. I’m not staying here.'' You're aware you sound a little childish, and you feel a small pang of regret when Jake’s face flashes with hurt that is quickly covered up by sternness. Going against all the signs you’re putting out to him right now, Jake moves forward and stops your movements to find your shoes by laying both hands on your shoulders. When you look up at him, eyes still blinking away tears, he seems sincere and pleading.

“Just… just stay here, I’ll sleep in the lounge, alright? Just don’t go home like this.”

You want to snap at him that he has no right to ask that of you, but somehow you think he already knows that, and is still asking anyway. You realise dully, that just like you always wanted, Jake was chasing you now, though, you aren’t sure you really want it anymore.

“I wasn’t trying to upset you–” he cuts himself off, just as you shrug out of his hold.

“Please do not talk to me right now.” is all you can manage by way of agreeing to his terms.

You can barely bring yourself to look at him as he goes about collecting up his pillow and a spare blanket, and a part of you feels cruel, but the bigger part of you is proud that you’ve finally put your foot down. Maybe at some other time you’d let him talk, but right now all you can think about or hear is every moment prior to this night when he’s hurt you.

You’d hoped you’d at least be able to fall asleep somewhat fast, but the longer you lay there, the longer you go over and over every little detail of your night until you find yourself downstairs, wrapped up in the throw blanket from Jake’s bed, and standing a few feet away from him on the couch. He sits up immediately when he noticed you, chucking his phone down and focusing intently on you. You note he doesn’t open his mouth, or attempt to speak yet, and you almost regret telling him not to earlier.

You stare at one another hard, until you have to suppress a small hiccup, at which point you frustratedly wipe your face with the back of your hand and cross your arms in front of you.

“Why did you do that?” You ask, amazed your voice sounds as firm as it does. Jake stares up at you with a mixture of uncertainty and something you want to say is remorse but you can’t bring yourself to believe right now that he would be.

“I’m not good at this stu—”

“—No, tell me why you did it.” You cut him off, not willing to listen to his self-pity right now. Jake closes his mouth and blinks up at you, staring intently for a few moments before he shifts in his seat. “Did you miss me?” You prompt after he continues to stare, eyes somewhat pleading. You understand relationships and vulnerability are hard for him, you’re willing to give him this olive branch for now. To his credit, Jake immediately nods, his hands coming together across his spread thighs to wring anxiously.

“Yes. I’m sorry—”

“—If you ever try any of that shit again, I’m kicking your ass,” you tell him. Jake blinks, then straightens up, and nods again. Your lip wobbles and this time when he reaches a hand out for you, he doesn’t grab you, but waits for you to shuffle forward toward him before pulling you in.

He tugs you forward to come stand between his legs, and bows his forehead to rest against your abdomen, his hands anchored at your hips.

“I don’t want you to think I don’t want you,” Jake mumbles, loud enough for you to hear, and you know this is a big admission for him.

“I know it probably doesn’t feel like it, but you can just, you know, tell me that…” you reply, letting your hands fall into his hair where you begin to smooth down some of the mess you made of it earlier. “I want you,” you say, realising while he may subconsciously know that, you’ve also never told him before. “I would never have let you mess me around if I didn’t,” you add with a short laugh, and flick his ear gently. Jake huffs, and lifts his head so he’s looking up at you now, chin resting on your belly.

“I don’t want you to date anyone else. I should have told you that back when I realised it…” he says softly, looking for the first time since you’ve known him like holding your eye contact is uncomfortable for him. “Is that okay?” He asks even quieter.

“Only if you don’t half ass it,” you peer down at him with playful scepticism.

Jake’s fingers at your hips tighten and his eyes narrow.

“I don’t half-ass anything,” he tells you sourly, before making a face. “Tonight notwithstanding.” he adds after a moment. You can’t help it then, you chortle, and hold the sides of his face. Jake smiles, seemingly proud of himself for making you laugh, and he adjusts his hold on you, moving his hands down to tug you into him, so your knees buckle and you’re forced to catch yourself on his shoulders just as he manoeuvres you to sit on his thigh.

“I’m sorry,” he says, far more seriously, leaning his forehead against yours now that you’re face to face. You cup his cheeks again, and dip forward to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

“You will be out on the curb so fast if you fuck me around again,” you tell him cheerfully, making him laugh this time.

“Noted,” he says, before he steals another kiss, longer this time.

When he pulls back at last, you feel yourself relax fully against him, and move to rest your head in the crook of his neck.

“Can we go to bed now?” he asks after a few seconds. You nod, stifling a suspiciously timed yawn, and yelp a little when he scoops your legs under his arm and stands, grinning smugly all the way back upstairs.

[craigslisthorses]

Hyperkalemic Periodic Paralysis (HYPP)

Breeds with HYPP; Quarter Horses, American Paint Horses, Appaloosas, and Quarter Horse Crosses.

HYPP

"An inherited disease of the muscle, caused by a genetic defect. A mutation in the sodium channel gene. Sodium channels are pores in the muscle cell membrane which control contraction of the muscle fibers. When the defective sodium channel gene is present, the channel becomes “leaky” and makes the muscle overly excitable and contract involuntarily. The channel become “leaky” when potassium levels fluctuate in the blood. This may occur with fasting followed by consumption of a high potassium feed such as alfalfa. Hyperkalemia, which is an excessive amount of potassium in the blood, causes the muscles in the horse to contract more readily than normal. This makes the horse susceptible to sporadic episodes of muscle tremors or paralysis."

GENOTYPE

HYPP Positive= H/N and H/H

HYPP Negative= HYPP N/N

HYPP horses with H/N genotype means they are heterozygous carriers, carrying one copy of the HYPP gene. If you bred a mare who is H/N to a stallion who is N/N, you would have about a 50% chance the foal is H/N as well. However if you bred an H/N mare to an H/N stallion you will have about a 25% chance the foal being N/N, a 50% chance it will be H/N, and a 25% chance it will be H/H.

HYPP horses with the H/H genotype means it is homozygous, carrying both copies of the HYPP gene. 100% passing the HYPP gene to it's offspring.

I made a thing in case it helps the visual learners out there

IMPRESSIVE (but not really)

Let's talk about the QH stallion, Impressive. All horses that have a HYPP positive gene of any kind, all descend from this horse. Impressive sired 2,250 foals and they estimate he has around 50,000 living descendants. No dilution of lineage will remove HYPP, as it is a dominant trait and will show whether you are 5 generations back or 2.

HYPP SYMPTOMS

HYPP varies in severity, it's not always equal and every horse may have different reactions. HYPP can be confused for tying-up or even colic, they may have difficulty breathing, muscle tremors, sweating, weakness, tremors. In more severe cases the horse may collapse from paralysis of the muscles in the airway and can result in sudden death.

Not every horse who is HYPP positive may display symptoms, making this disease sometimes hard to detect.

IS IT CURABLE?

No. HYPP may be managed with diet and certain medicines for maintenance but it cannot be cured. H/H positive horses have poor prognosis and can be much more difficult to manage.

VIDEOS OF HYPP ATTACKS

CW: Horses in distress, videos may be hard to watch for some.

Video 1

Video 2

Video 3

Video 4

Video 5

Sources (and if you want to read more); AAEP , UCDavis, Tri-State

Is there anything I forgot? Anything to add? Just covering the basics of this disease and what it does to these horses.

[bibbibib]

Peeta's amputation

One of the things I really wish we'd gotten more information for in the books was the impact of Peeta losing his leg. On himself, on his habits, his reactions, anything really. We don't even know how badly he took it because around that time all Katniss was able to describe was him (understandably) being just happy to have survived it all along with her, plus he was putting on a brave face throughout the interviews, and maybe even in front of her so she would feel less guilty. And, I get it, most of the stuff I'm going to mention is just slice of life and maybe not that important as plot points, but I find them super interesting, for the perspective if anything.

Would Peeta's self-esteem take another deep dive after that? With everything happening during that time (moving out of his parents' house, his falling out with Katniss, being viewed differently by the rest of the district, living alone and possibly lonely, his romantic hopes crushed, PTSD from the Games, etc etc etc) he had a lot of triggers seemingly supporting those thoughts of being useless and uneeded and generally not good enough.

It's so frustrating to lose a limb and have to basically relearn everything from the beginning. How to navigate stairs, how to get in and out of a sitting position, how to balance and not tip over, stuff you've been doing esentially your whole life. And Peeta was athletic, he worked manually, he trusted himself to be capable of doing physical things, so that might have hurt a little more.

How about medical complications? From weird sensations to nerve pain, possibly phantom pains, everything related to his prosthetic leg (which, depending on the type, can get uncomfortable in sooo many ways, especially since he's still a teenager who's growing). And he was dumped at a place with basically no medical care at all, let alone anything specialized. Which, ok, was part of everyone's life in D12 already, but it must have still left a bitter taste... There was no one around to know much about his state, (exept maybe Ripper the liquor seller) and he had to make do on his own.

What if the Capitol had chosen his prosthetic more for aesthetic functions and less for functional? @whenthewallfell has a fantastic post about it, complete with illustrations!

Peeta's artificial foot getting tangled in the vines in the second arena and impeding his ability to run was no funny business. With prosthetic legs, there's usually different kinds for different functions. Your average foot people use to be able to walk is stiff and does a horrible job at supporting these sorts of activities. That's why equipment like running blades exists for amputees who want to be running and jumping. And you have to switch to that before the activity! Peeta apparently never got one. Even if he had, he would have to carry the alternative equipment around in the arena.

Speaking of that, even with a single type of artificial leg/foot, adjustments are frequently needed throughout the day. Most people as far as I understand remove the prosthetic to sleep, but also ball -and-socket models at least move around and need to be put back in place because it gets uncomfortable (sleeves -stump covers- sliding down, etc). The fact that Katniss never mentioned anything like this means that either he was actively not doing it in front of her or she just doesn't wanna talk about it (or maybe his leg is some fancy Capitol tech that doesn't work that way?)

Also, he's got to be hungry. All the time. He needs more food after the amputation, because the rest of his body is compensating for the lost limp and he has to use different muscles/nerves/tendons/etc. that are not designed spesifically for this. The same thing means he gets tired more easily. So Peeta being that active and training for the Quarter Quell while battling insomnia and nightmares with an amputated leg? Even harder than we thought.

[bimgtt]

SP never destroyed anything

so what they wanna proof that blushing sasuke loved sakura but in real sasuke blushing at that time means it's embarrassment nothing romantic, sp didn't do shit

what has changed it is till the same bloody

They did good by showing sakura isn't insensitive jerk to a injured person and giving him space but in manga she is a insensitive prick

when is sasuke blushing, it was shadow of his hair sasuke was actually smiling in anime, plus anime was in 2000s, that's why quality down, so they focus on important things, blushing was like something impossible to add at that for some reason

instead they add a hug so it's not even that important cz sakura forcefully squeezing sasuke's hand

funny angry expression cz he had a vision of his massacre self and angry and now wanna throw at someone bc of curse mark, it's same

what's their agenda with this, it proves nothing negative for sasuke

what's difference, both same expression of gratefulness for a comrade mixture with sad and frustration along with pain of curse mark

again what they wanna proof sasuke even not looking at sakura but drawn from different angle than manga that's why it's misunderstood sasuke is looking to none but towards empty point,

what it proves that sasuke love her, delusion looool

same expression in one sasuke looks more exhausted and nihilist and indifferent robotic face other one more angry,

doesn't proof anything positive for sakra stan to cherry picks

again when opening your mouth is surprised expression with no reaction dialogue, both have same expression with manga had open mouth, sakra stan cheery picks well

sugarcoating like sakra stan, sasuke's face is surprised in the anime too but you have to see very closely to understand that not from far away cz it was drawn in a very small way

studio can't cz the way draw sasuke was different then manga that's why they can't add blushing, it would be inconsistent,

also blushing doesn't mean she likes her but he was flustered for some reason, we know what is the reason but you can't sugarcoat panel without indicating concretely why sasuke felt flustered for sakura or something else or being centre of attention when he said about his goal

lol in manga sasuke even not laughing just looking at her with guilt face not love but in anime he is laughing like he is part of team 7 now,

funny this where guilt tripping of sasuke by team 7 started

at least anime tried to make it like consistent memory while manga proved it imagination of sarada with sasuke having both hand and fat

what does it even proof when it was stated sasuke had no contract with her for decade in your fanfic novel mentioned it so why does it matter if it was present or not cz people will read gaiden not only watch anime

this one is bad

instead they add sakura's badass fight not damsel in distress

in manga sasuke looked like depressed as hell but in anime they made him jolly, should be happy for your stan, sasuke didn't , he did cz sarada did

when novel became canon,

they are same as anime canon fillers,

so be grateful, they even adapted these fanfic which only for shippers

lol at least anime showed the canon sasuke not fanfic sasuke,

sasuke who didn't even care when his wife transported now jealous and didn't even hug her when she wanted lol??

anime did better to maintain consistency of sasuke, sasuke never gets jealous, didn't even care when she stabbed by madara never sent a letter in a decade now suddenly jealous

it was filler they can't add everything

like it' even a problem!!

lol sasuke's jealousy wasn't there when he was contract less with her for decade

they removed the creepy part of sakura

if he can count on her then why didn't he let her beat shin uchiha and sending letter to her, i mean he can count on her so sending letter wouldn't hurt his mission after all he can count on her

they want anime fillers to be treated as arc when SP had tight schedule at that time for boruto

he is having smiling face

the man who doesn't even care to send a letter once for a decade or mentioning his wife name before leaving with boruto

[doodle-pops]

Dandelions

Amras x reader

Request: Right, so first is with Amras, can I get a fluff fic with him, like the one you posted a few weeks ago, the "puppy love" one, it was so cute and id love to read something similar with amras! - anon

Warnings: none, all fluff

Words: 1.4k

Synopsis: A soft moment shared between you and Amras amidst the hectic life.

Prompt: “Dandelions? I thought they were a weed?”

The gentle winds were blowing through the room, ruffling the curtains, and sending pieces of your loose hair strands flying across your face. With your mouth wide open, lightly snoring and your hair covering your face, your husband who was up at the time, was admiring your sleeping form and thought you to be the most beautiful person in the world. Leaning in closer, doing his best not to wake you, he moved a few hair strands so he could kiss your forehead.

As his lips came in contact with your forehead, you grumbled slightly and shifted to roll over onto the next side, now facing away from him. Smiling to himself, he shook his head while rolling on the bed and made his way over to the door to go to the kitchen. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes before he entered the kitchen, Amras yawned before he turned to the cabinet to gather the necessary ingredients to make you both breakfast.

Standing bareback in the kitchen, whisking away at the batter for the pancakes, he placed the bowl down to remove the eggs and sausages from the pan, he removed the pan to clean before using it for the pancakes. It didn’t take him long before the pancakes were finished, all he needed to do was wait for the muffins to leave the oven and breakfast was ready to be served. In the meantime, a smile graced his face as he remembered something to help brighten your day.

It wasn’t long before he finished his assignment and returned to the kitchen, holding a bouquet of flowers. Walking to the wares stand he picked two plates to place your food in while grabbing the jug filled with apple juice, to rest on the tray. After he had set the dishes on the tray, the muffins were ready to be removed from the oven.

Taking the tray and making his way back to your shared room, he noticed that your position changed, and you were now sprawled out in the middle of the bed, facing down. Placing the tray on the nightstand, he gauged your state before walking over to the windows and pulling the curtains apart, allowing for more light to evade the room. A loud groan was heard as the curtains parted, and turning his head to follow the sound, he saw you wriggling your body under the sheets and sticking your head under the pillow.

You weren’t much of a morning person. He knew this and still to your displeasure, he took the greatest pleasure in all the different ways he could wake you up, most of the time light was involved. If he wasn’t your husband, you would have taken him down for disrupting your sleep. Your sleep was important to you and you treasured it with all your heart, so currently you felt as though you were going to combust at the fact that it was interrupted.

During your grumbling and fussing, Amras stood there with his hands clutching his stomach doubling over while the other was covering his mouth stifling his laughter. Your reaction was golden. No matter how early or how late you went to sleep, no amount of sleep was enough. However, it was already one in the afternoon, and the morning was already over. It was way past time to eat, so you needed to get up.

Still laughing at your sleeping state, this time out loud, he climbed into the bed next to you and peeled back the sheets to reveal your head, “Love, it’s time to wake up. I made breakfast, well, lunch?”

Your hand shot out from under the sheets to cover his mouth, Unsuccessfully, you took a while before approaching his mouth, instead, his body received multiple slaps in the process as your hand travelled up to meet his mouth. He sat there taking in all the hits until your hand finally reached his mouth. He realized that talking wasn’t doing anything, so he moved his hands to travel under the sheets to tickle at your sides. You retaliated by hitting him some more while inching away from his fingers. His tickling was relentless, and he refused to let you return to sleep.

Determined to wake you out of your slumber, he crawled off the bed, moving over to the foot of the bed making you feel as though he had given up and decided to leave you alone. In reality, he was holding the sheets, ready to rip them off your body to get you up. Doing a countdown before taking it off, he laughed as he reached one and ripped the coverings off you, forcing you to shoot out of bed, fists balled up and ready to fight.

“Finally, sleeping beauty has arisen from slumber,” he spoke with a bright smile appearing on his face, happy with the outcome of his actions.

“Amras, come on,” you were kicking your feet, throwing a tantrum.

“I made breakfast, lunch, whatever you want to call it. Come on, you can’t let it get cold, plus I got you flowers,” he urged you to sit up properly so you two could eat.

“I want to sleep,” you were whining at him, still kicking your feet about the bed.

Sighing at your little tantrum, he quickly came up with a deal, “How about this,” he climbed on the bed to sit next to you, “we eat the food I made and then we, I mean you go back to sleep, though it’s already afternoon and I don’t understand why you still need sleep.”

Eyeing him suspiciously, you frowned. “You promise?”

“Promise.” He flashed a smile. “Now come, let us eat!”

“What did you make for us to eat?” you yawned as you forced your body to roll to the cool side of the bed.

“Pancakes, eggs, sausages, muffins, the usual, and I got you some flowers. Dandelions, because they remind me of you.” Getting up to retrieve the tray, he came back to sit at the head of the bed where you moved to lay next to him, snuggling him in the process. “Hey, you have to sit up, you can’t eat like that.”

“Dandelions? Aren’t those weeds? I remind you weeds?” you teased as you pressed your body deeper into his sides, ignoring his protests. “Oh Pityo, how romantic. At least you picked me first, get it?”

Torn between wanting to laugh and being exasperated by your antics, he shook his head with a playful roll of his eyes as he reached for the glass of apple juice and brought it to your lips. He fed you while you cuddled him and made small talk as the meal depleted. From conversing about what activities to partake in during your time off, to how much sleep was enough for you, you two spoke about everything before sleepiness returned to you.

“You should feed me like this more often,” you mumbled sleepily after he finished feeding you. “Make sure your little weed grows to be the toughest one of them all.”

“You aren’t planning on letting that go, are you?” he replied as he slid the tray onto the table before adjusting his body comfortably beside yours. His fingers grazed your back, dancing along the curve and tracing random patterns that lulled you to sleep faster.

“How,” –you yawned– “could I? I’m your favourite little flower you would always pick first.”

Feeling his heart melting as you spoke tenderly, he took in your sleepy figure; lashes fluttering as you fought against the sleep, head going slump, lips parted as soft snores escaped and body relaxed. It was a sight that could not get any better. He was indeed pleased to have picked you first since you were his first love. Nuzzling his nose against yours and following up with a kiss, he softly whispered, “You’re the only flower I’d ever pick.”

Masterlist

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[beauty-and-passion]

CCCC Vol.1 - Cacophony: back into one (5/5)

Wow, we’ve reached the end of the Cacophony act!

Let’s recap the story until now:

Mind and Heart try to cooperate, then start drifting apart because of their natural differences

The Juno incident fucks everything up

Heart surrenders to apathy, he leaves Mind in full control of the vessel

Mind berates Heart whenever he can, trying to get a reaction out of him. He fails so much, in the end, he thinks Heart is nothing more than a virus that should be removed.

And since now things can become truly dangerous, Soul finally intervenes.

<- Previous post - First post

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The Soul Eclectic: the real ultimatum

* Soul’s nature

Heart is associated with “acoustic” to emphasize his connection with songs and Mind with “electric” to emphasis his nature as “cynical machine”. Soul, on the other hand, is associated with “eclectic”, to point out how broad and variegated his nature is.

He admits this firsthand, by saying “you can call me whatever”.

* Soul’s leading role

While Mind and Heart fight and bicker about who the leader is, Soul simply appears and:

scolds them both like kids (“Call me your host or call me insane/If that will help you stay in line”)

reminds them that no matter who the leader is, they still answer to him

reminds them that neither of them can control the Soul

calls them parasites living inside of him and scolds them again for nothing useful aside from their constant bickering

Mind or Heart might fight for leadership, but Soul is clearly a superior power - some sort of authoritarian/adult figure who controls the other two.

And yes, he’s not nice to them at all, but he said it since Dream: he’s tired of their bickering.

* Soul’s awareness

Soul is more aware than Heart and Mind about how right and wrong they are. Why each of them tries to insist that they’re 100% right and the other is 100% wrong, Soul can see that it’s more of a 50/50. He has a more detached, external view to their discussion - and a more objective one.

Also, he can see that they’re exhausting themselves: in order to win their stupid war at all costs, all they do is deteriorating their vessel.

And since Soul doesn’t want to destroy the vessel and resort to suicide, all he can do is give a real, final ultimatum. They have one last chance to cooperate. If they fail again, Soul will bring both of them down with him. And unlike Mind or Heart, who are equally powerful and thus cannot bring the other down, Soul proved he’s more powerful than them. So if Soul wants to destroy them both, he can definitely do it.

_______________________________

The Bidding: the reunification

There are four things in particular that got stuck with me here:

1) For the first and only time, Heart talks shit about Mind. He calls him “the piece of shit”, admits he stole his throne (aka his leader role) and even points out Mind never was the ruler - probably referring to a moment before the time loop (maybe the same Mind hinted in Be Born).

And Souls not only confirms that, but he points out it doesn’t really matter who the leader is, because neither Heart nor Mind can fully control him.

So the leader position is basically useless. Heart and Mind are equal. Sometimes, one can be more prominent than the other, but that’s it, they still won’t overcome Soul.

And if it sounds very realistic, it’s because it is.

2) All Soul needs is to confirm they will die today if they do not harmonize and bam, Heart and Mind find a way to harmonize. Talking about being persuasive and the true leader.

3) The harmonization happened over this line:

“Your silence (violence) deafens more than any sound”

Heart and Mind managed to find common ground only while stating their mutual distaste for each other. And yet, this is a step forward, because while stating “yes, I don’t like you”, they also point out the core reason why they do not like each other. The foundation of that mutual distaste.

For Heart, it’s Mind’s silence: that same silence from Night, after Heart asked Mind “What do you want?”. The silence that made his anxieties rise, that convinced him of Mind’s dangerous goals. The same silence that pushed Heart to act and led to the Juno incident.

For Mind, it’s Heart’s violence: the same violence we talked about in The Mind Electric, the violence that struck Mind the most because he was supposed to work with this guy and yet not only Heart tried to kill him, but even dug a hole for him.

And by pointing them out at the same time, they managed to switch perspective and see the problem from the other side’s point of view. Heart saw his own violence, Mind saw the effect of his own silence. It’s extremely clever and Chonny made it even more clever with the switching colors.

4) As soon as they harmonize, Soul immediately drops the suicidal thoughts and rejoices. It was a weak attempt, it wasn’t very harmonious either, but it happened and that’s what matters the most. No matter how flawed it was, they still managed to do it.

As I said in my first post, it’s very typical of people with suicidal tendencies to drop the idea of suicide and immediately latch to a possible hope, no matter how small it is. And since Soul is closer and more similar to Chonny than the other sides, it makes sense he shows this kind of behavior. Heck, he even begs the other two sides to try again to harmonize. He, who was sick and tired of their constant bickering, who was ready to resort to suicide, as soon as he found some hope, immediately got his strength and his will to try again.

And no, it’s not weird, because it’s the same thing that happened in Dream: right from his very first song, Soul showed how tired he is, but also how hopeful he is. And if there is even one small possibility of success, he wants to give it a try. He did it with the time loop, he’s doing it again now.

_______________________________

Light: blurring the lines

*Soul’s payoff: as soon as Soul decides they should blur the lines, Mind and Heart’s rhythms change: Heart’s becomes more robotic, Mind’s becomes softer. I don’t know you, but to me that looks like another confirmation that Soul is the most powerful of the three sides.

And his hard work is finally paying off: by switching perspectives, Heart and Mind can better understand each other, to the point they manage to unify and Chonny as a whole can finally sing.

*Whole!Chonny is incredibly human: he’s the perfect representation of an ex-suicidal on the road to recovery. He still sees his flaws and imperfections, he’s still a “sad sulking mess”. But the negative, dark, pessimistic feelings are taking a step back, because of the overwhelming optimism born from the previous spark of hope in The Bidding. Going over something as dreadful as the idea to die makes the will to live grow stronger - consequently, the love for life increases too, as well as all positive, optimistic feelings. Even if things are still far from perfect, the mere idea of being alive is enough to push Chonny forward and convince himself things can go well.

_______________________________

We’re Gonna Win: a positive perspective

*Connection to Sanders Sides: after so many songs in which they were always at each other’s throat, Heart and Mind finally comes to the realization all they need is each other.

This heavily reminds me of the song Family of Me, from Thomas’ playlist. The interpretation I gave at the time is the same of this song: even if you’re physically alone, you’re never truly alone, because there will always be these parts of you at your side. Friends and family can disappear, love can fade, but your own self will never betray, nor leave you alone.

*Building confidence: If you think it’s a lonely though, consider this from the point of view of an ex-suicidal as Chonny: knowing that, no matter what, you’re never truly alone reassures you a lot. You’re not left to deal with these dark thoughts by yourself, there is always someone who loves, cares and supports you. It calms you, it reassures you - and it makes you more confident. You won’t fear being alone anymore, because you have yourself.

*After a heartbreak: this realization helps a lot especially after an heartbreak. Heartbreaks tend to make people feel weak, wrong, incomplete. But once you realize you’re not alone because you have yourself and yourself is all you need, then the ex isn’t so essential anymore. You can survive without them. Chonny survived without them. And if he’s alive now, it’s thanks to his own strength, not a loved one. Hence, he can face everything now.

*A burning passion for art: as soon as Chonny realizes he can do anything, he immediately reconfirms his love for songwriting and states he wants to make his own songs, until the day he dies. What a perfect representation of what the love for art is.

_______________________________

Two Wuv: the religious theme

We can’t have psychological stories without a sprinkle of religion.

This album makes it very clear that Chonny was/is a dark, depressed, disheartened person. A person who thought and talked about his dark thoughts, suicide and how bad he was feeling.

And yet, when he did it, the people around him failed to understand, help or accept him: they told him to cheer up, to stop talking about this, to “play the happy song”.

Is it so hard to believe that some religious figure told him the same? That instead of offering him the solace he needed, condemned him for being who he is and for his thoughts? That instead of helping, they made it worse?

So, Chonny taking a stand is very, very brave. He doesn’t just admit his flaws to himself, but he does it to the people around them, his family and religion itself. He goes against those huge old institutions to reaffirm who he is, flawed and all.

And, honestly, this is closer to Jesus’ original message, than the religious teachings he probably got. It’s more Christian to love someone for who they are, as long as they’re good people at heart, than judging people according to labels and arbitrary rules.

_______________________________

Variations on a Cloud: synchronized harmonies

Chonny is a lot more confident now. The Bidding started an “optimistic wave” that led him to a bigger understanding of himself and a higher self-esteem. He’s even strong enough to face the people in his life and show himself for who he is - the imperfect, flawed, human person he is.

But still, no matter how flawed he can be, he’s not alone. He has his sides with him, a “tridental sovereignty” helping and supporting him.

So, he shows this by letting them sing and showing us how they all work together now. Sure, they may have slightly different lines, but there is harmony. They are moving together in the same direction.

And so, since they’re all on the same page, they make the same ask: to “keep it coming back”. But back to what?

In the original song, this line was about memories. And here I think the meaning is the same: they are asking Chonny to remember. To revisit what happened, in order to find a closure. Now they’re together, they’re harmonized: they are strong enough to do it.

So Chonny does it and goes back to the start.

_______________________________

The Whole World & You (Outro from Cacophony): a meta retrospective

We have several voices here, all explaining what happened during this arc and drawing their conclusions:

*Chonny (alongside Heart) reconfirms his goal was the same as the Q&A: he wanted to sing about love and duality, the “blues and greens”, his dark thoughts. He wanted to better understand himself. And, if you remember, this exploration of himself always went hand in hand with a sense of inadequacy, because he was just making covers, “singing songs someone already sung”, not writing new ones. Everything he said was “trite”.

But now, he’s finally at peace with this. He made covers and he loves to do them.

*Mind reveals it was all a test. He never forgot the original goal to become one, never. He simply played a part: Heart was Dr. Jekyll, so he just played Mr. Hide. And since Hide is the villain, Mind played the role of a villain.

Honestly? I believe him. Because, for the entire Cacophony, Mind kept trying to get a reaction out of Heart. He repeated he wasn’t a villain, trying to make him understand he’s not the bad guy. He kept blaming and scolding Heart, trying to get something out of him. And when the insults didn’t help, he moved to actual threats, hoping those would do the trick.

But also: Mind really really wanted that leadership position. And the way he kept pointing out how Heart “dug a hole for him” showed some real hurt. So maybe yes, it was all a plan. But this plan definitely had some personal components.

*Soul can finally relax. He endured Heart and Mind, he managed to make them harmonize. He’s on the other side of the time loop now, the worst is in the past. Things will be easier from now on.

In fact, this is the end of the “lore-packed” act. Now Chonny will “go back”, as his sides asked. He will talk about the past, himself and his work.

But before doing that, he offers his thanks to his Muse, the inspiration behind his work: Tally Hall, the original authors of these songs. After all, without them and their songs, this album wouldn’t exist either.

So just like a book starts with the credits, Chonny starts reminiscing his story with the credits as well.

-> Next post

(How about a coffee? ☕)

_______________________________

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[usamifriends]

IDOLiSH7 Anime vs Game Comparisons

First Beat - Episode 3

The Dorm

It was hinted but not explicitly stated in the anime, but i7 worked for their dorm! After performing in school festivals and on the streets (like they did in the anime) and by selling CDs in malls, they finally got a dorm.

We also get details on the building. It was a renovated employee building. Because of that, the members will have to share the kitchen and bathroom, which we see in the anime.

I love that we are able to see more of the dorm. The BGM that plays during the house tour is also great.

Not sure why, but they scrambled some of the lines. For example, in the anime, Tamaki says he wants the corner room, but in the game, Yamato says he wants the corner room.

There's an added detail about Tamaki's upbringing. Riku and Sogo mention that Tamaki has a habit of collecting stickers from canned juices and bread. (Tamakiii... 🥺)

Trivia about the stickers: Some products will have a special sticker that you can collect to get certain rewards.

Above are stickers that you can use to exchange for plates from the Yamazaki Spring Bread Festival. There's even a Crayon Shin-chan episode (ep. 961) about collecting stickers to get a trip to Europe 😆

Riku's comment when Iori leaves with the manager to continue their talk from before (about joining the management team) is a bit more self-depracative:

"Iori often scolds me too. Since he does everything so well, I must seem unreliable to him, even though I'm older." (Game)

"Iori likes to lecture people. I seem to annoy him in particular." (Anime)

His tone is also much calmer in the game. It feels like Riku is quite bothered by this... ;-; C'mon Iori, we can do better. (He will do better!) In the anime, it sounds more light-hearted, like an "oopsie daisy" type of comment.

Mitsuki then explains that rather than seeing them (Riku and Tsumugi) as annoying / unreliable, they're the types of people he loves to take care of.

Iori and Tsumugi talk about the center

Iori has more of an attitude during this scene in the game. The anime used this scene to show his softer side. It's really nice because you hear Mitsuki talk about how Iori actually is and then you can see it right away.

Iori as he listens to Tsumugi explain her vision for i7.

Riku: the Center!

There are some extra scenes about the members reacting to Riku becoming the center.

Everyone is supportive, like shown in the anime. But Nagi also asks about when they can battle for the center position. Sogo confirms that no one really wants to challenge the decision. Nagi calls them "vegetarians" (in English). In Japanese, that word means someone who is passive. I find it funny because we don't have that meaning associated with vegetarian in English. The anime made the right choice to remove it 😂

Riku's reaction is also different! In the game, Riku went from disbelief -> nervous -> proud -> determined. After being congratulated by all the members, he said that he feels a hole is going to form in his stomach. In the anime, he was surprised -> happy -> moved to tears-> determined.

The game adds some details about how becoming the center affected Riku's performance.

Sogo comments that although Riku doesn't have stamina, he will give his all until the end.

Idol Self-Awareness Meeting

Hoo boy! The atmosphere is completely different here.

The scene where Tamaki and Nagi were fooling around when fans were asking for an encore is much more light-hearted in the anime; the scene ends comedically with Mitsuki shouting.

In the game, instead of drooling at a takoyaki stand, Tamaki was actually eating takoyaki. And because Tamaki and Nagi were fooling around, fans left saying, "Oh, it's fine if you can't do it. Excuse us." The situation was much more tense. It feels like a reality check. These people come from all sorts of backgrounds with all sorts of motives. It's weird that everything has been going so smoothly so far.

The anime and game meeting also differs greatly. The BGM and pacing of the anime scenes keep an upbeat and silly feeling.

In the anime meeting, Mitsuki says that Nagi and Tamaki aren't focused enough. They are often sleep in, come late, and are unsynchronized when they perform dances. The game goes further by adding that they frequently cancel unexpectedly, which is a serious problem.

Nagi and Tamaki does not seem to care about Mitsuki's criticisms. Mitsuki's frustration grows with their responses, along with the volume he uses to scold them.

Exasperated, Mitsuki tries to get the other members to help him. He turns to Yamato, but Yamato is a more hands-off person. Unlike in the anime where Riku pipes in on his own, Mitsuki asks Riku to give a comment in the game. Riku struggles to firmly scold them.

After this, we dive into classic Ainana chaos ✨

Sogo and Tamaki argue about how they should act as an idol group. Tamaki believes that he is doing enough, while Sogo believes that they should make sure not to cause trouble for anyone. And Tamaki is causing trouble, so he is not doing enough (This part is the same as the anime).

Sogo compares Tamaki to Iori, like in the anime. But then we get some extra comments. Iori says, "Oosaka-san... It's unfair to compare him to me." Riku responds with something like “Are you trying to boast or show empathy?”

Sogo continues his lecture. Tamaki cuts him off with an apology and decides to leave for a walk. Mitsuki tries to get Nagi to apologize to, but Nagi is completely glued to the TV, watching Magical Kokona.

Basically! It’s chaotic like in the anime, but the atmosphere is much more tense.

Before Tamaki actually leaves the room, Iori says, "Let's take a break from performing." Both use the same line but with different tones. Anime Iori sounds more relaxed, while game Iori sounds more stern and concerned.

Riku asks, "Huh... Why would you be able to decide something like that, Iori?" Iori adds, "...That's what our manager is saying". Then, we go to the scene with Iori and Tsumugi's discussion.

One-Month Suspension

During their one-month suspension, we get to hear about why each of them want to become idols. Game and anime conversations go mostly the same.

Iori and Tsumugi's conversation is slightly different. When Tsumugi asks Iori why he became an idol in the anime, he immediately opens up about how he became an idol so that Mitsuki can get scouted with him. However, in the game, Iori dodges the question at first, saying that he became an idol because Tsumugi's father scouted him. Only after Tsumugi probes further does he reveal the true reason. He also asks Tsumugi to keep this a secret from his brother. Game Iori is more sensitive about this topic.

Side Story I: How they spent their one-month suspension

Nagi does a complete 180 after being moved by Mitsuki's passion. He promises to be more focused.

We get an extra conversation with Mitsuki and Nagi. Since they are not allowed to sing or dance, Mitsuki and Nagi were alone together in the dance practice room just chatting. Mitsuki notices some flowers in the shade. He is impressed that they were able to grow without sunshine.

Nagi pities the flower and says that if it were him, he would have grown a pair of legs and moved to a place with sunshine. Mitsuki responds saying, "That's so you." Mitsuki thinks that Nagi feels like someone who grew up thriving under a cozy and warm sunlight.

Nagi asks if it's different for Mitsuki. He says that Mitsuki is like the sun. Mitsuki laughs and thanks him for the compliment but says that he's more of the type that would stay in the shade and admire the sun.

Mitsuki adds that it's not a bad thing to grow under the shade because once you get exposed to sunlight, you'll grow rapidly. He circles back to their current situation and encourages Nagi, saying they should both cherish these feelings of wanting to sing and dance.

Tamaki enters the room to Mitsuki's surprise. He was supposed to go to school (Iori left already). Tamaki slept in, so he thought he'd just skip.

Mitsuki scolds Tamaki and tells him that he should get a better schedule, so Tamaki points out that Yamato is still asleep. Mitsuki comments about how Yamato is being a bad example. Mitsuki tries to convince Tamaki to go to school and to also talk to Sogo afterwards, but Tamaki doesn't want to do it.

Sogo walks in the room and asks about Tamaki's school. Tamaki lies, saying that he has a substitute holiday. Mitsuki quickly points out his lie and smacks Tamaki. Sogo and Tamaki get into another fight. Tamaki leaves for school to get out of another round of Sogo's lecturing.

Sogo feels bad because they ended up fighting again. Mitsuki says that Tamaki does need a bit of scolding because he is a bit too laxed. Mitsuki asks if Sogo can wake Yamato up and suggests Sogo to shout in Yamato's ear.

It seems like Yamato woke up and fell asleep again in the living room. Sogo was about to shout in Yamato's ear (LOL) but Yamato sensed Sogo before Sogo could do it. Yamato told Sogo to stop emitting such a tense aura near his pillow.

Sogo asks if he talk to Yamato about something. Yamato asks him what's up. Turns out Sogo was unconsciouly humming while he was listening to music last night. He came to apologize to Yamato, who is i7's leader, and is ready to accept any punishment. (You can tell Sogo had a really strict upbringing.)

Yamato laughs because of how Sogo takes everything so seriously. He tells Sogo that he is the leader in name only. Yamato won’t punish or judge Sogo. He tells Sogo that Sogo should be his own judge and that Sogo should only come to Yamato if he wants Yamato to praise him. (Awwww)

Riku arrives! He wants to help out with something, maybe shopping or some cleaning. But Sogo did everything already. Riku looks sad that he can't help out. But he quickly regains composure and apologizes for reacting judgementally when he found out Sogo abandoned his family for music. Sogo also apologizes for letting Riku down, even though they were getting along so well.

Riku says it's not Sogo's fault and asks if they could make up. Sogo agrees. Riku asks if Sogo wants to do a lesson with him afterwards. Sogo reminds him that they are currently under a singing and dancing ban.

Riku is a bit disappointed. He says that after he makes up with a friend or after something good happens, he lines to sing loudly and dance with all his might. It's his way of releasing all the emotions from inside his body. All the things that he can't express well comes pouring out along with the rhythm. Sogo can understand this.

Riku says that Tamaki probably feels the same way too. Even though Tamaki is a bit sloppy in daily life, he is always full of energy while he is dancing. Tamaki uses dance to express things that he can't express through words, since he is not very good at expressing things through words. Riku feels that Tamaki is most affected by this ban.

We cut to a scene with Tamaki and Iori. Tamaki says, "Let me go, Iorin...! I just danced a bit after school because they asked me to!" Iori reminds him that dancing is prohibited. Tamaki thinks that the ban only applies to him as part of IDOLiSH7, so he should be a allowed to dance in his own time.

Iori says that since Tamaki joined IDOLiSH7, he carries the IDOLiSH name everywhere he goes. Tamaki is upset because he feels like he's being shackled. Iori asks if Tamaki plans to quit if Tamaki can't do what he wants. Tamaki angrily says that he never said that.

Iori tells Tamaki that if he wants to be free, he should be alone. If he wants to be with other people, then he needs to accept having to adjust and compromise for other people.

Tamaki: "Quit acting like you know it all. You're the one who's always sitting alone in class. Ah... I'm not calling you a loner, but aren't you also choosing to be free by being alone?"

Iori explains that he struggles with social interactions, but whenever he does connect with others, he makes it a point to take responsibility for those relationships. He believes that if he’s going to engage, he should be accountable for the impact he has on others. Tamaki says he won't take responsibility over someone who's not even his sibling.

Iori expresses his admiration for Tamaki's dancing technique and expressiveness, saying he's glad Tamaki is part of IDOLiSH7. He believes that with Tamaki on the team, their popularity is bound to grow, and he wants Tamaki to feel the weight of those expectations.

Tamaki, confused, asks, "I don’t really get it, but was that a compliment?" Iori replies, "No, it was not." "Then I don’t care," Tamaki retorts. Finally, Iori, feeling a bit embarrassed, admits, "I was praising you."

The side story ends with Iori telling Tamaki to not dance if he wants to stay with the group.

Side Story II - 3 Weeks After Their Suspension

Yamato goes to Nagi's room because Yamato got Nagi's laundry. Turns out Nagi was watching other groups' live performances, not anime. He wants to show Mitsuki his good side. Yamato hopes that Tamaki can feel similarly too.

Tamaki is really not handling it well. He has reached his limit at this point. He wants to talk to the manager about lifting the ban.

Tamaki: Isn't it weird? If you tell me to dance and sing as an idol, I can understand, but why would you tell me not to dance? The manager is weird. Riku: Don't say that! Our manager has put a lot of thought for us! Iori: That's right. If you're going to complain to her, just say it to me. Riku: ...Why? Iori: Huh? Oh... Ahem. She is probably busy, so I'll tell her in your stead. Riku: Iori, are you close to the manager? Iori: Nanase-san, let's focus on the topic here. Riku: Anyways, don't do it, Tamaki! Let's hang in there a little longer! Tamaki: You two are making it seem like I'm bullying the manager.

Sogo comes in the room. Riku explains that Tamaki wants to speak directly to the manager (Riku... you're making Tamaki sound like a Karen 😭 Let's find better ways to word things).

Sogo tries to calm Tamaki down and says that Tamaki might scare her if he acts like that. Tamaki is frustrated because he's being treated like a bad person. Tamaki angrily leaves the room. Riku feels bad. He thinks he might have gone too far. Sogo tells Riku and Iori to return to the dorm. He will talk to Tamaki.

Sogo tries to convince Tamaki to go home. Tamaki brushes Sogo off, saying Sogo doesn't understand how much Tamaki loves dancing. Sogo explains that it's not easy for him either. He's just used to putting up with things he doesn't like, but he understands that it may be hard for a free-spirited person like Tamaki.

Tamaki asks if being free implies being alone. Sogo doesn't think so because you can be not free and still alone. They discuss about how navigating through human relationships is hard.

Sogo asks if Tamaki still wants to talk to the manager and offers to accompany him. Tamaki decides he’ll try to hold on a bit longer. Then, Sogo talks to Tamaki about TRIGGER. He thinks Tamaki will like TRIGGER too because everyone in the group is cool like Tamaki.

We cut back to the dorms with Riku and Iori. Riku was looking at a TRIGGER DVD. Iori praises Tenn for being an outstanding performer and center and asks if Riku is watching TRIGGER as a reference. Riku says he’s not and that he won’t look at it anymore. Before Iori could say anything else, Riku leaves for a bath.

Iori notices that Riku seems to feel a sort of rivalry towards TRIGGER. He is happy that Riku is determined to do well.

Finally, it’s the day before TRIGGER’s concert. Nagi and Tamaki plan to wake up early to show off to the others. Yamato decides to join them as well.

[i-heart-hxh]

hi! so ive been so confused/unsure abt why killua's reaction to palm saying "you are the one gon needs most" looked like he was devastated. ive thought of different reasons on why he had that reaction:

1) he got scared/devastated/stressed at the fact that he was the only one who could really help gon at that moment, but he was so sure he was useless cuz he couldn't even snap gon back to his own senses. so its like "if i—the closest help there is to gon—can't help him, then who/what else can?" and so the overwhelming thoughts of gon possibly dying haunts him.

2) he couldn't believe that he's the one gon really needs the most after assuming that palm probably placed higher than him already, and was fully convinced gon cares more about palm more than him. but then palm says she cant even compare to killua, which gave him that reaction .... i guess its like relief but portrayed in a painful way cuz of his self worth issues.

3) he got pressured by the thought of being the one gon will always rely on the most. anything bad that happens to gon will always depend on what killua would do abt it. and killua always worries and sacrifices too much when it comes to gon, so pressure just added up.

aaaand this is making my brain all scrambled (TT) i wanted to ask if u have a clearer answer for this..? i trust ur judgement a lot (｡-人-｡)

Hello! Aw, I appreciate that you trust my judgment, that's sweet of you to say. ❤️ I'll do my best to explain my take on Killua's expression in this scene!

So, I think his reaction of shock and looking devastated is primarily from the first set of reasons you brought up. He already tried to step in and stop Gon and got pushed away and told that the situation with Kite is none of his business essentially. Being rejected like that and being unable to change Gon's course of action (even though that's the role Gon entrusted him with) broke his heart, and made him feel like he can't change Gon's impending tragic outcome.

Bisky also told him this earlier in the arc:

While we know his tendency to flee against a strong enemy is caused (at least in a large part) by the needle, which he's already removed at this point in the series, Bisky's words to him and the gravity of the current situation still weigh heavily on him. In this scene, he's realizing that Gon's fate rests on him--and he doesn't know what to do to save Gon at this point. There's no one else he can ask or rely on any more to save Gon, it all hinges on him. What a heavy burden that is to be entrusted with, especially with how deeply he loves Gon--to a degree where he has actively decided and even stated out loud that he'll die with him if it comes down to that.

That's why he's not happy or relieved (at least not visibly) to hear this, as much as being Gon's most important person is what he wants--to hear this at this point is a tremendously scary thing. He just broke down sobbing on the ground because he feels so helpless to do anything for Gon. This is what he needed to hear, and it's true as well, but it puts him a position of great responsibility towards someone he loves more than anything. He was previously directly told by someone he respects that he'll eventually leave Gon to die, which just adds extra fuel to the situation.

I do think both of your other ideas are things that contribute to Killua's state to a degree, but they're not the primary driving force of his reaction in this scene specifically. The situation with Palm and Gon did certainly destabilize his sense of his role in Gon's life (because he desperately wants to be Gon's most important person and, it's heavily hinted, his romantic partner) and that's why he's so fixated on whether Gon wants him at his side as his friend or his teammate. Hearing this from Palm is deeply meaningful for Killua--he even thanks her for it later (he doesn't specify what it's for, but it's obvious)--but again the timing is what makes it difficult for Killua to hear.

On your third point, I do think Killua also realizes as a result of what happens in Chimera Ant Arc that the dynamic between him and Gon can't continue as it has, hence the separation, but in this scene the situation is too urgent for him to be thinking deeply about future situations beyond the life-or-death one he and Gon are currently in. The pressure on him is absolutely a factor, though.

I hope that helps clarify this important scene for you!

[rottenshotgungames]

I want to start talking about my personal game design philosophy

Stop Saying “No”

Let’s be honest here, you’ve written a hard limit into at least one of your games. We all have, I certainly have. It’s one of those simple yet effective pieces of tech (one that’s existed since the dawn of games) that can be introduced to bring an option in line with some other option, or to prevent a scaling into eternity, or some other third thing. Maybe skills have maximums, or you can only use a certain number of consumables in a combat, or an item can only be activated every other scene or round. Whatever it is, you’ve written into your game a rule that tells the players, “No. You cannot do this thing.”

I think we overuse hard limits. My goal is to convince you that hard limits, that the “No” you’ve introduced into your rules, is the game design equivalent of junk food: easy to use and bad in large quantities.

My argument boils down to two simple points:

Hard limits are frustrating and boring

Hard limits limit your design

In addition, I will be detailing three alternatives to hard limits:

Costs

Consequences

Balance

Hard vs. Soft

Before we begin, I want to clarify the difference between a hard limit and a soft limit:

A hard limit can generally be defined as, "A rule which expressly forbids or otherwise disallows something, either in a given circumstance or in general."

A soft limit, in contrast, can generally be defined as, "A rule which disincentivizes or otherwise indirectly limits something."

Alright, on with the show.

Hard Limits are Frustrating and Boring

This is what I like to call the, “What do you mean I can’t use my telekinesis to disarm that guy??? That’s fucking stupid!” Put simply, people like using their toys, and people dislike being told they can’t use their toys for whatever reason. Even if you haven’t had as vitriolic of a reaction as the one described earlier, I’m more than positive you’ve felt this way toward some rule in an RPG at some point. Even if a hard limitation is completely reasonable, it can still be frustrating to encounter; I understand why I can’t raise my Skill levels above my character level in Pathfinder, but it was still annoying and saddening the first time I heard it.

There’s this tweet from a while back, in which one Mr. Joshy McCroo (@riseupcomus) argues that any hard CC that fully prevents you from taking actions is inherently poor design as it does nothing but frustrate the person that it’s used on. This is the very same concept, and for the very same reason: it’s just not fun.

The fundamental reason for the frustration caused by hard limits is that they restrict player choice. When you introduce a hard “no,” you often remove an opportunity to create interesting decisions, and decisions are the foundation of play. Boredom with a system or a situation is spawned by a lack of choice, by a necessity to perform the same action over and over or an inability to do anything. When you give players a variety of tools that can each be used consistently—particularly in tactical games—they will use those tools in interesting, creative, and fun ways; if you restrict those tools, restrict the freedom to use those tools as desired, boredom and frustration can set in quickly.

Hard Limits Limit Your Design

This point is less objective and far more experiential / personal. This isn’t meant to demean opposing views or differing design philosophies.

As stated earlier, hard limits are simple, effective, and easy to use. If you come up against a design wall, such as an option being too powerful or players over-centralizing, it can be easy to just institute a rule that says “You can’t use this constantly,” or “You can only have this many Gizmos™️,” but doing so will often deprive you of an opportunity to innovate or otherwise improve your design sense.

For me, learning design was a serious process of Example and Trial. I’d use reference points (such as RPGs or Video Games that I really liked) to guide me through tough decisions, and when I didn’t have that guide I’d just write and revise until something fit. Eventually, I realized that growing as a designer and developing my own philosophy meant expanding beyond (even if ever-so-slightly) my influences, and the balance shifted from Example(60)/Trial(40) to Example(30)/Trial(70). For me, the fun of design is coming up against these kinds of issues and seeing if I can develop a novel approach or take a stale approach and spice it up, and I feel myself getting better every time I try.

Hard limits are easy to use and generally (relatively) easy to implement, as such they offer less opportunity for growth.

Some alternatives to hard limits, and why you might consider using them:

Costs

Two prevalent examples of costs are weapon ammunition and (≥2) times per Scene/Combat/Rest/Day abilities (both of these can be found in D&D 3e onward and many of its derivatives).

A cost is basically just a hard limit that's been a few steps removed, but those few steps manage to turn it into a soft limit of sorts. Costs fundamentally take a hard "No" and turn it into a "Yes, but . . ."

This is probably the easiest alternative to implement, which explains why it's kinda found everywhere. Even spell slots in the Dragon Game are a form of cost limitation. It's also just a generally strong solution, usually removing a significant amount of frustration and adding opportunities for resource management gameplay. However, if not implemented with care or consideration for surrounding options, you could end up with people carrying over 500 arrows at any given time or once more falling into a set rotation of combat abilities that they perform round-to-round (thereby negating the boredom fix).

Consequences

This is my personal favorite alternative.

A consequence, like a cost, is a "Yes, but" that disincentivizes an option or changes how a player thinks about using that option. There are two major differences between a cost and a consequence:

Costs are always negative in nature (you are spending something as part of doing something), consequences can be but aren't necessarily negative.

Costs always lead to a state that acts as a hard limit (once the resource is empty, you cannot do the thing), consequences do not directly involve a hard limit.

Two prevalent examples of consequences are taking damage for doing something (such as the Stress generated by Blades in The Dark's flashback mechanic) and gaining / losing affinity with a person or faction (a la Over War: The Night Comes Down).

The primary benefit of implementing a consequence is the interconnection with other mechanics. Costs are relatively self contained—usually only branching out to a currency mechanic, a weight mechanic, or a leveling mechanic at the very most—because the threat of a hard limit somewhere down the line is often enough to change how players approach a specific mechanic or situation on its own; consequences, on the other hand, necessitate an understanding of and interaction with other mechanics in the system because they literally cannot exist without them. If using a specific ability is going to give you a status condition—for example—that status condition inherently affects other mechanics and how you interact with them as well, changing how you think about that ability and its place in your toolset pretty substantially.

As an example, there's a Priest ability in Hollow Halls (my fantasy dungeon crawler) entitled Glimpse The Plan. Glimpse The Plan doubles the user's Believe proficiency (stat used for casting Parable spells), but also afflicts them with the Blind and Afraid statuses (which are both pretty bad). The Priest playtester quickly realized that if he was Afraid all of the time, then he effectively eliminated half of the consequences—and wouldn't ya know it, there's an option to become permanently Afraid at character creation to increase your health.

All of that being said (and my favoritism clearly on display), consequences can suffer from a difficulty of implementation. Some consequences, particularly the taking of damage, are really easy to throw about haphazardly and thereby suffer from the same "limitation of design" problem that hard limits do; but escaping those, adding consequences that are unique and create interesting choices, takes time and care and an awareness of how certain mechanics can and do interact. Even the easier-to-implement consequences can often take a few tries to fine-tune.

Balance

This is simultaneously the simplest and most complicated alternative. To balance something here means to compare an option to other surrounding options, weigh the value of each, and slowly tweak numbers until they're all in line with each other. Generally speaking, the easiest way to do this is to craft an option as a baseline and balance everything else around that option, but there are times where you'll create a more powerful ability that you don't want to change, thereby causing it to become the new baseline and so on and so forth.

This alternative involves a lot of trial and error, a lot of guesswork, a lot of testing, and a willingness to add, remove, and change elements of any given option. It’s time consuming, stressful, and incredibly rewarding. I don’t recommend going pure nitty-gritty numbers-hound in every situation, or even in every game, but—if used properly—this option can create an incredibly healthy and interesting environment of options.

The primary strength of numbers balancing is that you'll probably be doing it at least a little bit anyways. Unless you're part of the "balance is for pussies" crowd, some amount of balance work will be done on every option you introduce into the game. This is kinda just, y'know, the logical extreme of that process.

All three listed alternatives can be used with each other, even on a single mechanic.

Conclusion

I do not think that hard limits are inherently bad. I really need to make it clear that I DO NOT think that you should never use them (as much as that may be suggested by the title of this post). Sometimes you'll be on a serious time crunch, or you won't be able to come up with a suitable alternative, or it's the most thematically or mechanically sound option, so on and so forth. There are instances in which it will be appropriate, or even preferable, to use a hard limit—but that doesn’t make an over-reliance upon them any better for you or the people playing your game.

Honestly, what I want people to take away from this post is very simple: every design decision matters. Even seemingly inconsequential choices with limited impact can have profound effects on an important moment for some of your players, and as such are worth considering carefully.

Self-Promo

Hey, I'm Gio. I run Rotten Shotgun games. If you wanna support me, or keep up to date on my work, you can find me on Itch.io at https://rotten-shotgun-games.itch.io/

Otherwise, I hope y'all have a great night and a great day!

[claymoresword]

The Queen And Her Knight | Chp: 1

Alicent Hightower x Knight Fem!Reader

Summary: Alicent Hightower against her better judgement, falls in love with her sworn protector. Can she bear to fight her feelings or will she finally just give in?

Pairing: Alicent Hightower x Reader

Wordcount: 980

Warnings: fluff, shit ton of angst, reader is irrecoverably in love with alicent

Note: i have no idea what this is or what its gonna turn out to be i literally wrote it bc of a daydream i had lmao

reader is a greyjoy to me i know ironborns typically don't become knights i just like that house lol and felt like it would give the story more structure/conflict but u can choose to ignore or change it if u disagree idk dude go crazy

also i know they didnt side with the greens during the dance but if u imagine reader went against her family for alicent it gets fun

(historical accuracy is not my strong suit forgive me i am just a gay person in love with alicent hightower)

anyway that's it hope u enjoy and let me know what u think!

The queen stood at the opposite end of the room her back faced you.

Silence with Alicent was always comfortable but right now it was agonizing, deafeaning. You needed it to end.

"Your Grace-" You croak.

A beat.

Still, the auburn haired woman said nothing.

"Alicent."

You made one last effort, pleading for her to acknowledge your presence in some way.

The queen finally turns to face you. She meets your gaze, tears evident in her eyes. Your own quickly welling up reflexively. It will always hurt you to see your love in pain.

You stare at her, studying her features and simply memorising every part of her face. The way her eyebrow creased. The dimple in her right cheek, always faintly visible even when she isn't smiling.

She swallows hard, you knew Alicent does this whenever she's upset. It's almost as if the wind gets knocked out of her anytime she lets her resolve slip.

A habit of the queen you had noticed only moments after meeting for the first time.

She finally steps towards you. Diffident expression.

A tear flows down your cheek, you don't intend to hide it from her.

Alicent stops just inches away from you. Dangerously close, you can feel her breath against your lips.

Standing firm, you resist the urge to crumble to the ground.

The queen reaches forward and places her hand against your cheek. You shut your eyes, shamelessly leaning into her touch immediately.

Pathetic. Desperate.

You don't care anymore.

Quickly, she eliminates any remaining distance between the two of you. Her lips meeting yours, she kisses you softly, cautiously. You kiss her back fervently.

A whimper threatens to leave your lips as she pulls away. Her own eyes now closed. She leans her forehead against yours and breathes you in deeply. Her touch remains on your cheek and you fear to speak , to move, to breathe.

You cannot bare for this moment to end.

"My protector." Alicent whispers, barely audible.

She wanted only you to hear.

You finally remember to breathe, chest heaving as you finally let air into your lungs.

The queen also takes in breath, almost mirroring you. Though hers more ragged, sharp.

Sudden.

Alicent steps back and removes her hand from your face.

Her hands return to their usual position, clasped over her abdomen.

She quickly banishes any intimacy between you and all contact.

Her resolve is restored, you morn.

"You will leave for the Iron Islands at first light." Alicent firmly states.

You don't hear her at first, not until she looks up at you waiting for a reaction, a response.

"What?" You finally conjured the capacity to reply and you sounded angry.

The queen remains staring at you. With her words she is asking you to leave but her eyes are telling you something entirely different.

"You're sending me away?" Your voice trembles.

Her grace had refused to acknowledge you the past few days and you thought you had done something to upset her.

You realise now its because she feels the same.

You didn't conjure any of it up in your mind. This was real and she feels the same.

She loves you too.

This was all too much, too painful.

"I can't have you here. My duty is to the realm. That is my purpose. It has proven near impossible for me to carry out that duty with you around."

Tears threaten to leave your eyes again but this time, you force them back in.

"My feelings for you, they consume me. I am plagued by them every waking hour. They ravage my thoughts and intentions. I have not known clarity since meeting you, y/n."

A searing pain in your chest. You visibly wince at the feeling but say nothing in response.

The queen is scared. She is afraid of her feelings for you. There may be nothing you can say in this moment to change that.

You decide to try anyway.

"Alicent." You repeat her name this time firmly.

You move towards her but still yourself quickly when you noticed she had taken a step back. Clearly asking for you to remain at a distance.

You take in another deep breath before speaking.

"Your Grace, it need not be this way. I beg you to not let fear win. These feelings you speak of, I am too burdened by them."

"We need not run from it, Alicent. Would it not work to our benefit to instead embrace it?"

Alicent's eyebrows furrow as she was truly considering your words and your gaze softens.

"I want to love you freely, if you would let me. I only wish for you to love me the same."

You decided to leap. It is up to the queen now to catch you.

Alicent winces, breaking eye contact she unclaps her hands, begins to fiddle with her cuticles before stopping herself and resuming her previous stance.

She meets your gaze once again, indignant expression. The queen almost looks dissapointed.

You have said too much.

She is not going to catch you.

"Freedom is not something I am entitled to." Alicent states, a coldness to her voice you were unfamiliar with.

The queen was good at depriving others of her true self.

You have never been on the receiving end before but now that you are, you utterly despise it.

"You will leave at first light." She repeats.

You feel as if someone had taken a hot dagger and directly pierced it through your heart.

You take a moment to compose yourself, to take in Alicent's beauty one last time.

"If that is what you believe is best, Your Grace."

You bow your head perhaps for the last time at the queen.

Turning around, you walk out of her chambers without uttering another word.

[connorjared]

TW: description of death and suicide

the writing for deh frustrates me in tone. suicide and grief is... brutal. it's horrifying. the murphys, three days after connor's body was presumably found, being able to discuss something with connor's (speculated) best friend?

there is nothing innocuous about organ failure—connor's method, being pills, (I presume fentanyl if he got it from a plug) would be an extremely painful and long way to die. he would have been found choking on his own vomit and blood potentially having a seizure with his eyes bulged and glazed. in the book as a ghost be briefly mentions the state of his body, and it's fairly ghoulish, but none of that is even partly reflected in any of the murphy family's dialogue. it's actually kind of despicable to me and I find it genuinely offensive to people who have experienced this type of grief or have been victims of suicide.

in the book he takes his life in his room, meaning a family member found him.

in the musical he is found on his favorite bench by police. the latter makes much more sense for the murphy's reactions, almost distant from his actual death as it's possible they never even saw his body. but the book's version makes the murphy's seem like bizarre caricatures of what the author thinks grief looks like.

especially for a parent. or a sibling.

a good example of this done extremely well is in Hereditary (2018) directed by Ari Aster. the grieving process is diverse, but it's given the weight it deserves in all directions. of course, this is a movie, a horror one at that, so the tone will naturally be different.

while musicals can of course handle dark and macabre or tragic subjects, it's vital to handle carefully with a balance of tone and being sure that your central theme comes across—

Heathers is an excellent example of this. The tone is dark comedy, which can be very hard to balance, but the theme is able to perfectly shine through because it was planned out and prioritized.

The theme for Dear Evan Hansen is... muddy, if I'm being incredibly generous.

If it's that, "No one deserves to be forgotten," well... it was extremely weakly handled considering the character that passes away is neglected by the text and slandered by the dialogue—including the removal of his queerness and neurodivergence.

Let's say the theme is... I don't know. "Teen suicide: Don't do it!" then... that's also very weak considering that the character that *does* commit suicide either A. in the musical, is shown to make a positive impact because he committed suicide and B. in the book, openly discusses his reasoning with little to no refute of that reasoning. There's no "what could he have been." There's no sympathy for Connor as a person. There's not even a mention of the scars that would have been found on his body.

Dear Evan Hansen is a musical and book I would tell people to watch, not because I endorse it or even think it succeeds in whatever it was trying to do, but as an example of how works with so much potential can be rendered mediocre or even damaging by something as simple as a lack of vision and respect for the subject you are writing about.

[pyrrhiccomedy]

I have a physics question off of the "what is energy" post.

So is hot is small fast, that means cold has to be big slow right? (Possibly wrong idk)

What is the....fastness...and hotness....of...objects? Like pillows and books. A pillow would technically be room temperature. But it's made of particles. And I know that it's temperature doesn't dictate it's state of matter, but if you heated it up, it could catch fire and make smoke. So DOES temperature determine if it's a regular old object or not? Is there a fastness for pillows?

I may be thinking of this wrong.

[Anon sent a follow-up:

I asked the fastness of a pillow question and I think I got it.

It isn't hotness and fastness that makes the pillow. The hot and fast makes the molecules that make the oil that the (plastic synthetic fibers=oil so yeah) pillow is made from. But if you apply the small fastness to the pillow you may make it into a different state. I think.]

You're asking a lot of different questions here but I think you're fundamentally falsely conflating matter and energy. Things are matter. Matter has energy.

Let me try to break this out.

What do you mean when you say that hot is "fast but small?"

Heat is just a measurement of the motion of all of the atoms and molecules in a medium. Atoms are constantly vibrating. The faster they vibrate, the more friction they give off as they bump into each other. That friction converts the movement of the atom into heat energy.

2. If that's what hot is, then what is cold?

Nothing. Cold doesn't exist. Cold is just an absence of heat. If all of the atoms in a medium completely stopped vibrating, they would reach "absolute zero" temperature.

3. Does temperature dictate an object's state of matter?

Yes, of course. Every element can exist as a gas, liquid, or solid, and the easiest way of moving them from one state to the other is by changing their temperature. If you heat up a molecule, its atoms start vibrating faster, and the bonds between them start to break apart. Think of it like a room full of kindergartners all holding hands and jumping up and down. The harder they jump, the harder it is for them to keep holding hands.

4. Why does high temperature cause some things to burn?

Oxygen, for reasons which I think are probably too complex to get into here, is not particularly stable. It wants two more electrons than it has, and it will rip other molecules apart in order to get them. Low key it's doing that all the time. And the more energy you give oxygen (say, by raising the air temperature in a room, causing its atoms to vibrate faster), the more strength it has to do the ripping.

Mostly it rips apart hydrogen and carbon, with which it can form very stable molecules of carbon dioxide and water. (Molecules like to be stable.) Things are actually considered flammable if they have hydrogen and carbon atoms to give to oxygen. All organic matter has both: including cotton, linen, feathers, all petroleum-based products, and whatever else most pillows are made of. Ever heard life on earth described as "carbon-based?" Yeah. You're full of carbon, so you're flammable.

The fire you experience is just the heat and light given off by the electrons in the oxygen, hydrogen, and carbon atoms in the system jumping and dropping to higher and lower energy states, as molecular bonds are broken and new molecular bonds are formed.

All of which is to say: I think you're confusing yourself by bringing combustion into this. That's in the 102 course.

5. What energy does a pillow have?

Plenty. It has the chemical energy binding its molecules together (which can be unleashed in a combustion reaction); it has the nuclear energy binding its atoms' nuclei together; it has the heat energy from the standard amount of atomic vibration you'd get in an ordinary room; and it has potential energy from its position in the universe (if you removed all of the obstructions in its way, the pillow would start falling towards the black hole at the center of our galaxy. That motion energy is being 'stored' as potential energy).

All of that energy originated in the Big Bang.

[rorywritesjunk]

Let’s be one another’s present tense

Buggy ‘rescues’ you from an abusive situation, and after a less than stellar introduction, he has you audition for his crew to keep you safe. You want safety, security, and joining a circus seems like the best idea.

Rating: Soft NC-17 for this chapter. Warning: Sex happens but nothing graphic, hence it's soft. Someone gets upset, there's miscommunication, a fight, they resolve it. Communicate!! A/N: Richie makes an appearance. I love that cat. These two are working out the kinks (haha) of this part of their relationship now.

Title comes from “Crater Lake” by Lady Lamb

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7 + Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 (NC-17) + Chapter 10 + Chapter 11 + Chapter 12 + Chapter 13 + Chapter 14 + Chapter 15 (NC-17) + Chapter 16 (NC-17) + Chapter 17 TAGLIST: @lostfirefly @neuvilleteismybby @fluffybunnyu @sinning-23 @the-angriest-angel @ane5e @fanshavegottensotoxic @honey-deerling

Chapter 12

You did as much research as you could on aftercare, safe words, and other things you could do in bed. There were a few freaks you trusted to talk to with this, ones that took no issue with you sleeping with the captain, but mostly because you kept quiet about the times you caught them in various states of undress and other mischief throughout the tent so they happily answered any of your questions which you reported back to Buggy (without giving a source or how you gained such knowledge).

And Buggy, though still a little wary of the mere thought of you ever being in pain from him, had no problem with talking dirty with you. He already did it enough before, but now the stakes were higher. You loved it when he overstimulated you, talking about how he planned to absolutely wreck you while your favorite thing to do was edge him, telling him he needed to listen, to be a good boy if he was going to cum, and yea, it was a nice start. 

He wanted to try something different now, about a month into this. It was in the middle of the day when both of you should have been working but instead Buggy had you in the bedroom, naked in his lap while he was still clothed. Your back was to his chest as he kept your legs apart, letting you sink onto his cock slowly. It was totally fine were it not for the bedroom door being left opened, giving anyone who walked by a full view of what was happening.

Buggy asked first, of course, he wanted to make sure you felt comfortable with this, and you were but every time you heard voices coming down the hall you squirmed in his arms, clenching around him nervously, until the voices disappeared and it was just the two of you again. No one came to the captain's room during the day, and generally no one walked by the room anyway, so the thrill of potentially getting caught like this was exciting for him.

“I knew you weren't some stuck up chick, babe, since you sleep with a dirty pirate every night, but I didn't think you'd get off on someone seein’ you like this.” He murmured into your ear as his hand moved between your legs while using his arm to keep you spread open. His fingers grazed over you, pulling a gasp from your lips as you tried to move under his hold. “Now, now, why are you so impatient, hm? Gotta take it slow.”

“S-Stop teasin’ me, Buggy.”

“Aw, babe, just doin’ what you do to me.” He chuckled as his other hand slid up to your neck, pressing his thumb against your throat. “Maybe just a lil bit meaner, though. You do such a good job teasin’ me, using me as your fuck toy whenever you want, but someone’s gotta put you in your place.” He applied pressure to your throat carefully, waiting for your reaction. Your hand went to his wrist, but not to remove his hand from its position, you just pushed against it, trying to get him to tighten his hold. Buggy swore softly, thrusting his hips up into you. “Cupcake, babe-”

You let out a whine, your attention on the open door. You heard approaching footsteps, fast moving ones that were headed for the room. Buggy tightened his hand around your throat as his hips started moving faster as he groaned in your ear. The pleasure was distracting for the both of you, but the approaching footsteps were getting closer and you heard voices. You whined, reaching back towards Buggy’s head to grab his hair for his attention.

“F-Footsteps, babe, someone’s comin’.” You choked out, biting back a cry when Buggy’s cock brushed over that sweet spot inside of you. You gripped his hair, tugging harshly on it. “B-Babe!”

“And? Let’em see the Captain fuck you.” Buggy growled into your ear. “They can see what you get up to since comin’ here. They’ll think I just use you as my personal fuck toy, probably think that’s all you’re good for.”

The footsteps came closer, someone was calling for Buggy, and you were suddenly tapping on his hand, gasping out something he couldn’t quite hear but the hand on your throat was gone, slamming the door shut. You squirmed in his arms, trying to get out of them, so Buggy lifted you off his lap while you stumbled away, rubbing your throat as you glared at him. He was surprised, not sure what he did, so he took his shirt off and handed it to you so you were at least dressed.

“D-Don’t say that kinda stuff, Buggy!” You snapped at him as you covered up while he just stared at you dumbly, trying to recall what he just said. He wasn’t sure what was upsetting you, so he gestured to you, shrugging his shoulders.

“Gonna tell me what it is that set you off just now?” He asked. “‘Cause I don’t know what I said.”

“Don’t make it sound like I’m useless, okay?!” You sniffled. “I-I don’t like it. I'm not useless.”

Buggy looked confused, wondering why you thought that. He scratched his head, frowning as he looked at you. “I don’t think you’re useless, babe. It was just somethin’ to say.”

“I don’t like it, even if you don’t mean it.” You mumbled as you wiped your eyes, refusing to look at him. “I don’t want anyone to think I’m useless.”

“Okay, so, you get that out of your system? I won’t say shit like that again.” Buggy sighed. “And you’re not useless. You help out a lot around here. If anyone says you’re useless I’ll take care of them.” He looked you over, grinning as he took in the sight of you in his shirt. “Should we continue or…”

“I’m taking a bath. I don’t feel like it anymore.” You sniffed as you went to grab some clean clothes to change into. Buggy sighed. He felt bad you were upset but how was he supposed to know? He didn’t think something like that would have upset you. 

“Fine, I’m going to go check on everything.” He mumbled as he grabbed a new shirt to wear, pulling it on before heading to the door. You hurried over to him, grabbing him by the arm. 

“Please don’t leave me, Buggy.”

“Babe, I’m not leaving you-”

“No, I mean, I… I want you here, now, please? Please, I don’t wanna be alone.”  You bit your bottom lip, looking down at your feet. Oh, you were upset. Buggy nodded, touching your shoulder carefully before you leaned into him, wrapping your arms around him as you let out a heavy sigh. He kissed the top of your head, hugging you tightly as you buried your face against his chest. 

“Sorry, babe, didn't mean to upset you.” He sighed. “Just sayin’ words.”

“Dumb words.” You mumbled, shaking your head. He tried not to roll his eyes as he rubbed your back. He didn't mean what he was saying, just like you never meant what you said. 

“Should I make you a cup of tea or something?” Buggy asked, running his hand up and down your back slowly, trying to get you to relax. “We still got that minty shit you like.”

“Uhm… yea, that'd be nice.” You looked up at him and stood up on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “I love you.”

“Even when I upset you?”  He sighed. “And make you cry?”

“Yes, because you don't mean it.” You told him. “And you said sorry.”

“Right? I did, didn't I.” He looked rather proud that you pointed that out. Sometimes he still didn't, thinking some things weren't apologizing for, but he didn't want to see you upset, he didn't think much on what he was saying to you in the heat of the moment, it was just words spilling out, and he kind of liked the idea of someone walking in on the two of you, but not you spread out like that. It was just…a scene.

“Cupcake, babe!” Buggy’s eyes lit up and his hands went to your cheeks, holding your head still and startling you. “Babe, scenes. We can make scripts of what we want the other to say so we don't have this happen again!”

“Scripts?” You squeaked softly. “I don't… know… would it take the fun out of it?”

“Cupcake, it's not fun when you're upset.” He told you as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “No, this is perfect. I'll write what I want you to say and you write what I'm going to say.” He grinned, patting your cheeks with both hands. “I am a genius.”

Buggy kissed you on the forehead once more before leaving you to go make your tea. 

~

You didn't see Buggy until dinner, so yea, you were admittedly upset he didn't come back. You dressed and went to the kitchen to get your food, ignoring Buggy when he waved you over to sit next to him. Instead you walked out to go have privacy, finding a spot near Richie's cage to eat. The lion reached through the bars, trying to steal some food off your plate so you tossed some into the cage for him.

“What the fuck, is the lion better company than me?” 

Sighing, you looked up at him as you took a bite of food. “I wanted a break from everyone.”

“Even from me?!” Buggy shrieked. “Why?!”

“Because you didn't bring me back my tea!” You told him.

“I had captain shit to do!” Buggy shot back.

“Your fucking body splits apart, your hand could have brought it to me!” You snapped at him. “I just needed you, Buggy, I was upset and I needed you!”

“Well, geez Cupcake, how the fuck was I supposed to know?!” Buggy demanded. “You could have said something! I can't read your fucking mind!”

You stared at him, wondering why you two still sucked so badly with communication. You thought you were getting better at it but maybe not.

“I was crying in your fucking arms, Buggy.” You hissed as you got to your feet suddenly. He took a step back as you pointed at him. “All I wanted was for you to come back to the room!”

Buggy pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully before he looked back at you. He took a step towards you, backing you up to the bars of Richie's cage, trapping you between his arms as he looked down at you. He almost backed down, seeing the sudden fearful look in your eyes, but instead he leaned down until your noses were almost touching.

“I'm sorry, Cupcake.” Buggy began as he locked eyes with you, flinching when Richie licked his fingers, hoping for more food. “I should have checked on you but Cabaji had important news to tell me. I still have to oversee the crew.”

You swallowed heavily, hating how close he was to you in that moment because you were upset at him, but whenever he got close like that, preventing you from moving away, you wanted to kiss him. Something about the bit of fear you had in these moments also… turned you on a bit, but only in the heat of an argument.

Swearing softly, you leaned towards him and kissed him, ignoring your noses bumping against each other. Buggy wasn't quite expecting that but he leaned in anyways, pressing you against the bars, only to jerk away when Richie kept licking his gloved hand, wanting attention.

“Dammit, Richie!” He grumbled as he pulled you away from the cage. “Stupid lion.”

You grinned, shaking your head as you looked up at him. “I'm still upset, babe.”

“Then why did you kiss me?” Buggy grumbled as he removed his glove, wincing at how damp it felt. “Gross cat.”

You shrugged, suddenly looking everywhere but at him, not wanting to make eye contact. “Umm… just… wanted to…”

“Babe, Cupcake, communication.” He insisted. You crossed your arms and looked down at your feet. Buggy reached under your chin, tilting your head up so you would look at him. “No, no, you need to look at me when you talk to me, babe.”

You swallowed heavily and nodded, biting your bottom lip, trying to think of how to tell him that hey, not only do I like you telling me how you like to fuck me, I like it when you scare me like this too.

You weren't really sure how he'd actually take that, especially how upset you were earlier, but ever since you met him there was always a little thrill whenever he'd back you into a wall, trap you between his arms as he spoke to you. It was never threatening, but his presence, the way he spoke, always gave you a little shiver of fear whenever you were in that position and you loved it.

“I just… like it when you… do this.” You said, gesturing to him, though he looked confused at your words. “When you, uh, do this, like, corner me or trap me between your arms to talk to me… I like it. It's a bit of a thrill because… I don't know what you're going to do.”

He was silent as your words sank in, trying to understand what you just told him. This wasn't meant to turn you on, it was meant for you to have your attention on him, nothing else. It wasn't meant to be threatening or hell, even arousing for you. He just wanted you to focus on him, which you did, especially when he did this.

Buggy grinned, leaning forward and backing you up to the cage once more, giving your chin a squeeze. “That so, babe? You like me doing this, cornering you like a little mouse, hm? Maybe I should- dammit, Richie!”

He jerked his hand back once more, the lion staring innocently back at Buggy behind you from his cage. All he wanted was some attention, and if there were people there then he damn well deserved it. Grumbling, Buggy wiped his hand on his jacket before glaring at you as you held your hand over your mouth, trying not to burst into giggles. 

“Don't you fucking dare laugh.” He warned, but you snorted suddenly before laughing. Buggy crossed his arms, annoyed but slightly relieved you weren't as upset as you had been. Maybe the two of you just needed to talk this out some more.

[tadpoleatemybrain]

How In the Hells?

Astarion x gender-neutral Generi-Tav (I don't make good Tavs T_T)

Words: 1k-1.5k

Tw: pregnancy, mentions of abortion

"What?" The question left Astarion’s lips before he could even attempt to stop himself. Confusion and disbelief were transparent in his expression. Voice soft and questioning. Not the reaction anyone would have anticipated from someone who had just been told he was about to become a father. The doctor even seemed a bit surprised. Reactions to this particular revelation varied wildly, but they usually leaned more towards happiness or unhappiness, not disbelief.

"You're sure?" Tav questioned, seeming equally doubtful. 

"Yes, the tests were all positive. You’re pregnant." The doctor confirmed, growing a bit weary. Why was a couple with this configuration confused that pregnancy had occurred? Of course, said couple hadn’t been…entirely truthful. As they couldn’t know everyone’s general opinion on vampires it had been in their best interest to conceal that little detail. Mostly just covering the neck holes. Hoping the red eyes and paleness could be explained away.

"Yay, darling, we're so excited, aren't we?" Astarion said with feigned excitement, an attempt to gloss over his first reaction. A smile painted on as he took Tav's hand. Yet, both looked into each other's eyes bewildered. 

This wasn't a possibility they had ever considered and therefore taken no steps to prevent...obviously. They had assumed one partner being undead had removed that potential. Naturally throwing caution to the wind during what most would have considered their honeymoon. 

What a honeymoon it had been too. Traveling the coast, hunting monsters, resting in each other's arms every night. Just the two of them. Truly everything the couple could have hoped for and then some. It had only been cut short by Tav's sudden fatigue and consistent nausea. Quickly pivoting to getting to the closest settlement and seeking out whatever healer they had available. Fortunately, the first village they found had a doctor.

The pair listened to the doctor inform them of what to expect, what steps to take, and when they should come back for checkups. Yet, the words weren't quite sticking. How could they when the doctor was speaking on a normal pregnancy and nothing about this was normal. They didn’t dare to bring this up to the doctor either, doubting that he would have any experience on this topic.

When the two were finally alone again, the act dropped. Able to fully expose their confusion and panic. 

The two lines were spoken simultaneously. 

"How in the hells am I pregnant?!" 

"How in the hells are you pregnant?!" 

It was almost a relief for the two to share the sentiment. Able to trust each other enough not to minimize their reactions. However, their opinions on the matter couldn’t be any more different. One was filled with a sense of hope and joy and the other could only feel dread.

“This is…this is…wow. Unexpected definitely. Gods, what are we going to do?” Tav asked.

"Well, obviously, we need to get rid of it. The sooner, the better." Astarion stated. Firmly believing that nothing good could come of this. That this had to be some sort of fluke or worse some sort of curse. What would cause him to think any other way?

So many questions filled his mind. Who did one even call for that? How did that procedure even work in this scenario? Could it? Where would they have to go? If anyone knew this information it certainly couldn't be common. Hells Astarion didn’t even know a word for this whatever this thing inside of Tav was. Could it even be called a baby?

"What?" Tav asked as if the wind had been knocked out of them. This miraculous gift had been given to them, and he didn't want it? Shouldn't he be overjoyed? An opportunity to have a family together. Something they had thought they had to abandon. Yet here it was.

"You've already had one parasite inside you, you want another?" 

"A parasite?! It's a child! Our child!" Tav shouted. Clearly pissed at the comparison. A baby wasn’t a mind-flayer tadpole. 

“We have to assume it's at least partially a vampire and what do vampires need? Blood. Where is the blood Tav? Inside you. Where is the baby? Also inside you! Do you not see the problem?!”

"I've sustained you, haven't I?! I think I can handle another!" They retorted.

"That’s different. I have consciousness. I have control. I want to protect you. That-" He pointed to their stomach. 

"doesn't. All it wants to do is live and it will, even at your expense. Gods, why is this even an argument?!" The vampire replied exasperated. Running his hand through his hair. Why was he so much more concerned about the ramifications of this than Tav was? It was their life that was in jeopardy. They sunk into a chair. It would be a lie to say that they weren’t concerned at all. His points were valid, but there was a counterpoint to be made.

“What if it’s not even a vampire at all? What if that can’t be passed down? It could be a half-elf.” What if the elf part was all that could be passed on? If that was the case then the largest part of his concerns went out the window. A half-elf pregnancy wasn’t uncommon. Surely something any doctor could handle.

“That feels incredibly optimistic. Do forgive me for not sharing in it, but we have to think in the worst case.” Given how most things in his life had gone it wasn’t odd for him to believe that things would continue to go wrong. Optimism was still quite new to the vampire.

"Astarion, we can figure this out. One way or the other. After everything we've been through I think we can handle a baby. What if…what if we never have another chance?" Tav looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"We've been fine without it and we already planned a life without it. Why is that suddenly ch-" Tav cut him off.

"Because we didn't think we could, but now we can. That has changed everything." They stood up and took his hand.

"You're set on this aren't you?" He sighed as his thumb rubbed over the back of their hand.

"Please, can we at least try? If-if it gets bad we’ll get help.” There were a few people they could turn to. How helpful they would be in this particular instance…well that would remain to be seen. Of course, they were going to look into this as much as possible before they decided to get anyone else involved. There were dozens of libraries on the coast including Candlekeep, surely at least one of them would have something regarding this. However, getting into Candlekeep was easier said than done.

“Alright, but if this goes terribly I won’t hesitate. I just got you Tav, and I won’t be losing you so soon. I can’t…” Tav heard the break in his voice and pulled him into a hug. 

“I think you’re worrying too much. We just need to change some plans, do a little research and everything will be fine.” They said reassuringly.

“This does change all of our plans doesn’t it?” They couldn’t continue to travel and slay monsters with a little one in tow. Now they would have to consider settling down, getting steady jobs, and putting down roots. All things they had intended to do at some point, but now so much sooner than before and with one other to account for.

“Mhmm, but we’ve always been pretty good at adjusting plans.” Tav looked up at him with a soft smile.

“A rogue is nothing if not adaptable.” Astarion agreed.

[carefulfears]

Can you compare the Irresistible hug and the Milagro hug please !!!!!!!!! I love Milagro so much

okay our best and brightest @scullysflannel already talked about this once but let's chat on it (+ unruhe because i watched it last night) just for you babes xxx

/ irresistible

irresistible is my favorite of the three, and my favorite scully trauma™ episode, as it's the most dedicated to the emotional progression.

this episode encapsulates an understanding that the x-files never shied from, that the scariest monsters are human men, it's pointless to pretend otherwise.

fresh off her abduction, a violation and loss of autonomy that she still doesn't understand, scully's reaction to the crimes of donnie pfaster is intimate: his victims are the dead, a group she's always been more connected with than most.

her grief and discomfort at the desecration of women that she's bearing witness to is so overwhelming, and it's something that she's alone in, as the men around her continue with business as usual.

as the investigation continues, scully decides to go back to washington, telling mulder that she'll "better drive this investigation" if she focuses on the evidence.

SCULLY: I'm not having trouble, Mulder.

MULDER: I'd understand, Scully. This isn't exactly easy to stomach.

SCULLY: I'm fine with it. Really. I just think we're a long way from catching this guy. If we could get a print, we'd have something to go on. Right now we're at a standstill.

MULDER: I think it's a good idea. I just don't want you to think you have to hide anything from me, Scully. I've seen agents with twenty years in the field fall apart on cases like this.

Scully: I'm fine, Mulder. I can handle it.

i love this scene. his response here is so perfect. apart from checking in and asking if she's okay a couple of times, he hasn't commented on her state of mind in this situation, but he knows she's having a hard time. he supports her decision to take a step back, playing along that it's a "good idea" for her to direct her attention to the tangible evidence, but encourages her to communicate how she's feeling.

and he tells her that to struggle with a case like this is understandable, it doesn't matter how much experience you have or your position, it's normal.

(another understanding that this show always had: to react emotionally to the brutality of the world and the exploitation of the vulnerable is human, it's the people who look at destruction unflinching who are wrong.)

back in D.C., scully sees her therapist. she tries, you guys. scully's "i'm fine" complex has never meant that she ignores a problem or shuts down, she tries to cope in a way that she's comfortable with. she removes herself from the scene. she goes where she'll be more useful. she schedules therapy.

MULDER: Are you staying on there, Scully?

SCULLY: No. I'm coming back tonight.

MULDER: Look, Scully. I know this is a pretty horrific case -

SCULLY: I'm okay with it, Mulder. Besides, you can use my help.

MULDER: Always.

after her session, scully decides to go back. she's okay with it. she's going to keep trying.

this is one of my favorite moments. she spends this entire episode putting on a front, he spends it meeting her exactly where she is; saying, "i see you," but only to comfort, not expose.

her "you can use my help," is one of their jokes. a way to say, "i'm okay, i'm ready," that's lighthearted and doesn't show too much. when he responds, "always," his voice has such a different tone. it's so earnest, and sweet. his response takes her very seriously, her contribution and state of mind and comfort.

she'd told her therapist, "i trust [my partner] as much as anyone. i trust him with my life...but i don't want him to know how much this is bothering me." he already knows.

(her smile on the phone, they are best friends)

i'm gonna borrow from the post linked up top for this next bit:

"Scully’s abduction is the major turning point in terms of how much the job affects her, and Irresistible is basically a replay of her abduction that gives her more control: she gets the catharsis of a fight, and she knows who she’s fighting (men)."

after being taken by pfaster, when she's found, she pulls out one more "i'm fine," but her suppression and image can't withstand confrontation. mulder gently lifts her chin, and the moment she meets his eye, she breaks down crying into his chest. she tries so hard, she has "always been the strong one," she did not want him to know that this was bothering her. but you can't survive it without facing it.

i didn't notice until today that her gag is still around her neck, she's still so ensnared. police are still making arrangements around them. it all just fades away though.

(he's whispering "it's alright," just for her to hear. when she moves her arms to hold onto him, pull him closer, his face breaks. he closes his eyes to keep from crying. he's so careful with her after her abduction, he's never had anyone come back before. this is a moment they're in together, a sort of catharsis after she returned. it's so foreign and painful to be needed, for the first time in so long.)

/ unruhe

unruhe, written by my beloved vince gilligan, is the most introspective that the x-files ever gets on the dichotomous reactions to gendered violence.

"She can hear him, still stomping around inside the trailer, no doubt looking through the pictures carefully, hoping for yet more insight into the depths of the now-dead serial killer’s mind. In the back of her throat, burning acid threatens to force its way up. The luxury of curiosity, she thinks."

-selbst

throughout unruhe, mulder is hyper-focused on gaining an understanding, attempting to find the killer (and at first, the abducted women) by looking into what has been left behind, and dismissing any other courses of action.

ultimately, nothing he does assists in the case at all, and it's scully's connections and discernments that locate schnauz, mulder and herself never on the same page. unlike irresistible's quiet contemplation and gentle understanding, they're consistently frustrated with each other.

(note that in this episode, scully is bound and held captive by a man obsessed with the loss of his sister. a dynamic that she is very aware of, as she asks schnauz, "why [do i need to be saved]? do i remind you of your sister?")

from the moment that schnauz's first victim resurfaces and they do the PET scan (something that only scully is able to read and understand, not mulder. something again rooted in her personal background), there is a shift in scully.

these women are being lobotomized, and they're being lobotomized incorrectly. schnauz is weaponizing medicine that he doesn't have proper knowledge of, and reducing these women into nothing. when mary lefante is found, she is unable to speak, except to repeat over and over the motivation of her captor ("unruhe," the german word for "unrest.")

things escalate when the body of the second victim is found, and in my favorite scene of the episode, mulder and scully quietly observe the remains in horror, before scully just walks off and gets back in the car (in the driver's seat, a rare occurrence).

MULDER: Hey, Scully, that word "unruhe", "unrest", is bothering me. Maybe he thought he was curing them somehow, saving them from damnation, from those things in the pictures, you know, he called them the "howlers."

SCULLY: It's over, Mulder.

MULDER: Well, then that photo wouldn't be his fantasy. It would be his nightmare.

SCULLY: What the hell does it matter?

MULDER: Because I want to know.

SCULLY: I don't.

(She starts the engine. Mulder stares at her for a second, then gets in the car.)

when mulder approaches the car to ramble about "unruhe," scully never looks over at him or makes eye contact. she doesn't wait for him to get in the car before putting on her seatbelt and starting it. it is over.

i've written about this before (in the previously linked post), but mulder always wants to believe that people who do evil things have a good reason, that they didn't really mean to. that they were just trying to help, or were just following a biological imperative. scully knows that it doesn't matter.

it's the ending of 2shy, when mulder is right, incanto is only killing women because he needs their fatty tissue to survive. and he looks at scully and says, "when you look at me, you see a monster, but i was just feeding the hunger." and scully answers, "you're more than a monster. you didn't just feed on their bodies, you fed on their minds."

what the hell does it matter?

ultimately, scully is forced to "empathize" with schnauz, to survive. she has to utilize the insights that mulder gleamed about him to forge a connection with him, and stall. (she is always listening, and she knows mulder is right. sometimes it just doesn't make things any better.)

as the situation progresses, when she hears mulder outside she's able to wrestle her arm out of its constraint and rip the tape off of her mouth. by the time mulder breaks in and shoots schnauz, she's all but freed herself.

mulder takes her hand and helps her up, and she bypasses him, walking out of the trailer into the light, with one last look back at schnauz. she leaves mulder with the body, as he's looking at the photos. (the luxury of curiosity.)

the only time that we see scully show emotion or vulnerability in this episode, is in the final frame. sitting alone in her apartment, she looks at the altered photos of herself, and her lip quivers as we cut to the ending credits.

where irresistible saw her actively trying to gain control, unruhe is more genuine. she's not trying to conceal anything, she's just tired, and she's alone.

/ milagro

ah, milagro. quintessentially season 6 in a way that i can never establish as positive or negative.

milagro is all about desire: a desire for attention, for approval, for relevance. it's only fitting that it should be so punishing.

ultimately, milagro is about voyeurism, and we have this represented through our monster-of-the-week: scully's stalker phillip padgett.

when scully meets padgett (who had recently moved into the apartment next to mulder) in a church, it's to observe the painting displayed there, "my divine heart."

as he reveals that he knew she would be there to see the painting, as well as many personal details that he has "noticed" about her, it's a heavily emotional discomfort to be so seen.

so much of this episode builds in padgett's apartment, just one door over from mulder. when scully knocks, she tells padgett she was on her way next door and just thought she'd stop and return the milagro charm that he'd given her (a symbol of a burning heart) because she "can't return the gesture."

we talked about this when we talked about small potatoes, but this episode is...embarrassing for her! the kind of attention that she craves is embarrassing to her.

when she comes into padgett's apartment, padgett remarks that it's because she's "curious." she notices things too.

SCULLY: Well, you lead a curious life.

PHILLIP PADGETT: It's not so different from yours I imagine-- lonely.

SCULLY: Loneliness is a choice.

loneliness is a choice, babes! the way that small potatoes ended in classification of mulder as a "loser by choice" (for all of the things he could have, and all of the things he chooses not to pursue), and scully absolving him of that criticism, milagro puts the agency of this mutual repression back onto scully.

(choice and agency is a very important reiterated theme in scully's character. this whole thing only works if she chooses to be here.)

and when mulder comes in to arrest padgett based on evidence found in the murder case, scully is in his bedroom by choice. (very very embarrassing for her)

like these tags said, "psychologist mulder taking two years to connect the dots scully laid out for him in never again."

god, this episode makes me so uncomfortable. it's also the only one of these three that i've never rewatched, so that's why i'm a little more lax in discussing it.

MULDER: No one can predict human behavior. No one can tell you what another person's going to do.

SCULLY: Well, isn't that what you do, Mulder, as a behavioral profiler? You … you imagine the killer's mind so well that you know what they're going to do next.

MULDER: If he imagines it, it's a priori-- before the fact. I think that's pretty clear from what he wrote about you.

laughs nervously...isn't that what you do!! don't you know people's minds and desires!!

when mulder tells scully that padgett's book ends with her having sex with the narrator, and asks, "i'm assuming that's a priori too?" it's so reminiscent of office desks and tattoo ink.

when she replies, "i think you know me better than that," they're both thinking of philadelphia, of something etched in her back that they've never put to words. that too, ended in fire, with desire punished.

(i'm always slack jawed at him asking her flat-out if she fucked the stalker. quintessential season 6, baby! eat your heart out!)

PHILLIP PADGETT: I made a mistake myself.

MULDER: What's that, Mr. Padgett?

PHILLIP PADGETT: In my book, I'd written that Agent Scully falls in love but that's obviously impossible. (looking at MULDER) Agent Scully is already in love.

agent scully is already in love, agent scully already desires so viscerally, (agent scully is making things personal, as mulder had rebutted in defense of diana, not long enough ago)

i know a lot of people love this line, but it just makes me want to weep for her. scully is such a discreet person, she values her privacy so much, and has so little of it left. it's the emotional equivalent of her physical exploitation, to have her most personal and intimate feelings exposed like this. 

loneliness is a choice, and that’s her’s to make, the way mulder’s choice was affirmed in small potatoes.

(padgett as a character is a stand-in, he represents the voyeurism of an audience, of projecting a persona onto someone for personal gratification. he isn't ascribed any motive. but this to me, feels like a power trip, even if unintentional. he's perhaps just being honest, but he's recognizing that he can't have her body, so he exposes her soul. he also doesn't know scully as well as he thinks he does.)

both never again and milagro are about a caricaturized self, embracing or rebuking who you are in someone else's eyes. whether scully is perceiving herself as mulder's loyal first mate who "always does as told" or padgett's lonely object of lust, she responds by leaning into that exposure, going where she's wanted, and continuing her ascribed "cycle" of devotion and rebellion.

the reveal in the end, is that this week's monster is not truly padgett, but a character that he's created, who is committing the murders described in his book.

like padgett himself, the killer is a personification of longing; it's him who declares that the only way for the book to conclude, is for scully to die.

but just as jerse did in never again, padgett throws himself in the fire to narrowly absolve scully of the fated ending, and sacrifices his heart for hers.

when mulder realizes what's happening and races back up into his apartment, the sight is bone-chilling. she actually looks dead, unconscious and covered in blood, from a wound that's now healing.

when she wakes up and sees him over her, she reaches for him as abruptly as she opens her eyes. she claws into him, her fingers never stop grabbing at him, pulling him closer and closer and sobbing into his neck.

so little of it actually matters. she almost died without him there. this is after tithonus, and she's remembering those lessons again. (what about love? you don't want to be around when it's gone.)

and just as in irresistible, mulder breaks too, feeling the weight with her.

/

anon, to compare the three, i would say they each represent the theme of their particular place in the narrative and scully's characterization.

irresistible is the fragile dependence of a post-abduction season 2: perceiving comfort as a weakness, fear as a burden, but needing it anyway. recognizing who you trust, what that means, and that wounds can't heal in detachment. from each other and from the brutalization of the world itself.

unruhe is the building isolation of season 4: going where someone can’t follow, whether in societal experience or the looming instability that’s close ahead.

and milagro is the painfully confrontational tension of season 6. having your heart ripped out of your chest, bleeding, in attempts to be understood. just clutching what you need, weeping, in the end: there’s no use fighting it. (or hiding it. loneliness is a choice, but there’s freedom in being stripped of options)

it is a growth, in a diminishment of pretense and self-consciousness. it just comes at a cost.

i also want to bring it back to @scullysflannel’s post on this topic, because she summarized another aspect of it that i didn’t touch on:

“Scully tells the therapist in Irresistible that she doesn’t want Mulder to think he has to protect her, and I feel like the end of Milagro is about Scully accepting his type of protection, and by extension his type of love. Padgett makes her want Mulder to pursue her in a way he’s never done, but Padgett also ultimately shows her the danger of being sought after like that, and it makes Mulder’s straightforward protectiveness look pretty good. it doesn’t matter right then if Mulder is giving her everything she wants. she needs him.”

milagro is about desire, and ultimately it’s about a relinquishing of desire. scully is drawn to padgett because he offers her something that mulder doesn’t (won’t?) give her, and she’s ripped to pieces because of it.

it is punishing, to want something so badly. ultimately, when she almost loses it all, she’s clinging to what she has.

(but mulder is learning too, and they’ll get there. they’ll get to all of it.)

[mrsparkjimi-na]

J for Just Married

Hello friends, hope you’re doing good. Sorry to leave you abandoned got a few weeks but I was out of town and need time to get back to my schedule, but I’m back with a new chapter of domestic life, I hope you like this drabble, I really love to write it  ☺️.

Do you have any ideas of what the next word would be? Any ideas? 🤗

Pairing: Park Jimin x reader (Y/N)

Warnings: None

Words: 383

Even you had live close by and spend most of the times in each other apartments to then pass to live together just for a little bit before getting married. 

Getting out of the bathroom you set your glance on your now husband, lay down on bed playing on his phone “yeobo”  you call him try to get his attention. 

“Yes, jagi?” he ask standing up on a sitting position to see you. 

“Its just me or it feels different now we’re married?” you question him come up to bed. 

“Well jagi..” placing his phone to charge “now that you mention it,” he start to caress his chin thinking about it “I don’t feel different from when we live together, the only difference it’s that my parents don’t ask us to get married each time they visit us” 

“that’s true” you respond agreeing with him “or each time they call us” you add. 

“Oh! I know what else” he exclaim smiling.

“What else? you ask curious. 

“That I can do this” taking your hand in his “everywhere and any time I want” making you giggle at his action “and also I can do this” and without the opportunity to let you question what it’s, he kiss you. 

The kiss start as a sweet and soft, you pass your hand behind his head pulling him into a deeper kiss, entangled your fingers on his hair and before it could escalate more he stop, making you whimper in discomfort. 

He giggle at your reaction “I feel a different pressure, since now they’re not going to ask about when we get married” he start to explain to you “now they’re going to ask about the babies” caressing your hand “that I already want to have with you” he confess looking at you, with tearful eyes full of hope.

“Oh Jiminah I also want to have babies with you” with tears in your eyes you confess to him. 

He just smile and reach to remove the tears falling your cheeks “I’m glad to hear that, we could start right now?” he proposed, a cooky smirk appearing on his lips. 

You chuckle while hitting him softly on his shoulder “Jiminah!” you reprimand him blushing. 

“What?” he question giggling “I’m just proposing” he state giving you his famous eye-smile.