#but still trying not to overthink things
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#p4#p4g#persona 4#persona 4 golden#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#weak when i think about early yosuke constantly living under the surveillance of the townpeople#in a way it kind of explains his reluctance in trying to connect with them (like in the magician manga) which is itself very complex#but for someone who's always on the lookout#for someone whos constantly checking his own behaviour and making sure hes not doing anything that could be perceived as negative#even if he did want to become better friends with kou and daisuke its hard to extend any trust to them#yosuke didnt understand why they were trying to be friendly with him -- to some extent i think its because he just didnt trust them#that they weren't trying to get him to relax so he would do something wrong and then inaba will have one more reason to dislike him#its an overthinking thing!!!#but with yu? he can relax a little because he doesn't expect yu to betray him in that manner.#at the end of the day#after the liquor store and the shadow yosuke incident#yosuke KNOWS that yu is someone that has his back#amd maybe that knowledge is still a little tentative because hes still unwilling to be fully honest with yu during their early friendship#but deep down he has the evidence that yu is on his side. he wants to believe that yu will continue to be on his side. :')#and this first friendship is what enables him to actually form more meaningful bonds with other people#i mean. after saki and the blowback from him trying to connect with saki.#is it any wonder that he's a bit reticent#but ah look. hes still doing that thing where he puts on an air of nonchalance and confidence and plays it off with a joke#even as it bothers him. :')#he's good with his queue
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Beauty and the Beast for the WIP game?
My only real attempt at writing poetry before this year happened during a stretch when I tried to write a Beauty and the Beast retelling in verse. I got about two-thirds of the way through before it fizzled out and languished forever unfinished.
When it comes to my recent novel-in-verse obsession, the simplest option would be to take another look at this work and try to finish it. There's a lot of terrible poetry in there, but there are some that are somewhat better than I remember. I can't claim to be a judge of what's good poetry, but some of these are readable, so I'll share some of them here.
The first set of semi-readable poems covers the first meetings between Beauty and the Beast. (These are all numbered, and I'm leaving the numbers in place to better differentiate between separate poems. I think the speaker in most of these is fairly clear from context, but just in case, I'll put the speaker's name in the title, too.)
VI. beauty and beast
he is every nightmare i’ve ever forgotten he is thunder and darkness and death he is fear with fangs he is beastly
she is every dream i’ve never dared for she is roses and sunlight and life she is hope with jewels she is beauty
*
VIII. beauty
the chair creaks when he sits
my knees quake when he speaks
the master laughs when i ask
when i will die
my ears doubt when i hear
my mind reels when i realize
the master wonders when i began
to think he’d kill me
IX. beast
the rules are these you are mistress of this castle the servants will obey your every whim the rooms and all within are yours including me
you will dine with me at dusk we will not speak if you want silence you will look at me and try not to scream
i will not harm a hair of your head i will not cause a moment’s worry you will do whatever you wish except leave
X. beauty
his mercy shatters my world makes it bigger and at the same time smaller
how can i live in a monster’s cage
my life will be long and lonely with him my friend and at the same time jailer
how can i look at a monster’s face
the castle teems with wonders that all belong to him and at the same time me
what do i do with a monster’s love
*
The next set of poems I feel like sharing starts with Beauty finding a portrait in the castle, and then leads into her sharing a dance with Beast that makes her kind of freak out over the fact that she might be falling in love.
XXII. beast
today you found a painting in a long-forgotten room covered in cobwebs and shrouded in dust
there was a reason it was lost
the portrait showed a man with a face like the dawn and eyes like the sea you thought he looked kind
he was young and a fool
you may keep it if you wish or lock it back in darkness it matters not to me i used to see him daily
i doubt i’ll see his face again
*
XXIV. beauty (and beast)
if rooms have souls the ballroom is wise a radiant beauty long past her prime
she treasures the days when she lived and was loved she keeps them and counts them like pearls on a string
(she is not the only one, my dear)
long past midnight in moonlight and hush this sleepwalking girl can glimpse former days
a flash of a gown and a whisper of waltz what glorious balls must this room have beheld
(they were marvelous indeed, my friend)
it seems a shame she grows old alone with nothing but darkness and dust held within
i would dance for her return the spark of life if only we had music and i had a partner
(i will gladly dance with you, my love)
XXV. beast
my dear beauty don’t you know i learned dancing long ago
one step closer take my hand with a waltz you’ll understand
let the music guide your feet in a dance that’s slow and sweet
hand in hand and heart to heart it’s not love but it’s a start
XXVI. beauty
he is hulking beastly
i am small delicate
i should be stumbling crushed
but
we marvelously miraculously dance
and it feels like flying
XXVII. beauty (to the portrait)
man on the wall i may be mad but i must give voice to the storm in my heart and you are the only one near
the master puzzles me i know his home as well as my own but i know so little about him
(is he beast or man or nightmare or dream or captor or friend)
i saw his face and thought him a beast
(but he grows roses and reads poems and has never killed or even raised his voice)
i heard his voice and thought him a monster
(but he spared my life gave me his home and all he owned offered his heart and never once has been anything but gentle)
i watched him dance and thought him a man
(with grace like an angel or a prince and i think that maybe he was not always so lonely and that his heart aches for things lost)
what am i to think do say be feel about him now
and why do these questions always come at midnight
*
The final poem is one that I had completely forgotten about, so I was shocked to find it lurking in the latter sections of the document and showing signs of using some decent imagery. By polishing up the last couple of lines, I've got something that's not half bad as a standalone poem.
This one occurs during an extended period when Beauty is still trying to process her feelings toward Beast and figure out if this is really love or if her feelings are being warped by isolation and close proximity.
XXX. beauty
if this is love it is a dark and grasping love a child stumbling in the night crying for a candle flame and cherishing the smallest spark of light
if this is love it is a bleak and desolate love a skeleton tree in a barren desert windbeaten and scrubbed to bone and bursting into bloom at the first drop of rain
if this is love it is a smoke and mirrors love a sleight of hand or trick of light that takes my broken heart and fools me into thinking he can make it whole
#answered asks#poetry#fictionadventurer poetry#adventures in writing#fairy tale retellings#beauty and the beast#i was surprised to find that for the most part the free verse was much better than the rhyming verse#in editing this i'd take out most of the rhyming poems#and work to actually characterize beauty and beast a bit more#i'm still debating whether this is worth polishing up#in terms of 'satisfying this mad desire to write a novel in verse'#this is the least labor-intensive one#a decent training ground for the format#(also can you tell that i was reading too much e.e. cummings when i originally wrote this?)#(unforunately all i managed to absorb was the most superficial stylistic things)#(i don't know if there was a thought process behind the specific line placement in beauty's 'talking to the portrait' poem)#(beyond just trying to convey that her thoughts are all over the place)#(so i didn't overthink the formatting here)#(but i do wonder what i could do with it if i had any clue how to go about using line structure like that)
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This thought came to my mind last night, but imo, I think for the decision that N would have to make, there's a bit more than just choosing the universe over the one drone he loves.
Because like, in the past, he's always been called useless and terrible, because J has said he's, well, useless and terrible (in the pilot at least), so if he were to choose to save Uzi instead of the universe, there’d be a chance of someone (probably J) saying "Once again, N has done something useless" or “You’ve really messed up,” or something like that. Once again, N has done a fuck up, and this one was a major fuck up, and for how he (once) wanted to prove to the team that he was anything but useless, N could not have made a worse decision.
However, it he were to choose the universe over Uzi, it would be like betraying her when she needed him most. He would be no better than the other drones that would leave her. He would be no better than her father. If he chose the universe over the one drone that actually helped him stand up for himself, the one drone that’s actually made a difference in his life, he would be just like everyone else that left Uzi.
He knows that Uzi doesn’t wanna be left alone once again, he knows she doesn’t want him to leave her like everyone else did. He’s the only one she really has. He’s the only one that stood by her side when no one else did. It just wouldn’t feel right to leave her now.
So basically, N is damned if he chooses one path, and he's damned if he chooses the other path. Like a "damned if I do and damned if I don't" kinda situation, and honestly, I feel really bad for him.
#murder drones#n#serial designation n#murder drones n#ash rambles#shut up ash!#I try not to overthink on what I say#and sometimes I still fail and overthink anyways.#I dunno if anyone can tell…#so anyways#I think n’s dilemma is a little more complex than just#either the universe or one little drone#:)#(and I wanna give him a hug poor thing)
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Headcanon: So what exactly are the "Outsider" Lions?
Short answer: They are lions with mixed heritage of Pride Land and Kavu lions.
What is a 'Kavu' lion?
These are lions that live in the area we know as the K.alahari Desert. 'Kavu' is the S.wahili word for 'dry', and hail from a desert area known as the Dry Lands. This would be an area further to the south than the desert that appeared in the original movie.
The difference in appearance is stark compared to a Pride Lander lion. Kavu lions are slightly smaller than their bulkier cousins, but their lean build and longer limbs make them look almost malnourished in comparison.
Read-more because this is getting super long!
In terms of physical characteristics, their fur is thicker and longer, often giving them a 'scruffy' appearance to help them regulate the extreme temperature changes of the day and night. There have been cases of manes or tail tufts being curly/wavy. Some Kavu lions develop spots or 'freckles' as they mature, different from the spots lion cubs have, though it's unclear whether it's a long-forgotten aesthetic reason (akin to 'beauty marks'), or another way to protect them from the sun. Their noses are angular and slender to lessen the risk of sand irritating the nasal chambers. They can be black or pink.
Their pelts are normally darker and muted in colour as another sun-protecting adaptation (though they look 'washed out' compared to Pride Landers). Normally, they would be in tones along the lines of sand-brown, warm greys, or russet. There have been cases of darker tones appearing that are nearer to a dark brown or black. Tail tufts for lionesses are usually dark brown. For male lions, they are black, and they grow a black mane to further protect them from the blistering sun. The eye rims are normally darker on the upper half, and usually darker on the lower half, though this is not always the case. Finally, their eyes are normally somewhere on the blue-green range. When having cubs with Pride Landers, the eye colour is usually a recessive gene, meaning that most cubs would have red eyes. However, there can be some rare mutations, such as Vitani's purple eyes.
So how do the genetics work? Aside from the eye colour, as previously mentioned, nothing is recessive. However, the Pride Lander genes are naturally stronger, and they are better suited for the environment (the bulkier build for larger prey, pelts to better camouflage in the tall dry grass/bolder colours to look more intimidating, etc). However, another interesting mutation is the pelt colour being a mix of Kavu and Pride Lander. S.car himself is actually a really good example of this.
(I tried to quickly find screenshots in a similar lighting. I know they aren't perfect xD)
Compared to K.ovu and N.uka, he's actually more saturated, almost terracotta in tone. The other two are defintely more muted, or 'earthen' in comparison. In other words, he inherited the brown from the Kavu side, but it's a bolder, more orange tone because of the Pride Lander side. (Of the above three, I would argue that N.uka is actually the closest to the best example of a Kavu lion, aside from the weak mane from his poor upbringing and his red eyes.)
I was going to try and explain how many there were, but truthfully we all know that's a case of not knowing the sequel was going to exist in the first place. I would imagine it was a case of there being a few, but having mostly Pride Lander genes (with S.car presumably being the most obvious outlier), but then those that were born once S.car took over and the drought began took on the Kavu genes to have a better chance of surviving the harsh weather?
EDIT:
I forgot my main sources for information, whoops.
( ^ for that one, it's point 11)
#headcanon#(y'all do know I try to overthink topics; right?)#(and I enjoy trying to find logic for things so I'm thrilled to have something that actually makes sense#outside of 'we must make everything narrow and angular because they're evil'#while also giving a logical reason for the way Scar himself is built. And explaining the dark mane!)#(Fun fact! I still haven't decided which of Scar's parents is a Kavu lion :D )#(now if you excuse me I have to reheat my dinner because it got cold while I was working on this)
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i unraveled half a dishcloth about 3 times because i was having a toxic man-refusing-to-ask-for-directions moment and kept telling myself "nah you've knit stacks of these and it's literally the easiest pattern" and ignoring the fact that i've been crocheting for 3-4 years and could really spare 5 seconds to google a pattern as a refresher
#pickle pontificates#i was overthinking it and doing like. stockinette stitch. like hm this is probably fine#and you know it is fine but not for the pattern i was trying to do#which is why it took me so long to realize anything was wrong#and the conclusion of the story was that yeah. it did take about five seconds to look at the pattern#and NOW i can go back to knitting without thinking about it#would have been nice if I'd done that in the first place#the other thing I should really be doing is manifesting beano... found some leftover fabric so I could totally start that now#also I started midnight burger this morning. i've listened to 4 episodes and it's really fun so far#seems up my alley!#some of the acting is a teeeny bit stilted but totally enjoyable still#definitely within quality podcast range#i'm also right at the beginning#and i'm also acknowledging that I'm coming off of improv to a scripted thing so it probably stands out more#although the last two before zyxx were scripted and i was raised on audio dramas with slightly awkward voice acting so#who knows how my calibration compares to other people's#those radio characters are freakin funny and probably the most instant favorites#''married couple who's super into it'' is one of my favorite bits that i don't see enough#hopefully that doesn't age poorly for any reason. we'll see in a few days#and i'm interested in finding out more about all the characters and exploring the world. promising start!
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okay, i know im really bad at answering asks (shame on me! shame on me!)
but .....since its what im currently able to focus on; are there any questions about my OCs you'd like to ask? (the more precise the better, the vaguer the more i would just ramble out their entire history out of context or not know how to answer) i know i havent drawn alot of them, maybe it could get me to (re)design some even ... but i still wanted to put this out there o-o
#ganondoodles talks#personal#i suppose#i have NOT abandoned destiny btw#still chipping away at it trying depserately to stop spending hours on every single panel lmao#anyway- im always so nervous about anythign of my original work bc im so afraid of being made fun of#im so easily spooked everything gets to me#like that whole “the authors barely disguised fetish” meme thing has made me overthink every single design and story/lore decision#bc i keep wondering OMG what if that is something weird and i just dont know but everyone else is gonna pick up on it immediately#of course im trying to fight that and have done so .. somewhat successfully given those big lore ramble posts are still up#...anyway im tired up too late and sleep deprived#always the best time to post ramblings lol
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Yet again hindered by the "this reply is hidden because you have the user blocked" message. It has me Almost wondering whether I'd be better off not blocking so many people. So that I can freely be a nosy bitch.
Almost, but not quite. My block list is for my sanity, after all.
#speculation nation#though sometimes i do wonder about whether all the ppl i have blocked Should be blocked.#they all get shoved into the same list but it's not like tumblr lets me record why i blocked them.#sometimes it's as inane as 'annoyed me too much with that one take in the tags'. and sometimes it's like. genuine bigotry lol#there r definitely plenty of users id like to keep blocked. but i wonder if there r any blogs that like. dont Really deserve to be blocked?#but to go thru my list of blocked users would require taking psychic damage in my attempts to judge Why i blocked them all.#sometimes i do wonder if random ppl in the fandom try to go on my blog but cant bc i have them blocked for stupid shit#bc i do have a semi-popular fanfiction!!! a well love fanfiction!!! what if someone reads it then finds out theyre blocked on here!!!#frankly id be mortified if i discovered that lol. like 'what did i even do????'#and well there are some things i dont budge on (like blocking anyone that puts k/v in front of me)#(it's an immediate block bc even tho i have the tags blocked i still hate even seeing mention of them in a blocked post#so i block anyone who posts it into the tag so theres no chance of seeing it from them again! simple solution.)#but. for the things that r just stupid reasons. i feel kinda guilty. like im sorry. im just a little block-happy in the tags 😭#it's how ive stayed sane tag diving daily for the past 4+ years. you must understand.#im probably overthinking this lol. but if ur blocked by me & dont know why then uhhh. sorry !
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FIRST DRAFT DEFEATED!!! its 54k words currently
#personal#canary continuity#i still need to lengthen/change some scenes#theres some long exposition in some scenes that should probably just be cut for like. the events#leading up to the important moment.#although i enjoy representing the overthinking/anxiety so i'll try to find a way to keep most of it#and a currently really important foreshadowing/thematic scene i want to make more subtle#originally there was going to be more than what i ended up with but most of the time when i complain about pacing its LITERALLY just me#also i need to cut some repetition that isnt intentional for the sake of showing the kind of. circular self-blame going on in d's head#because especially in the face of a psychotic break its intentional. but in some places i need to make things more abstract i feel#im kinda happy with most of the early scenes though. favorite to write was mikey... whats going on in your head little guy#i love the little unnerving ways it shows they are still actually CONSCIOUS beneath whats going on. like enough to resist it sometimes#itll get explained more deeply in the aftermath oneshot but thats why the change was slow and subtle#it was more an alteration of their thought processes/intrusive thoughts that slowly ate them alive#the progression felt normal for them#but notably raph actually is holding back the whole time and i think thats pretty interesting#and actually kind of horrifying LOL he couldve been so much nastier#anyways ill stop yapping now. youll see what i mean when im done#its a really powerful curse. i actually have a lot of ideas for the character responsible that explains why#and i even know the motive behind it. im still a little iffy about including her or making her a continuous threat but i Miiiight
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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Am I Into This Person But Very Nervous About It, Or Just Going Along For The Ride Because Idk What I Want - And Other Paralyzing Questions To Haunt Your Weekend!
#hhhhhhhhhghhhhghhhhh#man.#its like. i really like this person as a friend and i dont wanna lose her right#and i djd at one point go “hoohoo what if i had a crush on her heehee” bc im weird n i think that abt p much anyone my age i get close to#but ive been very happy having her as my friend and it was so unexpected when she asked me out#and i genuinely cant tell what i want#and like. am i ready to date again. am i just nervous because i dont wanna get hurt again. do i actually feel that way abt her for real.#is this like a “hey lets try this thing out see what happens n if it doesnt work we'll still be friends” kinda thing#or a “I'm really into you and i want to date and ill be disappointed if it doesn't work out” kinda thing on her part....#i know im overthinking this and its probably gonna be fine and im just really not used to casual dating but. aughhhhhhhh#the agonies
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Every appearance of the red-haired menace that is early Laurence forces me to sit here and stew upon how I will fix his introduction in the rewrite. As a coping mechanism. Unfortunately since I can't remember the parts where his character isn't just harassment so I can't cook with the themes the way I'd like to. Like the way he calls Aph "my love" after she very explicitly in the text of the game tells him not to do that... bad vibes. I think I could rock with his character if he'd done the same sort of approach in hitting on Aphmau as heavily, but the moment she lays down an actual boundary, he backs way the hell off. I could even fuck with her trying to be subtle about the boundary and him not getting it and continuing to make her uncomfortable before she snaps at him and he apologizes, saying that he truly didn't mean anything by it, and he respects the boundary she lays like his life depends on it from then on out. It would create some immediate complexity in his need for explicit communication, and backs up the sort of deeper character hinting they seem to try to do when he's talking about Castor and Cadenza, this idea that he deeply cares, if being a bit pushy on accident. It would also make a good detail fueling the conflicts later on with the love triangle that can sort of prevent Laurence from looking like TOO much of a dickhead (him being unaware or misinterpreting situations, and the delicate nature of it making him uncomfortable asking questions, is a compelling reason to see somebody hurting his friends' feelings, and makes him significantly more sympathetic, opening him up for feelings of remorse and guilt).
#mcd#minecraft diaries#jeremiahs mcd notes#laurence mcd#i want autisic/adhd king laurence and im not even remotely joking#i think it would add a lot to his character to give him those struggles#if i'm recalling his character right anyways#i am still very early in the series#But i do recall vaguely there being conflicts where I was absolutely not on his side#and i had a very strong sense of justice as a kid so i imagine that i'm not making that up#but also its been 8 years so who knows#but i think he can still very much get off on the wrong foot with aph and it can still be good#i think honestly having him get off on the wrong foot and then work to make it up to her would be good as hell#bc it's a situation in which she sees him be willing to work on himself without much prompting#(aka as soon as he's told there's an issue he starts to work on it and she doesn't have to ask)#and she goes oh actually. you know what. maybe hes not a dick.#and she starts to be more comfortable around him over time#It might create this dynamic where it feels like he's always trying to catch up to her level#Always apologizing always being the wrong one#and then eventually when she does something that he can't just smile and bear#(as all friends hurt each other on accident one time or another#it is unavoidable we are but human and i believe Laurence would let a lot of things slide bc he knows how much she's had to forgive him for#And I can see as well it not going over well bc aphmau is not used to the idea of being the wrong one#and she had a reason for what she did and she gets defensive#Causing an uncomfortable moment of tension#I also think that there could be a good spot where Garroth is being more controlling as to try to protect aph and she is bothered by it#feeling in that moment very robbed of control and like he's not listening to her#and then here's laurence#who is willing to build himself anew brick by brick with her input#Like this is how I would overthink it if I wanted a true love triangle conflict introduced to the plot here
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Just finished my first playthrough of BG3. Romanced Lae'zel, but ending up turning into an Illithid because the idea of making Orpheus or Karlach do it didn't sit well with me (or my character).
I told Lae'zel to leave with Orpheus in the end (I heard she wouldn't stay with a ghaik anyway, which she's valid for, but also, it doesn't feel right to ask her to stay when I know how much her people mean to her). And like-
Her face before she flies off---
She looks so heartbroken and sad.
#emmodii rambles#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate series#lae'zel#spoilers#i don't regret my choices and i do love a good angsty story. but at the same time... OOF.#may you find a new source of joy in the astral realm my queen :'(#for anyone curious- i played a githyanki which i heard is the only race that can fly off with her or something?#but well. again- didn't quite fit my character to have someone else turn instead pfffft#ALSO HE'S A CLERIC OF ILMATER AND A REDEEMED DARK URGE. self-sacrifice is kiNDA TO BE EXPECTED HAHAHA.#anyway- do give romancing lae'zel a shot guys. she may be a hardass at first but it's really because she cares a lot#also slightly off-topic but as a dark urge gith... durge grew up in a city so like. wonder how out of place they woulda felt with the#other githyankis anyway. i think i read somewhere that a gith durge realises they don't really feel connected to creches and stuff#which is interesting and makes me curious about how exactly they were made. cuz they have the traits and knowledge of the race but didn't#grow up with them. i guess the easiest answer would be 'god magic shenanigans' but STILL.#trust me to overthink things hahaha XD#if anyone's curious what happened to my guy in the end--- we followed wyll and karlach to avernus hahaha#what are the devils gonna do? steal the soul we don't have?? TRY IT BITCH#of course i did reload multiple times to have my character kill himself. because that was another option that felt possible for his charact#...and also because i wanted to see how companions would react to it. krewfjewlkrjewklrjewl- although the narration for durge suicide#is also quite interesting! of course maybe that's just me being mentally ill eff (/lh) but having a kill that isn't going to murder daddy?#gives a redeemed durge some control and a final say at last. which is still sad but a nice way to tie up their death methinks#ANYWAY- time to go find a way to convert him into a full-on OC. elves and dwarves are one thing but giths are blatantly dnd so i'mma have#to figure that out for my own story lore and universe--- some kinda new species? humanify him? or convert to another existing general speci#hmm hmm hmmmmmmmmmm-#emmodii plays bg3
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Today was a good day :)
#Today three strangers were kind to me in three different occasions. It was such a nice coincidence :)#I've been working on Akutagawa's birthday the entire week and today Akutagawa posts were all over my dash. I'm so happy!#I managed to do all the edits I had set up to and I'm glad :)#I dressed rigorously black and white and wore the black striped pants I bought because they reminded me of Beast Akutagawa's outfit#I did my nails black and red!!#My mother called me to congratulate on Akutagawa's birthday#I even baked a cake with a friend and they were so sweet /////#I'm so grateful they managed to make time for it even though they've been so busy and tired because of their job#More than everything I'm grateful they weren't weird about it#They found it a little silly but they never made fun of me. They helped me pick the cake.#And today they even told me that they looked up a video of the character to understand me better#Which TERRIFIES me because no way anyone could get a good impression of Akutagawa from a single video#But if we ignore that it was an unbelievably nice gesture :')#It's just such a foreign feeling because outside of my blog I NEVER talk about my hyperfixations irl.#Because when I used to when I was younger I was only met with scorn or mockery so ever since I started university I simply learnt not to?#And it's just so genuinely weird to talk with someone irl who wouldn't judge me for it–#and not really in the good way because part of me is still convinced that they *are* judging me for it.#Doesn't matter everything suggests the contrary. And I keep overthinking if I overshared about Akutagawa or if I said something dumb#But I'm trying it not to get to me. Today they've been nothing but nice through and through#Whatnot. The last months were very tough for some reason I'm just happy good things can still happen :)#I want to start the queue again now that I'm generally more free and done with Aktgw's birthday and everything.#I also have new exams the first days of April and the program is pretty heavy and wide. On top of following courses. I'll see what I can d#I'd like to start regularly posting again because I'm afraid if I don't I'll just sulk further in misery. We'll see.#Ah I need to catch up with the dash since I've basically not been on Tumblr for three days...#That's it just rambling. I hope everyone's days are nice too!!!#random rambles
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it’s so funny that i sometimes think i’ve got good at socialising. new situation and i’m back to negative charisma
#like i still got that safety net of things i’ve gotta say and easy questions or whatever but also god i’m so embarrassing#annoying part is it’s not even a new situation it’s just in a new place#and it’s also not even technically a new place ive been tattooed there before i just haven’t been the one tattooing lol#anyway everyone was super nice and it was a super chill day#and i will try not to overthink every thing i did and also try and be more normal tomorrow#my silly little brain
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Im in such an obey me mood today haha
other than "pls dont tell asmo about that",,,, i have questions about these freaking vegetables (im putting under the cut since im talking about food and bad eating habits/diet related stuff)
im assuming they would have to be mixed with other regular ingredients to prevent the hunger but it sounds like ppl would use them as the main component in a dish or just eat them by themselves
So does all of it get digested? No leftovers (waste) comes out the other end im guessing? is it like a magic type thing?? it has to be right? Cause if not...ur body will take the calories needed to replace the ones burnt, take the nutrients, and the rest will just get tossed out
And since it doesnt make you full, like wouldnt it be way too easy to overeat this type of thing? so you could accidentally end up making urself go to the restroom more often :/
Ig if it gives u the nutrients u need that itll be useful then. So maybe its a 'heres ur macros for the day' type dealo? but u still have to go eat an actual meal or make sure u mix it with other stuff tho
#ik its just a silly joke type text but i do like to take these things and overthink them and apply them to real life#its just interesting to me cause ik the answers will never come so its like a brain exercise or something#eating disorder tw#just to be safe#but yea..................#im gonna just go off in the tags cause im just wondering about when this would be useful cause regular veggies are the better choice to me#ig that could be useful in a very specific circumstance where you went over calories but still need certain macros..but like...its veggies#going over for some for veggies isnt that big a deal imo but if ur mostly concerned with deficit then ud cut anywhere u can...#u could also like use it to lessen the calories in the dish overall and maybe add more of the ingredients u actually like#tho i feel like it would not remove that many calories in the first place#and ud probably wouldnt even get to add that much more of what u actually want in comparison#and then...ur gonna be hungry cause u took away a big volume of the food which was the regular vegetables#but for me when im making food the last thing im worried about in my dish is the freaking vegetables#im trying to add more veggies and less of everything else ._.#i feel like this would make more sense if it was like a sugary treat#especially if this is supposed to be a thing that helps with cravings#u get to eat and enjoy the thing without consequence (for the most part) while eating a more restrictive diet#tho it would probably be even more dangerous than the veggies when it comes to overeating...#idk how the demon biology works but it seems about the same to humans but just more durable#and with asmos eating habits...i can already see in my minds eye whats gonna go down#it just seems like a bad idea all around to tell him about this!#obey me nightbringer
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Once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool~) 🌈🌈
(understandable if u don't want to share though ❤️)
Guess who finally checked their inbox after 4-5 months!? Seasonal depression hasn't really been just seasonal for me... the past few months have been exhausting, and it doesn't seem like it'll get better soon.
In all honesty, thank you so much for sending this in! It made me reflect on things.
As someone with severe social anxiety, body dysmorphia, and other issues, it's hard to take a moment to appreciate my efforts and myself. I had to think about this (overthink, really) but here are some small things I like about myself:
• I like my passionate nature. If I'm into something, I give it my all or atleast try to (even though I haven't been doing that lately).
• I like how compassionate and empathetic I am. I feel very deeply.
• I like my cooking skills, even though I still have a lot to learn.
• I like how the little things in life make me happy, even though often it takes just the little things to make me feel miserable. A tiny handwritten note or a text from someone I adore is enough to cheer me up, make me feel like I matter.
• I like my smile when I'm around, or thinking of, the people I love.
These are a few things I like about me, that make me feel comfortable and less vulnerable sharing here. Once again, thank you for asking me to do this! I hope you have things you appreciate about yourself too ^_^
P.S: This blog is a safe space, and if anyone of you reading this, ever need a person to talk to or simply listen to you, feel free to send in a text, I'll be there for you.
Also, I haven't interacted a lot with anyone here so I don't really know who I should tag, so I'm probably gonna do I apologise in advance if any of you find yourself tagged, I did it randomly.
@bookishtheaterlover7 @ilostmyshoe28 @imyourbratzdoll @squirrel-moose-winchester @rae-pottah @maximeseveridecasey @drulalovescas @wraithlafitte @angelslqver @moonlightlunatic
#love#appreciation#i like it#positivity#mental health#personal#five things I like about me#gratitude#feelings#passion#empathy#fandom#supernatural#marvel#mutuals#reader insert#im so tired#i’m so exhausted#life#anxiety#fangirl#i still dont know how to use tumblr#i am cringe but i am free#i am trying#overthinker#chronically fatigued#spn#the brainrot is real#positive vibes#safe space
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