#but something about him i just can't i don't know why and it kinda makes me angry

[icarusredwings]

Yall ever think about how Logan has *nothing* from his universe? I can't imagine he had a big collection of things, but it makes me wonder about his very little amount of pictures, his Veteran hats, his badges, his devils bergade hat, honorary medals. No, he wouldn't have kept all of it. Not even half of it. But I just know that he sometimes sees someone with a matching badge from a specifc group and wants to flash them his own but can't. He hates the things he's done with his life, hates himself just as much. But he hates the way he has nothing to show for it even more.

Hates the way Jean turned Logan's old room into a memorial and hung up every award he kept, every badge, every medal, every hat, anything that showed significance of the time Logan spent protecting people.

At least that's what she claimed it's meant for but this Logan knows. He knows just how bloody these badges were before cleaned. He knew what it took to get that medal and reconized the stitching in one of the uniforms because his has to be fixed the same way.

But do you know what he really hates?

That almost everything in this room is from a time in which he was owned. Treated like an animal to be caged. Leashed. Chained.

It becomes very clear to him that the reason this Logan was liked so much is because he stayed, sure, but also he let himself be controlled. Be the property of someone else. Whether that be the X Men or the government, the military, didn't matter. He hated it all.

And yet... he's still envious. Because Logan STAYED. He fought when things got gritty.

Something he was too much of a coward to do.

When things got rough, he wouldn't fight like this Logan, No. He'd leave. Like a pathetic wuss.

Still to this day it confuses him. Why did he hold such an anger for him? Why did he let himself get chained down? Why did he care about people who just wanted to use him? Wouldn't it be better to leave? Who did he stay for?

"...He would have hated this."

Turning, He sees Kitty standing there beside him. He didn't even see her come in.

"Mmh.."

".. He would have said that too... I told her it was dumb. That you hated everything she makes you out to be... " She says, not looking at him but the picture on the wall.

"I'm not hi-"

"I'm not talking to you." The statment is sharp, glancing at him for just a moment. "But clearly, you hate it too.. I wonder..Do you hate it for the same reason?"

"...She made him out to be some kinda caged animal."

"She made you out to be some kinda war hero."

The parallels were said at the same time.

Kitty looks at him, brow raised. "He spent his entire life trying not to be that-"

"And I've been trying my entire life to be a hero. Look where that got me." Logan tells her, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Kitty turns, flicking him in the nose.

"Ow, Hey!" He growls, trying to grab her hand, but she only phases through.

"You saved an entire universe. How are you not a hero?"

"Yeah! By killing my entire universe. One in which I've killed far more than you could probably count!"

Kitty gives him a look, crossing her arms and tilting her head. "...I'm a comp sci professor... try me. I bet more numbers have came out since you were in school, gramps."

Rolling his eyes, Logan grumbled. "Sure. Like im afraid of you, half pint."

Katherine's eyes widden and frowns, now looking away, hugging herself. He could smell how much this upset her, smelling the tears whelling up and the sadness within her.

"... Look I'm sorry. I don't know what you and him had but-"

She punches him square in the nose. Blinking, the pain floods the broken cartilage that had snapped. Blood trickles down his lip. For being so little, she sure packed a punch... wonder where she learned that.

His hand comes up, feeling it, then glared, snarling. "You little b-!"

"Ha ha! Can't touch me!" She says, wiping tears as his hand phases through her stomach.

"Rule number one! Never let your guard down." She tells him, now running off, completely morphing through the door as if it wasn't even there. "Can't catch me old man!"

Standing here, Logan blinks, his hands itching and eyes thinning. He wants to chase her. He's not sure why, but... he has a feeling that this isn't a fight. It feels more like a game of tag.. a dangerous game. But a game.

The smallest of smiles come to his face, unseathing his claws. Ripping open the door, he starts sniffing, trying to track her through the mansion.

A feeling of home fills his chest. It's foreign but...nice.

And just for a second? Logan thinks he knows why the dead fucker stayed..

[heeheesang]

── .✦ what if we never dated..? — i should've been with you.

really really long written chapter , short smau below ! warnings : angst !! i cried writing this.

AFTER THE FIGHT WE HAD , WE NEVER HAD THE GUTS TO EVER FACE EACH OTHER . EVERYTIME WE MADE EYE CONTACT , WE WOULD IGNORE EACH OTHER AND FACE AWAY .

if only i had the guts to apologise for shouting at you... if only chaer didn't get in the way of everything. but thanks to taesan, we did manage to talk it out, even tho it was super awkward. i did feel like jumping into your arms but, i stopped myself.

it's been a week since the trip and we hadn't contacted at all... yunah and eunseok were happily together, same with shotaro and moka.

"since when were you and gunwook close again..?" you pulled me by my arm as i looked behind. the urge i had to hug you tightly and wish it was all dream...

"he... apologised to me. and now we're talking as friends." i smiled awkwardly as he flashed gunwook one kind of a look. we were about to leave when he pulled my arm again.

"wait, yn... i have to tell you something." i crossed my arms, "what is it, leehan?"

"i'm moving to america." if only you knew how much you made me cry at home with that sentence alone. but the only thing i could do at the point was smile and wish you all the best.

i could barely sleep for nights, eventually had to call taesan and anton over with the girls for a sleepover. gunwook joined too, and that's when i realised why we weren't made for each other.

GUNWOOK : yeah lol she thinks i still like her, do i get my $1000 now?

CHAER : ugh just keep her distracted. leehan and i got his parents approval for an arranged marriage.

GUNWOOK : you better do this quick, it's bad enough i'm hurting her but she can't make a man happy at all.

i broke down into tears, screenshotting the chat and sending it to myself before waking gunwook up. oh, if only you could hear how upset i was.

i can't blame gunwook and i can't blame you neither can i blame chaer... it's all my fault in the end.

once it was morning, gunwook ran out of the house before any of the girls or guys woke up. i spent the whole day crying, arranged marriage? so he's... really taken now.

YN : sent a screenshot

LEEHAN : ☺️ now you know pretty.

LEEHAN : i'm sorry it had to be this way... i just never liked you at all yn, i was always waiting for chaer get out of a relationship and you just so reminded me of her lol

YN : huh... so you never liked me..?

LEEHAN : read up hm? you have a pretty smart brain, put two and two together :)

YN : fuck you kim donghyun.

you blocked this contact.

oh. that felt like a hard pang in the heart... i couldn't tell any of them about this, all of them were close to leehan. they even wished for him to come back as soon as possible... i would just be ruining my own friendship.

"you look disturbed these days. what's up, angel?" taesan asked as he leaned against my locker, eyes glued to his screen as his fingers moved rapidly.

"i'm just... tired really..! rumors here and there... head girl council things." i lied, well kinda.

"i'm not dumb, angel. i can see right through you. what's wrong?" taesan asked again as he turned off his phone and placed it in his pocket.

"i forgot that you're literal leehan 2.0. i'll be fine, don't worry. let's go to class?" i joked as he nodded, wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we walked to class.

oh yeah, taesan was always there for me. i always felt bad for him because i didn't even realise how much he liked me until the argument between leehan and i happened.

i had to find it out through yunah as well... she was taesan's wingwoman. i was always thankful for taesan but now that i knew his intentions behind his acts of kindness, i adored him.

he never gave up even tho i longed for leehan. that enough showed me how much he really likes me. he always helped me in classes, he talks with me about our problems.

"so what i'm hearing is.. leehan was playing with you?" taesan asked as i nodded slowly, tears running down my cheeks as he gave me tissues and tissues.

"what a bitch..." taesan cursed as a joke and i giggled, hitting his shoulder lightly.

"and gunwook.. was in it with chaer too. but i realised they didn't even have to plan anything because... leehan was already in love with chaer." i continued and eventually cried out loud.

taesan panicked and immediately rushed to my side on the bed, hugging my tightly as i cried on his leather jacket.

"that's what's been bothering me lately... i'm so... scared of love now." i hugged him tightly as he rubbed my back, "hey hey..." he said as he pulled away from the hug, holding me by my shoulders.

"that's part of love life, angel. you meet people who play with your feelings, people who love you as much as you love them, and just pure assholes. there are much more important things in life hm, angel? like that graduation and prom ceremony. i'll help you plan it out." taesan comforted as he wiped my tears away only for me to cry even more.

"now i've ruined your leather jacket...!" i cried out as he chuckled, "it's okay, it's okay..."

with the few days, taesan helped me cope very well surprisingly. he gave me new hobbies to try out, he brought me out on little dates, he even introduced me to his other friends and family members.

but despite all that, my schedule was still very packed with plannings. soon, prom was coming up and i had moka to run the confessions corner account once again.

"hey, angel. dinner at my mom's today?" taesan asked as i pouted, "i'm afraid not sanie... i have to complete my—"

"—your layout for prom? finished. your seating layouts? done. so! can we?" he asked with a tiny pout and a glint of happiness in his eyes.

i pinched his cheeks before giggling, "of course you big baby."

everytime we had dinner at taesan's, his parents would pamper. his father always went on work trips outside of korea and would always bring me souvenirs, big or small, it didn't matter to him.

his mother would always cook my favourite meals and make sure i eat alot. his siblings would always compliment me and make me play games with them on their playstation.

"ah eomma! you've embarrassed me enough..." taesan whined and covered his face as his parents chuckled, "your girlfriend— future girlfriend deserves to know all this!"

without a doubt, it was always fun at taesan's. his family members love me, and my family members love him. they treat him as their own child, always talking about marriage when he was over.

"thanks for tonight, sanie."

"no problem, angel. see you at prom tomorrow, i'll pick you up at six hm?" i nodded as he placed a short kiss on my forehead, making sure i got in the house before driving off.

prom! the one night where everyone could enjoy having their final days in highschool. i sighed as i opened my closet, looking through it to find my prom dress i had prepared.

that's until i found a mini box at the side of my closet, TO JUNG YN, FROM KIM LEEHAN. huh? when did this get here?

i took the box and sat down on my bed, opening it to find a corsage. a pink colour corsage.

TO JUNG YN ,

you probably would've expected the outcome of us... so i won't be there for prom but i want you to have the best night ever. i know taesan likes you... and he deserves you.

i wish you and taesan all the best. i'll forever love you jung yn. a pink corsage, a matching one with taesan.

thank you for your time the whole 3 years jung yn. :) goodbye forever.

i tried my best not to break down in tears, because i will not be redoing my makeup ever again. soon i received a text from taesan if i received a corsage from leehan and i replied him quickly because his next message was 'i'll be there in thirty'.

this is for you leehan taesan, i pick you. while changing i realised that you've never reminded me of leehan, you were yourself and that's what i love.

thank you taesan, for showing me what perseverance is.

"are you enjoying the party, girl??" yunah asked as moka danced alongside me. i pressed my lips into a thin line, shrugging as i gulped down another cup of fruit punch.

taesan and i arrived together but he was currently with his friends dancing in the middle. taesan and his friends have always been the popular group in school. they were all flirters especially jaehyun. he tried asking me for my number once with his so called, 'rizz' but thank god taesan stepped in.

taesan was never a flirter. he was more determined to get the girl he likes and never let her get out of sight.

"you're daydreaming again... please don't say it's about leehan..." moka whined as they took a seat beside me, leaving me in between them both.

"leehan isn't here anymore... yn. you know that." yunah reminded me as i nodded slowly.

"no, oh my god no! i was just thinking about taesan... like he's determined to get me... and i adore that." i explained as they 'ooh' at my response.

"can we get miss jung yn, head girl of 2024, on stage. calling for jung yn." the principal voiced out on stage as everyone turned to look for me, "i better get on stage first. first row, girls?" we giggled as they followed me and sat down first row with taesan and his friends.

i tapped on the mic, "hello... um wow this is new. a lot of you here..." i nervously spoke as everyone laughed and applauded for me to boost my confidence.

i looked down to my friends all holding a thumbs up sign, then made eye contact with taesan. i smiled as he mouthed, "you can do it, angel."

i let ou a small sigh of relief before continuing, "as head girl of batch 24', i've learnt a thing or two. holding onto the past won't do you any good in the future because you'll dwell on your past mistakes and be afraid to make new choices in life."

"secondly, i learnt that it's better to keep your circle small. the bigger the circle, the bigger problems. that doesn't mean that smaller circles have smaller problems, but it's unlikely to have any fueds or such."

"i would like to thank everyone... for being so supportive of me being head girl. i've enjoyed my time creating activities, spending time with my fellow students and just making the best out of everything."

"i would also like to... um... apologise. if i have ever made you upset, if i have ever made you angry. please forgive me if i have ever done anything to made you hurt." i bowed down to the crowd as they all retaliated, saying i didn't do anything wrong.

i giggled into the microphone, "lastly... the school and i have organised this event so that we could have our last moments together with friends and people we love. so please — take the dance floor, enjoy the buffet, do everything with your friends and loved ones. i think that's all from me... thank you, once again." i bowed to the crowd as everyone dispersed.

walking down from the stage, taesan appeared with a smile and a hand. "good job, angel." i chuckled and took his hand, hugging him as i finally reached the bottom.

as soon as i sat back down, the center floor was suddenly emptied out. taesan’s friends, jaehyun sungho, and riwoo all danced in the centre facing me. my eyes widened as i lifted my eyebrows, turning around to see nobody behind me at all.

“oh my darling..” i heard taesan’s voice as he emerged from the three. he sang the song as if his life depended on it, the closer he came to me, the faster the song ended.

“i love you.” my jaw dropped as he passed my a bouquet of flowers.

“will you be my angel?”

⤶ back | mlist

⟢ accidental confessions (acc) taglist

╰┈➤ @rairaiblog @voikiraz @veerooniicaa @miukidoll

⟢ permanent taglist ( can be requested to be taken off ! )

╰┈➤ @hooneverse @sol3chu @yourssincerely-mimi @reikaxslvr @petralovesbonedo @enhabooks @mwahvvis @jaerisdiction @rairaiblog @jeonginontopforever

hhs' notes ! ── .✦ whaaat a lengthy chapter !! i'm so sorry if this was a terrible chapter (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ ) i cried a little writing this hehe ( ˶°ㅁ°) !! but it's finally , the end !! how do we feel ? i originally wanted to make it seem like leehan was gone gone , but i just couldn't do it >ᴗ<

anyway my luvies...! i hope you enjoyed this smau and this final chapter huhu (,,>﹏<,,) i hope it's not too confusing !! i loved making this smau , each and every chapter •⩊• and i would like to thank everyone for liking, loving, and supporting this smau !! i love all of you and i'll see you in my next smau !! (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

[hopeforchanges]

okay hot take here don't bash my head in ... Sauron and Galadriel ≠ Orlok and Ellen

idk am i the only one who doesn't see it? i stayed away from speaking on the topic cause i didn't feel i had all the information to engage in any meaningful convo but now that a good amount of time has passed and I have listened and read other people's arguably passionate stances on this (which is great! i love when people enjoy something, it gives me joy too!!) i must say .... i don't get it lol

let me explain myself:

I get that certain aesthetics or vibes might overlap (dark, brooding antagonist vs. a luminous, female protagonist), the comparison completely falls apart when you dig into their actual characterizations.

Ellen as a Symbol of Maidenhood vs. Galadriel as a Warrior

Ellen is basically a paragon of feminine virtue: she's all about purity, innocence, and ultimate sacrifice. She represents a kind of moral ideal that aligns with the trope of the "selfless maiden." Sure there is darkness in here but like ... where? lol in the words of one of my favorite complicated female characters of the silver screen: "I can't see it, I can't touch it, I can't feel it. I can hear it, I can hear some words but I can't do anything with your easy words."

Galadriel is a warrior, a soldier, a power-hungry monarch. She was born a princess into a life of great privilege. Galadriel is ambitious, vengeful, and actively pursuing power. She definitely embodies characteristics that are more commonly associated with male domination. I love both the feminine in Ellen and the masculine in Galadriel. They just don't overlap imo.

Orlok’s Selfish Awareness vs. Sauron’s Delusional “Vision”

Orlok is unapologetically monstrous. He’s a selfish predator who knows exactly what he is and doesn’t care. He’s not trying to justify himself or claim he’s “saving” anyone—he just feeds on people because that’s what he does.

Sauron thinks he’s doing the right thing. In his mind, his actions are about order, preservation, and the “greater good.” That lack of self-awareness is huge—it makes him a completely different type of villain. Orlok leans into his evil; Sauron justifies it - doesn't even think he's the evil force - definitely not in his story.

The Core Dynamic Feels Wrong

Ellen and Orlok’s relationship is built on fear and revulsion. Ellen sacrifices herself to stop Orlok—she lures him to his doom. There’s no room for ambiguity there; he’s the predator, and she’s the prey.

Galadriel and Sauron are equals. None of them can land the killing blow because they don't want to, not because they can't. Their dynamic is tangled up in grudging respect, power struggles, and even a weird sort of kinship. Galadriel isn’t diminished or destroyed by Sauron like Ellen was by Orlok; quite the contrary. Galadriel was empowered by Sauron, healed through him (at least in the show which is the medium i am basing my opinions on, not necessarily the tolkien legendarium). That's why it's so funny to me that in season 2 he can't figure out why she won't say yes to him when she used to drool over his mortal form and so he transforms into Glambrand as his big fix cause he thinks THAT is what the issue is lol you were her friend, dumbass, that's literally it. you supported her and believed in her when no one did and couched her so she could achieve her goals - helped her self-actualize.

There are no such layers and complexities in Ellen and Orlok's relationship. Plus, the fact that he came to her first when she was a kid gives me the ick, sorry. it's giving phantom of the opera. and i HATE phantom of the opera (the original book by Leroux, the musical kinda slaps tbh)

TL;DR:

Yes, Ellen calls Orlok a deceiver, but that’s where the parallels end for me. Ellen = pure, selfless sacrifice; Galadriel = complex, power-driven warrior. Orlok = evil and knows it; Sauron = evil but thinks he’s the hero. Their dynamics are fundamentally different, and the Orlok/Ellen comparison just doesn’t hold up under scrutiny.

If I’m missing something, feel free to convince me otherwise, but for now? Nah, I don’t see it.

[loves-alibi]

say it

mdni

or: how you find out about vampire!soap (or x2: why you kick Johnny out)

tw: blood (duh, he's a vampire), dry-heaving, references to sex

vampire!soap masterlist

***** Johnny never breaks a sweat. It drives you crazy. You'll give the performance of your life, teasing him, sucking him, riding him, getting absolutely pounded by him, and Johnny doesn't have the decency to even pretend to be winded.

You're laying in bed, sweating like a pig after being stuffed like one for what felt like hours (because it was). Johnny's there too, covering your face in kisses and neck and shoulders with love bites.

"Do you have work tomorrow?" You ask, already knowing the answer.

"I'm sorry, lass."

"It's alright," you hum.

It's really not, but there's nothing you can do about it. Johnny made it clear from the start that he was SAS and that his job meant he kept a very particular schedule. He has to be on his way to base in the wee hours of the morning, and can’t make his way to your flat until past sunset. And that's not considering missions, when you can't see him for days or weeks at a time.

You make it work, though. So it means you have to go out together only at night and miss mornings in bed with him. For Johnny, it's worth it.

"I have holiday soon," he says, "No more leaving you." Johnny presses a kiss to your lips before settling himself on your chest.

"Promise?"

"I pr–"

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Fuck," you groan, rolling out of bed. You begin to dress yourself as Johnny watches with sad eyes.

"I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!" Comes a muffled scream. "OPEN UP!"

"Who's that?"

"The guy across the hall."

Somehow by moving into your flat, you throughly pissed off your neighbor– a sour fellow who drives a e-bike like it's a motorcycle. Every other day, he's knocking on your door with a complaint– turn that music down (you weren't listening to music), your cooking is stinking up the hallway (it was the lady down the hall– and it smelled delicious), tell your cat to stop meowing so damn loud (you don't own a cat, but that kinda was your fault. That complaint came after a night spent teasing Johnny, and you fear that the meowing might have been Johnny's crooning).

You throw on Johnny's shirt, but he stops you before you can pull on your sweatpants. He's pulling on his boxers, a sheepish grin on his face, "Let me take care of it, Bonnie. You need to rest up." Johnny sends you to bed with a kiss on the cheek and a tap on your ass.

You lean against the pillows, "I'm not done with you yet."

"Oh I didn't think you were," and with that, Johnny leaves you with a wink.

You hear the door open on the other end of your flat, followed by some choice words from your neighbor. You grab your phone to check the time– 8:39 PM –and roll your eyes.

You scroll through your phone as minutes tick by. 8:40. 8:41. 8:42. 8:43... By 8:50, you're pulling on your sweatpants and heading to the front door. It's closed.

"Johnny?" You whisper, creeping closer to the door. There's no response. You try again, louder, "Johnny."

Something big thuds on the other side of your door. You lurch for it, pressing your eye against the peep hole. There's... nothing. You're staring at the open door of the flat across the hall. No Johnny. No neighbor.

Your fingers brush against the cool metal of the doorknob. The door creaks as you open it. The hallway is empty.

"Johnny," you try one last time, trying to peer inside the dark flat. You creep closer, but a slurping and a groan cuts through the air. Not just any groan. Johnny's groan. Your feet just carry you into the flat without thought.

It's pitch black. You stick your hands out as you blindly move about. There's another groan to your right. The source of the noise is behind a couch. You move quickly, too quickly, and slip, landing on your ass with a fuck.

There’s a small puddle of something wet and sticky underneath you. It must be what you slipped on. You collect come with your pointer finger. It’s dark, thick, and red.

Three things happen at once. The first is the smell of iron assaulting your nose— nauseating you. This first realization is what leads to the second thing— that puddle is made up of blood. These first two events quickly become inconsequential at the third: Johnny, your Johnny, is huddled over your neighbor’s body, blood dripping down his mouth.

Before you can scream, a hand fixes itself over your mouth. Much like everything else in the dark flat, the hand is covered in blood. You press your mouth shut in a desperate attempt to stop it from entering your mouth.

“Bonnie, bonnie, bonnie,” says Johnny, panicked. “Please don’t scream. If I take my hand away will you scream?” You shake your head. “Will you run away?” You hesitate, and Johnny sighs. “I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.” You nod this time, and Johnny smiles. Had his canines always been that long? Sure, they were always a bit longer than average, but now they look freakish, monstrous.

Johnny takes his hand away and you scramble back. He lurches forward and grabs your ankle. His grip doesn’t hurt, but it’s strong and enough to keep you rooted. Your heart is pounding in your chest. You’re sure Johnny feels it by the way his pupils dilate.

“You— you killed him—“

“Listen to me—“

“You ate him—“

“I fed from him,” Johnny whispers harshly, and you freeze.

“Fed?”

What the hell are you dating?

“I’m going to let go of you so I can clean this up, and you’re not going to run, are you?” Johnny’s voice is so calm. You nod your head. Something tells you that even if you tried to run, it wouldn’t get you very far. “Good.”

Johnny navigates cleanup more comfortably than you’d like. Your neighbor looks almost entirely untouched, with the exception of the two mosquito bite-esque marks on his neck. Johnny lays him gently on the couch, draping a blanket over his body. Johnny offers for you to feel your neighbor’s pulse, you decline. He nods and turns to fix the coffee table, which had been overturned at some point.

“He’ll wake up fine,” Johnny explains, “With a headache maybe, but…”

He leaves the puddle for last. His eyes flicker between you and the blood, a sheepish expression coming over him, “I don’t know where the paper towels are…” He’s asking for permission to… oh God.

“Just do it.”

You turn away, shutting your eyes to avoid seeing the depravities Johnny’s going to indulge in. It’s not enough. The sound of slurping fills your ears. You’re going to be sick. A dry-heave makes its way up from your stomach.

“Please don’t throw up,” Johnny says, “I wasn’t lying about the paper towels.”

You start crying at that, sobbing uncontrollably. Images of Johnny over that unconscious body blind you. What the fuck have you been doing for all these months? How haven’t you noticed whatever the fuck this is? What’s stopping him from doing it to you?

Two strong arms wrap around you, hoisting you up and into Johnny’s hold. “I’m going to bring you back yo your flat. Is that alright?” You nod, unable to get a word out through your sobbing.

In your flat, you’re set down on the couch. Johnny sits on the far end, observing as you curl in on yourself. He hasn’t got blood on his face anymore. There’s still some clumped on the hair of his bare chest, but at least you can look him in the eyes without seeing the evidence of his massacre.

“I’m sure you have questions,” he says, eerily calm, like he hadn’t just drank the blood of a human. “And I’ll answer them, but I want you to know that I love you, and I wasn’t planning on keeping this from you forever. This is just…” He trails off, waiting for the words to come to him. “This isn’t how I wanted you to find out.”

You gasp, “Find out what? That you’re a fucking psycho? That you’ve been lying to me for months?”

“I haven’t lied to you, bonnie. Not once.”

You scoff, “Then what the fuck is that?”

“What do you think it is?”

You pause. Part of you wants to slap Johnny just for asking you that, but it doesn’t stop you for actually reflecting on his question. What do you think it is? As much as you’re scared shitless, you’d like to believe that there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for why your boyfriend is drinking human blood.

Except there’s not. Because despite how unusual Johnny is, you’d never thought that he was that usual. He’s practically nocturnal, but that’s for work. And has long canines, but that’s genetic— plenty of people do. And he doesn’t like Italian food, but really it can be a lot sometimes, and with his garlic allergy? It’s—

Come to think of it, you’ve never heard of a garlic allergy before dating Johnny. And he’s awfully pale. And you’ve never seen him in daylight. And—

Holy shit.

For the first time in the last half an hour, a sense of calm washes over you. You smile at Johnny, and he mimics it, albeit confused.

“Johnny, dear, I need you to leave.”

Johnny stiffens, “What? I haven’t explained—“

“You’re a vampire,” you say, and Johnny gulps. You pause, allowing a moment for him to deny it. He doesn’t. “You’re a vampire, and retroactively, it’s quite obvious, I suppose. Though, that doesn’t change the fact that I want you to get the fuck out of my flat.”

“Oh—“

“Please get out.”

Johnny stands and slowly makes his way to the door. You see him out, smiling at him each time he turns back and gives you a questioning look. Eventually, he stands in the hallway of your flat, staring at you with those puppy eyes.

“I need time to think. Maybe when I’m done you can come back in, okay?”

Johnny nods, finally out of things to say. “Okay.”

With that, you slam the door in his face.

[dragqueenstarscream]

How about 2, 4, 5, 9, 11, 15, 16 and 19 for armada megs please 👉👈

Also sorry if this is too many-

oh no, you don't have to apologize! i love answering asks! also, armada megs! he's a new one for me, but i'll try my best! (i can't blame you for asking for him. who can resist the voice of david kaye?)

2 - multiple orgasms/orgasm denial. definitely. not for himself, but for you. he hates being denied what he so rightfully deserves, but when it comes to you, he can be kinda mean, either refusing to let you come or making you come so many times that you start shaking. it really depends on his mood.

he also has a thing for cockwarming + exhibitionism together. it's not uncommon for cyclonus or demolisher to go looking for megatron only to see him on his throne, with you seated on his spike but being unable to move. he likes seeing the looks on their faces and the blush that spreads across your cheeks.

4 - dom. all the way. he doesn't submit to anyone, and that includes to you. he tried subbing once and hated it.

5 - without a doubt. it's more rare that he doesn't kiss with tongue, actually. he likes feeling just how small your mouth is against his, as odd as that sounds.

9 - he doesn't. why should he when he's got you right there? he doesn't need to use his imagination to get off when he has the real deal right there with him.

11 - megatron's a little weird with aftercare. he's not a fan of receiving it himself because... he's megatron. he can handle anything. he doesn't need to recover from something as simple as interfacing.

however, he is very aware that it takes more out of you, so he's willing to put a lot of effort into aftercare for you. he can't have his favorite little toy getting too tired on him, now can he?

15 - he's loud, but not in a screaming way. he's definitely a dirty talker, and he's absolutely a growler. he loves dirty talking right into your ear, figuring out what makes you squirm and whine, but he'll eventually start growling wordlessly as he gets closer to his own overload.

16 - so you know those things on the sides of his head? the sawtooth horns that look like stag beetle jaws? play with those. it'll have him purring like a giant kitty.

19 - he himself won't tolerate the idea of being tied up. he won't do it. you, however... remember when i said he can be mean during sex? double that if he decides to tie you up. he gets cruel, tormenting you by not letting you come and teasing you with the idea that he might just leave you there and let the other decepticons have their ways with you.

we both know he won't. he doesn't share. but that doesn't mean the idea of seeing you completely fucked out doesn't turn him on like crazy.

[ziekaramaik]

Before You Jump, Tell Me What You Find

(Word count: about 1700)

(Sorry for the wait. Wasn't sure I'd continue it at all, but @shadybisexualpirate and @psychicsolanum asked for it. Also, @maro0on and @ssherbet-shares )

It had been a week since I was at William's house. Mr. and Mrs. Kaplan seemed happy to see me again. I guess the no-visitors-while-grounded rule was less strict after the first week.

Or maybe it was never a rule and William was just using it as an excuse to avoid me. But I didn't ask or start an argument. We were already past that.

We left the door to his bedroom open a crack, as usual. William pulled out his desk chair for me, and he took the bed. We sat down facing each other.

I'm no mind reader, but I knew exactly how he was feeling. The awkwardness was written all over his face. "I guess I should start with--"

"Can I say something first?" I interrupted.

"Of course."

"I was kind of being a hypocrite earlier," I admitted. "You know, about how boyfriends shouldn't keep secrets. There are things I don't talk to you about. And that should be okay -- everyone deserves a little privacy."

"I totally agree," he said eagerly. "And I've tried to respect your privacy as much as I can, I promise--"

"Let me finish… I'm not trying to be the possessive type of boyfriend that makes you tell me everything you do. I was only upset earlier because it felt like you were ghosting me. Now something obviously happened to you that day. And it's still bothering you. But I'm not forcing you to talk about it if you don't want to. I'm only asking 'cause I'm worried. And… I can't shake the feeling that you're getting involved in something dangerous."

He listened to me, and he nodded. "You're not wrong. I wanna tell you, it's just hard. A big reason I haven't told anyone is because it's all so unbelievable. Like, seriously, Eddie. It is literally crazy. But then again… We live in a world after The Snap, and with the Avengers, and Norse gods, and all that. So…"

He looked at the tiny opening at his door, double-checking that his parents weren't listening outside. And then he softly said, "The first thing I should tell you is, I have special powers."

My eyebrows shot up. "Really?" It was a surprise. But for me, maybe not as unbelievable as he expected.

William reached out towards his bookshelf. In front of his palm, in the air, a blue circle appeared, like a hologram. A second later, a book shot out from the shelf, passed through the circle, and landed in his hand. The glow faded away.

"Whoa." I blinked. "That is… not where I expected this conversation to go. Was that, like, magic? Is THAT why you're into," I waved my hand around, gesturing vaguely to all the posters and notes taped to his walls, "all this witchy stuff?"

He nodded. "Kinda." He shook his head. "I mean, no. This is new. I mean--" He winced. "It's complicated. There's stuff that happened three years ago. And stuff that happened last week. And it's all connected. I didn't know where to start, but I think I can explain to you without using words."

He leaned forward. "I learned a new spell for this. It's kinda like the spell Agatha used to see Wanda's past, but in the opposite direction. I can send my memories directly into your mind. That way you'll immediately understand where I went last week and everything that happened to me. Will you give me permission to do that? Will you allow me to put those memories into your mind?"

I stared at him with a little confusion. "I dunno. Will it hurt?"

He stared back at me. "It's not… supposed to?"

In other words, he never tried it before.

I stared a bit longer. Then I nodded. "Okay."

William got off the bed and kneeled down directly in front of me. He placed his hand on the side of my head and closed his eyes. It was very "Vulcan mind meld".

Williams whispered, "Non quarere, non dico mendacium."

A second after that, memories of the day of the car accident, meeting Agatha Harkness, gathering the coven, and the Witches' Road appeared in my mind. It was like my brain was an internet browser and a dozen different tabs opened up all at once. It was overwhelming.

A second after that, I got up, ran to the bathroom and puked into the toilet.

A little later, after a concerned Mrs. Kaplan heard me and checked in, and I told her I just ate something earlier that disagreed with me, and William backed up my story and told her not to worry, I got a glass of water to rinse my mouth out and returned to William's room.

"Are you okay?" William asked gently.

I was rubbing my head. "First time magically downloading memories. It feels like a headache, a hangover, and staying up all night to cram for a big test all at once. Next time, we're doing it the slow way."

"Sorry."

I slowly sifted through the info-dump. "Okay… So… Your soul was created by Wanda Maximoff."

"And the Vision. Technically."

"Yes. Okay. And Vision. And when the original William Kaplan died, your soul took over his body."

"That's the theory, at least. It's a little ambiguous."

"You have a twin brother--"

"Tommy."

"--Who's been reincarnated somewhere in someone else's body."

"Uh-huh."

"You met up with a bunch of witches -- real witches -- and your magic powers created the Witches' Road -- by accident -- and most of those witches died there."

"…Yes."

"And speaking of died, Death is a person. And a lesbian."

"Now do you understand why it was so difficult for me to talk about this?"

Yeah, if he simply said all this, I probably wouldn't have believed it. But it was hard to argue with the memories in my own head.

The magic-hangover was mostly gone by now. The info-dump had settled.

I looked up at Wil -- No, at Billy. He called himself Billy now.

He's a mind-reader, I thought. I knew he couldn't help it, but now that I knew, I couldn't help but feel exposed in front of him.

"It's not like I hear every thought," he said defensively. "Only the loud stuff in the front of your mind. I don't go snooping, I promise."

No wonder he always seemed to understand me so well. And now, I understood him in a way no one else did.

I sat right next to him on the mattress. I grabbed his hand, and entwined my fingers with his. "It's not your fault they died, you know," I said.

"What?"

"Mrs. Davis and the others. You made that place. But what they did there -- that's not on you."

He calmly replied, "Thanks for saying so. But if an architect builds a house, and people die because it collapses, it's absolutely the architect's fault."

"Hey, listen." I looked him right in the eyes. "It was awful. But it was an accident, Billy. Nothing more."

I really thought that. So I knew he knew I meant it.

He stared at me. His eyes started watering. Then he looked away, smiled, and rubbed his nose. "I don't deserve a boyfriend like you."

"Yeah, well, you're stuck with me."

"Am I though?" he asked, his smile faltering.

"What?"

He spoke nervously. "Today at school, you didn't want to break up. But… You thought I was a normal boyfriend. You never signed up for all this craziness."

"Bill--"

"A-And it's not just the witchcraft and the mind-reading and looking for Tommy. I have to warn you: the Personification of Death doesn't like me very much. She agreed to let me go for now. But if you stick too close to me, you might get into trouble."

"That… is a scary thought…"

"Like I said, you didn't sign up for this, Eddie. If you want to ghost me this time… I'll understand."

I confess, I did think about it. The death thing aside, I spent a long time wishing for a normal life.

I loved this boy. But when I said that, there was a lot I didn't know about him. Just like he said: He was like a different person now.

But now that I did know who he was… I didn't not still love him.

I came to a decision. Holding his hand a little tighter, I told him, "I try not to think about this too often -- which is, apparently, why you never knew it -- but even if I left you, my life still wouldn't exactly be normal."

Billy's face looked into mine. I fought down the urge to kiss him and continued, "You know how I'm adopted? My mom found me and raised me on her own?"

"Yeah."

"Well, she adopted me from… a lot farther away than I led you to believe."

I held up my hand, the one that was still holding his. I concentrated, and my hand turned green. The skin became thicker and harder, like leather, or scales. We stared at my green fingers intertwined with his pale pink fingers. And then I made my hand and forearm look human again.

I nervously looked back at Billy's face. He stared at our hands in shock for several long moments.

"Well, say something," I blurted.

Finally, he grinned and said, "That is so cool."

I giggled from relief. I leaned in and was just about to kiss him when--

"Huh, a shapeshifting alien," said the ghost that appeared RIGHT BEHIND ME.

"YAH!" I fell off the mattress.

"Yeah, she does that sometimes," said an unamused Billy.

"I knew an alien once," the ghost said. "We almost made a movie together. Long story."

I got to my feet and stared at the translucent woman. I recognized her from Billy's memory.

"Agatha, this is Theodore Altman," Billy said. "He used to go by Teddy, but people kept making Grey's Anatomy jokes, so now it's just Eddie. Eddie, this is Agatha Harkness. My semi-evil, semi-dead, witchcraft mentor."

"Uh… Hi?"

"Good choice for a boyfriend, Billy," Agatha said with a smirk. "Shapeshifting will keep things fresh."

"So you're his… familiar?" I looked from Agatha to Billy. "That's the term, right? You're a witch now, and she's your familiar."

Billy smiled at that. Agatha did not.

"I take it back. You have horrible, horrible taste in boyfriends."

"Glass houses and stones, Agatha," Billy replied.

Can You Read My Mind?

(Spoilers for Agatha All Along)

(Word count: about 1500)

William was missing all night. Then all day. And then all night again.

At first he declined my calls. Then the phone just kept ringing. My texts were left unread.

I was totally prepared for something bad to happen to him while we were in a parking garage to meet a stranger from the internet. Except that turned out to be nothing. The guy was a paranoid nut, but harmless. It was after William dropped me off at home and drove away safely that he went missing. I didn't know what to think.

After a full day of worrying, he finally called me back early next morning.

"Are you okay?!" I asked.

"I'm fine," he said, sounding completely exhausted. "Well -- Yeah, I'm -- I'm fine."

"Where have you been? I've been trying to call."

"I know. I'm sorry. It's been a crazy day. And night." He mumbled to himself, "Did all of that happen in just one night? Oh man, what day is it?"

"You've been missing for over twenty-four hours," I explained. "Your parents are probably ten seconds away from calling the police."

"Yes, I'm sorry for scaring them. I'm driving home right now. And… Look, Eddie. Can you do me like a really, really, really huge favor? …Can you please tell my mom and dad that I was with you the whole time?"

"Actually, no. Because they already called me, and I told them I had no idea where you were."

"Oh… Right…"

There was a pause.

"Are we just skipping the part of the conversation where you tell me what happened?" I asked. "You didn't meet that Ralph guy again, did you?"

"No, it wasn't Ralph."

"Then where--"

"Eddie, I do not even know where to begin. I promise I'm okay, but I'm tired. And I really shouldn't be on the phone while driving in the first place. All I wanna do right now is get home, shower, and maybe take a nap. Can we please talk about it later?"

I didn't want to, but I said, "Okay. Later." Then I said, "I love you."

"Me too. Bye." And he hung up.

Only we didn't talk later.

William was grounded. He couldn't use his phone and I couldn't visit him. Or at least, that's the excuse he gave me when I saw him at school. I couldn't shake off the feeling he was lying.

He wouldn't talk to me at school either. Any time I tried, he made some excuse and took off. "Later. Promise." He stopped coming to the GSA too. Not because of his parents, he said he was too busy for it.

Once I caught him on a computer in the school library. Looking over his shoulder, I saw that he was searching news websites. But it wasn't about the Westview incident this time. He was looking up articles from all over the country about people who drowned, or nearly drowned.

When I asked him about it, all he would say was, "I'm trying to find someone." He was frustrated. "They're all dead ends. It probably didn't make the news."

I tried to get him to talk more, but it was about time for next period. He had to go. Again.

Whenever I saw him in the hallways, he gradually looked worse. He had stopped putting effort into his hair and make-up. His black nail polish was old and chipped. Instead of eyeliner he had dark bags under his eyes. I could tell he hadn't been sleeping well.

This went on for a week.

"You're avoiding me," I said. It wasn't a question.

I cornered him at his locker. He looked back at me and said, "I'm not avoiding you, Eddie," in a calm tone that completely contradicted his deer-in-the-headlights expression.

"You really sort of are."

He sighed. Struggled to say something. "I -- I'm sorry. I've just been really distracted lately. I'll explain everything later. I promise."

"You've been promising that all week. Frankly, it's not good enough anymore."

That's when the school bell rang. Everyone around us headed for class.

William looked at me guiltily and said, "I'm really sorry."

He tried to walk away, but I grabbed his sleeve. "Eddie, we're gonna be late for cla--"

"Then we'll be late!" I snapped. "This is important."

He stopped protesting after that. I let go, and even as the hallway nearly emptied, he didn't run off.

"William, be honest with me," I pleaded. "Is this because I told you I love you?"

"What?"

"Because I can't help but notice this radio silence started right after that. I came along with you to meet Crazy Ralph. But then as soon as you don't need me any more, you suddenly want more space." I meant to sound angry. I hated how pathetic and desperate I sounded instead. But I kept going with, "Don't say you love me back just 'cause you don't want to hurt my feelings. If I scared you off, just say so."

Is it wrong that I felt a little bit relieved when I saw how heartbroken William looked?

"No. No, Eddie. It's not like that. I promise." He held both my hands. "I love you too. Seriously, if I could, I would be with you all the time. It's just that I really am busy now."

"Where did you go missing that day?" I asked point-blank.

He looked guilty again. Hesitated. Then he answered point-blank, "I can't tell you."

"What have you been so busy with all week long?"

"I can't explain that either."

The hallway was empty by now, except for us.

"I'm sorry, but that's not good enough," I said. "You go missing for almost two days, scaring the hell out of me and your parents. You're meeting strangers from the internet. You look like you haven't slept through the night in ages. Something is obviously wrong, William. Tell me."

He rubbed his face, exhausted. "Listen. A lot of different things happened. There's a lot that's still going on right now, and every part of it is really difficult to talk about. I know I'm not being fair, but can I please keep this to myself for a while longer?"

"If we love each other, we shouldn't keep secrets. I don't keep any secrets from you."

I shouldn't have said that, I thought guiltily. It's a lie. I'm keeping a huge secret from him.

William furrowed his eyebrows. "That's a lie?!"

I froze. Clearly, my poker face wasn't nearly as good as I thought.

"I'm -- I'm not lying," I said lamely.

He was both angry and confused. "How are you keeping a secret from me? I've never heard any--"

"We're not talking about me," I said defensively. "I get that you're going through an identity crisis. I get that it's complicated, and you think researching all this conspiracy stuff will help. I've been extremely supportive and patient with you -- And a lot of boyfriends wouldn't have."

"Do you think I enjoy keeping this all bottled up?! I don't! It's giving me nightmares, Eddie. I keep seeing their faces and thinking it's my fault--" He caught himself and stopped abruptly. "I want to tell you. I just can't."

"Why? What could possibly be so bad that you can't tell me? Did you kill someone?!"

I said it sarcastically, but William froze.

A second later he pressed his eyes shut and put his hands on his head. "I can't have this conversation right now…"

"Willia--"

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

The lights flickered a bit as he yelled that, but I didn't pay attention.

Once the lights returned to normal, I turned on the spot and walked away from him.

"Eddie? Where are you…?"

I didn't answer him. I just walked away.

I didn't know where I was walking to. I was thinking… Actually, I don't remember what I was thinking in that moment… I wasn't thinking much of anything. Except leaving him alone.

"Oh my god," William said. "No, no, no! Snap out of it!"

He ran behind me and grabbed my hand. The moment he touched me, I stopped and blinked. I hadn't even realized how badly I was spacing out, but suddenly I was alert again.

William ran around to face me and grabbed my head in his hands. "I'm sorry, Eddie," he said quickly. "I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, sorry. I didn't mean to do that, I swear." His eyes were watering.

It seemed like a pretty extreme reaction for shouting at me. "I-It's okay," I mumbled.

I grabbed his hands and gently pulled them away from my head. "Are you ready to talk now?" I asked.

He stared at me, still on the verge of tears. His mouth trembled. But after a second, he nodded.

"Yes… You're right, I can't keep this bottled up… Just, can we please not get into it right this second, in the middle of school? Come over to my place this afternoon. I'll tell you everything then."

"All right. When I come over, are you actually gonna be there this time?"

He looked guilty at that, and nodded again. "Yes."

"Okay."

"I'll explain everything today, Eddie. All of it. I promise. For real this time."

[spinnysocks]

kiburi x ushari but specifically doomed kiburi x ushari. more than anyone else in the army they believe with full sincerity that scar's plan HAS to work because they can't succeed without him

[sysig]

Take care of him (Patreon)

[pollen]

i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

'yandere sebastian' 'yandere abigail' 'yandere wizard' give me yandere clint 🖐✊🖐✊

[my-thirteenth-reason]

bro wtf is with this guy i swear when will he get the hint that i no longer am and do not want to be friends with his transphobic-in-the-weirdest-way ahh

[girlivealwaysbean]

sometimes my bestfriend is like an angel in disguise istg

[britneyshakespeare]

I feel like certain people on Tumblr have really been fighting for backwards progress when it comes to how we talk about mental illness and abuse. I see posts at least several times a week on my dash that seem to have the purpose of implying people with insert-mental-illness and/or insert-symptom are not abusive when they do insert-action-that-makes-people-uncomfortable, often times meaning to promote a more positive image of people with particularly stigmatized conditions, like personality disorders, mood disorders, psychosis, addiction, or neurodivergence. And I really really hate it because these posts almost always have the ultimate purpose of telling people not just "This thing is not inherently abusive," but often it comes across as "You were not abused."

I just find that to be really unhelpful and unintentionally hurtful, and for what? I believe that destigmatizing various mental conditions is a worthy cause, but at the same time this type of rhetoric seems to be so protective of people in whichever stigmatized group they're trying to advocate for, that it comes back around to a sort of respectability politics. Anybody can be an abuser. And someone's means and methods of abusing can very much be influenced by a condition they have. Why wouldn't it be? Their conditions will affect every aspect of their life and their interpersonal relationships. Especially if these issues are going untreated or being insufficiently managed. I don't understand why anyone would want to make it appear as if abusers are mostly neurotypical and mentally well people, or that if they aren't, then their conditions have nothing to do with it and the overlap is merely incidental. What? It makes it so hard for anyone who is a victim to come to terms and identify the dynamics of what they've gone through.

Addicts and mentally ill people don't have to be unproblematic in order to be humanized and accepted. And nobody profits from writing hard and fast rules about how abuse apparently works, drawing clear lines between which behaviors can, and cannot, ever be abuse.

[scrawlingskribbles]

still endlessly fascinating to me that the whole "Casanova"/"romance" angle of Raymond's character is just a word-of-god informed trait that we never actually.... see, in-show?? Like, if you're Just watching the episodes without any other contact to fandom/Krew stuff, Raymond is purely just a haughty sports-themed bot with a bit of a flair for the dramatic, so Ernesto's jab at him in Let's Watch The Boxmore Show about needing to "pick a lane" between Sports or Romance feels like it comes?? completely out of left field????? 😂😂 (yes, sports pun intended lol) Like... is it just because of his whole roses/flowers motif??? Is that really all it takes to somehow constitute "romance" here?? Because I call BS on that honestly xD 'Romance' as a concept has way more depth/complication than simply "the existence of roses/flowers"; not to make another pun so soon, but It Takes Two To Tango as the saying goes, and the only person Raymond ever (sort-of?) tangoed with was Rad but that dance battle was definitely Not romantic-coded, so?? xD (Insert joke here about Second First Date largely consisting of a date-fight with a focus on flowers which Was supposed to be romantic-coded but SHHH x'3c) But at the same time, if the flowers aren't supposed to be the reasoning then W H E R E are we supposed to have seen any kind of ""romance"" from Raymond for Ernesto's line to make sense??? Please, I am genuinely asking to be shown the logical thread here, it's been killing me for years now and I simply Cannot see it jhgjshgkjsg x''3

[fxckinemo]

goddd why do i even still care

[nobodybetterlookatme]

How's it going with your coworker??!!

I'm still so fucking soft and that's really all I've got for today lmao