#but she is like. Hollow. There is nothing going on with her other than abusive mom and capitalist

[lollytea]

The Blight family are so interesting IN THEORY. In execution they are....😬

[mermaidgirl30]

✨Saving What Was Lost Part 1: You’re Safe With Me✨

Pre-Outbreak! Joel Miller x fem! reader

Series Masterlist

A/N: The first chapter is finally here, and I’m so excited to bring this to all the healing girlies that need a protective, soft Joel in their life 🥺 Thank you to @alltheirdamn and @mountainsandmayhem for screaming about them with me. This is raw, heavy, and very emotional. I hope you love it as much as I do 🥹 Screaming because I need a hug from this man 😭

Chapter Summary: The night of the auction, the night you’ll have to face your fate of being bought. But an unexpected man dips his money in and fights for you. His eyes are soft, kind, unlike all the other men. And maybe he’ll just be your saving grace.

Rating: Explicit 18+ only MDNI

Word Count: 13.9k

Chapter Tags: Mentions of being trafficked, flashbacks of being abused, non-consensual touching, a lot of angst, soft and protective Joel, emotional reader, trust issues, PTSD, no use y/n, age gap (reader is late 20’s, Joel is late 40’s), pre-outbreak au, switching POVs

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

  Red. That’s all you see, all you know. The dark crimson lipstick that stains your tainted lips, the cardinal curtains that drape across the buyer’s room, your bloodshot eyes that reflect in mirrors that you can barely stand to look into. It’s all just… red.

   You hate your reflection, hate the mascara that runs down your eyes night after night like the blood that covers your once white sheets, hate the way your voice is silenced even when you so desperately want to scream your lungs out. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing matters because you’re about to be sold to the highest bidder who deems you worthy enough to claim. 

   You scoff, biting your tongue until you taste copper run down the back of your throat, the tears pooling to the surface against your lash line. 

   “Stop fucking crying and suck it up,” Angela spits out sharply. “You’re going to make me a lot of money today, sunshine. So put on a big smile for me and stop smudging your makeup. You want to go back with the girls who didn’t get chosen to go on to the next rounds?”

   “No,” you mewl, your eyes wide and rounded, your heart lodged in your throat. You know what their poor fates will be, and you’ve had enough abuse and horror to last more than a lifetime. 

   “Then get out there and stop fucking around. You’re driving my patience, girl. The men are waiting.” She narrows her beady blue eyes and curls her thin red lips into a scowl, pushing you forward and nearly making you trip over your strappy high heels, your ankles barely able to hold your fatigued legs up any longer. 

   Your heart thunders loudly in your chest, blood rushing through your ears, anxiety threatening to take you down at any minute. Angela would be at your back, digging her spiky heels into your spine, barking at you to move, but what does it matter anymore? You’re already dead. What’s one more scratch to your fragile body that has been violated in ways you’d never speak about aloud. 

   You’re just a vacant body that’s hollow and worn inside. A mere ghost that’s left this earth long ago, imprisoned to this life to bring pleasure to men who only inflict pain and torture on innocent souls. But there’s nothing you can do. Not a damn thing. You’re stuck like glue unless you find a way to just end everything. Then they’d never be able to touch you again because you’d be buried six feet under the dirt. But at least then you’d be at peace.

   You’ll never know peace again. Not in this lifetime. Not ever. 

   As you turn the sharp corner, the vibrant red curtains separate into a stage-like theater room. Draped material clings to the velvety walls, the color reminding you of death and destruction. You can almost see the imprinted blood stains of the girls who got dragged away by the strands of their fragile hair, leaving claw marks in the walls. 

   You can still hear the blood curdling screams from some of them left behind, a plea for anyone who was listening, begging for just one person to help. But no one did. Their desperate calls weren’t enough to even stir up a care in the world from any of the men, including your awful handler, Angela. They were just a number, a dollar sign to every single one of these insufferable men, and the only thing they cared about was power, control, and sex.

   You weren’t any different in this scenario. And tonight, your soul would be auctioned off. And then you’d be enslaved till your master either killed you, or you found a gun and pulled the trigger yourself to just silence it all.

   Your high heels click audibly against the polished stage, your feet dragging as you keep your eyes peeled to the floor like a good submissive. “Keep your head down, don’t ever look them in the eyes. Be the good slut they want you to be and maybe they won’t punish you as much.” That’s what Angela always said for all those unbearable months you lived under her roof, and it was engraved like stone in your mind, imprinted words that might as well be tattooed on your wrist. 

   You were taken at twenty-six, now a twenty-seven-year-old fucked up girl who doesn’t even know what state she’s in. It’s been a year, maybe two. You don’t fucking know anymore. All you know is that you want to die. 

   You learned to be submissive, small-minded, belittled, pliant. And the worst part, she taught you to say thank you to your abusers after they were finished having their filthy ways with you night after night…

   You were nothing but a collared bitch who forgot how to say the word no. You were their prized possession now, and your body wasn’t your own anymore.

   “Ahhh. There she is. There’s my favorite slut of them all.” The word slut cuts you like a sharp knife penetrating deep through your skin, sinking down to stab you right where it hurts worst. “Why don’t you give us a spin, princess? Show these gentlemen what you’ve got to offer. Give them a show.” Garrett’s cackled voice booms through the large room, sending goosebumps down the base of your spine. You never liked him, especially when he cornered you in the bathroom, pushing you against the tile until he forced you down on your knees and told you to suck or he’d wring your neck.

   Your eyes press closed at the traumatic memory, teardrops threatening to spill at any moment. You just do what you're told and keep your quivering lips together, your long nails brushing against your bare thighs. The midnight blue dress barely covers your ass, the diamond earrings and pearl necklace weighing you down like a heavy anchor, tethering you to the ocean floor. Your cleavage spills out from the low-cut v shape of the top, breasts almost on full display because Angela said the men would just love it. You hate it, hate her but there’s not a damn thing you can do about any of it. You’re a slave and nothing more than a fuck toy and a quick money maker for the sex traffickers. 

   You wish you felt more human, but you’re just… not. Most days you can’t even remember your full name, nevertheless your favorite time of year. Being holed up in a horror house for over a year will do that to a girl. Make them forget their entire identity. And that’s exactly what happened to you. 

   Now you’re just… dust. 

   “Alright, boys. Shall we start this off with let’s say, ten thousand dollars?” Garrett’s sharp voice zaps like lightning through your nerves, and your whole body is visibly shaking now. His cold emerald eyes look like a viper about to strike its prey, and his smug smirk makes you want to curl in on yourself, hide yourself so he’ll never be able to torture you again. 

   You hear sounds of squeaking chairs, men cursing under their breath, whistles being thrown around like they’re catcalling you. They are catcalling you. But instead of harmless whistles, they’re poisonous fangs reaching for your skin, trying to seep their venom deep in your veins, claim you as their own. You fucking hate it.

   Taking a deep breath, you focus on the plush of the black carpet around the stage, try to pretend it’s lush green grass instead, like you’re running through the woods, escaping far far away from these bad men.

   “Come on, love. Don’t be shy. Show me those pretty eyes, so I can see just how gorgeous you’ll be down on your knees, pleasuring me with that pretty mouth of yours.” A man vulgarly shouts at you, the other men’s loud laughter echoing around the room, making you want to curl into a ball and die right on the spot so none of these men can lay a finger on you.

   Breathe. Focus. Don’t lose hope. Keep fighting. The words echo through your mind, but you’re so lost that it’s hard to keep going. You’re going to die under one of their hands anyway, so what does it matter? 

   “Did you hear him, princess? Chin up and look at him.” Garrett’s tone is stern and demanding, and you don’t flinch a second because you know what will happen if you do.

   When your eyes snap up, you come face to face with an older man who has cold blue eyes, spiky bleached blonde hair, and a jawline that could cut a man’s body in half. He has an evil glint in his eye, and it’s so revolting that it makes you want to puke. “Ten thousand you say? I’ll take her.” A devilish smirk marks his mouth, and fear strikes through your insides as fast as a lightning bolt. 

   No. Not him. Anyone but him. He looks like he’s murdered people, and you have no doubt that he’s killed women he’s bought before. 

   Fear slices through you, but you can’t run, can’t even move. Your feet are nailed to the wooden floor of the stage, and you know he sees how scared you are in your swirling irises filled with fright.

   “And shall we go up to fifteen thousand? Any takers?” Garrett looks around the room and two hands go up, but you’re too tired to look to see who they are.

   The bets continue, slowly climbing all the way to forty-five thousand dollars. An amount that is insane for a broken body who doesn’t even want to be breathing anymore. 

   Men scream and fight, shouting different prices, trying to win you over, making Garrett slam his fist down and sell you to the highest bidder. You don’t want to listen, don’t want to hear their rambling nonsense anymore. You just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. Maybe then you won’t feel any pain anymore. Maybe then you’ll find peace.

   More chants and vulgar noises come from the men’s mouths, their hungry eyes glued to you, their lips smacking and fingers digging into the velvet of their seats. Some men adjust themselves in their fancy suits, tongues darting out, wetting their salivating lips. And it’s so disgusting that it makes you nearly vomit on the floor, but Angela would have your head for that. So you just stand there helplessly and wait because that’s all you can do. 

   You’re their ragdoll, and they can do whatever the fuck they want with you. You have no say and trying to fight would just make everything that much worse. 

   Minutes go by, ridiculous numbers flying around the room, the air stifling and sticky, your body fizzing with anxiety, a panic attack creeping up against the surface, threatening to take you down in mere seconds.

   Don’t freak out, don’t freak out, don’t freak…

   “Sixty thousand dollars.” Your eyes dart up, panic flashing across your irises. You find a man you hadn’t seen in the very back, and you have to squint to make him out in the shadows of the corner of the room.

   Your mouth nearly drops open at the amount he just said but apparently, these men are dripping with copious amounts of money. 

   You take a few seconds to assess him, your eyes glued to his large form against the velvet recliner he sits in, palms pressed firmly into the sunken arms of the chair. His body is broad, tensed, thick veins spidering down his tanned forearms, a black Rolex watch clasped to his left wrist. He’s clad in a white button-up shirt, black dress pants pressed against sculpted thighs. He’s dressed like all the other filthy rich men, but this one stands out amongst the rest. There’s just something about him that’s different. 

   He drags a heavy hand down his patchy scruff, greying threads shining under the dim light. His tousled sandy hair is slicked back, silver streaks giving away his older age. He looks to be in maybe his late forties, if that. A thick mustache hangs over his plush mouth, but what draws you in the most isn’t anything about his physical appearance but the way he’s looking at you. Soft, gentle brown eyes that have no violence swirling in them like the rest of the men. While the others look at you like a raw piece of meat, he doesn’t follow their lead. In fact, his gaze never hovers, never draws down your body. They just stay locked entirely on your eyes.

   His eyes are soft, dark brown pools with honey flecks glittering in the darkness that surrounds you. They aren’t cold, unfeeling like the rest of the men’s are. They’re… soft. And that alone almost brings you to your knees in relief.

   “Sixty-one thousand,” the spiky blonde hair challenges, piercing his icy blue eyes on you, making you want to hurl at the thought of that one winning you over. 

   “Sixty-two,” the mysterious man in the corner barters. Your eyes snap up to his until you hear Angela’s venomous words spew in your mind. Eyes on the ground unless you’re getting spoken to. Your gaze involuntarily falls to the polished wood, and you hear her click her tongue behind the fancy curtains. You’re nothing but a disappointment to her most days. Never perfect, always pathetic. 

   You bite your lower lip in panic, digging your heel as far into the floor as it’ll go, your nails biting into the palms of your hand, almost to the point of blood being drawn. 

   “Sixty-three!” The blonde pushes out of his chair angrily, his fists balled at his sides, getting frustrated with the man that challenges him. 

   Please, please, please. Don’t let him take me. 

   Praying was something you gave up on long ago but at this moment, you really have nothing left to hold on to. You can only silently beg for the man with brown eyes to win the bid. 

   “Sixty-five,” the brown-eyed man growls, his voice clipped and harsh, letting the blonde know he isn’t going to lose this fight. The blonde glares at him, anger fuming in his icy eyes, a deep snarl embedded in his mouth. You’re almost positive that’s how he’d look night after night hovering over your bed if he were the one to win, but you can’t think about that now. All you can do is wait. 

   “Do I hear sixty-six?” Garrett smiles, his eyes flicking between the two men who look like they’re about to duel in an old western shootout. You already know the brown-eyed man would win. 

   The blonde’s jaw ticks, and he holds back violence in his flexed fingers. After a few unbearable seconds of waiting, he slowly shakes his head and sits back down in defeat. “No. Guess he gets to take home and fuck the whore however he likes.”

   Anger flashes over the broad man’s brown irises, and a murderous stare penetrates his gaze. He clenches a fist tightly, and a part of you thinks he may jump out of his seat and beat him to a bloody pulp, but he doesn’t. And for some reason, your breath is completely knocked from your lungs.

   The deep boom of Garrett’s tone makes you jump from surprise, stirring you from your deep thoughts. “And sold, to the man at the back of the house! Congratulations. You got our rarest gem tonight. Aren’t you so lucky.” 

   The brown-eyed man’s jaw clenches for just a second, but he relaxes it instantly. Walking up to the front of the room, he throws on his pressed black jacket, straightening it as he walks past the deranged men, following Garrett as he leads him to the side where he’ll transfer the money and make it official. You’re his now, and there’s nothing you can do about it. 

   Angela grabs your elbow harshly, pinching skin and drags you off the stage. She should be happy you just got sold, but she’s still acting like you belong to her. “Look at you getting fought over. You just earned me a shiny paycheck. But don’t forget your place, brat. You’re just a body to these men, and you’re here to please them. Sex is what they want, and your new master will surely punish you even more than all the other men at the house did to you.”

   A sick feeling twists up your stomach, threatening to empty your lunch remains from yesterday on the floor, right on top of her shiny stilettos, but you wouldn’t dare. She’d probably kill you herself before your new buyer even got you in the car.

   Suddenly, you realize you won’t have to deal with her backhanded remarks or abusive commands anymore. No more late nights of being held down on the ground and no more non consensual touching from strangers. 

   A feeling like freedom washes over your senses, relieving you of some tension, but you won't be truly free. Not really because you just got sold, and you know nothing about this man. Even if his eyes were kind doesn’t mean that’s who he really is. Men pretend with you all the time.

   When she pushes you up the stairs that lead to the back of the room, the blonde stands and blocks your way, an angry leer in his eyes while he skims his gaze down your exposed body. Something like panic and sickness stir inside you, an unwelcome hand brushing over your bare thigh, his hand sliding higher under your short skirt. Angela just stands back and lets him take advantage, and you have nowhere to run.

   “Well, looks like I won’t be taking you home after all, but I’m sure your new master won’t mind sharing you before you leave, right?” A sly smirk curls against his thin lips, his eyes smoldering with ice and mischief, making you feel extremely small in the moment.

   “I don’t think..”

   “Shut up, whore,” he silences you, wrapping a tight arm around your waist, snaking his hand higher and higher, brushing his fingertips over the thin material of your lacy thong. Anxiety floods your senses, panic taking over. You try to pull away, but he just presses you tighter against his body.

   Where the fuck is he? Where is your master? You’re not supposed to be touched after being bought, at least not by another man. Unless it’s agreed upon by him explicitly. 

   He skims across the outer edge of your lace, his slimy fingers feeling like hot lava boiling you alive. You want to run, hide, scream into his twisted face, but you have no more fight in you. You’re paralyzed by fright and right now,  Angela doesn’t give a single fuck if one of these sick freaks pins you against the floor and takes advantage of you.

   Right when you feel a warm teardrop leak from your eyes and a long finger pull against the thin fabric, a loud smack echoes around the room, and his body is thrown to the ground, blonde hair flitting across your peripheral vision. Your eyes blow wide when you realize what just happened. Your new master just punched the blonde man’s nose and tackled him to the floor, and you can’t stop staring in complete shock.

   “What the fuck man! What was that for?” The blonde tenses up and pinches his broken nose where blood is spewing on the floor in a thick pool, staining the black cuffs of his suit.

   “Mine,” he growls protectively, shoving him once more for good measure. He pulls himself up from the floor and straightens his button-up, ticking his jaw and scowling at the coward lying in pain on the floor. 

   Your jaw goes slack, and your heart thunders impossibly fast in your chest at what just happened. He saved you from getting taken advantage of. Why would he do that? You should thank him, but you’re stunned in silence. 

   He gives you a once over to make sure you’re unharmed and when he’s content, he tips his head toward the open door, signaling for you to follow. “C’mon.” It’s all he says, but you follow nonetheless, desperate to get out of this cesspool. 

   You take one more glance back at the carnage of the room, collecting the memory of the blood red curtains and taking the fancy velvet seats to your grave. The reflective mirrors make you gag, and the wooden stage makes your legs shake at the implication of what it means to be up on that high platform. It makes you sick to your stomach.

   You were just auctioned off and hopefully, you’d never have to step foot into this room ever again. 

   Trailing after him, you stay close. Close enough to inhale the woodsy cologne that drips off his body. You don’t know why, but there’s an odd comfort in the scent. Like fresh pines and a brisk fall day. Something you haven’t got to experience since… you can’t even remember now.

   The guards at the front let you pass, and it’s almost like it’s a trick. Just one more step and they’d be dragging you back by the crown of your head, not even sorry for ripping strands from your skull. You tense up and wait, but nothing happens. They just let you go. And suddenly, tears are pooling in your vision. 

   You wipe away the evidence, afraid your new master will scold you for shedding a tear. Maybe he wouldn’t, but you have so much trauma embedded in you that it’s like it’s an automatic response. 

   Back at the house, Angela would smack you across the cheek if she caught you crying for any reason. She always said tears were a weakness, and she wouldn’t have one of her girls going into a man’s room looking like a train wreck. So even crying brings out the trauma responses. You fucking hate that you can’t show emotion without getting a whiplash of her snide demands.

   You’re broken, and you don’t think you’ll ever be repairable.

   The air is chilly, a full moon hanging high in the night sky, bright stars blinking every couple of seconds behind grey clouds. The trees are mixed with a swirl of colors: yellows, oranges, deep reds that remind you of the shed blood back at the house.

   You shake your head out of the fog and focus on the smell of fresh air and a hint of spice. It has to be the end of September or October. Maybe November? God, you don’t even know what month it is or where the hell you are. This isn’t home. Not anywhere close at all. You know because there’s no deep green mountains or endless forests in sight. Home is nowhere to be found…

   The tall man walks you to a dark black Chevy, unlocking the passenger door and opening it wide for you. He doesn’t touch you, doesn’t even offer you a hand. He just stares at you with a slight tick to his jaw, tilting his head to signal you forward. Your body responds in an instant. 

   You climb in, feeling the cool leather on your exposed skin, pulling on the bottom of your dress to cover yourself more, but it barely even moves an inch. It’s no use trying. He’ll probably have your dress ripped off in less than an hour. You’re surprised you even made it this far without him pinning you down to your hands and knees. 

   Shaking the sick images from your mind, you let the invading thoughts float far away as he closes the passenger door. He wouldn’t do that to you. He’s not like those other men. He couldn’t be. He attacked a man for you, but maybe it’s just because he doesn’t like other men touching his property. 

   That’s what you are. Property. That’s all you’ll ever be.

   It doesn’t take him long to appear in the driver’s seat, clicking his seatbelt into place and turning the key in the ignition, letting the rumble of the engine rev to life. You sit back in the passenger seat and try to breathe, letting air pool into your tight lungs. 

   The inside of the truck may be warm, but your body is freezing just thinking of what that blue-eyed demon was going to do to you back there. Panic consumes your insides, making you violently shake in your seat. Your eyes gloss over and then you feel as if you drown in a frozen lake, frostbite making its way across your flushed skin.

   “Whoa, easy there. S’alright now. You’re alright,” he coos, quickly throwing off his jacket and wrapping you in the warmth, draping your arms through the long sleeves and bundling up inside the blanket-like material. 

   Warm. It’s so warm and for the moment, your body relaxes just enough to relieve yourself of the onslaught panic attack. Your erratic breathing shortens, and then you can finally think clearly again, breaking away from the thick fog.

   Your eyes flick over to his, and there’s nothing but pure concern laced in his golden-brown irises. “You alright?” The question confuses you, and you stare blankly his way. There’s nothing hostile or violent in his eyes. They’re just… soft. Like they were back in the auction room. The first time you stared into anything remotely warm since you were taken.

   He lifts an eyebrow in question, and you finally register that he wants you to answer. “Mhm,” is all you can muster out, your words lodged deep in the back of your throat. Men don’t ask you how you’re feeling, so why is he?

   He looks at you for another beat, nodding his head once before you drop your gaze back to your lap like the submissive you should be. Don’t make eye contact. That’s showing control, and you’re not in control. Angela’s taunting words will follow you to the grave, you just know it. 

   He looks like he wants to say something else, but he holds his tongue and lets the truck roll to the long gravel road ahead.

   A sudden realization hits you like a car crash. No more Angela, no more Garrett, no more assaulters crowding your broken body. You’re free. Of them, at least. But your new master? Not so much. 

   The ride is silent apart from the soft rumble of the truck, tires spinning along the quiet road, moonlight shining through the tinted window, reflecting shiny stars in the side mirrors. You haven’t been outside in months, and the sight of a clear night sky makes you want to burst into tears. 

   “What’s your name, sweetheart?” His deep, soothing voice lilts into your ears, and you gulp at the sweet nickname he uses.

   Sweetheart. The men back at the house only called you crude, filthy names. Slut, whore, and bitch were their favorites. But no one ever called you sweetheart. Not ever.

   You take a deep breath in before you speak, afraid your vocal cords will shred apart the moment you tell him what it is. But when he looks over at you all soft again, you break. You tell him your name quietly and avert your gaze back down to your pale thighs. 

   Your name rolls off his tongue like honey, and you can’t help but fight the tug of a smile curling over your lips. He said your name and for once in your life, a little part of you clicked back together. 

   Bravery seeps into your body, and you cautiously peek up and ask something you’ve wondered since you saw his dark brown eyes in the corner of the room. “And your name?”

   His gaze flicks over to you, and for a moment you think his hand might fly out and smack you across the face. You flinch, remembering the sting of every hit your abusers marked you with. Your palm mechanically brushes over your cheek, and you swear you can feel the bright red welts they’d leave on your tainted skin.

   The muscles in his jaw tick as he watches you, assessing your shaky movements. It’s like he can see the pain deep down in your soul, and you don’t understand why he’d care about that. 

   He clears his throat and answers, his eyes attentive to the dark road ahead. “Joel Miller.” 

   You don’t know what to answer to that, so you stay quiet and lean against the window, looking out into the thick fog of darkness. 

   After he sees you trying to decipher your surroundings, his thick Southern drawl fills the quiet. “Do you know what month it is?”

   “No,” you answer solemnly, eyes still focused on the blurring background as the truck drives on.

   “Do you know what state you’re in?”

   “No,” you shake your head, eyes closing for less than two seconds. 

   He sighs, and you see him drag a hand slowly through his scruff. “It’s the middle of October. You’re in Texas. Jus’ a little north of Austin. That’s where we’re headed now. Jus’ about forty minutes away.”

   Texas? Well, that’s a very very long way from home. But you don’t have a home anymore, so what does it matter?

   “Oh.” 

   “Home,” he says hesitantly. “Is it anywhere close to here for you?” 

   You swallow back a lump in your throat and shake your head no, curling in on the warm jacket that envelopes your tired body.

   When you don’t speak again, Joel flicks his eyes slowly to you, his thumb tapping quietly against the leather steering wheel. “Where’s home at, sweetheart?”

   You flinch at the endearing name. It sounds like a knife dragging down a dirty chalkboard if you’re being honest with yourself. You’re nothing but a dirty slut. And that’s exactly what he should be calling you. Not sweetheart, not baby, just… slut.

   When the truck comes to a halt at a dimly lit stop sign, he looks over once more at you, his eyes a dark shade of chocolate. “Washington,” is all you can muster up, thinking you owe him an answer. You can’t even say Seattle without the word getting stuck in your throat. 

   His eyes widen and something like softness resides deep in his warm irises. “You’re an awfully long way from home, aint ya?”

   Quiet. His voice is too quiet, too… sad. And you don’t know what to take that as.

   Tears swim up to the surface, pooling in the corners of your eyes, but you hold them back. Don’t show him you’re weak. “I don't have a home anymore…” 

   His mouth turns down in a tight-lipped frown, and he looks so defeated that you can’t quite understand why he would be. He doesn’t care about you. He never will. He’ll bleed you dry until you have nothing left. That’s what Angela said. And it’s ingrained like a sickness that won’t leave your body. Permanent damage that’ll leave scars like the ones that etch the back of your raised skin. 

   You’re nothing but a vacant body to use. 

   “What about your family? They must be lookin’ for you.”

   Your fingers dig into the silk of your dress, and you almost let them tear right through. “I don’t have a family,” you whisper quietly.

   You feel his careful stare waver over you, but you don’t have the energy to look up. “No? Surely someone’s lookin’ for you. They have to be. A girl like you—”

   “A girl like me what?” you snap, quick to pull back your reins. The last thing you want to do is get backhanded from talking too loudly.

   “Take it easy now,” he presses, his voice gentle and soothing. Almost enough to consume some of your sadness. “All I’m sayin’ is someone has got to be searchin’ for you. Your parents?”

   You bite your bottom lip hard, chewing the glossy skin that’s marked with invisible bruises. “My parents are dead.”

   Silence carves through the inside of the moving vehicle, but you hear the faint whisk of shock leave his mouth. “Oh. I’m… fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”

   “How could you have? You don’t know me,” you shrug, leaning closer against the smooth interior of the door, your head resting against the cool window that’s doused in fog and sorrow.

   “Well, I’m tryin’, sweetheart. I really am. Do you have anyone else? Maybe an uncle or cousin or—”

   “No,” you interrupt. “They’re all gone… I have nothing.”

   His hands clench tight over the steering wheel, his knuckles turning ghost white, and his jaw ticks like something just deeply upset him. Your eyes fall back to your thighs, but you can feel the weight of his body tightening up against the back of the seat. 

   He doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t ask you any more questions. There’s just a thick silence that encompasses the cool air. And the only thing that keeps you warm now is the comfortable jacket that envelops you like a tight hug. A hug you desperately need. But you don’t want to be touched. 

   Not now, not ever again… 

   You’re almost fading off to sleep, the minutes ticking down painfully slow, but the rustle of gravel stirs you enough to where your eyes snap open in surprise. You gulp at the view in front of you. A large, lavish house with floor to ceiling windows and expensive wood panelling.         

   Your eyes peel to the thick brush of trees that expand into darkness behind the giant house. And for just a second, you feel like running far far away into the expanse of darkness. Maybe it’d swallow you whole till you were nothing but a ghost beneath the ground.

   The truck finally comes to a halt and then the engine cuts off. Your body hums with electricity. The kind that threatens to strike you dead. Joel unlocks the truck with a click, and he tilts his head toward the house. “C’mon. Follow me.”

   Your body hesitates, but the anxiety of lagging behind and getting punished sends you nearly jumping from your seat and out the door of the truck. Your feet hit gravel and you follow silently behind him, eyes fixed to the grass as your high heels click after him. 

   You feel like a puppet he’s strung behind him, your limbs moving without your permission. But he hasn’t done anything to you, so why are you panicking? And then your shoulders hunch with knowing. It’s the trauma that’s engraved like permanent ink from a tattoo deep inside your skin.

   You’ll never be able to escape it. Not even when you’re dead and gone.

   When you get to the front double doors, he slips a key in and turns, pushing it open with the flick of his wrist. Your eyes blow wide when you enter the massive house. A sparkling chandelier hangs high above the entryway. A marble staircase sits to the right side of what looks to be the living room. Polished wood covers every inch of the flooring. Exposed beams fill the ceiling, and the white painted walls don’t seem to have a speck of dirt on any of the surfaces. 

   It’s only a two story house, but it seems much bigger than that. Well over three thousand square feet. But the earthy textures and wooden trimmings of the house make it seem less like a prison and more like a, dare you say, home. 

   Home. This is your home now. And whether you’re happy about it or not, there’s not much you can do. Your body tells you to run, but there’s a tiny slither of a voice inside you that says you’re safe. 

   Safe. A word that means nothing anymore. You haven’t been safe in over a year, and a part of you thinks you’ll never be again…

   “C’mon. I’ll show you where your room is.”

   You stop in the middle of the entryway, your brow furrowed at his sentence. “My room?” 

   He nods. “Yes, your room.” He reiterates the word your, saying it like it’s spelled out in capital letters. You think he does it for your sake, to let you know again that this is a safe place.

   “You mean I don’t have to sleep in your room…” Your voice betrays you. Fear and panic flooding your eyes at the thought of having to be forced into another man’s bed. You quickly shake the awful memories from your thoughts, afraid to slip into another panic attack.

   His jaw clenches up, but his eyes soften into warm pools of brown when he sees the distress in your wide eyes. “No, darlin’. Not gonna make you do that.”

   “Oh,” is all you can muster out. That’s… new.

   He nods his head to the staircase, and you take that as your cue to follow. He doesn’t touch you, doesn’t put his hand on the small of your back, doesn’t make you go first so he can stare up your dress. And you can’t decipher why he bought you in the first place. 

   Maybe he’s waiting till later to snatch you away into his room, maybe drag you to the floor and climb on top of you. The flashbacks make you sick to your stomach, and you’re having a hell of a time keeping it all inside. 

   You distract yourself with the rustic art that hangs on the pristine walls, reflecting off the marble staircase you climb. Pictures of deer, horses, shiny lakes, deep green forests, like the ones in Washington, scatter around the walls in various shapes. And it calms the anxiety that’s rolling like a violent storm through your mind. 

   A long, dimly lit hallway stands at the top of the steps, another sits on the opposite side of the long archway that overlooks a grand living room, leather couches, and a grand piano sitting in the left corner, right next to a picturesque window that overlooks a sea of trees. It’s just as lavish as other men’s homes, the ones where they’d throw parties for all their friends to indulge in the trafficked girls, but this one doesn’t feel like that at all, strangely. 

   His low timbre pulls you out of the fog, and you find him standing by an open door, the first one on the left. “This is where you’ll be stayin’ at.”

   You follow him into the room and gasp at what lies ahead of you. A queen-sized bed with clean white sheets and a light purple comforter sits in the middle of the room, some new clothes folded neatly on the edge of the bed. A walk-in closet sits to the left side of the room, and it looks to be fully stocked with a colorful array of shoes and clothes that still have their tags connected to the material. To the right is a large bathroom that smells like fresh roses and fragrant perfume, but you’re too stunned to walk in and see. The walls are painted in soft muted colors, and the lilac curtains drape loosely over the expansive back window. You almost cry when you see a sea of dark trees in the distance. They remind you of home. 

   You miss Washington, you miss when you had a home, you miss having a family…

   “I bought you some clothes. Hopefully they fit alright. If not then I can get you more, but I’m hopin’ you feel comfortable in them.”

   Your fingertips trace over the soft material of the various shades of t-shirts, hoodies, sweatpants, and shorts, your brain muted and fuzzy because there’s not a gown or short dress in sight anywhere in the room. That’s all you wore back at the house, all you know how to wear. And the sight of comfortable, unrevealing clothes makes your eyes glossy with tears. 

   You feel his weight shift behind you, but yet he still stands more than a foot back, not daring to touch you. You should thank him, get down on your knees and show him just how much you appreciate this, but you can’t. Because the thought of that makes you want to throw yourself over the lavish wood railing of the staircase. Angela would be so disappointed in you.

   When you say nothing, he clears his throat and then you turn to face him. “You must be starvin’. Let me go fix you something. You like chicken?”

   Your jaw drops, and you’re stunned silent from the ask. He’s asking if you like chicken? 

   He gives you a minute to respond, but all you can squeak out is, “What?”

   “Do you like chicken?” His voice comes out softer, more tender. Why isn’t he raising his voice? Why isn’t he smacking you across the cheek for taking too long to answer him? 

   “I—I… yes,” you finally whisper out, your eyes glued to the shine of his polished boots. 

   “Okay then. It’s settled. I’ll get something fixed up real quick. You can come down when you’re ready. Jus’ please, feel free to wear what you want. Find something comfortable, whatever it may be. All these clothes are yours now. I imagine you wanna get out of that dress you’re in.” His eyes flick down to your midnight blue dress for just a second, but he doesn’t lock his eyes on your body. No. There’s a flash of something like hurt in his deep brown eyes. 

   You tug his fancy black jacket further around you, letting its warmth wrap you tight to keep away the flashbacks of grabbing hands and torn shreds of material on the floor while your body was torn apart…

   “Hey.” His mellow voice breaks you away from the nightmarish thoughts. “You okay?” A deep wrinkle furrows against his tanned forehead, and something like concern washes down his soft brown eyes.

   “Mhm,” you hum, suddenly realizing you’re still wearing his jacket. You quickly shed it and try to hand it off to him, afraid he’d rip it from your body if you kept it on for too long.

   He presses a palm out to stop you and just shakes his head, a tousled curl escaping the gel in his slicked back sandy hair. “Keep it.” 

   Your outstretched arm falls to the side and so does the jacket to the floor. He pays no mind to it falling to the ground, not even flinching when it hits the plush carpet. Why didn’t he scold you for dirtying up his things?

   “I’ll be downstairs. Let me know if you need anything. I’ll let you have some space. And please, take your time.” He turns and walks out the door, letting it shut softly. And then you’re all alone, in a strange place that’s now yours. 

   Your eyes don’t lift till he’s gone, a bad habit that’s been ingrained into your very core. You’re not supposed to look them in the eye, not unless they say. But Joel? He doesn’t tell you to keep your eyes on the ground. 

   Slowly casting your eyes away from the cream carpet, you find yourself at the edge of the bed again, your fingertips hovering over a pair of grey sweats and a navy t-shirt. Turning around to make sure the door is still closed, you quickly peel off the midnight blue dress that’s tainted from dirty hands and prying eyes. You let it fall to the floor in a messy heap and throw on the large t-shirt and comfy sweatpants. 

   Looking at your bare arms, you decide it’s not enough, so you find a dark grey jacket deep in the closet and zip it up to the very top, so no exposed skin or scars are left to be seen by his dark eyes. You still feel completely bare, even with a pair of long pants and a long sleeved jacket. But that’s because in the last year, even if you did have actual clothes on, they were just torn away and ripped apart, and you have the scars to prove it.

   Carefully bending down and picking up the wadded up dress, you smooth it out and run your fingers over the sheer material, almost tempted to put it back on because that’s what you should be wearing. Not some oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. You don’t look presentable, not in these clothes. You should always dress to entertain the men, always have your hair perfect and your makeup just right, always have a smile on your face and say thank you for every single thing they do to you…

   Your body starts to shake violently as you look up to find yourself standing in the reflection of the closest mirror, the mini dress held up to your body, fingers curling over the muddled memories of dinner parties that ended with you and other innocent girls faces down on the table with your legs spread.

   Your bottom lip trembles as you look at the twenty-seven-year-old girl staring back in the mirror. You don’t recognize her anymore. Stained blood red lips and long wavy curls, your eyeliner smudging, and the dark creases beneath your eyes telling you just how exhausted and battered your body is. You’re wrecked. Completely and utterly shattered, torn to shreds. And you just don’t know how you’ll ever find yourself again. Because the girl you knew before is long gone. And now? Now you just feel… lost. 

   The tears that pool in your eyes fall like raindrops that pelt the outside window, your body humming with anxious thoughts and a blur of emotions. And the dress burns like fire beneath your palms; every second you hold it brands another forgotten memory into your brain, and then you just crack like shattered glass.

   You tear the dress to shreds, taking out all your anger and resentment on the sheer material, pulling it apart till it’s only unrecognizable scraps on the floor. And you let your tears soak them, stain them just like every single one of those men did to your body. Even Angela. 

   You hate them, you hate yourself, you hate the way they made you feel. Useless and disgusting, a piece of meat they could chew on whenever they pleased. 

   You spend the next half hour crying over what you did, regretting ruining the dress, the one thing you could’ve kept with you, a fragile memory that you should’ve held on to. But that wouldn’t be healing to you. But at this rate, you don’t think you ever will heal.

   You forget about dinner, forget where you even are. Joel had to come get you and lead you down to the kitchen. And yet, he still didn’t touch you. Not even once. And you just don’t understand why he won’t touch you. Not that you want to be touched. You don’t. You just expect it now. 

   When you finally make it to the kitchen, you decide on a black barstool and take your place there at the sleek kitchen island that’s swirled in shiny white quartz. And when he sets a warm plate of chicken Alfredo noodles and a glass of cold water in front of you, you just stare with wide-eyes at the hot meal before you. 

   The savory Alfredo dinner taunts you as it sits right in front of you, screaming at you to just take one bite. Your stomach churns and rumbles with the scent of a put together homemade meal. When was the last time you had one of those? Maybe two years ago. 

   You keep your eyes peeled to the polished wooden floor, your fingers twisted tight against the sweatpants that hang loosely around your thighs. Your body is yelling at you to eat, but you can’t make yourself move, can’t do anything. You were never allowed carbs back at the house, wasn’t even allowed to eat until the men were done. Angela once pulled your hair and pushed your face into the floor when you dared to take a bite before they were finished. And now you can’t even get yourself to chance that again. Even if Joel never would, you feel as if Angela will come charging around the corner just waiting for you to make one wrong move. 

   You’re so very broken…

   “What’s wrong? Do you not like it? I can make you something else.” Joel’s voice is etched in concern, but you only have the strength to shake your head. 

   “No. It’s fine. It’s—it’s great. It’s just…” Your breath is shaky, just like your hands. And you can’t seem to look up from the floor. 

   Don’t ever look them in the eyes. You’re not in control. You have no power. You flinch at Angela’s spiteful words. You wish you could just drown them out, forget everything she ever taught you. 

   “You haven’t even touched your food, sweetheart.” A tear licks at the corner of your eye, but you don’t dare let it fall. 

   “I—uhh. I…” You’re pathetic. You can’t even look him in the eye at the table. Not even when he’s standing across from you, staring at you with those soft brown eyes you know are boring into yours. 

   “Can you look up for me, sweetheart?” The pain in his deep timbre cracks something inside you, and your eyes snap up to meet his. “There ya go. Attagirl.” You wince at the word because it sounds like praise, and you don’t deserve that at all. You deserve to be scolded. 

   “Wanna tell me why you’re not eating?” You choke on your voice when you see those soft brown honey eyes. You’ve never been looked at quite like that. Not with kindness or concern or anything genuine before. And it makes you want to cry.

   You take a deep, steady breath and pray you can muddle some coherent words out because you’re about to spill something very personal that you’re not quite ready to share. “Back at the house… they wouldn’t let us eat until the men were done. We—we’d get punished if we disobeyed.” You flinch at the painful memories but press on. “We weren’t allowed to eat carbs. And some days they’d just starve us to teach us a lesson. I can’t even remember the last time I had a decent meal…”

   Joel’s fingers flex against the sink, his nails digging into the metal, his jaw clenched and something like pain and understanding lit up in his honey-colored eyes. He looks like he actually feels your pain, and you can’t comprehend how he’d possibly know what that pain is like. 

   He nods his head and darts his tongue along his bottom lip in response. “I uhh—Jesus. I’m sorry, sweetheart. That’s fuckin’ awful. I can’t imagine how that must’ve been. But please, eat. You’re allowed to eat anything you want now. You want sweets, sugar, greasy pizza? Then it’s yours. You’re allowed to eat in peace here. There’s no rules in this house. I want you to be able to eat. So please, don’t ever wait for me. You jus’ go on and enjoy.” 

   It takes you a couple of minutes to find enough courage to pick up the silver fork, but you do it. And that right there is a step in the right direction. 

   The first bite slides down your throat slowly and when you swallow, it’s like a slice of heaven to your insides. You quickly take another, devouring the delicious noodles, letting the savory taste melt against your tastebuds, groaning silently at what a real meal should taste like. It’s not cold soup or oatmeal or dry lettuce. It’s actual food. 

   You somehow forget Joel is watching, and it takes you two whole seconds until your cheeks are burning with embarrassment. He’s looking straight at you, watching you enjoy from a safe distance, and you swear you see a small smile curled against his lips. He hasn’t even touched his food. All he seems to care about is that you’re eating. And that makes you feel extremely guilty.

   You take a paper napkin and wipe the Alfredo sauce from your lips, letting the red lipstick smear across the napkin, suddenly fully aware you just ruined your makeup. 

   Flashbacks of getting slapped across the face course through your body, making you sick to your stomach. Don’t smear your makeup, filthy little slut. Go back to your room and make yourself presentable before our guests arrive. Another sharp smack stings your cheek, and you find yourself cradling your cheek like it just now happened to you.

   Panic blindly traces every inch of your body, anxiety creeping in as your heart palpitates at an alarming pace. You ate without Joel, you didn’t wait, you ruined your makeup. Oh God, you’re in so much trouble. Safe. You’re not safe. You need to run, you need to…

   “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Joel’s concerned voice whips through your mind, and that’s enough for you to drop your fork in alarm on the floor, your eyes wild with fright. 

   You’re not safe, you’re not safe, you’re not safe. He’ll hurt you. Run.

  You pull back the barstool and stand, your back tense and fingernails digging into the kitchen island. “W—Why are you being nice to me? Why did you cook for me? Why aren’t you starving me?!”

   His body tenses, just like yours, and his eyes swim with concern. “Sweetheart, it’s okay. It’s all gonna be jus’—”

   “Why aren’t you using me? Use me! Tell me to spread my legs, tell me to get on my knees, tell me I’m worthless!” You scream, letting your voice echo around the clean kitchen, feeling as if your panic attack might take you out this time around. 

   “No.” His voice is careful, quiet, not at all stern.

   “No?” you mewl, feeling the tears prick the back of your eyes.

   “No,” he repeats, softer than before.

   Your hands shake, and you need to find something to hold to soothe your whirring anxiety. So you grab the glass that’s half full of water. “Use me! Tell me I’m nothing! Tell me I don’t matter!”    

   He shakes his head slowly, his eyebrows knit together in rapt attention, eyes crinkling. “You do matter. Don’t for a second think that you’re—”

   “Just fucking use me!” You slam the glass to the floor, letting it shatter into tiny pieces just like your heart looks like. Broken and fractured. You fall to the floor, crying out when a piece slices through your palm, letting the pain serenade your insides, reminding you of all the times you saw red back at the house. 

   The tears splash against your cheeks, falling to the floor like droplets from a waterfall. But you can’t find the strength to let them stop. You’ve held them in for so long; there’s no more room to keep them tucked away inside.  

   Your eyes widen when you realize the mess you made. You broke his belonging, completely shattered it in pieces. He should have your fucking neck for this, and you cower just thinking of the beating he might give you. “Oh my God. The glass. Fuck, the glass. I’m so… s—sorry. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t…” You frantically try to pick the pieces up, but all you do is tear another cut open in the same palm. And now blood stains the dark wood. Fuck. 

   Joel’s at your side in a second, kneeling beside you, trying to calm you down the best he can without alarming you. “Shhh. S’alright. It’s fine. I don’t care about the broken glass.”

   “But I made a mess. I broke your belongings. And I should be punished. I should…” Your voice fades off as the tears blur your vision, completely breaking you just like the scattered shards of glass that surround you. 

   He shakes his head slowly and places his palm flat on the ground, so close but yet so far from brushing against you. “No. Don’t think for one minute you deserve that, sweet girl. Don’t for one fuckin’ minute believe any of that. S’not true. None of it is.”

   “But—but I… No, I—I can fix this. I can clean this up, I can…” Your words come out jumbled and muddled, and the panic still writhes high throughout your body, making you want to crawl out of your scarred skin.

   “Sweetheart, shhh. S’alright. I promise I’m not here to harm you. Jus’ let me clean you up. Your hand. Jus’—let me help you. Please.” His voice is calm, collected, and you have a hard time looking up because you know those deep brown eyes will only make you cry harder.

   You feel his fingertips brush against your wrist, and you jolt back in panic, eyes wide with retaliation. “Don’t—don’t touch me,” you choke, whining as another piece of glass digs into your hand like a knife carving its way deep into your bones. It fucking hurts, but you’ve taken worse. You can manage the pain. 

   He lifts his arms in the air like he’s surrendering, showing you he means no harm. But your body doesn’t know the difference anymore. All you’ll ever know is how to continue to take the pain. 

   “Please. I promise I ain’t gonna hurt you. Let me take care of your hand. Let me help you.” He draws out the last word, the syllables dragging like sweet honey across his tongue. And he sounds genuine like he really does want to help you.

   You have no more fight left in you, no energy to give. So all you do is nod your head and whisper out a defeated, “Okay.”

   “C’mere, sweetheart. Let’s get you up off the floor.” He scoops you up in his arms, cradling your head in the palm of his hand. He doesn’t even care that you’re staining his white button-up red. If he does, he doesn’t say anything about it.

   Your body revolts against his touch, but he’s so warm that you don’t fight it. He smells like firewood and scented pine trees, and that’s enough to keep you calm in his arms. You just nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck and let your tears stain the dark stubble of his patchy beard. 

   “There ya go. Easy now. You’re alright,” he coos gently, lulling you into a calm state.

   You’re freezing cold, even underneath the layers of clothes that wrap like thick vines around your body. But somehow, the warmest thing right now is being in his arms... 

   You’re completely and utterly vulnerable but just for a second, you relax into his strong arms and breathe in the mahogany scent of him. The man that got you out before you completely shattered. For just this moment, you give in to what you really need. Warmth and safety. 

   He feels safe.

   And for the next couple of minutes that it takes for him to get you across the house and up the stairs, you fade into his warmth, blocking out every single panicked and anxious thought. For just those few seconds, you breathe, letting the unruly voices in your mind die out. 

   For just that minute, you’re safe. 

   You come back to yourself the moment he sets you down on a white step stool, warily telling you to hold still, your palm open over the bathtub, blood running down the porcelain material, staining the walls with the crimson of your stupid mistakes. 

   You did this. Your fault, all your fault. You should have never broken the glass, should’ve never lashed out, but you did. And you guess this is how you’ll always be now. A hollow body that just doesn’t know how to live a normal life anymore. 

   You wince as Joel drags the washcloth slowly over your open wound, tears swimming in your eyes the more he tries to assess it, searching for any pieces of glass that may be stuck deep in your hand. And you don’t know why he’s doing this after you had a meltdown because he wouldn’t make you pleasure him. What the fuck is wrong with you? Is this how your brain just operates now? After being stuck in that god awful house, this is what it does to you? 

   You don’t want to be used anymore. You don’t even want to be fucking touched by a man ever again. So why did it hit a nerve after he refused to tell you that you were nothing? 

   “Ouch,” you whine, tensing as he washes the open wound with soap and water, apologizing each time he goes over the sore area. 

   “M’sorry. Jus’ hold on, I’m almost done. Good news is I don’t see any glass in your cut. S’good. Means I can jus’ clean you up and wrap it for tonight. Might be sore for a couple days, but you’ll be fine,” he assures you, working meticulously to fix you up. 

   You flinch each time his calloused fingers brush against your hand, struggling to not push him away. You don’t want to be touched by anyone, especially not by a man. But you can’t shake how warm he felt when he was carrying you to your room. He wasn’t mean, wasn’t rough, wasn’t even hostile. He was just… gentle. Just like he’s being now with each careful graze of his fingertips to your fragile skin. 

   And even though ninety percent of you can’t stand the thought of him being this close to you, you don’t seem to hate him. Not even a little bit. Because whether you want to admit it or not, he saved you. 

   You don’t trust him, you don’t trust anyone. He could turn on you in a second, show you his true colors. But again, he would’ve already done that. Wouldn’t he?

   “How old are you, sweetheart?” he asks, carefully drying your cut with a clean towel.

   “Twenty-seven,” you whisper out, wincing once more from the pressure on your palm.

   “And your birthday? When’s that?”

   You watch his brown eyes flick up to yours, and your gaze drops immediately back to your lap. “January 22nd.”

   He takes a minute before the next question comes, diligently wrapping your hand in a gauze padding. “How long you been gone now? Do you know?”

   You chew on your bottom lip and hold back a tear, trying your best not to fall apart all over again. “A little over a year and a half…” you respond in a muffled tone. “I wouldn’t have even known my birthday passed. But they—they were sure to remind me. Because I was—I was…” you can’t even finish your sentence without a tear slipping down your cheek, holding on for that sliver of sanity you have buried deep inside you.

   His brown eyes gloss over into a deeper shade of brown, and his eyebrows furrow in concern as he stops what he’s doing so he can put his full attention on you. You decide to finish your sentence, needing to get it out of your system. Hoping it’d be a way to forget as soon as the words left your tongue. “They—they had me bent over a table the entire day while a vanilla cake with the numbers twenty-seven taunted me while they ate it in front of me. And then they—-they…” a sob chokes you up, and tears trail like rain down your face, landing on top of Joel’s hand that sits atop his knee.

   “Hey, hey, hey. S’alright, sweetheart. You don’t have to talk ‘bout it if you don’t want to. I’m—fuck. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I jus’ can’t imagine what sick fuck would do that to you or any girl at that. I’m so sorry.” His deep voice is full of pity and heartache, and his chocolate eyes make you want to cry even more.

   You dip your head in anguish and sigh. “Yeah, me either. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe I…”

   He interrupts you, hovering his hand over yours like he wants to comfort you, but you flinch away at the notion. “Shh. No, sweetheart. You never ever deserved any of that. Not in the least bit.”

   You scuff your bare feet against the tile floor, reaching for anything that might keep you from tipping past the breaking point, but you’re way over the edge. You’re all the way at rock bottom. 

   The searing question bubbles up again in your stomach. The one question you’ve been dying to know ever since he called out that number. And you can’t go another minute without knowing. “Why did you do it?”

   “Do what?” he asks, an eyebrow arched in question.

   “Why did you buy me? You could’ve left me with the blonde. You could’ve walked out empty handed.” Your voice is raised, but you keep your composure from sliding again, not wanting another broken glass incident.

   “I wasn’t gonna do that,” he presses, his lips in a tight line, jaw ticking with a dark look in his eyes.

   “You paid thousands of dollars for me. Why would you do that? Why didn’t you just—”

   He stops you right there, a sad look blanketing his face. “‘Cause. My daughter, Sarah. She… she went through the same thing you did. And I couldn’t fuckin’ stand by and watch the same thing happen to you.”

   Your lips part wide, and a gasp leaves your throat. His daughter was taken? “Oh.” That’s all you can say for the moment. You’re stunned in silence.

   Holy shit.

   You try to find one sliver of pretense, a glimmer in his eye that could prove he’s lying. But the way his face falls and his eyes drop to the floor in agony, like he’s in physical pain, you find no lie. He’s telling the truth.

   “Is she still…”

   “Yes,” he nods, eyes in a far off place. “She’s alive.”

   “When did she…”

   He takes a deep breath and flexes his hand over the side of the tub, holding on to something solid while he gets into the thick of what happened to his daughter. “She was taken young. She was only fifteen, taken right under my nose at the mall. She was just walkin’ to the bathroom. It took less than five minutes. And I—fuck. If I would’ve jus’ watched her walk in and stood outside the door. She would’ve never been taken in the first place…”

   He drops his head in defeat, and you feel your eyes widen in shock. You don’t know what rushes over you, but the way his soft brown eyes tear up make yours do the same thing. “Joel?” you choke out, tears stinging against your lash line. “I’m—really sorry that happened. And as much as you might blame yourself, it wasn’t your fault.”

   He looks up with teary eyes and a deep frown, nodding. “Wish I could come to terms with that. But… she made it out. I found her and got her out. And that’s what matters.”

   “How old is she?” you ask quietly, your left hand brushing over your fresh bandage, careful not to tear the material. 

   “She’s twenty now. Livin’ down in Houston, startin’ her sophomore year of college, and workin’ as a part time vet tech at a clinic specializin’ in horses. She absolutely loves it,” he smiles, his eyes turning into a lighter brown the more he talks about how much she’s grown over the years, leaving behind her trauma.

   “That’s incredible. More than incredible. Just—wow,” you breathe out, your eyes casted down to the floor, wishing you could heal like that. But at this rate, you don’t think you’ll ever get over the immense trauma that occurred to your body and mind.

   He licks his bottom lip in thought, his eyes burning into yours. And you see it even out of the corner of your eye. He’s concerned for you. “It took her a long time to adjust back to a normal life. We had a rocky time there for ‘bout a year, but she got the help she needed. She was only gone a couple months, but that was more than enough time to give her PTSD and mentally scar her. But she’s shining now, finally at a place where normal life isn’t as scary as it used to be.”

   Another tear slips free and splashes to the floor, creating a tiny puddle of your shattered heart that’s made of tears. “I’m so happy for her. Sarah sounds amazing.”

   “Mmm, that she is. I’m gonna give you her number. Think it’d be good for you to connect with someone who’s been through something as traumatic as this.”

   Your mouth gapes open, and you tilt your chin up until you come face to face with him. And he looks… kind. He is kind. “But I don’t have a phone anymore…”

   “I’ve already got one ordered and on the way for you.”

   “What?” you ask with wide eyes. He gives you a small smile that curls against his lips. And you nearly sob from the gentle way he’s looking at you. “You didn’t have to do that.”

   “Yes, I did. And I have a therapist on speed dial. Her name’s Tess. She’s the best of the best. If there’s one therapist I trusted with Sarah then it’s her. Trust me, Sarah went through a lot of them, and Tess was the most helpful. And she’s helped so many other girls, too. Not just Sarah.”

   Other girls? Did he help get other girls out? You have so many questions. “Why are you doing all this for me?”

   “‘Cause I wanna help you,” he states simply, his thumb tapping against the side of the tub, eyes focused right on you.

   “But why? I’m… nothing,” you whisper, bottom lip quivering, afraid you’ll break down in tears once again. And you most likely will. You feel it deep in your bones.

   He shakes his head in response. “Sweetheart, no. Don’t say that ‘bout yourself. You’re not nothing. You’re somebody, and you matter. Whether you believe it or not, you matter.” His words are definitive, final, but his voice is as soft as cotton candy.

   “I… matter?” you ask, voice shaky from the kaleidoscope of emotions that pummels through you.

   He nods, eyes alight and glittering under the bright bathroom lights, a soft smile curled on his lips. “Do you know what I saw when you were standin’ in the middle of that room tonight? I saw a young woman that was worth saving. I saw a light deep inside those pretty eyes of yours that was jus’ screamin’ for someone to hear you. I heard you. And I wasn’t gonna jus’ leave you there to be preyed on by those starvin’ wolves. So I got you out.”

   You’re breathless, lips parted in awe. “But—but I…”

   “Look. You may not be fine tomorrow or next week, but someday—someday you will be. And I’ll try my damn near hardest to make sure you are. And if you’ll let me, I’ll see that you’re kept safe. Whether you choose to leave next week or next month or in a year. I promise I’ll do what I can to make sure you feel safe and that you can learn to thrive in life again. Trust me when I say you will get there. Jus’ gotta take it one step at a time. That’s all you can do. One day at a time.”

   Tears pool in your eyes, soaking them up like the promise of his words. I’ll keep you safe. He wants you to stay, to heal, to thrive. He’s trying to help you, and you just don’t know what you did to deserve his help, but you’re eternally grateful. And even though you’re scared, maybe you don’t have to be scared of him.

   After he puts away the gauze and the bathroom supplies he used to clean your hand with, he lets you get settled into bed. But before he walks out, he raps his knuckles on the doorway and clears his throat. “My room is jus’ across the hall if you need anything. I’ll be up, so don’t hesitate if you need something.”

   You nod your head, pulling the fluffy comforter up to your chin, too tired to give him a smile.

   He tilts his head and starts heading out the door, but before he can turn the doorknob all the way, you call out. “Joel?”

   “Hmm?” he hums, turning his head, directing his full attention your way.

   “Thank you,” you whisper, your eyes telling him everything that your words can’t.

   He curls his lips into a half smile and nods. “Don’t mention it, sweetheart.” And when he walks out and closes the door, you hear him say, “Sleep tight.”

   You want to know more about how he found Sarah, what he meant when he said he’s helped other girls before, how he found you in the first place. But you’re tired. You’re so fucking drained. Maybe tomorrow you’ll find the strength to pull yourself together and ask but not tonight. Tonight you just want a full night’s sleep. Something you haven’t had since you were taken. So you close your eyes, focus on the soft patter of rain on the window, put all your anxious thoughts to the side and drift into the dark depths of a sea of blackness. 

   And then you sleep.

   Hot pain shoots through your wrists like a jagged knife splitting you open, painting you scarlet. Dirty fingernails shred your skin, clawing you until you taste blood in the back of your throat. You can’t speak, can only silently scream. A muted cry for help that no one else can hear but you. Chains fasten to your ankles, pulling your legs apart, grimy men surrounding you, suffocating you until you seep into the the blackest pit of despair. 

   Trapped. You’re held captive against your will, your body on full display, eyes wide with fright every time they snake their filthy hands around your throat, hot breath fanning against your core until you scream bloody murder over and over again. 

   But no one comes; no one saves you from this pit of hell. 

   Dead. You feel dead, and they just keep bringing you back from the grave with every touch they steal. 

   You thrash against the sheets, screaming for help, tears staining the brand new comforter, but you’re still trapped in the horrific nightmare with the demons of your past torturing you way beyond the point of pain.

   “No, no, no! Get off!” you cry as you feel a body dip into the side of the bed, drastically trying to escape what’s to come. “Stop, stop!”

   A voice. Deep, intense, wrecked sounds in your fuzzy mind, trying to grasp you out of your nightmare.

   “Wake up. Wake up.” It’s muddled, almost unrecognizable. But it’s insistent, a loud gong that spirals into your racing mind.

   “No, no, let go!” you mewl, twisting violently in the sheets when you feel the mattress dip down further, spiraling your thoughts further.

   “Sweetheart, wake up. Please. You have to wake up!” He shouts, stirring you from your nightmare, but the men reach for you, dragging you back under the thrashing waves, but you extend your arm, fighting the tossing sea, battling the teeth that gnash at you. 

   “Stop, let go!” Your flesh stings as they continue to tear you apart, dragging you down down down until that sweet Southern drawl that sounds like honey resonates throughout your mind, and the fog starts to clear just a little. 

   “It’s me, I’m right here. Open your eyes, please!” Deep. That thick baritone voice crashes through your mind, pulling you away from all the insufferable noises.

   Your eyes snap open, realizing you’re pounding your fists into his broad chest, barely making a dent because he’s that strong. And then your anxiety races, building horrific hallucinations in your mind. And you just keep throwing everything you have at Joel, tears spilling down your cheeks, your t-shirt drenched in a cold sweat. 

   “The men… They—they…” You choke out a sob, continuously throwing your arms against his chest, taking everything you have bottled up inside you and spilling it all over Joel, showing just how bloodied and bruised you are from the traumatic events. 

   The stage, the men, Angela, the blood, the torture, the misery, the deaths, the excruciating pain of it all. It’s too fucking much, and you just want to die. Maybe then you’ll be at peace, away from the weight of everything you’ve kept resting on your shoulders. Like a rock weighing down on your chest, crushing you till you’re nothing but dust. You feel like dust. Faded, dirty, and useless.

   “S’alright, sweetheart. It was jus’ a nightmare. You’re safe,” he soothes, his calming voice bubbling up and taking some of the anxiety off your weighted chest. 

   “But it was real…” you choke out, your vision blurring with the salty water that forms in your eyes. 

   A tear slips free, crashing down to his hand, smothering it in cold, icy liquid. But he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even back away. He just stays sitting next to you, careful not to touch you or reach for you. He’s just… there. And somehow there’s comfort in that. 

   He stares at you like a lost puppy, chocolate eyes melting, tears filling his own concerned eyes. And you keep hitting him, your hands growing tired from the balled up fists punching against his chest. And he just sits there and takes it, like it doesn’t bother him one bit.

   “Let it out. Give me your pain. I can take it, sweetheart. You jus’ take it out on me. As long as you need. You want a punchin’ bag then let me be that for you. Whatever helps, you jus’ go on and let go,” he says softly, brows threaded together, big doe eyes consumed in pain. It’s like he’s as wrecked as you are, and that makes you cry even harder. 

   “Joel…” you break, dropping your tired arms to the bed, curling your fingers into the soft comforter, trying to lose yourself in the soft rain that pelts the back of the window. 

   You’re so tired and drained and ruined. They ruined you, and you hate every single one of them for taking away everything. Your dignity, your pride, your body, your life, your mind. They took everything.

   “I know, sweet girl. I know. Shhh. S’alright. I’m right here. No one’s gonna hurt you anymore. Not while I’m here,” he whispers, his woodsy scent grounding you back to earth, calming you down just enough to focus on how soft his eyes are.

   Soft. Just like velvet. He’s so soft.

   He just sits there patiently, waiting for your cries to die down, waiting to know you’re okay. But you’re not okay; you never will be okay. You’re just a tree in a sea of thousands, but your branches are withered, leaves falling, and maybe you’ll never bloom again. 

   You focus on his soft brown eyes, the light tap of raindrops, your erratic breathing slowing to a normal pace. You’re so tired. Tired of fighting the panic attacks, the flashbacks, the pain.

   You’re just… tired.

   “You gonna be alright, sweetheart? Think you can get back to sleep?” he asks thoughtfully, his voice warm like a fresh cup of coffee, his scent permeating around the room, keeping you from spiraling again. 

   You take a deep breath and nod, pulling the comforter under your chin, trying to control the chill that runs down your spine. “I think so,” you say slowly, your voice still a little shaky.

   He tilts his head and scratches the back of his neck, a tight-lipped smile forming over his lips. “Alright, I’ll let you get back to sleep then. You come knock on my door if you need me.”

   When he pushes off your bed and pads over to the open door, he calls out and says, “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

   Panic consumes your mind just thinking of being alone again with your nightmares, your body trembling underneath the warm sheets. And before you know what you’re thinking, you stop Joel in his tracks. “Joel?”

   And just like before, he turns and arches a brow, questions reeling in his calm brown eyes. “Hmm?”

   “Can you… would you mind staying with me? I just… I really don’t want to be alone.” Your voice is shaky and nerves pull through your body, but for some reason his presence just gives off that impression of safety. 

   You don’t trust him yet, not really. But he’s got the softest aura swirling around him, and you just know he won’t hurt you. He’s already proved that.  

   You’re safe…

   He smiles, running a hand through his thick curls, his bicep flexing under the weight of the white t-shirt, grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips. You might’ve thought he was handsome under different circumstances, if your brain wasn’t ruined from trauma, but the only thing that seems to capture your attention is his soft brown eyes. The only kind ones that were in that auction room tonight. 

   “‘Course I will, sweetheart. Whatever makes you feel safe,” he says, walking over and sinking down into the champagne colored saucer chair by the open door, eyes locked on you. 

   You mold yourself to the cool mattress, the sheets wrapping loosely around your legs. You stare at him for a couple of minutes, using his woody scent to calm you down. He reminds you of Washington, of your favorite pine trees. He smells like home, when you had one. Tears line your lids, but you close your eyes and get lost in the rain, until your breathing is shallow and slow. And then you’re out like a light.

   He keeps his eyes fixed on you, watching for any signs that you may be in distress. Every whimper and strangle against the sheets makes him jump up, ready to take you from your vicious nightmares, but they don’t come. Not like the one that had you screaming bloody murder, tears staining your pretty eyes. 

   Scared. You’re so very scared, fragile. Just like the glass that ripped you open, staining his white button-up crimson. He hates that that’s how they made you feel. Afraid of men, to be broken again. They took it all from you and he fucking hates them for it. 

   They hurt you, ruined you. It makes him sick to his stomach, makes him want to hunt down every single man who put their filthy hands on your sacred body. He’d chop their hands off so they could never touch you again, take a gun and end their pathetic lives. That’s what he did with Sarah’s kidnappers, when he found out who took his precious daughter. And he’d do it for you too. In fact, he’d search the whole goddamn map to wring the necks of any man who even thought of putting their filthy paws on you.

   He’s not against violence, not when he spends half his time working to take down auctioneers and human traffickers. And the blonde man that tried to violate you tonight would be the first to go. That one he’ll take down himself. 

   He stays up the entire night, never letting his eyes close, afraid you’d start drowning again. But he won’t let you slip beneath the rocky waves; he’ll keep your head above water, pull you out, do his very best to make you feel safe.

   Safe. You’re safe here with him. And even if you don’t trust him yet, you will. He’ll make sure of it. He saw the absolute terror in your eyes on that stage, and he just couldn’t leave you with the venomous snakes in that house. You have a long road ahead of healing, but he’ll be there to help you through it. 

   A beautiful girl like you deserves a second chance at life, and he’ll give it to you. Pretty flowers don’t deserve to wilt. They deserve to thrive. 

   And you will. 

Tagging those who seemed interested 🩷 @joelsgreys @amyispxnk @whxtedreams @clawdee @jellybeanxc

@lotusbxtch @thebeldroramscal @laurrrra @sawymredfox @sanarsi

@christinamadsen @missannwinchester @aurorawritestoescape @evolnoomym @littlevenicebitch69

@milla-frenchy @magpiepills @604to647

[reminiscingtonight]

Russo: derby, concussion, care

Derby Day (Alessia Russo x Reader)

[WOSO Masterlist]

“But it’s the North London Derby!”

Alessia huffs and sinks lower on the couch.

“A little blood never hurt anybody.”

Beth doesn’t make eye contact.

“You don’t get it. You’re not a footballer.”

Leah opens her mouth but quickly shuts it when she sees the look on your face.

The three of them are in various shapes, one with an egg on her forehead, another with two icepacks strapped to both ribs, the last with a makeshift ankle brace constructed out of the finest frozen peas from your freezer.

“Honestly, if someone came in here right now they’d think I abused you all!”

Alessia turns her pleading eyes towards Viv but gets no help from the Dutch woman. “She did warn you guys.”

You’re pacing back and forth in front of the three of them. You’ve all been in this position since Viv tried to drop Alessia off at home nearly an hour ago. You took one look at the broken carpool and all but ordered the four gunners into your house.

A last minute work mishap made you miss out on the derby day, but that didn’t stop you from dropping Alessia off at the Emirates before the game. Beth and Leah met the two of you with grins, all but waving off your words of caution before sweeping your girlfriend away.

“I highly recall telling you to take care of yourself, Alessia, did I not? And what was it that you said back to me?”

Your girlfriend mumbles sweet nothings into her sweatshirt, nearly disappearing into the massive thing. You’re sure if she had it her way she’d melt right into the couch.

“Louder! I can’t hear you.”

Your attention’s quickly taken away when you hear Leah’s not-so discrete snickering. She pales when she makes eye contact. 

“Unless the next words out of your mouth is apologizing for not keeping my girlfriend safe like you promised, you shut that mouth, Leah Cathrine.”

Beth snorts before realizing her mistake. 

Your nose flares angrily. “And what do you have to say for yourself? Getting sent off for something as stupid as blocking the keeper’s kick? Honestly, Viv must have the patience of a saint, putting up with you.”

The brunette’s sitting on the other side of the room, watching everything with thinly concealed amusement. A small tweak had her watching the game from the stands. Of course there’s nothing more fun that playing in a North London Derby, but with the high fouls and flying boots that unfolded at the stadium today, Viv would be lying if she said she wasn’t glad to be a spectator. Especially if being sidelined saved her a lecture from you.

There’s another hot reprimand on the tip of your tongue when you feel a gentle tug on your sleeve.

“Babe?”

Alessia’s got the widest eyes, frown set upon her lips as she tries to appeal to your soft side. You’re still mad, but you try to lower your temper at the clear discomfort written across her face.

“My head really hurts. Can I go to bed?”

When Alessia got hurt it took everything in your power not to drive straight to the stadium. Viv had texted you a quick update when Alessia was being checked out, reassuring you that it looked worse than it actually was.

You couldn’t stop yourself from replaying the video over and over, heart breaking every time you watched her head bounce off the ground. But you chose to believe your friend, waiting with nerves while you awaited your girlfriend’s return.

Though all that worry flew right out the door when you caught sight of the other two injured girls. 

“Well I think that’s our cue!” Beth takes her chance to leap forward, hands pulling at her vice captain to follow her. “Goodnight, Russo, Mrs. Russo--” 

Beth chokes on her words when you grab ahold of her collar, stopping her before she can take another step towards the door.

“Now where do the two of you think you’re going?”

The two blondes exchange nervous looks. 

Leah clears her throat. “Home?”

She swallows hard at the hollow laugh you let out.

“Nice try. Captain Nothing’s-Wrong and her sidekick,” you ignore the dirty look Beth gives you at her assignment, “congratulations, thanks to your clear inability to follow the simplest of instructions, the two of you have won yourselves the Alessia Russo night watch shift.”

And with that, you take a seat next to Viv, turning on the TV to something random while you ignore the three cries of protest.

[phantomwithbreakfast]

𝚃𝚘𝚘 𝙰𝚏𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚃𝚘 ��𝚒𝚟𝚎, 𝚃𝚘𝚘 𝙰𝚏𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚃𝚘 𝙳𝚒𝚎

×͜×

Prologue.

⟢ Danny Phantom Phan Fic • Genre: Angst / Tragedy / Psychological / Horror • Overall TW: Strong Language — Mental Health Struggles — Suicidal Ideation — Violence — Parental Neglect — Emotional Abuse — Graphic Content • M rate (+16!) due Graphic Emotional Intensity — CW: Character Death

Summary: “It’s the end of me. I didn’t want to feel and kiss your lips, I wanted to feel and see you suffer instead.”

AO3.

FFN.

Other Phan fics here.

Under the ‘read more’ line you’ll find the full art piece at the bottom + more. TW/CW: Gore — Vivisection (But we’re used to it by now, aren’t we?).

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐦.

It’s the end of me. I didn’t want to feel and kiss your lips, I wanted to feel and see you suffer instead. I saw him. Me. Him. My own reflection. You didn’t do this. I did. But that wasn’t true. We’re the same, aren’t we? Two halves of a broken whole. This wasn’t about them. It never was. This was about me all along.

☻% x ـــــــــــــــﮩ٨ـ

I stood there. Frozen.

My eyes locked onto my white-gloved hands, stained in deep crimson. Blood seeped into the fabric, dripping in slow, deliberate drops that echoed louder than they should have. My eyes drifted down, following the deep red river that spilled across the floor.

She wasn’t moving.

Her body lay still, sprawled on her back. Her eyes—lifeless, glassy—staring unblinking at the ceiling, delving for something that wasn’t there.

My chest heaved, gasping for air that refused to to come, as my mind spiraled into a storm of chaos and despair.

What…

What the fxck just happened?

My whole body trembled, shaking under a burden. The effort of standing was too much—my knees gave out, hitting the ground with a hollow sound. I collapsed, crumpled like a broken doll.

Devastated.

I changed—transformed.

Human.

My body felt heavy, mortal, fragile. The tears fell unbidden, carving warm, fragile paths down the frost of my hollow cheeks. A guttural sob broke through, followed by another.

I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t stop breaking.

Whimpers tore out of me—feeling like little pieces of my soul being ripped apart. My breath broke in jagged gasps, each inhale a blade slicing deeper into the hollow ache of my chest.

With the last shreds of strength clinging to my shattered body, I dragged myself forward, smearing her blood beneath my hands and knees. The trail of crimson followed me, marking my every trembling inch. My arms shook, my knees scraped against the slick floor.

Her blood was everywhere—on me, around me. Just… everywhere.

I reached her side and stopped.

The world spun in a blur of red and black. Everything felt too quiet. Too empty.

In that silence, I crumbled. Her absence crashing until I was nothing—just broken sobs and trembling hands, drowning me into an endless ache of what I… of what I could never undo.

…

“You really don’t want to do this. Trust me. Who’s going to protect this town after all, if you shoot me?” Danny said, forcing a grin that felt painfully fake.

“What use would I have for you if you’re… dead?” Her tone shifted slightly, dipping into something that sounded almost sinister. “No. If I killed you, I couldn’t examine you. I couldn’t study you the way I need to. You have to be conscious for that.”

Danny’s grin faltered and swallowed. His stomach twisted at her words, but before he could say anything else—before he could even move—there was a flash of light.

And then... there was nothing but darkness.

⟢ All this time that I was working on this art piece, I had a pang feeling in my chest. Guilt. Empathy. Compassion. I even cried at some point. I blindfolded Danny for a while, and did the eyes as final.

⟢ The art piece itself is a mix up from my dissection—vivisection stories. Plus, other ones that are about to follow, like this preview of the prologue.

⟢ It’s possible I might still change the prologue up a bit.

⟢ I’m so, so, so fxcking sorry Danny. (╥﹏╥)

♫ ▸ MOMMA’S BOY. :3

“You’re a ghost. You can’t feel pain or experience any emotions. But you? You’re so… Fascinating.”

“Why did I… deserve this? Why? What is it that makes me… interesting? That you have to… vi—vivisect me?”

⟢ Only the bad memories will last.

[magics-neptunes-things]

Harassment

Hi everyone!

So this is the shittiest thing I ever wrote and it took me forever. Please let me know what you think anyway. It's for a request from here.

Also I haven't corrected spelling or syntax, it was the one thing too many.

Enjoy ♥

TW : Past relationship abused, kidnapping, violence, angst.

______________________________________________________________

Since her comeback to Barcelona, Ona is your little ray of sunshine. It’s not at that moment that you met her, you know her since she started to play in Manchester United. Yourself playing for Manchester United too, you met there. You only played together one year, before you went to play to Lyon for a loan for one year. And after that, you find yourself to FC Barcelona, where you met Ona again.

You always had a crush on her, I mean how could you not? But nothing ever happened between the both of you, you were maybe to shy for that. Before Barcelona, you never said anything to her about your feelings for her. You even tried to forget her when you were at Lyon, with some French man you met around football stadium.

Things were great with him at first, but it soon started to get strange. And, at last, violent. He was a manipulative, jealous and violent man. But you didn’t know a lot of people in France, and you didn’t want to talk to your teammates about what he was doing to you. You are clumsy by nature, so you just said your bruises were from falling or hitting you on basically every surface in your flag.

When your loan was finish, he asked you to stop football. Well, he required. But your agent didn’t let you and you’re forever thankful for him about that. He makes you move to Barcelona, and you broke up with your boyfriend at the same time. He wasn’t happy with you, clearly not. But you threatened to press charges if he didn’t leave you alone. Since then, you’ve never heard from him again. And this is a great relief.

No one in your current team knows about your story with him. Along those year you were still talking to Ona though, even if it wasn’t regularly. But you were more than happy to be in the same team again. Ona seems too and since day one you literally weren’t apart.

You helped Ona to choose the missing furniture for her flat and you both have a key from the other flat. You like cuddling watching TV with her, you like when she sleeps on your shoulder during travels to another city for a game, you like listening to her talking about her family. You like her laugh, you like her smile, you like her smell, you like her freckles, her hair, her eyes, her arms, everything about her. You like her. You love her.

You weren’t really discreet about it though, because some of your friends of the team started to tease you about it. Cata is one of your best friends in the team and she’s maybe your number one teaser. She’s kind enough to not doing it in front of Ona, but she received more than a slap behind her head because of it. You couldn’t help to stare at Ona when she’s away from you, your eyes attracted to her like magnets.

Ona can ask what she wants, you will always say yes. You didn’t say a word about your attraction to her anyway, you’re way to scared to lose her for that. You don’t know what you would do if Ona flew away from your life. She’s your everything and you better have her as a friend in your life than don’t have her.

********

You’re at the end of a game in the Johan Cruyiff stadium, enjoying some laugh with Cata and Lucy about Cata’s awkwardness in the video the admin post on Instagram where she thanks the Culers about their support.

You don’t have to turn around to know who owns the hand that gently rests in the hollow of your kidneys, its softness and its warmth recognizable between a thousand. Ona smile back at you and you pass your arm around her shoulders.

“Great game Señorita” you congrats her.

“Thanks. You were good too.”

She sends you a wink and you smile, turning to the stadium to go sign some jersey and take pictures. Ona didn’t let you go and you didn’t too, enjoying her closeness more than anything. Fans are speculating about a relationship between you two, but you never talked about it to Ona before. She didn’t, so you just follow her lead. You have to release her when you’re near the fans though and you start talking with the people waiting for you.

Minutes passed and you are coming slowly to the entrance of the tunnel giving access to the locker rooms. That’s when you saw him.

Your ex-boyfriend.

His evil smile on his face, he’s looking at you dead in your eyes. You froze, your hands suddenly shaking. It’s like all around you isn’t here anymore. What is he doing here? What does he want?

You almost jump out your skin when you fell a hand on your back, turning yourself to be faced to Ona and Alexia.

“Is everything alright?” the brunette asks while Alexia looks at you attentively.

“Yeah” you mumble “I’m just tired.”

You look again where your ex is standing and he’s still looking at you. You let Ona drives you to the changing room, where you get ride of your kit quietly, deep in your thoughts. You block his number when you left France and all his social media. You even didn’t really think about him those past weeks, being more focused on your job in the team. And, you have to admit, your relationship with Ona.

You take a long, hot shower, hopping he left when you will get out of the stadium too. When you get out of the shower, almost all of your teammates left too. There is still Ona, Alexia, Marta and Caro. The last three were talking too fast in Catalan for you to understand, but Ona seems to be waiting for you. She gives you a smile, far from suspecting where your mind is spiraling.

“Are you ready to get home?”

You almost say you prefer to go home alone, scared that the man is somewhere waiting for you. But when you realize that the other three women are leaving too, you nod. At least you will be with more force if he tries to talk to you. Or worst.

You’re on edge during your walk to the parking, not listening to what the others are saying, looking around you discreetly. Well, you think you are, but Alexia and Ona exchange an questioning look behind you. You manage to go in Ona’s car without seeing him, after saying goodbye to your friends.

“Do you want to come at my home or are you too tired for it cariño?”

You look at Ona for some seconds, before answering. You are scared to go home to find him on your doorstep, but if he’s following you, you don’t want to put Ona in danger. You know what he’s capable of. In other hand, he doesn’t know what Ona’s car looks like.

“I can come, if it’s ok with you”

“Of course”

Ona smiles at you, taping your hand with hers before turning on her car. It’s dark outside and you don’t see a lot, but you don’t see him waiting outside with some fans. Ona didn’t stop to say hi, only waving at them and you’re secretly really relieved about it. You slept at Ona’s tonight, feeling a little more in security while you cuddle against her in her bed.

********

The next time you see him, is when you’re running late for training. You had a shooting to promote the new adidas boots who take longer than you thought. You wrote to Ona to tell her you will be late and she answered to take your time and drive safely. You did, but when you stop your car, you jump outside your car, throw your bag on your shoulder and start almost running in the entrance.

“Hey, Y/N!”

Without other thought, you turn in the voice’s direction, thinking it’s a fan or something. But it’s not. It’s him, once again. He’s alone, you’re alone and you can’t make a single move to get away from here. Even when he’s walking in your direction.

“I see things are great for you know. Great car, great teammates… Great friends”

Your heart beats too fast and you swallow nervously before answering him. He’s now standing only one meter from you.

“What do you want?”

“I want my girlfriend, you, back. You left me without any choice and a threat, but I decided I’m better with you.”

“The threat is still on.”

Your voice is weak, and you feel pathetic. He seems to think the same, his laughs making you shivers. But before he can say anything else, you hear someone calling your name behind you.

You breath a little better when you realize that is Alexia and she’s walking where you are.

“You’re not coming? We are late.”

You nod, following her lead silently.

“See you soon Y/N” your ex says behind you.

You flinch but answer nothing to him. You don’t look back either, focused on your feet while you’re still walking with Alexia.

“Do you know him?”

You gulp, not really knowing what to answer to that. Yes, you know him, but it’s not really something you want Alexia to know. But she continues, still talking.

“You didn’t look really comfortable. You know, if someone disturbed you, you just have to say something and the security will take him away, right?”

“Yes, I know” you smile “Thank you Ale.”

Alexia smiles at you and pass an arm around your shoulders, taking you in the changing room. You don’t really know why you don’t explain what happened with him. You’re ashamed, but you know she wont judge you. Like Ona wouldn’t, Cata and all your friends and teammates. It’s just something you hate talking about. You never did, to anyone.

Since that day, you are always with someone to go to training or even the games. It’s usually Ona, sometimes Cata too. You are more at Ona’s flat than yours, scared to find yourself face to him. Ona’s flat is secured, you need to have an electronic card to access to the building and the parking lot. Yours isn’t.

Ona seems to realize that something is wrong with you. She hasn’t talk about it for now, but sometimes when she looks at you, you can find concern in her eyes. You are closer than ever though, and you must fight everyday your will to kiss her. It’s even harder when you’re cuddling against her like today in front of her tv.

You smile when you feel her lips kissing your hair, raising your eyes to hear. She smiles back, but she has the same concern look in her eyes. With her hand, she puts back some of your hair behind your ear.

“You know you can count on me cariño, si? No matter what?”

“Of course, Ona. Why are you saying that?”

Did Alexia talked to her about the time she saw you with your ex? You’re nervous suddenly, something you usually aren’t when Ona is around.

“I just feel like something is happening to you. You’re not like yourself, you’re always thinking, like something is constantly confusing you. I miss hearing you laugh.”

“I’m sorry” you mumble, sitting up. “Do you want me to leave?”

“What? No, I’ve never said that!”

Ona groans in frustration, rubbing her forehead. You don’t really understand what she wants from you. If you’re annoying, you would better go home and face whatever repercussions you will have to. Ona takes your hand, slightly stroking your fingers with her thumb.

“I don’t really know how to say that, and maybe the timing is wrong. But I really care for you, like maybe not in a friendly way. Well, it’s not maybe, I do care about you. Because I like you, a lot.”

You haven’t look away for a second, but you still have trouble understanding what she really is saying. She likes you a lot? Like, like like? Your confusion must be writing on your face, because Ona smiles and comes to sit closer to you.

“I like you. I want to take you on a date, have you for myself everyday and try to make you happy. Is it something you want to too?”

“I’m waiting for it since day one, Ona” you admit, blushing.

“Perfect” Ona grins. “And now, I really want to kiss you.”

You didn’t let her kiss you; you kiss her first. Leaning in her direction, you put your lips on hers, testing their softness for the first time. They are soft and sweet, as if they were made for yours. Ona kisses you back, her hand finding her way to your hair, holding your face against hers as she deepens the kiss. Soon her tongue is on your bottom lip, asking the entrance of your mouth and you lost it.

No one ever kissed you with so much passion. And no one ever makes you feel this way.

********

It feels weird to go to the training the day after your first kiss with Ona. You spend the night to her flat, enjoying her presence next to you. She drives you to training and you met Cata and Mariona on the parking lot. They are used to see you both coming together so they didn’t say anything, even if Cata wiggle her brows when Ona isn’t looking. You roll your eyes, discreetly pinching her ribs, making her yelp.

There is no way that you talk to her about last night right now. You want to enjoy the memories a little more before being teased even more.

Ona seems amused by your little fight, and she gives you a knowing look, who makes you smile. You confess some things yesterday, and the fact that Cata knows about your crush for her was in.

The training went great, your teammates regaining your lost bubbly personality. You make your drill with Ona, simply unable to stay away from her. Things got bad again though, while you were changing in the locker room after your shower.

You’re joking with Cata while Ona is talking with Mariona and Alexia when Fridolina come back to the changing room, Mapi and Ingrid following her.

“Hey Y/N” Frido says, making your gaze go to her “You never said anything about your boyfriend!”

“What?” you frown.

Next to you, Ona froze, her head turning quickly in your direction. You share a look with her before turning to Frido again.

“What are you talking about?”

“Your boyfriend” she repeats, smirking.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Mapi rolls her eyes before looking at her phone in the pocket of her jeans. You are always lost when she opens it, scrolling for some seconds before putting it in front of your face.

You suddenly turned pale.

It is in fact a picture of you with your ex, looking happy and in love. It was in the first days of your relationship though. You never took pictures after he started his abuse.

“He shows us the pictures because the security won’t let him passed” Mapi explain.

You don’t know what to say. Your heart is pounding. But you soon realize that he’s here, some meters from you.

“Where is he?” you ask in a small voice.

“Wait, you do know him?”

Ona’s voice is a mix of surprise, incomprehension and disbelief. She doesn’t look at Mapi when she snorts and show her her phone again, only looking at you. You can’t lie to her.

“I do, but it’s not what you think Oni, I swear.”

“Don’t Oni me.”

The others seem lost about your interaction with Ona, only Cata seems to understand what’s happening. You never saw Ona looking at you the way she is, with so much cold and almost hate.

“Ona let her explain, maybe you…” Cata tries.

But Ona brutally stands up, taking her bag and leaving the room. You try to get up to follow her, but Mapi stops you right after. You know she loves Ona and probably only want to protect her, but she makes you lose time.

“What have you done?” she asks coldly.

“Not now Mapi, please. I will explain, but now I have to catch her.”

You don’t let her answer anything, standing up to try to find Ona. But you’re not able to and when you reach the parking lot, she has already left. You came with her this morning, so you don’t have your car to go to her flat. You thought about picking a bike or something, until a car stops right next to you.

You don’t have to see the face of the person inside it, you know already.

“Get in the car, or I’ll follow her. Now.”

What could you do? There’s no way that you let him go after Ona, he seems to knows what link you have with her. You don’t hesitate one second, but that’s doesn’t mean it’s easy to do. Your hands are shaking once again when you open the passenger door.

Meanwhile, in the changing room, Alexia had observed the interaction without saying a word. She was analyzing everything. When you left, she asks Mapi to see the pictures she showed you and Ona and she recognize him almost directly.

“She was talking to him last week, in the parking lot when we both arrived late” Alexia frowns.

“So she knows him! He’s her boyfriend!” Frido says with exasperation.

“I’m not sure… She didn’t look at ease, he was talking but she wasn’t. She looked almost scared.”

Ingrid’s frowning too, like Alexia she was quiet during the little scene before. She doesn’t want to believe that you will cheat to someone, whatever if this person is Ona or someone else. Something was disturbing her since the beginning.

“He said he will wait for her outside” she remembers her friends and her girlfriend.

“What?!” almost shout Cata

The Majorcan woman doesn’t hesitate. Like Ona and you did, she runs in the floor, Alexia following soon after. But they arrived to late, only able to see you getting in your ex’s car.

********

You don’t say anything during the journey. You don’t know where he’s taking you, you don’t recognize the streets anymore. Ona is still a big part of your thoughts; you have your phone in the inside pocket of your jacket, but you prefer not to use it for now. Maybe you will need it after. You’re scared too, but it’s not something new when you’re with him.

“Where are we going?” you ask some minutes later.

He looks briefly at you, but only answer with a grimace full of disdain. You took the opposite direction from your apartment or Ona’s, so you’re relieved to see that he didn’t decide to go after the girl you love. You don’t know what he planned for you, but you regret not being able to tell Ona that you love her before everything shattered. At the same time, how could you have imagined the turn of events?

You really start to worry when he leaves the busy roads for small roads, where houses are becoming fewer and fewer. When it stops at the roadside, just before the start of a forest road, you turn in its direction.

"Get off" he does simply by picking up his phone and car keys.

You put your attention around you. There are only trees and a rocky path that starts a few meters from where the car is stopped.

"I said, get off!"

You jump, but you obey what he orders you, opening the car door. The air is a little cooler than in the city of Barcelona, here in the shade of the trees. You swallow before delicately closing the car door. He shows you the way to follow with a nod, making you pass in front of him. He must fear an attempt to flee from you if you walk behind, which may indeed happen.

"Where are we going?" you ask again.

But he doesn’t answer you, pushing you in the back to make you move forward. What you end up doing, eyes screwed to the floor so you don’t twist an ankle with all these stones.

“You never learn” he says some minutes after

“What?”

You frown, turning slightly in his direction. With the time passing, it looks like you lost the ability to understand him. Reading in his mind.

“I told you to stop football. You didn’t and then you left me? Who do you think you are?”

You bite your lip. He seems angry and that’s never been a good thing. You try to slow down a bit, scared to arrive to his destination.

“People online are saying that you’re shagging this Spanish girl. Is that true?”

You’re just denying it by shaking your head negatively. Technically, you’re not lying to him. You and Ona never took that step.

“Do you realize what people think of me? My girlfriend leaving me to play football in Spain and flirting like a slut with other people?"

“I’m not your girlfriend anymore” you mumble.

You know you’re going to make him angry, but you don’t care. You have a hard time with the way he talks about Ona, not to mention the gratuitous insult you just took.

As you expected, he reacts brutally, grabbing your arm and turning you around, stopping you in your walk and drawing you towards him.

"That’s what you believe. You’re mine and if I can’t have you, no one else will."

Before you have time to fully realize what it involves, a pebble rolling sound behind you causing him to release you and turn in the opposite direction. But there is no one and even if you managed to run away without him realizing it, you don’t know what exit you can find to save yourself.

When two paths present themselves to you, you choose the one that continues to descend. Unfortunately, he sees you doing, unlike what happens in suspense movies. A few meters further, it finally happens what it was supposed to happen on this stony path. You twist your ankle and fall heavily. You don’t have time to get up that he’s already next to you, looking furious.

You try to get up anyway, especially when you see him picking up a big stone at your feet.

Then several things happen in the fractions of seconds that follow this movement. With an instinctive gesture, you protect your face with your arm, what you imagine your last thoughts turned towards Ona.

But you hear other steps, loud voices and a cry of pain that is not yours. When you stand up, your ex is lying on the ground, Cata’s shaking her right hand in pain and Alexia seems to hold your ex on the ground with a foot on his chest cage. Behind them, Mariona is on the phone.

"What are you doing here?" you stutter, getting up as best you can.

"We followed you" Cata simply replies.

You accept her valid hand to get up, limping slightly because of your ankle. You watch as your ex-boyfriend insults Alexia deeply in French, before you turn your attention to your captain.

“I don’t speak French” the blonde smirk.

“Help is on his way” Mariona says soon after.

She comes for you and take you in her arms, a hug that you give her back happily.

“How’s your hand?” you ask to Cata over Mariona’s shoulder.

“Hé I've had worse”

You smirk too before releasing Mariona, you pat your cheek slightly. You wait for only a few minutes for the rescue team, leaning on Cata to relieve your painful ankle. They take your ex in one car and take him to the nearest police station. They inform you that someone will come to ask you some questions at the hospital, where your taken with Cata to check your injuries.

********

You told everything to Cata, Mariona and Alexia as the take you to the hospital. They listened, never judging you. You felt stupid to hide all this without talking to anyone, but they never said anything about that too.

You are sitting in your hospital bed, talking with Cata when the door of your room is suddenly open. Turning your head, you recognize Ona’s silhouette in a second. She doesn’t seem sure of herself though, waddling from one foot to the other on the doorstep.

“You can come in, Oni”

“I’m going to call my mum” Cata says, jumping from the chair she was sitting until now.

She smiles at you and pats Ona shoulder before get it out and closing the door behind her.

Ona’s looking at you and you’re looking at you. She took a few steps inside the room but is still far away from you.

“Ona I…”

“Look I know…”

Of course, you have to talk at the same time. This makes you smile and Ona smiles too, making your heart fluttered a little. Her smile has always been something magical for you.

“Go on” you say simply.

“I’m sorry for running away without taking the time to listen to you. Don’t be mad at her but when Alexia called me to ask me to come here, she told me what happened. And why.”

You swallow with difficulty, not really sure of what Ona thinks about that. You’re still not very at ease about this part of your past, but if someone must know, it’s Ona. Unless she isn’t interested in you anymore.

“So you know” you whispers.

“I know that it’s your ex-boyfriend and not your current boyfriend and that he was kind of following you around here. Alexia said there is more, but that it’s better if you talk about it yourself.”

You are thankful for Alexia’s care, but in other hand you wouldn’t have been against the idea of not putting words about it. You pat the bed next to you to invite Ona to sit down, taking a deep breath before talking.

“You don’t have to share anything if you don’t want to, Cariño.”

“I know. I just don’t know where to start” you sigh.

Ona doesn’t say anything, only grabs your hand to interlink your fingers together. You let her, of course. Her presence is everything to you right now, so you have to make an effort for her and talk. Ona waits patiently, playing with your fingers.

“Ok, so I’m going to be very straightforward” you begin, waiting for Ona to nod before talking again. “When I met him, I was desperate to forget the feelings I hade for someone back in Manchester. I was to shy to talk to her and I don’t know. He was very kind and caring at first.”

You bite your lips, you saw that Ona almost interrupt you to ask who this person was, but you prefer not to tell her now. You are almost sure that she will feel guilty about all this and you don’t want that.

“But after some weeks, he began to become jealous, possessive and controlling the messages I sent, the people I talked to. To avoid arguments, I ghosted a lot of people. I went to training, to games and then I went home right after. I haven’t made many friends in Lyon. But he was never satisfied. When my contract in Lyon was finish, I wanted me to quit football. I refused and left for Barcelona when he was out with friends. I told him not to talk to me again if he if he didn’t want me to press charges. I did it until two weeks ago.”

Ona doesn’t say anything, but the expressions on her face are talking for her. You can see in her eyes the anger caused by everything you said. A silence pass and it’s now you who play with her fingers.

“Did he hit you? Don’t lie to me.”

Ona’s eyes are intense, and you struggle to keep eye contact with her.

“I never lied to you, Oni” you mumble before answering the real question. “Yeah, I did. No one saw it, you know how clumsy I am. The all believed that I fall in the stairs or something like that.”

Ona is fuming, but you can see how much she’s trying to control herself and not just exploded right now.

“The person you were in love with, before him, doesn’t know about all this?”

“She didn’t know about my feelings at all. Why?”

Ona shrugs once again before answering you.

“I was wondering if you were in a middle of a breakup or something. You didn’t say you were with someone when we were at Manchester.”

“I wasn’t” you simply say. “I would have told you if I was with someone.”

You don’t want her to ask you who it was, but you know the question is coming as soon as Ona opens her mouth.

“Who were you in love with?”

You look at her for some seconds before saying “no” with your head. But Ona is stubborn and she looks at you with her best puppy eyes.

“You just said that you will never lie to me.”

“Ona…”

She knows that you can’t resist her when she looks at you like that. She can ask you anything and you would just give her, no matter what it is.

“Ok so let me guess. Was it Leah?”

“Galton? No” you laugh lightly.

“Alessia?”

“Nope. I mean she’s cute, but I prefer brunette.”

“Maya?”

“Guess again sweetheart.”

You’re smiling now, really amused by Ona’s guesses. The fact that she doesn’t say her name is pretty funny, but at least you don’t have to lie to her. After the fifth name, she starts to have trouble to find another brunette in your former team. And then you saw the understanding in her eyes. She stayed silence for some seconds, and you let her. There is no way you would say it first.

“It was me.”

It’s not even a question. Your throat is too tight for you to talk, so you just nod. And you see Ona’s face fall.

“I- I didn’t know.”

“I know, Oni. I worked hard to not show you anything. No one knew.”

“I should have guess though; you wouldn’t have to live the hell he makes you live.”

Your hand always in hers, you take her a little more against you. She looks sad and you don’t want to see this on her. Ona deserves only happiness. Nothing else.

“We don’t know where we’d be now if I told you about it back then. What I’ve been through is not easy, but you’re part of my life now and that’s all that matters to me."

Ona is looking everywhere else than you and that gives your stomach a strange sensation. You release Ona’s hand slowly, your stomach wriggling a little.

“You don’t want me anymore.”

Like Ona before, it’s not a question. It’s an affirmation and this time Ona gaze is on you almost immediately. The sadness in your voice almost break her heart and she put her hand on your jawline to make you look at her.

“Of course I do. I’m in love with you too Y/N. I think I always had. I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t. I beg you. Don’t excuse yourself.”

Your face are only a few centimeters from hers when you talk, and she just closes the last gap between you to kiss you. You melt at the contact, passing your arms around her to feel her everywhere. What you had to go through wasn’t easy, as you said. But you know that in Ona’s arms, you will be ok. She will make everything better, like she always did.

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

Everyone Who Bashed Belle As Being A Stockholm Syndrome Victim Should Apologize, When Blitzo Has Shown What A True Victim Is Like

You know for decades Belle was joked as being a victim of stockholm syndrome even though there are many points against that perception. But it's funny that ironically we have a better representation in Blitzo, but those same critics say it's cute that he's basically now his abuser's cheerleader. Seriously, this is the face of a guy who has become conditioned to just be a doormat for a spoiled pos who he previously called out for treating him as lesser. Belle always stood up for herself and didn't let the Beast mistreat her. And she blatantly ranaway when she felt threatened. It's obvious she was not going to be mistreated by someone and that the Beast had to prove he was good enough for her.

And here comes Beast and Stolas, because they are essentially both spoiled brats who need to change in order to be with their love interest. The difference between Beast and Stolas is that the narrative knows the former is flawed and needs to changed while the latter is treated like as if he's a saint that has done nothing wrong. As a result, you see one who gradually changes over time while the other stays the same and is now coddled for it. With Beast and Stolas, they also make grand gestures to show their love. Beast does it because he's showing he's growing to care and even one gesture was risking himself being cursed because he understood that Belle's needs were more than his. However, Stolas does all these grand gestures not as a way to truly atone but a way to finally be with Blitzo because he wants him to fill the empty void in his life. As a result, all of these so-called nice deeds come off as hollow because they come off as a person who is doing this to look good rather than actually be good.

The worst part is that Stolas when he's rejected by Blitzo is coddled for feeling he's entitled to have his feelings returned when he hasn't earned it. Beast, however, even as he's changed make it known that he needs to do selfless stuff not only to break the curse but to truly know what it is to care for another. However, with Stolas it's always about how he feels and how he should be rewarded for doing not even the bare minimum to prove himself. To be frank about Beast, the movie in little detail gives tons of demonstration it's not just the grand gestures but the little things life that made his and Belle's relationship grow. Beast treats her as a person and not an ideal or trophy to have like Gastor (or Stolas if anyone was truthful). He gets to know her and really understands her. However, Stolas just is hooked on his fantasies to the point even the series is enabling him to hold onto them even when all it has done is strip him of everything he's held dear (including his daughter who he's neglected to chase his imp play thing).

I think the biggest thing about what makes Blitzo the true stockholm syndrome is the fact he's not himself anymore with Stolas. And people say that's character change, but he never should have changed for Stolas because Stolas is actually the one who should have done that not him. I don't care what "Apology Tour" says Stolas is not like any of his exes, because he was the one who screwed him over and treated him like shit. The major point is that Belle didn't need to change anything about herself and that she remains a static character who allows the Beast to demonstrate himself as worthy of her love. Stolas as said before does one grand gesture after another, but in the end he still remains in everyday life shitty to Blitzo but now he just tolerates him because he got bit by the red string of fate that makes him bend over for the creator's pet. And everyone knows for sure he's going to pull more shitty stuff in season 3 and get away with it. For this I will have to say that Belle needs to be apologized for being the poster girl for stockholm syndrome and give it to the rightful owner who is Blitzo.

[sturniolostars]

𝓟𝓤𝓒𝓚𝓘𝓝𝓖 𝓐𝓡𝓞𝓤𝓝𝓓

∗ smut, mentions of death, abuse, eating disorders, self harm, overall mature themes

∗ Chris was used to everyone liking him. But Evelyn hates hockey players and Chris hates her and her stupid figure skating. However they have to share a rink for now and can’t help but feel a pull towards each other. How will this play out in the end?

Previous Chapter

Chris’s pov

I didn’t even have time to ask if she was okay. She was sprinting out of my room and down the steps. I tried to chase after her but she was pretty fast for someone who had just creamed all over my fucking fingers.

“Evelyn wait!” I call out. I lost her in the crowd and while I knew she was probably heading for the front door once I got there and looked outside to see if she was running or driving away there was no sight of her.

This is bad. We are obviously still not on good terms. She still hates me– in fact she might hate me even more, and while the taste of her is still on my tongue my brain is also still trying to tell me to hate her.

I think I really fucked up

Evvie’s pov

I just need to go home. Even if home was actually last place I wanted to be. If I was lucky my father would be passed out drunk and my mother would either be asleep or up, but too tired to point out every flaw I have.

I sigh and grip the steering wheel pulling into my driveway. I enter my home feeling relieved my dad actually was passed out on the couch with a few beer cans around him. I grimace but walk towards the stairs that lead up to my room.

“Evelyn” I hear my mothers voice from behind me. I take a deep breath and turn around to face her with a small smile. “Oh hi mom” I say softly. She scans me up and down. “You look like your gaining weight Evelyn have you been sticking to your diet?”

I self consciously suck in my tummy. “N-no I’ve been sticking to it” she rolls her eyes. “Mhm get up early tomorrow. I want to test that claim with a little weight check” I swallow but nod keeping my little pretty smile on. “Yea of course” she nods and turns around no ‘I love you’ or ‘I know your doing good’ not even a ‘I know I’m breaking you but it’s just because I love you’

I climb the rest of the way up the steps telling myself it could be worse. That my dad could be awake and looking for a live punching bag, that my mother could be degrading me more than she just did, that I could go back to weigh ins every day. I make it to my room and open the door lying on my bed.

“It could be worse”

-

I do wake up earlier and walk downstairs into the guest bathroom where my mom was waiting for me already. I step on the scale self consciously sucking in again even though it would do nothing to really change my weight. Force of habit I guess.

She looks down at it. I was over by a single pound. I swallow looking into her gaze……a gaze that shows pure disgust and disappointment. “I’m sorry” I say even though I have nothing to be sorry for.

She scowls “you will cut down on food you understand” I nod. “You will not embarrass this family by gaining weight or anything like that” I felt hollow but still manage to nod. “Yes mother”

And with that she leaves me alone and broken. I get ready and drive myself off to school. A school where I had nothing but figure skating. Hunter was my skating partner yes but he didn’t care about me. Which left me with no friends, no clubs, no hobbies, no time…..

I fight through the day just wanting to get to the rink I forgot was being shared. Just me and figure skating and– I look up at the hockey team on the ice seeing Chris in all his stupid fucking might speeding around with a puck.

And stupid Chris Sturniolo. It’s going to be fine. Just think about skating. Think about how you’re going to be perfect for mother and father. Don’t think about how your stomach is growling. I sigh.

“It could be worse right?”

a/n: this chapter kind of had a lot. Please reach out or talk to someone if you’re going through anything! (Tell me if you wanna be on the taglist)

Tags: @kadesturnz @watercolorskyy @megamorgan44 @kikirasweatsweathoho @bernardsbendystraws @wurlibydominicfike @sturnslux3 @courta13 @stargazer6969 @idrk2292 @astrxl

[avocado-writing]

Hi, I really like the way you write BG3 party members! I had a thought for a while and wanted to request the main party with a Revenant!Tav? Imagine all the angst that comes with Tav only seeking vengeance on their killer, knowing that their time is limited (revenants have only 1 year to enact their revenge). Or maybe the companions try to find a way of making them 'alive' again, if you want a happy ending? I just think it has a lot of potential and want to know your thoughts!

this one is a bit angsty, so reader beware

My beautiful boy Astarion understands the need for revenge, and is committed to helping you get it if you help him kill Cazador. The two of you stay up late at night to discuss tactics, how you will enact your brutality upon the people who deserve it… but then Astarion realises that you do not talk about what comes after, like he does when he considers a life without his abuser. He does a little research and finally finds what a revenant is. It breaks his heart to think that you’d die at the end of your quest because… well, he loves you. He begs you to reconsider. That there are other ways. You don’t need to be like him. But you take his cheek in your hand and tell him there is no other path for you, so the two of you must just enjoy the time you have together. If he finds a way to cure you, he’s yours forever - if not, the time you have together is sacred. He wastes not a second.

Gale immediately researching about how to lift your curse, that the two of you may live a happy life together after you get your revenge. You tell him not to bother, it’s too much effort, he needs to move on and find someone better - someone with a life worth giving to him. He deserves proper, warm, and tender love, something your dead heart isn’t capable of giving. He does not listen. He doubles down, desperate to keep you in his arms. Maybe he finds some secret forgotten rite which allows you to live after you’ve killed the person who wronged you… or maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he watches you die and pass on peacefully when you’re done, then does everything he can to ascend to godhood and bring your soul back into his arms. Either way, nothing will stop your wizard. 

Wyll listens to your story with a heaviness in his heart, but he knows he wasn’t upfront about his past either… but that does give him an idea. One night, with no way to understand how or why, you feel your curse being lifted, life returning properly to your body. When you seek out your Blade he tries to act pleased, but there’s something weighing on him. It does not take long to realise that he has given up his soul in its entirety to Mizora in order to restore yours. You cry and wail and beat at his chest pathetically. How could he make such a trade? You are not worth it. He holds you at arm’s length to look you over and tells you you’ve always been worth it, and he’d make his choice a thousand times over again. You love him so utterly that you're brought to silence. You vow to make the best of this gift he’s given you, with him by your side.

She knows what it is like to live your last days, does Karlach. The infernal engine in her will kill her sooner rather than later, so she indulges with you. Rich food, fine wine, long evenings of partying and celebrations of life. At Baldur’s Gate you hold her after she kills Gortash, and she begs you not to follow her suit, because revenge isnt worth it. This confession just leaves you empty. There is nothing left after except hollowness. And maybe you listen to her, the two of you find a way out of your curse and go on to Avernus to live out your happiness there (or what you can muster of it) or maybe you ignore her, or your time runs out, and she is left to face the Absolute alone - and lets herself burn on that dock, because a life without you isn’t a life at all.

Lae’zel is excited about your revenge. Enthusiastic, even supportive. She does not understand the nature of your curse. Many a long evening is spent training with her so you may sharpen your abilities, and she gains a great respect for you as both a warrior and a person. Either you find a cure which allows you to be together… or too late does she find out what your revenge brings. She holds you in her arms as you pass, your final words ones of love as your body goes limp and your soul passes into a different plane. She takes a lock of your hair and keeps it on her as a reminder. It is all she has left, after all.

Shadowheart is a great supporter of you… as a Sharran. She pushes for your revenge, evangelising the merits of you killing the person who wronged you, as it’s what Lady Shar would want. But then, as a Selûnite, she begins to think differently. Life is sweeter than she believed. There is more to it than suffering, and she wants to experience the loveliness of it with you by her side. She spends her nights poring over tomes to try and cure you. Maybe she finds a way with her new goddess. If not, when you pass, she keeps you in her heart forever, trying to move on with the guidance of her new goddess, but always feeling just that little bit empty without you.

Taglist:  @ghosti02art @sadandanxiouswtf @yeethaw13 @trappedinlimbo15 @infinitely-kat @dhampling @wereallbrokenangels @tilldeathdonugget @useless-contributions @beardedladyqueen @snoozeeebee @hopeful-n-sad

[saturnsorbits]

In Another Life

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen, Warnings: Rough Sex, Hate Sex, Forced Orgasm, Orgasm Denial, Mentions of Geto x Reader/Gojo. Word Count: 5.5k.

Summary: After a near miss with Megumi lands him in the infirmary, you find yourself back at the place you said you’d never return to.

A/N: Honestly, Gojo is a bitch to write for me. There's something I was trying to do here, hopefully it worked.

Rain bounces off the concrete. It hammers at your umbrella, collecting in the sagging canopy that is held aloft by bent metal spokes. A fight surrendered. You cling to its handle, sheltering under its non-existent protection as the front of your t-shirt fades to a dull translucence. Each of your steps spits up water that collects into puddles in your shoes, dampening your socks and putting a squelch in your stride as you continue down the road.

You don't care how much the puddles are soaking your legs. You're too angry.

You're angry a lot lately.

Since it happened, there's been a numbness spreading through you. A hollow that you can't fill no matter how much you eat, or drink... Or hurt. Your heart, once a delicate and proud thing, is shattered. Its fiberglass shards an ever present ache that only seems to deepen with each breath you take without him.

Approaching the main entrance of the Gojo estate, you find the gate unlocked. Beyond the path is immaculate. A thick cobbled road twists through the grounds connecting the main building to it's out houses, bordering the neatly styled gardens and surrounding the large pond stocked with expensive koi.

There's a catfish in there too, somewhere, one that's far outgrown its water-mates. It must cost an arm to feed, but you doubt Gojo minds; there's no way he'd get rid of it.

You clench your jaw.

It's from a distance that you finally spot her. Leaning against a wooden pillar on the back porch is the familiar figure of Shoko Ieire. She's backlight by candle light, a shadow of herself as she watches you with tired eyes. There's purpling to her skin, the etch of exhaustion ever present on her features now. A cigarette is balanced between two of her slender fingers, already half smoked to ash. She raises it to her lips as she watches you pass, a vulture on her stoop.

You don't speak to her. You never do. But, before you can vanish from sight, she sighs. 'You're only hurting yourselves... Fighting won't bring him back. No matter how much we all miss him.'

Her words are seeds, burrowing into the soft flesh at the back of your neck. They'll sprout there no doubt and eat you from the inside out, creeping into your sinew until you can think of nothing else... You block out the thought. Instead turning your attention to your chosen method of abuse and the flicker of rage still alight in your chest.

Hurrying now, you don't bother to avoid the squeaking stair that leads to the front door of the outhouse. There's no point. His eyes have followed you since your umbrella broke almost thirty minutes ago, since before you left Jujutsu High with tears still glistening on your cheeks, since before you dismissed Shoko and wrapped a blanket around Yuji's shoulders.

The door opens.

'Who did I piss off to deserve a surprise visit from you?' Gojo Satoru is shirtless and smirking. The plain of his chest is broad with lean corded muscle that is almost entirely scarless: a luxury only he can afford. Standing aside, he raises his eyebrows above his blindfold. He likes it when you're angry. 

Angry is easier than the other thing.

You barge your way past him, catching him hard on the shoulder as you go. 'You're fucking out of order for sending him in there like that.' Tossing your bag, you wheel about on your heel readying a second volley of vitriol. 'He's sixteen and you sent him on a fucking special grade case. It's a miracle he's in the state he is and not dead.'

Gojo closes the door, shrugs. 'He's not dead, consider it a… Learning curve.'

'A fucking -.' You bite your tongue. Draw blood. Taste metal.  'Are you insane?'

Gojo smiles. 'People have called me a lot worse.'

Bile licks at your stomach, promising a brutal climb up your throat. You ball your hands into fists, basking in the bite of your nails against your palm. You'd hit him if you thought it would do any good. Instead, you go for his jugular with the next best thing. 'He'd be so disappointed in you...'

Gojo stills.

The words sink into Gojo's back and slip between his shoulder blades. The muscle there locks, knotting as he refuses to turn and face you. His breath is tucked away in his chest, wedged between his third and forth ribs. When he speaks, his voice is a whisper – a broken sound that creaks through his lips. 'Don't do that. Be angry with me, but don't do that.'

A win. 

The fracture in his armor shines bright, allowing you to dig in further. 'This is what tipped him over the edge, Satoru. This needless fucking sacrifice.' 

The words repeat on you, anger clawing at your stomach again. You can still feel it. The blood seeping through your fingers had been hot and sticky, flowing steady no matter how hard you pressed against his chest. The smell of blood is cloying, lingering even now as the memories attempt to drag you back.

He'd looked so broken. His body a dead weight on Yuji's shoulders as he'd carried him to the infirmary, picking his way across the courtyard through tears. You'd held the boys insides closed as well as you could, hoping that it would be enough.

It had taken hours.

When Shoko had done all she could, she'd sat down beside you; her throat dry, hands steady despite the shake in her voice. 'He's out of the woods, the rest is up to him.'

You blink tears from your eyes and watch as Yuji bends himself into the curl of a question mark just to link his little finger with Megumi's. 'Do you remember when he was little?'

He looks like that now, you think. Young. His face is a picture perfect imitation of the youth he's been cheated out of. His bird-bone chest fragile, stuttering out uneven breaths in a manner that betrays his injuries. In-between his eyebrows a notch of tension subsists, creasing the skin and ruining the childish pout placed delicately on his lips. Yuji reaches out and presses his thumb to the wrinkle, smoothing it out with a gentle stroke.

'He was always serious, even then.' Shoko mumbles. There's the smallest glittering of fondness in her eyes when she thinks back to the small child they'd all first met.

He'd been a shock that's for sure. Barely ten and striding beside The Gojo Satoru like he couldn't care less. His upbringing had already hardened him to the world, but even that wasn't enough to prepare him for what was ahead.

You'd watched him grow from that small, insolent child to a young man with a bleeding heart. The same heart that often lead to... Well, this.

The numbness in your chest stirs. How often have you been sitting here? How often have you watched white sheets be pulled over broken bodies? Your fellow sorcerers fighting for their lives in metal beds? 

It's on days like these when his old rhetoric tastes sweet on your tongue.

Turning, Gojo fixes you with a cold stare.The shine in his eyes has gone flat, leaving nothing, but the glacier behind. He’s challenging you, forcing you to bare witness to the eye of the storm - the Gojo Satoru that everyone is so, so scared of. 'Do you really think I enjoy it?’ 

You lick the inside of your mouth and taste venom. ‘I don’t know. Do you?’ 

His shoulders sag. ‘No.’ 

‘Then, why.’ 

There’s laughter basking on the back of his tongue, it lingers there tasting sweet until he swallows it. Holding his arms out, he crucifies himself - a false God standing before you, out of place in his own living room. ‘I’m Gojo Satoru, the strongest sorcerer - last of his line, inheritor of both my clan's great techniques.’ 

‘You’re boasting.’ 

‘Admonishing, actually.’ 

You snap, tiring of his games. ‘You -.’ 

The tips of his tongue finds his teeth, caresses them. ‘I,’ he spits. ‘Can’t save them all, so what am I supposed to do except prepare them?.’ 

‘Is that what you’re going to hide behind? Really?’ You seethe. It’s the same excuse he’d given back then, back when betrayal was a word you used instead of a name - except now, you know it’s all bullshit, not just the sad words of a terrified boy. 

Gojo chuckles. Sinking his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he bunches the muscle of his shoulders into a shrug. ‘What then? Stop the curses? Jujutsu? Or maybe it’s the people I should -.’ 

‘Careful…’ You growl. ‘You’re starting to sound like him.’

‘So are you.’ He tilts his head, considers you for a breath too long. He shouldn’t have made it personal, but it’s hard not too when he can hear his words in your voice. ‘You’ve been sounding like him for a while.’ 

Letting your eyes drop to the floor, you speak to the ground. A moment of weakness you know will cost you. ‘I know you think you were the only person who loved him, but you aren’t.’ 

‘Oh, I know.’ Gojo snorts. It’s an ugly thing, a break in the lul that cracks you over the head like a whip. He’s decided to make it bitchy, he might as well draw blood - it isn’t as if you’re not looking for your own pound of flesh. Licking over his lips, he lets them curl into a smile. ‘You were always barking at his heels. I was barely able to get his cock down my throat without you walking in.’ 

You choke, ‘You -.’ 

‘No,’ he relents, before doubling down: hard. ‘But if it was going to be either of us we both know it would have been me.’ 

‘Oh, fuck you, Satoru.’ 

‘Will I do? Not much of a substitute for our dear -.’ 

The bow of your heartstring breaks. You’re not sure you could take hearing his name fall from Gojo’s lips, so instead, you shout. Cutting him off, you submit to the anger winding its way up your legs. It sneaks through you, hijacking your veins and making your entire body burn. ‘You’re fucking insufferable, Gojo Satoru the strongest fucking sourcerer, you’re just an immature, arrogant prick underneath it all, aren’t you?’ Your chest is heaving, the barbs Gojo has dug there sting leaving you breathless and bleeding. 

Gojo shrugs again. 

‘You never fucking cared, did you? Not about Megumi… Suguru.’ 

You don’t see him move, but you feel him. His chest presses into yours forcing you back against the wall as he towers above. A rush of wind follows, the harsh huffs of breath panted across your face as he fights a losing battle with his composure.There’s a tension in his cheek, the muscle ticking as it’s stretched over bone. It’s the same in his fist. Porcelain skin pales, striated over both his knuckles and jaw alike. 

Part of you knows you should be scared. Better sorcerer's than you would be. 

But, it’s your fault. 

You committed the sin. 

You should know better than to utter his name. 

Gojo snarls, his lips pulling back to show off clenched teeth. He looks like an animal, his hackles up - body tensed and primed to spring an attack. You’d be forgiven to assume that he was a predator on the hunt and not a taunted beast cornered. ‘I think you should leave.’ 

‘You’d like that wouldn’t you.’ Leaning forward, you jab a finger into the divot of his chest and feel the digit bend.

‘Leave.’ It’s a dare, a vicious mockery as it drips from his tongue. He doesn’t retreat. Instead, he opens himself, rolling his shoulders until you’d have a clear shot and juts up his chin.

The air between you is thick. You can feel his breath, each exhale fans your collarbones - warm and wanting as you both bask in the stalemate. The anger in your stomach simmers, the hatred too, bubbles, acidic and fierce as it eats you from the inside out. You’re not sure why you came here anymore, why you’re not holding vigil in the infirmary or demanding meetings with a set of higher-ups that will discard your words. 

It’s not like anything can shake The Gojo Satoru. 

No. Even he couldn’t do that. 

Gojo’s challenge remains unanswered. It hangs there, demanding an answer while evading both of you. 

Swallowing hesitancy, you steel yourself and dig in your heels. This used to be his job, standing in Gojo’s way - holding onto his heels so he couldn’t fly too far, but that was all before. Breathing deep, you will your voice not to waver. ‘Is that really what you -.’ 

Reaching up, Gojo hooks a finger under the material of his blind fold and tugs. 

Your breath sticks. 

There, basking in the ice pools of Gojo’s eyes are tears. They glitter, lost stars already fallen, destined to never see the sky again. 

It’s an admission, one that is as much yours as it is his. You lean forward, let yourself tip. 

You taste salt when he kisses you. The sting of his teeth takes hold of your lower lip, but he soothes it quickly with the salve of his tongue. Dipping into your mouth, he flicks over your teeth before shoving you bodily against the wall. Your collision isn’t gentle, it’s messy, desperate as you're suddenly forced to fight. 

One of his hands loops around the back of your neck, his long fingers splaying across your nape as he pulls you in to devour you. You lean in, let him have you while your hands explore his chest. Palm first, you press to him letting the contours of his body guide your touch. He shivers as the tips of your fingers crest over his nipples, the rose buds pebbling under your fingers as your thumbs follow in succession. 

He moans into your mouth, the noise going straight to your cunt as he readjusts his stance and slips a knee between your thighs. The angle is delicious, his height providing the perfect slope for you to grind against as you cling onto his shoulders for stability. 

‘Fuck.’ Gojo’s chest heaves as he pulls back. You’re a vision, with the evidence of his desire shining on your lips and the heat he can feel seeping into his thigh. Reaching out, he presses a thumb to your lips and leverages open your mouth to press down your tongue. ‘I’m not going to be gentle.’ He counsels. 

Licking up his thumb, you bite harshly just before the nail. When the digit retreats, you smile. ‘Neither am I.’ 

He nods, planning his next move, but you beat him to the punch. Your hand wraps around his cock and squeezes, cutting off his common sense and rendering him blank. A gasp fills his chest almost suffocating him as you smooth a thumb over his head and toy with his sanity. 

You cock your head, pleased with the higher ground. ‘Y’know, for all the girls you used to bring back - we were also so curious as to why we never heard anything.’ Flicking your wrist, you force Gojo to flatten his hands against the wall beside you to remain upright. He locks his knees, eyes rolling skyward. ‘I was so sure it was because your cock was small.’ 

He grins at that. Bravado gifts him a reprieve, ‘What’s it feel like to be wrong, sweetheart?’ 

‘Oh, I’m fine with that.’ Rubbing your thumb down his shaft, you release him just as his hips begin to grind into your hand. ‘I’m just worried about you not knowing what to do with it…’ 

Gojo hisses through his teeth and removes his leg from between your thighs. It’s petty, he knows, but the whine that rattles your throat is payment enough. Silencing you with a kiss, he licks into your mouth, hungrier now as you scramble for purchase on his shoulders. Your desperation makes him harder, has him leaking more into his underwear. ‘I’m getting sick of that smart mouth.’ 

Catching his eye, you smirk. ‘You’ll never get sick of my mouth.’ 

‘Oh, yeah?’ He raises his eyebrows, ready to add his own witty retort. He can already picture it now. You, on your knees, your eyes fluttering shut, your throat open. He wonders how hot your mouth would be, how soft your tongue would feel as it laved over the thick vein on the underside of his cock. Gritting his teeth, he allows himself a brief moment to regain control. 

‘Yeah.’

Your voice brings out gooseflesh across the back of his neck. He shivers, feels his chest swell with anticipation. He’s going to ruin you, that’s for sure. He might even make you thank him for it afterwards. He’s about to command you to kneel, to put you in your place, but he doesn’t even get the chance. 

You shove him. 

Hooking a toe behind his heel, you chuckle when he hits the floor with an ungraceful thump. He grunts, hands snapping to brace himself just as your knees crunch on the hardwood beside him. 

The force of the landing sends an ache through his bones, vibrating his joints. His temper flares, annoyance itching at his fingers as admonishes himself for his lapse in focus. Still, all is forgotten as your fingers begin to work at his belt. 

Wasting no time, you undo the clasp and yank the leather through the loops. The belt cracks, causing Gojo to flick up his eyebrows once more. ‘Be careful…’ You tease, snapping it again. ‘Or I’ll be using this as a collar.’

‘Promises, promises.’ He reaches out a hand and lets his fingers trail across the plush of your thighs, admiring. Stretching, he curls himself into a lower case ‘C’ to grip the fat of your ass and administer a singular hard slap. 

You catch your lip between your teeth and work quicker, unbuttoning and tugging denim down his thighs. There’s no bothering with unclothing completely. You don’t even bother to strip him of his underwear. Instead you slip them just low enough to expose the wiry mess of his pubic hair and hook the elastic underneath his balls. 

He hisses as his cock is exposed to the air. It bobs there, aching, hard and flushed down to the base. He’s long and leaning, with a pinkened head that gleans with pre-cum. Each droplet drips down his shaft, rolling over the rivers of thick purpling veins until they reach the base and stick into the cloying nest of pubic hair. 

The sight of him makes your cunt clench, anxious to be full. You strip, ignoring the low whistle that slips from Gojo’s lips as you lose your pants and pull aside your underwear. Straddling him, you bat away his hands when he attempts to take hold of your waist and hover above his cock. 

Chuckling, he leans back, tucking his palms under his head. ‘You’re gonna want to prep yourself for that -.’ The pet name never manages to flick off of his tongue. He gasps, the air shocked and frozen in his lungs as a violent tightness overtakes him. The muscles in his legs flex, his toes curling as he struggles to comprehend the sudden pressure zipping down his body. 

Reaching between your thighs, you spread yourself and take him whole. He’s large enough to steal your breath, but you’re careful not to let it show. You settle, feeling the muscle of his hips twitch underneath you.

‘Careful…’ 

‘I’ve taken bigger with less prep… Sweetheart.’ 

Gojo opens his mouth to speak, but all that leaves his throat is a moan. His hands shoot out, body curled as you intercept him in midair and wrap your fingers around his wrists. Rendered useless, he allows you to guide him, allows you to press his hands to your hips, to encourage him to grip, to hold and pinch. A passenger in his own body, he lets the feel of you envelop him, smothering him until biting his lip is all he can do to keep the strings of babbling moans trapped in his mouth, 

You’re annoyed to discover that he sounds as pretty as he looks. His eyes have thawed, limpid pools shining as he looks at you with something you’re not willing to give a name. Slipping your hands over his, you shift his grip down your body and press into him until he takes hold of your ass. Kneading the fat there, you moan, enjoying his heat on your skin as you begin to move. You ride him how you want to. For your pleasure and not his. 

Battling the thing inside of him that screams at him to submit, Gojo wrenches his hands from your grip. Your fingers softened around his wrists with pleasure provide little resistance, as does your body as he takes a hold of your waist and plants his feet on the floor. 

The first thrust takes you off guard. His cock spears you, pressing hard against the roof of your cunt making you see static. The second you’re prepared for. Ignoring the fluttering of your cunt you throw your weight forward and slam a palm down beside his head. 

‘C’mon Princess,’ Gojo coo’s. His pace doesn’t falter. The slap of skin fills the room as his thighs hit your ass over and over again. Your cunt swallows him, arousal dripping down his length making the entire room sound like sin. ‘Hear that… Your cunt loves it. I can feel you dripping down me.’ 

You grit your teeth. Shifting your weight, you force your ass back against him, meeting each of his thrusts. 

‘That’s it, good girl.’ Gojo snarks. ‘See how much better it is when you just fucking -.’ 

The remainder of his sentence is cut off and swallowed, trapped in his throat as you wrap your fingers around it. 

His cock jumps inside of you. 

You squeeze harder. 

A broken moan trickles over his lips. 

‘You’re fucked up.’ You laugh, exasperated. His pace has slowed, but still his hips shift forcing you to take his cock over and over again. Sitting down on him hard, you match his thrusts with a grind - catching your clit on the thicket of pubic hair covering his crotch. Pleasure uses your ribs as a climbing frame, springing off of your organs and making you feel light. 

Gojo grins, teeth shining. ‘Says the woman with her hand around my throat.’ 

‘Oh fuck off.’ 

‘Get me off and I might.’ 

‘You think I’m going to let you cum?’ Without releasing him, you straighten. Your grip forces him to come with you, to sit up and flatten his legs. His thrusting stops. His eyebrows raise. 

With your free hand, you break through the buttons of your shirt and take hold of your tit, squeezing the flesh. Rolling your nipple between the knuckles of two fingers, you work yourself up to hardness and suck air through your teeth. Your petting only makes you wetter, the subtle flicks of your hips keeping your body taught as you creep steadily towards your orgasm. Pushing out your chest, you offer it to Gojo with a command. ‘Suck.’ 

He wets his lips. 

You tighten your grip on his throat. Feel his cock kick again. ‘If you’re waiting for a please, you’ll be waiting a long time…’ 

Gojo lets his tongue lol out of his mouth. Using only the tip, he flicks it against your nipple, but retreats as soon as a moan slips from your lips. ‘What about now?’ 

Biting your cheek, you attempt to still the rolling arousal in your stomach. The first pass of his tongue on your skin burns you alight; your knees weaken, forcing you to lower yourself entirely onto his cock. A moan bubbles in your chest, held back only by the annoyance itching at your fingers. Digging your nails into the vein throbbing at the turn of his jaw, you press until bright crescents appear on his skin. ‘I said…’ You growl. ‘Suck.’ 

Head clouded with lust, Gojo feels his reserve give in. In all honesty, he’s surprised he’s lasted this long - it’s been a while since he’s had someone to play with. This time, when he takes your nipple into his mouth he’s like a man starved. He sucks, tongue flicking and circling. Reaching up he takes you in hand and squeezes, moaning as he continues to make-out with the peak of your tit. 

‘Good boy…’ A gentle pet on his head solidifies your praise. Your fingers itch at his scalp, tuck a stray strand of hair behind his ear and then drops. Slinking down your body, you tuck your hand under your cunt and tap a finger to your clit. The movement makes you jolt, jump starts the rocking of your hips as you begin to chase your high - using Gojo as your own personal sex toy. 

It pains him to say he likes it. Each grind of your hips sends a jolt of electricity up through his spine, his cock lost to the heaven that is your cunt. Drool leaks from the sides of his mouth, his tongue lapping at you, anxious to earn more of the panted moans you feed into his ears. 

 So used to taking, this moment of servitude suits him… 

Each inch of your body is tended to, singing in harmony as pleasure rises through your body and threatens to take over. You let it. Drawing quick circles on your clit, you release Gojo’s throat in favour of clinging to his shoulders. Thick lines mark out exactly when your orgasm hits. You dig into the muscle of his back, hips threatening to still as wave after wave rocks through you.It’s blinding, casting static on the inside of your eyelids as your eyes roll back and strain. 

A hand cups your ass and presses into you, forcing you to keep moving. He can feel the sponginess of your cunt, feel you milking him - demanding his seed. Clenching shut his eyes, he focuses on you. Your moans trickle into his ears, feeding him, urging him on as he takes control and prolongs your high. You look ethereal with your head bowed and your eyes clenched shut. The plush of your bottom lip hangs open allowing more of your noise to find him. Moans. Words.. They sink into his skin.

‘Satoru…’ 

It’s a whisper. A broken one, but his ears aren’t deceiving him. 

Your grip around him tightens. 

‘Satoru…’ 

The second he feels your cunt release him, he’s moving. Using all of his strength, he scrunches his knees and forces you forward, but there’s no chance of you finding your balance before you’re tossed again. He maneuvers you like you weigh nothing, broad hands taking your waist and flipping you once more before he’s on you again. 

Stable on your hands and knees, you arch your spine and push backwards. You can feel the stickiness of his cock pressing to you coated in your cum. It nestles between the cleft of your ass, pressing to all of the wrong places. 

Leaning over you, Gojo presses his chest to your back and whispers in your ear. ‘Now, it’s my turn. So be good and stay still, huh, Sweetheart.’ His palm wraps your shoulder, forces you to the ground as his heat leaves you, but before you can complain, or wriggle, the hot press of his cock is slipping back inside of you. 

Gojo is anything, but gentle. He’s relentless, fucking into you like a machine. Each thrust comes with a shock of pleasure that sparks at the base of your spine, one that explodes and seeps into the bones of your hips. He’s too deep, muddling somewhere in your stomach as he grips your hips and yanks you back forcing you to take him whole again and again. 

‘Cum…’ Gojo leans over you, his eyes wide as a hand dips around your waist and pats at your hip. He follows your curves and dips between your thighs, his fingers drawing out rough circles on your clit. There’s a desperation in his voice when he speaks again, his breath fanning your ear as his thrusts grow erratic. ‘Need you to cum, need - fuck. Need to feel it.’ 

Your body kicks, legs shaking as he begins to work you back up again. It’s as if your nerves are frayed, too raw even as your stomach begins to fill once more. 

‘C’mon… Wanna feel you.’ 

A droplet of sweat falls between your shoulder blades, dampening your shirt. Desperation radiates through him, burning your skin where he touches you. Your body obeys easily, even as his ministrations become halting and uneven, but it isn’t until one final word slips from Gojo’s lips that you find your second orgasm crashing into you. 

‘Please.’ It slips out without his say so and falls heavy in the room. 

You want to snark, want to turn and bite, but your knees are too weak. Instead, you press your head to the floor and wait for the air to return to your lungs. There’s a stuttering behind you, a momentary lapse of pace and then, the room is full of Gojo’s moans. 

He cums hard with his hands clamped back on your waist to steady him. The release is nothing like he’s ever felt, his whole body becoming a live wire that winks out, suspending him in his own pleasure until, at last, his limbs become numb. ‘Fuck…’ 

Bucking, you stop him from collapsing on your back and roll just in time for him to lay himself beside you. You lay like that for a while, side by side in puddles of your own spend and sweat until the floor grows cold. Then, he’s gone. 

The chill from the floorboards cools your skin and burrows into your bones. You flip, rolling over onto your back to stare at the ceiling. You’re still angry. Although, the feeling is distant now - lingering somewhere deep, settled and asleep. It’ll rear its head again, there’s no doubt about that, but for now it’s a welcomed reprieve. 

Footsteps warn you of Gojo’s reappearance. He’s almost naked, his jeans discarded while his boxers have been pulled up to their rightful place. There’s a necklace of red around his throat, the indentations of your fingertips obvious on the paleness of his neck as he crouches down beside you and produces a towel. 

‘Admiring your handy work?’ He chuckles, throat raw and begins to wipe you down. The towel is warm, but dry and makes quick work of the cum spilling out of you. 

You swat at him, but there’s no malice behind the movement. Instead, you groan and lift your hips. ‘Did you fucking cum in me?’ 

‘Give up a chance to cum in a cunt like that? Of course I fucking came in you.’ 

‘Bastard.’ 

‘Didn’t seem to mind it before.’ 

You swipe at him again, more determined this time, but he dodges it. Grabbing your wrist, he uses your movement as leverage and heaves you up and onto your feet. He lets you sway there for a moment, watching as the shake in your thighs threatens to give way and then hauls you up and over his shoulder. ‘Put me fucking down!’ Beating at his back, your threats die on your tongue as heaviness overtakes your body. You let him carry you, slipping through two sets of doors before you back meets the comfort of a fresh duvet. 

‘There,’ he chuffs. ‘Now quit screaming.’ Collapsing to the bed himself, he stretches, soothing tired muscles before setting about removing his blind fold. 

You roll, watching. ‘You sleep with it off now?’ 

‘Nah.’ He shakes his head when its done, letting his hair fall to frame his face. ‘Not since -.’ The muscle in his jaw clenches, relaxing only when he’s sure his name has settled itself back inside his heart. 

Walking your hand over the sheets, you wrap a palm around his bicep and urge him down to the bed. He goes willingly, letting you manipulate him until an arm is tucked under your head and a hand is pressed to his chest. ‘I’m not sorry.’ You speak to the air, but don’t mind when Gojo replies. 

‘Neither am I.’ 

Nudging at him, you force him to look down at you, to see the hurricane of emotions wrestling in your eyes. You think of Megumi laying in a hospital bed, his heart mending from an assault it should never have suffered. You think of Suguru, poor, tormented Suguru, and all of the times he could have been saved from himself. You think of them and offer yourself. ‘Next time you’re thinking of sending someone on a case that’ll get them killed,’ you hold his gaze, challenge him to disobey you. ‘Send me.’

[familiarscars]

Lost In Control | Bad Omens | CHAPTER 28

adult content | minors do NOT interact.

⋆ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. Bad Omens X ex-girlfriend and singer!Reader.

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. You and Noah had a difficult ending but you still need to support each other for the band.

⋆ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆(𝐒). melancholy, ex-boyfriends, difficult relationships, alcohol abuse, swearing, drug addiction, violence.

It's okay to not agree with the characters' attitudes during the fic. It's good to remember that the story is fiction from the author's sick mind and of course they will make dubious decisions according to my fantasies. Nothing is done to be compared to reality.

Sydney, May 18, 2022.

NOAH

"Your call has been forwarded to voicemail..." the automated voice announced for the eighth time in under five minutes.

I paced back and forth, fists clenched, gripping my phone with such force that it wouldn't be long before I wore a hole into the floor. My impatience gnawed at me as I failed to get through again. I raked my fingers through my hair, exhaling a heavy sigh.

We had been away from home for five months, touring non-stop. Five months away from Los Angeles. Five months since I had last heard from her. Five months of her ignoring every attempt I made to contact or reconcile with her. It felt like a game—a twisted game designed to drive me insane by vanishing completely from my sight.

"Try her phone again, please!" I said, my voice trembling with exhaustion, my chin jutting toward Jolly as he pulled his phone from his pocket. He’d always been closer to her, and lately, I was clinging to the thin hope that he might have better luck reaching her.

“We’ve tried, Noah. She still won’t answer,” Jolly reminded me, his tone calm but firm.

I shook my head and lowered my phone from my ear, pressing my lips together.

“We’re going home tomorrow. You’ll have your chance to talk to her face-to-face,” he said, stepping closer and patting my shoulder.

“I don’t feel right…” I muttered, swallowing the tightness in my throat as I turned my gaze to the window. “Something feels wrong.”

“You’re probably just anxious. How about you get some rest? Lie down, try to sleep. I’ll keep calling her and let you know if I hear anything. But you need to rest.”

There was no order in Jolly’s voice, no harshness—only concern, evident in the lines of his forehead and the tightness around his eyes. I nodded faintly, giving him a small, strained smile to reassure him enough to leave me alone in the room again.

Empty and jagged.

I knew this wasn’t guilt—not the kind that gnawed at your conscience. I didn’t regret anything I’d done so far. My conscience was clear. But still, I felt it—something was missing.

The truth is, we’re never satisfied with anything.

We tie our happiness to external things, believing that once we achieve certain goals or acquire what we desire, we’ll finally cherish those accomplishments. We put our ambitions above logic, battling tirelessly until we reach them. But when we do, the thrill of victory dulls the joy of having won.

That was how I felt.

Even though I had accomplished everything I’d set out to do, I still felt hollow—like a tree trunk eaten away by termites.

“Your call has been forwarded to voicemail…” The voice interrupted my thoughts again as I collapsed into the chair by the window. “Leave your message after the tone.”

“I haven’t seen cloudy skies and drizzle the same way since you left, little storm. Today, more than ever, I woke up thinking of you, with a feeling that claws at my chest with every breath. Every day in a message like this, I tell you how much I miss you, but today it feels unbearable. I’m sorry.” I sighed.

I breathed deeply, my eyes drifting between a blank spot on the floor and the fogged window, blurred by the rain.

“If your plan was to punish me, congratulations—you’ve succeeded. I haven’t stopped feeling like a worm since the moment you walked out of our house on a day just like this.”

I inhaled sharply, dividing my gaze between the rain-washed glass and the suffocating silence on the other end of the line.

“I feel like something’s terribly wrong. I can’t explain it, not to anyone. But you’d understand. It feels like a part of me is dissolving, and I can’t put it back… just a gaping, hollow hole left behind.” My head tilted upward as I whispered, “I’d leave you alone forever if I could hear your voice just one last time. Even if it’s to call me selfish or tell me to disappear from your life. Not that my promises have meant much lately.”

A notification buzzed, cutting me off—voicemail full.

My breath quickened. Fury rose inside me like a storm, and I launched my phone against the wall. It shattered into fragments, leaving a jagged hole in the dark paneling. The sound of impact was deafening, but I barely noticed.

I sprang to my feet, adrenaline surging. Rage coursed through my veins as I tore through the room, toppling my desk, sending my laptop crashing to the ground. Glass splintered into sharp shards, scattering across the floor. I grabbed them and hurled them at the mirrors, cracking the glass until my reflection was a distorted mess of fractures.

I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. It felt as though the world was collapsing, and I was determined to bring it all down with me.

When the storm passed, I stood amid wreckage, my chest heaving, my hands slick with blood from the shattered glass. I slumped onto the bed’s edge, gripping the mattress so tightly my fingers pressed through the fabric.

The door creaked open. In my peripheral vision, I noticed curious heads peeking in. Gerard stepped forward, closing the door behind him, leaving the others outside. He weaved his way through the glass-strewn floor, his eyes locking on mine as my grip on the mattress tightened further.

“You’re paying for the damage,” he said, his tone flat. “Every cent the hotel charges for this mess.”

I shrugged.

“Why aren’t you dressed?” Gerard asked, grabbing a few shirts from the back of a chair and tossing them into my lap. “We’ve got a show in a few minutes and an interview on the way. Now’s not the time for tantrums.”

“I’m not feeling well.”

Sometimes, a single event sets off a chain reaction. The stress of not hearing from her had worn me down completely.

I wasn’t just tired—I was spent, hollowed out. Every show over the past five months had drained me, each performance pulling the worst out of me. I was exhausted, and there wasn’t much left to give.

I just wanted to go home. I had an almost delirious urgency to go home.

"Did you see a doctor?" Despite the concerned tone, he had little real interest.

"Yeah, after I got sick during last week's show. He said it’s something like burnout."

Gerard sighed, his shoulders slumping.

I nearly jumped when he sat beside me on the edge of the bed, placing a hand on my shoulder. If he was tense, his presence made me twice as uncomfortable. I caught a glimpse of his empathetic expression out of the corner of my eye.

"Noah, I’ve known you long enough to think of you as a son..."

"Think of?" I raised an eyebrow, skeptical.

"It’s normal to feel tired. You’re working hard—onstage, offstage, promoting the new album. Look, the band is growing the way you always wanted, making new strides every day... This isn’t the time to lose steam." His voice was low, deliberate, as if weighing every word. "This dream has always been more yours than anyone else’s, hasn’t it? I’ve always noticed you’re the one who puts in the most effort."

"I disagree."

"She may be a good singer, Noah, but she’s never been a real professional. She never treated the band as a priority, never made it her life’s purpose. She’s always been more concerned with pleasing you. I never got involved because I’m not here to give relationship advice. My job is to focus on your career. But now the inevitable has happened. Your personal life is bleeding into the stage." His words felt like a blade carving into my skin.

Confusion must have filled my eyes. I turned fully toward him, studying his face. He wasn’t angry—nor did he wear his usual smirk of indifference. That only made the conversation feel even more surreal.

"I was your age once, and I loved someone so deeply it felt like the rest of the world didn’t exist. But looking back, I don’t think it was worth it. You know why? We wanted different things. She believed she had the right to suffocate my dreams. That’s what happens when you put people in places they don’t belong." Gerard took a deep breath before continuing. "I don’t think her distance is a coincidence. You should see it as a reason to move forward."

No. No. Not even close.

"You don’t know us—not enough to compare my story to yours!" I snapped, rising to my feet. I grabbed clothes and belongings from the mess around me, stuffing them into my bag. With every piece I collected, the tightening in my chest worsened.

He spoke about her decision with such conviction that it gnawed at me, as if he knew something I didn’t.

"I know enough to say this is the smartest decision she’s made in years. You both function better apart, and more importantly, the band doesn’t suffer." He shrugged. "Frankly, I’d suggest we keep the lineup as it is now, but I figure you’d make that a headache, just like these past five months chasing after her!"

"Do whatever you want with the lineup. I’m taking the first flight back to Los Angeles."

"If you can afford the cancellation fee for the show, you’re free to go wherever you want, darling!" He mocked, wagging a finger. "I’ve already lost enough covering for one absent member. You won’t make it two!"

I could afford the fee by now, but one thing held me back—I wasn’t alone.

The band was bigger than my whims. It wasn’t fair to drag my friends into my chaos.

"I’ve tried putting a sliver of sense into your head, but if you insist on this path, that’s your problem," Gerard muttered, standing and dusting invisible specks from his hands. "Just get the job done. I don’t care how much you cry backstage..."

He moved toward the door but paused next to me, leaning in with a smirk, his voice dripping with mockery.

"And unlike her, I’m not worried about how you’ll handle this pathetic heartbreak after the show."

The punch I delivered struck before he could retreat. My knuckles collided with his face in one swift, solid motion.

Gerard staggered backward, and I pinned him against the wall. He licked the blood from his lip as I shoved my hair out of my eyes, my chest heaving with fury.

"Don’t ever talk about her like that again," I growled, leaning so close I could see his eyes widen. "You can hate her all you want, but you’ll swallow every insult. Because the day she walks away for good, I’ll be next. Without her, there’ll be no album, no tour, no shows—nothing to keep padding your bank account. So don’t you ever speak about her like that again!"

His brief smirk faded the moment I jabbed my finger into the fresh cut on his jaw, pressing into the tender skin.

"You don’t know me, baby. Not even close," I whispered, shoving his face away with enough force to send him stumbling into the door.

Gerard straightened his posture, took a breath, and left.

Alone at last, I leaned my forehead against the wall, the weight of it all finally crashing down on me.

After the show, I refused all fan photos. I didn’t stay to watch the other festival bands with the guys, didn’t record any interviews, didn’t say goodbye to anyone. I simply grabbed my things from the hotel and rushed to the next flight home. No layovers, no delays, desperate to breathe in the familiar scent of my city. As soon as I got off the plane, I kept trying to call her over and over as I waited for a taxi, but every attempt ended in silence.

That drive from the airport to home had never felt so long.

When I finally arrived, sitting still inside the car on the other side of the street, I noticed the closed windows and the pile of letters in the mailbox. Dry leaves scattered across the porch. I tried to push the thought away, but the signs were clear—maybe she hadn’t left the house in days.

Because of me.

Each step along the short path to the porch tightened the ache in my chest. A hundred terrible ideas raced through my head of what she might have done to herself, alone in that empty space. I quickened my pace, hesitating only a moment before forcing the door handle until it gave way.

Silence.

Everything was exactly as I had left it before I traveled. Clothes still lay draped over the sofa, and the plants on the table were wilted. But something stood out—her shoes weren’t behind the door, and her jackets weren’t hanging on the rack.

If I had felt anxious and agitated before, this realization only made it worse, my heartbeat thundering so loudly I was sure it could be heard from across the room. Dropping my bag, I bolted up the stairs to the second floor and into our bedroom.

The bed was made, everything in its place. But something felt wrong.

The closet held only my clothes. None of hers. The shelf beside it was empty of everything but my shoes. I blinked several times, stumbling backward, my feet weightless as I moved toward the bathroom. The counter beneath the mirror, where her makeup, perfumes, and hair products had once cluttered the space, was bare. Nothing remained but a toothbrush and toothpaste.

"No... no, this can’t be..." I whispered to myself.

I tore through every corner of the house in a frenzy, my throat burning from the lump I fought to keep down. I didn’t want to cry. Her suitcases were gone. There was no trace of her—no sign that she had ever shared this space with me.

Pacing the floor with my hands tangled in my hair, I let the most painful tears I had ever known flow freely. I hated myself for this. It was all my fault. I had been the one to turn my back on her, to sweep her aside like she didn’t matter.

But I never imagined I’d come home to an empty house.

I felt it. The street stretched endlessly, each step echoing in the hollow silence of the night. Low fog clung to the sidewalks, and the cold air tore through my lungs. I walked as though I were the last person alive, revisiting places that had once been ours, chasing even the faintest flicker of clarity.

The park where she laughed at my terrible joke and made the world feel lighter. The café where she dared me to abandon my habits and try something new. The bridge where we swore we would never be just another passing moment in each other’s lives.

Now, all of those places were as empty as I felt.

My mind was chaos. Every time her image surfaced, it felt like the noose around my neck tightened a little more. I was drowning, spiraling into a despair without end.

Then, an idea flickered to life.

"Why didn’t I think of it sooner..." I whispered, my voice barely audible.

I broke into a run. My body protested, but I didn’t stop. Her old house. The one she left behind when we decided to build something together. Maybe—just maybe—she had gone back there.

When I arrived, the sight of the familiar façade hit me like a punch to the gut. It was like confronting a ghost from my past, only this time, it felt far too real.

My ragged breathing filled the silence as I stood before the door. The house seemed smaller than I remembered, compressed by time into something stifling and suffocating. My hands trembled as I reached for the handle. I forced myself forward.

It was unlocked. The door creaked as it opened, the sound cutting through the heavy stillness of the night.

And there she was.

For a moment, my vision blurred as my mind struggled to reconcile the image I had held of her with the person standing before me. She was in the hallway, a living shadow, likely coming to see who was at the door.

Her sweatshirt hung too loose on her thin frame, swallowing her frail shoulders. Her hair was carelessly tied back, and deep shadows under her eyes marred the face I had once memorized. Her lips, once vibrant, were pale, drained of life and color.

She looked like a distorted version of herself.

Her eyes met mine—wide, guarded, and wary, like a cornered animal. My chest clenched.

"You left." My voice broke, a mere whisper, but heavy with anguish. "You left, little storm..."

She didn’t move. Her gaze drifted over me as though deciding whether I was real or just another ghost haunting her mind.

"You shouldn’t be here, Noah." Her voice was cold, fragile. The pain she tried to hide was as plain as the exhaustion etched into her face.

"Not supposed to be here?" I repeated, my voice catching in my throat. "You just left—disappeared—and wouldn’t answer my messages, driving me insane these past months. How do you expect me to..."

I stepped closer, unable to hold back, and cupped her face in my hands. Her skin was ice-cold, sending a shiver down my spine. She didn’t react. Her eyes darted away from mine, refusing to meet my gaze for more than a fleeting second.

"You can’t do this to me." My voice cracked. "You can’t leave me alone in that house."

She stirred, trying to pull away, but I didn’t let go.

"Look at me." I begged, my voice thick with emotion. She didn’t budge. "It was just a stupid fight like all the others, wasn’t it? You’re coming home, right? We’ll work it out like we always do, and everything will be fine… won’t it?"

She sighed, weary, as if the weight of the conversation was too much to bear.

"For God’s sake, answer me!" I tightened my grip before loosening it immediately, horrified as she shrank further into herself, shame radiating from her every movement.

My hand fell to my side. I watched as she rubbed her face, as if trying to erase me from the room.

"I know I messed up, okay? I know I disappointed you, acted like an idiot. But I need you. I can’t do this alone." My voice broke, my last defenses crumbling. "Come back home. Please."

She shook her head slowly, resolutely, without ever meeting my eyes.

Then I saw them.

Bruises. Faint at first, shadowy traces through the sleeves of her sweatshirt when she raised her arms. Some purple, others faded to yellow.

I didn’t think.

I grabbed her arms, panic surging as I held her frail body. She didn’t resist. She couldn’t even slip from between my fingers.

"Who did this to you?" I demanded, barely able to keep my voice steady, my eyes roaming from one mark to the next. I pushed her sleeve higher, finding more bruises staining the delicate skin of her arm.

Then I saw the cut.

A deep, vertical gash, a row of stitches trailing along it in mid-healing.

The world went cold.

"What happened?" My voice rose, frantic, my heart thundering as I grabbed her shoulders. "What happened to you?"

"Answer me!" I shook her, my desperation pouring out.

And then she smiled. A weak, hollow curve of her dry lips.

"You already know the answer."

"Me?" I whispered, my own voice foreign to my ears. "It doesn’t matter." I shook my head fiercely. "We’re going home. We’ll talk there."

I fought to control the tremor in my hands, my dry throat constricting as I began grabbing whatever I could find. A bag. A pair of shoes. Anything that belonged to her—anything that proved she still had a place with me. My mind raced, a blender of jagged thoughts spinning wildly out of control.

But her words stopped me.

"This is my home now."

I froze, the weight of her statement crushing every thought that tried to form.

"No..." The word slipped out, broken, more to myself than to her. "No, it’s not. It can’t be."

I ignored her and continued gathering her things, convinced that if I just kept moving, we could fix it.

"We’re going home. Now." My voice was firm, a brittle mask over the chaos inside.

"No."

It sliced the air like a blade.

I stopped, a bag still clutched in my hand, and turned to face her. She stood with her arms crossed, her posture rigid, as if trying to shield herself from everything I was unleashing.

"I’m not going anywhere, Noah." She swallowed hard, her gaze fixed on the floor. "You told me that time alone would help me think. And I did. I think we..."

"Don’t finish that sentence!" I cut her off, my heartbeat spiraling.

"We’re not working anymore, Noah. We’re out of sync, and as much as I’ve tried to be someone worthy of you, I can’t keep pretending." Her voice wavered, her tears falling freely now. "These years haven’t healed me. I can’t change. It’s not fair to keep you tied to someone like me."

I stood there, her words echoing inside me like a verdict.

"No..." I whispered, the denial a plea. "Don’t do this."

Tears burned my eyes as I took a step closer. "Please, little storm... don’t leave me."

She looked away, wrapping her arms around herself like a fragile barrier.

"You don’t understand, Noah. This isn’t healthy for either of us anymore."

"Don’t say that!" The shout ripped from me, raw and agonized. "You’re all I have! I need you!"

The words tumbled out in sobs, the anguish clawing through my chest like poison. My legs gave way, and I leaned against the doorframe, my heart racing too fast, too hard.

"I know I screwed everything up..." I choked, fingers running through my hair. "I hurt you. I was selfish. But tell me how to fix it. Just tell me."

She wept, and it destroyed me.

"It’s not about fixing it." Her words were knives, each one sharper than the last. "It’s about what I’m doing to you."

"Turning your back on me will destroy me!"

"I’m not turning my back. I’m giving you a chance—to be so much more than I’ll ever be. I can’t keep you chained to someone marked by her past, who ruins everything she touches." She shook her head, despair dripping from her voice. "Look at me, Noah. I’ll never be more than this."

"I don’t care!" I shouted, my face wet with tears. "I don’t care about any of it. I just want you."

I couldn’t hear her anymore—not her words, not her reasoning. All I felt was the gaping wound in my chest, bleeding out with every breath.

"You love me, right?" I whispered, the words a trembling breath of panic. "Tell me you still love me."

"Noah..." She shook her head, her eyes even more filled with tears, clutching her chest as if each word tore her apart from the inside, as if avoiding my gaze would somehow ease the pain.

"ANSWER ME!"

She hesitated, and that single fraction of a second was enough to send my world crumbling further.

"If you loved me, you wouldn't be saying this. You wouldn’t be leaving me like this!" I pressed forward, my voice sharp and desperate. "You would try one more time and finally understand that I chose to be yours despite your flaws. I didn’t care about your past, I didn’t care how far apart our dreams might have been—I just wanted to be yours..." I argued. "I don’t care how far we are from perfect. I never wanted to give up on you."

She turned her face away, tears streaming down her cheeks as she slowly shook her head.

"Tell me you still love me," I repeated. "Little storm."

"I... I don’t love you anymore, Noah."

Everything stopped.

The sound, the air, the ground beneath my feet. Just an all-consuming, deafening void. A chasm opened inside me, dark and endless, swallowing everything I knew.

"No..." I whispered, shaking my head as my throat tightened to the point of pain. "That’s not true. You can’t even say it looking me in the eyes."

She didn’t respond, and the silence that followed was worse than any words she could have spoken.

My legs finally gave way, and I collapsed to the floor. The hardness of the ground didn’t matter—nothing mattered. I buried my face in my hands, the sobs tearing through me like a storm I couldn’t weather.

She was there, only a few steps away, but it felt like she was already a million miles from me.

I had lost her.

⭑ @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard ; @iluvmewwwww75 ; @anarchydomainglory ; @foliosgirl ; @lacy1986 ; @chey-h ; @supersquirrel1996 ; @zozaline​ ; @just-randomm-stuff ; @do-it-jakey-baby

[wttcsms]

time, mystical time (cuttin' me open, then healin' me fine) ; simon "ghost" riley.

pairing simon "ghost" riley x f!reader  word count 3.3k  synopsis snapshots of the defining moments in ghost's life. content contains slight angst, mild descriptions of alcohol abuse (ghost's father) + domestic abuse (non-explicit desc., but the act itself is mentioned various times), a bit of tiny look into my take on ghost's background, nsfw content, slight size kink, breeding kink, creampie, domestic fluff, pregnant!reader in some scenes, children (dad!ghost) author's notes takes place in this au & honestly is a lot more enjoyable of a read if you read that fic (+ the other connected one shots [go on my masterlist]). fun fact: simon is referred to as simon in the scenes with only you and his family. he's ghost anywhere else.

His mother had always told him that as a baby, he was always rather quiet. Scared her half to death, she would say, ‘cause he’d rarely ever cry. Even the doctor got worried when he first came out. 

Looking back at his childhood — perhaps the lack thereof — Simon assumes it’s probably instinctual. With a deadbeat drunk of a father armed with a heavy hand, being quiet probably saved Simon’s life more times than he wants to admit. He’d be knocked upside the head for the littlest of reasons, shouted at for even less. 

I’m the man of the house. 

His father’s slurred justifications for doling out unfair punishments ring through the dark halls of his childhood home. Simon hears it while he cowers inside his closet. His room is dark because his father doesn’t believe in nightlights, and mum got slapped hard for daring to go against his wishes and trying to sneak Simon one. She thinks he didn’t see it, but Simon sees a lot more than he should. Since then, he’s been sleeping in the dark. It’s not so scary anymore. 

There are scarier things that lurk in the light, anyway. 

It’s stuffy in the closet, and he knows it’s stupid to hide here because dad will find him any second now. The punishment is bad when he gets to drinking, and it gets worse whenever Simon tries to hide. 

A loud thump against his door makes Simon hold his breath. Then, the door bangs open from the weight.

Kicking doors open comes second nature to Lieutenant Riley. 

The loud crash of the door popping from the rusty hinges shocks the poor girls previously trapped behind them. All of them stay huddled together, staring fearfully at the loud, big men toting even louder, bigger guns. The hollowed cheeks, hopeless eyes, and array of bruises on their skin makes him sick. It’s a hot summer’s day, and Simon hates that after all this time, his observation from his childhood still stands true:

There are scarier things that lurk in the light, anyway. 

A bit hypocritical, he supposes. After all, he walks around in broad daylight, and he’s certainly no saint.

With the help of the rest of his extraction team, Ghost makes quick work of herding all the girls out of this depressing underground prison and out into a free world. He’s careful to be gentle with his touches, nothing more than a gentle guiding hand. Even with his gloves, he can’t be certain he’s not tainting them. Sins don’t wash away as easily as blood does. 

He’s the last one to leave, but he doesn’t exit alone. 

For a while, he felt a tight grip on his arm. Someone’s been clinging onto him this whole time, and with everything that’s happened, he can’t find it in his heart to shake them off. With no other distractions present, he finally turns to see who’s gotten so attached to him.

This is it. 

This is the moment where Simon Riley claims his life begins.

It’s such a juvenile feeling, he thinks. Waiting for his phone to ring, wondering why you haven’t texted or called. It’s so silly. So what he saved your life? It’s not like you owe him anything. It’s his job. He had a duty. Nothing more, nothing less.

Besides, he’s an asshole. Not the type of asshole who thinks he’s entitled to your company since he rescued you, but the type where Soap and the rest of the team aren’t too surprised he doesn’t have anyone to come home to. 

He can’t sleep. 

It’s been weeks since he gave you that burner phone. Surely you would have called, even sent a simple “hello”, if you really wanted to. He knows there’s not much to do in that facility. He knows that you haven’t been sleeping well. He knows that he should go to sleep; he’s got an early flight to catch in an active warzone, and there’s no way in hell he’s gonna get any semblance of rest as a result. 

Instead of sleeping, he’s grabbing his own burner phone off the nightstand and staring at the screen. It’s a simple enough task, really. He can just head straight to his contacts list and click the only one that’s there. Isn’t it traditional for the guy to call first, anyway? Or is he just fooling himself into thinking that you’re waiting for him to make the first move? Do you want him to make the first move? 

He’s never experienced this before. This newfound, boyish anxiety. The equal mixture of both hopelessness and hope churning in his stomach every time he sees you; do you think of him as much as he thinks of you? The question is then followed by a decisive no. He hasn’t survived this long because of blind optimism, so there’s no point in indulging in it now. 

Will you come back then? 

You looked up at him while asking this question, and you looked like an angel unfairly punished to walk alongside man. He wanted to spend the rest of his life constructing a stairway to heaven that you could use to make it back to your rightful home. When you look that beautiful and then proceed to ask him a question, what else was he supposed to say besides,

Whenever you want me to. 

Perhaps God truly is as merciful as he is all-seeing, because after a minute of contemplation and staring longingly at your contact, his phone screen lights up with the notification he’s prayed for (the only thing he’s ever prayed for, really). 

You’re calling him. 

And true to his word, he’s on his way. 

He’s never said I love you before, and as a result, he’s too scared to make his first attempt to do so, even though you just told him those three words yourself.

(He might tower over you, but looks can be deceiving. Simon thinks you’re much stronger and braver than him, in all the ways that matter.)

I love you.

He resists the urge to beg you to say it again and again and again, on repeat for the rest of your lives. 

He doesn’t say it back immediately, but he does let you take off his mask for the first time.

He doesn’t realize that the wide-eyed, awestruck, soft gleam in your eyes as you take him in, fully, for the first time is the same starry-eyed look he gets whenever he looks at you. He has a feeling you’re well aware of it, but now he finds the courage to confirm it.

“I love you.” 

And with a smile that could bring him back to life, all you have to say is, “I know.”

His mask is in your hands, after all.

“You never quite outgrow it, do ya?” Tommy’s got his hands in his pockets, but Simon can still picture the wedding band on his younger brother’s finger. He had been happy when Tommy tied the knot with Beth, if not a bit jealous. 

Now, though, Simon’s got his own wedding band. It’s tucked underneath his uniform, hanging from the same chain his dog tags are. It rests against his chest, in a spot closest to his heart, right where it — you — belong.

Dad’s dead. Tommy says mum cried, but he couldn’t understand why. After all, she’s the one who faced his wrath for the longest. She’s been on the receiving end of all his harshness. She’s the one who’s taken the most hits, the hardest hits. Simon nods in agreement but doesn’t tell his brother that he thinks he might know why.

Simon knows his mother is a good woman. A long time ago, his father wasn’t the man he knew growing up. He doesn’t know when the change in his personality happened, and Simon somehow feels like it’s his fault. He was the catalyst, the trigger. While she was pregnant with him, that’s when the violence and the drinking and the anger started. He knows mum isn’t crying to mourn the man he became; she’s just finally safe to grieve about the man she loved and lost. Simon hasn’t been able to face her in a while since he’s come to the conclusion that his being born was the cause of everything horrible that has happened to her. 

“No, I suppose not,” Simone says. The house feels smaller than he remembers, but when he walks into his childhood bedroom, he’s transported to darker times. The room is as big as the whole world again. This room, this damn house, is his only world. He’s nine and cowering in fear again. He’s little again. He’s scared again. He wants to run away, but his scrawny little legs won’t let him. Dad won’t let him. 

Then he blinks and realizes that the room hasn’t changed all that much.

Within the next week, Simon gets the house demolished and the land sold. 

“Ta-da!” You present to him a knitted, baby-blue blanket. The beginning stitchwork is sloppy at best with considerable improvement the further he looks. Between every thread, Simon can practically feel the love that’s stitched in it. 

“You like it?” You ask him, looking at him expectantly. 

“It’s perfect.” 

“Liar!” Your laugh rings through the cabin, and Simon feels like he’s being bathed in sunlight from the warmth of the sound alone. It’s distinctly yours, and he doesn’t want to be the barbarian who just takes and takes, but he wants it all to himself. He wants to catch it from the air and stuff it in his pockets and save it for when he’s in a foreign country and can’t sleep at night. 

“Why would I lie? It’s perfect.” You’re perfect.

“I messed up, like, five times trying to get this damn thing started! And it was so hard to get into a good groove since Simon Jr. thinks he’s a little football player. He’s been kicking like crazy!” To prove your point, you get closer to Simon and take one of his large hands, placing it on your growing belly. He’s sitting, surrounded by tools and pieces of a crib that he’s trying to build, and all he can do is look up in admiration at you, the most beautiful woman to walk this earth, an angel too good for this world, the mother of his child, his wife, you. Your hand is on top of his, and you squeeze it gently, and he loves the way the diamond on your wedding ring glitters in the sunlight. 

“He’s a strong one, alright.” Simon chuckles, feeling the way his son bumps against your belly. 

“Must get it from you, then.” 

That’s funny. Simon was just about to say that he’s pretty sure he gets it from you. 

When he’s with you, Simon likes to take things slow. He can be rough at times, demanding and conquering you with nothing but brute strength and vulgar compliments. Like a true soldier, you take all of his transgressions in stride. 

Tonight is one of the nights where Simon will indulge and finally take things slow. He likes to savor every moment he gets with you because no matter how much time has passed, the pessimist in him doesn’t stop reminding him that time is fickle, and the future is never promised. 

But Simon wants to build a future with you. Simon has built a future, but he’s greedy. So, so greedy. He wants more, he wants all of you, he wants everything you’re willing to give him. The way you part your legs for him, how you willingly — lovingly — let him in, even though nature resists.

No matter how many times he’s split you open on his cock, even with the slickness of the previous two orgasms he so happily wrung out from you, there’s still resistance as the width and length of his cock struggle to slide into your cunt. 

“It’s okay, love, let me in.” His whispers of reassurance are barely heard over your little whimpers. You’re nodding, trying to be a good girl for him, but the fact of the matter is that Simon Riley is incredibly too big. He is a god among men, and you find yourself squeezing his hand tightly as the first few inches of his cock make its way into your warmth. 

“I know, darling.” He mumbles, but his gentle words are spoken roughly. Desire coats every syllable, and his voice is gravelly. He’s holding back, restraining himself from giving in and giving it to you roughly. His hand, so much larger than your own, squeezes back. He’s slowly pushing more of his length inside your needy cunt, and you moan at the feeling of being complete. 

You don’t realize the tears that are welling up in the corner of your eyes as he completely enters you, the tip of his cock perfectly pressed against your cervix. Simon’s always been good at mixing pain and pleasure, and tonight is a testament to that. 

“More, please.” It comes out like a weak, little whine, and Simon is putty in your hands. Completely malleable to your every whim and desire. His love wants more? He’ll give you everything. 

Your lashes are wet with your tears, and he watches as tiny streams of tears fall down your heated cheeks. Your face feels warm to the touch, Simon realizes, as he leans down to kiss away your tears. Poor thing. You must have exerted yourself too much when you were thrashing around earlier as he refused to remove his mouth from your precious pussy until you came in his mouth. 

You’re no match for the sheer strength and power of Simon, who’s built like a Greek god and probably just as powerful. You surrender to the overwhelming sensation of his cock stroking in and out of your cunt, and you’re damn near shameless in your greed and desire for more. 

“Cum in me. I want you to give me another baby, wanna grow our family with you.” You toss your head back in pleasure, feeling the way his grip on your hand tightens at your words. The two of you move perfectly together; you wrap your legs around his waist as his free hand grips your hip to keep you steady. 

“Yeah? My wife wants me to fuck another baby into her?” Simon grunts, doubling his efforts to ensure that his cock hits deep enough to press against all the spots that have your walls tightening around him. 

The throbbing of his cock and the allure of expanding your family with Simon, with having a part of him always, even after the two of you have left this earth, is enough to send you over the edge. The ecstasy is all-consuming; all you know is Simon. You feel him to the depth of your core, his heat pressed against your own, your shared bedroom heavy with lust and love. 

He loves the way your body goes slack from the intensity of your orgasm. It lets him know that he’s fucked you just the way you deserved to be fucked, filled to the brim with his cock and his cum and all his love. He kisses you hard, savoring the natural sweetness of your lips pressed against his own. He muffles your moans as you feel the endless stream of his cum spilling inside of you, the warmth of it all being almost too much to bear. 

“Mmmf,” You pull back from his kiss, just so you can look him in the eyes as you give him his favorite reminder in the world.

“I love you.” 

He responds with another deep kiss. It says enough. It says I love you, too, and we’re going for a round two. 

He has all the time in the world with you.

He doesn’t feel any pain. That’s odd.

He looks back to the last minute. He heard the distinct sound of a gun firing, and he stumbled a bit as fate had its cruel fun and allowed the bullet to miraculously hit him in the one area his bulletproof gear just so happened to miss. What are the odds? 

He looks down. A dark stain is forming on his uniform, and the spot only continues to grow bigger. He moves a hand down to where the stain is at — it’s wet. A fresh wound. Fuck.

The sentiment is shared with Soap, who for once in his life doesn’t have anything smart to say. Ghost wants to say something cheeky, then. Just to keep him calm. It worked with Tommy. 

What’s the matter? Don’t worry about me. Should’ve seen the other guy. Almost had him in the last round. 

The words, Ghost realizes with growing dread, don’t quite come so easily.

It’s like his brain knows what he wants to do, but nothing is going as planned. Soap is saying something, but he just can’t quite make out the words. Johnny, speak proper fucking English, why don’t ya? 

No. That’s not the issue. Ghost frowns, but he doesn’t think Soap notices because of his damn mask. He can’t speak for shit, and he can’t hear, either. Actually, now that he’s really trying to take in his surroundings, everything’s a bit hazy, too. Like someone’s put some stupid film over everything, and stuff’s all slightly blurry. Just out of focus, just out of reach. 

“—get you home, alright?” The words sound all jumbled up, and Ghost only really catches the last end of whatever Soap’s blabbing on about. He’s a good kid. Great soldier. Stellar human being. He mentioned something about going home, but that’s just silly. The mission isn’t over yet, get it? They can’t go home ‘til the mission’s complete. 

“—don’t close your eyes—”

Home sounds nice. Warm vanilla in the colder seasons, jasmine with equal hints of something fruity and floral in the warmer ones. You fill the house with these scents, even matching your daily perfume to it. Doesn’t matter much to him, though. He hugs you close to his body and breathes in deeply, and he can still smell just you. No perfume will ever compare. 

Oh, and a busy kitchen. You’re covered in flour, his son sits on the counter, his daughter in her high chair. The entire kitchen comes to life, and every time he sees all three of you giggling in unison, his favorite sound of all, this kitchen becomes his whole world. This is what he goes to war to protect.

Baby blue walls and a crib. Crayon drawings of a stick figure family. Watching his daughter’s first steps and his son clinging to your legs. 

Maybe Soap’s right. Forget the mission. He should just head home.

But first, he’s really fucking tired. He’ll shut his eyes just for a minute.

He blinks a few times, eyes struggling to adjust to the light. Light slaps against his face were the cause for his waking up. A damn shame, honestly. He rarely dreams, but when he does, it’s of you, and he was dreaming about something certainly worth remembering for the next time he’s reunited with you. 

He rolls over to confront whoever dared to ruin the one good rest he’s had in a long time, only to come face to face with bright, innocent eyes the same shade as his own. 

“G’morning,” his son says, the words still clumsy on the two-year-old’s tongue. When Simon doesn’t answer immediately, he resumes slapping his father’s face.

“I’m up, buddy.” 

The little toddler claps his chubby little hands together in pure joy. 

“Dada home?”

Like a sight for sore eyes, you appear in the doorway, gently opening the door and pushing it open. You’ve got your daughter in your arms, and you look ready to scold the young boy for disturbing Simon until you realize that he’s already awake. There’s that smile of yours that Simon loves so much, the one he swears could bring him back to life.

“I’m home.”

author's note i intended for these little scenes/glimpses of his life to be the things ghost sees as he's bleeding out on the field. get it? the whole "life flashing before your eyes" thing BAHAHAHA. don't worry, he's alive and very much well, enjoying much needed domesticity with you + your little family. the last scene is him fucking u good and well, and that's the lil dream he was having. muahaha

[sepublic]

What’s further absurd about Camila being more of a mom to Hunter than Luz in fanon is that. Camila and Hunter have two(2) solo interactions across the entire show and it’s Hunter kneeling to Camila to say thanks and her telling him not to do that, and then her pulling him out of the water. Thats it, the scenes transition to Hunter and Gus talking or the group worrying about Hunter. But then we see Camila interact with Luz at the end of the episode, in fact she has MULTIPLE interactions with Luz that episode and in general!!!

Meanwhile Darius is right there, he was mean to Hunter once, but he made up for it in the same episode by validating Hunter, looking out for him, giving him a way to talk to his new friends! He worries about Hunter in Hollow Mind. When the kids reunite with their parents, Hunter has nobody until Darius shows up.

And if y’all can forgive Eda for being immature with King a few times in S1, you can do the same for Darius. If you can forgive Alador’s abuse and neglect towards his kids by embracing their forgiveness, Darius is nothing. Darius is basically the only adult to actually talk to Hunter directly besides you know who and Eda, but that was twice and she was making fun of him the first time. Raine also showed concern but I barely see that dynamic.

It’s insane because it’s not enough that Hunter needs love from an adult for these people, they need it to be Camila’s love specifically!!! Despite Luz’s entire arc and the show in general being kicked off from Luz feeling like her mother didn’t love her enough by sending her to that reality check camp. Oh, Hunter needs someone kind for him because of trauma? Luz also has trauma, S3 has her go on a thinly-veiled suicidal rant.

Istfg I see Camila and Hunter more than I see Camila and Amity, and at least Amity is basically her daughter in law, plus it’s Amity getting away from her two abusive white parents. Meanwhile people denying Darius are demonizing him for being a black man who was mean once.

He’s not even Luz’s brother, and I’m sure part of the insistence of Camila as Hunter’s mom is an extension of that; Except the ‘Siblings’ dynamic between Luz and Hunter is inaccurate and exaggerated, esp in favor of Luz and King or Vee! We see so much fanart and fanfic of Camila just hanging out with Hunter even casually without angst, but not her own blood daughter.

Like yeah maybe it’s fun to explore the two-month period in the human realm and how Camila was the only adult these kids had; But people continue to hype her up as Hunter’s mom in settings outside of that timeframe!!! We see Luz come out to her mom and everything, we have her being raised by her mother! And Camila taking care of Hunter would not suck so hard if Luz wasn’t completely overshadowed, if Hunter wasn’t everywhere and inserted into everything! With fans insisting Hunter’s a Noceda and NEEDS to be in group photos like that, insisting on joint custody as if Luz and Camila don’t have that much of a relationship with Hunter to begin with and Darius is sufficient, crying about how he deserved more in the finale! Boohoo.

I’m gonna be real here, Hunter fans are the weakest link in this fandom despite being the most prevalent at this rate. They’ll rather make up stuff for him to talk about than acknowledge other characters, or even take other characters’ moments to give to him; Like remember when Luz had a nightmare sequence where she was dressed in Belos’ clothes and felt the weight of everyone’s accusations, and then some fanartist made a piece of that happening to Hunter instead??? I have to see Camila hugging Hunter while he wields String Bean, who is Luz’s Palisman when Waffles is right there without a confirmed creation date, so they could’ve easily been shortly after the finale!!!

It is SUCH an admission of envy and unconscious racism that y’all need to take traits and moments that belong to other characters and give it to your white boy to enjoy them, instead of enjoying these characteristics with the characters they actually belong to! And don’t make this about you and how you personally aren’t consciously racist or whatever, because this is about a group trend and PoC should not have to bear the burden of screening every individual of guilt. And yeah it is racist, hell it’s basically the Mammy archetype where a WoC is expected to prioritize her white charge over her own child.

And don’t even try to argue you’re innocent because you’re a PoC, PoC are just as capable of white favoritism and I speak from experience! For chrissakes everyone we’re snappy about this because being gentle about it has never worked for PoC. If you feel upset by this than actually do something about it and learn instead of wallowing in self pity or even denying it.

[venusvity]

Chloe is the only member with a SoundCloud account, and even then, she's not very active on it nor makes it publicly known she has it. It's a public secret among constellations; either you know about Chloe's SoundCloud, or you don't.

2020 ; YOU WERE BORN BACKWARDS

This song had actually been online for a couple of months before constellations found it. Even then, they questioned if this was actually Chloe as it sounded nothing like her typical style of music, using much heavier and darker themes than anyone expected from the bubbly idol. Despite this diverging greatly from her idol image, many of Chloe's fans greatly appreciated "you were born backwards" because to them it felt like a look into the "real chloe" not the image presented to them.

2020 ; HE WILL NEVER CHANGE

HE WILL NEVER CHANGE garnered attention for the album cover as well as this being the first song Chloe publicly claimed and promoted. She posted a link to the song on her Instagram story, saying, "I made this all by myself :)" but fans would be more interested in the unreleased photo of then Cicada member Hyojin, silently confirming the rumors that the two were dating at the time. Though fans did find it peculiar, she confirmed their relationship through a song about a toxic and co-dependent relationship.

2021 ; GIRLHOOD, WOMANHOOD

GIRLHOOD, WOMANHOOD is about the very human state of dissatisfaction and the fact that Chloe is always chasing something, which has been all her life. This song is about the feeling of not being able to fully control your life. Shockingly, this was the song that got fans worried about Chloe's wellbeing, as if all the other songs before this weren't a clear sign of something going on, but the concerns were mainly directed at the company mistreating Chloe instead of her mental health.

2021 ; GOOD MEN DIE QUICK

GOOD MEN DIE QUICK is Chloe's thoughts about toxic masculinity and masculine norms in society. The lyrics can be interpreted as representing how men view women as objects, as well as depicting beauty standards and the pressure on women to always appear pleasant. This song would get Chloe the "feminist" label and have her receiving backlash for months, though she never publicly responded to it or claimed to be a feminist.

2022 ; IN THE BACK OF HIS CAR

What is called her most disturbing song, IN THE BACK OF HIS CAR, is described by fans as a horror movie experience from its haunting sound production to its horrifying lyrics. You're either in awe of it or concerned for Chloe's well-being. This would be another song she promoted on her Instagram story, many constellations deeming this a cry for help from her, with the caption, "i'm very proud of this one :) i composed, produced, and wrote it all by myself" this is also the song that gained Chloe her "coquette" status on Tumblr and Tiktok.

2022 ; WORD VOMIT

WORD VOMIT is another one of Chloe's songs that just makes you worry for her. There's something about how abuse, especially childhood abuse, often makes its survivors believe that with love comes pain. That love laced with pain is what they deserve, so they subconsciously seek it out. It's what feels familiar despite how destructive it actually is. Though the song is beloved by many, some interpret it as Chloe glamorizing abuse, which her fans will dox you for saying.

2023 ; CYCLECYCLECYCLE

After a year of nothing, CYCLECYCLECYCLE would hit Chloe's SoundCloud, taking a much softer and more raw production than her previous releases. The song has been interpreted as releasing old fears and accepting that they will always be a part of you instead of closing the door. It's a song about healing that leaves you feeling hollow due to its melancholic and bare instrumental. This song would have brief virality on Tiktok for its heart-jerking lyrics, making some of the saddest edits you've ever seen.

2024 ; OBSESSED

After another year of forgetting the password, Chloe would log back into her SoundCloud to release her most well-known track there, OBSESSED. Being a relatable Pop-Rock banger about being too invested in your man's past relationships, many people demanded an official release, which Chloe has yet to give. Fans were happy to see Chloe release something on her SoundCloud that has them dancing instead of worrying about her well-being.

[cheynovak]

Complicated

Characters: Soldier boy x Y/N Female character     

Summary: Y/N, a young personal assistant to Soldier Boy (Ben) and Crimson Countess, is caught in a whirlwind of events that shatter her sense of stability. After accidentally witnessing an intimate moment between Ben, Crimson, and another woman, she’s left shaken and unsure how to process it. The following day, Crimson casually invites her to join them, which only adds to Y/N's confusion.

Warnings: 18+ hurt pain TRIGGER WARNING: mentioning of rape/ sexual abuse. If you don't want to or can't read this, please skip to next part in this story.

English is not my first language 

*This story is my own original story, please do not copy my work, reblog/comments/likes are appreciated* 

part 6/?

He just opened the door and walked out, leaving me alone with nothing but the empty space he’d left behind.

Weeks passed, and I hadn’t seen or heard from Ben, officially statement: secret mission. At first, I tried to push it out of my mind, telling myself this was just what he did—he came and went on his own terms. But the longer I went without seeing him, the worse I felt. Worse than when I’d left Kevin, even. At least with him, I’d known why it ended. But Ben had left me without a single explanation.

What did he mean when he said, “You are loved”? The question haunted me, playing over and over in my mind. Did he mean he loved me? Was it some twisted way of telling me he cared? Or was he saying that I’d be loved someday, by someone else? That thought was like a knife to my chest—because what if I’d already given my heart to someone who wouldn’t give his back?

I tried to keep my distance from any member of Payback at work, hoping they wouldn’t ask about it, hoping they wouldn’t even notice I existed. The last thing I needed was to be asked why I hadn’t been around Soldier Boy or why he hadn’t been around me. I couldn’t face the humiliation of admitting I didn’t know where he was or if he was even coming back.

As days turned into weeks, the silence between us grew unbearable. So I packed my bags, leaving behind the life I’d been building with him—or rather, the life I’d been building in his shadow. I found a small, cramped apartment on the other side of the city. It was nothing like the glamorous place Ben had provided me. It smelled like damp wood and cigarettes, the walls paper-thin, the floors uneven.

But it was mine. And at that point, I was angry enough to prefer it. Angry at Ben for disappearing. Angry at myself for caring so damn much.

In the middle of that anger, though, there was something else. A deep, aching emptiness. I kept picturing Ben giving his loft to some other girl—someone else to play with when he was bored, someone else who’d wait around for him like I had. Maybe someone who wouldn’t ask for more, someone easier to forget.

I hated the thought of it, hated the idea of being so easily replaced. But no matter how hard I tried to move on, that cold, hollow feeling wouldn’t leave me. And the worst part was knowing that, even though I was furious, I would’ve taken him back in an instant if he just showed up and gave me a reason to.

But he hadn’t.

And maybe he never would.

Tonight was my first night off in ages, and after sitting in my small, smelly apartment for what felt like hours, I knew I couldn’t stay cooped up any longer. I needed to get out. Working for Vought had turned my social life into something non-existent, leaving me with no friends to call up for a night out. But it was 1979, and I didn’t need an excuse to go out by myself.

I pulled on a short skirt and high boots, the outfit giving me a small boost of confidence. I left my place and wandered into town, the neon lights of the city buzzing above me, drawing me in. Eventually, I found a nice pub with good music, a place that seemed alive, filled with strangers dancing and laughing. It felt like the escape I needed.

But as soon as I walked in, I spotted Kevin. My stomach dropped. He was with a group of his friends, sitting at the bar, laughing like he didn’t have a care in the world. At first, I tried to act like I hadn’t noticed him. I didn’t want to run off and look like I was afraid. But I felt his eyes on me the moment he spotted me.

He kept looking, and I could feel the tension building with each passing second. The way he stared, the familiar intensity, sent a chill down my spine.

I tried to ignore it, ordering a drink and pretending like I was just another patron, but the awkwardness became unbearable. I kept stealing glances over my shoulder, knowing he was still watching me. After a couple of drinks, the atmosphere of the pub no longer felt exciting or freeing. It felt suffocating.

I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to leave.

As I pushed open the heavy wooden door and stepped out into the cool night air, I breathed a sigh of relief. The sounds of the city felt less pressing out here, and for a moment, I thought I’d managed to escape him. I started walking down the street, eager to get home and forget the whole night.

But little did I know, Kevin had followed me.

Before I realized what was happening, he caught up to me, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me into a small, dark alley. The suddenness of it knocked the breath from my lungs, fear rushing through me like ice in my veins. His hands were all over me, rough and insistent, and no matter how much I pushed or squirmed, he was stronger.

"Kevin, stop," I pleaded, my voice shaking, but he didn’t listen.

I didn’t want this, but he didn’t care. His grip tightened, his hands roaming over my body like he had some right to me. The fear was paralyzing, every inch of my skin crawling as I struggled against him.

I needed to get out of there, needed to fight back, but his strength and his size kept me pinned in place. I could feel the cold, damp bricks of the alley behind me, the rough texture scraping against my back as he pressed me into the wall. Every inch of me screamed to run, but I was trapped.

I tried to scream, but Kevin’s hand clamped over my mouth, silencing me. Tears streamed down my cheeks, my heart pounding in my chest as panic took over. Oh, please, God, no, was all I could think, the words like a desperate prayer echoing in my mind.

In a moment of frantic instinct, I kicked him as hard as I could. My boot connected with his shin, and for a brief second, I thought I had a chance. As he stumbled back, I turned to run, but before I could even take a step, another pair of hands grabbed me roughly from behind.

His friends.

They had turned the corner, and now I was trapped between them, my escape cut off. Fear washed over me like ice, my body trembling as I realized I was completely surrounded. My voice broke as I started begging, the words falling from my lips in a desperate, shaking sob. “No, please… please, no…”

Tears blurred my vision as I backed up, only to bump into Kevin again. His breath was hot against my face, and his voice dripped with cruel satisfaction as he leaned in close.

“Let’s see what you’ve learned over these past months, you slut,” he sneered, his voice thick with malice.

I froze, my entire body going numb. His words were laced with all the hate and control he’d always tried to have over me, and in that moment, I knew what he was planning to do. I tried to pull away, to fight, but the weight of his friends’ presence and the fear coursing through me made my limbs feel weak, powerless.

I was trapped. Trapped and alone. And all I could do was beg for it to stop.

--

I tried to walk home, but my legs felt like they were moving on their own. My mind kept repeating what had just happened, the memory of their hands on my body, their grins, their laughter—it was twisted pleasure for them. They enjoyed it. I wanted to cry, to scream, but it was like I’d run out of tears. The emptiness was worse than the pain.

Somehow, I ended up in front of Ben’s building. I didn’t even realize I had come this far until I was standing at the entrance. My feet had carried me here, to the only place I could think of. I stumbled into the elevator, leaning against the cold metal walls as it took me up to his penthouse. I didn’t know why I was here. Maybe I just needed to see a familiar face, to feel something other than the hollow, aching void that had settled into my chest.

When I reached his door, I knocked once, weakly.

From inside, I could hear the unmistakable sounds of moaning, women’s voices tangled with each other. I flinched, a fresh wave of nausea hitting me. My body tensed, and I immediately regretted coming here. What was I thinking? Just as I turned to leave, the door swung open.

Ben stood there in nothing but a silk bathrobe, his expression already irritated before he even fully saw me. “What? Miss the luxury already, princess?” he snapped, his voice dripping with sarcasm. His eyes were cold, dismissive, like I was just another annoyance interrupting his night.

I turned my head over my shoulder, trying to hide my face. “Sorry… this was a mistake,” I whispered, or at least I tried to. My voice was barely audible, cracking under the weight of everything.

But as soon as he saw me—really saw me—his expression shifted. The irritation vanished, replaced with something else. His eyes scanned my face, taking in the smeared makeup, the cracked lip, the red, swollen eyes from crying. The bruises that were probably forming under my skin.

He didn’t say a word. His face tightened, his jaw clenching as he turned away from me. “Wait here,” he muttered, his voice low and tense. He walked back inside, and I heard the confused murmurs of the girls still in his penthouse.

A few moments later, the door opened wide again, and I saw them—half-dressed, their clothes hastily thrown on, their makeup smudged from whatever they’d been doing with Ben. They didn’t even get a chance to put their shoes on as they stumbled out, looking irritated but confused, clutching their things to their chests. Ben stood behind them, his face hard, his hand gripping the door frame so tightly his knuckles were white.

Once they were gone, he turned to me, his green eyes burning with something I couldn’t quite place. “Get in here,” he said, his voice rough, but not angry anymore. Not like before.

I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. But my legs gave out before I could think, and I collapsed into his arms, the weight of everything finally catching up to me.

Ben stood there, his usual cool, detached demeanor gone as he took a long look at me. He noticed everything—the ripped skirt, the bruises on my legs, the smudged makeup. His eyes narrowed slightly, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he walked over to the bar and poured me a drink, offering it to me without a word. I took it, my hand trembling as I brought the glass to my lips.

He watched me for a moment, and then he knelt down in front of me, his gaze softer than I’d ever seen it before. “What happened?” he asked, his voice quiet, low.

I couldn’t bring myself to answer. The words were stuck in my throat, a knot of shame and fear keeping them locked inside. I stared at the floor, my fingers gripping the glass like it was the only thing keeping me together.

Ben waited, his eyes searching my face for a clue, for anything that would explain what had happened. But when the silence dragged on, he didn’t push. Instead, after a beat, he asked gently, “Do you want to shower?”

I nodded. It was a small movement, just a slight dip of my head, but as soon as I nodded once, it was like something broke inside me. The tears came all at once, harder than before, and I couldn’t stop them. I shook my head, trying to get it together, but it only made the sobs worse.

Ben’s face softened even more, and he reached out, gently placing his hand on my knee. “Shh, shh. It’s okay,” he murmured, his voice low and soothing, a stark contrast to his usual harsh tone. “You’re safe now, alright? You’re safe.”

I couldn’t stop crying, my body shaking as the weight of everything came crashing down on me.

“I’ll get the water running,” Ben said, standing up slowly. “It’s okay now. Just take a minute.” He paused for a second, looking at me like he wanted to say more, but instead he just nodded to himself, walking toward the bathroom.

The sound of running water filled the silence, but Ben’s words echoed louder in my mind. It’s okay now. But I was not.

I stood there in the bathroom, the warm steam from the shower slowly dissipating, but it did nothing to ease the cold pit in my stomach. When I looked down at my body, I noticed the bruises—dark, ugly marks that trailed up my thighs and near my core. My chest tightened, and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face again, silent and unstoppable.

Ben had left a babydoll dress for me to wear. Normally, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it, but now… I couldn’t even imagine putting it on. Not after what had happened. Not with these bruises on my body. I stared at it for what felt like forever, unable to make myself leave the bathroom.

Hours passed. I lost track of time, sitting on the cold tiles, feeling more exposed than ever. Eventually, there was a soft knock at the door.

“Y/N,” Ben called gently from the other side. “You okay?”

I hesitated for a moment, then stood up and slowly unlocked the door. When I opened it, Ben stood there, concern etched across his face. He took one look at me, at the towel wrapped around my body, and then at the babydoll dress still untouched.

“Why haven’t you changed?” he asked, his voice soft but curious.

My lip trembled. I wanted to answer, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud. The words wouldn’t come. Instead, I took a step back, my hands shaking. I felt like a small child, vulnerable and terrified, but all I could think was maybe I could show him?

Ben’s eyes narrowed as he watched me. His gaze shifted, and then it happened—he saw them. The bruises. His expression changed in an instant, his eyes widening as the realization hit him. His face, once filled with concern and confusion, twisted into something darker. Pure fury.

“Who?” he demanded, his voice low, dangerous. “Who did this, Y/N?”

I backed away, my whole body trembling now, and I started crying again. I couldn’t stop it this time. The memories came flooding back, overwhelming me, and I couldn’t get the words out. I just shook my head, trying to catch my breath between sobs.

Ben’s hands clenched into fists, his jaw tightening as his face contorted with rage. “Tell me who the fuck did this!” he shouted, taking a step forward. His voice was thunderous, raw, and filled with a burning anger I’d never seen in him before.

I collapsed onto the bathroom floor, shaking my head. I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t say it out loud. But Ben’s fury didn’t waver. He knelt down beside me, trying to pull me into his arms.

“Please, Y/N, you have to tell me who did this,” he said, his voice quieter now, but still shaking with barely controlled rage. “I’ll make them pay.”

But I couldn’t stop crying long enough to respond. All I could think about was the horror of what had happened, and the terrifying thought of what Ben might do next if he knew.

Ben let go of his anger for a moment, the fire in his eyes dimming as he looked at me. Without a word, he left the room and returned a few minutes later, holding an old shirt and a pair of sweatpants—his own clothes. He handed them to me gently, his expression still tight with restrained fury but softened by something more protective.

"If you tell me where you live, I’ll pick up some clothes for you," he offered, his voice quieter now, trying to keep calm.

I shook my head immediately, panic rising in my chest. My hand clamped onto his wrist, desperate and trembling. "No, please don’t leave me," I whispered, my voice hoarse but clear. It was the first real sentence I’d managed to speak all night, the first words that didn’t feel broken by the weight of what had happened.

Ben’s eyes softened further, and his body seemed to relax as he knelt in front of me again. He reached up, covering my hand with his. "Alright," he said softly. "I won’t leave."

There was something different in his tone now—not the arrogance or the frustration I’d grown so used to, but something steady, grounding. He stayed still, waiting for me to decide what I needed, not pushing, not demanding. Just being there.

The tears slowed, and for the first time since everything happened, I didn’t feel completely alone.

--

Please like, share or comment when you liked the story. If you liked this, please check out my masterlist for other stories.

Tag list:-> If you want to be added let me know what you like to read! If anyone feels like you're tagged too much, also let me know please. :)

@kr804573@nancymcl@suckitands33@mostlymarvelgirl@globetrotter28 @jackles010378 @hobby27 @winchesterwild78 @deans-baby-momma @soab1967 @livingdeadblondequeen

@ladysparkles78 @whimsyfinny @kamisobsessed @jensens-bonnie-on-the-side @ferrersbiggestfan @spxideyver @kamisobsessed @deans-queen @yvonneeeee @deangirl96 @libby99hb

[holyhadesimweird]

you consume my entire being

masterlist

renji abarai x fem!reader

summary : arranged marriage au!renji navigates falling in love with his fiancé from an arranged marriage

word count : 3.5k words

warnings : swearing, arranged marriage, talks of the death of mother through childbirth, abuse

notes : i'm basing the reader's height on me, who is short-ish... i'm around 5'4" and renji is 6'2", so there's definitely a height difference. ALSO let me know if you guys want a second part to this cause I HAVE MORE IDEAS

༶┈⋇⊶⊰✿⊱⊷⋇┈⋇⊶⊰✿⊱⊷⋇┈୨♡୧┈⋇⊶⊰✿⊱⊷⋇┈⋇⊶⊰✿⊱⊷⋇┈༶

walking through the halls of the seireitei, renji couldn't believe the messed up situation that he found himself in. of course he was chosen to marry someone he wasn't in love with for the sake of an almost experiment.

the soul society had decided they needed to see if there were some humans, who hadn't manifested powers yet and who could see hollows, who were decent enough to try and train to help soul reapers with the increasing amount of hollow appearances. while most humans couldn't see hollows or soul reapers, there seemed to be an increasing amount of humans appearing who could, which concerned the soul society.

renji didn't understand why the soul society wanted a soul reaper and a human to get married for this. despite his disagreeing and arguing, he was supposed to meet his bride to be, tomorrow at dinner with the other captains, some humans, and some other people of importance.

"father, you can't possibly be serious. i have done nothing but be the best daughter to you and yet you throw me into this situation?" renji heard a female voice echoing through the halls. "do you hate me that much for something you're convinced i did? you do realize i didn't kill mom right? her dying was an accident."

approaching the voice, renji rounded the corner to find a man and a woman standing in the hall, obviously agitated with each other.

"(y/n), the soul society already agreed to this. you're doing this whether you like it or not. i don't care what you think about your mother's death. but i do know that if you hadn't been born, she'd still be alive."

renji watched as the man spoke harshly at the woman, (y/n). she was much shorter than her father, with her father's hair colour, and her back was turned turned towards renji. he couldn’t see her face, but he could hear the tears she was crying in her voice when she spoke and he felt bad for her.

"fuck you." (y/n) spat at her father, before wiping her eyes, straightening her shoulders and pushing her way into a meeting hall.

renji watched as the man's shoulders sagged for a second before straightening them and following his daughter through the door.

whatever the hell that was all about, renji did not want any part of it.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

turns out renji was going to part of it. very much part of it.

as he stood in the doorway of the dinning hall, renji couldn't help but freeze up. next to him, byakuya let out a scoff.

"freezing up now renji?" byakuya asked quietly, prompting renji to snap out of it.

"of course not." renji ground out through his teeth.

"good, i can't have my lieutenant embarrassing the soul society because of some human." byakuya said before finding his seat.

the captains, lieutenants and some officials from the soul society were sat on one side of the table. while the other side of the table consisted of humans, and namely, you, at the end of the table.

and across from you, is an empty seat. for him.

renji wishes he could run away from the dinning hall without any consequences. you’re beautiful. your eyes were such a beautiful colour, your lips looked delicious and your hair was styled perfectly. the dress you wore was elegant and made you look amazing.

hating you was going to be hard.

as he approached his seat, renji watched your eyes lock with his and your lips part in a gasp. he then watched you stand up and proceed to grab at the skirt of your dress to lift as you curtsied.

his lips parted and watched as you then held your hand out to shake his. his hands gently grasped yours and he noted that you had a great and firm handshake.

“it’s an honour to meet you lieutenant abarai. thank you for agreeing to have dinner with me… and everyone else.” your voice was lovely, the nicest he’s heard in a long time.

“please, just call me renji. it’s lovely to meet you too miss (y/n).” renji replied, deciding that being rude to you was going to be unfair despite his protestations of the situation.

after a few minutes of waiting, everyone was served dinner and everyone broke into the plates in front of them. it took a minute or two for renji to realize that you were waiting to eat, as you sat, hands clasped together and staring at the food in front of you. he saw your father mutter something towards you, and then you were able to start eating.

“so (y/n), what is that you do in the world of the living?” captain aizen asked, snapping renji out of his thoughts. sosuke was sat across from your father, next to renji.

“i just graduated from university. i studied science.” you answered and a majority of the people at the table seemed to stop talking to listen to you.

“amazing, aren't the sciences amazing? what do you do in your free time?” captain aizen continued.

“in my free time my father and i train... i like to read as well.” you replied, and to renji it seemed like you added the last bit at the last second.

“(y/n) and i train in various hand to hand techniques to ensure that she can protect herself.” your father spoke up from next to you. renji saw your eyes roll as you put another bite of dinner into your mouth. he wondered what all that was about.

“amazing, that will definitely come in handy.” captain aizen replied.

“it truly is, she’s my secret weapon.” your father smiled and placed a hand on your shoulder, to which renji saw that you winced, as if in pain when your father did that.

“so (y/n), what kind of books do you read?” renji asked you, making you look up a little surprised. he then watch a small smile form on your lips, which made him smile softly as well.

“i like to read a lot of things, almost anything i can get my hands on really.” you told him.

“that’s great. i’ve been meaning to start reading again, but it feels like i’ve been too busy with my duties to sit down with a book.” renji told you.

by the time that desert was being served, you and renji had been having a wonderful conversation, that almost no one interrupted and you were enjoying yourselves. renji couldn’t help but be upset that you were such a nice person and that you were so beautiful. he wanted to hate you, but instead he enjoyed you and was curious about every thing about you.

when dinner finished and you were all dismissed to leave, that’s when renji was reminded of this cruel deal.

“now, (y/n) and renji are to be wed in 7 weeks. you both have lots of preparations which means you will most likely not be able to spend much time with each other before the wedding. we want this to run smoothly, so please, everyone needs to cooperate.” renji barely listened to someone from his side of the table speak. he just wanted to dissolve into nothingness.

“everyone is dismissed, we will see you all in 7 weeks for the ceremony.”

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

the next afternoon, renji found himself resting after a sparring match with some of the other lieutenants. he had a break before resuming his “husbandly duties”.

“so renji, what did you think of your bride to be?” he heard momo ask. looking up at her from where he was sitting made renji realize that her question made everyone turn their heads towards him, anticipating his answer.

“i want to hate her, y’know? she’s a human and i’m being forced to marry her for basically no reason. but she seems nice, it might not be so bad.” renji answered.

“that’s what i was thinking too, she seemed very quiet though.” momo continued.

“yeah... however i think her father dictates a lot of her life, so once he leaves maybe she'll be different.”

“well, in 7 weeks you’ll be married and living together. i think you’ll have plenty of time to start learning about her then.”

“yeah…” renji agreed, getting lost in thought.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

4 weeks before the wedding, and renji really hadn’t seen you since the dinner. he’s only seen glimpses of you since every time you saw him, you turned the other way and hurried away. he was back to feeling sour about this wedding and about you. why did he have to be chosen? why did you have to be chosen? this would’ve been so much easier if he could hate you, but he couldn’t, which made him hate you.

finding himself in front of the sparring room late tonight, all he wanted to do was blow off some steam before heading to bed. but, he could someone grunting and the sound of blows landing from inside the room. wondering which lieutenant or captain was here this late, renji pushed his way into the room.

he stopped in doorway when he saw who was in the room.

of course it was you. with your hair in a ponytail, in leggings and a sports bra. you were very beautiful, it was starting to piss him off. he watched you use the practice dummy for your sparring. he found that your technique was graceful, different than what he was used to. it was a sight to see, which pissed him off. why did you have to be so... likeable? seeing you actually fight must be an amazing sight. something he wanted to see... and maybe even experience.

when the doors clicked shut, he saw you register that there was another being in the room with you, and turn towards him, away from the dummy you were using.

“i wish i could hate you.” renji blurted. he watched as your face dropped and turn into one that was annoyed.

“excuse me?” you asked, making a face at him, causing renji to become slightly annoyed.

“i wish i could hate you because then i could pretend that you don’t exist.” renji continued. “you light up my entire being in this disgusting feeling that i don’t understand. i wish i could get rid of you.”

“oh yeah? well i thought you were one of the only decent people here lieutenant abarai. you don’t know half of the shit i’ve had to deal with since i’ve been here, but go ahead, keep telling me about how i’m scum to you.” you replied angrily, starting to walk up to him.

“you’re small and fragile. you seem to hold yourself back in front of others and hide who you truly are. it's sad. why don't you show me who you really are?” your noses were practically touching and renji's lips started pulling back into a snarl.

"oh wow, how original. you got anything else to say to me big tough man?" you replied sarcastically, rolling your eyes, patting his chest lightly and turning away from him.

renji just scoffed and walked out of the sparring room before he would say anything else he could regret.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

"so, rukia tells me that you're not getting along with your fiancé?" renji hears ichigo ask him.

3 weeks before the wedding, ichigo was visiting with rukia, orihime and some other friends as well. though the group of them disagreed with the wedding, they were here to support renji and to meet the woman chosen for this arrangement.

"i hate her." was all renji could muster.

"what makes you hate her? she seems sweet and capable." ichigo questions.

"it's exactly why i hate her. she was nothing but nice to me at the dinner where we met. then she started ignoring me when we see each other in the halls, she goes out of her way to avoid me when she sees me. and i found her practicing sparring by herself one night. she's not fragile, she's very capable of fighting. she's not herself because of that bastard father of hers and i hate her for not being able to be true to herself. i can't stop thinking about her and i hate her because of it." renji tells ichigo.

"sounds like you don't hate her at all buddy. but that's just my opinion." ichigo pauses. "listen, try to hate her all you want, but i think it's gonna be a lot harder to keep hating her the more you see her. you're just being a big idiot about this."

"i am not being an idiot! do you wanna be helpful or do you wanna fight me?!" renji exclaimed.

"just shut up you idi-" ichigo was cut off.

"renji! (y/n) collapsed and you're needed at the infirmary!" orihime bursts into renji's room with rukia at her side.

"we don't know much, but you were requested so you should hurry." rukia tells him.

the three friends watched as renji stood up and rushed out of the room.

"something is telling me that he doesn't actually hate her..." ichigo tells the two women.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

sitting next to you in the infirmary room, renji wonders why you would've collapsed. you looked fine last week when you two were arguing.

"she's severely dehydrated, she's borderline starving and she's been pushing herself way too hard in her personal time. mr (l/n), we think it's best to keep her here overnight and for you to stop having her train so intensely. it was highly irresponsible to push her so much before the wedding." renji hears the doctor say. he couldn't be bother to turn and look at the doctor because he was too busy observing you. he was now noticing how tired your eyes looked, even while asleep. he noticed the slight paleness to your skin as well making him wonder how bad you really were if he never noticed these things that seemed so obvious now.

"we think it's best if renji takes care of her while she rests and recovers and that you step back from your daughter." the doctor states.

"how could you-" your father was cut off by renji.

"just listen to them. you're gonna end up killing her if she continues like this." renji says, looking at your father from where he was sitting. "unless that's what you're trying to do, which at this point could get you into some serious trouble here in the soul society. we wouldn't want anything to happen to you now would we mr (l/n)? remember that you’re not in the world of the living right now and we have slightly different customs here.”

"no, of course not lieutenant abarai." your father says, leaving the room.

"is there anything i can do to help her? or do we have to wait for her to wake up?" renji asks the doctor.

"for now, we wait. she should wake up soon." the doctor answers. "if you need anything, just shout and someone will come."

"thank you." renji says, turning back to look at you.

what a mess he found himself in. he wanted to hate you. he did hate you. you were insufferably on his mind at all times, it was a distraction.

while he sat there at your side, rukia visited renji to talk to her old friend.

"you know, i don't think it's such a bad thing to like her. you both are in an awful situation. so instead of trying to force yourself to hate her because you're upset with the situation, why don't you try to enjoy the time you're inevitably going to have with her?" rukia said to him, taking his hand. "i know it must be hard to go through this, but remember that you're not alone. she's going through the exact same situation that you are."

rukia stood and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"she's a nice girl, being married to her won’t be as bad as you’re making it out to be.” she then exited the room.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

renji could feel someone's hand on the back of his head, lightly moving the hair under his hair tie without disrupting it. it felt nice, the hand would occasionally scratch in some places making renji let out a sigh of content.

"renji?" he heard you whisper.

remembering what happened while he was awake last, renji's head shot up and his eyes locked onto yours as you pulled your hand closer to yourself. you looked a little better now that you had rested.

"(y/n)! how are you feeling? do you need anything? should i grab a doctor? do you want me to-" renji's blurting was interrupted by you starting to giggle at him.

as you laughed, he watched the shoulder of your hospital gown fall slightly, revealing the large splotch of a bruise.

"who did this to you?" renji asked quietly, his hand coming up to adjust the gown back up to keep you covered.

"who do you think?" you questioned, knowing eyes peering into his.

"i think i heard my lovely daughter was-AH" your father barely made it into the doorway before renji was standing in front of him, blocking your father from entering the room.

"if you even think about entering this room, i won't be responsible for what happens to you. so i think it'd be best if you left before i'm forced to do something that i won't regret, to you." renji said with a fake smile.

"this is twice now that you've threatened me, boy. i won't tol-" your father's voice faltered when renji's hand connected with his throat, gripping it tightly.

"renji! it's okay, please let him go and we can handle this without getting violent." he heard you plead, your hand on his bicep.

looking down at you in the corner of his eye, renji could see the desperation in your eyes, making him drop your father.

"what's all this commotion?!" a doctor exclaimed seeing your father rub his throat and the upset on renji's face.

"please escort mr (l/n) out of here and make sure that he doesn't have access to (y/n)'s room. he won't be allowed near her until she decides she wants him near her." renji ordered.

"of course lieutenant abarai. i'll have a nurse come and help you right away while i sort this out." the doctor said.

"thank you renji, you didn't have to do that." you thanked. "y'know, no one has ever defended me like that before. and yet you seem to hate me so i don't understand why you did that."

"i do hate you. well i don't. i hate this situation that we've been put into. and i'm upset at you for being... well basically perfect. i wanted to hate you and live without you. i wanted to hate you so we could do our own thing and essentially be... not married." renji grabbed your hands, blurting out his feelings as he looked into your eyes. "but you consume my entire being when i get to see you. and when i can't see you, i'm craving you. even though we don't know each other at all. i want to know you. everything about you. i want to pick your brain apart and i want to spar with you. i want you to think you can beat me in a fight and you try, but i win like always. i won't let you lose all the time though, you need to win sometimes. i want to hear about the new book you're reading. i want..." renji trailed off when you moved your hands away from his to cradle his face.

"you... the man that you are." you laughed in disbelief and shook your head. "i want to try this marriage thing with you."

"...you what? ...you do?" he asked, believing you were going to reject him.

"sure, like you said, we don't know a lot about each other. but we have 3 weeks until the wedding to get to know each other." you said. "a lot can happen in 3 weeks."

"i can't believe that earlier today, he was telling me that he hated this girl." both you and renji turned to see ichigo and rukia standing in the hallway, watching you two.

"RUKIA HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?!" you yelled, embarassed.

"ICHIGO SHUT THE FUCK UP!" renji yelled at the same time.

"sorry! we'll leave you two alone!!" rukia laughed, closing the door to your room and pushing ichigo away from the room.

looking up at renji as he looked down at you, you grabbed his face, stood on your tippy toes, and pulled him into a kiss. he couldn't help letting out a sigh of content, and pull you closer into him.

he could get used to this, if this is what life was going to be like married to you.

[somanyratsinthewalls]

Burning Hearts Chapter 21

Pairing: Law x Straw Hat Zoan Type (named) OC 

Summary: You’ve spent a year with Law and the Heart Pirates now. Law is still pressing to unlock the full capabilities of your devil fruit powers as a mythical zoan type, but you’ve got other things on your mind. You’ve uncovered Law’s plan to kill Doflamingo, but you’ve resigned to not stop him and accept the way things are meant to be. He needs you. Your heart lies half with Law, but half at home with the Straw Hats. 

Taglist: @zoros-fourth-sword @cottoncandyloverrrr @airwolf92 @nothing-but-brass @tuskjohnny

WC: 2200

MINORS DNI ADULT CONTENT!!! (no smut this chapter but mentions of abuse and murder)

Burning Hearts Chapter 21: An Attempt

— — 

Law was worried. 

The first day after Greyjaw’s letter left Daisy oscillating between dry heaves and violent sobbing. Once she had vomited and cried herself out, she slept. She didn’t leave Law’s bed for two more days, refused food and barely drinking water. The fact she refused to consume anything was the reason Law wouldn’t leave her side. After her collapse in the kitchen, the crew offered to help her into her own bed but Law had insisted she needed medical attention and would see to her in the medical suite adjacent to his bedroom. 

What the Heart Pirate crew didn’t know is he had moved her into his private bedroom instead of the medical suite, and his interest in her condition was far greater than just medical concern.

Law sat on the floor, parallel to Daisy’s sleeping form above him on his bed, stroking her arm softly as he held a psychiatric journal in his other hand. 

“Hmmph…” Daisy stirred and turned over under his grey, sealskin blanket.  

“Hey…” Law put the book down and leaned towards her. “Have some water, okay?” He grabbed the glass off his messy nightstand and brought it up to her lips. “Just a sip? For me, yeah?” He tried to smile but couldn’t manage it. 

“Okay…” The tired, messy haired woman croaked. Her eyes fluttered further open. 

Law tipped the glass back and Daisy took a small sip. 

“There’s my girl…” Law cooed as he smoothed back her hair with one hand. Even her bright, grey eye had lost its signature sparkle. He felt the back of his throat tighten and pursed his lips to fight the feeling. 

“Law… I-…” She starts. 

“Yes? Anything you need, I’ll get it for you.” Law asks. 

“No… I… I’m.. I’m sorry..” Daisy sits up on the bed and rolls her legs over the edge, the most she’d moved in days. “I’m sorry I brought this here… I need to leave… for the good of-"

“No.” Law cut her off. “You’re not going anywhere. I’m not afraid of him. None of us are.” He brings his hand under her chin as he sits up on his knees in front of her on the floor. “We’ll get through this together. I promise.” 

Law doesn’t wait for a response before he presses his lips softly to hers. He cups the back of her neck and holds her against him tenderly. 

Daisy pulls back, trying to manage a smile and she strokes his cheek. 

“How long was I-“

***BOOM*** 

“What the fuck was that?” Daisy’s eyes shoot open wide with panic. 

“Sounds like someone-“ Law starts before the door to his bedroom is kicked open.

“Captain! The base is under attack! It’s coming from the bay!” Bepo’s voice echoed through the metal walls of Law’s captain’s quarters. 

Daisy’s body goes rigid under Law’s touch. 

“It’s him. It has to be.” She says plainly, staring right through Law. 

“Bepo, get everyone out of the base except for Shachi, Penguin, and yourself. I’ll need you out there with me. Make sure the rest of the crew makes it to safety first-“ Law orders his first mate. 

“Aggh!” 

Law turns back to Daisy and suddenly she’s doubled over on her hands and knees on the steel floor of his room. 

“Daisy? What’s wrong? What are your symptoms?” He asks, frantically. 

“Shit- AHH!” Daisy curses then wretches forward, her black wings sprouting out of her bare, pale back exposed by her nightgown. “I don’t think-“ The fragment followed by a violent heave. A hollow belch produced a clearly involuntary fireball from her throat, singeing a hole in the floor. 

“Bepo… Get everyone out of here… NOW!” Law commands as he looks back over his shoulder. 

The polar bear nods and hurries out the door from which he came. 

“Law…” The name comes out as a guttural growl as Daisy writhes against the floor. “You need to leave- PLEASE!” She cries out as a long, scaly tail grows from her backside and twitches restlessly. 

“I… I’m not going anywhere… I’m right here baby, just relax…. Just breathe… It’ll be okay…” Law holds his hands out as he approaches her now much larger form. “I’m not scared… I love you…” 

Heavy breaths and deep pants come from Daisy as those horns that Law had only seen once before protrude from her skull… were they even larger now? And what was that down her back? Were those spikes? 

“No.. Law this is different… please get out…” Daisy lifts her head from the floor to look at him and he gasps. 

The only recognizable feature in her face was her differently colored eyes, both glowing with rage. 

Her body had doubled in size and taken a bipedal form, face horrifically contorted into an angular, draconic image. Her wings were nearly three times the size he had seen them before and smoke was billowing from her nostrils. Law knew what her Awakened Zoan Form was capable of… but he never expected to see it now. 

Law was broken from his trance by a heavy, black claw slamming into the ground in front of him before a long roar echoed throughout the base. 

“ROOM!” 

— — 

Law materialized on the beach outside the Heart Pirate's base. He looked out into the bay and saw a large pirate ship with its cannons bared in his direction. The boat flew a painfully familiar Jolly Roger. It flew the symbol he had removed from Daisy’s abdomen. 

He looked to his right and saw Penguin, Shachi, and Bepo running to join him. 

“Captain!” Penguin hollered as the three of them approached. “Where’s-“

***ROOOOOOAAR***

The sound of shattering wood and breaking metal filled the tense air. The four of them turned their heads towards the base to see a black creature nearly 3 stories tall burst out of the base’s ceiling and take to the air. Another screech hits their ears after the sound of a few heavy wingbeats. 

“That isn’t…. Right?” Shachi asks, horrified as he stares at the dragon in the air above them. 

The men were silent for a moment as the monster streaked across the sky towards the enemy ship. 

“I’m afraid it is.” Law unsheathes his sword. 

“So… what do we do? We can’t hurt Miss Daisy…” Bepo begins. 

“Well we can’t just let her-“ Penguin retorts. 

*SLAM*

*SCREECH*

Before Law had a chance to intervene, the enormous black wyvern he had come to know as his lover had landed hard on the deck of the ship and began lighting the boat up with dragon fire. 

Several minutes of carnage go by. 

Law and his crew watch from the beach as Greyjaw’s ship goes up in flames. Law can see silhouettes of men jumping overboard, choosing to drown instead of being ripped apart by teeth and claws or scorched to death by dragon fire. Law’s brows furrowed for a moment… it was brutal… but it was what they deserved.

Anyone who had any part of hurting Daisy deserved the worst and this sick fate would be too kind for them. 

The ship slowly sank into the sea, the tentacled Jolly Roger flapping sadly against the broken mast. 

Although the fight had been won, the giant beast continued its rampage. Fire streamed from its jaws and its massive talons ripped apart the last of the men on the deck. Just before the last bits of driftwood slipped into the water, the dragon cried out again and took alight into the cold winter sky. 

A long, lamenting roar rang out as fire lit up the sky. Daisy flew back towards the island, growling and bellowing all while spewing fire to singe the treetops. Law saw she was headed towards the mountain at the center of the island. 

“Stop the fires. I’ll find her.” He tells his crew. 

— — 

Law followed the trail of smoke and ashes through the woods. 

He held his arm over his mouth and nose as he approached the mountain, trying his bed to avoid any smoke inhalation… he knew he was getting close. The trees around him became increasingly burnt, the tall winter grasses towards this part of the mountain were turned to cinders. 

Law came upon a large-mouthed cave in the side of the mountain and felt a large gust of hot air coming from within. 

“Daisy?” Law called out. He coughed. “Daisy it’s me. Just me.” He trudged further into the cave. 

The walls of the cave lit up in a burst of flames. 

“Go away!” 

The voice sounded gravely and weak. 

“Now you know I can’t do that….” Law says as he stepped gingerly further into the cave. 

“It’s.. AH!” A gust of hot air rushed towards Law, causing his hair to blow back and sweat droplets to form on his neck. 

“I know… You’re still running too hot… but I’m not leaving…” Law continues to move forward cautiously. “I need to see if you’re hurt…” 

Law rounds a bend in the tunnel and finds a nude body laying on the floor of the cave in the fetal position. Daisy’s body has returned to her human form, but the energy was still causing her to radiate heat. The air around her was distorted like the ground on a hot summer day, steam rising towards the high ceiling of the cave. Her shoulders shook as she struggled to catch her breath. 

“You can’t!” Daisy tries to sit up and face Law. “It’s not safe!” Another fireball belches from her throat and she recoils in on herself again. 

Law raises a turquoise sheathed hand and materializes the fireball away. 

“It’s okay… I just need to see you…” Law gets as close as he can before he feels his skin blister from the heat and recoils. “Let me see that you’re okay…” 

“I’m fine!” Daisy musters as loudly as she can. “Leave me here. I’ll come back when I can…” 

“I’ll never leave you.” Law answers immediately without thinking. He sits cross legged as close as he can get to his lovers burning form without getting hurt himself. “I’m staying here until you cool off.”

“And..” Daisy lets out a hot sigh, stone cave floor beneath her turning to mud. “And if I don’t?”

“Then I stay here forever.” Law answers. 

Tears spill over from Daisy’s eyes as she begins to sob. Oh how Law wished he could scoop her up into his arms and comfort her if it wouldn’t kill him in the process. 

Minutes go by with no words spoken. 

“Well, it’s over isn’t it?” Law asks. 

Daisy lets out a sad laugh. 

“No. He sent his lackeys. He wasn’t on the ship.” The orange and blue flames surrounding Daisy’s prone body simmered down. “He’d never show up like this. This was merely the first wave.” She sighs again. “This was child’s play.” 

Law crawls closer to her as her temperature lowers. 

“You think he’ll be back?”

“Yes. I know he will.” 

“Then you’ll be ready.” Law responds, firmly. He waits another few minutes, hearing her breathing begin to regulate. “You handled this one within ten minutes. You’ve awakened your devil fruit powers, as long as you learn to control them you can-“

“I killed maybe a hundred men in ten minutes. I don’t want that power!” Daisy’s flames flare up again. “I… I’m scared… I'm scared I can’t control it. That I’ll freak out again and hurt someone I care about… someone like you or Luffy or Zoro or Nami or Chopper or Brook or-“

“You won’t. You didn’t today. You could have burned the base to the ground after you sunk the ship but you didn’t. You can control this…. I’ll help you.” Law tries his best not to pull away further after her outburst, but it nearly singed his eyebrows off. “I’m staying here then I’m taking you back to the base. I’m not going back without you.” 

Daisy sighs. 

“Deep breaths… try to rest….” Law continues, sneaking a few inches closer…

— — 

WE’RE BACK BITCHES (smut in the next chap I promise) THANK YOU all for staying with it! Daisy is getting real scary and powerful and I just think that’s neat :) Law is becoming a serious ride or die for our gal and I can’t wait until she kicks even more ass. Oh, also please comment! I love feedback! And send ideas for this series or one shots! My inbox is open!