#but right now i am going to go sleep because i have to wake up in less than 5 hours goodnight
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Death of a Bachelor Part 2
The Wedding
summary: you're marrying the one and only special grade sorcerer: ryomen sukuna. wk: 5.1k (sry)
<- Part 1
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Sukuna POV | 3:00 am
âYou wouldnât be doing this if you didnât believe it was worth it,â Nanamiâs words echoed in Sukunaâs head throughout the night, sneaking into his dreams. Was tying himself down, forever, really the right decision?
Sukuna tossed and turned before eventually he just sat up and threw his covers off of him. He didnât bother to throw a shirt on and walked straight to the kitchen. Maybe some water will help. He chugged the glass then drank another and another, yet his head still remained foggy. Fuck. Iâve never felt like this before. What the hell is this?
Not wanting to bother waking you with a text or call, Sukuna unlocks his phone and types a message to the one person he can trust to talk to right now. His assistant.
Sukuna: I know youâre awake. You want to swing by? Uraume: No. Sukuna: I wasnât asking Uraume: ITâS 3AM SUKUNA! Sukuna: Look I wouldnât ask if it wasnât important, just get over here.
Ten minutes pass until Uraumeâs short figure is knocking at Sukunaâs door. They quickly enter Sukunaâs security code and just walk through the door, finding a shirtless Sukuna downing another glass of water in his kitchen.Â
âYou made it,â Sukunaâs voice was lighter than his normal tone. You and Uraume are the only two people who get to see or hear that side of him. âI know itâs late, I justâ â
âNervous?â Uraume concluded with a nod.
âI donât get nervous.â
âSureâŚâ The silence was thick enough to slice through the air. âSo, why was I summoned here at three am.â
âStop acting like you werenât already awake.â
âMaybe I was busy.â
âYou donât have a life,â Sukuna smirked. âI am your life.â
âWhatever,â the white haired assistant grumbled with an eye roll. They sat on a barstool near the kitchen island, arms together, waiting for an explanation.Â
Sukuna paced. âI donât want any more damn water, but ââ he walked back and forth around his large kitchen. âI love y/n, I really do. But for the first time in my life, something is happening to me that I canât just overcome with my raw strength or power. Itâs⌠unsettling.â
Uraume raised an eyebrow, watching as Sukuna continued his pacing like a caged animal. âYouâre unsettled because this isnât something you can just fight your way through. You actually have to feel it.â
Sukuna stopped mid-step, scowling at them. âTch. Donât start getting all philosophical on me.â
Uraume shrugged. âJust saying. Youâre afraid of something, and it sure as hell isnât her.â
Sukuna exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair. âIâm not afraid.â The words came out too fast, too defensive. Even he could hear it. He turned, gripping the edge of the kitchen counter. âItâs just⌠different. No opponent. No enemy. Just me deciding to be with her. And no matter how strong I am, I canât control the future.â
Uraume tilted their head. âSo? You still want to marry her, donât you?â
Sukunaâs jaw clenched. His thoughts flickered to you, your laughter, the way you challenged him without fear, your unmistakable otherworldly beauty, your strength, the way your nails dig into his back when heâs giving it to you so good. The way your touch softened the jagged edges of his world.
ââŚYeah,â he admitted, his voice quieter now. âMore than anything.â
Uraume smirked, standing up. âThen quit your bitching and go to sleep. Youâve got a long day ahead of you.â
Sukuna groaned. âYouâre so damn annoying.â
âJust returning the favor.âAfter a hug and a promise to be early at the wedding, Uraume let themself out. Sukuna trugged back to his bed and tried to get some rest. He really did try. His mind was flooded with thoughts of you and the joy you bring him. From memories of how you two met, fighting curses together, your first date, to the moment he proposed to you.
Fuck it. I have to see her.
Your window was unlocked. Again. As frustrating as it was, you forgetting to lock it, Sukuna was glad he had an easy way to get inside your room. Damn it, woman he thought. Youâre gonna be the death of me.
Youâre mumbling in your sleep when the movement and sound of your blankets rustling cause you to wake. You blink back your tiredness, head still pounding from the previous night. It takes a few moments until you spot those iconic black tattoos. Sukuna had made his way into your bed.
âK-kuna?â you gasp confused. âWhat are you doing here?â
âI just,â he started. He gently placed a large hand on your head, running it through your hair. âI needed to see you.â
âYou know, itâs bad luck to see a bride on the day of her wedding,â you joked. Your fingers curl around his wrist, holding him close as you nuzzle into his touch. âYou okay?â
âTch. Of course, I am,â he scoffs, but the way his thumb brushes against your cheek betrays his words.
You hum sleepily, watching his sharp eyes soften under the dim light. âYou sure? Because I think you might be the one getting cold feet.â
Sukuna huffs a laugh, shaking his head. âYouâre really testing me, sweetheart.â
You grin lazily. âJust making sure youâre not gonna ditch me at the altar.â
His grip tightens slightly, just enough to remind you of his strength. âI should be worried about you running off,â he mutters. âWouldnât put it past you to get second thoughts at the last second.â
You let out a soft giggle, shaking your head. âNot a chance.â
âGood.â Thereâs a flicker of something unreadable in his eyes before he leans down, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead. âYou better not change your mind, woman. If you leave me at the altar, Iâll burn the whole damn city down.â
Your body leans into him, so naturally. He gives you another kiss, this time on your mouth. And then another, each kiss getting more and more dominating. âI should take you right now. Make sure you know exactly who you belong to before you walk down that aisle.â
You gasp into his mouth, nodding at his offer. Heâs already seen you. Your wedding luck canât get any worse if you let him have his way with you. Each kiss of his seemingly takes your breath away. You're panting like an animal before Sukuna finally slows down, gripping the sheets instead. This isnât the time, he thinks to himself.
As your breathing evens out, Sukuna pulls back, letting you lay on his chest. It only takes a few moments before youâre drifting off again and heâs watching the way your lips part slightly in sleep. His hand drags over your blankets before he finally pulls away, slipping out as quietly as he came. After seeing you, his head is clearer than ever. Once Sukuna reaches his home, heâs finally able to peacefully sleep.
The next time Sukuna opens his eyes, golden sunlight spills across his sheets, creeping up his bare chest like a silent reminder that today is the day.
For the first time in hours, he feels rested. No more restless pacing, no more unanswered questions. He knows what he wants. And in just a few hours, youâll be his.
A sharp knock on the door pulls him from his thoughts.
âGet up,â Uraumeâs voice cuts through the morning stillness. âItâs your wedding day.â
Sukuna exhales through his nose, running a hand down his face before swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. As soon as he opens the door, Uraume pushes past him, already assessing the situation with their usual cold efficiency.
"At least you donât look like shit," they remark, scanning his face.
Sukuna smirks. âAnd here I thought you were gonna say something sentimental.â
âWhy would I start now?â Uraume shoves a garment bag into his chest. âShower then get dressed.â
Sukuna sighs but doesnât argue. He strips out of his sweatpants and steps into the bathroom, quickly showering before putting on his crisp, custom-tailored suit waiting for him. Black and red, sleek, fitted to perfection, because of course, he refuses to look anything less than perfect. His hands move on instinct, buttoning the cuffs, adjusting the collar.
As he fastens the last button, Uraume watches him carefully. âYouâre really doing this.â
Sukuna meets their gaze in the mirror. His reflection stares back, tattoos sharp against his skin, eyes burning with something rare and untamed.
âYeah,â he murmurs. âI am.â
A rare, knowing smile tugs at Uraumeâs lips. âThen letâs go. Canât have your bride waiting.â
The ride to the shrine is quiet. Sukuna stares out the tinted window, fingers tapping idly against his knee. Uraume sits beside him, but neither of them speak. Thereâs nothing to say.
For the first time in years, heâs not walking into a battlefield. No enemies to kill, no grudges to settle. Just a shrine filled with people waiting for him to witness him make a promise he never thought heâd be the type to make.
The car slows to a stop just outside Meiji Jingu Shrine, its towering torii gate standing tall against the early morning sky. The sun filters through the dense forest surrounding the grounds, casting golden rays onto the stone pathways leading to the main shrine complex. The air is crisp, laced with the faint scent of cypress and incense.
As soon as Sukuna steps out, a familiar voice calls his name.
"Uncle Sukuna!"
He turns just in time to catch Yuji barreling toward him, weaving past guests and attendants. The kid skids to a stop right before impact, grinning up at him with the same bright-eyed excitement that always makes Sukuna sigh. Choso follows at a slower pace, his hands tucked into the sleeves of his formal kimono, his expression more reserved.
"You look cool," Yuji says, rocking on his heels. "Like, scary cool. But also, like⌠kinda groom-y."
Sukuna scoffs. "That supposed to be a compliment?"
Yuji nods enthusiastically. "Obviously."
Choso elbows him lightly. "Donât be annoying." Then, turning to Sukuna, he hesitates before muttering, "You clean up well."
Sukuna raises a brow. "Thatâs the best Iâm getting?"
Choso shrugs. "Yeah."
Tch. Brats.
Still, he ruffles Yujiâs hair, earning a squawk of protest, and nods at Choso in acknowledgment. This was it. His nephews, the only family he had. And somehow, knowing they were here made something settle in his chest.
"Alright," Uraume cuts in, ever the practical one. "Itâs time."
Sukuna exhales slowly, rolling his shoulders. Then, without another word, he steps beneath the torii gate, following the path leading toward the main shrine, where the rest of his life is waiting.
The path toward the shrine is lined with guests, all of them bowing their heads in respect. Sukuna doesnât care for the formalities, but he appreciates their sincerity. This isnât a day for indulgence or power, this is something deeper. Something... personal.
Yuji and Choso follow closely behind him, their presence a reminder of why he's here. His nephews, his family. The only ones who ever mattered to him. Their voices barely audible above the murmur of the crowd, until they scramble off to find their seats.
The main shrine comes into view, an elegant structure framed by tall trees and hanging lanterns. The guests are seated in rows, faces mostly unfamiliar, though a few nod their heads in recognition as he approaches.
He can already feel the weight of all their eyes on him. The anticipation. The expectation.
Just before he reaches the steps leading to the shrine, he quietly hands Uraume a small velvet box from his pocket. They take it without question.
It felt absurd to be holding onto them â the rings. Marriage, commitment, wasnât something he ever saw himself doing. But here he is, with his past behind him and a future he never expected waiting ahead.
As he ascends the stairs, his mind drifts to you. Youâre just beyond these doors. Waiting.
He could hear the soft murmurs of the crowd, feel their gazes tracing his every movement.
Thereâs no turning back now.
The thought flickers across his mind, but before he can give it too much attention, Nanamiâs voice cuts through his thoughts, clear and sharp: âYou wouldnât be doing this if you didnât believe it was worth it.â
His lips curl into a smirk, but thereâs no denying the truth in those words. Heâs here because, despite everything heâs done, everything heâs been through, this matters.
He doesnât know when it happened, when you became more than just a fleeting moment in his life. The woman who challenged him. Who made him feel things he couldnât control.
It doesnât matter.
Sukuna steps inside the shrine, his heart thrumming in his chest, loud enough for him to hear it over the soft sounds of the ceremony music.
Nanamiâs words echo again, not just in his mind, but in the space around him. The weight of the promise heâs about to make settles in with a gravity he canât ignore.This is worth it. For you.
The moment the ceremony begins, Sukuna stands at the altar, his gaze momentarily flickering toward the door. The air is thick with anticipation, and the soft rustle of the crowd fades into a distant hum. Then, like a dream unfolding before his eyes, you step into the doorway, framed by the soft glow of the templeâs sacred light.
Your wedding dress is a vision of elegance, designed to make even the most confident man lose his composure. The black and red fabric hugs your body in all the right places before cascading into a soft, layered skirt that flows gracefully as you move. The lace is so soft, almost translucent, a whisper of romance in every stitch. The long, flowing train drags gently behind you, catching the light with each step, creating an almost dreamlike aura as you make your way toward Sukuna.
His breath catches in his throat the second his eyes land on you, and for a moment, the world around him blurs. His heart beats a little faster, more erratically than usual, as if the weight of the moment has hit him all at once. You're breathtaking. This vision of you in this dress, is nothing like anything he ever imagined. He canât look away, his sharp red eyes drinking in the sight of you as though he's afraid this moment will slip away if he dares to blink.
Sukuna canât help but feel a tightness in his chest as he watches you approach, the red veil adding to your allure, making the moment feel all the more surreal. This woman, walking towards him, is no longer just the one who challenged him: she is the one who has captured his heart in a way he never thought possible.
You walk toward him, and despite the crowdâs presence, it feels like itâs just the two of you in the room. His fingers twitch at his sides, aching to pull you into his arms, but he remains still, unable to tear his gaze away. His heart swells with pride, love, and an emotion he rarely allows himself to feel so fully. You are his everything.
On your slow descent toward the love of your life, you hear lots of happy chants and whistles from your co-workers. The loudest of them all being from the one and only Satoru Gojo. You shake your head at his aloofness and keep your composure.
When you reach the altar, Sukunaâs hand finally moves, the tremor in his fingers betraying his usual confident demeanor. He reaches out for you, his thumb brushing against your hand as if confirming you're really here, with him, in this moment. The dress, the ceremony, everything fades as he pulls you closer, his eyes never leaving yours.
"You're perfect," Sukuna mutters under his breath, a soft growl of appreciation that somehow, only you can hear. There's a flicker of something deep in his eyes, something tender, something real. His lips press together in a firm line as he forces himself to maintain his composure, but the awe in his expression is undeniable.
Like a deadly silent ninja, Uraume quickly sneaks past the old priest to hand him the rings then back to their seat.Â
The priest smiles, happily accepting them. The soft murmur of the crowd fades into silence as you and Sukuna stand facing each other, hands clasped tightly.Â
âWe gather today to witness the union of y/n and Sukuna under the guidance of the kami," the short man starts. "Let us call upon the divine spirits to bless this marriage.â The man opens up the box with the rings, then gestures for you and Sukuna to take them. He nods, signalling for you two to state your vows.
The weight of the moment hangs between you; this promise, these words, are more than just tradition. They're a reflection of everything you've both experienced, everything youâve shared, and everything that lies ahead.
Sukunaâs gaze doesnât waver from you as he begins, his voice steady but filled with depth, âI wonât lie and say I always believed in something like this. In love, in a promise like marriage. But you, Y/N⌠youâre different. Youâve turned everything I knew upside down. Youâve made me want to be someone better. So today, I vow to you, with everything I am, that I will never stop fighting for you.â He takes your ring and slides it onto your finger.
His voice drops lower, softer, yet the intensity of his words cuts through the air like a blade, sharp and true. âI vow to protect you, no matter the cost. To shield you from the world, and to make sure that, for as long as I breathe, nothing comes between us. You are mine, and I am yours. And I will never, ever let you go. Even if the world itself crumbles, I will stand by your side.â
He pauses, his eyes softening as they meet yours. For a brief moment, you catch the flicker of vulnerability in them, something raw, something real. He inhales, then continues, his words heavy with sincerity, âI vow to stand by your side, not just as your husband, but as your equal. To never let you feel alone, to always listen when you speak, and to give you everything I have. My loyalty, my strength, and all my love.â
Your heart thumps in your chest, a rush of emotions surging through you. Sukuna, the same man who once swore heâd never be tied down, now stands before you, giving you these promises, words that hold weight far beyond what any ring or ceremony could represent. The tears you are fighting so hard to keep back start to overflow, softly drifting down your cheeks.
His lips curl into a rare, soft smile, one only you could elicit, and he finishes, his voice steady but imbued with something deeper than words, âI vow to be yours in every way, now and forever.â
The crowd stays silent, but you feel the energy of the moment, the promise that is now sealed between you both.
You take a deep breath, feeling the gravity of what youâre about to say, and when you speak, your voice is clear and unwavering, despite the emotions swirling inside you. âI used to believe that love was just a word, a concept meant to keep people tied to promises they couldnât keep. But then you came into my life, and everything changed. You showed me that love isnât just about words or gestures. Itâs about the actions, the choices we make, every single day.â
You take his ring and slide it onto his finger, your hands trembling slightly. âSo today, I vow to you that I will stand by you, in the good and the bad, when the world is bright and when itâs dark. I vow to never give up on us, no matter the challenges we face. I promise to face them with you, because together, weâre unstoppable.â
You take another breath, meeting his eyes with a fierce sincerity. âI vow to love you, with everything I have, every single day. To choose you, even when itâs hard, and to never let go of what weâve built. I promise to be your strength when you falter, your peace when the world is too much, and your home, always.â
A brief moment of silence passes between you, as if the weight of your words is sinking in, deep into your hearts.Â
âI vow to honor you, not just as my husband, but as my equal, my partner, my family,â you whisper, your eyes never leaving his. âIâll never let you feel unimportant, never let you feel alone. Youâre the reason I can face the future with hope. And Iâll do everything I can to make sure you never have to face it without me by your side.â
Sukunaâs breath catches at the weight of your words, and for a moment, you both are lost in each otherâs gazeâthe vows hanging in the air, binding you together forever.
Finally, the old priest smiles, his voice soft as he claps and says, âYou have both expressed your vows, your promises to each other. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife!â
The crowd exhales in unison, the sound of applause echoing through the shrine, but all Sukuna hears is the steady rhythm of his heart. Out of the corner of his eye, Sukuna sees Geto throwing his fist into the air and Gojo waving a sign that says âDeath of a Bachelor.â (Gojoâs handwriting is abysmal)
Without hesitation, Sukunaâs hand tightens around yours, and he leans down, pushing back your veil, pulling you close. His lips meet yours in a kiss thatâs anything but soft. Itâs rough, commanding, and filled with the intensity of everything heâs promised. Itâs a kiss that doesnât hold back, just as he never does. The passion behind it burns hot, sealing the vows with the raw, undeniable force of his love. The tenderness heâs capable of is there, but itâs wrapped in the fierceness that defines him: no hesitation, no doubt.
For a brief moment, time stands still, the kiss, everything and nothing all at once, and you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is real. This is your forever.
The after-party began immediately, the transition from ceremony to celebration seamless. After a few obligatory photos, some formal, some candid (and more than a few where Sukuna looked like he was barely tolerating the process), he wasted no time leading you to the dance floor, his grip firm yet possessive around your hand.
The guests expected the first dance to be a typical âslow, romantic, something traditionalâ type song. Instead, the opening chords of Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters" echoed through the venue, the deep, familiar melody sending a ripple of surprise through the crowd.
You looked up at Sukuna, half amused, half touched. Of course, he'd do something unexpected. And yet, as he pulled you into his arms, swaying with effortless confidence, you knew there wasnât a song more fitting for the two of you.
Your hands slid up to rest behind his neck, fingers tracing the short hairs at his nape. He held your waist, guiding you with an ease that made it feel as if you'd danced together a thousand times before. The world faded away as you moved in sync, each step, each turn, every brush of your bodies speaking a language only the two of you understood.
Sukuna leaned in, his breath warm against your ear as he murmured along with the song, his voice husky and deliberate. âNo, nothing else matters.â
Your chest tightened, your heart swelling with so much joy it felt like it might burst. You tilted your head back just enough to meet his gaze, and the look in his eyes made your stomach flip. There was no one else in this moment. Just you and him.
When the song ended, a small, energetic pink blur rushed toward you.
"Uncle Sukuna, dance with me!" Yuji beamed up at him, his excitement boundless as he tugged on his sleeve. Behind him, Choso and Nanami approached, both at a more measured pace, Nanami looking like he wasnât quite sure how he ended up here.
Sukuna let out a dramatic sigh, shaking his head. "Tch. Youâre lucky Iâm in a good mood, brat."
Yuji just grinned wider, grabbing his hand and pulling him onto the dance floor. The sight of Sukuna, formidable, untouchable Sukuna, humoring a child in the middle of his own wedding made your heart swell even more. Even Choso looked a little softer as he stood beside you, watching his little brother with something close to fondness.
Maybe someday you can have your own child with him.
You used the moment to mingle, accepting congratulations from guests, exchanging a few teasing words with Utahime, and even sharing a drink with Shoko and Nanami, who looked vaguely exhausted, but resigned to the festivities.
Eventually, Sukuna found his way back to you, as if drawn by an invisible thread, like he couldnât stand to be away from you for too long. His hands found your waist, pulling you against him as he leaned down, his lips ghosting over your ear.
âItâll be time for us to go soon,â he murmured, his voice low and promising. âIâve got plans for us.â The smirk he wore was nothing short of sinful, and the heat in his eyes sent a shiver down your spine.
Your fingers curled into his jacket, eyes narrowing in playful suspicion. âWhat kind of plans?â
Sukuna chuckled, his grip tightening just enough to make you feel it. âYouâll find out soon enough, sweetheart.â
And with that, the night continued, filled with laughter, stolen kisses, and the unshakable certainty that no matter what came next, you were exactly where you were meant to be.
As the night stretched on, laughter and music filled the air, the energy never waning. But soon, the time came for the final part of the evening: the send-off.Â
Surprisingly, Mei Mei had volunteered to help pack your honeymoon wardrobe. Probably, because she got to shop for everything herself, and the world knows that woman can shop.
Someone, probably Uraume, had rallied the guests to gather outside, lining the grand pathway leading to the sleek, black car waiting at the end. Lanterns and soft golden lights illuminated the space, casting a warm glow over the night. The atmosphere buzzed with excitement as everyone took their place, sparklers in hand, the flickering embers mirroring the stars overhead.
Sukuna stood beside you, his arm draped over your shoulders in a loose but possessive hold. He watched the scene with a raised brow, clearly unimpressed by the theatrics. "Tch. Is all this really necessary?"
You laughed, nudging him lightly. âLet them have their fun. Itâs not every day the mighty Sukuna gets married.â
His smirk was sharp as he leaned in. âNot every day someone makes me want to.â
The moment the two of you stepped forward, the crowd erupted into cheers. Sparks danced in the air as the sparklers lit up the path, and you felt the heat of Sukunaâs palm as he laced his fingers with yours. He led you forward, your steps slow at first, taking in the smiling faces, the warmth, the love that surrounded you.
Yuji and Ino were the loudest, waving their sparklers aggressively. Nanami stood off to the side, his nod of approval as subtle as ever. Uraume watched from the distance, arms crossed, but their lips twitched slightly, almost like they were proud.
Gojo, of course, was the most obnoxious.
âMY BOY! LOOK AT HIM!â He whistled loudly, practically bouncing on his feet. âDIDNâT THINK IâD LIVE TO SEE THE DAY!â
Shoko, standing beside him with a drink in hand, smirked. âI give it six months before she realizes what a pain in the ass he is.â
Mei Mei hummed in amusement. âI wouldâve put money on him staying a bachelor forever. Guess love really does make fools out of us all.â
Geto chuckled from beside her, arms crossed. âIf nothing else, itâll be entertaining to see him domesticated.â
Sukuna acted as if he hadnât heard any of them, but you felt the way his fingers flexed slightly around yours, the way his grip tightened like he was restraining himself from turning around and making very impolite comments.
Halfway down the path, Sukuna suddenly stopped. Before you could ask why, he turned to face you, eyes gleaming with something dark and unreadable. Then, in front of everyone, he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you into a deep, searing kiss, one meant to remind you, and everyone watching, exactly who you belonged to.
The crowd lost it.
Yuji let out a dramatic groan. âOH COME ON! GET A ROOM!â
Gojo cheered obnoxiously. âYEAH! THATâS MY KING!â He clapped loudly, nudging Geto. âTell me that wasnât the smoothest shit youâve ever seen.â
Geto sighed, shaking his head with a smirk. âI hate that I agree with you.â
Shoko rolled her eyes, raising her drink. âCheers to that poor woman. Sheâs in for a lifetime of that.â
A mixture of cheers, whistles, and dramatic groans (most likely from Yuji) filled the air. When he pulled back, Sukuna looked maddeningly pleased with himself. ��Had to make sure they know you're mine before I take you away.â
Your breath was shaky, but you managed to roll your eyes. âPretty sure they already know.â You wave your hand with the wedding ring and wiggle your fingers.
With that, he led you the rest of the way to the car. The door was held open, and before you could so much as settle in, Sukuna was right beside you, his hand already back on your thigh. The car pulled away, the glow of the sparklers fading into the distance, and with it, the last remnants of the wedding night.
Sukuna exhaled, finally alone with you. His fingers traced slow circles over your skin. âYou ready for the real fun to begin?â
Your stomach fluttered, anticipation thick in the air. âI should be asking you that.â
His grin was sharp, dangerous. âOh, sweetheart. You have no idea what you're in for.â
And with that, your honeymoon truly began.
<- Part 1
A/N I meant for this to be short, but I got carried away writing. I hope you guys enjoy the fluff though <3 Only one more chapter left of this story :)
not sure if you wanted to be tagged but just in case you did: @moonchhu
masterlist | jjk masterlist
#sukuna#jjk#sukuna x reader#sukuna smut#ryomen sukuna#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#sukuna ryomen#jjk fanfic#sukuna fanfic#wedding#divider by cafekitsune#sukuna fluff#jjk fluff
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"Missed your birthday?! I'll make it right up to you!!"
A very disastrous yet sweet belated birthday date~
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Jeongin x F!Reader
Genre: romance, hurt/comfort
Established relationship
Warnings: not much, just reader feels very disappointed and cries a lot. Slightly suggestive?
This isn't proofread so if you see any mistakes... No you don't đ¤¨đ¤¨ whatever do you mean??
tag list: @bluesungology @diabolicalkitkat @capricorn-girl0112 @daysofskz-ateez @neginktn @seoul1207
Masterlist
8th February. A day marked on every calender of your house. An alarm set as a reminder on different variations of clocks you own. And yet... And yet... "Waaahh!!! Jeongin-ah!! Im so sorryyyyy!!!" "Noonaaaaaa~!! It's okay!!"
You had somehow managed to forget your dearest baby bread, your most lovingest boyfriend's birthday amidst all the chaos of your life.
Every year, you and your boyfriend aka Yang Jeongin made it your mission to make each other's birthdays a grandeur celebration. Despite him being an idol, he always took care of you. Always made you feel special on your big day and you tried to give back your best in return as well.
That is... Until this year. February started off hectic. Neck deep in work. Running around, attending calls, meetings etc etc. Coming home at 12 am and leaving at 5 the next day. You were extremely sleep deprived. The only thing that did go on in your head was, well, work.
On your way back home, you bought a small cake (cuz you couldn't find anything better at the time). By the time you were home it was already 12:34 am. You gently creaked the door open to find your lovely boyfriend laying on the couch, asleep. He was probably waiting for you to be home.
As quietly as you could, you took out the cake from the box and lit a candle before gently waking him up. "Happy birthday, agipang~" you whispered softly.
As his eyes fluttered open, his pretty lips perked up into a smile, "you're home, noona?" He shuffled to get up and you moved to sit beside him, "you didn't have to..." He mumbled. "Whatever do you mean?? Of course I had to!!" You claimed. "Now make a wish and blow the candle!"
He chuckled before closing his eyes and clasping his hands to make a wish. And moments later, he gently blew the candle. You placed the cake on the coffee table to hug him tight, "Happy birthday again, Jeongin-ah~" you mumbled. "Thank you, noona.." he chuckled.
As he looked down, he noticed you had fallen asleep. As endearing as it was, he also felt a pang in his chest. A stupid sting because he knew no matter how much he prays or begs, you'll have to go to work early in the morning and you wouldn't be back before midnight.
The next morning, you woke up on your bed. Your lover fast asleep beside you, looking as peaceful as ever.
You got up as usual, got ready, made him some food, gave a soft kiss on his forehead and went to work. But alas... You forgot one key thing. Seaweed soup. A traditional korean birthday dish that you cook for him every year. Ever since you guys were friends 4 years ago. And now, having dated him for almost 2 years, it's become even more important.
You went out to work per usual. Another day of hectic chaos. Another day of missing your boyfriend. So much so that you felt like crying.
Finally the clocks ticked by. The busy period subsided. It was already 10th February. You got home, tired and exhausted. Jeongin wasn't waiting for you at the couch. You got to your room and there he was... Lying peacefully on the bed. Slow, gentle breathing. The way the moonlight fell on his back made it seem like he was glowing.
Times and times again you get reminded of how much love you have for this man. You walked up to him, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.
He groaned, his eyes fluttering open, "oh noona! You're home?" He got up immediately. Heck, you could even see puppy ears and tail with the way he looked at you. You sat down beside him, softly rubbing his cheek with your thumb as he leaned closer on your hand, "yup! Im back~" you smiled, "and I took a few days off too!"
He beamed up as he heard you. His smile growing wider. You gave him a kiss before getting up to freshen up. He whined, just a little, as he felt your absence once again. When you came out of the shower, he pulled you right in. Cuddling and hugging you like there's no tomorrow.
"gosh you little puppy! What's with you all of a sudden?" You giggled. "I just... I just feel really clingy all of a sudden..." He sighed, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. If you could, you would say a lot of things, really. But the constant battle of Work every day for the past 10 days took a great toll on your body. And hence, before you knew you it, you were out like a light.
The next day, you woke up to an empty bed. You woke up, groggily. "Where'd he go...?" You mumbled. Taking your phone in your hand, you checked the time. 1:45 pm. Beside your phone was a sticky note.
"Hey sleepyhead. Good... Morning(?) I went out to get some stuff from the store and you were out like a light. Don't worry too much. I'll be home a little late. Rest up more if you wanna! - your agipang"
"The nerve of this man to not wake me up-"
You took your phone and opened your messaging app after like a whole week. Your heart sank as you read Chan's texts.
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You felt so bad. He must have felt so bad too not having you with him like always. Just as you were thinking about how you could make it up to him, the door of your bedroom opened. And in came your beloved boyfriend with your favourite snacks.
"ah! Look who's awake! Ooh and i got you some snacks too!"
Just as he said that, with this... This loving tone of his... Water started spilling out of your eyes. "Waaahh!!! Jeongin-ah!! Im so sorryyyyy!!!" "Noonaaaaaa~!! It's okay!!"
"No it's not okay!! I missed your birthday! Im such a bad girlfriend!!"
"no come on! Don't say that! You were busy... I get it!!"
You sobbed even more like a child. Maybe it was the adrenaline rush that finally left your body after the hectic period but you just felt extremely emotional.
"I'll make it up to you! I'll plan the best date you've ever been on!!" You said, determined. He chuckled, coming closer to hug you and kiss you softly, "sure. If that's what you wanna do, I won't say no." He paused for a second, breaking away from the hug and looking down. His fingers intertwined as he sighed,
"I'm gonna be honest... I did feel a bit lonely and sad to not have you on my birthday... Sure, I had loads of fun with the members and my family on video call but... I missed your seaweed soup and the way you always make me feel so full..."
Even more tears came to surface as you heard him speak. You held him tight, repeating apologies and words of love over and over again.
In the end, you both ended up cuddling for a bit until he fell asleep in your arms. After making sure he was nice and deep in sleep, you got up slowly, making your way to the kitchen.
You felt so bad. So guilty. But you pushed your negative thoughts aside and started preparing to prepare the seaweed soup only to realise you were missing the main ingredient, the seaweed.
Panic was starting to set in because you had no idea when he would wake up. You ran to the store as fast you could. Thankfully, the store was significantly empty so you could get your stuff quickly.
It was a war, really. You rushed back as quick as you went. Panting, you tried to calm down. Food tastes the best when its made with love and care. Stressing out would only lead to mishaps. (I know a lot of y'all can't be calm in situations like these, so a little word for you; it's gonna be okay honey. Take it a little slow. You'll do great, I promise â¤ď¸)
Midway through cooking you heard the bedroom door open. Jeongin walked out of the door, rubbing his eye, "what're you doing noona?" He asked groggily. "Making my baby some soup~" you chuckled.
He sighed and smiled, walking up to you and hugging you from the back, his head rested on your left shoulder as he watched you cook. You stirred the pot and pat his head simultaneously. Taking a spoonful of the soup and blowing on it, you held it close to his lips. Without a thought, he took a bite. "So? How is it?" You asked, a curious smile curving your lips. "Mmm~ as good as ever~" he replied, snuggling into you even more, making you giggle.
That night, you both ordered his favourite takeout and watched a movie as you ate. You stayed up all night planning the perfect date for him. An early morning walk down the lake, breakfast at his favourite cafe, working out together since he's been really into it for a while now, lunch at his favourite restaurant and then make your way up to a park to digest the food before heading to the amusement park.
It was the perfect date in your head... Until it wasn't.
You happened to wake up late since you stayed up all night. The morning walk was delayed significantly. The cafe you were supposed to go to happened to be closed. So you guys had to settle for some street food. The gym was overly crowded that very day for some reason so the workout was cut short. The reservation for lunch wasn't confirmed so you guys had to wait for about an hour and a half to get food cuz the place was packed.
By the time you got to the park, you fell sobbing. You felt like such a failure. "Im sorry... Im so sorry..." You sniffled, "this was supposed to be fun... This was supposed to be perfect... Im so sorry, jeongin-ah..."
Jeongin hugged you tight immediately, "don't cry, noona... I did have fun." "But... I... I ruined everything... Nothing went according to plan and i... I feel so disappointed..." (Hug me by I.N literally started playing as I'm writing this hahaha)
"don't be disappointed. I really liked the tteokbboki we had. God, I haven't had some in ages! You have no idea how much I had been craving it. And hey, we didn't get to work out well together but we got to tour around the place and have ice cream! And the food during lunch was definitely worth the wait! Most importantly... You were here with me. The very fact that you did all of this just for me makes me feel like the luckiest man alive! And didnt you say you had the amusement park thing? That's still left isn't it?" He cupped your cheeks within the palms of his hands and smiled. That loving, endearing smile.
You sniffled, nodding. He wiped your tears away and kissed your cheek. "Let's go to that park, yeah? We can still have even more fun! Although, I already did have fun with you. Anywhere is gonna be amazing as long as you're with me."
You hugged him again, kissing his lips softly, "I love you so much, Jeongin-ah.." you whispered. He smiled, "I love you too, noona~"
The amusement park was your last hope. It was the final cherry on top to your previously assumed 'perfect date'.
You had a bad feeling. You felt nervous. You kept fiddling with the gift that you had prepared that was hidden well inside your coat pocket as you made your way to the final destination.
To your utter (pleasant) surprise, the person you had contacted for help reached out to you to let you know the preparations were done. You beamed up immediately. "Jeongin-ah!! I need you to trust me okay?" You looked at him expectantly. "Uhh okay? I do trust you, though?"
"yeah I know but just said it anyway." You pulled out a blindfold from your purse. "What's that?" He asked, his eyebrow raised. "A blindfold~" you smiled mischievously.
He gulped, rightfully concerned and confused. He let you wrap the blindfold around his eyes and lead him inside.
After some walking, you guys finally stopped. "Alright... Im gonna take this off now~" you whispered in his ear. He flinched and nodded.
You slipped the fabric off his face. His eyes, softly opening and getting adjusted to the light surrounding him.
A beautifully decorated area right in front of the merry-go-round. Candles placed to form a heart. Rose petals scattered. Balloons with the letters of "Happy Birthday" surrounding the both of you as you two stood in the centre. "Wha... What's all this?" He asked, tearing up.
"Happy belated birthday, my love~" you smiled, finally pulling out the box from inside your pocket. You opened the box to reveal two rings. Promise rings. "I love you, Yang Jeongin. Will you be my forever valentine, my other half, my husband... And start a life with me? There's no rush. I'll wait for you for however long you want. However long you need. I just want you to be beside me..."
Love poured out of your lips along with your words. Jeongin's heart and yours beating loudly. "Yes! Yes I will!" He replied, full of excitement and love. He hugged you close, kissing you like there's no tomorrow.
Being honest, you felt your knees go weak from the kiss. As both of you finally broke out of the heat, he asked you to put the ring on him. So you did and he did the same for you before hugging you again.
"see. Now. I don't mind you asking me out like this... But this is only promise ring thingy, alright? I wanna propose to you, come on! This is unfair!" He whined, still in your arms. You giggled, "sure sure, Mr. Manly man~"
The time at the amusement park was like a movie. Going through different rides. Having cotton candy and other snacks. Buying funny head bands. So full of love and joy.
Back at home, the two of you head each other close. Love and lust intertwining. Sure, the day might've started off messy but... All's well what ends well, right?
You missed his birthday, sure, but you made it right up to him. You loved him and you were forever grateful he was born. And soon, when everything settles, the two of you would start a life together. Just the thought of it brought you immense joy.
... Fin~
The end was a tad bit rushed but I hope you guys liked it :3 again! A very happy belated birthday to our agipang! (Even though I'm 5 days late TvT)
#stray kids#skz#skz imagines#jeongin#yang jeongin#yang jeongin skz#yang jeongin stray kids#jeongin skz#jeongin stray kids#i.n#i.n skz#i.n stray kids#birthday#stray kids jeongin#stray kids yang jeongin#skz jeongin#skz yang jeongin#stray kids i.n#skz i.n
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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Every fucking time. Every fucking time I go "I'm going to get my sleep schedule fixed!" I get hit by the good ol' 1-2 -- Insomnia & My Family Members Don't Respect Night Shift Workers.
#em.txt#oh you're asleep during the day? that's sooo strange why would you do that when you can wake up now#negative#vent#when i am up late i keep it down but these cunts CANNOT imagine doing the same for me#because I don't matter enough to do some basic shit like 'close the laundry door so the machine is quieter'#or 'don't let your child run up & down the hall outside my room screaming' PICK A DIFFERENT HALLWAY#THERE'S OTHER HALLS. A BACK YARD. GO SOMEWHERE ELSE#once again reminding followers i have had this schedule for 5 months it's not new or a surprise that i sleep when i do#they just don't even consider giving a fuck abt it bc I don't fucking matter. their kids right to scream does#i told my lead i would go out of my way to be rested for tonight bc I'm always tired on his shifts#well that's too damn bad. because these cunts don't shut up ever
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ugh he woke up BRIGHT red which could just be a flareup of baby eczema but is a little worrisome when combined with his extreme crankiness. of course the doctor has no appointments today or tomorrow and the only clinic that could see us is a 70 minute drive away. nurse triage line put us on hold for 25 min and then hung up on us lol. I called back using a different number and was told that the nurse triage line no longer exists (??) which cannot be true because the coordinator connected me to it. I will call back again but am just gonna give myself a little mental break first. he also screamed his head off when I tried to put him down for his first nap sooo we are napping on mom to ensure he gets some sleep. I think I am gonna officially call it: we are back in Survival Mode this week!!!! on the positive side I made him laugh a lot by showing him he could grab his own toes. this revelation was absolutely hilarious to him and he wanted me to help him grab them many times in a row. peak baby humor lol. we will get through this.
#I am also having SO much trouble with this one student and itâs really stressing me out but#I reached out to our coaching coordinators and set up time to brainstorm with them tomorrow about it#so I am at least taking steps there to resolve that#okay. I canât shower right now because heâs napping on me and will wake up crying if I leave#I think Iâll try to get him to sleep until his nanny gets here at 11#then Iâll shower 11-11:30#do student work 11:30-1 (comments for NF and EP)#then student meetings 1-3#walk the dogs and talk to A about CC job from 3-3:45#then collect the boy from his sitter#all of this assuming his temp is normal when he wakes up#if not weâll reschedule everything and go to urgent care#baby tag
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people donât get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things arenât worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because theyâre things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. iâm at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but iâm a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. itâs not âoh but i can push through itâ because i canât without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I canât think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely donât know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers donât have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice iâm making thatâs true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told âbut you are making choices about your lifeâ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i canât go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isnât freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I donât go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still canât. good days just mean i donât want to lie down on the pavement when iâm going somewhere#I just. I donât magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately itâs#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because thatâs all logical but thereâs no way to explain what itâs doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i donât react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and itâs only getting worse#I canât even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isnât counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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PTSD is so stupid saw a jar of biscoff cookie butter at the store and went ha thatâs the brand they had in res. (Completely unaffected). Then went home and had a panic attack about it (????)
#first of all. how is a jar on a shelf that you didnât even touch harming you at all???#second of all. now that I know that chain Carrieâs bidcoff cookie butter Iâm never going there again. letâs leave those worms in their can.#(sees a food) huh. cookie butter. (the ptsd gremlin cooking up a nice panic sequence for me) well probably staff are trailing you right now#and they just left that there on accident because obv they keep cookie butter with them. and theyâre going to restrain and sedate you and to#youâll wake up tubed xoxo#<- INSANE ITS A JAR OF BISCOFF COOKIE BUTTER CALM THE SHIT DOWN#I only slept an hour last night and didnât sleep at all the night before so like that might have something to do with it but I feel like weâ#were gunning for day 3 here with the cookie induced paranoia#donât buy belsomra guys belsomra is a ripoff that Iâm pretty sure is just sugar pills#although I am abnormally resistant to pretty much every sleep med like iv ambien just makes me a bit lethargic the doctor who gave me it sai#said that was really weird and then ordered another piss test bc he thought I was on speed LMAO#nope just my brain. rotten. gone.#day 3 is usually when the insomnia hallucinations come out so like pray for me if you see this#though I did get an hour last night so maybe that counts
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Many many irl things are happening at the moment thatâs why Iâve been gone for so long terribly sorry for that đ
#also my brain has been shit. so. :)#yeahhh#kinda been feeling likeâŚ.hmm how to describe it.#the thing that immediately popped into my head is that awful kinda painful feeling when you have a numb foot#and itâs in the middle of waking up so you donât wanna move it because the sensation is so awful#thatâs kinda my mental state right now#nice not being on social media at all very much. constant stream of discourse and bad news about the world was fucking with me too lol#everythingâs been generally feeling like dragging my feet through a bed of nails. Iâll try to be fully back soon but I donât know when lol#I guess this is me majorly isolating myself in a way? who knows đ¤ˇ#just. low energy basically#anyway#I do have art to share#which I will once I get my brain together đ#by the way. before I go back to sleep and forget.#did I mention that I was going to participate in art fight this year? because I am :)#anyway Iâll gather up art when I wake up and dump it all on your sweet babby heads đ
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So I think I'm finally getting a contract and I'm going to start my new studies (as a youth/school counselor) in my old school. I met the principal today and had a talk with him, and he said he was pleased to see me there and would like to have me there because I already know my way around and seemed to manage things just fine when I was still their student. So, that's great, I'm finally getting somewhere.
But I'll have to wait until Friday because he's still not quite sure who's going to be my supervisor, so he's going to have a talk with a couple of staff members about it at first.
And then my teacher in my new school is already pressing me with contract matters and stuff, wanting me to start earlier than I had originally planned or at least get the contract done by then, so uhh. I'm going to have a Teams meeting with her on Friday at 8 o'clock in the morning (I'm not a morning person at all), and I'm sure we're going to have such a lovely discussion about my schedule and study plans and all that stuff.
All this phone-calling and paperwork is giving me a headache. And I still have some school assignments to do and to return before next week, and guess what - ya girl just wants to read and write fanfiction all day and all night. 𤪠Priorities, I has them.
#personal#no seriously i went to bed around 4am because i was writing a fic. and then i got up at 8:30 after snoozing the clock for an hour#because i had the appointment with the principal around 10am so#but anyway despite my poor sleeping schedule i am actually happy about this opportunity#i should be able to work in the evenings if they can just find me a supervisor. which would be super because then i'm not going to have to#wake up early. unless i get a side job because i need money and this is only training so i don't get paid for it. but remains to be seen#i am not feeling awfully energized for school/work combination right now so uhh#but then i'd also get to work as a special needs assistant because this school has a lot of special needs students#so that sounds pretty good actually. it was something i was also thinking about doing before#because i was kind of a special needs student myself when i was younger and i didn't get the help i needed so#helping others with that could be great. a great opportunity indeed#and i may have to help with this other type of class as well#i think they're calling it preparatory education for vocational training in english. i'm not 100% sure what it even means#but well if i get a chance then perhaps i'll find outl#so all in it sounds like they have need for me and i get to do a lot of different stuff so. it should be good#it's. just this. studying itself. and like i said. all this paperwork and making phone calls and stuff. it's stressing me out#so uh#let's just hope that friday makes me a little bit wiser
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I OWN BOTH ISSUES OF RAVE WITH ERIC BURDON ON THE COVER NOW!!!!!!!! đžâ¨ď¸
(April 1965 and March 1966)
#aaAAAAAA ONE OF MY LONG-STANDING ANIMALS GOALS.... AT LAST COMPLETED!!!!#very good photos of eric too.... I AM SO EXCITED TO FRAME THEM!!!!!#the animals photos inside the 1966 issue are really good too they are in SPAIN and there is a lot of dave rowberry#and shade thrown at mickie most and HILTON SLEEPING SHHHHH DON'T WAKE HIM UP#anyway aaAAAAA THE COVERS ALONE MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME#i must draw cowboy eric again... it's nearly been a year#and what i mean by that is i must draw eric in a cowboy hat because i've drawn him in that denim jacket a lot đđ#finding the 1966 issue took me a while and i had to import it from the netherlands bUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT!!#tHE QUALITY IS GREAT!!!#also i'm glad i found the cowboy issue when i did (over three years ago) because i haven't seen one listed since#rave magazines go q u i c k#i will snatch up any and all issues that have a hint of animals inside đđ#OR ALAN. there's another 1966 issue on ebay right now with the alan article where HE SAYS HE MISSES PLAYING WITH ERIC#but it's over $100... yeah don't feel comfortable doing that for an article i can access online đ#bUT.....STILL. THERE ARE PLENTY OF RAVE MAGAZINES STILL UNSCANNED... animals info i am eager to uncover... đ#aaAAAA. ERIC. THANK YOU FOR EMERGING.#the animals#eric burdon#60s rock#british invasion#british rock#rave magazine#classic rock#not a second mag
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I was complaining about how i had to clean my old place bc im so tired and my dad was like "just go to bed now and wake up early and do it in the morning!" like wtf? u can do that? what the fuck? whats wrong with you? you can just go to sleep? hello?
#i genuinely hate people who can sleep. i literally cannot go to sleep naturally no matter how tired i am. like my dad is always like 'you#cant be going to bed at 4am and waking up at 12pm everyday.' and now i know why he gets so mad. because he literally thinks its a choice#if i go to bed too early-- TAKING AMBIEN! if i take ambien too early and go to bed too early. meaning 2am or earlier. I WILL WAKE UP AFTER#2 HOURS. and not be able to go back to sleep. do you think i dont WANT to sleep? that i dont want to have a normal lifestyle?#its a miracle i can sleep for 8 hours if all the right conditions are fulfilled!#like if i wake up early one day. i will be tired all day! i will not be tired at night or when i have to go to sleep. like this is a#physical problem that i am struggling with. and it kinda keeps me from living a normal or fun or good life honestly! how dare you
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good morning it is now 4 am and i have just finished watching atonement good night
#atonement#next tags are just going to be personal rants ignore that#i couldnât sleep at all so i tried reading s&b and then fanfics and then the bell jar but it just didnât hit#so then i tried writing but i just kept crying so i thought iâd watch a romance movie because yes#shouldâve gone for four weddings and a funeral or pride and prejudice because what the hell is this#i didnât know anything about this movie i just remember having it on my watchlist and saw ONE clip so i picked that help#and yes i ended up crying and the tears are still here but iâm also starting to think that thatâs not entirely because of the movie at all#i stripped my bed off its sheets because the bright color annoyed me and it was already peeling off anyway and i was too lazy to put it rig#and when i pulled back from the screen after the movie finished and just look at how bare my bed is and how iâm in the middle of them#i just started crying again#and my legs are aching and i hate myself and i think i want to take a shower but maybe iâll wait later on#i donât think iâll sleep at all honestly iâm not sleepy anymore#besides iâm thinking of going outside today just at the park i donât know doing something#i always sleep really really late lately because my parents are out of country right now and no one is keeping me checked and i apparently#still canât take care of myself. cried about that too it was something. why am the eldest daughter iâm so not fit for it#and then i always wake up at like 9 am and itâs already too late by then that i just never do anything productive#and itâs like iâve been living in a simulation and iâm kinda going crazy and insane but itâs okay because today is going to be better#i hope because iâm not getting any sleep and i can finally go outside at 7 in the morning instead when itâs already way too hot#damn this is supposed to be one of the best years of my life??????? fuck off#also i can hear the azan subuh from the mosque by the neighborhood and i miss praying honestly#itâs so funny because i was happy to get my period because that meant i wouldnât have to wake up so very early on in the morning#but i miss it now#hopefully my period will end soon#nadirants
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woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way
but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D
anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary âď¸ď¸
#sterechats :)#09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway#what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again?#probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D#10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire#like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it#I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring!#but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3#11:00 pm - I need to get out of here#I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me#everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense#why am I even writing these tags what does it matter#I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing#maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore#I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha#11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one#how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good#everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now#here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah)#11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive#in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love#I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day#maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it!#maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead...#1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am#not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep#and I don't want this to post when I'm awake#I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always#because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really#I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay
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i didn't get to tell my friends about my birthday fun so instead i will tell tumblr that i had a very fun day đ
#one teeny tiny inconsequential thing is absolutely pushing me to the verge of a meltdown right now but it's fine#i'm extremely tired but it's only 11 pm if i go to sleep now i'll wake up at a whack ass time in the middle of the night and be up for good#i will not have a tantrum over someone hurting my feelings because i am so normal actually#đ
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im so lucky to know so many people in my life to have met so many people in my life that are just life saving ill never not feel lucky people are so beautiful and kind and talented and funny and have so much worth everyone ive ever met anyone in my life i have ever touched i just cant believe it ill never be able to understand it how important everyone is how much i love people the degree to whihc i love people and everyone i have ever met ill just never ever be able to express the depth of how important it is to me it might be the most important part of my entire life. i just need people to know how much i love them im desperate for it to be known how important everyone ive ever met is to me. all of my friends everyone whos ever been kind to me and whoever ive been kind to it will never be lost on me how important it is. and i feel so lucky to be graced i guess by my friends. i cant imagine the life i would live without every event every person who ive ever crossed. i would never sacrifice anything to not be where i am now because of the people i know and have known. the people i know and talk to everyday or the people i see in a notification or pass by. i cant overstate your importance to me. i cant overstate how important i want people to feel. i want people to see themselves how i see them. i can not overstate your importance to me and i love you. im so lucky ill never be able to take it
#i just want ti go to sleep but i cant my sleep schedule has been so miserably depressing me#not that badly. i cherish every moment i have with the people around me and i cherish how lucky i am to be surrounded by such unbe#lievable people. i am happy everyday because people love me.#this will never be lost on me. the importance of it. the importance you all have will never ever be lost on me. your worth as a human being#you are so kind. you are so talented. you are loved by people because you are seen by people that way. i will never lose this#im miserably desperate for everyone i know to feel loved or to know that i love them. nothing will ever ever ever in my whole fucking life#ever be more important to me#nothing in my fucking life will ever be more important than that. please know how much you mean to this. to everything#i dont know what changed but i cry so often now and every single time my thoughts wander to how deeply i feel about this#im just sobbing and sobbing and im like. i love the people that care for me. i love the people i care for#i know when i stop crying or when the day rolls over i get to talk to everyone again. and i feel so lucky. i feel so desperate to explain it#how. much. it. means. to me. How badly i mean this and everything I say.#i dont fucking care if yoire my mutual from fandom or someone who random followed because my blog was funny#someone i talked to once or twice. you mean so much. i swear to god. ill never be mpre genuine or more serious. i guess#thats very kind of you to do that. or like my posts or anything. youre very kind for that. you mean alot to me.#i just dont want to fall asleep when the sun rises and wake up with a few hours to talk to people before im alone#i really hate it right now. and my neutral state has genuinely just been on the brink of crying. like if i sit still too long i just sob#thats genuinely how i have been for the past few days#and thats not the fault of anyone its just how my brain has been treating me#but whdn i get like this i just remember how lucky i feel about everything. like the depth of my feelings#you really just have to trust me when i say like how forever sincere and deep snd monumental it is to me. like please understand the depth#of when i say i love you. dear god i love everyone ive ever met i love you. please please please please understand how desperate i am#i will never ever feel more strongly about anything. i cant imagine it#i have to make this exact same fucking post over and over again#i need to keep saying it man#i need people to love themselves like i love them#the degree to which i say the word need#anyway. i love you. i hope you have fun or are happy about something. or draw write something nice. talk to your best friend. something
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as im getting closer & closer to the day that i will officially leave my hometown & go live with my dad i am starting to understand my ocs more
#avani most notably rn. bc shes actually my age and leaves behind everyone and everything she knows#having to grow up the rest of the way in an entirely different situation#because even if the situation youve been in for all your teen years has sucked ass the entire time its still.#its familiar? like. yk. familiar suffering is better than the unknown#personal#ive lived in that house my entire life. ive been with my dad for long stretches of time (all of summer break for instance) and it was fine#i KNOW i cant stay there. my mom's partner has actually physically hurt me and theyre both awful to me#and i also know that the only reason why its been somewhat good there lately is because i rarely speak to them anymore#that is not a house to live in! and i fucking love my dad. my stepsiblings. my stepmom!!#and its not even just the fact that im moving. right. i could probably handle that were it not for me also finishing high school.#i got financial support as a student whos 18+ while i was in high school. now its.#i need to get an income. in a region i barely know. being both physically & mentally disabled.#but not so disabled that im *incapable* of work!! which the law here asks for!!#(or i am and i just dont realize it because ive been working past my limits for so long ive forgotten what they are el em ay oh)#also ill miss my cat so fucking much#i love my dad's cats but shes special man#i miss her rn actually but im going back for the last time in a few days so#i was like. tearing up bc of the anxiety but then i remembered my cat and now im actively trying not to cry loudly#bc its. yk. almost 6 am and its almost waking up time for everyone here except me because. my school ended last month#its bedtime for me actually but i couldnt sleep because i was too busy crying over the fact that i am never going to get that room back#i miss being a child#at least back then it wasnt that complicated! i didnt know i was being mistreated when i was 11!#all of this doesnt even matter that much im just really bad with transitions. which is ironic. im transgender#though granted ive put off getting on that list for that exact reason. im scared of transitioning#like the moment im comfortably settled here and have a job and/or disability benefits. all of this will just be embarrassing#something to look back on and laugh. and then cry because i still miss my cat.
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