#but make out scenes may not be for everyone soooooo

[tadc-harlequin-au]

Touch-Starved (canon)

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otherwise known as; the part where The Puppetmaster finds out he has THE FEELINGS(™, patent pending) for the Combat Harlequin. lmfao

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"Almost..." His hand trembled at the last piece required. He carefully slotted the optics in place, and twisted the eye multiple times to stick it in place. Within moments, he steps back, and Bubble flared up alive again, checking out his new, updated vision. “Wow! I can see more colors now!” The Blimp spun in place.

“Those new eyes should allow you to broadcast anything you see to me, if I so wished.” He explains, pulling out a small, thin black screen from one of the the desk’s many compartment. He switches it on, and Bubble’s eyes suddenly have a tiny red dot blinking in the middle of it.

So far, so good. The device was working as intended and he could see the top of his dentures from Bubble’s perspective, making Caine grin proudly.

“You may proceed to do your chores once more, the upgrades are done.” He sends the blimp to his merry way, and Bubble only nods before turning away to make his way out of the office. He leans back with a content sigh and closed eyes, satisfied with the work done for the day.

At that very moment, Pomni also opens the door.

She looked… disheveled, to say the least.

“Oh hey Pomni!” The butler blimp greeted with his usual reply. The Harlequin only sent him a look of acknowledgement, knowing that it’s useless to try to spark up a conversation, as Bubble was already making his way out.

Caine blinked once, and then he blinked twice just to make sure he’s seeing things right.

Was she always this… dazzling? Literally? He could see sparkles forming everywhere.

She flipped her hair in a messy attempt to get rid of the strands currently stuck to the skin of her nape. Her trademark golden ponytail missing, most likely a B.O.S.S.’s doing. She made her way to Caine’s desk and he swears he could feel his heart beat faster and faster with each step she took. The Harlequin’s trademark squinted brows with half-lidded eyes meeting his own wide stare, a gaze that would typically make any person with a still-functioning sanity cower in fear.

She took a seat on his desk with her legs crossed and her back turned against him and leaning on her right arm, as she usually did.

“Here’s the die you asked for. Took me a bit, but still got the job done.” She checked her left arm for damages after she placed the multi-colored puppet heart in front of him, while she flashed her teeth with a victorious, smug smile. His words are caught in his throat and her entirety shines too brightly for him. He couldn’t understand it.

Why… did she seem like a flame, and he felt like an unsuspecting moth, drawn to her light?

He shook his head clear and forced his stare away from her direction, clearing his throat while clutching the die. “I-I see, thank you, Pomni. You-you’ve done… a… wonderful…” Her hand grasped his own and his heart leapt at his own throat. Her synthetic, calloused fingers felt so rough, yet so gentle against his own gloved ones that he considered taking them off.

“...j-job.” His breath hitched as he struggled to finish the end of his sentence, unable to tear his attention away from her eyes. He found himself gawking at her intense, golden eye matched with blue and red pinwheel ones.

“Aren't you forgetting something, Puppetmaster?” Her expression questioning, yet with a slight and subtle undertone of mischief glinted at her optics. 

He couldn’t speak. He struggled to form coherent words. It felt like he was being strangled by an unknown force clutching at his neck, yet there was clearly no malice behind it. 

“Wh… What am I forgetting…?” He asked in such a feeble tone that made her chuckle in such a low rumbling tone, snaring his full attention.

“Well, I think that I deserve a reward for my services. Don’t you think?” She stands up. Warm hands suddenly felt so cold and empty, and already he missed the warmth present just about a second ago. The Harlequin made her way towards him as he spun his chair to meet her halfway. Hand at her hips as she towered over his sitting form. He’s all of a sudden clutching at the armrest so intensely.

“Y-yes, of course! H-how could I forget!” He nervously chuckles, he would pull on his collar right about now. “What is it you wish to be rewarded with?”

He offers her his best smile, and she giggles as she shakes her head. Without any warning, she took a seat on his lap, and he went frozen. As if making one single move would shatter the very fabric of the universe. She leaned her head to his shoulder, fiddling with the collar of his shirt then her fingers trailed onto the underside of his chin to make him look at her. He shivered from the contact.

“You.”

He trembled as his face warmed up to uncontrollable degrees, and produced visible heat waves. Not even his self-installed coolants were helping him tone down the sudden rise in his body temperature in the slightest. He couldn’t control his shakes, making the Harlequin smirk, knowing that she had the Puppetmaster all wrapped around her finger.

He didn’t know what came over him, because now his own hands were making their way onto her thighs to pull her closer to him entirely, the other shakingly placing itself onto her shoulders and he could feel the way she sighs contentedly against his touch. He exhales a shaky breath himself, attempting to steel himself.

“M-my dear, a-are you positive that… that is what you’d like?”

It was better to be safe than sorry. She sits up straight, and for the first time, he regrets ever asking that question in the first place.

“Actually…” Her voice trails off playfully, while she stands up. “... Maybe I’d like something more.”

It only took her a finger underneath his chin to pull him as she leads him to a nearby wall. As if his own body had a mind of it’s own, he pins her in place with both arms adjacent to her head. His face leans in closer and closer to her with eyes closed, and she’s leaning up close to him, fully ready to accept his advances.

Pomni’s soft lips met his teeth, and Caine could smell the faint traces of grass and sweat rolling down from her synthetic skin, evident of her hardships from the recent battle. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and his loops around her waist to pull her closer, while the other cups at her face intensely. He savored her mouth as their breathing became heavy and fast-paced, only breaking apart for a mere second, gasping for air before delving back in to their desires.

Desire…

Quite the accurate depiction of how Caine truly felt for the Harlequin at this moment. He couldn’t quite decipher when this had started, though.

As if her intentions were to pry him away from his overbearing and unnecessary thoughts, Pomni pushed him away to pin him to the wall this time, continuing the liplock. He grunts from the impact, but gladly returns her enthusiasm with fervor as he loops his arm around her back, pulling her flush to him once more. Her hands made their way to the lower sides of his jaw to caress so gently, and he finds himself melting at every contact their touches made.

Without breaking the teeth-on-lip-lock, he steered their bodies onto the direction of his desk, leaving the Harlequin laying on it as he loomed over her, ravaging her mouth once more like the touch-starved man he was. He adjusted her thighs just enough to make room for him without making the position uncomfortable for the both of them, their heated make out session felt like it could go on forever as he gripped her waist tightly.

It felt like if he let her go, she would disappear all of a sudden. And he didn’t want that.

He made sure to not lean too much of his body weight onto her by propping himself up with his elbows, both hands find themselves cupping her face to keep her in place as her hands trailed all the way up from the lower arms to his shoulders to do the same to him. He broke the kiss to gasp for air, a string of saliva being the clear proof of their heated action, but quickly delved back into the riveting sensations of their activity. 

Her touch against him were like magic; every contact sent shivers and jolts down his spine as she switched from holding his shoulders to holding his chest just above where a collarbone would traditionally be, pushing him away to let herself up. For a nanosecond he thought that maybe he went a little too far with his advances, until she disproved his theory by shoving him to one of the nearby long couches, only a pillow to cushion and soften his landing onto the furniture.

Quickly making up for lost time and contact, she quickly crawls to straddle his waist, clutching the back of his head to make him look at her, and her only. His hand found itself gripping at the back of her waist tightly once more, the other clutching her own head just to make sure she’s still there with him. Both were panting heavily, the room temperature very much heated as a result of their affairs.

His eyes looked at her longingly as he breathed heavily. “Pomni… I… I don’t think I want this to end.”

She flashed him a consoling smile.

The alarm rings, deafening the surroundings as he jolts awake, falling from his chair comically with a loud, slightly high-pitched scream emitting from his throat. He groans from the headache he had received from the impact to the ground, clutching at the top sides of his jaw, as he leans his head onto the desk for support.

His false heart was beating faster than when one would run; His face was flushed and he frustratingly ignores the heat from the rest of his body with a grumble.

He shifts his eyes to look around. Nothing’s changed. Everything was the same since Bubble left to do his daily chores.

He shakes his head and slams his face down onto the elegant desk, groaning depressingly and half-sobbing.

What the fuck? Was… WAS IT ALL JUST A DAMN DREAM!?

Oh, he could scream and cry into a pillow right about now. But the panicked angry screaming of a certain someone being bothered by the recent addition; the Ragdoll Mannequin that was “Ragatha”, suddenly grabs his attention. Now, he’s looking outside into the manor grounds from his office’s windows with a tired and questioning gaze.

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!”

“But Mistress! You still haven’t tried out my trademark cookie recipe!! It’s GUARANTEED to be your instant favorite!”

“STOP CALLING ME MISTRESS! FOR THE LAST TIME, I DON’T CARE, GET THE FUCK AWAY-”

Caine sighed disappointingly to himself, dragging his hand across his eyes.

God fucking dammit. He actually feels something for her.

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I would say I'm sorry, but we all know I'm not. :)

[erraticalart]

Saw Fortress II

Well, is this what you've been waiting for?

So, as some of you may or may not know, Saw is getting a new movie, Saw X, in two days and I'm so excited for it to come out! I decided to pay tribute to this movie by making a crossover between Saw and, of course, Team Fortress 2. I've been getting interested and invested in the Saw franchise, from its story to the characters and especially the creative but deadly traps. Took me about 22 days to create as I had classes and needed to take breaks every once in a while, but I finally finished it and presented it to my brother as a birthday gift (as well as an official Fallout cookbook).

Now, for the fans of both Saw and TF2, I'll explain the reason why I chose the characters and their designated roles. It's time to play a game.

Character Comparison and Roles

Warning: Spoilers for the Saw franchise

RED Engineer: John Kramer aka Jigsaw - Well it's pretty much obvious why. They're both engineers. They both are talented in creating many different unique contraptions that are beneficial, but deadly and dangerous. Engie also has his morals, although it's way different from John's. Let's not forget that Engie can be somewhat a little sadistic and loves seeing his enemies go down, although John hates sadistic people despite the irony in his traps. Also, are we gonna ignore his Gunslinger taunt kill and his sinister, evil laugh? I'm not sure if Engie should have the Gunslinger with him, but I think it would be pretty cool to have it on him. Maybe in this version when he attempts to commit suicide and fails, but all he's left is a completely maimed hand, he cuts it off entirely and replaces it. It would be a pretty cool backstory as to why he has it and would make a really cool reveal to show to the audience. I wonder what Engie sounds like saying the iconic line "Game Over"?

BLU Medic: Dr. Lawrence Gordon - It's also pretty obvious why. He's a doctor. (Can you guess the reference?) Dr. Gordon is my favorite character in the series, and I love seeing the change and progress in his character from a doctor and trap victim in the first Saw film to John's favorable accomplice and in his words, "My greatest asset" in Saw 3D/Saw: The Final Chapter/ Saw VII (Yeah, I can't believe that movie has multiple names). In a way, it makes sense to have Medic as Dr. Gordon because just like how it was shown at the end of Saw VII that he and John worked great together, Medic and Engie are also seen working together in Expiration Date as lab partners. They both would work great as an amazing sadistic duo. Also, I think it's kind of cute to have Engie give Medic a prosthetic foot after he too cuts it off entirely. Not only would it make sense because Engie knows a thing or two about prosthetics, but it would show that Medic and Engie both have something in common: cut off what's unnecessary to help with your survival. Medic would also try to justify and reason Engie's actions. Also, I love Dr. Gordon's "Game Over" line, it's soooooo good!!! It's my personal favorite (Of course nothing beats John's iconic classic version). I could totally imagine how great Medic would sound saying that line!

BLU Spy: Detective Lieutenant Mark Hoffman - Ok, this is where things start to get a little interesting. Hoffman became John's accomplice after replicating his ideas and making his own traps that John never made himself. In a way, he's becoming Jigsaw. Just like how Spy can become and replicate any class, Hoffman also became more mysterious and secretive to his fellow colleagues and tried to frame Special Agent Peter Strahm as Jigsaw. In the end, when he gets caught, he goes against everyone and executes them, so the secret never comes out. Also, another reason why Spy is Hoffman and please tell me if I'm not the only one here who thought this when watching Saw: Did anyone else get Hoffman and Strahm mixed up because they almost look like the same person and it's always confusing when there's a scene that focuses on one of them but it's actually the other? I decided to have two Spies in the story with the BLU Spy as Hoffman and the RED Spy as Strahm since they look the same minus the color.

Miss Pauling: Amanda Young - You're probably thinking, "Why her? Is it because she just so happens to be female and I just filled her in that role?" Well yes, but actually no. It's because Amanda was very loyal to John, looking up to him, defending him constantly, and was very close to him. Miss Pauling fits that role when it comes to the Administrator, but here she's loyal to Engie. I feel like she likes Engie the most out of any other class, so she would definitely help him out as well as get advice from him. She also can get shit done when being asked to accomplish a task. Sadly, we know what's to come for Amanda. Just like how in the comics Miss Pauling fails to bring the Australium, Amanda fails in John's tasks as he reveals to her that she's part of another game. I do feel like Miss Pauling was stuck playing around in the Administrator's game and it was also implied that every year the Administrator sends people to assassinate her to see if she succeeds as if it's an employee review. So, yeah, Miss Pauling and Amanda both are stuck in pretty tight situations.

RED Pyro: Billy the Puppet - Ah, yes, who could we ever forget? The main icon of the series. Both Pyro and Billy have terrifying appearances that'll leave you quivering on sleepless nights. I used to fear Billy as a kid, but now I see him as endearing and strangely, but freakishly, adorable. Pyro is freaky-looking, but he's such an adorable bundle of flames. I could definitely imagine seeing Pyro riding on Billy's iconic tricycle. That would be so funny, cute, and scary. As for Pyro's voice, since Billy is voiced by John (and Hoffman, I think? Idk), I'm not sure if Engie (or Spy) should voice Pyro since Pyro speaks in muffles. Maybe they should, idk. I also don't know if Pyro should speak in mumbles from time to time or whether he should have the ability to move and just walk around or just remain seated. And, of course, I don't know if Pyro should do his iconic laugh (maybe sometimes, idk). What I do know however is that Pyro should definitely have the iconic Billy laugh.

RED Balloonicorn/The Combustible Cutie Cosmetic (Yeah, I know it's pink, but it's the RED team's version which is why it's pink): Pighead Mask - Oink! Or in this case, Neigh! The mask that John and his accomplices dress up as with the iconic robe (though I'm not sure if this robe should remain red and black or pink and black, maybe the first option should be for Engie since he's the leader while the accomplices get the latter, or not, maybe they should match Engie, idk). At first, I chose Balloonicorn since it's related to Pyro and I know he'll love seeing everyone dress up as one, but then I remembered that there's a cosmetic for Pyro as a mask called "The Combustible Cutie" that resembles Balloonicorn, and boy does that mask look freaking scary!!! It's really fitting for both Saw and TF2 as a whole! It's pretty funny and scary to imagine getting kidnapped by a herd of pink unicorns all because you've been very naughty.

I hope fans of Saw and Team Fortress 2 enjoy this lovely piece of fanart as this has become one of my all-time favorites to create. I was also listening to the Saw soundtrack specifically the Zepp/Main Saw Themes. My favorite being, of course, "Hello Zepp". It fits Engie and John's character theme even though it's Zepp's (although you can argue that it IS John's since it's his perspective since he's saying hello, which I agree). But my actual favorite is "Zepp Overture" because to me it sounds like a holy church. I especially like the way the string instruments sound. Yeah, I know you can argue that Dr. Gordon has a theme at the end of Saw VII called "Dr. Gordon Montage" and "The Final Zepp" but to me, I think this theme fits Medic the best because, y'know, he replicates that sound by playing an actual saw when you taunt which is both funny and adorable. And it really fits his character to be seen as a holier-than-thou and especially a God. This might also fit Spy, but idk. I'm not sure which themes work for Spy and Miss Pauling or even Pyro (if you want Pyro and Engie to share the same theme, then that's fine by me). I might need to go back and listen to all of them depending on the movies that Hoffman and Amanda appear in. Maybe some of you can suggest one. But anyway, please go listen to the Saw soundtrack, especially the Zepp/Main Saw Themes, it's soooooo good!!! I might as well argue that it's one of, if not, THE best horror themes out there!!!

Here's a link to listen to it while you look at the art or whether you are interested in the Saw series and its music:

Welp, like I said before, I hope you fans enjoy it!!! I just can't' wait for Saw X to come out soon on September 29!!! I just hope and pray the movie is good though. Well, let's just wait and see. But until then,

GAME OVER!

[angst-is-love-angst-is-life]

Can you recommend me some good fics where Barry Allen gets kidnapped :) since in one of your tags you said you read a lot of them lol

I read them, I write them, I live and breathe them. Absolutely anon, allow me to dive into my bookmarks.

Just a reminder, always be sure to check the tags and warnings to know what you're getting into. Stay safe out there folks!

Juncture by @pennflinn may be my favorite fic of all time. Technically he gets kidnapped before the story's events but that's because it's an alternate ending to Escape from Earth-2 (and he is held captive for pretty much the entire fic so). The whump is SUPREME and the overall story is so well written. I will always recommend this fic.

One Second by pennflinn. Another one by penn because she is an incredible writer and HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS FIC!! It takes my favorite premise for a fic "What if Barry was kidnapped in this scene/episode when he wasn't in canon!" and brings it to a WHOLE nother level. This one is diverges from 1x14 "Fallout" where, instead of everyone getting away semi-safely, Eiling kidnaps Barry and whump ensures. BUT there's another twist to this fic that (in my opinion) makes it stand out from many others-- every once in a while, there's a glimpse of a parallel universe where the events were different and let's just say some of those universes h u r t. Also, I wanted to kill Eiling so bad after reading this that I wrote a ficlet with the sole purpose of murdering him :) Anyways, go read; it's amazing.

Miles Through The Night by @hedgiwithapen. First off, this is an everyone whump fic, Barry is not the only one who is kidnapped but 1. IT HURTS GODS IT HURTS SO BAD I'M DYING. 2. The writing is spectacular, all the characters are super well done, and the story is INTENSE I'M STILL DYING SORRY I'LL STOP NOW. In this one-- actually nvm, the actual summary will do it justice. "With Eobard Thawne dead, life in Central City can go back to normalish. But Barry’s greatest enemy is not a speedster from the future fixated on him, and Eobard’s threat may have been the only thing keeping Team Flash safe from someone who doesn’t consider any meta to be human." THAT'S RIGHT-- AN EILING FIC! Just. Go read it, it's so good and I'm dying.

Lightning Bug by Hedgi. The writing in this was SUPERB and Eiling is a fucking bastard as always (count your days general.). And this time we have another speedster in the mix-- a toddler Wally! Ngl, I just reread this while getting the link and it was SO GOOD-- and once again my words can't seem to do it justice so I'll leave you with the summary "Months after the defeat of Zoom, Barry's main concern (aside from the odd metahuman attack) is helping Joe and Iris raise the four and a half year old Speedster Wally West, Cisco-named "Lightning Bug." And while that's hard, it's nice to have this speedster as family, not an enemy. Things are pretty easy.

Unfortunately, that doesn't last. After all, General Eiling's deal was only good for as long as their mutual enemies were still a threat." Eiling needs to die in a ditch as you can see, but there's some really sweet whump in this and it's because of him soooooo-- anyways, go read; it was fantastic.

Can’t Take That Away From Me by SophiaCatherine (or @sophiainspace on here). DUDE. DUDE DUDE DUDE-- I LOVE THIS FIC. I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC. EVen once the whump passes, the A N G S T is so delicious! From the beginning of the first chapter alone; you'll see the sweet whump AND angst this fic has in store. Oh, and it's Coldflash which I somehow forgot to mention even though that's a foundation of the entire fic lmao. I love it, go read. Also, there is a sequel but it's not Barry being whumped this time... double also; there's a prequel and it's really sweet (no whump in that one fyi)

I Never Told Him by messedupstargazer. I am SCREAMING. THIS. FIC. Fyi, it's Coldflash. SO MUCH ANGST THE WHUMP-- IT'S SO GOOD I HAVE NO WORDS. DYING DYING DYING I AM DEAD I HAVE PERISHED.

Looking through all of these at once has filled me with many emotions and I apologize if some parts were incoherent. I'm probably missing a few and may add more as I find them but for now I'll finish with these two I wrote.

12 hours Barry's kidnapped before the events of the story but I think it still counts. He's trapped in Zoom's lair and forced to run for twelve hours every day :)

Trophy this is my beloved and the entire fic is a Barry whump fest (and angst. a lot of angst.). (or will be, There's one chapter posted atm) Technically we haven't seen the kidnapping yet but in the first scene he is in a cell so. Premise is that Zoom wins in the season 2 finale and everything goes to hell from there. I do feel obligated to warn though that there's not a happy ending for this one.

Thanks for asking! I'm always eager to share Barry whump! :D

[zhouxiangs]

i saw that you're currently reading my stand-in novel but you're not really spoiling anything. how are you finding it so far if i may ask? is it as angsty as people say it is?

(i waited until the end of the day to answer this because as i thought i've already finished the novel, so much for self-restraint lol also sorry this got a bit long... oops?)

i enjoyed it a lot! and it made me get over my reading slump, so i will even excuse it getting into some tropes i'm not particularly fond of at the end. it got cheesy…er, and not even in a way i like. amazingly, that didn't make me like it any less.

from the synopsis of the series and the tags in novel updates (and i only skimmed those because i didn't want to get spoiled) i had a pretty good idea of what the novel was going to be like, which is why i decided not to really liveblog since, transmigration aside, i'd say it's a pretty straightforward story. i could be persuaded to make a recap if there's interest though, since there's still over three weeks left until the series starts airing and i'm probably going to go over everything again and take notes anyway...

and oh, is it angsty! the whole thing hinges on zhou xiang (joe) being a sweet angel baby and yan mingxiu (ming) being a fucking idiot, and it's pretty much what you can expect from any dogblood/makjang with the scum ml, misunderstandings, heartbreak, regrets, etc. i have to say i'm not usually a fan of the misunderstanding trope bc i tend to find it annoying, but as with most tropes i don't particularly enjoy it's because of the way i often see it done. here it was painful for everyone involved, so i really liked it. also, please keep in mind that i'm a huge fan of big character development and characters redeeming themselves, so. there's that. wink wonk. (i've been reading some reviews and think for some people it may be best to know what kind of story this is before going in, other than because of triggers–which, very important if you need them, at least in the novel–because of the whole. scum ml more than anything lol even though yan mingxiu is not that scummy really!)

i love my stories character-driven, so having them being this well fleshed out and compelling was a joy, and being able to see so clearly what both zhou xiang and yan mingxiu were thinking and feeling, sometimes a lot earlier than they themselves could (please bl gods keep at least some of the internal monologue in the series, i am begging), was soooooo ugh. you're supposed to hate yan mingxiu allegedly but i just couldn't, not even in his scum era, because he was so obvious and so oblivious and so set in his own ideas he kept gaslighting himself into not noticing things. this could have gotten frustrating pretty easily, but again, everything feed into the delicious, delicious suffering. that being said, and because it doesn't seem to be a popular opinion... i think it's important to empathise with both of them, or at least sympathise, for maximum enjoyment of all that angst. you cannot cry over yan mingxiu's pain if you want him to get hit by a bus.

oh and the relationships (not only the cp's, though their progression is really good) are very important in this story, which is something i hope we get to see more of in the series because i ended up missing certain side characters in the later chapters. not tan yin though, i hope that fuck ass didn't make it into the series. how is a character so annoying while being in maybe six scenes total.

i can't say if it's good or not but it was extremely enjoyable, zhou xiang is my sweet darling angel baby, yan mingxiu is okay too (if you see me in the trenches defending him in about a month…), and i can't believe i am now, somehow, even more excited for my stand-in.

[unhappy-day-in-hell]

The Dissection of Hazbin Hotel, Episode One: part 2

We got through the opening monologue and here we are in the show proper. Now, we finally get into the episode itself and explore the boring middle. Everyone ready?

CW: This part will briefly touch on Angel Dust's SA.

Part 1:

Part 2: //

Part 3:

Part 4:

--Aaaa ew there it is. This is the first bit of real animation we get from the show, when Charlie lifts up the key.

Somehow, just this one little motion looks awful. As the key moves with Charlie’s hand, it doesn’t look like it’s physically in the world with her.

The animation department was fucked over so badly. It really, really shows.

--Lilith has been missing for 7 years.

Because of course she has. We can’t make the twists with her character TOO subtle!

This is really just trying to make us feel bad for Charlie, but Charlie and Vaggie’s voices sound so lifeless and disinterested that it elicits no emotion from me. (If I was a new watcher, it probably wouldn’t elicit any emotion from me if anyway, since we’ve JUST met Charlie and we haven’t gotten to know her yet; we have no attachment to her and thus can’t immediately care about her Sad Backstory. Missing Mom is a stock sad backstory anyway. We also don’t care about Lilith enough yet, because she was only a vague figure in a fairytale, we don’t actually KNOW her; in fact they even neglected to tell us what her dream was, or what she actually did in Hell, so we don't even have a vague idea to see her as a GOOD figure. And, if her empowering demons IS the reason for demonkind being so terrible, she may be a terrible person. So her missing status means nothing to us.)

--Soooooo……. The extermination just happened, but we’re not going to see any of its aftermath up close? We’re not going to look at the streets of Hell to see the carnage, or the damage? We’re just getting some overhead shots of the city smoking? Okay.

In the pilot, we had a long sequence where we saw the carnage and destruction the exterminators left behind. It was so much more impactful.

But we’re not doing that here. We’re staying up in this cozy penthouse just looking down at a still image of the city. Which means we’re not going to learn about the world at all. No establishing shots, no interesting or visceral imagery to get under our skin and make us FEEL for the sinners. This is very bad storytelling.

Also: If I didn’t know what the exterminations were like from the pilot, I might not even realize the smoke and fire coming off of the city was meant to be DAMAGE – I might just assume Hell was Just Like That.

Terrible job everyone. Terrible opening sequence.

--Vaggie: I enjoy your theatrics.

But Charlie didn’t do anything…

She didn’t even get to light the fireworks like she did in the pilot, which were the signal that the extermination was over and the sinners could come out.

--We go from the opening lore dump… to even more lore dumping!! Yay!!

This is so boring. It’s boring composition and boring animation and boring dialogue with actors who sound sleepy.

Vaggie and Charlie are sitting in a room talking. They’re not even doing anything interesting to look at. This is telling and not showing.

They mention their love for the kingdom, but again, we don’t have any scenes showing the streets, the deceased, and the normal citizens, which might make the AUDIENCE care about it. As of now, the audience doesn’t care because we aren't seeing anything. Throughout the opening fairytale and up to now, we haven’t learned a single thing about how this version of Hell functions. (And we don’t learn that through the entire episode.)

--This dialogue is also so stilted. “I just hope what I’m trying to do here will work.”

Can you have any personality in your lines at all? In the pilot, Charlie says “I don’t know if I’m going to make a difference, I don’t know what I’m doing”, which is just a bit more personal for her; she wants to MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

In the pilot, Charlie’s voice was so much more energetic, and sounded optimistic. Here, yeah she’s SAD and obviously being sad will make her sound softer, but pilot Charlie had a bright, optimistic tone that showed her optimism was unshakable.

--Alastor’s commercial. He really shouldn’t be making this. He’s the radio demon. The conflict is that he doesn’t want to make a TV ad, but was forced into it. This is a dumb conflict. Alastor would never do something he didn’t want to.

Afterwards, the B Plot of the episode will have Vaggie filming a commercial (a second commercial to be better than Alastor’s), and eventually she’ll coerce Alastor into helping her film it. So THAT MEANS Alastor’s first commercial was entirely pointless! Why not streamline this entire B plot? Skip Alastor’s first commercial; the gang gather together and discuss ideas for a commercial; Al is against it, Charlie has too many grand ideas, Vaggie is down to Earth, and Angel offers himself as an actor; then Charlie gets called away, so she gives the responsibility to Vaggie; Vaggie struggles but then Al steps in to help because he knows an empty Hotel will be boring; he then uses his radio powers to create broadcast an advertisement through the airwaves.

Alastor’s voice is also so tame now too. I dislike it heavily. Every line lacks the insane edge it had in the pilot and the radio filter is toned down.

They massacred my fave.

Raggle Fraggle.

--Alastor should never say “daddy issues.” That’s just way too modern. ALSO NOT REALLY? It’s not daddy issues?? If anything, Charlie has talked much more about Lilith in this version, saying it’s her mom’s dream. Daddy Lucy has nothing to do with this. Get your words right, you stupid script.

--The animation is just really bad, especially the part with the rafter falling down from the ceiling.

Also wasn’t it Alastor’s job to use his magic to clean this place up? He did a horrible job.

--Uh huh. We’re continuing the trend of nothing being explained. How the Hotel came to be, and how the crew was amassed, is not going to be explained at all.

We’re dropped in here blind with it already having happened.

It’s true you can’t just recreate the pilot for episode 1, but this is the worst way they could have possibly reintroduced the world.

If you didn’t watch the pilot, then you’d have NO idea what was going on in this place.

--Alastor: So, what do you think?

When I first heard this line it made me sad.

When I hear this line now, it makes me sad.

--Vaggie: I’m sorry, what the fuck was that?

There it is, the unfunny Fuck word being used like a joke.

Pro-tip: just saying the word Fuck does not make a joke. We as humans grow out of this when we stop being high schoolers.

--Why does Alastor look mad when Charlie says the tone of the advertisement is “a bit off?” Nothing should be able to shake him. If anything, he should revel in their discomfort (he reveled in their discomfort in the pilot.) In the pilot, he probably would have made the advertisement like this INTENTIONALLY just to get a reaction out of them and to see them squirm. Here he acts like he wanted them to like it and is upset they don’t.

It makes him look pouty. And making him pouty makes him look weaker.

The heck’s up with this shot? What a weird angle.  

--Alastor hasn’t been active in Hell for some time, huh? It’s because he was hired by Rosie, who is Lilith, who went missing 7 years ago. Viv can’t keep a plot twist secret.

Also, the animation for Alastor when he says he hasn’t been active in some time is weird. It… I wanna say feels kind of noodley? It has a different quality from the rest of the animation.

--Alastor: So I had a little fun with it.

That was a good shot of him passing his microphone from one hand to the next. It’s a second long but I’ll give them that. Maybe Al will get the few scraps of anything decent that come out of this. (Probably not. The leaks say otherwise.)

--Vaggie: well this is NOT what we want to represent us. …. Instead you’re MOCKING us.

These words are oddly stilted again. It’s like when characters speak like they know too much therapy language, when they really shouldn’t.

--Oh Angel. There he is.

….After Viv blew the budget on hiring expensive voice actors, I think all the remaining shoestring budget went into animating him, because he’s way more fluid than the others.

………….Because of course more attention is given to Angel (male) than to Charlie, the actual main (female) character.

--Angel wants to have a porno where he’s sleeping with Alastor. Alastor replies: “Haha. Never going to happen.”

This line lacks any of the manic energy that Alastor had in the pilot – there, when Angel said “I can suck your dick!” Alastor had a short moment where he was shocked, but then he replied with an energetic “HAH! No!” where he still sounded like he was having fun. In Episode One, Alastor sounds tired and annoyed, which takes away his feeling of power. He’s supposed to be this big Overlord; if he had actually laughed heartily and said “~HA HA HA HA! NEVER going to happen, my dear fellow!!~” with oomph, it’d be more in line with how in control he is of everything – but he’s not. He’s whiny. He’s weaker.

This moment shows that OTHER CHARACTERS have the ability to get under his skin when nothing should be able to get under his skin. He's the one who makes everyone else's skin crawl and loves it.

--“This body was MADE to be exploited!”

Alright, show, I’m going to stop you right there.

There's too much to unpack here. People better qualified than me already have.

So let’s begin by saying: Angel being sexual is not the problem. Using sexuality as a coping mechanism is not the problem. However, this crosses the line right from the start.

Angel is the victim of SA, which this has given him trauma. Remember Addict, one of the highest points in Vivzie’s career? Addict showed how BAD he feels by his exploitation; it actually took his situation seriously. At the end of Addict, Angel had frank lyrics where he finally admitted to himself that he was addicted and helpless, and was reluctant but willing to try for something better by staying in the Hotel. Everything Hazbin-related leading up to the show was Angel wanting to ESCAPE his sex-trafficked life.

So for Angel to joke about his body being made to be exploited… Just… How could you possibly think it’s okay? There is no tact here. There is no plausible deniability because of Angel’s history with SA; he’s saying his body is made to be SA’d.

If Angel had replied something like:

Charlie: I don’t want to exploit you in that way!

Angel: Aww, dame! I wanna help ya out, and this is just what I’m good at!

It wouldn’t be so heinous.

Or Angel could be shown to be a little socially intelligent about how Hell works:

Charlie: I don’t want to exploit you in that way!

Angel: But dame! Dame, ya gotta listen. This might be a squeaky clean joint for prudes, but Hell’s full of sexy, sex-loving freaks! And I’M the most famous sex-loving star is all of Hell! If you put me on your advertisements, you’ve got a GUARANTEED audience, and boy is it a massive audience! Your Hotel’ll make it to ALL those sinful, lusty sexlords who get off to me! I mean, you’re the one tryinna redeem ‘em, don’t you think some of THEM might be interested?

(I do kind of like that now that I’ve written that down; at least in that version, Angel actually has something going on in his brain. And Charlie can either concede and be like “yyyyyeah… I guess… you’re right…” or she can go “no Angel you left that life and I won’t be an accomplish making you go through that anymore.” Or something. SHOW SOME FUCKING CHARACTER.)  

There isn’t even anything to joke about with the line as it is. It’s just… thoughtless.

(And... from episode 4... God. It's sickening. This is just a taste of how BAD it is going to get.)

--Angel’s joke about his body parts goes on way too long. The joke overstays its welcome.

--Why is Angel drawn with pink lines on half of his body while all the other characters have full black lines???

--“Oh Trust Me, I can!” Man… it was a glimmer like this shot that makes me miss what Alastor used to be. It’s actually kind of fluid, and it’s like seeing a tiny bit of what the character could have been. But it still, again, completely lacks the raw DANGER and unhinged-ness the originala brought to the show.

--Oh Husk. Oh, Husk, no. Your voice. Oh Husk. They fucked you up. Where’s the exhaustion, where’s the jadedness? You don’t sound burnt-out and hollow (like a HUSK) like you’re supposed to. Good lord.

Also… “Why do you think I’m here? You think I’d be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks whining if he wasn’t forcing me?” So much telling and not a single ounce of showing.

--Nifty: I like being forced.

………… A little too close to Angel Dust's thing to be saying that, Nifty.

--THIS IS TOO MANY CHARACTERS ALL AT ONCE. This is a huge overload of information. How is a newcomer to the series supposed to register and remember all these guys? (We haven’t even gotten to Adam and Lute yet, meaning even more are on the way.)

Husk and Nifty don’t even do anything in the episode. They don’t need to be here.

--Apparently, Angel has a habit of harassing Husk. I’m worried. Listen: sexually harassing anyone is not okay and it’s not funny. In the pilot, Husk showed disinterest in Angel’s flirting, but nothing super outright or angry – here, he sounds angry. He sounds serious. He doesn’t want to be flirted with. But Angel doesn’t stop. This is not okay.

Why doesn’t Angel understand consent if his entire character arc is about SA and escaping exploitation. Of ANY character, he should have some modicum of self-awareness about this. At the least, they needed to dial back his lines. He’s already gone too far, as we’ve mentioned.

(...From the rest of the episodes, and the leaks, god it gets so much worse.)

--Vaggie: We can’t force sinners to stay here. They have to choose to.

Wow, can you sound ANY deader, Vaggie. This line is miserable.

--Angel thinks the hotel’s idea is stupid. So… why is Angel having this conversation with VAGGIE? This is Charlie’s show! This is Charlie’s dream! This is Charlie’s endeavor, the thing SHE believes in! Charlie is the main character; she is the one who is fighting for redemption!

Why isn’t it Angel and Charlie having this conversation, so Charlie has to defend her stance and Angel can challenge her, and it’ll be our first sign of Charlie facing opposition?

As it is, Vaggie doesn’t even sound convicted in their idea. Her voice is just fucking dead. And Angel cares nothing for the Hotel as stated, so he doesn’t bring any life into this discussion. Charlie is NEEDED in these scenes to bring energy to it.

It's because Charlie isn’t the main character. Viv doesn’t like female characters. She’s the main character in-name only. The male ones like Angel, Alastor, etc, are the ones that are the focus. This becomes more apparent with further episodes too.

--Angel: Crack is expensive.

Angel just coming out and saying that to Vaggie, when like, being off drugs was one of the conditions to staying in the hotel. He says he wants keep staying at the hotel rent-free, he should be hiding that he’s doing it so they don’t cut him from the program and tell him to get lost.

----------

So that was our first look at the show proper. I think that’s a good place to pause, because now, we’re coming into the worst part of the episode, where this train wreck just fucking falls over the edge of a cliff. It will have my most intense thoughts, and explain how Hazbin destroys itself before it can even begin!

Stay tuned!

[wine4thewin]

Any tips for writing smut/romance? Because yours is delicious!

Thank you ☺️

Well, I’d say it’s a long process of trial and error within finding your voice in writing. I’ve been at it for probably 20-ish years and when I first wrote smut maybe a decade ago…it was soooooo bad 🤣 even to this day I will post something with a scene and feel extremely insecure! I’m like, oh God, was it bad!? 😅

Take all of this with a grain of salt. What I feel strongly about, other people may not feel the same. The writing process is different for everyone.

It also depends on your goal. Just regular p*rny smut or thought-out erotica?

1. Emotional Payoff: I find myself writing giant slow burns more than anything these days. Why? Because I want the cumulation of events to feel impactful to the reader. I don’t even mean “oh, the characters have fallen in love” emotional payoff. Sometimes, they aren’t in love. Sometimes, they are struggling with feelings, with beliefs, with conflicts…and I want the first erotic scene to be impactful to the plot, not just ‘thrown in for the hell of it’. It must add to the story and I want it to be a turning point or realization of sorts for the characters…for better or worse. Can this be done without a slow burn? Yes. But it takes a very precise prose to do it in a short piece.

Essentially, beyond my long-windedness, I am saying the smut should mean something to the story to be emotionally impactful to the reader, even if the act is meaningless to the characters themselves at that time. That is the difference IMO between erotica and flat, emotionless p#rny writing.

More below the cut - 18+ for some scenarios mentioned, but nothing crazy or offensive.

2. Sometimes Less Crude is More Sexy: This depends on your goal. Are you aiming for just how many dirty words you can cram in a paragraph? Seems a bit wild, but sometimes certain words can make a smut scene more impactful. I used to write every single gory detail with blunt, crude words. Did it work? Sure. Was it the sort of writing that made people feel a flutter or emotional response aside from ‘ooo dirty smut’? Maybe not.

Back to emotion. Emotional words can take your smut to the next level. You could say your male character ‘grabbed her thighs and spread them quickly, his huge *insert crude word* hard and ready to stuff her dripping *insert crude word*’.

Or, you could say instead, ‘the calloused tips of his fingers ghosted across her skin, making her shiver with anticipation. The tremble in his touch betrayed his inexperience, even as he moved slowly between her thighs. She could feel that he was eager for her, pressed as he was against her own desire…and she would take all he had to offer and more.

There would be no going back from this.

“Am I what you want?” His voice was an utterance across her lips, gaze dark and questioning. Pupils wide, consuming her.

There was no need to answer aloud. She shifted her hips and took him for herself.’

The above is me setting the stage for the act itself, all while putting in words and sentences that reveal small emotions, details, insecurities, dominance, and desires. Idk, you tell me, I just made that whole scene up on the spot 😂

When you read something that makes you react, remind yourself of the words the writer used that made you feel. Was it because they pulled you into the scene, had you feel with the character you love? Or was it because they said dripping vajayjay twenty times? Different strokes for different folks!

3. Don’t Be Repetitive: Refer to genitalia in different ways, but don’t be obnoxiously flowery like the harlequin novels of old and their “his staff of love quivered in her touch” sorta thing. More like, “his desire was velvet covered steel under her grasp / his firm length” or “she was swollen against his fingertips, ready, glistening with arousal”. You can get away with saying d#ck a few times, but it gets annoying and eye-rolling if it’s every sentence. You can check out this list for ideas!

4. Use Location/Situation to Your Advantage: where are these characters? Semi-public? In private? Are they forbidden being together? Or is their love considered illegal or shameful in your fantasy/sci-fi country? Bring feelings of ‘could we be caught, excitement, the thrill, shame, struggling with own beliefs, reluctance yes, even reluctance’ into the smut to amp up the stakes.

5. Not All Sex is Perfect: hey, we don’t always get it right the first time. I’ve written one character having the time of his life from his POV, only to find out his partner didn’t exactly find him as awe-inspiring 🤣 but, his partner gave him another chance, what a saint jk jk, and the emotional aspect of this previously very selfish character realizing he feels strongly about pleasing someone other than himself for the first time ever was a huge plot point with the smut.

Don’t be afraid of awkward sex, reassuring sex, figuring things out together sex…they can always get it right the next time!

6. If You Write a Kink, Go Deep: size kink, BDSM, A/B/O, etc. if you are going to do it, really commit to it. Don’t mention it vaguely, because if people are looking for that in your smut because you tagged it as such, don’t leave them hanging! I had to study BDSM terms, read blogs of those in the life and their experiences to even come close to writing authentically about it (and I mean stuff beyond generic spanking, such as the risks of edgeplay, knife play, wax play, sensory deprivation, subspace, etc).

Closing thoughts before I ramble you into the abyss from whence you won’t return:

Overall, writing is to have fun! Don’t be hard on yourself, it’s always a learning process. Ask for feedback on your smut, observe what you like about your favorite authors, practice practice practice.

Much of my advice may be considered advanced (or maybe it’s all shit LOL) but I hope some of it helps bring food for thought and helps others on their ever-continuing journey of creative writing!

[puzzlevision]

update

hello, yoko here.

so some of you may noticed that i changed my username, you can still call me as yoko but once the revamping is started, you will no longer call me by that name. i want to seperate myself from that name that made me known on the smg4 fandom.

this is a very long explanation so its under the cut, and note to people on tumblr around: it contains controversal stuffs happening on glitch productions

this change is because of the smg4 controversy that happened recently, with the main one being taris old va (celeste notley-smith) being replaced by a new one. which is okay at first because celeste is a mother and a teacher and needs to focus on other stuffs and yadda yadda, until you found out that she fired from glitch after 6 years.

6.

FUCKING

YEARS.

now picture this: you are one of the first voice actor/actress from a recently new company, only to get replaced by a new one after years of voicing a character that you dearly love. the new tari va (lottie baurne) almost sounds like her old va and thats okay, but this situation is awful. not only that, robyn (smg2s former voice actress) is stepping down from glitch because of that. she recently made a video about this controversy on her channel "anime america", so please make sure to watch it.

yeah yeah i know jasmine yang (the voice director) made an apology, but that… is just not that good. sometimes we always forget things, but her apology? this is meh. im hoping to see celestes respond about her apology so the situation will be calm once again (like it was used to be… back in the early years). im also looking forward for the lerdwichagul brothers' responds as well.

and about the other controversy, we got glassdoor ratings about employee mismanagement coming from ex-workers, thanks to the ceo… aka kevin. i dont understand why kevin was hated by everyone back then, but it turns out that they are right. kevin is a completely different person with cameras OFF. that one scene from the episode "smg4… are you okay?" where smg4 tortures toads into manipulation by making videos for his channel became more obvious with this one. the good side is we havent heard about luke (smg4) yet.

on the other hand, i will probably start a career as a utau producer once i have speakers for my pc, dowloaded utau, and practiced how to use that software (hence the "prod" on my url). there is a chance that kikyuune aiko will be my main. smg4 stuffs will still be around, however you will see less smg4 stuffs here due to the controversy and the fact that this is a multifandom account aside from my likes. buuuuut that does not mean ill stop working on pandemic love distortion. (for those who didnt know about this one, its a wip smg34 fanfic made by me that was put on developmental hiatus due to irl stuff)

and for those who havent heard of it already, i will permanently post all my future arts to @blueberry-arts, but previous arts from my main will still be here and remain. so if you want new arts from mine go to my other account pls 🙏

soooooo i guess that will be all. thank you for reading.

signed, yoko. 🫐

[icharchivist]

icha!! I finished awakening moon :) it was very good and i can see why u love chikage! I have two BURNING questions up top though.

1. do we ever learn what the exact job of the organization is. I guessed espionage/assassin/various shady business before even starting this act so personally i’m very very happy i got there at least. hmph. I’m pretty good. but do we ever learn more about… actual job details?

and 2. do we ever get a real explanation for chikage’s “I don’t like women” line. it’s so abrupt that it’s funny but also this is the one information my sister has about chikage and it’s not easy to defend against lmaoooo. I don’t for a second believe chikage’s story abt his mother is the right one because first… if that is real it’s a bullshit excuse. like hello dude. have u ever talked to One More Woman than ur mother. izumi can’t be that special. i feel like that isn’t supposed to be totally untrue since he like… shoves izumi away after making sure she doesn’t get run over that one time? but my working theory is that izumi startled him so badly that one time he was like “i have to make sure she never touches me again” and decided the best way to do that was… whatever he said. and then he keeps being standoffish to izumi when they’re alone bc he’s already gone past the point of no return so may as well just drop the pleasant act. that line is so wild to me though because like really apart from that he is pretty normal around izumi. like. what’s going on here it’s going to haunt me.

ok now onto the chronological stuff… this is a lot more chapters, so I’ll be quicker, and anyways I feel like i set up my initial feelings and thoughts pretty well in the last ask so i don’t need to say too much stuff. anyways i feel like here a whole lotta stuff Happens but it was mostly playing out things i’d expected to happen for the most part? but i might also jump around time a little bit because of that…

anyways when they were practicing that thunder scene I was thinking that he sounded as easygoing as always. so it was nice to hear izumi back me up on that one. you're correct the voice acting here is really wonderful. wataru hatano you're amazing! and well. i mean. listen. shaiapouf as a character Is. a Character but the voice acting for him is pitch-perfect so yeah. skill. i felt like chikage goes through a Lot this arc but seriously, the voice acting for him throughout just like, consistently impressed me.

izumi’s thinking to herself he isn't good at showing emotion bc he just sounds shallow and empty. wow u really did not hold back there. i've been thinking this for a while but i want to throw homare at chikage. it would be fun for soooo many reasons. like chikage has to contend with how homare is around hisoka and everyone but also the whole homare deal of like “i’m incapable of being a normal human!” i imagine that would strike a chord somewhere. even now that he’s like reconciled with hisoka it would be rather interesting.

love the deeply hassled sigh chikage lets out when izumi asks him to stay back for a moment. I still think its crazy that izumi literally hasn’t said a thing abt how weird he’s being including tsuzuru when he was struggling with his script. also when he dropped that small bottle? My guesses were “dangerous poison serum” and “august memento” and im glad to say i was right on BOTH counts. and the way he goes "If you touched that, I would've never forgiven you." when izumi goes to pick up… chikage is so fun/interesting to me because he’s got this very placid mask for his emotions but the moment that drops he’s soooooo obvious. goes like 0-100. like he does not recover well. i would ask how he survived previous espionage missions etc. but i guess previously he did not have to deal with august and april being dead. But anyways the moment i saw that i was like “hm… hisoka didn’t wash up with it so he probably drank it… did it give him amnesia?” soooooo :) smug smile.

i do like izumi being mad at this whole thing. I mean even up to the end of this event she’s still so confused abt chikage’s women hater thing which. fair. but mostly i really like izumi’s relationship with chikage because it feels like it’s the most antagonistic she’s been towards other troupe members? like when chikage invited her out on that date i audibly said to myself “hell yeah, PvP” and well. he kidnapped her and then she antagonized him by acting out the entirety of the wonderful charlatan of oz (which, love that she knows the entire script by heart).

the spring sleepover, part two! i thought it was nice that like. itaru and banri were gaming together here and it was banri who was like “um… where the fuck is ur roommate.” it reminded me of how itaru would knowingly be like ah. I don’t think u can just skate by in akigumi. like itaru… yes chikage looks like he wants to leave but i think u are being a little. unwelcoming. tsk tsk. glad tsuzuru and the rest of harugumi react appropriately. sakuya’s "chikage always looks at me when we're acting together, but it feels like... he's not actually SEEING me, you know?" was sooo insightful. thinking about how yuzo said sakuya has that stupid innocent part of rick down pat. i've got to think. that's probably the only part of him that chikage knows too, huh… but obviously sakuya (and rick) are more than that! the “it feels like he's acting opposite to a doll instead of a person” line really makes me want to sit down with chikage and be like. oh my god. I mean i know the organization u work for is for sure illegal but i also think it’s bad for ur mental health.

the moment they decided to prank him by tampering with his food i Knew that chikage was gonna get mad lol. like as an assassin / whatever multi-talented job he has i doubt he’d take kindly to it. and then he laces izumi’s food later. lol.

hisoka going “I’m scared to fall asleep” made me really worry… but his flashback scene was so fun to watch. I don’t have much to say abt it since we get the full explanation of that last scene with august later, but i am confused about them mastering japanese…? like, my assumption has always been that they were natively japanese since um… i feel like. people would point that out otherwise right. and it wouldn’t make sense for their names to be japanese otherwise either… maybe they are and were just like. out on the streets in a foreign country u probably wouldn’t learn japanese, huh… or is it just like. anime logic.

anyways izumi got kidnapped that was so fun. quoting from my notes when i realized it was gonna happen “oh he's totally kidnapping izumi. this is the best possible outcome actually. i wanted to see them fight.” I was confused as to why chikage was getting seen by Literally Everyone bc it’s like. didnt u research their schedules. but then i realized it was on purpose lol. I really liked that izumi figured out the chika-usa thing, like, immediately! and started gushing about it lol. it was nice to see chikage open up a bit. and then she quoted august which i’m sure was sweet and not at all doing irreparable damage to chikage’s psyche. well rip to her for a while. i do think it is sooo funny how muku is like maybe they ran off and eloped! same vibes as juza seeing sakyo and his mom and thinking theyre together. i’d say its a sakisaka/hyodo thing but no. i think like at least 50% of the troupe is just like that.

chikage never being able to sleep unless he’s like totally alone because he can’t feel safe otherwise is… sad. also its such a fun contrast to hisoka! i have been thinking abt this a lot actually bc like both these characters have their own sleep quirks and also this episode is called awakening moon? which i think is obviously like. that bright moon over august’s death… but it’s also like, an awakening, which i think suggests like, the recovery of hisoka’s memories as well as chikage’s awakening to like… the truth of that night and that hisoka hadn’t betrayed them at all… but i think it’s such a fun word because like some of the most important breakthroughs in this episode don’t center on waking up at all. in fact they hinge upon the opposite: sleep! hisoka sleeping to remember and chikage sleeping around sakuya… speaking of that scene where hisoka sleeps, winter is SO SWEET throughout this entire episode. like genuinely every time they show up they’re so sweet. the way homare says he’ll keep a lookout and pay hisoka back for mmmbm! and the way later when hisokas like i have to do something. on my own. all of winter troupe comes to him and is like hey i noticed ur sleeping less… can we share ur burdens? and the way tasuku catches him when he immediately falls asleep. so good. also azuma SPECIFICALLY being the one to wish him sweet dreams! considering… everything, surrounding azuma’s own troubles with sleep and the whole good night sweet dreams from nocturnality… that got me.

december 2nd being the night before they did their plan makes me think like??? is Hisoka’s bday literally just the day he lost his memories? what a day. like did he pick that as his bday after losing his memories or was that. but goddd. what a day. love chikage and izumi in that hideout room like izumi really went “I’m gonna annoy u through my acting. fuck you.” until hisoka showed up. him doing the whole putting himself in someone else’s shoes with chikage… inspired by homare… that made me clutch my heart. especially with homares line of “you will be fine. I am sure you will know what to do” like the SURETY in that!! now I’m very glad hisoka didn’t end up drinking the amnesia serum bc chikage’s shout of “don’t!” was so distressed like wow. this is the last piece of his family he has left. but OH MY GOD. could u imagine the alternate universe where chikage did not stop him and hisoka drank that potion. and winter loved him again and again and again. like my god the drama there. also chikage seems like he would spiral so incredibly deeply because of it and it would be incredibly angsty but also it would be so interesting. I do no think a3 has the time for that since they have like, plays to do and can’t properly pull that off and make it sincere with the proper amt of time but oh my god could u imagine… on the other hand I think chikage has so much love for his family of august and april that he would never have let hisoka drink it.

I love how when they get back though izumi decides that she can totally just LIE to a troupe of ACTORS when she’s proven she’s not that good at acting… it’s good hisoka backs her up or stuff would’ve gotten crazy… I hope ppl do get to know more of the truth eventually not because I want people to be mad at chikage. mostly because I want to know the full details of his job already and bc I think it’d be nice if he had more than like One Person to share his thoughts with. it’s good he does have the one, though. and I love spring troupe reaffirming that they’re family! that rly carried throughout the whole of awakening moon, it was so good.

chikage trying to leave was one of my favorite bits of awakening moon! like itaru u are SO funny. first its like "hi chikage :) u are the best roommate i couldve asked for" (and i think he calls him sempai?? wild) and then the moment chikage leaves he calls up sakuya. pfft. he knows what he’s doing. and then sakuya!!! I KNEW that coin toss was gonna come back and I KNEW sakuya was gonna get it right The Once!! and see through his lie! and right when chikage was abt to leave!! play parallels secured hehe. also sakuya’s "isn't there anything we can do for you? isn't there anything we can do to help?" the hisoka&winter parallels! I loved how sakuya was just like. u and me. sleep on the stage. like wow… I laughed at tenma for naively going “let’s all sleep together!” as the solution for summer troupe but like clearly this technique is working well for harugumi. chikage going "I... can't be your family. I betrayed you. I don't have the right." though… my god. I have to think this is very telling in terms of how he perceived hisoka, too, in that after his betrayal he was no longer allowed to be part of chikage’s “family”—but he still tells tsuzuru he has 2 siblings, in that conversation he has with him, so I assume he was really struggling with how to feel about hisoka—as far as chikage knew, hisoka had betrayed them, but he was also the Only Family chikage had left… that’s wild. it was cute to see sakuya recount spring’s first three plays but very strange to see sakuya talk abt clockwork heart, unknowing of the entire mizuno situation. I mean, it makes sense he wouldn’t know it well, but it’s still wild to me. I also like how chikage’s sprite isn’t wearing glasses here! also when he said "When I'm playing Oswald, it's like I'm drowning in all his emotions, too. It's suffocating." I was like ah. tsuzuru did his job well, then. for real that play sure did work well on improving chikage huh.

sakuya phrasing his relative situation in terms of like. him as the audience and everyone else on stage is such an apt and compelling comparison! and then chikage and sakuya sleeping together and then the whole of harugumi piling in… that cg was SO CUTE. everyone’s just so adorable there! sakuyas expression! citron sprawled on top of them! everything!

as for the play performance, I’m glad closing night went well! the costumes for this play are sooo good. I’ve been thinking abt itaru and citrons in particular like hello? hello? yuki great job. although I wonder why masumi is wearing just like a regular fucking jacket under his scarf deal. he doesn’t look that magic to me. gosh I imagine the prop work for this play would be insane tho like. how’d they deal with the hot air balloon and stuff. and the magic. I also listened to the corresponding song and liked it a lot! for some reason it reminded me of gusty garden galaxy, like the mario music? oh and hisoka almost calling chikage april and then the teasing lilt in hisokas voice when he says "chikage, they're calling you an ape" that was so cute. but also like cmon guys. chikage's birthday is Right There. that could be such a normal nickname. I also loved homare’s et tu, tasuku?! line. that was so funny

I loved that tenma sincerely did not realize chikage kidnapped izumi. and then he, taichi and sakuya all totally believed chikage’s lie. which I did not fall for even a bit. tsumugi going "I'm glad all the loose ends have been tied" though made me sit there though like okay what the fuck does the Organization do tho. huh. that’s a pretty loose end. also does chikage really hate women. they haven’t touched that as of this line. but then hisoka saying he wants to tell winter his memories even tho it could be selfish! so sweet! and loved how tsumugi and azuma are both traditionally supportive while tasuku and homare are like you're worried about being selfish NOW? i love you that way anyways.

and THEN the last cg with chikage and hisoka reminiscing. that scene was. oh my godddd. the way u can like Hear chikage going from fond reminiscing to having his voice break down into crying… it’s soooo good. and his sad smile!! and the moon!! I’m so glad these two were able to find each other and reconciled really… the only reason I didn’t cry was bc hisoka said that family was "inseperatable and irreplacable" and I had this moment of “oh. citroncore” bc I’m like 99% sure that inseperatable is not a real word and hisoka meant inseparable instead. I’m taking it as a sign that he did not 100% master Japanese even tho it’s definitely just a super minor localization error/typo. and then chikage helping izumi wash dishes in the morning :) like I said before I like that these two r a little hostile to each other like.

chikage: you're shamelessly optimistic

izumi: why thank you.

chikage: that wasn't a compliment

that exchange was so fun. like wow okay. I also liked how izumi was like hm. let’s throw chikage into opening night. I’m sure he’ll feel frustrated by how he doesn’t measure up and just Lets That Happen. I think it’s a sort of fun difference since she’s usually pretty gentle and sweet to people. not that she isn’t to chikage! she definitely is I mean he kidnapped her and she was worried abt his sleep schedule. but I think she like is more challenging towards him and that’s a rly fun dynamic. and then chikage making up a lie to justify his women hating. I’ve already explained my confusion on this so I’m just gonna conclude with ITS KUMON AND HE WANTS TO JOIN AKIGUMI!!!!! WHOOO!!!!!!! I’m SO hype for that like. I feel we’ll get some fun juza (and possibly banri?) bits that way… I actually have heard a bit abt kumon in that I feel like I’ve read smthing abt him having a kind of weak body? so we shall see about that but I’ve got a feeling that may be the reason he’s unable to join akigumi—since that’s an action-based troupe and all… I’m very excited since it seems like he hadn’t even thought abt joining summer troupe initially!! also I am so excited to see summer in full force again. hands clasped in prayer tenma & juza main story interactions? my secondary color trio? I don’t think that’ll actually happen but 1) I can dream and 2) I can write abt it. lol. I would also love to know the flower meanings of what chikage sends to hisoka pre act 2!!!

HELLOOO FRIEND OMG! so quick to finish it!! congratulation!!!

AND DLKJFDL GLAD TO SEE THEN IT ALL MAKES SENSE. Chikage. Good.

For the two questions.

Pretty sure the implication is espionage/spy works with various level of shady involved. In the EN server we get a little more glimpse into what Chikage does in particular, other than that i think in the JPN server there's been various events just talking more in depth about the Organization and their involvement in it.

Okay so I'm on a whole different level on it because i legit heard his story about his mom and went "yeah makes sense". While he's never that mean to anyone ever, he is deeply uncomfortable around women in general in others backstages especially and i remember a backstage late in the JPN development that mentions it's really a gut feeling and he's trying so hard nowadays to improve on that, and improve on knowing "if Izumi doesn't make me feel this unwell around women then maybe i'll be able to solve this gut reaction i have around women". I think the way he violently pushed Izumi away was definitely to keep her away because he had no reason to play nice with her, and usually he behaves just, normally, but he's really uncomfortable around women still. I would be inclined to believe he didn't tell EVERYTHING regarding his family situation but to me i would assume that something bad happened when he was a child enough to make him think as a defense mechanism "women=bad". To me there's abuse involved. The Organization is hinted to be all male and Chikage is hinted to have been recruited very young, so it's possible that the turn of event is, Chikage had a toxic upbringing and, esp with a child mind, blamed his mother for not protecting him, then he moved in an all male organization and meeting women was so anecdotical until late in his life that this defense mechanism truly got worse since then and now he has a hard time getting rid of it. Personally i can't see his argument fully as bullshit because hhhh i had my mom get me from household to household by getting in relationship with abusive men who were abusive toward me and my reaction was more to blame my mother for not listening to me and doing as she pleases than to specifically get mad at those guys, so, the whole reasoning Chikage is saying in this part (if we take it as a truth) to me makes sense. It's not fair nor reasonable but trauma, especially experienced as a child, rarely is.

On a more practical level, i think it's just meant to be a romance trope lol. While a3 is more found family focused a lot of backstages, esp SSR ones, and every 3rd mini chat, involves the characters flirting with Izumi (as a self insert more than a character), not to mention it happens as well on homepage's lines for like, vday or bday and stuff. And Chikage is definitely built around the trope of "he can't stand women (for traumatic reasons) but he makes an exception for you/you make him feel safer/he's willing to grow past his trauma as you make it easier for him.". It's pretty cheesy and i do dislike that it's the trope he was plagued with but that's kind of the reasoning. So yes Izumi "can be that special", that's the trope ahah.

but yeah no personally i'm team he must have had a deep trauma and at best he says the truth and it's only because he felt abandonned when he needed help by a parent, and at worse, something much worse happened for him to be this uncomfortable with being touched by women (because he generally handles conversation with women just fine, like, he treats women pretty normally, and it's when they get touchy or invade his personal space that he gets visibly uncomfortable. and even there he never gets physical in reclaiming his bondaries, he generally lies his way out in a pleasant way, it's really only with Izumi in the intro chap that he is this violent. When he really told off Izumi it was to make sure she kept her distances and else it's really only when they got physical that his reactions were a little more pushed, in general he handles being around her like a normal person. He was mostly violent because he didn't want to play nice with Hisoka's found family, in any other circumstances he takes upon himself.). And that's kind of a horrifying thought DLKFJDF the cause of the behavior was never extended on though.

On another note he does work on it a lot and came to acknowledge that he can't just let his trauma response get in the way of his life and interractions with 50% of the society, and he's been working on getting less uncomfortable around women. but yeah it's not "hate women" in a misogynist way sorta, it's really just, yeah.

anyway back to the chapter,

DLKFJDLFK RIGHT Wacchan is incredible, truly has a Voice Range. He really has such a nice voiiice and it helps building Chikage as a character so much i love it so much.

Izumi literally doesn't hold back against prick i love that for her <3 I find his acting really interesting as to inform us on his character, and you're right, i feel like Homare would be a good person to lock him with. (Hisoka's next evil plan i'm sure. Now that they're reconsiliated he can be evil on purpose like a little brother <3). I feel like the difference is that Homare is just like that while Chikage is probably just… something he forced himself to be so much it became as natural as breathing, as a spy and everything, and that's why once Mankai pried him open like an oysters he had a really hard time sorting it all out. Like what do you MEAN his mask doesn't protect him anymore. And i think having Homare being all nodding about the lack of human emotions esp now that the dam has been broken would just have Chikage stares into oblivion like, this is my life now.

GOD YEAH about his mask. IT's so fucking cool. It's really just, as long as he can act detached and pleasant he handles everything just fine but the moment things go awry he's struggling a lot more with his emotions and i just muah But yeah you're right, for the intense reaction to the potion i do think it's a mix of still grieving August so much that anyone touching a memento of him would be like fingers in his gapping wounds, and the fact Izumi is the person that "took Hisoka way from him" with the whole theater, or, at least, so heavily linked to how Hisoka "moved on", he especially becomes more irrational with that. Since at this point he still blames Hisoka for August's death, it's having an extention of Hisoka taking the last bit of August he still has away from him. And thus, irrational behavior. Basically yeah i think he handled spying much better in term of lying and all ahah but at the moment he's still grieving and handling it in the poorest, least healthy way, that anything that ends up touching the grief itself makes him act irrational.

you really got it all figured as you read ahah i'm amazed!!!! congratz!

I do love Izumi's behavior on it. While a lot of the others actors have been prick in their own way, they at least contained it at throwing it at each other and never at Izumi. She never really had to deal with any of them being antagonistic toward her and it was interesting to see her dynamic with Chikage when Chikage basically decided to be A Menace. And I love that she's allowed to be angry and frustrated about being treated like that and how much she had to handle when Chikage became even More Of A Menace.

Spring sleepover. Always good. I do love that Banri was able to see it too and like, Banri&Itaru, the duo of "tried to leave the Mankai company" being both "huh. your roommate isn't really trying to stay in the company. That's bad.". Meanwhile yeah, remember how in the Autumn Chapter when Banri is about to leave Sakyo tells him "you can leave but don't think you'll be allowed to come back" and Banri leaves anyway and he has to beg Sakyo to come back? Like i feel like Banri was really MHMMMMMMMMMMMMM WE DONT DO THAT HERE. I ADORE Sakura's comment though, yes. It was so insightful and Sakuya is so perceptive i love him so much. Sweet son. Yuzo's comment is so funny god. yeaaaahh agreed on the comment for Chikage, the org cannot be healthy. Like, man. This is not a healthy way to live his life.

I didn't even notice the parallelism between Spring putting thing in his food VS him putting stuff in Izumi's food LMAOOOOO, payback in the worst way possible (assassin style). I loved to see Spring do something that stupid. They want to bond with him so bad!!! but he's still A Menace so this was the worst plan they had in a long while.

Oh Hisoka not being native Japanese was pointed out actually? in the Winter chapter during the spy arc, Homare mentions that Hisoka indeed sounds shady as a "foreigner no one knows the origin of". in the anime i know they took it one step further with the spy confronting Hisoka and saying "it's true you entered this country illegally and are laying low in this theater company to escape crimes?". Hisoka and Chikage are definitely implied to not be Japanese. They can still be East Asian so people wouldn't pick it up as easily, but they're not Japanese. (there was a lot of talk back in the days about the possibility of Hisoka being Russian, both because of the descriptions of intense Winter from his youth and because he is compared to a Russian Short Hair Cat in the Christmas play. Do of that as you will.) And "Hisoka" and "Chikage" are not their birthname either, they're codenames August gave them for the mission. The only reason Hisoka remembers it as his name is that since it was a name given by August, it was the only time he was given a name out of love, and as such, he held on to this name. But it's also why Hisoka and Chikage's name have the meaning they have. Hisoka's is "Secretly" and Mikage involves "shadow" in its imagery, similarly for "Chikage", and "Utsuki", Chikage's last name, is a way to say "April". August didn't really think too far about all of this lmao. That's one of the reasons i mentioned the organization to be International in a previous ask tbh. And yeah they both learnt Japanese for the job, but it's implied they both speak a lot of others languages. Chikage says it a little more obviously (and he talks about "flying aboard for work" a lot) and for Hisoka we know he's very good at English as well. Hisoka fearing falling asleep though is so :(((.

"THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME ACTUALLY" LMAOOOOOOOO You're right. yes. But yes Chikage is just shady on purpose, he's so stupid i love that about a man. But yess i love how Izumi figured out the Chika-usa thing right away. It was really her moment of "Chikage redemption arc". And then he kidnapped her and it was just, ah. but yes it was so nice to see Chikage open up and Chikage getting some emotional and psychological warfare from Izumi reminding him of August.

yeah no it's a 50% of the troupe is like that. TO BE FAIR TO THEM THOUGH. THIS IS NICHE KNOWLEDGE BUT I NEED TO SHARE. But in Azuma's birthday SSR that came out like, a month before Chikage's intro chapter, Azuma…… kidnaps Izumi to a resort island with him and then specifically sends texts to the Mankai company to say "heheh we're on a date" and then leave them on read and take Izumi's phone when Masumi and Sakyo start to send death threat. Of course it's, not the same kind of kidnapping, Izumi was mostly conscenting to joining Azuma but didn't expect the trip and didn't expect they'd stay up the night, but MY POINT IS that IN RECENT MEMORY they had Azuma and Izumi "eloping" and leaving everyone on read because Azuma is a MENACE. So IN THEIR DEFENSE i think they have reasons to jump to the wildest conclusions since they can at least go "well. It did happen once." and then look at Azuma with a look of reproach while he's just 😇

yeah Chikage not being able to sleep is sad :( it is indeed a fantastic contrast with Hisoka yeah. For the record the official nickname for April/December/August is "Gekkagumi" because "Gekka" means both "month" and "moon" ("gumi" is troupe). In Chikage's song he talks about being alone under the shadow of the moon and the word he uses for that is especially "Gekka". (he also talks about "tears falling in secret" and the term for "in secret" there is "Hisoka", which also would express how his emotions and vulnerability is something he can only afford with Hisoka,at this point at least.) I think this is also the tongue-and-cheek reason why the Moon is such an important illustration for those two, since it's a wordplay on the fact months and moon is the same thing. Which therefore adds further to how their own sleeping cycle add to it yes. I really love how much Hisoka and Chikage are built as foil to one another. Even on their designs! Like, Chikage has green hair and clear eyes, Hisoka has white hair and green eyes. Their hair part in the opposite direction to one another, like it's mirrored. And i don't remember where it's mentioned but the state of Hisoka's hidden eye is a secret and it's not impossible that it's because he's blind from this eye, VS Chikage wearing fake glasses (he doesn't need them) giving an illusion of perfect vision. With the irony, of course, that it was Chikage who was blind to the truth. and ofc Sugar VS Spice and their general personality and, of course, their sleep patern.

But yes in Sleeping we trust. I think it's such a sweet way to show that Hisoka's "quirk" which Chikage mostly frowned upon, ended up being both of their salvation and the indication that they can both lay down and rest. Chikage being kept awake is a shown of his lack of trust and amount of things to work on which shows the toxic hold the Organization has on him, and as such, Sleeping is instead associated with the safety of being able to rest around people who are here for you. It's really such a nice thematic they work on here.

WINTER IS SO SO SWEET I COULDNT STOP CRYING. Literally the whole scene about how "just how heavy is that sin you bear?" "perhaps it's heavy enough for the five of us to carry together" IN TEAAAARS IN TEARS IN TEARS LOVE IS REAL LOVE IS IN FUYU im fine im fine BUT YOU GET ME. They're all here for him in their own way and it really showcase their arc so far too. From Homare learning to read his emotions, Tsumugi ready to be here to carry his troupe with confidence, Tasuku being there physically to do that, and Azuma helping him find solace in his sleep… It's just. God Winter is so well written. The payup to their arc was so good.

Hisoka losing his memories on his bday is so sad goodness. BUT GODD YEAH. YEAH THIS WHOLE BIT. YEAH. Between Hisoka going to confront Chikage and just, knowing Homare had supported him this whole time, and this surety like you said!! god i love Fuyu i love Fuyu i love- I love Chikage's reaction to it all god. Like, i think he convinced himself he wanted to destroy December because it was the normal thing to want right? He thought Hisoka killed August, and faked his death, he blamed Hisoka for the distress he was in, and so, he put all of his distress and turned it into rage and revenge to carry on. But he never actually wanted harm on Hisoka and it's only when harm almost happened that he realized that. So blinded by revenge he was about to destroy the one thing he should have been happy to still have. His pure despair when everything sinks in and especially that Hisoka did nothing wrong is just. Everything to me. Like seriously i wasn't too hot on Chikage at first because i was so pissed at how he was treating Hisoka, but the moment the line "what do i do now…. in the end the one who was betrayed by his own family… was you by my own hand" was uttered i did a 180° and was just oh okay i would die for Chikage actually. Thanks for your time. Just the absolute devastation of realizing he was becoming the monster he had seeked to destroy, and turned the destruction he felt was righteous as a way to cope against the only person he never actually wanted to harm? God this is good angst. This is SUCh an interesting character bit. (his chara song also kinda confirms it, "rather than fooling others, i'm better at fooling myself" i'm putting my fist in my mouth)

BUT YEAH GOD the alternative universe where Chikage was just a little too late and Hisoka had drank the potion is just. GOD. Winter would love him all over again, they'd be here every step of the way, and Chikage would probably be spiral so damn much because of the guilt. I see why a3 didn't do it, like you say, but holy shit what an amazing angst fuel this idea is. but yes, agreed, Chikage loves his family too much to let it happen. Everything he wanted about Hisoka's destruction was just his grief lashing out and was never something he actually meant.

i think it's actually a good time to mention the flowers Chikage sent? the first bouquet he sent were Marigolds. They represent "Jealousy, despair, grief" in the Japanese flower language. (in other flower languages it can also means happiness, joy and good luck, but it depends how much Chikage knew that) There's a clear mix there, but to me it seems Chikage was basically sending his anguish to Hisoka. His Jealousy that Hisoka could move on (or how close Hisoka and August used to be), the despair he's been into ever since they both left, this grief. But also perhaps a part of him was wishing him happiness, joy and good luck. The second bouquet was of Zinnias. Zinnias, in the Japanese Flower Language, means "thoughts of absent friends, I mourn your absence". This one is far more explicit. Could it be about August? Of course, but i don't think so. I think it was a way for Chikage to call for help. He was genuinely mourning BOTH of them. He also lost Hisoka himself, in his mind. He saw Hisoka bloom on stage and befriend more people, and he lost him, he was no longer part of his life. No matter how they were before, Chikage loves Hisoka dearly and he still lost him.

(and i mean it for the call for help, do listen to his song: he keeps calling for help in it. Song is set before the conclusion of Awakening Moon so it's still his revenge self singing.)

So yeah it's just. a lot. I love them a lot.

LKDFJLKDF Izumi lying to everyone sure was funny. She tried. Thank you Hisoka for the back up. But yes i'd love more people to get to know about Chikage's background at least. And yes!! Spring is a family! and that includes Chikage, who lost his family, who was about to destroy the family he had left, being forcefully adopted into his own new family. fun fact! the flower associated with Chikage is the lilly of the valley, which means "return to happiness". It fits doesn't it? He lost his family but now he can have a new one. He can return to being happy….

yeah Itaru calls him Senpai, he's very cheeky about it. Itaru facing him was indeed so funny and i do love the whole thing keeping in mind Itaru almost left the company, it really was "okay time to unleash our secret "stay in Mankai" weapon. Sakuyaaaaa we need yoouuuuuu". AND THEN SAKUYA!!!! YEAH WHEN YOU FIGURED OUT FOR THE COIN TOSS I WAS EHEHEHEHEH!!! Sleeping together sure works super well for Harugumi. It's really so funny. And god yeah it sure tells a lot about how he saw Hisoka doesn't it…. man those guys. I think it's also that, just… Hisoka has been his sibling for a huge chunk of their lives when Hisoka betrayed him. Like i mentioned i think a part of him knew all along and he was fooling himself, that he still cared too much for Hisoka to turn this betrayal around. It was still his brother, no matter the amount of pain they went through. But Spring is a new family, Spring is barely getting to know him, and it's not fair that he would join this family while he only ever joined to hurt them and betray them. And also, to be fair, at this point Chikage flipped the script around as well in term of who betrayed who. He sees himself as the one who betrayed Hisoka for being unable to listen to the truth. I think it's also a case of Chikage holding himself to another standard. It's okay if his brother betrays him. That's his little brother, of course he can accept it. But it isn't okay that Chikage betrayed him, and everyone else who tried to be a family with him. Like Chikage is taking the blunt of his actions more brutally. And i think it can reflect on the idea of Chikage mostly taking it all upon himself, that he's the one who has to manage and know not to hurt others. If he says the truth about his living condition with his mom and step dad, it could be indicative on how stuff happened there, but because of what i said earlier, i'll leave it at that.

It was nice to see them discuss the Spring troupe's play but what i love about it is that, Chikage replies about it in awe on some levels? like "what Clockwork Heart wasn't finished until the very last day? could never have guessed", it means that, he didn't just come to see the Winter troupe plays. Probably because it was easier to hide his attention from Itaru by taking tickets for all the plays, or at least also Itaru's, and also perhaps to collect information on everyone. But it also feels like he got to care about those plays still enough that he's surprised by all of this. Like esp Clockwork which is also a story about grief to an extend. Knowing to lock away something to bring both of you peace until the System stops hunting you down and all. Considering Chikage threatens Hisoka telling him that if the Organization learnt he was alive, they'd destroy everything Hisoka cared for, i wonder if he could project there. Learning to lock away the knowledge that the one he cares for is still alive because the "system" isn't ready for it yaknow? But yes it's weird to see mention of Clockwork without talking about Mizuno, so wild.

Speaking of plays and the way Chikage must have felt watching them: i mentioned how i think seeing Hisoka playing characters uncaring about death/assuring that avoiding death isn't an option, probably messed Chikage up in that level of grief he was into. But i need to remind that MMMBM is a story where Hisoka investigate a murder that happened between siblings, with one of them seemingly "betraying" the other, only then to learn that the death was a mean to free them from the prison that was the obligation the sibling was tied to. I don't think Chikage would have been fully receptive to the whole plot other than "sibling kills siblings" that could have fired him up, but the whole scope of it is so daunting.

Anyway back to the scene itself, i also really like Chikage's sprite here, he looks so nice. AND HELPP. Tsuzuru's thearpy session via Theater winning once again.

i loved to see Sakuya express all of this, it's so good. AND THE HARUGUMI ILLUSTRATION IS SO GOOD. THEY'RE ALL SO CUTE. cat behavior. And the fact that despite all of them piling in, Chikage didn't wake up. That all of them makes him feel safe enough that he can sleep with all of them!! and the way all of them nuzzle next to them. also Tsuzuru's "oh well if you can't beat them." before joining them is so cute to me, the one person who could have opposed to it went, yknow what, fuck it, nap time with the family. They're all so adorable i love this CG so much.

the play was SOOO GOOD. the costumes were all amazing, indeed they all look so nice. Masumi probably was such a lazy wizard the laziness carried to the design ahah. The effects must be incredible yes, it must be a blast to see. I want to see it so bad!! and especially i love Citron's voice acting? like man it really shows how much he improved with Japanese he's so good. and omg for the music. I can imagine yes. Fun fact on the Blooming Live stage what they did for the hot air balloon was that they had a plateform that could move in the crowd in which they sang many songs (a lot of the group songs, but also Captain Sky's pirate song with the platform looking like a pirate ship), and they had a hot air balloon's prop attached to it, it looked SOOOOO cool. I doubt a3 in universe could do that but i still think about it so fondly.

Hisoka teasing Chikage is EVERYTHING, i love it so much. I wonder how everyone sees it now like, Hisoka was clearly distant with Chikage at first, sometimes downright distressed, and now he's there teasing the fuck out of him in pure little sibling behavior. i love them so much. And Homare is always so funny god.

HELPPP the trio of Guillible Kids. to be fair Tenma is going to fall for Chikage's lies a lot. There's a minichat later about how Chikage/Itaru/Citron all team up to lie to Tenma and Tenma is genuinely "i didn't think it was true but the three of them says it is so it must be right???" like. baby. Who allowed them together they're a menace. AND HELPPP. Tsumugi just knows of the loose ends at the company!! as for the Org well. Well! That's a problem for future them! BUT YESS WINTER'S REACTION IS SO MUCH. I love Hisoka worrying, Tsumu and Azuma reassuring him, and Tasuku and Homare teasingly roasting him. They're my troupe i love them so much……….

And the CG is SO GOOD i love the amount of emotions these two show there it's guuuh :(((((. BUT HELP FOR THE TYPO. i'm sure it's a typo but i'm taking the HC of Hisoka stumbling on Japanese as well, because why not, that's so funny.

and yess the hostility between Izumi and Chikage is so funny. they really have a neat dynamic, i love it very much.

One last thing about Chikage i don't know where to put but, Izumi jokes about how Chikage can now help them carrying Hisoka around and Chikage goes dark like "i did that all my life i'm not doing this again" < he says while lying because of course he would do it again, it's Hisoka.

and funnily enough, the very first time Chikage appears in the whole story is when Winter is doing a street act and right after it, Hisoka falls asleep and Tasuku catches him, and it's right when Izumi thinks THIS that Chikage slides into the screen:

IT'S SO SPECIAL TO ME LIKE. Hisoka's own personal taxi forshadowing. But also possibly Chikage seeing Tasuku taking care of Hisoka the way Chikage used to take care of him and having a hard time with the fact that he has to see his little brother, whom he was mourning, having easily replaced him.

(also also also pleaaase read Chikage and Hisoka's Coin talk. They're so freaking cute.)

ok now we can close the book on Chikage, now,

AND KUMOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!! it's going to be fun, how could it not be! I'm of course not saying anything but Kumon's plot is really neat so i hope you'll enjoy it! I hope if it doesn't give you Tenma&Juza content it gives you some fuel to imagine more Tenma&Juza content, this is the best we can hope for!

And for the flowers i shared them earlier when it made sense to share them eheheh :3c but yeah, here's a trip!

Congratulation on knowing more about Chikage!!! Here you go, here you know him, my Menace of a man. God what a good chapter.

Hope you have fun with the others chapters and i'm still looking forward to see your reactions :3c take care!

[glitxhwayventeen]

The Lucky One

Hendery

Characters: Hendery x female reader

Warnings: twisted sense of humor about disabilities, love triangle, depression mentions, disability struggles, mentions of partying, mentions of drinking/drugging, dark jokes, fight scene sort of, blood mentions, death mentions, broken bones, anxiety/panic attack scenes, family issues, i think that’s it but let me know if I missed anything!

Author’s Note: Sorry it’s soooooo late! But i made it long enough to sort of close out their story so I hope that made up for it! Let me know what you guys think!

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Watch It All Burn Masterlist

The Lucky One: Part 1

Mostly 🥀

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts Pink= Cantonese Blue=Native Language Green=English Red=Korean (Since all the characters would normally use Mandarin as their preferred language being from China and all, anything in plain bold will be considered normal Mandarin)

Tag list-

The conversation you had to have with Yangyang was definitely not one you were looking forward to.

It wasn’t that you were necessarily scared of how he’d react, you were sure even if he’d get mad at your decision to not reject Hendery that he’d still never willingly hurt you. You were still his mate after all and he’d love you no matter what.

You just weren’t looking forward to the hurt you’d undoubtedly put him through when you told him.

You couldn’t bear to see him upset and the thought of making him cry alone made you want to fling yourself into a burning fire. Though what else could you do?

Between the choices of hurting your one mate for a short time or rejecting the other and having him die, it should’ve been an obvious choice right? But if it was the correct choice, why did it feel so… wrong?

You were broken out of your thoughts by a quick yet soft knock at your door followed by your mate’s timid voice.

“___? Is-is it okay if i come in?” Yangyang all but winced from behind the barrier in a pitiful tone, making you want to jump from your bed, open the door, and throw yourself into his arms already to kiss all over his cute little face.

But you had to stop yourself. You had to hold your ground. Just because you missed him more than you had allowed yourself to fully feel up until that moment didn’t mean you could give into your stupid bleeding heart.

He could’ve killed someone with how angry he got the other day. And even though you completely understood why he’d be mad at both you and Kunhang, you couldn’t easily forgive him for putting the other’s in the pack, including your new sorta baby nephew, in danger so carelessly.

He needed to see the gravity of his actions one way or another. And unfortunately for the both of you, the only way for that to come to light would be through some tough love.

“Yes.” You replied back as monotonous as you could to show him you were less than pleased with him.

Yangyang had been allowed back in the house a few hours ago after Kun decided it was best for you two to speak. But that also meant your other mate had to make himself scarce for a little while so no more fights would ensue.

You heard the door slowly creak open. You turned your head up from your lying position just in time to see your pink headed mate shimmy his way through the opening before he closed it briskly.

Watching carefully as he cautiously came and sat at the foot of your bed, you noticed the slight yellowing along his jaw and the now browning markings under his right eye, two sure fire signs that his hyper wolf healing was working well. Yangyang may have taken Kunhang by surprise, but that didn’t mean the macanese boy ended laid there and took it.

Everyone in the pack always thought that the elder of the two was the fighter. And while you knew Hendery could definitely hold his own, you seemed to be the only one who understood that he didn’t actually like fighting. The long conversations you had had with him after the fact proved that to you that much more.

And even though he would gladly defend you to no end when it came to events involving you, Yangyang was the one most willing to enter into a scuffle to ‘protect’ you.

It was weird to see him so… anxious as even during your first meeting with him he was already initiating hand holding and sweet pecks on your cheeks.

You knew very well why Yangyang was worried, but that didn’t mean your heart didn’t throb as he began nervously playing with the sock on your good foot, refusing to look you in the eyes after everything that had happened.

At that moment, you wanted to scream at whoever thought it was a good idea to allow two werewolves to imprint on the same person and caused your body to be put through such a conflict.

On one hand, you wanted to maneuver your way over to him and place his sad head in your lap as you stroked his fluffy hair to clear his mind. You wanted to kiss his sweet face a million zillion times until you felt like you couldn’t breathe to show him how much you missed him.

But on the other you wanted to slap him for acting as though he had a right to be upset after he all but threw a very injured you to the floor to attack someone, the someone being his own packmate nonetheless.

“H-How are you?” He stuttered, still refusing to look up from your clothed toes.

You scoffed and folded your arms at his question instinctually. What kind of dumbass question was that?

“Is that supposed to be rhetorical or something?” You blandly questioned, sending a wave of horror down his spine.

He knew you’d be upset with him. And, while he knew you had every right to be after the way he behaved, that didn’t mean he still hadn’t hoped that you’d have missed him as much as he missed you the last few days enough to give him some sort of leeway.

Yangyang swallowed a thick lump in his throat before he answered you, “O-okay. I probably deserved that…” he admitted while scratching the back of his head, “I just- well, I wasn’t sure what else to say.”

“How about ‘I’m sorry for pushing you to the floor and bruising you up babe’ for starters?!” You hissed a bit meaner than you had originally meant to as you sassily rolled your eyes at him.

Okay, so maybe a part of you was actually a tiny bit upset he let his territorial instincts trump his protective instincts and hurt you, even if you had only just aggravated your old injuries from the fall. But in your defense, you could hardly pinpoint what you were feeling anymore.

Since Kunhang had come into the picture, you had a roller coaster of emotions jerking throughout your body every second of everyday. Your mind was constantly at war over what was best for your mates.

They were both just sooo unbelievably different. From what everyone, including the both of them, had said, they’d never been besties to begin with because their personalities would clash too much. They had practically been at each other’s throats since day one without their pull to you meddling in the way.

Now with you as an added irritant, how were you supposed to maintain peace and keep them from killing each other? How were you going to get through the rest of your life without aging terribly from the constant guilt and worry that would now be bagged upon you like you were some weak little kid at a summer camp?

Now everything was different. Before you could kiss Yangyang freely without a second thought. You never even cared if your brother was in the room because to you he had disowned you.

But now, you had to watch everything you said and did to be sure it wouldn’t add fuel to the already raging fire.

You had to think about whether or not even smiling at one would end up harming the other or whether saying the opposite’s name would anger the one you were around.

Would they ever get back to their weird brotherly love the pack had worked so hard over the years to build? Or had you completely destroyed them without ever having meant to?

Your head was constantly pounding and you felt like rhythmically crying all the time. And you just knew the feeling wasn’t something that would ever truly go away.

He sighed defeated, “I would never ever in a million years do anything to hurt you on purpose ___.”

“But you still did.” You rolled your eyes dramatically, shifting your foot away from his grasp defiantly.

It stung that you pulled away from his touch. But you being hurt over his previous actions stung more.

The pink haired boy bit his lower lip as he mustered up the courage to speak again, “I- I am sorry for that baby,” he tried with a small pout adorning his lips as he reached for your shaky hand and placed a small kiss to the back of your palm.

Though once he realized he wasn’t going to earn a response from you, he decided to speak more from the heart, “I didn’t mean to do that. You know letting any harm come to you is the last thing I’d ever want. But I- I realized what was happening as soon as I saw the look in his eyes and I- I just… saw red.”

“Yeah, saw red and put everyone in the house in danger Xiao Yang!” You quipped, the unexpected explosive reaction from you causing him to jolt back in shock.

But you were right nonetheless. He knew that. He just couldn’t help it in the heat of the moment.

“I-I know.”

When he saw the loving look in the elder boy’s eye looking in your direction, he wanted to rip him apart in a drunken raged fit.

But when he saw you staring back at the older boy with the same doe eyed sparkling expression, it felt like Yangyang’s heart had torn itself in two.

“Honestly Yangyang, what were you thinking?!” You nearly shouted to him in close range as you fully sat yourself up, albeit with his help.

It looked as if Hendery had stopped all matter of time around you. Like you had been lost before you laid your eyes on him. Like you wanted to jump into his arms and never let him go. Like you were his.

“I-I don’t know.” He meekly answered you, too ashamed to say anything else as you leaned against his body for support.

He freaked out because he was the one that was supposed to help you find your place. He was the one that was supposed to stop the universe from revolving around you.

You were supposed to want to jump into his hold and never want to leave. He was the only one you were supposed to look at like that. You were supposed to be his. But now, now he wasn’t sure anymore.

“You could’ve hurt someone! There’s a baby around now! Were you even thinking about that during your little attempted homicide?” You lectured him, resting your head on his burdened shoulders.

You knew why he was upset. You understood his frustration with the whole situation. And you knew you really needed to be angry with him to prove your point.

But god, did you enjoy being able to physically touch the love of your life again. You missed him so much in the few days he had been forced to stay away from you.

Sure you had Kunhang and he helped to fill your heartache, but Yangyang being away felt like your chest had been hollowed out and filled with cement. It just wasn’t the same as having him there with you too.

The irony was now that he was gone, you were feeling the same way about your other mate being absent.

He laid his head atop of yours and intertwined your hands, “I wasn’t thinking about anyone else. I’m sorry I put everyone in danger and lost control.”

Having him close to you again made you feel secure and safe. Though you knew he had worried everyone tremendously by acting out, you had never actually been scared he would hurt you. Because although he did all but push you to the ground to lunge viciously at Hendery, some part of you knew he only did it to protect you from being in the line of fire.

Besides, how could you ever be terrified of someone that had done nothing but protect and care for you since you had arrived in Korea?

Your emotions were swimming through you like a curdling soup that had gone bad. The water that had started brimming at your waterlines was only natural.

You were mad at him for being careless and at the universe for once again making your life more complicated. You were sad you had been away from Yangyang for so long and that you now had to be away from Kunhang to keep the peace.

Part of You was actually happy about having two new loving mates while the other part was absolutely dreading the uncertain future you may or may not have with them.

Crying in front of the Taiwanese wolf was never something you wanted to happen. It was an unsettling feeling for you. You knew it was traumatic for him after having had to deal with listening to it for so long when you were so close to death.

You’d usually find time to let your emotions out when you were left alone or when you had some sort of sound surrounding you enough to hide any noises you made. You didn’t want to force the scarring experience on him again if you didn’t have to.

So you did your best to stifle the sobs that wanted so badly to push their way out of your chest to not make him uncomfortable.

And after what felt like an eternity of tearful silence, you finally managed to say what you’d wanted to shout at him when he had charged so diligently at Guanheng, “We didn’t do this on purpose Xiao Yang.” You spoke softly, tightening your grip on his much stronger hand to show some sort of remorse for the actions you both knew you couldn’t help.

He nodded his head solemnly at your words, “I know you didn’t my love.” He whispered, quickly moving to kiss the top of your newly styled hair in understanding.

After a moment of hesitation, you asked him a question you weren’t really sure you were prepared enough for him to answer. But you knew you needed to ask it all the same, “Do you hate me?” You whimpered, biting your lip to stop a hiccup of sadness from escaping your mouth.

He shook his head almost as soon as the question was released into the air, “You know I could never hate you my ___. I love you.”

You pulled your head from its place on Yangyang’s shoulder and stared at him with bloodshot eyes, “You might hate me when I tell you this next part…” you mumbled just under your breath as you flicked your vision down and away from his beautiful face.

That’s when his whole world turned upside down. That’s when the earth felt like it had frozen over and switched into an icy abyss. That’s when his breathing almost stopped mid intake.

That’s when he knew: you had actually accepted Hendery as your mate.

——

The next meeting the boys had together was… remarkably similar to the first to say the least.

Guanghang and you had sat down on the living room couch watching as Dejun sat on the floor playing some new video game your mate had bought him to try and cheer him up and get his mind off his own traumatic love life.

You were sat with your legs drooped over his as he played with the curls laying on your back while you tried to figure out the gist of the game going on in front of you.

“So wait, why are you trying to save the princess from that angry looking goblin thing again?” You asked as your head innocently tilted to the side.

The third wheeling cantonese boy let out a groan of despair for the umpteenth time that hour as Hendery attempted to explain the premise of the game to you once more, “Because she needs rescued otherwise the troll king will kill her and feed her to all his subjects in the dark kingdom.”

Though your mate sounded perfectly rational in his tone while expressing the nature of the game, you still couldn’t wrap your mind around why it needed to happen.

“But why does whoever is playing the game have to be the one to rescue her?”

“Because she’s a princess and princesses are always helpless in these sorts of games.” He answered you as if he cracked some sort of code to video game logic.

But to you it was as if he was speaking a different language, “But that’s so stupid!” You interrupted loudly, causing Dejun to lose focus on his task and let his character die with a sharp exhale, “If she was a real princess she’d get off her own ass and realize men don’t just magically appear and swoop in to save the day!”

Your response had Kunhang chuckling, but only seemed to make Dejun roll his eyes at you in annoyance, “Yes because you’re soooooo capable of protecting yourself all by yourself with only one functioning arm and one functioning leg right?” He quizzed rhetorically with a snort.

But before you could react with some witty comeback towards the bitter boy’s accusation, your mate hit him upside the head with his slippered foot.

“Aiya! Shut up dickhead!”

“Did I say something to offend you or that wasn’t true though?” Dejun snipped back at the younger boy as he rubbed his head with a mischievous pout.

You understood that he meant it in good fun, and you weren’t one to easily get offended because making fun of yourself was something you did to ease your own pain about the situation, but that didn’t mean the boy whose lap you sat on thought it was amusing.

Hendery scoffed, “Gee I don't know. Tell me would you feel offended if I made fun of your mate being permanently disabled against her will?”

At first, you thought he was being playful with the oldest in the room, but once you saw his eyes start to morph to slivers of crimson and you felt a small vibration emitting from his chest, you knew he was taking it more to heart than he probably should’ve.

Which meant you needed to put a stop to his overprotectiveness before you found yourself once again between two wolves fighting to the death.

“Alright alright, relax. It’s sweet you care and all, but he’s sort of got a point,” You shrugged, placing your good hand against his heart to still him, “Without other people’s help, I can barely make it up off this couch without hurting myself more.” You cocked your brow at him.

Once he took a deep breath and mumbled some sorry excuse for an apology to the other Cantonese boy, you knew he was trying his best to heed your silent pleas. But you also knew stopping his instincts wasn’t nearly as easy for him as it was for you. So you did what you always did, you opted to break the tension with a joke.

“Besides, I don’t know what it was you planned to do to him, but there’s really no point in beating an already dying horse,” You chuckled, causing Guanhang to snort a squeaky laugh into your hair with a chaste kiss as Dejun turned around and stuck his tongue out at you and wiggled his hands next to his face.

You immediately returned his simple action, albeit with only one of your hands and gave him a shit eating grin back.

But just as you thought things were going back and you were having a rather pleasant afternoon, the good lord found it fit to punish you with the only thing that, while in other circumstances would make your heart jump with glee, made pure terror erupt within your stomach.

Yangyang.

You had been so busy trying to focus on the smaller problem of your older mate’s aggravation at hand, you neglected to listen to the sounds continuing throughout the rest of the house. Meaning you hadn’t heard the opening of the front door. If you had, things would’ve maybe turned out different.

You could’ve pushed yourself off Kunhang's lap. You could’ve spoken out against Yangyang’s visible rage at the small amount of intimate contact you and your other mate were having. You could’ve done something, anything, to stop the shit that was about to be thrown full force at the metaphoric fan. But you didn’t.

Because you weren’t expecting your first mate to come home so suddenly, he had agreed to Kun’s truce of letting both the boys spend every other day with you until they could stand to be within the same mile as the other. As it was your newer mate’s day, you didn’t think you had to worry.

But the second you felt the familiar butterflies fluttering about your abdomen signaling Yangyang was nearby, the second alarm bells started blaring throughout your head.

As you dropped your originally smirking face and turned to face the direction in which you knew the fuzzy feeling in your gut had come from, the hair on the back of Hendery’s neck shot up and he visibly went rigid. Just because he hadn’t taken a look over your shoulder didn’t mean he didn’t know what was going on.

When you looked to your original mate, you just knew it wasn’t going to end well.

His eyes were already blood red, his fangs had elongated, and he had a deep menacing growl radiating out of his chest.

“Get away from her. Now.” He seethed, allowing his nails to transform into sharp claws while he began walking over to the two of you.

Before you knew what was fully happening you were thrown down to Dejun, who quickly caught you, stood up from his place on the living room floor, and brought you behind himself so he could protect you. And when Yangyang saw that you were free from the confines of Hendery’s lap, he lunged forward.

You heard loud snarling and snapping sounds as the oldest of the Cantonese boys held you to his back for dear life, clearly worried for your safety. Because at the end of the day while the two of you constantly teased and poked fun at each other, you were still his sister and a mate in their small pack.

He couldn’t let anything happen to you if he could help it, even if that meant protecting you from your own rage filled mates when needed.

Once you heard cloth tearing sounds, you could only assume at least one of the two fighting had shifted. And then all you saw was a giant fur ball rolling from wall to wall like you were in some sort of giant pinball machine as Dejun tried to keep you out of the line of fire.

Which, of course, didn’t work for too long.

Try as he might, it was a fruitless battle. Their house, while big, wasn't nearly big enough to keep the two boys in their massive wolf forms from bumping into you both while they fought. Except bumping into you meant nearly crushing you under their full body weight as they were much much larger than your average sized house pet.

Dejun was quick to shift himself and to throw the younger boys away from you. He even let out his own menacing warning growl to signal for them to stop for your sake, but the damage was done.

Because you were behind him when the wolves collapsed on you and because of the way you landed, you took the very forceful complete weight of not only Dejun himself, but the two wolves as well. So this time when a snapping sound was distinguished between the grunting and huffing of the furious animals, it was also heard with a loud scream.

When you had fallen backwards to the hardwood floor, you had your bad leg bent in as it was no longer very structurally sound. The second the two wolves met Dejun’s front, your leg had taken an immense pressure that it wasn’t used to in such a weak state and the bone snapped.

Your cry seemed to alert all three boys as well as the second oldest, who had been fast asleep upstairs in his bedroom after a long day at school, that something was wrong. As every nerve in your body began to fire pain signals across your small frame causing your eyes to prick with tears, Ten as the most responsible one in the house raced down the stairs at light speed to see what the commotion was once he heard the sounds coming from the living area.

Your brother was met with two very worried looking wolves, an angry wolf, and a very injured you surrounded by a small pool of blood as you whimpered and whined from the floor. As much as he wanted to rip the heads off the boys who he figured were the cause of the harm done to you, he did nothing but rush to your side and place his shakey hands around your cheeks.

“What did you do?!” He roared with tears in his eyes as he looked up at the three boys, one shifting back into his human form in annoyance to mask his worry while the other two let out high pitched whines and stayed wolves.

Seeing as the two who really caused your injuries were too ashamed to shift back and admit what had happened, Dejun figured it was best he explain things before the eldest decided to rip everyone’s heads off.

Because even he felt horrible for what happened to you. You were his little sister and he couldn’t protect you from getting hurt. In Dejun’s mind, it was just as much his fault as it was the youngest two's faults. In his mind, he was just as responsible.

“We were sitting playing video games and ___ was on Guanhang’s lap. T-Then Yangyang came in and they both got heated and…” The Cantonese boy winced as he watched your brother cradle your battered body to his chest with water streaming down his cheeks, “___… she-she ended up getting caught in the crossfire.”

Like a strike of lightning, Ten’s eyes shot up immediately to shoot a death stare at your two quivering mates as Dejun knelt to your level and began to hold pressure on your newly lacerated leg, “You mean to tell me that my baby sister is bleeding on the floor because you fuckers couldn’t keep your fucking jealousy in check?!”

Ten fumed as he laid you flat on the ground and brought himself to his feet, quickly marching over to the terrified boys while Dejun hurried across the room to his cell phone to call Sicheng back home. And all you could do was lay there and cry in the form of small gasps. You figured you must’ve broken a few ribs too. Lovely.

The eldest of the three stooges rushed back to your side just as the Thai boy reached your mates and you started to hear full blooded screams in a language you couldn’t understand coming from his high pitched voice.

“How could you fuckers be so careless!” Chittaphon yelled at the two at the top of his lungs.

You wanted to help save your mates the fate of potentially getting beat to hell by your infuriated brother.

“Hyung s-she’s losing a lot of blood!” You vaguely made out Dejun’s frantic voice wail in Mandarin.

You really did want to help them both. To help them all get along really. That’s all you ever wanted.

“You assholes couldn’t keep your shit in check long enough to realize the gravity of your actions?!? You two complete fucking idiots couldn’t think with your heads instead of your dicks for even five seconds to notice she could be in danger???!?” Your brother’s voice cried out as he switched back to Mandarin and tears began pouring down his cheeks in rage once more.

“Ten-ge please stop! Something’s wron-” Dejun tried to plead.

But as the seconds passed your vision began to get more hazey.

“You motherfuckers could’ve killed her! She could’ve died! All because you both got too wrapped up in your petty shit!”

“I need your-” The only solid voice of reason once again attempted to refocus on the problem at hand.

Next thing you knew, everything started to go black.

“You two don’t like the situation?? Well guess the fuck what! You’re not the only ones!”

“Guys please she really has to get” Dejun’s voice was all but irrelevant to them.

Not that it mattered much to you. The pain had bled away and was now replaced with a hollow freeing feeling you couldn’t quite place.

“You think I like the idea that my sister’s stuck with your two absolute MORONS?!? You unbelievable GENIUSES! Is that your actually belief?!?”

“___’s losing a lot of-” Dejun did all he could to rally their attention to no avail.

You thought it would hurt more. From everything you’d heard. You thought you’d at least get more of a warning from your body. But you didn’t.

“You two don’t deserve my sister! And you never will!” Ten laughed.

“___?”

There was no warning. There was no feeling cold. There was no pain or suffering. It was much more sudden than you realized.

“She’s too good for the both of you! She’s too good for this fucking shitty world!”

“_-___…?”

In fact, it was quicker than falling asleep.

“She should’ve fucking denied you! BOTH of you! But she was too kind and caring to do it! And now look where we are!”

“___? Can you hear me?”

Dejun’s voice seemed like a distant memory now. Everything did.

“She’s my little sister! My BABY sister! And she’s bleeding on the floor because of two people who supposedly love her! She deserves so much more than THIS!”

“___!”

Because the deeper you fell asleep, the quieter and quieter their voices got no matter how loud you knew they had to have been.

“I stayed away from her to protect her! And now look at what you’ve done!”

“Guys! I- I can’t feel a pulse!”

Almost as if someone poured a gallon of ice water on them, the boys all seemed to snap back to reality. One where their words, whines, excuses, and guilt all faded away and all that was left was a lifeless version of you on the floor.

And eventually, you stopped hearing anything at all.

——

They tried to stay in your room with you. They wanted to be there when you woke up. If you woke up that was. But everyone in the pack was beyond pissed at them, your brother especially. Not that Hendery thought they were in the wrong for it at all.

In fact, it seemed the one thing both him and Yangyang could agree on was that they had fucked up and put you in danger once more.

So when they found themselves stuck at Seungcheol’s place for at least the night, they weren’t too shocked and they didn’t put up much of a fight about it. They both knew they were being punished for putting their jealousy ahead of your safety. And boy, did Seungcheol’s pack refuse to let them forget it.

“We know you guys didn’t mean to do it and we’re not members of your pack or anything,” Omi expressed, “But you guys really need to be more careful for her sake.”

Jeonghan spoke up with Jee solemnly placing her head against his shoulder as she sat on his lap, “Yeah. You all keep saying she’s got traits of being a wolf. But I feel like you guys keep forgetting that she’s not, in fact, a werewolf.”

“I’m not your alpha so it’s not my place to judge either of you,” Seungcheol continued his younger brother’s thought while also attempting to retain his boundaries with the foreign pack, “But you guys could have definitely handled that situation better.”

“Oh would you guys come on now and cut the shit!” Hendery watched as Jihoon sneered at his own pack.

Seungcheol let a tiny growl emit from his chest in warning, probably once again trying to keep his pack from acting outside of their realm with the two of them.

“What Cheol? You all can sit here and try to coddle them all you want. But I’m not doing that,” Jihoon rolled his eyes and turned his attention to speak directly at the two of them, “You guys fucked up. Plain and simple.” Jihoon crossed his arms and sat back smuggly on one of the pack’s arm chairs, “From what I hear, she’s even smaller than I am. You’re lucky you two didn’t crush and kill ___ immediately.”

Guanhang felt utterly helpless. He knew he’d know it in his heart if you ended up taking a turn for the worst. But that didn’t mean he liked the idea of being away from you while you were injured. Especially when he was the partial cause of said injury.

And as Kunhang heard the Taiwanese boy let out a small whimper from the mention of your name beside him and was reminded of the memories from earlier in the day, he knew he wasn’t alone in his feelings.

“Yeah she’s small alright. Like a tiny pixie.” Minghao added, seemingly trying to cut both The Macanese boy and his packmate a break. Not that either of them deserved in their eyes.

Junhui snorted, “Tiny pixie? Try an angry little elf. That girl may be unable to walk, but she scares the ever loving shit out of me. No offense guys.” He held his hands up in defense, expressing his intent to not cause any harm between himself and the two boys.

Hendery couldn’t help the slight smile that appeared on his lips at the older boy’s comment. Jun was one of the few in Seungcheol’s pack that had actually met you, and he hadn’t known you too long or met you more than a handful of times, but he already knew that you were a force to be reckoned with.

You may have been small but you let everyone know just how willing you were to kick their asses if they pissed you off, whether you were down an arm and a leg or not. He loved your fighter spirit.

Now all he could do was sit in the living room surrounded by the older alpha’s pack and pray he and your other mate hadn’t crushed that spirit.

“I don’t even have a mate. And I’m the first to admit I’m probably the most clumsy one here,” Mingyu butted in, “But even I know they’re supposed to come first and you’re not supposed to squish them.”

Before Guanheng could open his mouth to say something, Yangyang threw his face into his hands and started sobbing harshly, causing the older group around them to cease their insufferable scolding and take pause at the scene in front of them. It even snapped Hendery out of his own thought process.

He had never heard the youngest of his pack cry before. He was told he had when you were on the brink of death when you first came to Korea. But he figured that was just an exaggeration that naturally comes from hearing things from word of mouth.

Your other mate never thought your first mate felt any emotion other than happiness really. So seeing him so easily break down in front of a pack that wasn’t even his own put things into perspective.

Hendery knew the pup was protective of you, even more so than himself if that was possible. He never thought that he might take it harder than himself.

Everybody had frozen in place and held that position while listening to the maknae of the group cry quietly over you for what seemed like forever.

It wasn’t until Hendery broke out of his shocked trance and looked up at the other pack’s alpha, silently begging for everyone to give them the room so he could do the older brother thing that everybody understood he needed to do.

So everyone said their quick goodbyes and made their way up the house's stairs to go to bed. Once Kunhang heard the last of the doors close and the farthest trailing footsteps recede, he cautiously laid his palm on his younger brother’s back in solace.

The action only made the pup cry into his hands louder, this time making him jolt in hard shakes every time he took a breath in.

But Guanheng didn’t need him to say anything out loud. He already knew. They used to be brother’s in each other’s eyes before you came around after all. They used to speak to each other daily before they started hating each other’s guts, even if they weren’t best friends.

He knew he was already devastated that you had gotten hurt. Dejun had told him how glued to you during the whole ordeal of your arrival he was. And also told him how much of a toll not knowing if you’d live or die took on him.

He knew you getting hurt again, this time even by his own hand, would open up old trauma for him. So he just knew Mingyu’s comment crushed Yangyang the way they had crushed you.

But at the end of the day, there was nothing Hendery could say to make it better.

Because the truth was, even though both knew very well they deserved every bit of what everyone was saying, no one in the large pack could possibly make them feel any worse about the situation than the pull to your weakened body could.

——

“How is she?” You heard someone ask from behind your bedroom door in your groggy state.

“She’s lost a lot of blood. If I had been here even a few minutes later, I don't know if she would’ve made it.” A voice you soon remembered as Sicheng’s respond from the other side of the door.

“So she’s alive?” A high pitched voice you recognized as your brother quizzed.

“Yeah. I think she’ll be okay. She’s got a few broken ribs, a rebroken leg, and probably a pretty gnarly skull fracture/concussion, but she’ll live. She just needs lots of rest. And food. She needs calories to help her red blood cell production and jump start her accelerated healing.” Sicheng answered once again.

“So I can see her?”

“I… don’t know about that. You guys always fight and she’s in a real fragile state right now. It’s probably best if you let her sleep.” The in house doctor tried to finalize. But your brother was having none of it.

“I can’t have her wake up all alone. She hates being alone. I’m going to sit with her.”

“But-” The younger wolf tried to interject but was again brushed off.

“Look. I know I’m a crappy brother. And I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes when it comes to her. But I nearly lost her. She nearly bled to death right in front of me because I couldn't protect her properly. Before I could pin it on the others back in her home country not watching out for her. But this is on me. I need to own up to that. You have to give me this Sicheng. Please.”

After a moment of hesitation, you finally heard a sigh of agreement from your caretaker, “Alright just… just make sure she eats. And if I hear you two start fighting I’m pulling you back out of there. Got it?”

Your brother chuckled, “You're giving me orders now? I thought that was Kun-ge’s job.”

“Yeah well, it’s my job to keep all you bastards from croaking. So if you mess my patient up, I mess you up.”

“She’s my baby sister,” He named you affectionately as you semi-tried to grip the item in your good hand out of shock, “I’d never do anything to hurt her,” Ten assured the boy, “I love her.” You heard your brother say the three words you hadn’t heard come from his mouth since your mother was alive.

And if you hadn’t been so out of it and so exhausted from the breaking and rebreaking of your bones to stabilize you, you probably would’ve cried. But all you could do was listen to the door of your bedroom open and let the all too familiar scent of your brother’s signature art teacher classroom smell hit your nostrils before you drifted back off to dreamland.

——

You woke to the sound of a pencil scribbling down on a piece of notebook paper. The intense smell of drawing lead and paper could only mean one thing: Your brother was near.

Flickering your eyes open to instantly receive a splitting headache, you soon realized your hypothesis was correct when you jetted your vision to the side and saw that it was not either of your mates doodling their day away but a messy haired Chittaphon.

“Ch-Chitta?” You hoarsely whispered, causing your brother to immediately halt his actions and turn his attention towards you.

To your surprise, rather than him awkwardly getting up and leaving the room the second he noticed you had been in a conscious state like he had done when you first came to Korea, he dropped his art supplies to the floor and grabbed your bad arm softly with a happy smile on his face, “You’re awake! Good. I was starting to think you were never going to!”

While your chest leapt with glee that he was willing to be in the same room as you, your brain was a lot faster at thinking than your heart was, “W-What are you going here?”

“Me?” He let out a small chuckle in an attempt to desperately hide the hurt he felt at your question, an attempt that didn’t work, and continued, “I had to make sure you were okay. Someone had to stay with you after all.”

He figured you’d be a little more than hesitant when you first saw him sitting and waiting for you to awaken, but he hadn’t expected you to question him directly to his face about it.

“Yangyang or Kunhang didn’t want to?”

You watched as your brother visibly tensed at the mention of both your mates’s names, “They… had to stay somewhere else to cool down for a while. So it looks like you’re stuck with me kid,” He answered with a sad smile eventually placing itself on his face.

It took a lot for him to keep his eyes from flashing to their emotional blood red upon hearing the two’s names, but he knew that would just make the situation with you only that much more awkward.

“I’m sure if you ask the others they can take turns keeping me company if I need it.”

While speaking them into the air in the moment you didn’t see how your words could be taken the wrong way.

But you quickly understood that they could in fact have been taken offensively when the pathetic smile on your brother’s face dropped and was replaced with a deep frown.

“You- You would rather one of them be here instead of me? Even though they’re the reason you’re here again in the first place…?” Ten stuttered with his head down, doing his best to blink away the glossiness that had formed over his eyes.

“I… didn’t think that you’d… you’d want to be here.” You slowly and carefully stated, careful not to misplace your words again.

Your brother’s head tilted back up immediately, “Why wouldn’t I want to be here?”

What was it with men asking you these stupid questions? He was kidding, right?

“You haven’t spoken more than three words to me since I got here…” You could feel yourself shrink down as you spoke.

He studied your face for a moment, almost as if he was trying to get a read on if you were hiding any resentment or not. The anxiety of being under his raven-like eyes for a visual dissection made you grip your good hand and the contents in it tighter, something he easily took note of.

Instead of speaking or commenting on your factual statement, he stood up from his seat and reached over you, grabbing what you had been holding on to for dear life only seconds ago, and examined it curiously, much to your horror.

Only Yangyang knew what it was as it laid under your pillow every night before you went to sleep as he was the only other person ever in your shared bed. Even Kunhang didn’t know, you usually were in his room when it was his turn with you.

But you would bring the small item out and hold it during instances when you needed a little extra courage or were too scared to not have it on your person. Like when you got seriously injured or had a night terror and didn’t have anyone to comfort you.

In your brother’s hand was to date the only picture you had left of your immediate family. And it would be the only photo you’d ever get.

Cameras where you were from were scarce to come by, but somehow your mother managed to get her hands on one off the black market. She was always one for saving memories since none of you ever knew when the next day would be your last. So she made you, your father, and all your brothers like up for a photo she had one of your uncles take for you all.

It was a withered old black and white nothing piece of tattered paper to most people. But to you, it was the most important thing you owned.

As you silently watched while your brother looked it over, you noticed him run his finger over the center of the photo. You instantly knew what he was staring at from the placement.

It was you knelt in the snow, with a small, only slightly taller fairer skinned looking boy with one of his arms draped over your shoulder tightly. It only took nanoseconds for Ten to realize who it was: himself.

Your mother had managed to save enough money to bring him back to your country for the duration of fall from his dad in Thailand. Before she had died, the two of you had been inseparable. Him being back meant you were practically glued at the hip.

So of course your mother squeezed the two of you together in the photo, smiling big bright toothy grins as he held onto you and messed with your hair.

You saw a tear slide down your brother's face and that same Cheshire smile appeared on his lips, “I remember this day,” he giggled fondly, “You ate a bug.”

“I ATE a bug?!??” You exclaimed, shocked he’d make such an insinuation, “Try you FED me the bug. I was just too young to know what it was till mom came and freaked out!”

“You still ate a bug!” Ten snorted.

“Yeah well you’re still an asshole!” You mocked him, only being partially serious.

But once again, his expression changed to one of sorrow and you knew he knew part of you meant it.

“I-I know,” He added, handing you back the photo and sitting back down slowly, as if he had to recover from the most recent chain of events your relationship together had taken, “Why do you even have that?”

You shrugged gently, careful not to jostle your new/reopened injuries, “It’s all I have left.”

After that, your room fell into a deafening silence. It was times like this that you wished you had one of your mates with you. Whether it was Hendery sitting next to you speaking about anything that popped into his head or Yangyang cuddling you close to his chest to listen to his heartbeat while he played video games, neither ever seemed to let a moment of silence set when they were with you. That was simply because, as they had gotten to know you, both knew just how much you hated the quiet.

Because quiet to you meant there would soon be a storm of mortar fire and explosions to follow. It filled you with more anxiety than it would’ve the average person. But your brother wasn’t as close to you as he once was.

So he found himself very confused at the sudden erratic pick up in your heartbeat. Meaning when he saw how clammy your skin was getting and how shiny your eyes glistened, he thought he had opened your old wounds you called memories and looked down to his feet in shame, trying but failing to stifle a sniffle.

“Are… you like, okay…?”

“N-No,” Your brother answered shakily with earnesty, the first time you had ever actually heard him do so, “I- I messed up Yangqin.”

You gulped thickly. Chittaphon never used that name for you anymore. It was the name of a traditional chinese instrument your mother used to play when she was younger. It was your stupid chinese name you hated that your mother gave to you to match with your brother. ‘So you’d always look out for each other.’

He had called you by it when you were little to tease you since you hated it so much because it was such a ridiculous name for a human being. But he hadn’t done so since your mother died.

“I- I’m a really bad big brother,” He stated, fully letting his emotions take over and laying himself into your side, allowing your clothing to muffle his sorrows, “I didn’t mean to be. You have to believe me. I- I just- I didn’t know what else to do but stay away from you.”

“Why…?”

Your question came out very meek, but it was one you wished you knew the answer to all the same.

Ten looked up at you with his big, now watery eyes, “Because being around you and listening to you live your life- even looking at you- hurt too much ___.”

You twisted your brows together in confusion, signaling for him to elaborate further.

“She’s gone,” He winced out, the words nearly too painful to allow passage through his lips, “She’s gone and she’s never coming back.”

You had gotten so used to the hole she left in your life already. Never having your mom to do your hair for school, knowing you’d never have her there to support you on any birthday or on your future wedding day, always having to pack your own meals because you no longer had a parent in the house to do it for you.

Though you both knew the sentence your brother said to be true, verbalizing it seemed to make your heart ache still, even after all these years of dealing with/accepting her absence.

“You look just like her Yangqin. You act just like her, you even sound just like her.”

That was something that was also true. You had been told time and time again you looked like your mother’s little mini-me. It’s where Ten’s nickname for you came from.

When you were little, she’d even dress you the same to give people an idea of just how similar you looked. Your coloring was darker, and you were a bit shorter than she was, but you were still practically her clone.

“And I-I never blamed you for what happened to her. Not really. You were just a little kid.”

You were just a kid. But you also knew that you were practically a carbon copy of your mom, just with darker coloring because of your dad’s side. You could understand why it might be a bit uncomfortable to push past the likeness sometimes on his end. Even your own father had issues with it at times when he was alive.

Hell, YOU had issues with it. After decades of living without her and of still being told you looked just like her, you stopped looking in mirrors or at your own reflection anymore.

It hurt your family for you to look just like her, but it hurt you so much more to look so much like the person you’d wished could’ve been there every night when you were a child to sing you to sleep and kiss your bad dreams away. So you refused to give your brain an idea of what you looked like.

Both Yangyang and Guanheng had been trying to get you to push past refusing to look into shiny surfaces so you wouldn’t catch a glimpse of yourself, but you just weren’t there with it yet.

“I stayed away from you because… because I couldn’t handle being close to you with the possibility of losing you just like I did mom.”

That’s when all the invisible lines that surrounded you and your brother’s turbulent relationship connected in your head and lit up like a Christmas tree.

“I couldn’t handle feeling that much hurt again. I know it was wrong- I know that. But I started doing it to protect myself.”

He was afraid. Of course he was afraid of you dying and him being left heartbroken like last time. And. while you were afraid to live without your family too, you definitely had become somewhat numb to the sensation of loss from everyone around you dropping like flies so often. Ten didn’t have that problem, so he would be much more phased by it than you.

“I didn’t realize how much I hurt you-”

What he did wasn’t stupid, it was downright childish. You should’ve seen that. You didn’t realize he was just a kid when he lost your mother too. And what do kids do when they’re hurt? Hurt other people the way they hurt to make everything make sense.

“And I know I have no right to ask this-”

He was right, he didn’t have a right to ask you. He had no right to ask you anything. He made you miserable for years. He had you thinking the reason he had stayed away was because you were in the wrong for something you knew you couldn’t have possibly been able to control.

“But it there- is there anyway you could possibly ever forgive me?”

As angry as you wanted to be with him for all the years of pain and suffering he unknowingly caused you. As much as you wanted to take your one good hand and smack the ever loving shit out of him with it for treating you so poorly all these years. You just… couldn’t.

In fact, as the tears managed to spill their way down your cheeks, the only thing you could manage to do was reach your hand out to him. Not in a ‘I’m gonna hit you’ way. Not even in a ‘stop talking I don’t want to hear anymore’ way. No, you could only release your hand from your body’s side to offer comfort to your brother by rubbing his back.

——

After what happened, you thought it best to keep your distance from both your mates. It killed you. Every morning you woke up alone and sad and in pain. But you weren’t sure what else to do.

You loved them both equally, regardless of what they thought. You wanted them around you all the time 24/7 and when they weren’t you weren’t just unbelievably depressed, you also didn’t heal properly, sleep properly, or eat properly.

But they attacked each other every time they were near each other or if you came in contact with the other. They were hormonal young guys who could turn themselves into giant animals at will and there was a new baby living in the house now.

You had to think of the pack as a whole, not just what you wanted. And fact of the matter was that the whole pack would be put in danger if you tried to force the boys to get along or kept trying with the insane schedule you had hoped would work that hadn’t. So you did the next best thing: you left.

Though because you knew your brother and your two mates would actually have heart attacks if you tried to leave the city or country, all you could do was leave the house and limit your contact with both boys as much as you could.

And since you felt your pack had been asking too much of Seungcheol’s (especially since they didn’t even know all of you), you had been staying with Taeyong’s pack. The leader had been your brother’s old roommate before he found Kun’s pack, so he trusted him and his to look after you and keep you safe while you sorted out… whatever it was that you needed to sort out.

They lived close enough to where your pack could visit you pretty conveniently but far enough on the other end of the city that it would keep your mates from being able to get to you easily without anyone noticing their absence.

It had been almost two whole weeks since you ‘moved out’ and both of your mates were beginning to feel the effects. Just as you weren’t, they weren’t eating or sleeping. Just like you, they weren’t able to push themselves out of bed without someone dragging them out of it.

They hadn’t been in your presence or held you since the day they each had to come over separately and say their goodbyes. You barely messaged either of them anymore. Or asked any of the others who went to see you how they were doing. To them, it was like you had completely forgotten both of them.

They had both begun to show visible signs of your leaving: the hollowed out sunken eyes, the greasy untamed hair, the malnourished skeleton look they were already close to having before you even left.

And now the two wolves found themselves understanding that their bodies couldn’t take much more of being away from you. So they turned to the one person they thought might be able to change your mind on distancing yourself: your brother.

“So let me get this straight,” Ten dryly chuckled as he pulled himself out a glass of soju from the refrigerator, “You two supreme morons want me to help you get my sister to speak with you again because you’re both worried you’re starting to deteriorate?”

“Um…” Hendery let out in a questionable tone while he fumbled with his now nimble fingers.

Yangyang in turn scratched the back of his head to mask his same embarrassment, “Yeah… pretty much.”

Your older brother couldn’t help but snort and their request, “You two dickweeds nearly killed her. What makes you think I care if either of you die from rejection at this point?” He hissed out in spite, easily letting the image of you bleeding out on their living room floor run through his mind.

Ten had a point. Guanghang knew if the roles were reversed and the elder had harmed his own sister, he couldn’t bring himself to give a shit about whether he lived or died. So why was it fair the two of them were asking the same of the Thai boy?

“Because she could die too,” Your other mate pointed out, earning a low whimper from Kunhang at the thought of you possibly being in pain because of them once more, “And if there’s anything all of us can agree on, I think it’s that we want her to live.”

Your brother gave them a glare Hendery felt in his spine. He stared them down for what felt like an eternity before he finally let out a deep sigh, “Fine. But for the record, if her life wasn’t possibly in danger, I wouldn’t do shit for either of you.” He growled showing his annoyance with his newly elongated fangs.

——

You had finally gotten settled into the spare room at Taeyong’s. It had taken you a while to get over your initial homesickness and uneasy feelings you felt about leaving your mates, but for the most part you were doing fine now.

You had even begun giving Johnny, one of the oldest of Taeyong’s pack, lessons about how to properly braid and tame curly hair. He had apparently imprinted on a foreign exchange student from Kenya and had been trying to learn more about her culture since they met.

And since you could physically see just how tired Taeyong was from trying to handle his rather large and still growing pack, you figured the least you could do for his hospitality and generosity was to teach his brother how he could better understand his mate. He was one of the few you could understand and communicate with, with him being American and you being able to speak English and all.

Since you had a little over two decades of experience with skillfully weaving your locks together, you were a perfect teacher to be explaining how different hair textures work to the boy after all. You weren’t his mate’s ethnicity and you were sure you’d have different hair than her, but you figured some knowledge was better than nothing.

The lessons even helped you keep your ever racing mind off just how much you craved interacting with your mates. The boys in Taeyong’s pack reminded you a lot of Yangyang and Hendery when it came to their energy and wacky ideas, Johnny himself was no exception.

Him and the younger boys in the house always kept you on your toes, figuratively of course as you were partially still healing. There was never a dull moment with them around. Especially when they invited Jeno’s small baby pack over for their weekly dinner.

All was going well as the tall boy messily tried to part your hair with your rat tail comb until you heard the phone that was so thoughtfully bought for you by Yangyang whenever you first got to Korea ding.

He wanted to be able to speak with you whenever he possibly could anytime he possibly could. And since phones were scarce where you came from and never seemed to work even when you could manage to get your hands on one, he took it upon himself to get you the latest and shiniest i-dohickey thingy he could.

Normally you’d say it was overboard, but for Yangyang, that was just a small show of his affection for you. He spoiled you to no end from the minute you woke up from your drug induced sleep all those weeks ago, whether you knew it was him or not.

He was always there to protect you. You missed him greatly, and the phone buzz was just another quick reminder of that.

The hypersonic sound also seemed to flood your mind with a gush of racing thoughts.

What if it was Yangyang telling you he needed you around again to tutor him so he wouldn’t fail his classes? What if it was Hendery calling you again to tell you he needed you to come home because he couldn’t take the pack’s teasing about his past anymore? What if it was Kun calling to tell you your mates had finally finished each other off? What if something happened to either of them?

But there was no way that could happen… right? You’d surely know if you’d lost one or both of them… right?

But what if you wouldn’t because you weren't a wolf? Sure normal wolves would know in an instant if something was wrong with their mate, but would you? You weren’t really a wolf, you just had some choice features they had. But you didn’t/couldn’t do even half of what they do.

So what if the whole knowing when your mate died thing was just another thing you had no power with? What if they were both gone and you had just been sitting in a new home with new wolves because you were scared? What if you staying away only caused more problems? What if-

“Oh go on and just get it,” Johnny sighed, “We both know it’s gonna take me forever to figure out how to flip this piece under that piece without losing hair anyways,” he ran his fingers through your tangled hair once more, signaling the clearing of his old work so he could start fresh on the style again.

You must’ve been staring at your phone without even noticing. Then again, when it came to anything remotely having to do with your mates, it seemed like it was the end of the world. It was a struggle Johnny now knew all too well and completely understood where your worry was coming from now that he had his own mate to worry about.

“Thanks,” You gave him a small smile and grabbed your phone, answering it so quickly in worry that you hadn’t even thought to check the caller ID to see who it was.

Rather than hearing the solemn voice of your pack’s alpha like you had feared, you were met with a higher pitched male’s voice, “Yangqin?” Your brother spoke softly on the other line.

You had fully prepared to hear bad news when you put the phone to your ear. You had mentally already started kicking yourself for leaving the both of them causing them to do something reckless or stupid. You hadn’t been expecting your brother to be the one wanting to speak to you.

“Yongqin? Why are you calling?”” You quizzed him in a hurry, “Is everything alright? D-did… did something happen?” you practically shrieked through the little rectangular device.

Just as horrifying flashes of blood, coffins, and death ran through your mind, your brother helped to ease your suffering, “No ___, nothing happened don’t worry. I just called to tell you it’s time for you to come home.”

You couldn’t believe it. You went from praying your mates were still alive to being told you needed to go home? Did he not remember why you left in the first place? Did he want everyone in the house to get hurt?

“Chitta, you know I can’t do that,” You sighed, placing your phone between your shoulder and your ear so you could readjust Johnny’s positioning with your one good hand.

“I know we agreed it would be for the best, but they’re struggling ___.”

While you wanted to be able to say to hell with it all and race back home so you could give each of your mates makeup kisses, you couldn’t. They were out of control. You couldn’t put yourself first like that when other people’s lives could literally hang in the balance.

You blinked away the tears that had formed in your eyes the second he mentioned your mates not being okay and spoke again, “They’re just… they’re just gonna have to get over it Ten. It hurts me too but they can’t seem to find a way to get along so- it is what it is.”

Letting it all come crumbling down and letting the pieces fall wherever they fell was something you were trying to hold off on with all your might. You had to stay strong and firm, no matter how much it hurt.

“But that’s what I’m talking about ___. They’re not the only ones hurting. We both know I couldn’t give a damn about them at this point, but you’re my baby sister. And from what Taeyong and his pack say, you’re not looking or doing any better than dumb and dumber over here. I’m worried you’re going to go through rejection.”

You snorted into the phone out of habit, a small tear falling down the side of your cheek that you were sure the American boy next to you must’ve seen. But he said nothing as you wiped the newly formed stream away and kept continuing to mess with your hair as if nothing had happened.

Of course you were going through rejection. You couldn’t do the cool shit werewolves could do, but you could die if you stayed away from your mates for too long. You really had the worst luck in the world.

As your brother listened on the other end of the phone for any sign of you actually responding, he decided to say what he knew would definitely get you to give up your stance and come back home.

It was to save your life after all, and he’d do anything to keep you breathing. Even if it meant pretending to care if your mates were hurt or telling you a few small white lies.

“I don’t think- I don’t think they have very long here ___. They look really bad. Yangyang hasn’t left his room in days- or gotten up out of bed actually-” He only half fibbed, trying his best to retain some of his composure and to not laugh immediately as the words left his mouth.

Your heart sunk to your stomach. You knew it would take a toll on them, but you were hoping the minimal contact that you allowed them would be enough to keep them going. You never wanted Yangyang to be so depressed that he wouldn’t even sit up in bed.

“And Hendery he’s- well, let’s just say if you thought he was in danger before with his lifestyle, just imagine how much worse it’s gotten since you left.” Okay, that one was a total lie.

He was actually just doing exactly what Yangyang was doing, but he figured that one might push your imagination over the edge just enough to make you relent and come home.

That’s when your body went tense. You didn’t even want to know what your brother meant. Kunhang was prone to partying, drinking, drugging, fighting, and sleeping around. You didn’t even want to think about how bad he had gotten with you gone or what he could’ve been doing. It made you want to throw up.

“Come bring me home. Now.”

——

Even though the now mostly fully healed boys were sat across from one another (it took them longer to heal from their previous injuries with you away), they both refused to even look at the other. Whether it was out of anger or awkwardness, Hendery wasn’t sure. He just knew he wanted it to end.

He could tell your anxiety was going through the roof. Your heartbeat was rapid, your breathing was labored, your good hand was fiddling with anything it could get its hands on to try and distract yourself from the pain lingering in the room. It was obvious.

The fact that he was sure both his and Yangyang’s eyes were flickering from gold to red to gold every other minute must’ve been a sign to you that they could lose their grip on their composure any minute. Hell, for all Kunhang knew, the younger boy could’ve been planning on attacking the second he registered that he took a blink.

He figured you knew that getting them in the same room without killing each other wasn’t gonna be an easy task considering what had already happened. But fuck, he could tell you were at least expecting them to be making snarky remarks towards each other. Instead, the two let the room fall into a deafening silence.

They both knew you were already a shooting bundle of nerves, so when you let out a tiny bit of your famous sarcasm, neither was too shocked.

“Can one of you like, say something or something?” You practically growled as you ran your good fingers through your newly washed hair in frustration uncomfortably.

Your wounds still hadn’t fully healed from the last time the three of you had been in a room altogether. And every small wince of pained face you made was just another reminder to Hendery just how badly he fucked up by letting you get in harms way.

Yangyang stared at you blankly, with no emotion whatsoever traced on his face, something that scared the older boy to no end, “What would you like me to say?”

You turned your attention towards the younger of the two mates, “I don’t know! Just say… something! The silence is literally killing me!” You howled with your chest pushing in and out harshly, signaling to both boys that you were close to collapsing from panic.

But once again, they met your words with echoing quietness. They just stared at you as you began to hyperventilate.

It wasn’t that they didn’t want to help you or make you feel better, you were their mate for heaven's sakes. Of course they wanted to do something to ease your suffering. Things just… weren’t that simple anymore.

Guanhang remembered back to the conversation he and the pup had had at Seungcheol’s, once he calmed down, when you were once again fighting for your life, this time because of them and their fighting.

It was a conversation where they both swore not to put you in harm's way at all cost. Where they swore they’d try to keep their instincts at bay as much as possible for your sake and get along.

Your new mate figured the only way he could keep that promise was to stay away from you during the interaction so he wouldn’t set the youngest in the room off since he was the most unstable, an idea that was clearly also being followed by your other mate as well as he hadn’t moved a fucking inch since he sat down.

Of course Kunhang wanted to go over and pull you into a loving hug. And of course he figured Yangyang wanted to push your curls behind your ears and kiss your forehead in comfort. But they were too nervous to do that. One wrong move could set the other off.

So as much as Hendery wanted to grab you by the hand and play with your fingers, he had to contain himself for fear that your first mate would try and lunge at him again. As much as he knew Yangyang wished he could lay your head onto his lap and twirl your hair till you fell asleep, he also knew he had to contain himself in case Guanghang got too territorial.

They had both almost reminded themselves telepathically again that they had to agree to not speak to avoid any sort of conflict that could upset you. The only thing they did was let their minds wander, and when their minds wandered, that’s when their eyes started to shift back and forth.

Which Hendery figured was normal in situations like this, though he wasn’t sure as he didn’t know anyone else who had a double imprinted mate. (Hint hint wink wink) But that’s just how wolves were. Well, mostly anyways.

Normal wolves could hardly keep their emotions in check, but them being newer wolves meant that they didn’t always have their self control in check the same way more experienced wolves did. In fact, it was practically nonexistent.

The only reason the boys were even trying to stop themselves from attacking each other was because you, being the weakest one in the room, meant you’d be the one in the most danger.

And as much as they internally still despised each other for taking their mate away, neither of them could let anything happen to you willingly if they had a chance to stop it.

When they were both alone with just each other or just around the other guys, they weren’t nearly as bad and didn’t have to watch themselves hardly at all. But the second you came into the picture, their instincts lit up light wildfire. Neither could help it.

But as your breathing got more jagged as you thought on about the deafening silence and your eyes began to gloss over in a haze of confusion and fear, their promise to each other went out the window.

They heard your heart beating faster than the wings of a hummingbird start to go even quicker. They saw your body shake in tremors and watched as your eyes began to roll into the back of your head.

All their hate for each other went out the window when your body began to go limp and shaky. Suddenly Yangyang was at your side, holding your good forearm with his palm and trying to talk you word for word through your panic attack, much to Kunhang’s shock.

And, while it might’ve been what he needed when he was going through one himself, it very evidently wasn’t what you needed as he only seemed to make you worse.

Your breathing was getting more labored and your heart was getting more frazzled. Once Yangyang realized he was the cause of your new issues he quickly retracted himself from your personal space and stared at you with enough worry and heartache to last a lifetime.

To you, everything felt like too much and not enough all at once. Everything around you felt like it was vibrating and suffocating. The lights burned but the dark consumed. To you, you were sure you were going to die.

It wasn’t until Kunhang ever so cautiously interlaced his fingers with yours that your erratic state began to calm. You looked down just as he rested his forehead against yours and began to draw circles on the back of your hand with his thumbs. Lovingly, he lulled you with small hushes and had you close your eyes while breathing in and out evenly and paced.

——

After what seemed like an eternity of breathing and relaxing, you slowly began to feel like your old self enough for your mate to let go of your hands, but not before he placed a chaste kiss on your nose causing you to lazily smile.

“Okay.” Yangyang spoke, breaking through the silence that had formed during your little episode, much to both yours and Guanheng’s confusion.

“O-okay…?” You repeated, quickly realizing how close you were to your other mate and pulling away so you wouldn’t cause the two to fight again.

The Taiwanese boy repeated his statement with folded arms, “Okay.”

Both you and your older mate couldn’t help but stare at the youngest of your little trio, wondering what in the actual fuck he could’ve been talking about.

But before you could answer, Hendery beat you to the punch, “What do you mean by okay?”

“I mean,” Yangyang stood up from his spot sitting across from you and pushed himself to sit beside you, “Okay. I’m not gonna try to fight it anymore.”

You followed his mouth in your line of sight through the whole sentence, but you still didn’t understand him. Or rather his reasoning behind why he suddenly agreed to your current situation.

“You mean you’re gonna try n-not to fight… Kunhang anymore?” You said quietly, almost unsure of the words you were speaking aloud.

“Yeah.”

While the boys getting along was everything you ever wanted from either of them, you didn’t understand why his mood on the matter changed. He had been fighting him tooth and nail about you. He didn’t want you to accept him and had quite literally said before that he’d rather you deny both of them than accept both of them.

“What changed your mind?” Kunhang asked while you were deep in thought.

He didn’t understand either. He didn’t necessarily trust it either. Instincts were instincts and, while he was much better with it than the pup was, he even still struggled to control his anger towards Yangyang for also being your mate. He didn’t get why he had suddenly decided to do a 180 and change his way of thinking so suddenly.

Yangyang sighed and pulled you scarred hand into his, this time being meant with a more compassionate and loving response as he brought his free palm to cup your cheek, “I just realized that-,” He swallowed deeply, almost dreading saying the words he was going to have to say, and looked into your eyes with a straight lip, “I’m your house, but he’s your bed.”

“Come again?” You couldn’t help but tilt your head at his strange sentence.

“You need him as much as I need you. And we need you the way you need the both of us.” You watched your younger mate bite his lip as he tried his hardest not to cry, “I’m like her house. She runs to me when she’s scared or worried like people do to their houses during thunderstorms.. Because she knows I’ll protect her from everything I can but you-” He spoke softly and darted his eyes towards Guanheng. “You’re her bed. You comfort her when she’s sad or upset, the same way people are comforted by their bed when they’ve had a bad day and just want to nap. You help her in a way I just can’t as her house. And I help her in a way that you just can’t as her bed.”

By the end of his explanation, all three of you were in tears and saddened by the harsh reality of things in Yangyang’s perspective. And while you refused to believe his narrative, Hendery somehow got exactly what the pup meant.

They both brought something to the table that the other didn’t. It was nobody’s fault. It just was what it was.

And now that the both of them had accepted it, they had to get you to as well.

“I-I don’t just love you because you protect me!” You insisted, sniffling at the end of your sentence like a child.

You couldn’t let your younger mate think that that was the only reason you were with him. That was ridiculous. You loved him exactly the way he was with everything you had.

“Baby,” Kunhang watched as Yangyang pulled you onto his lap, ever so careful not to nudge you in a way that would jostle your wounds, “I know that. But I also know, you love us and need us both for different reasons. And that’s okay. It’s okay. I’m okay.”

He shushed you as best as he could while muffling your cries, knowing that his heart would always be fractured knowing that he couldn’t cosmically give you everything you needed all by himself. And Hendery also wondered if he would always feel the exact same way as his counterpart.

(Edited 8/13/2023)

[borathae]

helloooo Sibi baby, first of all woofffff woof. Wet has me dropping me wet 😮‍💨 yeiu went off. Queen with your writing skills master Sibi. I’m just a mere mortal put on this world to experience your writing. 🤲🏻 infact all the first weeks 7 stories have me clenching so hard that I had to ask my dom bf to allow me to let me have a little gentle femdom session with him. Oh Sibi, the things that do to and make me also do. Okay so, I will once again say chefs kiss to your writing and now I would like to ask you something. So I told my boyfriend about you and your yummy stories. We’ve been pretty much dom, him, sub me since the start of our relationship and since I discovered you(6 months back) i mentioned him the idea of domming him. Soooooo, okay tomorrow we’ve booked a little hotel room and are planning to be intimate but finally playing out this fantasy that you’ve ignited inside of me. Now full disclaimer, it’s consensual and my boyfriends wants this to happen and actually also send his love your way for helping me discover gentle femdom because he secretly had this kink but never knew to bring it up because all he ever saw was garbage pornhub videos and he assumed that men as a dom was just a default settling. Anyways I think I’m rambling too much, OKAY SO now I’ve been tossing and turning in my bed because im super nervous about tomorrow and I just wanted your help. I’ve read each and every one of your story but I feel like non of them kind of show how someone new to dom, (girls perspective) should go about it? Don’t get me wrong, you didn’t have to write it and maybe I could’ve missed something who knows. Most your stories if they have a newbie it’s always the male who is new to experience being dommed. My question being, can you please guide me a little? On how to go about it? If it helps, he wants a very gentle dom and he is into edging. In my mind I’m clear that I’ll wear a sexy two piece set but instruct him to be completely naked and laying on the bed before I enter the room and start the scene. I know I don’t want to touch his cock for atleast 30 mins to tease the shit out of him and make him leak on himself but besides that I’m so blank. I’m so so so blank. Like what do I do for that 30 minutes? Sibi I’m so nervous. Please help me. He isn’t into anal stuff yet, we will get into that slowly. One step at a time so everyone is comfortable and having fun and everything is consensual. Oh and you’d be proud, I’m using the green, yellow, red safewords from your stories in our playtime. You’re such a huge influence in my sex life you have no idea. Okay so please help me out. Give me pointers. Give me 5 top just lust worthy dirty tricks to make him a begging mess before I ever touch his dick. Please help me become the best succubus-esque gentle femdom one could be, please queen Sibi. 🤲🏻 also I’m a such a huge fan and I write to you very often so I will start adding an emoji now since I’ve made you so god dame important in my life. You should know how much I worship you.

🔐

(like the matching lockets of hobi and joonie at jack in the box listening party🤍)

hope 2 hear from u soon soon hopefully before tomorrow 5pm BUT NO PRESSURE OF COURSE AAAHHHHHHHH IM DYING THO

Aah I'm so happy my lil stories helped you discover stuff about yourself!! SA!OC definitely didn't have any ideas of how to dom people before she met Yoongs and I think tct!OC didn't really have experience either fjdsfj or the sense of innocence!OC. I guess I just like writing them already kinda nailing it? because being dominant comes so natural to me ahahha

And as far as your night is concerned. Obviously I have no idea what you or your boyfriend enjoy, so this is gonna be very general advice, which you guys may or may not enjoy.

touch him. i feel like men in heteronormative relationships never really get pampered (looking at all the straight girlies i know who went wait you pamper your man?? to me). So lie him down and feel up every inch of his body. Kiss the parts he likes the most, give him goosebumps with soft touches, praise him for being so handsome, play with his hair, whisper against his ears for those shiversss

a little birdie once whispered to me that it feels especially good on the neck and chest :-) also many (not all obvs.) have sensitive nipples so maybe try stimulating them for a little.

inner thigh kisses. so many of them. hickeys, little soft bites, kisses. inner thighs are sensitive for men too, so worship them.

also okay but armpits and their sides? dance your fingertips/nails down those parts and i can guarantee that they will shiver

massages could work wonders too. they are relaxing and sensual and give you guys a great connection & it gives you an opportunity to feel him up

you can also use the time to "use him for your own pleasure". make him finger you, eat you out, use a toy on you, whatever feeds your taste. just make him make you cum as often as you want to because that's what we girlies deserve and i feel like a real man enjoys making his queen cum 💅🏻

sensory play? something with either feathers tracing his skin, brushes swirling over his body or maybe even something like ice cubes for a little temperature play

Honestly my general advice would be lots of touches and pampering with so many praises about how handsome and good he is. Or if he is a service sub/dom offer him an opportunity for pleasing you (cause bro that would get me going sjfdsj) before really pampering him. Just be sensual with him, that shit is so underrated but so hot.

I hope this can help you. Have fun tonight and remember to always follow the SSC rule. Safe, sane and consensual with lots communication in between 💜

[eatnightmares]

1.12 fiddler's feast time :)))))))) (<- can't fucking do this anymore i'm at my limit i can't do it i can't-)

they're so cute :((( they're soooooo so cute :((((((((((( but also paigggge :(((((

(guy who works at a restaurant voice) i need that hog dead

THEY'RE SOOOOOO CUUUUUUTE I'M NOT GONNA FUCKING MAKE IIIIITTTTTTTT

"does not require a fleshly sacrifice" bro i hate it here 😭

the state of tech is so interesting like early internet era but some things are still held back bc of the gods' whims...

as if she's already thought about it 😭😭😭

"asked for a gift to be given, offered a gift in return" makes me so crazy when they use the word gift for sacrifice. not what that means!!!! win for religious pseudo cannibalism at least

GWUUUHHHH CARPENTERRRRR SOUNDING SO EXCITED TO EXPLAIN HOW HER FAMILY DID IT. MENTIONING EM BY NAME.

GRINDING MY TEETH INTO DUST. (with a certain loyalty) i can't stand them he wants to give her the right answer and make a good impressionnnnnn. carpenter having one of the few things she enjoys about her religion being sharing food...even back in ep1 when she's egging faulkner about getting pancakes...

SHE HAS A LITTLE JEALOUSY IN HER VOICE. KILLING MYSELF 👍👍

exploding exploding exploding. "we're talking about ancient history, laws from 50 years back" PAIGE THAT IS NOT ANCIENT HISTORY

DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAAAAAZYYYYYYYY OH THE WAY THINGS CHANGE OH THE WAYS THEY STAY THE SAME. SO VERY FUCKING NUTS CARPENTER WAS THE FIRST ONE TO OBJECT TO LEGALIZATION.

oh carpenter oh carpenter oh carpenter. i don't even know what to say oh my babygirl

devlin drowned dragged delivered tho am i right...am i right guys...

faulkner wanting to have a proper goodbye for paige is doing things to me. never having had that for his family, his final goodbye with carpenter...

GRAAAAUUGHH. A GODLESS GREETING/FAREWELL. I HOPE YOU CAN FIND A WAY FORWARD THAT MEANS NO ONE ELSE HAS TO GET HURT. FAULKNER'S FINAL INTERACTION WITH A MAIN CHARACTER OTHER THAN CARPENTER AND IT'S THAT. TAKE CARE PAIGE. OUR PAIGE. MAY YOUR PEACE WALK ON WITH YOU FOR A WHILE. WALK ON UNTIL YOU'RE LOST FROM ME.

head in my hands. paige.

listen this is very touching with how she goes on to open up to him but u have to understand how it reads like that fucking sonic fandub bit. "just me and the ocean...just alone with my thoughts..." "hey silver-" "GODDAMNIT"

ok i have to start limiting screenshots b4 i just cap the whole scene but. oooowaaagghhhh. it was refreshing to see some fire in you when you came to speak of the faith. i used to be very much like you faulkner. you can call it a compliment, if you like - but I always forget that you converted. oh, there's always entanglements. I don’t think I feel the same way I used to. i don't understand, but that's okay. 💥💥💥💥💥

liquefies into paste.

head in my hands. the siblingssss

he's so normal. something about carpenter not necessarily taking that last part as a red flag. correcting herself from had that to have that. like to her it's a feeling that's necessary to have at some point but then needs to be let go. she really does see so much of herself in him...she isn't even out yet and she knows he needs to get out too...

(big red flashing sign held up to the audience that says STOP LISTENING NOW U ARE GOING TO GET HURT)

HEY. HEY CAN WE CIRCLE BACK ON THIS. WHAT'S THE ONLY OTHER SACRIFICE WE KNOW HE'S MADE. HEY FAULKNER WHAT DOES THIS MEAN HEY HELLO?

giggling smiling tearing out the floorboards eating drywall etc etc. how very s1 carpenter-core he is in s3. she takes that. accepts it. perhaps he only wishes for me to prove once and for all that i have the courage to finally let you go. yeah, perhaps that's it. do you?

banging my fist against the floor. it's faulkner not understanding her but trying to give her kindness. an escape. paige and carpenter, the unfaithful, the ones who are going to leave him, but he still has love for them and doesn't resent them. what does that make everyone else?

fiona apple voice i resent you for being raised right...i resent you for being so sure...i resent you presenting your life like a fucking propaganda brochure!!!!!! but i know if i hate you for hating me i will have entered the endless race!!!!!!!!!

i know they're picking grass and putting it in each others laps i know they are

oughh this episode...another top 3 of s1 for me i think...and it's all downhill (emotionally) from here lads 🫡

[1d1195]

oooooooohhhhhh sam you. did. NOT.

both me and harry are so mad at you right now because WHAT ?:?:!/?/?/?- WHEN I TELL YOU I ALMOST CRIED WHEN I SAW THE DIVIDER AND REALIZED THAT WAS THE END😭😭 (all jokes ofc we all adore you)

OMGGGG THAT WAS SOOOOOO GOOD I CANT😫 meeting her dad and everything he said was adorableee, and, ofc i didn��t like them arguing but it was very realistic !!! and i love how you wrote it bc it is hard to be vulnerable with things like that especially when you’re already stubborn and not someone who opens up😭 and him !!! i knowww that man wanted to cave so bad but he just couldn’t WHICH IS ALSO SOOOO REAL WHEN YOURE SUPER STUBBORN i understood both sides (can you tell how hard headed i am lol)

OK NOOWWWW MY THOUGHTS ON THE PREVIOUS DING PARTS YAY (i’ve been writing them down until i could send this): WHEN HE DIDNT EVEN CARE ABT WINNING HE WAS JUST LOOKING FOR HERRRR OMFGGGG I MELTED (there’s a taylor swift lyric abt this she says: “where’s the trophy? he just comes running over to me !!☺️” ITS SO THEM), the way they’re so obsessed with each other they can’t focus on anything ??😫😫😫 i feel so bad MC keeps getting dragged into remembering that shitty date and i am SO interested in her backstory !!!!! THE WAY YOU SET THAT UP ??? I WAS SO INTO IT I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT AWAY OMGGGG just everything you do is perfect honestly thank you SO MUCH for your writing, you have NO idea how much i look forward to it, like seriously when i see that you’ve updated i make SURE i get some alone time so i can enjoy that fic😉

i cannot wait until the next part bc i was def hooked but now im hooked 😭😭

i don’t have much to update on but one of the weddings happened !! it was so much fun getting to see everyone i used to know, lots of people flew in and it was amazing we all kept saying how it felt like old times. i caught ANOTHER cold :(( it came out of nowhere its just a sore throat and stuffy nose but omggg is it annoying, ive never really had bad allergies or anything like that before so idk what this is but its pissing me off😭

howve you been ??? tell me everything i hope you have the best day ever today <3

~🎶

“Me and Harry are so mad at you” that’s so real 🤣

I am also insanely stubborn and hide stuff. I hate being vulnerable. No one has ever let me—including myself. So it was cathartic to write that scene tbh. But I am stubborn through and through for sure.

I love the T-swift analogy. That’s so cute! 💕 they are obsessed with each other at the end of the day. They’re sweet I think 🥰

I feel like recently I have gotten more creative in setting up backstory and showing not telling kind of thing.

Honestly, May has been really rough. I’m kinda struggling. But I’ll be okay. Just a lot at once. That’s great about the wedding. It sounds like a lot of fun! A cold is no good. That’s how I feel rn. I think it might be allergies because it seems to be subsiding already from yesterday.

I hope you have a fantastic rest of your week 💕 can’t wait to hear from you again!

Xoxo

[oneofthepowerful]

May 22nd 2024 - Blog 5

Hi everyone, and welcome to the next development blog!

First of all...

I apologise for not being consistent in my upload schedule! I wanted to upload a blog every week or so, but it's been over 2 months! Though I have been working on things which we shall discuss in this blog!

Rigging

Since the last blog, what progress has been made to Hoshi's test head rig? I mentioned last time I was working on the turnaround, so what progress have I made since then? Well... nothing noteworthy sadly. Life got pretty busy and there was other things I needed to put time into which we shall get into in a bit.

Though that doesn't mean I haven't need rigging at all! Quite the opposite actually!

For starters, I wanted to make a full body rig of my avatar for a animated short that is in indefinite hiatus, so I don't know if I will finish it or not. For this project, I wanted to practice rigged animation for One of the Powerful, however I didn't get too far. Though I learned a lot making this full-body rig, which I will put into future rigs!

After that, last week I wanted to make a rigged animation of a character who I will not elaborate on due to spoilers and well... here is what I made:

I made the rig for this character in a few hours, a lot quicker than Hoshi's head rig, that's for sure! While this rig is very unpolished and can't turn her head and can only bend what you see in the animation - as a test rig, I am pretty proud of this!

This was also a lot quicker to animate than if it were frame by frame although I will admit... I struggle to animate in Blender. I've noticed that animating rigs in Blender at this point in time is difficult, as there is soooooo many things to keep track off, and if you aren't careful the animation can easily get messed up with parts of the character deforming and moving when you don't want them to. T-T

However this is what the final series could potentially look like! Just a lot more polished as this rig and animation was a super quick job. (The final series will look better I promise!)

Outline Rewrite

So during the last month or so, I have finally decided to mostly rewrite the current outline of the series. I wrote the original outline back in 2022 during my free time at school, and I honestly didn't have as many things planned out as I do now. For an example the antagonists didn't have much a reason for doing what they are doing except: "hehe I want Powerful to suffer!" really basic and not well written. Where as now, I have all the characters a lot more fleshed out! So far I have only touched up the first two seasons which I shall elaborate on:

Season 1

The first half of season 1 (the first 3 episodes) have basically stayed the same writing wise! The only major change being Hoshi's fight in Episode 3. At the time of storyboarding it last year, I was very stumped and not very inspired. Now however, I have a much better idea of how I want the scene to play out, to add to the mystery of Hoshi's backstory.

The later half of season 1, mainly the finale has changed a lot from its original conception. I won't say much other than... things happen! season 1 has more of a focus seeing a snippet of Powerless Territory in episode 1, to then seeing how Powerful Territory (near the boarder at least) has it's own problems from dealing with the Powerless conflict.

As well as this, season 1 focuses mostly on Hoshi and his whole deal. With each passing episode, him getting more and more on edge about... something! And by the end of season 1, you see an inside to a little bit of his problems which he will continue to overcome and confront in season 2.

Down below is some concept art of Season 1!!

Season 2

Season 2 has more of a focus on Seaside as well as focusing on the main trio! We see Erin learn more about... things... we get a proper insight to Cassidy's problems, as well as Hoshi trying overcome things from his past!

We get to meet some of the residents of Seaside, and a snippet of the lore of the location! Seaside is a paradise for Powerful and Seaside born Powerless. and So it is important that it is protected at all cost! This season is around 17 episodes, as we focus on many things that will be built up as the story progresses! Season 2 is a lot of fun! and I can't wait to eventually start working on it!

I can't really say much on season 2 for obvious reasons and as of right now I am re-outlining season 3! I won't say much either, except this is the season where Erin starts to go down a darker path, and the season 3 finale is really exciting and ends on a big cliff hanger!

Which takes us to season 4, where we finally see the Erin with the short hair! I am debating whether this to be the final season or not (I guess we will see when I outline it all!)

Upcoming plans

After the series is fully outlined, where does that take us? Well... I want to take some time to flesh out the environments of Powerful Territory and Seaside, as I felt like my background designs are bland and can be more creative and unique! So each location the trio visit in season 1 will (hopefully) be more distinct and memorable from one another!

Aside from all of this, I have been working on updating character references for the trio to keep them on model!

Ever wanted to know the Erin, Cassidy and Hoshi's height? Well here is the height chart for them:

Yes they are all super short XD I will mention that Hoshi is tiny for a plot reason, a hint is that he does not take care of himself, but starting from season 2 - when he is mentally in a relatively better place and has a much better support system. Hoshi will gradually become taller and broader as the series progresses!

I recently finished a turnaround + expression reference sheet of Erin! This took me forever to draw as I was trying to keep it all consistent, and I felt the pressure to make this as good as I could for my portfolio. XD

This turnaround will be used as a rigging guide, so it's important it is as consistent it can be for that purpose!

And alas, that is what I've been doing since the last blog! Thank you for reading! Until next time!

[orpheuslookingback]

okay some general oscar nomination thoughts i guess lol:

Like most everyone else, I do think it's dumb that Greta Gerwig didn't get a directing nomination. Dumb that the Academy seems to be operating on a "one woman director" cap (there's literally only been one year ever I think when 2 women were nominated in the same year and I think it was the year Emerald Fennel and Chloe Zhao were both nominated?) when there's so many great films directed by women this year. I haven't seen Past Lives yet, but from what I've heard Celine Song probably deserved a nomination, too (maybe even more than Greta Gerwig). And I also haven't seen Anatomy of a Fall, but I am happy Justine Triet got in there for a nomination. Also at least that last spot didn't go to Bradley Cooper instead lol.

But in all honesty I don't really think Barbie was super snubbed otherwise? I know some people think it was but honestly I think 8 nominations is a really strong amount. And in all honesty, I'm kind of lukewarm about it getting a screenplay nomination, I don't think its really close to as strong as some of the other nominees in either screenplay category. And as much as I really like her and think she did deliver that monologue really well, I'm not sure America Ferrera should have gotten in over some of the other performances that could be in the Supporting category (especially I'm thinking of Julianne Moore and Rosamund Pike both getting left out for what were imo overall stronger performances)

I guess Maestro did get nominations in both lead acting categories and like. I admittedly haven't seen it. But based on word of mouth it probably shouldn't have lol. Also was it getting a screenplay nomination at all expected??

It seems like the actual Best Actor race is probably gonna be between Paul Giamatti and Cillian Murphy, but I am glad that Jeffrey Wright still at least did get a nomination. I loved American Fiction and he was soooooo good in it.

I've already said this but the biggest disappointment for me is no Charles Melton in Supporting Actor. He's so fantastic in that film. I like them both and they both gave good performances but I would've liked to see him there over either Ryan Gosling or Sterling K Brown (glad Brown is getting his first oscar nomination at least though he is a great actor) (and I can't really judge it against Robert De Niro or Mark Ruffalo since I haven't seen either of those movies, though I will say it might've been nice to see someone new get a nom vs people who have gotten several already, regardless).

May December getting snubbed in general sucks. It's a great movie. As I already also said, Julianne Moore is also so good in it and probably also should have gotten a Supporting nomination. Natalie Portman is also really good in that film but I'm less upset about her not getting a nomination than I am about the other two. Also in the Supporting Actress race, I'm not sure Emily Blunt should be there? She has one really great scene in Oppenheimer but idk other than that, I think there were other stronger performances this year that could be in this category (again see Julianne Moore and Rosamund Pike).

I haven't seen Elemental but it seems pretty clear that it shouldn't be in the best animated category over something that seems like a much better film like the newest TMNT movie. Kinda tired of the sense that Disney-Pixar often get an obligatory nom just for like. Making something, regardless of its actual quality. Happy for Nimona making it in though.

Based on what I've heard about Past Lives (which I know I really really need to see) it seems like honestly Greta Lee not getting a Best Actress nomination is a worse snub in terms of quality of performance than Margot Robbie not getting one, which honestly...I'm not super mad about? I think she's really good in Barbie but I also don't think its one of those performances where it feels like a massive injustice that it didn't get nominated, in terms of the actual quality of the performance.

I don't think its gonna win much but I am rooting for American Fiction in general.

Those are my main thoughts rn? Idk they'll probably change/grow as I watch more of the nominated films, which, right now on top of my watchlist are Anatomy of a Fall, The Holdovers, Past Lives, and Poor Things, and I guess eventually I'll get to Killers of the Flower Moon even though I am. Not usually the world's biggest fan of 3 and a half hour films lol.

[evansbby]

Heyyyyyyyyyyy!

Read ur new fic today bestieeee😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

Ohk tell me are u soooooo amazing I just can't get enough of every thing u writeeee😵‍💫😭😭🤤🫡

This was soooooo chef kissesss🤌🤌🤌🤌

I liked every second of the fic sooooo much , I read it in the morning and now again Im gonna re-read it again

And the detailssssss👁️👄👁️

Not him making making her climax for 4 timessss

Sdhkdghhjkkkjjkkkkkk

And the repetition of he deserved this??

Was he trying to supress his conscience or whatt???

Honestly I don't know for some strange reason I found that hot tooo🤤

Telling her to call him captain then commanding her to call him daddyy

Sdshjkhhdsghjjkk

And then his thoughts about being her daddy , wanting to take care of her🥺

I'm in love I'm in love I'm in loveeeeeee I'm in loveeee I'm in loveeeeeee I'm in loveeeeeee I'm in loveeeeeeee💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

This was an awwww momentttt, my heart got all squishyyyyyyy🥹🥹🥹

Also my sizeee kink went brrrrrrrrrrrrr😮‍💨

And the kisssssssesssesssss scene

OMG OMGG OMGGG OMGGGG OMGGGGG OMGGGGGG OMGGGGGGGG OMGGGGGGG

Him kissing her again and again and again was soooooo cuteeeee🤭

My heart swelledddl😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫💗🥹🫡

The smearing her blodddddd wasssd soooo fucking dirtyyyy omgggg I loved ittytt I was seeing stars behind my eyes on God I swearrrrr it was soooooo hotyyy sooooo sexyyyyy sooooooooooo sexyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy uhhhhhhhhhhh I got so truned in bestieeee 😗✋😗✋🫡🫡🫡🫡

And him waking her up when she passed outtttt and then she passed out again in the enddddd

Asdgsjakakahaaahnshsjksk

Bestieeeeeeeeeeeee how do I literally write my the dirtest deepest fantasy of people soooooo fucking wellll.....u have to understand that was way tooo hot to handle and put it into words about how I wassss feeling I was feeling like I'm burning upp like I'm sitting in am ovennnnn the temp was fucking rising and itsss December 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫🫡🫡🫡🫡😵😵

I loved the ficcc soooo muchhh ,u have to understand u r my fav I'm literally in this dead fandom for just for u otherwise I would have deleted the appl I loveee everything u write evry fuckinggg peiceee u writeeee,

💗💗💗💗🥹🥹🥹🥹💗💗💗💗

I love ur Andy slander tooo 😂

And also when u said this was gonna be dark fic I assumed it will be veryyyyyy dark but honestly it was sooo much better than poyt 1 part likeas in this Steve was a Lil Lil teeenyyyy tinnyyyy but betterrr than poyt Steve, less dark more softttt , and I bought poytbsteve because I can't help it I'm obsessed with his mfing toxic ass💀 I can't help but compare everyone with him ok may be this Steve be more dark but like he was a Lil softer than him during sex like in this stve kisses herrrrrrr I mean that countssss and not once but again'and again and he was entirely enjoying itttt omggggg skkkkkkskkskkskssookkkkkk soooooooooooooo cuteeeeeeeee

The spiting scene was wasss veryyy hot bestieeeeeeeeeeeee 👁️👄👁️

Sending loveeee 💗💗💗💗

-💗(is this emoji take)

omg bestie this is so sweet! I love your enthusiasm and all your emojis! Thank you soooo much! 🥹🥹🩷🩷🩷

anddd omg did he make her orgasm 4 times??? Or was it 5 times??? I don’t remember hehe

I loved writing them kissing so much!!! I wasn’t planning on it but I went with the flow and Steve really seemed to be into kissing reader 🩷🩷 again and again and again as you said 😂😂 she was just too cute to resist 🥹🥹🥹

Also bestie pls come out of the oven!!! Omg 🤭🤭🤭🥹🥹🥹🥹 no but seriously I’m so happy you liked it so much!!! It truly means the most to me!

I don’t think this Steve is any softer than poyt!Steve but THIS Steve kinda knows what he wants, so if he wants to kiss her then he’ll kiss her and he won’t suppress that for himself!!! Hehehe

I’m so happy you’re still in this fandom for my blog bestie it means the world! 🥹🙏🏼🩷

[dominikadecember]

I FORCED MY LIVEWATCH ONTO MY FRIENDS NOW Y'ALL GET TO ENJOY

Okay, I got pizza, i've got a drink, i've peed, lets start this

omg i knew they chose the perfect alex via taylor cus of his BDE but holy shit dude can do sensitive too and we're just a minute in!!!!!!!!

omg the blank was hilarious in the trailer but it's soooooo much funnier in full speed. I AM CACKLING

their interactions are perrrrrrfect!!!!!

the cake scene, is so uncomforttable. i cant watch this but i need to watch this but OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is the best thing that has happened since sliced bread

you may want to put me on mute bc holy shit i don't know i how ill get through two hours of this mornons

the opening credits are a perfect choice for this movie/book

sarah shahi just keeps getting prettier

uma is the perfect person to be cast as alex's ma and us prezzie

Best line ever 'There is no getting out of this." 'What if I set myself on fire?' 'We'd ship the ashes to Heathrow.' I LOVE ZAHRA!!!!!!!!

DAVID THE DOG IS MENTIONED I HOPE HE IS IN THE MOVIE LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS

ugh loads of london sights, so boring SHAAN IS HOT AS FUCK

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD ENEMY ACT I LOVE IT I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE FREINDS AND THEN THE LOVERS OMG OMG OMGGGGGGG

henry needs all the makeup bc he's a pretty boy but alex is fucking FAAAAAINE

ughhhhh i love this movie so much imma cry

lmfao alex just called queen victoria 'vicky' in an interview and henry looks like he had a stroke

this is so good, the book closet vs movie closet scene is so well done i am so happy

taylor's. fucking. eyelashes. someone made this boy a maybeline ad from birth

AMY THE BODYGUARD DESERVES HER OWN SHOW

OMG THE MOMENT WHERE THEY REALISE THEY MAYBE POSSIBLY ARE NOT ENEMIES BUT JUST MISUNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER I AM SWOOOOOOONING

yaaaas ppl owning their privilege and being honest they may not be perf is mah jammmm

is alex in this movie not supposed to realise he is bi before he hooks up with henry like in the book? bc taylor has chemistry with EEEEEEEERRRRYBODY

omg they're starting to be friendsssssss

THE TURKEY SCENE OMG OMG

I love how they filmed the messaging scenes. So interesting.

alex's political career! i love this plot!!!

Zahra is srsly so fucking pretty

Nora is gorgeous as hell tooooooooo!!!!!!!! Everyone in this movie is absolutely perfect and pretty and i love them

Henry is just a dorky dork with dorkdom

THE CINEMATOGRAPHY IS EXQUISITE!!!!!!

ummm how did alex not get mono at this damn NYE party???

THE KISS THE KISS IS HAPPENING THE KISS OMFG THE KISS OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I AM OMG!!!!!!

Nora is great but she's like a mix of Nora and June and idk how to feel about it.

OMG ALEX IS DESCRIBING THE KISS AND HOLY SHIT

WOW

Nora and Alex being besties works rllllllly well

lmao alex ignoring an ex for henry was the most obvious thing ever how did no one realise?????

OH MY GOD I CANT THIS MOVIE IS GONNA KILL ME

THE LONGING HOLY SHIT

THE FUN FLIRTY THING IS HAPPENING NOW AND I AM HERE FOR IT

HENRY IS VERY MUCH INTO BEING ORDERED BY ALEX AND I LOVE IT

THIS

IS

VERY

STEAMY

HOLY SHIT

Wow, someone said 'I'm bisexual' and it feels really fucking awesome.

THEY ARE SO CUTE AND HOT

casual hooking up' stage YOU TWO ARE IN LOVE STAHP LYING TO YOURSELVES

OMG OMG OMG MY BRAIN IS MELTING

my cat keeps on walking in and out scared cus i keep shouting OH MY GOD SO SORRY TYMEK ALSO NICHOLAS GALITZINE ON A HORSE IS ABSOLUTELY A FANTASY OF MINE

HOLY SHIT THAT IS GUNNERSBURY PARK THEY FILMED IN GUNNERSBURY PARK AND NO ONE THOUGHT TO TELL ME?! RUDE AS FUCK!!!! I COULD HAVE BEEN THERE AND MADE NICHOLAS FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!!!!

'I think we should make love tonight'

'Um...yeah...I'm down' BOY PLS HOW DID YOU EVER GET LAID?????? 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I can't they are so fucking hot and cute and how is this okay??????????????????????

sorry heteros, no movie will ever have a love scene as beautiful as this movie

oh shittttt an argument between alex and ellen and alex going 'yes madam president' instead of 'yes mom' DAAAAAAAMN

Alex excited about stuff is lovely and Taylor is a very pretty boi

The CGI is pretty crappy but thankfully it doesn't feature way too much.

THEY ARE SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!

THE ZAHRA SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED

OH MY GOD THIS SCENE IS EVERYTTTTTTHING AND IS SO FUNNY OMG OMG OMG OMG

Shit. Alex coming out to his ma scene was beautiful and it hurt and it was perfect.

omg they are all so cute and perfect and cowboyy??? i am 100000000% into the cowboy!!!!!!!! and nicholas' voice, i forgot thhat the boy can sing!

ALEX YOU ARE IN LOVE IT BE OKAY

They changed from the book that alex's parents are together and not divorced and i think it works so well.

THEY ARE DOMESTIC IN THEIR BUBBLE AND CUTE AS FUCK AND TAYLOR IS GLISTENING WITH WATER AND I CANNOT HANDLE THIS

Oh no, this bit, this bit is sad, there is sad angst coming

THE ONLY REASON WHY I AM NOT CRYING AT RN IS BC THE CINEMATOGRAPHY AGAIN IS FUCKING GORG

1 hour and 17 minutes in. First fucking sighting of David the dog. Unbelievable. HE IS THE TRUE STAR OF THIS MOVIE!!!

sad angsty angst ☹️

'what if he won't see me?' OMG MY HEART

aw man, i wish we would have seen the dramatic scene where alex is at the palace gates screaming to be let in like that eric andre meme

there better be thousand deleted scenes

wooooooooah this confrontation is so much more powerful than in my book, these boys are such good actors omg

alex boy you're gonna catch a cold with that wet shirt 🙁 i think most of it is your tears than the rain

THAT BETTER BE ALEX'S BLUE HOODIE!

ugh, so jelly they got to have a museum all to themselves at night no less

also the V&E has never looked that nice whenever i've been there

'just a daft pubescent fantasy' BOY THAT'S HOW I LIVE

OMG THIS IS SO

OMG

'HISTORY HUH?! BET WE COULD MAKE SOME' THEY DID THIS SO FUCKING PERFECT OMG

WHEN DOES THE HAPPY EVER AFTER HAPPEN???? HENRY JUST WANNA KISS HIS BOY IN PUBLIC OMG

DAVID THE DOG IS BACK

Oh right, this fucking thing

The boys being outed by asshats

ofc miguel is involved, fuck off dipshit

Alex is fantastic at politics and I am in love with how fiercly he is protecting his and henry's relationship

ZAHRA IS SO DONE WITH THIS LOVESICK PUPPY SHIT I LOVE HER

ZAHRA IS MY HERO

OH MY GOD

I AM NOT OKAY EITHER HENRY

lmao you gossipy bitches

stephen fry in DA HOUSE!

lmao homophobia in the royal house here plaaaaay!

lmao when the king says 'i have read your emails all of them' alex is tots thinking 'they were hot weren't they' and henry is thinking 'fuckityfuck alex talks about my crack ☹️'

ALEX STANDING UP FOR HIS BOY IN FRONT OF ROYALTY GETS ME EVERYTIME

OMG YAAAAAAAAAS DA PUBLIC LOVES THEIR GAY PRINCE BOI!!!!

lmao philip 'you can't go out there' WHAT YOU GONNA DO? STOP THEM FIT BOYS WITH YOUR PASTY ASS STICK ARMS???

THEY. ARE. SO. CUTE.

you know it's fiction when texas has become a democratic state

THEY ARE SO FUCKING CURE

ARGHH THE CINEMATOGRAPHY IS SOOOOOO PRETTTTTTY

That is absolutely not the house I imagined.

OH NO IT'S OVER 🙁 BUT I LOVED IT SO MUCH OMG OMG OMG IT'S SO GOOD EVERYONE WATCH IT IMMEDIATELY!

lmao there's a bit at the end of the credit with the cake scene and alex going 'do you think anyone noticed?' i love this idiot so much