#but looks like the achievment is also bugged

[wilsons-journey]

So the new spear looks interesting,... Seems,... fishy.

[spookygibberish]

I love Jar of Mice! I've never seen creature designs like Thrones before.

You mention Ibis tissue in some of the posts, and I read the old post about it - has the lore changed since then? Does it have anything to do with the bones of God at Godtomb?

I'm very flattered! I don't think of Thrones as particularly creative but I suppose that's because I know all the ingredients for them... Actually let me take this post as an excuse to go into them a bit!

I extremely enjoy taurs and human "hybrid" style creatures like sphinxes a massive amount, but there are a ton of artists who's particular styles and sensibilities have inspired me. Coming to mind off the top of my head are artists on social media like Bwusagi, Suzumori521, Deerchip, Theveryworstthing, iliothermia, and definitely more...

I tend to collect a lot of art of centaurs, sphinxes, harpies, and dragons that catches my fancy, here's some of it:

(An Islamic depiction of Sagittarius, Salome Sphinx by Nicholas Kalmakoff, ????, Nagas by Rabi Behera, Şahmaran)

Edit: forgot the Lamassu, which is a more specific inspiration than any of the things above or below.

Jim Woodring is one of my inspirations for Thrones that people tend to clock, and they're correct. It's probably the colors, patterns, eyes, shapes.....

Oh and.

Her.

And for the second question, yes! The tissue was once on the bones, although the Ibis tissue used in the temples for the creation of dagnyds is much more equivalent to a cell culture than anything at this point. It's desire to grow and take form is the creative force that humans have harnessed to create dagnyds..... for better or worse.

I don't have any art of it i'm happy with, but here's some several year old pixel art of an Oracle Computer, which is filled with the stuff. Honestly though, I don't think "black goo" is very compelling or visually interesting considering what the stuff actually is. It needs work.

Everything always needs work...

[akimojo]

people love to use ffxiii’s messy development as a reason to completely shit on the game but honestly the fact they managed to sneak in so many little details in the gameplay in a way that reflects the characters and story despite all the miscommunication between the dev sections is just impressive to me

[devotedlystrangewizard]

el pov angle had me stunned but hi hey hello why am i giggling

[gimmick-blog-bracket]

Now for the final round!

@hellsitegenetics

I love them

I didn't know I needed to know that the weed-smoking girlfriends post was genetically a wolf, but I did, and I do. Also puts great stuff on my dash.

it’s so fun to be scrolling unhinged posts and then boom. an organism!

so many moths‼ also, unexpected comedy with some of the matches

perfect blend of silly and informative, and makes for an excellent punchline at the end of a long post. puts creatures on my dash. literally what more could you ask for

It's a really unique blog concept and a lot of times the results are pretty funny. It's great when the sequence matches the post content too!

Creatures 👍

Finds beautiful creatures out of the mess of the hellsite

Offers finality AND gives us a creechur.

I love them. English speakers talk like moths

If this blog wins, they could run the text of the winning announcement, and determine the post's genus and species!

They're also very good about tagging the type of creature depicted in the results, so as long as you mute tags of creatures you don't want to see, it's a very fun time seeing iconic legacy posts (and new submissions) being reduced down to a string of letters and assigned a random species of fish or moth or something!

uhh it’s cool

BLAST

There are so many weird bugs in the world

Yippee!!

If, as Haldane said, God has an inordinate fondness for beetles, then surely this blog proves that Tumblr has an inordinate fondness for moths.

Top tier blog as a geneticist, I love seeing obscure organisms and MOTH

Admin got rate limited after trying to blast the bee movie

the knowledge of biology to pull this off (i have taken one biology class in my life) and also the work to find all the strings honestly deserves quite a bit of praise

This gimmick blog has it all: science, pictures of animals, interaction with the text of other peoples' posts, interesting information, and a unique and fun premise. As a biologist, I'm rooting for hellsitegenetics to reach the end and take the tournament, because it is truly a standout among gimmick blogs.

If they win, perhaps this blog too shall become a cool organism :3

@hasgavlebockenburneddownyet

What's more happy holiday cheer than cheering on the destruction of a giant straw goat?

The birds may have won 2023, but I believe in humanity's capability for arson for 2024 <3

a vote for me is a vote for arson! This message was approved by hasgavlebockenburneddownyet

gavle is SUCH a public service and holiday feature

what's more tumblr than comical destruction and holidays?

sometimes you just gotta vote with your matchsticks

Bringing a cultural staple to tumblr since 2021

Arson is so much more fun

It would be really funny and ironic if it survives the tournament

you have no idea how much joy watching the chronicling of the gavlebocken brings me every year

hasgavlebockenburneddownyet provides an essential public service

always love seeing a bit of Swedish history on my dash 'Swedish bamboo season'

the goat account is peak gimmick blog

If I don't get to beat the goat then nobody does. -pointless-achievements

Never ask Tumblr to choose between lies and arson! The winner threatens by nature to rip apart the very fabric of our DNA!

goat statues made out of straw are exciting and interesting

I wanna see things burn

the goat is an essential part of tumblr culture and the goat blog is a sacred keeper of the tumblr high holidays

watching to see if the big straw goat has burned down each year is a true delight, something I never knew existed until tumblr and the blog dedicated to it

the incredibly focused nature of @/hasgavlebockenburneddownyet is what makes their gimmick superior.

Please guys bite gavlebocken

Look, I'm Danish. I was put on this earth to annoy the Swedes and vice versa, but even I voted for @/hasgavlebockenburneddownyet

gavlebocken is also such a fun name and this blog informed be about its existence, so for that I am grateful

hasgavlebockenburneddownyet is providing a vital service! Every year, people rely on their updates regarding the fate of our most beloved Yule Goat! How could they NOT deserve the win!?

sacred anti-corporate arson

a vote for gävlebocken is a vote for anarchy!

pls vote for them they're the funniest gimmick keeping track on the funniest phenomena in recent human history, like when i look at their acc i think to myself this is what tumblr was created for

the goat is the GOAT

HASGAVLEBOCKENBURNEDDOWNYET DESERVES TO WIN, I have them on post alert for a REASON

the holiday season wouldn't be the same without them

they do important reporting. Do you look at the news and be like 'the reporters aren't doing work they're just telling you whats happening.' Have some respect for the goat news

let the weird burnt sacrificial ritual of it all appeal to you

nothing makes my December more interesting, arson should win

doesn't barge in on other peoples posts which is always a good thing in my books. not a fan when obnoxious gimmick blogs turn a decent post into a garbled mess

[jj-one]

SALTY & SWEET 🥣

pairing: established relationship, nerdy bf!dom!Jungkook x gf!reader, jk is around 21/22 in this genre/tags: smut, (some) fluff, angst, degradation, praise kink, oral (m receiving), facef*cking, food play, c*m play, c*m eating, use of word daddy (once) words: 981

**old repost from my deleted blog

Oh you sad, sad little thing… always finding yourself in these compromising situations. The whole morning went as normal with Jungkook, he was super nice to you and smothered you with lots of loving kisses! But once he arrived back home from classes his entire mood shifted completely.

“Get on your knees, wanna use that pretty little mouth of yours right now.��� Jungkook was hovering over you as you sat down.

You were just minding your business on the couch eating a bowl of strawberries when he said that to you.

“W-what?” Your eyes bug out of your head like a deer in headlights.

“Did I stutter? On your knees NOW!” His voice becomes more stern.

You squirm to get up, not wanting to waste another minute incase he gets angrier. Your body feels shaky from his intimidating persona, he usually comes off as sweet and caring but when he’s mad he becomes almost sadistic.

It didn’t take long for him to end up down your throat. All 7 inches of him being taken by you. You kept choking and gagging but the more you did it the more Jungkook would just keep pushing your head back down. His fingers latching onto your hair and thrusting his hips harder to get more of his cock deeper in your throat.

“C’mon, you can take it like the little pathetic slut you are. You’re my precious little pup right?”

His words made you so fucking wet for him.

You wanted to please him in the best way you could. Bobbing your head back and forth, his spit combined with your saliva all over your face. Jungkook likes it messy though, he also loves shooting his load out on your face after a long day. You acted like nothing but a toy for him to use, just a fuckdoll he can manipulate and dump all his cum into when he’s frustrated.

His glasses were sliding down to his nose as he keeps lowering his head to get a finer view of you. Your fucked out face was so angelic to him, so divine… you looked the most beautiful when you had Jungkook’s cock buried in your mouth.

“There atta-girl… such a good little slut for me aren’t you?” The way he talks to you will be your true weakness.

You had to prove your love to him. Your devotion. You wanted his cum as a reward so you had to work hard for it and push through the pain. You try humming to loosen up your vocal cords and take him better, the vibrations sent chills up his spine and he almost lost his balance for a second. Feeling the way he throbbed and twitched on your tongue made you moan against his shaft.

“Fuck yeah… good girl my good little fucking princess…”

You kept letting him throatfuck you and the tears came rolling down now. He loved seeing you become a crying fucked out mess for him, it filled his heart with the utmost joy.

“Aww.. my darling’s getting teary eyed, can’t take all of it huh??”

Your jaw hurts so bad but you can’t stop now, you have only one goal to achieve and that was to make your boyfriend cum all over your pretty face. His cock slammed into your uvula and you made a loud gagging noise, he would just grin and keep pushing hisself in you relentlessly. He laughed at your misery, the way your knees buckled and quivered while being under him.

He wouldn’t be laughing for too much longer though, one more thrust to the back of your throat would leave him nearly unable to talk. His body felt paralyzed. Eyes were violently rolling to the back of his head as he feels his release approaching. He jerks his hips back and quickly pulls out of your mouth. He doesn’t bring his cock to your face though, instead his attention is drawn to the bowl of strawberries you were eating from earlier.

He stands in front of it on the couch and viciously strokes his cock, large white ropes of cum come trickling down onto the fresh strawberries. Once he finishes he looks back at you now with an evil grin.

“Get on all fours for me doll.” He instructs you.

You do as you’re told, getting on your hands and knees, crawling your way towards him. He takes ones of the strawberries— that are now all coated with his hot delicious cum and brings it to your lips.

“Open wide.”

You open your mouth and he plops the strawberry in, you immediately close your mouth to start chewing. The strawberry was so sweet and juicy while Jungkook’s cum was warm and salty, this might be the perfect combination you’ve ever tried.

“Taste’s good right princess?”

You nod your head and finally speak “Yes, so yummy daddy, want to eat more!”

“Then go ahead, eat more.”

You dip your face in the bowl of strawberries and eat another one. You can’t get over how good his cum tastes with the savory fruit. He pets the top of your head like you were a kitten, just grinning at the sight of you eagerly eating his cum.

“Such a naughty little girl… you really are a huge slut.” He degrades you more, wrapping his hand around your neck as he lifts you from being on all fours.

You’re back on your knees again facing him while he kept a tight grip on you. The way this man had you so down bad for him, you were willing to let him do absolutely anything to satisfy his needs. Your body couldn’t stop trembling under his touch, he had you perfectly the way he wanted.

“Still look so pretty, even after sucking off my cock..” his hold on you was only getting tighter at this point.

“So obedient for me, always.”

[the-ancient-dragons]

The last Overcomplicated Pantalan tribe; LeafWings!

You know how it goes. I'm just me and Joy and Tui are awesome and amazing.

Details and explanation below.

Otherwise, next week is something new! You'll get to meet one of my fantribes >:)

More overcomplicated dragons.

With the LeafWing, I struggled to decide what approach to take. Should I do something closer to canon or go crazy and do 100% my go-to headcanon?

Because my go-to headcanon is that LeafWings should have four wings. I found it odd that they and SilkWings both come from Pyrrhia, but SilkWings (technically BeetleWings) were the only tribe that evolved four wings? I hesitated to even mention this in my HiveWing post because idk how popular this opinion is, but even the fact that Clearsight's arrival somehow split the BeetheWings into two WILDLY different tribes is astounding, with how long dragons live.

But that's not the point of this post. We're here for LeafWings and buckle up, it's a doozy.

So first of all, the reason I justified a four-winged LeafWing is to help it camouflage as a plant better. I'll eventually provide a sheet of this, but it would have two main defence modes, the first being a single-leaf version where they lie flat on the ground or stand still with their wings drooping, creating the silhouette of a single leaf, or a version where they hang on the end of a branch and hold their wings and tail out.

It isn't just their wings that creates this look. I took the original single sail and split it in two, based on the ribs of a draco lizard, and had them run along the sides of its neck. When spread, they are a part of the single-leaf camouflage and bridge the gap between the head and shoulders. They would also have more similar frills on their front and back legs in case they need to camouflage standing up. They could use this for hunting or hiding...

Continuing with the bug-avian beak mix, I referenced african parrot species and leafcutter ants. The highly altered head is based on horned frogs and leaf geckos, and I obviously based the colouration and patterning on leaf insects (though the lighting kind of hides it on the back of the head, lol). Last but not least, I wanted to preserve and enhance the leaf cell design Joy used for the scattered body scales (at least, I'm 90% sure it's for that purpose, it seems most obvious). So, like any sane human, I found photos of plant cells under microscopes and used the rectangular-ish shapes for the main body scales.

I had so much fun making this series. It seems like a lot of people enjoyed it as much as I did. I learned a lot about external anatomy and mixing different creatures to achieve unified designs.

School is doing its best to murder me (I can't do big pieces) so from now on I'll have to stick to loose sketches I can do in-class or doodle within an hour. But once we learn more about bones and muscles I'll be able to take a crack at analyzing the full bodies of some of the tribes. I'll go in whatever order I see fit.

In the meantime, I've got some Fantribes for you, starting next week! See you then!

[orteil42]

Cookie Clicker turns 10 today! Having outlived our enemies, let us celebrate with a fresh batch of announcements!

🍪First of all, Cookie Clicker is 40% off on Steam this week! The perfect gift for your loved and/or hated ones! (the web version is still free forever but you don't get Steam achievements or music by C418!)

🍪Secondly! The mobile version has been lagging behind the browser game for years and is in dire need of an update. I've been dedicating most of my time recently to bringing its content up to par! Here's a progress report:

Compared to the current version, this update adds back 284 upgrades and 179 achievements from the web game, which leaves 83 upgrades and 94 achievements still unimplemented plus a good amount of heavenly upgrades. I am determined to close that gap!

Seasons and the pet dragon are currently partially implemented. These are complicated, compound features with side-effects in all kinds of places so once the update gets an alpha release I'll likely be needing everyone's help to hunt for bugs and oversights. I'm being as thorough as possible but there's no way I didn't forget some obscure interplay somewhere!

I'm also updating the UI! Cookie Clicker's interface makes heavy use of woodwork, which is largely absent from the mobile version; I've been aiming to bring it back. Rather than recycling desktop assets, I'm looking to push the game's visual identity towards less "plain wooden boards" and more "victorian biscuit shop" (something I'd have liked to go for when I first made the game but didn't quite know how yet). Here's some early screenshots!

I'm using Blender for the new assets, I might make a more in-depth post about my process in the future. Please note that these are experimental and I'm still fiddling with the look! Once I'm happy with it I'll ideally be giving the desktop game a similar makeover.

This update will hopefully come out later this year and will likely involve multiple rounds of alpha. Once stable, future updates will focus on adding sugar lumps and as many of the minigames as possible.

🍪Thirdly: the Makeship grandma plushie is real and we're doing a giveaway! Please read this twitter post to enter. Note that if the launch campaign succeeds we've got other plushies in mind! Maybe a wrinkler?

🍪Fourthly - there was going to be a really cool announcement here but I've been informed I'm not yet at liberty to discuss it. It's sooooo cool tho trust me. things happening. u gotta take my word for it. tune in next time

🍪Lastly:

i've got enough dough for like, idk 50 more? mom's recipe. white+dark+milk chocolate. they're very good thank you

PS. thank you for playing with us all these years! odds are some of you reading this have been here since the very start. that's mad to think about! Opti and I couldn't have done this for 10 whole years without all of you hyping us up. i want to see if we can do 10 more. get real freaky with it

[transformer-analysis]

Transformer Prime Theory: The Optics

It’s interesting how, in TFP, the characters all have a variety of optics sizes and shapes, instead of everyone having plain solid colours like in G1 and most other continuities. And I personally believe there is some more biological reasons why some of these optics look the way they are (some big, some small, some solid colours and others not, and some having rings and others not).

TW: starvation mention.

THEORY #1:

The size of the optics is determined by how well fed and healthy the transformer is.

Firstly, we can see that most Transformers with big optics are Decepticons, who we always know have more Energon mines and supplies than the Autobots.

Secondly. Megatron has a big optic that take over the entire frame, and he is totally someone who would have a feast himself first before feeding his subjects. On the contrary Optimus have one of the smallest optic in the show, probably because, unlike Megatron, he would only eat himself when he knows his subjects are well fed. (Poor Optimus)

Thirdly, Breakdown and Bulkhead also have some of the biggest optics in their teams. Breakdown is one of the few in the show whose optics are complete solid colors, and, although Bulkhead’s optics are not solid colours, or completely take over the frame, they are still much bigger than most other Autobots. This is probably because they are both the muscles of the team so they must have been fed more so that they can be stronger and fight better. (Cliffjumper might have been one, too, because he also got a huge optic, but we never hang around him enough to know for sure)

Fourthly: Bumblebee also got big optics, probably because he is the youngest Autobot, and is probably still growing in a way, so everyone would want to make sure he got enough nutrients to grow up big and healthy.

Fifthly: I think this is the best proof of all. So throughout the show Starscream’s optics are always quite big and round (though it is not always obvious in bright lightings).

(“Partner”, Season 1 Episode 20)

However, in the Orion Episode, while Starscream was sneaking into the Nemisis to steal energons, his optics suddenly fill the whole frame

(“Orion Pax Part One”, Season 2, Episode 2)

This is likely because, since Starscream had gone rogue at this point, and we know that in “Rock Bottom” (Season One Episode 19) Starscream has been hiding energons for himself, perhaps Starscream hasn’t yet learned how to manage supplies sustainably on his own, and quickly drained his resources that he’s hide for himself before. Thus, more energons in the eyes. That’s probably also why he has taken the risk to go back to the Nemisis to steal Energon cause he was out of it already. He was living feast or famine at this point.

Now, there are some bugs in this theory, such as why Knockout have such a small pupil despite not having any reasons to starve. However, knowing Knockout and his obsession with his appearance, I believe he would totally put himself on a diet to look even more fabulous. I don’t think Transformers can really gain weight from Energons, though, at least not in the way we think, but Knockout could also just love the look of a small optic and think it fits his beauty, so he starved himself to achieve that.

One question you might have for the theory, “But it has been going around that Ratchet starve himself to save the supplies for the others, but his optics are big?” Now. Ratchet, I believe, is a different situation, which leaves us to theory #2.

THEORY #2:

The ring around the optic signify how intensely the optic was used.

Firstly, like mentioned above, Ratchet have a special optic: his centeral pupil itself is pretty small, similiar size with Optimus’s, but it got a big ring around it, making it look big. Now I think the ring have nothing to do with how well fed the Transformer is, like the theory above, it is there to supply more Energon to the function of the optic, and making it sharper basically. Knockout also have one, probably for the same reason as Ratchet.

Secondly: Bumblebee also have one. Understandable. He is the scout, he need to look afar a lot.

Thirdly: if you look closely you can see that Optimus got these colorless, metal ring around his optic, too, which no one else have, but it doesn’t have Energon in them. This is probably because he probably used to have them, as Orion Pax, who was an archives working in front of computers all the time. But over the years of not using it in the same way as much as the Prime, Energons left the ring and left the area, leaving the empty ring behind.

Now, there goes my theories and how I think the optics works, kind of. There is still a lot that I am still working on and might make another post off in the future, such as why some of them had a white ring/circle in their optics (I don’t think white rings work the same as blue rings, cause Bulkhead have a white ring but he doesn’t have any reasons to need good vision more than others.) and why their optics are different colors.

I hoped you enjoy this

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

Over the last few years, I’ve begun to heavily encourage people to think of a zoo or aquarium or sanctuary being accredited as conveying important information about their ethos / operations / politics - but not as an inherent indicator of quality. Why? Because accrediting groups can be and are fallible. There are issues with all of the accrediting groups and programs, to varying degrees, and so they’re just a piece of information for a discerning zoo-goer to incorporate into their overall opinion. I just saw a news article go by with some data that proves my point.

First off, good for Houston, no commentary that follows is directed that them.

This isn’t the first time I’ve seen a headline like this - there was one a couple years ago, about Cheyenne Mountain Zoo in Colorado also getting a perfect inspection. But here’s what bugs me about it.

If you see/hear the phrase “Facility X has been accredited by Y organization, which holds the highest standards in the world for this type of facility”, it kind of implies that facility X meets all of those standards, doesn’t it? Not most of them, not the majority. When you hear that a zoological facility has gone through a rigorous process to earn an accreditation branded (by the accrediting org) as “the gold standard” in the industry… the general public is going to interpret that as saying these facilities are in compliance with every single rule or standard. And what these headlines tell us, alongside the commentary from AZA in the articles, is that it’s not only not true - it never has been true. Most AZA accredited facilities apparently don’t meet all the AZA standards when they’re inspected, and that’s both okay with them and normal enough to talk about without worrying about the optics.

Let’s start with the basic information in the Houston Chronicle article, which will have been provided to them by the zoo and the AZA.

“Since it's inception in 1974, the AZA has conducted more than 2,700 inspections and awarded only eight perfect evaluations throughout the process's 50-year history. Houston Zoo's final report is 26 pages long — and filled with A's and A-pluses."

Okay, so… doing that math, less than one percent of AZA accreditation inspections don’t meet all the standards at the time of inspection. But, wait, that’s not just what that says. That bit of information isn’t talk about AZA accredited facilities vs the ones that got denied accreditation: this is telling us that of facilities that earned AZA accreditation, basically none of them meet all the standards at the time. This isn’t talking about tabled accreditations or provisional ones where they come back and check that something improved. Given that math from earlier, this information means that most - if not all - AZA accredited facilities have repeatedly failed to meet all of the standards at one point in time … and have still been accredited anyway.

That tracks with what was said about Cheyenne Mountain Zoo, back in 2021 when they got their perfect accreditation.

“Cheyenne Mountain Zoo has earned an incredibly rare clean report of inspection and its seventh consecutive five-year accreditation from the Association of Zoos and Aquariums (AZA). In nearly 50 years of accreditations, CMZoo is only the fourth organization to earn a ‘clean’ report, which means there wasn’t a single major or minor concern reported”

Seven consecutive accreditation processes - and only one of them where they actually met all the standard at the time.

Here’s what the AZA CEO had to say about Houston’s accreditation achievement in that article, which reinforces my conclusion here:

"AZA president and CEO Dan Ashe says the multi-day inspection process, which occurs every five years, has been described as "comprehensive, exhausting and intimidating."

"We send a team of experts in who spend several days talking to employees, guests and the governing board. They look at animal care and husbandry. They look at the governance structure and finances. They look comprehensively at the organization," Ashe explains. "For a facility like Houston Zoo to have a completely clean accreditation and inspection is extremely rare. These inspectors are experts, it's hard to get to the point where they can't find something.""

Now, here’s the rub. We, as members of the public, will never have any idea which standards it is deemed okay for a given AZA facility to not meet. All of the zoological accrediting groups consider accreditation information proprietary - the only way we find out information about how a facility does during accreditation is if they choose to share it themselves.

On top of that, it’s complicated by the fact that last time I read them AZA had over 212 pages of accreditation standards and related guidance that facilities had to comply with. Now, AZA doesn’t accredit facilities if there are major deviations from their standards, or if there’s an issue on something important or highly contentious. So - based on my completely outsider but heavily researched perspective - this probably means that most zoos are in non-compliance with a couple of standards, but not more than a handful.

To make trying to figure this out even more fun, it is also important to know that AZA’s standards are performance standards: whether or not they’re “met” is based on a subjective assessment performed by the accreditation inspectors and the accreditation committee. This means that what qualifies as fulfilling the standards can and does vary between facilities, depending on who inspected them and the composition of the committee at the time.

So why do I care so much? Because when it comes to public trust, branding matters. AZA has gained a reputation as the most stringent accrediting group in the country - to the point that it can lobby legislators to write exceptions into state and federal laws just for its members - based on how they message about their accreditation program. How intensive it is, how much oversight it provides, what a high level of rigor the facilities are held to. That… doesn’t track with “well, actually, the vast majority of the zoos meet most of the standards most of the time.” People who support AZA - people who visit AZA accredited zoos specifically because of what it means about the quality of the facility - believe that accreditation means all the standards are being met!

To be clear: most AZA zoos do meet some pretty high standards. It’s likely that what are being let slide are pretty minor things. I expect it’s on stuff the facility can improve without too much hassle, and it might be that doing so is probably part of what’s required. There’s not enough information available to people outside the fold. But I will say, I don’t think any zoo is getting accredited despite AZA having knowledge of a serious problem.

Where I take issue with this whole situations is the ethics of the marketing and branding. AZA frames themselves as being the best-of-the-best, the gold standard, when it turns out that most of their accredited zoos aren’t totally in compliance, and they know and it’s fine. They seem to be approaching accreditation like a grade, where anything over a certain amount of compliance is acceptable. The public, though, is being fed a narrative that implies it’s a 99/100 pass/fail type of situation. That’s not super honest, imho, which shows up in how there’s zero transparency with the public about it - it goes unspoken and unacknowledged, except when it’s used for promotional gain.

And then, like, on top of the honesty in marketing part, it’s just… something that gets joked about, which really rubs me the wrong way. Like this statement from the media releases for the Cheyenne Mountain accreditation:

“Another of our ‘We Believe’ statements is, ‘We value laughter as good medicine,’” said Chastain. “To put this clean accreditation into perspective, when I asked Dan Ashe, AZA president and CEO, for his comments about how rare this is, he joked, ‘A completely clean inspection report is so unusual, and so unlikely, it brings one word to mind — bribery!’“

So, TL;DR, even AZA accreditation is designed so that their accredited zoos don’t have to - and mostly don’t - actually fully meet all the standards. I’d love to know more about what types of standards AZA is willing to let slide when they accredit a facility, but given the proprietary nature of that information, it’s pretty unlikely there will ever be more information available. AZA accreditation tells you what standards a zoo aspires to meet, what their approximate ethics are, and what political pool they play in. When it comes to the quality of a facility and their animal care, though, sporting an accreditation acronym is just a piece of the larger puzzle.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Veronica Lake (I Married a Witch, Sullivan's Travels)—her look is so iconic they used her as a visual model for jessica rabbit in who framed roger rabbit and a bunch of other femme fatale types in cartoons and live action alike. i didnt think i liked women and then i saw her in sullivans travels and said gee i hope this doesnt awaken anything in me! every role ive seen her in she absolutely oozes an aura of "i know people would ask me to step on them" and her EYES bro every photo ive looked at for this submission its like shes piercing thru time and space to judge me <3

Eartha Kitt (Anna Lucasta, St. Louis Blues)—My friend and I have a saying: NOBODY is Eartha Kitt. A thousand have tried, and they've all come up empty and will continue to do so. Everyone knows her for something: from "Santa Baby" to Yzma in Emperor's New Groove to Catwoman to making Lady Bird Johnson cry for the Vietnam War. She was a master of comedy and sex, an extremely vocal activist, and she aged like fine wine... I honestly don't know what I can say about her that hasn't already been said, so I'll stick to linking all my propaganda. Like what else do you want from me. She was iconic at everything she ever did. Literally name another. How can anyone even think of her and not want to absolutely drown?

This is round 5 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Veronica Lake:

Her HAIR, her FIGURE, her VOICE, the way she wore LEATHER AND SANG SONGS FOR NO REASON.

I don't believe there's a person on earth who can watch Veronica Lake in I Married A Witch and not be struck by how gorgeous she is. She had that youthful wonder about her that almost every Hollywood starlet was trying to achieve. Her hairstyle (peekaboo bangs) became an iconic Hollywood style after she popularized it, and made her signature look all the more suggestive. Also, witches are tumblrs favorite!

ICONIC hair sweep

The US government literally begged her to change her hairstyle because it was TOO HOT to handle and women who copied it were getting their hair caught in machinery

Her hairstyle was so iconic and popular that the war department had to come out with a PSA instructing lady ironworkers with ways they could pin their hair up to avoid it getting bound in machinery. [https://veteranlife.com/military-history/veronica-lake/]

She played a lot of femme fatale roles but my favorite is Sullivan’s Travels opposite Joel McRea, which is a comedy. She became famous for her hair style at the time—she wore it long and parted on one side so it would fall over half her face in a very sexy way. They called it a peek-a-boo I think. You’ve definitely seen Bugs Bunny dressed up like her, so I think if she’s being honored in such a way she’s very cool.

look at her

she's GORGEOUS in her little witch outfits that she wore for promos and also in the oversized coats and pajamas she wore throughout the movie...she's got RANGE

My Grandpa supposedly dated her in high school, he drove her to school in his car every day. This is legend in the family.

She has gorgeous hair, has got the smouldering look over the shoulder down PAT, and is just drop-dead gorgeous too!

Schizophrenic icon, popularized the peekaboo hairdo long before Jessica Rabbit

She’s just so prettyyyyy

So much hot in such a tiny package. She was no more than 5 feet tall, and some reports claim as small as 4'9"

If you picture a femme fatale in your head, almost certainly Veronica Lake had a hand in shaping the image you think of. She came to embody the look of the noir leading lady as well as the sound and the performance. Certified Noir Baddie.

Eartha Kitt:

"A hot vintage woman who was not just known for her voice, beauty, poise, and presence, but also her unapologetic ways of speaking about how she was mistreated in the show business as a girl who grew up on cotton fields in South Carolina in the 1930s through the 1940s coming to Broadway first and then Hollywood."

"Have you watched her sing?? Have you seen her face?? Have you heard her talk?? How could you not fall instantly in love. She makes me incoherent with how hot she is."

"She can ACT she can SING she can speak FOUR LANGUAGES she is a GODDESS!!! Although she is (rightfully) remembered for her singing, TV appearances (Catwoman my beloved), and later film roles, her early appearances in film are no less impressive or noteworthy!! She’s an amazing actress with so much charisma in every role. She was also blacklisted from Hollywood for 10 years for criticizing the Johnson administration/Vietnam War, so. Iconic. Also Orson Welles apparently called her “the most exciting woman in the world.”

"She had such a stunning, remarkable appearance, like she could tear you to shreds with just a glance- but the most undeniable part of her hotness was her voice, and it makes sense that it's what most people nowadays know her for. Nothing encapsulates the sheer magnetism of her singing better than this clip of her and Nat King Cole in St. Louis Blues, she pops in at 2:49. Also I know it's post-1970 but her song that was cut from Emperor's New Groove is likely to make you feel Feelings."

Even with as racist as Hollywood was in the 1950s and 60s, Eartha Kitt STILL managed to have a thriving career. She also once had a threesome with Paul Newman and James Dean, and called out LBJ over the Vietnam War so hard that it made First Lady Johnson cry. Eartha Kitt was talented, sexy, and a total badass activist.

[t1red-twilight]

just like heaven

summary: inspired by every conversation i have ever had. feel free to request this duo because i kind of love them

content/warnings: gn!reader, goth/alt!reader, fluff, corny:/

word count: 0.7k

masterlist s. r. masterlist

on one of the very rare friday nights that you and spencer had free, you both were catching up on your favorite show.

“what did you think if me when you first saw me?” at spencer’s inquiry, you paused. you hadn’t really thought of this; when you looked at spencer now, you felt the exact same way you did when you saw his favorite purple tie several years ago.

-

he was tall and thin, and his tie was purple and had a paisley pattern on it. the pattern clashed with his argyle sweater vest, but his shirt was a cohesive purple that matched the tie. while your shoes made you a few inches taller, he still towered over you slightly.

when you introduced yourself, he stuttered out his name and his academic achievements.

damn, you were really in for it this time. this tall stick bug with jesus hair might very well be the death of you.

-

“hmmm,” you traced shapes onto his arms that were around your middle. “i thought that you looked like the most pretty person i had seen. i still think that, by the way. but also that you looked too young to have three doctorate degrees.”

his cheek moved to rest against the top of your head and he exhaled out a breathy laugh. you shuffled impossibly closer to him. “yeah, i’ve heard that a couple times.”

the two of you settled back into watching the show again. following a pause, you asked him that same think. “well, what did you think of me when you first saw me?”

you swore that you could hear him mulling over what he was going to say in his head. “c’mon. did you think i looked like i was going to be mean and heinous and drink your blood or something?”

“well actually, i was quite alarmed, my love. i was a little scared, to be honest.” while you respected his honesty, this was a funny anecdote to you as you had been told this several times throughout your life.

“you thought that i was scary?”

spencer chuckled at this. you were laying on the couch as he held you. he looked away from the tv as he responded to you. “i didn’t think you were scary, per se, i was just scared of you.” he stiffened at the realization that he might be offending you.

worried that he had offended you, he rambled on. “i was quite sheltered growing up, so seeing someone come to work with platform loafers on and enough jewelry to make a tsa agent scream i was a little unnerved.”

“okay that may be a fair point, but you know i tone down the vampirism for work,” you replied. the tone you had gave spencer the impression that you were not, in fact, offended; he relaxed his stiffened posture. “my loafers aren’t even the most intimidating out of my shoes.”

he laughed at this, and his arms tightened around you, and he urged you to look at him.

“of course that didn’t last long. your dark garb doesn’t at all match your sweet personality.” not knowing how to respond to this, you didn’t respond further than a hum. you moved your hand to rub circles into his belly over his old gray fbi academy shirt.

“you know, it wasn’t just the demonias that were alarming, honey.” at your questioning look, he continued. “you do happen to be the most beautiful person that i have ever seen.”

“i am?” you peeled your eyes away from the tv to look at him quizzically.

very nonchalantly, he answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “of course you are, angel. i wouldn’t be telling you that if it wasn’t the truth.”

“well, i appreciate it, spence.” he looked at you as if you were being sarcastic. “i mean it, i’m flattered,” you smiled as you looked into his eyes.

he smiled back at you. “i mean it. you look like an old cathedral or something. daunting but alluring.”

“that is a huge compliment, even though the way you said it sounded incredibly pretentious.” you laughed lightly, replying without hesitating. “i think you look like a hot version of professor plum from clue.”

this got a full belly laugh from spencer. “i suppose i do wear a lot of purple.”

you both turned back to the television and continued your show.

“...wait, you think i’m pretty?”

[ultravi0lence14]

Stanford’s Favourite Drop Outs

sam winchester x fem!reader

2.3k | fluff

summary: you didn’t expect sam to up and leave school like that. you also didn’t expect to follow along and join him and his brother in hunting monsters. but that’s just how life rolls sometimes

it had been only a week since sam left college to be on the road with his brother, and you were starting to get antsy.

you’d met the younger winchester on the first day of classes, finding the freakishly tall man sitting alone on a bench while awkwardly nibbling on a sandwich. he seemed interesting, and you really didn’t have any friends at the moment, so you decided to go and sit beside him.

his name was sam, and he had gotten into stanford on a full ride scholarship in hopes to become a lawyer. you were quite fascinated by his achievements. albeit so was he when he found out you got in for chemical engineering.

the friendship you two shared blossomed from that moment, leading to a quiet night in your second year when sam sheepishly asked you to be his girlfriend. since then, you two have been inseparable. best friends who shared kisses and had a love for each other so deep, most people assumed you’d two would end up getting married.

that night last week, when the noise of someone creeping in through your’s and sam’s window had you stirring in your sleep and clutching a baseball bat while sam went and checked it out. the last thing you expected was for sam’s mysterious older brother dean to be right in front of you, not even trying to hide his wandering eyes on your chest.

while the brothers talked, you could sense some hostility, and you had a nagging feeling that sam was going to come back to you with information you weren’t going to like.

were you ever right. for when sam pulled you aside and explained he promptly had to leave with dean, you were inclined to push past your boyfriend and berate his brother on why leaving the state before an important interview was the stupidest thing one could ever do.

but sam promised you he’d be back, so you let him leave. kissing him on the cheek as you watched him descend down the stairs away from you, away from your little bubble the two of you had created.

two days turned into three, and three eventually turned into a week. you weren’t mad per se, you were just confused on why sam deliberately missed his interview. so you called him, and when he explained that he didn’t know when he was going to be back, that’s when you started planning.

you two called regularly, and when he slipped up and mentioned that him and dean were in some small town in massachusetts, your plan went into motion.

packing up all the clothes you could manage and cramming into your small, 2000 honda civic wasn’t what you had planned for pre exam season, but it would just have to do.

if you were being honest, chemical engineering just wasn’t doing it for you anymore. sam clearly wasn’t going to come back to finish his schooling, so what was the harm in following along?

the drive from california to massachusetts was brutal, but after multiple motel rooms and a questionable looking gas station in kentucky, you finally made it. spotting dean’s chevy impala in a diner parking lot almost made you burst into happy tears, relived that you made it and you were going to see sam again.

walking into the diner, you immediately spotted dean and sam sitting in a booth close to the back. sam was facing away from you, so as you got closer to the table, dean looked up and caught your eyes. his own bugging out of his head in shock.

what the hell were you doing here? how did you even find them, and why were you wearing two different shoes?

sam saw his brothers incredulous look, and turned around to catch a glimpse at whatever had him frozen in his seat. the second sam’s eyes fell on you he almost fell out of his chair.

“hi sammy!” you practically cheered, sitting down and squeezing into the booth beside your boyfriend. you couldn’t help but notice the look of pure shock on his face. was he not happy to see you? no, it was probably your hair. you hadn’t brushed it in almost 24 hours and it looked like a rats nest.

laughing aloud, sam reached over and wrapped you in a tight hug. bringing his face into the crook of your neck for some semblance of comfort. “holy shit Y/N, what the hell are you doing here?” you instantly hugged him back, relishing in his comfort while simultaneously trying to escape dean’s prying eye.

“yeah Y/N,” the older winchester started, grabbing a fry and munching on it as you turned to look at him. “what are you doing here? how did you even find us?”

his question was valid, so you answered him honestly. you explained how the knowledge of sam not coming back rained down on you, so you decided to come along for the ride. when sam asked what you were going to do about school, you explained your lessening lack of interest in your major, and how making random chemical concoctions was just going to be a hobby now.

reaching over and taking a sip of sam’s water, you smiled at both of the brothers as you wondered aloud the thought that had been racketing around your brain all week. “so, what are you guys doing here? i know sam said you guys ran a family business, but i never found out what it was.” the two men gave each other a look, almost having a conversation with their eyes. it made you nervous to say it lightly, looking between the two as you started biting on a hang nail. “what’s wrong?”

nervously laughing, sam reached over and grabbed your hand, squeezing it oh so lightly. “we should probably get back to our motel room.”

“so monsters exist, and you have been killing then your entire life. i just thought your dad ran a sketchy marketing scheme.” your stunned words had dean barking out a laugh, moving to the mini fridge to grab a beer and pass it over to you, which you accepted nicely and took a massive swig of.

already sitting beside you on the bed, sam gently stroked his hand up and down your back trying to calm you. “i know it’s a lot to take in honey, but just know all i want is for you to be safe.” you weakly smiled at him, almost instantly dropping it at his next words. “that’s why i think you should go back to california, continue your studies.”

quickly standing up, you placed yourself directly in front of sam’s vision. crossing your arms and attempting to make the most intimidating look you could muster. “are you fucking kidding me! i’m not leaving here unless you drag me out kicking and screaming.” you noticed dean awkwardly take a slow sip of his beer, but your boyfriends older brothers antics were the least of your concerns right now.

“i want to keep you safe.” sam started, standing up and towering over you. “this isn’t something i want to tangle you up in, and i would feel better knowing you are back at school finishing something you have worked so hard for.” he had put on his most lethal puppy dog eyes, but you weren’t going to fall for his charms, you were stronger than that.

huffing out a breath of air, you tilted your head so you could look sam straight in the eyes. “i made this decision sam, all by myself! i wanted to drive two goddamn day’s to see you again, i decided to quit something i started losing interest in to be by your side. going back to school and knowing you won’t be there is possibly the worst thing i can think of. so please, let me join you and your brother, and i swear i won’t mess anything up or get hurt. i will be careful.”

your small rant had sam stood silent, and had dean momentarily pause lifting the beer bottle to his lips. this is something you wanted, and sam would be completely lying to himself if he told you that he didn’t want you around.

gently brushing strands of your hair behind your ear, sam softly kissed your forehead as a boyish smile took over his face. “okay fine. but i am not giving you a gun and that’s final.”

the following hour, you and the brothers stood in front of an abandoned house, a shot gun with rounds of salt perched in your hand. sam huffed the whole time, telling dean that it wasn’t necessary for you to be wielding that thing. but dean just waved him off, telling his brother that he’d rather you handle a gun then get knocked on your ass.

sam explained to you that there was a spirit you guys needed to kill. but with the person being cremated — therefore no bones, you had to go and figure out what object it was latching onto.

walking into the run down home had a chill crawling up your spine. the musty smell in the air had you lodging a gag in your throat and you were pretty sure a rat just scurried past your feet.

dean motioned for you and sam to check the up stairs, so you followed your boyfriend up the rickety planks of wood which you were sure would give out underneath both of your guys’ weight.

as you followed sam into one of the bedrooms, you swore a chill danced in the air. which was strange, for you swore you were just warm a second ago. but your confusion turned to shock filled horror as the spirit of a woman came floating through the walls.

matted hair in a ponytail with a blood stained dress, this seemed to be your ghost. you couldn’t believe what was in front of your eyes, and sam nearly shit himself when he turned around to see you stood frozen with an angry looking ghost prowling towards you.

“Y/N! shoot!” he all but yelled, watching as you snapped out of whatever stupor you were in and raised the gun. your form was god awful, but sam didn’t care as your aim was pretty damn good.

your hands were frantic, trying to get your fingers to squeeze the trigger as the gun lurched towards you. when you swore the ghost was about to strike, the loud sound of the shot gun going off pierced your ears while the impact of the shot almost had you reeling back.

the ghost went up in tiny wisps of smoke, leaving you reeling as the aftershocks of what just happened finally set in. “holy fuck!” you exclaimed, holding the shot gun in one hand as the other clutched your chest. “that actually just happened, holy shit.”

feeling sam squeeze your shoulder, he followed up with a quick pat as he turned back to look for anything of importance. “don’t worry, that’s exactly how i reacted when i shot a gun for the first time. granted i was ten, but it’s okay.”

“what the fuck, you were ten!” sam didn’t even have time to answer your question as dean yelled from downstairs that he found something, having the two of you promptly leave the room as you went down the stairs to find dean.

he had acquired some old looking locket, deducing that it matched up with the story that him and sam had read on the ghost earlier today. with a quick shaking of salt and a garnish of lighter fluid, the locket was in flames, leaving you, sam, and dean to conclude that the ghost was gone forever.

the drive back to the motel was quiet, having a heavy silence hang over your small trio even as you all shuffled into the motel room. dean announced that he was going to shower, promptly leaving you and sam alone.

he followed you as you went to sit on the bed again, hands falling to your lap as you thought back to what the hell just happened. two days ago, the thought of ghosts and vampires was something you believed to be fake, a thought someone came up with that was portrayed in movies or tv shows.

but it was all real. and your sam, sweet sam who cried when you two watched the notebook for the first time, fought them all his life. you couldn’t believe what your world had come to, but knowing that you were spending to with sam was enough to ebb some of your worry.

the feeling of sam’s hand on the back of your neck broke you out of your thoughts. he had slowly started playing with your hair, twirling the strands in between his nimble fingers.

his ministrations stopped as you leaned into his side, wrapping your arms around his waist in a feeble attempt at a hug. he didn’t hold back in wrapping one arm around your waist and cradling his other hand on the back of your head, resting his chin on your shoulder as he breathed in your familiar scent.

“how are you holding up?” his question came out soft, almost as if he didn’t want to break the atmosphere you two had created. all you could respond back with was a mumbled fine, not having enough energy to articulate full sentences.

you felt sam breathe in air, pulling back from you soon after and letting his hands find the curve of your cheekbones. “i will always be here for you sweetheart, always.”

his words had you feeling safe, knowing that even though fighting the supernatural wasn’t ideal, you still had sam by your side.

smiling up at your monster hunter boyfriend, a thought quickly came to your head which had a short laugh coming from your mouth. “look on the bright side. at least we can both tell people we’re stanford drop outs now!”

sam couldn’t help the genuine laugh which spilled from his lips, having him shake his head and place a quick kiss onto your lips.

“always trying to look for good in a bad situation, aren’t you?”

“obviously! how would i function around you and dean?”

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Nighttime Nightmares - Kili Durin X Female Reader

Title: Nighttime Nightmare

Kili Durin X Female Reader

Additional Characters: The Company (the Dwarves and Bilbo) (Mentioned), townspeople (Mentioned), Smaug (Mentioned), Mr. Bramblethorn (Mentioned), Reader's adoptive and birth parents (Mentioned), and The Goblin King (Mentioned)

Requested by: @fuckyoumakeart!

WC: 2,163

Warnings: Nightmares mentioned, italics, alcohol/ale mentioned, Reader has adoptive parents (birth parents also mentioned), death mentioned, slight angst, and fluff

The night sky was littered with thousands of bright, brilliant stars. They shone down upon you, as if they were created just for your eyes only. They always brought a smile to your face. That was one of the many reasons why you loved taking night watch shifts. You were a bit of a night owl, as your friends and family back home used to say. Though, you also enjoyed mornings, sipping tea and eating a homemade breakfast in your garden. Mornings - sunrises - could never hold a candle to sunsets and the night. 

There was just something different - special - about sunsets. Sunsets constantly reminded you that tomorrow was a new day, that there would be a new day after the next, even though this might not seem like such a big deal to other people. For you, it felt magical. The sunset was a wonderful reminder that you were part of an endless cycle and that everything around you was changing constantly and eventually.

You didn’t live too far from the soft sandy beaches of Middle Earth, and you loved it, especially at night. The moon at the beach seemed larger than ever. And you couldn't wait to go home after helping reclaim Erebor, and to feel the cold salt-ocean waves washing over your feet once more. The wet sand made you feel grounded and free.

But, like most times, your daydreaming was interrupted. Usually, your daydreaming was interrupted by one of the Dwarves; your shift would then be over and you would find your spot in your bed roll near the fire, to get some sleep till morning. But tonight was different. Your head snapped over to Kili, who suddenly shot up from his bed roll. His breathing was heavy and labored as his eyes flickered all around him. 

His eyes then met yours, still wide and frantic, before they slowly calmed; softening. You didn't know what was entirely happening, but before you knew it, Kili was standing from his roll and walking over to the other side of the small camp; over to you. It was quiet, aside from the crickets and the wind brushing through the trees' leaves, and that silence that you usually found peaceful, turned into one that you wished to break as Kili wandered over to you, careful not to wake anyone up.

He stood beside your sitting figure, your body wrapped with your furs, and you looked up at him, confusion in your gaze. Wordlessly, you both exchanged words - something that he only seemed to achieve with you and his eldest brother, Fili - this something you found very comforting. Words spoken with gestures, facial expressions and subtle hints of meanings only you and him understood. You had grown accustomed to these exchanges between the two of you, and even more so to Kili's gentle touch when he reached towards you.

He sat beside you, after receiving your nod, and there you both sat, staring at the fire burning only feet from you. It was silent, minus the bugs and so one - as said before - but as you looked over at Kili, you frowned. Sitting beside you, the youngest Prince was fiddling with the stone from his mother, flipping the smooth stone over and over in his hands.

You could practically hear the gears in his head turning, and you wished to speak up, to ask him what was on his mind; most importantly, what had happened to have woken him up in such a manner that he felt the need to come sit by you. It must have been something terrible, terrible enough to spook the usually brave and bold Prince. You waited, patiently, waiting for him to tell you on his own time. 

He opened his mouth, a deep sigh leaving him, before he softly spoke up a moment later, "I had a nightmare."

You nodded, pursing your lips, "I had a feeling you did." You answered, "It must have been frightening."

Kili pursed his own lips, tucking the rock away, "It was." 

After a moment of silence, you spoke up, muttering, "Would you like to talk about it?"

"I'd rather not, at the moment, if you do not mind." He finally looked at you, your expression softened when your eyes met his brown eyes. 

They seemed to sparkle under the soft light of the shimmering stars and the blazing fire; you could make out the golden flecks in his eyes. Then, there, you remembered the burning affection that you had for the youngest Prince, something that only began to make itself known two months into the journey to Erebor. Something that you had no idea how long it had been developing. You thought that maybe it was when you first saw him. 

~~~

You didn't know much about your family, your parents. Your adoptive parents said that you were dropped off at their front door when you were just a wee bairn. All that you knew was that you were part Human and something else. You weren't completely sure, and for a big part of your life, you tried what you could to find out more about yourself. You read many books, reading all sorts of stories and myths. Sometimes, you thought you got glimpses of who you really were. But, you kept pushing yourself further. Reading more about what kind of person you were. Trying to understand. You never did truly get to find out what the other half of you was, and at this point of your life, you didn't care. 

But you lived in a small Human town, somewhere near Lothlórien. It was a small town, no more than a couple hundred people lived there. There were nice cottage-like homes, a mill, farms, a pub with bedding, and even a small lake that many of the young children - including yourself at the time - would play in.

It was peaceful. And it was just another perfect day when the wind changed. For the first time in a long time, there were travelers wandering through. You had heard the buzz from the somewhat nosy townspeople; their whispers and murmurs were like a plague, spreading from one person to the next, until the whole town had heard news of the strangers. 

At that time, you were working at the pub - being the owner, but you loved helping and bringing people their drinks. The room was dim, music playing, and drunks bumbling around, and talking about the newcomers. That's when you heard it all. You were initially intrigued. It had been a long time since someone new came to town. And to be honest, you loved your town, but it did become somewhat... Monotonous.

You didn't get to see these newcomers until they walked right into the pub. You were pouring old Mr. Lothar Bramblethorn's drink and the moment you saw Kili... Well, one minute the ale was being poured into the old man's mug, and the next, the mug was overflowing onto the wooden table. 

Mr. Lothar Bramblethorn's hand on your arm snapped you out of your staring. You immediately apologized, feeling terrible, but Mr. Bramblethorn was actually the sweetest old man, who would laugh and say that no, don't apologize. Helping clean up the table, you then rushed to serve the fourteen travelers that entered your pub. You gave them all your best smile, greeting them, your eyes meeting the Dwarf that had completely caught your attention and made you over-pour ale. 

Even in the dim light of your pub, you could fully make out his appearance. He had dark eyes, probably brown, you guessed. His curly hair was brown, that seemed to shine almost gold in the flaming lights. And while most, if not all the Dwarves, had beards, his was just a short stubble. Another thing that you noticed, was that he was somewhat tall for a Dwarf. And that growing smile of his... Eru... He was gorgeous.

Snapping out of your thoughts for the second time that night, you felt your cheeks flush in embarrassment, as you did your best to compose yourself and find a table for the thirteen Dwarves, and one Hobbit. Throughout the night, you made sure all their drinks were full, as well as their stomachs. It was astonishing how much of an appetite they all had. The seemingly leader of the group - a Dwarf that honestly intimidated you quite a bit - paid you a fair amount, for the food, ale, and sleeping quarters. Not long after, with their stomachs full, and bodies warm from the ale, they traveled up to the bedrooms on the second floor of the pub. 

Well, long story short, you had heard around the pub that they were traveling to Erebor, to reclaim their home from the terrible dragon Smaug. It might've been the monotonous town, the lack of excitement, or maybe it was simply that you yearned for adventure - change. But, by the morning - and a lot of convincing - you were the proud fifteenth member of The Company. 

~~~

Kili shivered, which was not usual for him, you noticed. Dwarves, you had learned, could withstand the cold; the chill of night. You frowned, deciding to speak, "Are you alright?" You asked softly, like a breeze through leaves, hoping to soothe his worries, and comfort him in any way you can.

His response to your question was immediate, as he looked at you, "I'm fine." He answered quickly, but his tone of voice was still laced with worry, "I thank you for your concern."

"Of course, Kili," You said, "If you need anything, I'm here."

He only shook his head, brushing his curly, brown bangs from his forehead briefly with a hand, "I do not want to burden you with my troubles."

With a sad look in your eye, you replied, "You will never burden me, Kili."

His brown eyes held yours as he looked straight at you. After a while, he turned away, his shoulders slumping down. "Thank you." Was all he whispered, quietly, but you still heard him. Once again, you gave him the time he wished for, to complete his thoughts, and it wasn't long until he spoke again, "Miss Y/N," He spoke up, making you look back over at him, from the stars. 

"Yes, Kili?" You asked, clasping your hands together in your lap, seeing the battle going off in his mind, it was evident on his face; the apprehension.

"May I... Ugh, please, nevermind me, Miss Y/N," He shook his head, embarrassed and flustered. It was obvious that he wanted to ask something of you, but couldn't bring himself to.

You took a chance and reached out with a hand, placing it over one of his. The contact made him stop in his tracks, looking down on where your hand touched his skin. He looked up, his gaze locking with yours. "Whatever it is, Kili, you can ask me."

He stared at you, a certain intensity in his eyes, before he nodded, letting out a breath. "Can you..?" He trailed off, but with the context, the nightmare, how tight he held your hand in return, and the look in his eyes, you knew what he was trying to ask. That connection between the both of you, once again, made your chest swell and your heart flutter. 

Opening your arms, he let out a sigh of relief, a small smile forming on his lips before he cuddled right into your side. His head found purchase on your chest, his arms lightly looped around your figure as your hand came up to gently rub against his back; your free wrapping the both of you in your furs. It was silent, once again, and you smiled. “Anything for you, Princey.” You muttered lightly, seeing just a hint of a smile as you looked down at him.

Kili finally shut his eyes, a small yawn leaving him, completely wrapped up in the scent that was so perfectly you. Finally, he could let himself relax, knowing that you were alive and alright. That nightmare, that awoke him in such a rush, was about you. The Goblin King had taken you, after the group had fallen right into a large trap. Kili could remember the fear in your eyes, the scream that left you as your body was being crushed in the Goblin's hands. Kili shuddered, squeezing his eyes tightly, trying to erase the memory of the nightmare from his mind.

He tried to pay attention to the way you rubbed your hand against his back, the soothing motions you made, the steady rhythm of your breathing, the warmth of your body pressed against his own. Kili felt himself beginning to calm down once again, his heartbeat slowing down, his breathing calming itself. Maybe he would tell you about his nightmare later down the road of the journey… Yeah, he’ll tell you everything another day... And, as Kili relaxed in your arms, he allowed himself to think back to when he'd met you, in that pub of yours. 

---

Main Masterlist | Lord Of The Rings/The Hobbit Masterlist

[dr3amfyr-e]

modern!jace thoughts ( wc. 600-ish )

i have a jace parasite living in my brain <3 i’m cooking up a part two ( i cooked it up )

jacaerys who studies literature and linguistics at university — on the pre-law track. he’s such a diligent student, a frequenter of libraries and study rooms. ( but he doesn’t really have to try that hard, it comes easy, it’s aggravating )

he lives in the nicest dorm on campus, probably private housing.

jacaerys who wears glasses :3 but only when he must, makes an effort to put contacts in every day. but some days are just glasses days. ( they’re the sliver squoval wire framed ones )

jacaerys who prioritizes hygiene, he’s so clean. (i’m a jon girl at heart, i can acknowledge that he is not squeaky clean. jace is squeaky clean) jace has a skincare routine and a haircare routine. he’s using olaplex and cerave and that super expensive moisturizer. he knows how to defuse and gel cast his curls, he’ll happily do yours too! i firmly believe he uses an electric toothbrush AND HE TAKES CARE OF HIS NAILS

jacaerys who attended a private school until university, and started playing competitive football ( ⚽️ ) at age 10. he plays in college too, but he’s not as serious about it.

lucerys attends the same private school and plays for the same team, so jace practices with him ( it usually ends with a physical altercation, think the sword fight scene ‘what. was. THAT?’ )

jacaerys who likes animals, and LOVES his dog. vermax lives at home while he is off at school, but when jace gets a place of his own the dog will come with. he walks him every morning and evening and takes him for runs most days over the summer. vermax sleeps in jace’s bed, and he takes up a good portion.

jacaerys who is SO oldest daughter coded. he’s driving his siblings around. taking joffrey to pediatrician appointments and picking him up from school. going to all of luke’s football games and rhaena’s violin concerts.

chronic over achiever, he has to be his mothers favorite daughter- what, who said that?

mama’s boy jacaerys who looks up to her more than anyone. he’s bragging her up to anyone who will listen: in his gender and women’s studies class like, “my mom is a ceo! 🙋” “my mom is married to a woman! 🙋”

he would defend his mother’s name with his life. he’s getting into fist fights at social events, ryan atwood style. ( no he’s not, but he really wants to )

jacaerys who can be mean. he doesn’t mean to be, he doesn’t want to be — he hates it. but the world he grew up in was exclusive, and cliquey, and competitive.

he’s good at controlling it, thinking before he speaks. because he’s not a mean person. he’s good, and kind, and gentle. but, it comes to the surface when he goes into defense mode.

he made luke cry once, and started journaling to channel his emotions.

english/history person jacaerys. he’s hopeless at helping his brothers with their math homework.

when his mother married his late grandfather’s former wife he started reading lesbian theory to cope. and he liked it! he borrows baela’s feminist theory books, they bookclub.

jacaerys who, unfortunately, does participate in performative reading. omg nooo don’t come talk to me while i’m reading didion and wearing pearls and mewing 🧏

jacaerys who has a really expensive digital camera and also a really expensive film camera. he likes to post his pictures on his instagram ( no one cares )

all of his social media accounts are private because he doesn’t want to be the internet’s next eligible bachelor.

jacaerys who cries when he’s frustrated.

jacaerys who tolerates his step-brothers, but not very well or with much enjoyment. he has way more in common with alicent than he’d like to admit ( quintessential horrifying step-child experience of being mistaken for your step-parents biological child ) he likes helaena, though! they’re kind of bestie

he separates puzzle pieces by colour for her and looks at all of her art and knows all of her favorite bugs. ( he’s always wanted a sister )

jacaerys who is a fantastic boyfriend ( i’ll get into this later ) (( i got into this ))

[castiwls]

slim pickins' .ᐟ

Paring; sam x reader

Prompt; 'A boy who's jacked and kind. Can't find his ass to save my life'

Requested; @valesevermore13

Notes; the writing bug is back!

Masterlist | short n sweet

“I seriously think I'm meant to be alone.” You sighed pressing a hand to your head as you sat down at the kitchen table. Sam glanced up pushing his coffee cup towards you smiling sympathetically. “Another bust?”

“That’s putting it lightly.” You scoffed taking a sip from the mug. The liquid was warm as you breathed in the smell for a moment, a smile of relief pulling at your lips. The dull pounding in your head from the one too many glasses of wine seemed to lessen slightly as you took another sip.

“I think I drank a whole bottle of wine and he was still a dull self-obsessed asshole. Your date had spent the whole night talking about himself and his own achievements in and out of the gym. Safe to say you’d tuned out within the first half an hour deciding that you would get a better conversation with a puppy than the guy in front of you.

“Dating sucks.” You nodded watching as Sam nodded with a sympathetic smile. “I really thought it would get easier when I got older! That maybe college boys would finally mature past the age of twelve but I guess I was wrong.”

Sam laughed quietly. “Hmm. Most guys don’t really lose that one-track mind.” He reached back for the coffee cup. “Deans a prime example.” He teased taking a sip. You huffed a laugh. “Dean gets a pass because I’ve seen him hold a long-term relationship.”

“Once.” Sam rebuttled placing the mug down. “My brother has had one real long-term relationship.”

“Haven’t you also only had one?” You narrowed your eyes for a moment, watching as Sam’s eyes widened for a moment. He pursed his lips tapping his hand on the table. 

He’d had more than one long-term relationship.

“I've had more than one, during high school for example.” He hummed watching as you levelled his gaze, challenging him almost. “High school doesn’t count.”

He hummed. “Fine I’ve had one real relationship but it’s not exactly like what we do allows us to stay in one place.” He had a point. It’s not like he hadn’t been trying either. Everyone but you seemed to notice the huge crush he’d had on you since the moment you’d both met.

Sure he’d met girls he liked but none of them could ever sway the feelings he had for you. Yet you seemed blissfully unaware. You continued to find guys who you knew weren’t worth your time, and you went out with them and missed the looks that Sam had been sending you consistently.

Maybe it was selfish to say he was the better option. But he knew he was. 

You nodded. “Hmm. I guess.” Sam smiled finishing off his mug before standing. “You want one?”

You nodded. “Milk-”

“Two sugars. I know.”

He turned back to the counter and you paused. He knew how you took your coffee? Why did Sam know that? Even the last guy you’d been ‘seeing’ didn’t know that. Shaking yourself out of your suprise you glance to where he’d been sitting. You reach over to pull the book towards you, your eyes scanning it for a moment.

It’s another lore book. You scan it for a moment before a cup is placed down besides you. “Thanks.” You smile looking up. Sam hummed looking at the book for a moment. “You mentioned that case in Jones town.” He nods to the book. “I looked into it further, it’s probably another vamp. The killings line up and they all seem to be connected.”

You hum. “I forgot I’d mentioned that.” You frown looking back down to the book. In doing so you miss the slight blush which dusted his cheeks. You’d forgotten but he hadn’t.

Clearing his throat he placed his own mug down. “I guess you were busy with Tommy.”

“Yeah. But that’s over now so!” You shrugged. 

You both lapsed into a comfortable silence for a few moments, Sam shifting on his feet as you read over his notes. You were quiet as you read. Occasionally pausing to re-read something he’d written before carrying on down the page.

He watched in an almost trans-like state. Even first thing in the morning you were still beautiful, hangover or not. His hand idly clenched and unclenched into a fist as he rocked on his heels.

“Do you wanna go on a date.” 

A stunned silence followed as you both processed what he had just said. Sam’s eyes went wide as your hand which had been going to grab your mug stilled.

Surely you’d heard him wrong. Sam Winchester was not offering to take you out on a date. 

After the shit show of last night, you’d promised yourself to stay away from guys. Finding one that had any sort of emotions and basic brains seemed impossible. “I uh…forget I said that - I don’t know why I said that.” Sam stuttered, a hand rubbing the back of his neck as he silently cursed himself. 

Way to make things awkward.

“Are you saying that out of pity or because you genuinely want to do that?”

Sam paused at your response. You weren’t saying no and that had to be a good thing. Right?

“Not out of pitty, deffently.” He laughed slightly trying to find the words. “It’s just...I guess we don’t have much option and most of the guys in this town seem…”

“Self-obsessed?” You smiled.

Sam huffed before nodding. “That’s one way to put it.” He fell quiet for a moment before taking a breath. “You deserve at least one good date.” He frowned slightly. 

“Your choices might seem extremely limited but there are good guys out there.”

You hummed. “It’s just finding them.”

Sam smiled again taking his seat opposite you. Maybe you’d been looking in the wrong places and in turn, missed the one decent guy who wanted to give you the relationship you’d been craving.

“I think I’ll take you up on that date.”