#but ive lost it which sucks
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Premium Tumblr themes are available from anywhere between $9 to $49.
Text
my brain at 9pm spinning the wheel to see if it lands on "someone please objectify me so i feel wanted without commitment", "why has no one in my entire life ever like-liked me and what am i doing wrong", "calories are the problem and i need to lose 20kg immediately", or "im literally the hottest person ever"
#im on my period and its post 9pm so i cant trust it. but alas.#when will wood said “oh wont you please objectify me? im just a hunk a hunk of burning self loathing” i felt that in my BONES#not naming names but someone brought up like. what a healthy waistline for a woman is and i SCRAMBLED to find my tapemeasure-#but ive lost it which sucks#UGHHHHHH. I JUST WANNA BE WANTED. THATS ALL.#idk how to tag this uhmmmm#tw ed implied#< that should do it.?#beverly says stuff#this is all /gen but /lh
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Cheers Ratio, to our continued collaboration~🥂
#art#fanart#honkai star rail#hsr#aventurine#dr ratio#veritas ratio#aventio#ratiorine#i meant to finish this back in march but oops#gonna be more obnoxious with my watermarks since SOMEBODY keeps messing with the soc media im most reliant on while ive lost my job#and unfortunately just cutting it out cold turkey isnt feasible which SUCKS...
327 notes
·
View notes
Text
came to my gran's today to find she hadn't even gotten out of bed. called around some, ended up going in anyway and spent two hours sitting on her floor with the dogs in bed with her. november is always rough for all of us, but not having a dog anymore took the last out of her, i think. this is a woman who's never cried in front of any of us, not even in my dad's or uncle's funerals, but talking about eddie really choked her up. can't even blame her.
#she seemed a little perkier when we left and we're going back next sunday#she was completely clear headed too which#hasnt been the case the last few times ive seen her#and while i was out with sparty she did get up to bribe troj with treats so#all is not lost#but man. it really does suck getting old
20 notes
·
View notes
Note
months post the rat’s death (s*kuna) and yuuji is healing from the fight’s trauma you guys have your first “night” together and it’s the most relief and pleasure he’s ever felt in his life like the shudder and gasps he’d be letting out walk with me
i’m walking with you…. it’s probably one of the few times he actually finds himself speechless and he’s oddly embarrassed about it, he feels like he should have something to say, should probably have the words to tell you how he feels when he’s balls deep inside of you for the first time, should probably open his mouth to ask you if he’s doing okay, if it’s too much, if you’re uncomfortable, he’s never really had his dick inside anyone before but it probably could hurt—but he can’t. he doesn’t have any words, he’s literally never felt such intense pleasure before in his life and every time he opens his mouth to say something, anything, only moans spill out, every time he has a single breath of clarity to form a coherent thought he’s overwhelmed by the reality that you’re underneath him and he’s inside of you and you’re alive and it all amounts to a mush and a gasp and he doesn’t realize how hard he’s holding on to your wrists or how raw your skin is from his biting to stop himself from moaning or how bruised your lips are from kissing and biting and sucking and the only words yuuji has probably been able to say all night is how he needs more
#anonymous#sigh............................ dream boy : (#the Yuuji Canonverse AU in my head is reader being a second-year and ive acc thought about the post-sukuna defeat celebration#for a moment but i like what ur putting down anon#also i think.... i think he's so lost in it for a while like he didnt realize just how intense n stressed n angry he was before sukuna died#but when he does hes actually in a weird state of limbo for a while and ur like :( what can i do to help#and yuuji doesnt know bc for so long he's had the objective of ending sukuna and keeping u safe#and now what... do u still need him? is sukuna even really gone? are the higher ups gonna kill him anyway? what purpose does he serve now?#very :( baby :(( but also i think if u got concerned and rambled to someone theyd be like have u considered sucking him off LMFAO#which ends up being a bit.... more than that and turns out yuuji just feels everything intensely and at 110%#just needed a kickstart to remind him of that 😇#yuuji x reader
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐
#i was supposed to go in yesterday but um#so basically i did whatever training i was never even aware existed on a platform i was never told of#which has progress for every lil step i do so my manager literally could see i hadnt even logged on n couldve warned me any time#but never did 4 some reason. like even a days notice like heyyy have u gotta blah done n not as im abt to exit to work#BUT ANYWAYS so i tell her i got it done n shes like awesome i make new schedule (since she said we have 2 completely rid the old one#i dont get an update until 4 days later. all she did was add THREE training days (im supposed to have 6 cus it's a hard job)#on TOP of my old schedule. so i have 3 days i know are training days and then a solo day bcs that solo day was going off my old schedule#so it's like. which days do i go on then. bcs u said i cant come in at all bcs we'll have to make a completely new schedule#and then the new schedule is just. 3 added days. on top of my old one#sunday i was scheduled for training & there was No trainer scheduled with me. it was just me#sunday wasnt one of the 3 new days added. it was from the old schedule she literally told me to ignore#n then all a sudden today i get an email from someone who was supposed to be training me (name not even on the schedule tho)#n shes like hey im in the building are u lost or smthing :)?' mind u im asleep . so she probably thot she was wasting her time for a good hr#i emailed her an apology n an explanation but UGH r u fucking serious?? IF I KNEW THAT WAS A (NEW) TRAINING DAY I WOULDVE WENT#I JUST WANT TO GET USED TO THIS NEW THING & IT'S JUST GETTING FUCKED LIKE I DONT EVEN HAVE A BADGE YET BRO#like i was suspicious of going in sunday bcs it wouldve lined up nicely with the 3 added training days#but manager TOLD me she was adding a whole new training schedule! i double check n all she added were THREE days! thats it!#how was *i* supposed to know sunday was supposed to be 1 of those days when ive been staying at home ignoring the schedule u said 2#BCS U SAID 2. AND ALSO. THERE WAS NO TRAINER ON THE SCHEDULE.#even tho the drive is far. i wouldve driven up there today to see if i could shadow if i had known there was someone to shadow there#bcs even if i was wrong abt the day 2 come in at least i wouldnt waste my time but i didnt even know if there was someone there with a#trainer title. so i just missed a day i didnt even know i rlly had. FOR NOTHING. UGHH. I FEEL SO STUPID. I HATE MISCOMMUNICATION#im so scared of coming in now. sverybodys gonna think im dum n what if i have issues training then theyre gonna be like#we spent all this time on bro n he had all this time 2 prepare n he still sucks like damn we should just give up#i would 2 but i hate not seeing things to completion so. ugh. hate it here. idk what 2 say. EMBARRASSING#i hate miscommunications i hate feeling stupid
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#oh lads. lads. lads. lads. im being sucked back into the world of academia#i dont even kno what happened. a week ago i was crying bc i was like: this is impossible. i simply cannot do this.#and then i went into the lab sunday and miraculously i was able to easily read some papers. like i dont kno how to discribe how baffling it#was. like reading papers is like pulling teeth and this was somehow easy. i think maybe it was bc i let myself get distracted and wander#thru it. and then after that i got so much done this week and i was tired but having fun. and like the thing is: i fucking love evolution#it's like puzzling out the code for life in both a metaphical and literal sense. its fucking incredible. and my project is also very#interesting. if a bit intimidating in its scope. ya kno. just in the way photosynthesis is generally intimidating#but i think i have a strain thats lost chlf which is really interesting and my advisor said we might have the money to try some crispr for#my cyano children. hypothetically. maybe. and i get to do some poking around in genomes. theres so so much to love there#how could i possibly want to do anything else? and yet. and yet. here at the end of the week im so wrung out and i kno i just have to start#again on sunday and i kno im gonna have to step it up in terms of reading if i want to make it through a committee meeting and proposal#defense. not to even mention a comprehensive exam. and what do i get at the end of all this? a lifetime of academia draining my life away.#bc what i do is so academic. so whats the point? its just so frustrating.#and on top of that ive got all this data from my old lab that i kno i have to work on. and i will. i will. but with what time?#anyway the point is. i can see a path forward now where i stay here and decide the pain will be worth it despite not knowing where im going#after that. im just so tried#but right now it feels like im gonna stay until someone kicks me out#but that doesnt exactly make me feel happy. ugh. but if i stay i want to get my old pi to come here and give a seminar. ill warn her how#intimidating the department is tho. we've had 2 talks in the last 2 weeks that were... not good. particularly the one this week#like she couldnt answer a single question they thru at her and didnt seem to kno her data sets. it was hard to watch. anyway. i just want#to see my academic mother again. send me back to the desert! let me rot in a field full of sage#but send me back to the hills of an older mountain range. where i can climb sandstone cliffs and lay in carpets of moss. except i wouldnt do#that bc of all the ticks and threat of lyme disease...#anyway. im still tired. still sad. and there doesnt seem to b a way out#unrelated
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Been a little stressy but hopefully things start looking up
#im gonna get back to all my messages and asks now in the next hour#my partner lost his job#and my company is likely shutting down this month#so its been a bit hectic and panicky#especially since we have rent to pay and an upcoming lease renewal#i had my tattoos booked for next month but will see if i'll have to cancel them or not which would majorly suck because ive been waiting fo#a year now#but also cant be spending my rent money if im out of a job on tattoos#hopin i get a interview for this role a recruiter suggested me for
42 notes
·
View notes
Text
Some of the stuff ive been spinning on the handmade supported spindles. That bigger green skein was done on my largest handmade supported spindle, and i think i could have fit quite a bit more on there, so im really pleased with that. Obviously nowhere near what i can fit on a bobbin on my wheel, but theres trade offs with everything.
#handspun yarn#spinning#supported spinning#such a long night at work#by migraine meds are sort of cancelling out my muscle relaxants which are the main way i can fall asleep#so ive been up 20 hours 😔 and had a migraine the whole time#idk with the higher dose of sumatriptan it definitely dulls it but it also makes me sick as hell#which is better than a full migraine but good god it does suck right now#trying to juggle everything with half a migraine no sleep and puking up most of what i eat is. hard.#i dunno man. its hard.#glad i have fiber arts. i think without it i would be hopelessly lost#chronic illness
49 notes
·
View notes
Text
need at least 1 person to be mentally ill with in the dms about my own writing perhaps then ill be able to publish something
#its sooooo pathetique but unfortunately being that im in a 2 year ongoing Rut i kind of uh. need the external stimuli here.#plus its nice to have someone to bounce ideas with & also just care in general yk. ive got whole fics that basically just happened bc i had#a conversation w someone who could 'yes and' with me for a bit#2019 was a good year for this for me personally#very productive i had so much fun#losing it sucked lmao i just dont feel as comfortable speaking my ideas anymore#i still think theyre good. i keep plotting things in my head but they never make it past the draft#IF we get to a concrete draft at all lbr#idk how to explain it. i enjoy what i make i find it interesting but sharing has kind of lost its shine.#a lot of the people i was hanging with then moved on which is what it is + i dont think we were as close as we were in my head anyway#but ive become way more conscious of dominating spaces#idk i just miss it. i feel like everything im doing is a solo project these days#its very lonely#easy to lose steam also when i dont have much energy to start with#but mostly just very lonely.#playing dolls with myself etc etc etc its fine when its voluntary but when its not.#well. its Not.#lol.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think the point of a university-level education is a bit lost on some of my course mates...
#things are not going to be spoon fed to you you will have to do your own research#seek out your own education guided by lectures and assignments#relish that freedom instead of lamenting it!!#some of these assignments are actually good and ive been able to tailor them to my interests#like rn im learning about the uses of bracken in ancient scotland!#i just did a whole project on tomato grafting (i love solanaceae - tomato family) and whilst it was hard i did enjoy reading about it#we had some mini essays to research and they were so interesting to research and fun to write because one of them was a comparing two#articles and one of them was really bad so it was fun to rip it to shreds and actually apply the knowledge we've been accumulating in class#but i think the point of doing all this is lost on some of them#which is a real shame#maybe im just a nerd?#i very much have the benefit of doing a degree before this so maybe im being harsh#but saying that assessments suck doesnt make them any more interesting#also we have so much free reign over topic that if it sucks it's kind of on you a lil bit#though i will admit some of the assignments are stupid
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
good lord William's voice does so much to me. like it's not fair how down bad I am solely because of his voice
#when i was a kid i could imagine any voice saying any phrase i wanted but ive lost that skill as an adult#which sucks so bad#how am i supposed to be properly insane about him#i havent animated in so long but i need to animate something to his voice
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yet another beautiful day to have the Maxwel tag blocked (can't see half of the posts in the Wendy tags)
#rat rambles#starve posting#maxwell posters have lost any semblance of tolerance from me ages ago Ive yet to meet a maxwell fan who's just like a normal person#and to clarify I actually do like maxwel as I am the number one just some asshole whos in too deep enjoyer#but dear god are ppl just absolutely incapable of being normal abt this man and everyone around him#and even beyond that ppl just do not get this man like please he is indeed interesting but not because of some 'retconed redemption'#like pls we can live in a world where he is not an irridemable monster and is in fact just some guy while also still being a flawed person#like the fact that he is so deeply flawed in ways that he never actually properly adressed and challenged is the interesting thing to me#like look at me. he went through horrible shit he didnt deserve. that didnt inherently make him a better or worse person#it just made him a more miserable person#and he didnt escape because of some change of heart or character development#and afterwards he teamed up with wilson because of necessity#I do think on some level he genuinely cares abt the other survivors and he does have genuine regret for how things turned out#but again those things dont inherently mean he moved past the flaws that got him here it just means he has the ability to recognize that#shit sucks and that he wish none of it happened#its why encore is one of my favorite animations from a character perspective because it shows some juicy charlie and maxwell stuff#mainly it shows both that charlie has not forgiven his ass and is manipulating him and that maxwell is still susceptible to it#which isnt a sigh of them rolling back development it's just a sign that maxwell is easy to manipulate with the right cards#which adds up considering his past and his present very well in my opinion#this is a man whos historically always ran away from his problems and is always on the hunt for a sense of control#and charlie tapped into both that and his ever present guilt#its in fact very unsurprising and not out of place for him to fall for that sort of manipulation#and it also makes for a great set up for the inevitable betrayal from charlie as maxwell is hit by the harsh reality of his situation#and that whole situation would lead to some yummy tasty parallels when charlie inevitably gets betrayed herself (I hope)#the ways charlie and maxwel are so similar yet so different facinates me deeply I love how much charlie doesnt realize shes kinda fucked#I want her to be betrayed so hard and left in the dust with no ground to stand on I want the rug pulled out from under her feet#her composition comes from her confidence in the necessity of her actions and the moral superiority she feels over maxwell#so having her sense of superiority be revoked would make for a super fascinating dynamic as she tries to justify the situation in her head#I wanna see her siral and then maybe change her pronouns idk
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
well folks its been a good two months of denial but i am finally ready to admit that the reason everything sucks is because of major depression relapse. if i werent so depressed id make this everyone elses problem by projecting it on to blorbo but alas
#taylor.txt#incapable of making this not a joke but i do have to say it kinda sucks#like obviously ive never been 100% free of my depression probably on account of it developing when i was a Child and then not getting any#treatment or even really any sympathy for until i was in my late teens but. BUT. even my historic mental breakdown 2 years ago didnt really#feel like depression. like yeah i was sad and hopeless but this is very different. sad and lethargic more so. simply too tired to be lost i#despair. which is i guess a good thing because it means its easier for me to fix. its just that right now im kinda stuck in it#i dont know if id say ive experienced major depression since my first year of uni#thats why ive been denying it all this time despite it being pretty…glaringly obvious#anyway. good news is im meeting with the prof of one of the classes im currently failing this week#and now i guess i kind of have an idea of what to tell her because all this time ive been struggling and i havent understood why#the content makes sense. i understand whats going on. but my memory has gotten so bad recently and the energy required to do my assignments#has been way too much. and im past my limit on that at this point unfortunately. like yeah shes probably gonna tell me well that sucks but#theres nothing i can do to save your grade and thats fine but at least i know even if it was a Me Problem that i let myself get depressed#again in the first place being actively depressed is a major barrier that i at least know isnt 100% me being an idiot with a bad attitude#i will struggle to the finish line but i will make it there. even if i fail a class or two in the process#and regardless of if it gets better i will finally go see my therapist again in the new year </3 something obviously led to this so whos to#say it wouldnt happen again if i just let that fester. whatever it is#also writing has been tough for the same reason school has been tough but its still happening and i will do more of it when school is over#i PROMMY
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
very deeply sorry to the experienced player who guided me through the fire trial while i was dressed as a moth post-eden for fun and was probably...... surprised to see me cycle through various elder hairs/ultimate rewards and the 1st anniversary party hat while lighting my friend candle afterwards
#i told them that i always get lost during the fire trial. which is true.#and that ive never completed it without anyone else helping. which is true#genuinely i just suck at that trial#ooc#sol talks#thatskygame
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
bought myself house of leaves as a late christmas gift and finished it last night at like 4am in a haze. oh my god .bro . holy shit
#voice of god#genuinely new favourite book#i was like damn this christmas sucks im going to do something nice for myself and get a book ive wanted since fucking my house.wad#which will fuck me up in an expected way and be cool right#it fucked me up in an unexpected way .#its very fucking good tho#i read parts of it on call which was funny because the commentary from the peanut gallery was mostly just ''uh oh'' or ''thats normal''#but for the most part it was alone in my pitch black room which did not contribute to any sense of security#tldr book rules maybe dont read it if you have delusions about reality and getting hunted#which is a warning i did not follow myself whatsoever#anyway. what was i saying#good book would get lost in that house again . justice for tom navidson god dammit#i have more to say i just need to like stew in my thoughts. this post is inadequate
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
its so weird how id been seeing the same therapist for like yrs so ofc ive talked abt intrusive thoughts n my whole deal etc n then i talk to 2 different mental health professionals (different therapist while mine is taking time off + psychiatrist for trying meds again) n both of them are instantly like oh well yea buddy thats ur ocd!!
#p#like alejdk idk my original one had never called it that but it does make sense#i think cuz i dont have lots of (external especially) compulsions that i notice it was hard to wrap my mind aroind it#like my dad n brother have it im sure n its like more what i expect thinking of ocd than like. me n my stuff#i know ppl have different opinions on getting stuff diagnosed or not (idk if they wrote it down all official or what but still)#but its helpful n comforting to me at least. if id never gotten the autism one officially id never be sure i have it#n its kinds nice to especially for ocd be able to look at it as a different thing from myself n how i feel n think#the therapist ive been seeing (might keep seeing tbh ive rly liked her) has said its important to put a space/distance#between me n The Thoughts. which is meant to make it feel less like how i usually do if smth gross/awful comes up#like that im evil n will hurt ppl/secretly want to etc#but thinking of it as this almost separate entity is meant to help w that#like ya theyre in my brain n they suck n cause me distress n theyre not My thoughts in the sense that im intentionally havinh#them or want them#lost track of what this post was but w/e idc aldjdk
2 notes
·
View notes