#but it's probably the cptsd

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

[friendlycursedspaceotter]

she’s an artist. she’s got DID and it’s not villainized. her armor is a bunch of tiny freaks in a trench coat. she’s good friends with one sword and traumatized another as a child but they are rebuilding that relationship. she infiltrated the mafia. her husband supports trans rights and I think she does too but this hasn’t been confirmed and probably won’t be for at least 3-5 years in our timeline. probably more. she needs therapy but was probably one of the reasons it was invented. she’s also ginger. I’m not saying who it is but you know who it is.

[spookietrex]

[sucrecube9]

I think part of the reason I find games like Disco Elysium or Slay the Princess so interesting to me is because my brain has always felt a little fractured like that. Little parts, segments different enough that it's like multiple "people" having a "conversation" but they're still part of one whole, not enough to be seperate beings. They're part of the same idea, the idea of you, but they're still seperate. So close yet so far. They are different pieces in the same puzzle. They are different words in the same sentence. They are all different people with the same face and body and voice and idea of a person. I'm rambling here because it's such a specific feeling that's so clear to me because I can feel it but it's so difficult for me to put into words!

When the Voice of the Hero talks, it's hard to say that's not you/the player in Slay the Princess. It's part of you. A fragment. An echo. But the same can be said of the Voice of the Paranoid, or the Voice of the Smitten! They're all so different, yet they're still part of whatever the hell "you" is!

To end this, I generally have become a really big fan of fiction where you can see the seperated pieces that make up a person, taken apart like a computer you're trying to fix, because for a big part of my life that's how I have felt and I am unsure if there will ever come a day when the parts are put back together into one working machine. Maybe I will have to make do with being dismantled.

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

friends I am at the end of my rope here, does anyone know any resources for someone who needs to see a doctor to address unknown chronic illness, but cannot bring themselves to do so no matter what they try, because of very deep-seeded phobia/panic/medical trauma?? (in case it matters, I’m an adult in Ohio in the U.S.)

but just to be clear I don’t mean “how do I reduce stress and panic when I go”

but rather

“how do I bring myself to actually go in the first place?”

“how do I find a doctor that will respect these issues and take me seriously rather than reinforce my fear/panic/etc”

“are ‘patient advocates’ real and can I get one if I’m neither wealthy nor on some fancy insurance plan?”

etc etc etc.

Any help at all (answers/insight/resources/relevant anecdotes of your own experiences/etc) would be immensely appreciated but thank you just for reading this far either way!!! <3

[irukasito]

there is something so real about kakashi being so fucked up mentally and emotionally and just vibing regardless. yeah his dad killed himself and his friends died (one by his own hand) and he lost two of the few people he loved in the same night and gave his youth to an organization that was slowly stripping him of his humanity and a hundred other misfortunes that would push anyone to the brink and left him so riddled with guilt he was constantly ready to sacrifice himself as penance. but he also just reads his porn and gets silly and helps old ladies and takes it easy. the duality of man.

[maddreax]

Saw Yukio hate and immediately blocked them.

[tazmiilly]

i actually have a journal I've been sporadically writing to myself in since I was in 5th grade... with all the memory loss it's weird realizing that I was a real person back then. it's odd.

[leviathiane]

Killua's genuinely, at least lowkey, traumatized by nen. He's never known what it was or that it had a name, but that oppressing feeling of danger has been curdled into an innate fear with his brother's face in his head. When faced with it again, even against an opponent below his equal in terms of strength and experience, his trauma overwhelmed him.

[synf3ll]

sometimes i feel like i don't interact with the selfship community as much as i like, but tbh i have a very small social battery and as much as i'd like to write imagines and respond to prompts again, i just don't have the energy

[osddid-i-do-that]

Really fucked up how, when you’re triggered, you still have to sit there like

Look i am on my best behavior 🥹 I am ignoring all my instincts and coping mechanisms 😘 I am being so normal rn 🥴

Except you can’t even say THAT because you’re just supposed to Not Have Those Reactions so bringing attention to how well you’re doing isn’t acceptable, either.

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.

[aurangg]

I don’t want to be perceived or understood or feel exposed, I want to remain a mystery to people. I want you to not know who or what I am.

Even the idea of a medical record where doctors can see what I’ve been to the doctors for previously is too exposing. You know too much about me, and I don’t like that. By that alone, I perceive you as a threat.

[lycankeyy]

"You know if you just plainly communicate what you need right now I doubt anyone will actually think you're selfish" haha well. Here's the thing. *walks into the fog and never returns

[aloyssobek]

guess who is getting an adhd diagnosis (pending collateral history from parents) and also has cptsd and also probably asd. and bpd traits but that's less of an issue

[malkaleh]

I keep trying to update about everything and I keep crying. Like, it’s better but it’s Not Better in all honesty but also you are all far far lovelier to me than my brain tells me I should be treated

(Long story. I got a huge huge scary triggered by the new place I’m moving to, it is absolutely something fixable but it was really bad)