#but it seems like no one does that and it doesnt *make them* bad people. it just doesn't prevent them from that happening either
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it was just going to be a few warmup doodles but then she infected the rest of the page like the ever eternal and spreading spores. hod!!! hod. hod :)
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#hod#hod lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#I GUESS i almost forgot i drew her box form#lobcorp spoilers#and michelle actually. ..#both very tiny. itty bitty. microscopic#other sephirah there too as normal. i cant have her alone. and Angelina as well on the top patting her#i have a hard time fully capturing her for some reason. in my mind. maybe its because is the disconnected period!!! mentally#she genuinely wishes to care and be kind yet theres a dissonance with what she does..? or how it ends up being taken or what she does to en#up bringing those actions into reality. she can be forceful? wanting to have employees attend therapy sessions and meetings for suppression#tactics. which i think is also something the safety team is incharge of iirc. so that means shes doing way more that what she needs to on#her job as a sephirah. just for the sake of employees#she really does care as shes one of the only to Directly attempt to change their circumstances and quality of life and health#sure chesed doesnt punish employees when they dont do their work assigned or stress them out with work#but he doesnt actively push to attempt to make changes to aid employees besides the research perks which is to the manager#yesod IS right next to her and does also genuinely care but when it comes to employees hes distant at best when it comes to them and the#way he tries to protect them is by enforcing rules but he doesnt really create or attempt to help them like hod does#yesod is sort of a passive? way of doing it. yes he doesn make a push to enforce said rules but he doesnt make new ones. just follows what#is already there in place. hod tries to make new ways and not just for the safety of people like how yesod's has them physically fine and#not letting them over a certain threshold of mental corruption but she tries to have a program to Directly Address such a thing#its born out of care but the genuine worry of being a good person and her naivety ends up having it do more harm than good#sure there may be some employees that actually like and find it useful but so many are just accepting to their fate of Dying to where#her care seems pointless. shes a sephirah and to them a literal metal box why would they go ahead and feel bad for what an 'ai' is feeling#as she is interrupting their free time in the company#which is rude. and shit. iirc the counseling is compulsory but people go because shes a sephirah and their superior. the thought was there#but again it comes off wrong and ends up not working because shes their superior in the end#EEK!!! yeah... hod. the hod. there is WAY more but i can't fit it all here and i already typed enough
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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Currently trying not to vomit over the fact that I essentially just lost almost a thousand dollars brb
#why me. why is it always fucking me am I just not allowed to have good things WHAT have I done to earn this kinda karma#my stupid fucking idiot roommate decided to resign the lease at the complex so I naturally contacted the landlords like hey. how does that#work with the security deposit cuz I paid that years before she even moved in do you guys need to come inspect the place after I leave#and they were like oh no ☺️ it just carries over to her. and I’m like. so. so even though I am not living here nor am on the lease#whether or not I get NINE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS BACK hinges on this JACKASS not wrecking the place???? actually not even then because say#she DOESNT wreck the place when she moves out TURNS OUT the deposit goes to her cuz it’s her name and account attached to the fucking#apartment and I’m just left sitting here like how. how is that fucking fair how does that make fucking sense I have to trust that she doesnt#ruin the place OR GET FUCKING EVICTED BECAUSE SHE HAS NO JOB AND NO WAY TO PAY RENT and then also trust her to just give it to me when she#moves out. I’m actually sick I’m actually gonna fucking throw up and the landlords were like yes exactly ☺️ perhaps you could work something#out with her and she could buy you out of it and I’m just like. she doesn’t have a job she still hasn’t paid me for LAST months utilities#let alone this months do you HONESTLY THINK she is EVER going to pay me the 900 dollars I’m fucking owed#and it’s like does this actually affect anything? no. I didn’t budget with that money cuz I didn’t actively have it and that’s not smart but#like…. 900 dollars….. I could have paid off the rest of my credit card with that and also it’s just infuriating that that money is basically#just being GIVEN to this fucking bitch who I KNOW is not gonna keep that apartment in good shape and that’s again if she somehow doesn’t get#her ass evicted cuz she’s not paying bills why they even LET her sign her own lease there I do not understand she literally has no proof of#income but ig they probably didn’t check that cuz she technically already lived there I’m just so. I’m so tired and I’m so done can I PLEASE#stop being the one who constantly gets screwed fucking over in EVERY situation no matter fucking what#while all these fucking idiots and shitty fucking ppl get whatever they want and actively BENEFIT from me getting fucked over???? I’m done.#I’m so fucking done I am never living with someone ever again never being finanacially tied to anyone fucking again and you know what. thats#great goes well with me basically being convinced atp to never be vulnerable with anyone ever again and never trust anyone ever again and#never dedicate ANY part of my life in a genuine sense to anyone ever again I will be fucking alone in every sense for THE REST of my fucking#life and that’s that. it’ll be better. this kinda shit will stop happening. financially emotionally psychologically I will stop suffering#because holy fucking shit I can’t do it anymore man I’m sick of it I’m sick of trying to be a good person and depend on people and be#vulnerable and always uphold my side of the responsibilities and arrangements just to get fucking spit on like man if this is what being a#shit person gets ppl maybe I should try because they sure seem to get all the benefits and whatever the hell they want consistently and#always while I try and be considerate of others and devote myselves to them and this is all I fucking get for it#and ik I KNOW this is just the straw on the camels back and this is a lot of issues compounding and it’s not even about the money atp#but I’m just. I’m so fucking sick and tired and beaten down and I’m tired of trying I just want to be completely on my own#so at least if bad things happen or I feel like shit I only have myself to blame and it’s safer that way and I’ll have to stop feeling like#this and dealing with these types of things UGH
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i miss posting and making and engaging with ieytd content but I will be honest sometimes it feels alienating. as a lesbian.
#bee's buzzing#ieytd#i dont know.. its probably just me being Strange. but.#the Main guy in the fandom is juniper. and he's interesting! but. i don't... think about him as often#and when i do it's never in the shipping / x reader context i see so frequently in the tags.#i dont ship him with agent phoenix because. my agent is an it/its dyke. so i dont really engage in that side of fandom#i also dont think about the handler as often because. idk i just think about the women more!#but juniper and agent phoenix and the handler are like. the only people i see talked about often#which is fine!! people like them. i also like them just. not in the same way/to the same extent.#im here for the women. but. they're not talked about often at all :[#when they are it's usually briefly in passing.#they get the worst of the mischaracterization too imo. because people just do not give them the same depth as they like to give-#- charas like john. it makes me kinda sad tbh.#and also the fandom does not. seem to make much space for f/f content.#i know like. the handful of other people who make f/f content for ieytd.#and. god. idk im still honestly a bit ticked off by one solaris post that 1) was not a good analysis i will be quite honest.#it was very surface level. like really basic info and also iirc not entirely accurate? i cannot remember anymore#but. 2). it started by saying 'nobody talks about solaris outside of fabbylaris' and that still makes my blood boil.#like. not to vaguepost but. the fabbylaris posters ARE talking about solaris outside of a shipping context. please. please#also there was a whole Thing a while back where people started being strange about non-feminine nonbinary agent phoenix.#and as a nonbinary butch-adjacent dyke. it made my skin crawl!!! im NOT feminine and idk why making agent phoenix not feminine is.#apparently Bad to a certain subset of the fandom#sorry but im a dyke and i WILL make the player insert protag a butch lesbian who doesnt use she/her.#and if you have a problem with that please think about Why people making the player insert nonbinary and androgynous/Vaguely Masc is-#- such a problem to you. and whether that is alienating to the trans people in the fandom.#okay. im normal now. goodnight.
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people who love to nitpick every little thing in sonic media and act like it's good criticism need to stop going "ummm why doesn't he just run. it's faster" every time sonic drives a car for any reason . its because he wants to gave a fun and fair race with his friends OBVIOUSLY . where is your joy and whimsy
#it especially annoys me when people say this about the first sonic movie#because theres like. several very obvious in universe reasons for why hes riding in a car youre just ignoring them#like for one iirc he first got in the car because he couldnt run at the time and tom picked him up put him in there and drove off#second. they literally stopped the car and sonic was given the chance to just run to san francisco#and he said that he didnt know where it was . tom said it was a straight shot there and when sonic tried that he ran into the ocean#so obviously he couldnt just run there on his own#third. sonic very clearly didnt WANT to leave earth he just felt like he had to so it makes sense that he'd take the longer route#and try to delay leaving for as long as he can whether hes actually aware of the fact that hes doing that or not#just because a certain thing seems like the logical choice to you doesnt mesn its the choice fhe character would make#you wanna criticize sonic sooo bad that youre ignoring the very obvious reasons sonic acts the way he does
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Disclaimer im just processing some thoughts im not cancelling the show
have almost thoughts about how i find the like....narrative on here that if you have chronic "zebra" conditions youd want a doctor like House and wouldnt sue for malpractice bc at least youd have a doctor that cares about whats wrong with you but lets take it one step further. so often he does NOT give a shit about the patient and actively endangers them frequently with his god damn heoric era of medicine approach? non zero amount of times he gets a diagnosis but it comes too late, or he gets a diagnosis after their first wrong 3 guesses of the episode shut down the patients kidneys and they either have to get a transplant or they are just, doomed due to other preexisting conditions etc? idk. i know ppl are almost certainly exaggerating and just letting off steam about the very real failures of our current medical systems and the ableism baked in and All That Shit. i just think its weird how ppl romanticize House who STILL, FREQUENTLY, MULTIPLE EPISODES will actively dismiss shit in the exact way that is a problem in our current system, especially when hes being Forced Against His Will To See Clinic Parients, he loves to be dismissive as fuck of symptoms and if he was a real doctor i think he'd be fucking 50/50 on cases he Notices Something To Dig Into vs cases he dismisses as an Anxious Hysterical Woman Who Wants Attention, the only reason he's Right so frequently in his snap judgements is cos it reinforces the narrative. its like a crime drama that has the mastermind serial killer masterfully using "loopholes" and lawyering up all sneaky and dodging Justice and if only our poor little cop protags were allowed to do A TEENY BIT of Justified Police Brutality, they could Save Lives!
and like sometimes in the show they will have a patient die despite his efforts to narratively punish him. not to mention, i think its been at least mildly brought up and glossed over how much they absolutely do not think about insurance costs for these ppl for the insane amount of tests that find nothing and Wrong Medications To Force A Diagnosis they use? i think it was brought up once in the episode following a day in the life of cuddy where she had to fight a lawsuit bc a guys insurance like didnt cover his thumb being reattached but chase reattached it anyway while in surgery cos it was The Right Thing To Do and the guy didnt have the money to cover it and the insurance wouldnt pay unless he sued the hospital or whatever. thats like the only time its come up. whereas like frequently the doctor I go to for osteopathic manipulation tries to check in with me and make sure im covered by insurance etc and that im not going to go broke or get buried in medical debt seeing her.
idk. just some Thoughts. not a defense of our current system and all the flaws it enables and enforces etc. his approach to medicine is really reminiscent to me of what I know of the Heroic Era Of Medicine which i dont...love? and hes framed on here as being an asshole but would kill for his patients to get them a diagnosis etc. but hes definitely extremely paternalistic to patients ? and despite some good clippable lines about ableism and being against eugenics, it honestly feels like his stance on that is kind of a toss up.
#toy txt post#AGAIN THIS IS NOT A DEFENSE OF OUR CURRENT SYSTEM NOR AM I TRYING TO 'CANCEL' THE SHOW#i am simply processing some Thoughts about it#and wishing better doctors upon all of you when you need them#doctors who Listen To You and who Put In The Effort and The Work to figure out why you feel like shit#who also arent calling you slurs the whole time and throwing random fucking medications at you that destroy your liver or whatever#but give them data. idk. like sometimes in the show it does seem like they need to do that! like the patient is actively dying and the risk#to info ratio is such that it makes sense. other times its like you like definitely couldve done other things to rule shit out but you#needed to fit this whole patient arc into a single episode#not to mention i feel like any doctor who approached shit even close to the way he does would Not have his success rate#no matter how smart the payoff would Not be worth it bc theyd kill more patients. they would not be getting lucky everytime. real life does#not have a plot narrative to fulfill if house treated you he'd just fucking kill you#also one more disclaimer I AM AWARE DR GREGORY HOUSE IS A FICTIONAL MADE UP BLORBO CHARACTER#AND THAT MOST OF THE PPL JOKING ABOUT THIS DO NOT NEED THE REMINDERS OR WARNINGS OR DISCLAIMERS ABOUT HIM ETC ETC#IM SIMPLY THINKING ABOUT HIM AND THIS SHOW AND REAL LIFE#and am only a little bit uncomfortable w the level to which his approach is romanticized on tumblr dot com. but i understand why and like#fair enough#anyway watching house MD is like a sawbones episode displaced in time and Very Worrying#i just have the finale of s7 left and then i will start s8#and i am dreading the aphobia episode. but it cannot be worse than the horrific intersexism and transphobic he's put on display right#right?#i guess its probably not worse in that from what ive seen on tumblr. he is being aphobic to an adult and not a teenager. so#also house is infuriating bc if you remove the doctor bit. i have met this man so many times and i want to kill him ♡#the guy who is just allowed to stampede through life being a total ass with no pushback or accountability and terrorize people#hes a bad employee and a worse boss#okay turning reblogs off on this cos i dont trust ppl. i think i have replies restricting to mutuals too so#that way this doesnt break containment and get misinterpreted
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hm
#someones asking me for advice that quite frankly idk how to give and am definitely not qualified for#but it does sorta make me think#i think people are bad at calling people on shit and also being compassionate#it seems people choose one or the other; either be completely aggressive and accusatory or be a total doormat#but like. neither of those are condusive to anything#you can acknowledge why someone is doing what theyre doing *and* why what they're doing sucks#and you can tell them this without being aggressive#i feel like ive always had trouble with doing it but idk#when i have been able to cool off and been given space to think i think ive been better abt it#i think being able to think about how you feel; what you would like (within reason); and how to communicate and achieve that is a valuable#skill#tbh i think my main issue these days is idk how to do that with ppl im not close with#theres a handful of peers in my daily life that keep doing shit that kinda gets under my skin and idk how to say “knock it off”#in a way that both isnt aggressive and doesnt make me sound weird#but also jfc knock if off and grow up#ig ill just keep trying to ignore it
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Luke and Penelope being besties and just hanging out before becoming a couple
#This is literally all I want#I want them to platonically explore the deep love they have for each other as people first#and this is how she starts to make up for the way she's acted in the past#they have a really deep conversation and he slips up and jokes “so i guess you can talk to me without dunking on me”#and he feels so bad about it and also worried that it makes it seem like he's been obsessing over their date#i mean he has but he doesnt want her knowing that#she apologizes for that and it just rolls off both of them#i want Emotional Intimacy Garvez before I want them to be together#eventually this obviously leads to Penelope realizing she still has feelings for him#and oh my god he's in love with her too????#and she confesses this to him one night during one of their movie nights#and it takes his brain a second to catch up but when he does he's so happy#and they go on another date and it's not awkward because of the emotional intimacy they have now#and the fact that feelings have been stated loud and clear#and they're meant for each other#Garvez#Luke Alvez#Penelope Garcia#Criminal Minds#Criminal Minds reboot#Criminal Minds Evolution#CME spoilers
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I love aokiji from one piece. Hes my little swimbly bimbly
#i like him a lot. i love how one piece gets a lot of morally gray antagonists#like. aokiji is kind of a really good guy in certain moments.#like he cares a lot about civillians . he just works inside of a really shitty system . hes like the idea of a ‘good’ cop#who like joined the marines with the intent of helping people but he does more harm than good .#i think it makes a lot of sense for him to have quit after the time skip. i know hes rolling with the blackbeard pirates now though#which is weird to me. bc that doesnt seem to suit his ideals. i think he’ll turn out to be undercover or some shit or a sword operative#im excited to learn more abt sword bc its apparently really important in the manga rn#but im not caught up so it’s just like. a vague thing i know now#*thinks about robin backstory* dereshishishishishi…..#also it makes me so mad how oda does so many of his black characters bc. aokiji is right there. you know how to draw black people#give that same treatment to usopp!!! or blackbeard. its lame. it sucks#related. hes a minor antagonist but i wish they did more with mr 5. hes another black character with a good design (at least in the manga)#the anime kind of connects the corners of his lips and makes them look bad but in the manga its natural yet still cartoony#he has such an underutilized devil fruit too T_T he can basically explode any part of his body.#and its usually used in the form of flicking exploding boogers at people (funny) but i was expecting him to get a cool moment where he just#fuckin. BOXES someone with explosions and some cool kicks. sadly we never get that though
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also its very funny bc choosing a misdeeds mission will have mistos going up to you and being like 😒 do you REALLY wanna do this one. like the one im doing rn is about this sibling who was like hey. i dont want my sister to date. kill the guy shes dating. and mistos was like this is mushy relationship stuff and i dont wanna get involved :///// and when i get there, shalvas starts the battle with smth along the lines of i really dont want to do this but here we go. literally what is his deal
#twist rambles#♟#normally hes like ok ^-^ lets go into battle. its very funny to me bc its not JSUT my guilt over doing anything bad in games but they#will just be fucking miserable when u do evil missions. its very funny to me bc like. shalvas DOES have an established character. 10000% bu#if vol/foss was popular i knowwww people would give him the giorno treatment of no personality and he sucks to a majority of people.#but anyways it IS silly to me that mistos has to give his 2 cents on every mission you go on. even if its not an evil one. i think he prob#is mad at shalvas for taking this evil mission but shalvas is also on mad at me island due to me making him do this one so. really its only#fair. or something. its silly to me i like the little touches that they add. bc idk like normally ur protag in a game is pretty moldable to#ur choices. ie like. tw2s you have to pick the guys that suck so bad or the elves we are insanely racist to for a lot of the game#and like. when u look canonically. peepaw does notttt like to pick sides w the war. and esp since he doesnt have his memory back fully by#the time he makes that choice theres no way that he can use his prev knowledge from the LAST war to inform his choice. and that game treate#it as like yeah siding w the govt who are notoriously rly bad or the elves who are well. they sure fit them into the trope of i wrote a bad#guy and he has valid points but to make sure ppl hate him i have to have him do extreme evil. so u dont WANT to choose the elves side.#unless u suffered thru the really fucking bad racism in the books irt that. which i did. so for me its very funny to like. see vol/foss#handle the thing of ok u have choices and one of them is something it doesnt seem like the protag would do. in a more natural way ig.
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#im all for curating ur online space to just the things u like#but whats just annoying to see is when a page shows their stance on a very important political issue and comments r like#“i thought u were a [content] page. why are u bringing politics into this?” maybe YOU would like to stay blissfully ignorant#but to the cc it was important to show people where they stand on it. and its not even off brand for their page either#theyre BUNNY TRAINERS. if this persons been actually reading the things the cc has been posting about its VERY on brand.#its basically taking people away from their living space and putting them in foreign environments and no resources#is obviously bad for their mental and can leave them with trauma. no support system or safety either in undamiliar places.#thats so scary. and to be forcefully removed is the worst part. and she literally says she works w mammals and thats the connection#on why she feels she needs to address it or how she'll support her statement like. its not rocket science.#and anyway i understand curating your online experience but asking why people living in a that country are addressing#political issues is just fucking stupid. AND ITS JUST ONE POST MIND YOU.#and again shes not even like a cute bunny page or anything. shes a bunny trainer.#none of her posts are “look at this cute bunny🥰” its literally shit like#if ur bunny is biting u its scared of u and probs thinks ur a predator#and if u react aggressively ull reaffirm their beliefs and ittl get worse. also some bunnies are so scared that even just yelping#even if u werent aggressive can startle them. so sometimes u just have to just gloves and show them biting doesnt do anything.#LIKE ITS THAT KIND OF SHIT. ofc she would address it this way like it literally makes sense😭#and shes very firm on her stance too! ^^#but yeah my thing is like. im also very shut off from everything but not this shut off.#why do people so badly want to close themselves off from reality like this? it doesnt make sense. esp if it isnt affecting you.#address it and support those who are willing to support others who need the help. you could scroll past one post.#youll live. but other people wont. like it makes me so mad when people shut things out and blatantly say shit like#“ughh politics 🙄” GIRL SHUT UP!!#i do understand if there are maybe graphic pictures attached to every post and you cant take it so you have to block a tag#or avoid news. fine. i understand it makes people uneasy. but this person does not seem bothered by people being wronged.#they just seem to want this to be a cute bunny viewing page. which it literally fucking isnt.#anyway. fuck that person and fuck the rest of you who cant just hit unfollow or scroll past ONE post before you fucking yap.#SOME PEOPLE CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE IN DANGER. the LEAST these pages can do is explain whats going on and how its bad.#44597
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huh. having now understood reaching my target audience of one i think i now get why certain artists have gone batshit, and its because no matter their audience size or how explicitly they state things, no one gets what theyre actually saying
#crazy=genius is the primary example that comes to mind#like. the immediate association there is that its bragging#and maybe to some degree it is‚ that doesnt discount the rest of what im going to say#but like. the order of words there is very important. its not 'it genius = crazy then im insane because im sososo smart'#its 'if crazy = genius then im albert einstein‚ because i am going fucking insane'#its not bragging‚ its bravado. there is a crucial difference between the two.#its a cry for help wrapped in enough arrogance to ensure plausible deniability#and we all just. brushed him off. me included#it's sebastian all over again#if no one takes what you say seriously then you can say your most serious thoughts and have no one blink an eye#and brush it off as yeah yeah emo boy we all had a bad time in highschool.#ajr too im legitimately tempted to see if they have a public email that i can write and send a full analysis to#theyre all just saying it. these people are all so lonely and surrounded by people who see them as a commodity#can you imagine being surrounded by thousands of people who know the words to your songs by heart and didn't understand a single one#sending out flare after flare saying 'this is not a bit i am crumbling to pieces and need help' and having articles written#about how its just music and doesnt mean anything and youre a terrible person#its just for the bit‚ its just to pull your heartstrings to make it hit harder‚ its just art. its doesnt mean anything. right?#nevermind that theres a reason they know which strings to pull. nevermind that none of those are mutually exclusive. nevermind how#directly they say that that is not the case in the song. it doesnt mean anything. it cant. because if it does and if theyre all telling the#truth about how fucked up they are then ding ding ding it seems yet again society is broken#and its easier to say it doesnt mean anything than to face the scale of the everything of it all#origibberish#yknow what come to think of it i think using specifically 'crazy' is also deliberate plausible deniability as just being an asshole too#like 'oh well if you were aaaaactually going through a mental health crisis then you would use more respectful language'#much to consider much to consider
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as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3
thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!
I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:
i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.
I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.
so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all
so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...
(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)
#i dont know how to ask for attention without asking for attention because attention seeking is bad and annoying#the more needy and annoying you come off the more people will ignore you. saying i need someone to talk to or hang out with gets me ignored#but being vague gets me also ignored???? like just trying to start a convo by throwing things out randomly doesnt work either#so if i cant be direct or indirect or invite people or ask to be invited or anything else ive tried ehst do i do?#how do i satisfy this stupid social need im cursed with? it takes me a month or 3 to recover from socializing so its not like i always ask#but its still too much. and “you need to find the right people” isnt helpful. because how!!! ive been looking for that for 30 years lmao#i just need someone to invite me and always invite me every time and always reach out first every time (well not every time. just dont make#me be the one every time because thats how it usually seems to go)#but no one wants to do the work and tell me when its ok to bother them. if i bother someone too many times in a row and get no response#then i will stop and wait. and wait. and wait. and give up eventually. or after certain amount of rejections i give up.#so that i dont come off as needy and attention seeking and obnoxious. if people want me they can come to me. and when no one does#that just feels bad. i hate that it feels bad. i wish to make that stop. i wish to turn off feelings.#i cannot figure out the line between bothering someone too much or just enough. how much am i required to push people#and how much is too much where i snap the line while trying to reel them in? because ive snapped more times than ive caught#or the bait just gets completely ignored and i get bored of waiting#oops im slipping into metaphor territory now. that means its time to stop saying words.#hopefully no one reads my annoying tags. i just needed a free space to ramble and vent amd tags are lile little whispers to do that in#but also it is autism acceptance month. people should be adopting a local autistic(me) person to show them what having friends is like#lee rants#im being super particular about how i need to socialize right now as well. dont want trauma bonding/life talks/depression sharing type stuff#only want special interest light hearted goofy fun talks. but those are so hard to do. its easy for people to default into doom conversation#but its hard to keep them on my topic of interest and to stay positive 😭
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my current motto is that if someone makes a snide comment at me and it goes over my head, then they missed
#my post#text post#brought to you by: im the only person who doesnt seem bothered by one manager at work#apparently she makes rude comments all the time#i have not noticed#its not affecting other people's perceptions of me bc they all dont like her#and most of them like me#but i just am not picking up the vibes shes putting down if theyre bad#so she legit does not bother me#not saying shes a good person bc fuck if i know#but it does make my life easier since it means i am not stressed when interacting with her#the way a lot of my coworkers apparently are
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I genuinely agree with your take. It's true that the trauma Rayla experienced doesn't excuse her actions, but it deeply explains the reasoning behind it. And in a way, you see Amaya soften up after seeing herself in Rayla in terms of being stoic, strong, and lonely in handing things alone. She's opened up more. Callum refuses to let Rayla push him away, that everything they do and face, they do it together, accepting his help and leaning on him for support. Little by little, she's growing and maturing, and I'm proud of her. There's still a long way to go for her, but she will get there.
With all the time that all four of Rayla's parents have spent self-reflecting, whether in the coins or while being alone and self-isolated from the community over the last two years, I sincerely hope that it can transition to all five of them reconciling, healing and repairing their broken, fractured family. No doubt that all 4 of her parents are incredibly scarred, haunted, devastated, and extremely hurt by the failures and negligence committed. Imagine the uncontrollable, horrifying nightmares they must be having of Rayla, being tormented by her memory every night. Their hurt, pain, heartbreak, emotional/psychological torture, and suffering are perhaps far worse than we imagined. I wouldn't even know where to begin with addressing Moonfam's family issues. But they deserve to have their family again after all they've been through.
But Rayla also has a right to feel and express her anger, resentment, disdain, animosity, and even her rage towards all four of her parents for what they put her through. Let her say what she needs to say. Let Rayla be angry and messy.
Seeing people crap on arc two Rayla genuinely makes me sad. I don't think many people truly realize the depth of Rayla's isolation. What happened to all the characters in arc one was horrible (I am not down playing that), Callum and Ezran lost their father, and Soren lost his family, but they all had Katolis to go back to. Their home. Rayla lost EVERYTHING. She lost the assassins who she grew up with and trained her, she lost her home, and worst of all she lost her parents. She lost Runaan and Ethari in one go, only months after her parents. And all she had to remember them by was what they taught her. And they taught her self sacrifice, they taught her to do questionable things in the name of protection and the greater good. Viren threatened everything she loved which WAS Callum and Ezran, and she thought he was still alive. She was stuck in fight or flight mode, she was bathed in trauma. And she had a point in TTM, everyone was just moving on, and didn't take or let her have anytime to truly grieve. She was in such a dark place in TTM and it influenced her decisions. She knows she did something wrong, she knows she hurt Callum. She hasn't brought herself to apologize yet, but why did we stop treating her as human? (Or elf, as it were)
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Also hi, I've recently been liberated from TDP reddit
#he gets it better than anyone. and i fully believe that him knowing that is part of why he did eventually accept her back and fight so hard#understands the hardships rayla has endured with her family and society as well as callum does. callum was actually there to see part of it#for her and defend her once he healed some. i feel like some people who comment on the bond between rayla and callum in s5 being too nice#too quick or whatever may not have the most healthy relationship with some people theyre close to irl. i know thats making a big assumption#but when you truly love and care about someone and are mature enough you understand when its important to accept them back in after theyve#hurt you. it is NOT always appropriate to do so. some people are too toxic to do that with and theyll just hurt you more. but sometimes#thats not the case. sometimes you understand that person deeply and love them as a person so much that you accept them back. which helps#with healing for both of you. again. not always applicable. definitely have to weigh the options on if its worth it to still keep that#person around for your own mental health and stuff. but for these two. it is worth it. especially cuz they both know they have flaws as#their own people but still see it worth it to love each other anyway. its sweet. and i guess some people just cant accept that.#(and are also the kind of people that will probably just hate a lot of women characters anyway no matter what they do)#ive kinda lost the plot here. which im good at doing. but yeah. no one understands rayla as deeply as callum and ez do. and callum even#moreso than ez. he especially knows and understands what is tormenting her. which some toxic people who watch the show dont seem to#understand. also id like to add- the trauma that has happened to rayla does not EXCUSE her actions. what she did was still bad. but her#trauma does EXPLAIN her actions. those are 2 distinct things that once realized can help with recover and growth imo. and i feel like#callum knows that to at least some extent#imo more people need to understand the concept of 'this doesnt EXCUSE their actions but does EXPLAIN them' because it really is good to#remember for irl stuff. for both themselves and other people. its a concept i do not think a lot of toxic people grasp.#in any fandom and irl#im rambling so so bad rn im real sorry#< i hear you. no worries. i completely understand.#you bring up a lot of valid fair points#appreciate your take on it#apologies for my rambling as well#the dragon prince
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I'm still so fucking angry and it's been like an hour.
#how does someone have that level of entitlement#of like oh you must hear everything i have to say about this character in your comment section bc my opinions are correct#also most of what they said about jiang cheng was so fucking wrong??? like bro what language were you reading mdzs in pls try again#like just outright fucking LIES#not even oh they misread this one scene thats excusable literally they pulled shit out of their ass#like god fucking damn even if you fucking hate canon jiang cheng. did you not fucking read my fic. did it seem like he was a bad guy?#can you fucking read at all?#fucking#FUCK#the audacity to be like... im going to lay out why i think jc is a piece of shit#and then im going to throw you a bone and leave one line at the end of this para saying good fic#THAT DOESNT MAKE ANYTHING BETTER#GO THE FUCK TO HELL#BEND OVER LOCATE YOUR ASSHOLE AMONG YOUR GENERAL ASSHOLISHNESS AND FUCK YOURSLEF#like jesus christ some people have no idea how to behave online#its my fucking fic get off my lawn and dont fucking come back you anon piece of shit coward#(also yes ik im vaguing but im not gonna put them on blast bc no one deserves that)#(and yes ill probably delete this tomorrow when im not raging)#but fuck them man fuck them im changing the tags RIGHT NOW
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