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oddinary4bts · 4 months ago

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Chasing Cars | ch 15 (jjk)

☆summary: when your brother goes to study on a semester abroad, your life collides with his best friend Jeon Jungkook, who's coincidentally your roommate. Will you survive the collision, or will you crumble into dust?

☆pairings: brother's best friend!Jungkook x younger sister!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, some chapters have mature content)

☆genre: forbidden love?au, college!au, slice of life!au, smut, angst (as usual a lot of it), fluff

☆warnings: cursing, mentions of taehyung getting slapped, alcohol, a haunted house (and a clown), fear of someone possibly committing the irreparable, confessions <3, explicit content: implied penetrative sex

☆word count: 7.4k

☆a/n: finally the end of the angst :') hope you guys enjoy <3 and thank you to @moonleeai for beta-ing, you're the best <3

☆series masterpost

☆add yourself to the taglist here!

☆☆☆☆☆

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

☆☆☆☆☆

Friday, October 11th

You don’t think you’ve slept. You’ve lied in bed all night, chasing the smell of Jungkook from last night on your sheets. You hoped he’d reappear, materialize here in this room where you and him always made sense, but he stays gone, and you stay alone.

Lonely, like the moon in the sky up above.

The morning is grey, colourless. The sun rises like it didn’t care about you and Jungkook, like its heart perhaps never imploded on itself. But yours has, the second you had to watch Jungkook walking out of the door.

He’d closed the door softly behind him, and you’d turned towards Taehyung. You’d seethed, “I fucking hate you”, through your teeth, and Taehyung had offered you a sad, apologetic stare.

“You’ll understand that this is the best for you,” he’d said, and you’d walked up to him and slapped him, hard enough for your hand to sting.

He’d taken it, barely even flinching, and as his cheek had reddened, you’d said, “You should have fucking stayed in Paris.”

And then you’d fled to your room, and he’d let you do it.

It was the first time you’ve ever slapped him - or anyone, for that matter - and you really hope it’ll be the last. Perhaps because it came from such ugly feelings, from heartbreak and betrayal and everything in between, and it raged through you only to leave a pathetic shrivelled shape behind.

You’d meant it last night - you miss Jungkook. And you miss him more than ever now, as you’re faced with the irreversibility of your falling out.

Ariane came back home after you’ve gone to bed last night. You heard her walking in, heard her speaking to Taehyung in the living room before the sounds faded as they moved to their room. And as you lied there, you’d wondered, why did Taehyung even come back home so early?

Why couldn’t he stay at the movie theatre long enough for you and Jungkook to fix your relationship? Long enough to have that much needed conversation, long enough so you’d never said that last night was a lapse of judgment?

You regretted the words the moment they were out. You don’t think you truly meant them - yesterday night was heaven on Earth, a step out of time to a past you were trying to move on from.

This morning, you know you’ll never be able to move on from Jungkook. Not when your feelings for him were strong enough to make you hate the one person who always cared for you, who always was there for you growing up.

Because with the grey light of dawn you realize that you do truly hate Taehyung. You don’t think you’ll be able to see him again without blowing up in his face, so you remain hidden in your room as he and Ariane get up. He doesn’t text you if you want breakfast, doesn’t say anything at all.

You think it’s a relief - you don’t have it in you to fight anymore.

Jungkook hasn’t texted you either. You’ve debated sending him a message for most of the night, but you haven’t figured out what. You reckon he might need space after last night, after the roller coaster of emotions that everything was, and so you think it might be okay if you haven’t texted him yet.

You rub the tiredness out of your eyes, sighing deeply as the sounds in the apartment fade when Taehyung and Ariane leave for their morning classes. You get out of bed then, putting on clothes before you head to the kitchen.

Taehyung left you a plate of eggs and bacon on the table, with a scribbled note next to it. I’m sorry is all that’s written, and you wonder if Ariane forced him to write it.

It’s unlike Taehyung to ever apologize for anything after all. You crumple the piece of paper, throw it out in the recycling bin, and then eat the food even though it’s gone cold since Taehyung left it there. It’s still food, and though your appetite doesn’t show up, you still manage to eat half of it.

You text Nabi that you won’t make it to class before heading back to your room, the heaviness of everything that happened in the last twelve hours catching up to you. You feel bone-deep exhausted, and you hide underneath the covers of your bed, tears pricking at your eyes.

It’s nothing new - you’ve been crying on and off since Jungkook left last night, and that, most of all, must have been the reason why sleep evaded you all night long.

You grab your phone, quickly moving to your text message app. You find Jungkook’s conversation, rereading his text from September.

[09/08/24] JK: hey.. do you want to talk?

You’d ignored it then, but today, you find yourself in his position. Find yourself writing a message similar to the one he’d sent, and you reread it a thousand times before you find the courage to press send.

[9:37 am] You: i’m sorry about what i said last night. can we talk?

Anxiety flushes through you as the message delivers. It’s adrenaline in your blood, and you remain on the conversation for five minutes, hoping Jungkook might reply right away.

He doesn’t. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t reply all morning, and you busy yourself by going back to the dorms, not wanting to stay at the apartment knowing that Taehyung is going to come back eventually.

You find the dorm room to be empty, which you reckon is a relief. You don’t think you’d have the strength to see anyone right now, not when the exhaustion is almost enough to make you crumple on yourself.

You end up taking a nap for most of the afternoon, waking up drenched in sweat from a nightmare you forget the second your eyes open.

Perhaps the presence of Nabi and Ria, sitting on Ria’s bed next to you, contributes to your forgetfulness after all.

“Morning,” Ria teases.

You frown, shutting your eyes again as you hide your face in Nabi’s pillow. “Morning,” you mumble in reply.

“Why’d you miss class this morning?” Nabi asks.

You let out a noncommittal sound.

The mattress dips next to you as someone sits there. “What’s wrong?” Ria asks.

The tears are spilling over a second later, and you tell them everything. You tell them how your conversation with Ria yesterday inspired you to do the same thing with Jungkook, but that you never got the chance to tell him how you feel. You tell them about Taehyung, about Jungkook leaving without a single look back. You tell them about the text that sits unanswered on your phone, and you tell them you’re tired, oh so tired.

Ria runs a soothing hand on your back through it all, while Nabi says she’ll go buy ice cream. You sit with Ria in silence for a while, before glancing at her.

“I hope things went better between you and Seokjin,” you say, voice rough from all the crying you’ve done.

She offers you an apologetic smile. “It did. But we don’t have to speak about it right now.”

You take a deep breath, wiping your cheeks dry even though you haven’t shed a tear in a few minutes. “No,” you say after. “Tell me everything. I just need to stop thinking about Jungkook for a while.”

There’s a knock on the door, startling the two of you. Ria throws you a quizzical look and then gets up to open the door.

Yoongi’s on the other side, a six-pack of beer in hands. “Nabi said to meet you guys here,” he says to Ria, then looks behind her to see you sitting on the bed. You must look like hell, because he lets out, “Shit.”

It makes you laugh, and then you pat the bed next to you. “No clue if beer mixes well with ice cream, but come here.”

Yoongi grins, and then he walks in, kicking off his shoes. Turns out beer does not mix well with ice cream, as you find out half an hour later when Nabi’s returned with a one-liter tub of vanilla ice cream with fudge ripples in it. The two tastes clash in your mouth, but you shrug it off.

It’s Friday evening, and though Jungkook still hasn’t replied, you want to have fun with your friends. And you really try to - Ria drags you all to a board game bar near campus, and you play as you drink and eat your fill.

You’re walking home, arms hooked with the girls while Yoongi leads the way, when your phone buzzes in your pocket. You can’t see who’s texted you, but your heart picks up its pace, like it knows.

“Thank you for tonight,” you say to no one in particular.

Yoongi looks over his shoulder. “You suck at board games.”

He bursts out laughing as you let out an offended sound, and Ria and Nabi pull you back as you try to jump on Yoongi.

“You’re a dick!”

He just laughs harder, until everyone joins in.

Until joy pierces the clouds in your mind, and weight seems to be lifted from your shoulders. You feel lighter - who needs a man when you have your friends?

“For real though,” you say once the laughter subsides. “I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.”

Nabi rests her head on your shoulder. “Good thing that you don’t have to live without us.”

“You’re such a sentimental drunk,” Ria teases, yet she pecks your cheek all the same. “Love you, bitch.”

“Love you too.”

Later, when you’re about to hop in the shower at the dorms, you finally look at your phone. You’d all but forgotten the earlier buzzing, but the message that waits for you is a bomb awaiting explosion, and you think it explodes right in your chest.

[11:26 pm] JK: i honestly don’t think we should talk rn. sorry

You swallow the rumbles of your beating organ, but they cut on the way down until you’re bleeding out standing there, naked save for the flip flops on your feet.

The clouds come back to your head, thickening until all light seems gone.

[11:58 pm] You: okay… i really am sorry

Jungkook never replies to that, and you cry yourself to sleep that night.

Sunday, October 13th

Each year like clockwork a fair comes into town around Halloween. It’s a fair of light and music, games and plush toys to be won, with a haunted house and a corn maze. It’s not exactly in town - it’s a fifteen-minute drive from the outskirts of town, but Namjoon has a car, and so does Seokjin.

You technically do too, but you left it to Taehyung when you moved to the dorms.

You get there with Nabi and Namjoon, Yoongi riding in the backseat with you. Ria and Seokjin are going to get there later, which you think is a good thing.

They have months of catching up to do, and you can’t blame them for wanting to be alone. Especially not when you see just how much Ria has been glowing the last few days.

You have to park the car in a field, and you’re glad you chose to wear your frat party shoes - the field is muddy from yesterday night’s rain. Nabi complains about it, and Namjoon immediately offers her a piggyback ride to cross a large puddle of mud.

You turn to Yoongi.

“Can I piggyback you too?” you ask, lips jutting out in a small pout.

He snorts. “No.”

You roll your eyes, though you chuckle as he walks around the puddle as best as he can. It’s useless - there’s mud everywhere, and your shoes are entirely dirty by the time you make it to the fair grounds. You head to the ticket booth, though you have to wait in line for a while before you manage to finally get in.

“I want a plushie,” you say the second you see the first game a little while later.

It’s a game where you have to throw rings on the necks of glass bottles. Your friends follow you to it, and you’re quick to make a competition of who’s going to succeed the most. To your surprise, it ends up being Nabi, and she wins a small dragon plushie that she gives to you immediately.

You cradle it to your chest as you make your way to the next game, though your heart drops to your ass when your gaze connects with Taehyung’s as he stands next to the stand.

“Nope,” you let out, turning around to head in the other direction.

“What?” Yoongi asks, but he soon falls into step with you. “Y/n, what’s wrong?”

“Just saw my asshole of a brother, and I have no interest in talking to him tonight,” you explain as your heart races in your chest from newfound adrenaline. “Or ever, to be honest.”

Yoongi winces. “Can’t blame you.” He looks behind you, nudging you with an elbow. “We’re clear though. He didn’t follow.”

You nod, stopping to glance behind yourself too. Nabi and Namjoon are nowhere to be seen, but you think it’s okay - at least you’ve got Yoongi. And Yoongi is a fun partner, though he beats you in most of the games you end up playing with him. He makes you laugh, and you think that’s what’s most important right now.

To have fun with your friends, lest your heart runs back to a doe-eyed boy who’s decided to leave you in the past.

“Want to do the haunted house?” you suggest to Yoongi.

He seems unconvinced, yet he still says, “Sure.”

Seokjin and Ria find you in line for the haunted house, joining you in the middle while apologizing to the people behind you, though they barely even pay attention to you. You hold a smile in at the sight of their entwined hands, and you nudge Yoongi to point towards it.

He rolls his eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. The smile freezes on his face a second later, and you glance in the direction he’s looking.

It’s the guy from the reception at the gym. He recognizes you, and you wave hello as Yoongi turns beet red next to you.

“Want to go talk to him?” you say, wiggling your brows.

“You say a single other word, and I’m going to murder you,” Yoongi says through gritted teeth.

“Damn,” Ria lets out. “Someone’s angry.”

Yoongi scoffs, though his cheeks remain fully flushed up until you make it to the front of the line. It fades when you walk into the haunted house, though you think it might be because a clown jumps in his face the second you walk in.

Yoongi raises his fists in a defensive stance, and you burst out laughing as the clown moves to Ria, who shrieks so loud you wouldn’t be surprised if she ripped your eardrums.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to punch them,” you tease Yoongi.

He glares at you in the dim light. “Maybe I should punch you.”

“Try me bitch.”

At that he laughs, and then tension finally goes out of his shoulders. You spend the rest of the haunted house startling whenever someone jumps in front of you, letting out small shrieks that are entirely shadowed by Ria’s screams. Seokjin doesn’t fare any better, and you and Yoongi make fun of them, so much so you find yourself wiping happy tears from your eyes when you finally walk outside again.

“Never doing one of these again,” Seokjin deadpans, which only makes you and Yoongi laugh again.

Ria punches his shoulder. “You were supposed to protect me.”

“I was scared too!” Seokjin lets out, massaging the spot she hit. “I don’t ever do haunted houses!”

The two of them start bickering, though the teasing twinkle in their eyes tells you that it’s all in good fun. And it’s beautiful to see, though you can tell Seokjin is not all the way in yet.

You can’t blame him - Ria did lead him on for a while. But you can only hope that they’ll make it despite everything. When he throws an arm around her shoulder to pull her in, kissing the top of her head, you reckon they will.

If anyone makes it through the college experience without breaking up, it’ll be them, and Nabi and Namjoon. At least you hope so.

You meet up with Nabi and Namjoon when you go to the area where multiple food stands have been erected. You and Yoongi get corn dogs, only because you haven’t eaten them in forever and you feel like indulging tonight.

Like forgetting that, three days ago, you broke your heart and Jungkook’s heart with words you didn’t mean, all because your brother took you by surprise while you were with Jungkook.

Speaking of Taehyung, you notice him on the other side of the food court-like area, surrounded by his group of friends. He sees you, waving halfheartedly at you like he expects you might have forgiven him already.

You haven’t. As a matter of fact, the sight of him out and about enjoying himself after he caused Thursday’s heartbreak makes you hate him even more, and you turn away from him to focus on your friends’ conversation. But you can’t join in - your thoughts have run back to Thursday, to the feeling of Jungkook’s gentle hands all over you as you’d had sex, and then as you’d taken a shower together.

Your thoughts run back to your love confessions, that you both didn’t register because you were too angry, too caught up in the moment. But you know he said he fell in love with you, just like you did with him.

And that, most of all, is the reason why you hate Taehyung. Because no amount of loving Jeon Jungkook could save the relationship when your brother was so keen on destroying it.

You take a deep breath as heaviness settles on you, and Nabi sidles closer to you, nudging you gently.

“Don’t think about it right now,” she whispers for just you to hear.

You swallow around the lump in your throat. “It’s hard.”

“I know,” she gently says. “I know it’s hard, and I know you probably wish you weren’t here right now. But this is a good distraction, no? You loved it last year.”

You did. You’d ended up coming here four times before the fair closed shop for the year, and each time you had had the time of your life, messing around with your friends with not a single care for the world around you.

Needless to say, you’ve lost that unbothered attitude now, the frivolity of it completely forgotten.

You sigh, meeting Nabi’s gaze for a few seconds. “I’m trying. It doesn’t help that Taehyung is here, though.”

“You want me to go kick his ass?” Nabi asks. You chuckle, and a smile tickles at the corner of your lips. Nabi grins at the sight of it. “You’re going to be okay,” she promises. “We’ll make sure of it.”

You can only hope that she’s right.

After eating, you all head to the maze. You team up with the girls, racing the boys to the end. Evidently you get lost, and you manage to laugh around with your friends even through the heaviness on your shoulders. You’re lost somewhere in the middle of the maze when your phone rings in your purse with three incoming text messages.

You reckon you know who texted you. Considering that all of your friends are here with you tonight, there’s only one person you think could have texted you.

So you stop walking, Ria and Nabi stopping a step ahead of you, and you pull your phone out of your purse, heart dropping to your ass.

[7:27 pm] JK: hey so i’ve been thinking and there’s some stuff i need to get off my chest [7:27 pm] JK: sorry for the long message [7:28 pm] JK: I want to apologize for everything. I’m sorry, so sorry that I couldn’t make it work. I’m sorry Paris happened, I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you right away. I wish I’d been, maybe we’d be together now. But I had to fuck it up, multiple times honestly and I think it’s proof that I definitely am not ready to be in a relationship. I wanted to try tho, I really did. I think you and I could have been something great. And lately I’ve been wondering if, maybe we made it in another universe. Like… I can’t accept that there’s no universes out there where we make it, you know? Because I really love you. I’ve loved you since the day I met you and you ran into me. I fell for you the second I saw you, and then I found out you were Tae’s sister, and the rest is history. But I wanted you to know it, to know that I love you and that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I fucked it up. I’d take everything back if I could, I’d save you the heartbreak, but life doesn’t work that way. so yeah… i’m really sorry peach… I hope we can make it in the next life

You can’t breathe. You can’t breathe for a whole minute as you reread again and again, and Ria and Nabi stand next to you, asking what’s wrong. You can’t say anything - you think your heart has stopped beating altogether.

You hand your phone to Ria, and she and Nabi read the messages while tears prick at your eyes, adrenaline flushing through you.

“Holy fuck,” Ria curses under her breath, and she meets your gaze. “Y/n, do you know where he is?”

You don’t. You have no clue where he’s gone to hide after he left Thursday, and you think you might be sick. “I don’t know,” you answer. “I don’t know, I don’t know.”

Tears fall from your eyes, and you grab your phone, immediately pressing on the call button. It goes to voicemail right away, and you choke on a sob as Nabi grabs your arm, pulling you behind her.

You were almost at the end of the maze, luckily, and the second you’re out you take off, your friends yelling your name behind you. Apparently, the boys made it out first, because there’s a chorus of ‘What is going on?’ as you run back towards the last place where you saw Taehyung.

Your brother is not there, and though you’re out of breath, you sprint down another alley, where a bunch of artists sell paintings and bracelets and everything in between. You try calling Jungkook again, but it once again goes to voicemail.

You’re about to throw up. You’ll fucking throw up your corn dog, you’ll fucking lose him, irreparably. The fear takes hold of you, sweeps through you until you’re shaking, tears falling freely like they have a mind of their own. You can barely think around the loud beats of your heart, around the sound of the blood gushing into your ears.

You can’t think around the thought that Jungkook is about to hurt himself.

“Y/n!” Namjoon says behind you, and you spin around to see he’s the only one who managed to follow you. Your other friends are just now turning into the alley, and they rush towards you.

“Where’s my brother?” you ask, and you choke on another sob.

Taehyung is likely the only person here who might know where Jungkook is.

Namjoon looks over his shoulder as Ria skids to a halt next to you. “I don’t know,” he answers, and you almost want to punch him.

How is he so intelligent and doesn’t fucking know that?

“Have you guys seen Taehyung?” you ask your other friends as they all stop next to you. “I need to find him.”

They all nod, and you disperse throughout the fair, searching for your brother.

“Why don’t you call him?” Yoongi asks, and you startle - you didn’t notice he’d followed you.

And you find yourself stupid for not thinking about it before. Instead of trying to call Jungkook again - you’ve been trying constantly since you received his messages - you go to Taehyung’s contact, calling him.

He picks up on the third ring. “Finally talking to me?” he drawls.

“Where are you?” you ask.

He must hear the panic in your voice, because he answers, “In line for the haunted house. Is something wrong?”

You hang up, not replying, instead sprinting towards the haunted house. You indeed find Taehyung next to it, though he’s not in line anymore, like he knew you’d come see him.

“Where’s Jungkook?” you ask, the panic in your voice so stark you see the colours fading from his features.

“Why?”

“Where the fuck is Jungkook?” you repeat, and tears once again roll on your cheeks.

Ariane steps closer to you, resting a hand on your arm. “Y/n, what’s wrong?”

You break down. You fully break down, hiding your face in your hands. Yoongi explains the situation while Ariane pulls you into a hug, and you cry on her shoulder, clutching the fabric of her sweater - Taehyung’s sweater - as if that'll stop you from breaking.

“He’s at home,” Taehyung says, pulling you from Ariane’s arms. “He’s at home, Y/n. Let’s go.”

You nod, and you both take off, leaving Ariane and Yoongi behind. They don’t try to follow, clearly sensing that this is something you and Taehyung need to do alone.

You’re frantic on the ride home, one leg bouncing up and down as Taehyung drives, and you urge him to go faster.

“It won’t do us any good if we get in an accident before getting home,” Taehyung answers, but you notice he does accelerate.

“Should we call the police?” you ask when you stop at a red light.

It only then occurs to you that you might walk in to find Jungkook hurt.

“We’re almost there,” Taehyung says gently.

You are. You’d likely get there before the police would.

You’re crying again, the panic and terror swimming through your blood so loud you can’t think anymore.

You don’t know what you’ll do if Jungkook hurt himself. If you get home to find him…

You don’t dare finish the thought.

It feels like an eternity before Taehyung finally parks the car near the apartment, and you’re flying out of it before it’s gone to a full stop. Taehyung doesn’t comment, and you’re sprinting faster than ever, climbing up the stairs to your apartment in a record time. You try the door, but it’s locked, and you curse as you search through your purse, but you don’t have the keys.

You don’t have the keys.

“I got you,” Taehyung says as he reaches the top of the stairs, keys already in hand.

He unlocks the door in no time, and the second it’s open you crash in, skidding to a halt as you scan the apartment with your gaze. The door to the bathroom is open, revealing that it’s empty. So is the kitchen, but light filters from underneath Jungkook’s bedroom door.

You run to the door, push it open as your heart beats so fast you’ll likely go into cardiac arrest.

Jungkook is sitting in front of his gaming PC, and he turns his head towards you, gaze going wide at the sight of your distressed state.

“You came?” he lets out.

You just stand there, watching him. Taking in the sight of him, alive and unharmed, playing computer games like he always does. It’s enough to make you break down again, and you fold on yourself, tears streaming down your face.

“I uh…” Taehyung trails off from behind you. “I’ll let you guys talk.”

Soft footsteps move towards you, and gentle hands pull you up and inside the room. You don’t see anything through the blinding waterfall in your eyes, and all you can do is sob harder when you’re pulled into someone’s arms.

Jungkook’s arms. They wrap around you, strong and steady, holding you close to him. Your fists clench on the fabric of his oversized white t-shirt, and you cry as you rest your forehead on his chest.

He holds you as all the anxiety rushes out of you in the form of endless tears, and you just cry and cry, the relief that he’s safe and sound so intense you feel whiplash.

Eventually, Jungkook makes you sit down on his bed, and he gently takes off your shoes. He then lies next to you, pulling you down, and you rest your head on his chest, the flow of tears finally slowing down.

It comes to a full stop when Jungkook kisses the top of your head, his arms around you momentarily tightening.

“You’re an idiot,” you say, voice raucous from all the crying.

“I assume this is about the message I sent you?”

You frown, lifting your head to meet his gaze. His eyes are red-rimmed, and you only then realize that he’s been crying with you all along. “Gosh, Kook,” you let out, fresh tears welling up in your eyes, but you manage to blink them away. “I thought you were going to hurt yourself.”

“Oh.” He worries at his piercings for a few seconds, then adds, “I wasn’t.”

“You sounded like you were.”

His eyebrows almost touch over his eyes. “Oh?”

“‘I hope we can make it in the next life’” you narrate. “Doesn’t that sound like what someone would say before…” you trail off, unable to say the words, the fear still impacting you despite the fact that you’re realizing he was never in any danger.

He winces. “Now that you say it like that, I guess it does sound bad.” He scrunches up his nose. “Sorry?”

“Fuck,” you curse. “Jungkook.”

“I really am sorry, I didn’t want to worry you,” he insists. He pulls you down, forcing you to rest your head back on his chest. “I just wanted to tell you how I feel. And I knew I’d say it wrong if we were talking face to face, so I just put everything down in that message.” He chuckles, though you hear him gulp. “I wrote it all in my notes app before sending it to you.” He pauses, and his lips ghost the top of your head. “My therapist said I should write down how I feel, and reading it after, I realized I wanted you to know too.”

Your hand is resting on his abdomen, and you shift it until it’s wrapped around him, pulling his body closer.

“I love you too, Jungkook,” you whisper. “Maybe not for as long as you… but I love you too.”

“I know,” he murmurs in the same tone. “I know, peach.”

You blink away the new onslaught of tears that threatens to spill on your cheeks, and coincidentally on his shirt. “We do need to talk, though.”

“I know.”

You take a deep breath, trying to find courage. As if speaking to Jungkook is scary, dangerous.

But then again, this is just Jungkook. This is the man who took care of you when you were upset on Valentine’s Day, who took care of you at every party you attended last semester.

This is the man who was ready to lose his friendship with his best friend if that meant having you. And you realize then that there’s nothing to be scared about. It’s just you and Jungkook.

It was always going to be you and Jungkook, wasn’t it?

“I’m sorry too,” you admit. “For being so afraid of Taehyung’s reaction. And I wasn’t wrong to be.” You lift your head to eye the purple-turning-to-yellow mark on his cheek. It’s streaked with a linear scab, where the punch cut his skin. “I can’t believe he punched you.”

“I was expecting it.”

You look a little higher, meeting his gaze. “Why didn’t you try to stop him?”

His Adam’s apple bobs and he takes a deep breath. “I thought I deserved it.”

“Jungkook…”

“I did,” he affirms. “Did you know he told me not to touch you, ever, before I even met you?”

You frown. “That sounds like Taehyung.”

“Yeah…” Jungkook takes another deep breath, and you move your hand to hold his shoulder, thumb ghosting on the side of his neck. “And yet I did.”

“I’m happy that you did,” you whisper. “All the time we spent together last semester… I loved it, you know? I really fell for you.”

“I’m lucky you did,” he replies, and he pecks the top of your head. “But then again I treated you like shit. I should have pushed Gabrielle away before she even kissed me. But I just thought I was helping her.”

“It’s okay,” you reassure him. “I stopped being upset with you about it the second she told me everything.” You hold him a little tighter for a few seconds. “She was rooting for us, you know?”

Jungkook nods. “I know. She told me.” He sighs, and his lips brush the top of your head again, as if he’s trying to anchor you here.

To anchor himself here, with you, just lying in his bed, slowly forgetting the world.

“I’m sorry about Lisa,” he adds after a few beats of silence. “I really didn’t expect you to ever show up like that.”

“I should have texted you first,” you say as your heart clenches in your chest at the memory of Lisa in his shirt, of every scene of them together you imagined during your countless sleepless nights. “You had every right to try to move on with someone, you know?”

“But you didn’t,” he points out. “I should have held out for longer.”

“Jungkook,” you say sternly, lifting your head to meet his gaze again. “You couldn’t have known that I’d come back. You had the right to move on.”

His gaze is lined with silver, big doe eyes shining softly in the dim light from his PC monitor, and from the LED lights strung all around his room. They shine a gentle yellow tonight, so unlike the red you’re used to.

“I’m still sorry about it,” he murmurs, lower lip quivering.

“Stop,” you whisper, cupping his cheek. “Stop, Kook. I can’t lie and say that it didn’t hurt, but I was never mad at you for it. Not even for a single second.”

“I don’t deserve you,” he says, and tears spill from his eyes.

You’re quick to dry them with your thumb. “It’s not a question about who deserves who or what,” you say, and you move until you can pull his face into your chest. “It’s never been about that.”

“But I don’t deserve you.” He chokes on the words, and you run a hand through his hair, massaging his scalp soothingly.

“You do,” you say. “You really do, Jungkook. You were here for me all those months. You treated me well despite Taehyung being a concern, despite the fact that I never really fully gave myself to you because of him.” You blink away the wetness in your gaze. “You deserve me because you love me,” you add, and your heart warms in your chest.

It only occurs to you then how real the feelings are. They’ve always been there, always been strong, but now they have a name, and you think it’s the most beautiful name in the universe.

You were right to chase cars around his head, after all.

“You deserve me because you love me,” you repeat, “and because I love you.”

“I do love you,” he says softly. “I really do.”

You can’t help yourself - every single second of your life has led to this moment. You pull away, and he looks up at you as you lean forward. As you softly press your lips on his, and as you swallow the soft sigh he lets out. You kiss him gently, your heart syncing with his, the cars now chasing themselves around both of your heads.

And you do forget the world, as you kiss him. It’s just you and him, like it’s always been meant to be. Just you and Jeon Jungkook, and your souls fusing into one. And maybe the three words aren’t enough, maybe ‘I love you’ can’t convey everything that you feel for Jungkook, but you reckon you have an eternity in front of you to demonstrate the feelings, in all of their glory.

And you kiss for your own little eternity, not ever falling into desire and passion territory. You ride the wave of the love between you and Jungkook - a gentle wave, like those a soft breeze summons on the surface of a lake in the summer. No, you just kiss with all of the love you share, and it burns brighter than the moon ever could, rivalling the Sun.

You wonder, do the stars see you shining in the sky outside? Do they know of the love that was born between you and Jungkook all those months ago?

The kiss ends gently, much like it started. Your eyelids flutter open to meet Jungkook’s soft gaze, and you take in the emotions swirling in the depths of his eyes, reflecting those in yours.

“Thank you,” you whisper.

He frowns slightly. “For what?”

“For telling me how you felt,” you reply. “For sending that message, even though I misinterpreted the end.”

He offers you a small smile, his lips barely curving upwards yet his eyes shining bright. “You deserved to know.”

“And you deserved to know that it’s all reciprocated,” you say. “I’m in love with you, Jeon Jungkook.”

The sparkles in his eyes explode into the most beautiful fireworks. “You’re getting cheesy on me,” he teases.

“And what about it?”

He pulls you down in another kiss, though this time it’s much shorter, more a quick peck than a deep love confession.

“I like it,” he admits. “Be as cheesy as you want.”

“I will be,” you promise, eyes twinkling with mischief.

His answering laugh is oh so healing, and you use it to cure the wounds on your heart.

To cure those on his heart, too.

“I do need to say,” you say a few minutes later, after you’ve laid your head back on his chest, “that I’m sorry about what I said to Taehyung Thursday. It was never a lapse of judgment, and I really don’t know why I said that.”

“It really hurt,” Jungkook admits, and you hold him tighter, trying to erase the past. “But at the same time, I do get why you said it. You were just trying to get Taehyung off our backs.”

“I was, but it wasn’t the right way to do it,” you say. “It was stupid, and hurtful, and I really didn’t mean it at all.”

“It’s okay.” Jungkook’s mouth brushes the top of your head, and he adds in a whisper, “It’s okay.”

You don’t think it is, but then again, there’s a lot of things you need to leave in the past if you want to be able to move forward with him.

You both made mistakes, a lot of them, but holding onto them won’t bring you anywhere positive.

“You know,” Jungkook says. “I suck at relationships.”

You lift your head to meet his gaze. “You don’t.”

“No, but I do,” he insists. “I’ve never had a real girlfriend. As you know, Gabrielle was just… a cover?”

“Yeah…” you trail off, resting your head on his chest again. “Did you guys ever…”

He chuckles. “Yeah. Once, when we were seventeen. She said she couldn’t really know if she was gay if she didn’t try having sex with a guy once.”

“How did that go?”

You hear the wince in Jungkook’s tone as he says, “Poorly. It was my first time, and hers too obviously, and it was entirely shit.”

You laugh, patting his chest. “Don’t worry, you’ve gotten a lot better.”

“Oh did I now?” Jungkook teases and he pushes you off his chest, forcing you to lie on your back so that he can climb over you.

Your laugh turns into a giggle as he hides his face in your neck, his breath tickling you, and you retaliate by tickling his sides.

He bursts out laughing, falling on the side next to you. “How dare you!”

You rest your hand on his stomach, stopping him before he can climb on top of you again. “I want to know more,” you say, falling serious.

He cocks an eyebrow, his grin slowly fading. “Know more?”

“About you,” you say. “I feel like I don’t know a lot about you, despite all the time we spent together.”

Maybe because there always were too many secrets between you and Jeon Jungkook.

But not anymore, not ever again.

“What do you want to know?” he asks.

“Everything.”

He widens his gaze, laughing softly. “It’s going to take the whole night.”

“I don’t care,” you insist. “I want to know everything that makes you, you.”

He wets his lips, toying with his piercings. “And do I get to know more about you, too?”

You nod forcefully. “I’ll answer every question.”

There’s a silence as you just share a look, until Jungkook turns on his back, looking up at the ceiling. You just stare at his profile, wondering what question he’ll ask first.

“We should go on a date,” he says, taking you by surprise. He looks at you again, before adding, “On a real, proper date. Like in the movies. And then you could ask me all your questions.”

You snort. “You want to go on a date with me?”

“Of course,” he says. “Friday night at eight pm. Wear your best clothes.”

“You’re deadass?”

He narrows his gaze at you. “Yes? Why wouldn’t I be?”

You shrug, cheeks dusting with pink. “Does that mean that we’re…”

“That we’re?” Jungkook presses when you never finish the sentence.

“That we’re dating?”

Your heart beats out of your chest at the question - it holds the weight of the universe. Two hours ago, you would have never believed you’d get to ask Jungkook that, ever.

Yet here you are, and when his gaze fills with all the warmth of love and summer days and everything in between, you know the answer.

“Well…” he trails off. “If you want to. We can also take it slow if you prefer?”

“What about a little bit of both?”

Jungkook chuckles. “How would that work?”

“I mean…” You lie on your back, looking up at the ceiling as you search for the right words to say. “As you said, you suck at relationships, and so do I. So maybe we can learn along the way? Do things the right way this time around?”

He’s smiling when you turn your head to look at him again. “Yes,” he agrees. “One day at a time.”

The kiss that follows starts slowly, softly, gently, but it escalates quickly, led by the lingering fear that you could have lost him tonight. It burns with passion, Jungkook’s tongue pushing into your mouth, and you let out a breathy sound as he climbs back on top of you, his knee parting your legs.

You wrap them around his waist to hold him closer, your arms snaking around his neck.

It’s all kisses and soft moans and whispered confessions until you’re naked, entwined, your bodies joined in the most intimate of ways. Jungkook muffles your moans with his lips on yours, and you pour all of your love into the kisses, in the way your hips lift to meet his.

When Jungkook climaxes, you hold him even closer - you’d be dumb to let him go. Not when it was always meant to be him. Not when your love for him is growing, flourishing inside of your heart, of your soul, to form the most beautiful garden.

A garden of you and him, of feelings shared and confessed, of yearning and longing that only led to this beauty. To this moment of you and him together - to this first moment of you and him together of the long list that will follow.

And later, before you fall asleep in his embrace, you whisper against his skin, “I love you.”

He whispers it back, and the reciprocity of the feelings shines on you through the night, like it will shine on you from this day on until you dwindle into stardust, to be carried on a wind of eternity.

Prev | Chapter 15.5 | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

I told you the angst was almost over :') which is good, bc there's only two chapters left. I hope this one managed to heal you guys a little, tho it started off sad. The last two chapters are for healing but first, what did you guys think of this one?

#chasing cars ch 15 #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook fic #jungkook #jjk angst #jjk smut #jjk fluff #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk fic #jjk #jeon jungkook #btswritersclub #chasing cars #chasing cars series

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vexxandra · 2 months ago

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for those scared of love (timeless pick-a-card)

recently had someone come into my life, this pac is for me <///333 01-11-24

pile 1 > pile 2 pile 3 > pile 4

pile 1

i feel this hyper independance about you. perhaps you have a serious appearance or a stern personality, but i get the sense that you do not like relying on others. this may be where your fear comes from. love requires co-operation, but how can you entrust your heart in the hands of another? you are so smart, strong and confident, able to pull anyone you so desire, so why are you so scared?

i feel like love is the one problem you cannot face. it's like the sun, so beautiful yet blinding- you can't help but look away. that is okay. it is okay to be scared. love is scary, i understand; what if you fall? oh but my darling, what if you fly? opening your heart will do you more good than bad, and i can tell you this with the utmost confidence.

pile two

the heartbroken pile, i see you. i feel you. i feel your fear. i feel your jaded cynicism, the soft beating of your glass heart, pieced together back and back again. i feel the tears on your cheek, faded, but flowing like the carvings of bark on a tree. you most likely either have someone in mind right now, or are recently recovering from something. regardless, you are overthinking so very much. and how could you not? you feel as if the world is against you- that you in particular never seem to get the greener grass or the brighter stars.

this situation you are living is scaring you, but is it really all that scary? are the monsters beings of your mind, or are they real? you are thinking too much i feel. take a breather, tap into your heart and slip away from the moment for a while. everything will turn out wonderfully, you will be so happy in the end. (ps: i recommend listening to some ambient noises like pink or brown to help quiet the worry thoughts).

pile three

im confused pile three, are you? there were a lot of contradictions in your cards, they were so hard to read. do you know what you want? asking with love of course. perhaps you are an indecisive person, and i feel like you don't like staying in the same place or situation for too long. you have this beautiful energy, but it all goes out the window when it comes to love. by which i mean you tend to self-sabotage yourself in the endless pursuit of answers.

i feel like this reading in particular is less about love and more about your mindset. i feel like you must work on this part of you that keeps you trapped in your brain, and you will be so much happier in all fields. i feel like you must work on this before getting into a serious relationship with a person, because it'll cause unnessecary worry for you, and i do not want you to suffer.

pile four

have you felt called to pile one? i see some similarities there, so feel free to check it out if you so desire. i feel as if your fear stems from insecurity. im getting the vibe that you dont know if people are being genuine with you or not. a specific example that will most certainly not apply to everyone is being rejected constantly during your youth, but after glowing up, everyone is flocking towards you. i feel as if you try to convince yourself you dont need love, that it is better if you stay single. there are truly so many similiarities between this pile and pile one. all of these piles have corresponding pairs which i think is cool

you are guarded with your heart, unwilling to let the wrong person in. good news is, i think you are more than emotionally mature enough to have a secure partner if you so desired it, and i see that someone intelligent and able to match your standards will be coming in soon. take care pile four, and remember that you are beautiful from the inside out, always and forever.

#pac #pick a pile #tarot #pick a card #tarot reading #pac tarot #pac reading #intuition #intuitive readings #intuitive messages #intuitive #tarot free reading #tarot readings

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martian-astro10 · 9 months ago

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D9/ Navamsa chart observations - Part 2

Moon AND saturn in the 4th is a very strong indicator of an arrange marriage. (especially, if you're from a place where it's common. Even if you're from the west, your parents will be the one to first notice your partner or they could be a family friend's child) (the situation can be similar to the series "the summer i turned pretty")

Moon in 5th can give you a partner who is very good at taking care of kids. It works the best when moon is in cancer or taurus. (if you're a woman and you have this, then you're truly blessed. Your husband is gonna be very supportive during pregnancy, and won't have the "women are supposed to take care of kids, men are supposed to work" mentality and I Consider this to be a win)

(saturn in 5th gives you a spouse who is more "disciplinarian", the parent who is more authoritative, basically the bad cop, whereas moon in 5th gives you a spouse who is more of a "coddler", the parent to whom the children go to when they want to complain about the other parent, the good cop. Remember, both have to work together to raise a good kid)

Mars in 1st, if unafflicted can give really good results, you will have all the good qualities of mars- responsible, productive, healthy, passionate. But if in taurus, libra or cancer, or aspected by malefic planets, then you'll constantly pick fights with your spouse and also if the person who has this is a man.......then (i always tell women not to marry a guy if he has afflicted Mars in 1st in d9)

The Mars in 1st can be controlled if saturn is also there in 1st, but it's better if your AC is in capricorn or aquarius, because this will give you a spouse who is mature and can tame that Mars in 1st energy but if the AC is in cancer or aries then your spouse may leave because of your anger issues or they may just stop loving you.

Sun in 7th means that you'll have a dominating spouse, but in a good or a bad way depends on your d1. Unlike with sun in 4th, this works better when you and your spouse both are dominant. If you are a Mars, Sun, or Jupiter dominant then this placement is good, but if you are a mercury, Venus or saturn dominant, then you'll feel suffocated in your married life and your spouse may not be able to understand your emotions. (it's better when sun is in leo, aries or sagittarius)

(just act like you can't see that mark on srk's face, I couldn't remove it😖😖)

Venus in 3rd can give you a super flirty spouse, if Venus is in aries or scorpio then your partner can have a wandering eye 🥲 (sory) but if it's in taurus, libra or pisces then... CUTE. I've seen this placement in a few people and their spouse (male/female) was so affectionate with them, it's literally a heart eye emoji placement. (if you don't have any other karmic placement in d9 then this is one of THE BEST placement ever, I love it)

Mercury in 10th can indicate you and your spouse working together, you guys can be great business partners since you have a similar vision for how things should be. (it's better if you have this, but 7th house is in pisces or cancer, otherwise, the relationship can be all business with not enough love to keep it going)

Venus in 8th is another placement that I do not like (you guys are probably thinking that I hate Venus but I don't😭). Anyways, I have seen this placement in a lot of men that stay with their wives because the sex is good and women who stay with their husbands because they don't want to earn money on their own) the relationship can also just be sex sex sex. It's better if saturn is aspecting Venus or if Venus is in pisces, cancer or gemini

Ketu in 1st.... is unfortunately a karmic placement, you may trust the wrong people and end up marrying someone who will cheat on you. I have noticed that people with this placement find it really difficult to be alone. I would recommend you to stay unmarried till atleast 30, and be alone, and be alone because you WANT to be not because you're forced to be. Learn to enjoy your own company, hang out with your friends, pursue a hobby and do things for yourself

I know a person who has Jupiter in 4th and she has such a good relationship with her mother in law, her MIL loves her more than her husband, it's really cute. If Jupiter is not debilitated then you can be very close with your own mother as well. This placement also indicates a partner who was raised by a single mother or just someone who grew up around a lot of women, like a lot of sisters.

#astrology #vedic astrology #astroblr #astrology content #astrology community #navamsa chart #d9 chart #navamsa

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dalovestation · 19 days ago

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The Next Track : What's Next in Love?

what's next for your love story? pick your track, press play, and let the cards reveal the next hit on your love playlist!

before listening: remember that the power is always in your hands, not only is this just a general reading, it will either resonate or it won't, but also this is only the current energy of things. energies can always change, only you can change your fate. nothing is set in stone :) take a deep breath & pick a pile tip jar. ♥︎ paid services

Pile One ⠀ ♪

You’ve been working hard to create a stable and fulfilling life for yourself, but there’s a quiet part of you that feels like something’s missing. You’ve learned to rely on yourself so much that you sometimes wonder if emotional connection is even worth the effort. Deep down, you might feel like letting people in has only ever led to disappointment or complications. You have a tendency to second-guess your emotions, especially when it comes to love and vulnerability. Maybe you’ve dealt with people who were inconsistent, emotionally immature, or who didn’t respect your boundaries, which left you feeling like you have to do all the emotional heavy lifting. Now, you may keep your guard up, unsure whether others are capable of meeting your depth and sincerity. At the same time, there’s a part of you that craves genuine love—a kind that’s calm, steady, and safe. You dream of a connection with someone who understands you without you having to explain yourself repeatedly, someone who offers love in a way that feels healing rather than draining. You want a partner who’s emotionally present, someone who matches your maturity and can help you feel secure in love again. Still, you might struggle with overthinking or even self-doubt. You sometimes catch yourself replaying situations in your head, wondering if you were “too much” or not enough. Maybe you hesitate to express how you really feel because you’re afraid it might be misunderstood or used against you. These fears are valid—after all, you’ve had to learn the hard way that not everyone values love the same way you do.

But here’s the exciting part: there’s a spark coming into your life. It could be a person or a situation that reignites your hope and excitement for love. It’s bold, thrilling, and full of potential to transform the way you view relationships. It won’t just bring passion; it’ll remind you of the joy and beauty of connection. The person or situation entering your life next is likely to feel entirely different from what you’ve experienced in the past. They embody emotional maturity, kindness, and the ability to connect on a level that feels safe and reassuring. This could be someone who understands the complexities of relationships, who isn’t afraid of vulnerability, and who approaches love with patience and care. Their energy will feel steady and comforting, like an anchor after a storm.

This next chapter in your love story isn’t just about finding someone—it’s about rediscovering your power to embrace love while still standing firm in your independence. It’s about letting yourself feel the passion and excitement that you’ve been longing for, without losing the sense of self you’ve worked so hard to build.

Pile Two ⠀ ♪

You might feel like you’re constantly at a crossroads, reflecting on where you’ve been and where you’re going. Sometimes it feels like you’re stuck in a cycle, unable to fully break free from old patterns or emotions. You’ve worked hard to create stability in your life, but there’s a lingering sense that something is missing, like there’s a piece of the puzzle you just can’t find. Even when opportunities present themselves, you might feel disconnected from them, unsure if they’re what you truly want or deserve. Deep down, you might struggle with emotional blockages that make it hard to fully open up or embrace new beginnings. There’s a part of you that wonders if love—true, reciprocal love—is even out there for you. Past experiences may have left you feeling like relationships are unbalanced, where you give more than you receive. You’ve likely dealt with people who took advantage of your kindness or made you question your worth. These experiences might make you cautious, reluctant to fully trust or hope for something better. At times, you might feel torn between wanting to connect and fearing the vulnerability that comes with it. You could overthink interactions, replaying conversations in your head or wondering if you’ve done too much or too little. You have high standards for yourself and for others, and you’re deeply aware of how unfair life or love has felt in the past. This self-awareness, while powerful, can sometimes make you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

But here’s the truth: you’re entering a phase where you reclaim your power and step into your full potential. The energy coming into your life is one of balance and reciprocity, where you finally experience the kind of connection that feels equal and fulfilling. You’re learning to embody confidence, to own your worth, and to stand unapologetically in your power. You’ll attract people and opportunities that match your energy, who see you for the incredible person you are and are eager to meet you halfway. This next chapter isn’t just about external love—it’s about falling in love with yourself again. It’s about knowing that you deserve respect, admiration, and care without having to overthink or over-give to earn it. The right people and situations will naturally align with you because you’re radiating confidence, self-worth, and clarity.

Pile Three ⠀ ♪

You might feel like you’re in a strange limbo, constantly questioning everything but struggling to find clarity. There’s a part of you that feels like you don’t have the full picture—whether it’s in love, friendships, or your life path. It’s almost as if you’re stuck in a cycle of overthinking and second-guessing your own intuition. You may feel like people are keeping things from you or that you’re disconnected from your own inner knowing. This sense of uncertainty can be frustrating, leaving you wondering if you’re moving forward or just treading water. At the same time, you crave stability, celebration, and a sense of belonging. Deep down, you long for a connection or environment that feels like home—a space where you can truly be yourself without fear of judgment. You might fantasize about building a life filled with joy, partnership, and shared milestones, yet it feels just out of reach. Even when moments of happiness or connection come, there’s a part of you that hesitates to fully embrace them, unsure if they’ll last or if you can trust them to be real. A big part of what’s holding you back is resistance to change. You might be clinging to old patterns, relationships, or fears because they feel familiar, even if they’re not serving you anymore. Transformation can feel scary, especially when it requires letting go of what you thought was certain. You may find yourself revisiting old wounds, memories, or even people, trying to make sense of why they still have a hold on you. It’s as if you’re standing on the edge of change but not quite ready to take the leap. This hesitation might also leave you feeling isolated or disconnected. You might want guidance but avoid reaching out, feeling like you need to figure things out on your own. There’s a fear of being vulnerable, of letting people see your struggles or doubts. But this isolation isn’t helping—it’s keeping you stuck in your own head, where those same questions and fears repeat over and over.

What’s coming for you is the opportunity to finally break free. The universe is urging you to embrace change, to let go of the old patterns and beliefs that are keeping you stuck. You’re being called to trust yourself, to connect with your inner wisdom, and to step into the light after a long period of introspection. This next chapter will bring moments of clarity and joy, moments where you feel like you’re finally stepping into alignment with your true self. It’s about learning to trust the process, even when it feels uncertain, and to lean on others when you need support. You’re moving toward a life where you feel more connected—not just to others, but to yourself and the path you’re meant to walk. It’s time to stop holding onto what’s familiar and take that leap of faith. The transformation you’ve been resisting is exactly what will bring you the joy and freedom you’ve been longing for. Trust that the universe has your back, and let yourself move forward. The only thing standing in your way now is the fear of stepping into your own power.

Thank you for reading, every like & reblog are much appreciated! Much love, the lovecaster

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cannibalbuffe · 10 months ago

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hi! I've honestly been craving some qpr headcanons with Alastor as someone who's also aroace! The concept piques my curiosity so much considering most of the stuff with him is purely romantic (no offense to those writers, I just wanna see more qpr stuff! :])

Of course! But do forgive me, annon, I got so carried away with this 😅. I just really like Alastor a lot.

I ended up writing some backstory to your relationship first, but I highlighted the start of the proper qpr headcanons if you feel like skipping that.

Obligatory I'm sorry if this is ooc, I'm still getting used to writing about these characters. This is also all based on my own perception of him.

(Also, I am aware that qprs are very different from one another and there is no single mold for a qpr, I'm just going off of what I think it would be like with Alastor.)

Uhh, I also finished this at 1 AM, so forgive any mistakes. And I'm pretty sure I changed the verb conjugations(? Is this how you say that in English?) from present to past at some point. Sorry. Enough with the A/Ns now. Hope you enjoy!

Alastor queerplatonic relationship headcanons

(gender neutral reader, Alastor x reader)

‼️Trigger-warning‼️: mentions of cannibalism (not graphic), a single mention of tongue-kissing and making out (spoiler: he doesn't want either of those things in this work.) Usage of the word queer, but not as a slur. Alastor is a grandpa and you have to explain LGBTQ+ stuff to him, but he gets it.

› At first, before you were close, it's likely that he didn't see you as an equal.

› Truly, in his eyes, it seems not really is his equal. He is the most powerful overlord in hell and he knows it.

› Unless you are someone he holds in high regard (and this is mostly based on vibes, barely anything to do with power, as we can see by how he is with Lucifer of all people) before your first meeting, like Zestial, you won't be on equal footing at first.

› You only really start getting close when his perception of you shifts.

› You respect his boundaries, you are interesting, you and him share quite a few interests (or not really, but you're at least interested in hearing about his), and you're, surprisingly, pretty wise and mature.

› And caring. I personally believe he would be drawn to that in a way that he may not even understand fully- or realize it at all.

› Still, the point is. He respects you, and you respect him.

› (And not in the way some others do, where they're only "respectful" out of fear. You would act like this regardless of his power.)

› This, by the way, is important. You don't treat him like a superior, but as an equal.

› You'd think someone like him would love to be treated like a superior, and it's true. He very much does.

› But he has to admit to himself that it does feel nice whenever someone isn't shaking in their boots and can hold really good conversations with him while still not being pushy, annoying or just generally disrespectful.

› Anyways.

› Ever since you became friends (which took long), one could say, you just kept becoming closer and closer.

› You were the first one to be vulnerable with him, of course. It happened on accident, but you trusted him enough for that.

› You were also the first one to share any more intimate information with him. Something you wouldn't tell just anyone.

› Between this, your conversations, and maybe even helping each other around (honestly, he probably helps you more than you do him, but you always offer it and always in a sweet way, never condescending, and he appreciates that.)

› He eventually felt more comfortable sharing personal things with you too.

› (He may have distanced himself a bit when he realized this, but it was short-lived. You can't be without each other for so long, and you were pretty upset at his suddenly withdrawal. You may not have mentioned it to him, but he could tell, and as much as he hated to admit it, it hurt him to see you sad because of him.)

› This marks the beginning of the path toward your queerplatonic relationship.

› I mean, you didn't initially label it as such, but it definitely started there.

› Surprisingly, I feel like the first one to ever do any sort of affectionate gesture towards the other was him.

› You knew he didn't like to be touched, so you didn't.

› But! He just started getting more and more comfortable with touching you. At first it was hands on your shoulders, or putting his arm over them.

› I can even see a head pat or two, which he probably passed off as some sort of joke the first few times, but, if you liked them so much, just became a thing he does to you.

› And then one day you, completely absent-mindedly, intertwined your arm with his while walking around.

› When you noticed you had done it and he hadn't said anything, you questioned him about it.

› "Alastor, I'm sorry I didn't ask... is this alright?"

› "This?... Oh, you mean the arms? Ah, dear, don't worry, if it weren't I would have simply told you so!"

› From them on you only got more and more physically affectionate with each other. At first you would usually be the one to start it, but eventually you were both shockingly equal in doing so.

› (You still would always ask if you could touch him beforehand, but after a while he just gave you a free-pass.)

› Not a lot in public, though. Mostly just hand holding, or intertwining arms (if in public, that is.)

› Alastor also was so protective of you. You were the person he treasured most, after all.

› Well, demon.

› Even if you told him you were going to be okay, he would watch out nonetheless. He couldn't afford to lose you, not when he's never trusted and cared for a person this much.

› You two also cuddle a lot. You were the first one to ask, as usual, but now both of you feel weird sleeping alone.

› Alastor loves being the big spoon, if you're doing that.

› But he is also quite fond of occasionally being the little spoon, although he wouldn't be caught dead admitting it.

› A hobby you two do together is cooking. Cooking with Alastor is fun... especially if you're okay with cannibalism.

› But if you don't like that, he won't insist, of course.

› He's pretty good at cooking, though! If you're also good at it, then great. If not, he'll tease you about it (in a friendly way), but still teach you.

› On teasing, he teases you quite a bit, but never in a mean way. If you don't mind, of course.

› You also may tease him occasionally, but he doesn't appreciate you teasing him in public.

› The two of you also have a good amount of inside jokes that probably confuse the hell out of the others.

› Kissing... well. I don't really see Alastor as the type who would enjoy kissing on the lips too much.

› Tongue is out of question for him, as well as any sort of making out, but otherwise... if you like it, he can do that for you.

› He might actually like a peck or two. An acquired taste for him. Don't overdo it, though.

› Of course, him being from the 1930s and not very familiar with anything LGBTQ+ related, he would, at first, be somewhat confused by the request.

› You would probably have to explain to him that nothing is inherently romantic, especially not if you don't want it to be.

› "A kiss on the lips? Well... we aren't courting, Y/n."

› "We can put our own meanings to things, though. Would you like this kiss to be romantic?"

› "Definitely not!"

› "Well, me neither. So it's not!"

› "... That is very sound logic! I can't believe I've never thought of this myself."

› Kisses on the rest of the face are something else, though. He does enjoy it whenever you kiss him on the cheek. He himself might occasionally kiss you on the forehead.

› But overall I don't think he's big on kissing.

› If you want to really solidify that you're in a queerplatonic relationship you'd also have to explain what that means to him, sorry.

› Again, he's old and not up to date with things.

› Thankfully he understands things easily.

› "I see... I suppose we do have quite the queer relationship, don't we? And it is certainly platonic. I don't see why not!"

› Going back to vulnerability. It will never feel fully natural for him to just be vulnerable with you — or anyone else, for the matter.

› (In case you couldn't tell, he's using the word queer as meaning odd (and doing a little pun. You know. Because it's a. Queerplatonic relationship. Queer. Hehehehe), as it defies the norm of what a platonic relationship usually looks like, despite being one.)

› But you know him well enough at this point to recognize whenever there's something going on with him.

› And if you show concern and give him enough time he will share whatever it is with you.

› If it's not anything too big he might even reach out to you first.

› He can also read you like a book and gives surprisingly good advice, and is also pretty good at comforting you.

› You are the only person allowed at his studio while he's live on the radio. You usually read as he speaks in the background, his voice is very relaxing. He enjoys having you around.

› He's also particularly gentlemanly to you, more than to the others. When you're with him you never have to open a single door yourself, for one. If it's raining, he'll hold the umbrella for the two of you. When walking together on the sidewalk, he's always on the side closest to the street instead of you.

› You two often go out for dinner. If you also fancy some cannibalism, he will definitely show you his favorite restaurants around. If not he will just pick the best non-cannibal places (but you know those are not his favorites, haha.)

› He just cares about you a lot, even if it took him long to admit (it may have seemed fast-paced during this, but Alastor is someone who really takes long to get close to.)

› And you care about him lot too!

› (And you're probably never going to be in a life-threatening situation again, at least not at the hands of most demons. Who would ever want trouble with Alastor?)

#alastor x reader #platonic alastor x reader #queerplatonic alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #headcanons #buffet tag

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rootspiral · 11 days ago

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Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 8 part 4

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7])

as usual, I'm billy. WE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW, JAC SCHAEFFER

jen filling the gaps with her own headacanons, i see you girl

they're kinda doing their own little agatha deep dive, lol. she's a fascinating specimen, okay? don't you just want to study her in a petri dish?

billy, who's definitely not been projecting his mommy issues on a whole coven (three dead, several unlocked traumas) and hasn't been following agatha around like a lost puppy in need of a mentor: it'S nOT LoYALitY It'S AnALYSiS

that's agatha's entire son, dear lord. 'maximoffs are so dramatic' my ass.

YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO VIOLENTLY SHOVE HER IN THE WARM EMBRACE OF A COVEN FOR THE PAST THREE TRIALS. for fuck's sake, william.

he's acting so mature and cynical when in fact he's so hurt about the people who died and about agatha's betrayal. he's putting up barriers, he's trying to trick himself into not caring, when crying and letting himself mourn would be much healthier responses! in other words, he's learning alllll of agatha's shitty coping mechanisms.

no but I won't shut up about this, it's the kind of psychological response that really fascinates me. billy has had to learn to lie and censor his true self because he doesn't want to upset his parents. he went through something EXTREMELY traumatic (reincarnating in someone else's dead body? hello?) and he can't process it with the kaplans, he knows it would hurt them too much.

so he finds agatha who is, on paper, someone who can absolutely understand what he's been trough and could totally help and guide him. he's tried to win her over, he's tried to open up, to understand her and to be understood in return. and agatha, DESPITE LOVING THIS KID SO FREAKING MUCH, is so EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED that she has rebuked almost every attempt at a deeper connection. and when you do that to a kid, not only you hurt them, you teach them by example. billy is not mature enough to be the bigger person, he sees agatha hurting him, he'll want to do the same. that's the kind of shit parents imprint on you that will be hell to unlearn as an adult.

agatha, who is - I promise you! - truly hurt by billy's words: ahahaha ouch!

I want to strangle her

one moment of silence for jen who's now alone and stuck in the middle between these two

agatha has somehow managed to sell billy's immortal soul to her ex wife while ALSO breaking her own heart's AND said wife's heart in the process. and she's having A TRULY NORMAL ONE about it.

aaaaand she goes straight for jen (no pun intended). starts slow and bratty with some kindergarten insults.

OUCH, AGATHA. WHAT THE FUCK?!! AND TWIRLING YOUR HAIR?!

YOU FUCKING BITCH.

oh dear lord look at jen's face. this is actually the first time I see everyone's faces (fuck you lighting department) and it's making agatha's behavior even harder to stomach. and yes by the way, this scene is absolutely a metaphor for microaggression. knowing that jen's big moment is coming is only a half-consolation.

also agatha falling on her face, that's maybe a quarter of a consolation.

of course it is. this is the green witch trial, it's about the circle of nature, it's about life and death beginning and ending and beginning again.

here comes the tantrum!!!

now she yells at billy. and he scrambles to justify himself. this is funny but also SO FUCKED UP??

lilia when billy makes a mess: that's okay baby I got you.

agatha when billy makes a mess: oh are you having a problem? I'M GONNA MAKE IT ALLLLLL ABOUT ME! I'M GOING TO MAKE IT FUCKING WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(fuck she's literally my dad. jac schaeffer I'm sending you my therapy bill)

so, anyway. if a parental figure does this to you? they're being vile and immature. I don't care if they've got their own issues, this is abuse.

(and frankly, learn to recognize this pattern in friends and partners and family too. but it's especially egregious when it's done to a literal child.)

and billy going from apologetic to stone faced. barriers up. he needs to protect himself from her.

while agatha huffs and puffs, jen quietly gets on her knees when she sees the shoes. the camera goes from sharon's shoes to lilia's to alice's.

you guys, this episode is... it's so good? it's not in-your-face like episode seven, but it's doing a lot of subtle things that are getting under my skin

agatha of course plans to barrel through her problems like a rouge zamboni, and just look at jen's reaction! I'm astonished at what sasheer zamata is accomplishing in this scene. I admit the first time around I was too fascinated by hahn chewing scenery to look anywhere else, I got a poorer viewing experience for that. jen has had all her walls up, she's been doing her one note mean girl bit for seven episodes. look at her now. she is crumbling.

god I love me a show that takes very funny characters and let you enjoy them only to pull the rug from under your feet and go: now let's examine why all their funny traits are fucked up trauma responses!

JESUS CHRIST AGATHA

agatha notices billy looking at the shoes and of course mocks him about it. what are you going to do, pay actual respect? cry and properly mourn? like some weak baby???

pay attention now: billy gets mad, and agatha suddenly looks at him with interest and, dare I say, expectation? was she provoking him on purpose?

yes, yes she was. that's the evil of agatha harkness. and I'm not saying her tantrum wasn't real, she was absolutely upset and she relished pouring all her spite and anger and desperation into it. but agatha's theatrics are always happening for a reason. when she's alone she's much more subdued; when she's in public, she vents out her overwhelming emotions trough a big fucking show, so she can make it everyone's else problem. that's the equivalent of when an abuser throws a tantrum and somehow always ends up breaking your stuff, never their own. it's both self-soothing and a scare tactic, two birds with one stone. that's why she went after jen and immediately taunted her about lilia. her words were precise and on target. she enjoyed watching jen squirm.

and yelling at billy just now? it was another one of her calculated risks. what billy is going to do next is anyone's guess, but at least they're not stuck on the Road any longer.

I don't know if I'm making myself clear enough. it's like, how can agatha be so smart and such an idiot at the same time? because she's a coward. because she chooses to. because the alternative is facing her own fucking issues and admitting the truth.

and the truth is scary. the truth is too awful.

next up: billy lands them at the morgue.

great job there, agatha!!

go to episode 8 part 5

#agatha all along #agatha deep dive #agatha harkness #jennifer kale #billy maximoff #character study

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this-is-chaos-magick · 7 months ago

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Sorry for rambling but I can't just thinking about this and I need people to listen to me I see Wanda smut fics all the time but I can't find post about analyzing and appreciating her character ( I see other fandoms do it with their fav characters I want one with Wanda too) Everything about Wanda's character is making me so freaking sad like i hate that half of her fans only care about her powers and that she's hot... she's more than that..I know it's fiction and it's not that serious but she makes me insane

She has every reason to be angry and be a Villain. because she didn't ask to suffer she didn't ask to be powerful and when she try to do something good and she did, the government put her in the raft everyone acts like she throws the bomb on the building on purpose when it's the only way to save Captain America and everyone around them. People blamed her for her own suffering and blamed her for a tragedy she didn't even cause, She can never come home because the house where all of her happy memories is made doesn't exist. She tried do everything to prove to everyone that she is good and it's not enough. The girl who only wanted people to accept her, the girl who only wanted to be love, the girl who wanted to be good, wasn't good enough

Her and Pietro is trapped under the rubbles of her own house for 2 days, no cause I can't imagine what that must be like? They know their parents are dead. They don't know if they are going to survive. They don't know if someone is going to come rescue them. And when they got rescued. They probably did not have given the chance to grieve their parents. Her parents body are probably unrecognizable and were buried in a mass grave, They are force to grow up too quickly and they have no choice but to accept it.

The reason she ends up so checked out of reality is probably that horrible things keep happening to her, and she has no choice but to go "ok" and move on from that. The moment she first appeared, the way she behave and act it's obvious she have aggression issues and emotional maturity. She used to go to rallies and protests because the government of her country sucks, (shown in aou) and she grew up with her brother, who probably tried to do everything to stop both of them from starving to death. She joined Hydra because she thought she'd be doing something that would help her and her brother, she didn't join them because she agreed with them. ( It's literally implied that hydra is pretending to be shield and is recruiting volunteers)

She did not throw that bomb on that building on purpose; she's trying to save Steve and the people around her. She literally saved a lot of people's lives there, but people keep focusing on her mistake.

Wanda had done so many good things because she was good despite every reason not to. If she is "evil" from the beginning she would have not side with the avengers and just run away after learning Ultron's real plan

She would have not tried so hard to stop the bombs in Lagos if she did not care about other people's life. she save Natasha's and okoye's life, She did everything she could to stop thanos, she did everything the team ordered her to do.

She doesn't want to kill vision because she's afraid of being alone. Westview happened because she couldn't take it anymore. If She is evil she would have not the of people of that town go

"Why didn't she go to therapy?"

Girl, I don't think therapists in the "M*rvel" can help her. You know how people there react to her. If she goes to a therapist, it will probably make her worse. She wants Vision back because he's the only one who understands and truly loves her, and he treats her better than most people there.

She wants her sons back because they make her feel normal and human.They probably reminds her of her life when she is young before everything went horrible. And I don't want to her that "ThEy ArE nOt rEaL" bullshit, They are real to her, she gave birth them. She feels them kicking in her stomach, she touch them she cooks for them, change their diapers, made memories with them, they are not just objects or toys to her, they are her children, she gave life to them, they have souls, they just don't have a physical body

No cause Wanda is happy in Edinburg with vision, those are probably the times where she feels real happiness and thanos ruined everything.

If thanos didn't come, Wanda and vision will be have a real marriage and probably have adopted real children.

Wanda only want people to accept her, she only wanted to be treated like a human being, she doesn't care about being powerful. All of the crimes she committed happened because ever since she's a little she suffered, and I don't care if there are other people who suffers than her, people process trauma differently.

the way Wanda is influenced with something dark and evil and all of she ever wanted is to hug her sons again, she did not want to rule the entire universe she didn't want anything all she ever wanted is to be with her family

Wanda realize she have the power to do everything she wants (darkhold influ.)

that she has a will and that she can make her self happy and I love her for trying.b and I do think she makes stupid and horrible decisions, but so do I, and that's okay;

She's been a hero, a victim, and a villain. because the writers and the shitty universe she's in, don't know what to make of her they accidentally created a character with so many potential and they don't know what to do next and they just killed her off because they think she's not as important like the rest, and majority of her fans just cares about her powers, they only care that she can "solo" people hated Wanda's character because of that. People won't look deeper into her character because the people that claimed to love her also weaponized her. She is doomed by the narrative, ruined by her some of her "fans" and we might not see her again because the universe she's in sucks.

rahhh I am losing it over a fictional woman who has been dead for (?)2 years :(

sorry again for yapping to much I just love this woman so much, my English is not that great sorry if some words are use incorrectly and I am half asleep while typing this so sorry for typos... goodnight

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majestyeverlasting · 9 days ago

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Hello there, I hope you are well :)

I would like to make a request if that’s okay? -> Joel miller x reader where the reader wakes up all scared because of fireworks that are going on outside and Joel immediately understands why she’s scared and tries to reassure her? 🤍

Thank you so much for this request. I love it so, so much!

𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐠𝐨 | 𝐣𝐨𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫

[Fluff, no outbreak, 1k]

There had been laughter. Earlier this evening, when the people you love fluttered around the house before finally settling together in the living room, tucked into each other. It was the type of laughter that had stomachs pleasantly aching and heads tossed back. Christmas decorations shined outside, but they only represented a fraction of the warmth and light that existed within. You, Joel, Sarah, Ellie, and Tommy made the Miller residence brim with life.

Things were different now that both the girls were in college, but having them back home for winter break made it feel like old times. Like nothing had changed at all. Except, now, they understood the more mature jokes and comments about life that once went over their heads. Joel was especially grateful to have them back. They could see right through him, but he had yet to outwardly let on how much he’d truly missed them.

Tommy, ever the bachelor, claimed that when the time came for him to start a family of his own, he would have already had front-row seats to good parenthood thanks to his brother’s example. Joel tried to brush off the compliments, but Sarah and Ellie jumped in, jokingly expressing something along the lines of if you were a crappy father, we wouldn’t come around as much. That was as good a sign as any.

It was little things like that, those playful, indirect admissions of love that made it easy to put your heart into hosting all of them alongside Joel’s. Making sure everyone was fed, comfortable, and enjoying themselves.

As things started to wind down, Tommy suggested all of you go out and catch the tail end of the local holiday parade because there was a surprise scheduled at the end of the route. Sarah and Ellie were immediately on board, but the tug of sleep weighed down on you too strongly to agree to go.

Joel stayed behind with you because you always voiced what he was feeling too. You fell asleep on the couch, his strong arm draped over your shoulders.

•••

The first explosive burst barely registers, pinging on outskirts of your mind. It isn’t until more arise in quick succession that you’re starling awake. Heart jumping in your chest as that inescapable, gripping feeling melts down your body. Thick and unyielding, it presses down on you as you grow rigid. You’re reminded of slamming doors and shouting voices to the point where you’re unintentionally bracing for whatever loud sound is next. Because something always came next. It’s a knee-jerk reaction more than anything.

When Joel stirs, heleans over to the side table to turn the lamp. The warm light that fills the room does little to dispel the hot adrenaline still coursing through your veins. You’re vibrating in your own skin.

“You’re alright,” he assures gruffly, pulling you closer into his side. He doesn’t miss the way you interlock your fingers in hopes of stilling your shaking hands. “Here, lemme see…” He pulls his arm from around you with the intent to take your hands in his, but you make a small sound and quickly shake your head.

So he keeps holding you, glad that the solid warmth of his frame puts you at ease. Still set on easing your shaking, he manages to take both of your hands in one of his large ones, squeezing just tightly enough that you’re able to focus on the pressure more than the noise of the fireworks.

The skin of his knuckles is a bit battered from work, but his gentleness remains unchanged. The care he always handled you with hadn’t been taught, but was the result of something that had been honed and perfected from the moment he first held Sarah in his arms. Once someone who’d roughed his way through the world, he’d learned that tenderness was capable of getting him just as far. So he never let it go.

Still holding you close, he whispers, “I guess fireworks were the surprise.” He continues rubbing your shoulder so you have another touchpoint to focus on as the show continues outside.

You nod at his words, appreciating the distraction of his voice. “They didn’t get me good enough on the fourth of July, so they’re trying again.”

Joel doesn’t mean to chuckle, but it creeps up on him before he can stop it. A weak smile tugs at your own lips as he gives you an apologetic squeeze. He’d never made fun of your fears. Not unless you did it first or let on that it was okay.

“Sorry for getting like this whenever—”

“Hey,” he interjects lightly. “I don’t mind doing this. That’s what I’m here for.”

It’s a promise he’s repeated countless times before. Even when he wasn’t with you, you could hear his words of assurance in your head. That alone makes you press a kiss to his shoulder over the fabric of his shirt. In turn, he kisses your forehead, letting his warm lips linger for a few seconds.

When he pulls away from you completely, you’re free to brush your fingertips along his jaw and guide his lips to yours. He hums into it and smiles when you pull away.

“Thank you,” you murmur. Another series of bursts outside make your back straighten.

Joel pecks your lips one last time before heading towards the front door. “It’ll help if you see ‘em…” he briefly steps out onto the porch, looking up into the sky. Nothing. When he comes back inside, he heads towards the back.

You push yourself up from the couch to follow after him. Sure enough, stepping into the backyard gives him sight of the colorful fireworks in the near distance. He steps back inside and points through the sliding door so you know where to look. Sure enough, more fireworks rise to illuminate the night sky.

“Parade must’ve ended near the lake,” he says, moving to stand behind you.

Few things are as steady as Joel’s hands whenever they manage to find your hips. Even now, you can’t help but relax into him as they do, forgetting all about the echoing bursts and the tug of tiredness that once felt strong. Instead, you focus on Joel’s unwavering proximity as you watch a myriad of colors light up the Austin sky.

Thank you so much for reading. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated. I promise I see them all!

#joel miller #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfic #joel miller x reader #joel x reader #joel x female reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x fem reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #the last of us hbo #hbo tlou

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galene-gothic · 2 years ago

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𝖱𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗈𝗆 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿𝗎𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗌𝗉𝗈𝗎𝗌𝖾

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗ PAID SERVICES

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱

✬ They're a traditional person in many ways and also a traditional lover

✬ They'll get you flowers, buy you stuff and help you out with everything that they can help you with once they're sure that they like you (even when you've not entered a relationship yet)

✬ They are extremely dependable and expect the same from their partner too

✬ They might have major taurus placements

✬ They're really well mannered, the type to not speak with food in their mouth or the type to wait for the person who bought them the meal to eat first

✬ They might also avoid cursing in public

✬ You'll see them as someone who knows a lot, they might know about various different topics that aren't even related to each other

✬ They're a very wise and mature person, they've learnt a lot throughout life and have a strong moral code

✬ They want a committed and strong relationship that's also a very strong investment (they won't be interested in marrying or dating someone who has nothing to offer)

✬ They care about the finer things in life and are extremely ethereal

✬ They make everything around them beautiful, comfortable and luxurious to their own liking

✬ They are a sensual and materialistic person who wants the finer things in life and will work for it

✬ They like to be taken seriously but they are actually very funny

✬ People might not express or be able to see how wise they are at times but the ones that do really appreciate them

✬ They have people who can't forget them even after a long time has passed by

✬ Your beliefs will probably align with each other's and when they don't, you'll learn from each other

✬ They prefer deep conversations over small talk

✬ They enjoy travelling and don't mind paying for everything as long as you're good company according to them

✬ They want a 'grow old together' kind of love

✬ They believe in themself but they have the tendency to be incredibly hard on themself

✬ They're grateful about life's experiences though

✬ Even though they're traditional, they understand the need for space, they'll give you enough space to grow and experience life and will expect the same in return

✬ You'll be able to count on them whenever you're struggling

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱

✬ They're an optimistic and confident person

✬ They warm up whatever environment they're in

✬ They like expressing themselves (in terms of values and positive emotions) and presenting themselves as a warm and bright person

✬ They're the kind of person that won't dim their light just because it makes others uncomfortable and they do have the tendency to make insecure people uncomfortable

✬ You'll just look at them and wonder how they're so optimistic and open

✬ They're someone who a lot of people look up to

✬ They are the center of attention wherever they go

✬ They're going to be very successful when you meet them and I'm getting that they're already pretty successful in their own ways, they're someone who anyone would look at and can predict that they'll be successful in the future

✬ They know how to have fun and I'm getting that you both will share a bond where when one of you enters the room or conversation, that's when the other thinks to themself 'finally, this place is going to be fun'

✬ They have a lot of willpower to make their dreams come true, they're a hard worker and also a natural leader (people naturally follow them)

✬ They possess a lot of charisma and it stems from their personal integrity and understanding nature

✬ You both will feel really excited but also very sleepy around each other because it's a comfortable and cosy atmosphere

✬ Their positive outlook on life is truly admirable

✬ You'll both absolutely adore each other

✬ You'll both feel so lucky to have met each other, there's a lot of admiration, adoration and understanding towards the other

✬ They go around spreading happiness and know how to grab opportunities

✬ They're a driven individual who knows how to make things happen for them

✬ 'You win some, you lose some, that's life, not me though, I win all, lose none' energy, even when they do lose something they gain an experience, they gain a lesson

✬ You'll feel physically hot around each other because sparks will be flying

✬ They're confident and will completely sweep you off your feet

✬ They'll know how to make you feel like you're the only one in the room, I'm getting a lot of 'pretending to look around the room when they're actually looking for the you' energy here

✬ It'll be difficult to hide your feelings for each other, people around you will notice the tension between the both of you, many will ship you or atleast guess that something's going on

✬ You'll both flirt with each other in many different ways, flirting with eyes, comparing hang sizes and roasting each other

✬ They'll fill your life with excitement and comfort

✬ They'll like your eyes

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱

✬ They really care about their reputation and the way they present themself is very important to them

✬ They might have something that they're really good at

✬ They're a skilled individual who knows how to create the life they wish to live

✬ They're dedicated, ambitious and confident

✬ They are busy achieving their goals and are extremely focused on them

✬ They might be a life path 11

✬ They are diligent and have high standards (both regarding themself and others in their life)

✬ They might be kinda commitment phobic when you first meet them

✬ They inspire and motivate others to be the best version of themselves

✬ One of you really likes wearing black

✬ You'll have a lot of interesting conversations when you're alone with each other but act kinda indifferent when others are around

✬ They're intelligent and cautious with who and what they invest their energy into

✬ They present themself as a go getter who's charming, warm and has a lot of energy

✬ They'll sweep you off your feet and you'll feel really excited around them

✬ They'll be attracted to you like a moth to a flame because I'm getting that they wouldn't want to get attached to anyone when they first meet you

✬ I'm getting a temporary parting here, they'll really miss you during this time, when they'll see you again, they'll just want to come to you and express their feelings but since not much will have happened between the both of you, they'll choose to keep things light

✬ They'll feel really passionate towards you and will eventually just choose to accept it and pursue you

✬ 'Make you mine' started playing, oh my god, that's what the energy will feel like

✬ You might both end up saying mean things to each other, very impulsively too

✬ A crush like energy here, frustration, attraction, denial, happiness, resistance, etc.

✬ They'll be able to see themselves spending their entire life with you really early on but they'll choose not to

✬ You'll be in a similar energy too, 'too tired to date' is the energy that you'll be in when you first meet them but you'll be trying to stay open to love

✬ 'Marry your daughter' started playing, you'll both share an emotional connection right from the start even when you don't want to, this is so cute

#pac #tarot reader #tarot pac #tarot pick a card #tarotblr #pick a card reading #future spouse #future spouse pick a card #intuitive readings

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will80sbyers · 2 months ago

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I feel like what Mike feels toward El is some sort of an admiration. He mixed up his feelings for being romantic because El was the first girl he actually talked to, her being a hero also made Mike be attracted to her. I also feel like this pretty much applies to El. Mike was the first person to show her genuine care for the first time. I think she confuses her feelings with romantic love too.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I think too, he had a crush on her when they were little but it's mostly based on idealizing her as a hero and this means he doesn't understand her truly, he likes that she's a hero and thinks she's great, but she doesn't really want to be seen as a hero because she can't be constantly good to the extent that a hero is required to be, because she's human and has so much trauma to deal with!!!

Basically Mike likes heroes and she was a cute girl that liked him back and they liked each other as kids but then growing up things changed, to have a serious relationship with someone you need more than what they have... and El is exactly in the same situation, she is not in love with Mike... She relied on him for a sense of safety and familiarity

they both are confused because they are just so little, it's normal!! They are still kids!

I think Mike was really convinced he could love her romantically too and he has this strong need to protect her how he can, and especially after Will's speech he convinced himself that he could make it work between them again, I don't think he lied about anything, he thinks all that but he doesn't know what true romantic love is and that what he's feeling isn't it

It's literally the Laurie - Jo situation from little women... Laurie did have love for Jo but the love he has for Amy is "different" because the love for her is mature love not puppy/childhood love

Mike has childhood love for El and he's scared of letting go of the relationship because they didn't exactly start from friendship before dating, so he's not sure if they can get there without them dating... Obviously he's wrong but he's still scared of losing her completely and that blocks him from understanding what would be better for both of them

And he's scared of El not needing him anymore also because he's scared that she will leave his life completely if she doesn't need him anymore... he does love her even if it's not romantic and they don't work in a relationship outside of the physical side of it, there is love there but they are just not compatible as people in a romantic way

For how I see things, the writers wouldn't have made them like that if it was only that he can't love her because he's not attracted to her, in my opinion that seems unnecessary, they showed us that they don't have that type of understanding that comes with being in a relationship that works emotionally for a reason

They lack the deep understanding of the other person and they don't feel safe to be open and communicate their fears without thinking that if they do the other person is gonna find them "not cool enough" to date etc and they are locked in the roles of "boyfriend & girlfriend" instead of being just Mike and El

Mike and El just have too many problems as a couple and I really think things have changed between season 3 and 4 and they don't even have the physical romantic chemistry anymore... because that was tied to the emotional connection, and they don't have the emotional connection needed as we understood from season 4 in particular!

And guess what... Mike has all of the things that will make their relationship work... with Will!

But you know, it must be just a coincidence... 😂

#mike wheeler #will byers #el hopper byers #anti mileven #byler #bi mike wheeler #stranger things #ask

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aurekiwi · 6 months ago

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𝖇𝖙𝖘 𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖆𝖑 𝖙𝖞𝖕𝖊

𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐤𝐢𝐰𝐢 || 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.

𝐑𝐌 Five of Cups, The Empress, The Judgment His ideal type is someone who definitely has their own faults but is mature and wise enough to recognize that and work through them. Someone who is well-dressed, well-groomed, has a nice figure, and works hard to lived a fulfilled life. He also likes someone who is nurturing, warm, and kind, as well as someone who may be quite good with kids. Someone reasonable with a level head on their shoulders so that he is able to talk out misunderstandings and arguments with them. He really values fairness and therefore would be attracted to someone who is fair as well. Someone who strives to be a good person and would be willing to help out those who aren't as fortunate. Someone he feels has a common outlook and drive in life as him. I think that mental and intellectual stimulation is very important for him. 𝐉𝐢𝐧 Nine of Wands, Temperance, Three of Cups, The Hierophant, Wheel of Fortune, The Emperor His ideal type is someone who is very resilient. He holds respect for those who don't complain and instead focus their energy on what needs to be done and what they want to be done. He likes someone who has a balanced and stable energy and aura to them. This also reminds me of someone who does not drink or smoke too much, they don't go out partying or clubbing all the time. They are reserved and polite, and they work to offer balance and stability in others' lives as well. He also finds it attractive when someone can truly be happy for the people they care about instead of getting jealous. In his general lifestyle, he might've faced a lot of scrutiny by people he considered as "friends" because of their jealousy for his success. He believes those who are able to truly celebrate others' successes and happiness are great people. He wants someone who has the same spiritual beliefs or mindset as him in life because if their personal ideals clash, he sees no use in trying to make a relationship continue when it clearly won't. I also think he believes in the idea of fate(?) or at least in some type of religious connotation surrounding fate where he believes the person he is meant to be with will appear to him one day and he will recognize that. He believes in providing and in security. He will lead and will most likely desire someone who is also willing to be led, but also has the courage to lead when the situation calls for it. He values maturity and mutual respect.

𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐀 Eight of Cups, The World, Ten of Pentacles, Two of Cups He says he doesn't much of a defined ideal type? But he does have some qualities that he would be attracted to in a person. He likes someone who is capable of understanding when to hold onto a situation and when to leave it, as in someone who isn't overly stubborn. Sometimes, when you're too stubborn and blind yourself from seeing the reality of your situation, you're just wasting your time and energy on something that just won't work out for you. Someone logical and understanding would be able to see that they might have to move on from something whether they like it or not, and he admires that ability because he still has to work on that too. He also likes someone who is stable and accomplished. Someone who is old and mature enough to have their own established career and has overcome their own unique obstacles. I think he finds people's personal stories very interesting and hearing about how a person has reached their own sense of fulfillment and completion will be something that amazes him and catches his interests. He also wants someone who is financially stable and is independent so that they are capable of managing their own finances. Also someone who he believes would be very fulfilling and nice to be with. He values mutual understanding, communication, and intimacy, as well as equality within a relationship. He will care for his loved one, but that doesn't mean it can be only him. He expects his partner to do the same for him in their own way. This might be something he pays attention to a lot. He has reached an age where he understand people's intentions and see their true core personalities. 𝐉-𝐇𝐨𝐩𝐞 The Lovers, Page of Cups, Queen of Swords His ideal type is someone who is very honest and open with him. He values people who are capable of being vulnerable. He wants depth and understanding because he is a private person and it takes him time to truly open up to someone. He would be attracted to someone who understands that and provides him space while also reminding him that he is not completely alone and can reach out when he needs support. He also really values trust and communication. He thinks that is the foundation of any relationship he would have with anyone around him. He is also attracted to people who are intuitive with their own creative side and outlet! As a dancer, dancing is his own creative outlet and he might find that he can truly express himself in his own artistic way. Observing someone else do that might be something he desires. I see him observing someone as they do something they love to do passionately and him just kind of falling in love with that person's love for what they do and their tenacity to keep at it. He might also be attracted to someone who might seem a bit cold, closed off, and detached. Someone who is wise and smart and would look through your bullsh*t. Someone who knows when to let things pass and when to confront. I'm sensing an overall very balanced person who would understand him.

𝐉𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐧 The Emperor, The Hierophant, Knight of Wands, Five of Wands, The Lovers Jimin may want to be a provider within the relationship. He really wants to be a good person to lean on for those he loves. I get reminded of quality time and acts of service from him in this reading. Instead of what his ideal type would be, he instead focuses on what he is capable of providing to those he loves and whether someone would be compatible with that or not. Though he might not seem like it, he does like taking the lead when he has the opportunity to do so. He has lots of clarity on himself and what he wants to do. He likes providing lots of guidance to those around him, so a lot of times, he might find himself being the person that people reach out to for advice. I sense that he is a very passionate person and when he decides he likes something, he will go for it. I think he would be attracted to someone with similar qualities as well, where they're very passionate and free-spirited about life. If he feels trapped, then it's like his partner would be the one to remind him that the world is big and he is still small no matter how much he might feel he is big at times. I feel lots of impulsiveness, like going on random late night dates to the movies, lots of laughter- he envisions a type of fun and exciting relationship like that but doesn't really feel like it's a part of his reality at the moment. I think he has had pretty intense fights before and he doesn't hold back when he's extremely angry (he's scary when he's mad). He thinks it's a natural part of a relationship and would like someone who is capable of doing the same. Someone who is able to express their anger and talk about what bothers them to him. He wants balance, he wants honesty, and he wants to communicate. He wants to own up to his shortcomings and would appreciate it if people can just bring it up to him without feeling scared or intimidated about how he would react. He is an open-minded person and would therefore expect people around him to be the same way, or at least strive to be the same way. 𝐕 Six of Cups, Ten of Wands I had Stigma start playing immediately in my head as soon as I held my card deck for his portion. He really misses his childhood and specifically his childhood self. He was molded into who he is today by force. He had to cater to the opinions of those around him and thus his inner child has always been neglected and hurt. He would be attracted to someone who is positive, bright, and playful. He wants someone who unintentionally reminds him of his past self and what his younger self had to offer to the world. He is attracted to someone who can really show him they can be his forever because he is tired of working through things alone and tired of relationships failing for whatever reason. He want someone to see his soft side and appreciate him for who he is, not who he should be or who they want him to be. He wants to be heard and understood. He wants to be taken care of and showered with lots of love and support. He wants a companion who is lover. He wants to be care-free again like he used to be, but he understands that that is not possible now and he is learning to deal with it. I just feel lots of sadness coming from him and I honestly feel for him... it must suck sometimes.

𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 Queen of Wands, Knight of Cups, Ace of Cups, Four of Wands The 180 switch up between Jungkook's and V's energy is absolutely insane! It went from Stigma soft and quiet to Standing Next You loud, fiery, and passionate. JK wants someone social, talkative, and fun to be around. Someone smart and sexy, enjoys life as it is rather than being conquered by hard moments. I don't know why, but I need to put this here- he is into someone who is a bit unconventional? This person wouldn't exactly fit into Korean standards. He likes a bit of weirdness because he's tired of standards and the insanity that he has seen of people trying to fit them. He likes confidence, a healthy body and soul. I see eyes and they're shiny and bright! Full of curiosity, excitement, and eager to see what's coming next. JK also likes it when someone is romantic, showers him with love and lots of cute words. He does this as well, so he would be attracted to someone who is able to reciprocate. Talented, artistic, and creative. Very intuitive. I think he prefers someone who has an artistic side to them whether that be music, art, writing, or something else. He really likes someone with the Ace of Cups energy- lots of love and creativity, lots of them to offer. Original, kind, soft, and warm. Lots of duality! The Four of Wands reminds me of joyful celebration and union. I think he believes in fate and union. He wants that feeling of "Ah.. this is the one, this is who I'm meant to be with." He fully believes that there is someone out there for him. I also keep hearing "four leaf clover" as well as a vision of a fresh four leaf clover growing in nature. I also hear Japanese Denim by Daniel Caesar, "You're my four leaf clover / I'm so in love, so in love." Not entirely sure what it means but I'll include it here.

#aurekiwi #kpop tarot #bts tarot

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thatfrailsoul · 6 months ago

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Details from the painting "La Lettre", by Delphin Enjolras

See the full painting at the end!♡

Slow down for a moment. Allow your heart to guide you, to tell you if there is really a message here for you... And whatever the answer is, feel free to listen to it or to let go. Remembering that when you will be ready or will have the need, your true message will find its way to you.♡

As much as the love, the affection, is deep between your hearts... Fortunately is not the only connection that binds your lives right now. It's not only about the relationship, if you will be by eachother's side in the far or near future, if these conflicts will be resolved now...

This moment of struggle and challenge that makes you both pay more attention to the other person, makes you get closer in hopes to understand and work it out, is all about a way more significant bond that doesn't stop at a friendship or love.

It's the one that goes further and deeper, connecting you as people, as souls, that feel completely safe being side by side. A family like tenderness and understanding, readiness to put our own misconceptions aside and truly listen, hear what the other person desperately needs to let out.

What is between you is overwhelmingly sweet and loving, something that you both looked for for so long. And even though now, in this moment of misunderstandings and different opinions, the idea, a possibility that this might be enough to ruin it is so scary for your heart... It will only get stronger.

It will show you how much it means, for you and them. Because you will see for yourself the work, the desire, the patience in taking care of this and resolve it together that you will both bring to the table. Facing courageously the fear that the shift in your mindsets and maturing, realizing more, will bring in your lives. Clearing out all the doubts that your mind could've still have.

We are so deeply afraid of losing the most beautiful and precious things. We wander for how long we will have them in our life. And we obsessively imagine all the things, the situations, that can go wrong and take it away from us. Because we can't help but see an ending as a bad thing, a disgrace, a lack of something that we couldn't make stay.

We never see it as protection, an answer, some help to make us understand more about ourselves and that one thing, that person, without which we are afraid to fade. And it's something that you will face, that you will be gently forced to understand after these events.

When everything will become suddenly silent after so many arguments and tears, that it will cause even more pain... You will taste it, perhaps for the first time, the sweet sourness of accepting and letting go of something that for so long and with such passion you felt yours, needed for you to be able to breathe and feel alive.

And you will feel yourself smile, through all the sadness of a wound that will still be so fresh, with your lips, your heart, your soul. As you will become aware and so proud of your courage to care for someone so deeply as well as letting them go, surrendering to the knowledge that it is for the best, for you and them. And being mesmerized by the way this world teaches us and protects us, even if we understand it after so long.

"La Lettre", Delphin Enjolras

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vasito-de-leche · 9 months ago

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Ooooh, just saw your Self Aware!6 and I love how you portrayed him! You mentioned that he can hear the player, but not see them, right?

What if 6 encounters a player who has him as their favorite character (yk putting him as the main character in the interface), hearing them gushing about how 6 looks so handsome and how they prefer him over 37 and the people at Apeiron, mumbling about how he doesn't deserve the trouble, and actually rooting for him reading his event story? Basically just talking about him, unaware that 6 could actually hear them.

Anyways, I'll let you cook <3

;R1999 6 - Self-Aware AU (2)

Compilation of headcanons about how a self-aware 6 would react to a Player who gushes over him. Related to this Self-Aware AU post.

ty for your ask, nonnie! sorry if this isnt what you were hoping for, I cant exactly see a character like 6 enjoying this sort of treatment!

Right away, I think this sort of thing would make 6 extremely uncomfortable.

We know how he feels about receiving attention or being on the spotlight, how he prefers to stay by the sidelines and only put himself out there when others need mediation or whenever his people require him to play the role of leader--so to have a voice constantly praising and gushing over him would be really tiring. 6 is the type of person who enjoys--perhaps it's better to say that he needs--time alone, with nothing but his thoughts and some peace and quiet, after all.

Is this, somehow, his unchecked ego? Are these his own deepest thoughts manifesting as a voice coming from above, muddling the truth? No, that can't be. 6 knows that his self-esteem and opinion on himself is much more humble than this.

Once he finds out about the existence of the Player, he grows even more confused. Or rather, a bit more timid now that he knows you're watching over him, scrutinizing and observing each and every gesture, every little thing he says. He's your favorite character for reasons he cannot even fathom--not due to a sense of inferiority or inadequacy, but genuine confusion. Did he mess up somewhere? He's not supposed to receive this much attention beyond his contributions to the main story.

I think 6 would be indifferent to any comments about his appearance. His entire bloodline is praised for their unique complexion, this isn't new at all. Comments about how the Player prefers him over 37 or the people of Apeiron--HIS people, HIS community--wouldn't sit well with him, since they're people he cherishes and considers important, even if he keeps his distance from them.

Overall, treating him like this and putting him on a pedestal just further enforces those themes of isolation from the previous post, so to speak!

A much younger 6 would've definitely appreciated the support, to have someone in his corner, especially after losing his aunt to the Revelation. But I like to think that 6 as he is right now is mature enough to recognize the importance of everyone else's points of views. He, more than anyone, understands that he had his faults and that his actions should have consequences, and his humble and pacifist side would also lead him to defend the actions of others, such as 210, despite the previous tension between them. There's a reason his number represents harmony!

And because he represents harmony and perfection, I think he would just tolerate this for a long time. He's spent years in isolation, he's had people talk at him about things he cannot find himself to care about--this is no trouble at all. 6 would simply sit there, or go on about his day as you ramble about him. But I can see him wishing to be turned into a painting in the main screen as often as possible, just for a moment of reprieve.

The more you praise him, the less he talks.

For 6 to truly listen what you have to say, you'll have to talk about something that isn't him. He is curious, especially when he catches you murmuring about other things, such as your next strategy to win this UTTU Special Week, or complaining about the lack of materials to level up others.

I think what 6 would like the most is catching glimpses of the life you lead when you're not focusing on the game, when you complain about responsibilities and how eager you are to unwind by playing the game, when your pet interrupts and you stop playing to shower it with attention and love... These small, fleeting flashes of who you are when no one else is around. Aside from this, he would also love to hear your opinion on the events of the game, without this obvious favoritism for him--what do you think of the allegory of the cave? Do you ever wonder about your soul number?

These are the things that would get 6 to slowly warm up to the idea of the Player watching over him, that would get him to speak back to you one day, on impulse or on purpose. And only once 6 sees you as more than a distant voice, when you finally bond with him in a more meaningful way, perhaps your praise will actually mean something to him. Perhaps he will thank you directly with a small smile, perhaps he will ask you to explain why you feel so strongly about him, genuinely curious about your point of view.

But in the mean time, silence is a virtue.

#reverse 1999 #reverse: 1999 #reverse 1999 x reader #reverse 1999 6 #6 #self aware au #6 wouldnt like this type of stuff #but you know who would?#diggers. he would eat this shit up #he would love to have his very own disembodied voice hyping him up and agreeing with him. the guy needs a single win

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lesbianmarrow · 6 months ago

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hiiiii can i get ur lesbian reading on willow's crush on xander. because i have my own thoughts but i wanna hear yours

this is such a fun question ehehehe. my answer will veer into headcanon/speculation and i may change my mind once i get farther into the show, but here's how i see it right now.

so i think there are a lot of factors at play! part of it is willow mistaking her platonic feelings for xander for romantic/sexual feelings, because she doesn't understand that there's like....something else that you can feel? if that makes sense? like i think that in her mind kissing and sex and stuff are just like a gesture to show someone how much you love them, not something that you have a desire for. like it's something you do to prove that you love each other the most. so in her mind she's like yes of course i want to kiss xander :3 because it would prove the strength of her love for him.

and i think a big factor is willow wanting to be like other girls, since she's a bit of a misfit socially. i think she clings to the idea of her and xander together as something that might maybe happen because it would make her a little bit more normal and conventional. willow isn't super bothered by people finding her weird, but i think the additional weirdness of not liking boys correctly is a daunting idea for her and something she doesn't want to believe is true for herself, so she pushes it to the back of her mind.

a lot of it is also just the environment she exists in and the framework by which she understands the world. girls like boys, and she is a girl, so she likes boys. and xander is the boy she's closest to, so obviously she must be in love with him. willow tends to have romantic ideas about the world, and i think the narrative of being in love with her best friend appeals to her. i think she imagines they'll grow up and get married someday, but she doesn't actually think about what that means besides having him in her life forever. willow is a very solitary person, and maybe a lonely one too. xander falling in love with her would be a surefire way for her to keep one of the only people she feels truly knows and understands her in her life. so she hopes that if her love for him is strong enough then maybe he'll never leave her and they'll have their fairytale ending.

i think it's also about her sense of self-worth. willow is very shy and probably struggles with feelings of inferiority (what teenager doesn't?). and she thinks that if she can attain xander's love, then that will prove she is worthy of love and respect. so the crush becomes less about attraction to him and more about proving her worth. the flip side of that is that since xander isn't interested in her in that way, that worsens her feelings of inferiority. i think she feels that, if she can only get him to love her, then everything will be perfect. a lot of what she seems to enjoy about dating oz is the personal validation and the social clout, and it would be similar with xander (though less social clout. lol).

but i think there's also a paradoxical aspect to her crush which is that deep down she senses that he isn't interested in her, and so that makes him a safe target for her to have a crush on, because he won't actually reciprocate. i think if he did genuinely show interest in her, she'd be happy for about ten minutes and then would panic and spiral. but since he never does, she can safely crush on him without having to worry about actually being with a boy or thinking about how she doesn't really want to be with boys.

i do feel like a lot of willow's performance of attraction for xander really is just performance. like she sees how buffy acts over boys and she tries to match that, because she wants to seem cool and mature just like buffy. when willow is ogling xander in a speedo, i don't think she really cares for the sight. i think she's just doing what she knows she's supposed to. and maybe she's fooling even herself! but she can't fool me ;)

i definitely think willow feels attracted to other girls and women but a) doesn't understand what it is (it's normal to think other girls are pretty, right?) and b) represses it really really hard. so her perception of herself is as a totally normal straight gal who likes boys :)

anyway when i was 14 i was majorly in love with this boy and i would fantasize about us sitting together holding hands and not saying anything. but the fantasy was all about me soaking up the validation of being chosen by him and good enough to be wanted by him. i think that's willow's fantasy too.

#eep this got way longer than i expected. i just see so much of myself in her ;-; baby lesbian #thank you for the question :) it was so fun to think about #willow rosenberg #btvs

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beanghostprincess · 11 months ago

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I've been thinking for a while about why I like Sabosan so much as a ship (even though I don't talk much about them. My mistake, honestly. I should do it more). Because we all know that out of the ASL brothers, Ace and Luffy are the ones who seem to make more sense when it comes to shipping them with Sanji. But there's just something about Sabosan that makes me go insane...

(Long post)

Lusan is quite obvious: Captain x His cook. Cook who starves as a metaphor for selflessness and who's always giving instead of taking x Captain who devours the whole world because he appreciates selfishness and freedom but is willing to starve to save his cook. Careless x Anxious. Sun x Ocean. Both are always sacrificing themselves but Luffy is at least aware of the value of his own life while Sanji sees himself as dispensable. They both work so well together because Luffy sees Sanji as kindness itself and what a cook truly needs to be (keep in mind that food is crucial for OP's story and it represents happiness most of the time) and he makes him want to seek freedom and his own desires. Sanji is a dreamer and he's hopeful yet extremely pessimistic when it comes to his persona, and Luffy is equally as hopeful but he despises his nakama seeing himself as unworthy of being in his crew. They both get each other's weaknesses and strengths and, okay, Luffy might not truly get Sanji completely but he doesn't need to as long as he sees the kindness in him and realizes everything he does, he does it for others. While Sanji sees Luffy as an escape from the prison he's always been locked in. My beloveds. Perfect dynamic (not going to make a whole analysis because I already talk about them enough here).

The thing is, Ace is also a perfect match for Sanji for a lot of reasons: You see, I think we can see a lot of similarities between them, especially the ones Luffy can't understand by himself but can link to both. Ace's way of dealing with depression and self-deprecation is to lean on his brothers and find a reason to live on them. If they love him, then at least it will have been worth it being alive. The same thing goes for Sanji, I think. It's not that he's actively suicidal. I don't think either of them seeks death, but they do think about it a lot and what the world would be like without them. Sanji sees himself as dispensable while Luffy can't believe a word he's saying, but Ace? Ace understands. He's been years thinking he shouldn't be alive. That he was a mistake. And the same thing goes for Sanji, growing up in a family that constantly told him he shouldn't exist and even faked his death. Once again, same thing with Ace and hiding his identity from the world. Ace knows he's loved, even if he has a hard time admitting why people like Sabo and Luffy would love him. But they do. It's a fact, even if it's hard to believe. And he keeps going thanks to their love and to protect them. Ace, although his personality might seem cocky and selfish and careless at first (which it is, but you know), he's extremely selfless when it comes to the people he loves. He literally lives thanks to them. Sanji basically does the same thing. Both of them cope with sabotaging themselves and they don't really value their lives unless it's someone else (cof cof Luffy cof cof) the one giving them a reason to keep going. I think Acesan works great as a ship because, from a more psychological point of view, like- Ace was born to be a brother. His whole character is created and introduced as Luffy's brother. Of course, he's more than that, but his chill and laid-back personality with sprinkles of emotional maturity only comes from growing up too fast because he desperately needed to take care of his little brother. Sanji desperately needs that type of connection with somebody and instantly feels attracted to protective people because he has never been protected before. Sanji has only been hurt by his brothers, so of course it's natural that he's astonished when he sees Ace for the first time being oh so kind and loving to Luffy. That's what he wanted. And it makes his heart melt instantly. Besides, going for a more personality thing here, Sanji is pretty repressed (when it comes to his memories. His gender. His sexuality. His feelings) while Ace (although he hides a lot of issues) is wayyy more proactive when it comes to what he wants. Sanji is scared to walk on earth, and Ace takes the world as his personal playground because he wants to be something that people remember that won't include mentioning his father. He wants to do something for himself. And talking about fathers, even if their daddy issues aren't the same, they both have grudges. And you know what else they have in common? Their gorgeous, blonde, dead mothers who died for them. Instant bond. They fit perfectly.

Now, about Sabosan:

If we're starting with the things they have in common, this is gonna be a wild ride. Both are nobles born in a family that absolutely did not love them but wanted them anyway for different (failed) purposes. They both escaped from those families but people thought they were dead for a long time, and their parents easily just found a substitute for them without caring much about what happened. Saying they have trauma is an understatement. They both escape from those lives completely, form new bonds with new people, and start a family somewhere else. And then they have to deal with that again and, not only that but suffer from the beautiful survivor's guilt that comes from not being able to save their siblings. I know Sabo's survivor's guilt is even worse because his bond with Ace was way stronger, but I think there's a part of Sanji who feels awful for Reiju and what she chooses to be a part of when she's actively different from their brothers too. Once again mentioning the self-sabotaging behavior and self-sacrificing acts because they're extremely selfless and have strong morals that lead them to these things. It's fundamentally different because I think Sanji is way more of a feeler than Sabo, but-- But the core of their personalities really is being extremely protective of the things they love and their ideals. It's not only the fact that they could bond over their pasts (and could easily be the only people understanding each other completely) but also the fact that their personalities fit perfectly. They balance each other. They're not the most mentally stable people in the world, but I think Sanji's issues are more similar to Ace's, and Sabo would know how to handle them. While Sanji is a natural caretaker and would not hesitate to take care of Sabo's breakdowns and episodes (because, sue me for being realistic, I think this guy has a personality disorder and depressive episodes and a bunch of other stuff. Just like Sanji, really. I mean- To me they're a very people pleaser BPD haver who has probably an eating disorder and anxiety x very overprotective Bipolar insomniac with memory issues. Maybe that's just me and my headcanons).

I am not going to be a nerd about them. But I am going to be a nerd about them. *pulls out MBTI profiles*

Sanji prioritizes connecting with other people. He's extremely empathetic and his core needs are to be liked and to help others. His ideals are focused on the suffering of others and how to help them. He's very structured when it comes to what he wants to achieve, but he often puts others before his own needs instead of actually taking what he wants, and that affects him negatively. Not to mention his sense of depersonalization and hatred towards himself and where he comes from. And how that makes him sabotage himself and think he's not worthy of the love people offer him. This is kind of exactly what Ace goes through too and that's why I think Sabo would be able to help him. He's loyal and trustworthy and he would do anything for his loved ones and morals. Something that, again, matches Sabo completely. His sense of ethics is very intense and focuses mainly on empathy. He seeks love, attention, and praise from others. And he's also extremely hopeful for his dreams. He never stops believing in the All Blue or Luffy, just in himself. Which shows his sense of trust and loyalty but also his low appreciation towards himself.

Sabo, on the other hand, is a more meticulous person. I know he seems like he loses control often, but he doesn't follow his feelings as much as it looks. He's more logical and he doesn't follow what he wants but what he thinks it's right for others and society. That being said, he also will do whatever the fuck he wants if he feels like it because he's chaotic like that. He has very strong morals and focuses on finding solutions to the world's problems. Instead of focusing on one thing, he sees the whole picture and specializes in many things at once and chooses what to fight for instead of following his feelings. He often has to make difficult choices regarding his loved ones, and even if he would do anything if Luffy was in trouble when it comes to the greater good, he doesn't hesitate to do what's more reasonable regarding his ethics. However, he has a strong sense of protection and his anxiety also is a huge part of his personality, so that's pretty much when he loses control. He feels mostly responsible for what happens around him and always wants to be the one in control and fears losing the ones he loves.

The main difference between them, I'd say, is that Sabo is pretty much revengeful and his personality has a strong part of hatred towards humanity and the ones who have hurt him and society. His whole thing is fighting against them, too. Unlike Sanji, who even if he is able to hate people, he doesn't seem to be able to actually hurt them in a meaningful way because his kind personality makes him unable to do so (unless the people he's fighting go against his morals. Like having hurt a woman or wasting food or whatever). Not that Sabo isn't kind, but he knows how to stand up for himself and his morality and he can tell perfectly between right and wrong in a very black-and-white sense, while Sanji (even if he goes to extremes quite a lot) lets himself be used and he doesn't harm others the way they harm him (not to confuse with "played with" because Sanji is not that easily manipulated. He knows what's going on all the time. He just lets himself be used if it will protect the ones he loves or if it goes against his kindness and morality).

So I think (and this is the part where I explain how this relationship would work) that Sabo would be able to protect Sanji. It's not that Sanji needs protecting because at the end of the day, he can fight back and he can stand up for himself, but that's only when it comes to fights that don't have to do with him personally and only with his morals. Sabo has a very calm facade. A very gentleman-like personality, even if he's still as chaotic as his brothers. But he's more gentle. He's softer, too, in a way, because he analyzes what people need. He approaches things in a very protective but soothing way. Like, he could burn disgusting men alive for Sanji, turn around at him and say everything's fine and Sanji would straight-up believe him and then blush uncontrollably and then hit him for being reckless. In that order. I don't think Sanji likes feeling weak, because he has this thing in common with Sabo in which he doesn't like not being in control. But I think he needs this. He needs to be held and taken care of sometimes. He needs to let himself be weak around others. And Sabo wants somebody to protect because he couldn't do it with his siblings. I think Sabo would be gentle and patient with Sanji while also bringing silliness and the typical brightness the ASL brothers have in common. He'd be chaotic with him and Sanji would definitely get mad at him for stealing food or wanting to do the deed (keeping it safe for work my pals, but yeah, Sabo would be horny 24/7 and would not let Sanji cook. He wants to fuc-) while he's busy. But! But also Sabo would take care of him and would analyze the patterns. He would notice when he eats. What he eats. If he eats at all. He would worry about his sleep schedule and whether he's overworking himself or not (because surprise! He does the same thing). And Sabo would also love every part of him and have such deep hatred for the ones who have hurt him. I think Sabo would want to take revenge but Sanji would strongly refuse and Sabo would absolutely love that about him. "You're better than me, I would've set your family on fire. But this is what makes you so kind" type of thing. Basically, Sabo is fucking batshit crazy but he's silly and kind and talks like a revolutionary French man in the 18th century and Sanji loves him. Also, Sanji has a history with craycray people because Pudding is not okay mentally either and look at him, being down bad. Sabo loves Sanji for the same reasons Luffy does, he's just kindness itself and Sabo is so full of hatred that he truly, really needs somebody like him.

And Sanji? Sanji just absolutely loves how protective Sabo is. When it comes to his family and his friends and his morals and beliefs. After being surrounded by people who did not care about anything during his childhood and also being extremely scared of ending up being like them, Sanji appreciates that strong sense of protectiveness and the humanity that comes with loving something/somebody so much. That's what Sanji needs, basically. Sanji likes that Sabo is caring and gentle and always keeps an eye on literally everyone and everything. He likes the brightness and joy that comes with Sabo too, because he might be calculative but he's also impulsive when it comes to his needs and likes. Luffy might be the representation of liberation in a godly way, but Sabo is the realistic personification of freedom. And as much as I love Lusan and making religious imagery metaphors, I think those fit Zolu way more because Sanji needs to be realistic with this and Sabo is the one who can make him see life this way. He would also care a bit too much about Sabo's health because everyone knows it's fucked up and he's willing to die if it's for the revolution. It's not like he doesn't appreciate his life, in fact, he does. He knows he is crucial to society and can't die. But if it's for the greater good he would leave Sanji and Koala and Luffy behind and die. He doesn't want to do that to them and he'd desperately try not to because he values his worth, but... Y'know. It's not that he doesn't care about living, but he cares too much that he ends up hurting himself and overworking. And Sanji does that too, but seeing it from the outside with an empathetic personality like his is just... Painful.

So while Sabo shows Sanji how to be free and feels hatred for the both of them, Sanji is the kindness in the world Sabo is looking for and gives him something to put his mind at ease when it's filled with demons. And also, they get each other's pasts and trauma on a fundamental level that not a lot of people do.

I don't know how their relationship could start, really, but it could happen in a simple way such as: Sabo pays a visit to the crew (fuck the timeline btw, choose whichever arc you like or just ignore canon) and meets Sanji. Offers to help him cook (fails because he fucking sucks at cooking and he just wanted to help and actually he just ends up flirting with him and eating the ingredients) and stays with him to clean the dishes (something he can't do either because he won't stop talking and being overly distracted). And Sanji just- He's just so similar to both Ace and Luffy but in a more mature and gentle way, somehow? He brings peace to him but there's just something wrong with him deep inside Sanji can't quite catch, but feels connected to. Like they both just get each other, pretending they're fine but knowing they're not and also just enjoying each other's presence. Sabo feels captivated by the cook because he feels like there's just so much more he's hiding from him, and Sabo has always liked analyzing every little thing (<- writer behavior. We as a society need to talk more about how Sabo wants to be a writer canonically). Maybe Sabo starts visiting more often or stays for a while, but the thing is they grow closer because they keep wanting to know each other more. Perhaps a fight against some marines happens and Sabo goes full protective of him or Luffy and Sanji is extremely turned on by that (who wouldn't after seeing Sabo break skulls like eggs). And maybe they end up fucking, and it's not rough, but it's not extremely soft either? It's the perfect mix of possessiveness and care and somehow Sanji still feels in control all the way through. And I don't want to mention the cigarette of doom but Sabo lighting up Sanji's cigarette for him would be extremely intimate but also would make Sanji worry because every time this happens, he ends up creating a strong bond with that someone and something goes wrong. So they like each other a lot but there's always this layer of anxiety? Like they care too much for the other to say what they are but they refuse to lose each other. And Luffy either keeps telling Sabo to not still his cook or teasing Sabo for liking his cook, no in between. But yeah, let's make them go into a relationship:

Clingiest mfs on planet earth. Can't stand them. Sanji is down bad and is turned on by every little thing Sabo does but also can't stand him when he gets annoying and ends up yelling at him like an angry housewife. Sabo often takes that as flirting and starts teasing him more, being really into PDA and also being extremely soft. Sabo says the most romantic things in the world and expects Sanji not to fall for him??? Okay. But it's not only Sanji who blushes because then he keeps feeding Sabo his favorite food and smiling at him and Sabo suddenly feels dumb and weak in the knees and has the need to laugh like a high school girl in a rom-com. Sabo is extremely possessive and I think as a fandom we all agree on that, but it's not even in a toxic way. Sanji likes it. Let them be like that. And as I said, they'd take care of each other when one is overworking himself or having nightmares or not being able to sleep or function properly. They'd be each other's anchors and they would completely understand the other.

I don't know, I just think they fit perfectly <3 Killer Queen and Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy? Yes. Anti-Hero and Mastermind? Yes. Sky x Ocean? Of course, fuck other dynamics, this one hits different. They mean the world to me 🩵💙🩵💙🩵

To end this, I gotta say that they also look extremely hot together. I think the post would've been shorter if I just said I want both of them to kiss because it would look good, but I love analyzing the shit out of my favorite characters.

Tagging my awesome mootie @tinukis because he gave me the idea for a Sabosan analysis!!!! Thought you might be interested <3 Also, here's the post that made me think about it !!!!

#i could've made a better analysis but this is what happens when you wake up at 6 am to go to work #anyway they're my beloveds #also sabo being taller than sanji grrrrr bark bark woof #i've been avoiding focusing on the sex part here but DO YOU KNOW HOW HOT THEY'D BE TOGETHER???#sabo king of flirting i just know sanji's dying #i can't believe i write an analysis like this and then i start talking about sex shame on me #i'm going crazy about this two and they haven't even talked #they make me go insane #one piece #black leg sanji #revolutionary sabo #sabosan

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