#hurt you. it is NOT always appropriate to do so. some people are too toxic to do that with and theyll just hurt you more. but sometimes

[1lovepeace]

I genuinely agree with your take. It's true that the trauma Rayla experienced doesn't excuse her actions, but it deeply explains the reasoning behind it. And in a way, you see Amaya soften up after seeing herself in Rayla in terms of being stoic, strong, and lonely in handing things alone. She's opened up more. Callum refuses to let Rayla push him away, that everything they do and face, they do it together, accepting his help and leaning on him for support. Little by little, she's growing and maturing, and I'm proud of her. There's still a long way to go for her, but she will get there.

With all the time that all four of Rayla's parents have spent self-reflecting, whether in the coins or while being alone and self-isolated from the community over the last two years, I sincerely hope that it can transition to all five of them reconciling, healing and repairing their broken, fractured family. No doubt that all 4 of her parents are incredibly scarred, haunted, devastated, and extremely hurt by the failures and negligence committed. Imagine the uncontrollable, horrifying nightmares they must be having of Rayla, being tormented by her memory every night. Their hurt, pain, heartbreak, emotional/psychological torture, and suffering are perhaps far worse than we imagined. I wouldn't even know where to begin with addressing Moonfam's family issues. But they deserve to have their family again after all they've been through.

But Rayla also has a right to feel and express her anger, resentment, disdain, animosity, and even her rage towards all four of her parents for what they put her through. Let her say what she needs to say. Let Rayla be angry and messy.

Seeing people crap on arc two Rayla genuinely makes me sad. I don't think many people truly realize the depth of Rayla's isolation. What happened to all the characters in arc one was horrible (I am not down playing that), Callum and Ezran lost their father, and Soren lost his family, but they all had Katolis to go back to. Their home. Rayla lost EVERYTHING. She lost the assassins who she grew up with and trained her, she lost her home, and worst of all she lost her parents. She lost Runaan and Ethari in one go, only months after her parents. And all she had to remember them by was what they taught her. And they taught her self sacrifice, they taught her to do questionable things in the name of protection and the greater good. Viren threatened everything she loved which WAS Callum and Ezran, and she thought he was still alive. She was stuck in fight or flight mode, she was bathed in trauma. And she had a point in TTM, everyone was just moving on, and didn't take or let her have anytime to truly grieve. She was in such a dark place in TTM and it influenced her decisions. She knows she did something wrong, she knows she hurt Callum. She hasn't brought herself to apologize yet, but why did we stop treating her as human? (Or elf, as it were)

Also hi, I've recently been liberated from TDP reddit

[cod-dump]

I tooooootally believe that Soap is deep in the closet while Ghost isn’t. Soap was raised 👏🏻 Catholic 👏🏻 and will never come out of the closet of his own volition. Simon knows that Johnny is both closeted and very much into him, and knows that he is the one that will have to start this conversation with Johnny. Ghost can’t take Soap’s staring and longing anymore. He convinces Soap that he doesn’t have to hide who he is, and if anyone gives him grief about it, they aren’t worth keeping in his life

Watching Soap deny who he’s attracted to was painful to watch. He knew Soap liked him. Gaz and Price did as well. And once Soap realized he liked Ghost he went out and got a girlfriend.

She was a nice girl, one of the recruits that worked along side them. It didn’t take her long to realize Soap didn’t actually like her the way she wanted him to so she left. Ghost noticed the subtle relief but Soap played it off like he was upset.

Ghost did try to something about the break-up. Something nice to let Soap know he was there for him—

Soap got really tense when Ghost had approached him. Two days had passed since the break-up and Ghost decided now would be an appropriate time since everyone in the base knew by this point.

“I heard about what happened with Lisa. If you need to talk about it, my door is always open.”

Soap made a face before straining a sad smile, “Thanks, bro.”

Ghost cringed when he said that. It didn’t sound natural at all coming out of Soap’s mouth. Ghost mentioned what Soap called him to Gaz and Gaz choked on air laughing.

“That is horrible!”

“He’s trying so hard to be something he’s not.”

Gaz stops laughing, “Can you blame him? Religious parents raised him believing ‘Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve’. Have you heard some of the horror stories from his childhood?”

Ghost sighs, “I suppose I don’t understand how he let’s his parents define who he is for him.”

“Not everyone has the same relationship with their parents. He constantly seeks their approval and doesn’t want to disappoint.”

“If it was my father I would’ve kissed a man right in front of him.”

Gaz snorts, “That you would. But Soap isn’t you.”

For the next several months Soap would pick up girlfriends. Some stuck out longer than others but eventually they all left. Soap picked up reputation of being a serial dater which deterred others from dating him. A recruit joked with him about it.

“You ran out of girls, might as well start dating some guys!”

The way Soap’s face twisted up in rage made Ghost wince. He almost thought he was going to punch the recruit but he restrained himself and instead stormed off. Ghost chose to follow him. Soap ended up outside, walking in no particular direction. He stopped after a bit.

“Why are you following me?”

Ghost decides to give Soap his space, “Thought you could use someone to talk to.”

“About what?”

“About why that bothered you.”

Soap turns around, “Why wouldn’t that bother me?! He said I should date guys!”

Ghost tilts his head, “What’s wrong with dating guys?”

Soap tenses noticeable. It wasn’t a secret that Ghost was gay, he didn’t bother to even try to hide it. He’s talked about past boyfriends, celebrity crushes.

“I…”

“What, Soap? Why do you have a problem with queer people?”

Soap stutters once more, not looking at Ghost. When it takes him too long to answer Ghost huffs.

“When you figure out that answer you know where to find me.”

Ghost leaves him there.

After a couple days Ghost realized Soap hasn’t said a word to him. He’s seen him but the man always made himself scarce when it seemed like he was going to have to interact with Ghost. Ghost tried to convince himself that it didn’t bother him but it did. Soap was his best friend who he felt free to joke with and relax around. The fact that his parents’ toxic mindset that they tried to give him got between them hurt.

Ghost stuck around Gaz, not bothering to go seek out Soap. He wasn’t going to force the man to be around him. He did his job without complaint but apparently someone did have a problem with his sharp remarks. Maybe he was more snappy than usual.

“Simon, have a seat.”

Price knew what was going on. Ghost told Gaz everything and Gaz told Price what Ghost told him.

“How have you been, son?”

Ghost sighs, “Peachy.”

Price didn’t get onto him for his snappy attitude. They talked for a bit, Price subtly hinting that Soap was trying to hype himself up for something but Ghost wasn’t really listening. He was staring at the picture on Price’s desk. It was of the team. Price looking proud as Gaz stood there with Price’s hat on top of his own hat, Ghost leering to the side… and Soap hanging off Ghost’s shoulder with a wide grin.

Price notices where he’s looking before sighing.

“Simon…”

Ghost blinks and looks at Price, “Sorry, sir. Did you say something?”

“Go get some rest, Simon. It’s late.”

Ghost leaves the office, checking his phone once he was in the hall. It wasn’t that late, but going to bed early didn’t sound bad. So he left for his room. He ran into Gaz on the way and the man changed his course to walk with Ghost.

“Where are you going?”

“Bed.”

“Already?”

Ghost grunts and keeps walking. Gaz kept pace with him, “Sure you don’t want to go outside for a bit? Watch the sunset?”

Ghost glares at Gaz, “Why the fuck would I do that?”

“You were already going to be outside to greet Nik coming back. Think he will be disappointed to not see you there.”

“Nik will be fine.”

Ghost reaches his room and Gaz steps in front of the door.

“He’ll be really upset! You’re his favorite!”

Ghost glares, “Price is his favorite.”

“Second favorite! Everyone knows that you’re on top!”

Ghost huffs, “Gaz. Move.”

Gaz blinks before stepping aside. Ghost opens his door when he feels a hand stick into his pocket. He turns in time to see Gaz taking off down the hall with his phone. Ghost blinks.

“KYLE GARRICK YOU COME BACK HERE!”

Gaz shrieks and takes a sharp turn, Ghost giving chase. Ghost follows the man throughout the whole base it feels like, taking turns and dodging through doors. He almost caught Gaz a couple times but Gaz always managed to slip away with a scream.

They made their way outside towards the air field. Ghost picks up speed, Gaz didn’t have any more walls to dive behind. Gaz just makes it to one of the smaller hangers when Ghost finally catches him, pinning him against the door.

“WAIT-“

Ghost growls, “Talk fast!”

“Go in the hanger please before you kill me!”

Ghost glares before stepping back and shoving Gaz over. He opens the hanger door and steps inside. The hanger had a plane in it but other than that was empty. Ghost looks back behind him at Gaz who encouraged him to keep going. Ghost sighs before continuing to walk into the hanger. He doesn’t know why but he looked under the plane to see if someone was on the other side.

There wasn’t.

“Gaz, why the hell-“

Ghost turns around and freezes when he sees Soap standing in the doorway.

“Hey, Ghost…”

Gaz puts Ghost’s phone on a table near the door, “I’m gone! See you guys later!”

Gaz takes off, leaving Ghost and Soap alone. Soap rubs his arm before sighing, avoiding Ghost’s gaze.

“I don’t have a problem with gay people.”

“Really? You avoiding me for two days says otherwise.”

“I had some thinking to do… I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.”

Ghost watches Soap shift his weight, still avoiding eye contact. Ghost sighs, looking away from the man.

“Why a hanger?”

“More private.”

Ghost hums, “That it is.”

Soap looks up, “I really don’t have a problem with you or who you date. I-I envy you.”

“Envy me? Why the hell would you envy me?”

“You’re not afraid to be yourself. Never ashamed of loving who you want to love.”

The softness in Soap’s voice made Ghost’s heart ache, “Johnny…”

“My whole childhood was full of hate. Being taught to hate myself because I like boys instead of girls. I don’t even talk to my parents anymore and yet they still have control over me.”

Soap let’s out a heavy breath, “Even now I can’t be me.”

Ghost steps closer to the man, “Johnny, you can be yourself here. No one cares if you date men, women, whoever. Your parents have no say here.”

Soap looks up, mouth open like he wanted to say something but nothing would come out. Ghost didn’t push him, just reached over for his phone.

“No one is going to force you to make that decision to change. I’m not, Price isn’t—“

“I think… I’ve already made that decision.”

He looks up at Ghost, a small smile on his lips. Ghost pockets his phone, “Good.”

Wordlessly they walk out of the hanger. Shoulder to shoulder, both catching up on each other’s lives despite only being separated a couple days.

[cosmic-d1ce]

"how can you like sugarduo theyre so toxic" thats why i like them!!!! FML 🔛🔝 fuck everyone that doesnt like them!!!!

FML

Roier gets access to the Room

"He's family now, right? It's a family secret."

Cellbit's attempts to convince Forever have, so far, failed. Roier already knows. Roier has known for some time. He knows about Phil and he knows about what Forever really is.

"I'm just worried that he won't react as well as you guys did..."

Their reaction was insane, thinking back on it. They found out that Forever and Quackity had kidnapped Philza and they were all fine with it. They didn't even bat an eye. Mike had shrugged and said "amor é amor" with a laugh. They all laughed together. They knew what Forever was doing to their friend and that was fine.

It didn't matter. They watched Phil get destroyed and didn't care.

Now, it makes Cellbit feel a bit sick. He knows what love is now, thanks to Roier. It is not what Phil and Forever have.

What they have is sickening. Something depraved and cruel. Thinking about it too long makes Cellbit want to die. He knows he could have stopped it. He could have helped Phil but he didn't.

"I'll make sure it's okay. I can't keep something like this from my husband, Forever." Cellbit knows that will do something.

"Fine. If he freaks out though, it's on you." Forever huffs.

Roier is calmer than Cellbit had ever seen him. Cellbit walks into the dark room hesitantly. Forever stands close behind them. Cellbit can tell that he's on edge. He's worried.

"Morning, Phil." Cellbit says as the light flickers on. "Roier wanted to see you."

Phil casts a cautious glance between Roier and Forever, looking for confirmation.

In response, Forever speaks. "He's family now. He can see you if he likes." He shrugs despite his obvious nervousness.

Roier's communicator was left in the hall, in the drawer where Phil's stayed. His weapons, too. Forever is very aware that people would not be happy if they saw this. He knows that Roier probably isn't too fond of it. He knows he needs to be careful.

Cellbit can see the moment his husband spots the chain on Phil's ankle. It keeps him attatched to the bed. It's a punishment. Cellbit isn't sure what for, but he doesn't want to ask.

"I thought you hated me." Phil's voice is quiet. It always is. It's quiet and shaky and it breaks Cellbit's heart.

"Why would I- Oh! No, no! Fit and Wilbur are the only ones that actually hate you!" Roier laughs. "And some of the eggs but I don't!"

Cellbit's eye twitches. His husband is not the best at saying appropriate things. It's cute sometimes but here it is not.

Phil's voice cracks slightly, "Oh." he's on the verge of tears.

Forever notices not long after Cellbit does. He moves past Roier and Cellbit, walking over to Phil to kneel in front of him. He puts his hands on Phil's knees to comfort him.

"Don't cry, sweetheart! You know they hate you for a good reason, you shouldn't get so upset."

Cellbit watches Roier lose his mask. His expression changes to one of horror and confusion as he listens to Forever 'comfort' Phil.

"I kn-" A loud smack cuts Phil off.

"Also, I told you not to speak. Meu deus, por que você não ouve?"

Roier's hand trembles as he watches. Cellbit grabs a hold of him and pulls him a little closer. Roier calms himself quickly.

Forever turns to them with a bright smile. "Sorry about that, he's been awful recently! Had a little episode a few days ago, didn't you?" He looks back at Phil.

By 'episode' Forever means that Phil was starting to refuse his orders. He did it sometimes, despite everything.

Phil nods.

"There you go, well done, honey." Forever smiles, tail wagging in delight. He pats Phil on the head, ignoring the way Phil flinches away from his hand.

Cellbit hesitates before he speaks, "What did he do?"

"Screamed at me. I told him to go to bed and he screamed and cried and tried to hurt me, so, now he's here."

Cellbit knows there's more than that. He can see Phil's expression shift as Forever explains. He'll ask Phil later.

"You- you chain him up every time he does something bad?" Roier asks, a slight tremble to his voice.

"Not every time. Depends what he did. A while ago, he screamed at me and I just taped his mouth shut for a while."

Cellbit remembers that. Forever had triggered Phil on purpose, did something he knew would scare Phil into fight or flight. He had admitted a little while after to Pac that he just liked it when Phil was afraid. He said it was cute. Like a little bird.

"Punishment needs to fit the crime! He's chained up because he wouldn't come here when I told him too." Forever smiles.

"Ah... I see." Roier forces a smile in return, Forever doesn't seem to notice how strained it is.

"It's not so bad, he's okay with it! Aren't you, Phil?"

Phil nods quickly with a shaky smile. His eyes are still watering, tears threatening to spill over as he blinks.

Forever smiles back as his tail thwacks against the floor. He stands, using one hand to lift Phil's chin to make him keep eye contact. He gives him a kiss, although it's clear he doesn't want it. Phil doesn't fight but he's certainly not happy about what's being done. Forever pulls away with a smile and strokes Phil's hair again.

"Come on, we should let Phil rest, he's tired." Forever says as he starts to walk back to Cellbit and Roier.

Cellbit nods without question, although Roier is hesitant. Forever notices and stops in his tracks.

"What?" He asks, smile fading from his features as he stares at Roier.

"Nothing! Nothing! We should be going anyway! We have.... things... to do..." Roier trails off as he smiles nervously at Forever.

"Come on, Phil's tired. Let's go." Cellbit makes his tone stern as he pulls Roier slightly back towards the door.

"Yes, okay, great idea, as always, gatinho!"

Forever hums as Cellbit unlocks the door for Roier to step out. He's not happy about any of this.

[nonbinarymlm]

Let’s talk about venting and boundaries, especially in the context of social justice.

There’s a place for venting negative feelings about oppression. That venting doesn’t have to be 100% correct. It’s okay to be like “I hate straight/white/cis/male/etc people” on occasion when frustration with oppression is getting you down without specifying “not ALL x majority group”. Venting is going to be messy sometimes. That’s okay.

But if there are no boundaries or limits to your venting, THAT will be harmful to yourself, others, and any social movement you try to represent. Not every single place, time, and context is going to be an appropriate space for venting.

If you are running a social justice or minority focused space of any kind, you need to have clear guidelines around venting and when it is/isn’t appropriate with your space or your space will likely turn toxic and unhealthy. People can use supposed “venting” as a weapon to harm and silence others.

If a trans man is talking about his experience with oppression and someone responds with how he sucks because he’s a man and men suck? That’s not okay. That’s using the excuse of venting to silence a marginalized person discussing their oppression. The same is true for black, Asian, disabled, gay, mixed race, bi, ANY marginalized men. I use this as an example because women are numerically the largest oppressed group globally so it can often come up, but there’s many other examples. Venting about white people can even be used to silence women and LGBTQ+ people depending on the specific context (like complaining about “white girls” or “white gays” doing stereotypically feminine things that are entirely harmless).

Venting about “straight” or “het” people can be used to silence and exclude aro, ace, trans, intersex, and even bisexual people depending on context. It can also be used to dismiss and silence non-white people and discussions around interracial relationships. Venting about “cis” people can be used to silence and exclude intersex people. The diversity of the LBGTQ+ community can make this tactic all too common.

Even if you’re not trying to hurt someone, if you don’t have separate spaces or clear boundaries on your venting, then you will likely hurt someone. If a straight intersex person constantly hears about how straight people suck in LGBTQ+ spaces, they’re going to feel hurt and excluded even if that wasn’t the intent. If you expect queer men to be totally fine with having to randomly, arbitrarily hear how much they suck for being men in queer spaces, then you’re making queer spaces unsafe for queer men.

There can be vent spaces, vent blogs, personal spaces, etc that are there for venting about majority groups. It’s healthy for outlets for anger to exist. But if a social justice space expects some members to always be ready and willing to become an outlet for venting and anger with no boundaries or limits because those members have some kind of privileged identity, then that’s not healthy or reasonable. It’s not okay, and it often ignores intersectionality and the fact that people can embody marginalized and privileged identities at the same time.

TL;DR:

It’s time to get more nuanced about venting in social justice spaces. Yes, oppressed people need and deserve space for venting. No, it is not always reasonable, healthy, or okay to vent in every single context.

I know that there’s a lot of complexity to talk about here, but I think we need to talk about it. Because “venting” has become a tool for dismantling intersectionality, lateral oppression, and even plain old regular oppression in too many progressive spaces.

[earthstellar]

Just thinkin' about Nightshade: The Meaning of a Name

This started out as me thinking about how much I love their beast mode, and turned into thinking about their designation.

So, for those who might live in regions where Nightshade doesn't grow naturally, Nightshade is massively, massively poisonous.

So much so, that it's called Deadly Nightshade. In the UK, it's famous for being the plant that Macbeth probably used to poison Duncan's troops.

I always grew up hearing it called Belladonna, which is part of its Latin name, Atropa belladonna.

"Atropa" comes from "Atropos", the name of the Grecian Fate who severs the thread of life. (If you've seen the Disney Hercules movie, this is the Fate who cuts the thread with scissors.)

It has a beautiful purple and yellow flower, more reminiscent of Tarantulas' colours than Nightshade's.

It also features little black/dark purple berries.

Now, Nightshade is a great name for a bot that turns into an owl.

The name doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the plant.

However! I'm overthinking it anyway, so let's goooooo

Bad Implications!

What's super interesting is that Deadly Nightshade has some symbolic meanings in the UK/Europe; Namely, that Nightshade is one of the Devil's chosen plants, and that eating it (especially the berries) would bring Satan's wrath down upon the consumer as punishment.

It can represent danger, risk, betrayal, punishment, hopelessness, and sometimes even murder.

Plants with similarly mythologised toxic properties are Pennyroyal and Juniper-- Both of which can harm humans in various quantities.

(Interestingly, Pennyroyal is still sold in the UK as an insect repellent, and I even have some in my closet and drawers to repel moths-- But it is most famous as a risky historical abortifacient. I am usually asked for ID when I buy it in London Bridge Market, and they ask if you are familiar with it's use/inform you not to consume it when you buy it.

Juniper is most famous for being a common ingredient in sloe gin, but only in careful amounts. We've seen people in A&E come in with kidney pains from trying to make homemade gin, who ended up poisoning themselves by using the wrong type of juniper berry, or by concentrating it too much. Juniper was also considered a risky historical abortifacient.)

But in regards to Deadly Nightshade, a lot of people have hurt themselves trying to take advantage of its psychoactive properties-- Primarily in the form of the hyoscyamine and scopolamine (tropane alkaloids) found in the plant. However, the dosage is too finnicky, and it's way too easy for someone to poison themselves by accident. It's happened before. :( This plant is far too dangerous to use for these purposes. Do not consume!

But because of this connection with psychoactive properties, Deadly Nightshade is also sometimes symbolic of altered states of mind, having visions, or esoteric/magical thinking.

You can see this in a few fine arts works throughout history, various bits of folklore, and other historical media such as stage plays since audiences would be familiar with this plant as being a potential poison (thus making it a good choice for a playwright to work into a story).

Medical Applications!

The medication Atropine was first created via concentrated extracts derived from Deadly Nightshade. It has multiple medical applications, and can be concentrated from other members of the Nightshade family of plants, not just Belladonna.

Interestingly, although it can be poisonous on its own if someone decides to munch on the plant or its berries (a bad idea, do not eat any part of this plant ever), medically concentrated Atropine can be used in healthcare environments when administered appropriately to help address certain organophosphate poisonings by blocking muscarinic receptors by way of disrupting the neurotransmitter Acetylcholine.

Something that is sort of interesting is that historically, people used to put small amounts of liquid concentrated Deadly Nightshade into their eyes, as this resulted in very dilated pupils. This was considered a desirable cosmetic effect, hence the "Belladonna" part of the plant name-- It means "beautiful woman"! And Nightshade absolutely has large, round eyes with big pupils. (Do not put this shit in your eyes, it is a bad idea. Do not fuck with poisonous plants in general. Just need to be super clear on this!)

Again, that's an owlish trait, and it doesn't necessarily have to do with the plant. But I like that it could go either way.

I've also spotted Deadly Nightshade growing in overgrown cemeteries in the south of England, typically those that are near wooded/forested areas. So it's interesting that Nightshade got their alt-mode in a cemetery near a forest, since this plant is known to grow in woodlands.

But I wonder if Nightshade's name might have multiple implications; Especially considering their relationship with Tarantulas-- who we still haven't seen again, as of yet anyway-- it will be interesting to see how things play out.

Hopefully this is at least interesting trivia! :)

Also, Obvious PSA: Once again, don't eat any of the plants/flowers/berries mentioned here, you can die or suffer a surprisingly large amount of pain/potential organ damage. Either way, don't eat this stuff.

[chaifootsteps]

I hate feeling like there's no point in interacting with fandoms but fandoms have become so filled with anti-intellectualism and toxic positivity it's crazy. People always go on about how "people need to stop attacking others for liking things they don't!" And while that's obviously true, when are we going to talk about the other side of the coin? People getting harassed for expressing a negative opinion in their own space, using the appropriate tags and everything? There's no such a thing as actually analysizing a piece of media or having a mature discussion anymore, everything has to be a personal attack and reduced to petty insults. I get the world is going straight to the gutter and people are desperate for any sense of control, I even get that the school system has been failing to raise a next generation with critical thinking skills and media literacy, but for sucks sake they're just pixels and lines on a screen/page, they're not worth hurting real people over

I wish I had some assurance for you, but yeah, this is exactly how I feel too.

That said, I do think it's worth carving out your own little fandom niches and defending them with a flamethrower. It sets an example, but mostly I feel like if we don't, the weird little Twitter gremlins harassing people over pixels win.

[autolenaphilia]

"She leans forward, smiling gently, adopting the air of a concerned guidance counsellor. “Stef, if I may be blunt — and everyone around me is, constantly, so I believe I shall indulge — you are a woman. You have always been a woman, whatever your external appearance might suggest. You have, therefore, experienced masculinity, and particularly the kind of grasping, possessive, abusive masculinity that we as a society have decided is appropriate to teach our young men, as nothing but a curse, correct? An unpleasant and often entirely irrational system of behaviour to which you have been expected to conform, and uphold in others.”

“Um,” Stefan says, trying to control his reaction to being called a woman, to having his womanhood recognised so casually, acknowledged so completely. “Yes, I suppose.”

“Would you agree that your compliance with masculinity has been, shall we say, coerced? Not something you would have chosen for yourself?”

Stefan nods, and carefully avoids getting lost in memories.

“Then I suspect you will find it hard to believe how… seductive it can be,” Beatrice says. “Imagine that you are a boy. Masculinity, as expressed by the patriarchy, all the way from the repulsive man who currently occupies the office of the prime minister down to your peers at school, your family, and the men you see on the television, tells you what you are. It dictates your behaviour, lays out the rules around which you must structure your life. But in return it offers power. Power over other men, should you make yourself strong enough; power over women, almost by default. ‘You are strong,’ it whispers to you, as you grow taller than the girls at your school. ‘You are powerful,’ it tells you, as you get into your first fight. ‘You deserve her,’ it insists, as you look at a pretty woman at a bar or in the street. And, to those who will listen, it says, ‘Even if she refuses you, she is nonetheless yours. Take her!’” Stefan jumps a little when she raises her voice. “‘Take her and do with her what you will, for it is your right.’

“Most men, of course, are not so ruled by their desires that they will act on every impulse. And many men are capable of ignoring those messages entirely, filtering them, discovering a healthy masculinity inside the radioactive dust that infests our social atmosphere. But, as you have seen, there are men who are overwhelmed by these messages. Who are shaped by them so completely that there is practically nothing else left inside them. They are… broken people. Excellent vessels for the — oh, what did that absurd scientist with the honey fixation call it? — the meme of masculinity. The infectious idea that burrows into the brain and takes over.

“The problem for these men is that masculinity — toxic masculinity, if you will; violent, virulent masculinity — is a seductive lover but an abusive husband. Once you are in its grip, you can never be strong enough, never exercise enough power, never hurt enough people. You find yourself trapped between two destinies.

“Some of these broken men, they despise themselves. They victimise others because they are too weak not to, and they loathe their weakness. Many of them manage to put up a front — brusqueness; belligerence; humour — but the self-hatred eats away at them, and eventually they will be destroyed by it, consumed by the parasite.

“Others become nothing but the violence. They have contempt for their victims, and admire only strength and cruelty. They are, essentially, monsters."

Alyson Greaves - The Sisters of Dorley, Chapter 14: The Sense God Gave Her

[rotationalsymmetry]

Re: but what can I do?

I have come to the conclusion that most activism (or other "doing stuff") that comes from a sense of obligation is fundamentally toxic, and the healthiest forms of doing-stuff come from self-interest or something close to self-interest, like wanting people in your community to be OK.

People who want to "save" sex workers tend to get things horribly wrong, tend to have dramatically different goals from when sex workers themselves organize.

People who are doing things for others either go too far in and get burnt out, or (more often) don't go in far enough or pull out the moment things get messy.

Anyhow. So. If you want to "do something" appropriately and sustainably, don't start with your psychological need to feel like you're contributing. Start with what the need is and whether you can meet it. And start with yourself and go out.

Sometimes I get hungry or otherwise notice I haven't eaten in a while. When that happens and I eat, I am doing something to make my personal world better. (Ditto for chronic illness related self care, getting enough social interaction, getting enough rest, doing my PT so my back doesn't hurt when I wake up in the morning, etc.) Same for when I do a thing purely for pleasure. There's a need, or an opportunity for joy, can I meet it?

When I ask my partner how his day went, I am finding a need/opportunity for making his life better, and meeting it. Same for when I ask my mom how her golf game went. I don't care about golf, but she does and I care about her. (When I can ask about something I do care about, I am doing a thing for two people.)

When I pick up litter in my neighborhood, I am finding a need/opportunity for making my community's life better, and taking care of it. Ditto for contributing when someone says they need money, online or in person. Ditto for when I used to do Food Not Bombs and ride in Critical Mass. Ditto for when I'm able to get my act together enough to call a politician or send an email (not as often as I would like.)

For people who have had jobs, you know the work that needs to be done and the hours you're supposed to be working don't always line up nicely, it's the same for things you don't get paid for that need to be done. Sometimes there's nothing; sometimes there's more than you can do. It's not about whether you feel a need to contribute, it's about what's there.

And the thing is, what individual people need to take care of themseleves for themselves is more or less the same, but the bigger the group is the more likely people are to end up specializing and doing one or a few things a lot. Some people give blood as often as they can. Some pick up litter. Some do the jail support. Some do things that have a high risk of getting them arrested. Some are naturals at fundraising, or art or messaging, some can learn, some want nothing to do with that. What people are willing and able to do varies SO MUCH, which is fine because the things the world needs varies so much.

And this isn't expressly political, but there's always always always a need for caring and social labor. For someone to be the person who gets their friend group together. For someone to be the person who provides childcare so the moms can participate in the organizing meetings. For someone to be the person who makes sure the person with the broken leg is getting their groceries and the person with the chronic illness gets driven to their medical appointments. For someone to be the person who makes sure the old lady whose family all lives out of state (or who doesn't have a family, which is especially often the case with queer people) has someone to talk to. It's not less important just because people who aren't anarchists do it too. (It's not less impotent because it doesn't by itself challenge systems of oppression, for a few different reasons but in part because even in a perfect world that is work that needs to be done, and in part because improving the world isn't the only work that needs to be done, maintaining the world/the people in the world is work that needs to be done too.)

[skylitexo]

My life

So much time has gone. So many people have exited. Some for the best and some for the worst. Things come and go. I accept it... or trying too. My mental health is unusual. One thing I take pride in is being able to is working out consistently. Losing weight effectively.. I lost 40lbs. My goal is to hit 130. I am at 138. I am building muscle right now. I went through a period where I wasn’t necessarily living last fall. I barely ate and slept. I was so exhausted. I was trying to graduate as soon as I could. Taking 18 credit hours and an internship on top of it, but I graduated.. I wanted my mom to see it... but she didn’t. She died. Then, earlier that day before she passed my boyfriend, my love.... the one that I connected with so I thought spiritually.. cheated. Not surprised, but it’s okay. I understand. He wasn’t happy with himself. He was insecure and felt the need to be a piece of shit. What a nice touch on his end. Anyway, three days later Mom.. I gIraduated after you died. It was so hard to walk across the stage.. knowing I watched you die the way you did. It was so traumatizing. I have such bad PTSD. The way it came out of your mouth... your body... the fluids.. I don’t want to say because it will scare people away. Mom I miss you. I want to call you and tell you everything. I want to tell you what Jules did to me. What he gave me. How he treated me in the end. I never saw it coming. I couldn’t believe it really, but most importantly mama. I hate coming home and seeing you not there. Where your voice doesn’t echo in the hallway. I hate seeing Todd pass out drunk on the floor almost nearly every night. Hearing Alexis cry over the phone. Her saying, “we need to be strong. It’s okay Sky. We got each other”. This is so fucked up.. all of this. I am thankful that my friend Bo, drove 7 hours to be by my side. I am thankful that Audrey was there and watched me grieve my mom the day she died. She held me, and watched my mom took her last breaths. Talking about this now is triggering. I can’t... I hate cancer. I hate missing you. I hate such bad flashbacks. It’s so triggering. Anyway, I haven’t landed a job.. I am interning still. I move away from U of I and back into my old childhood home for a few months. I have a trip planned to Cali. I been california dreaming for months. I will keep doing so... I will keep traveling the world. I don’t care about being alone. I am okay with it. At least no one will hurt me. I changed a lot as a person and overcame so much. I am stronger than I used to be. I am a deeper person. Spiritually and emotionally. Hell, looking back at all my post makes me cringe. Like why were you crying over someone like that? I a so glad I lost weight and started prioritizing myself. I am still trying to manage my mental health. My mood swings. I was in therapy for a bit and will be going back. There is some insurance issues and cancellations that had occured on their end, but I am counting down the days. Self love may not always look beautiful. It’s not about beating your face. Putting on a cute outfit or changing your hair. It’s a lot of tears, heavy workouts, sleeping, and recognizing your toxic patterns. It’s about digging deeper into yourself. It’s about seeking help when you know you need it. It’s about learning patience and understanding. It’s about putting nourishing food in your body. It’s about sleep appropriately. I could go on and on. I am trying. I will continue to try and live to the best of my ability. I don’t want to rot even though sometimes my mind tells me to disappear or to hurt myself. I am trying to control my rage, but I have and am healing... somethings I am over and some are not. It will be okay. I will be okay. I think. I hope. Also, in my next post I plan to talk about the spiritual things I have encountered before, during, and after my mom's passing. I have been “awake” for awhile now. However, I don’t want to burn one's eyes much longer with my long post. 

[truc0nfessionz]

i feel really depressed today

i feel emotional. drained. empty. craving.

it's weird. i have the most perfect life, the life i always dreamed about, but somedays like today i'm really sad.

today, i feel lonely. my girlfriend is in san antonio today (where she lives) and the absence without her seems massive.

yesterday, we got in a disagreement unexpectedly.

and for those 2 reasons, i can't help but wonder if i'm putting too much into this.

i can't help but wonder if maybe i should keep more to myself.

i used to be a person with hobbies. a girl with goals, a vision, things to do.

and suddenly, i'm feeling like a lady in waiting.

when she's here, i'm great. i'm 1000%. i'm on my shit. but when she's gone, it's really hard to bear.

i feel empty. i feel lonely. i feel sad.

all i want is to be with her, and i feel like that might not be a good thing.

am i losing who i am?

what about me? the things i want, crave, and dream of?

i need to get back to being who i am - being a creative, being a nurturer, being a pioneer. i want to feel deeply connected to my being, instead of what's outside of it.

also, i can't help but feel pain about the fact that avia is continuously trying to reach out to me to speak. honestly, there's nothing that she could say that would posses me to hear her out. I completely understand that she was in a bad state of mind when she attacked me, and also, i'm not willing to put myself back into that situation when i don't think she's in a better state of mind now. honestly, i don't care whether she is or not.

she's basically lauren. she won't take my silence as an answer and wants to continuously push on other avenues to get me to engage in some way.

but for avia specifically, i will adamantly decline to participate, whether she's healed or not. the truth is, i did NOTHING but help this person. so i don't have space for them to tell me how 'terrible' it was to have been given a fucking shot in your career that you didn't deserve. i'm good. she can tell that to her therapist.

i am grateful to the universe for always removing the toxic people from around me that don't need to be there. as much as i want to scream obscenities about avia and wish her unwell, i'll let the universe take care of that for me. the truth is, i hope she gets exactly what she deserves. i hope that the energy she's spent pursuing and harassing me is returned to her in the way that the universe determines appropriate. and most of all, like everyone else who's ever harmed me, i hope she learns. i hope she figures out that when you spread hate in this world you will always lose. and i hope she relearns that lesson as many times as necessary for her journey.

i'm pained that even though i do my damndest to only give pure energy - to only give love and light - that i still find myself being taken advantage of and attacked by others. that hurts my soul because i know i don't deserve this. i wasted precious energy on these people, and they tried to drag me down to hell.

but i am thankful for the lessons i've learned on them. i don't owe anyone a second chance, a third chance, or a 33rd chance (in lauren's case). i determine when you've had enough of my energy, and for these two narcissistic, sociopathic drama queens - truly, i've given enough.

the energy these people contribute is evil. it's out of flow with the universe and it's energy i don't have time to absorb or entertain. i wish them the best, and i wish to never see or interact with them in any way again.

i also manifest purpose. i seek the signs of guidance from the universe. i wonder deeply if i'm on the right path, and maintain faith that if i weren't, i would feel it and i would know.

yesterday, ivy and i disagreed about threesomes. honestly, i was instantly defensive because it felt like B all over again. this is an experience i've never in my life had, and as i said out loud yesterday, agreeing to be with ivy means that i know i will never have it.

i told her i'm okay with that. and i'm fairly certain that it's true.

but do i wonder if someday i'll wonder? i really do. i wonder that a lot.

i understand ivy's perspective fully - she only wants me to want her, and i do. but i wonder if someday i may want to explore something new, and she is adamantly against that occurring.

and on the other hand, i'm also irritated by ivy's sudden interest in hanging out with her classmates - half of which (LITERALLY HALF) have a fucking crush on her. now they're doing lunches and the movies and shit. like, oh sorry, i didn't realize that suddenly these random 19 year old girls were so important that you're considering reducing your time with me to hang out with them....

yeah, not sure if i'm cool with that.

and finally, my sister really irked the shit out of me this weekend. she agreed to watch my dog, then proceeded to NOT pick up my dog's food and instead feed her some random shit all weekend. which is fine, except for the fact that I AM THE ONE who would have to deal with the dog having an upset stomach after the fact.

literally, she would never do that to anyone else's dog, and i feel majorly disrespected that she would pull that with mine.

i feel fucking taken advantage of on all of these fronts. i know i don't deserve any of this energy, and i want to fight against the slightest notion that i'll accept any of it.

and so, while i'll always carry a torch of light, love and growth - i won't be fucked with this year. i will adamantly decline to participate in spaces that don't have my best interest at heart. and i can't take anything less than that, because i don't deserve it.

weirdly, i had flashbacks about aziza today. i guess this is around the time where our situationship was pretty intense last year. i haven't envisioned her mind so clearly in my face in such a long time. it almost, for a moment, made me miss her.

and while our ending was bullshit, i truly and sincerely hope she's doing well. i hope she learned something from our encounter. somedays, i still wonder about the lesson i learned from her. but i don't dwell on whether or not i should have done so. that would be counterproductive.

but damn, all these little pains in the past few years sometimes feel like they compound down on me at once. how could so many people look at my face, feel my energy and proceed to give me their worst? what did i do in each encounter to deserve this treatment?

if i'm honest, that shit with aziza and with shawn hurt a lot. and obviously, i still have massive pain over B. massive, massive, massive.

i know that the best revenge you can possibly give is to have a fantastic life without someone, but damn, sometimes i want something more satisfying than that.

sometimes, i want to hurt these people the way they hurt me. but i know in my heart it wouldn't make me feel better. i'm not like them, and that's my gift. their curse is that they'll always be themselves, with this energy to give.

please lord and universe, give peace to my heart. show me the signs of where i should be. and support my success in each endeavor i undertake.

[whatswiththisscale]

My ex and ex friends absolutely fucked me up. I probably caused some complications too, I recognise and am not afraid to admit that. But honestly, it was probably the relationship that was fucked up and awful, not both of us. We were just incompatible and had manipulative tendencies.

I don't want to elaborate without a cut so hi!

Anyway

I need love when I'm in a relationship like that. I need reassurance and attention. I need validation. My ex gave me none of that and insisted that I was being a bad person because of my needs. I can be obsessive, but he singled me out and openly admitted that I was his favourite person etc etc etc and said he was obsessive too. He didn't want me hanging out with anyone other than him, his sister, our mutual friend (who he met before either met me, so I naturally had less of a connection and was never quite in the same level, so I felt kinda jealous), and his sister. He said he liked when I was obsessive because it made him feel safe, and that all of my behaviour was absolutely okay.

Then I asked to hold his hand.

Okay! *Two days later* No, don't do that. Why would you do that?

Then I asked to sleep over.

Of course! *One week later* Uh, that's kinda creepy. Ew. No thanks

Then I asked to hug him.

Yes, I love you! *Three hours later* God no, I hate hugs.

He always said he was uncomfortable with being touched at all. But he hugged and did everything else with his sister and our two mutual friends just fine! So why not me?

Am I too clingy? Am I too needy? Am I too obsessive?

Yeah, I was obsessive. But my ex told me it was okay and he loved that about me, then got mad at me for it. Then he told me that's most of why he loved me (that and because we're practically the same person (my initial facade that I put up to make people like me) so we must be soulmates). Then he told me he hated it. Then he gave mixed signals. Etc.

And then that group left me (at school during lunch and then proceeded to go to the mall that weekend (even though they said they cancelled it and nobody could go (they also brought along our mutual ex friend) the day before) and text me a picture and said how toxic I was and how much happier they are without me).

They left me. And believe me, I was super hypervigilant about trying to not be obsessive (while also not throwing myself into a depression, of course). And they left me.

Sure, maybe I stressed out my ex and our (now his) friends. But he never actually communicated with me clearly. And I know he'll never admit or accept that he fucked me up, too.* And I might have hurt some of them more than they hurt me. I'll never know! But a) They used to be in my life, but now they're not and that's all that matters, and b) fate probably just had it planned that we wouldn't end up together. And that's that.

But seriously, you can't know you're abusive unless you learn you probably are in your own time. Also, people who are manipulative or abusive might not be aware of it and you just can't know. They almost never are deliberately causing pain. They just can't see something most people can.

-

*Here's a list of reasons why (tw racism, appropriation of spirituality/culture/religion, abelism, terfs, controlling behaviour, just generally agitating stuff):

He genuinely believed he could turn himself Chinese by mediating and manifesting (he knows I'm a Gaelige Pagan and have been all my life and that I knew that couldn't happen. He would constantly ask if his eyes got slimmer or if he seemed like he lost weight or if his face was rounder) (he learned Chinese just because of that) (he made me get him a kimono too) (he's, like, 75% ethnically British or something, and like some part Scottish (so therefore he's allowed to just take one of my candles and do a love spell between me and some dude who's mean to me who I forced myself to 'like' because internalised homophobia and allonormativity (this was before we were officially together))

He also genuinely believed he could reality shift into any world he wanted (he almost did it!!! /s) where he could be a Chinese K-Pop idol with no mental illness and be with Harry Potter and JK Terfling

AND that you could stay in that other 'desired reality' and eventually your magic spirit twin would take over your body and you could just go back to real life whenever you wanted and you would just pick up where Spirit-Twin left off in your life (like. Click (2006) anybody??)

He ate, like, practically nothing. He was obsessed with being skinny and he would ONLY eat things that were 'healthy' like salad and he went pescatarian because of calories... BUT he swore up down left and right and all around and all the directions that he was only bordering on an eating disorder. He can't have one because, y'know... he's him and he's just so cool I guess??? Idk I tried asking him but his voice was so annoying at that point and he literally just droned on and on about how the mental hospital he ended up in (because he overdosed because his sister got mad at him at the same time we were having our first argument (for context he repeatedly accused me of starting arguments whenever we disagreed) (and if course he started said argument)) said he was bordering on one so they must be right, they're the fucking medical industry (I'm disabled and have an ed, I know for a fact that the medical industry doesn't know shit)

He didn't want me to go to my dream college. He would not let me go to my dream college. He literally seethed at the thought of me going to my dream college. Because his mom didn't like the college

He also said with pride that he had the brain of a 5 year old

He couldn't spell the word important ("Importment? Importmant? Inportment???" I kid you not) and was convinced he would move to London and go to Oxford (partly for the aesthetic of course *eyeroll*)

He believed in the word subliminal shit where you say stuff, speed it up, and put music over it, and you would just get whatever you wanted

He stole character art off of Pinterest, named them after (anime of course because he insisted he could turn Chinese) characters, gave them other characters' personalities, and called it an oc

He constantly compared himself to his 12-year-old sister who is SO skinny it's nur even funny

He thought he was Jewish because he believed in only one god. I am 25% Jewish. I'm 85% sure he knew that. I told him that's not how it works. Wow I must have started a fight. Also he thinks his parents aren't super Christian religious because they only have like 3 Christ quotes/statues/etc per room (including the outside for his dad's house) and only go to church maybe once every two months

So basically, he's a stubborn ignorant bitch <3

But yeah I digress he didn't know!! And I might have, and probably did mess him up too and I'll probably never know!

random, but I think the way people talk about abusers as hypercompetent, calculating manipulators that Know exactly what they're doing makes it easier for people to get into abusive relationships

[mehbzz]

How do you see Billy and Stu characters in your stories? Could they turn and ever kill reader?

My take on them is pretty similar to how I see them in the movies, just with a little more softness and added polyamory! A very quick ramble of an explanation under the cut.

-------------------

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My fic interpretation is basically that both are narcissistic misogynists. I see Billy as able to feel guilt, empathy, remorse etc but has reached that stage where he doesn’t care anymore, he can ignore all those pesky emotions in favour of what he wants or feels. Struggles a lot with reacting appropriately to other people’s emotions, knows how he should feel, but just can’t anymore. Thinks he's acting and playing the part well but he's really not. His abandonment issues are obvious, I think he was probably a little too close to his mom, an unhealthy co-dependency that encouraged the way he has latched on to Stu first and then reader.

I see him as having panic attacks and anxiety, especially when he deems things as getting out of his control. Which includes reader. Very clingy when he deems someone as worthy of him and his time, doesn’t know how to love normally, and probably comes across as controlling and possessive. Needs to know where you are and what you’re up too, gets antsy if you’re late or not where you said you’d be.

Stu I see absolutely as a borderline psychopath. Really struggles with empathy, doesn’t feel guilt or remorse for his actions, but is very very good at mimicking it or faking it when he has too but really doesn’t care what other people think about him, or maybe genuinely forgets his act sometimes, which is why people see him as insensitive or stupid. I think Stu is a lot lot smarter than he pretends to be.

I see him with neglectful parents who turned a blind eye to his behaviour, although I can imagine him seeing a Child Psychologist for a while. Tortured animals growing up and more than likely killed at least one childhood pet. A bully at school, picking on girls and kids smaller than him in the playground, until he learnt how to “behave” and temper those more aggressive temperaments of his. Can’t have as much fun if people always have an eye on you. His parents were probably called to the school on more than one occasion when he went too far, but they probably paid them off in some way! Most likely to hurt you for fun.

I think they are on equal footing with regards to who’s in charge, it’s just not reader! Although I think I write Billy more as believing he's in control of the situation and of Stu. Whereas Stu doesn’t care either way! Been friends since they were very little and know each other inside and out.

(My favourite thoughts for their relationship in the movies flick between two ideas. They are definitely more than friends but don’t care enough to explore it, or have found common ground and are just selfishly using each other to get what they want, which is revenge on Sid for Billy, and purely the excitement of the chance to kill for Stu. Each believing they are using the other when in reality they're absolutely looped into a toxic co-dependency, fuelling each other’s worst traits.)

Both are selfish, entitled horny assholes with superiority complexes. They want, they deserve it, so they take it. Both have no qualms about pushing you way way past your boundaries. Masters of gaslighting and manipulation (fun for Stu but more from abandonment fears for Billy, useful for both.) but in my fics I think they do love reader in their own twisted ways! For Stu, I think it’s more ownership and an obsessive possession than all out genuine love, emotions are a struggle for him! Billy feels the same possessiveness but does love reader in the more conventional sense too but tries to hide it, (thanks to an emotionally stunted father, - men conceal they don’t feel)  

They wouldn’t ever kill reader. Unless maybe…. they get caught during the killing spree and its ends up a murder suicide type situation. You are theirs but they see themselves as yours as well.

I see them as needing each other to survive now; if they ever got forcefully separated it would end up in a bloodbath of self-destruction, Stu outwardly and Billy internally. They fuel each other, in the worst and the best ways. They wouldn’t survive without each other. They both see reader as worthy of them but still sort of a little below them, because you know, misogynistic asssholes!

[heathersproship]

Candy Store is ✨Problematic✨ Part 2!!!

Happy Halloween!

Before anyone gets on my ass about “UGH you’re reading too much into this! It’s just a song, it’s not that serious!” You’re right! Straight up, you are absolutely right! It is just a song. It is not that serious. I can enjoy this song for what it is. BUT I can also acknowledge it promotes bad behavior on the part of those fictional characters. And as we all know, promoting bad behavior is notoriously a no-no with antis, who are all about protecting the sweet innocent little immensely impressionable baby childrens from the big bad moral wickedness and impurities of this fucked-up world we live in by exterminating everything they subjectively deem Badwrong. Which includes listening to songs about it. ROCK MUSIC IS THE DEVIL, ONLY GOOD CHRISTIAN MUSIC IN THIS HOUSEHOLD! JESUS!

I’m doing antis’ job for them. They have a laundry list of reasons why J.D. sucks and JDronica is toxic and you shouldn’t ship them when there’s (lmfao) “many less problematic and more interesting wlw ships”. And yet. Yet these same people ship Chansaw, or Dukesaw, or Mcnamawyer, or Poly!Heathers+Veronica. What’s the difference between Heathers and J.D.? Canonically, none of the Heathers ships are Healthy and Unproblematic, not even Mcnamawyer. Hmm... what is different indeed... I guess we’ll never know, it’ll always be a mistery.

Anyway, let’s lick our way to the center of the Tootsie Pop that is Candy Store and break down why it’s ✨problematique✨. Section by section, line by problematic line, hand in unlovable hand. Buckle up, corn nuts. This is going to get long.

Are we gonna have a problem? You got a bone to pick? You’ve come so far, why now are you pulling on my dick? I’d normally slap your face off And everyone here could watch But I’m feeling nice Here's some advice Listen up biotch!

Starting off strong, we clearly do have a problem! This entire 3-minute song is Chandler’s response to Veronica expressly refusing to go along with her plans. The point of this song is to put pressure on Veronica in order to get her to go along with what Chandler wants: pranking Martha Dunnstock by writing her a fake love note signed by the boy Martha adores so much. Why does Chandler want to do this to Martha? Because she found out about the kiss on the kickball field in kindergarten. Something that happened over 10 years ago for them. The first thing she does with a new tidbit of information is to use it to hurt the person it’s about. GENIUS!! WOW!!!!

“I’d normally slap your face off / And everyone here could watch,” ah, yes, because assault is an appropriate response to being told “no.” You know who does that? Spoiled brats. Normally. She regularly assaults people? Her go-to response when people tell her no is to slap them? Normally? Normalizing? Normalizing violence? In this fictional universe? Right in front of my salad? Yikes. Stay classy, Heather, you’re beautiful.

(I like) Lookin’ hot Buying stuff They can not (I like) Drinking hard Maxing dad’s credit card (I like) Skippin’ gym Scarin’ her Screwin’ him (I like) Killer clothes Kickin’ nerds in the nose!

Brag, brag, brag, brag, BRAG!

“Drinking hard,” Um, Heather? You’re 17. Drinking underage? Illegal. The drinking age in 1989 Ohio may’ve been 19, but girl. GIRL. You’re not even 18. You know, 18? The age where one is considered an adult? Which means you’re a minor. A minor drinking alcohol is illegal. That’s illegal, Heather. Heather? That’s illegal, you shouldn’t be doing that. HEATHER UNDERAGE DRINKING IS PROBLEMATIC! HEATHER!!! IF MINORS DRINK THE ADULT GRAPE JUICE IT’S BAD HEATHER STOP GLORIFYING UNDERAGE DRINKING!!!

Okay, seriously, that’s a problem. Problematic, if you will. She shouldn’t be drinking PERIOD, much less drinking HARD. Alcohol can be addictive, and addiction is not something to strive for (and I know everyone else drinks and smokes and all that jazz in Big Fun, but we’re not talking about Big Fun right now). I’m not going to say she gets blackout drunk every time she drinks, but the way she’s going, it wouldn’t surprise me if, in a world where she makes it out of Westerburg alive and becomes an adult instead of playing at being one, she suffers from alcoholism. The younger you start, the easier it is to get entangled, right? Drinking hard, smdh.

“Maxing Dad’s credit card.” I mean, she’s got a sports car, 3 TVs, a shitton of other material things listed in that forged suicide note, and she clearly doesn’t have a paying job to get all that. Of course she can “buy stuff they cannot” when all she’s doing is spending Daddy’s money. We don’t know what the Heathers’ relationships with their parents are like, so “poor sad neglected daddy issues Chandler uwu” is no more canon than “doting father oblivious to his child’s spoiled rotten bitchy nature Chandler,” or even “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree Chandler.” If you ask me, the latter are much more interesting than the former. If J.D.’s mommy issues don’t give him a pass for his actions (and they don’t), giving Chandler daddy issues can’t either. Sorry, that’s just how it works. Even playing field.

And “kicking nerds in the nose.” Come on. It’s just a power trip, we all know this. There is no good reason for this unless stepping on other people makes you feel good. That doesn’t make you a good person, or even a likable person. And yet? Chandler’s more loved in this fandom than she is in her own actual fictional universe. Hey antis, how does that work if she’s the embodiment of problematic? If she makes bad things look cool, that’s glorifying. If she makes it look bad, that’s okay because she’s making bad things look wrong as they should be, but she’s not. She’s doing the exact opposite. She LIKES all these things. Help a girl out, where’s the logic? Why are you agreeing with this? None of this is good!

If you lack the balls You can go play dolls Let your mommy fix you a snack (whoa!) Or you could come smoke Pound some rum and coke In my Porsche with the quarterback (whoa, whoa, whoa!)

The dichotomy here. It’s one or the other. If you’re not this, you’re that. If you’re not smoking and drinking and engaging in destructive yet hardcore Adult activities, you’re a little Baby playing @barbieswithbettyfinn (heyy girl!) who needs Mommy to take care of you. There’s no middle ground in Chandler’s mind, no such thing as nuance. It’s black or white, not both. You’re cool or you’re not. You’re in or you’re out. Up or down. You’re either with us or a square, Veronica! I can see why antis like this song, ironic as that is. It validates their need for absolutes.

“Or you could come smoke / pound some rum and coke,” Wow, more drinking! Wooo! Still bad! And now smoking too! Another adult thing she should not have access to! Both have the potential to be addictive, and as I said earlier, addiction is NOT GOOD. Alcohol destroys the liver, smoking blackens your lungs and could give you cancer. Heather Chandler is, again, 17. She should not be engaging in, much less encouraging, these behaviors. Yet here she is, framing it as the better of the only two options she presents. THIS SHOULD NOT BE SEEN AS COOL. A lot of teens don’t drink or smoke but they also don’t play with actual dolls. There’s not just two ways to be, but according to Chandler, it’s either her way or the highway. You’re either a Big Kid or you’re a Baby.

Honey, whatchu waitin’ for? Welcome to my candy store! Time for you to prove you’re not a loser anymore! And step into my candy store!

Oh look, we got to the thesis statement.

Reiterating what I said before, this song is meant to peer pressure Veronica into doing what the Heathers (specifically Chandler) wants. This reinforces the dichotomy from the previous section: you’re either cool or you’re a loser, so which is it? They’re giving her a test while presenting it as a choice: there’s only one right answer and it’s not the one Veronica wants. This song is also pulling double duty as propping up the Heathers on a pedestal. Look at how cool they are! Look at all the cool things they brag about doing or being able to do, like smoking and drinking and bullying the fat girl just because they can! They make it look sooooo fun to be assholes! Is that not GLORIFYING problematic and toxic behavior?

Guys fall At your feet Pay the check Help you cheat! All you Have to do Say goodbye To Shamu! That freak’s Not your friend I can tell in the end! If she Had your shot She would leave You to rot!

Chandler built the foundation, now McNamara and Duke are adding onto it. Oh boy.

“Pay the check,” Guys treating them and paying on their dates isn’t that bad, but we have to remember the Heathers are established to be pretty well-off financially. It might’ve been okay for the times, and simps gonna simp especially if they’re trying to get something out of it, but nowadays... chalk that up to values dissonance. There might also be something to have Duke say this line since she’s the one with the bout of bulimia. In which case, that just makes it worse. A guy didn’t pay for you to throw it all up, Heather.

“Help you cheat!” I don’t think I need to explain why cheating in school is bad. Schools are always discouraging it (yet they don’t exactly make it so there’s less incentive not to do it). This line also plants the seed in our heads that McNamara is the dumbest of the Heathers since she’s not learning anything or thinking for herself. She just copies what everyone else does, which fits with her character perfectly.

“All you have to do / Say goodbye to Shamu!” Attempt to control who Veronica hangs out with. All Veronica has to do to win big in boys, booze, and the last year of her high school career is just abandon her old best friend (which she’s already done, or close to it) AND while she’s at it, plant false hope in said best friend that the boy she knows does not like her back might possibly actually like her back! Time to pick a side, Ronnie! Shiny new cool friends or dull old loser friends? Also, casual fatphobia? Shamu was a killer whale. Comparing a fat person to a whale? I know it rhymed though, but still. Susie Q could’ve fit too.

“That freak’s / not your friend / I can tell in the end,” McNamara can’t tell shit. At this point she’s been copying answers off the other two Heathers for so long she doesn’t know what a genuine friend is until she tries to kill herself. And more juvenile name-calling.

“If she / had your shot / she would leave you to rot!” Would she, though? First, the first thing we find out about Martha is she’s been Veronica’s best friend since diapers. They’re seniors in high school now—that’s their entire lives. It takes a lot of work to maintain a friendship for that long, and the fact that Veronica still considers Martha her best friend shows it’s genuine and not because they’re each other’s only option. When Veronica trades up, the one line she repeatedly refuses to cross is hurting Martha. Although she feels a bit neglected, Martha is very supportive of Veronica’s new status as a Heather, even calling it “exciting,” and she doesn’t hold Veronica flaking out on movie night against her. When Martha suspects J.D. of killing Kurt and Ram, she doesn’t suspect Veronica, even though she knows about Veronica’s penchant for forgery. There’s an extraordinary amount of mutual loyalty there. Martha’s unwavering faith in Veronica is only shaken when Veronica reveals the truth about the love note in another moment of desperation, and Veronica regrets hurting her immediately afterwards.

Second, this line shows us what the Heathers think friendship is: when opportunity comes knocking, it’s every girl out for herself. Chandler keeps the clique on a very tight leash, consistently being verbally abusive to Duke and controlling to Veronica, but not to McNamara because McNamara never questions or undermines her authority. Duke, meanwhile, resents Chandler to hell and back, and lashes out at both Veronica and McNamara at opportune moments (after the date and during the assembly respectively). McNamara didn’t get a lot to do, but Lifeboat shows us she’s very aware of the opportunistic approach when it comes to social relations with her peers: she never once mentions the word friends, only “people I know” and perhaps most prominently, “if I say the wrong thing / or I wear the wrong outfit / they’ll throw me right over the side!”

The point is, the Heathers don’t know Martha at all and they don’t care to. But they’re not above casting doubt in Veronica’s mind to manipulate her into turning against Martha even more than she already has. All they have to do is make her THINK Martha would betray her as easily as she betrayed Martha, and let that guilt fester into vindictiveness.

Course, if you don’t care Fine, go braid her hair Maybe Sesame Street is on! (whoa!) Or forget that creep And get in my jeep Let’s go tear up someone’s lawn! (whoa, whoa, whoa!)

Here we see more of the child/adult dichotomy. Braiding hair and Sesame Street OR...

“Let’s go tear up someone’s lawn!” Oh, Chandler. People work hard on their lawns and that’s not for you guys to tear it up with your wheels. The disrespect. Truly we stan some QUEENS here.

Honey, whatchu waitin’ for? Welcome to my candy store! You just gotta prove you’re not a pussy anymore! And step into my candy store!

Wow, such big girls! They upped the ante on the name calling! Don’t be a pussy, Veronica! That’s a vulgar word. Classy.

You can join the team (or you can bitch and moan) You can live the dream (or you can die alone) You can fly with eagles Or if you prefer Keep on testing me And end up like her!

Again, you’re either with us OR not. And if you’re with us, you must leave everything of your former life behind because that’s not good enough anymore. You’re better than that now. You can have it all, or you can have nothing.

“Keep on testing me / and end up like her!” That’s a threat. If you keep disagreeing with me, fuck around and find out bitch! Boy, canon Chansaw is so healthy. Just relationship goals asf! No wonder people ship them, love having a controlling partner who’s not afraid to keep threatening to pull the rug from under you, mmm! Healthy shit!

“Veronica, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party! This proves he's been thinking about me!” “...Color me stoked!” “I’m so happy!”

With the Heathers hounding her for two-thirds of the song, Veronica folds. She’s still desperate to cling to her newfound security blanket of popularity so she puts up with the Heathers’ (mainly Chandler’s, let’s be real) bullshit. We know this will have drastic consequences later, but for now, she still thinks it’s worth the price she paid to make it there. People who pressure you into doing something you’ve made it very clear you’re uncomfortable with and don’t want to do? Not people you want to be around. Toxic and problematic. But I guess we can ignore that because who cares, they’re pretty! That doesn’t hold up for Kurt and Ram and J.D. though, just the Heathers. Double standards much? Sure, schoolyard bullying isn’t as drastic as rape and murder, but that doesn’t take away from the fact it’s still NOT GOOD HEALTHY MORAL BEHAVIOR.

For now the Heathers win the battle. Veronica keeps her mouth shut about the prank.

Honey whatchu waitin’ for? Shut up, Heather! Step into my candy store! (Time for you to prove you’re not a lameass anymore!) And step into my candy store It’s my candy store It’s my candy It’s my candy store It’s my candy It’s my candy store It’s my candy store!

Remember when I said Chandler’s adamant this is her song? This is, what, the third “Shut up, Heather!” we’ve gotten so far? And I don’t think I need to say pushing people is just rude (and more assault?). Especially to take back the spotlight for yourself—Chandler’s so desperate to be the center of attention, she can’t share it even with the girls who are supposed to be her friends. In fact, she doesn’t even seem to like any of them: she ignores McNamara for the most part (which ironically plays into why people think she likes her more), bullies the fuck out of Duke (bully x victim ship mmmmm! Not “problematic” at all!), and only lets Veronica in based on what Veronica could do for her (totally healthy to base your relationship on what your partner can do for you (this part applies to both parties btw) and threaten to take away her status every time her pesky morals get in the way of your fun! Totally not toxic or abusive whatsoever!).

If “everyone here could watch” Chandler slap Veronica had she done that, then they’re certainly out here watching her push Duke, her fellow Heather, and she gets away with it because she’s the leading Heather, and she really doesn’t give a shit what people think of her. They know she’s awful, and yet they still want her favor because she’s this rich bitch who will pitch the ultimate fit if she doesn’t get what she wants. The one she’s throwing right now makes for a great song.

The title is called Candy Store due to the simile “like a kid in a candy store.” Kids like candy, so to be in a store full of it is like a dream. But this is Heathers, so the candy isn’t sugar, spice, and everything nice, and the dream comes at a very high cost, one Veronica is clearly starting to regret investing in. With “coworkers” like Chandler around, could you blame her? Toxic work environment as fuck. It’s more like Veronica’s only coworkers with Duke and McNamara. You don’t work with Chandler, you work for her. You are not her equal and she won’t hesitate to let you know it. She’s the bitchiest boss and no one actually likes her. Except McNamara because, as stated before, Chandler ignores her for the most part. She leaves her alone. It’s not much, but it’s enough for one person to be believably sad about Chandler’s death later on. See what happens when you’re not a cunt to absolutely everyone?

So, in conclusion, this song is problematic as fuck. It slaps, but the Heathers are explicitly leveraging all the things they’re able to get away with as a means to entice Veronica into agreeing to hurt her best friend. They’re trying so hard to get her to cross the one boundary she has, and this is just the first time.

Why?

Because Heather Chandler just wants to bully the fat girl, who has done nothing to her ever. Because why not? Because fuck Martha. No one else will, right?

[bakugosbratx]

NSFW 18+ The Assistant— AU Levi Ackerman x Fem! Reader

Warning: 18+ Content. Smut, degrading, cursing, punishment, dom levi, sub reader, bondage, bdsm, some angst, toxic relationship, spanking, cheating, etc.

Words: 3, 673

Check out my other works here

A/N: Me and my irl moot @idfkwtfgof came up with this idea so I decided to write it out. Enjoy this fifty shades of gray moment. I’ve been working on this for over a month 🙃 I’m sorry it took me forever.

Tags: @idfkwtfgof @awilddreamerwrites @peachsenpie

You take a deep breath as you approached the double doors in front of you. Your heart pounded against your rib cage. The silent hallways seemed to be echoing the thumps. Anyone in your position would be nervous too if they had to meet with the CEO of the Ackerman Industries. He was not one to enjoy much company nor request it. His gaze alone could intimidate the strongest of people and you are no different.

Fist resting on the wooden door in front of you, you hesitate, but close your eyes and knock anyway. You did not hear a response as you patiently wait. Instead, the door swings open to be met with the CEO himself, Levi Ackerman. Not a word was spoken, but he ushered you inside his huge office.

Scurrying, you slightly jump as you heard the huge door slam. You are in Levi’s office. Only businessmen and women are allowed in here. You feel not even worthy to be stepping on the same floor these successful people walk on. It could also be the fact that the office seemed spotless. For someone as busy as the CEO, he sure did know how to make a stack of papers seem neat in a stack.

“Sit.” Levi instructed as he strolled over to his desk chair and doing the said action. You looked around the room. Behind Levi is a wall of windows to overlook the city of New York. His desk his a beautiful dark brown that was so clean that you could see your reflection. Along with seeing your reflection, you can see —and feel— Levi starring at you. Meeting his silver orbs, you gulp.

“Do you know why I called you in here, Y/N?” Levi questioned, his tone remaining calm as always. Somehow, this intimidated you even more.

“No, sir, I don’t.” You admit. In all honesty, you are not sure why Levi called you into his office. He waited until almost everyone has gone home for the evening to set up this meeting. You have felt nauseous all day about it. Receiving an email from the CEO was enough to make anyone’s breath hitch, but to have a meeting — alone — with him is enough to make one soil themselves.

“I want to offer you a promotion,” Levi explained, his gaze hardening. “That is, if you want it?”

This is way better news than you expected. Levi has employees for a reason. He always calls the shots since it is his million dollar company, but why get his hands dirty when he can pay people to do it for him? Since no one is allowed in his office without special permission, this seemed a bit off.

“What does the job intel?”

“Well, my company is expanding even larger than anticipated this year. I need a personal assistant. Examining the work you have put in over the years, I decided you are cut out for the job. What do you say?”

You take a moment to contemplate his words. The offer is amazing and would definitely look great on your resume, but working so close to the CEO of the company is quite intimidating. Any bad habits you have developed better end swiftly or else it’s your job on the line. Levi is not afraid to terminate anyone not fit for the job.

“I’ll take it.” You smile, the words flowing out before you could even think any further.

“You start tomorrow. I expect you in my office 8am sharp. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’re dismissed.”

Standing up, you straighten out your black pencil skirt and head your way towards the door. Levi’s eyes did not once leave your figure. The way you naturally sway your hips as you walk and the way the skirt hugged your hips just right. His eyes are enjoying the desires most men have yet when you turned to look over your shoulder, his eyes where focused on his paperwork.

You went home that night, excited to tell your significant other about your promotion. He did not even blink an eye in your direction. Instead, he is pissed that you are home later than normal.

“Babe—“

“Where the hell have you been?” He hissed.

“I-I was called into the CEO’s office. I got a promotion!” You stammered, nervous under your boyfriend’s glare. He always made you feel small and his anger tends to send you over the edge. This is one of those many times.

“Why would he have you in there this late? Do you think I’m really that fucking stupid?” He scoffed, shaking his head.

“Babe, I’m being serious. I would never lie to you.” You argued.

“And how do I know that?” He countered. “How am I certain that you aren’t cheating on me? Or even hurt? Are your damn thumbs broken, Y/N? Can’t keep me updated ‘bout what’s going on? I was worried sick about you.”

You let out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry, babe. I’ll do better.”

Your boyfriend walked over to you, embracing your body into a tight hug. You had so much more to say, but to prevent any further escalation of an argument, you apologized and kept your mouth shut.

The next morning arrived. You woke up extra early to have time to do your hair and makeup, dressed in your nicest attire, and wear the most expensive of jewelry. Since you are going to be around the CEO for now on, you cannot show up to work appearing sluggish. You gave yourself one last look in the mirror, your boyfriend leaning against the doorframe.

“Dressed quite nicely, huh?” He spoke, meeting your eyes through the mirror. You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat.

“I have to be.”

He stayed silent for a moment, his orbs tracing your figure. He hated when you showed confidence. It killed him inside and knowing that other men saw your beauty as well made his blood boil. He just has to ruin it.

“For the circus? Your makeup looks awful and your hair is tremendous.” He scoffed.

You bit your bottom lip. Tears welled in your eyes, but you prevented them from falling. You refuse to let him ruin your confidence. You are a strong woman and his insecurities shouldn’t be placed upon you. It is not your baggage to carry.

You meet his eyes again through the mirror. You feel your confidence crumble beneath you, but you remain strong. Turning around, you brush past him as you stroll out of the bathroom. You ignored him calling your name and demanding you to return. All he could do is watch as you left without even saying goodbye.

You arrived to the business earlier than expected. You have checked your hair and makeup more than once in the car review mirror. You are not necessarily even wanting Levi’s approval, — though he is quite handsome — you just want to look presentable. He is your boss, after all. He is not afraid to fire anyone on the spot. You are no exception.

Inhaling a sharp breath, you knock on Levi’s office door. You hear his approval to come inside and welcome yourself inside. You were not even receive a glance as you closed the door behind you. Levi’s gray orbs never left his monitor screen. You gulp nervously as you proceed towards his desk.

“I stopped to get some coffee. I brought you a tea,” you lay his cup on his desk, “just how you like it.”

He nods, still typing away. This did not help your anxiety at all. Is he regretting his decision making you his assistant? Are you disturbing him? Is he contemplating firing you? Your stomach turned at the thought.

The sound of the printer disturbed your nuisance thoughts. Levi grabbed the piece of paper and placed it on top of a neat stack. He stands up, finally looking at you.

“I have a meeting to attend to in an hour. I need these documents assorted in alphabetical order before then.”

Your eyes fall to the tall stack of papers. You definitely need more than an hour to get through them all. By Levi’s facial expression, you knew he was serious. Levi always looked serious.

“Yes, sir,” you grab the stack and meet his a gaze again, “I’ll get it done swiftly.”

“Good. I’m counting on you. Sit over there.” He orders, glancing at the couches and coffee table in the middle of his office. Maybe it is just your nerves, but his workspace seems bigger than remembered. This did not help your anxiety.

You began getting to work. You thought you are doing well on time, but time seemed to have passed you by. Levi is now towering over you, his unsatisfied silver orbs glaring down at you. You hesitate, but force yourself to meet them.

“Thought you said you would have this done?” Levi recalls.

“I-I’m really sorry, s-sir.” You stammered, expecting the worse.

“Sorry doesn’t sort the papers, Y/N.” He scolds, his silver eyes only being shown through slits.

“I—“

“We will discuss this after my meeting. Until then, I want my office spotless.” Levi continues, cutting you off. He begins walking towards the door and pauses once he reaches for the handle. “Oh and Y/N?”

You look up, meeting the CEO’s annoyed orbs. “Yes, sir?”

“You’re on strike one.” Levi warns. You did not even have a chance to ask questions as his office door slams shut behind him, leaving you alone to sulk in your thoughts.

You tidied up Levi’s office like he requested of you. Every paper went into its appropriate home, cushions are straightened out, rug is vacuumed, and you are currently dusting. This man is a clean freak by nature so there was not much to do. Still, your nerves were pulsating. This is only day one and you are not on Levi’s good side. You are becoming worrisome as your job is now potentially on the line.

The door opening made you jump. You can feel Levi’s silver orbs on you as you dust his bookshelf. He did not disturb you, though, as he proceeded towards his desk and went to work like nothing happened. Curiosity is begging you to speak, but you remain silent and complete your task.

You gather the cleaning supplies and place them back into the small closet. Returning on the guest side of Levi’s desk, he does not even look up from his monitor.

“I’m finished cleaning, sir.”

Levi did not say anything. Instead, he stood up and went to the window. His fingers grazed along the exterior which collected dust on the tips. He studied it for a moment. Your heart stopped as your breath hitched. You did not mean to forget the windows, but they look so clean already. They truly do not need much more cleaning.

“Seems like you missed a spot.” He remarks, turning to face you.

“I-I’m so sorry, sir. I thought—“

“Your cleaning is lamentable. Back to dusting. Now.” He demands, cleaning the dust off of his fingers with his handkerchief.

“Yes, sir.” You reply, gathering the cleaning supplies once again. You sprayed the windows and clean every inch of them until lunch time. Levi was sure to inspect your work before releasing you to go get something to eat.

“You’re dismissed.” He finally speaks. You are quick to collect your belongings leave his office. You stroll the long hallway to the elevator. You are finally alone with your thoughts and honestly, they were overwhelming. This job is very nerve racking and it’s only your first day. You are not making the best of impressions on your boss.

Digging in your purse, you check your cellphone. You have several missed calls and texts from your significant other. A pit in your stomach began to drown your appetite. You know this is going to cause a major fight between you two. A fight you did not want to participate in.

Reluctantly, you call your boyfriend back. He picks up on the second ring.

“Where the fuck have you been?” He hissed, sending chills down your spine. The elevator doors open and you head towards the cafeteria.

“Working. I can’t be on my phone while I’m—“

“So work is more important than me?” He interrupts.

“What? No. That’s not it at all.” You argued, picking up a bag of chips and a drink from the dispensers before checking out.

“Then answer my damn calls, Y/N!”

“I can’t when I’m at work!” You exclaimed. You hand the cashier money before mouthing the words ‘thank you.’ She gave you a worried look, but you disregarded it. This is not the first time that have heard a heated conversation between you and your boyfriend.

You go find an empty table to eat by yourself. The bickering between your boyfriend did not end on a good note as the other line went dead. You slammed your phone back into your purse and forced yourself to eat your chips. You did not even want them. Your relationship is falling through the cracks, you are failing at your job, and you are on the verge of losing what is left of your sanity.

Time really slipped away while you fumed in anger because you are now late to returning to Levi’s office. Tears prickled in your eyes. This is not good at all. Levi is going to be furious. Even possibly firing you.

You raced to his office. You did not even take the elevator as it will take far too long to get to his office. You are panting by the time you arrive and sweat droplets formed at the top of your forehead. Your hands began to shake as your hand rested on the handle. You need to go in there, but your body did not want to move. Your boyfriend is already pissed. You did not want to deal with your furious boss.

Sighing, you forced yourself to go inside. “I am so sorry.” You blurt out as you enter inside. Levi is giving you a disapproving look.

“Take a seat, Y/N. We need to have a talk.”

Following your boss’ orders, you sit in the chair parallel to his. You begin to tremble as you expect the worse. Levi’s glare does not help you feel any less uneasy either. His silver orbs are staring deep into your soul and making you feel small.

“You know you’re on strike three.” Levi begins. You gulp.

“I know, sir. I’m very sorry. I’ll accept any punishment you have in mind for me.” You sigh, trying to remain brave. Levi can see right through it, though. His gaze hardens and he makes his way around to your side of the desk. He folds his arms but does not remove his gaze from you once.

“What punishment do you think you deserve?” Levi ask, hoping you have the same answer in mind as him.

“I-I’m not sure. I’ll take anything. It’s what I deserve.” You admit, a flustered feeling coming across you. Levi studied your features, clicking his tongue.

“Bend over the desk.”

“What?” You whispered, not sure if you heard your boss correctly. He grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him. His intimidating glare pierced through you.

“Talking to that lame ass boyfriend of yours must have you goin deaf. I said bend over my desk.” Levi instructs, letting go of your chin once you catch his drift. You do as your told, bending over his desk. You are uncertain what he is planning to do, but the removal of your skirt gave you a pretty good idea. Your cheeks felt hot as your bare ass is now exposed to Levi’s viewing.

“Lace panties, huh? You planned on being put in this position later?” Levi chuckles, his digits playing with the strap of your thong. You bit your bottom lip, not knowing what to say. A hard smack to your bare ass caused you to release a moan.

“I asked you a question. It’s only polite to answer, brat.”

“Yes. It was for my boyfriend.” You confess in embarrassment for more reasons than one.

“Oh, I see. Your toxic little relationship is in need of fixing, but the only thing you have to offer is your pretty little pussy.” Levi analyzes, rubbing his hand on your ass before delivering another slap. You wince in pain, but you mentally screamed for more. You wanted Levi to continue spanking you.

“That’s not it, sir.” You mumbled. His hand landed down on your sore ass once more while the other hand finds refuge in your hair. He pulls it, tightly, bending your head back.

“What really gets me is this mouth of yours. I suggest you use it to tell the truth before I stuff it.” Levi growls lowly in your ear, letting go of your hair to return behind you.

Another slap was delivered. Little melodies of moans escaped your lips that you attempted to conceal. Levi did not comment on it as he proceed with the punishment. Your cunt dripped with your slick. It is begging to be touched, fucked, anything Levi desires really.

A few slaps and a very red ass later, Levi’s digits founder their way inside your soaked cunt. “Someone enjoyed themselves, hm?” He teased, curling his fingers in you. You shuffle a bit, enjoying the sensation he is giving you. The removal of his fingers made you whine in a needy tone.

“I did, Levi. Please fuck me.” You cry, wanting his cock already. He chuckled at your begging, his hand rubbing your red ass then hitting it again.

“On your knees. Now.” Levi demands. You happily oblige before him. He pats your head in approval. “Good girl. You do know how to listen.”

Levi begins unbuckling his black belt. You are practically foaming at the mouth as he slides the leather out of each loop. He sets it on the desk before proceeding to unbuckle his pants, releasing his hard cock for you to pleasure. Your eyes light up at the sight. The tip of his erection is at your lips, ready for you to move forward. Your tongue teases his sensitive head before you let each inch slide in-and-out of your saliva filled mouth.

“Yeah, like that, baby.” Levi praises as you deep throat his length. You choke some, but continue taking all of his cock. Your tongue spends time playing with the veins in his cock while his head relaxes in your throat.

“The cock hungry slut having a hard time deep throating all my cock?” Levi mocks as you pull it out to catch your breath. A string of saliva connected your lips and his cock together as your lust filled orbs met his.

“Not a chance.” You grin, placing his dick back in your mouth. Levi groans in delight as you repeat the same patterns as before. His cock twitches inside your mouth as pre-cum leaks from the tip and down your throat. You gladly swallow it as his cock becomes overwhelmed, releasing his semen onto your tongue. Not a drop was spilled as you milked his cock for all he had to offer.

Pulling away, Levi praises you again. “Such a good little slut you are. Time we give your pussy some attention, huh?”

“Yes, please, sir.” You beg, eagerly. He taps his desk.

“Bend over my desk.” He commands. Following orders, you bend over his desk like before. You arched your back so your ass and pussy is more accessible for Levi. He spreads your legs out more so your weeping cunt is fully exposed. The cold air sent chills down your spine. Levi is already hard again as he stares at your pussy.

Aligning himself, the tip of his cock enters your dripping hole, sliding in perfectly. You moan as he thrust a rough rhythm. His hips slap against your ass and his hands cling onto your hips. You tightly hang onto his desk as he pick up the pace. You sob out pleas for more.

“Better quiet down. Don’t want your coworkers hearing me fuck you like the whore you are now do we?”

You did not even care. You wanted Levi and you wanted him bad. Groans and profanities filled the room from you two as Levi hits all the right spots. You babble incoherent sentences as you start to climax again on Levi’s girth. Your walls clenched on his size and released when he re-enters himself. This does not stop Levi, though, as he chases after his own high.

“Already cumming again, slut?” Levi teases as he is slowly losing himself inside you. He hit your ass again while his dick twitches. “Ask permission next time.”

“I’m sorry, sir.” You cry out, not wanting him to stop. He pulls on your hair again, bending down to whisper in your ear.

“I’m going to fill you up so much that you have to hide it from your boyfriend.”

“Please Levi.” You beg, not even caring anymore. You wanted Levi. You have wanted him for a long time and the feeling is mutual on his end. That is why he hired you, after all.

Levi’s cock could not withstand the pressure anymore. Releasing into the depths of your cunt, he huffs profanities as every drop enters inside of you. You gladly take it as you breathe heavily. He finally pulls out, leaving you a cum filled mess. Giving your ass a gentle tap so you will get up.

“You are dismissed for the day.” Levi grumbled as he situated himself and you did the same. You straightened out your outfit and fixed your hair. You will fix your makeup in the restroom. You proceeded to exit your boss’ office when he called out to you. “Oh, and Y/N?”

“Yes?” You purred, looking over your shoulder.

“Let your boyfriend know you’re my slut now.”

©bakugosbratx

All Rights Reserved

[rainbowsky]

Anonymous asked:

Hi Rainbowsky! I'm a newbie turtle and I love your tumblr and I love both of them equally. I came across some posts on YT and TWT that [redacted]. Are you familiar with this issue? Any details or clarification you can share please? Thank you ^_^

Hi, Anon, glad you're enjoying my blog!

What you've managed to stumble across are some very nasty anti accounts. Welcome to the fandom, this is part of what you're going to encounter - that, and much worse. There is a reason GG and DD are always embroiled in lawsuits against toxic people. Haters and antis will say just about anything to turn people against GG and DD.

In the international fandom this type of activity is especially widespread on Twitter and YT. This particular one is so badly Photoshopped that if you have actually ever gone on Weibo you'll immediately realize it's fake.

There are some incredibly hateful rumors and lies out there about GG and DD, often including photoshopped 'evidence' and the like. Do not be fooled. If you see or hear something that tends to make GG or DD look bad, that's likely exactly what it was created to do.

My advice is always the same: block and ignore (and report where appropriate). Do not engage, do not argue, do not spread these posts around. That's exactly what these people want you to do.

Here are just a few really good reasons to avoid these people and to avoid their posts, and to encourage others to do the same:

Discussing and sharing these posts with others - even as a 'shock and anger' sort of discussion - means unwittingly spreading the lies to more people for viewing. Even if you aren't fooled by what's being said, others might not be as capable of critical thinking as you are, and they might get sucked into believing it. It's not worth the risk.

Viewing those posts and watching those videos helps to line the pockets of the antis who made them, and helps to give them clicks and clout.

These lies are designed to have a cumulative effect. You might not believe one of them, you might not believe two or three of them, but if you immerse yourself in enough of this garbage, eventually it will sway your opinion and you might become an anti yourself.

Even if you are devoted to GG and DD and will never turn against them, exposing yourself to this type of disturbing, evil, hateful garbage WILL have an impact on your mental and emotional health. Please take care of yourself and curate your experience of fandom so that you are not exposing yourself to things that hurt you or negatively impact your well-being.

Reading/viewing anti messaging has an incredibly distorting effect on how fans perceive GG and DD's popularity and how well they're doing in the industry. Such fans eventually become almost completely incapable of celebrating and enjoying GG and DD's accomplishments or acknowledging their massive success because they're too caught up in the perception that GG and DD are hated and that everyone is out to get them.

There is one last thing I really want to emphasize, because it's a misconception a lot of new fans have, or even sometimes pick up from antis:

You do not need to know what hateful things are being said about GGDD in order to be a 'good fan'.

Some people will tell you that 'if you really cared' about them you'd inform yourself about all the hate. That's utter BS.

The best way for us to support GG and DD is to not give airtime to haters, not give them clicks, views or clout, not let their lies get any oxygen in the fandom. Shut them out. They don't deserve real estate in your brain.

EDIT: I will add that everything I said in this post also applies to hateful things being said about turtles. The more airtime we give those things and the more we spread them around through discussion, the more we help to give antis clicks and clout, and the more risk that someone along the way will be infected with those ideas. The more we read and discuss those things, the more harm we do to ourselves and each other, and the more distorted our view of turtledom becomes. Best to just block and ignore (and report where appropriate).

Here are a few related posts you might find helpful:

How I manage to keep from getting angry about antis

How what we focus on shapes who we become

Toxic fans and staying in your own lane

Why so much hate from solos?

“I heard on Twitter that BXG don’t really care about GG”

Why fan wars/arguing online is such a bad idea

Why it’s so important for our fandom to behave well online

Dealing with Antis On Tumblr

Fandom Survival Guide

[silversatoru]

Hello! I wanted to request for a chubby reader x Levi oneshot. I feel like there aren’t many stories that have chubby readers ): As for the storyline, I’m not sure if it falls in the angst or hurt/comfort category. It would be the reader feeling insecure about themselves because they have a harder time training than the others (them blaming it on their own weight) and seeing how everyone is much thinner than them, they start avoiding food. To not make it look suspicious, they’d go into the kitchen alone and put the food away along with the left overs. The reader would act normal with Levi and he doesn’t suspect anything at first. Later on, the reader would push themselves harder to the point where they’d train on their own whenever they had to chance so they can lose weight and improve their training. At this point, Levi starts noticing the reader looking paler than usual and the slight difference in their weight. One day during training, the reader ends up fainting from exhaustion and dehydration. They wake up on Levis’s bed with him looking over them. He asks what happened and the reader lies by saying they didn’t drink enough water. Levi calls it bs and ask if they think he’s stupid and goes on to tell them about how they noticed the reader sneaking off into the kitchen with a plate and coming out without it. He didn’t think anything of it at first, but he started putting the pieces together. They end up telling Levi the truth, the way they feel towards themself and how they don’t like the fact that they’re bigger than Levi. He comforts the reader and lets them know that they’re an idiot for thinking that way, etc. Thank you! I’m so sorry if it sounds so cheesy!

hello dear!! i dont think your idea was cheesy at all, i love it actually. these kind of issues live very close to my heart, so writing about them is always really fun for me. that being said,, this fic definitely got very dark and very real, and i would advise everyone to read the warnings before deciding to read this <33

empty

levi ackerman x gn!reader

synopsis: levi catches you skipping meals and does what he can to help

tags/warnings: eating disorder, skipping meals, hurt/comfort, but it does have a happy ending! 

word count: 2.2k 

Throbbing headaches and hollow, gnawing pains in your stomach — they’ve quickly become your new normal. You see everything through a hazy fog these days, nothing feels real and everything hurts but it’s worth it — that’s what you keep saying to yourself. You’re tired of lacking the same agility, momentum, and grace that your thinner counterparts have. 

Your weight was always something that ate away at the back of your head, but joining the scout regiment multiplied it tenfold. You were constantly working twice as hard as your fellow scouts, and it seemed like it was never enough. Everyone around you was not only ridiculously athletic, but so fucking thin. You didn’t hate your comrades for their bodies and the way they were born, but you made up for it by inflicting all of the hate onto yourself.

You wonder if anyone notices your zombie eyes or the abnormal paleness to your face — god, you hope they don’t. The last thing you want to do is have to confront your feelings and admit what you’ve been doing lately. Every night you shamefully sneak back into the kitchen and pour your plate of food into the large pot of leftovers. You pick at food here and there when your friends are watching, but behind closed doors you haven’t eaten much of anything lately. Your body is running on empty, and it’s only a matter of time before it fully catches up to you. 

You hear your last name echo from across the training fields, slowly turning around to see an angry captain sulking towards you. His face was twisted into an unpleasant grimace, his eyebrows knitted together into what almost looked like concern. 

“I’m excusing you from the remainder of training, leave,” his words were flat, but there was a subtle emotional edge. 

“Sorry, what?” you gave him a confused look — Captain Levi never excused anyone from training, not unless they were practically on their deathbed. 

“Go home, and eat a big dinner tonight, your energy has been less than adequate lately,” his face softened slightly, “I expect you to be back to normal by tomorrow. Your skills and abilities are needed here, so go get some rest and be better tomorrow, yeah?”

“But, I-,” you stammered, trying to come up with some kind of valid excuse. 

“That’s an order, cadet”. 

His words surprised you, and before you could even rack your brain for an appropriate way to respond, he was turned on his heels and walking away. You swallowed thickly, your throat dry and stuffed full with anxiety. 

Reluctantly, you followed his orders and made your way back to the Scout’s base early. You grabbed a stack of fresh clothing from your room before heading to the showers and scrubbing yourself free of all the sweat and grime from training. You were careful to avoid mirrors when you navigated bathrooms, and tonight was no exception, your eyes glued to the tiled floor. After showering, you hesitantly walked to the kitchen, preparing a plate of food and bringing it back to your room.

That food stared you in the eyes for hours, taunting you and teasing you and making intense nausea creep up your spine.  Tears were stinging the backs of your eyes and your lungs were shaking with heavy, anxiety-filled breaths. You couldn't do it, and you were overwhelmed with shame and guilt. If you couldn’t do it for Levi, you were hopeless that you’d be able to do it for anyone, never mind for yourself. 

After making countless pitiful attempts to take a bite of your untouched meal, you decided it was going back into the leftover pot — just like everything else. The other scouts should have returned and been sleeping by now anyway, you’d just silently creep down the hallway, dump the food, and creep back, no harm no foul. 

Except for that a certain short, dark-haired captain was standing at the end of the hallway — you didn't notice him, but he certainly noticed you. A boiling anger rippled up inside him as he felt an overwhelming disappointment in your actions. He’d been suspecting this kind of behavior for a while now, but watching you tip-toe down the hall and into the kitchen with an uneaten plate of food confirmed all of his suspicions. 

You could barely crawl out of bed the next morning, your ribs aching and your head pounding with a dull pain. You grasped at your tall dresser, catching your balance as you dangerously swayed back and forth for a few seconds. After regaining consciousness and stability you carefully changed into your uniform, having to stop and take breaks every few seconds because you were running out of breath. Your body felt utterly devoid of any kind of energy, and you wondered — when was the last time I actually ate something? 

It was far enough back that you couldn’t quite remember, maybe a few days at this point, you really weren’t sure anymore. You’d have to suck it up for training though, because the last thing you wanted was to be confronted by the captain again. 

You chugged back a full glass of water before lacing up your boots and throwing on a convincing facade. People don’t seem to notice something is wrong as long as you're smiling, laughing, and going along with what they say — it’s easy enough to fly under the radar of your fellow scouts. 

Levi’s radar is a little sharper though, and he keeps a close eye on you from the second you walk up to the training grounds. He’s disappointed in your hand to hand combat — it’s sloppy, slow, predictable. Your hands look shaky too, and maybe it's the light playing tricks on him but it looks like the color is draining from your face. 

Things are feeling deplorable on your side — you can barely stand anymore, never mind throw punches or avoid the oncoming attacks. Your vision was starting to tunnel, foggy black surrounding your periphery as you began to lose feeling in your fingertips. You tried desperately to cling onto whatever semblance of consciousness you had left, but failed miserably, your body collapsing to the hard earth beneath you. 

The soft glow of warm candles illuminated the walls around you when you finally woke up from the earlier incident. This wasn’t your room, where the hell were you? You uncomfortably shifted to the side and flinched when you saw your captain sitting in a chair in front of you. His arms were crossed and one of his legs was propped on top of the other, an icey look in his eyes.

“What happened today?” His words were very short and his tone was flooded with irritation — he didn’t even give you a chance to take in your surroundings.

“Ah- I didn’t sleep well last night,” you lied, “And maybe I haven’t been drinking enough water or something”. 

“I’m offended that you think I would fall for such a pitiful lie,” He clicked his tongue off the roof of his mouth, “I saw you sneak into the kitchen last night, how long have you been doing that?” 

Your eyes grew wide with anxiety, your heart abruptly dropping to the floor — you made sure to go extra late last night, why the hell was he still up?

You stayed quiet for a moment, pondering over how honest you should be with Levi right now. The two of you had always been a little closer than he was with the other scouts, but unfortunately there was no room for things like love in this world. You also assumed that maybe he never reciprocated your feelings because of your weight — but that was just more toxic fuel to the fire blossoming in your head. 

“Pretty long,” you sighed, ultimately deciding to be fully honest with him, because knowing Levi, he’d continue to see right through your lies anyway. 

“I figured,” He grumbled, uncrossing his legs and leaning back into his chair, “Why?” 

“Everyone around me is thin, I stick out. And, I’m not as agile or flexible as the other scouts either. I just thought that maybe...,” you bit down hard on your bottom lip, rolling onto your back so you wouldn’t have to look at him, “I thought my weight bothered you too, and also that I’d be more useful to the scouts if I was skinnier”. 

“You think I’d like you better if you were dead?” Levi was leaning closer now, heat boiling in his eyes, “Because that’s where you’re headed right now. If you truly think you’ll be more helpful to the scouts when you’re six feet under, you’re delusional. And who the hell gave you the idea that your weight bothered me?”

His harsh words were cold slap in the face, your eyes burning and threatening to spill over with tears. You didn’t want to die, not really, you just didn’t want to hate yourself anymore. 

“No one! I don’t know, I just thought, maybe because I was bigger than you-,” You continued to stammer over your words, tears beginning to leak down your cheeks. 

“It doesn’t matter,” he waved you off, not wanting to push the issue further, “You’re wrong, and I’m hurt that you’d even think that. I’ve never once thought that you were anything other than the way you should be”.

“I’m sorry,” your voice was weak and shaky, but your heart was pounding against your chest at his words. 

“I’m not the person you should be apologizing to, that’s something you owe to yourself” he shook his head and stood up to retrieve two small bowls of food from a nearby table, “I brought you something to eat”.

You watched him intently, pondering over his words about apologizing to yourself.

“It’s only a bowl of soup, so you can start small, yeah?” He offered one of the bowls to you, which you hesitantly took into your hands as you sat up. 

He sat down again across from you again, leaning back and taking a sip of broth from his bowl. You were grateful that he was here, that he was eating with you — it made things a little easier. You grasped the spoon in your hands and scooped up some brothy vegetables before lifting them into your mouth. 

“Good, finish the bowl,” nodded at you, giving you a reassuring look and lifting his own bowl to his lips again. 

The two of you ate in silence until you were finished, and then he sat the bowls back on his nightstand before finding a seat next to you on his bed. 

“Stay here tonight,” he stared at you with his signature tired eyes, but there were hints of concern laced through them now, “We’ll have breakfast together in the morning”. 

“Okay,” you gave him a weak nod, trying desperately to bottle up your growing emotions, but they were becoming too much to bear. 

Small sobs began to rack through your body, your chest tightening and your stomach lurching with anxiety. You were experiencing so many feelings tonight — eating for the first time in days and being here with Levi, it was overwhelming to say the least. 

You could barely see the captain through your blurry vision, but you could feel his arms maneuver themselves around you and pull you against his chest. You stayed like that for a while, Levi’s arms delicately holding you in place while quiet sobs worked their way out of your lips. 

“You’ve dug yourself into a deep hole, I won’t lie to you,” you heard him let out a tired sigh, “And it’s gonna take time and effort for you to dig your way out, but you’ll get there. We’ll start by having breakfast and dinner together every night, how does that sound? Just you and me, no one else has to watch”. 

You nuzzled a tiny nod into his chest, your tears finally running dry. It was a terrifying thought, eating normal again, but you were starting to feel hopeful that you might actually be able to do it. 

And so the two of you met every morning and every evening for your scheduled meals, and day by day things began to get easier. You even found yourself staying over in Levi’s room after dinner and into the morning for breakfast sometimes. Spending so much time together was definitely pushing the two of you to address the feelings you’d been hiding for so long. 

But not everything was perfect, it would be irrational to think it would be. You still have bad nights, where eating is so hard you break down into tears, and where you want nothing more than to rid yourself of the food in your system. It’s a draining process, but Levi works hard to make sure you stay on track with your progress. 

It’s slow, but eventually your face starts to glow again, your skin gets smooth and soft, and the aching pains in your body start to fade. Your war with your body is far from over, but you’re doing what you can, and you’re healing yourself one day at a time.

thank u for reading this, and now i would like to give you a gentle reminder to do something nice for your body today. eating disorders and mental illnesses are huge mountains to climb over, but taking things one day at a time makes it a little easier. try and eat a meal today (even if it’s small), go to sleep early and get some rest, take a shower and rub lotion all over your legs so they feel nice against your blankets when you lay in bed. baby steps are better than no steps at all, so be patient with yourself. n go drink some water, ur body loves that shit