#but it seemed like i wasnt gonna do it lol
Text
i love when whumpees have nightmares that are so vivid and feel so long and real that when they wake up they can't help but just lay in their bed feeling the huge amounts of relief that none of it was real
#my nightmares dont make any sense but they feel so real#like are they realistic situations that could happen to me? absolutely not but i absolutely do think they're real til i wake up#idk if ive talked about this before but one time i had a dream i got manipulated into believing i was terminally ill#and in the dream i was fully convinced i was gonna die very soon#and then it turned out to be a whole plot to try to make me psychologically vulnerable enough to be convinced to poison and kill my sister#if youre wondering whether or not i went through with it: idk bc i woke up right after that was revealed#but it seemed like i wasnt gonna do it lol#why are my tags longer than my prompts#whump#whump prompt#whump prompts#whump writing#whump idea#whump blog#whump scenario#tw whump#whump tw#writing
103 notes
·
View notes
Text
We're currently switch my cat's food and litter to try to figure out what's causing this weird mystery allergy she's had for the last like 5 years and I was kinda worried she wouldn't like the new food bcs you never know, but actually she likes it so much it's actually ridiculous. Cuz like when you switch a cat(or dog's) food you have to taper it like a medication, you keep giving them the old food but slowly mix in more and more of the new food while mixing in less of the old, cuz if you don't you can make them sick, and she is SO SO SO mad that I keep giving her ANY of the old food.
Whenever I go to fill up her bowl I first add in the old food and then mix in the new, and while she used to just immediately start eating when I'd pour her food now she just watches me do the first one, sniffs the bowl, and then sits back and stares at me like "uh mother it appears there's been an error" and then when I reach for the other food she looses her MIND and starts shoving her face in my way and meowing and getting all excited and she only starts eating once it's mixed in.
So like, glad she enjoys the new stuff at least!
#also it looks like her allergy is improving a lot but we're pretty sure it wasnt the food lol#bcs we switched the litter and she IMMEDIATELY improved a bunch#but we still dont think we've found the righ one bcs this one still is a powder kinda and it kicks up dust#and she does still sneeze and scratch her ears more than she should#so we're gonna try this pellet stuff next and see if it works#and I guess we can keep getting her the new food too bcs she really seems to like it lmaoooo#I do hope this is it tho bcs the vet told us we could try this hypoallergenic special prescription cat food#AND BY GOD IS THAT SHIT EXPENSIVE HOLY FUCK#like we could afford it if we really stretched things but only barely#so fingers fucking crossed this fixes it!!!!
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
#im not dead quit asking#I'm just really really really not doing well#sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent#things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure#i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc#i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person#i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see#i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that#maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway#I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner#and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first#everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions#my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol#and i still don't know a lot of you personally but#parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people#I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems#im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly#and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days#I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol#but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much#but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs#im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself#which I think is where im at now. burnt out#and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys#if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber#etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there#im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet#hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
sourdough is so beautiful and also I truly feel like a parent or maybe like I've brought home a puppy. this morning when I fed her she was all bubbly and smelled so good and sour and the delight I felt was honestly WAY beyond proportion for. a sourdough starter
#right now I've been keeping her pretty small#I discard so there's 30 grams in the jar and then feed#just to not waste flour while she's too baby to do anything with#was a little scared it'd like. make her run out of food too soon but she seems to be doing really well#went 24 hours without feeding (forgot last night lol) and i kinda feel like it was the right amount of time#she wasnt getting that weird liquid or anything#anyway. im gonna start just frying the starter discard in a pan as a little snack. now that shes gettin bubbly and nice#couldnt do that this morning though bc when i fed her i was already full on the 3 cinnamon buns i had for breakfast lmao#z talks#not horse game
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
im happy to announce that my back does not hurt like it used to anymore. dare i say it even doesnt hurt at all anymore
#i seem to be more flexible now too? like more flexible than i have been for like. the past few years#like i can actually twist around to crack my back#i normally can barely twist my back before im in pain#cracking my back is 1. possible again and 2. actually feels good instead of feeling like im ripping my body apart lol#which is so fucking wild bc i expected my big ass fuckin round trip road trip upstate was gonna fuck my body up even more#everyone at my job was concerned about my back and i was like naur i'll go to the doctor after the eclipse trip#i dont want them telling me to not sit in a car for hours on end bc then i'll feel guilty for doing this#i want plausible deniability.. i'll go to the doctor AFTER the trip#but then i noticed halfway through the trip that actually i wasnt even in pain anymore#and now today i noticed how flexible i am suddenly#like what ?!??!?!#where did this improvement come from and why did it happen AFTER the event i thought would make it worse#brot posts#anyway bye im sick of being on tumblr again i miss only posting like once a day. i need to stop posting again i hate posting
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
really saw someone call lucy immature and compare lucy not telling kate she was looking for a new apartment to lucy getting upset at kate for not telling her why she made the move from DIA to FBI (to point out the hypocrisy of not communicating) like what is context
#ncis hawaii#i hesitate to call the discussion around the sneak peek discourse and blow it out of proportion but y'all LMAO#not every slip-up in communication is a huge problem thats just real life i thought we wanted imperfect characters#comparing lucy getting upset bc of the big reveal that kate cared enough abt her to stay in hawaii and turn down a big promotion#after a looong day of compounding emotional turmoil and thinking kate was gonna die#does not really compare to lucy doing this and not telling kate#and lucy wasnt mad at kate for not telling her she was moving to fbi she was mad bc kates whole thing was keeping secrets#and not being upfront abt feelings and how much their relationship meant to her until it was too late#looking for a new apt probably is a thing you would normally tell your SO to be fair but like#this is obviously supposed to be a feel-good ep for kacy and i feel like some of the talk around it and esp lucy has not been in good faith#its just one sneak peek but fandom is all about over speculating and discussing and theorizing and i love that#but some ppl are a little too quick to dogpile on lucy always lol#i also dont think lucy masterminded that as her way of telling kate to get a reaction#bc she seemed genuine when she said is everything okay and pleasantly surprised when kate brought up how often shes over#like lucy probably thought this was all nbd just another thing i have to do and wasn't even thinking abt moving in but obv im speculation#might delete this later i didnt expect to get so spirited over the discussion#I was focusing on lucy saying her life is just work gym and kate like wow thank u for my life#communication is always a work in progress whether youve been together for 5 months or 50 yrs
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
making friends is so exhausting
#every person ive met has had ulterior motives#or was just a really nasty person#the decent ppl ive kept in my life barely hmu#i dont even think i can count them as friends at this point lol#gave up making plans with them since they never wanna do shit with me#i dont wanna sound like a whiney baby but its really exhausting trying to make friends#when more than half the ppl i knew have betrayed me in really horrible ways#my so called best friend in 2019 confessed he had feelings for me#and when i told him i wasnt interested#he seemed to accept that#i found out later that he shit talked me to my other friends behind my back#and told them something personal that i didnt want any1 else knowing#he also said he wouldnt care if id kms so yeah#im just so sad because i want to make genuine connections with ppl!!!#i care and give so much love to those i trust#but i find out later theyre just using me bc im nice ):#i dont want to change and become cold hearted#i have lots of love and i always will#i guess its just gonna take time to find the right ppl
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
self proclaimed witches today will rly be like. let me do a bunch of curses shady binding spells hexes and calls for harm onto others (who are random individuals who my online clients paid me to do this to) without any sort of even channeling of that into another being (animal sacrifice, symbolic sacrifice) or thinking to do anything to protect myself. hMm saying im powerful and life is all a balance is good enough. and let me teach this genious to others too
,,,,, you ever hear bout that what goes around comes around rule. do onto others as youd want done onto you. dont dish it if you cant take it. taking things seriously mayperhaps? actions have consequences perhaps. translate that into some sort of new age talk. oh wait. i forgot. new age talk doesnt understand the concept of actions have consequences
#outside of morality which isnt an issue i wanna get into#doing ~whichcraft for whatever short amount of time and then starting to do stuff like this seems like Such a good way to fuck yourself up#.......#so many too lol w the idea that theyre the ones who have power#nah lol. you are only a channeler of it. its not yours#......... LMAO hey remember when those internet witches tried to hex Allah and figured out really quick this is a horrible idea fhdkeiwk#... also yea i said i wasnt gonna get into morality but i cant imagine in my life ever taking money from random internet ppl to harm other#random ppl whose lives i know nothing of. dude im scared of even giving people the evil eye#much less this#......... i know technically how to curse. verbally. the good old traditional romanian way......#i try to stay far away from it#or when i do. its always for something that would bring some sort of aggravating daily annoyance not harm. like im petty abt it fjdke not#harmful#if i can go without cursing my father i dont need to curse anyone else
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
Kpop it's so fucking lame it's just NSYNC but from Korea.
hot fucking take im gonna screenshot this and post it to twitter and youll get fucking Murdered
#🍯#ask#anon#wasnt expecting such vitriol#i dont listen to kpop#but i DO think that seems like a broad generalization#like#its korean pop#obvs its gonna be reminiscent of pop in other languages but#idk#again i havent ever listened to kpop#NO WAIT I LISTENED TO ONE SONG WHAT WAS IT CALLED#after way too long searching#villain by stella jang#i believe it falls under the umbrella of kpop#very much not nsync lol
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
HAD A DREAM ABT SANS!!!!!!!! i dreamt that i did something i thoughtd make him happy (i think clean his room?) but he ended up getting really upset with me. then he felt bad about getting mad at me and apologized ^_^
#it was a little sad but it had a nice ending#i think it was that he got mad bc hes very peculiar about his stuff?#and also autism so certain things i found that seemed like trash to me werent to him and so forth#i got sad and apologized and left then i went in my room cause apparently i lived with him and paps here#and unlike him i dont have the ability to just disappear. so i climbed out the window quietly and found some secret empty place to be alone#(bc i do that when im upset)#in the end he felt bad and papyrus was out of the loop since neither of them even knew i left#but when sans came to apologize he noticed i was gone and. since he does the exact same fucking thing he sorta understood#to paps i think he just said id gone out to get something i think#then he was like . actually i think they said they needed my help Um im gonna go find them#and so he walked around until he found my special lonely sad place and apologized to me ^__^#it was sweet in its own way#bf (bone friend)#side note i wanna draw selfship art soooooooo bad but i still hurt like HELL#its not the same as it was yesterday though and after the hospital visit it got way better#but it still hurts. and now ive got menstrual cramps too#SO I CANT DRAW!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i wanted to finish that phone thingy sketch i rbed a little while ago...........#SAD. well whatever#edit 2 weeks later while lookin thru my blog. it wasnt menstrual cramps it was appendicitis lol#2nd edit 8 months later: got appendicitis again lol
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
new day resolution TALK TO PEOPLE!!!!
#im an ambivert in that im always tired and can never figure out why#like i will assume im tired because i capped out my human interaction somehow after talking to literally no one for three days#then wonder why im sad!! its silly!!!!#anyways#im also shy <3#personal#<- im probably gonna do more self-reflecting posts like this so if u wanna mute feel free!#feel free 2 rb or w/e if u want btw. i know how to turn off rbs if i wasnt chill w that ^u^#if u have any tips for the worlds silliest fish (moi) feel free 2 offer input.#i have wonderful friends+mutuals im just bad at being a human sometimes#especially w online social stuff#tumblr seems better for these personal rambles then twitter.#something about twitter makes going fully pessimist really easy which blows#u know what i've been slipping on my positivity goal recently... !#idk if i remembered to mention it anywhere? basically im trying to think self deprecating shit less. bad habbit#ive been doing pretty good this year until october (had a shit temp job lol)#but! its ok!#gonna have a good weekend so i'll start that up again#ok it 3 am now i take a snooze
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
im so // lucky // my life was such a mess that i confused confort with falling in love
#biggest blessing was realizing i didnt actually liked L.#and dont get me wrong i was starting to fall for him#its just that july was so fucking confusing and exausting and filled with uncertainty#and he was one of the ONLY things that were good in my life#that i mistook it for falling in love#im still pissed that he broke up with me in the way that he did. it was not very adult and it just seem like there was more that he was#not telling me. which made me angry.#and i found out that he had said before to another friend of mine that he wasnt going to date any more white girls and that kinda#idk#it just stinks a bit#cuz why should that matter anyways.#but yeah.#glad it wasnt love fr.#and im doing very fine indeed lol#i am however going to maybe just continue to do what i said i was gonna do after the heartbreak i had#which was if someone shows interest in hooking up thats fine but protect your heart#and i dont mean i wont open myself to love (i actually wanted to give it a chance with him but lol it didnt work ig)#but like. not gonna jump into any love bombing and delusions.#idk just seems like the right thing to do ig?#also i just have a shiton of stuff to work thru and figure it out about myself#maybe thats the best thing to do rn?
0 notes
Text
Honestly the store has come a long, long way since last January where we were legitimately going to hold a store-wide strike b4 the boss and then-manager panicked and started holding meetings with all of us to try to figure out what to do about it
It's still a workplace, but our current employees r in general much happier and content. + there's a better community in general. It's nice to know I had a part in making this happen.
#speculation nation#i was starting out in a higher position back at the start of the year. but really freshly starting out.#and it wasnt assistant manager. it was lead supervisor. essentially a go between of supervisor and assistant manager#and then all this shit happened and Then the then assistant manager ended up being incredibly nasty towards me#and i put in my two weeks fully intending to leave b4 changing my mind on the very last day bc my tax return was delayed#and i didnt have the monetary security i needed to quit lol#manager gave me the assurance that i wouldnt have to work with the assistant manager. and it was good enough to last until she left.#ive had my insecurities regarding the now manager in training. mostly about what she thinks about me#but i think she does like me. boss told me today that she spoke up for me on my level of effort around the store#since im kinda bad at messaging everything i do lol he doesnt see it like he sees her efforts#but she sees it. and she stood up for me.#she also spent a good half hour ish the other day info dumping about the ateez universe lore. and it was so fucking endearing#me being like 'i have no personal interest in this but you seem so excited and i am really happy youre this comfortable with me. go on'#and especially with her being promoted to manager... makes me feel less bad about how much i do comparatively#im still gonna try of course. but im going to assume she will be paid more than me. bc she will be doing more than me.#as it stood my wage was actually a little higher than hers due to seniority. and it was making me feel pretty guilty#and i was soooo anxious about her possibly leaving after graduating college & the responsibility for the store falling onto me#but i can remain in a support position while she takes up the mantle of manager. and i am so much more comfortable with that#yea it feels a lil weird to be like 5 years older than her with like 5 years more seniority working here & her being higher ranked#but i can manage that lol. im happier not having too many responsibilities thanks#there r things we need to improve on with the store. but overall things r so much better#makes me feel like i can actually breathe easy for once. maybe at least a little bit.
1 note
·
View note
Text
also i think i had a hot flash on friday??? idk i was just getting REALLY hot and was having to pull down my mask and mouth breathe just trying to cool down so i didn't throw up, had to steal one of the lab chairs as soon as it was vacated, and was sitting there helping check-in samples really tiredly and when i asked if it was hot one of my coworkers said 'no???' and then said that my face was really flushed, but then i felt better after standing outside in my t-shirt for a while (in the 50s I think) and just kind of cooling off, then wandered around naked in my apartment for a while and then i felt fine so like. hm. interesting experience but i hope i don't repeat it lol
#we were lowkey worried i was getting sick again lol#(me being me and my coworker)#which would have been painfully ironic bc we had a little department luncheon#(it was pizza and ice cream not fancy lol)#and i had literally commented that if i got sick again#(since i came down with covid after having 2 of these get togethers in a week)#i was never attending one of these again and was just gonna be eating alone for the rest of time from now on#like no im not eating in close proximity to you people again lol#but thankfully it seems to have just been a weird fluke#idk i wasnt doing anything strenuous so i dont know what could have peaked my temp like that#-shrug- im just gonna mark it down as another thing to blame on covid lol#for want of any other ideas
1 note
·
View note
Text
have u ever joined a disc server that just made really no sense at all 👁 like at all
#shhh#ok so i tried to join a server yesterday right#and the rules were in between mounds of memes#and ppl were getting told that they didnt reas the rules bc they didnt do a thing that was in the rules#but…. the rules were literally so difficult to navigate LOL#and they were pinned but im gonna be so honest rn. i have no idea to search for pinned posts?#and tbh the creator kinda seemed like a jerk based on how they were replying so….#💀#and like the server had rules to make it more accessible which is really cool and great#but i… dont think making ppl scavenge for ur rules is creating accessibility ? LOL#anyway that was a mess and an ordeal#i got in but left like 15 min later cuz it just Wasnt Wurf
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
makotosphoto
MAKOTO's PHOTO
maiamitchellpics
Maia
rannystu
Some Work
birds-are-better-than-you
Vespillo
lamblispector
L. Lispector