#but like. not gonna jump into any love bombing and delusions.

[spideysatan]

im so // lucky // my life was such a mess that i confused confort with falling in love

[nightswithkookmin]

Jikook and Taekook in The Soop: Ep 06 Analysis

PREFACE

This discussion is a continuation of my opinion piece on Soop episode 06. I explained in that post, how I think Soop was initiated by BigHit and BTS to repair and replenish the dwindling bond of the group as prior to Soop, there had been some friction between some of the members which could be traced as far back as November last year and had only increased exponentially through to March this year.

Now I said this without prejudice, and knowing full well there are a ton of content withheld from us in the present day likely to be released years from now that may reveal a moment, a behind scenes, that to others may seemingly counter this perception of mine.

But like my theory on the Jikook break up moments, I stay my ground. I don't draw my conclusions based on a single moment of tension happening in isolation because they are human- a jet lag here and a muscle pain there could lead to an unnecessary outburst here or there. That's not it.

I look for patterns, take into consideration their personalities, note how a moment impacts or is likely to impact those established values and patterns of behavior that BTS themselves consciously contribute to to influence their public image and reputation- I take this delulu business pretty seriously you know? Lol.

For instance, when I say Jikook broke up it's mostly because I've noticed that over a period of time, certain things that make Jikook a couple to me are no longer present between them, in the way they interact, rather than that there was a few seconds tension between them in random moment on screen.

And I am well aware, that when some people say they feel Jikook are broke up that they are basing their conclusions off of their own insecurities about them rather than that they have seen enough, thought through enough about those observations to reasonably draw such conclusions.

For example, because to them Jikook interactions is their evidence of a romantic relationship, then Jikook not interacting in a random moment would indicate to them that something is wrong and that they are broke up- basic delulus.

I employ a different metric. Not better, just different. For example, I used them not knowing certain things about themselves within certain periods as an indication something is off.

This is not a hard rule. It could be random but when the information they are in the dark about came into existence within a period I suspected they weren't a couple due to other things I had noticed within said period, then that becomes a confirmation of that period for me. Feel free to disagree.

Jikook know everything about eachother, EVERYTHING. Or at least, they act like they know or should know everything about eachother.

They love to be the ones to know eachother the most and love to show off their knowledge about eachother like in the recent Bangtan Bomb when JK said he knew Jimin could touch his toe when he stretched.

'See, I told you he could touch his toe.' he says with pride. Then the bit about Jimin and beans, Jimin and the convenience store underwear etc.

So when JK suddenly doesn't know Jimin took pop dancing or when Jimin acts surprised that JK had gimbap it raises an eye brow. No?

What's more concerning to me is their reaction to news like this. JK zoned out for a bit and Jimin looked confused out of his wits in those instances. You could tell its something that really bothered them.

And while this may be an isolated incident for most, it's usually not for me or even surprising to me. Because, as explained, usually moments like these fit into an established pattern of inconsistent behaviours identified within those specific timelines prior to such moments, from my observation.

And I see most people also don't know how Jikook looks like when they are not 'together.' Which is also part of the problem.

To most people, a Jikook break up would look like the apocalypse up in BTS- it's not.

I've said several times in my blogs, if you believe Jikook are real then pay attention to what they are and not what you expect them to be. Their relationship parameters are set by them not us and our ideosyncracies.

To me and the way I see them, a Jikook break up is and would always be a return to friendship.

When Jikook break up they revert back to being friends. Friendship is their default, in the group setting anyway.

And as I've said, they lose or strive away the qualities that make them a couple during break ups but at a bare minimum their friendship will be there- for the harmony of the group.

And I think this is why some Jikookers theorize that Jikook knew the consequences their relationship was going to have on the group before entering into their relationship.

While I disagree they thought things through before deciding to commit to a romantic relationship, I agree that they know and have considered the impact their relationship can have on their group.

It is why they revert and will revert to being friends during times like that so their break up and conflicts doesn't affect the dynamics of the group.

I think this is one thing they both very much understand and commit to, to make sure their shenanigans doesn't impact the dynamics of the group- they owe their bandmates that much.

It is also this understanding that allows them to thrive and hide within the group.

What all this means is that, in times of a break up, the skinship will very much be there, the wearing the same attire will be there, the wearing the same bracelets will be there, they will still ride together if they have to- because none of these is what make them a couple!

And a fight is not a breakup, mind you. Often when they fight, I find they may not want to be around each other among other things but they don't lose the qualities that make them a couple.

You can still see their couple aura in such times. Whereas in the case of a breakup those couple qualities disappear entirely. In my opinion.

Perhaps I should make a blog post on what I feel makes Jikook a couple and how those qualities disappear around the times they break up? I'll think about it.

I have stated over and over that, skinship, car sharing etc are all not in any way indicative of a romantic relationship, not to me anyway. And honestly, if you can't tell between Jikook as friends and jikook as a couple- do you even deserve rights? Consider your delulu membership revoked. Lol

And if you aren't observant, shy away from angst, see them as a fantasy rather than actual human beings in an actual romantic relationship- subject to change, subject to growth, susceptible to temptations; if you mistake things that make them friends for things that make them a couple you would not spot their break ups when they happen. Or worse, you'd dismiss and overlook them when they do happen.

Deadass, you could be very much looking at the end of Jikook but still screaming power couple extraordinaire-

Isn't that where we are with Taekook? People mistaking all the things that make them friends for a romantic couple?

People dismissing all the questionable moments that's happened between them over the years- like Tae saying he couldn't even tell JK had been given a mission to ignore him because Jk ignores him anyway behind cameras, Tae's passive aggressiveness towards JK like in the VLive he exposed Jikook, the missing birthday wishes on Twitter etc- and not reflecting on them enough to critically examine their impact and what it says of the state and nature of their relationship?

Taekook in the Soop is an indictment of the shipping community. But I am not here to police anyone's delusions- freedom of belief, speech and all that jazz.

What I am here to do today, my dear delulu colleagues, is to examine Taekook in the soop and share my thoughts on the infamous conversation they had in that episode.

I will also be pointing out a few observations I made about Jikook in that episode that I feel will help shed more lights on the current dynamics between Jikook which further proofs Jikook is real.

TAEKOOK IN THE SOOP

Taekook's conversation in Soop 06 is shaping out to be one of the most controversial moments in the history of BTS ships.

To some it was a doze of reality, a game changer, if you will and had some people questioning their sanity while others jumped off the Taekook bandwagon all together.

But some die hard fans of the ship were quick to come up with a theory to explain away what had transpired that night as big bad BigHit curating that entire scene in order to bamboozle them and absolve themselves of all guilt for having previously separated Taekook and forced them to hide their relationship- scammers never die. Lol

Why would Taekook have that conversation on camera if it was that serious, they ask.

If they aren't close why did JK put his hands around Tae here? Why did he look at Tae there? They fist bumped in the background of this MV, surely they are a couple- y'all know how I feel about skinship being used as a determinant of romantic relationships so I'm just gonna roll my eyes here and keep it pushing-

This is what happens when you whimsically and randamly label a ship as real without due diligence, without conducting the necessary tests that allows you to reasonably assume that that ship is or could be real.

A ship is not real until it's breached the fourth way into alternative shipping and I'm sorry, Taekook has not breached that fourth wall. No other ship in BTS has breached that wall except Jikook. I have explained this over and over again.

How can Taekook breach the fourth wall when half of the moments, half of the content needed to establish it's piercing moment exists in the imagination of people?

By claiming BigHit hides, and cuts Taekook moments or any other ships moment, by claiming Taekook's interactions are mostly off camera, these shippers are shooting themselves in the foot and fooling no one.

Because what they are indirectly saying basically is there aren't enough moments to analyze upon whose findings we can draw such conclusions that Taekook is real.

I have a hard time believing Jesus is real and I'm a Christian. You think I'm about to buy that Taekook is real, based on faith??? Y'all tripping.

And no. The skinship don't count either. I mean people were running around the corners of the internet swearing up and down Jimin and Mina were dating based on their skinship until it was revealed Jimin had been abusing Mina all those years.

Skinship is performative and not a reflection of true intimacy or true bond.

That being said, yes I see Taekook's relationship. I see their dynamics. They are beautiful and as a multishipper- I really dig their bond. I do.

I have called them the evil power duo of BTS. I have said they don't have much intimate interactions between them on camera but when they activate their evil powers, lord do they set my insides on fire.

WHY FILM THAT BIT ON CAMERA?

For quality entertainment purposes. Lol.

Soop is a quasi self produced production by BTS. As such they themselves created the content, concept, decided where they were going to be, what they were going to do at what time and most importantly who they were going to be with or hang out with.

Everything was pre determined by BTS and the schedule was presented to BigHit- the camera crew and staff, beforehand so the staff knew where to place cameras, what equipment they were going to use and what props they are going to have to provide for BTS for effective filming.

Unlike run or Bon V where BTS have little creative control, BTS played a major role in the production of SOOP. So if that bit was staged then it wasn't staged by BigHit, but by BTS themselves- including Tae and JK.

I explained in my previous post, how I felt Soop is business but also BigHit's way of shutting BTS in a room and forcing them to settle whatever differences had crept up between them that had been affecting the dynamics of the group and threatening the longevity of their group around that period.

I said it was no different from Rookie King where they had an episode where BTS was allowed to shout their grievances off the top of a roof to foster unity among the members.

It's also no different from the missions they've are given from time to time or the love letters they have been asked to write to eachother. The objective of such projects have always been to bring the members closer, to build intimacy and to foster unity amongst them. Soop follows suit.

What's of interest to me and what you should be pondering over is what had led them all- BTS and BigHit, to embark on a project of this nature this time around.

BigHit is a business and can only stay on top of the game for so long if BTS is in the game. Them disbanding impromptu due to petty conflicts and misunderstandings amongst them will be a huge loss to BigHit.

And if you think petty issues aren't enough to bring down their empire- you are in the wrong delulu industry. Lol.

Kpop is wrought with stories of these nature. There are a lot of bands that debuted with and around the time of BTS's debut that are disbanded now due to the least misunderstandings- google it. I dare you to.

BTS do have issues from time to time that does threaten their band. How often have we heard them talk about almost disbanding? Remember 2018? Remember when JK cried because Hobi almost left the group? Remember when JK almost left the group to pursue a career in dancing?

The Kpop industry is hectic and brutal and bands within this sphere are fragile. it's easy to jump ship than to keep sailing. I mean, there's a reason Korean interviewers keep asking BTS their secret to staying together and for this long.

As RM puts it in the recent KBS interview, they are seven boys from different backgrounds in the same boat headed in different directions. That can create a lot of clashes here and there. So when tensions arise that they can help it, they take initiatives like Soop to help nip it and replenish their bond.

They don't allow issues to fester on to the point they want to go their separate ways. BigHit loves this about them and encourages that among them.

Do y'all see why I side eye people who claim BigHit is not happy with any pair within the group because they are real and wants to hide and suppress them?

Left to BigHit alone, BTS would be in one big happy gay polyamorous relationship with eachother if that meant the success and longevity of their business- they are depending on it. They would rather BTS keep the love in the barn than spread it elsewhere, if you know what I mean.

How are BTS portrayed in Tiny Tan? The bond you see in that animation is not just a reflection of BTS's actual bond but also a reflection of BigHits vision of their bond.

Jimin is portrayed as that hyung who is always watching over JK because he loves him so much. Tae is also portrayed as the one hyung who will dive to save JK. Tiny Tan is BigHit's ideal intimacy goal for the boys.

Again, BT21, how are their friendships portrayed in there?

It's absurd thus to think, believe or even assume that if there is an actual real intimate relationship between any of the boys, that Bighit's objective would be to hide and suppress it or even to kill it.

BTS's intimacy is a currency BigHit transacts with. But that doesn't mean BTS doesn't bank on it too. They are proud of their bond, often flaunt it. They know it makes them stand out of the lot and it's what has led to them staying together for this long in the business. They have a pretty strong bond.

They wouldn't have agreed to do this project Soop if they didn't want to or didn't think they needed it. They really love eachother as a team, as a band; they love working together and care about their careers unlike other bands we know. Cough, cough.

They are the blueprint and they know it. The last thing they want is for something as trivial as a misunderstanding to break them apart- Hobi said in his recent YouTube live how BE is their voice and an expression of their feelings and I can't wait to hear all the songs on the Album to understand what they've been through these past few months.

If building intimacy is the objective of Soop, then conversations like that of Taekook really shouldn't be shocking. It's to be expected.

If they felt the need to talk it's because they felt they was something they both needed to get off their chest.

Is a content of that nature good for ratings? Absolutely. Does that mean they performed it? No. Not at all.

It's similar to what Jimin did with JK in Rookie King in order to get closer to each other. They were friends. You think he couldn't have just approached JK off camera and told him how his actions hurt him?

How often have we heard RM or Tae ask if the cameras were they to capture a moment where the members have claimed to have cried and consoled each other?

See this is why people think Jikook is fake. They just don't understand that these boys choose to share certain intimate moments with the us out of love, out of a need to connect and have people share in their moments.

It's no different from BTS filming themselves screaming when they heard of that BB news. They share their joy, their pain and their conflicts with us as a way to connect with us.

How often have we wished the VMin dumpling fight was recorded, or that the rain fight was recorded? But when such similar moment is recorded y'all want to question the intention behind it.

Besides, having conversations like these on camera is the perfect cover for them to be vulnerable with eachother without feeling too vulnerable or feel like they are exposing themselves too much.

It's similar to how people choose to text or be vulnerable with others through letters and texts rather than in person. Its the fear of vulnerability. Being vulnerable like that in person can be extremely scary for them too. They are human too and sometimes they find their confidence and their voice when they turn on the cameras.

It's ridiculous to think a moment is staged simply because it is or feels like an intimate moment- Y'all claim BigHit hides Taekook's intimate moments and when they show it to us and it's fake? Chileeee!

If that moment was staged, then Jin apologising to Tae after their fight is fake, the fight itself was staged, V's letters were staged, V crying when reading those letters was staged- y'all see where I'm going with this?

None of it was real and we've all been bamboozled- Let's pack our bags!

Seriously though, we can't sit behind our screens and pick and choose which content is real and which is not simply because it doesn't align with our delusional theories. It doesn't work that way.

Especially not when everything we see is captured by the same lenses, edited by the same people and distributed by the same company.

Besides, Tae said the reason he did that was just to spend time with JK- which was the objective of Soop, wasn't it? For all of them to spend time together and bond?

How then is Taekook bonding by having a meal together any different from Hobi spending time with NamJoon in the mountains? Or Tae riding around the country side with Hobi? Or RM and Kook painting?

I'm yet to figure out the sequence that the entire project was shot in as I still haven't seen the full episodes. But I'll bet if there were any Taekook bonding moments, they were shot after their heart to heart moment, not before it. Tae wouldn't have been shy to invite JK had it been so. But who knows, I could be wrong.

TAEKOOK vs JIKOOK DYNAMICS

On Taekook's dynamics, I stated during our discussion on their love language that I don't see Taekook as emotionally compatible or emotionally dependent on each other even much less that they speak each other's love languages. They don't.

It's no secret Taekook have always lacked a certain level of mutual emotional dependency and vulnerability within their dynamics. To me anyways.

Rarely would you see them being emotionally vulnerable with eachother the way Tae is with Jimin or Jk is with JM. The only time I have seen them close to being emotionally vulnerable with eachother was at an award show when Tae cried and JK comforted him. But even that felt impersonal-

again the thigh slapping, cheek squishing, pegs on the cheeks, cuddling in bed etc doesn't count. That's skinship and you know how I feel about skinship or what I think of it.

When I say emotional vulnerability and dependency, I'm talking about instances such as when Tae said he missed Jimin, when he had to drag Jk away so he could ride with Jimin, all the things he said about Jimin in his letters, the way he talks about Jimin in his solo Vlives, writing songs inspired by Jimin, when he said Jimin was the one member who had been there for him during his grandmother's passing etc.

Jk expresses his emotional dependency on Jimin through his actions more so than his words- that need he has to constantly be around Jimin. You see this in moments where he subconsciously finds his way to Jimin like the 2018 comeback VLIVE where he and jimin were put in separate teams but after picking their groups mission he headed for Jimin's team instead of his.

You see this in the way he talks about Jimin when Jimin is not around. He would find a way to chip Jimin into any conversation- I dare you; Talk about heaven and it would remind him of Angel Jimin, talk about hell and he will burst out laughing because of Jimin's devil may care attitude that one time.

You see it in moments when he sulks and yap, whines and complains in a submissive tone when he interacts with Jimin at certain times.

Like when he talked about Jimin not waking him up in that interview, or even the New Jersey Live where he whined and pouted like a broke hearted seven year old and Jimin ended up doing- whatever that was to placate him... that VLIVE still makes me uncomfortable to watch to this day.

You just don't see that level of emotional attachment in Taekook. Their interactions are just that- interactions. Frankly, this moment in Soop is the only meaningful conversation I've heard between them in years.

It is this lack of emotional intimacy between Taekook that disqualifies them from being anywhere near real in my books.

While I acknowledge this lack of emotion amongst them, I wouldn't go as far as to say there's been a cataclysmic decline of their bond or friendship. They are still very much friends, just not intimate friends. Skinship wise, sure. But there is no depth to skinship as I've said.

So if skinship isn't what binds them, what does? Personality, for starters. And I know JK saying he and Tae had different personalities sounded confusing to most.

Jk had called Tae his commonality- this Festa was it? He's described Tae in his profiles over years and in recent times as someone he shares the most personality traits with within the group. He is not wrong.

Personally, I see him as very similar to Tae, Suga and RM in different aspects of their personalities.

I think what he meant by his statement about Tae becoming reserved since their trainee days was that he doesn't find Tae relatable.

You can share the same personality trait with people and still not find them relatable. And I contrast this with his interview with Jimin where JM said he and JK were similar in that they are both sleepy heads and hate to lose.

Jk quickly noted that they both were studying Japanese as well. He acknowledged the similarities between him and Jimin here also. Does it mean he found Jimin relatable?

No.

Jimin said after they both acknowledged their similarities that in spite of this Jungkook didn't seem to like him. Clearly. he too like Tae was feeling a barrier in his relationship with JK.

Jk futher admitted he liked Jimin. So if he liked Jimin and had a lot in common with him what was the problem? Relatability. Jk could relate to JM just as he feels he can't relate with Tae now.

In that interview he described how JM was pretty serious minded who liked to focus on one thing at a time- a trait he said was different and as such perhaps he couldn't relate with.

Isn't it the same song he is singing about Tae now? That Tae is reserved and too serious like Jimin was?

The difference between Tae and Jimin is, over the years and especially in recent times the members have talked about how Jimin seems less serious behind camera. Suga even went ahead to give him an award for this- lol, Suga.

Jimin has changed over the years. He's become more goofy and to JK- more relatable.

Have we all not seen Tae gradually close himself off within the group dynamics? How is it hard to see that that could be something that's impacted his dynamics with JK?

I've already mentioned how Tae has been through a lot trauma enough to shut him off emotionally to anyone but Jimin.

Seeing his two besties coupled up too mustn't be easy either. Exclusivity is one of JK's values and love wants. Jimin's love language dictates you treat him exclusively, differently from others- while this is complementary for them, it very much often leaves them with a tendency for to isolate and exclude others- how do you feel watching them from home? Think that but twice Tae and these other members.

That exclusivity Jikook exudes can make anyone emotionally dependent and attached to any one of them feel left out. And for Tae, I see how he would then want JK to treat him as a friend- as he treats Jimin perhaps. He didn't want to feel left out. Similar to how I said Jimin partaked in the culture of the group in early days because he didn't want to feel like the outsider being the last to join the group.

Jikook's exclusivity tendencies have a way to make him feel further isolated and disconnected from the group.

What it then comes down to between Taekook is the difference in their values and their understanding of intimacy. I think.

I have said, JK is one person emotionally closed off within the group. He used to be physically closed of too and took a minute for him to come to terms with even skinship.

These boys may be from the same cultural backgrounds but they have different beliefs and values and upbringing.

I explained how JK had had to suppress himself, his values and his beliefs especially in the early days in order to be the Maknae of the group and how he's been on a journey to slowly yet drastically grow out of that role and image.

I have explained that even though he does not have a problem with Skinship, he believes couples aren't supposed to cross certain boundaries with others which I said is what jeonlous is mostly about.

So when he said during that conversation, he preferred to keep a certain level of distance from people because he felt that level of proximity could end up ruining relationships, I understood perfectly what he meant. I have always suspected and speculated that about him.

No one BangPD script writer-nim put that in his mouth.

Tae is the opposite of JK in that regard. While Jk is emotionally closed off, Tae is emotionally lose and latches on to people quite easily- aka his attachment to Jimin.

He is among the members of BTS who I think lack emotional boundaries in the group.

Being emotionally close to people and receiving that emotional nourishment is one of Tae's love languages as I've explained in the past. And so I smiled when I heard him talk about how he wanted to feel loved by Army.

Tae lowkey has an anxious insecure attachment style brought upon him by no fault of his in my opinion and I've always felt a similarity between his and jimin's attachment styles in that sense- that constant need for reassurance for one.

While I feel Jimin's anxiousness and need for reassurance is often performative and as such is often exaggerated as part of his idol persona- Jimin does not in reality need reassurace of love from his love interest.

He may appear clingy to some and a bit insecure about his looks, but he doesn't trade his looks for love.

His looks I feel are important to him as long as his career goes. And he tries to look a certain way and obsesses about the way he looks because his looks is a means to longevity and fruitfulness of his career.

His love language is more towards wanting certainty and stability and making him feel like he is the only one.

On the other hand, Tae's need for reassurance sits at the core of him. I don't think it is an exaggeration or a persona at all. In my opinion.

His need for reassurance is born out of an innate fear of losing a connection, a fear of not being loved and a fear of losing love- not to psychoanalyze him or anything. It's just theory.

I've said Tae strikes me as a very melancholic person.

Remember when he faked being an Army to see if an Army was a Solo stan who just loved one member or him also as well- that bit was unsettling and uncalled for. Then during his conversation with JK he talked about how he needed that constant reassurance of love from Army- y'all still think he boo-ed up in there? Alright then.

Loneliness is a bitch. And I understand how he would be driven by an emotional void to connect and attach to people. He really was attached to his Grandmother and having a love connection like that yanked away from him without warning, without proper closure can leave a void behind.

So I see often while he craves to connect he often self sabotages that connection- he does this with Jimin at times, boy can he work Jimin's nerves!

It takes a big heart and a lot of patience to love a person of this nature- and there's only one Jimin in that VMinKook dynamics.

Jk is not good at emotions, can barely work his way through his own much less nurture someone with complex emotions such as that of Tae.

Tae has been working through a lot. Trying to be better. Taekook is just a casualty of Jikook...

I keep saying these boys are human and ought to be viewed, thought of and treated as such. If you want to ship them as characters within the Kpop verse then do that. But don't breach the fourth wall and still think of them as fictional beings.

If any ship is real, then their real lives are bound to affect their dynamics, their desires and influence their needs. It's crazy to turn a blind eye to all of that while uWu-ing your ass off at every cute moment edited and shared to you.

Comparing Tae to JK, JK to me barely expresses a need for emotional attachment to anyone. He is similar to Suga in that sense. It's easier to see who he is emotionally attached to and attracted to than to see his overt expressions emotions.

When you look at all seven you see who JK is emotionally attached to based on how he act around and towards that person. He shows, he doesn't tell. In my opinion.

Tae asking JK to treat him as a friend rather than as a hyung thus to me was his way of asking to JK to connect emotionally. That doesn't mean they weren't close. They were, just not as close as Tae wanted to be.

This is what I meant when I said both him and jimin had tried to break down JK's walls in their early dynamics around debut.

Jimin's approach was to breach JK's physical boundaries but in so doing he had accidentally breached Jk's emotional walls as I've explained in previous posts.

I stated how I felt, perhaps, JM coveted that physical connection between Tae and JK at the time he joined BTS, but it's occurring to me Tae equally perhaps coveted Jikooks emotional connection; asking JK to treat him as a friend- as he treats Jimin?

Now I don't know if that conversation was had before Jimin joined BTS or after so I won't push it.

Regardless, it seems JK putting up those emotional walls with him had led to Tar harboring resentments towards JK- typical of people with passive aggressive tendencies.

Sort of explains all those weird TaegiKook dynamics in the early days of Tae trying so hard to do things to make JK jealous- Do y'all see why I disregard anything that happened between all the members before 2016?

I feel because Tae was young at the time, he didn't have the emotional maturity at the time to deal with a situation like that and coupled with his passive aggressive personality, resentment was bound to build up between them.

This resentment showed itself through his passive aggressive attitudes towards JK- Jimin wants to come, JK is stopping him, then that slight head tilt. Oh, you were given a mission to ignore me? I didn't notice, you ignore me off cam anyway followed by that attitude whatever it was.

In turn, I feel JK along the way started to build similar resentments towards Tae too as response to Tae's coldness and I see how to him Tae would be the problem- to him Tae is the one who had changed and grown distant, reserved in their dynamic- unrelatable.

I feel JK's grudge against Tae leading up to Soop however was because he felt his partner in crime had stabbed him in the back- get out of your imagination. That's not what I'm referring to. Lol. I'll explain in a bit.

But yes, this resentment I feel they were both harboring could probably had further complicated their dynamic and got in their way of achieving true intimacy beyond the skinship- when I tell you skinship is not an indication of intimacy.

You could see this in the way they both were very defensive in their conversation. Whatever had happened, JK had extended an olive branch to have Tae to sit and have drinks with him but Tae had brushed it off.

After this, he's shy to approach Jk to ask him to have a meal with him- Where did it all go wrong, they asked- twelve year olds, that's what they are. Lol.

There was a certain degree of lack of vulnerability in the way they expressed themselves with each other especially on JK's part which I feel leads people to conclude that their conversation was somewhat coerced- It wasn't in my opinion.

I have explained when I was talking about their love languages how I feel Tae in general is very headstrong, almost as strong headed as JK which I feel it's one of the things that gets in their way of achieving true intimacy and I feel that is what we were seeing in that moment during conversation.

I've explained intimacy, true intimacy requires a crucification of pride and a sacrifice of ego without which any intimacy would be superficial. I used VMin's dumpling fight as an example, where I said it took 2 days to two weeks for them to resolve their issue because they were both being strong headed.

It took Jimin's vulnerability and a sacrifice of his ego to reach through to Tae and even that took how long? And this is Jimin, the half blood Hufflepuff, president of the kumbaya fanclub we're talking about-

Y'all think Mr. Let it burn, I'll rather be dead than cool is about to let shit go? - Get some education. It's not in his vocabulary. It's not in either of them's vocabulary. Lol.

While I see these two as both unwilling to bow and submit to eachother, I've see them willfully submit emotionally to Jimin. Where they both fail to be vulnerable with eachother they both eagerly let themselves be vulnerable in this way with Jimin.

So it's not as if they are incapable of being vulnerable with eachother. If Tae's narration of his offer of friendship to JK is anything to go by, it seems he at one point was willing to take the steps to build that level of intimacy needed for their friendship to thrive but JK had barred him.

Tae in wanting to be close with JK the way he(Tae) is close with JM spoke volumes about Vmin dynamics as well. It tell me he doesn't see his bond with Jimin as exclusive. Special, but not exclusive- and we know how both Jimin and JK feel about exclusivity.

Which brings me to JK's perception about VMin.

I don't think JK see's Vmin's friendship as problematic. He just see's their lack of emotional boundaries as problematic and so often you see him try to put up boundaries for Jimin in their dynamic.

To Tae emotional connection is important and an indication of intimacy. That's his love language, that's his value. But how is JK going to open himself up like that to Tae when he sees what Tae and JM have as problematic? When he values and believes emotional connection has to be reserved for an intimate partner?

As explained earlier, exclusivity is a huge deal to JK.

He believes somethings ought to be reserved and exclusive to love relationships. He believed it then, he believes it now and he has consistently lived that belief through his actions throughout the years.

And if this is his values, then imagine his frustration at seeing people cross all sorts of boundaries with his man everywhere he turns- its enough to give anyone a complex, seriously.

When Tae explained that JK refusing to treat him casually as a friend was part of the reason they couldn't be as intimate, JK was quick to point out why he made that decision all those years and from the looks of it he ain't changing his mind anytime soon.

Dude literally said- I said what I said.

JK believes to make his intimate relationship special and to protect the sanctity of it, he ought to put up walls not further indulge in and perpetuate the lack of emotional boundaries within the group.

In this regard, Taekook is a casualty of Jikook, nothing personal. I've said, a real relationship involving JK or Jimin within the group is mutually exclusive to any other ship involving those two. As such all those other ships involving those two are bound to be casualties of Jikook.

In as much as BTS have thrived as a group on the lack of boundaries between them, this lack of boundaries was also ruining some of the members' joy especially JK who believes a certain level of boundary is necessary for a healthy relationship- Soop was very much neccessary.

And I see some Jikookers are claiming, Taekook settled their differences and had that conversation perhaps for Jimin's sake? Chileee- it makes sense if you are looking at things in isolation? But...

I mean Jikook have been dating a long time- six years now, for Taekook to be only now considering the effect of their dynamics on Jimin. If Jimin is whom they were concerned about they would have nipped it in the bud a long time ago especially around the time Jimin was having a tough time in his life. In my opinion.

I acknowledge the role Jimin played in bringing those two together and even believe he is the one that influenced them to take the initiatives they both took separately but no. I don't think they did this for Jimin. They did this for themselves first of all and for the sake of the sake of their careers, and the group.

[Image below. Check end of post if it's missing. Tumblr, Sigh]

I know some people have theorized that JK posted this on Weverse after his live because he was eager to do his next live with Jimin- true, but not only that.

The tension in that live was there but it wasn't there because he was uncomfortable with Tae per se. He has had a live with Tae in the past, has filmed with staff around and so Jeon Jungkook really had no excuse now did he?

Then the shade he threw, I shouldn't try to make anything next time- then proceeds to make gimbap with Jimin in their live while cheesing through it.

I feel his statement about making things was a Jab at BigHit. I told you previously how I felt he didn't want to do the live. That neither he nor Tar wanted to do the live hence BigHit's results to coercion. In my opinion.

BigHit at the time, it seems, was making them do these weird PG13 arts and craft thingy during their heavily monitored lives- it was weird as fuck especially for the audience that have grown used their VLives being a way for them to have intimate moments and conversations with BTS- I dipped out of most of those VLives. Deuces.

Homeboy was protesting because he just wanted to, first of all, have a Vlive alone with Jimin because they hadn't had one in a while- he deadass wanted to sit and stare into JM's soul while the rest of us watched on in silent discomfort and miserable loneliness while we thirdwheeled- This man, I swear to God!

But he also wanted to fight for their right to as a group to do whatever they wanted with little control and interference from BigHit- Independence really is recurring theme in JK's dramas. Lol.

After JK posted those rebellious tweets to out BigHit, Tae followed those tweets with a tweet akin to hold your peace followed by the shush emoji.

On its own it doesn't mean much. But read together with JK's post and the background I've given, it takes on a whole new meaning.

This moment to me was one of those evil twin power activation moments. Tae seemed to be with JK on that, in his own passive aggressive manner.

I talked about how social media was one of the tools they use to fight back against BigHit. Especially, by withholding their presence on social media platforms.

The company needs them to be online, interacting with fans and growing their fanbase. I hear some Idols, not BTs, are allegedly forced to appear on VLives even and social media even.

Yet BTS do that pro bono. So when they feel the company is tripping they exercise their rights to remain off the internet.

So imagine my surprise when Tae was suddenly popping up on Weverse, Vlive, YouTube live left right left!

I was surprised not because it was unusual of him, but because I felt that was contrary to the move he had made in support of JK earlier.

Do I think it is probably one of the immediate causes of the heat between Taekook that they needed to address? Probably.

I mean why else would Tae bring up him spending so much time online in his conversation with JK? How is that a way to bond with JK? Unless, perhaps JK had been pissed he did that and so Tae felt he needed to explain why he did that? Don't mind me. I'm delusional- but deadass.

Now a chunk of that conversation was voiced over so we will never know everything about that moment. And I hope, in the future they both talk about this and give us more details about this.

Both Jk and Tae have had issues with BigHit in the past and when they do they aren't afraid to come at BigHit with direct or passive aggressiveness.

Did y'all see ILand? How Tae took a jab at Bang PD over chicken breasts? How in Rookie King he expressed his resentment at BangPD for not knowing his name?

They are both expressive, assertive and less of a pushover in that way, I feel. They will put up the you can force the horse to the river side but can't force it to drink attitude if pushed against their will.

OTHER THINGS I NOTICED IN SOOP

I mentioned in my previous post how Jikook have been asserting themselves against eachother.

By that I meant, JK has been pushing JM to put up boundaries, treat their relationship with the same level of seriousness he does and not act like an ass kisser within the group all the time- bless him.

Jk used to be that guy who tried to please everyone. He would sacrifice his own happiness if that meant the happiness and harmony of the group. He is very Kumbaya in that way.

While this is noble, often he ended up stepping on JK's happiness because sacrificing his happiness is sacrificing Jk's happiness.

Him being the decision maker in their dynamics, that often means he ends up sacrificing JK's happiness without JK's permission.

To JK, JM would always come first. But Jimin is a bit of a people pleaser. He would consider the effect putting JK first would have on the group before placing him first- lately that has changed.

I feel Jk has been pushing him to careless about people's opinions of him and their relationship- please listen to the lyrics of GCF Helsinki to see what I mean especially whenever Jimin comes on the screen for the longest bar.

Just as much as JK has been pushing JM, JM has equally been pushing JK to be mindful of his possessiveness. While I see Jimin as someone who likes to belong, I don't think he wants to be owned.

So you see him pushing Jk to be social, to spend time with others- fix his issues with Tae for example, read books etc.

I hinted at this dynamic when I talked about Jikook shading eachother. Please check it out.

JK's always asserted himself and wanted to assert himself in the group dynamics and he has always expected that of Jimin as well.

It's no surprising then to see Jimin say no to Tae when Tae asked him to go on a car ride with him and Hobi in Soop episode 06. Old Jimin would have run along, no questions asked.

Jikook have changed. Their relationship dynamic has changed, their individual personalities have changed- are changing and they are changing eachother as well.

It explains why to JK Jimin feels more relatable as we've talked about above. They are changing but are also changing for eachother.

Some of these changes are glaringly obvious, others are subtle and easy to miss if you blink.

For example, Vmin's interaction mentioned above. Notice how Jimin is the outdoor kind of guy but in this instance he chose to stay indoors? Outdoors activities are his thing, indoors activities are JK's thing.

Do you see how Jk is influencing him?

He not only chose the indoors, he also chose an indoors activity that had JK written all over. How should I put this, painting, craft, drawing- those are ravenclaw traits not halfbood hufflepuffs' traits. Know what I mean?

True, Jimin loves these activities too but when you think of him traveling all over the world during their vacation- something I said was a cause of misunderstanding between them in August last year, you'd understand what I mean by JK asserting himself against Jimin.

They are compromising, they are negotiating, they are each embracing aspects of their personalities and accommodating it- you call it domesticity, I call it the aftermath of a trail period in Jikook's journey.

There are a lot other observations I made but this is all the length Tumblr can permit. Love Jikook and Support them.

Signed,

GOLDY

[aggresivelyfriendly]

Hi All! Back with Chapter Two this time. Once again- this chapter has a May-December romance budding, if this makes you uncomfortable, give it a pass! Or read on! Here’s to the lights of my life- @dirtystyles, @bleedinglove4h, and @nocontrolforlouis!

~Who Names The Colors~

December 2013

Do you ever stop worrying about your kids?

This was the question Jo asked herself as she laid in bed waiting to hear a key in the door. She knew that Ethan had his own place. Had lived on his own under his own power for a year and a half. Jo was also under no delusions that he stayed home all the time while he was there, far away from her. So far, he had shown enough responsibility. No calls from the university with issues, she sees the Uber charges when she puts money in his monthly play money. Ethan was doing better than she could hope. Jo just didn't know any better when he was at school. He went out and she only knew about it after the fact.

But tonight she was painfully aware that the boys were off to some party at a school friend's house. Ethan had been excited about seeing Alissa again. He'd nudged Harry while he thought Jo was too busy with her hands in soapy water to see his eyebrow raise. Jo wondered who was most excited about Alissa, was she a 'friend' of Harry's or Ethan's? Jo didn't remember her name from their time at college at all. Harry had not looked all that enthused about Alissa, but that could just be boys ribbing each other about not getting past the sniffing butts stage. She didn't imagine either of the young men in her kitchen had too much trouble. As long as they were respectful, which Ethan had better be.

If she had ever gotten a call about unsolicited dick pics, she may have wrung his neck. As a single woman, who had tried not a few dating apps and was reasonably attractive, she'd had her own unfortunate incidents. 'Really hot for a mum.' Pfffft, she was lovely full stop thank you very much.  And starting a conversation with, 'how old are you?' Or 'do you trade pics for pics?' was annoyingly common. No, no, nope. Jo had started sending 'I don't send nudes' as her second message before she deleted the apps altogether. This was all before Colin, almost four years ago. She couldn't imagine it had gotten any better. It had caused her to go on some rants. She was fairly sure that Harry had been there when she'd lectured Ethan on consent and the reality that dicks out of context are not sexy and do not in fact cause panties to drop.

"You have to engage her mind before you can expect her to be interested in that part of your body, Ethan!" Her son had just rolled his eyes. His sexual education had been an ongoing talk that started with anatomy at about 7, then covered feelings when he hit puberty, and focused on pleasure and how it and emotion intersected when he was old enough to process all of that. Boundaries and consent and how to act after a hook-up (not nonchalantly but honestly) were also covered. She'd foregone the talk tonight. She just hoped she had done her job well enough by now.  But Jo was sure she had not covered every temptation ever. She tried to keep up, and keep current, but she really didn't know what it was like to be so young and have so much information at your fingertips. Maybe they needed to have another talk about how porn sex was not like real sex, mostly not even good sex.

Jo'd been worrying about tonight since they showed up at the house. Her boy and his best friend. Best looking friend. Every time she saw Harry, he was getting more like a fever dream. Or maybe she was just aware of him in a new way. He'd been a sweet kid for so long, but that unbuttoned purple plaid he strolled in with showed way too much ink for her comfort. Maybe she should have a talk with herself about temptation.

Ethan and Harry had come in together around noon, two days before Christmas, and did that thing that teenagers and very new twenty somethings apparently still did: disappeared into a room and didn't surface until food was offered.

Zoe had asked for 'boys' multiple times before Jo gave in and sent her to the top of the stairs to knock.

There was a bang and shuffling and laughter before they opened the door and Jo wondered if they were smoking in there. She'd have to talk to Ethan about that too, more temptation. If they came down red eyed she'd let it pass, they weren't driving. If his pupils were blown out, that would be a different story. When he started going out, to parties and such he'd gotten the standard safety discussion about drugs. Party drugs especially. But the lengthy pause before he answered the door for Zoe indicated there was clean up going on there.

When her merry band made it to the kitchen finally, they looked fine, maybe a little disheveled but not high or coked out. Harry had a hold of Zoe, who was desperately trying to jump ship to her brother's arms. Ethan would be home longer than he usually was. He had taken several weeks off from his work study gig to spend the whole holiday at home. He was staying through New Years and Jo was floating. From the look of things, so was Zoe.

"No loyalty at all, this one! I'm supposed to be your favorite Z! Remember! The snake!" And Harry put his first two fingers up like fangs and got her belly where she was cuddled up against Ethan's chest.

"Face it man, I'm more handsome and babies like pretty people." Ethan smacked his lips at Harry and Jo nearly stood up for him, which was a strange reaction, because of course Ethan was the most handsome lad ever, if she did say so herself.

But Harry was pretty, too.

"Nah, it's nowt to do with that. It's because she knows you have those candies in your pockets, E!" Harry complained- striking Ethan's shoulder with his finger fangs. "Which you stole, might I add."

"Ow! Jeezus!"

"Language!" Jo sounded-semi playfully, she knew they were watching the f-bombs for her sake.

"Sorry mum!" He looked at her still rubbing his shoulder and pouting. "Are you poking Zoe that hard?" He flicked Harry's shoulder. "Cuz, I'll tell you right now, if you are, that's why she wants me. Or, maybe cuz I'm her brother. Right bub!" He redirected to his sister, making faces while she laughed. "And it's not stealing when it falls out of the pocket of one of the two bloody plaid shirts you are wearing."

Jo looked at Harry then and realized he was indeed wearing a purple plaid over a red and black print. "Why are you wearing two button ups?"

Harry rolled his eyes and Ethan burst out laughing. "You'll love this infallible reasoning mum!"

Harry huffed in annoyance. "Listen! I need to do laundry and I left my good coat at the dorms. It's chilly, I needed warm layers, and I wasn't sure which one to wear. Wore em both, didn't I, to ask this dipshit," he pointed at Ethan and then caught Zoe snuggled up and said, "sorry," in Zoe's direction until she grabbed his finger. "Which would be better for the party."

"I tried to tell him that no one cares, especially not Lucy, who he's been trying it on with since college." Ethan looked at Jo for her to co-sign, but instead she was just confused. Why wouldn't Lucy like Harry? Also, now she was worrying about the party. She'd gone to the pub for his 18th, why was this so worrisome? At least he'd be coming home to her. Unlike however he stumbled home when he was away. She could supervise him post consumption and see if he was still in the get as drunk as possible phase, or if he had moved on to a more moderate pattern.

Jo decided to fish a little while the boys were bantering,  Harry insisting he wasn't trying to look any way for Lucy and Ethan was currently asking him if he was gonna seal the deal.

"Where is the party?" She started, then backtracked. "Seal the deal? She's a woman not a contract, so help me Ethan, this isn't a contest!" Jo was more upset than she expected about this.

"Sorry, mum! It's just how guys talk!" Ethan gave her a patented forgive me/I'm cute grin.

Jo stopped herself from mentioning that Harry wasn't objectifying the girl at all. "Listen, talk to the lady if you like her, even just the look, but don't do it to best your friend. It's cruel. To him" She threw a thumb in Harry's directions, "But especially to her if she is just a pawn in game, right?"  She looked at both boys, though she was admonishing her own and they nodded, Harry with a concentrated brow. "Now, where's the party and are you coming back here after? Do you have your keys?" Ethan'd had to fish out her back up set, had woke her up when he arrived late after a shift first night. But, it had been lovely. She'd made him a plate and tea and he'd told her about his shift before they had turned in. Some one on one time with her eldest.

"Party is at Alissa's!" At this Harry raised his eyebrows at Ethan quickly. "And I think the plan is to come back here. My sister is in town as well, so my house is a little crowded."

"Sure your mum is loving it!" Jo said wistfully. An empty nest sounded like a dream and a tomb. When she wasn't sleeping for days on end, she wished for Zoe to grow up, but then she thought of Ethan and held her tighter, even at 3 am.

Harry smiled at Jo and she couldn't fathom Lucy's indifference. "What's your food situation?" She got up to the fridge. "I can put something quick on. Tacos?" She had the things for that. Ethan had been raving about some Mexican one day and she had been amazed by the simplicity. It was an easy go to when he was home.

Ethan's tummy growled and she did an internal cheer.

The boys were digging in 20 minutes later when Jo took Zoe upstairs to bathe and nurse her to sleep. She had dropped down to nursing only the once a day and had decided to relish it. She had only eked out six months of breastfeeding with Ethan, and had been thankful for every minute of it, but she was going to do her best to hold on to this precious time with Zoe. It was one of the few times that her little girl was still and Jo was just able to stare at her. Her little blue eyes were blinking more frequently and there were long pauses between dreamland and eye contact with her mum. Jo found herself singing 'I want to hold your hand' softly and looking at the tiny fingernails. Miracles abounded.

A soft knock at the door caused Jo to look up and Ethan padded in on his tippy toes. "Hey mum," he smiled down at Zoe, whose eyes seemed to have closed for good and caressed her cheek. "I missed a lot."

"You're supposed to. You are away." Jo nodded. She doubted he'd come up to watch his sister sleep or because he was feeling guilty.

"Harry and I are gonna go get a few pre drinks at the pub. Not sure when we will be back." He gave her a significant look. "Don't wait up."

Jo bit her lip and nodded.

"Mum," he whined just a little and it went against his next line. "I'm a grown man. I promise I can take care of myself."

Jo slipped to the edge of her chair and planted her feet softly on the carpet before shifting around Ethan and laying Zoe down softly in her bed. She knew that, but bigger babies, bigger worries. Jo turned around and led him out the nursery and down to the foot of the stairs where she hugged him. When she pulled back, she decided not to lecture him, though she wanted to mention more about women, or drugs, or not getting in cars. Instead, she said, "Have fun. See you in the morning." Harry was over Ethan's shoulder watching them with a gleam in his eyes. She hoped she hadn't given him too much reason to tease Ethan, but she couldn't imagine there was much fodder in her two sentences.

Jo walked to Harry and tipped up to him and hugged him too. "Take care of my boy," she said by his ear and felt rather than saw him nod. Harry held her fast and she had to pull away first.

"I'm gonna-" and she pointed to her studio. Ethan nodded and Harry's chin came up and his eyes gleamed. He looked ready to follow her in there rather than go with Ethan to a party. She smiled to herself. He must still be painting, Jo was curious to see how he'd improved. It had been amazing once he put brush to canvas.

She'd missed Thursdays a lot when she started at the university. Until she fell for Colin, then she just focused on him, and then the wedding and pregnancy. She wondered how her protege was progressing.

Jo smiled at him and shook her head. "Another time, we can paint?" She suggested and he nodded before grabbing Ethan about the shoulders.

Jo was thinking about sunlight and how much white it requires to get the rays just right. If the white was milky, had a translucence, it was more useful, but a thin milky white, hard to get. She found herself painting a shape that suggested a box. Within it a yellow resembling,  well, nearing her idea of morning light. The opening of the day, the opening of the world.

Jo was in her studio, with the door closed, a bottle of wine, the baby monitor, and her current painting playlist. She was wondering if there would be a revealer, her very own Pandora, introducing day to the world, or if the escape of the light was inevitable and didn't need a catalyst, when she picked up her bottle and brought it to her mouth and realized it was empty. Jo checked the clock then and looked at the monitor. Zoe only nursed at night anymore, but Jo was thinking she needed to google how long her milk would be alcoholic before tomorrow evening. She was surprised she had emptied the bottle herself. She must have been engrossed. It had been a while since she'd gotten carried away in her studio. Over a year, oh god, she realized it had been nearly 18 months. Sorry excuse for a painter she was.

She still wasn't happy with that sunrise. Rusty, she was.

It would have to keep for tonight. Jo needed to sleep. It seemed, as it approached 3 AM, she had waited up for the boys by accident. She was making deals with herself about how if she was ready for bed, had combed her hair out of the bun, was in her sleeping clothes, had washed up and done skin care, and brushed her teeth, she would get in bed. Jo scoffed at herself over her extra long routine. She rarely did more than strip down and pull her hair out. Though, as she approached her 40's and careened into the wall of that decade, she was better about her skin care and brushing her teeth. Flossing, which she was doing now, was honestly usually only done in the mornings or when a dentist appointment was looming.

She was done, there was nothing else to do. Jo had a moment where she considered making tea, again, but forced herself to pull down the bedding and fold herself in like cream into a mousse. She was warm and safe. Unlike her son, who wasn't in either of his beds. Jo liked it better when he was at school. That was a lie.

She was going to convince him to go to the new year's party that the whole family were invited to. Jo felt like a ninny, but really, her worry was heavy, an armoire pressed up against the door of her mind where sleep was trying to enter.

Jo picked up the book she'd been trying to read for ages. Two chapters later, she was starting to nod off when she heard their loud voices. Ethan fell through the door. Jo could tell from four things: the slip of the door on its hinges, the squishy thud of a body, Harry's explosive laugh-quickly muffled, and Ethan's groan.

She was up and out of bed before she could slow herself down. Didn't even pull on her robe. Jo was sure he was ok.  Course he was, he was just drunk.

When she came into the kitchen, to where they were coming in the back door, Harry was extending an arm to help Ethan up, though his other hand was still alternating between his mouth to stifle laughter and his stomach to hold it in. Ethan grabbed his other hand and pulled Harry down to the floor, half way on top of him.

They both raised startled faces when she said, "idiots!" Then they were both giggling and she was too. Jo walked into the kitchen and pulled her son up. Then she stepped up to Harry. She extended her hand and her laughter caught in her throat like a piece of jagged crisp when he didn't grab for it at first and she realized his eyes were crawling up her exposed thigh to her high cut cotton shorts. Jo could feel her nipples pebbling and though her mind told her to hunch and cover herself, her shoulders squared as his gaze skidded up and stopped at the midline of her chest. Jo's hand hung out between them. Harry sucked oxygen out of the air and her lungs and his stare levitated between them on her braless breasts.

Jo's chest was heaving and she had just realized that it was in rhythm with Harry's when the fridge slammed.

"Mum!" She shushed him reflexively.

"Zoe's asleep!"

"Sorry," now he was stage whispering and Jo pulled her feet from the cement they were in and left Harry to sort himself out. "Will you make me cheese toasties and tea, please?"

Ohhh the lip was out. She was going to say yes before he pulled out the big guns, but that sorted it.

Jo made her way to the box and fridge and grabbed the necessary articles, and got the kettle on. She was just about to tell Ethan to ask Harry if he was hungry when she noticed his head down and his eyes closed. She'd wake him when the tea was done, and go ask Harry herself.

Maybe she'd grab her robe while she waited for him to come out though. On her way, she heard a grown and muffled utterance that might be her name. How drunk was he? Ethan seemed worse, but maybe she'd misjudged. Jo knocked on the door to check and the poor latch opened it on a sight she'd never be able to unsee.

There was Harry. He'd shed one plaid and the other was unbuttoned all the way down. His eyes were closed and his lip was tucked into the white rows of his teeth. Her eyes plummeted down like scales with the weight of her curiosity. There was the large hand she had once shaped around a paint brush gripping a sizable cock head. His pants gaped around the split of his zipper and he extended away from the wiry hair there. His thumb skidded over the tip at the end of each stroke and and they moaned together at the end of the fourth cascade of his foreskin up over his glans to meet his caressing thumb. His eyes popped open then.

Instead of stopping, covering himself or apologizing, Harry preened under her observation, expanded even. His dick hardened, filling further in his hand, Jo saw it and gasped. She didn't hurry to excuse herself either but stayed to watch him stroke himself off.

Harry was emboldened by her gaze it seemed.  Almost like he'd been thinking about her anyways. Jo felt and saw his eyes stroll over the parts of her he had caught her off guard by staring at earlier. The fact that her toes curled under just from his gaze was shocking, and her skin rose up to meet the fire there in gooseflesh over her calf and lightly muscled thighs. She could almost feel it. Did when he got back to her nipples. Jo couldn't stop staring back at him and he grunted when he glanced his slit on that stroke.

Jo's eyes jerked up to his and it's then that he came. The feel of her eyes on his was the last bit of sensation needed.

It felt like when they were in the studio together and she helped him figure out what color to mix.

Jo stumbled away then. But not before she watched him paint his chest and firm belly with milky cream stripes. It's more than she had seen come out before, and some part of her wants to paint patterns into it, play there on his chest and make shapes of it. Or better yet, mix it into the yellow from earlier. It would make the exact right color for sunlight.

When Jo got to her bedroom and closed the door, she slipped her hand past the elastic waistband of her shorts and again got herself off to Harry, though a year or more separated the incidents. This time to the image burned onto the backs of her eyelids. When she felt the contractions and gush she brought her own taste to her mouth. She imagined their mingled flavor would taste of the dawn. If she lived on the sun.

[5hfanfiction]

Head Over Heals For You

Ch. 2

She’s been back in LA for a day and a half and she hasn’t stopped moving. Ever since she touched down in LAX she’s been ushered to interviews, writing music, and recording. So, she’s running off 3 hours of sleep right now and can’t wait for the big, comfy bed that awaits her at home. Lauren’s playing around with the music while she’s scrolling back and forth through Instagram and twitter. She comes across a post from a few hours ago that Dinah posted of her little sister. She plays the video smiling at how cute the girl and Dinah’s relationship is.

            She met Dinah’s youngest sister, by accident, last month, when she was in New York for SZA’s album release party. She made her way to the younger woman’s apartment horny and a little tipsy, at 12am, lookin’ for “her friend” and left confused when instead of being met with Dinah’s lips and body pushing her back against the door, the door swung open revealing a wide-eyed child.  

 ____________________

“Dinah! There’s a famous person at your door! I think she’s lost!” Normani has to cover her ears at the high-pitched yell. 

“Gina, what did I tell you about screaming, you little brat.” She hears a voice coming from down the hall. She’s still got her hands over her ears when the taller woman comes into view. 

“Mani? What’re you doing here?” She asks confused. Her eyes are slightly wide, matching the little girl. Normani looks back down at the little girl, who’s looking back up at her, wide eyed and mouth hung open like she’s just seen an angel or something. Her little hand is wrapped around the door handle, her opposite arm posted up against the wall. 

“Hi, I’m Regina Hansen. I’m your biggest fan.” Normani smiles at the younger version of Dinah but before she can say anything Dinah speaks.

“Gina, move out the way.” Dinah says pulling the small girl away from the entrance. Normani takes that as an invitation into the apartment, stepping in and off to the side. She subconsciously slips off her high heals, and leaves them by the door as she follows Dinah into the living room. 

“Did you show up at the wrong apartment?�� Do you need directions?” The little Dinah asks struggling to look at her due to being hurled over Dinah’s tall shoulder.  

“Gina, shut up. She’s here for me.” Dinah laughs throwing the girl roughly down on the couch.

“Ouch, I’m telling mom." 

They’ve known each other for about a year now and Dinah’s never mentioned anything about having a sister. Normani just assumed the Polynesian was an only child living out here in New York City, alone. 

"No, you’re not.” The little girl huffs and rolls her eyes. 

“There’s no way that she came to see a loser like you, Dinah Jane. I gotta tell Mila this. Dinah, lemme use your phone.” Dinah’s sister says, jumping on the older siblings back. 

“No, be good or I’m taking you back to the hotel and you can sleep in a bed with Sethy, Mila, Mom, and Dad.” Normani watches as Dinah pushes the little girl back onto the couch a small smile forming on her face at the cute scene. 

“You ‘kay, Manz?” She didn’t notice the younger woman come up to her, but her soft hand is stroking her arm gently and Normani can’t help but look down at the goosebumps forming on her skin.

She smiles up at Dinah nodding her head in confirmation of her emotions. 

“I just wanted to see you while I was here." 

Dinah raises an eyebrow and smirks at the shorter woman suggestively. Her hand slides down to Normani’s waist.

"Oh? Did you?” Normani rolls her eyes, pushing her hands away. 

“Stop, your sisters here.” She giggles.

“Yeah, Dinah. Stop, your sisters here."  A cute, taunting voice chimes in from the couch.

"Shut up, brat.” The little girl sticks her tongue out causing Dinah to assault her with violent tickles, sending Regina into a fit of giggles and squeals.

“We’re watching The Lion King if you wanna watch with us.” Dinah says as she gets up to turn off the lights. A square pillow flies across the room at the older girl bouncing off the back of her head. Normani can’t help but laugh at the look on Dinah’s face when she turns around to look at her guilty sister.

“Don’t encourage her.” Dinah points at her.

“What? She’s cute.” She throws her hands up in defense.

“No, I’m cute.” She growls pressing play on the TV. Normani’s caught by surprise when Dinah snuggles up next to her on the couch and pulls her onto her lap. It’s not their first time cuddling and normally Normani is not usually nervous about this kind of affection, but it’s their first time cuddling in front of people. And with Dinah’s little sister laying on the floor in front of them she can’t help but wonder what this means.

 _____________

“Who’s that?” She hears Lauren ask as the video of Regina talking about Dinah pushing her off the “really, big” bed replays. 

“Oh, it’s Dinah’s sister.” She replies switching her screen off and sliding her phone into her purse. 

“She’s cute.” Lauren shrugs before going back to what she was doing. 

“Sooo, when are you guys gonna become official?" 

"No, Lauren.” She replies groaning, not wanting to have this question right now, “I don’t know." 

"Well, sweetie. You’re either in love with her or getting the most bomb sex known to man.” Her best friend laughs making her roll her eyes.

“We are not talking about this." 

"But Mani, you haven’t had sex with anyone but Dinah, since you’ve met Dinah." 

"Not talking ‘bout this.” She laughs awkwardly checking the clock on the wall hanging over the door. It’s 1am and her 15-minute break is up. She takes a sip from her water bottle before making her way back into the booth to finish the rest of her song. 

“Alright, Mani after this last take we’re done for the night. I gotta get home to my baby."  They’ve already recorded two songs today, and she doesn’t have much of this one left, just the last verse. She hums in response to her producer, looks at Lauren nodding her head to signal that she’s ready and she begins singing. 

This thing we got is crazy

Only thing I know is you’re my baby

She opens her eyes and smirks at the line she just sang allowing herself to get into the music. Lauren’s looking at her through the glass separating them with a smug smile that Normani can’t help but want to beat off her face.

Forever down, I am your lady

Always for sure, never a maybe

And yeah, maybe Lauren is right. She hasn’t had sex with anyone other than Dinah, but that’s only because no one makes her feel the same high as Dinah makes her feel. Sex with Dinah puts her on cloud 9 and she doesn’t ever want to come down.

Never met someone who spoke my language

Never met a nigga done with playin’

You the type of nigga make me lane switch

Hand me the brush and say, "paint it”

She’s only ever been in one “real” relationship that -to be honest, it can’t even be considered “real”. But it was definitely her first heartbreak.

They met at a summer camp for music when she was 15. A 2-month long competition that ends with the winner getting a record deal. He was 16 and a singer, as well; the first boy that spoke to Normani in the whole camp. The first boy that’s ever called her beautiful. Any cute boy addressing a girl as “beautiful” would be flattering to any awkward, shy 15-year-old girl, right?

They started out as friends, him being the only competitor she would talk to during that summer. He would sweet talk her and she imagined that her warm, sepia skin would flush a deep red hue. That was if she could blush. But, she doesn’t.

She thought she was in love with him, well at least she did after he told her he was falling for her, so she gave him everything she had. And when the summer was over and she had won the final competition in both dance and singing, Arin was fuming with jealousy, calling her names that she never thought that he would call her. It wasn’t until he had the whole summer camp believing that she slept with the teachers to win and calling her a slut did she really break down, coming to the realization that love itself did not exist. It’s just a delusion created by desperate people, like her, to feel wanted. 

But Dinah makes her feel the way her momma has always told her she would feel, when she finds that special person. The way Normani was taught in the stories she used to tell her about meeting her dad, and the stories her grandma would tell her about being in love with her grandpa.

And no, she is not one to believe in fairy tales, but Dinah gives her those endless butterflies -that vision of a possible future. Like maybe she never truly knew what love is, and that, right now she’s falling from space at maximum velocity and nothing will catch her in time before she hits the ground hard. But she knows Dinah will be there to catch her. She knows, and she wants it more than anything. But she’s too scared to let it happen.

Give me your heart and I hold it

Show me your soul and I’ll mould it

Baby girl, you gotta be the dopest

Gotta be to fuck with the coldest

“Normani! Fuck, that was hot!” Lauren yells through the mic when she finishes the verse. She laughs at her friend, “yo that’s gonna be dope as fuck! But, I think it needs a feature.” She nods smiling and listening to Lauren’s reaction. 

“And I’m thinkin’ Chance the Rapper…”

“You think so?” She questions softly into the microphone. 

“Oh Hun, don’t question me. I know what I’m doin." 

"Oh, and babe?” Lauren continues.

“Yes, Lo?" 

"You’re in love.” Lauren lets out an obnoxiously loud cackle into the microphone. Normani doesn’t even have the energy to argue with her producer right now. She is not in love with Dinah, she’s just giving her the most bomb sex. But it’s late and she just wants to go home and sleep, so she keeps her mouth shut. 

They’re packing their things up for the night, at two in the morning. Lauren’s all life and smiles probably due to the 2 espresso shots and the Trenta French vanilla Frappuccino she had from Starbucks, while Normani is half asleep. 

“I’m taking you home. You’re not driving tired.” Normani smiles a smile of relief and thanks to her friend. She’s thankful that her house isn’t too far from the studio, so she doesn’t fall asleep in Lauren’s car on the ride there. 

“Night, babe!” Lauren yells out the car window as Normani unlocks her door. 

She manages to throw up two fingers at the woman before she drives off. She steps inside her house. Habitually slipping off her shoes and her pants before laying her ass right on the couch in her front room, and throwing the fluffy, gray throw blanket over her body for cover. 

-

It’s Saturday afternoon, when she gets random call from Dinah. They haven’t spoken in the last two weeks; their only actual contact being through Instagram in which Dinah DM’s her hilariously dumb videos and she responds by liking them, or doing the same. 

She puts her pencil down on top of the notepad that she writes song notes into and picks the phone up in her hand, letting it ring for a little while longer before she answers with a smile and a cheerful hello.

“Hey, beautiful.” The soft, sultry voice sends nerve impulses down her spine in a tingling sensation.

“You make me feel beautiful.” She leans back in her chair and puts her feet up on her desk.

“That’s because you are the most beautiful woman in the world.” Dinah chuckles. Normani rolls her eyes trying to force herself to ignore the pounding that she feels in her chest.

“Soo, what’s up?” She says, awkwardly changing the subject.

“Oh, nothing.” Dinah responds casually, “Just, ya know, casually driving around L.A.”

“Wait, what?” She says sitting back up, “Why?”

“Came to visit the fam.” Normani nods her head. She tugs her bottom lip between her teeth as she gets an idea.

“How long are you here?”

“Umm, a week and a half.” It sounds like her mouth is full of food and Normani feels her stomach grumble. She hasn’t eaten all day.

“Are you eating?” She questions, receiving a low hum in response.

“What are you doing?” She looks down at the scribbled words and lousy drawn stick figures in her notebook.

“Nothing.”

“Oh, cool. Can you open your front door for a second?”

“What, why?” She stands up and slides the sweats she took off an hour ago over her hips.

“Damn, you ask too many question. Just do it.” Dinah laughs and Normani makes her way to her front door.

“Okay, Jesus.” She laughs loudly. She opens the door to Dinah standing in her driveway, perched up on what Normani assumes to be her rental, with a giant bag of WingStop held up to cover her face.

“Will you, Queen Normani Kordei Hamilton, allow me the honor to eat chicken wings with you?”

“Come here, fool.” Dinah jumps off the car and runs to the entrance of Normani’s big house. She goes to step in but Normani steps in her way, blocking her from entering.

“What?” Dinah pouts. Normani reaches up on her toes and kisses Dinah’s lips.

“Now you can come in.” She turns around walking off towards the kitchen, swaying her hips a little more than usual.

“Stop staring at my ass.”

“I can’t help it, it’s there.” Dinah grins, “and it looks hot in my sweatpants.” She states referring to the baggy sweats Normani was wearing with her last name running down the pant leg. Seeing Normani wear her last name has got to be the most attractive thing to her, ever.

“How’d you even know where I live?” She goes straight to the bag of food Dinah set on the counter and takes out a box with the letter “N” on it, handing the “D” to Dinah who just puts her box back in the bag.

“I ate earlier, and I was munching on fries in the car.” She says, as if she were answering Normani’s unasked question.

“I asked Lauren, then she told me to bring you food because you probably haven’t eaten yet.”

“Of course.” Normani laughs, because leave it to Lauren to meddle in her life. She’ll have to thank her later, if it wasn’t for her she would’ve been starving.

“So, I can’t really stay long.” Dinah says as Normani’s got her mouth full of a hot wing,

“But, why?” She manages to say around her chicken.

“It’s a long drive to Santa Ana and it’s Seth’s 4th birthday tomorrow. And we’re having a party…”

She drags on like she has something else to say so Normani doesn’t respond. Instead, she patiently waits for the girl to continue while simultaneously munching on a fry.

“Would you like to come with me?” Her mind flashes dirty for a moment, because boy would she love to come with Dinah. But then she realizes that she was asking her to go to Santa Ana with her, to meet her family. The chicken she was gripping slips from her fingers.

“You serious?” She says looking for any trace of joking on Dinah’s features. Instead, she sees a flash of insecurity and as quickly as she saw it, it disappears.

“I mean, we’re friends, right?” Dinah uncharacteristically fidgets with her fingers slightly on top of the table. Normani’s eyeing her cautiously. Dinah hasn’t called them friends in a few months, usually just calling Normani, ‘hers’ or ‘her woman’. Even though she knows Dinah said that out of insecurity, it kind of hurts to hear her refer to them as friends.

 “I mean if you’re busy it’s cool. I can just come see you before I leave.”

“Your family’s okay with this?” Dinah’s eyes meet hers, a look of hope in them.

“Yeah, my mom knows everything…” the look in Dinah’s eyes lets Normani know that her mom knows “everything, everything”. “And I’m sure my dad and my siblings will love you. You’ve already won over Gina.”

“Wait, your mom knows everything?” Dinah nods her head slowly, looking slightly guilty. “as in us everything?” Dinah nods slowly again. She doesn’t even know what “they” are, and she’s slightly intrigued at the thought of what Dinah could’ve possibly addressed them as to her mother.

“You told your mom we’re fucking?” She laughs.

“No, well I mean obviously she knows that.” Dinah say before looking seriously into Normani’s eyes. “I told my mom that I’m going to make you mine one day.” Normani’s breath hitches in her throat. Dinah has always been clear about her feelings for her, Normani knows that Dinah’s intentionally been saying things to make her feel some type of way and doing certain things during bed to make her head explode.

“Di- “she tries to breathe out.

“Look, you don’t have to say anything, but, I need you to know you are my woman, Mani.” Dinah leans over the table and cups her cheek with a soft hand, “that I want there to be an us. Not just sex.” She presses a quick kiss to her cheek and leans back in her seat.

“Okay.” She breathes out.  

“Okay?” Dinah drags out.

“I have to be back in the studio Tuesday night.” A wide grin flows over Dinah’s face.

“I’ll have you back Tuesday afternoon.”

________________________

Wattpad: kosax12

[agemintherough]

New Chapter Preview

@secondaryshade asked for an update...how about a preview? I will admit that my new job is taking a bit of time away from writing, but it's getting there! *GWMAPT* "...and that's how we got here!" Petrea finished explaining their journey to Steven as quickly as possible. The boy, still bound and unable to do anything about it, sat there flabbergasted. Of all the ways for this day to go, this was the absolute last direction he could have predicted. In the span of twenty-four hours, she practically everything had been turned on its head. His crew was divided, the ship was unrepairable, he quit the Crystal Gems, his date with Connie was tarnished, he was captured by government assassin, and was now in the presence of the LAST people he could have pictured seeing. Finally, something GOOD was happening to him. "I can't even...you...I mean...YOU ATE A DEVIL FRUIT?!" Steven gasped upward, whispering as loud as he could. "For the fifth time, yes!" the muffled voice of Genevieve called to him from her hiding spot. "I know it's a lot to take in, but we kind of are in the dark here..." "Literally in her case," Damian interjected. There was silence for a moment while Genevieve clearly muttered something that Steven couldn't make out before she spoke up once more. "...I hate you. Regardless, we are kind of lost as to why you are here and what we have walked into. Care to fill in some of the gaps for us?" "How do I put this delicately?" Steven began, not knowing how much time he had before his captors returned. "Um...so the Going Merry can't be fixed no matter what we do..." "What," the trio responded in unison. "...Usopp quit the crew..." "What?" "...he fought Luffy in a duel and lost..." "What?!" "...and I quit the Crystal Gems and ran away before all of, well, this." "What?!" "Back the hell up!" Damian practically fell on his face in utter shock and horror. "You're telling me that ALL of this happened in a DAY?! What the ever-loving hell?!" "The Merry can't be fixed?" Petrea's eyes widened. "You QUIT the Gems?! I just...why?!" "I just got so mad at Garnet and Pearl," Steven sullenly replied, tears forming in his eyes. "Garnet saw that the fight would happen and Pearl...Pearl just isn't happy no matter what I do to help! I couldn't stand it anymore...but now I feel so terrible about it!" "Aw, kid..." Damian awkwardly patted Steven's back to try to comfort him. "I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this crap. It sounds like you've had a day from hell..." The youth sniffled a bit, unable to really wipe away his tears since he was bound. "I mean...it wasn't all bad...I took Connie on a date...and I kissed her." A high pitched squeal came from the luggage compartment as Genevieve pushed the door open enough to look directly at Steven. The half-Gem noticed immediately that her rosy cheeks had almost doubled in size somehow. "You kissed Connie! Ahhhhh!" "I thought that we were trying to be stealthy here!" Damian hissed at her. "Get back in there!" "But...but...this is important!" Genevieve whined as she shut the door again. "If we get our asses caught right now, then it won't matter what he did! We need to be smart about this!" Damian snapped at her. "I know we've been out of the game for a bit, but we need to think! We are on a train surrounded by government agents and assassins! There are only four of us and these Marines that are still under the delusion that we are friends right now! How the hell do we get out of this before they stop chewing each other out?" "If I may interrupt, my friends?" Captain T-Bone suddenly spoke up, causing everyone to jump. "If you are going to attempt anything, you should do so now. You are about to lose the element of surprise and once this train leaves, it will be impossible for you to make it out of here alive unless you are willing to see the train all the way to Enies Lobby." The two visible former Baroque Works Agents stared at the Marine captain in blank surprise. It was becoming more and more apparent that they were clearly not ready for a rescue of this magnitude in this amount of time. Steven, whose hope of escaping had somewhat diminished, just gave his friends a meaningful smile. "It's okay, guys. If I have to do this, at least I know you guys are here to have my back. Maybe we can be there for Robin too." "Aw crap, I forgot about her...how the hell are we going to pull this off?!" Damian grabbed his head in frustration and stood up, walking to the door separating the train cars. "After all we went through to get here, we are going to end up watching as our friends end up being sent to Impel Down or wherever the hell they are going to take you both!" "Keep it together, Damian!" Petrea told him bluntly. "We are not giving up!" "Damn straight, we aren't! I just don't know...aw shit! They are coming back!" the bomb-man stopped as he listened in. "Steven, listen to me: you CAN'T make it seem like you know we are here! Don't play act or anything like that. Pretend like you don't know that we are here or that our near-dead ace in the hole is hypnotized to be our friend! These guys can pick up on that kind of stuff easily!" Steven nodded profusely, his eyes darting from them to the door. "Got it! What are you going to to? Get out of here and get help?" "We might not have a plan, but we sure as shit are not about to let you do this alone. Let us figure out how we are going to rescue you, kid. Until then, just remember that it's gonna be okay," Damian adjusted his uniform and lowered his sunglasses, giving him a wink. "Besides, do you honestly think the others aren't planning on storming this train and saving you as we speak?" Petrea reassured him, also preparing her disguise. "They toppled a criminal empire to save a country. These guys don't stand a chance if they took one of their own. Between us and them, we'll be back to the Merr...um...back together in no time!" The chocolatier hastily coughed, trying to hide the fact that she brought up the dying ship. Before Steven could get another word in, Apollo and Nero returned to the car. They were silent and sullen, clearly the result of the conversation they shared with Lucci and the other members of CP9. Nodding to Captain T-Bone, they helped Steven to his feet and led him back to their own car. The half-Gem looked back once to see his friends off before he was once again confined to captivity, but they did not dare to return it. The second the three of them left, Damian and Petrea began to sweat. "Just to be clear, we have no idea how we are going to pull this off, right?" Damian asked his former partner. "None whatsoever," Petrea replied, fear oozing in her voice. "I'm utterly petrified. I have faith that Robin can handle getting out of here herself, but Steven? He's not ready for something like this! They'll kill him first! What the hell are we going to do?!" It was then that the sea train began to jump to life. Looking out of the window, they watched as the train departed from the Water Seven station towards Enies Lobby. Any chance of them getting off of the train was now seemingly thrown out of the window. In its place was the fear and dread of fighting off the might of the World Government itself. "We pray for a miracle," Genevieve told them from her hiding spot, her voice unsteady and fearful. *GWMAPT* "Shitty rain and waves! It'd be a miracle if I could get this damn cigarette to light!" Sanji grunted from the outside of the moving sea train as water splashed his face. "How the hell am I going to sneak around and save everybody if I can't even get a light?!"