#idk just seems like the right thing to do ig?
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im so // lucky // my life was such a mess that i confused confort with falling in love
#biggest blessing was realizing i didnt actually liked L.#and dont get me wrong i was starting to fall for him#its just that july was so fucking confusing and exausting and filled with uncertainty#and he was one of the ONLY things that were good in my life#that i mistook it for falling in love#im still pissed that he broke up with me in the way that he did. it was not very adult and it just seem like there was more that he was#not telling me. which made me angry.#and i found out that he had said before to another friend of mine that he wasnt going to date any more white girls and that kinda#idk#it just stinks a bit#cuz why should that matter anyways.#but yeah.#glad it wasnt love fr.#and im doing very fine indeed lol#i am however going to maybe just continue to do what i said i was gonna do after the heartbreak i had#which was if someone shows interest in hooking up thats fine but protect your heart#and i dont mean i wont open myself to love (i actually wanted to give it a chance with him but lol it didnt work ig)#but like. not gonna jump into any love bombing and delusions.#idk just seems like the right thing to do ig?#also i just have a shiton of stuff to work thru and figure it out about myself#maybe thats the best thing to do rn?
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~ 𝚃𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚕 𝚘𝚛 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚕 ~
·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙸𝙼 𝚂𝙾𝙱𝙱��𝙽𝙽𝙶𝙶𝙶𝙶. 𝙸’𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙿𝙱&𝙹 𝚍𝚞𝚘 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚃𝙾 𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚃𝙼𝙽𝚃 𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚖 𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝. 𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚜𝚖 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚞𝚢𝚜 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚍𝚠— 𝙸’𝚖 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚍𝚞𝚘’𝚜 𝚘𝚏𝚌 𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚟𝚋𝚏𝚋𝚏𝚑𝚍𝚓𝚓 𝙸 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴 𝙿𝙱&𝙹 ✊🏾🥲…𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢’𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚍𝚞𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚙…˚*• ̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*＊·̩̩̥͙
𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏
𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜: 𝟸,𝟻𝟷𝟸
𝙻𝚎𝚎: 𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚢 🐢🧡
𝙻𝚎𝚛: 𝙳𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎 🐢💜
𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚝𝚘𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚝 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚎𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚠 𝚞𝚙 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛. (𝙶𝚎𝚝 𝚒𝚝? 𝙱𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚝 = 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚎 = 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜/𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚞𝚙? 𝚈𝚎𝚊𝚑 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚒𝚝, 𝚑𝚎’𝚜 𝚊 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝).
(𝙰/𝙽: 𝙳𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚞𝚢! 𝚃*𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚔/𝙽𝚂𝙵𝚆 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚜 𝙳𝙽𝙸!!!)
𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚜: @shut-up-jo @someone1348 @itzsana-kiddingmenow
@saturnzskyzz @giggly-cloud @savemeafruitjuice
@rice-cake-teen10 @titters-and-tingles @tmntalways @my-l0v3r-v3rse
𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝟷𝟶𝟷% 𝚊 𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚘 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝙸 𝚜𝚞𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚕𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 <𝟹
𝚃𝚆: 𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎’𝚜 𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚑𝚑𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝’𝚜 𝚒𝚝!!!
̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙻𝚎𝚝’𝚜 𝚍𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜…𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 /𝚛𝚎𝚏˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙
Alright. Hear Mikey out on this one, okay? Because in all honesty, this was originally a fire plan. A lit plan. Some might say that the fire from the plan was sooooo hot it was practically blazing due to the fact of how awesome it was.
…okay. Well perhaps maybe people don’t say that exact term but they definitely should!
Anyways, it started off as a pretty chill day for the orange banded teen. I mean, it was Summer for crying out loud! These next few months were supposed to be absolutely nothing but pure chillness.
If your Summer isn’t even a bit chill in the slightest, then you’re doing something totally wrong.
Daylight savings was over, school was over and most importantly…homework was over! (Besides the fact that Mikey and his brother’s are forced to do dumb reading reports over the break because the school system dumb)…But other than that, Michelangelo was basically free! Free as a bird.
And so, like any sane studious kid that has been in High school for about a year…Mikey has been doing something he hasn’t done in a while since school started…
…Absolutely nothing.
He’s been spending the past week or two playing Roblox on his IPad while eating Doritos mixed with Skittles.
Look, don’t even judge until you try, it’s actually pretty good!
But anyways, as Mikey was playing Flee the Facility, he randomly came to terms with the fact that he needed to steal some of his brother’s clothes for today…
Random thought, I know.
The youngest has (and always will) politely take his brother’s clothes during the Summer— preferably hoodies and/or shirts. It’s basically a forced hand-me-down/Yard sale the youngest turtle always looks forward to. And today marked the 29th of June— 8 days from June 22nd.
And if you’re unfamiliar, the 22nd of June marked the official end of Spring and official start of Summer! So the smallest turtle’s annual raid of his elder brother’s clothes was loooooong overdue.
Last Summer, Mikey took Raph’s Detroit Become Human t-shirt, his WWE shirt, one of his polos and one of his The Walking Dead t-shirts (Raph had a TON).
And the Summer before that, Mikey took Leo’s Squidward hoodie. And…yeah. That was basically it— the eldest was a pretty bland guy and there was really nothing worth taking from his wardrobe.
So if you did your Math correctly, you would realize that this year it was Donnie’s turn. And so that’s what the youngest of the turtle teens was planning…
How the absolute hell could he take some of his immediate older brother’s clothes without taking ALL of them?
Because believe it or not, the nerdy turtle of the group had a pretty good fashion taste and sense. His style was simple but not too bland or standout-ish. Donnie’s style was just a simple array of sweatshirts— a piece of clothing the smallest turtle could never EVER have too much of.
But the tech-y turtle of the family definitely did. Just looking at his side of the shared bedroom, you could see sweatshirts and hoodies galore just scattered everywhere.
The orange banded mutant looked through the sweatshirts and hoodies, trying to figure out which one he should now claim as his own.
A Sailor Moon hoodie? Too bright.
An MHA sweatshirt? Too basic.
An Attack on Titan hoodie? Too edgy.
The youngest sighed in frustration, digging through his brother’s mountain of clothes before settling on a nice black hoodie with Gojo Satoru on it.
…what? Gojo Satoru was cool! Even though the orange banded turtle had only seen him in TikTok edits…those edit’s were pretty fire.
Just like his plan of taking his brother’s anime merch because he simply just could.
The orange banded teen looked at himself in the mirror right next to Donnie’s tent, humming the popular yet overused tune that Gojo is associated with to himself, trying (and failing) to do the popular dance.
“Ugh…how did Donnie do it again…?” The chocolate eyed teen inquired, attempting to do the dance one last time before lightly falling on his shell; the other sweatshirts and hoodies breaking his fall.
“Dude…” A voice giggled behind him.
Mikey’s eyes widened at the sudden but familiar voice, glancing upwards to lock eyes with the one and only Donatello, peering down at him and smirking.
“DONNIE!” Mikey shouted in surprise, getting up and whirling around so that he faced his immediate older brother as he tried to look as casual as possible, “Donatello! Dee! Don-bon…what’s…up…?” The youngest grimaced, sending awkward finger-guns as the hood to the hoodie fell down, completely covering his eyes due to how big it was on him.
The elder snickered, putting a hand over his mouth as he tried to stifle them a little. “Oh shut up…” Mikey huffed, taking the hood off as the other turtle chuckled in amusement again, going to his younger brother and standing right next to him.
“My sweatshirt literally engulfs you.” The turtle that wielded glasses chuckled soflty which only caused the youngest to roll his eyes annoyed at the entire situation. “Shut. Up.” He pouted, crossing his arms as he glared at his older brother, “It looks good on me!”
“It swallows you…” The other said back.
“I’LL SWALLOW YOU!” Mikey retorted, turning away from his brother angrily.
The purple loving teen sighed fondly and laughed slightly at the automatic retort, raising a teasing brow at his younger brother, “Are you attempting at trying to look like me~?”
The orange banded turtle blushed profusely, glaring at the other turtle’s question, “HELL NO.”
“Thehen why do you hahave the hoodie I wear literally everywhere? You know damn well Gojo is my go-to anime character of all time.”
Michelangelo grumbled, looking to the side of him as he swayed his arms at his sides. Okay…well, perhaps out of context it did seem like he was trying to look like Donnie. But he wasn’t. He wasn’t.
The only reason why the youngest “steals” clothes from his brother’s is because…well, he can and it’s easy. And it’s just…sorta comforting in a way. Not the stealing part…but…
Look— it’s dumb and confusing don’t think about it too much.
The elder teen huffed out a small laugh, “Why did you choose my Gojo Satoru hoodie of all things, though?”
“��I keep seeing him on TikTok and he’s the only anime character that hasn’t made me cry out of cringe in a way...”
“Ooookay. Good for you, bud.” Donnie nodded, putting his hand out “Now give it here. Me and the TMLBANOT21stC are meeting later today to have a JJK meeting.”
The chocolate eyed turtle blinked, “Your going to…what…?”
“My club stands for The Most Logical, Big-minded, Anime Nerds of the 21st century. Duh.” The honey brown eyed mutant said sassily, “Now give me back my hoodie or I’ll be late!”
Mikey blinked once more, a small cheeky smile plastering on his face, “And what if I don’t want to?”
“Michaelangelo—“
And with that, the smallest turtle ran out of the shared room, moving his legs as fast as he could that the other in the room just saw an orange and green blur sprint past him.
“MIKEY!!!” Donnie howled angrily, running out of the room to catch up with him. The second youngest bumped in between the two eldest turtles, quickly apologizing to them as he ran after the youngest.
The leader in blue scratched his head confused, “Should we…?”
“Nah.” Raph commented.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Donnie was internally groaning. If he couldn’t get his hoodie back from his brother in the next 10 minutes he would be late to his own club.
Imagine that.
…Exactly! You can’t.
The second youngest looked around the living room, trying to figure out just where his little brother was. In the last couple of years, the honey brown teen didn’t really mind the youngest taking some of his clothes (even if Donnie would’ve preferred him just normally asking).
But Donnie needed this hoodie. More than anything and one way or another he would get it.
Suddenly…an idea popped into the geniuses brain, smirking widely as he leaned on the wall. He closed the door without stepping outside of the kitchen, still in the room to make it seem like he left. The youngest peeked from behind the couch, him and his brother making immediate eye contact.
Ha. Got em.
The anime loving turtle basically lunged at the smaller turtle, sitting on top of him as the other tried to squirm away. “I GOT YOU, YOU LITTLE TURD!” The purple cladded teen smirked triumphantly, crossing his arms and watching amusedly as his little brother tried to escape.
“Just give me back my hoodie, man. You’re making it seem like I’m asking you for your liver.”
“YOU DID ONCE!!!”
“That was for a Bio experiment.” The elder corrected almost immediately, “But that’s not the point just— UGH! Give me my dang hoodie!!!”
“NO!!!”
The purple banded turtle glared, uncrossing his arms as he wiggled his fingers in the air, “Wanna do this the hard way? Because we can do the hard way, little brother…”
The brown eyed mutant paled, shaking his head back and forth at the question. Well…this didn’t go exactly as planned.
Donnie just scoffed, his hands immediately going for the other’s underarms but Mikey put his arms down, sputtery giggles escaping his mouth as he did so. “P-Plehease! Deehee!”
“Don’t 'plehease Deehee' me! Give back me back my JJK hoodie!”
“BuHUT—“
The elder turtle lost his patience, effortlessly raising the other’s arms as he scribbled his free hand’s fingers all over his underarms. The smallest turtle squawked, falling into loud giggles. He kicked his legs underneath his older brother, “DOHOHON— NOHO!”
“Someone is sensitive here!” Donnie mused.
“STAHAP— I AHAM NAHAT!!”
“You’re not? Not what~? Ticklish~?” The anime loving turtle asked, his smiled widening as he saw how flustered his baby brother was getting. “STAHA— STAHA-! DEEHEE!” Mikey shrieked, “NOHO TEEHEEASING!”
The glasses wielding teen gasped dramatically, “No teasing? You take my hoodie and now you’re telling me what to do?”
“NONONONO WAH— *squeal* WAHAHAIT!!!”
The tech whiz wasted no time prodding his thumbs on the youngest hips. The brown eyed teen squealed loudly, hugging his middles and just not even trying to stop Donnie’s hands at this point.
The last time he attempted to, his immediate older brother spent the next half an hour scribbling the orange banded teen’s palms…
That was hell in itself and Mikey was not trying to relive that again if he could help it.
“Awe…does this tiiiickle? Is this tickling you~? Maybe that’s cuz you’re reeeaally ticklish here…”
“IHI— *squeal* QUIHIHIET!” Michelangelo demanded loudly.
Donnie smiled at the weak retort, kneading the other’s hips harder, “What happened to all that smugness, hm? Where’d it all go, little guy~? Do I have you in a giggly puddle because your tickle tickle ticklish and I’m tickle tickle tickling you~?”
“STAHAHAP *squeal* SAHAHAYING *squeal* THAHAT, AHAHASHOLE!!!”
“Stop saying what~? Tickle? Ticklish—?”
The orange banded teen squealed loudly once more, accidentally cutting his brother off with his teasing. The glasses wielding teen couldn’t help but laugh softly at it, “Awe…look at my baby brother…” Donnie cooed.
“NAHAHAHA!” The youngest threw his head back in loud laughter as Donnie now tickled the sides of his shell. Mikey arched his back, trying to buck his older brother off of him but Donnie held on easily, continuing to tickle him.
“PLEHEASE! PLEHEHEASE!!!”
“'Plehease'? Please what~?”
“JUHUST *squeal* NAHAT *hic* THE SHEHELL!” Mikey despretley cried, turning to his side as other small hiccups followed as the end of the hoodie went up a bit, revealing some of his plastron.
The honey brown eyed turtle giggled at the perfectly played out action, “Oh…would you look at that~!” He mused, “Last chance to give me back my hoodie, bro.”
The smaller turtle’s eyes widened in realization, looking up at his brother from the corner of his eye, “Yohou *hic* wohohoudn’t…!”
“Oho wouldn’t I~?” Donnie grinned, gently holding Mikey’s waist and blowing multiple upon multiple raspberries on his stomach whilst scribbling his nails on his sides. “DAHAH— *squeal* DAHANNIE!” Mikey cried.
“Jeez…your mega ticklish here, huh?”
“SHUHUT— GEHET— PLEHEHEASE!!!” The brown eyed teen rambled through his laughs, shaking his head.
“Why— would— I???” The tech whiz mocked playfully, now blowing raspberries on his little brother’s neck and scribbling his fingers all over his stomach. “NAHAHAT THEHERE!! BROHOHO COHOME OHAHAN!!” The youngest squealed and squeaked.
Donatello smirked, ceasing his 100% justified attack for a second, “You saying 'nahahat thehere' is genuinely so funny, Mikes. Like, I was going to tickle you here regardless but, hey! Thanks for confirming how badly it tickles for you.”
He resumed his tickling onslaught on his younger brother, the younger brother in question basically falling limp due to how hard he was laughing. The only body parts that were really fighting for his life right now were his legs, that still did not cease desperately kicking the floor.
The purple banded turtle now started lightly giving ticklish nibbles on his younger brother’s neck as his light scribbles on the smaller turtle’s sides became quick and fast squeezes. “Om nom nom! Hm…you taste like…giggles! And ticklishness~! My favorite food combo!” The elder teased.
“DEEHEE DEEHEEHEE?! WHAT DOHOES THAHAT EHEHEVEN MEEHEEAN?!?!” Mikey cried desperately, his voice sounding like a tea kettle brewing because of how squeaky and high pitched it was.
“Awe…you haven’t used that nickname for me in ages~! It must tickle that bad, huh?” The glasses wielding turtle cooed.
“IHI *hic* CAHAN’T!”
“You can’t~? Can’t what~?”
“IHIT— *hic* NAHAHAH!” Mikey silently wheezed, throwing his head back as he shut his eyes tight. “Is someone giving me the silent treatment?” Donnie snickered, “Pfft— get it? Cuz you’re laughing silently~? Eh? Eh?”
Okay, even if Mikey was the comedian of the family, he would’ve admitted that was a pretty solid joke if he wasn’t getting slaughtered right now. “FIHINE FIHINE *hic* HAHAVE *hic* IHIHIT BAHACK!!! TAHAKE IHIHIT!! PLEHEASE *hic* JUHUST STAHAHAP *squeal* I’M GOHONNA *squeal* DIHIHIE!!!”
“That would be kiiiiiiiinda funny making your grave honestly.” The tech loving teen smugly said, “Michelangelo Hamato. Reason of death? Being too freaking ticklish.”
“DEEHEEHEE!!!” The youngest cried. Donnie stopped, getting up and laying next to his brother, wrapping him in a side hug which the smaller turtle immediately melted to. “May I plehease hahave my hoodie back?”
“Ihi juhust sahaid yehehehes!” The orange banded teen groaned, literally throwing the hoodie at his immediate older brother. The anime loving teen smiled, putting on the hoodie as he grinned in triumph. “For real real. I feel like new...” He said to himself proudly.
And if the youngest knew his brother (which he did), that was probably a quote that that Gojo fellow has said.
“Oh! And by the way, little bro. My club doesn’t have a meet up today. It’s tomorrow.” Donnie snickered, walking away and leaving Mikey left in complete and utter awe.
That freaking asshole.
Okay, well now Mikey’s definitely taking that MHA hoodie next year.
·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙵𝙸𝙽˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙
(𝙿.𝚂.: 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐!!!)
#Lee!Mikey#Ler!Donnie#Mutant Mayhem tickle#Mutant Mayhem tickle ficlet#Kinda sorta maaaaybe projected unto Mikey here 🫥…just a TAD#When I was little I would steal my older siblings stuff— not bc like— I liked STEALING it (not tryna play into the stereotypes yo 🤧🙂↔️😓)#But bc it was THERE’S if that makes sense#I wasn’t jealous of it OR them#But just knowing that it was my sibling’s stuff was just…comforting in a way ig???#Also the palm tickle thing is inspired by someone…#COUGH COUGH YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE ��👍🏾#I’m sorry if it seems as if this fic is choppy or rushed—#I just realized I’ve had this as a WIP since MARCH#So uhm uh yeahhh#Mutant Mayhem tickle fic#Mutant Mayhem tickle fanfiction#Also with the Gojo stuff I have NOT watched JJK yet 🤧😭#So the quote might jot be right I just looked it up ncbhdndmssk#Also I just created Don’s club name just cuz 🕺🏾#He seems like he would be a club head idk#He seems like club material 😌✨💕#Love them— the sillies 🥹☺️#NO MORE PB&J DUO FOR A WHILE THO OMLLLL#I’ve been doing them non-stop its INSANE#I did give Leo and Raph some cameo tho 😭😭😭…so there’s that mcbhhdjksks#I am starting to get better at writing ficlet’s tho :3#EEEEE#💜🧡#And lastly you canNOT BLAME ME FOR THE SPIDEY REFRENCE 🕷️🕸️#ITS ICONIC
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just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.
no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this
#which is imo how a fandom space should be#i'm old fashioned and it breaks the fandom etiquette rules i stand by#i ship and stuff and absolutely NO cc needs to be subjected to that please and thank you even if it's a non-ship post#not saying hermits and others cant hang out and interact if they wish hell no but like....#if you as any person with a following willingly go into a fandom space you have to expect to see some things you find weird#doesn't even necessarily mean ship just stuff the cc finds weird :v idk im not phrasing this right but like#the rule with shipping around any sort of media has been to keep it away and not show the creators anything !!! and thats fallen out#of practice the past few years with ppl getting more and more comfortable demanding boundaries and personal info from creators#which isn't right imo bc its like you're trying to see how much you can get away with. u want a guide on how to interact and social skills#which is... huh??? just be polite and keep anything weird away from them like what we were doing#some folks nowadays need “permission” to ship stuff even from SHOWS and shit with no real people and its like wow... huh....#u need it to be canon?? u need everything told to u by the show?? wheres the imagination. the spirit.#the making of everything so far removed from what it once was#like that guy that played nick from heartstopper that had to be outed to play a gay guy. like#idk im so sick of the boundary fandom ppl in mcyt 'what if they saw and made it uncomfortable!! im going to show them!!!!'#you are making them MUCH more uncomfortable than i am by GOING INTO THEIR FACE AND DEMANDING THEY LOOK AT IT!!#AND DEMANDING BOUNDARIES N SHIT... CRAZY.... idk the hermits especially its weird to me bc clearly they understand fandom etiquette#and the dynamic im talking about. most of them understand that by going into fandom spaces they will see things they dont like#which is why a lot of them only like fanart and answer questions asked by fans. even on tumblr !!! where the weird ppl are!!!#they also all seem to understand they are playing characters (citing joel cleo and grian as examples) for their audiences#which is. smth the audience itself doesnt understand most of the time anymore. oh my god they all died in real life in hermitcraft season 8#idk hermitblr used to be a lot more okay with hermitshipping n then a bunch of ppl from other fandoms moved in and its all more negative#and makes me sad. idk...#i never meant for this blog to gain almost 500 followers i just wanted to make silly little ship posts and now im scared to#bc ive gotten hate and its.... bwugh.... tempted to remake blogs and make one thats very clearly just for me and a few weirdos#whatever i went off on a tangent in the tags as usual just pls dont show creators my posts even non-ship ones for this reason#jamies bad posts#talking in tags#serious posts#<- ig??? idk
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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The Me who bought tickets to see TMBG in february 2023 and the Me who's going to actually go to the show next month are two completely different people
#slash extremely negative#it's funny to actually live this whole sort of cliche of: the time between buying tickets and going to the show can be so absurdly long#with what was supposed to be my 1st 'real' concert no less#'i bought the tickets as a teenager but i'm going to see them in my 20s etc' and stuff like that#and then when it gets rescheduled too... well. a year and 9 months is in fact a pretty long time!!!#and i'm not even talking about rescheduling due to covid because god at least i didn't have to deal with that i guess#(it IS funny though that by the time the 30th anniversary of flood tour ends#flood will be 2 months away from turning 35. so yeah lmao a lot happened in the meantime huh)#anyways day two of going crazy going insane for no reason other than well i guess that's just my life now!!!!! 😃😃😃#me when i say i'll stop documenting my rapidly progressing mental breakdown online and then keep doing it anyway#but idk maybe this will heal me in some way. my only hope rn no joke#and my mom actually seemed to be unsure if i we should book the hotels and stuff because. ig i'm this obviously unwell even over the phone#but BY GOD this is the only thing i can really look forward to right now i really need this to survive#(trying to forget how i was doing in september of last year when they rescheduled the tour#and i couldn't even be sure if i'd ever get to see them in the end lollllll#and at the heights of my tmbg obsession this was my number 1 dream. i mean it still is)#also i think i'm finally entering my tmbg autumn era now with some more frequent listening after not doing so for a while#how could i let myself pretty much forget that i love tmbg??? and that their music is so good and makes me happy???#they're still my fav band of all time just like they were back then. THAT didn't change at least#it's just that now they share that spot with sparks also lol. can't choose between them and why should i anyway#what else. ig i just hope i get the energy to finally draw tomorrow at least#because if i don't turn the ideas i have into reality then they will never become real! and that would be so sad#so maybe this can be my main reason to continue for now. whatever#goosepost
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tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO
#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww 🥺 i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*'#sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be#and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like#idk man 😭!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!!#not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background#well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one#lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch#it's just that doing so makes me . crazy#my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me#i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental#like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit#but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig#it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not#but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself#then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER#idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah#for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel 😭 like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds#once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!'#& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW#like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED#art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person#literally. just be GOOD.#it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT#<- mfs when no basketball#mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!
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on one hand. it's deeply funny how whenever I'm in a new situation/I'm busy my bodies just like yeah we don't need food right it's fineee and then I barely eat because I forget to/don't feel like it. on the other hand I would really like to. yk. try more Japanese food while I'm here? like cmon man work with me here
#its like#im not not eating yk#ive been living off seven eleven sandwiches and onigiri#and a shit ton of drinks while I'm out#i think its a combo of like#a. me kinda shifting into the same mindset i get at cons where its just go go go make the most of it do everything you can eat and feel like#shit when you get home#b. food expensive. not that expensive but it feels like a cost yk#c. shit ton of unfamiliar food and again. dont want to waste money on something i wont like. my ass is bad with certain textures and tastes#i feel bad getting boring western food bc migjt as well try something new while im here right but also all the new stuff scares me#d. going anywhere that isnt a self serve conbini/fast food place is uh. terrifying? idk.how to do that#e. i just forget food is a thing i need#idk im bad with food in general#hashtag autism thingss#but i think theres just a lot of compounding factors that lead to more stress around this#(new country so new things so i dont know if ill like them but i need to try them while im here bc i migjt never get to again and then ill#regret it forever but idk how but i cant just keep going to the same two or three places but going anywhere else takes forever ajd feels#like a waste of time but-)#so my brain just kinda goes. lmaao yeah no and then avoids thinking abt it?#or maybe im just overthinking it who fuckin knows#probably overthinking. and oversharing#lol. lmao even#idk im not really a huge food person anyway? still seems like a waste ig#drinks are fucking incredible tho#and hey im getting hydrated while im walkong aroind thats more than i usually get#imngonna. shut up jow#me.txt
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one day ill be annoying ab my selfship again . although i enjoy that ppl enjoy my writing most of this is entirely self indulgent, projection, and for me . being so real .
#wispy chatters#i will never write inbox requests ever again ( /j... but only maybe executive dysfunction hits. )#( i dont know what to rlly write or hc w steven anymore and im in that weird kind of clingy to my interp era where like.#nobody seems to characterize steven right and i feel like im the only one but i dont wanna be a dick but most of its self indulgent so#ill keep it to myself. )#also bc i think i like. already put out all of the imporant steven hcs anyways LOL#ALSO also because ive been busy writing and rping selfship stuff w my friend involving steven instead of writing proper. which#preferable. this was mostly a side hobby to explode all of my hcs onto while i was struggling mentally#and had jack shit else to do.#sorry that i ramble a lot. no im not. this is my fucking blog . But yea#ive also been kind of negative or like. able to be interpreted as negative recently. which. yea kind of#lot of things and interpretations i do not fucking like in this fandom esp ab steven i just keep it to myself.#i just dont like fandom in general esp fanon and steven is such a fanonized character. which. yea he doesnt have much to work with#but hes got enough. idk#life goes on and all . maybe ill make a selfship blog... ill probably snag the url and then never use it.#im talking like im quitting the blog . i do that a lot. im not i just always do whatever i like even if i have 500 unanswered asks.#was easier to focus on writing any char i could in my depression era#its a little sad to see writing and hc posts and im like... i could get in on that. people totally think im a dead blog.#but idk what to add all of the main steven stuff has been squoze outta me.#not entirely but i put my full 100% steven into my self indulgent embarassing thoughts.#buuut yea thats kinda whats been. going on w me ig? Not really? fuck if i know
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i just want to talk about concepts...........
#i dont understand small talk anymore i think ive blown some fuses#i cant keep up w names and people and faces#i TRY but i just. am standing there#i say things but they dont seem right#idk theres still such a barrier even if im trying to lower my walls and it feels like im doing a lot of work for very little#but sooner or later... something will turn out for the better#i know ppl like me at work and think i do a good job#but im tired of . talking ig#of communicating#bc i just. i dont know what to say man!!!!!#i wanna be friendly and not reject people so i rack my brain to come up w responses to things and i just want 2 b quiet n weird#or we can ponder together idk im not tryna b pretentious i just. i dont know what ppl r talkin abt most of the time if im being honest
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man
#i went to go see my dad bc his mom died this morning. and he was like clearly having a hard time with it i think more so than he was really#letting on. and its weird bc i was telling erik how it feels like nowadays this is like. a different version of my dad like it really doesn#feel like the same person who traumatized me and my siblings growing up. that feels like a ghost almost idk. but he was talking to me abt#his mom who from the little bits ive gathered here and there i can assume she was pretty emotionally abusive to him. but he said.#'my mom definitely made a few mistakes with me. but i have to try to move on and live my life as best as i can'. god i felt like i was#looking in a mirror. he seemed so sad it was like he was trying to convince himself. and trying so hard not to be mad even though he has#every right to. but i guess at a certain point you do have to let it go. idk. i guess i never really see him be very vulnerable except when#it comes to the church. he did talk about the church as well he said that as much as she mistreated him hes grateful she gave him faith in#god and that he thinks thats the most important thing a parent can give their child. and i didnt rlly know what to say ig mostly i was just#letting him talk. but god. it was hard. i hope maybe this is like.his chance to let go of all the hurt from his childhood. that he gets to#finally grieve it along with her. idk.#i feel like my view of my father gets more complicated every year i get older. i just dont always know how to reckon with it.
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okay this has been bugging me for a few days so im outsourcing to tumblr to see if anyone here has talked about it/is talking about it even though the book is a few years old. is there a consensus on morgan from bernardine evaristo’s girl woman other? ive been reading it for a class and it just screamed borderline transphobic character written by a well meaning cis author who has “concerns”. idk is there some 5d chess im missing? am i reading it too literally? whats the deal with it
#myposts#text of kin#girl woman other#doesnt rlly help that like no reviews ive seen really talk about it in depth beyond 'oh yeah and trans rep'#i wanna know whats going on there.#and like dont get me wrong the book is fine--very liberal and kinda annoying for that--but fine#just....i think it generally has the sense its doing things better than it is#the abusive relationship in dominiques chapter...fuckin. everything about yazz??#i struggle to see some of these stories as groundbreaking when theyre like playing into highly established shit in order to do so yk#the same w morgans chapter imo. really had to go to 'ive always hated pink and dolls!'#rather than. anything else#i guess it stands out the MOST with morgan just bc its so off base and so typical and so typically borderline transphobic that i can#immediately see and roll my eyes at it--same w dominiques chapter ig#just seems like....ticking off boxes on 'the right way' to do certain portrayals and then posing the most boring questions imaginable#about them so when i see such effusive praise for it i go kinda ???? like am I wrong??? maybe im crazy and it is done well#idk i suspect its so highly praised because its so liberal-friendly which is exactly why its so boring to me#i dont hate it. its fine. but like....just fine. i cant muster much enthusiasm#and what the FUCK. with morgan! thats my ultimate question here whats the deal whats the consensus
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#meg talks#little bro is having a crisis bc a loved one is going through a rlly hard time w trying to get financial aid#and bro is just like heartbroken and enraged at how impossible it is#and im… i feel terrible bc i have no idea what to say#like… im genuinely sorry he’s having to find out these things firsthand bc i know it feels awful#but i see so much of this stuff w all of my friends that it almost didn’t register w me that this is smth that he found shocking#not that he hasn’t seen it too in fact he’s experienced it himself#it’s just like. it hit me like ah right. ive carried around the fear of the social murder of me and my loved ones for so long#that it almost started to seem like a universal part of adult life#which ig it is in a way. but not like this. and im sad that the world is built to do this to us#and horrified that ‘’being poor and/or disabled and/or trans means that the structures this world was built on are designed to kill you’’#is not a thought that makes me boil in anger anymore (ofc it still does sometimes just not every time)#so much as this like… it’s like ive already grieved my own death#idk. im just sad.
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methinks i should make a ramble jar and start putting money in it bc. i lost like two hours of time rambling about something and now im in the aftermath like. dude..
#sigh. i do this every time#im not mad just disappointed#i am a little bit insecure about it but this too will pass#i guess it seems like a good thing to be passionate abt what you like but yk#two hrs..?#kinda just wish i were normal#yk#30 mins at most#it just sucks. i feel odd and weird#i dont mind the lost time persay#just kind of perception of me ig#i swear i have more interests than just the one#its just i really care about this one thing right now and i need to say it but also its kinda like mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn#talk about the weather!#idk!#i dont find it charmin about myself i find it insufferable#this too will pass..#im just being negative. and i cant exactly control it#once i start talking its gonna take shoving to get me to stop#and no one did#so maybe that means they dont mind or maybe they were being polite#idk but i shouldnt ruminate on it#if ppl found me annoying they'd stop talking to me right#i cant assume anything
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Dude.. my ex boyfriend totally did get me into conspiracy theory shit, even if unintentionally (i think its intentional im sure he believed in that shit. Would not surprise me at all.) At the time i was already pretty isolated from anyone online who mightve countered any of my dumb spiritual or alien related beliefs because of some dumb shit i said online making most of the friends and followers i made online generally avoid me, depending on who it was. I was just a regular pagan and then he showed me this weird video with all this weird conspiracy theory symbolism in it. I looked it up later on and looked up the meaning of the symbolism and came across a whole bunch of stuff posing itself as Secret Information The US Govt Doesnt Want You To Know About, etc. And then i just fell deeper into the conspiracy theory pipeline, traded my paganism for new age beliefs, and goddamn dude. Like we both got suspended from school bc he had a dumb idea to dumb shit there and i spent my time in detention fucking. Trying to read "the emerald tablets" or whatever tf. Its all coming back to me rn.
#anyways im not about to let yall make me feel guilty for falling in this direction anymore bc i was fuckin 14 and didnt know SHIT about us#politics aside from lgbt ppl deserve rights and to live like everyone else and same w all the other minorities (even tho i probably still#had issues i needed to work on around those things. still generally i wouldve considered myself progressive but apolitical)#and i was already at the time rejecting my christian upbringing and trying out satanism and paganism and such and so#i had a very rebellious mindset at the time. i also hated authority so the first antiesrablishment thing i saw i clung to bc it was#*close enough* to how i felt. none of that shit ever outwardly stated (at the time at least) that anything was abt jewish ppl and i was#filling in the parts about 'child sex rings' to be about christians bc thats how i knew them to be like. it just like. seems so obviously#something a christian would try to do. like a creepy priest or something. i imprinted my own meaning onto it#im not saying it was good but i definitely didnt go into it and stick to it for reasons some ppl might wanna believe#i was way more on the spiritual leaning side and the ~secret spiritual meaning~ of the world. like the flower of life or fuckin.#shit like how theres. idk. a fucking disc or something thats supposed to go on top of the great pyramids that super enlightened#people can only navigate like a spaceship or some shit?#idk the mythology of it all really fucking enraptured me. and i still liked the reptilians even tho they were supposed to be evil and#apparently an antisemitic dogwhistle. i thought it was the annunaki or whatever i was supposed to hate. at least.#the opinions were pretty mixed back then. admittedly i didnt really look up other ppls opinions on that stuff other than articles ppl wrote#like no forums or anything really. which is probably a very good thing i avoided those lol. regardless i thought of the reptilians#as being more neutral but generally looking out for themselves kinda like. the way a reptile would ig. but now that ik its a dog whistle#it really took a the magic out of all of that stuff for me :/ im disillusioned to say the least lol.#all that new age shit was appropriation. christianity rebranded. or weird shit people made up about atlantis or whatever sjjsksks#my favorite was the oceanis one where theres a star system where whales and dolphins come from#like that one was my favorite to believe in dhdjjsksksbdhs#imagine being on a star planet diving around in the sea of light u_u anyways it still sounds fun shsjskskwne.#i hope that one is at least more tame. though im sure its still somehow connected to everything else which im p sure it is#dude all of this information is just resurfacing about all of this shit. i could totally write a whole thing about all the conspiracy#theories i learned about. i might if only to make fun of it all sjdjksksks#yall ever heard of FUCKING david willcocks????#his willing cocks???????#his fucking ass#and gaia FUCKING tv#all that dumb shit
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It's 3 am and I'm nauseous and I don't have a date tomorrow but I also don't NOT have a date tomorrow. It's platonic..but it might not be by the end of.it. if I have anything to say about it
#queerhottopic.txt#ig ore the spelling mistakes idc anymore#I can't tell if I wanna date him or what but I'll feel it out tomorrow and go for it if it seems right ig#I'm dead tired and sickly this is a terrible start#what if he thinks I'm ugly#also do I pass now??? am I supposed to use the men's bathroom when I get there. I need to bring temp tats#and my wallet. my big fuck of a wallet. Idk if I'll bring my headphones. my fat fuck pockets better fit this shit#and I nedd to take $20 out. don't let me forget. not that I'm explicitly asking anyone to remind me tomorrow. it's just something to say#I better not overheat and turn into a puddle tho. I need my hoodie or I'll die. but also it's like 9000 degrees. choices.#and I'm gonna wear my glasses. what if he doesn't even recognize me at first. he already forgot I wore glasses once before#all things for me to figure out in.... 8 ish hours#tags r funny bc this is literally just me writing out my train of thought. this is what my freak ass brain looks like from inside#I'm gonna go pass out now. the sleeping one not the fainting one. okay goodbye
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#i feel weird and confused lol#like....why cant just ppl..do smth out of their good will instead...of...like...ending up kinda wanting or expecting smth in return?#i mean you do someone a favor sure#you agreed to it#and she gives you a bit of what you need in return#it might not be enough for all the effort you put but there is smth#also the other person doesnt have the right to be an ass just coz she is giving smth too ya know#but my point is that.......why does it seem like...you are expected to give smth back? like a big one#and the thing is...they expect you to know that? that you have to give more besides what you are already giving because am doing it kinda#thing#and if it doesnt happen...you end up talking behind that someones back? why not just tell them then?#when I said that to someone they said 'it should be obvious and it shouldnt be said' its like automatic ya know?#and in my head am like is it supposed to be that way? also why cant they just say it then instead of talking shit?#sometimes a lot of this shit happens if only ppl could talk...maturely though#idk...am just...so...i get ther point but am also thinking is it supposed to be that way all the time?#lololololol am just rambling tbh#and thinking#personal#like..i feel weird of that you have to automatically give someone in return thing...i get it...but to expect smth that is equivalent your-#effort? yeah ig but how do you even repay that in cash though or material things? is it supposed to be that way all the time when you do#someone a favor??????????#ugh whatevr#its early for this kind of shit girl
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