#maybe its not even abt the times i mess up or get sick maybe its just the fact that im apologizing so much

[guinevereslancelot]

currently hating and killing myself for leaving work early even tho i literally threw up within a minute of walking in the door when i got home

[withgreatpowercomesmyfuckingdick]

Hi! Imma do something rare and actually make content, but its 11 at night and i just had a brain worm

for those of you that don’t know, i work at an accounting office. we do taxes. it is tax season. and now im thinking abt how AGSZC does taxes and what their papers are like and im inflicting it on the rest of you even if its gibberish

Angeal: A godsend. Keeps his forms in order and filed properly, calculates everything else himself like a good man. Papers honestly aren’t too bad, maybe 10-12 just because of his career/insurance plus his doubtless donations to charity, but aside from that. straightforward and done at his kitchen table

Genesis: A fucking NIGHTMARE. no doubt pays someone else to do it. and for fucks sake, i know he invests. constantly and consistently and probably in anything he thinks stands the slightest chance against shinra on the market. his 1099-B is a mess and definitely Not Totaled, so his is the bullshit you have to insert one. investment. at. a time. He’s the type that keeps fucking calling too, I can just tell. but, aside from the 1099-B, he’s probably got simple stuff as well. probably several 1099-INTs from several different bank accounts, maybe a couple 1098s floating around from vacation houses or some shit.

Sephiroth: Does his own. In ridiculously early. Makes almost no personal purchases so hardly has anything to pay. I can’t imagine not having a last name or not knowing his birthday doesn’t end up a legal problem somehow, so he likely has to walk directly into a damn tax office to say hey this is me and this is my shit no, someone isn’t stealing my identity. has one singular document and it’s his W-2. Which is. Fucking astronomical. Like, the number doesn’t even look right. His paycheck as a SOLDIER isn’t taxed, so he doesn’t really get much back on his refund. The only first without a healthcare /insurance form because why tf would Sephiroth have healthcare? What’s he gonna do, get sick?

not getting into how doing his own taxes was definitely a fight between him and Hojo at some point and ended up getting hashed out in a board room. Hojo didn’t like him having the autonomy of filing for himself instead of being claimed ad Hojo’s ‘dependent’. Sephiroth deadass threatened to go to court abt it. The President told Hojo to suck it up so they didn’t have to deal with scandal, Hojo wouldn’t tell Seph his birthday to be difficult, and here we are

Zack: Panicking. Late. Doesn’t know if his forms came in the mail, doesn’t know where he put them most of the time. Scrambles around for a fuck ton of receipts, ultimately has to request Shinra send him his shit again. DEFINITELY pays someone else to do it. W-2, 1095-A, 1099-C(s)(he has several debts i can feel it i love him but he screams bad financial decisions), probably some shit for his bike too. He customs it so I can see him listing some parts he buys for it as work expenses. Jokingly puts some money he gave aerith for flowers and what he spent to make her wagon as donations to charity and it actually goes through because the church is still considered a legal entity. Definitely has to pay late fees.

Cloud: Pays Tifa to do it. Filing for both of them is a nightmare cause all their shit burnt in Nibelheim, so once Edge gets right with the WRO they have to do all their paperwork from scratch and get reassigned SSNs. He genuinely has a fuckton of paperwork from doing the Strife Delivery Service. Luckily, only ‘employee’ he has is Tifa, and even then she doesn’t do things regularly aside from pick up the phone. Doesn’t make his business an LLC until he’s literally forced to due to his number of clients and someone trying to sue him for damages. 1099-NEC for TIfa for sure, then once he’s an LLC, some yearly maintenance to keep legal. Mileage and gas expenses go CRAZY on his self employment form, I fucking bet. I bet Cloud’s handwriting is shit tho. Tifa’s at her desk counting up his gains and losses for fucking ages because his fives look too similar to sixes. Eventually she wrangles him into installing some shit on his phone that counts it up, if only to cure her headache. Funnily enough, he does get veteran benefits from what’s left of Shinra’s shit, reparations of sorts, but he doesn’t keep it. All goes to charity, so that ends up in the books too.

alright, that was unnecessarily in depth and way longer than i planned. good night LMAO

[trevination]

I'm curious for marlie have you talked about how they got together? Or shared like a first kiss etc?? I'm actually so curious!

AHHH YESS!! well i havent posted about it but we've tapped about it on discord and AHHH its so important to me omg

okay so. they pine after each other for a WHILE. charlie has always known he's gay so he's just like "i wanna kiss this man so bad" but micah's just casually thinking "it feels like the sun has been brought into my life" and just. Not. realizing he likes him. charlie keeps trying to like hint to micah that he likes him and very casually flirt and show he's interested in him but micah is not fucking catching the hints, even as he's realizing he likes charlie romantically (and micah isn't like. scared or ashamed to be gay honestly he's like "that makes sense" but he knows how awful his life would be if people found out and he cant do that to his family). eventually, charlie's thinking like "oh maybe i've been reading this the wrong way" and he starts like pulling away from micah because he's trying not to hurt himself even more. and micah's just like "????? what? what happened did i do smth"

like u also need to know they are just casually So domestic and gay. like micah gets home from work in the evening and charlie is playing with rosie and messing with the twins and helping them with homework and making dinner. charlie spends Much more time at micah's house than his own (bc his grandparents are neglectful assholes who don't give a fuck abt him) and like. the number of times charlie has fallen asleep on micah on the couch or the times micah has tucked charlie in when he crashes at his house. and charlie subconsciously referring to the foster house as 'home' and charlie being the only person micah could ever be open with... ohh my god they make me sick

BUT back on topic. charlie isnt even being super distant, he's just not being as affectionate but its so abnormal micah's like "wtf" and confronts him, not wanting to lose the one person he has, the one thing in like he's so selfishly wanted. charlie is stuttering a bunch and trying to figure out what to say, because he cant tell anymore if micah likes him romantically but he's saying all this stuff about how he doesn't wanna lose charlie, and charlie stutters through telling him he likes him and-- as charlie's trying to explain, micah just realizes "I rlly love him" and charlie's stuttering comes to a pause as he's trying to figure out what to say and micah just... kisses him.

i imagine it's both of their first kisses, maybbeeee charlie kissed someone once in like middle school? but it's the first time there's ever been an actual emotional connection for either of them. sparks just fly. micah has never had someone to be so open with, weak around, and charlie has never had someone who genuinely Wanted him, who cared about him so personally. it's just. they don't even need to say anything. they just kiss each other and hug and lay down on the couch (this would def be nighttime when rosie and the twins (micah's siblings) are asleep) and just cuddle and kiss and giggle into each others faces . its so sweet and fluffy and charlie 100% cries

then. they wake up in the morning in each others arms and continue their morning routine. make breakfast, wake up the kids, charlie walks them to school then walks to the highschool, micah drives off for work, and they see each other again that evening.

sorry im yapping sm they make me SO SICK THEYRE SO !!!!!! EVERYTHINGG OH MY GODDD <33333 honestly most of what we think about them is. so fucking angsty like idk how much I've talked about charlie's jumping by the socs or what happens after charlie goes to college but... ugh. they mean so much to me they make me sickkkk

[misc-obeyme]

more kitchen barb thots

playing music while mc and barbatos are cooking, each doing their own tasks. mc starts swaying their hips to the music- knowingly or not, but its enough to distract barb once he notices and he cant help but continuing to glance over bc the movements are just so captivating he cant help but watch despite all his usual self control. muscle memory has to take over for his task to continue but eventually even that falters (hopefully not while hes chopping stuff lmao) but mc hears the change in rhythm/slight clattering of the bowl and obvs has to check if their cooking buddy is ok!! and barbatos barely manages not to stutter as he assures them hes fine, just a bit distracted because of an "upcoming event" or some other excuse but hes got a pink tint to his cheeks from nearly getting caught staring.

at this point mc can either be oblivious to the reality and just reach out to give a gentle reassuring arm squeeze and a reminder that theyre 'always here if you need anything, we can take a break to decompress for a few minutes :) ' or theyre wise abt it and decide to tease the poor butler and go up to him, turn him to face them and put a hand to his forehead ""checking for a fever"" (pressing their chest into his at the same time ;) ). pull him away from the busy counter and dote on him worried 'but barb your face is so warm! i dont want my favorite demon getting sick :( especially since you look so cute with a blush it would be so unfortunate if the cause was you not feeling well' but internally theyre all >:3 lets see what it takes for his resolve to crack

i feel like the moment you catch him off guard with this kinda thing if you just keep up the "innocent/unaware" flirt teasing it would make it more and more difficult for him to pull it back together. but if he gets that moment then he'll start teasing back. this may be ooc rip and it got Way long but scenarios are fun lol

-🥐

Oh welcome back, 🥐 anon!

One of my favorite things about Barb is the way he teases. However, I also think it's fantastic when the tables are turned and he's the one who's flustered.

The thing about this guy is that he isn't easily flustered, but if there is anyone who can accomplish it without even noticing, it's absolutely MC. I have actually written scenes (though I think they later got scrapped) where Barbatos straight up cuts himself while chopping vegetables because of something MC did or said. So not like him! But that's the point! MC makes him do things he wouldn't normally do. And he can either lean into it or try to resist it and I think you end up with different scenarios depending on which way he decides to go.

MC's reaction certainly matters, too. If they're oblivious, I think Barbatos could safely pretend nothing happened and move on, but I also think he could be the one who teases MC and gets them all flustered.

But a wise MC who's all I'm just trying to make sure you're okay! Listen. I very much think that Barbatos would have a hard time controlling himself at that point. Even if he knows that MC is doing it on purpose. Maybe even more if he knows.

The best thing about Barb is that I feel like I can write him being a real troublemaker where he just messes with MC a lot, but I can also write him being the one who is easily flustered. Like yeah he's got that rigid facade, but you can say beneath it there is a man who is fully aware of what he's doing and deliberately does things just to get a reaction out of MC. Or you could say that beneath it is a suppressed man that gets blushy when you start to tease him. However, I do think either way he'd eventually give in because MC is the only person for whom he is lenient about anything ever.

MC might tease him and fluster him and get him all riled up, but as soon as he realizes what's going on, he starts playing into it. I think he'd use the whole situation to his advantage. Especially if he's like yes let's take a break because secretly he wants to get naughty but he doesn't want to mess up the kitchen lol.

[sadstrever]

ok getting real, i’m so miserable and i hate only being able to talk abt it into a void that no one listens to bruh. i am just living a fucking nightmare and it’s all in my fucking head! it’s literally all in my head!!!!!!! my life was supposed to be better this year. i was supposed to be happy once i lost weight but it feels like that doesn’t even matter anymore. why should it matter if there’s always more to lose. there’s always someone thinner than me and i’m so sick of it i’m sorry. i know that sounds crazy but how could i be happy in my body when there are people out there who are fucking thinner than me STILL after all the weight i’ve lost. there’s always someone thinner. the beginning of this year i was 149lbs. now i’m 110-108. nothing has changed except now i can look in the mirror for hours without realizing any time went by.

this year i was supposed to start going to school. i can’t use being “fat” as an excuse not to go because i’m not fat anymore. i can’t use the fact that i’m starving as an excuse because i’m never not starving. i can’t fucking do anything. i genuinely always feel like i’m dying and it sucks IT SUCKS SO FUCKING BAD. and all the stomach pain, constant discomfort, dizziness, COLDNESS, it never goes away so it just feels normal now. i notice sometimes that it shouldn’t be normal and it makes it feel worse. and then i see someone NATURALLY thinner than me and i stop caring that it’s not normal.

i’ve been drinking every single day for a few months now. genuinely i have been on a bender and it’s not like i could get help because then i would have to eat, and i can never eat like a normal person again. that’s not possible in my mind. and you know, sometimes i feel like a little love would help me feel less awful and pessimistic about my life. but when i get the love i just feel smothered so i leave and add another person on the list who i hurt because i can’t do anything normal. AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN: some skinny bitch on the internet manages to make me feel like the way i am is okay. like i could be worse so i might as well keep going until FINALLY, FINALLY I REACH THE POINT WHERE ITS FINE. like it doesn’t matter that im miserable as long as im pleasing to look at. it doesn’t matter that i haven’t felt alive (not on substances) in years because at least im alive on them. it can always get worse and somehow the people who have it worse always seem so fucking okay with it. AND IM GUILTY OF IT TOO LIKE FUCK I ACT LIKE IM OKAY WITH IT WHEN IM NOT. to quote fantastic mr fox king: i don’t want to live in a hole anymore. but i’ll continue so that maybe one day, when i’m thin enough to die it’ll somehow feel okay, worth it. i’ll see that it was all so stupid and unimportant and this disease that has been destroying my life for almost 5 years, probably more if you count the years that i didn’t know what was wrong with me, i’ll finally be done. i’ll be done and i’ll be done and i’ll be done and i’ll be done. fuck you. i’ll never be done and that’s the worst feeling in the world. fuck you and your stupid ass ana quotes. fuck you with the “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” i get it whatever it’s true but you don’t know how much life could get worse. you can always destroy yourself just a LITTLE more until your a fucking shell of the person you used to be.

i used to be an artist. i used to go to school. i used to be sober. i used to be happy. i used to have friends who i treated right who treated me right. i used to be able to look at my life without seeing a scrambled jumbled up mess of 10 different versions of myself inside me who keep managing to make me worse. someone just listen to me. maybe that’ll be the cure.

[lyramundana]

Just read yr thing Abt minsung w younger!reader and I love it but what if she fully takes advantage of baby privilege? Nibbling on jisungies cheeks when she's bored, teasingly rejecting Minhos affection because she feels like being a brat, wearing other members hoodies and "not realizing" it's not theirs etc

She'll totally use the baby status to her advantage, much to her boyfriends' agravation.

They find it cute at first, but when the act starts to be perjudicial for them, they become angry. Lucky for her, they look hot like that. Being the youngest of the throuple has its perks. Like, she's easily forgiven and usually spoiled.

Jisung's cheeks are her obssesion and she's always looking for excuses to touch them. Biting is another form of affection in her eyes, and also marking what's hers. She can be sitting on his lap, both of them in silence watching tv or anything else. Then she starts to look at him intensely. Out of nowhere, she lunges and bites his puffed cheeks, leaving her mouth there until he pushes her away playfully. She rubs the teeth marks with her tongue and chuckles wickedly, like a kid having fun. He glares at her, but can't be angry for too long because she's just so damn cute (had it been someone else he'll have thrown a fit or got into a fight)

Minho's affection is not something easily earned. It is a privilege, a gift he shows to few people. She knows this and feels proud to be one of those people he trusts so inmensely to be openly loving with, but sometimes she just wants to mess with him, as a payback for the times he's made her beg for his attention and playing hard to get. When he goes to kiss her, she turns her face so his lips land on her cheek. He stares at her in confusion, but she only replies that she got distracted with something else. If he slids his arm around her waist, she pretends to stretch out to push it off. When he says "i love you" and she doesn't say it right back, leaving in a mood for the remaining day.

They both grow sick of these antics eventually and have a talk about it, but it only takes a few kisses all over their faces and her soft voice saying "oppa" to give in every whim of hers.

However, they draw the line at the hoodies part. The only clothes she's allowed to use are hers or theirs. She's hanging in the dorm after spending the night with them, and decides to start the day being a sly devil, so she picks up a random hoodie she found and puts it on (maybe it's Hyunjin's) and walks around with it, no pants on. She goes for snacks, watches some tv and talks with one of the members that are awake too. When they come out to find her and see what she's wearing, the air between shifts as they calmly (scarily calmly) ask her what the fuck is she wearing. She pretends to be confused, saying she was a bit cold and grabbed some of their clothes. She didn't notice the mistake, but anyway, the hoodie is so warm and comfortable she refuses to take it off. But it goes to hell when she says with a giggle that she likes the smell, making a show by burying her face on it and close her eyes, knowing full well it smells like another man.

"Aw, darling. Why didn't you say so earlier? If you're cold, we can help with that"

The hoodie is thrown off to the trash and they return to the bedroom, locking themselves in there. Their baby is cold? They'll make sure to keep her warm and cozy all evening. And erase that disgusting smell off her later. The members are still home? Too bad. Hyunjin specially can stay and listen.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

absolutely unrelated to the dreadful little polycule BUT. hey mark was there at deadwood right. like in canon. what do u think post-muse ashe and mark even Look like. i feel like. there's no way they could be normal after that. not that they can in canon but even Less after what ashe knows mark's seen him do. also GOD how does. tidalwave mark coming over to deadwood mark dragging tide with him happen..... one second im still thinking about the dreadful little polycule u know ill always talk ur ear off Abt them!!!

this ask has been cooking in my inbox for WEEKS because thinking about post-muse mark and ashe makes me so fucking sick dude. god. okay. fucking huge ramble about them under the cut

not going to answer the tidalwave thing yet because we NEED 2 discuss what happens to tide instead of depowering him bc that would fucking kill him and we CANNOT kill our dad. i know we mentioned him taking an armsmaster style retirement/thinly veiled house arrest but. thats a conversation for later hehe

ANYWAY. FUCK . POST-MUSE ASHE MY POOR LITTLE BOY. god. this is all going to be hypotheticals and questions honestly. but like. god. thinking abt the scene like. IMMEDIATELY after the trickster lets him go. the trickster lets go of him and ashe just fucking slumps to the ground like a (pun very much intended) puppet with his strings cut. hes not unconscious, hes awake, but the last time he was free and aware he had to watch himself rip william in half! lol! i think that all hits him at once and he just like. falls to his fucking knees!!! and like. mark pov. thats his son his son is free hes had to watch all of this in shock and horror but now ashe is free after so fucking long and all he wants to do is rush forward and hug him (pick him up, bundle him in his arms like he did when ashe first triggered, carry him in the car as they speed out of the quarantine zone hoping nobody is following them-) and i think he gets as far as. falling to his knees next to ashe, but as soon as his hand makes contact i think ashe flinches so hard its almost like the touch hurt him. hes just. staring at his dad with these huge eyes and shallow breaths and hes shaking and crying and its a fucking MESS and mark doesnt know what to DO and the wards are standing in a loose semicircle behind him and ashe does NOT like all of these eyes on him. he knows these are people who love him but he doesnt know ... what the fuck theyre going to think of him. after. all of that.

i think it would be fun (/evil) if for..... a little while after he's free ashe is just CONSTANTLY waiting for the other shoe to drop. he knows trickster has mal now, he believes that was real, and mal can make illusions. so . whats to say this isnt just all. fake. one of these days hes going to wake up covered in blood and gore and new piercings stinging and aching and . ashe winters will just be the empty aftermath of muse again. i cannot IMAGINE a world in which mark would let him out of his sight again... maybe not in the same completely suffocating way he did when ashe was a kid but like. he definitely insists on ashe living with him again. just. theres a sort of nervous hesitance that wasnt there before. mark is so much more Present now that he doesnt have to work for overlord anymore. he's at home. he makes breakfast and dinner and his footsteps are still loud and heavy but theyre cautious and the way he knocks on ashes door is a lot more gentle than it used to be . i just think theyre both like... scared of each other. ashe scared to relax because he thinks that everything could be fake and he doesnt know what anyone really thinks of him anymore (he is so full of shame and guilt over what he did as muse- i dont think anyone would directly Tell Him but i think . he would probably look up the news, just to *know*). and mark is scared because he doesnt know what to do. he doesnt want to make anything worse. he lets the wards and tide visit whenever they want (because he trusts them) because familiar faces and voices might help ashe feel normal again, but hes still. just. so full of paranoia that something else could go wrong.. and all he wants to do is just. put ashe in a vault or something that could keep him safe from anything that could ever hurt him again. but also he knows thats exactly what the trickster was doing to him (and what mark did to him his entire childhood) so he doesnt.

this is . entirely self indulgent and maybe ooc a little bit but i really really REALLY want the first step of them like... healing. is for mark to be doing something maybe in the kitchen or the living room and ashe slowly trudges into the room feet dragging, hair tangled and hanging in his face OBVIOUSLY not touched at all, nervous energy twitchy at everything like he has been for weeks, but instead of sitting himself in the corner or with his back against a wall he just... comes up next to mark and bumps his forehead into his back/arm/whatever. and he doesnt say anything and mark freezes up bc he doesnt want to make any sudden moves and scare him but then after like. a couple long seconds of stillness and silence ashe hugs him. mark asks (voice really quiet) if hes okay, and ashes shakes his head (which is more just like. sideways rocking his forehead without breaking contact) and mark asks if he can hug him back (nod this time) and they just kind of. sink to the floor and theyre crying and hugging and they dont talk about it later but i think thats when it clicks in ashes brain like. huh okay maybe this is real.

[ssweeterthanfiction]

i love the idea of billy and reader breaking up- their relationship received a lot of media attention but for all the wrong reasons. many did find them interesting together but with all the constant partying, rumors of cheating and such. it was constantly just a mess. she dumps him, she can’t possibly ruin her career over this man despite how much she loves him.

billy is thinking to himself this is just reader being stubborn and wanting to piss him off. he thinks she’ll approach him within a month or two …only to find out she’s dating some pretty boy. (now idk if he’d be an athlete like a football player cause they give that all american vibe ya’ know ? or maybe some pretty boy pop singer who’s like on a level fame that leaves even celebs star struck.) billy is taken aback because that is NOT readers type like at all, this dude looks like he has wind where his brain should be. a total douche. but everytime they’re together she’s just all over him, looking all lovey dovey in the tabloids. it honestly makes him sick to his stomach.

reader doesn’t love this guy, at least the way she loves billy. i think the idea can go one or two ways🤭 if he’s a football player let’s say for the halftime show the band is performing. Billy knowing reader is in the crowd, and because it’s a good marketing tactic, decides to debut their next single Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've) by the Buzzcocks

the audience goes fucking wild but reader is in a daze. she knows that song was about her, she can feel it. and now she has this look in her eyes filled with so much emotions but as the camera pans to where she is, she has to put on a brave face. and she claps, no she cheers bc fuck. and she knows billy can reader her face so easily and he got the reaction he wanted. and if readers new man is a singer, let’s say he’s being honored at a award show and the band is there to play in his honor. it’s a similar scenario. with the debut of the new single and everything. only this time her bf is right there next to her. both sound interesting honestly 😣

WAIT I ACTUALLY LOVE THE IDEA OF READER DATING AN ATHLETE AFTER SHE BREAKS UP WITH BILLY

ok so the halftime show thing, PERFECT

personally, i think another reaso why he would've chose to perform the new song would be as a way to get back at reader for releasing a new song abt her new boyfriend (The Alchemy)

and is he pissed because she wrote a love song about this dumb football player? yes. but he's even more pissed when one of the lyrics is a slight jab at Billy.

"He jokes that its heroin but this time with an 'E'."

that has him fuming and hurt, reader knows what billy has struggled with so for her to write and record that line just HURTS

with her dating another artist, that would be like full of SO much tension

like billy would be STARING INTO HER SOUL while singing the song and her boyfriend would be like confused. he knows their history, but he thought billy would be over reader at this point.

and like after the whole performance, when they go to talk to the band, readers boyfriend would be all possesive and have his hands all over her just to prove to billy that she's HIS.

but billy just keeps up this like cocky demenor cause deep down he knows he could take reader back (if he gets his shit together, WHICH HE DOES)

[illogicallyx]

I love each one of them sooo much😭😭😭😭 just like asvskajs and maybe it’s not but like it feels so me-coded I love it lmao

BUT ok so like imagine gojo like urging Megumi to do shut just so he can meet you😭down bad and I bet he gets turned on when you talk to him formally and a little condescendingly because yk wtf is this parenting and god forbid you realise his sister is tsumiki because lololol. Megumi’s having the worst time and like you say smn in the heat of the moment and gojo gets a little annoyed because ykyk HIS son so then the tension and you get a little soft for them and thus your mom arc begin (and gojo’s mommy<3)

Also like like like like geto’s scoff? *dies as a blushing mess becauseeee ahhhh* but like imagine them teasing you a little, like the girls—when it’s Valentine’s Day or smn (and you’re not together yet) them making cards for you lmao. Or like them making Geto get you gifts from “their” side in your birthday. And he finds you soooo sweet because at least his burden for the girls’ is shared a bit and like imagine him coming early to pick them after school and y’all chat<3

And nanami’s part 🤭🤭🤭🤭 also I feel like he wouldn’t necessarily just want them to pass but he wouldn’t put pressure either. Like you do you boo but whoever would want to do STEM when given freedom? You and his daughter ofc (now I need his son and teacher!reader thoughts) but also—imagine you teaching his daughter smn and she talks about it all night to him or her being unable to solve smn and him either and so he sheepishly asks you lmao

part 3 im having too much fun with this

it is you coded bc i specifically added the astrophysics part for you BC U LOVE JT

omg like i said before our thots abt satoru are so similar bc i was thinking the SAME. i feel like he'd say "oh ;) i had him when i was young but thank you for the compliment ;)" (assuming he's like 25 here bc like how long has it been for megs in jujutsu high? idk whatever) to which megumi is like HUH? o_0

and you are like so irked by him from the get go bc wtf is that uniform? why tf is his hair so white? and then satoru makes a comment abt how u should start the meeting instead of checking him up which makes u even more annoyed. poor megumi is just praying to every god that this doesnt make his teacher hate him too bc you're his fav :(

and yes agreed agreed abt him telling megumi to do shit so he can see you again and megumi is like NO i will not but he does end up in another fight again bc Teenage Angst and yeah the next time he comes he's grinning like a cheshire cat bc "well well we meet again" and you are like jesus fucking christ and megumi is praying for the ground to swallow him whole

omg u so so so right

it'd be so cute if like geto knew of ur crush snd even the girls like imagine them each hold his hand while they walk out the class and they are like giggling abt how their teacher deffo likes him snd he's just like 😊😊😊 bc u sure do and maybe he harbours one too bc u were so cute.

i totally agree with him coming early to pick them up just so he can talk to u and like imagineee its ur bhd and they personally accompany suguru to get gifts the day before and when they go to school the next day they are so giddy and excited bc they know their father is coming with the gifts bc they told him to give it to you personally.

they'd literally jump outta their seats when he comes and u are literally like fixing ur hair while they greet him yeahh he'd literally be like :D when he gives it to you bc he is as nervous as u and like mutual pining<33333 the girls as the match makers AAAAA

pls pls im sick in the head bc i would do stem out of my own free will ok so shush and omg wait i love the idea of him asking you for help with the qns like OEJFKKRKEKDK like imagine he knows how to do math and such bc he worked in the finance department (i think? is that canon? oh well) but he texts u under the disguise of wanting help even doe he can deffo do it himself lol AAAA

and nanami's son i feel like would be into sports!! like it'd be total opposite from his daughter. his son would love to play football/soccer and it all started when nanami got his baby boy a ball as his first toy like he bought him more but his son wouldnt play with anything else just that ball and like

even his first steps were like holding onto the couch to help him stand up and when nanami saw that and took out his phone to take a video he saw how his son literally kicks the ball next and laughs in glee before falling back down on his bum and ....yeah he knew his boy is gonna be crazy abt sports

OKAY omg imagine nanami dropping his son to practice in a damn suit and like you being his son's coach and like u always catch that fine man in a suit dropping off ur talented player and yeah 🙃

part 2

[ubike-official]

having some communication issues with an irl. hhh let me spin my yarn in the read more

so i have this irl that I've just been loathing speaking to more and more for months. Like we used to talk a lot and have a good dialogue going andall, but increasingly more and more I'll call her to want to talk about smth and she just bulldozers all over me. and by the time i can get a word in I'm just so mentally spent listening to her and trying to respond meaningfully that I can't even remember what it was I wanted to talk about. And I've mentioned this to her. we had a big talk about this after she got drunk one night and it was just a giant mess. ANd she was doing better for a while, and I just hate that I have to bring it up again constantly like, hey. remember what I said about you not really making me feel heard. Bc like Idk, i have this thing and noticed it in a lot of others that when there's a moment of silence you usually ask the other person if they're good or give them free reign of the conversation when you've already talked a lot. and she never does that. Or she'll ask me questions abt a new topic she wants to talk about rather than giving me a moment to collect myself and talk about something I want to bring up. And like, i know part of it is on me. I have a knack for speaking like I'm ending a conversation. But like, it's infuriating because she always just starts talking about herself every single time, and like, i don't want to be self centered but god can i share anything abt my life for a second??

i know she's had a rough childhood and never felt safe or secure with her family and its not about me. It's about trying to scratch that itch of finally getting to express yourself when you get beat down every time you try by caretakers. I know how that hurts but like, fuck. I've had the same upbringing and I squashed down that part of me from early on. ANd that sucks, no one asked me to do that and I shouldn't have had to. But I've expressed this to her and she seemed to get it, but I guess not and it's so infuriating. And even when I do get a word in and say my piece I feel like she never truly engages with me in what I say. She immediately thinks of herself and how'd she'd react. And I get it, that's very normal. But in every conversation... like stop it!!

Our friend went through a really devastating breakup earlier this year and she's still processing it. ANd she was telling us about this earlier this week and the friend I'm upset with legit listened only to turn the conversation to herself like "if you can't find love, then what does that mean for me? Then I'm really hopeless!"

and again i get it, its not personal. It stems from a lack of care early on that is still unhealed. But oh my god, our friend is crying her heart out abt a breakup with someone she was going to marry!! and you are gonna make this about you while she's still choking back tears!! TIme and place!! I'm just sick of it. ANd I don't even know how to bring it up bc i know this friend is always being told she's too sensitive and too self centered and it makes her worse each time. It's just cruel at this point but I don't know any good way to express this growing resentment. Maybe there is no good way! Like fucked if I do and fucked if i don't. Bc it's not fair to her to not communicate my needs and grow resentments slowly but it's also not fair to me to just ignore it. fuck yk!!! I know legit all my friends have had this issue with her and talk to her abt it, hell i've had this conversation like 3 times now but i'm sick of it. I want to be patient, I know how much trauma affects our ability to grow. but like !?!?!? hhhhhhh

[yuukei-yikes]

do you think shintaka ever sort out their codependency or does it just get worse

*cracks knuckles*

they do sort it out. but it's obviously not super ideal lol

in my sick twisted mind it is all stitched together with the mess of shinaya too. I WANNA WRITE A FIC SO BAD *banging table* i have this very specific relationship hell for shintaro thought out. *scratches head*

i talk a little bit abt it here and i think in other places but heh. honestly when i link to other posts its not rly like begging u to read them its more like a disclaimer that i might repeat myself which honestly i dont mind doing bc im crazy and im gonna talk abt the same things 1 billion times GLADLY. SO... >:3!!!! ITS MY TIME. have fun:

basically. so the usual right, takane feels like if she isnt watching shintaro all the time he could suddenly revert back to being a shut in and shintaro is comfortable having takane because she's familiar and the single constant in this life and all other lives in all other timelines. ene has always been there. takane = ene while a shock, to shintaro he can barely make a big deal out of it after retaining is activated bc he's seen it a million times. of course takane is ene. if anything the one needing closure over this reveal is takane.

i think post str shintaro is incredibly kind to her about it though. i think he feels immensely guilty for route xxx and is able to be openly thankful and they have a tender moment together. i think this single heart to heart changes everything for them. shintaro acts annoyed over takane's clinginess post str but becomes terrified when she's away, and sort of desperately looks for her the same way she does for him essentially reciprocating the sick need of each other, the difference is that he tries acting all cool abt it and making excuses while takane is sort of more direct abt like. HEY ARE U ALIVE??? JUST CHECKING IN LOLLL OK TALK TO U LATER ASSHOLE LOVE UUU!!! while shintaro's like ermmm...i was calling u cuz my comp is acting weird?? idk i tried some stuff but id rather u look at it to make sure. and takanes like LOL

like takane is totally delighted. shintaro isn't resenting her, he's gladly accepting her into his life and treating her like a friend and she KNOWS him so she knows that even if he says he wants her away the way he acts says otherwise. like she can read him like a book there is nothing he can hide from her, takane is able to see everything going on thru his mind. no one but her is more mindful abt everything that retaining eyes implies. maybe ayano, but we know which one shintaro is more comfortable about HEH. the fact takane is so direct about knowing about it and how hard it must be is also immensely comforting to shintaro (AGAIN ayano also does this but ayano is scary to shintaro) shintaro reciprocates takane's need for him again bc she is familiar and a comfortable constant but also because she is taking care of feeling all the heavy things for him. shintaro is desperate to stop feeling and takane is desperate to ignore her own feelings. but it doesn't REALLY work. shintaro still feels sad and broken and terrified. and takane still feels overwhelmed and in disbelief and unsure about everything. does this make sense.

takane's thing is like... okay erm. let's put takane under the microscope for a single moment. I'll try not to go TOO crazy.

ok. disclaimer. i could get very fun and nitty gritty abt the misogyny in takane's writing, how all her povs revolve solely around haruka & shintaro and essentially ends up being a female character who revolves everything around 2 guys, if not one the other and etc. but. i will not do that. i will just mention it there in passing and do what u do with it lol. that aside, basically takane is the kind of person who desperately focuses on worrying about someone else so she doesn't have to think of herself and her own problems.

takane is dealing with... a lot. because she had given up on life. well life gave up on her rather. she was dead you know. she decides to dedicate herself to shintaro and shintaro alone. her purpose was being company for him and keep him moving. and all of a sudden she finds herself alive and having to face the life she unwillingly left behind, and everything that comes with that like. having a body, being honest with haruka, accepting her illness is a part of her, etc. i think takane deals with a lot of existential crisis LMAOO like she CANNOT BELIEVE she is real. she has 1 line saying she felt like the whole time she was ene felt like a dream and it felt like a relief to hear shintaro talk to her as takane because it made her see it really happened. and i took this line and RAN WITH IT‼️‼️‼️

shintaro needs to be needed by takane and takane needs to be needed by shintaro. lol. they got 30 mental illnesses💗 but the thing is. one has retaining and the other doesn't 💥

their relationships to haruka & ayano are important in this and play a huge part in it too not only because its REALLY REALLY REALLY funny for takane to ditch haruka all the time to go find shintaro's wallet or something and for shintaro to tell ayano ok u can sleep over tonight i practiced cuddling with takane so im all good to go like that wont make ayano scream in her pillow for the next day. like theyre so sick in the head. but anyways ITS SO mixed in with shinaya's sick as hell relationship that i already wrote like 80 posts about and im not repeating myself im just gonna assume u know what i mean LIKE THIS IS WHY I NEED TO WRITE A FANFIC whatever.

as that happens with shinaya (like actual dumpster fire sirens going off glass breaking trashcan falling over etc) takane has haruka. haruka has his own set of problems feeling not good enough for her + survival guilt (for konoha) + terrified of being alone again. but takane's aware of the codependent issue basically bc haruka keeps telling her even if not as firmly and she would need so it takes longer than ideal. it's like present in her mind that it's a totally fucked up way too feel. also haruka & takane are totally in the same page abt holy shit we're ALIVE?? AND WE HAVE OUR BODIES??? WE HAVE TO FACE OUR LIVES AND MOVE FORWARD?? WE'RE IN OUR TWENTIES??? AUGGHHHH lol they go thru it together MAN I LOVE HARUTAKA sorry im normal. i know jin is allergic to giving takane a problem that isnt related to a guy but to me she also goes thru the same omg im in my twenties thing as haruka. bc like. yeah hiyori and ayano were stuck in the daze too but haruka was also watching everything outside. like takane he was a painful bystander. even if takane's spirit wasnt in the daze she was still playing a sorta similar role outside. like u can watch but u can barely do anything!! because youre DEAD!! haruka&takane understand each other's struggles more than anyone else, and suddenly they're alive and also the oldest in the group and they're like. ok lol. let's fucking go i guess. haruka and takane existentialism crisis crying for 3 hours then having to pull themselves together bc they have to do groceries. the horrors are indescribable but we have to pay rent. i love harutaka *shaking*

and haruka is super comprehensive about takane's thing with shintaro even if it's mixed in with all his feelings of omg takane prefers him omg takane is super best friends with the dan who all probably resent me for replacing konoha omg im gonna be alone augghhh like lol he's GOING THRU IT TOO but!!! takane also helps him!!!!!! theyre there for each other!!! they dont weaponize these things against each other, in fact it brings them closer. total opposite to shintaro and ayano. so takane's getting out of this mindset before shintaro does and she is really self aware and slowly making progress and ermmm becoming a little pissed off abt how he takes her for granted. bc he does.

again. takane is a constant. that means she is always here. in shintaro and takane's relationships it doesnt go both ways how they help each other. they dont help each other, takane helps shintaro and thats it. ene's always been secretive and ene is always been ene and now ene is always been takane and while shintaro knows this he's also never... had takane as takane before? so even if she's familiar and accepting her helicoptering over him, he's also totally preoccupied with all his other issues to even think about takane's side of things. shintaro despite his babygirl tendencies is at the end of the day a very self centered person, its hard for him. i dont mean it to say he sucks or anything. i think its genuinely rly hard for him!! he's going through a lot!! and he's bad with people and words and emotions!! he doesnt... stop being self centered though. not for now at least. and takane isnt exactly begging him to help her or anything because HARUKA is helping her with her issues. while shintaro is trusting everything on takane, and ayano is begging him to open up to her, takane is trusting haruka and continuously lets him help her and also helps him with his stuff. like shinaya and harutaka are dealing with similar situations in TOTALLY different ways

so for shintaro to find out/realise takane is also hurting he's like oh my god im such an ASS because OF COURSE SHE IS!!! but he's like i thought letting her be insane abt me was enough help??? bc AGAIN he hasn't really recognized that it actually goes both ways and he needs her as much as she needs him. it only becomes apparent when takane is needing him less and less bc she's been healing outside of their fucked up dynamic and he's like wait a damn moment???!!!!! so he's like TAKANE why didn't u say anything!!! and takane's like erm idk. it just kinda played out like that it's fine haruka is there for me im working on it and stuff and shintaro is SOOO insane abt it because realising takane's been relying on someone else takes him out of this familiarity and he's like oh my god TAKANE IS ALIVE HARUKA IS ALIVE AYANO IS ALIVE OH MY GOD THEYRE ALL MOVING ON WITHOUT ME OH MY GOD and its so uncomfortable for him. its so uncomfortable to see takane with haruka the same way it makes him uncomfortable to be with ayano because it makes him so painfully aware of like. THIS IS THE GOOD ENDING. yknow.

anyways... shinaya breakup happens lol!!! takane is again here to pick up the pieces. and shintaro is SO broken over this that takane soooorta reverts back bc YIKES HES NOT DOING GOOD. shintaro is clinging on her so bad it makes him look stupid. like i said in the insane shinaya reply. being back to being despaired over ayano and crying on takane is familiar! self sabotage at its finest, its pain that he knows. new things he hasnt seen are terrifying!!! and this way.... takane is away from haruka, rather paying attention to him instead and he is dragging her down with him!!! its awful but its comforting to think for him like YES!!! TAKANE IS ALSO BAD!!! TAKANE IS ALSO STUCK WITH ME!!!! BTW THIS IS ALL ON AN UNCONSCIOUS LEVEL FOR SHINTARO LMAO.

but takane is AWARE... like yeah she gets he's sad over his breakup but takane doesnt TOTALLY revert back. like by this point its been a long time and she's totally aware of their codependency & working on it & already resenting a little how shintaro takes her for granted. and when it's been long enough and shintaro is still pathetically sobbing abt ayano, takane's been back in ene mode trying to distract him and cheer him up like always but she's like. man i have a job to get to. can we wrap this up for today. LOL LIKE takane has a fucking life so even if shintaro's (unconsciously) like omg yess its like it used to be, it isnt because takane has shit to take care of outside of him😭 she can be like. sorry man i gotta go i got a thing with haruka and shintaro's like ???? because... "normally" she would cancel on haruka for him and now she wont and shintaro's like wh??? and maybe he points it out and it REALLY pisses takane off LOLLL

ok so takane ticking time bomb abt to tell shintaro off + shinaya breakup + kanoshin insanity. *rubs hands together* shintaro about to accidentally finish destroying his relationship with takane that's already hanging by a thread. because he's dealing with all the guilt over his breakup with ayano and the newly found kinship with kano(+internalized homophobia) and he's like... so desperate. he's like. ok. there is 1 person in this world who will still have me and make me feel normal abt being this way.

sorry for shipping shintaka and being insane. shintaro wants to date takane. SORRY I KNOW its born from an insane fucked up situation and its truly the last straw for takane because she's like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUIUUUT WHAT THE HELLLLLL bc shintaro's only going to her bc 1. to make me feel straight 💥 2. to make me feel valid💥💥💥 LIKE HES NOT THINKING OF HER FEELINGS AT ALL and i do think he'd fall for her in a little fucked up way like well idk??? i dont know but i definitely think shintaro&takane feel a very specific way abt each other and in his desperation shintaro decided to call it love LOL. takane would treat it sensibly if SHE DIDNT FUCKING KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON and she sends him to hell for it LOLLLL !!!!! this also distances haruka & shintaro because SHINTARO KNEW haruka is insanely self conscious and insecure and always treated the situation with kid gloves in fear of takane being like lol u dont like me hanging out with shintaro?? bye then. like he knows haruka has always been scared of takane choosing shintaro over him (even if not romantically) and then HE GOES AND DOES THAT AND even someone like haruka is like. bro... because listen by this point!!! haruka and takane have grown A LOT as people and as a couple while shintaro was stuck in this insane quarrel with ayano and himself and has his head so far up his own ass he couldn't see how horrible of an idea it is until he does it and ends up fucking up with friendship with both takane AND haruka. fun

SO............. umm. ur question. yes they do sort it out. shintaro has to grow a lot though. i think its his fallout with takane that is his last straw and he sort of realises he has got to make a change and accept this reality as terrifying as it is. its definitely a quartet fallout too. ofc they makeup!! ofc shintaro apologizes, of course they start talking again (i don't think they'd go long without talking btw i think takane's just like we. need time apart) and ofc they get to a point where the quartet is all together again even if shintaro and ayano are broken up, they get to be on friendly terms after enough time apart, and shintaro and takane can also be normal friends. they are still bestest friends but definitely more proper and shintaro now acts like a person to takane instead of taking her for granted and is there for her like a proper friend would be and etc. ofc it gets to that!!! but lol. isnt it so fun to have a circus first :3

THEY JUST NEED A BIT OF TIME APART..... but they are best of friends. they're one of a kind to each other💗 erm. Hi

[dogstarblues]

accomplishments 3/8/24

walked my dog

ran an errand to get my medicine (another black girl told my my hair is beautiful 😭 feeling highly blessed bc i was convinced it was a mess today)

ran an errand to give my dad a belated present

talked to my dad for 2 hours and didnt have a meltdown

ran to dunkin for a drink

ran to the grocery store to pick up a few things

read a book to cross off an item on owned TBR list challenge from The Server - hated it but i read it

sewed in lining partially for my friend's bag that i made

listened to an audiobook that just happens to be on the book bingo challenge sheet i made for myself

listened to Media Club Plus

made breakfast

made dinner

made the snack i posted earlier

filled out interview questions

this was the most ive been out on errands in almost 2 years. maybe 2 full years. the most ive driven my car in almost 2 years. possibly tbe most ive been on my feet. and i feel okay. i still dont want to hope im getting better. im scared this is just feeling okay for now. im scared ill go back to how i was. that i'll regress. im scared that this isnt progress at all that its a fluke. and thats the thing is: my CFS isnt going away. even if im going into remission something could trigger it years down the line and i could get sick again. i have to live my life constantly cautious from now on.

i wanted to do work today but seeing my dad took a lot out of me mentally. we talked about some heavy topics (my mental illness, my chronic illnesses, scratched the surface of my financial trauma that he partially inflicted on me) and like. idk. i dont think my dad knows how crazy i am. he had like an expression of fear??? almost??? when i told him (only slightly!!!) what mania is like and wbhat psychosis is like and that i still get delusions like that time this january i cut myself off from almost everyone for a week because i was convinced i was being shunned by everyone. or that time several years back i was up til 4am tearing apart the apartment and ranting trying to find the source of a smell that didnt exist in the space (burning cinnamon). like im delulu. ive made my peace with it and look at my irrationality with a fondness now. but im delulu. and always will be.

anyway i dont think he ever bothered trying to understand what bipolar disorder and chronic illness was until now, when he retired. idk something changed after his first year of retirement, its like he actually listens to me talk aboht my experiences instead of like reminding me over snd over that my birth parents gave me up and didnt want me and constantly bringing up my childhood instead of talking about my life now. hes less exhausting now is what im saying. still get flashbacks from seeing him tho.

tldr: i djd a lot. idk how to feel abt it. im scared to hope. today was mentally draining.

[ii-viixx]

tw: venting, self-harm/sh, blood mentions, mommy issues ranting (if that’s an actually trigger, sorryyyy), family issues, ect

///

///

sorry for this long ahh vent or wtvr the fck i wrote was. also idk i jst started to add other stuff to it, i got bored & jst wanted to vent even more. sorry if it doesn't make much sense, its 4 in da morning

/////

Why’d I let him do that. Did it even happen.. ?? Every day that I don’t speak about it,, or when I do it feels like guilt swallowing me whole. Was it real? Was it real? Was it real? Was it real? FUCK…. Or is it another of my little ass stories. Fuck, I’m so stupid. So very stupid. FUCKKKK !!!! UGHHHH. Why’d I let him touch me,,,, he touched me he touched me he touched me he touched me… Maybe??? IDK,, I wanna rip the skin off my flesh & cry.. fuxking start laughing like the fucking Joker when I do. Did it even happen? Did it? Did it? Did it? Did it? Was it real Was it real was it real was it real… I lwk be feeling like that one line, it went smth like: “pretty enough to be sexualized, but not pretty enough to be loved” 🤯 Lmfaooo (am I going crazy???? idk am i am i am i am i am. no im not… right? maybe i do need mental help, maybe I really do…). I get stared often. It’s strange but I sometimes like the attention. I sometimes think that I’m not worthy of love. It’s weird being horny almost all the damn time? is it cuz i’m a teen or did my constant exposure & most likely SA experience fuck me so bad that I became hyper sexual???

.. Gosh, I feel like a freak whenever I think of myself in that way… yk that reminds me.. when I was younger, around 7,,, I was taking pictures or jst plain staring at my budding chest… Even though I wasn’t deflowered, I still felt like my petals fell anytime I was stared at by older men or getting touched by him,,, Him him him.. Him. Did he did he did he did he? I need answers. Maybe I’m just sick in the head for thinking he touched me,,, did he? Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. In the end we were jst kids. Enough abt that. Let’s go onto how I became who I am today. I grew up to a single mother. Typical. My dad left us before I was even born (rude but whatevs). We moved at least 3 times before settling down. Whoo… She was a fucking mess my mom was a mess. A pretty heavy drinker & smoker. I was surrounded by it from her, her boyfriend (now ex), his lil friends & maybe hers? idk. She used to kick me out & lock me out the door, I got used to it but I got lucky if her ex decided to open it for me. She was abusive, physically, maybe ? idk but i’m pretty sure she did. I blocked out a ton of shit from my childhood 💀 growing up she used to call me names & hit me even tho i didn’t do nothing. wrong. She’d talk to me abt her feelings & venting. (Wow way to do a number to a fucking 3yo). She’d vent abt her troubles. I had to learn how to feed $ dress myself when she didn’t want to. I don’t think she likes me as a person but she definitely loves as a daughter. So hypocritical, but sometimes so am I. Ive come to realize that I’m almost like an exact copy of her. from her face, hair, personality, the way we present, ourselves, up to the way we fucking talk. My family even says so. But as much as I hate to admit, I can see the almost uncanny resemblance, well obviously i’m aware of the whole: ’YoU’Re boUnd to LooK liKE YOur MoTHer, yoU cAME fROm hER’ ik that but it’s annoying to hear it almost every fucking day, I live & breathe. It’s annoying as shit. But that’s also why I was piercing & highlights. Jst to have at least some type of different between us, jst so I can’t hear other ‘OMG!!! U look *jst* like ur mother! Like a little mini-her’. It was cute the first 3 or 7 times, but after what.. almost two decades of hearing that sentence. It gets pretty annoying. What I despise equally as much is when ppl say ‘Dang you looked jst like her sister’ (towards my mom). She looks pretty young yea, but it’s annoying too. Though in the end. I love her, I’m proud of her. She’s really trying to better herself, and whatnot. But fuck, please for the love of god; go to therapy woman. U need it, I need it, even nana (grandma) needs it. Almost everyone in my family needs ts. We’re all fucked up in a way. more shit cuz y not.. i started self-harming/sh around the age of 3-5. It was jst simple: hitting myself, hair pulling, scratching, bruising. I did it when I got stressed w home life, when I was angry, sad or jst felt like it. I stopped for a bit, but then it was a whole cycle once more. On & off typa things. Though,, one summer after going crazy abt whether to cut or not. My friend showed her twt feed, I saw video after video of ppl cutting, slicing, bleeding, ect. I was skhakjng, basically tweaking out like how Tweek from SP/South Park does (not exactly but similarly). I bit my tongue. After the skool yr was over, the first official night of summer, I decided to grab a pencil sharpener, unscrew the blade & I gently swiped it across my thighs. No blood, it stung like crazy doe. i barely even cut the skin. That’s when I started to go a bit deeper, jst out of the blue. That’s when I hit blood, no styro tho. Something went over me & I went deeper, pushing the blade onto my arms. I checked the wound. My first styro, my heart was racing, pounding. I was excited. I did even more styros, some a bit deeper than others. I still have every scar to show it. Even the little 4 straight-ish ones that look like little slopes or rows of corn.

[videostak]

p sure my moms drunk tonight T-T or atleast being weird and slurring her speech a lot idk its hard to tell anymore tho i dont kno when she wouldve even got stuff i guess she went w/ my younger sister and her friend to the grocery store so maybe then? idk tho i feel like she didnt but shes def weird she came into my room earlier to try to tell me that she was gonna give me a 50$ a week allowance for the errands i constantly have to do and i was just like umm no we should talk abt this another time. i hate it cause that seems normal enough and soemthing someone would totally accept until u realize its more hush money than anything and her just trying to pay me off to put up w/ the way she is its like annoyyying and also 2 our family is like not doing good on money i mean we’re still getting by but like kinda always  have to be careful and for my mom to just throw that at me is insane. like makes me wonder why shed even do that then next day warn us all that things are gonna be tight w/ money lol and then like if i were to have taken the money (im not going to obv) but if i did she’d then like hold it against me if i ever call her out on her shit like act like i have to be grateful sooo ya. i hate the way my mom is cause like on days like this when i just have to do shit nonstop she praises me endlessly but then the moment i voice my problems she threatens to kick me out and acts like im the most ungrateful slob of all time. genuinely hypocritical like she really tries to gaslight me into thinking i do absolutely nothing around the house anytime i get annoyed that no one helps around and that im the one who gets chewed out for the house being a mess but then once the dust settles and i havent complained for a week or month or so then she tries to give ME big lectures on how grateful she is and how ia always do stuff w/o complaining and how she wants to send me large amounts of cash to keep up the good work it just makes me siiiick. like makes me feel like frowing up. anyways idk me driving and everything like being able to drive my siblings places normal style and also me hoping i can go to the movies w/ my mom like that independence makes it not feel as crushing as it used to. and like ill have to see how this record store thing goes and if not i can find a job somewhere hopefully soon. thinking abt how transparent my moms intentions are sometimes makes me reallly feel sick tho but like ultimately it doesnt seem to affect me as much as it used to like idk it means nothing to me cause i dont have to rely on her and have gotten better at standing my ground more often both w/ her and w/ my dad and realizing how useless it is to pick sides or to even defend someone in dishonest ways etccc excited to watch playtime tomorrow hopefully idk im gonna go to the mall then watch playtime the criteiron dvd then the brazilian one and see if anythings different in like quality n stufff. and also wanna watch lovers live :)

[evandorepart2]

longgggg fucking vent post under the cut. idk if it even counts as vent i am simply relaying information about the situation and i am unsure how i should feel right now

oh my fucking GOD my brother is such an asshole like. ok so whats happened over the past couple days is that

i hit a depressive period. it is Obvious -> since im depressed i dont have energy to eat or cook much and ive been struggling with making sure to eat Before this -> we have recently got groceries and there are muffins. before this i was literally eating a slice of bread so i would at the very least not pass out or vomit so obviously when we have that im going to switch to Depending on that -> this is something i do a lot, unconciously, to eat. i have a single 'meal' and stick with it until its run out. whether or not it has lots of steps.

what happened after this is

my brother gets pissed cause i ate all the muffins and he calls me a bitch and some other stuff idr cause i deleted the messages -> i am hanging by a thread and being confronted abt an insecurity on multiple levels makes me very upset -> i attempt to deflect these feelings by joking about it so that i can convince myself that im not upset -> he responds negatively and calls me annoying + brings up the fact that hes the only one whos been cleaning downstiars and subtly implying that im lazy and never do any work. a fact he Has said to my face despite this being proven Not True many times. and none of the Mess hes been cleaning up is mine since i have not been using the kitchen / using dishes / had items isolated to a single small table -> i get more upset and decide to be honest and write a short, frank note [bc this is all over text bc he never talks to me face to face] saying that i am depressed. its difficult to eat and i wasnt even Thinking of him [as he is someone who regularly gets on everyone else for eating junk sweet food so i dont think he wnats that stuff] and i apologize for being a dick and thank him for cleaning up.

after this he does not respond which means that there is nothing else he wants to say on the matter. that was a few days ago and i do not talk / go near him. ive phsyically seen him Three times since this exchange. and they lasted a few seconds since i quickly Left The Area.

today was the first time hes messaged me since then to tell me to do the dishes. i Was going to - was debating not to but then it got into my head as a Task I Need To Finish before i could continue what i was doing - but when i went downstairs he was on the couch and this scared me so i went back upstairs and was promising to do it tomorrow.

Until i had another breakdown and completely reorganized all my projects so i wouldnt have an unproductive spiral. and then i just finished so i thought Now i will do the dishes so i can get back into doing my Other Tasks. that is if they werent done - the thing with the dishes is that he said he was going to cook. which is how it usually goes. so its not like he just told me to clean LOL

but during this time i had headphones on which are sound proof and as i was going outside i took them off and realized the tv was on which means hes downstairs. and also i could smell meat cooking, meaning he was making dinner. its at this point i was like. whoops i didnt do the dishes that sucks but also. i Have told him i was in the middle of a depressive period. i havent been eating and i havent been leaving my room at all. even my father picked up on this. its easy to assume that he understands that hey! maybe youll tell me to do something and i just dont do it. for gods sake i didnt even answer the text bc i didnt want to say id do it and then not do it.

so i went to shower instead and felt really sick standing up since obviously i havent eaten and it feels like my stomach is caving in and i can smell food cooking which just makes it significantly worse.

which is whatever. i leave. i think about whether or not my pride will let me go downstairs when he tells me hes made dinner. NOTE: my father is gone today - hes partying with his work friends as a going away thing. so it is just us.

except! he hasnt texted me at all! in fact! its been half an hour since i know he cooked and nothing has been said to me. which leaves the options. he made something else and i can just fend for myself. he made the original meal [which was burgers and takes a while to do cause he does it from scratch] and was pissed that i didnt do the dishes so he didnt make me any. or hes still cooking and has yet to text me [doubtful]

which. i dont know which is worse! and i am unsure if i am allowed to be upset by this!

because on one hand yea. i was supposed to do the dishes and i couldnt even bring myself to do that.

but on the other hand. man im fucking depressed. it took two days of convincing to get me to brush my teeth again. i am getting physically ill from lack of food and ive been having casual thoughts of suicide again. and its not like he doesnt know. like ive told him. ive left out my diagnosis papers so he could see them - which he told me hes read ! im not 'suffering in silence' or whatever. im just FUCK i dont know. i hate this stupid family.

its like everyone looks at me and goes. yea you have problems. but the second i start i dont fucking know having problems everyone gets soooo mad at me and tells me how awful and lazy and how im literally never going to ammount to anything or do anything < real words that my brother had said ! he went off very long on how pathetic i am to my father and only 'apologized' like a day later when he was high which was barely even an apology he just said sorry and then hung up.

its like every time i try to get better and then everyone around me just. fucking i dont even know man. my mom hates me. my brother hates me. my father hates everything i like and everything i stand for and completely refuses to ever listen to me actually talk. im awful person to everyone around me and all my friends and im not getting out of this hell hole. nothing is going to change when i get to iowa. im just gonna be the same shitty person in an even shittier country with people and family that i hate

[formulawonu]

Your writing is amazing 💓 Can I request a SVT reacts to their s/o pranking them by avoiding their kisses.

seventeen & pranks

a/n: thank youuuu so much this means a lot <3 and happy birthday minghaoooo!!! 🎂

seungcheol: the moment u swerve when he leans in to give u a kiss he kinda laughs but when u keep doing it he's like ???? he knows nothing wrong has happened but he's thinking anyway... but when u forget ur doing it and try to give him a kiss hes so sulky and moves away from ur kisses. he uno-reverse carded u

jeonghan: ohhh so u wanna play that game. jeonghan picks up on it the moment u swerve once and he doesn't try again. ur playing a game on ur own idk what to say u cant beat him at any mind games ://

joshua: shua laughs his frustated laugh™️ (the one where his eyes get wider and hes 'laughing') around the fourth or fifth time u avoid his kiss. "baby come on" tries to kiss u again to no success. he huffs a lil and goes "fine" he then pouts a lil and OBVIOUSLY u better kiss him now >:( he smiles immediately when u give him a kiss on the cheek im gonna cry

junhui: unlike those that get sulky he finds it exciting and takes it as a challenge. he traps u wherever u are and starts peppering ur entire face w kisses. oh u dont want just ONE kiss? take ten. fight him fr fr

hoshi: "BABY WHY" "PLEASE !! JUST !! LET !! ME !! KISS !! YOU !!" u dont know it but he always needs to kiss u before u/he leave the house bec its his good luck charm or weird custom that he believes keeps u both safe :/ he probably knows its a prank or whateva but hes just so devastated. just let him kiss u honestly it means more to him than u at the moment:/

wonwoo: heeee notices but doesnt say anything lmao hes just like hmmm ok. cmon wonwoo give us nothing!!! but i think he just doesn't react that much because he doesn't try to read into it since u both are generally at a good place and he doesnt need to worry sdjhfgs he probably also can tell ur playing a prank on him -_- but will play along just to see u smile and have fun:/ SICK

woozi: has no time for ur games MOVE he's got enough on his plate😪 will maybe attempt to kiss u ONE more time but if u move away he'll just shrug then go on with his day. its kinda eating at him tho bec ????? damn now u messed w his productivity. pls just put him out of misery and tell him u were playing a prank. he will scoff at u but feel better when u say sorry lmfao

minghao: he knows abt this prank before u even try hskjdfghsdf the moment u dodge his kiss he's like ayeeeee okkkkk i see u then suddenly its both of u fighting to land kisses on each other and trying to dodge the other skdfjhaefkh would be so funny. u both r giggling messes

mingyu: BECAUSE HE KNOWS UR PLAYING A GAME AND HE TRAPS U IN BETWEEN HIS ARMS PINS U AGAINST A WALL AND ITS OVER. "whats this all about?" even u forget ur playing a game and u try to lean in for a kiss and u can just hear him silently laughing and whispering "cute" under his breath. he plants a quick kiss on u and lets u get on with ur day. ur on the losing end of the stick here idk what to say

seokmin: dont even start😭 he's overthinking the moment u avoid his kiss the first time. doesn't attempt again because he thinks he's genuinely done something wrong and u don't wanna be near him. will visibly and obviously give u space the rest of the day until u cave (right away???? pls???) and tell him its just a prank kfdjhs dont stress him out

seungkwan: "ok got it" the moment u dodge his kiss. do not try to outplay the king of petty. will ask u just one time why ur avoiding his kisses. if u say u just don't want it anymore he's like hm ok. none for the rest of the week then <3 the ball is in ur court now u can make it up to him or not uksdfjhfj

vernon: does not even realize u avoided his kiss or he thinks u just didn't notice he leaned in to give u one. he's a simple man and ur relationship dynamic is probably a pretty straightforward one. thinks if u were mad enough at him to purposely avoid his kisses then u would probably just tell him why first sjhdfksd

dino: he's following u around asking u why u dont wanna kiss him fghsdfh "is it my breath" "i just brushed my teeth" "ill brush again ?" he may or may not actually go and brush his teeth. kdfgrf i just think it would be so funny to play this game w him. he sees u find it amusing so he knows nothing is probably wrong but he's still running thru whatever might have u doing this. would be bothering u until u let him kiss u. just do it