heyyoyoyo

[heyyoyoyo]

[heyyoyoyo]

the worst part about mental illness is that it’s so easy to forget about it the moment you start feeling like everything might be okay. it’s like the universe needs to remind you every single time that it won’t be okay and that you’ll need to live with yourself for the rest of your life.

[heyyoyoyo]

Can i be a normal person for two minutes

Not even a normal happy person

I just want to have a well wired brain

Just for a bit

As a treat

[heyyoyoyo]

i love hearing my cat scream through the entire house while hungry because she usually doesn’t come to me on her own and i frequently panic and become super worried that i wont ever see her again even though she is probably just napping somewhere

[heyyoyoyo]

i didn’t take my adhd meds for a week because i had to wait for an appointment with a new psychiatrist and its so irritating because i could finally do phonecalls or have social interctions without stressing me too much but at the same time i am just not functional at all and couldn’t even keep up with the most basic routines i had.

its just so frustrating, it worked perfectly for half a year and all of a sudden its just being able to choose between feeling like shit after a few hours because i cant get anything done OR being able to feel like shit after a few hours because i can’t interact with other people without feeling weird stressed and confused afterwards

[heyyoyoyo]

Masking at School/Work

Well behaved

Eager to please

Hard working

Compliant

What You Don’t See:

High anxiety

Social confusion

Stomach aches

Exhaustion

Meltdowns

Misunderstood

The Autistic Teacher

[heyyoyoyo]

i miss my cat so fucking much

[heyyoyoyo]

Society: be yourself!

Me as a child: *be’s myself*

Society: ewww omg what is wrong with you! We said to be yourself not weird! We’re gonna reject you and make you an outsider!

Me: but I followed your rule of being myself? Why don’t you like me? What’s wrong with me? Why does everyone else get the rules that need to be followed but I don’t?

[heyyoyoyo]

i never seemed to make the jump from carefree teenager to being an adult who has to deal with responsibilities and now having to learn everything from scratch is breaking my i feel so burnt out even though do nothing all day i feel crushed by all the things that are expected of me i just want to cry

[heyyoyoyo]

i feel so useless right now i am back at home and i literally do nothing all day i have no friends no job no social contacts i am rotting in my bed all the time and yet i feel paralyzed unable to do anything about it except waiting for my appointments so i can get help

i feel ashamed just being around my family because currently i am nothing but a liability to them

[heyyoyoyo]

i constantly feel like i deny myself a better future by not putting enough effort in and being lazy everything is just so exhausting at the moment

[heyyoyoyo]

hey neurodivergents have u ever doubted ur neurodivergence? like hey what if im overreacting about this neurodivergent shit what if im neurotypical and faking it

[heyyoyoyo]

Something not a lot of people talk about is how when you’re a child you learn and pick up behaviors from mimicking things and people you see around you (Iike manners, habits, diets, etc) but when you’re autistic that behavior never really stops? Like you start mimicking neurodivergent people around you to mask better, and it’s a subconscious thing most of the time

But the thing is, you can also start mimicking non-human things, like the humming of a computer fan when it turns on, or the looks dogs give when they want something, or the pathing of a Roomba

This is VERY counterproductive

[heyyoyoyo]

I'm so frustrated. It's like my brain doesn't work. I can have all the motivation in the world but then I can't actually DO anything. Because there is just this stupid mental block. And I don't know what to do about it anymore. I can't do things I want to do, I can't do things I need to do. I can't do anything. I talk to my parents but they don't know how to help. I talk to my therapist but they don't know how to help. I don't know who to reach out to anymore. All I know is I really need help. But I don't know where to get it from. I am just so fucking exhausted. I feel like I'm wasting my life because I'm so damn stuck.

[heyyoyoyo]

autism culture is i have dyscalculia and hyperlexia so i can spell anything im a spelling superhero but i just pulled out my phone calculator to do 25 minus 9 because i tried multiple times and couldnt get the same answer

.

[heyyoyoyo]

You CAN do it. You Just Don't Want to

"what do you mean you don't think you'll drive?"

"You're too old to have your parents pack your lunch for you"

"It's so easy. Just do your work!"

"Stop making those noises. It creeps me out."

"It's not the loud"

"It's not that bright"

"Just try harder"

"You don't even realize how rude you are"

"I've had enough of your excuses and disrespect"

"It's lack of discipline, nothing more"

"You can't cook? Well you better learn soon"

"Stop crying like that. I should be the one crying"

"Your parents raised you wrong"

"Just put the clothes on and stop being a brat"

"You forget to brush your teeth? That's disgusting"

All things I've heard from people at school and my own family.

[heyyoyoyo]

I love being autistic because I talked for too long and now I don't want to talk at all ever again