#but it happened and that makes it wrong for me to question anyone. ik trauma isnt what it seems at times but i hate the way socmed has made

[basicallyjaywalker]

The timeline and history of Ninjago is weird and fluid: an essay

So recently I reblogged a post asking what people thought the length of the time skip between S2 and S3 was and it got me thinking about the weird chronology of this show.

Disclaimer: i have only seen up to S8 because I'm a hack and a fraud but I do still follow fandom and have seen enough clips I think to gain an understanding of how the ninja are portrayed and characterized in later seasons. I welcome and deeply appreciate those of you who are more caught up on the seasons adding to my points and pointing out where I'm wrong on this post! Who knows maybe in 15 years when I do catch up I'll make a follow up

Basically, the conclusion I have after years of thinking about this timeline way too much is this:

The time twins completely screwed up the timeline

Only slightly joking, but it does feel like the divide between S7 and S8 (coincidentally also when the design change took place) is when the writers had to retcon a lot of old ideas because the show was moving in a new direction spurred by an increase of popularity from the movie and by desires from the people supervising the shows creation.

My main points for this are as follows

The ninjas age

How old the country of Ninjago is

The depiction of the passing of time itself

So let's examine these one by one and let me tell you exactly what I think caused the chronological fluidity of this show

Wait... How old are the ninja?

The answer to this question depends on who you ask. Some people say they're in their late teens, that they're early adults, or that they've got to be hitting the mid 20s by now. Personally, I'm of the latter camp, but depending on which season someone is viewing, any of these can be true.

In the post I talked about at the start, I mentioned that S1-S4 felt like the ninja clearly grew older and matured as time went on. They went from blowing off training to play video games in S1 to dealing with the ramifications of trauma in various, independent, adult ways in S4. Yes, they can still be super immature and goofy, but let's be real adults are like that irl too. Now they seem to stall out on dramatic progression in S5-7, but they generally maintain the same level of maturity as before.

Now again, I have not watched the following seasons, but the general vibe I have gathered is the ninja seem to almost... Regress? They seem to go back to S1 levels of maturity. Teenagers! I mean Lloyd specifically seems to be more of a typical teenage boy archetype whereas beforenhe was portrayed as almost more mature than the ninja. Additionally, there's an interview wherein someone on the team confirms they're supposed to be teens (if anyone can find it I'll be forever in your debt).

This weird regression happens in the later seasons, and while I can't pinpoint where, to me it feels like a result of how they were portrayed in (you guessed it) the movie!

Small aside: I also haven't seen the movie but ik it's non canon and very typical Lego movie silly fun fluff. I like what I've seen and think the whole narrative is super cute. Plus movie aus are adorable. Moving on

Now I have no way of backing this up but I would be unsurprised if the movie brought more people to the Ninjago franchise as a whole and acted as a soft reboot after s8. We get the new redesigns, new garmadon brought back specifically to be able to mirror movie garm, and teenage ninjas including our favorite magical boy with daddy issues--Lloyd.

Basically, the ninjas almost have a parabola of maturation, starting off very young and dumb in s1, maturing into very adult people by S4, but slowly regressing after the rebrand to match the new style.

And funnily enough, none of this goes against an official canon. The ninjas ages are never stated, really, only implied. Really, they could still be in their mid twenties or early teens at any point. Even if you argued that they wouldn't be teachers or able to own stocks in a company or etc etc etc, you can also argue that the laws in Ninjago may not be the same, it may be through Wu or another adult, it could just be that they're the ninja and really no one is gonna question them on that. The canon itself is kinda wobbly which brings me to my next point:

HOW OLD IS NINJAGO?!?!

HOW IS NINJAGO THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD HOW ARE THERE MULTIPLE GENERATIONS OF EMS HOW PLD ARE GARM AND WU HOW OLD ARE THE NINJA HOW OLD ARE THEIR PARENTS HOW OLD IS ANYONE WHAT THE HECK--

--Are all thoughts I've had when trying to piece together the timeline of this world because let's face it: it simultaneously seems to be very new and very old. "Long before time had a name...' HOW LONG WU. HOW LONG.

When I was watching S7 I specifically took note of when it was said that the Serpentine war was 40 years ago. It felt weirdly recent, as before when the serpentine were discussed and depicted they seemed to be an ancient race. So ancient, in fact, that it's mentioned in s1 that they're just "an old wives tale, meant to keep kids from poking their noses where they don't belong'

Now don't get me wrong, temporal perception is weird. Things that were 40 years ago can feel super old, I'm approaching 20 years old and things from when I was born feel like ages ago. Still, 40 years does not feel like enough for something as intense as an entire war to be forgotten. Ray and Maya fought in that war, so presumably Ed, Edna, and Lou all lived through it. Wu was literally present for the banishing of the Anacondrai generals, so how tf did it fade into obscurity?

Then there's the EMs themselves. In S4 Garmadon explains that they were the FSM "guardians" and that their powers are passed down through generations. This does give an answer to the origins of the ninjas powers except. No, wait, I have more questions now. Firstly, how many generations? We know Garmadon is the son of the FSM, so presumably if the first generation of EMs are contemporaries of the FSM, then we're on the third. Okay, that's less confusing. With three generations, we can explain how the EMs separated, the master of earth who was most definitely not Lily in a flashback in S4, and even the odd comment Nya makes in S5 about powers "skipping a generation" with people from the second generation not getting powers from their relatives while others do. We could possibly point to Zane as an example of this, as it could be possible that the master of ice seen inna flashback is his grandfather and Juliens father, with Julien having no shown elemental powers.

So with all of this in mind it makes complete sense that Ninjago is less than a century and a half old, allowing about 50 years for each generation.

So, I ask with great exhaustion, how the FUCK has all of it's RECENT HISTORY become LEGEND????

I would like to reiterate my point about the serpentine, but also see pirates (who had to have also been contemporaries to the FSM which begs the question WHY piracy in a barely established nation), the devourer and ouroborus (devourer specifically was around 60 so years ago to bite Garmadon, also how did the serpentine tribes just FORGET a whole city in 40 years or less between the war and being freed), the ideas of EMs as a whole???? (Specifically how did Kai, Nya, and Cole not know or at least have an idea Abt their powers bc it feels like they each had enough of a connection to an elemental parent for a MENTION to be made), etc etc etc

Now I will go on record and admit this point could just be explained by the fact that for a country that is say, 150-200 years old, things that happened 100 or even 50 years ago FEEL ancient, relatively speaking. Really most of my issues are just gripes of why and how and decisions made and could be picked apart easily. However, that idea, that things just FEEL ancient, despite being recent, brings me to what is going to be my favorite point

Tick Tock.

Throughout this incoherent ramble disguised as a coherent essay, I keep coming back to one excuse for each of my issues: nothing chronological is stated for certain (save for the Serpentine war date), merely implied. The ninjas ages are never stated, just implied over time. The actual age of Ninjago is never stated, just implied. Hell, NO ONE's ages are ever stated, just implied. Wu and Garmadon are simultaneously dad aged and ancient. Garmadon specifically is both an ancient demon lord and also the ex husband to a very private and very human museum curator and also the absent father to a boy who is simultaneously like 16 and 20 something.

Except, I get hung up on one thing the longer I think about it, which is that the show seemed to be a chronological passing of time at first.

I mentioned it again earlier when talking about the ninjas ages (can you tell that a lot of my confusion and frustration comes from that) but they do seem to age and mature over time. They have arcs and maturation that sticks. Lloyd does too. Id argue Nya does as well despite the fact that she's woefully overlooked by the writing a lot (I'll get to it in the love triangle essay) going from the "little sister" doing whatever she can to prove herself to a woman still fighting that omnipresent idea that she's lesser or different from her male teammates because of her gender. Hell, in s7 they specifically talk about how Wu is aging and will die someday soon--hed been time punched, but still.

The time skips add to this. Between s2 and s3 there seems to be a large leap-- new Ninjago city wasn't built in a day. So do S3 and s4 with the ninja splitting up and Jay having enough time to establish a hit tv show like... that had to take a few months at least???Same with s4 and s5 and steep wisdoms founding.

There's a strong sense of the passing of time that feels... Different when looking at the new seasons. I won't say the passage isn't there, just that it feels... Frozen? In the same way that a show like Pokemon is. The protagonists are the same age, despite the fact that their surroundings and lives change. They are constant even if their world is not. And that feels like the product of something completely different.

Ninjago will never end.

In the beginning, I think it was clear there were two seasons planned. Rise of the Serpentine and Legacy of the Green Ninja. S2 had a nice happy ending and a photo finish even!! Then we had S3, but it still felt like it was final. The loss of a friend, but the characters finding a sense of closure still. But then we had S4... Which left with a cliffhanger for S5. Which paved the way for S6. And after that... Well, Crystalized was what, S15? And now we have DR so who Knows when this franchise will truly end? Not to mention the seasons slowly getting longer and longer --

I think the crazy chronology we ended up with was the result of Many Cooks. As the franchise's fan base grew and the demand for more and more content grew with it, more writers came in and left. There was no more telling how long this series would go. We needed new villains to fight, new stories to tell, so came the retconning and, over time, the tighter chronology seen during those initial seasons faded because if we keep aging the ninja, how old would they be? Too old. We need to keep them at a place where the target demographic can look up to and relate to them.

Now don't get me wrong, I love Ninjago, I love how big this fan base is (I remember being on Quotev and Wattpad and Pinterest and YouTube in the S3 era SCOURING for any new fanfics or art or fan content, now I just scroll the Tumblr tags and find new stuff all the time) and I love that the series has lasted this long and continues to feed my autism fun colors and silly jokes and insane storylines to latch onto. These criticisms aren't meant to damn the show, hell they're pretty flimsy considering I'm not even halfway through the series relatively speaking and thus can't really use that as evidence for or against me. They're just a culmination of many thoughts I've had while watching the show and trying to build my own AU with OCs using as much of the canon as possible. I would LOVE to wake up someday and find someone has reblogged this rebutting all of my points.

As it stands though, ninjagos chronology is fucked. Why? Because what was initially a short, fun Lego show grew so massively popular that today we have a new Netflix spinoff? Continuation? Still being made today and so the writers had to change gears and make it so that could happen without the ninja becoming grandparents.

It is one thirty am and I have to wake up in 5 hours. Stay tuned for an even less coherent essay on why I hate the love triangle. Spoiler alert: none of it is nyas fault and my trait of evisceratinf the things I love w criticism is about to be set upon Jay my kin

[aroaceking]

I literally cannot tell if you actually want me to answer any of the things you asked but I'm posting the entire comment and I will answer it. I'm going to be very honest and address that I am autistic so if I've taken the fact there were questions too literally I am actually sorry, I have no intention of requesting engagement from you if you are not actually trying to discuss it with me.

Reblogs are off because I don't really feel comfortable with reblogs when I'm going to address some of my trauma, but you're free to reply to this or send an ask (I think ask word limits are lower now?) if you wish to reply.

tw because I don't know how to explain any of my things without addressing a lot of this: transphobia tw, transmisogyny tw, intersexism tw, homophobia tw, racism tw, csa tw, cocsa tw, childhood sexual trauma tw, medical abuse tw, ableism tw, idk like literally it's just my life idk how to give it enough labels to give fair warning.

under a read more because it's long

@fite-club

okay. there’s a lot to unpack here. i’m gonna first address the “stop sexualizing asexuality” thing— asexuality is about sexual attraction, it is inherently a sexual topic in nature. but you’re alarmingly wrong about something here, and it’s the “recognizing ways I was different from my peers” part as a 14 year old, you WEREN’T different from your peers for not experiencing sexual attraction. MOST 14 year olds don’t. you mention trauma in your past— this is extremely relevant. why do you believe that the majority of 14 year olds were sexual, who told you that? ike, yeah, hypothetically someone who identifies as ace at 14 and experiences sexual attraction at age 18 can change their label from asexual to allosexual. but will they ACTUALLY do that, though? or will they just call themselves a sex-favorable asexual? when you make lacking attraction a part of your identity, what happens to your sense of identity if you DO experience attraction? also i need to point out that there are literal biological functions that are not done developing until you are over 18. your body and brain and hormones are still growing. you definitely cannot say with any certainty that anyone below the age of 16 knows they experience sexual attraction or not finally i need you to understand that by emphasizing “hey, it’s actually completely fine and normal to not be interested in sex at all when you’re in high school” it actually helps prevent teens from being sexually abused. “most teens are allosexual” is NOT the message you want to be spreading.

"asexuality is about sexual attraction, it is inherently a sexual topic in nature."

this is part of what I feel most uncomfortable with. it is innately a conversation about sexuality, but that, too, to me, feels simplified to state as 'sexual' when people are constantly equating sexual with 'having sex' or 'having sexual desires'. developmentally it's a lot more complex than that, especially when you don't use a split attraction model or thoroughly separate/classify all aspects of orientation. I understand why people may break down their identities into the tiniest boxes they can imagine, but I actually don't navigate it that way at all.

I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea that discussing sexuality is sexual. I know I'm repeating myself, I just am not sure if I'm clear. It's also deeply unsettling to me to see people, of any orientation, act like it's sexual for a child to state if they like boys or girls or whatever else. Or how people act like it's sexual for a child to have a gender identity separate from their assignment.

I will acknowledge the assignment I was given had impact on my feelings on this matter, I was hypersexualized throughout my childhood for being intersex, for publicly going also from 'boy' to 'girl', for my race. I understand that these add to my experiences and are part of why I was reacted to the way I was. That it was a catch-22 because if I had liked boys, I would've been performing gender wrong and if I had liked girls, I would've been performing gender wrong, and that no matter what space I took up, it would be 'incorrect.'

But this experience is mine. I was doomed to be sexualized no matter what I did in the environment I was a part of, and part of that relates to this idea that gender and sexuality in children when 'off the norm' is innately sexual. That if a child expresses a relationship to gender or orientation outside of boxes defined for them that it's somehow sexual.

I tried to define it to an anon earlier also but developmentally I am including things like how children will play-roles as well. A lot of my friends learned gender and orientation through how they wanted to do pretend games or how they felt unfulfilled by them. This isn't sexual, this isn't weird, it's a normal part of development. This includes children picking and pointing out fictional characters or celebrities to admire or joke about wanting to marry/have as a boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever. This includes the way children will also explore themselves through putting claims out like 'so and so is my boyfriend now' or whatever.

"you mention trauma in your past— this is extremely relevant. why do you believe that the majority of 14 year olds were sexual, who told you that?"

I know the trauma in my past is 'relevant.' I'm sure if I had not been further sexualized by adults and children alike for being intersex and the WAY I was intersex that I would not have the same relationship to any of this. As I stated, it's why I feel so strongly about some of it. I don't know who I would be without trauma, I can't just take my trauma aside and yes, I've gone through therapy, multiple attempts, some forced and some me trying to approach it carefully. It's why I tried to study developmental psychology.

I really dislike the statement 'why do you believe that the majority of 14 year olds were sexual'. I believe a majority of 14 year olds weren't and aren't asexual because a majority of the population is not asexual. It's a minority group. So is being gay. So is being trans. So is being intersex. If they feel strongly enough to identify as asexual, it is probably because they have an experience where it has made them feel othered, or at the very least uncomfortable. I don't even see why it matters if they're wrong about it. Nowadays they're constantly seeing people misidentify it as rooted in action, as in if you have sex or not, and some of them are probably very scared of the expectation of sex, and so they may label themselves incorrectly because they want to feel like they have support in language to communicate a perfectly normal boundary to have and when they get older, hopefully they recognize that.

That's part of why I dislike the fixation on if it's about sex or not! Or even the fixation people have on labels staying stagnant! Lots of people identify as straight or cis or whatever before realizing they're not, and it's okay also for them to have gotten it wrong the first or second or fiftieth time around idk. I have friends that still don't exactly know where they sit on both gender and orientation. I think that's normal! We have our whole lives to navigate!

But also 'who told you that'. Almost everyone around me except maybe some of the xtians (I'm not xtian) and mainly the xtians were more focused on telling me that 14 year old girls weren't interested in those kinds of things, which is why they must be 'protected' from 14 year old boys who are entirely too interested in it and my biology would make me unsafe even after I had, against my will, been medically altered due to complications with my hormones and body.

I don't know. I don't know how to explain what I grew up in. I don't know if it's different cultural expectations, I don't know if it's the ways I was seen as a threat by white people, I don't know. It's not 'who' told me that because 'who' was nearly everyone. But even if they weren't telling me that, even if they were telling me I was 'smart' for not dating or that I probably shouldn't date anyway or that no matter who I dated it would be weird, they also thought it was weird I had no actual interest at all. That I didn't admire celebrities or had crushes or expressed any future interest in it. People thought it was weird as hell I thought the entire construct of it was kind of fake, and yes, I was also autistic and so there was a level of them just thinking I was stupid and developmentally challenged because I was autistic, but that's also part of why they tried to 'fix' it, because my presentation was one where I could 'try' to fit.

But also I know lots of people who were raised xtian and expected to be girls who also got really messed up by the confusing explanations and expectations around it. That hurt themselves because they thought there was something gross or wrong with them as they hit perfectly normal developmental milestones. I was also the outlet for a lot of weird guilt and self-loathing from both boys and girls who viewed me as innately sexual for my relationship to gender. That viewed my medical changes as something somehow for them.

I know it's perfectly normal to not date at 14, I don't know how to be more clear about that, I don't know how to say 'yes I am aware plenty of 14 year olds are figuring themselves out, plenty of them don't know or fake crushes or even will explain they don't know if they've had them yet, I know plenty of them are definitely not interested in sex or dating' and also state 'this is why I'm saying it's not about sex! the ways I was othered and hypersexualized and desexualized are about all the tiny other ways I did not fit into the boxes I was supposed to!'

I was trying to express how having 'asexual' as a term helped me cope. Helped me be more compassionate to my peers. Continues to help me now. That's what labels are even for. That's their use. I was upset seeing someone say "#you’re 15!#you don’t want to have sex! that’s fine!#it’s not an identity!" about a niece identifying as asexual on a post discussing how the op's relationship to crushes/attraction has changed from having a lot of them as a teen to mellowing out a lot as an adult (which is normal, which is why I'm so! fucking confused! on the fucking pushback!!!! on me stating that it was othering! to be a child outside of that and attacked by adults and other children over it!!! and now I'm being told 'nothing about ur experience was abnormal' then why!!! was I constantly!!! told!!! it was!!!).

I mean I can tell you part of why. I am not fucking stupid. I am aware I was 'abnormal' also for my body and my brain and my race. Normalcy is socially constructed and upheld. Something can be atypical but not treated as abnormal, and something can be common but socially classified as abnormal for structural purposes. Like we say 'minority' for nonwhite people as if white people aren't actually STATISTICALLY globally the minority. (Yes, I know, that depending on your country, they are statistically a majority, but they only became the 'majority' in the country I'm in through horrific violence and even in countries where they are statistically the majority it's violently upheld as they push back against nonwhite people moving in blah blah blah, ie still socially upheld through structures).

Like I feel like somehow I'm having entirely different conversations about this.

"like, yeah, hypothetically someone who identifies as ace at 14 and experiences sexual attraction at age 18 can change their label from asexual to allosexual. but will they ACTUALLY do that, though? or will they just call themselves a sex-favorable asexual? when you make lacking attraction a part of your identity, what happens to your sense of identity if you DO experience attraction?"

Okay but I don't CARE? The stigma around changing your orientation label needs to go but also I don't care if they're wrong. It's irritating, yes, and often derails these spaces and discussions, but also like it's their life, I can't make them change their identity. I can just share information on how other people have expressed attraction and learning to navigate it and offer solutions and pose questions on how their relationship may have changed and give examples of people coming into it deeper in adulthood.

There are people that think they aren't ace because they don't care if they have sex, even though they aren't attracted to anyone, and eventually reach a point in their life, sometimes late in it, where they learn about it and go 'oh' and suddenly have a word for this thing that helps them better define their experiences. And I don't mean 18, 18 is so young.

What happens to people who identify legitimately as a gender or orientation they later realize doesn't fit them? I can't control them. I had a friend who thought she was straight and it took a lot of self-reflection for her to realize she was bisexual. She had to be out of an environment where her attraction to women was dismissed, desexualized, and recognized as equal and not diminished by her attraction to men.

I've had friends who had been neutral on men in their lives, who realized they were lesbians only in their 20s because they had been neutral about men they tried to date due to expectations. I know women who transitioned and tried to like men out of gender obligation, who had to work through those feelings and the root of them to actually understand their relationship to orientation.

If we allow space and discussion for the myriad of ways it presents or develops or can be defined, then this becomes less of a fixation point. The fragility of people's identities rooted in NEEDING to strictly define them is not helpful for many, especially younger people. I'm still younger people. I know people who've changed their identities in their 50s. I know there are people I don't personally know who have changed and played with their identities even later in life.

I use language the way I use language because I'm autistic and descriptionist. I can't stop people from being prescriptionist with theirs.

I understand the harm people experience when they cling to identities that no longer suit them. But I can't constantly stop people from harming themselves, I can't control them! I ALSO can feel uncomfortable or out of place when people try to relate to me and utilize the same terms I do but in completely different ways. I don't know how to interact when someone my age comes to me identifying as ace but then also being alarmed when I do not relate to the ways they categorize attraction or lack thereof. It can be very strange to do so. A lack of something is even harder to define than the existence of something.

"also i need to point out that there are literal biological functions that are not done developing until you are over 18. your body and brain and hormones are still growing. you definitely cannot say with any certainty that anyone below the age of 16 knows they experience sexual attraction or not"

Okay, and again, they can just change how they define it. People biologically change their whole lives. Menopause biologically changes people but it doesn't mean that for the period of their life before they may utilize labels to describe their experience before that point, or that those identities may still be important to them after that point.

I didn't say they always know or correctly define if they experience attraction or not? I don't think people can really say with any certainty until they have reason to feel certain. I think people can be 16 and not know and 25 and not know and 52 and not know.

As stated before, I'm intersex. I was also medically altered in a way that potentially is part of why I do not experience attraction idk. I know people who were medically altered similarly who do experience attraction. Idk. I would say 'I don't care' if it would have been different otherwise, but I do care actually, I care a lot, but my reality is what it is now and it has been incredibly harmful to me to try and 'treat' it. If something changes, I will change my identity, and not feel ashamed that I utilized language the way I needed to while it was relevant to me.

I'm autistic and intersex. I don't. I don't know how to phrase this but like. I have never been developmentally categorized as in the position of 'normal.' Because normal is socially defined and enforced. There are stages and ranges that are categorized as 'normal.' People who do not fit those stages or ranges are treated differently. Sometimes they utilize language for it. I don't. Like that's all it is to me.

"finally i need you to understand that by emphasizing “hey, it’s actually completely fine and normal to not be interested in sex at all when you’re in high school” it actually helps prevent teens from being sexually abused. “most teens are allosexual” is NOT the message you want to be spreading."

It is in fact true that emphasizing to children that it is their right and completely fine and acceptable and a boundary they can uphold to not be interested in sex in high school, this is good and useful and helpful. Giving them language for that is important, regardless of why they need it.

It is also important to help prevent abuse by giving them better language and resources on how they may be developing sexually and that they do not need to be ashamed of interest or engage in unsafe sexual practices as a way to explore that. I had friends literally manipulated by the idea that there was something shameful in their development that was only suitable for adults to 'manage' for them and it was part of their exploitation. This is in fact an aspect of abstinence-only education being a failure.

Children also need to be taught even if they ARE developing sexual interest, they can also develop boundaries around it anyway! Shame, confusion, hiding, whatever about this literally directly leads a lot of teenagers into the arms of predators. It alarms and concerns me this topic can somehow shift into statements that may further confuse these lines, so I want to be very clear.

And I want to also state I don't. Ugh. I don't think children by and large actually are easily defined as 'majority straight' or 'majority allosexual' or anything like that. I think that obviously the majority of people meet that, hence my earlier statement of noticing a kind of othering, but I don't actually think that means it's fair to label hordes of children as either straight or allosexual or even cis because it is in fact typical that they wouldn't even know or have a definitive enough relationship to it.

Feeling drawn to describing an experience you have with language that is about how you've felt othered doesn't even mean no one else involved could later define themselves with those terms. Some of the people who were cruel to me found out later they were boys or found out later they were girls or found out later they were gay or found out later they were intersex in a different way from me even.

I AGREE that children should be taught they are allowed to have boundaries??? I agree that children should be taught it's acceptable and valid and completely within their right to not have crushes or interest in dating or interest in sex or be more focused on their other experiences (like poverty, like disability, like race, like trauma, like education, like gender, like media interests, like whatever else??) over defining themselves and their gender and their orientation?

I think we should in fact encourage that it is okay to not know or not need to know yet. I think we should encourage people to realize they don't have to rush experiences they aren't ready for. I have friends whose first relationship was 25 and they never identified as ace or aro, they just were never in a position to get into that part of themselves for a variety of reasons. I don't. I do not understand the reaction to what I've said.

I was upset because an individual child individually defined themselves and some adult in their life was alarmed by a fairly simple identity that was not in any way some permanent or damning aspect. I'm upset because in 2020 I saw some adult literally tell a middle-grade child who identified as asexual on the internet they were 'attracting pedophiles' by identifying publicly as ace. An adult thought it was appropriate to define it that way and say that kind of thing to a child because of the child's identity. A whole lot of other adults agreed with it and kept going on about the inherently sexual nature of the term meant to describe an orientation.

It's just weird. When I told my mom in high school, she became fixated on the ways she might have broken me or made me that way. She became focused on listing all the possible other explanations and getting me to counseling and then devolved into belittling me for it, when all it was was an explanation for how I felt I was experiencing the world. It helped my friends be kinder to me. It helped me be kinder to my friends. It still helps me navigate the ways I may be unable to relate to others.

[rin-and-jade]

This is not really a system question but i wanted to ask you anyways bc you know a lot more about mental health than anyone else i know lol. If this isnt allowed on the page, feel free to leave unanswered dw :]

Tw for Medical conditions discussion, sickness discussion, depression mentions (Its also long)

So, there's this problem with me, whenever a family member is sick or has a problem we have this strange reaction, where we just go completely apathetic and avoid them, its horrible ik, im horrible for doing it but just the mere thought makes my spine tingle and I get nauseous which is fun So, I can trace this back to a singular event I think, ever since that I've been a horrible person- to roughly recount our sister fainted and went to the hospital and i remember we sat in a corner and panicked ig? that's pretty well it, everytime since then we have responded poorly I suppose

But I just don't know if this response is even like- 'normal'

Plus another observation we made was that the depression comes back full force during these times and we commonly relapse, I've particularly noticed it recently bc I can't seem to put a lip on offhanded comments about death heh-

Idk man, I'm just filled with shame thinking I'm horrible and self centred and attention seeking like this-

Basically, I just want to know if you think this might be a trauma response or I'm really messed up in the head or any other conclusions you draw from just this

Again, sorry if this isn't allowed or you can't answer this I just wanted to try my luck on an outside perspective

PFT,,, take it easy, i'd still answer an ask if it were to be "are you skibidi or sigma??".

--

Sometimes its hard for our body to regulate the aftermath of intense emotions, it also takes a lot of mental energy too,, which is why for example crying makes you feel more tired afterwards.

This counts as an avoidant (specifically dissociating or detachment) coping mechanism, either because things are too overwhelming to experience, or because the past reoccurrences where things went wrong that its better safe than sorry to feel, it can also because you are not the best at expressing or saying the right words and would make other people upset and chose to not involve yourself in such situations whenever those incidents happen.

You only can feel properly when you're safe and relaxed, so if you were to felt 'shut downed' and become apathetic, now that's definitely a clear sign you're not reacting well to the situation.

Before you assume yourself with those negative comments, think back on what you personally feel, in a way that caused this action at the first place. I wouldn't call a plant attention seeking or self centered for drooping despite getting enough water--it usually goes back to unmet needs that went unnoticed, people can also feel this way you know?

I think it's best to summarize that you have a pattern where its natural to prefer to retreat rather than facing things head on. Especially, when you always feel depression kicking harder than usual whenever it happens, its best to give yourself compassion because there might be unresolved things that made you feel awful at the first place. I will not say if you are inherently messed up or if its a trauma response, and reword it as something that you've subconsciously learnt wether you knew or not.

Admitting these kinds of things usually takes a lot of shame and the confidence to bring it up, im proud for you to reach out for answers and the initiative to observe your own patterns! Please come back if you do need some assistance, as it seemed like you're going through something tough at the moment.

- c

[zhuhongs]

some times i read posts and i sit here like. im not like other tumblrinas

[sexydreamgirl]

hera I'm sorry for trauma dumping but I feel rlly shitty rn and dont have anyone to rant to, u don't have to answer if u don't want. and I also hope u understand what I'm trying to say :).

I have gotten so much more insecure lately and comparing myself to others, like I see the best version in everyone else especially look wise but not myself, and Im even scared ti have a bf bc I think he is going to leave me for my friend etc. ik that I just have to work on my sc but I feel weird abt it, bc I have this very dumb mindset and jealousy issues that others are literally born beautiful with perfect bodies and I have to MANIFEST for me to have it, it just seems unfair yk?

but the thing is growing up I was considered very pretty and that I had a nice body, like even strangers sometimes would compliment me. but rn that doesn't happen anymore like literally it's the opposite no one thinks I'm pretty anymore and no one has any romantically interest in me and it makes me kind of upset. I feel really guilty but I always compare myself and get jealous of a friend of mine bc she seems to be smart and have the body that guys want and in general she always gets things easier while I feel that I have to work for it. so idk why I'm not considered pretty anymore is it like did I rlly had an glow down or did the beauty standards changed? .. anyway ik that I also can just manifest having it back but I feel that me manifesting it back it like cancels it out kind of ? like I would rather not be in a position that I have to manifest beauty yk?and it's not just with the beauty wise like I feel everything I would get complimented on it kind kind disappeared and I got worse. like I was known for having very clear skin and very white pearly teeth but now I don't and can't say that oh yeah I always had clear skin and it kind of annoys me If u understand what i mean? same goes with talents like I used to be a dancer and good one and would be very athletic but now nothing, and I would speak fluently some languages, especially the ones I speak in my house and now I'm not able to.

I rlly don't know what's wrong with me and why i have become like this, its like I have lost all my personality and have gotten depressed and ppl view me much differently that how i rlly am and used to be like an example I used to be athletic but now they think I'm lazy bc I don't participate in gym class but I find it reasonable but it still annoys me. and i would have guys that have crush on me and now nothing, and I have lost all of my friends and no one likes me and they treat me like shit and i always feel that I'm responsible for it and in just so lost and ikd what to do with my life .

so my question is, except that I would like some advice or anything would be nice , is there a chance that I have accidently manifested all this or did that happen by its own??.. I hope this wasn't too much, thank u for ur time :)

According to the law you manifest the good, the bad and the indifferent. However, there's a difference between conscious manifestation and unconscious manifestation. So even if it wasn't your intention to manifest such unfavorable matters, that doesn't discredit how you can or should feel about the situation.

That said, you're not obligated to continue being a person you don't want to be. You don't have to be trapped in this conception of self if it has you in a terrible headspace, but the change must begin with you. You need to realize that the only person standing in your way of becoming the best version of yourself is you, there is no one to change but self. You are bringing forward excuses about guilt because you have to manifest xyz okay AND? You're no better nor worse than somebody who didn't have to manifest it. There's a reality where you're the total opposite of everything you've just described, there's a reality where it's even better than anything you could've ever imagined. No reality is better than another, so why not start working with the law to your favor? You're manifesting 24/7 anyway. You know you can do something about it, so just go for it. Don't let yourself get consumed by feelings of guilt over what is essentially YOUR birthright. Just go for it and don't give up for anything or anyone, you deserve to live out the life of your dreams.

[soft-sapphic-love]

hey... this may sound like an odd question but... is it ok to want to be feminine? cos like... behaviorally im more femme than not, and im most comfortable in like masc ish clothing, but some days i just wanna be pretty and feminine to the max, like heels and dresses and nails and jewellery and all that jazz... but...

well ig im asking becauee i asked on another different blog and they literally said i was contributing to the continuation of the patriarchy and male supremacy and the oppression of women, that i was acting in subserviance to men by choosing to dress in a feminine way, and that i was harming other women by presenting myself as what men desire and dressing in a way that make men see women as lesser or as objects. they kept asking why i would ever do such a thing to myself and that i should free myself from patriarchal ideas by dressing for comfort and not for men or their sexual gaze...

ik its alot and it shocked me and hurt me... like very badly. id never mentioned that it was because of men in my ask but thwy just assumed. after, i started feeling awful about myyself and what i wanted to do with myself. i panicked and unfollowed the blog, I don't remember what it was called, but the hurt and ig trauma from what they said to me is still in the back of my mind.

so i just need to know... am i... wrong for wanting to be feminine? i thought it was ok but... idk anymore. idk if this is the right blog to ask about this but... do you have any advice? im sorry if this isnt the right kind of ask or if its too much.

okay anon: know that right now, i am giving you a giant hug, because the person who said that to you is the shittiest person in the world.

femininity is beautiful. it is wonderful, complex, personal, and it is absolutely not "contributing to the patriarchy" to recognize that. you know what is contributing to the patriarchy? saying that something associated with women is shameful, like they were doing when they said that to you.

defining the validity of femininity based on what men think is more harmful than enjoying femininity. what sexist men think is irrelevant. what you want is what matters: does femininity make you happy and make you secure in yourself? if the answer is a genuine yes, then you have your answer: that's what matters.

right now i'm telling you: femininity is wonderful. you are wonderful. it is awesome that it makes you happy and you don't need to prove to anyone that you're not feminine for the "wrong reasons". you don't owe anything to the patriarchy, and enjoying yourself can't possibly contribute to something that thrives off fear and hatred.

i went through a whole phase of hating being a girl, and with that i also hated things associated with femininity. i thought i was better than other girls because i wasn't into pink things or "girly" things. the best thing that happened to me was growing out of that. caving into what you think sexist men want will always be more harmful than genuinely enjoying the things sexist men typically want. you're enjoying it for your sake, not for them. they don't want you to enjoy yourself. misogyny inherently values femininity as something that is dirty and unwanted and only something men can enjoy in a degrading way. by taking that and enjoying it yourself, you're actually rejecting that whole patriarchal view on femininity and i think that's pretty fucking cool and badass if you ask me!

im so sorry that person said that to you and i hope you continue to love and embrace your femininity!

[willsjuice]

ok so this is my first ever time writing a fic and ik its shit and cringey and stuff but i poured my pathetic little heart out on this and theres no way its staying in my notes app

steves heart stoped when he realized who the spinning bottle had landed on. the rest of the circle - nancy, jonathan, argyle, and robin- sat on the floor of the shitty rental place (that steve and robin shared) let silence hold thick in the air.

 steve slowly peered over the neck of the bottle to see a pair of huge brown doe eyes peering back at him. his heart was thumping out of his chest and his stomach was doing backflips. 

they had sat and stared at one another for longer than intended or "normal" when nance piped up, "okay, if you want to redo the spin you can?" what was supposed to be a reminder felt more like a question.

suddenly the boys were on their feet, never breaking eye contact. the air was heavy and neither of them knew what was happening, but were drew to the other like a magnet. suddenly eddie grabbed steves face, closing the space between the two. steve kissed back, the world spinning around them. their lips aligned perfectly, keeping them together like they needed the other like they needed air. a desperation in both of them, the

air surrounding filled with electricity and heat. 

soon the kiss had ended as soon as it had begun, and the staring at each other started again. they were still just inches apart, hands holding firmly on the others jacket. 

at this moment steve saw eddies expression change from in shock to fear. he let go of steve and began breathing heavily, his eyes darting around the room. 

"uhm, i gotta go.." eddie practically tore out of the door, leaving steve standing in the middle of the circle with all eyes on him. steve followed the man through the door to see him climbing onto the roof of the small building. steve followed, calling out his name. "eddie? eddie? eddie dude are you okay?" no response except for the other boys heavy breathing and the sound of him lighting a cigarette.

"im coming up, like it or not." steve announced, shimmying up the ladder he assumed eddie placed there. he peeked over the shingles to find eddie crouched up against the brick chimney, his head between his knees with a cigarette between his ringed fingers, letting smoke trail into the starry sky above them. 

steve walked over and slumped next to the figure. steve nudged him with his shoulder. 

"hey, whats wrong? everything's okay, dude. please dont worry about them, i know they dont care."

"bullshit."

steve remembered that night at the halloween party, nancy calling everything he said bullshit. hes sure she doesn't know how badly that hurt him, but it was irrelevant now. they were cool with each other, but it still hurt him. 

"whats bullshit?" steve asked

"that they dont care. everyone is going to hate me now. eddie the freak munson shows up, telling them about a girl getting her eyes sucked out of her skull and dragging a bunch of trauma on everyone. after he makes them save him multiple times, they give it a shot to hang out and what does the freak do? kiss their friend when given a chance not to. the fucking weirdo kisses a dude and runs. did you hear how quiet they were? like they were scared of something happening? im sorry." a harsh and angry tone falling out of eddies mouth. he wasnt mad at steve or anyone else, but at himself. "i had a chance to have friends and i fucking ruined it." tears welled in his eyes at the thought of losing them. 

"what? oh my god thats not true at all. nobody thinks of you like that. you didnt fuck anything up." steve paused staring at the ground. "im glad you kissed me. i didnt want it to end..." he continued in a quieter tone. 

eddies eyes tore off his shoes to look at the man sitting beside him. 

"what?" he whispered. 

steve chuckled, "im pretty sure you heard me." 

their eyes met for the millionth time that night, neither dreaming of breaking the gaze. steve cupped eddies cheek, and placed their lips together once more, shorter this time, but just as sweet. they felt dizzy, leaning into it, reveling in the moment. a tear falling from eddies eye, steve wiping it from his cheek. their lips moved together as if it was meant to be, like it was fate. the joy and the relief that drowned the both of them overwhelming.  when they parted into a hug, all that could be heard was a quiet "i love you" from steve.

[mithliya]

it's a little bit difficult to tell it was about specific rape victims. i thought they were stating an observation, that these women's statements were so different from what they'd previously described before joining radblr, that one of them must be wrong. see, now, i'm confused, again, by you saying, “...argued that me being asleep while a guy did something to me is an indication of my sexuality”, falls under basic rape apologism, when you previously said, “i just dont refer to it as non consensual bc that doesnt feel honest”. i understand how consenting to a man is an indication of (your) sexuality, but i don't understand how you can give consent when asleep. even if consent was given before you fell asleep, the moment you fell asleep, i don't understand how it would be consensual from that moment onwards. from your response, i can infer that you see consensual and non-consensual as being on a continuum, rather than mutually exclusive categories.

i never said you did. i thought you implied it one of your statements, “they also argued if someone had sex with you while you were under the influence of drugs/alcohol then that’s also a reflection of your sexuality.” since we're all (those in the server, you, and i) in agreement the sex(es) of those you (want to) have sex with is an indication of sexulity and, sexual orientation is enduring and instinctive, therefore drugs don't alter your brain chemistry to let you have sex with a member of the sex, you're not sexually attracted to. i'm trying to understand why you view using, so you were more suggestible as consensual, but maybe it's something i'll never understand because of my ethics.

ugh tumblr crashed and my response is now gone so if i don’t address something pls feel free to ask again. they didn’t really make any observation, as an example they’d claim i changed my story ~after joining radblr~ too but i said from the second i left that relationship that im penis-repulsed and know that for a fact. i had said this before joining radblr and one of the reasons i even started reading into what “terfs” had to say is bc i was being called transphobic and terfy for saying im not interested in being w anyone with a penis upon coming out. this is not a secret bc i mention this being one of the things that turned me away from TRAs since i joined radblr. this was the case when i was still moreso on the TRA side and merely interacted with radblr to question & understand their beliefs. they argue i lied and that im the one that got the guy into bdsm, but there’s a post where i elaborate on that years before and i clearly say that he described certain things he liked & i was like “ohhh i think that’s a bdsm thing called ddlg”. i didn’t get him to like those things i simply told him the label for what he’s into. they tried to pick apart things i had mentioned years before the gs discourse, where i had talked about how traumatic it was, about how he’s a pedo, and how in many instances i was under the influence of something. they act like i try to be sly and mislead about his age but the reason they even know his age is bc i repeatedly corrected it on my own blog when someone assumes he was an adult man. i joined radblr not too long after that situation ended (i believe i was 19, what happened was before 18 and i slowly started to talk about it at around 17-ish) and it’s pretty normal for someone not to process their trauma when it’s ongoing. it’s also beyond normal to not talk about those things somewhere frequented by the person causing you trauma, and it’s also pretty normal to pretend to be OSA when ur closeted, people irl know ur blog, & u live in the Middle East. so all their arguments trying to make my situation seem like a lie for radblr don’t even add up anyways, but ik they like to ignore the bits that don’t support their beliefs and only look for what supports their biases.

in terms of whether it’s consensual or not, i do view it as a grey area. many people have said to me it’s rape and some think it’s not. i don’t feel comfortable arguing it’s either or bc i know i did agree to it. at the same time, i was visibly distressed, uninterested, and there are instances back then that make it clear to me he must’ve had some kind of clue. at the same time idk if he’s just that oblivious and dumb that he didn’t realise it even tho it was obvious. im not in touch with him and i find the whole thing disgusting and traumatic so ill never know. i also feel to blame bc in Bahrain the bar for what rape is is really high & i did go through a point where i felt similarly about my initial experience w rape as well, and maybe if i knew more about what consent is meant to look like, i would’ve not enabled what he was doing. but idk. with the sleep thing, i take a medication which makes me really sleepy & acts as a sort of sedative. on several occasions, he would ask me after i had taken the medication so when i was already half-asleep. id say ok & then id fall asleep and then it’d happen. it’s fucking weird to use this situation to argue that it’s an indication im into guys when i was Literally asleep. it’s also weird to argue women’s actions when under the influence is indication of desire and attraction when that is ultimately also arguing countless situations where drunk women or women on drugs being taken advantage of is somehow something they wanted. the fact that i don’t label my situation as rape and partially blame myself for them doesn’t mean it’s in any way acceptable to take those cases, and then argue someone being asleep is a sign they wanted to have sex with a man. or someone being drunk and letting a guy do sth to them is a sign of OSA.

i do not agree that who someone had sex with is an indication of their sexuality tho. it’s a case by case basis and it depends on their particular situation. in cases of women who had sex w guys bc they were bored or horny or whatever, i cannot relate to that whatsoever and i often question it. but there’s countless cases of lesbians that faced rape & CSA and in their teen years just went along with whatever, passively accepting whatever the other party wanted. that’s a sign of trauma rather than bisexuality to me. and it’s not the same as someone going out of their way to find dudes to get with. it’s not the same as being attracted to someone of a particular sex. and the argument that someone under the influence means “drugs alter your brain chemistry to let you have sex with a member of [the opposite sex]” is such a weird reframing of the situation to me. drugs put you in a state of altered consciousness. this means people under the influence are not fully conscious. it’s a pretty common occurrence for people to use drugs to be able to get through sex they don’t want to have. this is why you’ll find plenty women involved in prostitution or porn will take drugs to get through the situation, for example. the drugs don’t make someone want to have sex, it makes it so they’re not aware or conscious through it. it makes no sense to argue that someone putting themselves in a state where they’re not conscious of what is happening = an indication of some sort of desire.

[poobit]

Um. One question. What the hell is your dni? It's just too.. excessive. I don't ship anime characters or whatever characters anymore (Honestly I'm a bit of a grandma for internet terms) but, I just don't get it. Is there something I'm missing? You do realize that those "ships" are fiction.. Right? Those shippers are aware that the context of those ships are wrong. They know how to separate fiction from reality, something I think you need to do too. I'm not suaing fiction doesn't affect reality.. Because it can sometimes, but what your saying is absurd. I used to "ship" (I don't even think that's the word for it. I didn't don't want them to necessarily be together in canon. I never saw them as "cute" or "okay" because it's not.) A pedophilic ship because I was going through my own trauma, and I used that "ship" to cope. But I, and many other fanfiction writers and survivors, never thought it was going to be okay in real life. I knew it was fake and never wanted it to actually be real. I never thought it was cute for that to happen in real life, either.

Honestly, it sucks because while I don't do that anymore (I only did it once, but still) it really helped me find myself. It helped me see another character I liked going through what I went through, that I wasn't alone. And I can assume other people do that too. There's plenty of people who use it to cope. It's just not fair how so many of them get ridiculed for venting. Everyone copes differently, and if someone writes some fucked up shit to deal with their trauma, that's their way of doing it. I have no say in it, unless they're hurting people and yadafafa.. you get the gist.

And. I mean, really..? Is aging up a character really that bad? Isn't it better to age up the character, rather than sexualize a minor? And even despite that, some people age up characters because, I don't know, sexualizing minors make them uncomfortable. Wow. Who would've guessed? I don't get this mindset, gatekeeping isn't fair for anyone but the gatekeeper lmao.

I don't know why a random ass strangers opinion matters especially at 4 AM, but I'm done w this. It's not that hard to get.. Ik tired of people getting harrassed. It's fake. The people writing it know it's fake. The people reading it know it's fake. So why can't you?

for it being "fake " it sure made you feel "something" right now........please go to sleep next time instead of sending me shit i dont give a single shit about Your Individual Feelings and im not gonna lay down my own trauma for you as explanation because you decided to be insufferable .

[clydesdonovan]

2, 7 and 9 for the ask game?

some of these were 👀 interesting questions

I’m gonna put this one under a cut because it got lengthy because I can’t talk about Cartman without rambling apparently

2. Who is the (overall) smartest in stan’s group? 

ooo this is kinda hard because I feel like they’re all smart but I’m their own ways.

Academically, I think Kyle is obviously the smartest. He takes school very seriously, has a really sharp wit and is very mature and eloquent in how he presents himself and his thoughts and feelings. His temper often gets the best of him and he acts on impulse rather than smarts, but he is still a very intelligent kid.

I think Cartman is the smart too though. He’s very clever and conniving. He’s built so many “get rich quick” schemes and businesses over the years that it’s impossible to think he isn’t smart in his own ways. He’s just a huge slacker and only uses his brain when it benefits him.

7. Do you have any sympathy for cartman?

I do. Eric is just a child dealing with a lot of trauma, most of which he probably doesn’t realize is trauma.

He has an extremely neglectful parent and he’s been exposed to a lot of inappropriate, sometimes dangerous, people and situations. He’s been canonically abused by several people in his life and had nobody to help him. I don’t even think he knows he’s been abused because it’s just… things that happened to him. He’s attention starved and love-bombed in a vicious cycle that never ends. His worst behavior is enabled and excused because his mom would rather be his friend than his mom. I could go on and on tbh.

Don’t get me wrong, he has done a lot of horrible, completely inexcusable things, but I can also acknowledge that his life has been pretty unkind to him. He’s a multidimensional character imo, and one that has a lot of unintentional depth (bc I know m&t didn’t intend for him to be analyzed like this lmao).

9. Who has the worst familly life out of all the main 4?

This is a tough one too because, imo, they all have phases where their home life kinda sucks. But I think I have to go with Eric for this.

Kenny’s home life isn’t the best, but Stuart and Carol do care for him and love him, and he has his siblings by his side. Randy and Sharon aren’t the best parents, and they’re horrible for each other, but their love for Stan is obvious on many occasions. Gerald sucks lately but Sheila is a great mom to Kyle and it’s clear he loves her a lot, and he has Ike too.

Eric… doesn’t have much of anyone. Liane does love him, I know she does, but she’s also horribly negligent. She has shown a blatant disregard for his comfort or safety on numerous occasions. I won’t go into too much detail bc I already sorta did above, but yeah. In comparison to the other three, Cartman’s relationship with Liane makes me the saddest. I just can’t help but feel bad for him.

[avis-writeshq]

Billy Batson x Mute! Reader

Requested: Nope

Pairing: Billy Batson x Fem!Mute!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, and trash writing… OH AND SPOILERS!!!!!

Other: I’m not sure how old Billy was in the movie, so Imma make it 15.

Word count: 7,228                                                                                            

 Things you probably wanna know, for all you ‘x reader’ illiterates:

(Y/N): Your Name

(H/C): Hair Colour / Color

(E/C): Eye Colour / Color

(N/N): Nickname

 ***

The opening and closing of the front door brought you out of your books and you heard Rosa’s voice echo through the building. Snapping your book closed and tucking it under your arm, you made your way down the stairs, hearing Eugene’s voice soon after. He must be playing another one of those video games. Rolling your eyes, you took a few more steps into the kitchen, Darla running right past you.

“Is that him? Oh, my gosh, Billy!” Darla exclaimed, running forward and wrapping her arms around the boy’s waist, ignoring Victor’s warning of slowing down.

“And that’s Darla,” Rosa chuckled.

“I’m Darla,” the girl grinned up at him, her thick glasses sliding down her nose.

A small smile wandered onto your face as you looked upon the scene, only to have your name called moments later. “(Y/N), come say hi to Billy!”

You waved at the boy who looked to be about the same age as you, if not a little older. You plucked your notebook out of your pocket and wrote a small note to him. ‘Hello.’

“She’s mute,” Victor explained, casting you a sideways glance, “childhood trauma.”

“Oh, I didn’t…” Billy began, pity filling his eyes.

You waved off the apology before turning to Rosa. ‘Do you need help to set the table?’ You signed, a bright smile on your face.

“I’m doing it!” Darla exclaimed, pouting her lips at you before her eyes lit up, “oh yeah, the poster! I made you one! Come, look!” Tugging Billy along, Darla rushed into the dining room, you following loosely behind. “Oh, no…”

There on top of the pink paper were two extremely heavy looking weights. Underneath the weights, however, were the words ‘WELCOME HOME NEW BROTHER’ in pink glitter glue, silver rhinestones decorating the edge. “Sorry, Pedro must have been working out…” In a poor attempt to save the poster, the young girl tugged at a corner, only for it to rip. You and Rosa cringed as Darla passed the corner to Billy.

You smiled thoughtfully, signing to Darla, ‘I can fix it with tape.’

Before she could respond, Mary came walking into the room, a phone against her ear. You rubbed your arm awkwardly as Victor and Mary exchanged a few words before pulling out your notebook once more. ‘I hope you like it here.’ You wrote quickly, watching in anticipation as Billy read the note. He offered a hesitant smile before Darla asked him a question.

“Do you like vegan food? See, I love animals.” A high pitched beeping sounded from the kitchen and the young girl pushed her way past her family. “Oh, no…”

“Oh no, we might have to eat a real turkey!” Victor exclaimed before running off to help Darla.

Billy looked from you to Rosa, “is that…”

“It’s okay, come, I’ll show you to your room. (Y/N), do you wanna come?”

You nodded eagerly before following the two up the stairs, running into Pedro who said nothing. “Is he also… you know…?”

“Oh, he’s just quiet. He can talk a lot when he wants to.”

You shrugged, signing, ‘Pedro can be nice, though.’

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” Billy frowned, looking sympathetically at you.

Nodding in understanding, you waved the apology off once more as Rosa continued her tour, “Freddy, this is Billy Batson. Please make him feel at home, okay? Maybe don’t say anything too weird.”

“Oh, one weird thing,” Freddy began, but you were already out the door.

***

After the Victor said his prayer at the dining table, Billy asked his dying question. “Can all of you understand sign language?”

You coughed, choking on your water. Mary looked at him, eyebrow raised. Eugene huffed at him, holding onto your arm (out of the other kids, he was most attached to you). Pedro was indifferent while Freddy looked insulted, and Darla… well, Darla slapped his arm. “That’s rude, Billy!”

‘It’s ok,’ you wrote, ‘I’m used to it.’

You nodded at Rosa, who quickly explained. “Victor and I knew sign language before we met (Y/N). It was just by chance that we happened to adopt her. She’s a sweet girl, Billy, she’s not that bad.”

“I know, I just wanted to ask,” he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “Sorry if that made you uncomfortable, (Y/N).”

‘Don’t worry abt it,’ you wrote quickly, ‘I’m fine.’

***

School the next morning was the same as any other day. You got teased, picked on, mocked, the whole shebang. But today was special. After all, Billy was joining the school and you finally had someone to talk to. Or rather, just to hang out with. Sure, there was Freddy, but all he talked about was superheroes and pop culture, and that was enough to bore anyone. At some point, you had to just drone him out with a note that asked, ‘did you do the maths HW?’ to get him to shut up.

You walked silently into the school while Darla explained things. “This is our security scanner,” she said, taking her bag off, “like in an airport. It’s totally safe.”

“I know what it is,” Billy said awkwardly before turning to you, Pedro and Eugene who were standing behind him. “Is she always like this?”

The three of you nodded in confirmation and you shot Eugene a warning glare as he continued to play on his phone.

“Signs make me uncomfortable,” the little girl continued.

“She’s almost never uncomfortable,” Eugene responded, only to have his arm flicked. “Hey!”

‘Don’t be mean,’ you signed and the boy huffed.

Walking into the hallway, Darla attacked Billy with a hug around the legs. “Have a good first day, big brother!”

“Look, you don’t have to hug me all the time,” the brunet said, pulling away from the embrace, before crouching down to eye-level. “We’re not actually brother and sister, so…”

It pained you to see the disappointment in the girl’s eyes as she looked downcast. “Oh… I’m sorry,” she whispered softly and Billy’s smile evaporated.

Darla turned around and walked down the hall, Freddy noticing her immediately. “Hey!”

“Hey…”

He wrapped his free arm over her shoulders, Billy calling out, “I didn’t mean to make her-”

Freddy just shrugged before walking Darla down to her class. ‘Don’t worry,’ you wrote on your paper, ‘Darla is a strong girl. Ik you’re not too fond w us.’

“I didn’t mean to make her cry,” the boy repeated himself, a frown on his face.

‘Let’s just go to class, ok?’

“Yeah, okay.”

Lunch came around and you sat beside Billy at a lunch table, eating you gross cafeteria food. The two of you sat at lone table, as per usual, when Freddy limped towards the table. “Flight or invisibility?” He demanded as he sat down, roughly placing his tray of food on the table. He dropped his crutch and turned to face you and Billy. When no answer came from either of you, he asked again, “if you could have one superpower, flight or invisibility? What would you pick?” Not letting you answer, Freddy began to ramble. “Everyone chooses flight! You know why?”

“So they could fly away from this conversation?” Billy asked sarcastically and you snickered from beside him.

“No, ‘cause heroes fly,” Freddy said, ignoring his statement. Billy rolled his eyes and went to stand up. “And- and, who doesn’t want people to think they’re a hero, right?” He continued to talk as Billy left the table, “but invisibility, no way, I mean, that’s pervy! Spying around on people who don’t even know you’re there? Sneaking around everywhere, that’s a total villain power, right?!” He yelled out the last words and the cafeteria turned silent as all heads turned towards him. Freddy huffed, grabbing his food and his crutch before chasing after his new brother.

“No,” you whispered under your breath, eyes on your food, “no one wants to be invisible because it hurts.”

“Hey, hey, hey, look who it is! Our second favourite foster child to pick on!” An oh-so annoying voice exclaimed. You didn’t need to turn around to see who it is.

“Wait, so who’s our first?” Burke asked his brother, smirk on his face.

“Freddy, of course, you brother of mine!” Brett snickered, “what are you gonna do, cry? What, are you sad you don’t have a real family?”

The two boys let out a laugh, high-fiving each other before leaving you alone. For some reason, if you could choose between flight and invisibility, you would choose flight. Then you’ll have both powers.

School came and went, and you walked beside Darla as you walked down the stairs. “How was your day, (Y/N)?”

‘Same as usual,’ you signed.

You looked to the front, only to see a car almost run Freddy over. You let out a scream, grabbing Darla’s hand and whipping Eugene’s phone away from him. Ignoring his cries of protest, you ran over to where Freddy was, helping him up. The car doors opened up to reveal Brett and Burke Breyer. You held in a groan.

“What the hell?” Mary snapped, “What is wrong with you two?”

Brett scoffed, pushing Freddy against the car with his shirt. “No way that’s gonna buff out.”

“You gonna pay for this, Freeman?”

“For the dent you made almost hitting me? Yeah, sure, you take these?” He pointed his middle finger in the air and you slapped your palm against your forehead. The boys let out sarcastic chuckles as they pushed your foster brother to the ground, relentlessly kicking him in the stomach.

“Brett, stop!” Mary yelled.

“Don’t touch my brother!” Darla cried.

“What, you need your fake family to stand up for you?” Burke laughed.

“Stand up for yourself, Freeman,” Brett laughed.

“Here, Freeman, stand up for yourself!” Burke snickered, shoving the crutch in Freddy’s face mockingly.

“What about you, (L/N)? Can’t do anything for your ‘brother’, can you?” Brett sneered.

“Leave him alone…” you mustered, feeling eyes at the back of your head.

“I can’t hear you!”

“Leave him alone!” You yelled, only to be pushed by Burke to the ground. You let out a cry when he kicked you in the stomach, trying to use your arms to block the blows.

“Pathetic,” he muttered before turning back to Freddy.

“What are you gonna do, go home and cry to mommy?” Brett taunted, bending down. “Oh, yeah, you don’t have a mommy!”

You got up to pull Brett away from Freddy, but apparently you didn’t have to. “Hey.” A voice sounded, and Burke turned around only to be hit in the face with Freddy’s crutch. Hitting Brett in the crown-jewels, Billy let out a sarcastic snicker. “Man, sorry about that. That wasn’t fair, but then again, you don’t fight fair.”

Burke let out a scowl, pushing Billy against the car and punching him harshly in the stomach. “Back off, ass-bags, I know how to use these!” Eugene snatched the nun chucks from Burke’s pocket and whipped them around before hitting himself with them.

Billy took the distraction and bolted away from the scene, the bullies about to start chasing them.

“Stop!” You screamed, pulling Brett back by his jacket.

He scowled at you, “let go, bitch!” he kicked you in the shin before running off to chase after Billy.

You whimpered in pain, clutching your shim as the boys left your view. “Freddy!” Your eyes lit up in remembrance, and tried your best to help him up.

“Take it easy,” Mary said while Pedro, Eugene and Darla helped Freddy up.

“I’m fine,” you mumbled, but you knew a bruise would start to form from where they hit you. Boy, did you hope Billy was okay.

***

You buried you head in your knees, hot tears flowing down your cheeks. The others were downstairs; Rosa was calling the police while Eugene and Mary were trying to find Billy online. Darla sat beside Mary, working hard on another craft project, while Pedro was doing… something.

If only you were stronger than this. Maybe if you had the strength to do something, Billy wouldn’t have run away. You wiped your face with your jumper sleeve, your eyes filling up with tears once more. Memories filled your head from before Rosa and Victor adopted you, and you choked back a sob.  You whimpered, clutching your stomach that Rosa had wrapped in bandages; there was already a purplish bruise growing at the surface.

‘You’re weak.’ A voice echoed from the back of your head. ‘You can’t even speak.’

“Yes I can…”

‘It’s your fault mom isn’t here anymore. It’s your fault dad is dead.’

***

“You’re a bastard!”

“Lauren, how much did you have to drink?”

You crouched down from behind the bookshelf, a frown on your face. Why wasn’t dad looking for you?

“You have some nerve showing up! How’s your little mistress, Soren? How is she?!” Your mother let out a scream, the weapon in her hands shaking.

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t be an idiot! You’ve been seeing her, haven’t you?! That’s why you show up late every day!”

“Lauren, I’m not cheating on you.”

“LIAR!” And that was all you heard when a deafening bang echoed around the house. Everything was happening in slow motion; the bullet made its way to meet your father’s chest, and your mother was screaming. Or maybe that was you. Maybe you were the one who was screaming, whether it be from fear, sadness, or shock. You heard sirens in the distance, and you heard the gun in your mother’s hands clatter to the floor.

“Hey, are you alright?” You burst into tears.

 “I would like to call the prime witness, (Y/N) (L/N), the defendant and victim’s daughter.”

‘Just tell the truth,’ you repeated the words the prosecutor had told you.

“Who hurt your dad, (Y/N)?” The prosecutor asked, fixing up his cravat.

You frowned, recalling the incident. “Mommy did.”

“SHE’S LYING!” Lauren screamed when the judge gave his conviction, “YOU’RE A LIAR, (Y/N)! YOU’RE A DISAPPOINTMENT! YOU’RE A TERRIBLE DAUGHTER!”

The tears that cascaded down your face dropped on the floor, and you felt a hand on your shoulder. “It’s going to be alright.”

“Will it, Mr. Miles?”

“Let’s get you home.”

***

You snapped out of your flashback when you heard a creaking on the stairs. “Billy?”

You didn’t hear an answer when you heard a thunder crack, cutting out the power. You let out a shriek, falling backwards on your bed when you heard footsteps at the door. “(Y/N)? Are you okay?”

“Freddy? Is that you?” Using your phone’s flash as a torch, you guided yourself to the door. “Billy!” You threw your arms around him before quickly pulling away. “Sorry, I forgot you didn’t like hugs,” you mumbled before slapping your mouth with a hand.

Freddy awkwardly patted Billy on the shoulder, before retreating to his room.

You turned to leave, when the brunet grabbed you by the arm. “Hey, I’m sorry for today. Did I worry you?” Opening and closing your mouth like a fish, all could do was nod. Tears began to brim your eyes and Billy began to panic. “Oh no, please don’t cry, I don’t wanna make two girls cry in the same day.” You manage a small giggle before going to pull your notebook from your pocket when Billy stopped you again. “Please talk to me.”

“Okay.”

***

You sat cross-legged on your bed, Billy sitting on your wheelie-chair at your desk. “It’s been a while since I had someone to talk to.”

“No offense, but I though you couldn’t talk,” he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

“None taken. Like Victor said, childhood trauma. I mean, seeing your dad get murdered is pretty big, don’t you think?”

“Your dad was murdered?”

“My mom killed him. Had too much to drink and pew, pew, pew. One second dad was playing hide and seek with me, the next he was on the floor bleeding while mom was being arrested. I was the main witness in the murder, so I had to stand at the witness stand. You know what she said to me as she was being dragged away?”

“What?”

“She said I was a disappointment and a terrible daughter,” you fell back on the bed, a long sigh escaping you. “Ever since then, I was too scared to talk in fear of ruining someone else’s life. Rosa and Victor changed that for me.” You let out a little yawn.

“You sound tired. Maybe you should go to bed.”

“Who knows when I can talk to you again?” You mumbled, your eyelids drooping.

“(Y/N), you can talk to me anytime.”

“Yay… we’re friends!”

“We always were.”

***

Fast forward a few days later, you were at the mall buying Christmas gifts. It was after school and you had dropped off your things at home. You still hadn’t bought anything for your family which, to you, was a pretty big problem. You were just buying yourself a muffin when you heard screaming coming in all directions. Within seconds, the glass roof of the mall had shattered, showering people with glass. People were running in different directions when you heard it.

“Billy!” Oh no.

You whipped around, only to see Freddy being attacked by a flying man. Wait, what? Doing your best to do it quietly, you followed them, creeping behind them as the man flew, holding Freddy by his hoodie.

“Billy,” the man growled, pushing Freddy roughly against a locker. You flinched at the sound, concealing yourself behind the door. The man took his sunglasses off, revealing a glowing blue ball where his right eye should be.

“S-super villain,” Freddy stuttered, “Super villain! Super villain!”

“Worse. Much worse.”

The boy began to ramble, “I won’t let you read my mind; my mind is blank!”

Banging Freddy’s head against the locker, the man sneered. “I don’t have to read your mind, because you are going to tell me. Where is he?”

Dark grey mist filled the room, slowly turning into figures. Three figures were there, one with huge bat-like wings, another with spikes covering its body, and another with a long slimy tongue. “HELP! HELP!” Freddy screamed, trying to pull away.

“If you don’t tell me,” the man said slowly, the creatures advancing towards the two, “they’ll kill you.”

The one with the tongue crept closer and was about to gnaw on Freddy’s arm, when you screamed. “STOP IT! STOP! He did nothing!”

“(Y/N)? (Y/N), get away from here, leave! (Y/N), get out!”

“Oh, if it isn’t another brave hero,” The man jeered, “(Y/N), was it? Word of advice: leave before I make you.”

“Let Freddy go! Take me instead!”

“Only if I get what I want.”

“(Y/N), get out, Billy would never forgive me if-” Freddy slapped a hand over his mouth when he realised what he had done.

“So our little champion has a girlfriend.” The man flew over to you and you cowered against the wall. “Tell me where I can find Billy.”

“Never!” You spat.

“I’ll tell you where it is if you let her go!” Freddy exclaimed.

“Tell me first,” he bargained, “then I’ll let her go.”

“208 (random street). Now let her go.”

Without saying anything, one of the locker doors opened up revealing a haunted temple. The creature hissed at you before being absorbed back into the man’s body, not without the winged one pushing Freddy to floor. The man grabbed you by the neck, cutting off your air supply, before taking hold of Freddy. You and Freddy were carried through the door, when the man pushed you against the ground, kicking at the bruise on your stomach. You gasped in pain while Freddy let out a scream.

“You said you’ll let her go!”

“I lied.”

The man threw you against the wall and the last thing you saw was him taking a struggling Freddy through the door before your vision became blurry and all you could see was black.

***

The door of a foster home was knocked on, and Freddy could hear the excitement from behind the door. “Freddy?” Darla asked upon seeing her brother with a tall bald man.

“Oh, how quaint!” Sivana watched as Mary pushed her brothers behind her. He took his glasses off. “Actually, I take that back. What a shithole.”

“Freddy, where’s (Y/N)?” Eugene demanded, as he was forced to sit on the couch.

“I don’t know.” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them while Sivana gave a sneer.

Taking out a black phone from his pocket, the mad doctor called a very specific number. “Come home, Billy. Come home.”

From the other side of the line, Billy could hear the screams of his family. Running up the stairs of his birth-mother’s apartment, he made his way to the roof. Without thinking twice, he jumped. “SHAZAM!”

***

You let out a gasp in pain, and you felt as if you were electrocuted. Your head was pounding and you felt as if your chest was on fire. This was not how you expected things to go. Then again, what were you expecting? Nothing less from a super-villain. You tried your best to get up, clutching your stomach in pain. Where in the world were you?

The dark walls of the temple seemed to loom over you, and you did your best to crane your head. A few ways in front of you were 7 large chairs, tall and regal. Thrones? Why the hell would someone need 7 thrones? You grunted as you made your way towards them, stepping over a glowing staff. Boy, did you hope they were comfy. When you sat upon one of the thrones, memories flooded into your head. Freddy. What happened to him? What about you family; are they safe? And what did that man want with Billy? That’s when it hit you.

The supervillain wanted Billy. He wanted him for one sole purpose. Another thought wandered into your head. “Nah, he can’t be gay.” So why… “Billy’s the power guy from YouTube.”

“(Y/N)…” A voice echoed. “Get up from the throne.”

You flinched, looking up. “Who’s there?”

“Get up from the throne.”

Panic coursed through your veins but you did as you were told. “Where are you?”

With a flash of blinding light, red embers were before you, in the shape of an old man. The staff that was once on the floor was in the man’s hand and you stepped backwards in shock. “Do not be afraid.”

You couldn’t speak. It seemed as if there was a force constricting your throat, preventing you from speaking. All you could do was nod.

“I am the wizard who gave Billy Batson his powers.”

“Is he okay?” You blurted, clapping a hand over your mouth.

“He will be fine. But you will not be. Sivana had cracked a rib and if it is not treated, you can die.” You watched as the embers brought its hand to the front, the staff glowing powerfully. “Put a hand on the staff and I will heal you.”

You glanced at the staff sceptically. “Are you sure you’re the expert on this?”

“Hand on the staff, (Y/N) (L/N), before it is too late.”

“Why am I so important?”

“You will bring the champion both his rise and his destruction. Without you, there is no Billy Batson.” Impatiently, he thrust the staff towards you. “Hand on the staff.”

“Okay, okay!” You did as you were told.

“Asclepius, tin therapefsei apo tis pliges tis! Tis doste ti dynsmi ns therspefsei o, ti synanta!” (Asclepius, heal her of her wounds! Give her the power to heal all she meets!) Lightning seemed to engulf you as the man said these words and you felt your rib, stomach and head tingle with warmth. Your eyes snapped opened to fond that the man was no longer there and the staff was on the ground.

“Okay… thanks sir! I feel a lot better!” You called out, hearing the echoes.

You heard footsteps approach, and you began to freak out. This was not funny. Before you could let out a yell, a deafening “YAAAAAAH!” was heard and a figure in red, yellow and white zoomed past you, kitting against one of the thrones. That had to hurt. The figure grunted, and before you could stop yourself, you asked, “Billy?”

The man struggled to get up, looking at you for a split second. “(Y/N), get out of here, before-”

He was cut off by you being thrown against the wall by a grey mist. “Look, the brat is still alive.” Silvana stopped to pick up the staff that was lying at his feet. “I dedicated my live to get here.” The crystal in the staff glowed an eerie white, and you watched in horror as he walked closer to Billy. “I scoured the earth. No one believed me. On one helped; not the wizard, not my family. I only had myself.”

“I get it,” Billy said desperately, climbing onto his knees, “I get what that’s like. Feeling like you’re all alone in the world.”

“Stand.”

“Feeling like there’s this one thing and if you could just find it, then you’ll finally be good enough.”

“Stand.”

Billy did as he was told.

“The champion’s name,” Sivana pounded the staff on the ground. “Say it.” The grey mist wafted into the air, taking for of the hellish creatures. You flinched as they snarled at the hero.

“Look, no offence, mister, but I don’t think these things have your best interest at heart,” Billy tried, but his word had no effect.

“Don’t listen to this child,” Lust hissed.

“Take the staff,” Wrath snarled, hitting Billy on the back.

“Hold it, and say the champion’s name,” Sloth growled.

“They’re using you,” Billy tried again; “You have to see that they are using you.”

From the corner of your eye, you saw Darla, Mary, Freddy, Pedro and Eugene creep into the scene, each carrying absurd weapons.

“Say your name.”

A harsh shring sounded and Sivana yelped as the batarang fell to the floor. “His name is Captain Sparke-Fingers,” Freddy said, trying to ignore the crack in his voice. You joined them, taking out a pen from your pocket.

Mary gave you a look of ‘seriously?’ and you rolled your eyes, pointing to the calculus book she had in her hands.

“And we’re gonna keep throwing things at your big, fat, ugly head until you let our brother go,” Darla snapped and you wanted to run over and hug the little girl while reprimanding her to not be so rude.

Thinking fast, Billy picked the batarang off the floor and imbedded it into Sivana’s right shoulder and throwing him against the wall. “Ooh, am I glad I didn’t sell that batarang,” Billy exclaimed, running down the stairs. “Pedro, is that a lamp?”

“It’s my only one.”

“Come on, come on, come on! (Y/N), you okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” you respond and the others were too freaked out to comment on your talkativeness.

“Guys, I appreciate the thought, but I don’t think your weapons are gonna help, you could put ‘em down now!” Captain Sparkle-Fingers cried out, turning a corner.

“The door was right here!” Eugene exclaimed.

“Billy, how do we get out of here?” Mary asked, exasperated.

“What, you think I know? I don’t know!”

Meanwhile, Darla was curiously wandering around the tunnels. “This way!” she yelled, pointing.

“Go, go, go, go, go, follow Darla! Good job, Darla!” Billy exclaimed, pushing his family into the tunnel. “Go, go, go, go…”

The six of you ran through the tunnels and over a brick bridge, Billy yelling out commands. Poor Freddy was doing more physical activity than he’s ever done in his life, while you were still wandering about what had happened before Billy and Sivana came through. Your group stopped at in a cave, gazing in amazement.

“Woah… so many doors…” Darla mumbled, staring at each one.

“One of these has to be a way out, right?” Mary asked hopefully, but you knew she was trying to make everything better.

“Yeah I would hope so,” Billy breathed out, eyes widening.

Eugene opened a dark oak door, revealing three crocodiles (alligators?) playing poker. The animals snapped their heads around before running for Eugene, who rushed to close the door. “Not this one.”

Pedro opened another door, and swirling smoke wisped around his feet. A small plant like creature poked out of the door, only for it to turn ugly and revealed its fang-like structures and lunging for Pedro. He closed it in a haste.

Mary and Darla opened a small square door, and the creature inside let out a roar.

“Okay, no more doors, nobody open anymore doors!” You exclaimed, throwing your hands up in exasperation.

“Come on, Billy, what are we gonna do?” Darla whined.

The boy- or man? - let out a sigh, “Darla, I don’t know!”

“Do what you used to do, just think! How did you get out last time?” Mary prompted desperately.

By now, everyone had crowded around the man in red. “Last time, I thought about the Subway and I was on the Subway!”

“That’s it then!” Freddy exclaimed, “Think about the Subway, think about any other place except for here!”

“You can do it, Billy,” you said, smile on your face.

Before anyone else could comment, Sivana advanced on your group. Lifting a hand, you saw his hand glow. Billy closed his eyes and you felt yourself grow dizzy for a split second, but when you opened your eyes, you were in… where were you? All you could hear was a poor excuse of music, all the while Billy pushing everyone out of the building.

“Really? This was the first place you could think of?” Mary reprimanded, hand covering Darla’s eyes.

“You’re welcome!”

“Where’s Freddy?” You asked.

At that moment, the said boy walked out of the building, yelling out, “you too sir, have a holly jolly Christmas!”

“Freddy, what are you doing?” Billy demanded.

“I was just- they were nice people!”

“Nice peop- never mind, come on!” Before any of you had walked 10 steps, an explosion sounded from behind you, and Sivana was in the air, carrying his staff. “Go, go, go, go, everybody go!” Billy huffed when he saw Freddy struggle. Proceeding to pick him up, he bolted to a carnival where he knew they should be safe for a while.

Yeah… well… not so much. Noticing Billy, people began to crowd around him. You shivered, your claustrophobia and social anxiety was not going to be happy.

“Are you the hero!?” “You’re the hero Power Storm!”

“Wait, no, he’s an impersonator!” Freddy exclaimed.

“Yeah! I’m an impersonation of myself!” Billy yelled and you were so close to hitting him. The crowd never wavered, asking multiple questions before he had enough. “Shazam!”

With a lightning strike and a puff of smoke, Billy was back to being Billy while the crowd wondered where the hero had gone. You lean in to whisper at the once-hero. “They’re thick, aren’t they?”

He nodded in agreement before pushing the others behind a wooden stall. “Champion!” A voice yelled from above, attracting people’s attention. “You don’t deserve that name; hiding behind innocent people who will now die, because deep down, you’re just a scared little boy.”

“Don’t listen to him, Billy,” You whispered, “you’re stronger than he makes you out to be.”

“RUN!” A voice yelled, and people began to clamour from their spots.

Sivana used the staff to send lightning at different parts in the carnival, one being the centre of the Ferris wheel.  The wire holding the wheel to the ground was slowly tensioned, and the riders let out a scream.

“Well,” Billy began, turning to Freddy, “you wanted me to be a hero.”

“Are you kidding?” the boy demanded, “okay, no, old guys up there who is harbouring multiple spiritual entities, plus, I mean, he has the same powers as you, plus, he knows what he’s doing, plus, I mean, you’re my best friend and I don’t want you to die…”

“If a superhero can’t save his family…” he looked at the rest of his siblings before locking eyes with you. “He’s not much of a hero.”

He stepped out of his hiding spot, readying himself before yelling, “SHAZAM!” Within seconds, He had Sivana on the ground, exclaiming, “we’ll try that again!” He looked at Freddy with a bright grin, as if to say, ‘good?’

The boy shrugged his shoulders while the man gave an exasperated sigh. He was about to say something else, when Freddy let out a scream. “BILLY LOOK OUT!”

Said man ducked, springing upright and gaping at his family, “Laser eyes?! Guys, he has laser eyes! Too bad your aim sucks balls!”

Without warning, two arms sprang out from behind him, pulling him against the wooden building. The thing jumped out and threw the hero harshly to the ground, letting out a roar. Freddy watched the old man walk towards where Billy had landed, his eyes lighting up in realisation. “That’s his power matrix.”

“His what-what?” Eugene asked.

“When the demon guys leave his eye, he loses his power… that’s why the batarang hurt him.”

You were about to respond when Mary had to open her mouth. “Hey! Over here!”

“Wait, what are you doing?!”

“Trust me, dividing conquer. We separate the sins from the eye and he’s just an old man.”

The six of you watched in horror as the sins emerged in grey smoke, each letting out terrible screeches. You bolted into the carnival as you heard all your siblings being snatched one by one. Man, you should have payed more attention in gym. You ducked from Pride who grabbed hold of Eugene and while Greed snatched Darla from Mary. ‘RUN, RUN, RUN!’ Your mind screamed, all the while your lungs were begging for a small break. You tried your best to even out your breathing and ignoring the burning in your chest when you realised. You weren’t tired. Why the hell were you not tired?

You sprinted over to the pin ball area, Mary right on your heels. “Where… did you learn… to run like that?” Mary breathed and you shrugged in response.

You turned your attention to Sivana who was repeatedly dunking Billy’s head under water, basically drowning him. Thinking fast, you shoved a quarter (or dollar) into the machine while Mary took hold of it. “Hey.” As soon as Silvana’s head turned, she fired.

You froze as Sivana caught the little ball in between his pointer finger and his thumb when you heard a soft growling from behind you. “Ah, shit.”

You let out a scream as Gluttony dragged you into a tent where all your other siblings were being held against their will. “Nice trick,” Sivana said, “catchy. One simple word. I have a better trick. Three words,” he turned to Gluttony with a sneer, “kill the girlfriend.” (PLOTTWIST, IT TRIES TO EAT MARY)

Your siblings let out screams as you felt Gluttony’s slimy tongue stretch and you tried your best to pull away. From beside you, you heard Mary’s pleads to stop while you heard your other siblings crying out in desperation.

“STOP!” Billy yelled and Gluttony put you down. You let out a gasp, falling to your knees, your legs giving way. You felt Wrath drag you in front of him and you let out a whimper.

“Billy, there’s one more demon guy in his eye!” Freddy exclaimed. “You just gotta rip it out of its face hole -” He was cut off by Sloth’s fingers wrapping over his mouth.

“It’s where he gets his power,” Mary continued.

“Reach for it,” Sivana said in a whisper, “I dare you.” Instead, Billy got onto his knees while Sivana nodded in victory, “wise decision. Hands on the staff.”

“Don’t do it Billy!”

“Billy, don’t do this, Billy!”

Ignoring their pleas, the hero placed a hesitant hand on the staff. You looked up to find all the sins but Wrath be absorbed into Sivana’s body and fear forced its way into your heart. Billy grasped the staff firmly on the staff. While Sivana was distracted, the hero flipped the staff out of his hands and hit him in the chest, pushing the villain to the ground. Wrath let out a roar and took hold of your waist, holding you roughly as it ran off. You let out a shriek, eyes squeezed together. Just as you though all hope was lost, you heard lightning strike.

Wrath growled, turning back to the tent it was just on. You took this to your advantage and wiggled your way out before sprinting as fast as you could away from the sin. Oh hell no were you gonna be eaten today.

You ran to the only place you thought was safe- the tent. Come on, who doesn’t want to be near a superhero while the world was being annihilated. You found yourself nearing the tent when there was a crash. A girl wearing a purple jumpsuit and white cape whizzed past you. That’s when you saw the sins emerge. Wrath was battling a green hero and you couldn’t help but groan. “Ah, shit.”

A blue hero flew past you, Pride just behind him. You could hear people creaming as the winged creature hit the Ferris wheel, causing some of the screw to fling off. Panic over took you. What were you supposed to do? Run away? Get the heroes to save them? Apparently you didn’t need to tell anyone; they already saw. One lady was falling with a yell, when the purple hero rushed – quite literally – and saved her.

“Hi! Wow, I caught you!” While she ran to get you to safety, you hid in a booth.

You should be safe… right? Pulling your phone out, you decided to film the whole thing. Might as well broadcast it.

***

You quietly emerged from your hiding place when you saw the red one – Billy – pull the eye out of Sivana. People from all over the carnival let out cheers of thanks and congratulations, and you clapped loudly yourself. The five other heroes flew down to meet their leader, and that’s when you realised. Your siblings were heroes?! So this is what happens when people get abducted.

Moments later, you found yourself face to face with the 6 heroes. “Billy!” You grinned, jumping up and down. “I’d hug you, but I can’t take you seriously like that.” You laughed, looking at the other heroes. “Hey, guys!”

“(Y/N), you’re alright!” Freddy (the blue one, you assumed) exclaimed.

“Yeah, I’m okay. You’re a superhero! Didn’t think your 5 year old birthday wish would come true,” you grinned up at him. “Pedro, Mary, Eugene, Darla! You all look so good!”

“Thanks!” Darla (the purple one?) giggled.

“Where now?” Mary asked, looking around, “where are we going to put the Eye?

Billy just grinned. “I know a place.”

With a flash of blinding light, the 7 of you found yourself back in the haunted cave. “You sure this is gonna work?” Eugene asked, forever the sceptic.

When Billy placed the eye on its stand, coral like structured encompassed it, and the 7 deadly sins were put back in their designated statues.

“You guys know what this place is, right?” Freddy asked, excitement lighting up his eyes.

“A dark haunted cave with demon statues,” Darla muttered while the others nodded in agreement.

The blue hero slowly nodded. “Well, yes, but also…”

He looked at Billy expectantly. “Lair! We gotta lair!”

The others grinned and chatted in excitement while you wandered to the thrones. “Is there supposed to be another hero?”

Eugene counted the thrones in his head. “7 thrones, 6 heroes…”

Ashes quickly began to swirl around you and you gazed at them in wonder. “That’s him!” Billy exclaimed, “that’s the Wizard!”

“Obviously,” the ashes said. “As you can see, there are 7 thrones. Mary is the Wisdom of Solomon. Pedro is the Strength of Hercules. Eugene is the Power of Zeus. Freddy is the Courage of Achilles. Darla is the Speed of Mercury. Billy is all of these powers.” Each sat at their designated thrones, leaving you at the bottom of the stairs. Just as you were about to pipe up, the Wizard cut you off. “Do not think I had forgotten you, young child. You are holding these heroes together. Without you they are nothing. You are the Stamina of Atlas and the Healing of Asclepius. Together, the 7 of you will protect the earth. Together, you are the saviours. Until we meet again, dear heroes,” with that, the Wizard’s ashes were blown away.

You awkwardly shuffled in your seat. “You think we can go now?”

***

The next day, you and your family took their seats at the dining table. Things had happened, to say the least. You sat beside Billy, and you felt him squeeze your hand from other the table. You offered a smile.

“Guys,” Billy piped up, attracting all their attention. “All hands on deck.” With exclaims from Rosa and Victor, Billy began his prayer. “Thank you for this food. Thank you for this day. And thank you for this family. And, maybe this time I’ll stay.” They all pulled their hands back, Billy continuing to speak. “Because after all. I’m home.”

 EXTENDED ENDING (you know what I’m talkin’ about)

School the next day was, as usual, utter crap, especially for Freddy. Ever since the Human Power Storm didn’t show up to lunch a few days prior, things were hell. Billy had a bad cough that morning and stayed home, and you had different classes to him, leaving him alone. He wandered into the cafeteria with his tray and taking a seat at the back table. Almost immediately the people who were once occupying the seats had left.

You took a seat across from him.

“What are you doin’,” you heard Brett ask, “Waiting for your imaginary BFF to show up?”

Burke snickered and stole one of Freddy’s fries (or chips), shoving his head. Seconds later, Eugene, Mary, Darla and Pedro appeared taking their seats.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“Why, we’re having lunch with you,” Mary said, pretending to be offended.

“I thought you had different lunch periods.”

“Well, we made a very special arrangement.”

The boy side-eyed Darla. “Darla, what’s going on?”

“Why are you asking me?”

“Freddy Freeman!” A deep voice called out and said boy let out a snort, covering his face with the back of his hand. The kids let out exclaims of delight while the hero continued to speak. “This guy taught me everything I know about being a dope superhero, true story; you should get a few pointers from him.” He took a seat beside the curly haired boy. “What’s going on, my best bud, in the whole world, and also new kids who I’m meeting for the first time who also seem really cool.”

You exchange looks with Darla who was grinning ear to ear. You knew what was coming up next.

“I invited another friend, I hope that’s okay.”

A man in a blue costume with a diamond logo began to walk towards the table. Oh, if only you could see Brett and Burke’s face.  

Freddy turned around, only to see his idol. He jumped ten feet.

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

Weird af question but I’m 16/bi/afab and I straight up don’t like vaginal sex. Like I masturbate and it’s ok but anytime anyone touches me there it feels wrong in a way I can’t explain even if I fully consented and was turned on before. And it feels like it’s something ingrained in my personality (this sounds dumb ik) bc like even if I’m ready for it 100% as soon as it happens my gut instinct is just like “gonna be a yikes from me”. It makes me feel existential dread and it’s so weird (pt 1/?)

Like in the exact moment it happens it feels wrong not afterwards it’s like a feeling of “I don’t belong here”. It sucks cuz I’m ok with oral and giving hand jobs but even if I want to I can’t go further cuz the mood very noticeably gets killed. Is it just cuz I’m not having the kinda sex I want (cuz I’m pretty femdom and I’d honestly much, much rather peg my bf even tho that doesn’t stimulate me) and maybe it’s different v girls? There’s just so much shit that makes me uncomfortable (2/?)

And it sucks cuz I really wish I could like sex but I don’t. I don’t think I’m trans, I think I’m enby (I’ve thought about this v hard) but that’s honestly the only solution to this specific issue I had. Like I’ve never heard of a f presenting afab person who feels uncomfortable with this in this way. It’s so hard to explain to my bf bc I’m like super kinky and shit in theory but I just can’t fucking do it. Even if I try to ignore it I get visibly uncomfortable and it turns off (3/?)

Everyone who wants to fuck me and it confuses my partners since I’m ok w certain sex acts and most guys my age don’t understand sexual dynamics or gender issues or whatever. Is there something wrong with me or is this normal and I just need to find sex acts I enjoy cuz I could live w/o sex but I feel so disappointed. I haven’t been sexually assault and I’m not transmasc even tho I’ve jokingly described myself as a cis-girl who wants to have a dick. I’m also sex positive so I don’t (4/5)

Understand why I’m having this issue? Like I like certain aspects of being female I like my body for the most part (even tho I have experienced dysphoria but it could also b due to me just wanting to be thin bc bullying) I just dislike the social expectations but that doesn’t have anything to do with your gender identity. Like I really just want the male genitalia otherwise I’m good and it feels deeper than shame bc society. Sex Ed didn’t cover this (5/5)

Some people with vaginas just don’t like penetration. If you have gender dysphoria or some kind of trauma connected to your vagina it could also be a reason why you’re uncomfortable with your partner touching you there or penetrating you.

If it really stresses you out a lot then it could be worth talking to a therapist about it if you can afford it. Iit’s nothing that needs to be fixed but if it causes you anxiety then talking to a specialist about it might help you to be cool with it.

Your partner should definitly respect your boundaries and there is a lot of ways you can have sex that don’t involve vaginal intercourse. Maybe you’re okay with anal or you could try masturbating in your partner’s presence. Maybe there’s other areas where you like to be touched by your partner while you “take care” of the southern regions yourself.

And you mentioned pegging. If that’s something you are interested in and your boyfriend is up for it then try it out. You say “even tho that doesn’t stimulate me” but actually pegging can also be very stimulating for the partner who wears the strap. There’s friction and pressure happening that can feel really good and of course there’s the whole psychological aspect of it that is very arousing. So it’s definitly not like pegging is only nice for the receiving partner.

Anyway, you’re 16, so getting your hand on a strap-on or other sex toys might be difficult at best and illegal at worst - depending on how the laws are in the country you live in. So maybe this will have to wait. But you’re only just starting out to discover your sexuality and to figure out what you like. You’ve got plenty of time ahead of you to try stuff out, with or without toys. I’m sure you will learn how to have a satisfying sex life. Just give it time and listen to yourself and your own needs and boundaries. If something doesn’t feel good then stop it. Maybe you want to go back to it later, maybe not. Either is fine.

EDIT: Oh shoot I just saw parts 3-5 of this. Give me a few moments and I’ll add some more advice.

Maddie

[illkeepyourbrittleheartwarm]

Being in Poland just reinforces the idea that I'm alone and don't have family and don't relate to any of them and that they all have such a skewed approach to everything.

I always want to go and a part of me always seems to think it'll be like when I was a child. But it's just that I never saw the cracks when I was little and I wasn't an adult with my own life, I was a quiet, polite girl who stayed quiet in the face of abuse and unjust criticism, I didn't cut contact with my father, I wasn't in a long term relationship without marriage, I didn't stand up for myself or what I believe in. The family members who actually wanted me around are few and far between, one of them is senile and is in a different time most of the time and thinks I'm my auntie, and the other I never got to spend as much time with, but he's still around both physically and mentally.

I just feel so alone and unloved and like I never ever had a safe place I could just be loved and appreciated and it fucking hurts that everyone else has that, even my father.

I have my bf and cat and that is my true family, but it still makes me want to fall apart that the only good times in my childhood were a fucking lie and I was actually well and truly alone without anyone to protect me or stand up for me or make me feel like I was worth something. The only person who knew and cared couldn't do anything about it and was a thousand miles away.

How is it that that grandma cried over how my dad treated me, but everyone else just sighed or sang his praises, defending him, or just ignored it? Why was the only grown up who cared so far away, and it was made my responsibility at a very young age to not talk to her about what went on at home anymore because if she had a heart attack, "it would be my fault", and by that point she was too poorly to travel to see us so she never knew about it again.

My grandmother on my dad's side told me today that I have his character after I told her exactly what happened. And ik she's an abuse victim with skewed perceptions but how do you look at someone who stopped talking to her father and tell her she's just like him after you watched him abuse and berate her and her siblings as defenseless children? Because I don't continue to let him walk all over me and ruin the rest of my life just bc she feels she's a good person bc she stayed with her abusive husband until he died? Because I have my own life and don't live with him? Because I talk about my trauma and constantly make sure that the cycle ends with me, rather than shutting up and walking around miserable after clearly not processing any trauma like she does?

But then, I start thinking if they're all like that and I'm like this, then surely that means there's something wrong with me? But then I also think of it in terms of a cult or my church where the person who questions and leaves is considered the bad one, when it's the group that are wrong in their treatment of people and their beliefs about "the outside" or different paths.

That helps ground me and remind me that for all my faults, I am nothing like them. It helps stop me from falling down the spiral of their gaslighting.

But I still feel so sad and alone. I hate that little me was all alone without anyone on her side. That she wasn't wrong in thinking that. It's so hard to heal that little girl when I've been conditioned to believe that it is me that's wrong, and that if I'm ever alone, it's my fault.

Being around my family makes me start hating and doubting myself. And it breaks my heart that I don't have anyone from my family anymore. Even though I still spend time with them once in a while.