#but it doesn’t feel rewarding
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when y- when weh when you turn 26 and lose your parents health insurance coverage so you apply for a “real” job with benefits that you’re definitely under qualified for and end up getting it and then they merge the position you applied for with another position (bc the person originally filling that role quit weeks after you were hired and they don’t wanna rehire) so now suddenly you’re not only trying to learn how to do the job you originally applied to do but also getting handed tasks in an area you have ✨zero experience or interest in✨ and now you’re mourning the part time job you held for 5 years and had to leave simply in pursuit of surviving in the world as an adult and every day is a nightmare
#I used to go to work every day and see the positive impact I had on the people we worked with#it was the most fulfilling job I’ve ever had#and even tho my new position still impacts those same people#I no longer get to see them every day and it makes me feel like I’ve just abandoned them#like fuck I have a chipped tooth I needed dental insurance I needed this job#but it doesn’t feel rewarding#I don’t feel like I’m doing good enough I feel like I’m drowning#is this relatable#I just want to quit everything and run away#the feeling of dread I have daily is ridiculous#personal#put your finger down#tfw#that feeling when
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crowning ronan lynch the undisputed pining king
#god he’s insufferable about it#(affectionate)#literally can’t go 2 sentences in ronan’s pov w/o a thought getting connected to adam#holy hell#the way maggie subtly introduces adam into ronan’s thoughts#increasing his presence in barely noticeable increments#it’s MASTERFUL#she starts with everything very subtly woven in metaphors and imagery and uncloaks it bit by bit#that you’ll only see for what they are if you’re really looking#she doesn’t hit you in the face with ‘ronan wants adam’#you get to feel ronan’s longing grow as you go along#it starts as ‘oh i’m thinking about him’#then ‘oh i’m thinking about him again’#‘oh wow i’m thinking about him a lot’#‘oh god i can’t stop thinking about him everything is him he’s everything’#and because maggie doesn’t introduce ronan’s fat crush on him from the get go as part of ronan’s character#you get to go on that journey of Noticing with ronan#which is fucking awesome#you get to pick up on his feelings at the same time he does#which is frankly insane and makes for such a rewarding reading experience#god maggie i have so much more appreciation for your talent as an older and more educated human#14 y/o me had no idea the quality of what she was reading#21+ me’s mind is BLOWN by the sheer craftsmanship of this series#but also that’s the whole point of this series: you’ll only be rewarded with finding things if you’re really willing to look.#june’s trc reread#pynch#ronan lynch#adam parrish#trc
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*googling how to bribe remedy the video game company into adding a truly outrageous amount of weird little collectibles and nonsensical videos for control 2*
#remedy games are a part of. a very very very small group of games where i am actively excited to read#and then read more#the world building in it is great. it IS basically just#sc p + creepypastaish documents for most but it’s cohesive#and adds to the narrative. makes it feel like a reward to uncover more of this world#only for it to make u realize that the FBC doesn’t understand a thing lol#all a ton of fun#control 2019#control remedy#need to befriend anyone who also goes wild over the world of Control#oldest house and ahti ily#I think i made a post like this before but idc
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I wish parents who are hardcore “wHat do YOu wAnT froM SAnTa????” “be GOOD or SANTA won’t come” “the elf is watching” general Christmas surveillance parents could figure out their lies w/o impacting or involving the rest of us.
I don’t wanna be complicit in this charade 😅 Esp when kids are asking me redic questions?? Like noooooo. I’m not saying shit bc I don’t causally lie sorryyyyyyyyy.
I get they think all this is cute or whatever but I didn’t like it as a kid and I don’t like it now.
#not that the elf existed when I was a kid just the general Santa lie#the surveillance training kids go under these days is CRAZY NEXT LEVEL#and this doesn’t even touch on how when you tell your kids Santa rewards goodness with amazing gifts#you’re setting up poor kids to feel like shit for no fucking reason when they compare themselves to rich kids#sorry y’all this shit is dumb and I hate it#it’s all kinds of terrible messages for kids and I want NO PART
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I’m at the crux of I really wanna romance davrin like truly I want to smooch his face. but I don’t wanna replay the game agaaaaaain
#I know he will be there. I know he will just be there#I dunno I just find act 1 of veilguard kinda. not as interesting#act 2 is where it gets more interesting to me#and I don’t wanna play 10 hours of jsut kinda mgngngngng stuff#it’s my crux w bg3 too that I wanna romance other ppl but the game is so big#I know I can watch videos but it doesn’t always hit the same?#it feels much more rewarding to build a dynamic between characters#owen talks
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i think there needs to be more of ava & lilith getting to have a fucked up sibling relationship in which they demonstrate the saying that hate and love are opposite sides of the same coin. lilith being the “no one else gets to hurt my sibling except for me.” ava being a cruel reminder to lilith of how she’s strived so long and hard, following all the arduous rules, for acceptance, and family, purpose and belonging. and yet ava suddenly comes in and gets all of that and more dropped into her lap, and she doesn’t even want it.
tl;dr: ava & lilith being wholesome siblings in aus is undeniably cute, but let ava and lilith be siblings with a very complicated and/or bad relationship more too
#warrior nun#ava silva#lilith villaumbrosia#sister lilith#headcanons#hcs#wn#i have an au in my head where ava & lilith are adopted siblings that share superion as their adopted mom#and lilith absolutely resents ava from the get go because ava gets to be ‘weak’ and superion ‘rewards’ her for it#ava gets to cry over ‘stupid’ stuff; ava gets to flunk tests#ava gets to just dip out of stuff she doesn’t want to do#and lilith is seething with envy#because she never got to have that no matter how hard she tried so why does some irrespectful kid get all that?#she’s had and has to work for everything#both w her bio family & w superion*#*superion never wanted or wants lilith to feel such#however she thought pushing lilith to not do so would make things worse#from lilith’s pov she interprets it as superion not giving a shit about her#au
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The Blackbeak Matron is a brutal woman with not an ounce of love to any of her offspring. I don’t imagine her being kind to Lothian— like, she was her Heir, her training is harder and more brutal than what other witches would undergo.
Despite that harshness and brutality, Lothian was nothing like her. She she just couldn’t quell that side of her daughter: she was kind, warm and full of hope. The Matron couldn’t change that.
I think that what Lothian did, mating with a Crochan prince of all people and believing that the child they conceived would bring peace to their people is what tipped the Matron over the edge.
Killing her daughter soon after giving birth, she decided that she’d been too soft. Something she will not do with her granddaughter, her new Heir.
This is why I believe that Manon endured worse shit from the Matron than anyone did before. Her grandmother simply didn’t want to risk her being soft, like her mother, and made sure that Manon would not even recognize that.
This is the reason why Manon has a hard time with emotions because she wasn’t taught these things. All she knows is brutality and the different ways she can kill people. She endured a lot at the hands of her grandmother but because of that upbringing, she just carried on without giving anything a second thought.
But deep down, Manon is Lothian’s daughter. No matter how brutal the Matron got, no matter how harsh she was, she couldn’t change that. I think she realized that all she did didn’t fully kill whatever kindness might have been passed down to Manon when she picked Abraxos to be her wyvern. I believe it was that moment the Matron realized that despite everything she did, there was no changing that.
It didn’t stop her. Because she got worse. From that moment, she decided to use those feelings against Manon. Punish her for her compassion by threatening to take away everything she loves. It’s mainly the reason she kept targeting Asterin, and forcing Manon to be the one who does these things because at the end of the day, Manon still seeks her approval. She will do anything if it gets her noticed by her grandmother and this is why the Matron kept using Asterin against her. It was something Manon would want to avoid, but it will always be there: one mistake and it’s her cousin’s life. This way, the Matron had full control over Manon and ensured that she’d never rebel against her.
This is a woman who never displayed an ounce of love or affection to her granddaughter. Honestly she probably started Manon’s training early on, not taking the chance to turn her ‘soft’. I believe she prohibited anyone from coddling the Heir. She wouldn’t allow anyone to show her any affection or any display of love. Those who did, lost their lives.
Honestly, when Yrene hugged Manon during that scene? I knew she was going to freeze and not do anything. Because she doesn’t recognize the gesture, she has no idea what it means or how to respond so she just froze.
#booklr#books and reading#throne of glass#manon blackbeak#tog#asterin blackbeak#empire of storms#kingdom of ash#dorian havilliard#manorian#lothian blackbeak#manon x dorian#tristan crochan#blackbeak matron#evil evil woman#there was no line that she didn’t cross with Manon because she didn’t want her to be like her mother#the thought of what Manon had endured from birth until she was over a hundred years old is soul crushing#im just glad she’s with Dorian#he’s so loving and affectionate and he’s there to show her love and be there for her#he can help her recognize those different emotions and how to deal with them#but I also think that Manon would be highkey terrified of displaying these emotions#because she was never allowed to feel them and if she did she got punished for it#so there is trauma around that as well#like if she expresses a single feeling she’d panic and just retreat into herself#my girl had tones of ptsd from her grandmother#she needs a lot of therapy honestly#and Dorian#Dorian is the supportive boyfriend who will try to reward those emotions when they (finally) show#in hopes that this will override the bad memories#not likely but it doesn’t stop him
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I hate micro transactions and permanently limited content I hate micro transactions and permanently limited content I HATE MICRO TRANSACTIONS AND PERMANENTLY LIMITED CONTENT
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#I started playing sky children of light and it’s so cute but they’re whole cosmetic acquiring system is so fucking stupid it angers me#yeah limit a GOOD chunk of your content behind a limited paywall that if you don’t pay and participate in the time frame it’s gone forever#and no one will ever EVER see it again haha sorry if you didn’t know this game existed when it was available it’s too late now#like some of it comes back and I get a bp function but like man#I had no idea this game existed till recently or the fact it had so much stuff in it#only to find out anything mildly interesting is from a season released on the first year#the game is like 5-6 years old now? something like that#and even though some content comes back occasionally there’s so much content at this point it will take forever for things to rotate through#and it’s only SOME not everything from that season pass#like holiday events being gone till next year? sure yeah I get it they want my money it’s okay#but basic content feeling like there’s a one in a million chance you’ll lay eyes on it ever again? that’s crazy#on top of the fact it’s so hard to find out where most content comes from??? and finding a coherent source that’s not a disc I’d never#guess existed unless my sister told me?#DEVS FIX YOUR GAME#only think keeping me playing and grinding is so I can max stuff out as much as I can so I get snag that jellyfish fit when it comes back#I’m also just so so so sick of every game I enjoy wanting all of my money for the simplest things#what happened to releasing a full game where cosmetics and fun extras were a grindy process that felt rewarding#I’d take buying dlc/expansions over dumb cosmetic micro transactions ANY day#okay coming back to add the fact that though there are basic cosmetics you can grind for without real money it doesn’t look that cool#it’s mostly just recolors of the basic cape and plain white outfits#aka do you#like pants or shorts or bell bottoms or leggings#aka a lot of the basic free cosmetics you grind for are boring af
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Just finished watching Detective Conan Movie 26: Black Iron Submarine to prepare for watching M27, and I can honestly say it was such a great movie!
First one to get my heart pumping from among one of dc’s latest movies in a while. Great action scenes from Conan, Ran and also the one with Akai. Ngl Shiho calling him ‘Shinichi-kun’ was cute. The scene where they were swimming up to the surface was beautiful, and with the accompanying soundtrack to boot! I absolutely loved all the callbacks to the previous bo movies and bo members (like Irish and Curacao), as well as Haibara’s association of Ran with Akemi. Speaking of Ran, my baby was absolutely badass in this movie. Again ngl, Haibara’s feelings toward Shinichi and Ran really give me a lot of angst. She just loves Shinichi a lot, but I can also say she loves Ran just as equally, if not more so she really exemplifies that sort of selfless love. Speaking of angst, it was a tiny moment, but Shinichi’s forlorn look as he looks at his tiny arms and being unable to physically save Ran as he is now really got to me for some reason.
And speaking of callbacks, I do love how Vermouth once again, despite her moral greyness, still acts with Shinichi’s words and Ran’s actions in mind that you really don’t need a reason to save someone, that despite that she hates Shiho, it can be something as having a Fusae brooch in exchange.
I hope M27 will prove to be as great if not better.
#dcmk#detective conan#they said it was a coai movie#and it really was!#and it doesn’t detract at all from how good a movie it was#again I just can’t help but feel for Haibara#because the feelings are there#what can she do about it?#but she will also be among the first in line to k*ll shinichi if he ever genuinely hurts ran#I loved haibara and ran’s relationship in this film too#and even that tiny moment in the first part with sonoko wanting to reward haibara for being such a good girl#mouri ran#kudou shinichi#edogawa conan#haibara ai
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heol
#⠀ᶻᶻ⠀turn it up!⠀#unrelated its ltr not even what i linked but chasing time - azealia.. Dontttt omg ts is so facking good who made that beat!!!!!!!!!!#ANW. if breakaway is minhui then this is yijun. mayb the single ver more than true romance ver actually.. it js sounds more raw#i rly wanna talk abt why he hates jaehee#bc i’ve yapped abt minhui and talked abt DY/JY sort-of parallels in replies somewhere i found it the other day#and ik the ‘he doesn’t fit’ is what's been written (in pieces + that yt rundown i think) but likee it goes deeper than that#im gnna struggle to put it into words properly but im talking to myself so i can not make sense as much as i want thanks#ok. so he goes on and on abt how jaehee ruined BS bec he ‘didn’t fit’ into the four that they were without him but. he’s lowk projecting#he joined JG in 2016 - jiyeol mai hyeonmin and KOHEN were all there before him. jy’s in ‘08 mi + kh in 2010 + hm 2011#they chucked their whole childhoods away for jg - and in reward they were meant to be jg’s first boygroup#they ltr would’ve debuted in 2013 if it wasn’t for hyojoo being like hey! this is kinda weird lol! a 17 yo two 15 yos + a 13 yo is weird!#yj was late as HELLLL 2the party. he wouldve been left as a trainee while JY MI KH HM debuted as 9ANTHER if it wasnt 4 The Kohen Mai Thing#aka they started messing around in like 2014 while jy pretended he wasnt abt to crash out and hm had to listen to jy trying not2 crash out#then it got real bad like august 2016 and all of a sudden they HATEDD eo they couldnt even b in the same room#(aka. kh wanted him mi wanted jy and said Lollll i hate u die)#all in all: kh kicked off debut team. spot opens up for yijun right as he enters the company. he’s not cut out for ts at all#he was lonely back home and now he’s lonely here and now apparently he’s in a debut team with 3 guys who know eo and he wants to die#hyeonmin like smiles at him like ONCE during practice and he latches on fastttt this leech 😭😭😭 tries to worm his way in via hm#spoiler! it only half works theres sand under his skin he hates it all he’s not meant for them he needs a gun#it gets better over the years and jy + mi sorting their shit out & cutting off kh completely makes yj feel wayy more secure#and then they debut even if it is after yoonhae’s literal death. and then jaehee comes in like Hiii i like to act and colour ^_^#HE WNATS TO DIEE ITS HIM ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!! cant even bear to look at him#like the walls are UP he’s not letting himself become kohen. and when jh tries to get close to min - ltr exactly like he did.......#ITS NEVER BEEN MORE BONSOVERRRR#so there. he’s mean and hates him and wants him dead for that. Yayyyy#kh has def said some nasttyyyyy shit to yj too ijbol like mind you he didnt leave jg until jy did! THIS YEAR!#the song. is abt himself. him to him in the mirror. to kohen. to jaehee. he’s mad at shit that’s never happened and he’s never gonna stop#the ‘why did you fall for me’ though.. that’s him to min like#he feels like he’s conned him into it - bec the first couple months he only rly was around him to try and get into the inner circle#and then he fell in Lol. Gay
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bro i hate anorexia
#im so hungry im fucking dizzy bc all ive eaten today is like#a couple crackers and some hummus and a couple bacon bits#(like the salad topping)#im so extremely irritable that people just messaging me is making me freak out#my period has been fucking with my appetite but beyond that it’s just so hard to like#push myself to try to eat. i have no desire or motivation to do it#it just feels like Eating Bad#and the stupid little reward light for not eating is turned on in my brain#and i still feel like. idk ‘not anorexic enough’ to be complaining. like i feel like this doesn’t count#idk. ughhhhh
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“you killed my mother” see where being evil gets you 🤷🏽♀️
#doesn’t. doesn’t feel so good now does it REGINA#like it’s that specific salt in the wound that makes her so genuinely deserving of having to kill her own mother#it’s not cruel#it’s not sad but necessary#it’s genuinely regina’s just reward that is what she deserves#I promise very few characters make me this batshit insane
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#lord i hate feeling bitter — and i especially hate feeling this way over my sister#but it stings a little bit when you’re never the one they want. it’s always my sister.#i love her and i know she doesn’t see me as any less or anything but it does something to you when everyone talks about how great your#sister is. how proud they are of her. she gets recognized on the streets and i’m the one made to take the photos of her. how pretty she is#its especially awkward when my mother chimes in with “but mika’s pretty too!” and like ahh just stop#i do get to reap the rewards of her fame so i’m not complaining much but it just sucks a little when i realize i probably won’t be as -#- successful as she is. even before she started working she was a good student ! n now she’s supporting the family#and her career is growing. it’s just a pity i’m so unremarkable compared to her lol#my mom says my sister is proud of me too but. what for? i’ve got nothing going on anyways#how often my relatives brag about her and knowing her and i just ahhh. so embarrassing to feel this way#i remember that one time she made me stream bc she was feeling unwe and i just broke down in tears afterwards because i was so horribly-#-bad at the game. and people just kept looking for her and eughhhhh so embarrassinggggg!!!!!!!! i don't wanna think about that#💭#vent#negative
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oh THANK GOD
there are only three quests you can use for an infinite rings exploit and the way they work is that you get rings in the text before the reward screen, so if you close the app after getting the rings but before the reward screen, it resets that part of the quest. the first one (know your friends, i think it’s called?) needs your mc so you can’t really progress the main storyline, and the second needs ezra, like so:
he’s not required for any important quests until much later, but i’ve still got about 5 side quests sitting there that need him.
but the third one, do you know julian, DOESNT need any of the main characters. i forget if it needs any other classmates (i just know that i used it in my original game and it was sustainable), but ezra is FINALLY free!
#ok well not quite. i’ve gotta DO the quest first#but god what a relief. this is the PERMANENT ring exploit quest#the first two were just to tide me over until this one#hss#personal#oh that’s right the last req is ‘complete a party with julian’#now watch me get one of the questions wrong so i don’t get the reward#it also has infinite coins and books. all of them have coins but the ezra one doesn’t have books#so i’m starting to get low on them even after the hundreds of thousands i saved from the first quest#oh you have no idea how much of a relief this is i can finally relax#but things are picking up with hss:#i’ve decided i’m only gonna get one of each gender of classmate unless absolutely necessary (so far i’ve needed 3 jocks and that’s it)#and this week i finally got the skater girl i needed to progress the main quest#(with infinite rings i know i could just buy them but i’m committed to partying. rip ever getting a prom queen lmao)#i also unlocked kallie yesterday (and i understand why nobody ever talked about her. that took WAY TOO LONG)#(i bought pencils in my original game but the server’s shut down now. had to do it the slow way. it took MONTHS)#i feel like there’s something else i did that was significant…….#oh yeah just now (at the same time i unlocked this quest) i finished the party that officially gets me one of every classmate#of the types i can get that is. don’t have rebels yet rip#i should look up which classmate i’ll need two of next so i can start working on it#the rarer ones can take weeks (or months. but i don’t think i’ll need a homecoming/prom queen for a quest?)#sometimes i forget i played this game for YEARS and only got by with exploits (and lbr spending WAAAY too much real money on it)#(hwu was worse because you couldn’t exploit it)#but i never paid rings for classmates. i always partied#sometimes i rushed parties but i still did them#wait. hold on a second. i have phoebe. she’s a prom queen. it’s the prom KING i don’t have lmaoooo that’s easy#when i say i only get a boy and girl of each that doesn’t include main characters or vips so i’ll still eventually party for a prom queen#but yeah i do have one lmao
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time to 💨 and go see evil dead rise.
#ooc. mikkelsen vc: this week on kat valentine's hannibal.#[I’m feelin good!! I made pancakes!!!!! I made extra for my aunt!! I did my dishes!! I cleaned my house!!!!!!!! I feel!! better than I have#in a long time!!! or I’m trying to!!! I really wanted popcorn and my ticket was free. fuck yeah rewards.#gonna write and might bug y’all for some overwatch later. I had some murderous matches with my brother yesterday. I’ve starting to dig echo#even if I literally never play dps. ….don’t look at my time on torb or hanzo it doesn’t mean anything I’m a support main.#which reminds me…. I gotta go back to working on Ana and finally#finally decide to try baptiste seriously.]
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Living life yay huzzah yay
#a#I have beef with my school. am I happy here? absolutely. do I think we are beyond lame for not having an actual guy? 100%#letters don’t count!!!!!!!! having a capital letter for your school doesn’t count!!!!!!!!!!#like it’s not even a complete absence of a team no just like a silly little physical guy than runs across the field#and can be all cute on stuff on shirts and be stuffed animals it’s the marketing potential they’re missing out on#though I guess I’d rather have no physical dude than one which sucks complete ass I’m talking about pen state fuck that guy#I need to watch the gnomes again wait oh my fucking god I was thinking like damn I did the gnomeo juliet ace attorney moment#but my brain is knee deep in hellsing so idk how to connect them but bruh every piece of media has some form of rivals#I’m not emotionally invested in andercard but the idea of Catholic and Protestant gnomes is really funny#and they’re already British!! lovely!!! at some point in college I need to use gnomes for a grade I can’t let that be a high school only bit#did you know that gnomeo and Juliet is technically owned by Disney? add that to your marvel cinematic universe#oh gnomeo and Juliet poster we’re really in it now#did you know that the version of hello hello that’s in the movie featuring lady Gaga is not on streaming services? they take lady Gaga out#it’s really unfortunate the echos and duet aspect make the song it’s not just one or the other it’s Two Gnomes!!#have two exam grades back that I have not looked at out of fear#either they’ll be bad and I’ll watch hellsing to make myself feel better Or they’ll be good and I’ll watch hellsing as a reward#unrelated but it looks like a gutter on the other side of my dorm got busted and I’m trying to figure out if it’s always been like that#maybe it has and I’m not a gutter glorifier like I thought I was…. rip observational skills#I have a group project I have to work on and it’s evil I do not enjoy the class and it’s not very lgbt slay girlboss of me#but god dammit I am not filling out a fucking gender unicorn for your class that’s between me and my tumblr drafts from 2019#it gets a credit out of the way and I never have to take it again I am so strong#man what does it say about society that I’m more excited about Econ than wgs (it says nothing the Econ professor is just goofy and fun)#(also he does more than read off of slides and show those like buzzfeed social experiments)#but none of that is important since next week is when things get fucked and I’ll end up with more free time! yay strikes!!#update: made it back from project zone those fuckers held me hostage using social norms#it’s okay though I’m sooo strong and brave#talkingcore
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