#but in the end i know it'll make me so happy to have this journal to look back on

[vexxandra]

25 predictions for 2025 (pick-a-card reading)

happy new year sillies <3 01-01-2025 ☆

disclaimer: all of my readings are just for fun, you write your own story every day of your life, dont let me tell you how to live it

pile 1 > pile 2 pile 3 > pile 4

pile 1

biggest theme: change

reflexion and redirection are major elements of the new year

breaking free of past shackles : discarding old things

miracle year, a lot of wonderful things are coming

be selfish. you are in charge of your own happiness

you will learn to love yourself this year

fulfilling year especially in terms of career or academics. make sure to properly prepare in order to gain an edge over others

early bird gets the worm mentality

"winter arc" mindset the whole year. "lock in"

first six months will be very busy, you'll focus on yourself and not have the time for romance

learning how to collaborate with others

big lesson: learning how to work through burnout

august 2025 will be a very happy month for you

potential summer fling, will reginite flames you didn't know you had

some kind of soul fulfillment, could potentially be romantic or personal

imbalanced feminine energy, learning to reconnect with your divine feminine

a turbulent period will occur (im hearing mercury retrograde)

last half of the year might be grey

sleepy energy, taking things slower

make sure to rest, dont push yourself to move when sluggy

you're going to end the year with a nice energy. i see you surrounded by lots of family, friends and people you hold dear

if last year did not feel chrismassy, dont worry, because this year will

an extra message about children and new families. pregancy within you or another may occur

releasing all anxieties caused by this year, and a lot of reflexion

overall a pretty good year, some guidance i might give would be to not push yourself over the edge, and try not to drink too much caffiene <3

pile 2

biggest theme: self love

i get the feeling you've lost someone very important this year, most likely a break up, but you still have feelings for them

disillusionment and prioritizing yourself are big themes for this year

you're going to recognize that this person was pretty toxic and will take them off of their pedestal

learning how to fall in love again, with yourself and with life

reconnecting with your femininity

a lot of themes about toxicity and distancing yourself from people that don't have your best interests at heart

crown chakra healing by taking one day at a time (a LOT of light purple imagery in this reading)

very tumultuous first few months of the year, you'll feel like your life is flipping upside down and rightside up for a while

reconnecting with your spiritual guides and your spirituality/religion will bring you peace

if you're not religious, exploring some concepts may occupy your time

potential new romantic interest, but you must fall in love with yourself first

advice i can give would be to start something new, and to spend a lot of time by yourself. take yourself on dates and spend time with loved ones

sleep is very important this year, maybe consider starting a dream journal

i feel like most of you will get into some kind of artsy hobby this year. this can be anything from visual to musical to physical, but i can see it becoming a big passion

learning how to be more flexible in your thoughts and actions is a big lesson

springtime (particularly may) will be an amazing period

indie movie life in the spring, it'll feel like your life is straight out of a book

productivity, creativity, and happiness will be at an all-time high

you'll meet so many new people during this time, and im seeing some travelling too

child-like energy, almost like a giddy joy

make sure to not forget your responsabilities, i can see that you might be too caught up in your excitement and forget to balance work and play

overall very good year. it might not feel like it right now, but things are guarenteed to get better <3

some guidance i would give would be to reflect on your past, but never to dwell in it

pile 3

biggest theme: new beginnings and hope

amazing potential, i can see you're carrying something precious from 2024, and wanting it to grow in the new year

it will, but be sure to wait for the right time and approach it with dedication, consistency and care

strong foundations are laid, but be sure to not be reckless

good communication and problem resolving skills are going to be very important this year

flexibility and detachment are going to be vital too, dont try to control situations and dictate outcomes

forgive others for their mistakes but be sure to be assertive too

for those in a romantic relationship: this relationship will last a long time <3

messages about changing your identity, there will be a time when you dont recognize yourself, take some time to reconnect with your inner values

"lucky girl syndrome" mindset. you'll be attracting so many blessings this year

abundance really is yours this year, the cards are showing so many blessings coming your way

affirm to yourself that you have everything you desire, and it will appear

summertime will be an extremely happy period for you. i see a lot of happy memories being made, and a lot of productivity as well

the end of summer and fall might be when things slow down a little, i see a little more uncertainty and anxiety, but it will all pass

big emphasis on relationships this year, but mostly romantic

for those currently in a relationship, here is confirmation that your person is a soulmate and will be in your life long-term

for the singles out there, you'll soon meet an amazing person (timeframe: june or july)

in terms of academics and career, your year will be pretty tame

there will be important decisions to make, and that might stress you out, but the outcome will be good

bottom line: the ending of this year will be good, and there's nothing you can do to change that

important lessons you will need to learn will be to think things through before acting upon them, hanging with people you feel truly appreciate you, and walking away when you feel they don't

appearances may be deceiving, make sure the people you surround yourself with have your best interests at heart

do not compare yourself with others, this year will hammer in that lesson time and time again

overall a very good year, some guidance i would give would be to guard your heart from people with negative intentions. there are snakes and backstabbers everywhere, keep yourself safe <3

pile 4

biggest theme: self-improvement

this year you'll return to your roots, fully shedding your old life to try and reconnect with your innermost values

reassess what works for you and what doesn't, i sense a lot of toxcitity in your life

this year you'll develop many new relationships with many new people

these relationships will provide interpersonal insight: remember that you are who you surround yourself with

this year, you'll practice setting boundaries

its never aggressive to be assertive, and those who matter won't mind

despite the heavy focus on new relationships, prioritize yourself

going on walks, meditating, journalling and going on solo dates are all amazing ways to start to feel comfortable alone

this year will be full of endings, dont resist it, embrace it

change isn't inherently bad, just like how difference isn't inherently bad

very financially stable year, you'll be more open to taking career risks

if there were any financial struggles in the past year, take comfort in knowing there will be little to nothing of the sort in the future

be careful to not be boastful about your finances though, as its better to succeed in silence

you create your own happiness, you are the main character, stop relying on others to save you

this year, you'll stop seeking others validation and look inside of yourself to find what you've been searching for in others

you'll be stepping into a bad bitch energy this year, one that feels comfortable being alone or with others

strong leadership is something you'll be developping this year, as well as strong manifestation skills

you want it, you're going to get it!!

go after all of your goals this year, hesitance will do you no good

i can see that at the end of the year, you'll emerge a totally different person

you'll be more confident, self-assured and more joyful (i sense that autumn is an important time period)

overall, this year will be a fresh chapter in your life

you'll shed the old you, bad habits, and negative aspects to make way for a life and personality that's authentically you

some advice i would give would be to not be afraid to stand apart, dont worry about the opinions of others

speak of success, and it will come to you <3

[seeinganewlight]

just realized i still haven't finished setting up my theatre journal from the shows i saw in february 😭 i wanna do that and add a spread for the b&c pro shot. i won't get it done before my trip next month, but i do want to get it done

[libraford]

Multi-paper junk mini journal tutorial (low spoons version)

Last night, I mentioned that I like my blank books to have a combination of different papers: colored paper for sketching, blank paper for writing, dotted paper for lists, graph paper for schematics and maps, but there arent many manufacturers that make this. So I just make them myself.

And yall wanna know how to do that.

GREAT!

Here's the easy version. This is for:

-I want this for me, NOW, and I don't care what it looks like because I'm gonna cover it in stickers, and it's only going to be a few pages long. If it lasts a week, I'm happy.

You will need:

- desired papers, 8.5x11 inch regular ass sizes

- a piece of card stock or a thicker paper.

- stapler

- washi tape (optional)

- probably scissors

STEP 1

Take a piece of paper. Fold it in half. Tear or cut the paper along the fold line so you have two half sheets of paper.

If you want a larger book, you can just fold it in half and the book will be 8.5×5 instead of 5x3.25.

STEP 2

Fold the half sheets in half and crease them. Repeat this for every sheet you intend on using for the inside of your journal.* Try not to do more than 8 papers because it'll put stress on the stapler. The papers should now fit inside of each other.

*you could, if pressed, fold them all together in one big group. This is faster, however- if you've ever had a handmade zine that doesn't close cleanly it's likely that they stapled it together without creasing. To each their own. I don't run your life.

If there is excess on the ends that makes the book uneven, feel free to chop it off at this point.

STEP 3

Repeat step 2, but with the thicker paper, which is now your book cover.

STEP 4

Find the centerfold- which is the middle piece of paper. Lay it flat and make sure all the papers and the cover line up.

TIME TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH STAPLER!

Ah, yes- the zine-stitch. Three staples to hold it all together, one in the center and 2 an inch from the top and bottom. If you are doing a larger size, you may need more staples.

You can staple from the inside or you can flip it over and staple it from the spine. Stapling from the spine will make it smoother on the outside so if you're carrying it in your pocket it won't catch threads.

But sometimes stapling from the inside is the only method that works. I've got a fix for you at the end.

Stapling is easy because it's a fast fix, but you may find yourself wasting staples because they don't go all the way through. This can be that the paper is too thick or that there's too many papers. I have a more complicated version of this that's suited to this situation, which I'll write later.

Other, more obvious solution: better staples, better stapler. But I don't have that.

You can call yourself done now, or...

OPTIONAL STEP 5

If you stapled from the centerfold or if you plain don't like the way your spine looks, we're gonna use some washi tape.**

Gently find an unstapled flap in the cover and separate it so you can get some washing tape to adhere to the inside.

Run it along the spine with the book flattened.

Adhere it to the inside of the cover at the bottom and then fold.

**an advanced technique for this when you don't have washi tape: cut a strip of contrasting paper at least 1 inch thick and 2 inches longer than the spine (so in this case it would be 1 inch by 7 inches.) Coat the back of this paper with glue and then use in the same way the washi is shown. This will require extra curing time and you will want to put something heavy on top as it dries. Washi is just easier.

Now slap a sticker on it.

Nice!

And now you've got a little journal. Does it look great? Who cares? You don't have to look all over for a piece of graph paper when you wanna draw a map of something while you're out doing stuff.

It took me longer to write the tutorial than it did to make the thing. The hardest part was getting the staples to behave.

I have a higher spoons version that I will write up later, but this is the punkass way of doing something for yourself.

UPDATE: The tutorial for the nicer version is available here!

[being-addie]

Morning Routines

We're all looking at those Instagram influencers who somehow manage to wake up at 5 am, do meditation, journal, do a 15-step Korean skincare routine, and go to the gym. And then they make a green smoothie and avocado toast, get dressed in a Chanel outfit and then sit at their fancy desk with a vanilla latte and a croissant.

This is not realistic. You probably already know that, but it likely won't stop you from trying to change your routine bit by bit to look a little like theirs. That didn't stop me, at least.

But now I've come to realise that no matter how much I try, I'll never be able to have a routine like the ones I see online. Because it doesn't exist. It's all curated for aesthetic appeal and generates a sense of false productivity in the watcher's brain. We feel motivated looking at those videos and never get around to changing our own life because we're too busy living vicariously through our phones.

Here's some things you should add to your morning routine, not to be fancy, but to feel better. This is coming from someone who's tried the unrealistic routines, and I now incorporate all of these into my routine. You can skip or add things according to your schedule.

S-T-R-E-T-C-H: Do your body a favour and loosen up your muscles. Nothing better than having a good stretch that wakes your body up.

Drink water: Before you put anything in your system, drink water. Not coffee, not tea. Plain warm water. And I don't mean lemon water. Some people might not agree, but lemon water strips your teeth of the enamel. It also is acidic, so all that bullshit they talk about it being "alkaline and pH balancing" is nonsense. Warm water is the way to go.

Make your bed: A clean bed should be the first thing you do after you wake up. At the end of the day, you'll thank yourself because it will be clean, and fresh and you can fall into bed immediately.

Hygiene: Wash your face to get rid of crusty eyes and sleep. Do a basic skincare routine (cleanser, moisturizer) so you'll feel fresher. Brush your teeth and hair.

Move your body: It doesn't matter what you do, even if it's for 15 minutes. Go for a walk, do a Zumba workout, or squeeze in a HIIT session. You can find lots of tutorials on YouTube (Caroline Girvan, growingannanas, Chloe Ting). Either way, working out will help you feel more motivated and happier. It's the endorphins.

Clean yourself: Set aside some time for showering, slathering on lotion, and doing your (real) skincare and makeup routine. Pick an outfit that makes you feel good about yourself.

Eat something: ALWAYS make some food. Your body has been famished for hours on end, give it some fuel. Make a healthy breakfast, or prep one the night before. If you don't get very hungry in the mornings, have a banana, and pack a mid-morning snack beforehand so you don't reach for chips.

Do 3 things: Make a to-do list of everything you need to do today. Don't overwhelm yourself. Then, knock off 3 easy tasks from the list that you can do quickly. You'll be filled with a sense of motivation, and it'll be easier for you to complete your list. It can be chores, it could be some assigned reading. Just get it done.

Gratitude or prayer: You don't need to sit for 15 minutes to practice gratitude. You can think of things your thankful for on the way to school or work or practice deep breathing/say a small prayer on the subway or bus. You don't HAVE to do it, but it definitely makes you realise how much you have in life and appreciate it more.

Kindness: Start your day with kindness. Compliment your barista, smile at the old lady on the street, pet the stray cat. There's so much love in the world, and you have so much love inside you, and it's beautiful to be a part of it.

No longer will I be stuck in a rut. I cannot be confined to being a bitter, unhealthy person when I know there's a smiling, healthy, happy version of me in the future. Deep breaths. You'll get there babe.

<3

[localcanadiancreature62]

BillfordWeek2024,Week 4 - What Could've Been

Buckle up chucklefucks,this is the last week of BillfordWeek2024 and y'alls have until the 25th to finish your entries. Kiddingg,it doesn't matter if you get them done like two or three days after loll i just wanted the event to have an official end. This is also my own written entry that i was supposed to make at the 19th whoopsss. @aria-greenhoodie @aaabatteryy @wind-tail @spaghettipal @cecilscribbles

////////////////////////////////////////

Title - In a different life,in a different time (hehe. a different form,a different time)

Ford is drinking coffee in his bedroom at night while he writes about his new findings regarding the existence of Jackalopes and the Boogeyman in his new Journal 4,sighing contentedly as he recalls capturing the antlered creatures with his niece and nephew without feeling any sort of dread or paranoia this time. "Finally. A moment to myself without having to deal with the portal Bill's tomfoolery and alll of that nonsense. It's just me,and my wonderful memories of my family. Nothing can ruin this blissful moment." Ford says to himself as he embraces the peace that the universe has finally given him,he then continues documenting his findings as he sketches the Jackalopes into the Journal. He then pours himself another cup of coffee straight from the brewing machine,sniffing the bitter beans as he then slowly slurps the beverage while enjoying the moment. Only for him to drop the cup after getting startled by the sudden ringing of the telephone on the table. He then scoffs in frustration after realizing what he had done as he then answers the phone to see who is calling him at this hour.

"Stanley i swear if this is another one of your prank calls-." Ford remarks as he thought it was his brother trying to contact him for another one of his dumb jokes,only for him to hear a familiar high-pitched shrill voice yell into the other line. "SIXER PLEASE LET COME OVER HERE! I NEED TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING!. MAYBE THIS'LL MAKE YOU GET BACK WITH ME!." Bill exclaims as he desperately screams into the Theraprism landline while Ford sighs in exasperation after realizing that this is the billionth time his triangular ex has called.

"Oh. It's you. Bill,how many times do i have to tell you that we're done?!. I don't need you in my life anymore,all you did was ruin it whenever you were around!." Ford shouts as he then roughly puts the phone back on the rotary in anger,only for him to hesitantly grab it back after realizing that the triangle won't hang up until he gets what he wants. "You're still there,aren't you?." Ford asks as he then hears the isosceles practically crushing the phone in excitement. "Yes. Please come over. I found something that'll finally convince you. I'm begging." Bill replied as the genius can hear the pathetic desperation oozing from his voice.

Ford then pinches the bridge of his nose as he tries to consider visiting his dumb ex once more despite knowing that it'll end in them arguing again while the creature gets sent to solitary confinement for aggression,but part of him misses his muse and he remembers that they used to have such a great partnership before things soured between them. "Fine. I'll hear out your pathetic whining again. So much for a peaceful evening.." Ford says as he then hangs up,not allowing the triangle to excitedly ramble about how he's so happy that he's visiting again.

Bill then has the Axolotl prepare to teleport his genius to the Theraprism as Ford then puts his trenchcoat back as he then puts a laser gun into his pocket. As while the triangle won't be able to hurt him anymore,he can never be too careful and he figured that it'd be better to be safe than sorry especially regarding his volatile former muse who still has his powers albeit they're limited. The researcher then goes over outside as he waits for get himself transported to the glorified insane asylum that is the Theraprism,and he closes his eyes only to arrive at the asylum while eyeing the rows of prison phone cubicles before him. He then spots his former muse waving at him and urging him to come over. Ford then sighs as he walks over to the cubicle where the isosceles is.

"So what is it that you so desperately wanted to show me?." Ford questions while glaring at the triangle who's staring at him with an adoring eye only to snap out of it once the man calls his name. "You're so handsome- Wait huh?. Oh right. Check this out." Bill says as he then projects an alternate version of himself and Ford,where he appears to be human while his genius is like 80 years old via beaming up a holographic image of the other reality onto the glass wall of the cubicle. The holographic projection flashes images of the alternate Bill and Ford being so happy together,getting married having fun dates and even spending time with the rest of the Pines without any chaos or destruction caused by the triangle ruining everything. The og Ford has his mouth agape in shock over the projection,not expecting to see himself being so.. peaceful with his former muse albeit in a different reality. "Wh-Why are you showing me this?. Is this even real?,is this an actual alternate reality or are you tricking me again?." Ford remarks in confusion,only for the triangle to look at him distantly.

"It's real,i saw it with my own eye while sulking about the many realities where i succeeded in my plan but we're happy together in the end after some trial and error. I looked through a lot of different universes where we're happy to cope,but this one stood out. Look at this,look at the projection closely. This is what happens,when i actually talk about my issues and therapy works out and we make up instead of me pushing you away." Bill explains as he then started crying in guilt,big fat tears streaming from his eye.

"Look at what could've been,look at what happens to us when i actually deal with my dumb problems instead of ruining everything for myself like i always do." Bill says as he kept crying,the man wincing as he saw the isosceles cry while not knowing what to make of it as it could be another trick. "And you're telling me this,because?." Ford questions in annoyance despite also feeling bad about letting their relationship become so bitter.

"Because maybe we can be like them. Maybe we can make up and i can have the happy ending that alternate reality gave the other me. Where we're married and i actually get along with the rest of the Pines." Bill remarks while wiping off his own tears as the genius stares at him in disbelief. Ford then clutches the telephone as he watches the triangle keep holding onto the Theraprism landline while still projecting the image onto the wall. "I- Bill,i know you want us to get back together because you want to get out of this glorified asylum and for.. other reasons. But this is impossible with the current sluggish rate of your recovery. And i'm not even sure if this future scenario happens in our reality,for all we know this 'happy ending' that you speak of only takes place in that reality and you're destined to rot here for all of eternity." Ford says coldly as the isosceles gasps in shock over his reaction.

"Okay. If you want me to rot here,fine. Be that way. But i just want you to know,that you never stopped being my genius even after everything." Bill replied bitterly as the man ignores him and walks away from the prison phone cubicle. The triangle looks at his genius sadly as he watched him walk away but he knew it was for the best since all he has done is ruin him like Ford himself said.

'And you never stopped being my dear muse.. I wish we could make up too,but things have just gotten so difficult for us.' Ford thought to himself as he voices what he wanted to say to his own mind rather than his beloved muse whom a part of him still missed even with everything the isosceles had done to hurt him,he secretly yearned for the great partnership they used to have before the betrayal but he knows that he can't fix something that's been broken beyond repair.

[forgottenporkbun]

my mh OC('s?)

so im gonna start off explaining more about Kai before i get into his masked version because it'll make more sense :) @doorknobhater

So Kai is just a silly guy, pretty typical life, until in college he started having these strange vivid dreams including people he had never met. Eventually one takes place in the classroom where Alex Kralie is doing tryouts. After class the next day he goes there and ends up trying out and making it into the student film (uh oh). Kai acts in the film until eventually Kralie disappears. He still has these vivid dreams that all happen to come true- visions in away. He graduates college and tries to move on, still feeling as if something more sinister is going on behind the scenes. He runs into Jay years later- not realising who he was but noting he looked familiar. Kai ends up talking to him and Jay asks if he happened to have any old tapes from Alex (which totally wasn't suspicious in the slightest). Kai does in fact have some and the series progresses from there (these tapes were just most of the footage Kai was in. Some of them were unwatchable due to problems with the footage). In those years after Alex's disappearance (before Kai reunited with Jay) Kai wrote down all his dreams in a journal, kept under lock and key (hence why he wears a key necklace). As the series goes on he writes more down and gets increasingly paranoid about them- seeing his friends get hurt or even die in these dreams/visions. However, because he has this information he is able to change the course of events (i do have an AU that's basically a bad ending where Kai fails to change anything and he ends up moving far from Alabama, changes numbers, and destroys his camera and any tapes that were left). Does no one die? Yeah, other than Kralie but I haven't really thought much on that.

Now we get to his masked version. Originally he was the meant to have one- but i caved. His masked version is a completely different AU version of him that isn't connected to my 'main au' i just talked about. In this universe, instead of getting directly involved and talking to Jay, Kai lets his social anxiety get the best of him (this is a joke btw- that's not actually the reason) and walks him before later having a dream telling him he fucked up. What ACTUALLY happened was him finding the Marble Hornets Youtube channel and realising "oh fuck that's what my dreams are about i need to do something about this" but he doesn't get directly involved. Instead, he puts on a mask for the sake of anonymity and does everything he can to make sure Jay doesn't get his ass killed and that Alex doesn't kill anyone. Also, Kai's masked persona is nicknames Dahlia because of the black dahlia flower and what it symbolises (idk i came up with it on 2 hours of sleep). Also in this AU Dahlia communicates in ASL (part of me just did it as an excuse to learn asl). Dahlia is just selectively mute or something- i never really thought much about it. It's also just kind of a problem because i don't think Jay or Tim would know ASL (maybe a little bit but not much), so if Dahlia were to try and communicate it would just be a whole mess. Giving Dahlie all the struggles and angst ever because why not? Dahlia does not work with Totheark btw, he just kinda does his own thing and avoids coming in direct contact with Jay or Tim (would and has probably jumped Alex before). Ends up running into them though and they think Dahlia's trying to screw everything up for them when really he's trying to help. He probably eventually starts working with them and then series ends or something. He either disappears and then contacts them as Kai asking to catch up, or reveals himself and then yippee happy ending. Somewhere in this all Jay breaks into his house (which Dahlia pretty much abandoned due to the situation) and probably finds some hints that let him know that Kai and Dahlia are the same person OR maybe Jay finds his locked notebook (which Dahlia has to steal back).

but just so you know, i could go on another whole ass rant about the BAD endings to these Aus (the multiple bad endings more like) because i love torturing my oc's /aff. If you have any questions ask away! I'll post Dahlia's design soon because he's fun to draw :3

[lucifugousart]

"DIO's Heaven" A jjba world building theory no one asked for that has been TORTURING me for years.

❗❗ SPOILERS FOR PARTS 1-6❗❗

OK LET'S GO "The Heaven pertaining the soul, WHERE it'll go." Tl;dr: Heaven is a place. Here's how:

We know that in the Jojo universe Hell and Heaven are equally talked about as a religious belief. In part 1 young Dio was sure his Father was going to end up in Hell for the atrocities he committed his whole life.

And again, in part 6 Dio specifies that the Heaven he talks about is where the human spirit will go after death. With the introduction of stands, the visual personification of souls, we clearly see this happen multiple times, especially the ascension to Heaven, where they'll finally find peace.

In part 5 we'll also see how, ironically, dying is the only way to escape the chains of Fate. The same Fate that has been object of both oppression AND obsession for Dio since his young age. He believed it was in his Destiny to accomplish his early goals, being Jojo also part of this bigger plan. Of course he was wrong.

Failing to realize how Jojo was the closest person to him (and how attached he was), this dumb man ends up killing him and then regretting the act. I don't wanna go too much in detail about it because we all have read the manga and perfectly know what happens, so, Dio just lost the most important person in his life and had 100 years to overthink about it at the bottom of the sea. Perhaps, taking jojo's body wasn't what Destiny meant for them as "being two that make one" and this dumb dumb can't go back in time. ...or can he? Let's proceed in order

All Dio wants is happiness (relatable, i know) that can only be found in Heaven. Why? We'll see this later, i wanna focus first on how to get there. Because as we said, Heaven is an actual place. But reaching it isn't very easy, especially if you're not dead. Also there's another MAIN issue: Dio isn't human. By rejecting his humanity through the stone mask he basically lost any little chance to ascend to Heaven, because believe it or not: vampires may have a soul, but they're damned. After death there's absolute nothing, no Hell either. Just this:

But Dio knew this well. His death was a temporary but necessary phase, he'll write about it in his journal (he simply wasn't expecting it to happen like THAT, sigh) and his plan is safe also thanks to an unexpected gift, a little trinket, that carries his consciousness and dna.

Let's recap Dio's instructions to get to Heaven:

-A trustworthy friend. “He must be someone who is not interested in political power, fame, wealth, or sexual desire, and who chooses the will of God before the law of humans.” I will talk about God a lot as ideal, but even if we have a tangible proof of saints existing in JJBA I still don’t wanna claim God’s existence as certain. We have Dio doubting it himself (“If God exists”) and sure there is a force ruling the events, but I have a quite different view on what this force actually is. Let’s continue;

-His stand, The World, and “courage”. “I must have the courage to destroy my Stand momentarily. As it disintegrates, my Stand will absorb the souls of the 36 sinners and will give birth to something utterly new.” -The souls of 36 humans who have sinned, “because those who havesinned harbor a strong power within.” It is said that we, humankind as a whole, are “sinners who need God’s grace” and that the true distinction between a bad person, worthy of going to Hell, and a good person, worthy of Heaven while being forgiven for their sins, resides in the ability to feel “regret” for their own actions. I believe the sinners being from the Green Dolphin street Prison’s lowest circle was providential: they’re all criminals who voluntarily rejected God, their soul already belongs to Hell. So why? There’s a deep symbolism in this.

The sinners are a reference to Dio’s past identity, the man who rejected humanity in favor of world domination (Actually not just that, but now it’s not the time for an in-depth analysis of Dio’s psyche). Such a person would never reach Heaven, right? Well, the key is in “regret”.

Exactly because Dio regretted his actions attaining Heaven it’s not impossible, just very difficult. We said he was gonna use the souls of sinners, but sinners go in the opposite direction, to Hell. So how is it possible? The trick is in the number: 36 has a double meaning. If we look at it mathematically, the sum of the integers from 1 to 36 is 666, the number of the Beast (and Dio was referred to as the Evil in opposition to the Good, with a name so contrasting to make everything even more interesting). On the other hand, 36 has also very positive meanings: the actual number of texts in Holy Scriptures is 36, it’s said that in every generation there are exactly 36 perfectly righteous people alive (we could easily also call them saints) and the world only continues to exist in their merit as they contain a spark of the Divine Light within them, that same light that first shone for 36 hours after its creation and before being replaced by the Sun… But most importantly, 36 has a meaning of rebirth. It’s two times 18, which carries the meaning of “life” (from the Hebrew letters that spell “chai”, meaning "living") so 36 translates into “two lives”. Thinking about it, it’s exactly what happens through the Green baby: Dio reincarnating as someone new, a new pure lifeform free from his sins, no more damned.

-The cryptic 14 phrases, engraved into The World, so that he couldn’t forget them. I believe these phrases carry Dio’s past but also his Future. Something that after his rebirth would let him not forget where he came from, but also remember where he’s going. Which is why they’re so important and spark a reaction in the Green Baby:

“Whatever is born will "awaken". It will show interest in the 14 words that my trusted friend will utter... My friend will trust me and I will become his "friend".” We’ll witness the first Gravity-induced fusion in the entire series, something that will become more familiar later in Jojolion.

-”Lastly, I need an appropriate location. North latitude, 28 degrees, 24 minutes, West longitude 80 degrees, 36 minutes. Go there and wait for the New Moon. That's when Heaven will come.” AND THIS, RIGHT HERE, IS WHERE WE START. The foundation of how Heaven, Gravity and Fate, Souls and Stands work in the Jojoverse. And also where things start being complicated. The best way to explain everything is starting from Pucci and his role in Dio's plan, then moving back to the first manifestation of Stands. As i said before, in PB the existence of God is in doubt because we don’t have any tangible proof, it's simply an idea sustained by faith. What if i tell you that God, as an actual figure, is actually a product of human actions and everything is governed by Gravity/Fate instead? We know that Dio and Pucci encounter was a product of Gravity, and so was their fusion: there's a reason why he tripped on him, of all people.

It's exact after this moment, when all left to do is "waiting for Heaven to come" that we get the first actual manifestation of the Divine: the recurrence of number 3.

Biblically, the number 3 represents Divine wholeness, completeness and perfection. If there ever was a desire to highlight an idea, thought, event or noteworthy figure for their prominence, the number 3 was used to put a Divine stamp of completion or fullfilment on the subject.

Now i'm not saying that Dio is God or became one (THAT would be interesting and i already valued the possibility some years ago), but seems like in the Jojoverse there's no room for coincidences and everything happens as planned by Destiny, so these 3 people being the sons of Dio and drawn to Pucci are exactly where they were meant to be. If God doesn't exist, this is still the proof of how Dio is getting closer to the ruling force of the Universe: Gravity. And through it, finally find happiness. So, we're waiting for Heaven and we have a very specific place where to go for make it happen. Cape Canaveral: the most optimal place to launch a rocket. But what does this have to do with Heaven? OH, MORE THAN YOU IMAGINE. Because it is a place. But i never said it was on Earth.

To understand our destination better, i wanna make a step back. Ecclesiastes 12:7 says “and the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it.” We said we don’t have real evidence of God, but spirits DO go somewhere. Foo will say it clearly: the spirit/soul can’t stay on Earth for long, with the only exception of a sudden or tragic death, tying them to a specific place. In most cases, they have unfinished business as the deceased person does not accept the way in which they died (like Riemi or Kira and his father). But once this soul is freed, and if they're worthy, they all go in the same direction: up in the sky, welcomed by a very bright light.

Heaven is often described as the "highest place" and in the Scriptures, in both Hebrew (shamayim) and Greek (ouranos), it can be translated as "sky".

The first line of the Bible also states that Heaven is created along with the creation of the Earth (Genesis 1). SO. We're looking for a VERY bright something in the sky, created post Big Bang and as old as the entire Universe, which is also deeply subject to Gravity. I already have a very clear idea in mind, but let's also drag in the mix what Pucci knows: the World, a stand involved with the manipulation of TIME, was NECESSARY for reaching of the conditions to attain Heaven. Who's that pokemon? It's a Quasar!

An astronomical object of VERY high luminosity found in the centres of some galaxies and powered by gas spiraling at high velocity into an extremely large black hole. SO IS HEAVEN A QUASAR?!? Ahah no, but there, at its core, that's where our bus ticket is.

Quasars are some of the brightest objects known, able to outshine all the other stars and can be trillions of times brighter than the Sun. They were much more common when the universe was young, must have been able to form after the universe began to expand. But any simple one won't do, no. To find Heaven we must identify the first, oldest quasar in the Universe, which hosts a very peculiar and unique, primordial, supermassive black hole: the gate for true, unfettered happiness. I'll try to make this as simple as possible leaving out every superflous notion or math about general theory of relativity or we'll NEVER be able to get to the point. At the start i hinted to the possibility of going back in time. Yes and no, it's a bit more complicated than just press rewind but Pucci was right, it IS involved with attaining Heaven.

In astronomy, a black hole is a physical location of no return because Gravity is so strong that nothing -not even light- can escape. As you get closer to it, the flow of time slows down progressively to the extreme. From an outside viewpoint it's like time stops.

At its center, a black hole is thought to have a singularity point: a location where matter is compressed down to infinity and all conceptions of time and space completely break down. Some even call it "Reverse creation". But as we said, to reach Heaven we seek something way more specific.

As far as we know distant objects are seen as they existed in the past and quasars are the most distant and oldest that astronomers have been able to detect. The most distant quasars are seen at a time when the universe was one tenth its present age, roughly a billion years after the Big Bang. So we're not fully able to find our special primordial black hole, unless we have a way to get closer in a matter of time: Made in Heaven's ability to accelerate time to infinity through gravitational power manipulation will be providential in this. By moving back in time we get to reach and go over the Cosmic Microwave Background, a remnant from an early hot, opaque plasma stage post Big Bang and an evidence of it being the origin of the Universe, the beginning of time. We have zero knowledge of what's behind it as we can't observe it.

Assuming that Made in Heaven brings us there, what now? In the designed location, moving at infinite speed towards the singularity point of a black hole as old as the Universe itself, and with time SLOWING down once we meet the Singularity point, WHERE are we going? Incredibly, our answer can be found in the Book of the dead. In Ancient Egypt it was believed that the afterlife was a mirror image of life on Earth. Death was only a transition, not a completion, and opened the way to the possibility of eternal happiness. So let's consider this:

An entire universe behind a black hole, exactly like the one we know, but unaffected by the laws of Gravity as the Fate we know that keeps everyone in chains. Where a soul lives like any their normal life on Earth, but free to act outside any binary AND with the lack of the "Evil" that messed with their previous life, with the promise of a happy otherworldly existence. A chance of rebirth, staying true to yourself, but aware of mistakes you won't commit again. Now if this isn't Heaven i don't know what it is... It makes sense that through Made in Heaven only living organisms could reach such place, as the dead are already subject to the laws of Gravity in their predestined travel to either Hell or Heaven. But things got messed up by Pucci's intentions, as his stand ability is subject to his own belief, desires and psyche.

It is possible that "knowing your future in advace resulting in peace of mind and happiness" belief caused Pucci and Emporio to travel back in the course of Time jumping in a new world where destiny will repeat itself, hence the ability to see the nearest future as vision. And this is anywhere near to what truly Heaven is supposed to be. Happiness won't come from reviving your life exactly like it was (in fact the sole differences we spot are due the people that were already dead being replaced by their own version belonging to that world) but as we said it's the act of being FREE from the laws of Gravity. I believe this shift of intention is what caused Pucci's demise and Emporio's travel to a secondary parallel universe, hinting the existence of a multiverse where every world is connected to the others through the numerous black holes that reside in them. But neither of them would lead to the afterlife except for one. How much does this complicate things? Very.

Probably if Dio and Pucci were able to spend more time together, with Dio explaining better his view and belief, nothing of the canon timeline since before Pucci's death (his death included) would ever happen and everyone would be living their best life in Heaven. Or even better, if Dio were able to realize his plan before the events of part 3... (all the pain of SDC... gone, never existed. Sigh.)

Identifying Heaven as an Universe (including space and time, planets, stars, galaxies, all the forms of matter, energy, the souls of every creature and humanity) makes everything extremely interesting when we look at how the Jojoverse works.

Given that the gate for Heaven is a Quasar, it's known that sometimes they shoot out pairs of straight jets, containing matter moving close to the speed of light in a tight beam, to distances far beyond the galaxies they live in: how does this affect the worlds these beams reach?

For a start, we can assume that with Creation every living creature is born with a soul, that is shaped after the individual's choices, experience and psyche. In various religions it's attribuited to the Divine spark gifted by Gods. The references to light are so many that is difficult to call them a coincidence in a setting where "coincidence" isn't really something possible with Gravity's laws. Back to our matter escaped from Heaven, if it were to get in touch with a normal soul, we'd probably have an evolution reaction: natural born stand users.

I believe that the particles coming from Heaven, engaging with the soul that originated there, would trigger a violent reaction shaping the original soul into something more complex (and i would say dormant) that always belonged to the user. We'll learn with part 3 that not everyone has the spiritual strenght to bear this evolution, like when stands are induced later on. So are stand arrows involved too? The answer might surprise you.

Let's take a step back and move to the Poles, approximately 50k years ago, when a meteorite crash-landed on Earth around Cape York, Greenland and later on, in that same site, a misterious disease was found, leading to the creation of stand arrows 2to acquire the powers of Gods".

The fact everything happened at the poles is very relevant to this theory, especially a certain discovery. Let me introduce you to Neutrinos: a subatomic particle that is very similar to an electron, but has no electrical charge and a very small mass, it was almost believed they didn't have any at all. There are different types of neutrinos and they're the most abundant particles in the Universe, although very difficult to detect too. It is possible that a large fraction of the dark matter of the universe consists of primordial, Big Bang neutrinos.

The type that is relevant to us is high-energy cosmic neutrinos that are born in the CENTER of quasars, expulsed by jets and able to cross the Universe without interacting with matter and without any delays on their way. But at the Pole was found a particle that "shouldn't exist" shooting straight up out of the ice and seems to move straight back in direction of the quasar that originated it. Some scientists dared to call it "a ghost particle". Let's add this up to the evolution of the soul, the rules of Gravity and the guys that wanted to gain the power of a God: if the metallic material of the meteorite, infused with the ghost particle, were to come in contact with the organism where the souls resides... Did i already mention that they interact through Gravity?

Lastly, this whole system would give us a reasonable explanation for certain stand abilities, like Vanilla Ice's and Okuyasu's (being possibly connected to a black hole's singularity point, allowing them to destroy the matter they absorb with no turning back) or others, seen afterwards, capable to move objects or people through different dimensions and/or parallel worlds. Lastly, i wanna spend two words regarding Dio's resolve and why i firmly believe that he regretted his actions. Dio's a person who tends to live a lot in the past and lets it influence his future. I don't think though that his search for Happiness was meant for the whole humanity, like Pucci tried to achieve. Dio's wish was more selfish and limited to himself, perhaps to his trustworthy friend too, but nothing more. He sacrificed himself for something once, that didn't lead him to happyness as he might have thought at the start of Phantom Blood, but is ready to give up on everything a second time with no hesitation. No feelings of grandiosity or power, he recognized his mistakes and wanted to restart everything once again.

And maybe living a normal life for once. Who knows, maybe letting people be close to him without paranoid tendencies too... True, unfettered happines probably lies in the simplicity of conducting your life following your own decisions, and not Fate's. Or your abusive father's.

So this is Heaven. I know it's long, delirious at some traits and all, but i thought these corrispondences were neat and worth of being shared. So if you got till here and enjoyed it, thank you for your time!

[holly-louisexox]

Saviour II X Andy Biersack- Part 2

Masterlist

(Sequel to Ribcage)

Andy and Delia had finally found their happy ending in each other, Delia was living in LA with Andy and things could not be better.

With the group reuniting to complete a UK and Europe tour, some challenges threaten to tear Andy and Delia apart. Can Andy continue to try his hardest to be what Delia made, or will the couple drift apart from each other?

"So how excited are you for the UK?" Shevy asks through the phone as she and Delia discussed things via video call. "Honestly I cannot wait to take you to Gregg's and let you experience the greatness of their sausage rolls!"

"We're still on about the sausage rolls." Delia laughs shaking her head slightly. "Honestly I'm just hoping the Starbucks there is as good as the ones here in the States, you know what I'm like with my coffee."

"Starbucks is still pretty good in the UK don't worry." Shevy laughs "Oh, I just remembered as well, you've gone vegan recently haven't you?"

"Yeah." Delia nods "I mean it wasn't too much of a change considering I rarely ate meat anyway, but it just makes the food shop for me and Andy so much easier."

"Well, not to worry, Gregg's also do vegan sausage rolls which I imagine are still nice, I've never had one myself." Shevy explains before she's cut off.

"I can confirm they are nice." Andy chimes in as he climbs into bed next to Delia before placing his 'sacred' notepad on the bedside table; he had yet to show Delia what he was working on. "Hey Shevy."

"Hey Andy!" Shevy smiles "Have you come to steal my best friend away from me?"

"If anything I think you're going to be the one stealing my girlfriend away from me on this tour, so I've been savouring the time alone with Delia." Andy jokes making Shevy laugh.

"I'm sure we can share." Shevy jokes back.

"I am right here you know?" Delia pipes up joining in on the joke "Maybe I won't hang out with either of you this tour, I have been missing my second best friend Lonny after all."

"We need to remember Lonny's birthday this tour too." Andy announces suddenly which makes Delia look at him with a questioning glance.

"Andy, Lonny's birthday was 5 months ago." Delia is puzzled by Andy's comment.

"We should still celebrate it on tour, he can be like the old Queen of England and have multiple birthday celebrations." Andy laughs "Come on, it'll be a fun prank to pull on him randomly one show."

"Andy, is a prank war really a good idea?" Shevy rolls her eyes slightly "You know it's myself and Delia who will have to do the round of cleaning up and trying to control you and the band from doing anything too reckless."

"Shevy don't be such a buzz kill." Andy grins.

"Okay, just this one prank please." Shevy shakes her head slightly whilst smiling "Anyway I have a slightly earlier flight than you two so I need to sleep. I'll see you both in Norwich. Goodnight."

"Night Shevy." Andy and Delia speak in unison before the call ends; Delia then plugs her phone in to charge and places it on her bedside table before snuggling into Andy's side and looking up at him "So how was your evening? When are you going to show me what you're writing in that journal of yours?"

"Not yet. Honestly I don't even know if it's going to go anywhere." Andy shrugs slightly before wrapping his arms around Delia.

"You need to stop being so hard on yourself all the time Andy." Delia frowns slightly.

"I'm trying babe, I really am. I'm still not used to the idea of someone not wanting to criticise me all the time and judge my work." Andy sighs slightly before placing a soft kiss to Delia's forehead "I'm also worried that people will judge the songs I write for the band if it's obvious I'm a love sick puppy for you."

"Sometimes vulnerability is the best story." Delia tries to ease his mind "Look at how the fans react to Lost It All for example, they love seeing the vulnerable side, why not show them a happier vulnerability?"

"This is why you are the best thing in my life Delia Vincent." Andy smirks at her idea, it made sense, her ideas always did make sense. "I love you."

"I love you too." Delia grins back before pressing her lips to Andy's.

In the perfect world, Andy and Delia would have been very professional and would have gone straight to sleep and gotten an early night ready for their flight to the UK. However, the way that the two of them were enamoured with each other, that simply was not the case. Instead, they would be met the next morning with clothes thrown across the floor that they would have to rush to tidy away before leaving the house and heading to the airport.

----------------------------

"Delia!" Shevy screams excitedly as she sees Delia and Andy walk through the lobby of the hotel they were staying in.

"Shevy!" Delia screams back as she sees Shevy running to approach them before pulling Delia into a tight hug "It's so nice to see you again, I was just saying to Andy, once the others arrive I vote we all go out for food and catch up."

"I'm so down!" Shevy grins pulling away from the hug to look towards Andy teasingly "Hey love bug."

"Please do not start calling me that Shevy." Andy chuckles softly whilst shaking his head.

"Hey, I much prefer the smitten Andy to Moody Biersack." Shevy laughs before hugging Andy "It's good to see you happy still."

"That's fair, it's nice to feel happy." Andy speaks as Shevy once again pulls out of the hug.

"D, how's your dad doing?" Shevy then asks looking at Delia with sympathy in her eyes; only Andy and Shevy knew about Nick's cancer, she didn't really want to make it a big announcement in fear of it effecting her job, plus she was never one for sympathy and pity.

"Yeah, he's doing well, we spoke to him at the airport whilst we were waiting for our flight. Obviously he has the fatigue, nausea and his hair is thinning but he's managing." Delia nods sadly; yes her dad was doing well but it was still scary that he was having to go through treatment again, especially since she so nearly lost him the last time he had cancer.

"I'm glad to hear he's doing well honey, you're so brave for still wanting to do this tour." Shevy smiles placing a hand on her shoulder for comfort.

"I would love to be with him right now but he didn't want me to fuss over him." Delia continues to nod "Sadly dad is stubborn, more so than me."

"The others don't know either, we thought about telling them about Nick but decided against it. We just want to survive this tour and then we're going to visit our families after." Andy explains which makes Shevy nod.

"Okay, but D, you know if you need me you can always come find me. We can get coffee or something and just chat." Shevy smiles. "I know you have Andy but let's be real, sisters before misters aye?"

"Thanks Shevy." Delia smiles back "We should get checked in, we'll meet you down here in a bit? When the others get here let them know about food plans yeah?"

"On it." Shevy grins.

--------------------------------------

"There's our golden couple!" CC grins as he spots the 2 remaining group members making their way over. "This meal was your idea yet we were waiting on you. I don't want to know what you kids were doing."

"I don't know what you mean CC, I am a child of God." Delia jokes sending him a smirk; in reality, she and Andy had actually spoken to Tamara and Nick to let them know they had arrived safely. No one would admit it, but the circle was more fragile than they let off. Tamara and Nick were constantly worried about Delia and her safety since Seattle, although they trusted Andy to the fullest, and Delia and Andy were growing more and more concerned for Nick and his health, chemotherapy was not being kind to him.

"Yeah and I'm a virgin." CC shoots back making everyone in the group burst into laughter from the jokes of the two of them.

"It's good to see you looking well Delia." Lonny smiles.

"Lonny, thank goodness you're here! Andy and Shevy have been fighting over me so I'm hanging out with you." Delia explains as she walks over to Lonny and gives him a hug.

"As glad as I am to see you D, I'd rather not get in the middle of this in case Andy gets moody with me." Lonny laughs hugging her back whilst looking at Andy to really wind him up.

"Oh fuck you Lonny." Andy laughs shaking his head at his fellow band member.

"I'm just saying." Lonny laughs alongside him as he and Delia break from the hug.

"Have you guys seen her?" Andy's mood suddenly drops as he instantly takes a hold of Delia's hand as soon as she is standing back next to him; it was almost an instinct, as if he was trying to ground himself or make sure he didn't lose Delia.

"No we haven't. I don't even know if she's here yet or if she's going to be arriving later, but management would tell us if she wasn't coming surely." Jake explains.

"Honestly I'd rather just avoid her." Andy sighs which makes Delia squeeze his hand to try and comfort him.

"She won't do anything Andy, even if she tries to we're all gonna be around so it'll be her word against ours." Jinxx explains which makes Andy nod anxiously.

"Yeah, yeah you're right." Andy agrees before looking at Delia "I just hope she doesn't try to mess anything up."

"She won't Andy." Delia smiles at him "We're both happy, she can't take that away from us, right?"

"Yeah, right." Andy smiles before kissing Delia's forehead.

"Can we go get food now? I'm hungry." Lonny groans breaking the moment between Andy And Delia.

"Yeah, I'd rather not lose my appetite from you two love sick puppies." CC pretends to vomit whilst holding back a laugh from his own joke.

"Lonny when are you not hungry?" Delia rolls her eyes whilst completely ignoring CC and his comment.

"Hey, I'm not always hungry!" Lonny defends himself.

"Yet you're the one who will just sit there and eat straight up bread from his bag." Andy teases Lonny.

"Right yeah, it was one time. You're never going to let me live that down are you?" Lonny sighs whilst trying his hardest not to laugh.

"Nope, you and your weird snacks will always be one of us." Shevy laughs. "Now come on, let's get food I'm starving."

It was refreshing for Delia to be back with the group and despite everything, the dynamic had not changed one bit. She just prayed that it would remain this way. She could sense Andy's anxiety without him having to verbalise it, she knew he did not want to face Juliet and she couldn't blame him after what had happened. As much as Delia trusted Andy, the idea of Juliet being here did bring her own anxieties to surface. The last thing she wanted was to lose Andy because of her, plus she was extremely worried to face this woman. Yes she is very pretty, but that is not her worry. Her worry was linked to the abuse and manipulation Juliet had projected onto Andy in the past, Juliet completely broke him and ruined him until he was nothing and could trust no one. Andy had just become whole again and Delia would hate to see him return to that, she was unsure if even she could save him from that if he returned to that state of mind again.

...All of these wild thoughts were just anxieties and Delia's overthinking, right?

[ice-cream-writes-stuff]

Cheshire's Chase

《Catlad/Stray x Reader! HEADCANONS》

More Catlad Tim! HEADCANONS! Mini fic at end! Slight Robin Au too!

Tim is obsessed with the Batfamily (Regardless if you are Robin/Vigilante! Reader)

Tim often writes in a small journal about the crime-fighting family!

He looks up to Dick since he met him before at Haley's circus before his parents had became a bit detached.

Jason never met Tim as Robin, but did look up to him! Finding this Robin a tad bit cooler than when the first Robin was taking crooks down.

Nightwing on the other hand babies Catlad when Tim is first starting out! The two would even sneak out from their parents- *ahem* "parental guardians", to get some air and just talk. [Tim just straight-up fanboying and trying to play it cool. He asks questions about Batman, Nightwing, Robin, and etc.

-

Sighing stupidly at your phone, you felt your cheeks, warm as an oven and your heart all mushy. A small squeal leaves your lips as you twirl about on your way to Wayne manor. A skip in your step without a care in the world as you ring the doorbell.

Instead of Alfred greeting you, Bruce Wayne meets you at the front door. 

"Ah, (Y/N), thank you for arriving in such short notice."

"Of course Mr. Wayne!" You yell, a bit too much excitement in your voice.

The play-boy billionaire eyes you with a questioning look. "Alright.. Well, I must head off now. Alfred and Dick will be back to the manor in a few hours. You know the rules, so I'll be off. Take care of Damien, have a good one!" The CEO waves goodbye as he heads to his garage.

You do a small wave back, soon heading inside the lustrous manor.

Your feet tapping against the cold floor as you wander around the manor for the "baby" you were supposed to be "sitting".

"(L/N)." Damien calls out to you from the stairs to the upstairs bedrooms. Ace and Titus sitting beside him with straightened postures.

You smile at the tiny kid, waving at him to come down. He does so, with a eye-roll and a click of his tongue. The two dogs following behind him like soldiers.

"You seem in good spirits (L/N), more so than usual." The boy said, the two of you outside in the ginormous backyard as you pick up a toy ball for the dogs. 

"Ooohh... Yeah, I-I guess something good did happen today...!" You state, your voice becoming higher pitched and faster. Ignoring Damien's cold stare as you throw the toy ball, Ace runs after it, while Titus looks at his Master for confirmation. Damien nods, smirking a bit at his animal companion as he runs off toward Ace. 

"Well what is it?"

""Scuse me?"

"What made you this "happy" today?" The young Wayne reiterates, petting Ace and Titus once they brought back the ball and another ball?

Where did they find the other one??

"IT-S Uhnnn, teenage stuff, it'll make you SO BOreeed, don't worry about it, kay?!" You grab one of the balls and chuck it so fast and far it flew outside the gardens.

"Damn.. I mean! DANG!" You try to censor yourself, forgetting there was a child present. 

"(L/N), I know what cursing is, your just like Grayson whenever he loses his balance." Damien scoffs, and you chuckle at the oh-so "perfect Garyson" falling on his face whenever he tries to black-flip to impress you and Damien.

"I know, but your still a ity-bity tike! I don't wanna ruin your child like innocence!" You whine dramatically, attempting to go in for a hug as Damien expertly avoids your hug attack.

"Augh, your worse than Garyson!" He hisses, this time changing his route to inside the manor.

"Come on, we need to get that ball back!"

"Fine..!" You groan out, pouting. "But I think it's an accomplishment that I'm worse than him!"

Wandering around the Crest Hill neighborhood, you stare in awe at the pristine houses and ginormous manors and mansions of rich households.

Damien nudged your leg when he noticed the stupid expression on your face.

"You've seen Wayne Manor before, these buildings aren't as amazing. That one over there isn't even old, it's rather plain too."

You eye the one Damien pointed out curiously, "who's home is it?"

Damien shoots you a look, which you could only offer a timid smile.

The boy sighs and names all the residents on the street, explaining to you the reasons he even knew were due to his father's connections with the higher upper-class citizens of Gotham. Most of them attended the charities they frequented.

"The newer building is Drake Manor-"

Damien becomes quiet as he turns around, you following his position.

A familiar teen walks up to the two of you...

Oh.

SHIT-

"(Y/N)? What are you doing here?"

Your body trembles in place as you turn around, Damien who notices your frightened stance. Glares at the newcomer that decided to approach the two of you.

"TIM- I-I mean! Hi-! Drake, Tim Drake??" You babble, wanting to find the nearest rock and crush it on your skull.

"Uhm, yeah, that's me.. Why are you in Crest Hill? I thought you... Wait, do you live here?" Tim coughed, realizing his slip up.

"OH-ya see.. I had.. A baby-sitting gig, so that's why I'm here. BU-Ut... No, I don't live here, in this area, or neighborhood."

Tim's eyes don't meet your own, he rubs the back of his neck and apologized for the assumption.

"No! It's fine, really!" You honestly were just more focused on the fact Tim even knew you existed. The two of you didn't really talk with each other, except on the occasional "hi" or nod in greeting when seeing each other. (Which would always light up your day!)

"And the one that does live here is standing beside me." You gestured to Damien, who squares up in front of Tim. 

Not frightened or shy by the lanky looking male in front of him.

"It was nice seeing you, Drake. But we have to keep looking for our ball, excuse us." 

Damien, grabs your hand, trying to tug you away, but you stay rooted on the sidewalk.

"W-well I guess will see each other later?"

" Definitely," Tim said. His slips form into a grin as he walks back to his destination.

"Yeah.." You giggle stupidly. 

Once Tim was out of sight and hearing, you stumble forward as Damien pulls you along.

"Wait! Damien! Calm down! My legs are asleep right now!" You cry out, he ignored you as the two of you find the ball and head back to the manor.

-

Mini Catlad And Other Batbrats HEADCANONS

Nightwing babies Catlad when first meeting them. Red Hood shoots at him, Robin tried to kill him.

Robin in this Au has a fun rivalry with Catlad, the two often bickering instead of fighting, or both at the same time.

I would like to think Catlad has intentionally flirted with you while babysitting Robin or Damien just to piss off the kid. But I can see that the two respect each other. But won't admit it unless they were both about to die.

"What's wrong?" Catlad smiles evilly at the two of you, or rather, mostly towards Robin. Who seemed fed up with the thief's antics. While you and Damien had decided to go to the museum to check out a new exhibit. (Dick had begged you to take Damien in his steed because of reasons.)

But, the two cat burglars had decided to make an entrance...

Batman was off running after Catwoman, while Robin stood protectively in front of you. Glaring at the cat-themed villain, while you smile at Catlad. Remembering the two of you rendezvous on apartment roof-tops a few days back.

You started to pray for his safety when Robin threw out a flash bomb at your friend.

-

[Hope you guys enjoyed it! I need to start thinking about making a bat-brats as villain series. Also, hint for the next one, it's gonna be a hoot! Get it?]

[scarlettrose567]

MyHouse.Wad: What a fucking trip

Just finished MyHouse.wad. And goddamn, just goddamn. First of all, it is a fucking fantastic game let alone considering it's a free mod, easily on par with the original doom in terms of quality.

My overall impression is that this is a type of game that could ONLY come out as a mod. I mean, can you imagine say the next Call of Duty game where you can beat the whole thing as normal, but if you dig deeper it has a whole separate game exploring an endless house?

That all being said, two main gripes

The final fight was waaay too large/long, and if it was half the size it would be twice as impactful imo.

Ending is somewhat underwhelming, although that's somewhat inevitable since it's not going to straight up tell you what happens.

Oh yeah and 3) The labyrinth.

I love the idea of the labyrinth, however wish it was developed slightly more. I don't want there to be any enemies, but maybe a scrap of story or flavor would've been warmly welcomed. As is it's completely optional and you can't do anything apart from leave. However, it is indeed very unnerving (loved the touch of having the doors you open while inside being louder than average when they close by themselves).

Oh yeah, plus the blood appearing in the airport's bathroom did feel a bit janky/random and somewhat frustrating to trigger.

But in general it's all in the spirit of what it is trying to accomplish, and it absolutely excels in making you feel on edge, like the House is trying to get you to leave while drawing you in further and further.

But, you may be asking, what about the central mystery? What the heck is MyHouse.wad about anyway??

So, I won't rehash the exact wording (you can find that online easily enough), but to put it simply the creator of the mod is allegedly brushing up an old .wad file found in the floppy disc of a deceased childhood friend, and a journal as a word document plus some photos are attached to the mod when you download it.

Reading over the journal, a few odd section stuck out to me. He mentions that an old childhood friend passed away, and yet the very next day he writes "I never imagined that I would be saying goodbye to my friend so soon." Not something you would say about someone you only knew when you were a child, and hadn't been in contact with for years.

He starts working to restore and add things to the .wad he found. Over time, he becomes increasingly obsessed with it and it starts to affect his dreams.

He dreams about a house burning down, and finding a still born baby in the attic, of being hunted and finding refuge in a cave...

Something *very* strange happens on Dec 16. He seems to revert to a childhood persona, writing "it'll be nice to have some time away from the school", despite mentioning his job earlier, and "i'm sure they'll be a lot of fun and there wilL be plenty of laughter and good times". The day after he makes a comment about lack of sleep.

He dreams more. He dreams his reflection winks back at him, that he enters his bathroom mirror and finds comfort in that strange world.

He dreams he is in a car crash, then a plane crash. He survives the car crash. He does not survive the plane crash.

Valentines day: "Happy Valentines day to the only person I ever loved. For a short time, you brought a little happiness to this painful existence called life. I hope we can be together again one day. In the meantime… I’ll keep looking for that other someone who can be the ray of light in my life that you turned out to be."

He mentions how "After 13 years" he finally has the skills to finish the map, despite him mentioning he worked on it first 20 years ago with his childhood friend, according to the original description for the .wad.

He writes how the map is altering code by itself, growing when he's not looking;

"Without my guiding hand, the map doesn’t know what to build. But I can help it. Guide it. It seems to respond to my designs, changing them to match my emotional state. It knows what I’m feeling. It knows how Thomas felt."

He dreams of lying on a beach, safe and content, only to realize it is all fake. He writes about the agony of a heaven, and eternally being tormented by your own anguish, and how lucky his winking self is, to live a mortal life on a real beach, finding happiness in the small things he can control.

He finally publishes the mod, with no further entries apart from how he managed to publish a "safe" version. He won't allow the House to corrupt anyone else.

So, what to make of it all.

First and obviously, he clearly knew his childhood friend a lot more recently than his childhood, and the Valentine's Day strongly supports the fact they were partners - however, I do think they weren't in contact for at least a few years before his friend died. The "13 years ago" comment, plus the fact that items in the mod state "It was not to be" when picked up suggest that they were together for a time after, but then broke up. Both the crash and plane crash suggest something went wrong - maybe they fought, maybe there was an actual physical action - who knows. The airport section of the map further suggests that perhaps one or both of them traveled away from where they grew up? Moreover, the creator's comments about a "mirror version, happy on that other beach" suggests that maybe he made a mistake, and he's tormented knowing in another universe he could have been happy with his partner.

During the Brutalist area of the mod, you find two dogs - one completely harmless, the other a two headed monster that can kill you relatively easily if you aren't careful. But if you kill one, the other dies as well. Similarly, they can never meet each other. That could be a metaphor for their relationship - they couldn't be together, but couldn't bear being apart either.

However, there is of course a far darker possibility. A few items in the mod tell you "I want pop", and "The boy deserves a milkshake." This suggests a father-son relationship of some kind. Indeed, the very first area outside the house itself is a nursery for very young children, suggesting at some point he and his childhood friend adopted a child at some point. However, the fact that the house can burn down at some point, plus the constant dreams of disaster and the stillborn child could point to the fact that the child died somehow, possibly in a violent manner. If this is true, this would explain why they broke up, and why the original creator buried the memory - it was simply too traumatic to think about, until the death of his former partner forced these memories up to the surface, leading to him creating this mod as a coping mechanism. His comments about dealing with his own thoughts for eternity also suggest this - he could not bear to think about what had happened over and over and over again without being able to change anything.

The constant use of mirrors within the mod also tells us how much he wishes things had turned out differently - how he wants to live in a different dimension altogether, where this didn't happen, where he remained with his partner. The fact that if you leave the house without grabbing all the items might suggest they also sold (and potentially demolished) the house itself.

The house that can never leave his mind.

[cloudmonarch43]

[ID in alt text, repeated below the cut]

My to-watch list is pretty short now and it's not especially satisfying to write about movies while trying not to say too much about what happens in them, plus I barely like Instagram anymore (where these posts are focused), so it'll probably at least be a while before there's another post like this. But never you think that I don't want to talk about movies!! (Oops, I never noticed I wrote the wrong year for Alien. It's right in the alt text because I typed it all first and then copied it down!)

Image 1:

Saw (2004) is a very silly movie that manages to stay enjoyable the whole way through. Aside from a few good bits, I didn't like Saw II (2005). There were too many characters, underdeveloped, so that even in context it just felt cruel to kill them off. I like engaging with the mechanisms of the games, and yeah the point of the games is violence, but the second movie felt like it didn't care about the game part. It made some good moves as a sequel, but the first one was a lot more fun.

Rather than telling me a story, Dirty Dancing (1987) felt like it was telling me about a story. I liked watching the dancing, and I liked the story that was being summarized, so I liked the movie, but it was strange how much of it just felt like information. Even though the plot was a bit convenient, the great variety of relationships made it feel like a genuine world.

The first time I watched I Saw the TV Glow (2024), I didn't know what I was in for; I kind of stumbled home in a daze of delight and sadness. Movies are such a capacious medium and I love it when that potential is actually used. It also feels good to watch something where the queer interpretation is not just a side effect yet it's still abstract and metaphorical.

We're All Going to the World's Fair (2021) is a super effective movie about watching other people's videos. In reviews I saw, I thought people credited it with a lot that wasn't actually there—only a place was set, which the viewer automatically filled. It didn't resonate with me as much, but I think it's cool to be put through the same sort of process as the characters.

[pencil sketch for Dirty Dancing of Johnny and Baby dancing]

Image 2:

Pretty much everything I wrote in my journal about The Sixth Sense (1999) is using it as a comparison to clarify other things, so I don't know what to say about it on its own. I enjoyed watching it.

After that I rewatched some stuff.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) is great. It really lets you sink in, and there's a lot to sink into, both visually and conceptually.

Blade Runner (1982) seemed more self-contained and a lot easier to follow this time through. I liked it overall but it's so bleak. I guess it's supposed to make me think about what it means to be human but "either you're a cop or a little guy" is the undisputed thesis statement I heard.

The Thing (1982) remains one of my top favorite movies (which is a list I haven't written, but "I Saw the TV Glow" is on it too). I hadn't even remembered a solid half of the great special effects moments because there's just so many.

Alien (1979) didn't work out as well. I still think it's a good movie, but it turns out a lot of what I liked about it was the suspense that doesn't hold up when I know what's going to happen. I know people love to analyze this movie but it's just not catching me that way.

Challengers (2024) is all about three random people I don't have any reason to care about... plus I don't care about tennis. It's not really my kind of movie. That said, it's just about as satisfying as it could possibly be.

[pencil sketch for 2001: A Space Odyssey of an EVA pod]

Image 3:

Pulse (2001) is really sad. What if the loneliness was never ending! It's a high quality, coherent representation, and then it just exists and there's nothing you can do about it. (Also it definitely should have been called Circuit.)

I watched Happy Death Day (2017) because I love time loops a lot. It didn't give me more than that, but it was easy enough to sit through. I think it could've pushed its concepts further but at least it didn't fall apart.

Of course then I had to rewatch Groundhog Day (1993), which I'd mostly forgotten, and I was delighted to discover that this movie rocks. It's efficient, covering a lot of ground without feeling distant or dense, and it really felt convincing.

Nightcrawler (2014) is brutal, unforgiving, and a great movie. Lou isn't a defeatable villain; he's a concentration. This movie refuses to lie, and that feels good even though the things it's saying don't.

[pencil sketch for Pulse of Ryosuke kneeling next to Harue, who is hugging herself]

[arokel]

10 questions for 10 writers

thank you so much for the tag @strangethings-everywhere ! secretly I've always wanted to do one of these

1. Is writing a hobby or a way of life?

Way of life for sure; I'm basically never not thinking about it. I start to feel awful and purposeless if I go too long without writing at least something.

2. A journal full of notes or a clean completed manuscript?

Clean completed manuscript, unfortunately. I wish I could be less persnickety about my first drafts but so far that hasn't happened. I do sometimes make extensive outlines though and those are always by hand, but they're usually pretty clean too :/ no scribbly scribbly for me

3. Who or what inspired your writing?

I've been writing since I was five years old and telling stories since I could talk, so I guess I'll say that when I was first reading chapter books I asked my parents why books always have a few blank pages at the end and they said it was so you had space to continue the story yourself if you wanted. They made it up on the spot and they don't remember saying it at all, but it's always stuck with me.

4. Which is worse: Someone you ‘idolize’ reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

Listening to me sing, 100%. I post my barely-edited first drafts on ao3 all the time lmao. But I also feel like with a first draft it's easy to say hey this is a first draft, if there's stuff you don't like I'm happy to hear criticism! Whereas with singing, that's just your voice. You can practice the song but at some point whether they like it or not just comes down to something about you that you can't change. (Although I am a hashtag classically trained singer so my feelings of needing to live up to that might not be universal.) (Don't ask me to sing opera for you because I don't actually like opera.)

5. Has writing from someone else’s POV changed your perspective?

I think most of the perspective changes that have come out of stories have been from reading for me? Like the first time I was really exposed to the idea of transness was a Harry Potter fic (suck on that, JKR) and that obviously really stuck with me. But I think the desire to write from queer povs really helped me come to terms with my own sexuality, maybe more than actually doing it. I guess writing narrative essays, which I do less frequently than straight up fiction, is usually a way for me to explore things I feel about myself and about the world.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

AO3 foreverrrrrrr. I was on ffn in my misspent youth and Very briefly on lj, but ao3 has been my home since 2014 and it would take a lot to get me to move.

7. AO3 word count? And are you satisfied with it?

646,046, and soon enough it'll jump another 100,000. Honestly not sure how I feel about that.

8. What movie/book gripped you irrevocably?

I will never not love Tamora Pierce's Tortall series. I know they're kind of dated and don't hold up in some places, but they've been in my bloodstream so long that they're basically a part of my understanding of the world. They shaped so much of my ideas on literature - how to create compelling characters and relationships, what makes a world believable, what fantasy even is - and honestly I think they're responsible for about 50% of my sense of humor and at least a quarter of my relationship to gender. They were my first fandom and in the end I'll always come back to them.

9. What’s the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it?

One of my plays deals with a very difficult emotional subject and is quite frankly pretty depressing the whole way through, and after the premiere a friend of mine came up to me and said "it was so so funny; I was laughing the entire time." That's what I always want my writing to do, not so much in fic but out in the world - I want to give people catharsis, and I hope they leave the reading or viewing experience feeling a little better than they did going in. And also I want people to laugh at my jokes.

10. What defines your writing style?

Can I say inconsistency? No but really it's definitely dialogue. I struggle with descriptive prose sometimes, but I never have to work at dialogue. I think it's my strongest area and people always tell me it's snappy (thank you Tamora Pierce). Other than that uhh... too many commas probably.

tagging @violasmirabiles @fregata-magnificens @kjxlll @borealopelta @uwu-dowoon @teaforarteza @icegreyrose @shadowquill17 @ris-d-deridex and using my 10th tag for anyone else who wants to participate!

[choccorin]

hi hi hi, everynyan !! :3 feels like i haven't been here in months ... anyhow, giving u guys a little update about my life ^_^ (long text under cut ! )

ok, so. long story short, i decided to attend our year end party !! i know i said a lot of things about why i'm not attending but hey ! people change, even in just a couple of days wink wink. few days after i posted my long rant (?) about it, my life decided to miraculously get a bit better ... like i'm not even kidding !! my days have been going well, i've been getting the things that i want ?? like new headphones and journal, my test score are also really good !! ... and remember the “issue” about my classmate making a r/ape joke and their friends talking bad about me? guess what, my seatmate— who's one of their friends and the person who didn't speak to me for weeks and kept on moving chairs because they didn't want to sit next to me— suddenly started speaking to me again. i was genuinely shocked ??? like during out genchem class they were leaning close to my periodic table and asking me questions about the lesson ... they never do that !!!! shocking as it is, i'm glad they talked to me again. i don't want to have any other beef or issue with my classmates, big or small. ( this is one of the reasons why i decided to attend )

ok topic change ! since i have a new journal, i decided to write my daily life again !! i also started including five minute drawings of still life figures :3 they're not good at all, they're just items that i look for in out house and i draw them on the spot under a couple of minutes ! i want to develop a habit where i try to draw everyday :) it'll also help me get a better understanding about perspective, lighting, and proportions. i want to try drawing outside too but the journal is a too big for my purse .. ( i don't like wearing big bags when i go out casually )

ok back on the year end party topic. i finished altering the dress that i'm going to wear at the party today !! it's a baby pink satin dress with three bows— two on each sleeve, and one in the middle— and it's ruffly !! the sleeves are puffy too :3 i also just finished steam ironing it :D going to pair it with my loafers, some socks, and a white ( sort of ) puffy bag ! i choose it because it matches with the puffiness of the sleeves. ^_^ going to paint my nails pink to match it hihi ( using the nail polish that reminds me of haru's blush >_< ) still don't know what i'm going to do with my hair ...

ok topic change !! about the requests for the event, i finished the sketches for most of the requests !!! everyone's persona / oc is so so so cute !!! genuinely had so much fun drawing them :') can't believe i'm friends with the prettiest people alive. the bodies are a still a bit hard for me but i'll be fine. i also had so much fun thinking of different poses with them and their f/o's :D there's one request where they're wearing matching onesies with their f/o .. so so cute🐧 going to study how to digitally paint so that i can color them this week !!

in short, december has been going well !! and i hope it continues to do so. i hope that you guys are also having a happy december and are safe and healthy ! <3 if you guys ever need someone to talk to, i'm always here !! love u all so so much 🫶

[nidianddeepspace]

Sneaking Out at Midnight for Snacks

I wrote a short little story in my journal with Xavier in mind today. Don't know if it'll get any traction, but I'll share it anyway. Note: I used Mickey D's because it's related to specific memory of mine. I'll be changing it slightly for the written version.

Sneaking Out at Midnight for Snacks ✧ Xavier x OC ✧ Fluffy, Falling in Love, Sweetness ✧ Maybe a College/University/School AU?

The night I knew I wanted to be with him forever was the night he offered to go with me to a nearby restaurant at midnight, in that dark cusp between late Friday night and early Saturday morning. I was hungry for French fries and apple pies. You weren't hungry, but you also didn't want me to be out late, on my own. So you met me at my door, and we walked side by side to the restaurant under the bright glow of the street lights.

The city streets were alive with life, cars whizzing to and fro, going who knows where. People were out and about, looking for ways to have fun on the weekend. Clouds were thick and gray, but you could still see stars peeking out, shining proudly, the moon a silvery whole of light high in the sky.

Taking in the sight of your silvery blonde hair and blue eyes walking beside me...I felt like I could walk on air.

You sat across from me and watched me eat my food, bite by bite. I tried to offer you some, but you wouldn't take any - you said you were fine. "I'm hear to make you that you eat your food and that you get back home safe and sound" - that's what you said. You watched me with this soft smile, your blue eyes so calm and soothing, a healing balm to my soul. You could be so mysterious sometimes - a handsome of enigma difficult to solve - but in that moment, there was no mistaking your care for me.

Though you stole a few friends when you thought I wasn't looking. I did see it - I just was too happy to care about what you did. You deserved them. I never bothered to tell you that. Do you know what else I didn't get to tell you? That I never wanted that night to end.

We took our sweet time getting back to my house. It wasn't far away, but it felt like we walked for hours. You told me to call you whenever I wanted to go out for a late night snack again. I promised you I would...and I did.

Now, every time we go out for midnight snacks and you steal some from me, I think of the first time we went out together. You stole more than just a few fries from me that night. You stole my heart as well.

[kidelune]

Nov. 26 2024

Dear dust caked journal,

This is the longest I've gone without a word to you. Without the debilitating need of your familiarly, your tacit comfort. It feels strange– almost novel, to stroke your back and split you open again. Your blank pages nearly blinding me out of thought. It would seem that people hardly ever stir unless they're upset, depraved, or content. Today I'm here to confess that finally, finally, I'm the latter.

The year's close to ending and reinventing itself again. I remember where I was at this time a year ago; skin between my teeth, on my stomach, my eyes jaded and sleepless. The pain sewed throughout my vertebrae, unending. I remember everything, as does my body. I shiver at the thought of turning my back to the stove. I never do, but that's the only remaining tendril I've left of that person I was last year. Maybe someday he'll find the courage to rest alongside the ones who came before. Make more room for whatever or whoever else I'll become in the future.

That's not to say that I have any inklings of who I am today, though. I still don't fucking know. In my head I'm still six, eight, twelve, sixteen, seventeen, twenty-one, twenty-six. In my head, I'm still just surviving, even in the secure safety of mundanity. Still figuring out what exactly I'm supposed to do with this life I've repeatedly been given a second chance at, for whatever reason. (What is the reason?) Only thing I'm aware of is that I'm alive, that many graves are full because of me, and that somehow, by some sort of divinely conjured up miracle, exactly twelve days ago, I got married.

In Thailand, the knot was tied. 14th of November, ten days after my 30th birthday. Neither of us could speak Thai and yet we signed their papers and welcomed their cheers. Then it was about ten of us combined in a party room, including our photographer and makeup artists. I never knew I could cry so much. Never even thought I'd hit this particular milestone in this life, let alone bawl my way through my vows like a broken dam. Now I understand why marriage is so sought after among all generations. It's not about the wedding itself, but the feeling of it. Like a once in a lifetime high; like the first drug you ever do. Humans are notorious for chasing after euphoria, to the point of inevitable divorce. Or death. As it's only death that could do two apart, after all.

Upon landing back in Seoul, just married and very exhausted, I quit the office job my husband gave me about a year ago. Instead, I'll be opening a bar with my dirty money and setting us up with a second stream of income and thus securing our early retirement in place. Found the perfect spot a while back; a tiny, obscure nook in Itaewon. The alley elevation slightly downturned. Barely touched by the light, drowned in the shores of night. Byungwoo did not trip once on the way up to it, which is how I knew it was perfect. L.32 it'll be called; serving as the perfect little spot for my husband to swing by and hang out after work–alongside others, of course. Who knows? Perhaps while I'm doing this, as I adapt to and grow from it, I'll finally manage to figure out for good what kind of man I am. Or want to be. Will this new thing keep blood off my hands long term, or will I find and hide the crusts beneath my fingernails while fixing a framed wedding photo on my desk?

Only one way to find out. But for now, it's needless to say that I'm happy. I've stopped collecting scars. I've stopped running for my life. I'm sober and have gained weight. I no longer flinch in my sleep. I sleep. I've never been more safe and content than I am right now. My fists have no need to fly anymore, not to protect my life.

And I guess that's enough.

[studentbyday]

☕ december study challenge

i didn't do much schoolwork on friday, so i need to catch up! 🥺

📈 study stats (30 min):

S: 🍅🍅🍅 Su: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

🎒 school/cs50:

finish reviewing biochem module 4 ✅ (i have a little more than 1 section left)

finish reviewing 4 pages of mol bio module 3 ✅ (😬 let's hope i remember it. out of all the courses i've taken this semester, i have the least solid background knowledge for this one...i haven't repeated the info enough times over a long-enough time period to be sure it'll stick yet 😅 at least for biochem, i have some "pegs" of solid background knowledge from physiology to hang the new content on...)

finish remainder of flask lecture (~50 mins) ✅

🩺 self-care:

physio exercises ✅✅

full body floor workout ✅

journal ✅

meditate ✅

🎶 winterstella - stella jang / appassionata, 3rd movt (piano sonata op. 57 no. 23) - beethoven / my day in music, sunday edition

💌 uuuuugggggghhhhhhhh lately not been feeling too good bc the dictionary of lost words is depressing ("poignant" as @zzzzzestforlife described it) and it makes me feel lonely along with school and whenever this happens (or i otherwise feel like a mess) i get in a philosophical mood. i have been in this mood for at least a month now (before i started the book but after midterm season). it used to only last about a week or 2 (every month, mind you 😂). i can't wait to take philosophy so i can hopefully fix my brain by practicing being more rational and critical about *waves hands* whatever things my mind drifts to, to try to piece myself back together (which sometimes pulls me back apart with an existential crisis) 😅 (i also think the fact that some of the same thoughts i'm thinking have also been thought many times by others would be some comfort 🙂) but i think i'll only be able to take it the year after next bc of other (technically higher priority) subjects (for my field 🧬🦠) which...in better days i would be really excited about. i comfort myself by thinking the christmas break will restore me.

💌💌 also i'm not going to officially finish the dictionary of lost words anymore. i've slowly been reading the ending out of order so i basically know what happens and i saved the final major happy event for last. my final thoughts are that i want a relationship like esme's and gareth's but i want it to last longer than theirs did 😭 that's it. i can't deal with this depressing stuff anymore. maybe someday i'll come back to it, but right now i cannot. sometimes i ask myself why i feel so fragile these days...i'm not sure i know why... sometimes i get a feeling that smth is missing, but it will eventually pass as i fill my cup in other ways.

💌💌💌 recently discovered this channel and loving their hyperspecific titles that tell me exactly what vibes i should expect from the music. i especially like the chemistry playlist for studying (hot take but i'm not a huuggee fan of ludovico einaudi, but for studying, it's okay) and the playlist for "making your brain shut up"