#but if its done then i dont have to wait for more to come out which means i wont be at risk of getting demotivated abt it again
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last thing i’ll say; people aren’t owed free content but creatives aren’t owed financial compensation either
#i say all this as a cretive btw lets head that off#their bottom line was ‘we want more money to make bigger things and we cant afford to so we want more money in order to do them’#and that is a valid desire#but you cant just expect everyone to go along with that just bc you want it#watcher got where they are due to a loyal viewer base#to reject money from corporations in favour of money from that viewer base? thats skeevy#to default to a complete and absolute paywall removing all your content then pretend that you weren't going to? thats skeevy#to make a countdown to an announcement then make the announcement a somber trip down memory lane#and an ‘if only we can make more stuff like this wink wink’? thats skeevy#and its skeevy bc theyre a company and no matter how personable they are companies are not your friend#are they the rich we should be eating? no#but when your ceo drives a tesla and eats expensive food that is written off as a buisness expense#AND you have a patreon that you dont capitalise on but still brings you on average 100k a month#you cant act like youre a hard done by creative#endevouring to make more elaborate creations is a good idea#monetisation is a good idea#absolute monetisation with no thought to an alternative isnt#name one indie artist that relies entirely on paid content ill wait#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#watcher#shane madej#ryan bergara#steven lim#hey there demons it’s me ya boy#ghost files
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Not Yharnam posting, but I need to tell everyone that Phantom in the Rain was fantastic and I have had my brain chemistry permanently rewired since watching it.
#sin speaking#(also the way i screamed when crispin freeman's voice came out of his mouth in the dubbed version LMAO)#(i have loved the mononoke series since college and have waited for this movie since it was announced AND MATE. I WASNT DISAPPOINTED.)#(i actually cried in the second half because i was so overwhelmed with joy it just felt THAT good to watch. for me at least)#(and the story itself was pretty damn potent with a lot of themes i care DEEPLY ABOUT)#(it was everything i hoped it'd be. it was gorgeous the soundtrack SLAPS the art style the story the VIBES)#(and theres two more movies coming???? god is good. I will be seated bitch)#(it is a worthy modernisation of the original franchise imo it has all the old school vibes with a fresh coat of paint)#(even if youve never seen the original series you can still enjoy this movie. the incredible art style alone justifies the watch.)#(LORD I SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME AND FOR OTHERS)#(if you catch me drawing fanart for this when im done with my bb comics. dont say u werent warned LOL)#(i know a psychological psychedelic horror anime movie isnt exactly seasonally appropriate but do i give a fuck)#(no its halloween every day when you live in yharnam brother)
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just read the new mutants issue where Charles chose to stay behind in space and my god the juxtaposition between Charles trusting Erik and Erik joining the hellfire club and wondering at his own trust worthiness. I wonder how much of Charles decision was him ultimately trying to avoid the fact that his first class had seemingly betrayed mutant kind and not be willing to face them and how much of it was Dani and Illyana's reaction to him having Karma mind control Illyana. the fact that Illyana was depending on him to ease her mind through limbo and in choosing to stay he forced karma to do it instead, probably fucking up their relationship in the process.
I love him, this is crazy, how much of this is him trying to runaway and how much is this him not trusting himself to fix things and how much is it just him trusting Erik?
i keep trying to put into words my exact thoughts about the sitch but there really is a lot for one issue aintit... oh charles you and your brain...
#snap chats#thats why we have tag rambles AHAHA#ok so to tackle things one at a time charles ultimately deciding to stay in space despite his expressed want to return to earth#obviously it was when lilandra pointed out if her sister took charge of the shi'ar then the universe- earth included- would be in peril#charles notes his position as a losing one: whichever choice he makes he loses#he goes to earth then the universe could be at stake/he stays in space he loses his kids#of course charles COULD just put his faith in the starjammers but is that a risk he wants to take ? evidently not#charles' reoccurring flaw is he's willing to sacrifice personal relationships for the greater perceived good#even lilandra acknowledges this- that charles' homesickness for earth was an inevitability just as she is indebted to protecting the stars#so now his ruptured relationship with illyana and co- esp right after comforting a split illyana last issue#we've seen charles act more coldly/rashly when he's about to lose people (i think of his first death with the og5 mostly)#i mean it's a key part to charles' chara that he doesn't favor mind controlling others and im sure he has the same regard for his students#he's aware of the damage it can do and in this instance- for one reason or another- he orders it to be done regardless#im sure he does this as a form of defense: if his kids are upset with him they won't feel too bad about losing him and it'll be less painfu#obviously we still see sam wish charles farewell and wish for him to come back soon but yk.. worthy attempt..#and it's not as if charles wants them to hate him ENTIRELY.. he's still touched by sam's goodbye no.... fickle man he is..#i dont think charles is totally afraid to confront the og5- its what made him want to return to earth with the nms initially#tho again.. could his decision to stay in the stars be influenced by that? that maybe he ISNT prepared to confront them like he thought?#who's to say... not me i dont got that psych degree yet..#erik being charles' trusted confidant definitely made his decision easier on top of that: i mean is he needed if he has a substitute#i think charles DOES wholly trust erik: charles really doesnt approach his x-men half heartedly. from his pov ofc#if he didn't genuinely believe in erik's potential he wouldn't have picked him; hes a comforting thought when charles decides to depart#'although i'm gone erik understands me and my goals enough to continue my work as good as i would have so i have nothing to worry about'#which. yk. makes the whole White King thing kinda awkward VJAELVJEAKL charles you fool#i have no idea how this saga ends though... tbh im only on ish 45 of NM i just read 50 and 51 to get context for this ask#so i can only wait and see how this saga turns out... once i finish reading house of m/secret invasion stuff jvLKEJKA#idk im tired and rambling dont pay attention to me.. ramblin bout charles' brain is a good day for me regardless if i make sense jVLAJ
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so very quick and sketchy but i was getting vague designs for all the tldc ladies down in one place
not so sure on gwendolen and gwilanna and i havent looked back at the books for details yet but these were just a quick cool down for the night 🫶
#ragnar art#tldc#the last dragon chronicles#fuck it sure ill main tag#too many characters (seven) fend for yourelves on this one#i um. i might be working on (have conceptualised and planned to death) an animatic#and thus actually had to figure out what people look like#im very faceblind n have aphantasia. so if they're not all on one page idk what they look like and/or if they look similar#read a little bit more of firestar and made myself sick thinking about gwilanna and her baby :(#oh old lady... come hang out with me we can... idk eat mushrooms and kick rocks together#cant wait for my gwilanna blorbo era. MOVE OVER david and tam its about to get uncomfortable in here (my brain) for you two#just Oh my god i get it now. girl id've done worse for grief. she shouldve blown the whole planet up and i'd cheer her on the whole way#<- doesnt remember most of her storyline BUT remembers The Vibes clearly#love a mean old fuck especially if they're a major antagonist. do NOT ask me about my relationship with my parents 🤡 /j#omg i also fixed my tablet's colour settings for the first time since i got it (2....3 years ago??) and wow. i dont have to fuck about#in the colour profile before i post anymore. technology is amazing <3 (i am an idiot)
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with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;
a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.
linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.
#phantom hourglass#linebeck#loz#legend of zelda#salty talks#imo the action vs inaction thing feels esp interesting to me when looking at oshus specifically. he and his world are in grave danger#and he knows it and he actively does nothing and even seems reluctant to let ciela and link go ahead and do something.#of course he comes around on it but it's very interesting. has he given up at that point? thats what it suggests to me#that hes like. joined the people of mercay in just lying down and waiting for other people to fix their problems or just. not do anything#otherwise on mercay you have that old guy in the bar who spends the whole game not leaving bc he doesnt want to face his wife#and she never goes to the bar to actually look for him and just talks about it if anything#the guy with the blue tunic talks a lot about linebeck and his ship and almost gives the impression that he really wants to talk to him#but yknow. doesnt. theres the women that tells you about docks being shut down and how linebeck is the only person who's showed up#the woman you see at the broken bridge who's just like oh well! time to wait til someone fixes it.#even the guy fixing the bridge iirc is like well fuck i gotta do it or else oshus is going to bitch at me abt it#everyone seems reluctant to act which makes for an interesting way in how our main crew stands out#it is less so oh theyve been chosen specifically for this its moreso they're the ones who are fucking doing something about this#for their own various reasons some of which are more selfish but theyre still doing something#will likely have more stuff to say when im done but ofc we have other characters in the game who have to do with this#anyways. linebeck is so animated all of the fucking time it's great i dont think theres any other character that moves as much as him#when he's just standing around to talking to link it's great. he's so ready to get going.#it works with him being an anxious mess and also with like. oh he's probably understimulated. you know he's got a nasty case of wanderlust#i can put it with the idea that he's understimulated and afraid to stim in public so he's just constantly moving#he probably drums his fingers on tables bounces his leg when sitting paces around switches the way he sits or lays down often#tbh this kinda fits in with him being one of the main characters who takes action moreso than a lot of other characters#his arc culminates in him taking action he's going after the ghost ship he's moving around the world the only issue is that one of the#actions he takes is running away from his problems literally n metaphorically (tho idk if facing the jolene problem is a good idea for him)
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I cannot rely on one person for me to be happy my happiness isn't allowed to be only triggered by one person I can be happy at every little thing it doesn't matter about this one person
#im in too far fucking deep again#and when he leaves again its gonna hurt just as much. but more.#finch posts#he makes me happy beyond belief and i goddamn love having a friend who knows me inside out and has done for so long#but. your love is my drug by kesha comes to mind. its fucking intoxicating talking to him#and last time he left (we were 12 and his parents moved their family) it made me kinda depressed and i was so fucking needy to talk to him#and now we're three and a half months into rekindling the friendship and i feel the same like i get really sad already >#>if i just dont talk to him for a couple of days without like a trip or friends or smthn else to entertain me#songs are starting to remind me of him#fuck fuck fuck#1am in the morning makes me too honrst#i think im still a bit (a lot) in love with them#ohmygod i dont even think it i know it#i should go to sleep earlier#it would stop me having so many thoughts#i havent seen him in multiple years but i can still imagine kissing him#oh fucking hell fuck my actual whole fucking life#and his closest friend where he lives now well they were starting to be a bit of a thing and surely its not fucking normal>#>to daydream about kissing a girl who ive literally never seen a photo of#holy fucking hell i am such a hopeless poly bisexual#WHY DONT WE REWRITE THE STARSSSS#oh this is circling round to my suspicions i might be kinda like demi romantic??#i should buy myself flowers . wait. no. i grow flowers 🫠#well i could still buy myself flowers . and i should#i need to go to the beach#cant wait to get a proper drivers license#if youve made it this far down my crisis hi youve gotten to the stage where u can tell what songs im listening to!
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hear me out on this one
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza 7#jo sawashiro#snap sketches#cause i asked myself 'what if we have him more layers' i dont want to see AN OUNCE of skin from this dude#another similarity between mine and sawashiro is ive drawn tthem both in turtlenecks. lol.#funny as hell tho ever since i watched we make antiques i actually wanted to draw arakawa in a turtleneck#he always reminds me of a turtle anyway for some reason...#i mean this isnt totally off that mentality either. ttm did look cute in a turtleneck in like. Two Things#Awful tho all i thought bout when drawin the neck part was that Pencil Neck bit from p&f LMAO#omg wait rant time cause i drew this while waiting to hang with my bitchass friend#done with comm work for the morning and she taking nine years so. lets doodle#but then this bitchass friend forgot we were hanging out today even tho SKE asked to hang out today. as she did yesterday.#like UGH im not saying sawashiro is valid for bullying ichi for being late all the time but i get it.#this is legitimately the second day in a row where she forgot we were meeting and its making me explode#anyway she just texted me nw so i guess shes gonna come over soon#which means i get to be mad at her playin y7 LMAO ITS ALL FUN anyway bye
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byeeee
#me literally thia afternoon discarding anime and posting about how i wish i had never gotten into it and how no one should watch anime but#really it was just about me slipping on seperating the fictional horrors from my actual horrors so watchong yuji claw at the ground#wasnt a “off gege ur horrible” it wS more of a#“i cant breathe im going to die i cant handle this life this is too much there is too much pain i wish i never put this visual in my mind”#and “genuinely i cant stop sobbing im so fucked up by this i remember reality now this is not good for me im going to fucking break”#but then i went back to “damn rhere are some good paralells i can make from this” and then saving the parallels in my to do list#so#shoutout mental illness#but really shoutout the terrifying ordeal of exostence and feelings i cant wait for my brain to get back to the usual compartmentalizing#and by compartmentalizing i mean detaching from reality bc i wont lie its great and it works and it does get better you just#have to get better at actively disociating. like fr practice stepping away from your feelings and accepting that nothing matter except what#u want to matter. and only let things that dont hurt matter.#once u get good at that its smooth sailing#❤️#mind over matter and manifest away ur mental illness#a.k.a. dont think just blank out the present until a treat shows up and then when that treat is done exit back into the blankness#fr im still alive bc of this srs theres nothing wrong with erasing the bad stuff#repression gets a bad hype bc ppl always confuse it with shit that will “come back to get u later lol thats only if ur not good enough at it#ive had minimal problems bc of this so far i rarely get triggered like that yuji thing came and went#forget everything until you want to absorb things that u want to absorb. repress if it keeps u alive. actually repress is a bad word for it#i feel “delete it” works better bc u shouldnt push it down#just delete it#teru mikami style#proof that light yagami did nothing wrong#gremlin hours#no. motivation quotes and life advice hours
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nooooo my headphones died and im not done editing my audio
#i know it doesnt take THAT long to charge them#its just that its 3 am#guess i can move on to my art history final paper#while i wait#bc ill probably be pulling an all nighter anyways#norm.allie#THATS THE PLAN#all nighter tonight#finish my paper & video#go to class & then crit#eat & decide if i want to stay and work a little bit on my painting (until like 7) go home and go to bed by like 9?#or if i feel like crap eat and come home and go to bed early#i dont have class until noon wednesday#so even if i sleep in a little bit i should have time to print out my paper#paint after class#radio show.. play an old playlist whatever#i was gonna say head back to the studio to paint bc i dont have class until 3:20 on thursday#but it makes more sense to go to bed#incase i need to pull an all nighter to finish painting after class is done#i doubt i will but who knows#but i can do it#its gonna be a rough week#college owns
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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coworker (derogatory)
#she just fucking. IRKS me#so we have the same job. same authority level. yet she acts like shes a lead#which would be fine im ok with others taking charge#IF THEY DO IT RIGHT#shes SO FUCKING BAD AT IT??#AND. we have senority!!#yes she is older than us physically but we have worked here for months longer!!!#if anyone is in charge (WHICH SHOULD BE THE LEAD) would it not be the guy who worked there longest???#uggghhhh#she came in late today then was like um youre doing potties wrong youre only supposed to fill half and leave the other stalls for ne#girl then be on time#im not waiting for u im not making the dogs wait for u#so she starts bringing my dogs back (against the rules) (we literally had a meeting last night)#im done arguing. just. fine. whatever. she better have charted or else thatll look bad on me since i brought the dogs out#confronts me later. make sure you fill the potty waters. i say i do. she says yeah but not enough#gestures to a bowl she has filled that is 1) smaller than the bowls in potties 2) TOO FULL#we're not supposed to fill them past halfway so they dont spill#and theyre in the potties for like. 15 minutes. even if they finish their water. im fairly sure its not that inhumane for them to#wait a few more minutes before they go back to their room#THEN. she goes to do feeding. someone is in a meeting where the ipads are (needed to track feeding)#only ipad out is for the front. the front also needs an ipad. so i am instructed to wait#few min later. she comes with an ipad. is the meeting over? no i took it from the front#GIRL.#and she always complains about being in group too much#bestie 90% of the job is group#if you get a day shift youre gonna spend it in group#chill#just. ugh#chaos chitters
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this is partially a critique on my part but even more of a critique on other online leftists' part since i notice a complete lack of attempts at putting oneself in others shoes- it shouldn't quite literally take learning you have x minority ethnicity in you to have sympathy and understanding for them.
#i started understanding native people more when even the possibility of me having ntv american in me was presented to me#heres an idea: ACTUALLY TRY TO VISUALIZE WHAT SHIT WOULD BE LIKE IF YOU WERE IN STEAD OF DOING NOTHING#yes. yes. you will 'never fully comprehend' blah blah blah but im sure you've had enough experiences being treated lesser than#to be able to put yourself in other peoples shoes long enough to understand the complex ways of how shit negatively effects people#pretend that you are jewish (in your brain not irl if you're not. this is a thought exercise.) and now tell me what you think should#happen to jewish ppl in israel. and wait- i mean ACTUALLY think about it. dont shit out the most buzzwordsy shit you can think of#to make yourself feel and Look Cool to your followers. basically im asking you to do method acting here. i want you to go THAT far#to understand bc its apparently what needs to be done for you to understand.#bc if you're actually doing this thought exercise and you're actually educated on why theres jewish ppl in israel to begin with#(hint: they were forced out of other countries) you're not going to then be like 'yeah its fine to kill all jewish ppl in israel' you just#WONT come to that conclusion if you're being honest.#also i bet plenty a yall havent even gotten dna tests so far all you know you COULD have ashkenazi in you!#so you need to internalize that and try to act the way you think someone put in that situation would act to understand better.#also obviously all the while listening to jewish people while you're at it.
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...
#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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I have got to get worse at my job cus no way can keep letting them rely on me like this
#work tag#got on shift on Sunday and my manager pulled me aside when i clocked in to say thank god youre here i need you on front theyre an absolute#mess over there theyve got orders waiting nearly twenty minutes i need you to figure out whats going on and whip them into shape i know you#can just get all those order out right away just put them where you want them so you can clear that screen. and i did sort it in under 5#despite there having been 3 people on front before i got there which is more than enough people to deal with just 6 orders and yet#and today several people called in sick and one of my managers asked if i wanted some extra hours i said depends when she was like just#until ten tonight which is only an extra hour later than i finish but ive already expressed im not comfortable finishing at 9 for only a#8 hour shift cus its an hour walk back and thats far to go by myself in the dark but i agreed anyway one of my other managers then asked if#i was okay to get home if i stayed that late cus obviously there must be a reason i dont usually stay that late i was like im only walking#so it doesnt really matter but it is gonna be late to be walking back but its fine manager then comes back again and asks if i could stay#til 11 ive only done an 11 once before when they were understaffed again and she did the same but i was wary to agree to the 11 cus thats#reeeally late to be doing such a long walk by myself again other manager is like you dont have to agree to anything youre not comfortable#with then argued to the manager that ive got to walk home and i shouldnt stay however im thinking it over as i make my break and approach#the actual shift runner for this evening and suggest i stay until 12 instead cus thats when my work bestie is finishing and if we finish at#the same time i can then walk back with her instead of just doing the 10 and honestly i need the hours but i shouldnt be so relied on tbh
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it can be so fucking hard to be close to people who have very different understandings of time and respect than you.
#im just going to bitch in the notes so i can get it out of my system#it fucking hurts my feelings when my friends are significantly later than they said they would be#they are driving up and visiting me which i do appreciate#but its like. 95% of the time im the one meeting them wherever and whenever works for them#and theyd made it sound like theyd be coming hours ago and they werent#and finally got on the fucking road and their eta was 13 minutes ago and they still arent here#and its like. i get that they have their own lives and traffi and shit#but ive told them many times that it genuinely upsets me when this happens#to the point that if they werent already on the road id just tell them to fucking stay home#its the biggest stressor in our relationship and it seems like theyll get better for a bit after we talk about it#then it gets bad again#and it sucks because i was excited! and now im feeling bitter and upset and i either have to swallow it#or bring the mood down#and im sure they have more shit to do at home so its not like they'll be sticking around for a long time tomorrow#if they do i'll be shocked#but like. id thought of fun stuff we can do and im cool with not doing them but a better fucking heads up would be appreciated#i shouldnt have to ask 3 times to find out when youre coming#especially when i give a very long time between asking to not be a bother#and it just feels like they dont respect me or my time. i couldve done so much more this afternoon#but ive been here fucking waiting for them.#and i told them i was worried this shit would happen once i no longer lived right near them#and they said it wouldnt be a fucking problem. well guess what.#and i have had to defend them to my dad who i live with as well#and then this shit happens. it sucks#anyway. i thought they'd be here 2 hours ago.#whatever. nothing i can do about it now.#tree talks
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