#i was gonna say head back to the studio to paint bc i dont have class until 3:20 on thursday | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vanityloves · 4 years ago

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anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

#rip lol i feel annoying but my blog my rights ig #brainworm ivy #gorillaz rambles

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clexacon · 7 years ago

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Here’s a full transcript of the UnConventional episodes featuring Natasha Negovanlis and Elise Bauman.

Huge thank you to Rebecca Soileau for doing this transcription for ClexaCon!

Opening Song

“Give me someone who loves like me, up there on the tv or movie, anything would do. Cause I’ve learned surviving isn’t living, we deserve way more than a brief romance on an episode or two, we deserve something unconventional”

Hey there Clexacon-ers! Welcome to another episode of “Un-CON-ventional”, the ClexaCon podcast! I am your host as always, Dana Piccoli and we are less than 2 months out from ClexaCon 2018! Can you even handle it? Before we head into this really really fabulous episode which I’m really excited to share with you, I do have a couple things I just want to tell you. On March 1st, which is coming up very very soon, tickets go on sale for “Breakfasts with Clexacon Guest”. And that is something you do not want to miss if you can score a ticket to. You’re going to be able to possibly be able to meet Katherine Barrell, Dominique Provost-Chalkley, Tamara Duarte, Emily Andras, Anna Silk, Natasha Negovanlis and Elise Bauman. What an incredible opportunity to dine and dish with some of your favorite, favorite stars! So keep that on your calendar, March 1st, tickets go on sale and they are going to go fast. Also on sale, speaking of good stuff, ClexaCon has added some really really cool new merch to there store! They’ve got slick, black on black and blue on blue “ClexaCon 18” shirts, they also have new hats and all sorts of cool stuff so check out there store, just click on the little store button all the way on right of their ClexaCon website and there you go and you’ll be looking ah-mazing!

I don’t want to keep these guests from you any longer because I know that your super amped about it so, we are going straight into my interviews with Natasha and Elise! Here we go!

I am very very happy to introduce my guest for this episode of “Un-CON-ventional” because they are 2 of my favorite people in the world, you know them, you love them, Natasha Negovanlis and Elise Bauman...LADIES! Thank you for being here!

Elise: I’m giving us a round of applause

Natasha: Thanks for having us

Dana: I mean come on, it was a given right? I’m gonna throw a monkey wrench into this whole thing, so dear listeners, I am not going to ask these actresses, these multi talented creative types, anything about their flagship Carmilla. No i am not.

Elise: Whaaat?!

Natasha: Whatt?!

Dana: Because I don’t know if you know this but these guys are going to be doing a “Hollstein” panel at ClexaCon so there’ll be lots and lots of Carmilla questions there. So this, this is my version of the actors studio and i'm just going to ask them all sorts of weird ass questions, and hopefully some thought provoking questions, so you can get to know them a little better as people. How do you feel about that lades?

Natasha: I feel fantastic about it

Elise: Very excited

*laughter*

Dana: Alright! So my first question: this is for both of you...

Natasha: Ok

Dana: What would you tell your 15 year old self now, if you could go back in time?

Natasha: You know what, I was thinking about this recently, actually, haha, I was thinking about it bc I was taking a painting class with my mom and I was thinking about how i'm more a creative person than someone who can follow instructions and I think if I could go back in time I would maybe tell my 15 year old self that she doesn't have to go to university. Um, here in Canada, university and college are different things, so what we call university, I guess yall call college but college and university are different here so usually when your very academic and a straight A student, it’s expected that you go to university to get a degree. But I think that um yea, I think I would tell my 15 year old that it would be ok to like go to an acting school or go do a diploma program instead. That being said, I don't have any regrets. But I think I would tell myself and also tell young people now that it's ok if you learn differently from others. Yea, I don’t know something that just popped into my head recently.

Elise: I am into it. And I would probably tell young Elise that she could just skip over the vegan stage that she was in for a brief while.

*laughter*

Elise: There was like a year and ½ that I just went without dairy and you know like why? Why..

Dana: You would tell young Elise to eat that ice cream girl, eat it!

Elise: Cheese is a great invention. I understand that humans are like probably incapable of digesting it very well and like it probably really bad for environment and like cheese pizza is a great thing so that’s probably the sage wisdom I would gift young Bauman.

Dana: *laughing* I would expect nothing less from you Elise. So eat cheese.

Elise: Eat the dairy, don’t forgo the yogurt. The whole course of my life could’ve been very different. I’m kidding. It was great, it was a great time. Nothing against vegans, vegans are great people! Gonna get a lot of backlash for this.

Dana: Now’s she’s backtracking. *laughing* So speaking of food, if you and Natasha were attending a dinner party, what do you think the other one would bring?

Natasha: oohh

Elise: I would say Natasha would maybe, I mean this is a little on the nose, but maybe like a greek salad.

*laughing*

Elise: But like a REAL greek salad! Like real, authentic feta cheese and all that good stuff. Either that or she would go straight to like a meat platter. Be like alot of cured...

Dana: Just like lamb on a stick or something?

Elise: No it would be, like it would be really nice. She would have hand selected a bunch of really nice meats and pickles and cheeses and she’d thrown like, a good platter.

Dana: So she’d be like the queen of charcuterie?

Elise: Charcuterie! Thats what its called. Yea yea yea, she would do that. It would be on a really nice wooden board or something.

Natasha: Ooohhh that’s very accurate. I think I would do something like that or at least some ingredients for someone else’s charcuterie board, for sure. Some like, preserves or something. Um yea i don't think I’d bring a salad because no one likes the girl who brings the salad

*laughing*

Natasha: Also it would be a little be cheap of me too, you know? I think, to let it impress. Also I have a secret, culturally i'm not greek, but I do make a mean greek salad, my family's macedonia.

Dana: Macedonia!

Natasha: So the food is actually terrible, it's like boiled potatoes and overcooked flavorless meat.

Elise: Nobody wants to be the girl with salad, but especially nobody wants to be the girl with the boiled potatoes.

“laughing”

Natasha: Yea I brought you some boiled potatoes, hahaha. I think that Elise would bring like some hummus, some appetizers for before dinner. Like some really good hummus, maybe some kale chips, or she would just bring her own separate meal that she would eat out of her own tupperware while everyone else is eating. Which like I secretly do admire because I wish that I had Elise’s discipline. No or she’d surprised everyone and bring a really nice dessert actually, like a good pie.

Elise: Ooohhh yea! I baked a pumpkin pie recently, it was a good time.

Natasha: Yea

Elise: Yea, alright I like that, I like that. I think we should throw a dinner party. I think that's really where this is going.

All: yea!

Elise: Make a mental note, make sure Elise doesn't bring kale chips

Dana: Alright Natasha, what's the biggest misconception about you?

Natasha: I think the biggest misconception is that i'm extremely vain and/or high maintenance. And I was thinking about this, I don’t know if its my bone structure or what but I was thinking about this recently and its interesting that a lot of people who take care of their appearance, or are really good at self care are perceived as high maintenance because my being good at taking care of myself means that i dont need alot from other people! Know what im sayin?

Elise: Ha. “know what im sayin.”

Natasha: I think that would be one. I’m not so fancy. I think that's the biggest misconception that i’m fancier-

Elise: She's into fancy cured meats but nothing else.

Natasha: ...that im fancier than i am, but i mean,

Dana: But she’s not like using them as facial hydration or like...

Elise: Yea.

Natasha: That's what i use greek salad for.

*laughter*

Dana: It’s astringent, it works.

Dana: What about you Elise, what is the biggest misconception about you?

Elise: Mmmm, I think probably somewhere around, I think people think im only ever a positive person, which may be a bit of a far stretch sometimes (she says laughing). I think I have a lot more aggression than people realize,

Dana: “Although she is little, she is fierce” is what you’re saying?

Elise: Yea something like that.

Dana: Do you have a punching bag, something you can work with?

Elise: I don't have a punching bag, I just signed up for soccer again! I signed up for a soccer team.

Natasha: That's awesome

Elise: Yeah I used to play soccer from maybe like 10 until high school and I loved it and it was definitely my sport and then I, well i just stopped playing after high school because there weren't many opportunities to play. And I have terrible knees, but that's not stopping me so i'm going to go do another stint at soccer. Just for fun. I think I need that outlet. I think I really need to get back to my tomboy roots. I've been feeling that way a lot lately. I’m like “why am I trying so hard to be this other thing? I don't know.” So I’m going to go back on the field.

Dana: I love how this shit got really deep right there.

*laughter*

Dana: See there was a method to my madness guys! Ok so, what is the question that you’ve always wanted an answer to, but have yet to get one?

Elise: What happens after we die? Like thats been a huge one since I was a kid.

Dana: I think that's pretty fair.

Elise: I thinks that's really what is the meaning, why am I here, what the point, what’s the purpose?

*laughing*

Elise: You know, things like that, generally what I think about on a Wednesday afternoon.

*laughing*

Elise: Natasha?

Natasha: I was just going to say, how one changes their fitted sheet when they are by themselves?

Elise: Or.. How one folds a fitted sheet!? That is something would love an answer to.

Natasha: Yes. Im sure there are YouTube tutorials for this, but putting a fitted sheet on a bed when you're one person is so tricky. Because as soon as you tuck one side in, the other side lifts up..or like putting your duvet cover on.

Elise: Oh yea

Dana: Oh the worst! And then you get trapped in the duvet cover when your by yourself

Natasha: Yea!

Dana: Then you just hope someone comes to the door, like UPS.

Elise: That one i figured out, you have to like lie the whole thing down on your floor and then take the two corners and then like pull it over and it's a logs and anyway...

Natasha: The germaphobe in me does not like that. I’d think of the dog and it would be like, ugh on my floor. Although he does sleep in my bed technically, so what's the difference?

Elise: Oh yea a dog.

Dana: I’d introduce you to my dog right now but she's currently snoring and farting, simultaneously

*laughing*

Natasha: Amazing!

Dana: Ok ,what are you guys nostalgic about?

Elise: Pogs

Dana: Pogs? Like the little paper things?

Elise: You can get medal ones too or plastic ones

Dana: Oh haha pardon me!

Elise: You were really fancy if you got a metal pog, that’s when you know you made it.

Natasha: Oh yea

Dana: But what’s the purpose of pogs? Like what did pogs do?

Natasha: It was a game!

Elise: Um, elevated, like your self worth as a human. *Laughter* Like you know, feeling really blue today, but let me just look at my pog collection and know I feel alot better about my outlook

Dana: Did you throw them? I don’t, I remember pogs but i didn’t play with them. But what did you do with them? Did you just throw the little pieces of cardboard, excuse me, metal?

Elise: I think you just hoarded them and like compared your pogs to other kids.

Natasha: Nooo it was a game, it was like a serious game guys, there were tournaments!

Dana: Is this, were pogs more popular in Canada? I’m starting to think they were.

Elise: That and Tamagotchis, Tamagotchis were the it thing for a while.

Natasha: Yea

Elise: But I killed all my pets so I wasn’t very good at that one. I would set my alarm and wake up at 3 am and be like “I gotta water this thing again?” and it’d be dead by 7 am the next day. Yeaa

*laughter*

Dana: What about you Natasha? Are you nostalgic about pogs are is there something else that really gets your nostalgia button?

Natasha: Oohh I don’t know, I mean, gosh, I get really nostalgic over children's choral music.

*laughter*

Natasha: I was a choir nerd so I can’t hear children’s choirs without getting very emotional. And then I can’t listen to it. Or like really obscure like choir folk music. Because I used to go, I used to compete in competitions with my choir and like travel across North America and yea. There’s this one cd we have of, it was like, my choir sang with like ten other choirs from all across North America and it was this massive church and we were all, it wasn’t, it just happened to be in a church, they weren't religious choirs, but we were like all along the outside of the aisles and in the balconies and I just remember it was a really cool experience having hundred and hundreds of voices under 12 coming together. So yea, whenever I hear kids choral music, especially around the holiday times if there's something playing. I don't love the holiday season but if there's something with a kids choir I get really nostalgic cause my best childhood memories were surrounded by choir and singing so yea.

Dana: That's really sweet. Alright super serious question here guys, have you ever seen a ghost?

Elise: Yes I have.

Natasha: Whoa what!

Dana: What? Tell us who was it, what ghost was it, where was it? I want details, I want everything.

Elise: I’ve seen a couple ghosts. I was a kid and a lady ghost just flew over my bed one day, well not flew, it was just kind of like there, I don’t know. And then another time I was in a church and I saw a man in like a uniform or something walk by and then I was like what the, so I went into room but there were no doors leading out of that room so I was like “probably a ghost, probably a ghost”.

Dana: Did your sightings of ghosts stop as you got older?

Elise: Yes, yea. I only saw the 2 when I was a kid. Maybe they weren't real, maybe they were figments of my imagination.

Dana: Or you were really intuitive as a kid and you were open to it. I think a lot of kids see things that adults turn their minds off to.

Elise: Totally. I totally think that are other parallel realms going on and we can kind of pop in and out of them occasionally.

Dana: What about you Natasha? Have you ever seen a ghost? A spirit? Poltergeist?

Natasha: No i’ve never seen one, I think i’ve shut myself off to that stuff so. But a medium did once tell me that i had a posse of ghosts around me, she did not use the word posse (laughter) but there were many spirits around me that were not related to me and that I didn’t know and I was like “oh that’s disturbing”

*laughter*

Natasha: Particularly there's this little girl ghost that follows me around and I was like ok, not the most terrifying of the ghosts.

Dana: The good thing is you’re never alone.

*laughter*

Dana: Why aren't they helping you with your f***ing fitted sheet though is my question?

*laughter*

Natasha: Yea, like who’s refilling the ice cube tray, come on ghost posse!

Natasha: But weirdly enough both my mom and my brother saw the same thing in the house I used to live im. They used to see this dark shadow that was darker than a shadow move across my basement wall in the same spot and they hadn't told each other until years later because my brother was a really little kid when he saw it and my mom saw it but she didn't really believe in that stuff. Then like years later my brother had mentioned it and it was really strange that they both saw the same thing without and had described the exact same thing without talking to each other about it. So that was kind of bizarre.

“Scary Music”

Dana: Next question.

Natasha: I like these questions.

Elise: I know. I’m into this I like this. This is fun.

Dana: : Let's talk about failure.

*laugher*

Natasha: Oh great! How much time do we have?

Dana: Says one of the most successful actresses working today. So what is a time that you failed spectacularly but learned a lot?

Elise: Oh god like every day.

Natasha: Yea, I was gonna say, every day

Elise: Im really, this is very interesting. I have like an allergic aversion to failure. I really don't like for people to see me failing in any capacity. Which leads me to put up a front of “I've got it all together, everything's fine, dont worry about a thing”. Which is not always the case because I’m a human being and I don’t think I know any human beings who have it all together. But I was thinking about this the other day. Because the emotion I remember the strongest of being a kid is embarrassment. When I think about times I got embarrassed as a kid, I will still get a flush in my cheeks. For whatever reason, that is still such a pungent thing I can connect to being a kid and I think a driving force has been me trying to avoid that feeling. Which has led me to make safe choices a lot and do things, which really goes against my nature. By nature I’m a person who is a risk taker, who is a person who puts themselves on the line so i'm trying, it's really interesting that your bringing that up, because that’s something i’ve been thinking about a lot the past couple weeks is fearlessness and failure and wanting to really re-evaluate my relationships to those words.

Natasha: Yea, so well said. I think that I also fail on a daily basis but learn from it every time. You know it's interesting because I was also a very studious young person who always wanted to succeed and do really well at things, and I remember when you were talking about nostalgia and we were talking about choirs, I have this memory of me in this voice competition between, I took a year off between highschool and university and I was in this really serious voice competition and I had to sing like 8 different pieces all by memory and four different languages from particular years. It was the most intense thing I had ever done, this huge national competition. And in the middle of one my songs I forgot the words and I forgot the words for the first time ever in my life in the middle of this really intense competition and I stopped. And I remember I wanted to just fall and run out of the room but I just looked over the shoulder and I looked up and I started again and then I did the rest of my piece after that and then of course immediately threw up when I left the room. I was so humiliated than I had ever been, I think that’s my most embarrassing moment that I blocked out for a long time and i’ve never been so so humiliated. But I had to stick around for hours because all these professores were adjudicating it, and I ended up coming in 1st place and I remember being so shocked and the reason why is because of how I was able to recover and it was really amazing. It was a really great lesson just when your talking about failure and what you learn from it. It was a really great lesson in that its ok to make mistakes and its ok to not be perfect and it’s really about how you dealt with it. And I remember how the professors were like “Yes, you forgot the words, but you were able to keep going, even though you wanted to cry, you were able to get through the rest of your pieces flawlessly and you composed yourself so well”. So I think that was a really good lesson in that you don't always have to thrive for perfection all the time.

Elise: Totally

Natasha: Yeah, have little universal reminders of that everyday.

Elise: Even like setting your alarm and sleeping in. I failed, i’ve already failed at the getting up at the time i said i was going to get up. Like there are moments of little failures throughout the day yea risk. That's another thing, i have to risk the failure too.

Dana: Can i share my failure with you?

Both: Yes please!

Dana: So you may know that I used to work at this website and I loved it and I was very devoted and after I did this event for this little show called Carmilla, I came home and I got a phone call from my big boss that my position was going to be eliminated. After I had worked, you know, really really hard to establish myself in this position, and I was so humiliated by it that I didn’t leave my room for 2 days. All I could think was “i’m nothing without this job” like I cease to exist, who Dana Piccoli is ceases to exist now that this job is over. I was so worried what people would think of me, would they think that I sucked, would they think that I wasn’t good at what I was doing and I was so nervous about facing up to it. But what I think I learned through all that is that who I am is more than any job and what I do and what I’m trying to do, what I’m trying to give is bigger than all of that. And I think it really made me a stronger person, it made me a stronger writer, it made me a much more intuitive, empathic person to because I failed spectacularly in front of the internet, and the lesbian and queer internet who I had become very intimately connected with. So, that humiliation, that failure, led to me being who I am today and it's something im proud of and I’m happy with. So thats my big failure that I learned from.

Elise: Your sense of worth and external things, those things can be blown down like a house of cards in an instant and so if I haven’t developed the things that are in me then when those things do inevitably fall down, such as aging, like if I place so much value in my looks then im you know all of a sudden those by nature start to lessen. Um, then yea like I think that's just so on point what you said about how I though i didn’t have any value outside of this external thing. That's something i'm really trying to work on right now too. Like whoa whoa, what have I placed my own value in? And then what is it actually outside of those things, you know? Yea that’s so good.

Dana: Alright, let's go into something slightly lighter than that. What's the best thing you've ever bought yourself with your own hard earned cash? Or loonies, loonies I should say!

And it doesn't have to be a big thing. But it's a thing that your like I bought this with my own damn money and hard work.

Elise: I think for me, maybe not a thing necessarily, but coming to LA for this winter, that's where I am right now, that's been a big thing for me, is taking these few months off of working to be here and really focus on what I want to be focusing on. Also I went through a brief stint of buying some really awesome New Balance sneakers and i’ve got a few pairs now and i’m just really loving my collection of sneakers.

Natasha: Oh man. I think one of the biggests misconceptions about our type of internet fame or how we got “famous” is our followers equal dollar signs

*laughter*

Dana: We know that Natasha.

Natasha: Well I was going to say, im in so much student debt because I put myself through 3 years of school that I still live paycheck to paycheck. That I would say that my ability to pay my rent every month and not worry about paying rent anymore is a really wonderful accomplishment and I also recently closed off one of my student lines of credit sooo...

Elise: Nice!

Dana: Congratulations!

Natasha: Simple, I’m like oh my credit score has gone up and improved greatly and I was able to buy myself eye glasses so that I could see again, and I might go to the dentist this week.

Dana: It’s the little things!

Natasha: Yes! So I think it’s humble adulting. And being able to adopt my doggie and take care of him responsibly. I think that's like the best thing.

Elise: Yea they can be expensive.

Natasha: Yea, they can. I mean he’s not so fancy but he’s better dressed than I am.

Dana: Mine’s costing me a fortune!

Dana: Ok so final question before I get to always final question. Where is your happy place?

Natasha: One of my happy places, because I really can’t choose just one, it depends on where i’m at in my life and what I need in that moment, you know, my happy place is most of the time on set, when i’m doing my job and doing a job that I love and i’m on set, thats like the best feeling in the world. But outside of work, I’d say, I still work at a farmers market for no real reason and I do that every 2 weeks or so or once a month with one of my best friends that I used to work in his restaurant when I was a starving artist and yea. I think just seeing the same faces i've been seeing for the last 5 years getting my hands dirty, and selling like wholesome and organic food, it's just really nice. It really is one of my happy places and I call it my therapy because for a moment I can go and like just be girl selling pie and eating delicious food and catching up on life with my friends and it’s so nice to have something that forces me to wake up in the morning and be accountable and show up. I don’t know. It really is just one of my happiest places. There's always street performers and musicians that play every week and there's always that great music like someone playing accordion and it such a Toronto thing too but it’s just so cute. There’s all these families around that are all mixed race and speaking different languages and there’s just a really nice peaceful vibe to that particular market that i enjoy. So yea, that's one of them.

Elise: I’m just a girl, standing in front of a pie, asking it to lover her.

*laughter*

Natasha: I do that every time I’m there

Elise: Ah man thats too funny. Where is my happy place? Um I went to Joshua Tree this Christmas and fell in love with it there, its so beautiful. I went rock climbing with my brother. Like any time im outdoors in nature that's when I really feel like most connected to my higher self and the planet and the universe and all that good stuff. So yea but I mean, I generally live in giant garbage ridden disgusting cities, like NY and Toronto and LA. I don’t really get that alot. So those moments when I am outdoors, like I went snowshoeing up on these mountains with my friends in BC over Christmas and yea those are def my happy places.

Dana: You guys are such beautiful souls.

Elise: Someone just recently, not told me, because I knew they existed but baths man! Baths are so underrated. I haven't had a bath since I was kid probably….Natasha’s face right now is like ugh ugh. But baths are just so relaxing! I had one the other night and I was like this is really great. You guys are so not on board, just trust me! Put some epsom salt, light a couple of candles, you might surprise yourself.

Natasha: No. I’ve tried to take baths all the time and i've just accepted that i don't enjoy them. Everytime i do it im like why am I forcing myself to do this? Because i'm going to be like 30 in a few years and society tells us that women loves baths. Like, no.

Dana: Not only do we love baths, we love eating yogurt in baths.

Natasha: Yea

Dana: All I can think about is getting epsom salts up my who-ha, that’s not relaxing to me.

Natasha: No, sitting in my own filth and having to stare at my naked body and like accept my body issues is absolutely not! And also being confined to a small space and being wet, im not about like water, im like no, no.

*laughter*

Dana: So to hell with your bath Elise, your happy place.

Elise: Well thanks for ruining my happy place.

Dana: We just made it a sad place.

Natasha: Hey to each their own, no judgment. I get the concept of the bath

Dana: You guys are heading to Vegas, soon, as am I. As are the many people who are listening to this. Was last year your first time in Vegas?

Natasha: It was.

Elise: It was indeed.

Dana: So I always ask everyone at the end of the podcast, what their favorite things about Vegas are and what would they recommend? I know your guys were really busy and you didn’t have a lot of downtime, but did you get to do anything where you were like, this is kind of crazy fun!?

Natasha: We had a really nice time in the artist alley. We went to some cool vintage shops and went to a really nice cafe, that I think was really more our speed. Elise and I are really similar in that we take our jobs pretty seriously and want to be in high spirits, so I feel like all the bartenders and like restaurant folks hated us because we were like “We’ll just have water and a salad.”

*laughter*

Natasha: And went in at like 10 every night but I did see a Cirque du Soleil show that was incredible! I saw “Love” and i’m so glad that i did it. I was like when in rome, im going to go see a show even though it was past my bedtime and...

Elise: I was so mad I didn’t go to that.

Natasha: Yea, like the word spectacle, that's what it was, it was spectacular. Cirque du Soleil is always amazing but the fact that it’s in a theater that's built specifically for the show, everything was seamless and flawless, from the lighting design to like even the technical cues, like someone in a booth cue-ing them up and they’re seamless. The dancing was amazing. I saw “Love” so it’s all Beatles music, which I love so much, so yea it was really fantastic. I hope I get to see another show this year.

Elise: I’ll be down, lets go, lets do it.

Natasha: The performances were just like really really amazing. I also just love the desert. I love dry climate and I love desert life but I’m not as into debauchery as my. I don't know what it is man, I don't know what people think im like.

Dana: I’ve spent numerous evening and experiences with you and I would never describe you as debaucherous.

*laugher*

Natasha: No, i know i know! I think I had a brief moment in time like 7-6 years ago and then I was like cool, im good

*laughter*

Dana: So what about you Elise, besides the slot machines?

Elise: Artist alley was pretty rad, there's all these crazy old vintage stores just chalk full of weird Vegas antiques.

Natasha: Yeah.

Elise: So that was pretty cool. The strip itself is not really my jam, but I don’t know, I mean I’m not really there to see, im more there to meet people and hang out and yea. Im really looking forward to it, Vegas was such a good time last year.

Natasha: Yea, I mean I enjoyed the convention itself so much, I think its my most favorite one I’ve done so.

Dana: Oh yay!

Natasha: I’m really looking forward to it again this year, more than the city. It could be anywhere and I would enjoy it.

Dana: Do you hear that ClexaCon? Next year we could be in Iowa!

Elise: Let’s not push things Dana

*laughter*

Dana: No offense Iowa! I’ve been to you, you’re lovely. Well thank you to the two of you, you are always so thoughtful and interesting and funny and i’ve probably interviewed you guys a gazillion times but it's always a new and interesting experience!

Elise: Thank you for having us, this was fun!

Natasha: Yeah you always have the best questions!

Elise: You really do, we sometimes have the same questions all the time.

Dana: I know you do so you going to see the 3 of us, well the 2 of them and i'll be there too at the Hollstein panel at ClexaCon. Not sure what day it is yet but they're going to be there. And where can our listeners find you on social media if they aren't already following you, which im sure they are

Elise: @baumanelise and that is now both the same on Instagram and Twitter because I was a baby when I made my twitter and it involved numbers and it really didn't need too so it's all matching now.

Natasha: You can find me on Instagram and Twitter @natvanlis, my first name and then my last name mushed together! That’s it!

*laughter*

Dana: Oh well, you guys have a wonderful next couple of what... we have less than 60 days until ClexaCon?

Natasha: Really? Time flies.

Elise: I gotta start packing.

Dana: It does. I know right? I have all my outfits planned out. I have a spreadsheet with my outfits on it.

Natasha: That’s impressive! Can you come over and do that for me please?

Elise: Organizational queen-ness right there! That is awesome.

Natasha: That's amazing. Elise and I usually have a crisis the night before amd

call each other or meet up in our hotel rooms and up wearing like running shoes and a t-shirt

Dana: Please! You guys looked amazing last year.

Elise: Looking back on what I've worn, it really does look like there's not been a lot of planning in there.

Dana: You goobers. Every time I've seen you you look amazing.

I’m going pink, so the next time you see me i'll have dark pink, ombre hair so crossing my finger that that works out

Natasha: oooohhh! I hope it works out better than my bangs.

*laughter*

That is going to do it for this episode of “unCONventional”. Thank you so much for listening!

Are really liking “unCONventional”? Then do a us favor and leave a review, tell some friends, tweet about it, we’d really really appreciate it. You can find ClexaCon on Twitter, Facebook and tumblr @clexacon. You can find me, Dana Piccoli on Twitter @dandpiccoli. And our theme music, our wonderful theme music is by Stephanie Berlanga and you can find her at stephanieberlangamusic.com. We are so close you guys, we are so so close, we are going to have one more episode before the show and planning to do a live taping like I mentioned last week so looking forward very much to that. Until the next time we meet, here's Dana Piccoli swearing fealty to you.

#clexacon #clexacon2018 #clexacon 2018 #unCONventional pocast #clexacon podcast #Natasha Negovanlis #elise bauman #carmilla movie #carmilla series #creampuffs #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+#clexacon guests

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