#but id say thats all the more reason to go???? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bowtiestash · 4 months

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i genuinely don't understand why booktokers/booktubers just don't normalize going to the library more?? a lot of them talk abt buying books and then they end up unhauling a chunk of them later, and im just here thinkin its a waste of money. why buy a book you havent read before??? am i just too fucking boomer to understand it

#also i get that maybe some places dont have good libraries bc theyre not funded enough or w/e #but id say thats all the more reason to go????#even if the selection of books is poor you can always ask them to get the book #its. idk. i find it strange where someone's like 'oh yeah ill buy the book to read it teehee'#and im here thinkin 'but what if you dont like it'#also this is why i dont have an issue with book piracy #bc yeah even tho money is not goin to the author someone WILL buy the book if they like it #i want to buy books bc i liked reading them NOT bc i THINK i will like them #the book market is fucking Weird bro #skypeaks

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camzverse · 3 months

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Nooo cam u dont want to analyze the psychology behind mikes actions in the bite of 83 even though scott didnt put anywhere near your amount of thought into it noo dont do that. freak

#(guy who loves psychoanalyzing people voice) Yeah idk i just think that theres a difference in severity of mikes bullying of cc #compared to when his friends were around and considering mikes age and the impulse in teenagers to impress others you want to like you #(ie your friends) its likely he decided to do the thing he knew would upset cc the most bc he was focused on making sure his brother is the #most afraid possible so he and his friends can get a laugh and enjoy themselves and Fuck Thinking About Consequences We're Like 15 Bro #compared to when youre alone and have no one to impress / to egg you on / indulge your negative behaviors so he may not go as far as #actively putting him in a dangerous situation because without anyone around you to influence you youre more likely to think before you act #(to some extent) which is why prior to shoving his head in fbs mouth he only ever just jumpscared him and locked him in a room which wasnt #actively dangerous iirc. i dont think i have any more to say Does that make sense #if this is incoherent just know its getting late dont question me i may or may not be eepy depending on if this makes sense or not #anyway !! this is also NOT to say that michael wasnt to blame OR that he was peer pressured into doing it #im just saying that i dont think it would have happened if he was alone. for these reasons. thank you gn this has been my tedtalk.#and if you read all the way to the end then id like to say: what are you doing with your life /lh #am i putting too much thought into it? Yeah this is fnaf. of course. i doubt it was thought out much. but thats what i doooooo #they call me the thinker guy the way i. think. ok thats enough talking for today cameron #cam.txt #oh and if this is like. obvious. i guess. then shhhh i said nothinggg. perdóname. no oísteis nada

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orcelito · 1 month

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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !

#speculation nation #negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february #actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when #so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh #i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it #and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it #and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found #but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots #which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies

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floralovebot · 2 years

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@redemptionarcsucker

NO CAUSE LITERALLY HELIA IS ANYTHING BUT THE POET

I know it would be really easy to assume that Helia is a poet, most obviously due to him actually being a literal poet and yknow. writing poems. Add on that he is genuinely good with his words and it's like! Duh! BUT NO!! A huge part of his character is that he wants to be the poet but he isn't. Helia acts like a poet. He makes a great first impression, he watches people carefully and responds in whatever way will move the situation best, he can be bitterly truthful and secretive all at once. But while that is still part of him, it's also so, so small in comparison to how he feels inside and how he actually acts.

While I have pondered Helia being the soldier, I gravitate much more toward the King. The king archetype is all about the responsibility that you don't want, that you don't deserve, but still feeling so loyal to it that you can't get away. No matter what they truly want in life, the kings will always go back to that responsibility because it's become them, and leaving literally feels like part of them is gone. They believe they have an intense duty to that responsibility and that leaving would make them the worst person in the world. And like,,, anyone with Helia Brain knows that this is him!! It's everything he feels about Red Fountain!!

Being the poet is all about embracing freedom and that's the one thing Helia refuses to do. He can't do it. He feels so intensely loyal to Red Fountain, and now to his friends, that any other option feels like betrayal to him. His own freedom feels like a betrayal. And that's just such a sad king move,,,

#i can definitely get behind soldier but i think more often than not he's the king #one day he'll get to poet :')#winx helia #ANYWAY if you do write a post id love to see!! no pressure obviously but you KNOW i have major helia brain rot #i think... helia can def fit the soldier archetype #not wanting to fight but always having to. learning to protect yourself and others because no one else will etc etc #but i think helia also has a lot of people in his corner. even when he pushes them away they never really leave #when he's alone it's always because he made it so #but a big reason i think he's more of a king than a soldier is that he fights because of that duty #thats not to say that he wouldnt step in and help. obviously he would #but we've seen that when he truly chases his dreams its away from the action #but he always ends up going back because the school and therefore the fighting has become part of him #there was always a sense of duty there and he's spent a lot of time trying to get away from it only to return because he needs it #at this point in canon he has fully resigned himself to being a specialist #i truly believe that if helia didnt have All of that behind him he wouldnt mind being a specialist so much #if it was on HIS terms and not on family legacy or a duty to the school #ough... i am Thinking #its actually so funny cause now that i think about it sky is definitely the soldier

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kathrynmjaneway · 3 months

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#boyfriend update #!!#personal #we're coming up to 5 months next week which is wild #its the best #we're also onto the elden ring dlc #technically i havent played through thr main game yet #but the reason is that i started the completionist path #and have beaten 163 out of 165 bosses #the two missing are malenia and end boss #and stupidly i said id beat malenia before end boss so that hed really be the end boss #and ngl malenia is beating my ass idk how many hours ive spent trying with all kinds of strategies #hes been playing more bc its his game lmao obvs #the dlc i mean #but i played a little #and its funnnnn #also it been less than 24h since I've last seen him and less then 24h until ill see him again and i lowkey miss him aaaahhhh #hes the best #hes taken a day a off work with me next week so we can go furniture shopping for my new apartment together aaahh #anyway #what else is there to say #we need to go suit shopping for him to bc we're going to the wedding of one of his best friends in august #getting a dating app still was one of the best decisions weve both made #and thats it todayyyy

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autisticlee · 3 months

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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)

but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!

so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"

....

my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!

SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!

#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has #autistic #autism #actually autistic #adhd #neurodivergent #audhd #school #school problems #yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change #if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities #ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and #suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all #and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of #the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape #too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed #the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly #without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick #accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing #disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers #and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars #and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all #fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!

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kohakhearts · 10 months

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well folks its been a good two months of denial but i am finally ready to admit that the reason everything sucks is because of major depression relapse. if i werent so depressed id make this everyone elses problem by projecting it on to blorbo but alas

#taylor.txt #incapable of making this not a joke but i do have to say it kinda sucks #like obviously ive never been 100% free of my depression probably on account of it developing when i was a Child and then not getting any #treatment or even really any sympathy for until i was in my late teens but. BUT. even my historic mental breakdown 2 years ago didnt really #feel like depression. like yeah i was sad and hopeless but this is very different. sad and lethargic more so. simply too tired to be lost i #despair. which is i guess a good thing because it means its easier for me to fix. its just that right now im kinda stuck in it #i dont know if id say ive experienced major depression since my first year of uni #thats why ive been denying it all this time despite it being pretty…glaringly obvious #anyway. good news is im meeting with the prof of one of the classes im currently failing this week #and now i guess i kind of have an idea of what to tell her because all this time ive been struggling and i havent understood why #the content makes sense. i understand whats going on. but my memory has gotten so bad recently and the energy required to do my assignments #has been way too much. and im past my limit on that at this point unfortunately. like yeah shes probably gonna tell me well that sucks but #theres nothing i can do to save your grade and thats fine but at least i know even if it was a Me Problem that i let myself get depressed #again in the first place being actively depressed is a major barrier that i at least know isnt 100% me being an idiot with a bad attitude #i will struggle to the finish line but i will make it there. even if i fail a class or two in the process #and regardless of if it gets better i will finally go see my therapist again in the new year </3 something obviously led to this so whos to #say it wouldnt happen again if i just let that fester. whatever it is #also writing has been tough for the same reason school has been tough but its still happening and i will do more of it when school is over #i PROMMY

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nexttothelamp · 11 months

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#its my birthday :3 #for some reason this is the first year that actually means something to me...#i lived bitch 🤣 i made it to 28 #and somehow ive been more excited to finish a full year of my nanowrimo goal #after all tomorrow is november 1st!#damn what a terrible year. but im here!#and this writing goal honestly meant so much to me.#i wrote a paragraph everyday for a single year. sometimes more but the important thing was at least a paragraph every single day #even at my sickest thats the one thing i had that I could keep doing. it kept me going some days #as i deteriorated my writing didnt. it flourished #im on the cusp of something man #i just. i fucking did it #all of it whatever it is 🤣#i survived and because I kept writing i kept that spark alive #damn. congratulations me youve met a long term goal that wasnt marrying your hs sweetheart 🤣#locked her down a decade ago so its about time i achieved something else!!#thanks past charlie. couldnt have gotten to the now without you making it through then #happy birthday #notes to myself #id say delete later but i wont

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becca4leafclover · 10 months

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waiiiitt I just realized the reason why I love QSMP so much as a concept is because it's kind of like my childhood growing up overseas oh my goooodddddd what if i cried

#its in the bonding over multicultural experiences #in school everyone would be from somewhere different from all over the world #and we were only at this place for a few years so we just vibed together and our differences didnt matter #but then sometimes we'd just end up talking about where we lived before #and sharing these crazy things we'd had as american kids in other countries #and we'd also for one reason or another have local kids sometimes talk about their own experiences as locals coming to the american school #and it was cool too!!#but coming back to live in the usa has been pretty isolating as someone who grew up outside here and no one else has left their state area #but the qsmp community has been bringing that culture exchange back into my life!!#and it's SOOO amazing to see people learning about outside their world and be part of that culture exchange again #and no its not the same and im not saying its supposed to be!#i love it so much i love learning about the outside world and how humanity is so varied and so so special #thank you qsmp this silly minecraft server has brought back a part of my life i thought i left behind forever when my family moved back #now im actually practicing my german again and picking up on more basic spanish than i ever thought id get #and im getting reinspired to want to aim to go back overseas rather than stay in america for job oppertunities #i thought i was resolved to suffer here forever but theres still a world out there thats not perfect but if my place isnt here its okay!

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thebuttsmcgee · 1 year

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It kinda feels like when the Owl Crew were all saying their goodbyes to working on the show again.

Nearly everyone in the tags is getting ready for The End.

Like. Damn. It really is the end as far as we know for the entire franchise of The Owl House.

Man.

#its also giving SPoP and SU flashbacks #except its happening in the evening and not during the afternoon like SU or at an all-at-once-release deal like SPoP #getting p emotional #I do remember early in the days. like when Ms Dana Terrace was still in the dt team and doodled Luz #alongside Rebecca Sugar Ian JQ and I think alex hirsch #and ofc the first real poster #and watching it on youtube when it first aired. and even watching it on TV.#I remember a lot of it with twitter too. that viney cult thing. the hype for Understanding Willow. the pic of lil Luz smiling going around.#I remember tons of fics. The Lumity azura actor au thats been LOONG abandoned lmao. the one where Luz was the author of tgwa. tons more.#Of course the excessive hype for Grom.#The hype for the S1B trailer was huge too but Grom. You cannot replicate that. And yknow what? Id go as far to say #not even Hollow Mind had that much hype behind it.#Plus the huge amounts of news coverage and hype after Grom aired.#Like the show was fairly popularish. Nothing too big and was about even with amphibby. But after Grom. BOOM. Huge amounts.#I could really go on. I just cant really believe that its kinda unfairly going away. Possibly never to return. One of The most talked about #animated shows in the past couple years (similar to the likes of Steven Universe! Which was HUGE.) even worldwide.#Nothing lasts forever. It just is unfair the time spent was taken away tho. Happened to others too. Happens so much to animation #and we just Have to accept it because higher-ups are either to proud to their stupid ideals or simply for no real good reason.#This show has had a good impact on animation. I'm always gunna be glad for that. And I'm glad that so many have been touched and loved.#Here's hoping to the future. Maybe more Owl House. Maybe more creativity by the crew. Maybe for better. To The Owl House!#The Owl House #TOH #Owl House

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hearties-circus · 1 year

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And she wonders why I don't talk to her!! I tell her shit and she doesn't care !!

#gamer txt.#were experiencing a massive heatwave my windows open as wide as can be for hours and it doesnt cool down at all #i say i need a fan for my room cause i know my brother had one and i know thats a reasonable request #plus im going to die in my room if i dont get one its an actual fucking sauna in there #and she just goes 'i told you to spend more time helping out around the house'#1. i would if youd tell me what needs to be done!!!!! and 2. i can spend hours out of my room with the window open and itll still melt me #like i do Need to spend time in my room sometimes and id rather not sweat my soul away when i do

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arolesbianism · 1 year

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Bro what do you mean endori is only 4 events from the graduation event. Stop it stop it Now

#rat rambles #band posting #bro theyre on the yukiran event rn with crying ran its so jover #yall arent allowed to be catching up thats illegal #well ok saying theyre catching up is egagerating a bit but still thats so scary #I only noticed this because Ive been thinking abt yukiran again because I alas love them still and I found out thats the current event in en #bro once mygo is in en thats rly when its going to be jover #and you know if endori does succeed in catching up one day theyll be in shambles immediately afterwards #although who knows I havent been keeping up with endori so maybe its miraculously become a functional english server again #like idk endori has never been perfect but at least its almost always been more usable than ensekai lol #bro the song list ui alone is enough to make me wanna beg ensekai players to delete it #its ridiculously ugly and unprofessional and also I hate a lot of the english names for songs (~close to grey~ is the big one for me)#also just in general ensekai is incredibly ugly and unstable even by sekai standards and it has done nothing to earn my trust in any regard #like idk if you care at all abt the actual rhythm game part of it I see no reason to not get the japanese version #like I get wanting to have a convienent place to read all the stories translated (even if I do Not trust the translators)#but like even with bndori which I started and played on endori for well over a year I still ended up drifting to jpdori as my main #the massively expanded songlist and up to date events just seem impossible to give up to me if you know how to access them #like ofc I wont go yelling at ppl to play on jp servers (plus theyd make multilives Much more unbarable) idc that much lol #but still I think if you can its a good idea to make a jp account if only so you can play jp exclusive songs if you want #this applies to both sekai and bndori to be clear although Id forgive an endori player for wanting to savor the old ui while they can lol #sekais new ui is fine but bndori's is literally sooooo ugly such a massive downgrade #also while I dont hate the new art direction as much as some ppl I definitely think its worse than the old one by a lot #its so dusty now </3 #anyways I got off topic there time to stop talking

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like-sands-of-time · 2 years

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Any house md fans that also read Cassandra Clares clockwork series? Because huddson (House, Cuddy, Wilson) reminded me of that dynamic quite a bit. House loves two people in his life, one he can love and spend a "lifetime" with, as Wilson dies from cancer. And the other, whom he can love and finish his life with after Wilson's gone.

Neither one is loved less and they both led their own lives, of course, but for better and mostly worse, they revolve around each other.

#i could go into more detail but id need to reread the series #those books were the first time i saw an ot3 of any kind actually work out and it wasnt even polyamorous really #but the two guys were best friends closer than close due to their bond as warriors #and tessa comes along and they all just fall in love with each other #jem has his illness thats going to take him away from them #and will has his rejection fears and difficulty talking about feelings #and tessa cant die... can't remember why or how but she just doesnt die #and somehow it all worked out for them to all be happy together #amazing #in my head cuddy finds house after wilsons death because she just knows wilson didnt go travelling alone #right after house apparently died #and she finds him heart shattered but this time its shattered wide open and able to be mended #and shes in her fourties and she has a daughter shes been raising by herself while working at another hospital #but despite how all reason says its not worth it shes always had impossible expectations #she and rachel choose to spend their lives with him because he's different now #since he ran out of vicodin during wilsons increasing pain hes forced himself through withdrawal #and he doesnt have the stress of patient care anymore to make his leg ache worse than it always does #hes not happier necessarily but more present in life maybe he thinks ten steps ahead but he doesnt worry about it #house md #lisa cuddy #gregory house #james wilson #hilson #huddy

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vaugarde · 1 year

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journeys is one of the most disheartening pokeani arcs because you can tell they had a decent setup for it but also that they had no clue what they wanted to do and lost steam partway through

#tbh some of the decisions legit make me wonder if a lot of it was pushed by tpci and they had to make a ton of changes #like. idk if id go as far as saying they made them add ash at the last minute but i do think tpci was weird about his arc here #while im glad they did choose to conclude his character in JN i do feel like SM was a good stopping point for him #and like i wonder if the original plan was for goh to be the sole protagonist bc he feels more realized than ash does in this arc #obviously i dont think that was a plan for very long if it even was a plan at all bc ash is so important to the show #but like at the very least i think they were just confused and not sure how to handle ash #and this is purely speculation on my part dont take it as gospel but i wonder if theres like a ton of mandates around ash #that makes it a bit harder to write stories around him these days. like in OS he was allowed to be a fuckhead basically #but now that hes basically a second mascot for the entire franchise i imagine theres a lot of strings attached to him now #like thats the real reason he never ages or anything its a lot of corporate stuff.#and despite JN supposedly having more freedom than any other series they probably couldnt do too much with ash or something #idk if that really tracks well with SM tho ill have to check once im there #but idk maybe thats why he and pikachu both are weirdly characterized there #echoed voice

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bmpmp3 · 2 years

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a bit of a mild milgram fan (i adore the music and music videos but i still havent checked out a lot of the dramas but i still vote because i like being involved LOL) and i feel like giving my unsolicited opinions on season 2 so far. even though it makes perfect sense based off what i see from the fanbase that Futa was voted innocent BUT as someone who was largely neutral but uninterested (aside from his awesome song) in his character in season 1, season 2 made me actually really REALLY like him but in particular way where i want to see that little twerp squirm so im SO sad no one else voted him guilty q-q i WANTED to see him suffer for the NARRATIVE

also I think Mu should be voted innocent because she slays

#shes a bug queen. its okay. vote her innocent now #actually i was also largely neutral on Mu in the first trial too now that i think about #all the ones i wasnt that interested in are really pulling out all the punches this trial #also it was hard but i couldnt stop myself. i still voted haruka innocent. listen hes LITERALLY neurodivergent and a minor its okay #also yuno is still innocent but thats just a given #not sure which way im going with shidou yet #his song is awesome #again i was largely neutral on him in the first trial like i liked his design with the moles #and his song was fun even though i keep thinking about the class of 3000 song #like i think i was like eh. he seems very polite. innocent #actually i will say. im very lenient when it comes to stuff like this LOL 99% of the time im like #well they said what they did was justified. so sure #i would be a horrible judge. your honor my defense is i made a little oopsy. and id be like well. maybe theyre right #maybe a murder is a little oopsy. i find the defendant not guilty #anyway shidou's children are blowing my mind for some reason. it was obvious he had a dead significant other but KIDS i didnt expect #i dunno why that made me like him way more. dad mode. dads throwing down

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playingonedchess · 13 days

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how is it that i can feel nostalgic about the time i was sitting on the pavement under an overpass in a foreign country crying because something didnt go my way and gave me a bit of a largish bill but clearly really cause there must be something wrong with me

#this post started out being about nostalgia being for the past not just fun stuff but then it turned into what the fuck is wrong with me #nah like i dont actually cry in public or anything #there was no one around and i had my hood up #also when its strangers in a foreign country youll never ser again who dont notice your existence that princippal becomes less important #and yes it wasnt actually that much of a big deal im just stingey and think it was unreasonable and it wasnt my fault #only it actually sort of was if id actually bothered to use google and translate or actually ask someone and if id been less stingey in #the first place there wouldnt have been a misunderstanding and i wouldnt have got in trouble #but yes the point is the fact that i was cyring about it was a total overreaction and completely pathetic #even though cyring in privates like actually fine and this was basically private its still pathetic #i can say it was general stresses or whatever i guess which is probably true i dont know why else id do it #except that im a stupid pathetic self pitying loser thatll jump on any chance to feel sorry for myself #i suppose since i dont have much of a life i never feel emotions much any more cause theres nothing happening to make me feel them #so considering that it does make more sense and doesnt sound so bad #well whatever reason in general i dont think its a normal or balanced reaction #but thats how it works isnt it lots of small things build up and you ignore them but eventually something tips you over the edge #and i get pissed off or very very occassionally might cry about it #maybe it isnt even that unbalanced when i put it like that #or maybe im just justifying it cause i cant admit i really am that pathetic #but anyway the nostalgias more fun to think about #even though it was only a few months or so ago #maybe its cause i feel like i have to grasp onto any past i have at all to show i have an existence so i feel like i have an identity #or whatever im too tired its like 2am #am i actually going to post this #i shouldnt #not that being pathetic on the internet where theres such a minute chance some random stranger might see it makes any difference

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