#but i think it was time to finally write this list

[mwphisto]

LaDs Men and Some of Their Kinks

Includes: Xavier, Rafayel, Zayne, Sylus, and Caleb x implied female reader (separate of course)

Warning, this post includes: somnophila, dacryphilia, brat taming, scent kink, squirting, masturbation, master/pet play, spitting, cockwarming, and more.

A/N: I finished all of my work for university! Now I just have a final presentation next week (which I already did), and then I'll have earned my bachelor's degree! Now I can do some celebratory smutty writing to get back into the swing of things :)

Xavier

Somnophilia is high up there on Xavier's list, but not because he wants to use your body while you sleep. No, Xavier wants you to use him while he is somewhere far off in dreamland. He really wants to wake up to you with his cock down your throat. Even better? He's positive he'd cum on the spot if he woke up to you riding him.

Mutual Masturbation could send Xavier into a frenzy. He loves watching you pleasure yourself, especially when your eyes are glued to the way his fist pumps up and down his length. But he can never truly handle it for long, losing his composure before either of you can make yourselves cum. You're just too cute for him to resist.

Outdoor sex is right up Xavi's alley, though it really should count as he loves fucking you on his balcony. Xavier is quite accustomed to falling asleep in the cozy paradise he has put together on his balcony. Which means, it's also well equipped for him to fuck you stupid. Maybe it's the thrill of someone hearing, perhaps even seeing, or maybe his need to make sure everyone knows you are his (looking at you, Charlie). Regardless, he's rather fond of making you his.

Rafayel

Master / Pet had started off as a joke, almost an inside joke between the two of you after Ebb day had passed. Then, slowly, the joking terms of "pet" and "master" made their way into your intimacy. It didn't matter who donned what role; it just depended on the mood and perhaps even the situation that led both of you to the bed.

Squirting, Rafayel is utterly addicted to it. The first time he got you to cum that intensely, he ended up cumming himself. The lemurian isn't satisfied anymore if he doesn't end up soaked in your juices. He'll go as far as to ensure you are well hydrated before making any moves. This man has done his research, and so far it hasn't failed him.

You're his real-life canvas. Rafayel was shocked that you agreed the first time he asked the question. You had shamelessly stripped for him, nothing but a pair of panties clinging to your ass and hips. Your skin was his canvas, and the gentle, cool strokes of the paintbrush had goosebumps erupting across your arms. He didn't think it was possible to fall more in love with you than he already was, nor did he think it was possible to crave you as badly as he did when he dragged the paint-slick brush over the swell of your tits.

Zayne

Brat-taming just comes naturally for Zayne. Lucky for him, being a brat just happens to be second nature for you. Cool, calm, collected Zayne being pushed to his limits over and over again until he finally cracks. It's the outcome you've been craving from your stoic lover. And once you got it - ass cheeks bruised and your entire lower half being so sore that you're limping - you find that you're utterly addicted. Good thing your lover is on the same page.

Quickies in public spaces are a guilty pleasure. Everyone always expects Zayne to be so good, to follow the rules. Stepping out of line is far more addictive than being the goody two-shoes he's been his whole life. Having you half undressed, speared on his cock while your back is pressed into his desk? Your tits bouncing as you ride him in the front seat of his sports car? Fingering you while you sit beside each other in a dimly lit and crowded restaurant? He's on cloud nine.

Recording your little escapades had been the outcome at the end of the spiral. A spiral you started one evening as you bounced yourself stupid on Zayne's cock, the legs of the couch creaking under your efforts. You were being bratty, and he hadn't quite crossed the threshold yet to feel comfortable putting you in your place. Testing your limits, you had reached for your phone and began taking pictures of you and him as you ground down on his dick. Faces flushed and eyes glossy, Zayne still had those selfies on his phone, under a special album only he could see.

Sylus

Dacryphilia caught Sylus by surprise. He didn't realize how badly it would turn him on until you were choking on his cock with fat streams of tears flowing down your cheeks. You looked like such a mess, so utterly destroyed and he hadn't even gotten into that sweet pussy yet. Bless him, he came before he could warn you, too entranced by your sobbing face and mouth full of his dick to speak.

Cockwarming you has been Sylus' favorite activity besides getting to love you so thoroughly it left you breathless. He wants to be close to you, as close as his body could get and as close as you'd allow. Even on nights when you two haven't made love, he'll ask you rather shyly if he can slip it in. Much to his pleasure, you always let him, especially since you know he sleeps much better when he gets to hold you close... inside and out for that matter.

Sex toys are not off limits for Sylus, honestly, he quite enjoys them. He's well aware of his capabilities and, in turn, he is well aware of his limitations. He can finger fuck you until you're crying, sure. But shoving a vibrating dildo in that pretty little cunt is far more amusing to him. He gets off on having the control, watching your entire body tremble from vibrations so intense that nothing he could do himself would ever get close to replicating. His trick is that you don't get any access to the toys he uses on you. They are his use only, taken out just to drive you mad before he gives you what he really wants. You genuinely have no idea where your lover hides them afterwards.

Caleb

Spitting but not in a way you'd think. Caleb wants you to spit in his mouth, on his dick, use it as extra lubricant. Doesn't mean Caleb will deny you if you ask him to spit on or in you, but god does he crave the feeling of your saliva coating his tongue. He wants to devour you whole, in any way he can, spit included.

Power play is right up his alley. As long as you are consenting, Caleb will go to whatever extreme you desire. It could be as simple as using "yes, sir" or "yes, ma'am" or as complicated as full-on BDSM with safe words and real leather, cuffs, gags, and paddles. Whatever you're willing to give him to fulfill the fantasies, the colonel is willing to accept, and never once will he complain.

A big ole scent kink, he can't help it, you just smell so utterly addicting, it drives him insane. Your shampoo, your body wash, your perfume, your sweat, your arousal. You name it, if it's something on or from you, Caleb will probably love it. You didn't realize it started with your worn panties, ones he stole from the hamper after you would hop in the shower. Caleb was a pervert for it, and he knew it damn well, but it didn't stop him from fucking his fist while inhaling the heady scent of your dirty panties.

[vigilskeep]

i was kind of sad viago didn’t have his cane from tevinter nights in veilguard. in tevinter nights he’s not particularly written as a combat specialist compared to other crows: he describes someone else as an “excellent swordsman, where viago preferred poison” when he’s specifically listing all the things they are that he bitterly compares himself against, and in the final confrontation teia defends him and does all the combat while he (admittedly badly injured at the time) sits down and delivers a whodunnit monologue. because that is the culmination of his skillset, not an action scene. he’s a strategist and poisoner whose mind is his weapon, and whether or not he can actually be the one to hold the knife is fairly irrelevant to his character as a whole or to how dangerous he is as a crow

while i don’t think it was the writer’s intention or in any way canon, it was iirc pretty easy to imagine this character as disabled and actually reliant on the cane he carries everywhere without it affecting anything the short story requires him to do, which is fun, and that was what i personally had in mind after reading it. i thought it would make particular sense for some crows to be disabled with what we hear of their gruelling training—i know that shit does not actually turn out healthy adults, people end up needing canes all the time even when they didn’t grow up scaling walls and doing weaponised backflips in-between torture rack sessions—and it’s an interesting angle for one to be a “success story” who became a talon. in that context, viago making his cane the most expensive and eye-catching thing on his person, as well as a tool for storing his infamous poisons, is an even more interesting character choice

anyway i’m guessing they removed the cane purely because it does a lot to make caterina’s more distinctive/iconic which is fair. but i think i’d experiment w leaning into this if i was writing fanfic? the cane was rlly cool okay it had two adder heads in what sounded like a callback to those great dao mage staffs. i wanted to see it. you should all put it into your viago art if you care about me

[katsu28]

hiiiii... first off, i wanted to say that i love your work so so much. i'm usually a silent viewer but i wanted to come out and tell you that your work is absolutely stunning. secondly, i was wondering if you were still taking requests from that prompt list in the pinned post. i was thinking 3,26 and 24 for the absolute comeback lando made during jeddah. if not, all good. do not feel pressured at all to write this ❤️

i appreciate u so much thank u!!! <33

3. hiding face in neck, 24. whispering in their ear, lips touching the skin + 26. kissing the top of their head. lando norris x reader, 1.2k. request something from here :)

Tenth on the grid isn’t near where Lando wanted to be for tomorrow’s race. Crashing out of qualifying definitely isn’t what he wanted either, not for him, but especially not for the team. 

Jeddah is a tricky track, so full of tight corners and narrow straights that it could’ve happened to anyone. It just so happened that he was the unlucky one this time around. 

He’s already beating himself up even before he gets out of the car. Fucking idiot, were his exact words on the radio, echoing through your headphones in the guest area of the McLaren garage, marking the exact moment your heart sank for him. It had already nearly jumped out of your chest as soon as you saw his car wobble, nearly stopped when he slammed into the barrier coming out of a turn. 

A little later, after the session ends and Verstappen has taken pole, you finally find Lando. His feet drag along the floor, helmet dangling from his fingertips as he trudges into the garage looking far from happy. 

His eyes find you immediately after he sets his gear down and you smile at him with what you hope is reassurance masking your concern, waiting for him to make his way over to where you are. He buries himself into your arms as best he can with the box wall between you, hiding his face in your neck like it’ll let him hide from the world. 

Things like this are inevitable in every driver’s career, but Lando has always taken the setbacks rather hard. Always blaming himself, getting in his head about all the what ifs and could’ve beens. You can’t solve his problems for him, but you can help in other ways. 

You squeeze him tightly, as if all your worries and his disappointment could melt away the closer you hold him. He’s here, he’s okay.

“M’okay, baby,” Lando mumbles, words muffled against your skin. Your fingers comb through the damp curls at the nape of his neck, palm splaying across warm skin just so you can feel his pulse under your touch. Lando pulls away just a bit, enough to speak clearly. “I’m fine, I promise. No damage—to me, at least. Car’s fucked.” 

“The team can fix it. They will fix it,” You insist, bringing one hand up to cup his face. Your thumb strokes over his rosy cheek, eyes boring into his with such firmness you want him to feel it too. “Everything will be fine tomorrow.” 

“Promise?” 

You can’t promise him anything—not really—but you nod anyway, sealing when you hope isn't an empty promise with a kiss. “I promise, Lan.” 

-------

You swear you haven't blinked since lights out. 

Your eyes have been glued to the screen above you the entire race, headphones clutched to your ears so you can hear exactly what's going on with Lando. You’ve even got the F1 app open on your phone to track live timings so you don't miss a thing from the depths of the garage. 

With every overtake, every gained position, your heart pounds a little faster. You’re even sweating a little bit, which would be odd given that you’re not actually the one in the car. But when your boyfriend is racing for his life out on track with only a handful of laps to go, you’re a ball of nerves. 

You mutter encouragement under your breath the whole time like Lando can hear you, fingers crossed so tightly it’s starting to hurt as the laps tick down to the final one. Anything is possible until he flies by that checkered flag. 

Lando crosses the line fourth. 

He’d put up a phenomenal drive, fighting his way past seven very impressive opponents, managing his tires, keeping up the pace. In your eyes, he’s a winner all the time, but especially now. With what happened yesterday, a P4 comeback is sure to put some confidence back in him. 

You find him chatting with Oscar after his post-race media duties, completely unaware of your appearance as you start to creep towards him from behind.

Oscar does notice, but doesn’t say anything when he spots you over his teammate’s shoulder, just tries his best to hide his grin so as to not blow your mission. 

Lando's still going on and on about tire degradation when you pounce on him from behind.

“Fucking hell!” He screeches, nearly keeling over backwards before he manages to get his hands under your thighs for support. At the excited kiss you smack to his cheek, he lets out a loud exhale. “Baby, don’t do that! I thought I was being mugged!” 

“In the middle of the paddock? Seriously?” You giggle, both feet back on the ground. You smile at the younger boy across from you. “Hi, Oscar! Mega drive today, congrats on the win.” 

Oscar’s cheeks tinge pink and he grins, rocks back on his heels a little. “Glad you thought so.”

“Alright, mate, don’t you have your own girlfriend to bother?” Lando huffs dramatically, hooking an arm around your shoulders. You roll your eyes playfully at his change in demeanor. “Go on, get out of here, kid.” 

“See you on the plane, old man,” Oscar shoots back, sidestepping the halfhearted swipe Lando takes at him. He holds his fist out towards you for a bump. “Great to see you again.”

“Likewise. Say hi to Lily for me.” You wait for Oscar to disappear into the team hub before turning your attention on your boyfriend, hands on your hips, brows raised. “Why are you like this?” 

“Me? Baby, he was seconds away from giggling like a fucking schoolgirl. I’m telling you, Oscar definitely has a crush on you.” 

“He has a girlfriend, Lando. You’ve met Lily, you’ve seen them together. He’s head over heels for her, and you’re being ridiculous.” 

“Maybe, maybe not. Let’s stop talking about him now.” 

You drape your arms around his neck, tilting your chin up at him with a smile. “You’re lucky I find your weirdness attractive.” 

“Luckiest guy in the world, I always say,” He hums, beaming back at you. “So, what’d you think of the race?” 

“You did amazing today, Lan,” You say, nearly squeezing the life out of him with your hug. He pushes in closer to hear you over the bustle of the paddock and you do the same, putting your lips right against his ear for your next whispered praise. “I’m so proud of you, d’you know that? I'll always be proud of you, wherever you finish, whatever you do.” 

“Yeah, I know,” He says bashfully, grinning ear to ear. His arms wrap tighter around you. “Thanks to you. My lucky charm.” 

“Nuh uh, that’s all you, baby,” You reply with a shake of your head. Lando can only smile bigger, kissing the top of your head four times in succession, four lucky kisses for his lucky charm. “Ready to go home?” 

“Ugh, beyond. I need a fucking shower,” He groans, tipping his head towards the night sky. His gaze snaps back to you just as fast, this time with a mischievous glint in his eye. “Wanna join?” 

“Way to ruin the heartfelt moment, you horndog.” 

“Don’t act like you weren’t thinking the same thing!” 

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[cod-dump]

The 141 looking at videos of younger price doing things they got in trouble for and got them yelled at by price

Keepsakes

___

"God, when was the last time he came here?"

"Long enough he doesn't want to bother cleaning this shit out himself," Ghost muttered as he shoves a facemask into Gaz's hands. The dust made it necessary.

Price finally made the decision to have his old storage unit cleaned out. He himself hadn't bothered to do anything yet, but he's convinced the boys to do some cleaning for him. He gave them a list of certain things he's looking for, then to their surprise Laswell did as well. Apparently it was a shared storage unit against Price’s will.

"There's the box Laswell told us to grab for her."

Most of the boxes were marked by young agent Laswell, a clear warning not to touch them to a Lieutenant Price.

As they stuffed certain boxes into the van they arrived in, Soap found an old jacket. Not worn in years, SAS embroidered on it with Price's name proud on the breast. Soap shook the thing violently, to relieve it of any unwanted bugs and dust, before put it on. Almost a perfect fit.

"Hm, think he'll notice?"

Gaz snorts as he dares to open one of the boxes, "You're him made over."

Soap grins despite the sarcasm and starts posing, earning laughter from Gaz. Ghost rolled his eyes at him while he sorted through the boxes. He finally stops next to a particular box, kicking it lightly, "Nik box."

Soap and Gaz immediately dart over. Nik was precious with his mementos. Safe guarded them like a dragon. None of them saw anything he didn't want them to see, not picture or saved bullet casing. Not a single story unless he gives it up. Laswell and Price weren't so closed off and with start up a story from asking.

"Oh- What do you think is in it?"

Ghost lightly kicks the box again before he confidently says- "Nudes."

Soap gags and Gaz cackles.

"The head of his enemies. Or their di-"

"Stop," Soap grumbles as he pulls the box to the side with some of Laswell's.

There was something precious about how close they were, Price getting a storage unit only for Laswell and Nik to shove their own things inside without care. They didn't have any doubt the only protest from Price was only a bit of grumbling before he just let it happen.

“I think Nik wouldn’t let anything… unsavory be left where we could find it. There’s no way he would forget the location of anything sensitive.”

“What if, and hear me out, he’s forgotten with old age?” Ghost countered seriously, Gaz cackling in response.

Soap opens the box without hesitating another second. Ghost and Gaz whipped their heads around to stare as Soap pulls out a large book. It was a photo album with a slip of paper labelling the front. In Russian of course, just like the writing labelling the box.

“Alright, who’s been paying attention in Nik’s sort and somewhat weird lessons in Russian?”

Ghost stares hard at the photo albums front, truly concentrating as hard as he could. Gaz stared for a few seconds, eyes flickering to Ghost a few times, like he was waiting for him to reply. He didn’t, so Gaz did.

“I think it’s along the lines of ‘my sweet John’.”

Soap gags dramatically, “God, is it actually nudes?”

Ghost hums, “It’s not like we haven’t seen them naked before.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to see anything else beyond basic locker room shit.”

They were delaying, even though all of them desperately did want to know what was inside. But none of them made a move, just staring at the photo album while also eying each other. After a third minute of rather uneasy silence, Ghost sighs loudly before he grabs the photo album.

“Well, might as well. What’s one more piece of trauma?”

He unties the string keeping it closed, taking a step back before taking a deep breath, bracing himself. Soap and Gaz stared at him, waiting. So Ghost flipped open the album.

“Oh.”

Soap and Gaz shared a look before looking back at him, “Oh?”

Ghost flips a page, then another, before looking up, “They’re candids. A lot of them.”

Soap and Gaz finally look, and he was right. Each page was several pictures of a young Price just existing. Some of him napping in odd places, stuffing his face with questionable looking food, arguing with a young Laswell — He was just existing. And his behavior displayed in the photos were familiar.

“Johnny, weren’t you napping under the table the other day?”

“Weren’t you stuffing your fast with the shit you found in the back of the fridge?”

Gaz takes over the photo album, fondly looking at the pictures. Several photos, if not all, were taken clearly without Price’s knowing.

“Good to know Nik hasn’t lost any love,” the countless times Gaz has caught the man taking pictures of Price without the man knowing. He really wanted to know what his photo gallery looked like.

Suddenly, Soap gasps. Gaz looks up and Soap is holding a video camera, grinning madly.

“Sex tapes.”

“Simon!”

Gaz eagerly reaches for the camera, “Let me see!”

He saw the box it came from, labelled by Laswell. It was safe to look through… maybe.

He messes with the camera, laughing gleefully when it still turns on. Ah, they don’t make them like they used to.

“This is history!”

“And blackmail,” it was clear why Ghost was here. He never would pass up an opportunity to hold something over someone’s head, even the people who could make him disappear.

Gaz selects a video and starts playing it, watching the tiny screen intently. He wasn’t expecting to witness a past event of Price arguing with a currently unknown SAS officer, one that appeared to out rank him. He was cussing the man out with his full chest, and Gaz couldn’t help but look up at Soap.

“… what is it? I hear yelling.”

“I think we took after Price more than he realizes.”

Soap and Ghost were on either of Gaz now, watching the tiny screen with their chins on Gaz’s shoulders. Gaz played another video.

This one started with the camera facing a grinning Laswell, none of them could recall ever seeing such a mischievous look on her before. The camera switches over to show Price sitting on top of a cabinet with a guitar in his arms. He was clearly waiting for someone to come through the door by the cabinet.

“Do you know how many times he’s bitched at me for climbing on furniture-“

“Shh!”

Price was grinning at the camera and Laswell, and then an infamous figure they’ve all heard of but saw few photos of walked through the door. Captain MacMillan left his mark on Price, but clearly Price also left a mark on the man. Upon entering the room, he turns to say something to Laswell, then Price aggressively started playing the guitar.

“JONATHAN YOU CUNT-“

Laswell cackles as MacMillan grabs Price’s leg, dragging him from the cabinet. The camera cuts off right as the cabinet comes down with Price, the shock on his face blurred on the screen as the video ends. Gaz covered his mouth and Ghost leaned away. Soap chose to break the silence.

“I think he would throw us into a lake with bricks tied to our feet if we showed him this.”

“Clearly we make copies.”

They knew he was trouble in his youth, but this? Oh this was hypocrisy. And Laswell was in on some of it? Oh this was blackmail for sure. Ghost got what he wanted.

“Copies, Kyle. We need copies-“

Yes, they all were in on this. This was worth it.

[coolwyous]

┈─★ 𝘪 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘯𝘰 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 ( 𝘀𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘁 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 — 𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙤. )

  ⊹ ࣪ ˖ after 3 years of dating rising star and hockey team captain megan skiendiel, your senior year of college signals the end of an era. as she approaches her final season, the two of you navigate how much you're willing to push and pull to pursue her dreams— and figure out where yours fit in all of this, too.

         ˎˊ˗  ❄️  ⊹ ࣪ ˖  🔓୭˚.  ⠀ ᵎᵎ ⠀ 🗝️

   ➴ pairing: hockey captain! megan skiendiel x english major! f!reader

         ➴ genre + wc: 18k, fluff, angst, established relationship, poor stress management tbh, also reader keeps a lowkey shitty secret for a lot longer than needed, happy ending.

   ➴ you might want to tune in...: ditto - newjeans

      ┈─★ a/n: chat are we ready to say goodbye to dittoverse.... i'm ngl i'll miss my hockey wigline! so grateful that i got to start my writing journey w ditto pt i and now i get to write this to truly circle all the way around. lmk what you think <3

cw:// brief mentions of recreational drug use, mild violence but once again it's a hockey fic!

“ladies and gentlemen, megan thee skiendiel!”

you announce the introduction into your pen, quickly shoving the makeshift mic over the table into megan’s face. 

“i’d get copyrighted.” she wrinkles her nose. “and my last name is so not tough enough.”

you shake your head, bringing the pretend microphone back to your face. “megan thee captain, then.”

“cheesy,” she grins at you. you match her smile right back. “i need something better for my interview.”

“megan thee girlfriend,” you tease, as she taps her chin as if to genuinely contemplate it.

“that’s a good one.” she grabs her notebook and pretends to jot them down. “megan thee property of y/n.”

“okay, relax,” you laugh. “what’s your day look like?”

the ginger lets out a sigh, and your heart aches as you realize you’ve popped the bubble. the topic you’ve both been avoiding as you try to make the most of your quality time: your girlfriend’s insane schedule. 

“we leave to the airport after class,” she lists off, holding up a finger, “then the hotel, away game tomorrow evening, fly back saturday morning.”

“we prep your presentation, prep your speech,” you add, reminding her what you were working on in the first place.

“oh, and then monday i have to go with the department to do a ribbon cutting at an elementary school,” megan adds. “they started a girl’s hockey team in partnership with the university.”

“you’re terrible with kids,” you laugh.

“i fucking know i’m terrible with kids,“ she groans, burying her face in your shoulder. “how do i not knock them over or accidentally swear in front of them or whatever?”

“things are only going to get busier during midterms.” you frown at the mere thought of how overloaded her schedule is. “so you breathe when?”

“right now,” megan wrinkles her nose, before her mind escapes elsewhere. “we should get a dog.”

“oh, i’m sure my roommate-who-isn’t-you would love that,” you snort. megan still lives in that same house with dani, who now coaches, and lara, who’s finishing up her internship. 

“not now, just later.” she grins and wraps her arm around your waist, scooting your chair in up next to hers far too easily. she brings her nose to your hear, mumbling into your hair. “hey, be my date to alumni night?”

“i’d crash out if you picked anyone else.” you laugh, pressing a kiss into her cheek. “like on the floor, snot all over my face, ugly crying.”

“no, you look so so sad when you cry. thank god you’re the only person i want as my date,” she grins. 

a voice quickly bursts your bubble. again.

“shhhh.” you’ve almost completely forgotten about the couple trying to read across the table from you as you get caught up in your whispers. “library is for studying. less yapping.”

“we’re inside a study room,” you squint at her.

“sorry minji,” megan adds fearfully, her brows furrowing.

“please don’t feel the need to apologize to her,” you wave her off. you’re grateful that your friendship with minji hasn’t just survived the years, but thrived, and now results in you living in a off-campus 2 bedroom apartment with her and her girlfriend. of course, you’d ideally be living with megan, but given her travel schedule, it worked out better for you guys to live apart.

“i’m smarter than both of you,” minji says flatly.

the newest addition to your friend group, megan’s old roommate, danielle marsh, pokes her head out from behind the book she’s diving into, pushing minji gently on the shoulder as a reprimand.

“be nice.”

“thank you, marsh,” megan nods appreciatively, as you stick your tongue out at minji at her girlfriend’s reproach. 

“we should start walking to class anyways,” you wave her off, seeing the time in the corner of your laptop. your girlfriend takes the cue without question and bids your friends farewell with a nod of her head. 

megan, chivalrous, sweet megan, has never let you open a door for yourself, and got it into her head that you shouldn’t carry any of your own things either. you tried to tell her off when she first started doing it, but seeing how sad those puppy dog eyes got when you insisted she stop carrying your bookbag made you give in the next day, and the rest has been history. 

she immediately reaches for your backpack and extends a hand out to you. you take it and relish in how warm her skin is against yours. she makes a face, a wince, as she grabs her own bag and hauls the two of them over her shoulder while you make your way out of the library together.

“is your back okay?” you ask, worried about her reaction.

“it would be if you stopped carrying every single one your textbooks in this damn bag.” she huffs, but the sparkle in her eye tells you she’s still just teasing you. she squeezes your hand reassuringly. “i get that you paid for them but jesus christ baby, get them online next time.”

“we have one last semester, think you can handle my books for a few months longer?” you tease back.

“don’t remind me,” she tells you, but you see something in her face change at the mention of your college experience coming to an end. 

before you can ask anything about it, a few random people come up to the two of you, one girl stopping in your tracks.

“hi, could we get a picture?” she asks, sticking her phone out.  “my dad loves you. says you’ve revamped women’s college hockey.”

you give megan a look but graciously step to the side, letting the strangers squeeze in next to her. megan shoots you an apologetic glance but immediately perks up into a smile for the girl’s photo.

“i think daniela avanzini changed the game, i just followed up on what she started,” she smiles, holding a thumbs up for the photo. they thank her and scurry off, leaving you to reclaim your girlfriend by the hand as you resume your walk to class.

“my mini-celebrity,” you pretend to fan yourself. “want me to sign an nda?”

“oh god, i hate when you say a bunch of letters,” she wrinkles her nose, shaking her head. “my fucking brain is so cooked.”

“chat, do i define nda for her or do i let her guess?”

“nonchalant drippy alpha.” megan grins.

“actually it’s never die, asshole.”

“i think it’s nine dry assholes,” she adds on.

“why did you fixate on the asshole part? and why are there nine of them?” you squint at her, poking her nose with your fingertip. “weirdo.”

“you’re weirder.” she grabs your finger and plants a kiss on it, then another, and another. “and you love me.”

your heart stirs at the sight of her cute brown eyes peeking out at you expectantly from under that stupid beanie. you’ll be stuck with a forever crush on this giant dork.

“maybe,” you shrug.

megan beams, then drops her voice into her stereotypical gamer voice, pretending to speak into an imaginary microphone like how you two had in the library.

“oh fuck yeah. we got a maybe from fineshyt, chat, please clip.”

you roll your eyes, but hold on just a bit tighter to her hand. megan is quick to squeeze right back.

-

your schedule is busy, between finishing your senior capstone project and the full course load you’re taking, on top of the online editing job you work in between it all. you’ve found an effective way to balance your workload, but for every day you want to grumble and complain about your schedule, you look at the google calendar that you share with your girlfriend, and send a silent prayer of gratitude that your days look nothing like hers.

your semester gets off to a slightly bumpy start, as megan tries to fit the beginning of the new season and her captain duties in with the classes she’s taking, but you two have managed to make it work.

and by make it work, you mean do whatever you can to try and spend whatever shred of time she can spare together.

like tonight, for example, when you’re done with classes and calling megan as soon as you’re done with your editing shift before you start homework.

she picks up on the second ring, and you can hear the bustle of people’s voices behind her in the background. she’d likely have just gotten out of practice given it’s this late in the afternoon.

“hi. just checking if i’m gonna see you tonight?” you greet her.

“hi, sorry.” she lets out a sigh, and you can practically picture the way she’s wrinkling her nose from all the stress. “i have tapes to review with the new players, then i have a coach’s meeting with the department, then we’re shooting an ad with gatorade.”

“when do you eat?” you ask, feeling your brows knit together. 

“sometime in between all of that,” she breathes, a quiet laugh leaving her lips. you admire her, the way she doesn’t complain about any of it, but you’re always worried she’s pushing her limits.

“did you finish your homework?” you ask. granted, you’re only a few weeks into the semester, but in your years of dating, you had taken over the role of making sure megan stayed on top of her academics, and you weren’t about to let up now.

“i worked on some things in class,” she reassures you. “i’ll finish when i get home.”

“can i postmate you something?” you offer, but she’s quick to cut you off.

“no don’t worry about it, please,” she says hurriedly, but before you can insist, the phone clatters around on her end and you’re suddenly hearing a familiar voice that isn’t quite megan’s.

“i love you mami, you mean everything to me, my heart bleeds for you,” dani’s voice is loud and teasing over the sound of chatter in the background. you hear a chorus of girls laughing, and it brings a smile to your face to picture megan whining and turning red at daniela’s playful taunts.

“oh my god, fuckin’ dani,” megan groans, regaining control over the phone. “sorry about her. she’s even worse now that she’s a coach.”

“well is she right?” you grin.

“you’re the only thing that keeps me sane some days.” you can hear megan’s voice lighten up, warm and joyful. “i love you so much.”

“i can wait for you at your place,” you offer. megan still lives in the same house with lara and dani which makes the drive from your apartment with minji much easier. 

“i’d love that.” you can hear her smile, picture her little whisker dimples, and it sends a wave of warmth over you. “i gotta go. see you soon.”

you drive over to megan’s place and you barely get a chance to knock before the door swings open, revealing the charming former goalie.

“hiiiii y/n,” lara drawls, her bright smile never fading as she greets you, ushering you in. “how’s senior year treating you?”

“oh you know,” you grimace, kicking off your shoes. 

“you’ll make it through just fine,” she reassures you, “plus you have that—”

you shake your head quickly, to cut her off. “please don’t remind me.”

lara’s perceptive, quick to pick up on your anxieties and dissect them. maybe it’s the fact that you’ve dated her best friend for the past three years, but lara knows you far better than you’d ever have anticipated.

“you haven’t told her yet?” she asks in disbelief, her eyes widening.

“i know i know.” you wince. “the right time hasn’t come up.”

“i trust you, but sooner rather than later, right?” she gives you an empathetic tilt of the head.

“of course,” you nod. “i appreciate you.”

“always,” she smiles, before adding a quick heads up. “make yourself at home. she’s been coming home super late recently, you might be up for a while.”

between homework, studying, and reading, the hours alone in megan’s room melt away. you don’t even realize that you’ve fallen asleep when you hear the door creak open, jolting you awake. you check your phone and see it read just past 1:30am. 

“home invasion?” you smile, worried about how late she’s coming home, but grateful to see her nonetheless.

“hands up, sigma,” megan jokes weakly, setting her bag down in the corner before coming to plant a kiss on your hair. 

“i could smell you from a mile away,” you tease back, taking in the state of her. she looks utterly spent, hair a mess, skin still looking sticky.

“the gatorade commercial people kept trying to talk to me even in the locker room. i didn’t have enough privacy to shower,” she groans.

“my poor girl,” you reach out to stroke her cheek. “you sound exhausted.”

“missed you,” she grumbles, pressing a kiss into your palm.

“glad you’re home,” you tell her. “please come rest.”

megan nods, peeling her hoodie off over her shoulders.

“after my shower i’m passing out,” she calls out to you as she disappears into the bathroom.

“i’ll make sure you wake up on time. c’mon,” you beckon her, taking a look at your phone. if she sleeps in the next 20 minutes, she’ll maybe manage to get 6 hours before she has to be up again to head to campus. you tuck yourself in as you hear the water run, and take to tik tok to keep yourself awake to be ready to hear about her day.

you’re not fully aware of how much time has passed from your scrolling until your eyes flicker up to the time in the corner. nearly 2:15am. 

you hear the water still running. megan deserves the luxury of a hot shower, but almost an hour has never been part of her habits. you jump up and enter the bathroom slowly, as to not disturb her.

“megan?” you call out, only to be met with silence.

you pull back the curtain to see your girlfriend, standing with her forehead against the tile, head slumped forward with her eyes shut. she looks so, so peaceful, but you know you have to wake her. 

“hey,” you shake her gently. she jolts awake with a startle, and she looks so cute with her wet hair slicked back, but you’re extremely worried about what you just saw. “you okay?”

“sorry, sorry. it was so nice and warm,” she yawns, turning the water off.

“were you asleep?” you ask in disbelief, still holding onto the curtain.

she blinks a few times as you hand her a towel. “i think i closed my eyes when i was rinsing my hair and they just never opened.”

“that’s insane,” you laugh. “c’mon, let me braid your hair and we can finally go to bed.”

-

“she fell asleep in the shower last night.” you tell dani on the call, shaking your head in disbelief as you recount the events. “just straight up, literally, i shit you not, standing up.”

“like a horse?” dani questions.

“she’s so exhausted, but she never complains,” you sigh.

your friendships with daniela and lara had deepened in your time dating megan, and dani was someone you found would always be up for a quick call if she was free. though you tended to seek advice from lara about the more emotional things, dani had always given some tidbit of wisdom about the captain duties megan was taking on and how to best support her. this time was no different, though the pause she takes tells you she’s thinking about her words as to not worry you. 

“megan’s always been a workhorse,” she reminds you. “if there’s a gap, she’ll fill it. ‘i can do more,’ she always fuckin’ says. you know her. she’ll find the balance, i know she will.”

you look down at the email in your inbox. you want to tell her, you do, but the last thing you want is to add stress to her day.

“you’re right,” you sigh, and focus on the future.

-

halfway through the semester, and your schedules have only gotten more hectic. you’re grateful to have met megan early enough in her career that she had plenty of time for you guys to get to know each other. at this point, you’re scraping by on whatever in-betweens you’re both able to make work, but you won’t complain. you know she’s doing her best to fit it all in and be the best.

speaking of which, a facetime audio from your favorite contact photo interrupts your train of thought. it’s a picture of megan on her birthday, blowing out a candle, smiling so big it looks like her face might burst. your heart skips a beat to think the girl in the photo is the one you get to claim so proudly.

“hi you,” you greet.

“hi,” she chirps back. “are you still working on your blackstone?”

“that’s the grill,” you correct her quickly, laughing. “capstone is my project.”

“please forgive me, shorty,” she says in a stupid voice. you can practically picture her face.

“forgiven.” you smile, before checking the time. “what’s up? aren’t you supposed to be at practice?”

“they cut it short today cause coach and dani couldn’t stop arguing over about the starting lineup,” she explains, and you both laugh. “you and i haven’t had a real date in so long. can you squeeze me in?”

“i can move some things in my schedule.” your heart flips at the thought of being able to spend actual quality time with her. “i miss you.”

“miss you more. thanks for being flexible. see you soon?” she asks eagerly.

“where am i meeting you?”

“meet me in 20! i’ll text you,” she says, a little too quickly, and you instantly sense something’s up. but before you can question her, she chirps a quick “i love you” and hangs up.

you look down at your phone as you head towards your car and realize she’s sent you the location. you zoom out on the map until you realize where she’s got planned.

the lake….. megan meiyok be SO fr baby if u love me u wld be happy to spend any time w me it’s so cold outside i will bring you hot choco ples pls please pls pleas pls plspslpslpls OKAYYYY fine

the argument is over sooner than it started, and you’re heading over to the frozen lake where megan loves to practice when she doesn’t feel like heading to the arena.

“hi, beautiful,” she greets you, beaming smile. if you were angry earlier, her smile is enough to melt away any of your mild frustrations.

“hi you,” you greet back, pressing a kiss into her cheek

“we haven’t had a date on ice in a while,” she notes, handing you your skates that she keeps with hers.

“you’re determined to teach me how to skate,” you roll your eyes.

“you’re going to know how, our kids are going to know how, our crusty ass dog is going to know how.” she reaches out to you and steps onto the ice with the confidence of someone who’s never fallen. “we are for sure a skating family.”

you laugh and take her arm. you love the idea of the future she has pictured. 

“do you remember the first time you tried to take me on the ice?” you ask, as she pulls the two of you along on the bumpy frozen-over lake.

“you were so bad at it,” she laughs.

“everyone looks bad at it compared to you,” you frown.

“i think i expected you to be more graceful,” she grins.

“you’ve been skating since you could walk.” you roll your eyes and try to push her, but the movement just makes you wobbly on the ice. “cut me some slack.”

“while you studied your books, i studied the motherfucking blade,” she tells you.

“ok, relax naruto,” you laugh, trying to get your bearings as she lets go of your arm and skates ahead of you, turning backwards to face you effortlessly. show off.

“dare me to hit the most vile jutsu known to man?” she grins.

“literally what does that even mean?” you shake your head.

“it means i hit a nasty pose and copy myself a million times,” she beams, and you can’t stop laughing at the various poses she starts to contort herself into. 

“the bitches of the wnhl are gonna loooove you,” you sing song, watching her continue to hit what you can only assume are the most complex of nerdy naruto poses. 

“coach said he’s already getting teams ask about me,” she says excitedly, reaching back out for your hand to guide you along the ice.

“i bet they’ve been asking about you since your freshman year,” you reassure her.

megan’s smile softens as she looks at you, then looks at your intertwined hands. “we have grown a lot since then.”

“so much.”

“i feel really lucky.”

“how come?”

“everything just sort of worked out for me. about to graduate, captain by my junior year, met my college sweetheart. it’s like, so convenient.”

“you have worked extremely hard for everything you have,” you reassure her, reaching up to play with the hairs at the base of her neck. “i can’t think of anyone who works harder. you deserve everything good in your life.”

“some days i feel like i never deserved you,” she admits. 

“what? don’t be silly.” you squint at her. “you’re the superstar. i still get shy knowing i’m the one you call at the end of the night.”

“all these years and you still feel shy?” she looks at you with those wide, beautiful puppy dog eyes.

“you’re very, very good looking,” you admit, though you’ve told her a million times before how attractive you’ve found her. “and very funny, and unfortunately, extremely awkward, which meant i was doomed from the start.”

she makes a fist with her free hand and beams. “i bagged the baddie using my undeniable weird girl swag.”

“weirdest of weird girls,” you laugh. “i wouldn’t want anyone else.”

the weight of the email starts to strain inside your chest. lara’s words ring through your ears. this needs to be the time you say something.

“meg–” you start.

the buzz of her phone vibrates loudly against her pocket, cutting you off. she pulls her phone out and winces, letting go of your hand.

“it’s coach. i have to take this, nike wants to do an interview tomorrow and he’s losing his shit about it. i’m so sorry,” she offers you the most apologetic kiss she can muster.

“go for it.” you nod, but you feel the sinking in your chest. “i know what i signed up for.”

megan has to leave as soon as the call is over, and by the look on her face, she’s carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. you can’t possibly bear to add something else to her plate. 

you head home, grateful for the tender moment you were able to share. maybe it was a blessing in disguise that you didn’t get to spoil it with your announcement.

you’re home and settling into your night when you get a text from minji in the other room. 

this you?

a post from a college sports gossip blog. it’s a picture of you and megan, on the ice, holding hands. 

you grimace. sure, the lake is in a public park, but who’s weird enough to be taking pictures of you at your most private times?

your fingers keep scrolling. 

you know dani had gone through this when her relationship with the coach’s daughter had gone public. megan had told you all about how they tried to keep it just between the team at first, but even with dani stepping down as captain, she was still a hot topic and being locked down by her coach’s own daughter made them campus celebrities for months. 

you’ve tried not to let the same thing bother you, but facts are facts: megan is one of the best college hockey players in the country, and dani made women’s hockey something to talk about. megan, by default, becomes something of a mini-celebrity on campus, and you are unfortunately stuck as her hockey wife. 

you look at the bright side. you knew her as a sweet, bright eyed freshman without a clue in the world, and despite all the recognition that’s come to her, she’s still the same old megan you fell in love with. you pick megan, and that means picking all that comes with her.

-

with midterms quickly coming and going, you and megan survive the grueling test season and make it out on the other side relatively unscathed. you know at this point in the semester, her team is starting to heat up, and with such a dominant performance so far in the season, her team is easily top in their conference, all but guaranteeing their spot in the playoffs. 

you’d think that she’d take it easy to maintain her pace, but lately, megan has been harder to get a hold of, somehow even less available than you had thought was possible. you cheer her on at every home game, and she was thrilled when you crashed with sophia to cheer her on at an away game, but lately, even lara mentions how much megan has been blowing her off to practice or tend to her captain duties.

you take it upon yourself to wait for her outside of the conference room, knowing she’s busy reviewing a recent interview she did with ESPN with the athletics department. when she finally comes out of the room, you feel yourself light up at the sight of your girlfriend.

what hurts your heart is for the first time in years, she doesn’t light up at the sight of you. her eyes are tired, and while she acknowledges you with a hug, the unintentional cold shoulder admittedly stings.

“hi,” she greets weakly, reaching out as you initiate a hug. 

you try to shake off your nerves at the interaction and squeeze her as tightly as you can. she takes heavy steps to lead the two of you out of the building. 

“i saw your interview. tried calling you in between but i know it was a busy day for you,” you chirp. “how’d you think it went?”

“not good,” megan shakes her head immediately. “i lost my shit so fast.”

“why are you being so hard on yourself? you did amazing,” you frown.

“thank you.” a beat, and she nuzzles her head into your shoulder. a flash of your familiar megan comes back, and it soothes your heart. you run your fingers through her hair to comfort her, and it seems to help as she lets out a sigh. “yeah, sorry. i’m stressing about my grades.”

“you have so much on your plate,” you tell her worriedly.

she groans. “and i’m barely holding on to this passing grade in my world literature class.”

“i can help with that,” you nod. “easily.”

the two of you find yourselves on a bench outside the building, sitting side by side. a brief moment of peace with your ever-busy girlfriend.

“i don’t want you always doing my english homework for me,” she tells you, biting her lip.

“i’d never, you know that meg. but i can help you make sense of it all.”

“glad one of us likes english,” she wrinkles her nose, reaching over to press a kiss into your temple. “i like that so much about you.”

english. your mind wanders to the email. it’s been months now since you told yourself you’d say something to her. you steady yourself with an inhale and reach for her hand.

“speaking of english, i wanted to find a good time to tell you,” you start quietly.

“hm?” she arches a brow, those puppy eyes looking at you nervously.

“i got an offer for a master’s program in the UK.” you confess. “lodging would be paid for, i’d be a research assistant which would cover the costs of my program. it’s literally perfect megan, like a dream come true.”

megan’s eyes are wide. you’re waiting for the hug, the congratulatory cheer, but instead, she just stares back at you.

“oh.” she says simply. “you actually applied?”

“yes.” you furrow your brows. “i didn’t just mention it to mention it.”

“i didn’t think you were serious about it,” she admits, and it stings to hear her tone. dismissive. something you would have never expected given all the wins you two make such a big deal of celebrating.

“why do you say that?” you question, trying to regulate yourself.

“it’s so far,” she says quietly, opening her mouth to add more, but nothing comes out. she looks away, pulling her hand from yours.

“hey,” you push, scooting closer to her on the bench. “you okay?”

“i’m anxious,” she admits. 

“i know,” you sigh. “just between practice, and your meetings, and your interviews, there’s never enough time to talk about the heavier stuff. i didn’t want to let more time pass. we haven’t exactly had a ton of time to talk about next steps.”

“y/n, you know it’s either hockey, or nothing for me after college ends. i need to go pro.” her eyes are determined, but there’s something more to them, something that worries you. “if i lose this season, my future is out the window. i can’t lose you too.”

“dani was the best player in the country and she didn’t end up going pro. everything can change so fast. you need to be prepared with a backup plan, meg,” you remind her. it’s not that you don’t foresee her succeeding, but you remember how torn up she was when dani got injured, and how fast it all changed. “you’re so much more than this sport.”

“i am nothing without hockey,” she says quickly, her face tensing. you don’t like what’s coming over her, but more so, you don’t know what’s coming over her. she’s never gotten like this in all your years together. determined, sure, but never this insistent, never this aggressive.

“yes you are,” your brows furrow. 

“it’s everything to me.”

“what about your friends? your hobbies?” you press, before your voice softens. “what about me?”

“i wouldn’t have any friends without hockey. i don’t have hobbies,” she says quickly, shaking her head. “and i wouldn’t have met you without hockey.”

“but you got all those things along the way. hockey didn’t do that for you, they just happened. you made your friendships happen, i like you for you and not what you do.”

“no i get that, i just feel like i really need to focus. i’m really sorry.” she lets out a deep breath, and reaches again for your hand, and you feel slightly reassured by the gesture as her body relaxes. “i’ll make it up to you.”

“i know you will. just take it easy on yourself, please?” you plead, reaching over to brush some hair out of her face.

you see her wipe at the corners of her eyes. you reach for her and lay her head down on your shoulder, playing gently with her hair. 

-

“i’m worried about megan,” you say quietly, later that night on another phone call with daniela as megan is off to do another tape review with the team. 

“she’s been dreaming of this since she was a kid,” dani sighs. “the only thing she loves as much as she loves this sport is you.”

“i’m scared she’s going to burn out,” you confess.

“if there’s a time to push, it’s now,” dani reminds you.

“do you think i’m maybe doing too much?” you ask. you stare at a framed photo of you and the ginger that you keep hanging above your desk in your room, a picture of the two of you on a picnic. “like i’m asking too much of her?”

“that’s not a question for me,” dani tells you. “i’m in no position to be giving relationship advice. barely figured out how to make one work on my own.”

you laugh softly. “you know, it was easier when you were in charge.”

“i made that shit look soooo easy.” you can hear her smile over the phone. “nobody gets how hard it was. megan’s good at it but she’s not ever going to half-ass something.”

you stare at the photo. megan’s adorable dimples, her shining eyes, her wide smile: things you haven’t seen her do in what feels like weeks. 

“i don’t think she has enough of herself left to give,” you say quietly.

-

the alumni night rolls around, and it’s a blast for you to see all the girls who graduated. they open up the arena for a few hours of free ice skating and talking to the team. it’s a welcome few hours to enjoy with her, and as you promised, you show up extra early to be her date.

megan, forever the adorable face of the team, gives a quick welcome speech on the ice and thanks everyone for being there. she poses briefly with a few of the donors for some pictures and then finds you to guide you onto the ice. 

you’re wobbly, as expected, but megan keeps her arm held out to you, anchoring you as she pushes off strong enough for the both of you to lap lazy circles around and around without much effort on your end.

“i’ll get good at this eventually,” you reassure her, trying your best not to wobble and fall. 

“that’s what i’m here for,” she smiles back at you. “also looks sick to have such a pretty girl on my arm.”

“you’re sweet,” you grin. after your talk, things had been tense, but you had tried to ease up and just support her. dani’s words would ring through your head, about how bad you want this, and you remembered how much you love megan’s determination. 

“my babies, always looking more and more grown up,” lara sing songs from behind you both as she catches up on the ice. you spot lara’s girlfriend, plus yunjin, and dani, plus dani’s girlfriend, all joining you. 

lara chats to yunjin about her therapy internship she’s doing at a local mental health center, and yunjin rambles excitedly about how boston is going for her and the super cool job she bagged straight after graduation. dani barely counts as an alumni considering she works at the university now, but she’s still wearing an alumni name tag, enjoying the attention of people asking her what it’s like to be on the other side of it all. 

“zuha just got here!” yunjin announces loudly, looking down at a text on her phone with a beaming grin. 

“kazuha signed to the vegas golden knights right after graduation,” megan says quickly. several of the seniors that year got drafted and you remember megan following all their stats meticulously.

“hoping to join her?” you ask curiously, trying to be a good sport about it all. 

“just want to know what it’s like, she calls but she’s too busy to talk very long.” you can sense the urgency in her voice. “do you mind if i chat with her?”

“don’t be gone too long. i might get brave and try to skate again without you, might lose a tooth,” you tell her, smiling.

she presses a kiss to your forehead and sets your arm carefully on the wall, allowing you to pull yourself along to the exit. 

you sit on one of the benches to unlace the blades from your feet, when eunchae comes to join you.

eunchae greets you with a broad smile and you return it, happy to see the once star-struck rookie who had blossomed into megan’s right-hand on the ice. megan had stayed close with dani and lara since they didn’t move away after graduating, but eunchae, being a year younger, had quickly become megan’s new closest teammate. 

“it’s like ghosts came back,” she says as she sits next to you. “i missed everyone, but things are so different in just a year.”

“so different,” you agree.

“i’ll keep an eye on her for you,” she tells you, as if she can read your worries. “i know she’s been off lately. the new girls don’t know what she was like before she was captain, but i do. i can tell she’s been struggling, this year more than ever.”

you give eunchae an appreciative smile. “you have no idea how much that means to me. dani keeps saying she’s fine, but i feel like this year is different for her.”

“it’s a lot of pressure. we have the playoffs and if we do well, the championships. megan’s been part of the championship team since she was a freshman. it would look terrible if we started losing once she became captain. i think she’s trying to look at it from all angles,” eunchae explains, and it starts to click little by little for you.

“she doesn’t think she has any wiggle room,” you sigh, and the two of you spot her out on the ice, beaming widely at something kazuha is saying to her. your sweet, dorky megan, who shows up in flashes every once in a while.

eunchae offers you a nod of encouragement. “she’s got this, but i’ll let you know if i get worried. i can’t imagine this is very easy on you either.”

megan spots you from across the ice rink, and waves to the two of you. she says something quickly to kazuha before skating over to you, motioning for you to come back and join them. you and eunchae oblige, hopping onto the ice together.

“doing okay?” you check in.

she nods, but turns away for a moment, and you can see her trying to stifle a yawn. “i’m peachy.”

“how long have you been up for?” you question, holding onto her arm as eunchae chats kazuha’s ear off.

“um, i got up at 4 to do conditioning, then solo practice, radio interview at 6,” she starts to rattle off. you sigh and slip a hand into her back pocket, melting into her embrace.

“you need to fix your sleep schedule,” you chastise her.

“totally,” she agrees. “we can leave whenever.”

you’re about to suggest cutting the night early when a few extra voices cut in.

“cap!” 

megan squints at you apologetically before turning to greet the source of the noise. “hi guys.”

megan and eunchae welcome a wave of the newer girls. you recognize them freshmen and sophomores you’ve met in passing. haerin, moka, and maya, who all approach excitedly. 

you smile. years ago, it was you and megan who were the babies of the group, your sweet ginger being at her most bright-eyed and eager.

“this place is packed,” moka, one of the newer defenseman, gapes.

“insane, right?” maya, the starting goalie, agrees.

“hey, are we still good for an early practice tomorrow?” haerin asks megan, her voice quiet. you recognize her as a left wing: a high pressure spot with huge shoes to fill considering that was daniela’s former position, and works directly with megan as center to score the goals. you can’t imagine the pressure of being daniela’s replacement.

“for sure,” megan nods, and you can’t help but glare at her. so much for catching up on sleep. but these girls clearly admire her, and you won’t stand in the way of her being a doting team leader.

before they can keep going, a random guy comes up alongside you all, waving wildly at megan as if he knows her.

“my betting bracket depends on you,” he tells her, and you realize it’s just a fanboy. megan has had plenty in her time. “i’m putting it all on you getting us a dub.”

“thanks,” she says weakly, and eunchae gives her a quick glance as if to check in if she should do anything. you guys are all caught in an awkward silence as he simply skates alongside you all.

the guy opens his mouth to say something, but then notices your hand interlocked with megan’s, and brings a finger up to point at you.

“don’t fucking distract her, okay?” he warns.

you know he means it teasingly, but you can already feel megan’s body lurching at the gesture.

your girlfriend grabs him angrily by the sleeve, a warning look in her eyes as her grip locks tightly on his elbow. you see the younger girls freeze, all of you coming to a standstill as megan grabs him.

“don’t talk to her like that,” she warns harshly, her voice low. you can see the guy’s eyes widen in surprise, but more to your concern, you see the girls’ faces change. moka and maya are staring at each other, and haerin looks like she’s seeing a ghost.

“hey, relax,” you shake her arm, trying to bring her back to reality. you can tell she’s not all there by the way her dark eyes are still locked in on him, her grip still tight on his elbow. “he didn’t mean it like that.”

she blinks once, twice, and breathes slowly. “i’m sorry.”

“you can let go of him now,” eunchae says quietly, as if to not embarrass her. megan complies, and eunchae mentions something to the guy that has him skating off with a smile on his face, hopefully saving their interaction.

“sorry you guys had to see that,” megan tells the girls, shaking her head. “that was really not cool.”

“it’s okay, cap,” maya reassures her, if a bit too quickly, as if she’s kissing up. you smile at how hard they’re trying to cheer her up, but you can tell megan’s worried about how this affects their view of her, by the way she’s chewing her bottom lip.

“hey, it’s fine,” you reassure her, and moka nods in agreement.

“totally cool to protect your people,” she nods.

“i promise i’m not usually that quick to flip,” megan offers quietly, and you feel your heart ache at her embarrassment. usually, her protectiveness of you comes from a good place, but with all the stress, you can see her fuse is much shorter than normal.

“no, they know you’re a good person,” eunchae nods reassuringly.

“you’re thoughtful, and kind, and a good leader,” you reassure her, and the girls nod in agreement. “you work hard, harder than anyone i know, and you’re always willing to learn. you have zero ego.”

“alright, alright, i think i’ve blushed enough to reset my aura back into the negatives,” megan waves you off, wrinkling her nose, and the girls all beam back at you excitedly.

“i dunno cap, i think being a lovergirl actually proves you have rizz,” maya says, and haerin simply nods in eager agreement.

“yeah, coach dani loves telling stories about how you used to be this bitchless loser with zero social skills—” moka rambles, and you burst out laughing loud enough that it cuts her off.

“damn, your loser legacy lives on forever,” you grin, pinching her cheek.

“remind me to break her other knee once the season’s over so she’s got two bad legs,” megan groans, and eunchae laughs her off.

megan holds tightly onto your hand as you all continue to skate. eunchae chats excitedly with you and megan about some random stats, haerin is doing her best to listen and keep up, moka and maya are simply goofing off skating circles around each other on the ice in front of you all. 

your heart warms looking up at your girlfriend, never having been able to picture how far you two would come from just being dorky little freshmen. you know it won’t be for long, but the brief peace it brings you is enough to power you through the rest of the day. you hope it’ll last, but make peace with the idea that this might be the eye of the storm.

-

(the peace only lasts the night, and the storm stirs starting the very next day.)

this week, with a deadline for your senior project approaching, you’ve been the one with limited time to squeeze in megan. you make it work between facetimes and quick coffee dates, the two of you agreeing to spend at least a few nights out of the week together even if it’s just to sleep alongside each other, but you can tell that your schedules are working in opposite directions.

even today, when you’re done with all your obligations and studying in the campus library by yourself, you’re hoping to surprise megan with a quick dinner after practice, but your plans get thrown off when you get an unexpected call.

a call from eunchae, of all people, with the most random favor in the world to ask of you.

“hey, will you come to practice? like, now?”

“what? is everything okay?” your voice jumps an octave in disbelief. 

eunchae knows that you don’t come to practices, unlike some of the other hockey girlfriends, due to just how distracted megan gets by you being there. megan can focus when you’re cheering her on for games, but she’s explicitly banned you from practice after one too many missed shots because she’s too busy being nervous around you.

you’ve always found it sweet, and you know eunchae knows megan’s rule, so that’s why it’s surprising you that she’s explicitly going against the captain’s personal expectations.

“meg’s been, uh, how do i put this…” she pauses.

“eunchae?” you ask, worried with how long she’s taking.

“acting out,” she finally blurts, and you feel yourself grow even more confused. “it’s weird.”

your megan? your laser-focused, super professional megan, acting out?

“i’ll be there,” you tell her quickly, shutting your laptop and hurrying over to the hockey arena where they practice in a few short minutes.

eunchae is waiting for you by the entrance of the rink, out of view of the team, holding a tampon much too obviously in her hand. you laugh realizing this is probably the excuse she used in order to get off the ice and avoid suspicion when she gave you a call and waited for you in the middle of practice.

“acting out how?” you ask her, feeling your brows furrow in confusion.

“watch how she gets with ryujin,” eunchae tells you, before handing you the tampon to hide and putting her helmet back on, heading back out to the ice. you sneak in, trying to make yourself small and unnoticeable amongst some of the other girlfriends who are sitting and studying or watching from the bleachers.

megan is too focused on the ice to notice you. you can see the sweat dripping down off the tip of her nose, a testament to how hard she pushes herself every practice, how eager she is to give her all. she zips past the other girls during the drills, and you’re almost starting to feel guilty for spying on her. 

but then, as the practice comes to an end and they split into two teams to practice a quick scrimmage, you see it happen.

it’s almost lightning fast, and you’re not really good enough at hockey to know the intricacies of what it’s supposed to look like, but you can tell that megan is expecting haerin to pass something to someone else and get it to her to make a shot. 

haerin does as she’s supposed to, taking a pass from eunchae to send it over to ryujin, but ryujin is too busy blocking off the opposite wing to notice the pass. the puck slides past her, between her legs, into the waiting hands of the opposing girl, who skips past the wings and sends it straight past maya’s glove, scoring the other girls a point.

“left side wins,” dani announces easily. “good game, ladies. see you all tomorrow.”

you can tell the scrimmage is supposed to be light hearted (they only played for one point, for christ’s sakes,) but the moment dani announces that megan’s team didn’t win, you see the ginger rip her helmet off her head and throw it angrily into the plexiglass. you feel yourself jolt at the clang of the helmet against the barrier, the loud thud it makes that rings through the otherwise quiet rink.

and then you hear her voice, loud, booming, aggressive, echo through the arena.

“hey, if you’d get your head out of your ass, you’d have seen that shot, you idiot.”

ryujin instantly stands up straighter, and you see her whole body tense. “sorry meg.”

“i don’t want sorry, it want it fucking right.” megan scoops another puck from behind the box and drops it on the ice, sending it flying towards haerin and motioning to ryujin. “run it again.”

“but practice is over,” ryujin says weakly. 

megan shoots a glare at haerin, who quietly complies and recreates the pass over to ryujin. ryujin ignores the pass and stares at megan, but this just infuriates the ginger even further. she grabs yet another puck, sending it more aggressively at haerin once more.

“shin, do it the fuck again,” megan demands, her gaze hard and serious as the other girls simply watch, dumbfounded and clearly in fear. “you’re not off the ice until you fix it.”

you look to dani to do something about it, but she’s too busy talking to the other coaches to notice what megan’s doing. 

ryujin misses the pass once more, and you can see her face turning more and more red as megan drops puck after puck, insisting she go until she gets it right. the girls all stay frozen, watching the events unfold, until haerin exhaustedly sends a pass to ryujin that she finally catches, sending the pass to megan. 

megan catches the pass, and as if to prove a point, slams a shot so forcefully into the empty goal, it shoots the net backwards several feet. you feel your stomach drop at the display of anger. megan waves them off wordlessly and gets off the ice. 

eunchae’s eyes come up to meet yours from where you’re hiding on the bleachers, the girls all silently trickling off the ice. you can hear ryujin crying as she rushes past the rest of the girls into the locker room.

megan stays, and so do a few of the other girls like maya and moka and haerin, practicing a few more maneuvers with their captain, but nobody says anything among them. it makes your heart ache, remembering how she’d used to spend an extra hour here with kazuha, yunjin, lara and dani, practicing, laughing, catching up. now, the extra practice is heavier, silent and solemn, with none of the joy that used to have megan coming home rambling like an excited puppy about whatever nonsense they had gotten into between the five of them.

you wave her over, and see her brows lift in surprise as she realizes you’re there. she skates over to you, but doesn’t stop for a kiss or even a greeting. she simply gives you a look, as if to ask what you’re doing there, and you can tell by her clenched jaw that she’s still holding onto some frustration from that interaction.

“what’s that all about?” you ask, crossing your arms, motioning to the display from earlier.

“she’s just cocky.” megan shakes her head, making no attempt to apologize or explain otherwise. “but she has zero reason to be that arrogant. makes me irritated.”

“i’ve never seen you get irked like that before,” you say worriedly, your brows furrowing. “much less talk to a teammate like that. megan, you made the poor girl cry.”

“did you just un-ironically use the word irked?” she asks, ignoring the rest of your comment. you feel the irritation build up at how casually she’s treating all of this. your megan would never dream of turning the rink into something so toxic, so full of fear.

“i’m serious.” you warn her. “chill out. if your coaches thought ryujin needed the extra work, they would have made her run it over again.”

“fine, fine, i’ll apologize,” she shakes her head, reaching for her water bottle. “maybe i was too intense. sorry.”

“don’t say sorry to me,” you wave her off. 

you wait for her to finish up with the rest of the girls, but you can’t shake your discomfort at the side of megan you saw.

-

as it turns out, this isn’t the last incident megan has where her temper flares.

you’ve never once thought of her as an angry person, and considering the sport she devotes her life to, that was something you felt like you lucked out on. you somehow managed to bag the only hockey player in the world without a raging temper, your silly little girlfriend, easygoing and mellow. this lack of temper was what made her so good in her role, focused and intense, able to lock into what she needs to do without the distractions of her emotions. sure, anxiety would run rampant through her, but she’d turn that adrenaline into fuel to work smarter, never using it to snap at others.

you know it’s the stress getting to her, but after eunchae has to call you several times throughout the next few weeks, it’s starting to wear you thin, on top of already worrying you.

(what is happening to your sweet megan?)

your presence doesn’t do enough to deter her from some of the comments she makes, some of the harshness she takes out on the girls. dani’s obviously used to the verbal abuse she takes from the head coach and doesn’t do much about megan’s occasional tirade, but even if she did, you wonder what it’d take to get megan out of this headspace. you can see the way the girls look at her, eyes equally full of admiration and fear, and you never would have imagined your sweet captain would lead by fear, not in a million years.

with finals coming up, of course you’d rather focus on studying somewhere quiet, or going through flash cards with minji and marsh, but eunchae has asked you to stay just a few more practices. they’ve made it to the finals, and championship games are always a stressful time for the whole team, but if eunchae is worried, you know you should be too.

this night, she takes it too far, with haerin slipping up on a pass and accidentally sending it in the opposite direction of where the play requires. 

megan, seeing this, gets so angry that she takes her stick and snaps it over her knee, skating over wordlessly to grab another one without so much as a second look in haerin’s direction. you can see the younger girl and how her lip quivers, the way all the girls on the bench flinch as megan approaches, the way megan skates as if she has a chip on her shoulder.

practice ends, and you walk out wordlessly, deciding to wait for megan outside the building instead so you don’t end up calling her out in front of her friends.

she spots you as she steps out, showered and looking so cute with her skin pinking up against the chill of the december weather, but her eyes are dark and unreadable. you can tell she’s still internalizing the anger of the practice, still holding on to everything from the ice.

“that was too much, by the way,” you tell her, your voice stern and even. you’ve had enough of trying to guide her gently to self-correct.

“haerin keeps messing up the flow on the ice,” she defends herself, making no effort to reach for you.

“she’s new, she’s still getting the hang of it,” you remind her. “she’s just a freshman, megan, balancing the same things you did back then.”

“but i didn’t mess up when i was a freshman,” she pushes back, and your heart thuds painfully at how gruff her voice sounds. 

“megan, you’re also like a child prodigy,” you remind her gently, trying to bridge the gap by reaching for her hand. “you can’t expect everyone to be as good as you were.”

megan lets you hold her hand, but makes no effort to squeeze back. “dani expected that of me and look how i came out.”

“but you’re not dani,” you say. “and more importantly, they’re not you.”

megan shakes her head, dropping your hand to bite at her fingernails, an anxious habit of hers. “she can’t go pro making mistakes like that. none of them can.”

“megan, not everyone wants to go pro,” you remind her. “i get that you’re really good, but let people make mistakes and learn from them. i’m not trying to hurt your feelings, but you sound like a jerk.”

you realize the last part slips without your meaning to, but by the time you try to correct yourself, she’s already taken a step back, her brows furrowing.

“a jerk? seriously? for what, for trying to help everyone get to where they need to be?” she asks. “hard work is the only way to get there.”

“okay, relax ego,” you narrow your eyes at her, so, so confused where this stranger has come from. “yes, hard work is important, but so is knowing when to take a step back and just breathe. working hard shouldn’t cost you everything.”

megan dips her head, her serious eyes meeting yours in the dark of the evening, her expression cold and harsh.

“y/n, you’re not understanding. i’m the only person who can get them there. it’s me, or it’s nobody, and i’m not letting this team fail.”

“you’re not thinking straight. you’ve always been a captain that cares about building the girls up, not tearing them down when they don’t act like you.”

“if they gave half as much of a shit as i do, i wouldn’t need to set them straight,” she says frustratedly.

all you can manage to do is to take a step away from her, away from this unrecognizable stranger. you can empathize to the moon and back, but this isn’t your megan, and talking to her as if she is starts to make your stomach hurt.

“figure out what you want, and what it’s worth, because i don’t know what version of you this is,” you tell her, trying to step back, eager to put some space in between you and this stranger.

megan’s eyes are intense, nearly panicked, and for every step you take backwards, she moves forwards to keep looking in your eyes. 

“what if this is the only version of me? what then?” she pushes, her face tense.

“i don’t believe that. you can work hard and still be kind. you’ve never lost one in being the other. i don’t get why you’re letting yourself start now,” you push back, shaking your head.

“i can’t believe you’re picking a fight with me this week of all weeks,” megan groans, taking a step back and pinching the bridge of her nose.

“megan, i’ve been trying to be sensitive because i know you’re going through a lot, but it’s not just this week,” you tell her, frustrated that she’s trying to pin this on you. “it’s been the last few months.”

“i’m under a lot-” she starts, but you hold a hand up to cut her off.

“a lot of pressure, i know.” you grimace at the excuse everyone’s made for her, but you’ve had enough. you try to soften your voice, to plead with whatever part of her could rationally hear you. “i’m not asking you to give anything up, i’m just asking you to consider where your head’s at.”

her voice softens, meeting yours, and she lets out a quiet, pained breath. “i can’t lose focus.”

“i’m not trying to distract you,” you reassure her, reaching for her arm. “i just want to make sure you’re going to be okay.”

“i’ll be okay when we win and i’m drafted,” she says firmly, fixing her eyes on the ground.

“you’re losing yourself in the process,” you plead with her.

“this has always been me,” megan says quickly, finally bringing her gaze up to meet yours.

“no. you were never like this,” you push against her words, holding onto her hand by her index finger to reassure her. “i know that for a fact. you have never once been like this. when i met you, i thought you were the biggest jerk alive, and you proved me so wrong. that’s why i fell in love with you.” 

though you treasure the memory of getting to know her, something about the way you bring it up sets her off, her face hardening again as she pulls away from your grasp, yanking her arm back.

“i’m not that stupid freshman any more, and you’re not some hero who can save me again. i’m fucked if i don’t figure this out on my own. nobody’s coming to my rescue,” she spits angrily, a tone that shocks you.

“i didn’t mean it like i saved you,” you furrow your brows. “tutoring you was the best thing that ever happened to me. you’ve never been stupid—”

“i know you think i’m taking it too far but not everyone can just ace every class,” she blurts, interrupting you, taking another step away from you. “some of us don’t just get everything handed to them that easily.”

her words cut harsher than you could have ever imagined. firstly, the implication that you haven’t worked for what you’ve gotten to is extremely unfair, but even worse, it’s like your body wasn’t prepared to hear such words out of her mouth. in all your years together, megan had never once raised her voice, never once snapped at you, no matter how bad your disagreements got. she’d go quiet, take some space, and come right back ready to see things from a new perspective. never once had she insulted you— your walls have been down far enough you never thought that was a danger you’d need to protect yourself from.

“don’t talk to me like that,” you say simply, blinking back tears. “you’ve never talked to me like that.”

she’s too far gone into whatever headspace has taken over. you can see her eyes glaze over, forgetting where she is, who you are to her.

“i think-” she starts.

“megan,” your voice is sharp, a warning.

she blinks once, twice, her eyes fixing on something beyond you, unable to meet your eyes. “i think i just need a little bit to figure some things out.”

“i trusted you when you said you wouldn’t dream of hurting me,” you snap, hurriedly wiping the tears from your cheeks when you feel them fall, unsure of when they started spilling in the first place. “i don’t know where that girl went.”

you can see it shift in her eyes. the memory to her first championship game. your confession, her confession, how long ago it was and yet how fresh it felt to you.

“i’m hurting you,” she whispers, her face tensing.

“when you figure yourself out, let me know. when my megan comes back, you tell me, because i have no clue who you’ve turned into. i’ll be here.”

you turn on your heel and leave her to figure herself out. you don’t know where this leaves you, but she doesn’t chase after you, and that’s enough for now. 

-

minji and marsh are gone when you get home. you assume they’re on a date, which stings mildly as you remember all the double dates the four of you were able to fit in over the summer. you don’t need to bother minji with your drama right now, but being alone in the apartment means you need to figure something out to get megan out of your head and give her space. you’re hoping a few hours will give her what she needs to cool off, but the evening trickles by and you’re mindlessly on your phone, nothing to be heard from megan.

it’s close to midnight when you’re dozing off, startled awake by a sudden buzzing in your hand.

lara raj. she isn’t one to cold call, usually texting first, so you’re a bit worried about what this means for you.

you pick up, curious as to what she could need so late in the evening. 

“hey y/n,” she drawls, clearly trying to sound casual. “not to be super crazy or anything, but nobody’s seen megan since practice, and her location is off.”

“is she with you?” dani butts in quickly. 

you check your phone and realize megan has turned her location off for you as well, something she hasn’t done in your time dating (except for the time she tried planning a surprise birthday party for you, which she gave herself away several times with her terrible ability to keep anything secret.)

you figure she’s not planning any surprises and let out a sigh. “is she not replying?”

“no,” dani says.

“she hasn’t come home yet,” lara says simply, the concern palpable.

you take a beat before thinking back to her most likely spots. “have you checked the lake?”

“oh, duh, have we checked the lake,” you hear dani say in the background. 

“can you come with?” lara asks.

“i don’t think she wants to see me right now,” you admit. “we had a pretty bad fight.”

“a fight?” you hear dani’s disbelief palpably through the phone. “what the fuck?”

“megan?” lara clarifies, as if you could be possibly talking about anyone else.

“i don’t know who it was,” you shake your head.

“we’ll be there in a few.” dani tells you. “let’s go get her head on straight.”

they pick you up as promised just a small while later, and the three of you drive out to the park to see if your guess was right.

you can hear her before any of you see her. the clack of her stick against the ice, slapping pucks into the snowbank over and over again. you’re shivering even beneath your thick jacket and sweatpants, and you can tell megan’s been out here for a while based on how flushed her skin is, even in the dark.

“go away,” she says shortly as the three of you try to approach as peacefully as you can. lara and dani take the lead and you hang back, hoping to not make it feel like an ambush.

“baby’s grumpy?” lara teases gently, stepping out onto the ice with her, trying to keep her balance in her gripless sneakers. “c’mon meg.”

“fuck off,” megan responds curtly.

“um, who shat in your shoes?” dani arches a brow. “relax.”

“i need to focus,” she waves them off, and you realize she hasn’t spotted you yet.

“meg, don’t be rude,” lara pushes.

“you’re not the boss of me,” she snaps quickly, skating away to turn her back on them.

“i think you should go,” lara tells you quickly, eyes widening as she approaches you again.

“she doesn’t care that i’m here,” you scoff, motioning to how easily she can head off without realizing you’re there. you’ve never been mentally prepared for her cold shoulder, and being on the receiving end hurts more than you’d care to admit.

“she cares,” dani says quickly. “she’s just being stupid. i’ll prove it.”

“y/n?” megan looks up at the sound of your approach, and her eyes linger on you with something more, something like an apology in waiting. 

“apologize,” daniela says firmly.

“what?” megan gapes in surprise.

“fix it,” dani emphasizes, pulling you along towards her. you feel dani’s hand drop to your waist. 

in all your years of being friends, she’s never once tried anything with you, so the gesture feels both platonic and unusual all at once. you know she’s absolutely crazy about her girlfriend, and assume this has something to do with getting under megan’s skin, which you’re not thrilled about.

“don’t do that,” megan says quickly, and you can see it. her eyes darkening. you realize dani’s intention to set her off to prove a point.

“apologize. to lar first, and then to y/n,” dani repeats, her tone hard and bordering on aggressive. you remember this version of her, the night that she got into that fight, the way she so fearlessly stood up to those girls from the other team. you can’t believe megan’s at a point where her own best friend has to step up to her like this.

“i was never fucking scared of you,” megan snaps back, yanking dani’s hand off of you. 

she’s rough with dani, but when megan reaches for you to move you back, her hand is so gentle against your hip gently moving you to the side, and part of you relishes in the touch. you’ve missed her gentle self, the way she reaches for you with such tenderness. 

“well you fucking should be,” dani growls back. “you’re pissing me off, puppy, and off the clock, not as your coach— i’ll beat your ass.”

“dani, don’t ever put a finger on y/n again,” megan warns, and you feel yourself wish you could escape whatever is about to go down.

“you don’t get to be jealous girlfriend when you’re being the world’s biggest dick. y/n loves you, you owe her an apology,” daniela argues, kicking a puck in her direction.

“it’s fine,” you shake your head. “megan, i tried coming here to fix things, but you’re too stuck in your own head to see it. when you’re cooled off, i’ll be here. when you care about literally anything else but yourself, let me know.”

“you guys don’t care,” megan snaps, her brows tensed across her face angrily. “stop ganging up on me.”

“where is this victim complex coming from? we just want to help,” lara sighs.

but megan’s not finished, and she points her hockey stick threateningly in dani’s direction before looking to you apologetically. “and dani, don’t ever use y/n as bait again. i’m sorry they dragged you into this.”

“you’re dragging her into this with your fuckass attitude,” daniela calls her out, taking a challenging step closer. “give her a real apology.”

“megan…” you start, but megan and dani are too lost in their stand off for her to hear you.

“fuck you dani,” megan spits angrily. 

“they might have patience for you, but i don’t. fix it, now,” daniela presses back, reaching out once more for you as if it’s a threat.

in a flash, megan is rushing forward, dropping her shoulders to grip dani in a locked grasp and tackle her flat, slamming her back onto the ice.

“no, enough!” you scream quickly, leaping in to try and pull them off each other, but a soft pair of hands reach for you first.

“let them,” lara stops you, holding you back by the sleeve. “meg needs it out of her system.”

“not like this,” you grimace, trying to reach for her again, but lara simply holds a hand out to stop you.

“it’s a hockey thing,” she shakes her head. 

you watch as daniela wrestles for control over the grapple, what megan has over her in size and strength, dani more than makes up for in technique. megan’s on top for a few frightening moments before dani maneuvers them easily into a flip, quickly wiggling her way out to now straddle the taller girl. you gasp and feel your stomach drop as dani doesn’t hesitate to land one, two, three quick blows to megan’s exposed face, the ginger bringing her arms up to try and shield herself. 

megan ducks out of the way of the fourth punch and lets dani punch the ice beneath them instead, the older girl groaning as her fist makes contact with the solid, frozen wall. megan uses the quick break to land a harsh blow of her own to the side of dani’s face, throwing her quickly off of her as daniela reels from the strike to her eye.

you’ve had enough. yes, you’re mad at megan, but that doesn’t stop you from caring about her, and watching her fight some of the people she loves most pains you beyond imagination. you turn on your heel and escape to the street, quickly seeking the closest uber to come pick you up. you feel sick at what you’ve seen them all come to: megan, her friends, her team. you hope a night apart will give them all a chance to sort themselves out.

-

you’re too distressed to sleep even in your own bed, not wanting to be surrounded by the memories of megan cuddling you or the pictures of her you have scattered throughout your room. you come home and fall asleep on the couch in the living room, hoping you’ll wake up to some sort of clarity. 

no texts from megan, a missed call from daniela, 3 missed messages from lara.

you bite back the knot in your stomach and close your eyes, deciding you’ll ditch class today to focus on studying.

you sleep through the morning and wake to the smell of breakfast from the kitchen, the sound of the tv kicking on with no concern for your sleeping body. leave it to minji to play animal crossing at full volume even when you’re clearly trying to sleep.

“you’re such a dick, dude,” you groan as she sits next to you on the couch, unphased by your attempts to rest.

“good morning,” minji pokes your cheek. “it’s noon, by the way.”

“what do you want?” you roll your eyes, trying to turn the opposite direction.

“haven’t seen you sleep out here since we moved in,” she observes, eyes focused on the tv the whole time as she assesses the status of her island. “you good? where’s puckhead?”

“she’s been busy,” you say simply, not exactly eager to relive the events of last night.

“ah,” minji says simply. “too busy to say hi to her friends?”

“too busy to be nice to her girlfriend,” you say, hoping it’s enough.

“pouting doesn’t suit you, it’s gross,” minji grimaces. 

“be nice,” marsh yells out from the kitchen, always so quick to run to your rescue. 

“what are you trying to get at?” you wrinkle your nose at minji.

she shrugs, taking a hit from her pen as she keeps her gaze steady on the screen. “megan is a massive loser, yes—”

“minji,” marsh warns once more, as if it’s the only thing she’s capable of doing. “be nice!”

“i am best friends with the most emotionally incompetent person in the world,” you groan, trying to hide your face behind a random throw pillow.

“listen to me, i’m cooking or whatever,” minji says irritatedly. you find it hard to believe that she’s worth listening to: your half-high roommate, in her spiderman underwear and an old oversized t shirt, acting like she’s some oracle. but you’re sort of out of options, and minji’s put the controller down, so at this point you might as well hear her out. “megan is a loser, because she’s scared of a lot. and when she’s not being a loser, she’s acting not-scared, but what are the chances of her still being scared?”

“i know who megan is,” you tell minji, hoping she gets to her point sooner rather than later.

“you’ve never seen her too scared to find a solution. this might be it,” she says simply, staring into your eyes with her own serious ones. “she might be pushing you away while she thrashes around, ‘cause she’s never figured out how to navigate hard shit around others. she’s always had someone to fall back on, now she’s the fallback.”

“i know all this,” you say as if it’s obvious.

“but does she know that you know all this, or are you still just bagging on her for not having it figured out the way you do?” she asks, and the weight of her words hits you. “are you judging her for getting it wrong, when she’s never been taught how to get it right for something this serious?”

“thank you,” you whisper quietly under your breath, realizing this is the wakeup call you needed. you sit up and check the calendar— megan’s schedule is packed to the brim until her game at 6. 

her final championship game of her college career.

“you wouldn’t be with her if it weren’t for me.” minji says, self-satisfied smirk on her lips as she goes back to playing her game. “think of that next time you insult me.”

“you’re not that emotionally constipated after all,” you beam, wrapping her into a quick hug. even though she simply sits there and grunts, you know your roommate has your back.

“told you she could be nice,” marsh laughs from the kitchen, coming out to offer you a smoothie she’s put together. “we can drive you to the game later, if we’re still invited.”

“of course you guys are,” you reassure her. “i wouldn’t be with megan if it weren’t for minji.”

“and i wouldn’t be with minji if it weren’t for megan,” danielle beams. “we all sort of owe each other, in a weird square sort of way.”

“meg loves all things weird,” you smile. 

-

the first championship game you ever came to, you made it late. every game since then, you’ve been sure to show up at least an hour early, seated in front of the player box, where megan’s tickets get you the best seats in the whole arena, and this time will be no different. 

you still remember how excited she got when you custom ordered a university jersey with her last name, especially since college sports don’t allow selling custom merch. wearing your one-of-one “skiendiel” jersey seems fitting.

you think to text her and see if you can steal her away for a second, but before you can do anything, you spot the flash of ginger wandering out of the locker room. you can see the paleness in her face, the way her lip is bright red from how hard she’s been chewing it, the clear tells of how unwell she’s feeling. your heart aches for her, and before you can help it, you’re barrelling towards her, not caring where she might possibly need to be right now.

you collide into her with enough force to push her backwards, but she’s steady enough on her feet to take the hit and keep you both standing. your arms wrap around her and you’re breathing her in, her comforting scent, her familiar warmth, her strength and her softness all at once.

she melts into you as soon as you grip into her, pressing her nose into the top of your head as her arms wrap even tighter around you. the hug feels so, so comforting, leaving so much in the air lingering without causing either of you to suffer for a moment longer.

“you still came?” she asks in disbelief, those big eyes taking you in as she moves to take a step backwards and eye you over. you can see her seriousness melt away as she takes you in, the jersey, your presence, your genuine excitement to see her. 

“i haven’t missed a championship game since i met you,” you remind her, offering a gentle smile as a peace offering. “sure as hell wasn’t going to miss your very last one.”

megan opens her mouth to say something, but she pauses, her face twisting into something pained. you can tell she’s remembering the events of the night before. you take her in, realizing there’s some bruising around her cheekbone from her fight with daniela.

“i hurt you,” she says simply, clamping her eyes shut with a grimace.

“well i love you, and i have for a long time, and i think i know you pretty well. i don’t think you meant to hurt me.” you offer quietly, reaching for her hand. “i think my megan is in there still, just scared.”

“i’m fucking terrified.” you finally hear her admit it, and you look down to realize her hands are shaking. “of everything. this game, my career, our future.”

“you don’t have to be,” you reassure her, trying to reach out to steady her hand.

“i don’t have anything else going for me,” she breathes out, trying to even out her nerves. “you don’t understand.”

“i don’t see it that way,” you push back gently.

“i’m going to go play this game, and then i’m going to beg for forgiveness for being the worst girlfriend ever and a shit communicator.” she quickly takes both your hands in hers, bringing them up to her chest. you can feel her racing pulse against your palms, thudding against her ribs. “and if you’re still mad at me, i totally get it and i’ll go jump off a bridge asap.”

“shut up,” you laugh, and she breaks out into a smile that makes you feel like everything might just end up being okay.

“i’ll keep apologizing as a ghost, i’m serious,” she’s still sticking to the bit, but you can see her eyes start to tear up. “i messed up so bad. i’m really sorry.”

“go do what you do best,” you reach up to kiss her nose, careful to avoid the bruising. “i’ll be here, cheering you on like always.”

“i don’t want this to be the only thing i do best. i want to be a good friend, and a good girlfriend, and a good person,” she says determinedly.

“i love you,” you reassure her.

“nice,” she beams, and you laugh at how only she could make a tender moment so, so stupid.

“at least say like, samesies or some shit,” you beg.

“will you accept ditto?” she asks.

“if i have to,” you wrinkle your nose.

“cool then, ditto,” she grins, reaching down to press a gentle, pleading kiss against your lips. “i love you a lot, y/n. i’m sorry again.”

“you got this,” you reassure her once more, and you can hear the calls of the coaches beckoning her over. 

you wave her goodbye and find your seats again, busying yourself debriefing minji and her girlfriend, shooting a text to lara to let her know the resolution you’ve reached.

the two teams make it onto the ice and you spot the ginger braids peeking out from beneath the helmet, the way megan waves to the entire arena for what will be the last time in her college career. you can see her taking it in, deciding what she’s going to make of tonight, who she’s choosing to be right now. 

you spot dani coming out with the rest of the coaches, sporting a particularly gnarly black eye, no doubt courtesy of your girlfriend. she seems tense, but as soon as she spots you in the stands and glances back at megan, who is simply smiling at you, she nods approvingly and claps to get the team’s attention. they have a team huddle, and you can see the nervous eyes of so many of the newer girls darting around as the cheers from the arena get louder and louder, announcing the impending drop of the puck for the face-off.

eunchae leads them in a chant, and megan sends them off with the team battle shout, each of them slamming their gloves into the helmet of the girl next to them, a tradition dani had started with megan as a sophomore. it’s so cool to see them hyping themselves up, turning their nerves into pure adrenaline, and you see megan lock into her mindset of pure focus as she heads onto the face-off with a look of sheer determination.

the puck drops and she’s off like lightning, the puck nearly invisible with how quick she wields it. you look out to the ice, seeing the new faces, the way things have changed. eunchae stays in the back, holding down the defenseman’s position, but instead of lara, maya guards the goal protectively. instead of yunjin covering defense with eunchae, now it’s moka, looking determinedly out across the ice. instead of kazuha and dani working together to move the offense back and forth in their favor, like clockwork, like mirror images, it’s ryujin and haerin, a bit more scattered, but still quick, still eager, still lightning fast on the ice to pressure their offense.

and the anchor of the team, megan as center, carrying the weight of the team on her shoulders. it’s up to her to score, to call plays, to navigate traps, to see holes in the defense and predict where the offense is going to be. it’s her job to protect maya as the goalie from ever having to see the puck, to trust that moka and eunchae know what they’re doing and can cover the back end of the ice on defense, it’s her job to read ryujin’s movements and see where haerin is trying to take them, to weave between the two of them and catch every pass or assist every shot they try to make. 

hockey is the thing you almost lost your megan to, but watching her on the ice, the way she seems to almost float effortlessly and maneuver the puck with insane expertise, reminds you exactly why she’s poured all she has into this sport— to be the best, nothing less.

you stay on your feet for the entirety of the game, eagerly watching each stolen pass or shot taken. even minji, seated next to you, and often unbothered by most sporting events, seems moved to cheer for megan every time the ginger steals another pass or tries to move into a shooting position.

the game is tense. the first period ends in a drought, a simple 0-0 that sets the tone for an even more aggressive 2nd period, the other team ramping up their efforts to blitz maya in the goal with a more aggressive offense. 

megan, who picks up on this immediately, calls out to eunchae, and eunchae immediately compensates by playing harsher on the incoming offense, clearly indicating that she will not hesitate to protect her goalie at all costs. you can see maya’s confidence grow with each protective shot cut off by eunchae, the way moka eventually finds her stride and manages to cut off several incoming attempts, shooting them straight back up the ice at megan. 

you’ve never been part of a team like that, but you can tell that the girls are finding their groove, megan’s leadership doing more than just keeping them from losing, but building their synergy, the trust between all of them. you see an opposing offense come in, slipping past ryujin, but moka is quick to call out to maya, who in her increasing confidence, is all too quick to catch the puck before it can even try to hit the net.

megan doesn’t take a chance to let her guard down, but she pumps her fist excitedly at the save, yelling out something to the defense line that has moka beaming and maya matching her smile. 

eunchae catches your eye by the end of the second period, sending you a thumbs up. you feel your chest lighten. you see it in the way they move, in the way megan keeps nodding back at all of them, orchestrating them on the ice, hearing the coach’s directions and implementing them as she sees fit. the joy in her eyes is back. she’s truly, sincerely enjoying herself for what looks like the first time all season.

0-0 in the final period is not a good sign for either team. you know megan is going to ramp up her attacks. she’s described her playstyle as more opportunistic before— whereas kazuha was conservative, and daniela had the stamina to be relentless, megan has always described wanting to play smarter, to find holes and exploit them instead of waiting for clarity or rushing to catch the defense off guard. any other players would start to panic, maybe play sloppy, but megan is a threat because she can wait, and she can watch, and be quick enough to strike without hesitation.

you can see it in the eyes of the other team’s girls, trying to goad her into picking a fight with one of them. they’re getting rougher with her, slamming her around more aggressively than her position would ever call for, even when she doesn’t have the puck. 

but megan, more determined than ever, keeps her gaze laser focused on exactly where she needs to be.

the clock trickles down, and even though their defense has done an amazing job of preventing any shots, you know it’s up to megan and the offense to get a score up on the board. they wrestle over the pick over and over, the push of both teams trying to get up on the other. you watch in eager anticipation as the game risks going into overtime, the minutes trickling down into the very end of the game without a single score between the two of them.

the other team gets sloppy in one of their attempted scores and you see megan lock in on the mistake. eunchae blocks the shot and their full team is pushed too far up, the pass she sends to megan leaving the center wide open to take an easy shot. it’s obvious, painfully so, that this is it. you feel the stadium pause with baited breath as the puck makes it into megan’s possession, her feet making quick work of moving her halfway up the rink to close the gap in seconds.

megan looks at the goal, then back at the girls. a split second decision. you know it’s her shot to take, wide open and easy enough for her to send.

you see something flash over her features, the vision of her future in front of her very eyes.

in a move that shocks even you, she sends the puck forward, flying straight to haerin. 

haerin freezes, handling the puck for a brief moment before realizing the opening she has. she’s waited a bit too long, by the time she takes the shot, the other team’s defense is already swarming in on her.

the next 20 seconds are a blur. the opposing team gains possession of the puck and megan does everything in her power to chase the other center out of their box, but they’re too late. the opposing offense makes quick work of overwhelming eunchae and moka, leaving a gap for their center to take a shot. maya, despite her speed, isn’t fast enough to block the shot, and you hear the buzz of the shot making it in. seconds trickle by, and the final buzzer goes off to announce the end of the final period.

you look at the finishing score. 0-1.

you hold your breath, spotting the girls all dumbfoundedly shaking hands with the other team as they celebrate their victory, and making their way off the ice. even the coaches are in silence, and you can see megan’s face, hard and stony, as she takes her helmet off her head.

the team crams into the box, all looking expectantly to their captain. you’re half worried she’ll erupt, but you trust her. you walk up to the box and watch their interaction through the glass.

she breaks out into a gentle, almost goofy smile. she looks like a little kid, good naturedly taking the loss on the chin.

“good game,” megan nods, and the girls all seem to take a breath of relief at her simple words.

“i cost us the shot.” you hear haerin’s voice pierce through the air, quaking angrily. the forward throws her stick onto the ground, her face tensing. “why didn’t you just take it, megan? you would have made it.”

“you had just as much chance of making it as i did,” megan says firmly.

“i lost us the game,” haerin’s eyes water.

“i believed in you, it’s okay.” megan pulls her glove off with her teeth, reaching her bare hand to grab haerin by the back of the neck and pull her closer, forcing her to look up at the captain. haerin is still biting back tears, but megan nods reassuringly. “it’s not your fault they made their own shot. kang, you’ll make your shot next year.”

“next year you won’t be here,” haerin pushes back anxiously.

“i was here this year and we didn’t win. i’m not what matters. i’m just glad i had an amazing time playing with all of you,” she smiles once more. “thanks for the kick ass game, guys.”

maya is the first to break out into tears, tackling megan into a giant hug that the rest of the girls swarm into immediately. 

“we’ll make the shot next year,” ryujin promises, between sobs.

“i’ll kill someone to make sure they don’t ever get a point over on us again,” moka threatens, crying into megan’s shoulder.

“you’re missing the point,” megan glares at the underclassmen, laughing as the girls take it too far. eunchae, still panting from the game, beams back at her.

“thanks for thinking i could do it, cap,” haerin tells her, her voice soft. “i’ll make sure it happens next year.” 

daniela having watched the whole thing, shoos the girls to break up their huddle and eyes megan, before patting her on the back.

“that’s what a captain does,” she says simply, approvingly. “good call, meg.”

megan wrinkles her nose sheepishly at the assistant coach, noting the bruise she’s sporting. “sorry for the black eye, dani.”

“that was you?” eunchae asks in disbelief, but the two friends ignore her.

“i’m just sorry i didn’t break your nose. don’t ever piss me off like that again, ‘cause i’ll do real damage next time, alright meiyok?” dani threatens, but instantly hooks megan by the neck and presses a kiss into her head. “i think someone wants to talk to you.”

dani motions to you, and for the first time in what feels like forever, megan’s eyes light up as she catches sight of you.

years ago, the older girls would tease her and make kissy noises when you’d come up to her after a game. now, megan’s respected, the leader figure, and the girls all scatter to give you guys some space as she takes off what she can of her gear before making it out of the box and coming up to you.

“what was that?” you ask, curious into her mindset about giving the pass to haerin. she could have taken the shot and clinched the win to no-one’s criticism, so you’re truly curious what her mindset was for this call.

“dani always trusted me to make shots. she gave almost all her shots to me by the middle of my first season. that’s what gave me the confidence to try, and to get good, and to feel like i could do it and keep up with her.” she explains. “and you trusted me enough to give me a chance. that’s what helped me branch out, and know i was capable. i love teams, i love improving, i love the trust. not winning. i’m sorry i lost sight of that.”

you smile and wrap your arms around her neck. you see it now— megan gives up her investment in herself to invest in the future for these girls, the thing she truly believes in, the thing that made her the perfect captain. she gives up the win to instill the love of the sport in the next generation.

“i have a lot to make right to you,” she continues, her hands shaky as they wrap around your waist, and you feel so, so at home in her embrace. “i have a lot to make up for.”

“i missed you,” you shake your head, just grateful to have her back. the rest will easily fit into place.

“i missed you too.” she hums, pressing her forehead against yours. “never letting that out of sight again. i’m sorry.”

you decide she’s done enough apologizing. you scoop her chin into your hand and melt into a kiss, the sweat from her nose dripping onto you, but you don’t mind. she wraps her arms even tighter around your waist and kisses you back so eagerly it makes your heart thud.

“i was crazy about you then, i’m still crazy about you now,” she tells you, lifting you and spinning you around. “probably gonna be crazy about you forever.”

you laugh and hug her even tighter. the whole thing feels like a win in your book. 

“you know what?” you beam. 

“what?” she grins back at you curiously.

“ditto.”

-

the next morning, megan is giving her statements about their loss in the conference room, but she isn’t solemn or sullen about it. she’s bright-eyed, eager, like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. 

after the coach announces eunchae as next year’s captain (the department clearly learning their lesson about letting the captains make such an announcement) there’s a quick question from one of the reporters to megan about her future in the wnhl and her plans to pursue hockey.

“hockey gave me everything, and i gave it everything,” she says simply, nothing more, nothing less. she flashes a quick, nervous smile, and it’s perfect for her, the balance of sincere and dorky that made you fall for her in the first place.

“what’s next for you?” another reporter asks, trying to goad her into opening up further about her prospects.

“whatever is next, i’ll give it 100%,” megan says carefully. “and i’ll be grateful, and i’ll remember what matters to me. the love of the game, nothing else.”

she nods awkwardly and excuses herself from the table, letting dani and the head coach take over the rest of the questions about what they plan to do without their star player.

you greet megan with a kiss on the cheek, and she returns the gesture by pressing a kiss into the top of your head.

“what’s really next?” you ask, motioning to the google calendar you share that she hasn’t updated for the day.

“uh, will you help me study for finals?” she asks, almost shyly, and you can almost see it play back. your first class together, how awkward she was asking for your notes. it makes your heart flip inside your chest.

“no more interviews?” you question.

“coach and dani can do them together. i need to focus on right now, and right now is a bitchass english final due in 48 hours that my girlfriend would know exactly how to study for,” megan informs you, and you laugh at her determination.

the two of you escape hand in hand out of the building and start making your way towards the library to get a head start on preparing for finals.

you catch her staring at you as you walk, peering out of the corner of her eye. her cheeks flush as she realizes she’s been spotted, and she tries distracting you instead by taking off her letterman jacket and insisting on placing it over your shoulders.

“what?” you question, accepting the jacket without protest.

“you are really so pretty,” megan breathes out nervously. 

“thank you,” you smile back at her. those big brown eyes, her button nose, her dimples. “you’re so fucking cute.”

“you make me nervous,” she mumbles quietly.

“still?” you ask in disbelief.

“always have,” she nods, and the way she breathes out makes you feel like she’s finally able to start thinking about what she wants, instead of what she’s afraid of. “you have from the start.”

-

finals are grueling, but you both manage to pass all your exams, and spend your winter break making up for lost time now that the season is over. your anniversary quickly approaches, and megan ditches off-season practice where she’s supposed to be training eunchae in order to spend the whole day with you.

(it’s her first time ever ditching practice since starting the sport, and you don’t take it lightly.)

she’s losing pitifully to you in the snowball fight you’re currently halfway through, and it doesn’t escape you that she’d put her phone on do not disturb in order to focus on you. the last time you two were at the lake, it was her fight with dani, and the time before that, your date that had gotten cut short, so this date feels like it’s making up for all the terrible experiences you’d previously shared.

and what’s best, is that megan is perfectly fine with just playing in the snow, no longer insisting on teaching you how to skate.

her phone falls out of her pocket as she tries packing another snowball to toss at you, and you notice that even through dnd, her mom has called her at least four times since your date has started. megan’s mom is close to megan, but not exactly the clingy type, so this raises a flag for you.

“why is your mom blowing you up?” you ask, pointing to your phone as she picks it up out of the snow. “everything okay?”

“i’m not interrupting another date to take a stupid phone call,” she furrows her brow, preparing to tuck it back into her jacket.

“it’s your mom, meg,” you reassure her, laughing at her determination to be better. “it’d be different if it was coach.”

“fine,” she grumbles.

she takes the phone off and brings it to her ear, a quick greeting in cantonese before you hear her mom rambling something at a million miles an hour. you grin and tackle her backwards into a snowbank, the two of you sinking into the powder with a laugh as you simply rest on top of her while she keeps chatting away with her mom. 

it seems like the usual check in until you see megan’s face change, her features widening, her skin going pale. you almost insist that she put it on speaker before she quickly hangs up. you realize her hands are shaking as they slip the phone back into her pocket.

“you know how my mom does all my management stuff?” she starts, voice wobbly.

“loser,” you laugh, realizing that megan has kept all her management as her mom’s job instead of hiring a real agent. “but continue.”

she gives you a blank stare, her mind clearly not fully there following the phone call.

“they want me for the olympic women’s hockey team,” she says simply, and you feel your jaw drop.

“holy shit, megan,” you gasp.

“the winter olympics are in london next year,” she tells you, and the two of you connect the dots at the exact same time. “you’ll be halfway through your program.”

“that’s convenient,” you beam.

“olympic players always go back in the draft,” megan tells you, her words picking up in pace, her voice growing more and more excited. “i’ll take a month or two off to sight see, and then i’ll go to the combine for drafting. if i’m lucky, a team will pick me up as soon as i’m done.”

“megan, that’s amazing,” you bury your face into her neck to wrap her in a tight hug. “your dream is coming true.”

“my dream isn’t hockey,” she corrects you quickly, running a hand through your hair. “it’s just a future where i’m happy. think you’ll be part of it?”

“wherever you get drafted i’ll go with you,” you nod reassuringly. the smile she gives you back is worth everything to you.

she scoops up a pile of snow and shoves it in your face. you scream with laugher and scoop up one to smash right back into her nose, watching as she tries to wiggle herself out from under you and shove you further into the snowbank.

-

the semester is grueling, but you make it through in one piece, and so does megan. graduation rolls around before you even realize it, and your time as college students is quickly coming to an end. 

at the graduation, you and megan have to split up as you separate into your different majors and departments, but she presses a kiss to your forehead before you depart. 

“i’ll be the loudest cheer in the room,” she promises, smiling at you. you can’t help but admire how cute she looks in her cap and gown. the way the cap just slightly brushes her eyebrows reminds you of how low she used to wear her beanies, and how she still sometimes will.

you shuffle into line and take inventory of all your friends from the year, all the things this university has given you. sophia in the crowd next to your family, minji and danielle in their own caps and gowns waving from their section in the graduation lineup. you know daniela and lara are cheering you on from their spot with megan’s family.

the department heads read off the names, and you feel your ears perk up as they approach the name of the ginger that had come out of nowhere your freshman year and changed everything for you.

“megan skiendiel.”

you hear an air horn go off, followed by another, and the whole arena erupts into an echo of cheers. you can see from the crowd where several people have printed up blow up heads and are waving them around. you can make out some of the newer girls and realize nearly 2 full rows of seats are taken up by the entire women’s hockey team, the babies who’d follow megan anywhere even with all they’ve been through. they wave the blow up heads wildly around, cheering at the top of their lungs as if they’re at a game and not at some respectable academic demonstration.

you see megan’s cheeks flush as soon as she spots the stupid display, no doubt daniela and lara’s idea. she takes her degree and makes her way off stage.

your department comes next, and you beam as you take to the stage.

“y/n y/ln, graduating magna cum laude.”

you can hear the uproar from your loved ones, but one voice is cheering longer and louder than all the rest. you look down at the graduates and see megan with her hands cupped around her mouth, cheering as loudly as possible. you see her eyes shining brightly. she’s usually not a huge fan of bringing attention to herself, but your stupid, goofy megan doesn’t stop cheering the whole time you’re on stage.

your families join after the ceremony into one giant group, made even more chaotic by the fact that the entire women’s hockey team is eagerly trying to fit into the picture as well.

megan smiles at you, and takes your hand in hers. in that exact moment, you can’t picture anything you’d ever want more than this.

-

your phone background is a countdown of how many days are left until megan lands. it’s been a grueling 4 months without her, but she’ll be in your city prepping for the olympics in no time at all. plus, she’s sent weekly care packages, and her twice daily facetimes make it a little more bearable. 

you admire your desk, the way your life has all fallen into place. 

on your bulletin board, pictures of your life: you, minji, and marsh, all posing at one of megan’s games your junior year. you and megan celebrating her second championship game win. you and megan on the beach when she had brought you to hawaii to meet her family the summer after sophomore year. a photo of the two of you at the surprise party the underclassmen had planned just before summer ended. one of you and sophia at the renaissance fair. megan cheering you on at your senior capstone presentation. the photo of everyone from graduation. one of the first photos you had ever taken of her, a picture from freshman year during one of your many study sessions.

your hands unpack the envelope that megan had saved for you specifically. the magazine drops into your hands, and the familiar eyes look back up at you from the photo on the cover. 

you hold the magazine up and look up proudly at the cover. the sullivan award, amateur athlete of the year: megan skiendiel. 

megan. your megan, as she’s always been.

[dailynnt]

ONE NIGHT AS THE PRICE OF A REQUEST

⋆˙⟡ Summary: You hate your neighbor Jungkook, but you have to ask him to pretend to be your boyfriend at a party to get rid of your annoying boss. He agrees, but you don't even imagine what you'll have to pay him with. Everything goes according to plan until Jungkook reveals his true price during the dance: one night with him or your life in the neighborhood will be hell.

⋆˙⟡ Couple: Jeon Jungkook/ The Reader, Jungkook/Y/N

⋆˙⟡ Age restrictions: 18+

⋆˙⟡ Index of chapters: ≣

⋆˙⟡ Number of chapter: 11/?

⋆˙⟡ Tags: enemies-to-neighbors-to-lover, fake relationship, hate to desire, dom!Jungkook, heated blackmail, one bed trope (later more than one bed), undeniable chemistry, forced deal, mutual obsession, dangerous game, unexpected feelings, passion on edge, impossible to resist, tension and desire, unprotected sex, sexual tension, slow burning

⋆˙⟡ From author: Chapter 11 is ready for you guys. I'm sorry I haven't written for so long, I hardly have a free minute lately. But I tried to spend every free minute writing 🥰 So, what do you think of the chapter on behalf of Jungkook? And what do you think of his thoughts? I did all my best for you, my dear, and I hope that this long wait is worth it ❤️‍🔥

⋆˙⟡ Dedication: to my biggest love @kelsyx33, @curse-of-art, @kooko009, @smokinghotstargirl, @myjungkookthighs, @mskookie, @minimoninini, @medstudentlifestyle for loving me for nothing. I love you girls twice as much 🥺🤭💜🫶🏻

⋆˙⟡ Tag list: @kelsyx33, @curse-of-art, @kooko009, @smokinghotstargirl, @myjungkookthighs, @mskookie, @minimoninini, @medstudentlifestyle, @bhonbhon, @ottergirl, @vantelover1306, @deepikhaprakash, @mar-lo-pap, @zeytiable, @lallataegi, @vintagemoonsstuff, @indigomoonchild09, @diame93, @bts-ruu, @asyr97, @taeloversblog, @songbyeonkim, @miniruuu, @hubbytaehyung, @queen1599, @goldenboysmuse, @nikkinikj, @kookiesncreamri, @guwol, @unholyforjk (If you want to be on the tag list, let me know)

⋆˙⟡ Warning: English is not my native language, so please be lenient with mistakes in the text 🥹

Chapter 11. The love he doesn’t know and the desire he can’t control

For the first time since last night, Jungkook's hand rested on your waist, relaxed. No pressure, no usual lust. It was just there, as if to say: you're here. You're close. You are his. Now, and tomorrow, and, damn it, any time as long as your agreement is in effect. Your body was warm nearly his strong chest, and your head was almost resting on his shoulder.

Yesterday, you surrendered, and Jungkook beat every ounce of resistance you'd ever had out of you. For the first time, you didn't hide your eyes, didn't hiss back. For the first time, you accepted him.

Jungkook smiled to himself, looking at your relaxed face. You were sleeping, and he... he looked at you and felt like a winner. Finally. After all those days when you passed him by, giving him cold looks as if he were worthless. After all the harsh words you used to push him away. After every argument, every challenge from you, he waited. Patiently, confidently knowing that one day you would break down, open up, let him in. And now you are here. In bed with him, in his arms, with his breath on your skin.

He has never been denied. Never. Not even once. But you did it with such stubbornness that it made him crave it. It wasn't enough for Jungkook to just want you. It was when he saw you talking to Namjoon, when you smiled at him, that Jungkook wanted to possess you.

And now, lying next to you, he realized that you belonged to him. At least for this period, while your agreement lasts. The agreement is his favorite thing right now. Because it doesn't give you the right to leave, it doesn't give you the right to be with someone else, even if you want to run away for a second.

Jungkook took in a deep, slow breath, feeling his body stirring again just from your proximity. Your scent. Your warmth. Your skin. He remembers how you begged him yesterday, how you begged him on the yacht, a couple nights ago, and he's already getting hard.

Jungkook doesn't think about feelings. But he thought that there is something else going on between you. Something that burns somewhere between lust and the need to appropriate. Your resistance has made him want you even more. And now that you've destroyed the fucking rule that annoyed him so much when you didn't run away, he realizes he can have you whenever he wants.

His fingers find their way up your thigh. Gently. Slowly. As if checking to see if you're real. You stirred slightly in your sleep, slightly raised your eyelashes, yawned. But you didn't wake up completely. This excited him even more.

Jungkook leaned over, raising himself on his elbow, and touched his lips to your shoulder. Your skin was warm and tender. His arm went higher, enveloping you completely, pulling you closer.

You mumbled something as you turned sideways to him, inadvertently pressing yourself against his crotch. Jungkook felt his waking cock needing your entrance, or your mouth for that matter. You were provoking him even in his sleep. You made him greedy. Insatiable.

Jungkook's hand slipped under the covers, and his fingers immediately went under your tank top, which you hadn't taken off even when you had sex last night. Jungkook touched your breasts, very gently. Not like last night. Your nipple hardened in his fingers, and your body reacted without even waking up.

He smiled, his lips touching your neck, leaving soft, wet kisses. And then... his hand slid lower. Under the fabric of your shorts. And Jungkook felt the same thing he'd felt the night before. You were wet.

"Damn..." he whispered over your ear, "Even in your sleep, your pussy remembers me..."

His breathing became heavier. He couldn't stop himself from sliding down, both hands slowly lowering your shorts and underwear. Jungkook settled between your legs, spreading your thighs, gently, almost tenderly. He didn't want to wake you up... not yet. He wanted to savor you in complete silence, enjoying every second of your defenselessness, your submissiveness, which you never showed during the day.

His tongue slid along the inside of your thigh, leaving wet marks, and his hands held your hips to keep you still. He wanted to have you quietly. Slowly. Greedily, without rushing. His tongue finally reached your sensitive spot, savoring your state between sleep and wakefulness. Jungkook's tongue penetrated deeper into you, and after a few strokes, he returned to your clit, licking gently.

You woke up with a soft moan, your stomach shuddered, and your back arched. He felt it and just smiled. You reached out to him with your hand, but Jungkook didn't let you - he gently took your hand away and continued to hold on you the edge, long, painfully, until your breathing became rapid and your moans were audible.

You twitched, sighing softly, and then he licked you again. And again. His tongue was hellishly soft and confident at the same time. He didn't need words. He just ate you-slowly, intently, as if you were the sweetest dessert he'd ever had.

Jungkook's tongue continued to play with your clit, and he breathed deeply through his nose, inhaling your scent, which made him dizzy. Your hips shuddered a little, and your fingers involuntarily clutched the blanket. Only when he felt you fully awake did he slowly move away, blowing lightly on your heated center.

"You're awake now," his voice was low, husky, and full of lust. "I love the way your pussy is shaking for me." he returned to your pussy and eagerly fell to your clit sucking on it. You felt him bring you closer to that longed-for pleasure. As your orgasm swept through your body, he let go - slowly, with one last lick, so sensual that you shuddered once more. Your breathing was ragged, your eyes unfocused, and your heart was racing like crazy.

Jungkook towered over you, licking his lips of the rest of your juices. You could feel his hard cock.

"Good morning, kitten," he smiled. You smiled back. And he could see how happy you were.

"It's a really good morning," you mumbled, still breathing heavily. Jungkook pecked your lips and got off you. He sat down next to you and started to get dressed.

"Where are you going?" you asked him. Jungkook stood up.

"To the shower. I have a meeting today. Do you need to go downtown?"

You watched him put on his T-shirt and couldn't get enough of the sight of his well-toned body, which almost made you salivate.

"Yeah. I wanted to go with my grandmother to buy her some groceries and some things for the house." you said, climbing higher up to the headboard. Jungkook froze looking at you. Your sleepy, slightly disheveled appearance after he ate you made him smile. He thought he'd like to see you like this more often. You darted your eyes nervously.

"What?"

"Nothing." Jungkook shrugged and picked up his phone, checking for texts from Lee's manager and the man he was supposed to meet today. "If you want, I can give you a ride, and I'll pick you up when I'm done with my work?"

You got out of bed. Jungkook noticed your movement out of the corner of his eye. He put down his phone and turned to you when you stopped a step away.

His eyes met yours - familiar, too familiar. A look that meant only one thing: you wanted to talk. His shoulders tensed as he waited for you to speak. Fuck, are you really going to talk that 'we can't do this' shit again?

"So how do you see this deal now?" you asked, and he didn't hear the excitement in your voice. He was surprised. You were cold, confident, and it made him tense up more than if you had started protesting again.

Jungkook still didn't think about "what's next". He just needed to have you. Right now. Always. And your question took him by surprise.

"What do you mean?" he asked, taking a step toward you. He stopped very close, towering over you. He wanted to touch you, but for some reason he held back.

"So now I play your girlfriend, and we fuck whenever we want?" you clarified. Jungkook hummed. It sounded harsh coming from you. But it was accurate. This was exactly how he had envisioned the next few months.

"Yes, kitten, something wrong?" he smiled, feeling his heart quicken from your attentive gaze.

"I'm just thinking," you put your finger to your lips, as if to deliberately draw his attention. "What if you fall in love with me? What then?"

Jungkook laughed softly, hoarsely and deeply. If he were "normal," maybe he would. But he didn't know how to love. Not in this way.

"Would it be a tragedy?" he said playfully.

"For me?" you raised an eyebrow, "You know it would be so sweet for me to break your heart," your smile flashed, your eyes sparkled slyly. And he couldn't resist. He pulled you sharply to him, making you hold your breath.

He held you tightly by the waist. His eyes were boring into your eyes, his body tense. You provoked him again. You made his blood boil.

"Sweet, you say?" Jungkook's voice dropped "Kitten, you have no idea how bitter it will be when I decide I don't want you anymore..."

You feigned indifference, but as always, your rapid heartbeat gave you away, which he could feel as if it were his own. He knew what he was doing to you, and he fucking loved it. You can't even imagine how much he enjoyed your struggle for dominance.

You didn't expect him to respond like that. You could tell by the way your eyebrows were drawn together. Jungkook leaned in, and your breath hitched as his lips slid over your cheek and then your ear. His breath caressed your velvety skin.

"But for now, I want to..." Jungkook's hand slipped under the robe you'd already put on, sliding up your thigh. "I'll take you as long as I want. And you know what, kitten?" he pulled back a little to look at you again, "I've already seen and I know you want it too. So let's just let it happen."

You took a gulp of air, and your lips opened slightly. Jungkook was about to kiss you.

"Jungkook..." your voice was barely audible, more like a plea than a protest.

"Mmm?" his fingers touched your heated center and he smiled, sensing how ready you were. "So soon? You just came and you're wet again? Do you think I should fuck you?"

You wanted to answer, but his lips closed on yours in a kiss, hard, as if he wanted to take all the air out of your lungs. Jungkook tilted you backwards, throwing you onto the bed, and before you knew it, you were gasping for air.

Jungkook thought he was going to stop after eating you, but you love to piss him off. He feels aroused and slightly irritated.

He wants you. All the time. And every action you take excites him. But at the same time, he's afraid of the way you affect him. You make him lose control - and he's not the type to like that. Jungkook likes to be in charge. He likes to be dominant. And with you, he's already woken up twice with desire for you before you've even looked at him. It scares him. He thinks he might lose control of himself, and it throws him off balance.

It's just sex. It's just a game.

You're not like the women he's been with. You are not weak. But how you obey to him when he is inside you. How sweetly you give up. And yet, your tongue is sharper than a blade. You don't give him full power. And it drives him crazy. And he likes it... more than he'd like to admit.

"Jungkook," you call out to him, moving your hips in front of him.

"Do you want to beg me like always?" he murmured, kissing your breasts.

"I want you to stop talking and get to the point," you complained. Jungkook stopped. He straightened up and pushed his hard cock into your pussy, knocking the air out of your lungs.

"That's the wrong answer, kitten," Jungkook smiled. He wanted to hear it again. Your begging was something he couldn't get enough of. He kissed you, biting your lower lip. Jungkook was in pain, his semen had already leaked onto his boxers.

"If you want me, say it, otherwise I'll leave you here, horny, and go away."

He demanded you confess.

"I want..." you said, breathing fast, "I want you Kook," his cock twitched with pleasure. From your soft sighing voice, from your words, from your movements.

Jungkook let go of you, got off the bed and stood in front of you. You were confused, losing his closeness.

"Take off your clothes," Jungkook ordered. You slowly sat up, keeping your eyes on him. Your palms touched the silk fabric of the robe and pulled it off. You took off your tank top, and when your hands touched your panties, you froze.

"You're not taking your clothes off?" you asked quietly, without raising her voice. You still remembered that your grandmother could be hearing you.

"You'll do it after you stretch yourself," Jungkook answered. He wanted to see how much you wanted him and how ready you were to listen to everything he said. You got to your feet, forcing Jungkook to back away half a step. His eyes fell greedily on your breasts and erect nipples.

"So maybe I should put you on the bed, sit on your cock, and fuck myself without your participation?" you asked, taking off your panties.

Jungkook smiled again, but not so playfully, but darker, with a dangerous spark in his eyes that meant one thing: you had pissed him off. And now he would take revenge... sweetly, slowly, deeply.

"Do you really want to fuck yourself with my cock?" his voice dropped to a dangerous whisper. You walked over to him, completely naked, and caught the edge of the T-shirt he had put on a moment ago. You lifted it up and pulled off over his head. Your fingers grabbed the elastic of his boxers and pulled them down. You could clearly see how excited he was. You looked at your hands, and he just couldn't take his eyes off your face. How sexy you are... how fucking sexy you are when you show your character.

Soon, Jungkook was standing there as naked as you. You took his cock in your hand and rolled it around, making Jungkook moan.

"You throw orders around, but who's to say I'll do it your way?" you looked up at him, smiling mysteriously. And with these words, it was as if you had knocked the ground out from under his feet. He couldn't lose control of the situation so easily.

Jungkook grabbed your wrist and pushed you back onto the bed. You fell gently, bending your knees, and he knelt down in front of you. His gaze crawled over your body: hungry, all-consuming.

"Oh, everything will be my way, don't even doubt it, now, open your legs. Wider." Jungkook's voice became unbearably hoarse. You did as he said. And the very next moment, he brought his finger to his lips, moistened it, and touched your pulsating center.

"There you go. Kitten, this time you prepare yourself for me," he took your palm in his and brought it to your pussy. You were breathing fast and raggedly, pulling your finger in slowly, your eyes never leaving his.

"Deeper, kitten. I know you can do it." His palm was on top of yours, and he helped you push your own fingers deeper into you. You obeyed, his husky laugh echoing near your ear as he leaned down into you.

"You're so beautiful when you're obedient. But you're even more beautiful when you're lascivious..." he bites into your neck, his tongue tracing fire trails across your skin. "I'm going to come if I still watching how you stretch yourself ..."

"Let’s, Kook, I need you, not my fingers."

And he did.

In one swift movement, he pinned you to the bed, his body covered yours, and the next moment you felt the head of his cock pressing against your entrance. You thought he was going to do it slowly, as he always did, but the movement was sudden. Jungkook entered you - deeply, completely, without any warning. You screamed, your lips slightly pursed, but not in pain - in pleasure.

"God..."

"Tell me did more," he growled, not giving you time to adjust to his size, he began to move inside you with a stiff slowness, as if punishing. "Say my name. Ask for more."

"Jungkook... more... more... please..."

You couldn't catch your breath, your voice was breaking, and he was coming inside you again and again.

"That's it, baby. You're finally saying the right thing."

His next thrust made your body arc as he moved hard, powerful, deep, his every move as if to erase your awareness of reality. His moan became low and muffled, biting into your shoulder. Jungkook's hand slid between you, finding your throbbing center and ruthlessly began to stimulate you.

"Do you hear your pussy begging for me? It's so wet... all for me..."

You moaned, losing control, and clenched your legs around his waist, forcing him even deeper.

"Jungkook... I can't…" you whispered, digging your fingers into his back, pulling him even closer. And at the same moment, he abruptly changed the angle, and you barely had time to bite your lip to keep from screaming.

"Yes... here?" he smiled, cunning, brazen, absolutely ruthless in his passion. "Now every time I want to make you scream, I'll remember this place..."

His movements became faster, uncontrollable, and your moans could expose what you two was really doing in your room.

"A little, kitten, just a little bit more..." his forehead was touching yours, your breaths merged, and so did your bodies.

"Kook... I'm going to..." you wanted to warn him of your impending orgasm.

"Come...give me everything..." he whispered through clenched teeth, holding back with the last of his strength. A few more deep, sharp thrusts and your body arched in orgasm, wave after wave rolling over you, washing away the world around you, leaving only him.

Jungkook felt your inner walls squeeze around his cock, and it was almost impossible to hold back. He exhaled, hard, hot, and quickly slipped out of you, he freed himself from your legs that held him as if trapped. He sat on top of you, placing his legs on the sides of your chest. Jungkook grabbed your chin, lifting your face up. You looked up at him with a blurred gaze, obviously still under the influence of orgasm.

"Open your mouth, kitten..." his voice sounded low and breathy.

You obediently opened your lips, and the very next moment he wrapped his hand around cock, running it several times along its length, trapping your gaze. Your eyes are blurry with pleasure, your lips are glistening, your tongue is sticking out a little.

That was enough.

"Here you go..." moaned Jungkook as warm, thick cum splashed on your tongue, some on your lips and some deep down your throat as you instinctively swallowed.

You greedily took it all in, not taking your eyes off him as he completed his last strokes with a trembling body. His breathing was ragged, his chest heaved, and his hands trembled slightly.

You licked the cum from your lips, gently, seductively. He looked at you with incredible lust and some kind of wild pride.

Jungkook slowly got off you and sat down next to you, breathing deeply.

"Fuck..." he breathed out, running his fingers through his hair, still unable to recover. His eyes slid over you, watching you lick your lips slowly, your mouth closing.

"You're so insatiable..." he accused you, smiling tiredly. You pushed yourself up on your elbows, still breathing a little heavily, a shadow of a smile on your lips. Jungkook ran a finger along your jaw, gently lifted your chin, and leaned down to kiss you briefly, lightly, tasting his own pleasure on your lips.

"Who's the insatiable one?" you asked rhetorically. Jungkook smiled, because he was the one who hadn't had enough. "I thought you were going to a meeting," you reminded him. Jungkook stood up and pulled on his boxers, then his pants.

"We have twenty minutes to get ready. Will you warn Halmoni?" Jungkook asked. You covered your naked body with a blanket and stretched lightly.

"Yeah, but give me 5 minutes, I need to find the strength to get out of bed," you mumbled, closing your eyes.

The sun was pouring light into the narrow streets of the old district of Busan, where a small market stretched in the center, between houses, surrounded by shops, flowers, and the aroma of spices. You walked next to your grandmother, who stopped at every stall, picking through the vegetables, looking at the prices, and talking to the vendors as if she had known them all her life.

Jungkook walked a little behind, calm, wearing a light shirt with the sleeves rolled up, his sunglasses slipping down his nose. He looked attractive and expensive, so almost every vendor paid attention to you, some whispered, but Jungkook didn't pay attention.

He was checking his phone. Kwon Munho, the man with whom the meeting was scheduled, had warned him that he would be late. That's why Jungkook is now walking next to you and Grandma. In another situation, Jungkook would probably be angry that the meeting was postponed, but now he had the opportunity to stay with you and Grandma where he was supposed to play the role of your boyfriend.

Yesterday, he liked the way his grandmother reacted to him - sincerely, with gentle directness that older people only allow themselves to have with those they really like. She told directly that she liked him, and Jungkook took it almost too seriously. He didn't understand why, but he felt that it was important for him to impress your grandmother. Perhaps it was part of the game he was playing with you so subtly - an attempt to win over not only you, but your family as well.

Jungkook locked his phone and straightened up next to you. His hand rested casually on your waist, and a few minutes later, it slid lower, making you glance in his direction in embarrassment. You tried to stay confident, even though your body was giving you away more than your words.

Grandma, though she looked busy shopping, didn't miss a single glance Jungkook gave her granddaughter. She didn't ask too many questions - she was just happy to have him with her.

When you stopped at a bakery, Jungkook's phone vibrated. He took it out and saw that Kwon was already on his way to the appointed meeting place.

Jungkook reached into his pants pocket and pulled out some money. Without hesitation, he put it in your palm. It was 50 thousand won bills. Your eyes rounded when you realized that he had given you 250 thousand won. You looked at him in surprise, and he didn't seem to notice your gaze, but for a moment his eyes flashed with curiosity. He met your confused gaze and smiled, as if this was a normal thing between you.

"Buy whatever you want, my love," he leaned down to your face and whispered softly, "will you buy us condoms that I can cum inside you?"

You instantly blushed and if it weren't for Grandma, you would have lost your temper. You hit him lightly.

"Are you crazy?" you hissed. Jungkook dramatically put his palm to the place where you hit him and rubbed it lightly. He straightened up.

"I have to go, I'll pick you and your grandmother up in an hour. Have a good time." Jungkook kissed you lightly on the temple, a gesture that made your grandmother smile, but you remained indifferent in appearance. In the end, he lightly touched your fingers. Jungkook unconsciously wanted to keep your touch. He politely promised his grandmother that he would be back as soon as he could and walked to his car, which was parked at the entrance to the market.

His Mercedes drove in the opposite direction of the walking route, getting lost among the narrow streets of Busan.

The Blue Bean coffee shop, located in the Sapodong district, was the place Mr. Kwon had chosen for their meeting. Away from eyes that could follow.

Jungkook easily parked the car outside the coffee shop and went inside.

There was nothing special inside: an old sign, slightly worn furniture, and the faint aroma of cinnamon and freshly ground Arabica. A perfect, unremarkable place.

The heir to the ‘John Group’ looked around, searching with his eyes for the man who had the information he needed.

The man was already sitting. A narrow face, blue shirt, perfect hairstyle. His tablet was not far away, as if he had just held it in his hands. His cup of black coffee was half empty and he was holding it, looking out the window.

Jungkook approached, greeted him discreetly, bowing. The man noticed Jungkook and jumped up and held out his hand, bowing lower, too.

"Have you been waiting long?" He asked, taking off his glasses and sitting down across from him. A waiter immediately came to the table. Jungkook ordered an ice-cold Americano to refresh himself and take the next dose of caffeine his body needed.

"Not so long, just 10 minutes, maybe less," Mr. Kwon replied. Jungkook nodded his head, pressing his lips into a thin line.

"So, how's it going, Kwon-nim, did you find out anything?" Jungkook cut to the chase.

"Oh, yes, Jungkook-sajanim. You asked me to check the ownership structure of the companies that have been actively buying up small stakes in ‘Jeon Group’ in recent months, especially those that have been actively buying up small stakes in this week," the man began, picking up his tablet, "and... I found something interesting."

"Go ahead." Jungkook had an inkling of what Mr. Kwon might have found, but he needed to hear confirmation.

"The companies all look independent. But they all have financial ties to ‘Taemin Holdings’, based here in Busan," Kwon explained. At this time, coffee was brought to the table, and Jungkook began to drink it with a little thirst.

"Who's the ultimate owner?" he asked, tasting the coffee and milk on his tongue.

"Technically, it's offshore. But I dug deeper. The chairman of the board is Park Dongsu, the former CFO of ‘Kang Technology’. He resigned after Mr. Kang's direct visit to Busan six months ago."

Jungkook smiled slightly. It was expected.

"How much has been bought up?"

"11,3%. Through nine different companies. But if we don't stop it, it will be up to 20% by the end of the year."

Jungkook leaned back and looked around the coffee shop. Silence hung between them. Jungkook's phone vibrated. It was a call from his mother. He pressed the block button to keep the vibration from disturbing him.

"That's how Kang Tehwon decided to act," Jungkook said, more to himself than to the other man, "He wants unification. But on equal terms."

"Yeah, it looks like it," Kwon replied cautiously. He cleared his throat nervously and continued, "Forgive me for being rude, Jungkook-sajinim, but is it related to the fact that your engagement to Kang Sukhi was not announced because of, well..." he stopped talking before he could say more. Jungkook smiled as he touched his lips to the cup. The flavor of the coffee blossomed on his tongue and made Jungkook feel better.

"The refusal to get engaged with his daughter wasn’t the root cause. But the active stock purchases over the past week may include it," Jungkook said. "Kang Tehwon started doing this before he and my father decided to merge the companies."

Kwon Munho took a sip as he watched Jungkook carefully.

"Does Mr. Jeon know that you're researching this?"

Jungkook looked up at the man who worked in the accounting department of the Busan branch of the ‘Jeon Group’.

"No, my father doesn't know. That's why I asked for the meeting to be confidential." Jungkook leaned on the table, staring intently into Kwon's face, "I have to gather all the evidence first and then give it to my father. Please keep our meeting a secret. I promise I won't be in your debt."

Kwon tilted his head, approving of Jungkook's seriousness. He was a man who understood well how big money and powerful families worked. He had also been raised in a business environment, so he respected people like Jungkook for their strategic thinking and ability to work in the shadows. But he still couldn't help but be surprised by the determination of the heir to ‘Jeon Group’.

"Of course, Jungkook-sajanim. I understand the importance of confidentiality. And I don't plan to violate your agreement with your father." Kwon replied calmly and handing over a small gray flash drive out of his breast pocket and handed it to Jungkook. "Here is a flash drive with all the data: transfers, sales, and names." He putting the tablet aside. His gaze became more focused.

Jungkook took the flash drive and put it in his pants pocket.

"Good." he leaned back, running his fingers through his hair. "One more question. Are any of the buyers directly related to anyone on the ‘Jeon Group’ board of directors?"

Kwon tapped a few times on his tablet, scrolling through the lists. Then he stopped and looked at Jungkook again.

"I suspect that the chairman of the finance committee, Mr. Min Sang-ho, has connections through a third party intermediary company. On paper, it looks clean, but the money transfers are strange - through the same channels as ‘Taemin Holdings’."

Jungkook looked down, inhaling slowly as if he was holding back anger.

"He voted to change the dividend policy last month... That explains a lot..."

Kwon leaned a little closer.

"Are you going to confront them openly?"

"Not yet. But when the time comes, I'll be ready," Jungkook replied coldly, calmly, with the kind of depth in his voice we’re only comes from those who are used to winning. "I told my father that Kang Tehwon is not a reliable partner, so I have to gather evidence that he doesn't just want the merger... he wants an equal share of the ownership of the company, and perhaps he wants more."

Kwon nodded slowly as he finished his coffee. Jungkook did not linger. After hearing what Kwon had to say, he stood up, leaving the coffee money on the table.

"Thank you, Kwon-nim. Contact me if you will know anything else. And also..." he held his gaze, "Don't trust anyone at the central office. Even if you think they're on our side."

"Understood, sajanim."

Jungkook bowed and walked toward the exit, leaving a scent of perfume in the air behind him - subtle, deep, like his aura.

Around six in the evening, a black Mercedes-Benz pulled up quietly outside a familiar high-rise building in Seoul. The sun was still hanging over the horizon, casting a soft golden light on the windows of the buildings. The sky was clear, with a hint of evening chill, the peachy blue hues were just beginning to appear on the horizon, reminding that the day was coming to an end.

Jungkook turned off another business call without looking at the screen and turned to you. You looked a little tired after the trip, with the same slight tension in your shoulders that he had learned to notice.

"Thank you..." you said first, "I really appreciate your help."

Your gaze slipped to the side, and Jungkook noticed how you were trying to avoid eye contact. He wanted to kiss you. Is it normal for him to want to do that? And can he do it whenever he wants?

He reached for you. You didn't move away when his hand slid down your jaw and he stopped a centimeter from your lips. Jungkook wanted to make sure you were okay with it. And when you closed your eyes, expecting a kiss, he smiled and finally touched your lips.

They were soft, slightly dry. Jungkook moved his lips, tasting each of your pads in turn. His fingers slipped into your hair, pulling you closer, and you barely gave in. He stuck his tongue in your mouth, and that light, gentle kiss easily became greedy, deep, demanding. You grabbed Jungkook's hand, squeezing it. He felt his cock throbbing. You make him so easily aroused.

Jungkook could feel your fingers trembling slightly on his arm. And though he wanted to do more - to immerse himself in your taste, in your touch, in your soft, pliable body - he broke the kiss with an effort.

"You've already thanked me more than once," he winked, sitting up straight and stretching his lips into a satisfied smile. Jungkook glanced at his phone, which was silently glowing with several missed calls from "mom" contact and a message: "Talk to me, now." He sighed and ignored the screen again. His mother could wait. But business could not.

"Are you going to the office?" you asked, distracting him from the heavy thoughts that immediately flooded his mind after he tore his lips from yours.

"I have another online meeting and a few things to do at the office. What, did you want me to stay?" Jungkook asked playfully as he leaned into you.

You raised your eyebrows and grabbed your backpack as if to hide behind it.

"No, you've already gotten your daily allowance of pleasure, so calm down, Jeon Jungkook," you said sarcastically.

"My daily allowance is much bigger than that, kitten, and if it weren't for the office, I'd love to get it in full," he smiled slyly and you couldn't help but roll your eyes.

"You're a maniac..." you said quietly. And then you quickly opened the car door, running away from Jungkook.

"See you later?" he shouted at your back, leaning over the seat where you had been a moment before. You froze in a half-turn.

"Not tonight, I have to survive to play the role of your girlfriend," you replied ironically and walked away without waiting for him to answer.

Jungkook watched your figure slowly disappear into the entrance. Something stirred in his chest, pleasant and exciting. He shook his head, smiling, and gripped the steering wheel. The engine roared to life, and the Mercedes moved off. Jungkook pressed a button and the window closed, cutting him off from the warm evening air.

The dark glass of the door of the ‘Jeon Group’ office building reflected the glare of the headlights of the car that pulled into the underground parking lot. Jungkook, a little tired but focused, got out of the car, clutching his phone and carkeys from the car.

Manager Lee was already waiting for him - strict but always calm, with a quiet, measured voice that rarely went to any emotional extreme. The only person Jungkook truly trusted. Not just as a professional, but as a person who knew him too well - and even better than he knew himself.

"How was your trip?" Lee asked with a barely-there smile as they walked down the hallway to the office.

"Very productive," Jungkook replied briefly, but there was a hidden satisfaction in his voice. It wasn't just the conversation about Kang Tehwon, but also the time he spent with you. Manager Lee knew where Jungkook had gone and with whom.

"You look... happy." Lee glanced sideways. "I assume that Y/N-shi also contributed to the efficiency of the trip?"

Jungkook smiled at the very corners of his lips.

"Not without it." He opened the office door after greeting his secretary and stepped inside. "What's the schedule?"

"You only have one online meeting left for today. Also..." Manager Lee pulled out his phone, "I've had several calls from your mother..."

Jungkook stopped near his chair, frowning slightly.

"And?" he remembered how she had terrorized his phone all day, and he had ignored her.

"I told her you were in a meeting. She doesn't know you went to Busan."

"Good." Jungkook breathed a sigh of relief as he nodded. But not for long. "So what did she want?"

"Asked me to get free your evening. She wants to have dinner with you... and Sukhi."

Jungkook sat down at the table and leaned back in his leather chair. His head hurt just thinking about the dinner. Talk of an engagement he didn't want, was tired him.

"Why won't they leave me alone?" he grumbled, closing his eyes.

Manager Lee did not answer. He just stood there in silence, as he always did, knowing when to give Jungkook space.

The silence lasted for a few more seconds until Jungkook grabbed the phone, unlocked the screen, and tapped your name. He had an idea.

"Hello," Jungkook heard your voice on the other end of the line.

"Is the kitten busy?" he asked you, looking at Manager Lee, who stood perfectly still, not a muscle in his face moving.

"I'm taking a bath, what do you want?" Jungkook swayed in his chair, turning away from the manager.

"Oh... if I can video call you?" he asked, lowering his voice. You clicked your tongue.

"Jungkook, say what you want or I'm hanging up," you warned. Jungkook heard the water splashing. He imagined it enveloping your beautiful body and your skin shining.

"You shouldn't have said no, but I'm calling for a reason. Kitten, take a bath, put on something nice. In 15 minutes my manager will come to pick you up, I need you in the office."

"You mean in the office? Why?" you were surprised.

"I'll explain when you get here."

"We just got here, Jungkook, I'm tired after the trip, can I come tomorrow?" you asked protesting.

"No kitten, you must to be here in exactly half an hour." Jungkook said firmly. He heard you exhale a doomed breath.

"What should I wear?" you asked. A smile touched his lips again. His fingers slid gently along the edge of the table as he turned to face the table. His gaze rested for a moment on his own reflection in the black screen.

"Dress like we're going on a date," Jungkook replied.

"I usually wear a T-shirt and jeans, is that okay?" you asked wryly.

"If you feel comfortable wearing those clothes in an expensive restaurant, then of course you can dress like that, kitten," Jungkook replied shortly. There was a subtle irony in his voice. You exhaled nervously into the phone again.

"Okay, I'll be ready in 15 minutes."

"I'm waiting for you," he said. You disconnected first. "Manager Lee, please bring Y/N here. And call my mother and tell her that I have to be at the office in 30 minutes and that you're cleared my schedule." Manager Lee bowed silently with his hands folded behind his back.

"So, Jungkook-nim, is your mother planning to meet your ‘girlfriend’?" he asked and Jungkook noticed a hint of amusement in his voice.

Jungkook just hummed, not answering right away. His fingers found the edge of the table again, sliding along it as if looking for support. Then he looked up at Lee and smiled wryly.

"With any luck... it'll just be a way to avoid dinner with her and Sukhi."

"Understood," he didn't ask any more questions, he was used to trusting Jungkook's decision without question, "I'll bring her in in 30 minutes," the manager bowed slightly and walked out, leaving Jungkook in the silence of the office.

Half an hour later, the office door was barely open. Manager Lee walked in first.

"Jungkook-nim Y/N, here."

Jungkook looked up from his tablet, and his fingers hovered over the screen.

You were standing in the aisle. You were wearing a short cream dress made of textured fabric that looked both elegant and sexy. The dress was tightly fitted around your waist, emphasizing your figure, and fell in light waves to your hips. The front row of mother-of-pearl buttons added sophistication.

On top of it you wore a short jacket of the same material with sharp lapels, which gave the image of severity, Small flap pockets emphasized the lines of the hips, creating an even more elegant silhouette. You wore white sandals on feet.

You completed the look with thin gold chains around your neck, which sparkled delicately as you turned your head to look around the office as you walked inside. Your makeup was neutral, barely shimmering.

Jungkook was mesmerized by your appearance. You were beautiful, too beautiful for him to just sit at his desk. He stood up and stopped a step away from you. You didn't look pleased, and he could clearly see the irritation on your face. Jungkook wanted to erase that expression with a kiss.

"Manager Lee, thank you for bringing me the Y/N. You can go now," Jungkook said, keeping his eyes on you.

Manager Lee gave you a curious look, bowed, and walked out.

"You asked me to look like we're going on a date," you said as you stepped aside, your posture a little tense. "Do I look appropriate?" you returned as you approached his desk. Without waiting for him to answer, you began to look around his office, touching the things on his desk,

Jungkook was silent. He couldn't answer right away. He looked at you and realized that not a single woman had ever looked as attractive in his eyes as you. His eyes greedily traced your figure, and he almost forgot how to breathe.

Jungkook slowly approached you, stopping a behind you. His voice was a little hoarse when he finally spoke.

"You look... dangerously appropriate." His arms went around your waist and he pressed against you, inhaling the scent of your perfume. It was sweet, reminding him of apricot. He touched your skin with his nose and inhaled deeply.

"Jungkook," you said quietly, nervous grabbing his hands, stopping him. "What are you doing? What if someone comes in..."

Jungkook kissed your earlobe, biting it lightly.

"That's my plan..." he mumbled, holding you tighter.

"What do you mean?" you asked, turning your head to him. Jungkook's lips were very close. His eyes looked at your plump pink lips, which he wanted to kiss.

"My mother should be here soon with Sukhi, they wanted to pick me up to have dinner... But I'm busy, I'm going out with my girlfriend,"

Your eyes rounded.

"You're doing it again, Jeon?" you exploded, taking a half-step away from him. Jungkook let you step back. "Why didn't you just say your mother will be here?" you crossed your arms over your chest, throwing lightning bolts at him. "I should have known! I would have at least prepared myself mentally!"

He looked at you calmly, but something flashed in his eyes-something hungry and determined.

"I knew you would react like this," Jungkook whispered, taking a step forward.

"You know and you're always deliberately doing this to spite me." you claimed colorlessly.

Jungkook did not answer. He just came closer, grabbed you by the waist, and pushed you against the table with one decisive movement. Before you could even say anything else, he lifted you up and sat you on the edge, standing between your legs. His hands held your hips tightly, and his eyes, dark and full of desire, never let go of your gaze.

"You don't have to worry, kitten. I'm just going to show you to my mother. It won't take more than a minute. And then we'll go..."

"I don't..." you tried to say something, but he wouldn't let you. His lips covered yours in a passionate kiss that you hadn't expected, but he had wanted from the moment you entered the office.

You wanted to push him away, wanted to run away, but his arms wouldn't let go. He liked to catch you. Every time you tried to run away, he caught you. It gave him a sickly, sweet pleasure.

Jungkook kissed you, deeper, harder. His fingers slid up your thighs, and your back arched involuntarily - and he couldn't help but think how pliable you were when his lips were on yours.

At that moment, the office door suddenly opened.

"Jungkook-ah, son..." a familiar, cold female voice said.

Jungkook reluctantly pulled away, but it was too late.

Standing at the door to the office were his mother - elegant, reserved, with perfect posture - and Sukhi, who looked like she had just swallowed a lemon. Both were looking at you in silence. At you sitting on the desk and at Jungkook still standing between your legs.

⇠ Previous ⟡ Index ➩ ⟡ Next ⇢

[aanxiousangel]

happy endings ༄ Portgas D Ace .MDNI. AANXIOUSANGEL ©

AANXIOUSANGEL © DO NOT FEED ANY OF MY WRITINGS TO AI PROGRAMS OF ANY SORTS; I DO NOT CONDONE THE USE OF AI. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

synopsis ༄ you saved ace that day but nearly lost yourself in the process content ༄ mentions of death, the war at marineford (pre-timeskip), mentions of kid!reader bullied, uh…semi-described smut(?),… wc ༄ 2.5k author's note ༄ this actually is another request on ao3! i love ace so much and i ended up sobbing because this sweet boy deserved to live. actually, crying over whitebeard rn too LMAO im very sensitive rn SORRY!

No one knew why you were a part of the crew. Not why Whitebeard kept you around. No one knew you were the captain’s blood daughter. His one and only. His dream come true. Well…mostly. It wasn’t all that complete once your mother had passed giving birth to you. He’d never say it, but that broke him inside. Just a little.

After he’d collected so many ‘brothers,’ you had lost track of who was who at some point. Mostly, you stuck around the fleet commanders, recognizing them with ease. Marco, Jozu, Thatch… The list goes on. Honestly, they were all pretty sensitive about your slight forgetfulness so you had resorted to calling everyone ‘bro.’

Years and years had passed when you’d met Ace. At first, you really didn’t like him. He kept trying to fight your father, attempting to kick his ass and get the jump on him.

It never worked of course.

And finally one evening, he quit. You were at Marco’s side, hand on your katana’s handle. He carried a bowl of fresh soup, still warm and steaming. And all alone, you saw it. Well, you saw him.

Ace sat with his knees pulled up to his chest, head low as he wallowed. You tensed and stayed just a few feet back as Marco walked over, setting the bowl beside him. For the first time, you heard this man’s voice low and serious.

“Tell me… Why does everyone on this ship call him Pops?”

“You don’t get it? Because he calls us ‘sons.’”

You watched Ace’s brows knit ever so slightly, staring at Marco.

“None of us have any family left. Hell, the whole world hates us.” Marco continues, still smiling, “So, it’s nice, right? I mean, I know it’s just a word… But it still feels nice.”

Ace doesn’t speak. He drops his head, clenching his teeth as he fights off tears. Marco walks over, kneeling before him. You sigh, stepping closer to the two.

“What’s the deal? Are you really gonna keep on doing this even after he spared your life? You can’t keep this up.”

Your voice is quiet and gentle, making Ace’s shoulders tense, “Hate to break it to ya, but you’re not strong enough to kill him.”

“You can either get off this ship and start over,” Marco sighs, “or you can stay here and wear the mark of Whitebeard on your back.”

From that night on, Ace changed. He was a bubbly, fiery spirit. You ended up learning more about him and becoming closer. He had this kid brother he was so insanely proud of. Luffy. He was strong and ruthless, all with a smile on his face.

Eventually, Ace was granted the title of Commander over the second division. The party and feast prepared for the night he accepted was magnificent, courtesy of Thatch and his division. Into the night, while everyone danced and drank, you got a moment alone with Ace.

“Congrats, Fire Fist,” you bump his hip with yours.

“Thanks, princess,” he chuckles, leaning back against the rail while your elbows rest on it.

“Think you can handle it?” You glance up at him, watching the way his head tilts to look at you.

“I can handle anything.” He smiles, his arms folded against his chest.

Your eyes roll, smiling as you let your eyes drift back to the sea, “Always so cocky.”

“Nah,” Ace chuckles quietly, still staring at you all googly-eyed. “Maybe I just wanna impress ya.”

“And if I told you that you do?” You prop your chin on your palm, looking over at him.

“I’d…” Ace’s cheeks grow warm, a pink hue dusting his skin. “I’d ask you out. Duh.”

“Hm, cute.”

You laugh under your breath. He was the most attractive man you’d ever seen on these seas, but that didn’t say much.

Most people you’d witnessed were old pirates and gross. You know, scurvy and whatnot. Guess they’d gotten tired of taking pride in more than their strength and egos.

The townies you met were just stuck to their islands. Families married with kids who always wanted to play with you, begging you to tell them all about your adventures. The people around your age were just scared because you were a part of the most infamous crew. Adults of the town were just as wary, not even wanting the town’s kids to look at a criminal.

And you? You wanted your own son or daughter one day. You wanted your own family just like your pops wanted all those years ago. Well, now you did anyway. You used to hate the families of the islands, their children a bunch of bullies when you’d come to town. They’d run with their tails tucked when your dad’s crew would come along, scaring them away.

“Don’t worry, kid! We’ll play whatever games ya want back on the ship!”

“Yeah, Y/N! We’re way cooler than those little brats!”

You didn’t let them know how much it actually hurt though. You were…all alone. No kids to hang out with, no mom to hold you and tell you it was okay, no sense of childhood endeavors. Just…a kid having to keep it a secret that her dad was truly her blood. Eventually, you gave up and trained with everyone else.

You trained until you couldn’t take it. Sometimes wiping you out for days at a time.

When Ace came along, you finally had someone your age. Someone who made you feel like you could breathe. Like you could be free.

That only made it so much worse when Ace left in search of Marshall D Teach. And you took it even harder when he was captured by the government and set to be executed at Marineford. But everyone banded together and your father had come through. You finally met Luffy and swore that you’d kill anyone who dared get in your way to help Ace. Luffy definitely took a liking to you for that.

Even more so when Ace was rescued rather than killed. You fought yourself into a coma before you could see his freedom though. For weeks, Ace was a wreck. Beaten and bruised, he stayed at your side, desperate for you to wake up.

After sixty-seven days, your hand twitched around his fingers, clenching. He nearly passed out from the excitement, burying his face in your stomach as he sobbed. Something in you realized it was time to finally give in to his antics. To stop teasing and dragging him along.

“I love you, Ace.”

Those were the first words you croaked, throat dry and sore.

“What?”

“I love you.”

A loud thud hit the floor, making the door burst open. Marco was right there, panic wide in his eyes. He looked at you, mouth hanging open, and then at Ace laying on the floor.

“What the fuck happened?” Marco pointed to the male groaning on the ground.

“He fainted,” you wince as you speak, reaching for the glass pitcher on the nightstand.

“You’re awake…” Marco breathes out, walking over to you.

Marco called in a nurse, getting her to check on your vitals. Meanwhile, he helped Ace back into a chair, making sure his bandages weren’t off of his healing wounds. You watched Ace, watching him rub his head. His hat… His necklace… They were gone… You didn’t like that. His signature looks stolen by the war raging on. It wasn’t even close to over.

“Is…is Luffy okay?” You ask quietly, brows pinched in worry.

“He’s okay. Little brat is more resilient than anything,” Ace smiles softly, looking over at you.

Marco grinned, “Runs in the family, huh?”

You relax, finally getting cleared by the nurse. She gave Ace a quick once over before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her. You dip your toes to the floor, finding your footing. Ace got up quickly as you stood, clearing the path with two steps. His arms find their way around you, holding you close.

“My girl,” he breathes against your hair. “My pretty girl. Don’t ever fucking scare me like that again. Ya hear me?”

“I hear you,” you laugh against his chest, wrapping your arms around him weakly.

Eventually, the night falls, leaving you and Ace encased in the dark room. He cradles you almost all night, playing with the ends of your hair. You trace little patterns against his chest softly, listening to his breathing even out.

“I love you,” Ace says quietly and you hear his heartbeat speed up in his chest.

“I love you more,” you smile, moving to look at him.

The moonlight casts a soft glow across his bruised face, softening his features under the gentle light. He seems so peaceful even if only for a night. You find yourself hoping for this to last forever.

“I’m sorry…about your dad,” he brushes a strand from your face, frowning softly.

“He didn’t die in vain,” you whisper, swallowing thickly.

“He was your real dad though,” Ace murmurs, finally having learned about the bloodline.

“All those years… He taught me family is more than just blood,” your hand reaches up, brushing through his hair. “He loved us all more than anything.”

“I love you more than anything.”

His voice, quiet and timid, trembles ever so slightly. He meant it with all of his heart. Ace had nearly lost you, terrified half to death on that battlefield. Too much had already been lost in his life. You? He wasn’t letting go without all hell breaking loose.

“I want to live.”

Those words send a bone-chilling ache throughout your entire being, eyes widening.

“You mean it?”

“I do.”

“...I’ll hold you to that, you know. I won’t ever let you die.”

“Promise?”

His grin makes you roll your eyes, swatting at him softly. Ace can’t stop the laugh that slips past his lips and grabs your wrist to press a swift kiss to your palm. The kisses don’t stop, continuing along your arm until he reaches all the way to your jaw. He hesitates, breathing heavily against your jaw.

“Sweet girl,” Ace breathes out, screwing his eyes shut.

“Mhm?” You murmur, head tilted back.

“Can I kiss you?” His teeth scrape softly against your skin, desperate and fighting the urge to capture your lips without permission.

“I could never say no to you, could I?” You murmur, reaching under his chin to tilt his head.

Your lips meet, a groan rumbling deep in his chest. He straddles you, cupping your face like he couldn’t get enough. The kiss turned from something innocent and sweet to carnal and desperate. You claw at his shoulders, noises escaping you as your thighs tighten.

“Ace, please,” you mumble against his lips.

Ace grins against you, pulling away for a moment, “I’ll never get tired of your voice, you know that?”

“Don’t start being all cute,” you murmur, looking up at him.

“I can’t help it,” he pecks your lips through a laugh. “It’s just natural.”

“You’re so lame,” you grin, pulling him back to you.

Deeper into the night, he took his time with you, slow and patient. Ace pressed against you after his movements slowed, growing uneven from his rhythm. You were in tears, sweat coating the both of you when you felt something drip onto your cheek.

He hovered over you, panting. You weren’t expecting to see tears in his eyes.

“Ace? What’s wrong?” You rasp, reaching to cup his face.

“I didn’t think…” He sniffles, looking down at you, “I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to be with you. I was so scared…”

“You don’t think I’d go out so easily, huh?” You smile, wiping his tears.

“I wouldn’t let you,” he leans down, resting his forehead against yours.

What would he do without you? His pretty girl. His other half. Thinking about it was the last thing he needed at this moment. He couldn’t let your first time go to waste now, could he?

Ace pressed a kiss to your dampened skin, rolling his hips against yours. Your breath hitched at the contact. Goddamn, he loved this side of you. One that belonged to him and him alone. How could he ever let you go?

Once he graced that weak spot that blew stars behind your eyes, he repeated it over and over and over. With half-lidded eyes, he watched your reactions to keep his movements in rhythm, careful and methodical.

But at this rate, he wasn’t going to last much longer. Not with the way your walls were squeezing the life out of him.

“A-Ace, I-”

“I know,” he grunts, his teeth sinking into your shoulder.

Your legs found their way around his hips, locking at your ankles. Your teeth sink into the flesh of his shoulder, somehow keeping you tethered to the earth. His hips stutter again with a grunt before he…

“F-fuck!” Ace buries his face into the crook of your neck, hands grasping at your plush hips.

It wasn’t immediately obvious to you, but he buried himself so deep within you that you didn’t stand a chance to avoid this new future. You blinked, panting as he collapsed on top of you.

“Did you…”

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs tiredly against your skin, taking the time to catch his breath. “Promise I’ll make it up to ya.”

And you, poor thing, were so exhausted that you didn’t give a damn about any repercussions that might come of this. You turn your head, pressing a kiss to his temple before passing out.

Several years later

“Uncle Luffy!”

“Rouge!”

“Rouge! Don’t run off like that!”

Your sweet little girl giggled as her uncle snatched her up, spinning her. You shake your head, smiling at their antics. Ace stuck by your side, arm always wrapped around you as the two of you walk over to the Strawhat crew.

“She gets that from you, you know,” you nudge Ace’s side.

He grins, ruffling your hair, “Yeah, yeah, so she’s a little rebellious. You sayin’ you weren’t a troublemaker back in the day?”

“Not what I’m saying,” you roll your eyes but still can’t help the smile ghosting your lips. “I’m saying that neither of you listen.”

“Just wait,” he pressed a soft kiss to your temple, “she’ll give that damn government a run for their money.”

Rouge gets all the attention from her ‘aunts and uncles,’ telling them all about your last little trip to Sphinx. You take your time, greeting everyone almost in tears. It felt far too long since the last time you saw everyone. Since you saw your family.

“Can’t believe you’re already three! You’re growing up so fast, Rouge!” Nami squished her cheek just as Sanji was bringing out a cake, decorated with pink hibiscus flowers.

“Happy birthday, Rouge!”

Ace held you from behind, chin resting atop your head. He thought back to all those years ago, to the battlefield where he nearly lost you and himself in the process. His sweet girls, safe and sound once again… He wouldn’t trade this for the world. Not now, not ever.

author's note ༄ sorry, gotta yap more rq! uh idk why i added in that tidbit about it being 'secret' you were the blood daughter of whitebeard and am now realizing that was probably dumb LMAO

dividers used: sister-lucifer. cafekitsune. anitalenia.

op masterlist

[chigsprincess]

Hiii! Ur writing style is rlly beautiful! I have a scenario in mind and id love if u brought it to life.. Imagine this- u ask a bllk character( i was thinking abt Bachira, Kunigami, Barou, Shidou, but if they are too many u can pick from them/ add whoever u want) for advice on how to confess/act with ur crush, but they also secretly like u. After some thought, they finally give in and give u that piece of advice, only for u to instantly use it- on them. I rlly like this scenario but i cant imagine how the characters would react😭😭 i hope ure hearing me out

Operation: confession GO!

a/n: omg this was such a cute idea! i loved writing it! thank you so much for requesting, i hope i did it justice! i took it upon myself to write for pre wc kunigami since he is the love of my life lol.

hc: m.bachira, r.kunigami, r.shidou, s.barou

Asking them how you should confess to your crush, but unknown to them they are the crush!

Bachira Meguru

You regretted it immediately. He looks like a puppy who just got scolded.

“You like someone? They are so lucky!” He says with the biggest pout ever.

Totally tries to sabotage you. Tells you to use some cheesy pickup lines, because they’ll work for sure.

You prove him right in an instant when you turn to him with: “I heard you were banned from the grocery store because you’re so hot that everything in the freezer aisle melted.” and a huge smile.

He practically tackles you and kisses you all over your face while you giggle.

He is so happy, bless his heart, he really thought he would have to kill somebody.

Kunigami Rensuke

He looks normal on the outside, but he can hear his heart break in his chest.

He was genuinely surprised you would ask him since he was sure he made it clear he liked you. Finds it kinda cruel.

Suggest you write your genuine feelings down in a letter. He knows you are too shy to do it face-to-face.

The very next day he finds a cute envelope in his gym bag. You even sealed it with wax.

He would never admit it, but he had to fight back some tears by the end of your letter.

“You wrote this for me?” He is so touched.

Wraps you in a hug, and spins you around a few times, just for the dramatics.

Shidou Ryusei

“Are you cheating on me?!”

You can’t help but laugh at him, though he seems dead serious.

Starts listing reasons why you should be crushing on him instead until you whack him in the head.

“I refuse to help the competition darling!”

Makes a ‘beep!’ Sound every time you want to bring it up again.

You start to question why you’re even into this guy. He belongs in some kind of institution for sure.

You just end up shouting your feelings at him out of pure frustration. So much for a cute confession.

Barou Shoei

Baffled. Bamboozled. Looks at you like you just asked the stupidest question ever.

“What kind of donkey are you even into?”

He genuinely thinks that he is the best suited for you. You deserve the best and obviously, no one is better than him, so why are you even into some random guy?

“Just look them in the eye and tell them how it is or whatever!” He grumbles, turning his back towards you.

You tried to turn him around to face you again, but he is built like Hulk so you just have to walk around him and talk that way.

“You are the donkey I’m into!”

He is willing to look past the donkey part just this once.

Scolds you for scaring the shit out of him.

word count: 512

[storiesfromafan]

She’s More Than A Best Friend

A/N: the long awaited part two of Just His Best Friend.

I am sorry it has taken me so long to write and post the follow up, that so many asked for. I struggled with how to write and start this, but every now and then I would get ideas and write it out.

This is shorter then the first part. But good news, I am going to do a third and final part!

Part one was the reader dealing with her feelings and all that. This is about Mattheo, his thoughts and feelings. Part Three will be it all coming out and happy end 😊 unless you dont want a happy ending...🤔😂

Warning/s: a few swear words, angsty, possible speeling/grammar mistakes.

Tag List: @simp-for-love @augiemyers79 @hatakemrs @hisparentsgallerryy @alwayslatetothefandoms @kikilee24 @minghaossv

He’d pushed you into the orbit of Kellen Barlowe. Mattheo knew it, but had hoped whatever happened between you two would have sorted itself out by now. And things would have gone back to how it had always been.

But no. Even though you were still friends, you began to spend more time with Barlowe. It had started out as a quick chat before or after meals, before leading to long study sessions in the library and hanging out with his group of friends.

It anger Mattheo, to the point anyone who he heard gossiping about you and the number one guy he hated, he would hex them. He grew irritated by the friendship you had with Barlowe.

Then he had seen it when crossing one of the courtyards. The both of you sitting under a tree talking away, when Barlowe had the nerve to push some of your hair back behind your ear. You had gotten all shy, while the boy making you blush smiled fondly at you.

Before he could reach for his wand, Theodore put an arm around his friend. Then dragged him away, halting Mattheo's malicious intent. While Lorenzo was walking beside them talking about something pointless, like they were acting normal, no murderous intent present. But all Mattheo saw was red.

Being practically dragged away from preying eyes, Theodore finally let Mattheo go when they reached a secluded area. Mattheo moved around in an angered fit, once freed. He was seething, not only from seeing you with Barlowe, but his two best mates dragging him away and not letting him get some justice.

“W-why did you do that!?” Mattheo roared turning around to glare at his friends. “Could you not see what I saw! Barlowe and (Y/N/N) together! And the audacity he had to push her hair back!”. A frustrated noise then came from his throat.

Theodore and Lorenzo shared a look, something Mattheo did notice and found infuriating. Which only intensified when they turned their gazes back to him. The unsure looks on their faces stunned him for a second, just a second.

“Look, mate...” began Lorenzo, putting on that calm voice he used to defuse the situation. “We get it...you hate Barlowe-”

“I fucking hate him" growled Mattheo.

“-Yeah, fucking hate him. But, you know...did you ever think about (Y/N/N)? How she would take you hexing him?” Lorenzo finished with a soft expression.

For a moment Mattheo stood there, blinking as those words slowly sunk in. How would you take him hexing Barlowe? Would you sit there, understandingly? Would you laugh and cheer him on, that’s what Mattheo hoped for. Would you be upset, and make your friendship more tense...

Taking a deep breath, Mattheo sighed, knowing the answer. “She wouldn’t like it...she’d probably hate me...”

The anger and fire in him diminished. His voice soft, realisation and sadness in his tone. His shoulders even slumping. Both Lorenzo and Theodore could see that their friend finally got it. He couldn’t go to war with Barlowe, or else he’d lose you.

Theodore placed a hand on Mattheo’s shoulder. “You finally get it, don’t you?”

Mattheo nodded. And silence sat between the three for a short while. Lorenzo waited, hoping Mattheo would speak more, open up to them. While Theodore was never one for such sappy moments. He didn’t like seeing his mate like this, but this also wasn’t his forte.

“Come on, let’s go prank some first and second years" Theodore spoke up, wanting to be anywhere else then here, as well as hoping to cheer his friend up by doing something else.

But Mattheo shook his head. “No...not in the moon. You both go...” he said softly, stepping back from his two best mates.

Lorenzo and Theodore shared another look, this one full of concern. But decided to give their friend space. With a few more words shared, both males left Mattheo. Who in turn decided to head back to their dorm room.

He took to deserted halls, less contact with people the better. Only dealing with the murmurs from passing paintings. Then he descended the stairs to the dungeons. Each step down was like descending into his own personal Hell.

Entering the Slytherin common room, he noted students sitting around and chatting away. He didn’t waste time making his way to the dorms, and slipping into him room.

The silence caused his ears to ring. The coolness of the room making the hairs on his arm rise. Sitting on the edge of his bed Mattheo sighed, head in his hands. His mind recalling the courtyard, you and Barlowe, and how sickening you were both together.

The image of him pushing back your hair, you all shy, and Barlowe's damn smile, it made him angry. Yet this time not as murderous. Because Mattheo wouldn’t want to upset you if he hurt the older boy. You probably wouldn’t forgive him, Mattheo knew that.

But it hurt. Seeing you and the one guy he hated so damn much, friends and possibly more. His brain told him to hex Barlowe, even punch him. While his heart said no, dont do it. (Y/N/N) would be upset...

Falling back on his bed, Mattheo let out an irritated groan. He was use to just flying off the handle, starting fights with people. Only for you to be the one to sooth him, to softly chastise him and pull him into line.

This time, if he truly followed his instincts, he could lose you...

“You know one of these days you’re going to pick a fight with the wrong person...” you sighed, cleaning Mattheo's knuckles.

He rolled his eyes and smirked. “So little faith in me (Y/N/N)?"

You rolled your eyes. “I’m just saying...the next guy you fight might actually hurt you" you chastised.

Mattheo laughed. “I’d like to see them try. I’m faster in duels, and can fist fight like a champ”.

You dabbed his wound a little hard, making Mattheo wince from the pressure and antiseptic ointment.

“Oh so tough" you teased.

“I’m the toughest...” pouted Mattheo before smiling. “No matter the fights I get into, you’ll always be here to fix me up, right?”

You nodded your head. “Yes, unfortunately...”

That brief memory came to Mattheo's mind. The words from you both from second year haunting him. For you had been there every time he was scuffed or bruised, to tend to him and chastise him.

But this time, if he fought Barlowe, he knew you wouldn’t be there to fix him up. You’d choose your side, Barlowe's side.

Mattheo sighed as he laid there, looking up at the canopy of his bed. His heart was aching, he felt hopeless. And it was because he knew the truth.

Mattheo Riddle was in love with you.

Apart of him always knew it. But his brain would kill the thoughts. Chalking it up to being a worrying best friend. When it was a way to deny the truth.

And why? Fear. Fear of hurting you, hurting your friendship. Fear of letting someone so close to him, to know the real Mattheo. The Mattheo with such a troubled home life, the darkness within him.

You were pure, a light in darkness. A rare find in a Slytherin, but you were a beacon. And Mattheo knew he could ruin that. Nor did he want too.

So he became a playboy, different girl every few days to a week. Flirting relentlessly, making out with whomever. Never letting anyone closer than arm’s length. Except you, you were half an arm’s length from him, because he wanted you a little closer than the rest.

But look where it’s gotten him. Angry, hurt and scared. Angry because he’d let Barlowe get close to you. Hurt because your friendship was rocky. And scared, because he was losing you...

That beacon of light and hope fading out, bound to leave Mattheo in his darkness.

It’s what I deserve... he told himself. You deserve better.

In that moment Mattheo knew what he had to do. As your best friend he had to swallow his hate for Barlowe, and accept the friendship between you to. And if you ended up with him, Mattheo would be there.

Because he had to let you go. To find what makes you happy. And if it was Kellen Barlowe, Mattheo would support you. As a best friend would. Even if it killed him...

[kingofthewilderwest]

Hi Haddock! I'm currently writing my master's thesis on Tumblr, specifically on the way the technology (e.g. the UI) offered to us through the years has changed and brought forth Tumblr culture! For that, I need to do a deep, deep dive into Tumblr history (among other things) and I struggle to remember what was different about the site 12+ years ago - both from the technological and the social angle. Since you & your mutuals are some of the oldest tumblrinas I'm kiiinda aware of, I wanted to ask if you'd possibly be able and willing to list some of the things that you remember... it doesn't matter whether those were mechanics you loved or if they sucked lol.

For example, we used to have a better ask culture when people without an account were still able to chime in, but on the other hand, I recall post formats to have been sooo shitty haha.

It'll also be interesting to gather some aged screenshots from back then. I wonder if the wayback machine will help, but other than that, do you have any idea where I could find photos of a 2013 dashboard or some blog posts or anything??? The internet's search functions are so broken by now that I've grown tired of struggling for workarounds.

Your insight would be greatly appreciated!!!

Cheers!

HEYYYYYY SO I DO NOT WANT TO DELAY REPLYING ANY LONGER SINCE I AM SURE YOU ARE ON A TIME CRUNCH AND I MIGHT BE TOO LATE ALREADY

I would LOVE to grab some things for you. I might even have screencaps and more for you of 2014 tumblr if I get looking on my old laptop

My life has been Chaos and a Half

I have been flying by the seat of my pants so hard that my pants should register with the Department of Non-Motor Vehicles as a flying carpet

Let me know when your deadline is and I'll try to help

I think things are finally going to be calmer after this Sunday [knocks on a forest of wood]

[lokiandbuckysdoll]

could you write one about loki tickling the reader as revenge because she lied to him about being sick to stay in bed ?

I love this idea, hope you enjoy! :)

A Trickster’s Revenge

The room was quiet, too quiet.

You had wrapped yourself in layers of blankets, feigning a pitiful cough now and then, hoping it sold the illusion. Loki had invited you to one of his “harmless” training sessions, which, based on past experience, involved explosions, illusions, and at least three instances of mild emotional trauma.

So, you faked being sick.

A sniffle here, a dramatic moan there. “I’m so sick, Loki,” you had said, weakly wiping your forehead with a tissue. “Can’t even lift my head…”

Loki had narrowed his eyes suspiciously but eventually sighed, muttered something about “mortal fragility,” and vanished in a swirl of green.

That was three hours ago.

Now, comfortably sprawled in bed with a book and a cup of cocoa, you felt triumphant. Until—

Pop!

Green mist shimmered in the corner of the room, swirling into the unmistakable shape of one mischievous, infuriatingly handsome god.

You yelped, trying (and failing) to stuff the book under the covers. “Loki! What—what are you doing here?”

Loki raised a single, dangerous eyebrow. “Oh, I just returned from our little training session without my trusted partner, of course. Imagine my surprise when Stark mentioned seeing you dancing around the kitchen an hour ago.”

You paled. “I can explain—”

“You lied,” Loki cut in, voice smooth like velvet and twice as menacing. “And you know what happens to liars?”

You scooted back instinctively. “Exile? Forgiveness? A stern talking-to?”

Loki grinned. “Tickle punishment.”

Before you could protest, Loki lunged. A burst of green shimmered around him as he tackled the blankets, pinning you with alarming precision.

“Don’t you dare—Loki—Loki!” you shrieked, laughter already bubbling up as his fingers found their target: that cursed spot just beneath the ribs.

“Oh, I dare,” he purred, mercilessly attacking with an agility honed over centuries. “This is for the lies, the betrayal, and making me train alone with Thor.”

You gasped between bouts of hysterical laughter, squirming, trying to escape. “I—was gonna tell you!”

“Too late,” Loki said gleefully, now going for the backs of your knees. “The trickster has been tricked. Do you know how rare that is? This is history. This is personal.”

You were breathless, tears of laughter running down your cheeks. “Loki! I—can’t—breathe!”

He paused dramatically. “Do you yield?”

You panted. “Yes! Yes! I yield, I yield!”

Loki smirked, finally relenting and flopping beside them on the bed with a self-satisfied sigh. “Let that be a lesson to you, my dear Y/N.”

You glared at him, cheeks still flushed. “Next time I’m really sick, you’ll think I’m faking.”

“Precisely,” he said with a wink. “And I’ll tickle you anyway.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re the worst.”

“And yet,” Loki said, plucking your cocoa and sipping it smugly, “you love me anyway.”

You sighed, flopping back into the pillows. “Unfortunately.”

He grinned. “Delightfully.”

TAGS 🏷️

@caothicshit @huntressandlioness1 @huntress-artemiss @eleniblue @mochie85 @loopsisloops @lokischambermaid @lokisgoodgirl @just-another-blog34411 @Slave4loki @Moonchildofgalifey @slytherclaw1227 @foxherder @missvelvetsstuff @mistressmischief @ithinkimavis @daniellelaufeyson @jasmine-pudding @hannibals-favourite-meal @silverfire475 @vbecker10 @sarahscribbles @sarahrogersevans @tomandcakes @lyds247 @raajali3 @supraveng @kingkamk @multyunervisesuperfan

Add yourself to my tag list here

[dribs-and-drabbles]

This Week in The TCW

Apr 20th - Apr 26th

It's a real mixed bag this week with ten items of shared clothing being worn across twelve different shows. AND PIT BABE, KINNPORSCHE, AND JEFF SATUR HAVE ALL FINALLY MADE THE LIST! (It almost happened previously for KinnPorsche - a top worn by Macau was used in the opening credits of We Are but sadly not in the actual series, so it didn't count.)

Apr 23rd - My Golden Blood

The first item this week was a complete surprise for me in ep 7 of My Golden Blood. This yellow 'Weekend' shirt was worn also in City of Stars (Feb 2024).

Next is Tong's blue, grey, and white t-shirt. It was first worn in Wandee Goodday (Jul 2024) and has already been worn this year in The Boy Next World (Jan 2025). With this one I'm not sure if the colour differences are from the filming/post production, or if they just are different tones.

It was good timing this week for me to start my Pit Babe re-watch ahead of season 2 because I spotted Charlie's shirt (from ep 2, Nov 2023) on Mark (both are linin, the stripes are the same width, and the stripe directions on the shoulder seams are the same on both).

Apr 25th - Sweet Tooth Good Dentist

The first of four items in ep 5 of Sweet Tooth Good Dentist was one I knew would be worn from seeing it in the trailer. This was first used in Peaceful Property (Oct 2024) and then very briefly in ThamePo (Dec 2024).

But it was a surprise to see the t-shirt underneath Gugg's jacket - also worn by Day in Last Twilight (Dec 2023).

This pink and white hoodie jacket was another item I knew would appear in STGD - also worn in The Trainee (Aug 2024).

And this last one I had been anticipating since the pilot trailer. Also worn by Top in Only Friends (Aug 2023).

Historical Discoveries

The first historical discovery is a recent one - @jackandjoker pointed out to me that Tong's 'human' t-shirt from ep 3 of My Golden Blood had also been worn in KinnPorsche (Jul 2022), thus putting KinnPorsche and Jeff Satur on the Communal Wardrobe list! 🎉 (The writing on the back of the shirt is also the same. Incidentally, this is the only time Kim has anything written on his shirt - he almost exclusively wears plain tees [usually white or black if I'm not mistaken] - when he is thinking of and missing Chay. Make of that what you will).

Due to the above, I decided to do a scan through of the whole of KinnPorsche and discovered right at the end why a shirt I had seen in Monster Next Door (Aug 2024) had felt very familiar - worn also in ep 14 of KinnPorsche (Jul 2022).

And lastly, I saw the blue cloud sweater in this post from @mysterygrl20 which @gaypplonmyscreen then helpfully informed me was from ep 7 of Pit Babe (Dec 2023). Worn first (that I'm aware of) in Our Skyy 2 A Boss and a Babe (May 2023), and then more recently in Flirt Milk (Feb 2025).

Tagged by request: @my-rose-tinted-glasses @benkaben @pigglepiephi @jackandjoker If anyone else would like to be tagged then let me know.

[steamberrystudio]

28/04/2025 Devlog!

Hello everyone! Here is the tumblr update coming in a day late due to a hectic weekend and me being forgetful!

Summary Bullets:

Finished Wil's expressions for Chapter 6

Started on side character expressions

Worked on some new sprite stuff

Received the final background

Worked on POV scenes

More accessibility stuff

Art:

Not much in art news this time. I worked on some new sprite stuff for this episode and also received the *last* BG. I feel like I've been getting BGs for this game forever after having them done, then redone, then a lot of them redone again.

Writing

Worked on Asher's PoV scene that will go out with Chapter 6 but is about the events of Chapter 5.

One down...five to go.

Other Stuff:

Coding sprite expressions. Ugh.

I got all of Wil's expressions done for Chapter six and started on the side characters. My goal is to work through all the side characters since they have fewer lines than the LI and I can tick them off the list a bit faster.

Then work on the LIs.

I'm estimating there will be 2000 - 2500 expression switches in this chapter. And I've got about 1100 of them done. So. Huzzah. 

I also continued to work on some accessibility related things - mostly the way self voicing interfaces with the glossary. 

I think by my last update, I'd mostly fixed the issues with self voicing and the glossary, customisation, and affinity screens.

With the glossary, it was realising there was no signifier for the glossary hyperlinks other than the link being coloured differently. So I had to add a notification to that, which was simple enough.

But then it became an issue of finding the new entries in the glossary. So I added a "NEW!" tag to them.

But then the self voicing wouldn't read it. ╰(*°▽°*)╯

No matter what I did. ╰(*°▽°*)╯

This is why "adding alt text" sometimes isn't enough. Because sometimes for whatever reason it is, the self voicing won't read it. Or it reads it twice. Or it has some other weird issue.

So I fixed that finally. After a short struggle.

But there is still an issue where it's reading stuff in a weird order and I want to fix that *if I can* - however it's on the back burner for now so I can make progress in other areas.

Something else I did in that regard was go through and look for every hard scene transition where the narrative text and dialogue does not make it clear a transition to a new location happened...

And I added alt text that just indicates there was a scene change to a new place.

This will hopefully allow people to follow the story a bit easier if they're just listening because there won't be any sudden and silent changes to a new location.

And finally I have been going in and writing up glossary entries for all the people and places you encounter. The main purpose of this is to allow me to add in descriptive text that describes the person or place *without having to insert it into the story narrative as alt text*.

This will allow people to read the descriptions only if they want to. They can do it when they want and they can go back and re-read them if they want. I still have to go back through and add all the unlock statements since those have to be done manually but that is, again, something I will tackle later.

Upcoming Weeks:

I will be focusing on expressions and POV scenes first and then going on into flowcharts and the remaining things. So for the next two weeks at least, it'll be expressions and POV scenes.

And hopefully I will remember the update in two weeks and actually touch base again then.

[oysters-aint-for-me]

i want to write a novel, i’ve always wanted to and i finally have time and energy and i think i have the seed of a good idea, so i looked around for some exercises to do to get started.

one exercise involved writing down everything that you think makes a good novel. then you sort of keep that as your guiding light throughout the process, because you (theoretically) will be most interested in writing the kind of stuff you’ll like reading. (you also make a list of things you DONT like in novels so you can avoid them but that’s beside the point here)

so the absolute number one thing i put on my list of “what makes a good novel” is COMPLEX PLOTS because if you look at my list of favorite books, one thing that connects most of them is that they all have pretty intricate plots. (see: the lord of the rings, the locked tomb series, infinite jest, the broken earth trilogy.) i LOVE intricate plots i LOVE giant casts of characters i LOVE having to read something twice to get it i LOVE b-plots and c-plots and d-plots i LOVE immersive storytelling so yes. COMPLEX PLOTS is at the top of my list.

then once i made that list, i started looking up advice on how to write your first novel

and all the advice was like “AVOID COMPLEX PLOTS”

so like. what am i supposed to do???

i could avoid a complex plot and write something i find uninteresting and then get bored and quit (which i have done before)

or i could attempt a complex plot and potentially lose my way and then get overwhelmed and quit

idk i feel like most advice ive gotten about writing is to keep it simple, which i understand why that’s good advice, but it has led to me shooting down the more complex ideas ive had and i never feel satisfied with what i end up creating

so i don’t actually know if i have the skill or stamina to pull off a complex plot because ive never let myself actually go forward with it

so i think im going to let myself go crazy with the plot. like. why not? i’ve never let myself do it before. i should give it a shot. maybe that’s what’s been missing from my writing. i don’t know. it’s scary but i feel like i need to say fuck you to all the advice that tells me not to get too complex because if tolkien had listened to that advice we wouldn’t have frodo baggins. obviously im no tolkien - but then again maybe i AM and i just don’t KNOW it because i never let myself try!!! aaaaah

[eldritch-elrics]

the 5 best games i played in 2024

this is not a "top games of 2024" list, because, as always, i failed to play more than a handful of games that were released this year. instead, these are my favorites of the... 14 or so? games i beat for the first time this year. enjoy!

i tried to limit myself to putting one game per franchise on here. sorry, dark souls 3.

1. Dark Souls (2011)

a game about being one little undead warrior in a big mean world <3

dark souls! what a game! though i technically started playing this in december 2023, i think i'm allowed to count it among my 2024 games.

moreover, this is definitely going on the "favorite games of all time" list. i adore dark souls. it's rare that i start playing a game and instantly feel like we're speaking the same language. i love the weirdness and awkwardness of it, i love the grungy medieval fantasy atmosphere, the great characters, the difficult but satisfying combat, the incredibly memorable environments... the list goes on. there's a reason this is a classic. it's a very silly game and also a very clever game. i am incredibly glad that i decided to give it a try.

2. Silent Hill 2 (2001)

a game about a man who travels to a strange, empty town in search of his dead wife.

there was this one night in october in which i played through a frankly ridiculous chunk of this game in one sitting, and afterwards i felt completely insane in a way that i have very rarely experienced!!! what did they put in silent hill 2 to make it one of the most emotionally arresting game stories i've ever seen? i'm still trying to answer this one. add to that some top-notch atmosphere, excellent scares, and an environmental design philosophy that makes the world seem simultaneously more real and more surreal... and you get an incredibly tight, smart game where every part of it contributes to crafting the experience.

3. Inscryption (2021)

a game about playing a life-or-death game of cards in a spooky cabin with an old man who likes to cheat.

speaking of very clever video game stories!! inscryption is a fantastic addition to the metafictional games canon. of all of the games here, i think this one surprised me the most - it plays with your expectations so deftly, and all in service of a deliciously simple meta premise. helps that the core gameplay is extremely addictive, too. this was my balatro

4. The Beginner's Guide (2015)

a game about a guy showing you a few short games his friend made.

can i put a game on this list that i haven't played myself? though i watched courtesy play it, it's more or less a "walking simulator" sort of a game, so i got more or less the same experience. anyway, this is another metafictional game that subverts expectations in a major way that i am still thinking about nearly a year later. unfortunately, this is another one i shouldn't talk too much about - it's short, you should just play it yourself.

5. Lil Gator Game (2022)

a game about a lil gator trying to build the best playground game ever with their friends!

not only is this a very cute game about a cute gator exploring a big island, it is also a beautifully written game about games. not in the same way as inscryption or beginner's guide - it's about playground games! as someone who played a lot of those as a kid, this one struck a chord with me. it's also very creative, consistently laugh-out-loud funny, and all around charming.

honorable mentions:

Sable (2021) - what a cool world. what a cool way (and cool reason) to explore a world. this one majorly scratched my "exploring and collecting things" itch.

Dark Souls 3 (2016) - dark souls 3 is just really good, guys.

and if you want to see a list of all the games i played/experienced this year, here it is!

[ruvviks]

to celebrate nearly three years of posting about these bozos, have the clown brigade in all their glory (please for the love of god click for better quality)! bios are in order of the individual pictures! vincent "v" mayer [he/him] >> the living legend of the afterlife. a resourceful and skilled merc working for vitali dobrynin and many other fixers in night city vitali dobrynin [he/him] >> a high profile fixer from wellsprings, and v's partner. offers high risk / high reward gigs and is well known for joining his mercs on the job cato wu [she/her] >> one of kang tao's most wanted. becomes head of security for vitali after mikhail koshechkin steps down from the role shiro nakano [he/him] >> ex arasaka security turned assassin and security expert. handles vitali's most dangerous assassination gigs huxley byrne [she/they] >> skilled gunner and (getaway) driver. used to run with the moxes before becoming one of vitali's most trusted eddie wolfe [he/they] >> ex bouncer turned mercenary. handles most bodyguard-type gigs at vitali's office and provides on-site security lauren dimas [she/her] >> a skilled netrunner and techie from t-bug's circle. has known vitali since college and handles all of his office's cybersecurity mikhail koshechkin [he/him] >> vitali's ex head of security and main medic at his office. regularly tags along on gigs when no one else is available thibault lajoie [he/they/xe] >> ex doll turned mercenary. specializes in stealth operations and provides on-site security with eddie wolfe

taglist (opt in/out)

@nistarot, @deadrlngers, @euryalex, @ordinarymaine, @mojaves;

@shellibisshe, @dickytwister, @mnwlk, @rindemption, @ncytiri;

@calenhads, @noirapocalypto, @faithchel, @radioactiveshitstorm, @strafethesesinners;

@fashionablyfyrdraaca, @radioactive-synth, @katsigian, @estevnys, @devilbrakers;

@aezyrraesh, @carlosoliveiraa, @adelaidedrubman, @fromgotham, @wardenevka;

@samuraifics