#but i think it always does
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So I'm struggling a little bit trying to identify what (for me) is a hyper-fixation and what is a special interest. (brought on by the Twister movie coming soon).
I am diagnosed with autism and probably have ADHD as well (but i can't afford to get that assessed currently) and the stuff that I get into tends to hold my interest for months at a time, rather than being more short lived or becoming part of my identity.
When I was in Grade Seven I got really into stormchasing. I was watching a lot of videos, and learning about tornadoes and stuff like that, but (either deliberately or on accident, i don't remember) I was able to move on, almost completely. I think it was a deliberate move; that I was bordering on obsession and cut myself off from it, but if it was a special interest then I wouldn't have been able to do that, right? But I was into stormchasing for months, and I thought that was too long for a hyper-fixation?
Help? I've had similar experiences with other stuff, where I get really into it for longer than I probably should, and then lose interest or abandon it. Is this more normal for someone with both autism and ADHD? Or something else?
#autism#adhd#audhd#i'm trying to figure myself out#it's taking a while#but i think it always does#so i guess i'll keep going#anyway#can anyone help me?
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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The FNAF Vanessas meet their younger selves..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf vanny#fnaf vanessa#vanessa shelly#vanessa afton#fnaf movie#security breach#fnaf fanart#MORE SCENE VANNY 🩵🩵🩵#also this is a semi sequel to the Mikes ver I made#seeing I think the Vanessas deserve the funny too 😤#I like to think Vanny would tell her younger self white lies#she knows at that age she just wanted to know life would get better for her#seeing teen her was stuck living with her awful father#Vanessa’s life does get hard again as an adult but.. SINCE HW2 I think she’s in a better place#finally stood up to her abuser and all so it does get better#WHILE MOVIE VANESSA …#bit more manic here BAHAH#listen if younger Vanessa loosen screws on her fathers suit#would anyone even know 🙏🏾#she could get away with it-#Movie Vanessa of course would want to prevent things anyway she can#the Afton kids always being a lil crazy is so real
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every time i think about how armand as rashid is a kind of visual echo of how he looked as amadeo i want to explode
like... his big brown eyes... all his little expressions... his hair...
#only amadeo was a lot more expressive and free in his movements i think#but i think you can see he's always itching to move much more than he does#pretty sure assad said something about consciously restraining his movements to play armand and hes really naturally fidgety#so imo that transfers really well to armand and how he controls himself#how he sometimes only briefly loses that control before trying to regain it#anyway...... losing my train of thought in the tags again#iwtv#armand
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lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.
#like i'm always gonna operate from a place of kindness but i've had to deal w so many people who're bad at communication/confrontation#which led me to think i'm the problem#that i deserve to be given the silent treatment or dismissed disregarded belittled etc#that's j not true. i'm far from perfect but i think so few people deserve that kind of reaction. and my biggest revelation is i do not#even if people want to make me think i do / that their reaction is justified / that i'm a burden etc#my biggest problem is i humor people like this for too long bc it's been normalized behavior to me#does this make any sense to anyone. it's the end of the year and i'm reflecting on so many things#p
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the easy grip on the knife. the leg over the seat. the hand over the other seat. the sassy "come get it" move. you know the bitch is smiling behind that mask even as he said the line.
#i can't believe i'm saying this#DEADPOOL CAN GET IT#Logan I'm sobbing I understand why you lunged at him#I would too bestie#it's the sass for me folks#paint that car white as much as they painted it red my god#a deadpool thirst post? from me? more likely than you'd think#this is a branch in realities i know it#i've never had Feelings for this motherfucker until this movie#all i'm left with is anger now because WHAT DOES HE WANT FROM ME#camera crew could have just made it landscape but noooooo they had to do a medium shot of this son of a bitch#i'm sending an especially affectionate fuck you in ryan reynolds' direction#i love how you love deadpool#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#wade wilson#logan howlett#poolverine#deadclaws#don't get me wrong i've always adored deadpool's personality. nobody's that hilarious and not have humongous balls i mean trauma.#but i've never went 'why he kinda' until this specific shot right here#@ camera crew why the fuck did you zoom in? WHY?#for me? well it's infuriating#do it again#gif is credit to the owner#30 tags aren't enough for me to dismantle how this shot made me feel. tumblr you gotta update#damn tumblr i'm tryna feed a village here#guys just find my other post
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no more fan-ta-sizing about it! everything's already changed~
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#figueroth faeth#riz gukgak#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#gorgug thistlespring#kristen applebees#fh class quangle#my! class swap thing! I guess this is like the poster for it now#got overinvested and finished it properly instead of winging it lol#in closeup order: cleric!gorgug; bard!riz; rogue!fabian; sorcerer!kristen; barbarian!fig; artificer!adaine#this one does have the harpoon gun I'd give fabian during sophomore year but literally only figured out for this piece lol#I like how it looks tho Im glad I hashed it out#thinking abt power armor adaine a lot tbh... she has the transhumanist audacity. she's villain-adjacent enough#to attempt unspeakable acts of body improvement#(its funny bc to wear a rig like that would Also demand a certain level of physical strength from you)#also yeah this is the thing with riz holding a megaphone that got me considering#its fun! it fits the aesthetics! maybe it'd grant him range for bardics#maybe he gets to keep that Im just not sure how he'd carry it around lol#fig gets to have all of her makeup... I like almost never remember to draw it usually kdsjfhdjk listen. I just forgor#I always forget makeup is real#also dont ask me what's in kristen's thermos it Is usually tea but you truly never know#sometimes its soup. it can be lighter fluid. soap perhaps. hot chocolate#also if u come knocking on my door abt kristen's somatic in this piece: I wont be home#she gets to be gross especially bc shes funny and 17yo and gay. we give it to her#okay I. whoo I should lay down. finally I can move on to other things#cheers! wahoo. yahha perhaps
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Being on the nostalgia train this week really helped stretching my artistic legs again. So here, have some old things and some new! For now I'm done with this.
#naruto#team 7#kakashi hatake#dai nana han#listen I seldomly think about naruto but when I do it is only with a fix it mindset so there is always time travel involved#this was fun! overpainting old things is always the most easy for me if I haven't drawn in months#but I am also done with posting that stuff because one. made me draw other things two. there are some.. dedicated naruto fans#and I look into my ask box and go 'haha - hell no'#which kinda does kill the joy#which is WEIRD because isn't it old by now?? shouldn't things be... less intense ppfpfpf#on the other hand I got some lovely comments and stuff so <3#thank you alllll
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POV: You're the oldest sibling
it's tough being the oldest.
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Bonus:
#it's tough being a single mom. especially when youre a man with no children.#give me a dick grayson who's always on the precipice of either strangling his siblings or showering them with love#im not really a ''tim drake is a coffee addict'' truther however i do think he should be an absolute diva when it comes to food orders#that single period that dick sends is that 10% of rage that just barely seeped thru#also dude's like 30 he def does not understand the slang of the youth ''lock in?? tf does that mean??''#also my girl stephanie deserves to be smart asf!! i wanna see her thriving#social media au#batfamily#batfam#dick grayson#jason todd#stephanie brown#tim drake#batkids#nightwing#red hood#spoiler#red robin#duke thomas#signal#bruce wayne#batman#batdad#dc comics#twitter#tweets#texts#incorrect quotes#fanatical posting
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remembering chilchuck's gray hairs that only lasted the first few chapters
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#delicious dungeon#chilchuck#i like to think they were always there and senshi and marcille just never noticed them#only laios did bc he does know and recognize chilchuck as an adult lol
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me in big fandoms: oh cool, it's so active and there's so many people to vibe with, this is amaz-
*finds my niche angle that appeals to approximately six people*
me: okay, folks, it's you and me now
#doctor who#shaun temple#doctor x donna#donna noble#fourteen x donna#doctordonna#fourteendonna#donna x shaun#this used to be how romantic doctordonna felt back in the day#but now it's wanting to know why shaun is how shaun is#like why are you THAT chill with all this#what life experiences have led you to this place#and where the lines where he would actually get frustrated with the doctordonna shenanigans are#coming up with a reason is more interesting than just blaming it on a flaw in the writing#though that absolutely may be what it is#why he can seem a bit flat#because rtd does not have a great history with black characters#for the record#i respect the different takes#mostly#but i always seem to do this with something#and overall i think donna might have a more complicated time adapting to the new situation than either shaun or the doctor#but let's not reduce shaun to a cardboard cutout
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The world needs more Yue and Zuko friendship, I squeal just thinking abt the parallels. They deserve a life changing field trip together and if u have abt ideas I’m all ears 👀
Hiii anon this ask fermented in my inbox and in my brain for so long,, so take this??? Post canon yue lives/no war au arts?? Anyway aside from the Parallels and their political position & their duty before hoes grindset I think they could learn a lot from each other. With zuko learning the gift of patience & diplomacy from yue & Yue learning that allowing yourself to feel anger and speaking up can actually be Good.
anyway hypothetical life changing trip outcome: zuko takes an intro gender studies class and yue says fuck
(oh and also must not forget the crush on sokka)
#id in alt text#‘toph should say fuck’ ‘let sokka say fuck’ if there’s one person who deserves to say fuck here it’s YUE#i rest my case#also yea i think comparing his life to yue’s would open zuko’s eyes towards Gender Inequality ksbfhd#he’s like you’re mai but prep what do u mean you can’t throw knives 😤#i can accept sexism but i draw the line at banned military indoctrination 😤😤#i like to think that at one point yue shows zuko how to prepare & butcher small game and he does an absolute shit job at it#+ feels queasy for 3 days#zuko#yue#my art#ash replies#ALSO I MUST SAY!!! DRAWING THIS WHILE READING LIKE THE SUN CH4??? NOT FEELING WELL BESTIES#oh also since we’re talking fics…. js if u see this…… dywtjtb will always be famous
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All he knows is flirt with men and lie.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#su she#jin guangyao#Jin Guangyao smelt the 'no one appreciates me' wafting off this guy and said 'is anyone else going to manipulate that to their benefit?'#Su minshan fans...I get it. He's so deep into his role as a pawn he thinks he might have a chance of being someone bigger in this game.#He does play a key role but he's never actually out of anyone's shadow! That's brutal!#JGY's manipulation games are always so fun to see in action. His words are his weapon!#He's getting verbally kicked around only to have someone acknowledge his achievements! Just like how NMJ did for JGY.#He is a master of honeyed words and gentle appreciations. His instrument is *your* heartstrings.#He might see himself in Su She; They both feel under valued and hungry for more importance -#-but it's also a means for JGY to know how to pull his strings.#(IN THIS MOMENT. I very much realize he does come to care for him later on.)#It is also funny how much his powerplays involve sweet talking men. Where did he learn that from?#(Most likely the brothels he grew up in. It's a kick in the gut once you see that link!)
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Michael Afton and Jeremy Fitzgerald are FNAF besties..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf movie#mike schmidt#michael afton#jeremy fitzgerald#fnaf 2#jeremike#Michael is chill with Mike#but he definitely likes Jeremy A LOT more#biased to his fellow video game boys#though Mike would be the same way with Jeremiah me thinks#every Mike needs a Jer!!#Michael being able to draw is always my favourite detail on him#he usually doesn’t feel nervous about sharing drawings#but he does with Jeremy cause he wants him to like it#I gotta draw more of Jeremy and Michael’s friendship..#they are a duo homies besties partners 🩵💜
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learned something about myself lately
#i dont think its even the fact almost all my characters are somewhat beasts in one way or another. i just#really like tails and wish i had one myself#and then my oc designs are a little tame theyre mostly human shaped with animal features. but they always have tails#my eyes have recently been opened to the appeal of long whiplike unicorn tails.. so flowy and curly#something about the tuft at the end being long and swirly just does something for me..#maybe it would make sense to change auggies tail shape so it looks like a meteor. her design is mainly pink with hot pink accent#so it would be cool to use that and orange to make it look like a fire meteor.. maybe itll help complement the blue/green in her design#head full of ocs today so expect a ramble later#if i had a tail i think it would be long with a kink. so it kind of folds over once but not in a curl#when it wags its kind of a swaying motion. i have thought about this a normal amount#yapping
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shhhh
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#itafushi#fushiita#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#tortured megumi fr three and a half draws in a row so now he can nap with his bf as a reward#thanks fr always being such a good sport megumi gomennnnnn#it's always a bit jarring going back 2 simple fluffy pieces after weeks of the heavier stuff#bc on one hand it's nice 2 just draw sth cute. but on the other hand i am like what am i supposed 2 Yap abt now!!!#wym they r just cuddling wym there is no Lore#the only thing abt this piece tht digs a bit deeper is th fact tht - unbeknownst 2 me while i ws sketching -#the pose ended up w them in the shape of an anatomically correct heart#patting my subconscious on th back fr that one . itfs heart imagery my beloved#also yuuji Koala itadori the absolute psychopath 100% th type 2 sleep in a hoodie without overheating . poor megumi smh#not only does he have 80kg of Boy practically On him but all th added heavy fabric on top of that#he may look peaceful here but best bet this boy is not getting a full 8 hours#maybe in its own way this too is a hina tortures megumi draws#i think he'll forgive me tho smile. he'll forgive yuuji too
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