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hausofmamadas · 2 years ago

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First, let me start off by saying .... I’m mad. I’m mad at this whole thing, how perfect it is, how well captured this pobre’s mannerisms, how steamy the smut is bc like, yes, it’s hot but it also happens to be ELEGANT ASF and I want it on the record, imma straight fight you if you ever claim to be bad at writing Sexy Stuff, okay. Porque no me chingues con estas pendejadas porque es un chinga de mentiras(cariñosa), te lo digo. Estamos? Bien 👍🏼

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✸ His fingers are twitching, restless, begging for a smoke. He emphasizes each word as if doing so would make you believe he’s right, like this isn’t career suicide, like this would solve everything. The final piece to the puzzle that is Colombia’s war on drugs.

YEAH SO HERE WERE GONNA BARREL OUT THE FUCKING GATE JUST COPY/PASTING A FULL ASS PARAGRAPH AND ME FUCKING S C R E A MING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS BECAUSE LITERALLY I DONT EVEN— I DONT KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN??? first off, begging for a smoke, idk why but that is such an evocative description but it is so visceral, i can see it as tho I’ve filmed it myself. But then also the characterization of “like this isn’t career suicide, like this would solve everything” is the most accurate thing that has been written about this. Like it just summarizes the contradictions so vividly and succinctly, im actually shaking you to the point of concussion sksksksks

✸ You can tell this one stings by how his lips curl slightly. How his full name, raw, usually foreign, comes out of your mouth.

Okay i love that you specifically said his full name is usually foreign ngl when I read a fic where he’s referred to as “Javier” a lot, it takes me out of it a little just bc they never really call him that on the show and it sounds so formal but THEN ALSO SKSKSS the way this smacks so much of that thing when your parents call you by your first, middle, and last name when you know you right fucked up something sksks like they mean business

✸ ‘’ Does Steve know about this? ‘’ ... Did you tell him before me, you want to say, do you trust me as much as I trust you. It is a shame really, how you want to be the first person he confides in, how you yearn to be more than a lover at times.

GODDDDDD AGAIN I AM SHAKING MY FIST INTO THE SKY AT HOW FUCKING GOOD THIS IS, LIKE STRAIGHT THE FUCK UP!!!!! THE LONGING, THE KNOWING HES NOT GOOD FOR YOU AND STILL WANTING MORE ANYWAY. Like fododddkdkdidke wow, im just fucking really like— okay, you know how I’m the hash slinging slasher episode of spongebob where squidward is telling him the story and he pulls the holes down on the sides of his face runs to camera roll to try to find it ..... okay this one? This is my fucking face rn

Specifically at do you trust me as much as I trust you like woof, idk dude that shit just SLAPT

✸ But you do remember how easy it had been to ease into it, to borrow his shirts so you could stay the night, to remember his days off and his favourite colour.

SOROROTRPTTOTOTRTTTOOOOOOPPPPPPPP YOU HAVE TO STOP, YOU HAVE TO STOP FUCKING DOING THIS TO ME, I DOKT EVEJRNEKSISKEN EVEN KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS THE WAY THIS MADE ME FEEL. Like it just godddddddddd, “remember his days off and his favourite colour,” like fuck man, we have all been there or maybe it’s just me sksksks who’s been a Simp for man with no capacity to Simp in equal measure in return KEKW but godddd just this is so, he’s under your skin and it was never supposed to be that way like lowkey you’re trying to white-lady-math-meme how tf you got to the point of liking this mf so much when you went into shit like ��im not out to wreck my own life just my bed/body sjsjs si me sientes sksksks” and then weeks go by and you’re like “dopedopedopedopedope so glad I know how you take your coffee and am dreaming about what kind of father you’d be to our kids. It’s cool” sksksks look I’m rambling and I know it but i just— look it fucks, okay? It just fucks.

✸ ‘’ I do, Ja- ‘’ you swallow, hard, ‘’ I do, but you can’t put those guys in prison and shake their hands at the same time. ‘’

Pfffttjejdjdkdjsjd but why do I feel like Javi deep deep deep down lowkey thinks he could make those dudes like him tbf at least he speaks Spanish and could prob avoid getting his ass beat to fuck on a regular basis. Cannot say the same for our boy Steve sksks

✸ His shoulders relax a bit as he exhales smoke through his nose. You know he doesn’t need a new enemy right now, that he feels like he is surrounded on all fronts.

Oh idk why this made me so just 🥺🥺🥺🥺 like theres something weirdly romantic about this?? Like despite the straight-up accurate and reasonable judgements about his straight-up insane and unreasonable actions, they’re willing to put those aside in order to make him feel not even just like at-ease but in an effort to just be there for him and listen and not me just over here shaking my head bc that means Reader has achieved a level of emotional stability and selflessness that Javier mf sksks Peña is not prepared for

✸ ‘’ Frankly? ‘’ he pulls again at his cigarette, smoke filling up the space between you, ‘’ I stopped counting. ‘’

SKSKSK no i am screamamamaksksing at this response to “when’s the last time you got a full night’s sleep” bc like..... same, Javi. Same. Like honorable mention for my similarly garbage sleep schedule only im not in a foreign country, fighting against narco terrorism, working within a system that’s designed to do nothing but facilitate my failure.... im just like, “breakups is hard. I hate grocery shopping. Man, gas is expensive. What do I want to do with my life, what do I want to be when I grow up. Dang, that climate change is a real bummer” sksksks so like yeah— that’s the same right?

✸ ‘’ I can’t risk my career, my life, on this. Maybe you end up back in the US if the higher-ups catch you, severance package or whatever, but what do you think happens to me? ‘’

Colombia, is what will happen to you, sicarios and forced resignation, is what will happen to you.

BRO THE ACTUAL DID I JUST SAY ABOUT MAKINg ME PEEL My OWN FACE OFF, like anatomically I’m gonna run out of things to peel off and it’ll just me my bones. Bc the way the “sicarios and forced resignation” SHOOK ME FOR JESUS. Like idk put that way, the actual genuine stakes here become extremely real in a way that i don’t feel sometimes even watching the show

✸ ‘’ I can have you an embassy ID, you can come with me. ‘’ *Don’t sell promises you can’t give me.* It is your turn to be angry now, ‘’ Don’t lie to me. Don’t say things like that. ‘’

SKSKSKSKSKSKS JAVI SJSJSJS THE SOLUTION TO EVERY PROBLEM IS NOT TO GET AN EMBASSY ID AND BOUNCE TF OUT OF TOWN actually the bounce out of town part isn’t a horrible plan but like my god, i feel like the embassy office doesn’t even make him fill out any paperwork for those ids anymore, that’s how often he goes there. Like they legit know when he’s gettin his dick wet, based on his need for an embassy ID, im fucking crying

✸ Home. Not yours, his. His country, his language, his favourite dinner places. Not yours. You stay silent, you don’t know what you want, what you should do, or why you want to say yes.

OKAY there comes a part... every fic, where I have to whip out my hilariously tiny prop-reading glasses, and my comically tiny detective’s notepad and take notes bc i just fucking realized you do this thing where like... you refer to broad things and then throw something in more specific that just makes that shit SLAP so much harder like the “his country, his language, his favourite dinner places.” And lioiiikke im sure there’s a specific name for this that those who are like real writers and thus significantly more qualified to even speak on the matter than i am even tho that never stops me KEKW would know. Howmever bc I am a full dilettante, im just gonna call it “emotional scalability” sksks where you refer to a thing broadly and then throw in something smaller, more concrete/mundane to demonstrate the emotional weight of a thing. Bro idk im sure this makes no fucking sense, but like look, i see you and i am Learning Things soskskskskssk that is all

✸ You can see the concern in his eyes, almost like regret. Maybe I should have kept this to myself. You know he is overthinking like he always does. His thigh is warm between yours as you pull him closer by the belt buckle.

OHHHHHHHH TOYTKEEIRJDJDJDJDJSJS R YOU DID NOT JUST FUCJIGNSKSKE DO THAT TO ME LIKE LULLING ME INTO A SENSE OF SECURITY WITH THE ANGST AND THEN FUCKING SLAPPING ME IN THE FACE WITH “by the belt buckle” im fucking screeeeeeching rn

✸ You feel the need to reassure him. You want him to know, know that you won’t exchange him for a few favours from his boss.

Okay so we’re just gonna file this under things I would never have thought about being a problem in these situations where I am just full :woahdeeby: marveling at the fact that you put this detail in there bc that makes so much fucking sense that it would be a concern and something that might make it harder to establish trust between them, although now, clearly Javi has established it with Reader and vice versa

✸ ‘’ Javi… They will wait for me before starting the meeting. ‘’

lsksksksksksksns so idk why, but my first thought was like, “oh daaaaaaamn okay, who is Reader and what is their title that literally their presence in the meeting is necessary to proceed with the meeting. Like is this bitch a boss? I think this bitch is a boss?” And then i just hc’d that they’re a boss bc the idea of that power dynamic tickles me to no end

✸ Your sentence comes out insistent, a small warning without any real meaning behind it. Don’t start something you can’t finish. His arms slither between yours and the rest of your body, his palms pressing against the wooden desk as he leans forward, belt slipping from your fingertips as his hips pull naturally backward.

FJDJDIWNWJWIAOQQPPADJNWWI\\+£\\*]*|££]+_+.¥{’* HIJO DE SHINGADA MADRE NO ME CHINGUES CON ESTE PUES BECAUSE THIS IS POSITIVELY FUCKING INDECENT OF YOU TO DESCRIBE THE WAY HES LEANING AGAINST THE DESK LIKE THIS, LIKE DESCRIBING IT SO WELL, ITS AS IF IVE FILMED AND EDITED THE WHOLE DAMN SCENE MYSELF, NO I CANNOOTTTT FUCKING BREATHE

✸ ‘’ Do you have to go now? ‘’

It’s not a question, even though he does whisper it like one. Don’t go. Stay here. An order, even if there is no rank to pull.

“An order even if there’s no rank to pull.”

*pinches bridge of nose, takes deep breath*

Elise

I swear to fucking Christ

That line is such straight fucking white lightning magic sent to you by Zeus himself, i actuallt cannot convey the deep pit of outrage i feel that this combination of words exists and i can never write it, like this shit is gonna keep me up at night OKAY THATS HOW GOOD THIS SHIT IS, IM FUCKING GUERO BASEBALL BATTING MY OWN FUCKING FURNITURE

✸ His fingers hook the underside of your knees, pushing you further into the desk. His voice is soft, hypnotizing, and you know you can’t say no to him. You never can. The whole thing feels like a dream, like being stirred in honey, back and forth, back and forth.

“The whole thing feels like a dream, like being stirred in honey”

...... bro I’m fucking done. I’m done. I give up. Bc what the actual for the love of fucking fucks am I supposed to do with myself now but detonate like a pipe bomb

✸ ‘’ Even if you don’t do this, I want you to come back with me. ‘’ Fuck.

THE SKSKSKSKSOWOSKS PLACEMENT OF THAT SINGLE SENTENCE “FUCK.” IS MAKING ME ACTUALLTKKSNS HOWL LAUGHING, IT IS SUCH A MOOD

✸ ‘’ I know. I know, I just- ah ‘’

SKSKSKKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKKSKS THIS IS THE MOST HILARIOUS AND AUTHENTIC R E A L REACTION TO THE FUCKING DIRTY CRIMES THIS MAN IS COMMITTING RN WHEN READER IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN A FUCKING MEETING

✸ Your resolve is weak in his hands. Slipping between your fingers, pooling around on the floor, seeping into the carpet.

‘’ Yes, alright, yes. ‘’

A defeat of sorts, but not one you go out of really losing.

*throws phone down to go Weapons of Mass Destruction on my desk and furniture*

✸ Tomorrow will be another day, but as he lowers you onto the desk once and for all, pushing around at the papers and clippings, you know you signed yourself off to something way above your pay grade.

I just– I mean– I don’t know what to say to you rn. Other than “☝🏽check please!” i have to go. I have to flee the country and change my name and get off the internet wntirely and start a whole ass new life bc that closing line is such an un-fucking-real banger, i don’t even have the resolve to scream at this point. I’m just catatonic actually

Hi lovely, if you’re taking requests please could I get your take on this (I cannot get it out of my head)🥲 Javier Peña x fem - in a secret relationship and they get into a huge argument before a really important meeting and end up fucking on Gaviria’s desk👀

Honey

Javier Peña x gn!reader (swearing, smut, not full on but like, a bit, the usual for the show), 1721 words

a/n : had to use a side profile gif, otherwise, it would have been a war crime. Did i just write? like half a smut? 2022 really was something

As always it's the fictional, not the real deal, enjoy xx (do I really have to put this warning on lil javi here?)

‘’ Los pepes, Javi? This is insane. ‘’

Javier is pacing in front of you. Left, right, left, right. The wood of the desk behind you is pressing on your hip, a constant reminder on how real this moment is, how he is a hundred percent serious, no joking around this time,

‘’ It is not. ‘’

His fingers are twitching, restless, begging for a smoke. He emphasizes each word as if doing so would make you believe he’s right, like this isn’t career suicide, like this would solve everything. The final piece to the puzzle that is Colombia’s war on drugs,

‘’ You can’t be fucking serious- ‘’

‘’ Are you going to report me? Is that what you’re saying? ‘’

Your hand raises to your forehead, pressing the skin, hiding behind your hand. You didn't want your day to start off like this, fighting once more about him putting his life on the line. Sneaking around again to hide from the glances and the whispers. You had been doing a good job at it for a few months, even when he had started to be bolder at times. You sigh,

‘’ Don’t. Don’t put words in my mouth, Javier. ‘’

You can tell this one stings by how his lips curl slightly. How his full name, raw, usually foreign, comes out of your mouth. The air is tense in the room, whoever’s empty office he pulled you into. You knew he had been hiding something for weeks now. You don’t know what is worst, how you were thinking for a second that maybe he was maybe trying to fuck the new secretary, or how he was actually fucking around with narcos. You can’t stop how your foot taps incessantly on the carpet,

‘’ Does Steve knows about this? ‘’

Your voice comes out smaller than you intended, soft and whispered, like a secret. Did you tell him before me, you want to say, do you trust me as much as I trust you. It is a shame really, how you want to be the first person he confides in, how you yearn to be more than a lover at times.

You don’t remember when you and Javier had started going out, meeting out after work, sipping away the stress of the week. But you do remember how easy it had been to ease into it, to borrow his shirts so you could stay the night, to remember his days off and his favourite colour,

‘’ You’re the only one that knows. I thought you would understand. ‘’

You shake your head, shifting your weight to your other foot,

‘’ I do, Ja- ‘’ you swallow, hard, ‘’ I do, but you can’t put those guys in prison and shake their hands at the same time. ‘’

He reaches into his pocket, finally pulling a cigarette from the pack. He knows you’re right. His eyes don’t leave your face as he lights it up, and you can tell he’s burning inside, red eyes, fingers twitching. You push yourself off the desk, taking a step forward. Your hand comes up, cradling his bicep. He smells of cigarette, and whiskey and-

‘’ When was the last time you had a full night’s sleep, amor? ‘’

The word comes soft from your lips, rolling off your tongue. His shoulders relax a bit as he exhales smoke through his nose. You know he doesn’t need a new enemy right now, that he feels like he is surrounded on all fronts. It is a cry for help in a way, looking for solace in desperate times,

‘’ Frankly? ‘’ he pulls again at his cigarette, smoke filling up the space between you, ‘’ I stopped counting. ‘’

Your hand caresses down and up his arm. You are not surprised by how Javier decided to take the matter into his own hands, how he thinks doing this will end up saving everyone, even if he knows it’s not entirely true. You sigh,

‘’ I can’t risk my career, my life, on this. Maybe you end up back in the US if the higher-ups catch you, severance package or whatever, but what do you think happens to me? ‘’

Colombia, is what will happen to you, sicarios and forced resignation, is what will happen to you. You can’t look at him, so you play with his shirt instead, rubbing the material between your fingers as he leans behind you toward the desk to put out his cigarette. You can smell his aftershave and you know his eyes are trying to find yours again while he straightens his back,

‘’ I can have you an embassy ID, you can come with me. ‘’

It is like you have been shocked, raising your head so fast to look at him. Don’t sell promises you can’t give me. It is your turn to be angry now,

‘’ Don’t lie to me. Don’t say things like that. ‘’

‘’ I wouldn’t lie to you if I didn’t think I could do it. ‘’, his hand is wrapped around your elbow now, bringing you closer again, ‘’ I mean it. Do this with me, come back home with me after this. ‘’

Home.

Not yours, his. His country, his language, his favourite dinner places. Not yours. You stay silent, you don’t know what you want, what you should do, or why you want to say yes. You cross your arms, stepping back to lean on the wood once more,

‘’ I’m not sure what you want me to do. How you want me to help. ‘’

‘’ You have access to a lot more information than I do. I am not asking you to share everything, I want you to come to me if you feel it would help. You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. ‘’

He is a step away from you now, cornering you between him and the desk. You can smell the remnant of the cigarette on him, overpowering his cologne. You don’t remember when he got so close or when his hand wrapped carefully behind your ear to press away at the tension in your neck. You can see the concern in his eyes, almost like regret. Maybe I should have kept this to myself. You know he is overthinking like he always does. His thigh is warm between yours as you pull him closer by the belt buckle,

‘’ I’ll see what I can come up with. Your secret is safe with me, okay? ‘’

You feel the need to reassure him. You want him to know, know that you won’t exchange him for a few favours from his boss. His breath is soft on your cheek, his nose moving across your temple. If anyone were to come in now, with him between your legs, his mouth in your hair-

‘’ Javi… They will wait for me before starting the meeting. ‘’

Your sentence comes out insistent, a small warning without any real meaning behind it. Don’t start something you can’t finish. His arms slither between yours and the rest of your body, his palms pressing against the wooden desk as he leans forward, belt slipping from your fingertips as his hips pull naturally backward.

‘’ Do you have to go now? ‘’

It’s not a question, even though he does whisper it like one. Don’t go. Stay here. An order, even if there is no rank to pull. His hand slides up from the desk to your hips in one long motion, gripping at the flesh, wrinkling the fabric. His thigh comes up between your legs, pressing against you. Your head lulls back slightly, eyes following the motion,

‘’ I do, I really do- ‘’

His mouth is behind your ear now, whispering things in English you barely understand and don’t care to, as his hand taunts the skin under your shirt, pulling it from under your belt. Air gets stuck in your throat, the noises in the hallway stop. His leg comes up again, leaning forward into you with his whole body, rubbing himself on your thigh. Javier groans as your hand weave in his hair, pulling skin and curls as his lips trail your neck, tongue and teeth,

‘’ I don’t want you to go. I really really don’t want you to go. ‘’

His fingers hook the underside of your knees, pushing you further into the desk. His voice is soft, hypnotizing, and you know you can’t say no to him. You never can. The whole thing feels like a dream, like being stirred in honey, back and forth, back and forth,

‘’ Come with me, ‘’ he breathes, laboured, moaning, ‘’ Even if you don’t do this, I want you to come back with me. ‘’

Fuck.

‘’ Stop- ‘’ you press your fingers to his mouth, to keep his moans from echoing in the hallway, to keep his words from piercing through your skin,

‘’ I’ll take care of you, you know I will. ‘’ he starts again. His breath is warm on your fingers, you can feel the humidity on your skin. His hand lowers on your stomach, fingertips sliding under your underwear,

‘’ I know. I know, I just- ah ‘’

You melt into him, pushing your hips into his hand as he pushes back against your thigh,

‘’ Come with me, I beg you. ‘’

Come for me. Your resolve is weak in his hands. Slipping between your fingers, pooling around on the floor, seeping into the carpet,

‘’ Yes, alright, yes. ‘’

A defeat of sorts, but not one you go out of really losing. Your underwear slightly burns your skin as he pulls it up, pushing it to the side as much as can. He moans in your ear, again and again. Your head rolls on his shoulder, and it’s your turn to cry out, chest pressing against his,

‘’ Don’t, god- Please don’t be too loud, if someone walks in- ‘’

‘’ Are you even listening to yourself right now? ‘’ he breathes out, laughing.

You can feel him smiling against your cheek, how taunting his words are, teasing. Tomorrow will be another day, but as he lowers you onto the desk once and for all, pushing around at the papers and clippings, you know you signed yourself off to something way above your pay grade.

#screamblog #narcos #narcos fanfic #javier peña x reader #javi peña x reader #gn reader #everyone this shit is fucking gold

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minatodilf · 5 years ago

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i was tagged by @teojida thank u king 🙌🏽

What was your last

Drink: vanilla coke 🙌🏽

Last phone call: work....

Last text: to my older sister, asking her to pick up food on her way home but she hasn’t responded so looks bleak kings

Last song you listened to: my brothers watching nge out in the family room and I’ve been hearing the theme song play a lot longer than it should be so i guess cruel angels thesis

Last time you cried: hmmm maybe a month ago? i don’t remember these things lol

Have you ever dated someone: unfortunately! i never listened to my friends when they told me he was shitty and creepy, wish I had!

Been cheated on: el em aye oh yeah!

Kissed someone and regretted it: big time, my dude

Lost someone special: not really

Been drunk and thrown up: yes

List three fave colors: yellow, red, orange! (Ok me too king)

In the last year have you…

Made a new friend: yeah!

Fallen out of love: yes!

Laughed until you cried: yeah

Met someone that changed you: yeah I guess u grow from ur mistakes so yeah?

Found out who your true friends are: idk maybe?

Found out someone was talking about you: lmaoo yeah

Kissed someone on your FB friends list: yeah I don’t have facebook

General

How many people on your FB friends list do you know irl: don’t have fb

Do you have any pets: we have two cats! Salem is a black cat and yeah he’s named after the one from Sabrina, my older sisters named him. and the other is bean, idk cat breeds but he’s pretty 😔 my brother had a blue budgie, his name was sasuke. yeah I know...it was embarrassing for a while ahdjshsj he got old and passed away recently tho

Do you want to change your name: i do, probably not to ash though. ill keep that as a nickname, idk what I’d change my name to

What did you do for your last birthday: euheheh my birthday was January, i went out clubbing with a group of friends for my 18th

What time did you wake up today: a little after 8:30am. Bc its school break rn it’s just me and my brother at home, our parents leave early for work and come home late so he woke me up to go get breakfast from McDonald’s. i had a sausage and egg mcmuffin with the hash brown and juice and it was soooooo good.

What were you doing at midnight last night: playing Final Fantasy X on the switch

Name something you CANNOT wait for: OHHH DUDE NEW ANIMAL CROSSING!!

Last time you saw your mother: uhh last night I think, i was still asleep when she left for work this morning

What is one thing you wish you could change about life: i wish my family was well off. i wish I could afford to pay next semesters uni fee to continue my degree, and my parents didn’t have to worry about it so much.

What are you listening to right now: the sound of nge from the other room and my brother occasionally yelling at the tv

Have you ever talked to a person with the name Tom: you know what, i don’t think I ever have

What’s getting on your nerves: thinking about money and the lack thereof lol

Most visited website: tumblr + youtube

Nickname: ash! my parents call me shortened versions of my actual name sometimes, but ash really click with everyone. Even my parents use it sometimes.

Relationship status: single 🤟🏽 recently broke up with my shit hole ex and whew who knew i was so blind and stupid!

Zodiac sign: aquarius

Pronouns: he/him

Fave tv shows: I don’t really watch tv but I like naruto so.

Hair color: it’s naturally black, i tried dying it blonde a while ago but it looked fucked so I dyed it back to black omg

Long or short: on myself I prefer short I guess? but just long enough for me to still look like a sasuke kinnie

Height: hnnhghgh 5’0

Do you have a crush on someone: mr minato the dilf supreme

What do you like about yourself: oh yeah being gay and trans is Super Sexy of me

Tattoos: oof yeah I got some but my parents still don’t know about them, the adrenaline keeps me going. I’d like a few more tho 👀

Righty or Lefty: righty!

First surgery: im pretty hardy i haven’t been to the hospital

First piercing: first was my ear lobes, i now have a lot more all in my ears tho. I’d like a couple more.

First best friend: we aren’t friends anymore. I used my sisters Facebook to look her up recently and she’s very openly homophobic so glad I dodged that bullet lmao

First sport you joined: yeah i was a ballet child, then i moved on to volleyball and then track briefly in high school

First pair of trainers: huh? What?

Right now

Eating: nongshim onion ring snacks, I’m a frequent at the asian market bc im always buying my onion flavoured ring snacks

Drinking: I had a bottle of water on my bed but I can’t locate it atm...

Listening to: bts’s idol and I’ve run out of skips on my free version of Spotify so I guess that

Want kids: not at the moment

Career: i would love to be an artist or a writer, something creative but like that’ll never happen lmao

Which is better:

Lips or eyes: hmm idk lips ig

Hugs or kissed: hugs

Shorter or taller: i kinda...like...being smaller so..

Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous

Nice stomach or nice arms: yeah tummy is the best!

Sensitive or loud: hmmm I’m already very loud so maybe sensitive, we need a balance

Hook up or relationship: hook up bro I’m over relationships

Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger: yes

Drank hard liquor: yes

Lost glasses/contacts: yes

Sex on a first date: yea

Broke someone’s heart: not that I’m aware of lol

Had your own heart broken: man idk.

Been arrested: very close call but ultimately no

Turned someone down: yep

Cried when someone died: ye

Fallen for a friend: oh briefly back in high school but he was straight and made some homophobic jokes so like. I had no taste.

Do you believe in:

Yourself: hhhh he’s trying!

Miracles: mmmmmm no

Love at first sight: ehhhh yeah ok

Santa Claus: nope. My sister ruined it all for me early so.

Kiss on the first date: yea

Angels: ehhhhh idk...

i tag: @nbsoras @bosstheme @cishethiruzen @bayonettamutual @ochaiko @thelegendoftwink @dykexion

i know this is VERY long so of course u don’t have to do it if u don’t wanna ✌🏽

#whew that was long but fun #tagged #long post

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 7 years ago

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warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

alright. part two, here we go

“she’s safe”

“I’m afraid you’ve lost me”

the words ‘maya’ and ‘safe’ do not go together in phoenix’s dictionary

...Phoenix’s phone has caller ID??

ooh a phone vocal-blip. cute

ok fuck you how is the Benefactor keeping tabs on them?? Did Atishon use his One Phone Call to report to headquarters or something???

“I admit, I didn’t see that coming”

well spoilers guys I know who the benefactor is, and they have to be pretty fucking stupid not to know that a spirit medium is needed for this.

“its your friendly neighbourhood dragon”

no dhurke, youre not cool enough to be spiderman.

“you cant lay a hand on maya fey, and i mean literally”

>foreboding

[sighs deeply]

guys. just. fucking call edgeworth. he’s chief prosecutor of america and his sister is part of INTERPOL. call edgeworth and just. fix the fucking problem. right now.

“No time to explain”

ggghhghghhghghgh

...oh. there’s edgeworth

...............now watch him be completely fucking useless

.......ARE YOU KIDDING ME

PHOENIX /DID/ CALL EDGEWORTH THE MOMENT MAYA WAS KIDNAPPED AND HE STILL WENT THROUGH HIS FUCKING “DUHHH BETTER DEFEND THIS OBVIOUS CRIMINAL” SHIT??

oh edgeworth. you and your chartered planes.

whenever he does that i like to imagine he hired MJN air.

Edgeworth...

A) Why are you letting Dhurke be involved? Just cut him out, send Franziska and Lang in with a team of guys and kick the shit out of the enemy

B) You don’t need to conceal someone on a charter jet. You chartered it. You can do whatever the fuck you want with it. Besides, Dhurke got into the country p easily, he can get out the same way.

C) Dhurke is a criminal. Depending on what he’s done as a rebel, he could be as guilty in your country as his home country. Why are you acting like he’s innocent? Aren't you kind of by-the-book?

oh yeah and despite the fact that they’ve updated Phoenix’s sprite, Miles still looks like a frozen plank of wood. Thanks :\

Apollo: Sorry Trucy, guess you have to hold all the unnecessary evidence and hold down the fort and be LEFT BEHIND FOR A CHANGE AAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

oh. this is a really nice garden.

the drama theme is kinda harshing the mellow tho

o hai rayfa

um. what the fuck. that mask must make it pretty difficult to do shit pal

Garan, whilst ordering her henchmen online: drama queen or king preferred

UR DIARRHOEA, GAH-RAHN

cool theme, love the use of the royal “we”.

“what about those guards over there”

“ohh, just prepared to fuck shit u–– iii mean help you haha.”

yeahhh... I'm not buying her super calm “my husband is a kidnapper” attitude.

UIGSFILGFLIS DHURKE YOU FUCKING MORON

god he’s such a useless piece of shit. unless he’s trying to get taken so that he can be taken to... idk, wherever Maya is held in some sort of Gambit, he’s a real moron for just up and outing himself like that.

BAAAAARBED HEAD. YOU HAVE SOME SPLAAAAAAAAININ TO DOOOO

man why do they even give us other options if we can’t use them???

“Dhurke... I sure hope he’s alright”

hey apollo wanna hear a secret

i dont

Phoenix externally: Patience, Apollo, patience.

Phoenix internally: we are so screwed at any moment the queen could be all “OFF WITH YOUR HEAD” and i’ll never see trucy or maya again jesus holy mother buddha help me

i love that Garananana is kinda just chilling with them. You got more important shit to do, queenie. like being evil

also open your goddamn mouth once in a while, sheesh

Apollo: I hope no one gets hurt

The entire series of ace attorney as a whole: oh honey

wait ... INGA HAD A RATTAIL?!

ohhh yesss listen to those punches

why couldn’t they have animated it too ;w;

phew. im glad Maya’s ok.

yeesh... poor Rayfa.

i love that even apollo’s like “fuck dad, you didn't kill him, did you?????”

its a beautiful contrast to how adamant he was about Trucy not killing Manov.

um, soundtrack, now is not the time for Grand Revival. I know Edgeworth is on screen but the shit he’s saying is far, far from uplifting.

“it seems prosecutor sahdmadhi has grown quite fond of her”

nooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

“they’ve almost become a team of sorts”

ok so mark Ema down on the list of AJ characters who will never be seen again after this game.

fuck man i’d even take Klema over this

can you imagine if they'd split up Apollo/Phoenix Edgeworth/Athena instead

i really wonder how Athena and Edgeworth would interact. Athena’s spunky enough to be a bit like Kay I suppose, so maybe similar to that.

again, Kooraheen’s detention centre theme is really quite pretty

too bad i have to look at Dhurke’s face while listening to it

...a tasty... hash house

oh apollo’s up for that

well tbh if i was him i could use some hash after all this shit

yEAH YOU TELL’IM APOLLO

SMARTEN THAT BASTARD UP

god apollo he’s not worth it. i’d say leave the fucker to his fate but i guess it is important to find the real killer... sigh

apparently queen Amara liked insensitive fuckbags with masculinity issues

oh well. to each their own.

>:( don’t compare Dhurke’s story to Phoenix’s, Apollo

“you ran?! but why?!!”

oh i dunno, athena, maybe the fucking death penalty?????

hang the fuck on

are you telling me that Dhurke started making trips to his shitty abandoned law office via sewer... while Apollo was still with him?!

Like what fucking reason would he have to drag him down there?! The place is an archive/resistance base, but Apollo and Sadmad lived in the mountains as children; why the fuck would he take his /kids/ into town at the risk of having them all arrested at once?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, DHURKE

that orb better be a fucking laser or some shit cause I'm really tired of hearing about it

oh......... hi sadmad..................... what a pleasure to see you........... again................

just as fucking pleasant as ever

i love that Dhurke is like “what happened to fighting the man, son??”

like even if he is a double agent he can’t very well just be like “psst I'm still on your side!!!!” in front of the fucking guard

i hate that dhurke’s face is so placid during this too.

“Son, why did you betray me? Also how was the sports game?”

“The Nahyuta you knew exists no more”

yeah sure sadblackworth, whatever you say

oh well that was abrupt

meh, onwards to the tomb

“No, that’s the holy mother. She’s the one who brought spirit channeling to Khura’in”

oh so you mean Ami Fey.

oh ema... i’ll miss you while youre off being Sadmad’s lapdog

“You mean His Ephemeral Holiness?”

Yes, Ema, fight it!!! Fight it!!!!!!

“But when he manages a smile and compliments my work, it’s hard to say no.”

...nuts.

wait what do you mean the defendant is someone you know

you met Dhurke like once a day ago

aw apollo took the locked-room-mystery words right out of my mouth. i love him so. why are they going to take him away?

alrihgt back to this shit after like a 3 month hiatus or something

i love how chill everyone is talking about Maya’s kidnapping

“oh yeah he brought her here to the tomb so nobody would see. sensible thing to do. oh also maya almost died but i guess that’s nbd”

casually opens a tomb

casually opens the sarcophagus hangings

casually tries to open the sarcophagus when told there’s a mummy inside

apollo, you're contracting douche-itis from everyone else. this old family of yours is a bad influence.

...we’re gonna yeet this sarcophagus arent we

i love that Amara’s just kinda. depicted standing there as she’s burned to death. i mean i guess theyre trying to preserve her beauty and dignity in death but it also makes her look like an idiot who didnt try to escape the flames.

ooh i like that last one though

pff thats a pretty well-equipped corpse line

“Where’d the other three bullets go?”

“Maybe Dhurke ate them?”

if he did they'd better have a VERY good explanation

“the poor guy”

EMA

HE WAS HOLDING MAYA HOSTAGE

“the cuffs of justice”

love it

“just one of those traditions people do and they dont know the reason why”

“like rolling up your sleeves?”

“or your psychology, if we’re going there” HE FUCKING WENT THERE

OOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE YOU APOLLO

“he said grape juice has something in it that helps you relax”

are we going into grape juice lore here

"Really? ...Um, are you sure he was talking about regular, plain old grape juice?”

Yes, actually, Athena. It’s canonical that it is /actual off-the-vine welsh’s good ol’ sippy cup grape juice/. It’s not a metaphor or a censoring for kids, it’s just juice.

Of course, this is written by the DDSOJ staff. And considering the intense, dark n’ gritty action makeover the series got, I wouldn’t put it past them to retcon the juice into the... “fermented variety”. thanks Athena.

Yayyy not only do they write shitty dads, but they have to retroactively en-shitten Phoenix as an alcoholic father. Gosh, I sure do love these guys.

(obviously this isn’t a dig at anyone who head canons gj as wine, there’s a difference between head canons and malicious retconning.)

hmm interesting mechanic for this chair. i guess since you can’t stuff it in your inventory you cant do the ‘look all over’ thing. but on the other hand, they REALLY wanted to impress you with that hidden blood.

Ema: [performs a blood test in 2 seconds] I didn’t get a match!

Well probably not in that time, babe

i have to commend them on the little cutscene though that was nice.

again, i guess Amara really liked emotionally stunted fuckwads

the devil horns are a bit much, though.

oh damn.

thats a nice ass pendant

...oh thats blood

well, it sets off the pink and gold quite nicely. and its a butterfly... seems like something Dahlia would wear

“speak of the devil...”

speak of the devil indeed. hiiiiiii sadmad... its been a while.

oh ok he didnt say anything

also i find it funny that apollos like “Wait!! wait!! damnit, after him!”

and then you just. go back into the talk menu with Ema. bit of a moment killer, there.

“why does everything have to be so difficult with you?”

cause hes a prosecutor, apollo. thats just how it is on this bitch of an earth

“the law is the law. placing personal feelings above it is beyond reprieve”

ah but placing religion above it is totally fine. gotcha yuts

“And the winner is... prosecutor Sahdmadi!”

helpful, athena

“it’s like he’s trying to cover something up with his pretty words!”

oh did you mean the inevitable reveal that he's actually a good guy and we have to forgive him for being a shitwad?

oh wow. that joke post about sadmad developing generalized anxiety was actually based on a legit thing that happened

is it ok if i hate him even more for it? i mean how did he figure it out? he didn’t let apollo use it in court so where would he have gained the knowledge? unless he knows about Thalassa’s abilities...

...also, how /is/ he doing this? the way Perceive works isn’t just “i can sense that you’re uncomfortable”, it’s that people who can use it have extremely good eye-sight and see tiny little movements in other people. If they’re smart about it, they can tell that the movements mean the enemy is lying. Apollo just happens to get tense when he notices this, most likely because he’s kind of straining his eyes.

But then again that brings up the fact that his power would act up CONSTANTLY, either because EVERYBODY FIDGETS, or Apollo himself could just be stressed and making the bracelet squeeze on its own.

So thanks, SOJ. Not content with ruining Apollo’s canon, you’ve also got to ruin his cool lawyer power. Gosh, you’re just the gift that keeps on giving, aren’t you?

“Powerless in the face of the Holy Mother’s blessings”

SOJ team is now nicknamed the Holy Mother. Or possibly the Unholy Mother.

“Looks like your power won’t work against Sadmadhi. Guess we’ll have to try something else.”

“Yeah, let’s ask Dhurke...”

Yeah. Because you obviously don’t have someone with you RIGHT NOW who ALSo has a special power. You dont even have TWO POEPLE with you with a special power. Guess we’d better talk to the man who birthed this shiteater.

“I won against Mr. Wright”

yeah in a completely rigged trial where losing would be the worst option. thats not really something to brag about, you know.

“...doomed to be reborn as something lower than a bug or a vegetable”

you heard it here first folks Sadmad hates sustaining agriculture and the bees.

>Lang’s scrolls and dickfuckery

>Edgeworth’s by-the-bookishness

>Franziska’s catchphrase

>Blackquill’s backstory twist

These were the ingredients chosen to make the perfect prosecutor. But the SOJ writers accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: BAD WRITING

THUS UNINSPIRED ASSHOLE WAS BORN!

apollo you don’t matter to anyone anymore youre getting the boot. do as your foster pop said when you were a drowning 5 y/o and suck those pussy baby tears back into your skull.

welp thats it for part one of investigation day 2. now (i think) we’re headed over to the delicious pandering of Phoenix and Edgeworth, back together. Will it bring me solace despite being an obvious ratings grab?

good god, i hope so.

till next time.

#sulking over SOJ #im gonna do this; I'm gonna finish it. i swear.]

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survivorbermuda-blog · 6 years ago

Text

OWEN’S RITES OF PASSAGE

30th: Constance - ummmm crackt legend????? You were someone I was so shook to see playing these games again. Not really sure what happened or why u had to leave again. But hope you’re doing well!!! Unless you’re actually racist, then I don’t! Xo <3

29th: Mark Wilson - I do not know u but you rlly lucked out of escaping a 70 day season so soon huh

28th: Nick Nox - Thank god you left early bc one Nick was trouble enough for me kdjhjfjsdkfhjd

27th: Joey Palumbo - AHHHH I’m sorry we never got to play together! I was looking forward to talking more. Maybe next time

26th: Elliot Adams - you have a cool name we never were on a tribe together tho rip

25th: Dom Rou - LITERALLY YOU’RE A STUPID HOE?????? You asked me to apply to this game with you, YOU GOT ME INTO THIS MESS, and then you QUIT on me. The beginning of this game was 1000% different with all the talks we had, and I wonder how things would’ve changed if you hadn’t walked when you did. I prob wouldn’t be in f4 lmao so i guess thanks for dragging me into this and then peacing out ily

24th: Lily Lim - LOL Lily <3 You seemed like a really sweet person, even though your timezone made it a little hard to talk. I’m sorry you were the easiest target at that first tribal we went to as a swapped tribe, but the beef between you and Saxon made it the right choice. Hope you’re doin well!

23rd: Madison - ANOTHER QUEEN GOOOOOOOOOOD????? Robbed too soon????? I was so excited to play with you and Dom and then y’all got screwed over by the swap :( I’m sure we’ll play again someday tho

22nd: Julian - Julian!!! Your vote seems so so long ago, I wonder when these will start feeling like things I remember. Unfortunately the tribal divides between us pit us against each other a bit, but I’m glad we got to talk at least a little.

21st: Asya - KJDHJKHFKJSDHFK OK IM SORRY WE DID YOU SO DIRTY??? Dom had so many good things to say about you and I was excited to finally get to meet you and play with you even though he was gone. My wig went flyin real far when you came and snappt at me about telling AJ his name was going around….oops. After that I felt like there wasn’t enough trust left between us :( but now that I am hostin you I hope you forgive me

20th: Saxon - crackt legend????? First idol play of the game??????? Im shaking. You were someone else that I had known before the game started. I know you really really care about the games you’re in and you’re someone who fights as hard as possible, so it was sad to see you go so soon.

19th: Ryan - WOWOOWOW! When we met back on Paget I really thought you were someone who was going to go far with me in this game! I had so much fun talking to you and it was great to finally meet someone new right from the start after playing so many games with people I’d already met. You’re a smart player and a really social guy, and I’m more sad that you didn’t make it than I was about D*M!!!!!! I hope you get another shot at TS and I hope the math is alright lmao

18th: Dylan - idk who this is

17th: Haley - crossroads queen…...I was excited to actually know someone on the Tengaged tribe, even if it didnt help me out very much in the long run lol. Love u!

16th: Blake - We were never on a tribe together some how??? Through all those swaps omg. I’m sorry Maksym snatcht your record tho.

15th: Tee - Queen of Ponderosa…. I hope you’re still doing okay in there, hope they been feedin u well. I was excited to play together, and I really wish it would’ve worked out, but our agendas just ended up on entirely different pages during that first merge vote :( I don’t really know what the problem between you and Matt was, but unfortunately I had to side with someone I had been more loyal to from the start. You’re a queen though!!!! And I hope you’ve enjoyed seeing the game through a juror’s lens this past month!

14th: Sean - Hey Sean!!! You were one of the few Tengaged people I felt I didn’t connect with too much, mostly because the premerge time we spent together we never really went to tribal. I know you were one of the first casualties in a long line of people who left when I wanted it to be Nick… But I liked that you were always there for the tribals, and I feel bad that you went out that way after Nick used his exile :( Hope you’re doin okay!!

13th: AJ - AJ LEGEND!!! I really did love the group we had with Kage, even though my votes over this merge have probably said otherwise. I found myself in a weird position between wanting to work with you, but not wanting to vote out any of the names you gave me, and unfortunately it got to the point where I couldn’t keep protecting as many people as I would’ve liked, especially with Nick immune. I love you though buddy, and I hope we can talk again after this is all over.

12th: Kage - I don’t even know where to start omg. All I can think of is you wearing all of those shirts…. Probably the best thing I have ever seen at a tribal council. At the very start of this game, I never expected you to be someone I worked closely with. When you went around asking everyone where they idol searched, I was initially sketched out by you - but as time went on, I really appreciated having you as someone I could put trust in as the numbers got smaller. I don’t think here is the right place to go over all of the details of why I did what I did the round you left, but I respect everything you tried to do in this game and you’re one of the funniest people I’ve gotten to know from it. Can’t wait to see what shit ur gonna pull at FTC fkjshdfk

11th: Matt - Matthew Summers!!!! It was refreshing to actually get to work together from the start of a game this time, even through the rocky swaps pre-merge. I think of everything, your vote-off is the only one I was truly blindsided by, and I wish it could’ve been another way because talking to you about video games and thirsting over RJ was a refreshing break from all the stress lol. I love you!

10th: Nick - HOLY SHIT NICK!!! The man with nine lives in this game!!! I don’t really know why or how, but at some point I decided you had become my mortal enemy in the game. I think it’s because when we first met, you seemed to be trying to pull the strings a little bit on an alliance between me and some other TG people. Plus your scary poker skills… I immediately saw you as a dominant force, and it scared me to think of having you in the game for as long as you were. You had so many tricks up your sleeve, and you always had me on my toes - you were a huge reason that the merge portion of this game didn’t get stale or boring, and even though I’m happy to have finally conquered my enemy, I hope you’re proud of how well you did!

9th: Maksym - I’m not sure when we decided to work together, but you were someone I had 10000% trust in after those first couple merge votes. Especially when I was getting nervous about something (usually about Tim targeting me), you were at least there to listen. I know the timezone difference made it a little rough, but I’m glad we got to meet here and play together a bit :) I’m sorry you were ROBBED

8th: Rodrigo - I saved this one for last because you are probably the person I have the most to say to, even though I’m not quite sure how to say it. I don’t want to make this public forum into a place for us to hash out our own personal conflict, but I do want you to know that I meant all of the things I said to you out of friendship. You were a close friend to me in this game, and I appreciated that we kept each other safe as long as we could. I know you don’t want to hear it, but when I was given the choice between voting RJ or voting you, I had to side with the person who was willing to vote with me. I so so wish we could’ve made a vote work together that round, and I apologize for not giving you the same honesty in return about me writing your name down - though in hindsight, your idol could’ve done some serious damage that night. I hope you will forgive me for writing your name, because it was 10000% the best game decision for me that night, and it doesn’t reflect at all the way I feel about you outside of this game. And even more than all this game stuff I value your friendship to me. Even when we didn’t vote together, you were a friend, and that meant a lot to me. I love you a lot, and I hope you aren’t too mad at me by now.

7th: RJ - The love of my life….. Wow. When I saw the cast for this, I was SO BLESSED to have someone so hot and so straight on my tribe from the get-go. I love how your laid-back attitude mixes so well with your passion for this game. Even when we were bouncing the craziest ideas off each other, you were never afraid to try anything, and I’m glad we made it as far as we did together. I didn’t expect to ever use that idol on anybody but myself, but the thought of losing you too soon made me do something impulsive and I wouldn’t have done it any other way :) Talk to you soon <3

6th: Jake - I’m really thankful we got to talk in the couples days before you were gone. I know I could’ve done more to approached you on a personal level even after our games didnt quite align, and it was my bad that it took me so long to do so. I hope your Glee rewatch is keeping up, and maybe we’ll get to have a tiny Bermuda reunion if I visit in the fall since we are both gonna be future teachers :)

5th: Lily - It’s so weird to think that the first time we met was all the way back in Malibu. From the blindside in that game, to meeting IRL, to beasting it out in this one together, we’ve come a long way!! You were a phenomenal player this time around - a beast in the challenges, always staying loyal, and still somehow never managing to piss anybody off. I’m sorry that it was you and not me last night, but I know one day you’re gonna come back and snatch the win you deserve!!!

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