#but i saw a reel yesterday
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gang im still as sad as i was b4 my birthday but in a new hopeful way with way more questions so that’s interesting
#ok tag rant ehheheheheheheh#ok as of i think feb-march this year i had accepted that i just wasn’t going to transition#that it just was too hard and too expensive and the privileges of being a cis guy esp in the work im going into#are just too great to throw away#this was the point that it was becoming more clear to me that if i really tried i could be a pretty man#i have a decent jawline decent skin im on track to be taller that 6 foot big chin#so i had just decided that when i graduate i was just going to act as if it was just a phase#yeah i would be miserable for all of my life but the alternative in my head was someone still miserable but also unemployed and ugly#i’d rather be miserable looking pretty than be miserable and ugly#but i saw a reel yesterday#and i’m always very vulnerable around my birthday so i was solacemaxxing#it was about someone detransitioning bcs they couldn’t get on hormones#and at this point i had just accepted the fact that i’d never transition and the idea of me continuing my life as trans hadn’t crossed#my mind in a while#but the reel kind of reminded me exactly what i was missing out on#if i had come out to my parents the moment i started to question my gender when i was 11 i could be passing as a woman already#and ik it’s not about passing n shit and like it’s about you and not your perception but like#idk what all the forums i look at don’t get but i don’t want to be trans i want to be a woman yk#anyways i looked into it and at 14 my voice has deepened but not too much#im 5’9 which for women makes me tall but model tall not freak tall#my shoulders haven’t broadened#if i come out soon and my parents are accepting and i can get on blockers#realistically i could be passing before i’m 18#when i kind of got to that conclusion it kind of scared me yk but in a good way#and now i’m stuck with the same question i was asking almost exactly a year ago#is it worth the effort to transition
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proud of you king <3
bonus:
#sorry mumbo. good job jimmy#pho.posts#wild life smp#trafficblr#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#saw the first reel jim made going around but not the update from yesterday. so <3#i love you jimmy. he's so funny dhfjsdhfjd#and mumbo mention <3#1k
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#metal gear#metal gear solid#mgs#liquid snake#friend sent me this reel yesterday n i was like “that's liquid” (he's a gymbro to me). then she mentioned the sunglasses (i didn't realize)#and i was like. hold on. i can see him dressing up as kaz and doing this shit at his funeral...#and then hours later i saw someone here drawing a discord convo about kaz's last words to ocelot#so i kinda felt a sense of urge to do this bc they were winning us w the kaz death jokes n ive already lost battles to other memes#like the two guys holding each others head n touching their lit cigarettes. couldve done that months ago but im a procrastinator#ive already seen like 3 different versions i feel defeated
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i think i got my mom addicted to youtube shorts
#bc one time we were lying together and i was on insta reels#and she was really interested#and then told me i should do something productive#but yesterday in the car i was watching her watc timothee chamalet interviews on youtube shorts#if u saw i accidengally posted fthis on themain no ididn't
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farewell, my idiot son…
#(aka my switch’s internals got fried so the repair shop had to format it to revive it: the tragicomedy)#(wait no on further inspection they seemed to have just given up on fixing it and gave me a whole other switch instead. lmao.)#(i wonder what happened to my old switch though…)#(farewell to all of my save data… thank heavens i didnt transfer anything over from past gens of pkmn)#(but aaaaaaaaa this shiny goo was a christmas present from a former acquaintance… rip squish you wouldve loved kimikawaii mv)#man… these past couple of days have been a *l o t*.#shoutout to [job recruitment company employee] who sent me a ‘hey the job wants you :)’ message#at the exact same time that i submitted a job application form for another company. it truly was a strange coincidence i think…#but… ehe… the… the job that wants me is offering $1k more than the monthly base salary i asked for… is… is this really ok…?#nothing’s confirmed yet. but. y’know. s t i l l . is it really ok for me to get paid so much for a job that lets me skip the morning commute#and while im still reeling from all of yesterday’s happenings… squish my dear shiny goo will never be seen again…#switch save system my b e l o a t h e d#so. long story short. take good care of your gadgets and gizmos guys.#then again. maybe im not the best person to say this… i mean. i’ve bricked like. 3 personal laptops in my lifetime…#and a phone sim card. and 2-3 nokia phones. and 3 android phones. and a tablet. and—#so. yeah. uh. it’s a good idea to take care of your stuff. especially if they’re fragile.#anyway. in memoriam of squish my idiot son im gonna try to find another shiny in sv this time. i hope i can find another…#but aaaaa the map in sv is pretty huge. um. i got lost like 10 times before even making it to school…#the friends are all just. so. friend-shaped. though… i like the sandwich pal. he has priorities.#looking forward to seeing how this story unfolds thoughh. i saw spoilers on twt but i need to know how the story even unfolds bc aaaa#ok that’s it idol sengen tl is now on an extended hiatus (ch 35 has just 7 pages left to go) till i complete this game. whenever it may be.#see y’all then~~~~~~~~~~~
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idk I guess I'm tired of this attitude that if you're not constantly reading 9,000 page books or publicly critically analyzing the shows you're watching with huge essays, it means you don't actually engage deeply with material or you're somehow vapid and something something "consume product"
like man, stuff exists besides Media To Consume. Art is great and it's awesome. It's very cool to read books and like TV shows and movies. And not all of those need to be fuckin Citizen Kane. But it's awesome to like intense stuff too. But like yeah. You gotta have other stuff you do. I have lots of other stuff I do! Sometimes I don't even post on the internet about it!
So when I come online and post a bunch of Transformers or Gundam screencaps of some beautiful boy with the caption GOD I HATE HIS FUCKING FACE I'M GONNA CHEW HIS SKIN OFF GRRRR I AM SO IN LOVE it doesn't actually mean I don't have deeper thoughts than that. I'm just posting because I'm in my 30s and work 40 hours a week and just wanna watch a fun cartoon sometimes man.
geez
#every day i am happier that i do not Engage With Fandom anymore#if you're gonna make character judgments based on posts about cartoons online idk man#i think you need a hobby that doesn't involve looking at your phone!#i think i feel insane bc i saw a tweet yesterday that said#'vine shut down. tiktok banned. they don't want us to have entertainment. they want us miserable'#and i was like#you cannot be fucking serious that your only or even main entertainment in life is tiktoks#like you cannot actually be fucking real right now#listen i lay on my couch and watch instagram reels to wind down after a day of work#but if instagram reels went away i wouldn't be like#THE WORLD IS CONSPIRING TO MAKE US MISERABLE#you reeeeeeeeeeeally need a hobby that doesn't involve staring at a screen or reading fiction sometimes#none of these things are bad#but like oh my god. you really need to do somethiNG ELSE#peoples' entire personalities are becoming Analysis of Media and idk how you people aren't fucking exhausted#every time i wanna talk about a show now people wanna start a debate with me about the ethics of characters' actions#and like! maybe sometimes! but oh my god! i'm tired dude!#and everyone's just getting their opinions on things#by watching other people talk about them#watching tiktoks of people talking about books.....#watching videos of other people play games...... idk
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watching my bf fight the scadutree avatar in the shadow of the erdtree DLC…. he just figured out there’s a second phase and is struggling…. he doesn’t know there’s a third……..
#i only know bc i JUST saw a reel abt it like yesterday#he boutta be really really mad 😭😭#i’m not gonna tell him bc he doesn’t want spoilers and i don’t wanna make him mad idk if i should tell him 😭
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Top three ways you know I needed to be asleep hours ago! (Read: days)
1. Hallucinating!! So fun, always a pleasure to freak out.
2. Writing/words not making sense when written or said. Lots and lots and lots of grammatical and spelling mistakes. Always nice to decipher what I wrote later in the day.
3. Headache. Ouch go away
#can u tell i havent slept#its time for sleepy sleep#ik its 5am what abt it#actually this has been all week#wakey wake 2-6 pm#sleepy sleep 5-11 am#guess who went to bed at 11 am yesterday#thats right me#actually in pain#goodnight my sweet babys#also i gad to write book idea down and then i saw a quiz abt neurodivergent thing#had to do all that#and i got distracted by reels#stared at my ceiling for two hours tryna sleep but i couldnt stop thinking abt smthn#had to research#also yes i stayed up for two or three days and then slept for three days straight#so it actually cancels out
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double trouble or whatever the kids are saying these days
#gari draws#gari’s ocs#nintendo#smb#oc: mela#oc: pera#mareach fankid#i remembered this wip existed yesterday and did a quick line and color#context: i saw a reel on ig about twin girls getting into trouble during nap time (one got stuck in a vent)#and i thought it would be a very pera thing to do. she’s nosy as hell and often found herself in situations like this as a toddler#so uhhh yeah she’s in a vent#idt i have the reel saved unfortunately 😔
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i forgot about hidden mickeys
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The influx of boring/ugly wedding dress reels on Facebook has driven me to Pinterest just to look at pretty ones.
#I saw one reel yesterday and the only appealing outfit was the one the salesgirl started out in#like forget the gowns girl where'd you get that jacket?#I'm having a great time looking through wedding dresses on Pinterest though#I'm not getting married I'm just tired of boring wedding dresses and need a little satisfaction
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2 days since my Friend last sent me instagram videos please come back i miss you :(
#like reels and stuff. i mean reels .#but like today i was scrolling and wanted to send him a video and hes usually my top option for sending things#like you know when you press on the paper airplane theres 4 people for fast sending hes the first one that appear#and today he wasnt there cause its been 2 days since he sent me sth and my mother sent me like 100 cat videos since aaaaa kill kill death a#ok i saw him yesterday at college but sometimes i miss people a lot and talking to him is always great#plus i miss all my other friends#but im seeing my school friends tonight so thats really cool!!!!!!!#spikeposting
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365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 136
Adjective: Silver
Noun: Dust
Definitions for those who need/want them:
Silver: made of or colored like silver
Dust: fine, dry powder consisting of tiny particles of earth or waste matter lying on the ground or on surfaces or carried in the air; any material in the form of tiny particles; a fine powder; a cloud of dust; (literary) a dead person's remains; (literary) the mortal human body; an act of dusting
#today has been better emotionally than yesterday#im still lowkey reeling from how much of a rollercoaster that was#but i played some commander magic: the gathering with my girlfriend tonight#more specifically i played with the commander deck she bought me for my birthday (which she gave me yesterday as an early birthday gift)#(for those who are curious she got me gimbal gremlin prodigy from march of the machine)#(cos the second i saw him in walmart while we were perusing booster packs i fell in love with the little guy)#(it was loads of fun and im really looking forward to playing with gimbal more especially against my gf)#anyway enough of that#i love this prompt a lot#especially since it feels like a part two or companion to day 95: 'copper breath'#which is probably what im going to do with this prompt#mtg#thanks for reading#writing#writer#creative writing#writing prompt#writeblr#trying to be a writeblr at least
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every once in a while I forget my magic empathy thing is. a thing. despite the fact that I never bothered to name it
and then Im watching a brand new episode of a show and the character my brain connects to os about to say something, and I say something and then the guy says the exact thing I just said.
and it keeps happening, too
#like I vibe a character so hard I know what their next line of dialog is gonna be despite never having seen that scene before#it usually happens with like. very short sentences. but like it Keeps Happening#just casually remembered a moment from watching s2e3 of severance yesterday and getting random snippets of mark s in the vibes#like. idk. exact intonation when he says “thank you” like he's not sure if he Should be thanking them both confused and incredulous#and a tiny bit “thank them so as to not get shanked via pitchfork” and also a bit genuinely thankful bc that Was nice#for the record I watched the entire show One time. but by the time of s1 finale I was deep in the mark s vibe#like to the point where. bc the ep ends on the switch again. and I physically reeled back at the elevator ping in the exact second#like not bc of the plot even. the plot was great the cliffhanger was lovely. but I felt that Click of the elevator in my Soul or smth idk#fr tho gotta find a better name than “magic empathy” for my thing#like. it technically Is a lot like empathy in the “observe and internalize” bit of pop-psych#however. I also internalize things that I could never consciously guess were happening#vibe the arachnophobia off a guy. vibe speech patterns off of literally anyone and anything after too long#like legit predicting things in media and it taking a While to be discovered as reality. but it Is usually canon#like. me on james wilson the first time I watched house md#literally didnt even know its a medical drama before watching. and yet halfway to s1 I go “so wilson has depression and also a dog”#which. does not get mentioned until Several Seasons later. like not even vaguely clued in#and again. did not know any of that. when I first came upon the show on netflix I went “well thats a funny show name”#(to which my mom went “u Never saw this?? no nvm I wouldve known if u had” and then we started watching it)#like legit 0 clue whats going on. full complete guess that is 100% canon because I Vibed it off the guy like 10 eps in#legit every single piece of media I enjoy. by pure accident#the one exception so far is tadc. yknow. the one where the characters dont even remember their fucking names#anyways tldr taking name suggestions so I wont have to call it magic empathy when its probably neither magic nor empathy </3
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idk as the price of things go up i find myself often going "oh, well im sure i can just make that myself for cheaper then..." instead of footing the price. do i actually go through with making it myself? often not. but idk. a bagel with cream cheese should not be worth 4 dollars. an egg cheese and bacon in a tortilla should not be 3.50. i can do that myself.
#this applies to people trying to promote foods too..#saw an instagram reel yesterday about these little pellets that were just a bunch of dehydrated vegetables ground into little balls#and the lady promoting it just went on and on about how it was so good since its grown by this little farmer in korea (?)#and idk. i dont think that matters so much. i can make that myself if i really want to... im not paying all of that
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would u guys still like me even if i namedropped the absurdly popular author i fucking HATE . and even better would u keep it just between us so we're besties so that eventually when i finish dragon fic and its the banger fic i want it to be. it might just get recc'd enough that [BTS AUTHOR] reads it. and i hope it makes them realise how awful and damaging their writing is
#sorry. chapter 5 came out yesterday and im still reeling#its just...#sometimes. you need to read a fucking book to learn how to write#anyway my evil fantasy where they read my fic is delusional and insane and i know this already ok. dont remind me#there's no point to subject myself to this awful writing#so much extra transphobia sprinkled in for no reason#male/female gender essentialism??? in a/b/o????#this is the magic white wolf subspecies fic. btw#white womanhood will save these damned animals apparently#ITS NOT EVEN A GOOD A/B/O. THEY STRIPPED IT OF ALL THE ANIMALISTIC DEVOTION THAT MAKES IT GOOD#so u mean to tell me ur omega did not recognise his alpha the Instant u saw him? mmm kinda cringe.#anyway. if i see the word “trauma” in a fic i break out in fucking hives because of this author#if you guys know who im talking aboit KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. HATING IS AN INDIVIDUAL SPORT#BE A HATER ON YOUR OWN TIME AWAY FROM ME.#but if you know the namkook fic someone mentioned. link please#i have no idea what namkook fic u guys r talking about. but i would like to add a fic to my hater repertoire
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